lifestylebydesign

[anna-maria-nicole]

Happy Birthday Taylor Images #HappyBirthdayTaylor #HappyBirthday #Taylor

[thementalshawty]

PAC The Aura You Give Off

HAYLOWWWWWWW welcome back lol I’m here with a quick PAC cos we’re almost there to 2000 followers oooop our tarot event is near!!! So to celebrate my 1985 followers huh isn’t that a Taylor Swift album? 🤔 anyways I’m here to let you guys know and see what kind of vibes you give off. I feel A lot of you like anime! I was pulled to anime images for this PAC and you guys know I do emojis. I also feel Red, Blue,Teal, & Purple are inportant to some of you or are actually the color of some of your auras they can be your favorite colors too maybe that’s how you should choose your pile? Some of you I heard!! Anyways let’s get this going you know this is a GENERAL reading take what resonated and the let the rest ROLL off it’s for someone else!!! Okay bitches let’s fuccin GOOOOOOOOOOO

Pile I

Yo this is deep and intense, I feel that’s the vibe you give off. You give off a death and resurrection vibes, the beginning and end the alpha and omegas I feel like there is plutonic energy about you guys, very scorpionic vibes. Some of you like black or are night owls. I get tortured soul vibes from you, very grungy. But so upbeat positive, unique, rare and goofy it’s like a goth singing 1000 miles by Vanessa Carlton I’m getting those vibes, pink and black vibes. You guys have been through so much shit! You guys give off defeated but thugging through with a smile vibe, happy go lucky. Sunshine on a rainy day I heard. You guys are a cloudy day but it’s still sunny. Very uranian energy too, you guys stand out and I feel you guys suffer for it. Very fun and outspoken. Outgoing! Risk takers and that’s gotten you guys into some deep trouble but you rose out of it! You guys give off soldier through war ptsd fighting for a happy ending vibes some of you have fake it til you make it vibes. Some of you. People see that you’re a warrior who’s been defeated but you’re not afraid of starting over from 0. The baddest period. Some of you may have sun in Gemini ♊️ which means happy birthdays gem babies!!! You’re unique be you and don’t worry about the pain you are the happy go lucky baby you will be ok!! You’re very strong you’ve died and came back so many times the transformations you’ve went through are endless.

Pile II

Ooof! So this pile gives off selfish bitchery vibes, you guys seem so motherly, maternal, paternal, parental, loving. Very caring and sweet but I think you give off insincere vibes like you have to give something to get something from you. I also feel people feel like some of you are players or that you’re heartbreakers, you’re very helpful I feel but people may be reluctant to take your help? Some of you may be Taurus moons?? You like money, luxury, having things, people can assume you’re bougie or stuck up!! You are very careful with who you help, again this is why people may assume the worst about you. You guys are very grounded and earthlyd. I feel like you guys have a lot and you worked for that shit! A lot of you are self made and I heard jealous! They are very fucking jealous of you! Your whole vibe and energy shit what you got too! Even if you don’t physically or materially have a lot. They want what you got, you just have it! youre the it boys/girls/its/thems! You got a lot of haters ! People try to make you guys out to be “better than them”. Idgaf that’s cos you are! You’re regal 👸🏽 🤴🏽 👑. They can’t take you and I feel like you guys defend yourself! You guys are hella motivational too you wanna see your people succeed & make it. You’re a cheerleader cos you clawed your way and fought tooth and nail I heard to make it happen for you and I am all happy for you guys I’m rooting for y’all to keep going fuck the haters and the ones that have negative thoughts Ik know getting the vibe of this guarded energy that people are mistaking for selfishness and that’s on them. Some of your guides are talking and they have attitude and I’m here for it! They don’t play about you and I think it’s cos they know what you had to go through to have what you have so protect that shit with everything regardless of how little or how much you think you have. You have a lot! I love this vibe p2. You are tight as fucc. I love you! Stay true and even if you’re bougie stay having high standards! Stay classy

Pile III

So this pile is a little sad, you guys give sad boy/girl/them vibes. It seems like you guys are very sentimental but you give off the vibe of being stuck in nostalgia if that makes sense. You can be the ones that still wear 90’s style clothes or listen to that music. lol I’m hearing still trying to make fetch work so maybe some of you like mean girls. Gretchen wieners I think her name was right? anyways you guys give off that vibe of being trapped when you’re not really trapped. You guys get into your head a lot! Some of you maybe Scorpio suns and Gemini Jupiters it can even be vice versa. I’m seeing that you’re over-thinkers and when you start thinking bout old times you can travel way back into your memories. Jupiter has to do with expansion and Gemini is mercurial mental energy so I feel like with that you guys are the biggest over-thinkers of this reading! You guys can stretch a thought for miles long! I feel like you’re hella intelligent too! You’re intense and you’re giving, romantic, sweet. You make everyone feel like they’ve met you somewhere before. You give have familiarity vibes. It’s just so easy with you I feel you can make others feel at ease and hella comfortable with you. Your aura and vibe is homely very warm like similar to p2 but more humbling. You’re generous. Kind. I feel like your aura is kind of trapped in a happy dream vibes. I heard happyland? I feel you guys are emotionally invested in your happy memories and good times. I feel in a past life you were trapped in some way. I also think you give off the vibe of being trapped so maybe some of you jail? I’m thinking that a lot of you think you’re deeper shit than you are, a lot of you feel like you’re trapped and you’re truly not. You just have to be grateful for those memories and create more, maybe you’re afraid to leave that happy space but there is a world beyond those happy memories! You’ll be surrounded by so much more happiness creating present love and happiness for yourself!

Pile IV

Okay! So I’m seeing that some of you may be some Aries sun and mercury Virgos. My roasters of this entire reading! You know how to read a bitch down hunny! I’m seeing that you are a wholesome and fulfilled person, who doesn’t rush, you know the value of working hard and waiting for your fruits to grow and ripen. Very family oriented. You know who you are and what you want which is why you don’t rush shit, you know that what’s for you is going to be yours regardless. I feel like this pile here is very humble and confident at the same time! You have a deep balance about you, very passionate yet grounded so you’re not all over the place, it’s controlled. Your circle is little and means the world to you. You are a legacy or you’ll leave behind a legacy honestly! Powerful and passionate energy. I also feel like you know how to manifest this pile gives me magician vibes, you know how to create physical and material things from energy. You’re a great friend; a great hang and a wonderful time. You are amazing and magical, you’re wealth, a lot of you may have wealth or are destined for it, material wealth. You are in charge, you are the boss if there’s a CEO you’re the boss of them; you know what you want and you accept only that nothing less than the best for you. I’m so glad that you have that self love! You’re a leader meant to rule, you give off big boss captain energy. You are meant to have lots of people following your rules or journey maybe admirers? Followers maybe online? I get this vibe that you’re that fighter who never stops punching even when they’re on the ground, you’ve never lost a battle. You’re a champion!

WELP! That’s it guys that’s all! I’m so happy that I can share this cool reading with you guys! Should I do more personal readings like this! I hope that it resonated with you guys and for my patreon group please get your questions in before may ends thank you!

[chantiying]

Message from your inner child

Before to start, sorry for any mistakes or grammar error. English is not my first language. How to choose? Think of something you liked when you were a child (a game, a toy, a smell, a candy, your favorite stuffed animal) and try to remember you as a kid, take a deep breath and when you're ready, you and your inner child choose the image that drawn to you. Remember tarot is not set on stone and you can change your path whenever you want. This is for entertainment purposes. This reading is general so if it doesn't resonate with you just let it go

: ¨·.·¨ :

` ·. 🦋

╱|、

(˚ˎ 。7

|、˜〵

じしˍ,)ノ

TW. Direct or indirect mention of abuse, bulling, violence, familial violence, broken family among others.

Ok, let's go!!!

PILE 1

Hello my friend :) Do you remember how disastrous our childhood was? Do you remember that there were some people who hurt us? Remember when we were pushed aside from parties? Do you remember when we found out that sometimes the "love" of a couple is not two but three? Remember when we found out what infidelity meant? Come, here and close your eyes for a moment, because I want to tell you a secret but I don't want you to see me are you ready? Yes? Ok: the infidelity of our parents marked me

I know since then we don't know what it means to love or how to make a relationship work. I know it's a lot harder for you than it was for me. I know sometimes you wonder if you're loving too little or too much, I know you're scared of being harmed like mom and dad did. Do you still feel that strange feeling of isolating all noise with music or the TV on while we sit on the floor of the room begging for it all to end? I do love you, my friend :) I know it seems a little difficult, I know it seems a little hard to say and hear, I know you may not believe it because they made you doubt what it means to love someone, but, I'll let you in on another secret: I don't feel alone anymore. I've learned that sometimes we have to leave where the water overflows to build a better castle. I learned to be smarter and not to argue when it's not necessary, to stop talking where no one listens, to live with myself and with you.

Please, I know it's not easy, but I want you to start again, on your own, I want you to leave everything behind, to let the dragons (they are not bad I already talked to them and they said they are on our side) I want you to let them destroy what hurts us, and to start building your own fortress. I want to be your first beautiful relationship. I want that you love me because I love you and I will always love you. Please love me, okay? Let's be you and me (km little you, hehe) against everyone. I want to be your partner in crime and have us laugh together. I promise you that after that, we're going to smile more and forget what they did to us.

You also have to eat well, did you hear me? Oh and don't tell anyone, but, I'm craving our favorite sweet treat from when we were little, can you eat it for us?

I'm always with you, don't forget me, I'm you but in little. Oh, something else, let's pretend it's your birthday, yei ! let's be happy for today and close your eyes again and make a wish

Francis Forever Mitski, Innocent Taylor Swift. Grey, Purple, Blue. Leaves & Streets. Orange juice?, Music, Cartoons, Headphones, Magic Wand. Mulan (I'll Make a Man Out of You)

🧸🎂🎈🍫 🧸🪄🎈🍫

PILE 2

Hey!!! What's up, buddy? I am very happy, I feel that I have arrived where I needed to be, I feel that the sun has finally risen, I feel that all the changes I had to go through have now paid off. The knowledge, the peace, the beliefs, everything I needed to cultivate is bearing fruit. See? I even speak as someone cultured and intellectual 😸. At first I didn't notice it, I was incredulous, but then I started thinking and thinking and thinking, and I realized that the change started in the interior. I know, you don't have to tell me, it sounds very cheesy, it sounds silly, but, I must admit, even if it's a little embarrassing, that sometimes dreaming and being cheesy is kind of fun SO DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME 😾😹. Ok, let's be serious, mate. We went through a time where we didn't believe in anything and we didn't even know if we should believe but I kept doing it. I kept looking until I got to where I needed to and BOOM it all made sense. Our lives are going to get better, we're better now, we're brave, we're smart, we're strong, we're cool !! We still have to keep learning, we still have a long way to go, but I learned that learning is also fun. DON'T GIVE UP, OK? Ok. I know it's hard to grow, but we've always wanted this, we've never bowed down, we've never given up, we've always looked forward and we'll continue to do so

Keep in your heart the ones who help you and give you happy moments, then let's continue writing our story

No matter how many steps forward you take, whether it's one or two or a thousand, I'll always be there proud of where you've taken us and what an amazing person you've made us. I only ask you to never forget where you come from and where you are going, don't forget to be grateful, don't play with anyone's heart or time, that's not good ���. I want you to appreciate the time and I want that, when you think that the world is against you, or that everything is going wrong, you can change it. Don't worry, I don't want you to blame yourself for everything, but I also don't want you to always blame it on others. I know sometimes it's hard, keep trying again and again, even if you're scared don't don't victimize yourself because heroes don't do that, and you and I have the prettiest cape, we have the cutest glitter and we have the best superhero story just for us, and don't be afraid, because superheroes can do anything and if we can't our superhero friends will help us 😼

Let's be great, let's be epic!

Disney, A lot of changes or currently changing something, Happiness, Beach, Comics, Sun, Summer, Ice cream, Watch, Hats, Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride, Hannah Montana, Vacation, Pop en español (Pop in Spanish), Extrovert, Mischievous, Spider man? Funny, Tangled (the movie)

🦸, 👨‍🚀, 🐱, 🚀

PILE 3

There are two of us, we are yourself and I, and it has always been like this ☺️, do you feel confused? Because I do, a little bit, you won't get mad if I tell you, right? You'll understand, right? I feel like everything is going so fast, I feel like I can't stop, I feel like I want to rest, I feel like when I wanted the geography or math hour to end and go out for recess to get some fresh air. why is everything going so fast? I want to understand what's going on, I want to, I really want to, but I can't. Do you no longer feel distrustful? Do you believe in other people yet? Because I don't do it yet 🥺, do we have friends yet? Or are we still alone? Are they still hurting us? Are we still unsafe? I don't want to be like that anymore, I promise you, (crying?) I want to have a lot of friends, I want to be loved, I want to play, I want to have fun, but I can't believe in others, do you? I don't want to be alone, I know I said it was you and me, and I still believe it, it's you and me against the world, but I also want us to be more against the world. I want someone to turn on the light and hold my hand, would you? I want you to hug me, talk to me, I feel like you're mad at me, at the little you from a few years ago, did I do something wrong? Do you think it was my fault that we were treated like this? Do you think it was my fault that we were disappointed? I'm a little annoyed with you too, not gonna lie. you know what? I was a kid but you have everything to change what happened to us, you pretend that it doesn't hurt anymore and that's a lie! you're still upset and scared, listen, it's ENOUGH! Do something for us. At least I'm angry but I want us to change this, I want us to be happy. I want us to be together and happy, I want us to be one, I want you to remember me, but not only the bad but the good as well, remember what we like, remember the watercolors, the music we liked, remember the sun, the window, remember the yard, remember the stories that mom/dad used to tell us. Remember Mom/Dad. Remember the puddles after the rain. Please, I'm not asking you to want to be a child again to do everything differently, I'm asking you to connect with me so that our creativity flies, so that you know where to go, so that you can start something new.

The magic is in us, accept us, what you don't want to let out, is what makes us most beautiful

You will get what you want, but don't want everything, don't be ambitious. Don't forget us, don't forget you, never forget yourself.

Sadness, Grudge, Sobbing, Poverty (both spiritual and economic), Pranks, Bullying, Grass, Secret place, 8 years? Cold, Scams, Rain, Mirror, Emojis. Monsters, inc. As a child, Madeline The Person. J's lullaby (darling I'd wait for you), Delaney bailey. All I want, Kodaline. Rises the moon, Liana Flores

ꗃ🗝₊˚⊹♡ 𓉞 . ⸙͎｡˚⋆ 𓋼

Hi guys! Sorry for the late update. To be honest I struggle being consistent in what I do, but I'm trying (no, I'm really trying) to be more consistent.

Today, is children's day in my country, so I decided to do this spread for you all, because I consider that connecting and embracing our inner child is one of the most healing things we can do. So happy Children's Day !!

Alic (Chanty) 🪽

[bieddiediaz]

I'm gonna love you when our hair is turning gray we'll have a cardboard box of photos of the life we've made and you'll say, "oh my, we really were t i m e l e s s."

happy birthday @oneawkwardcookie 💖💖

[Image ID: 10 GIFs of Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz from 9-1-1, overlaid with lyrics from Taylor Swift's Timeless. GIF 1: A painting and an open book on a black wooden table. The painting has an ornate gold frame. Inside the painting is a GIF of Buck hanging from the extended ladder of the ladder truck after he is struck by lightning. Partially on top of the painting, a book lies open with a GIF on either page, of Buck and Eddie respectively facing each other after Eddie is shot. The lyrics are stylised as text in the book, reading 'I came upon a book covered in cobwebs / story of a romance torn apart by fate.' GIF 2: Two GIFs overlaid on top of each other. The first GIF shows Buck laying on the road staring at a fallen Eddie after Eddie is shot. The second shows Eddie yelling Buck's name as he rushes to get to Buck after Buck falls from the ladder truck. Both GIFs are blurred. The lyrics are stylised in old gothic font, reading 'somehow I know that you and I would've found each other / and I'd die for you in the same way.' GIF 3: Eddie and Buck are in full turnout gear. Eddie is walking as the fire truck drives alongside him, with Buck hanging off of it. The GIF is tinted orange. The text reads 'if I first saw your face / on a crowded street in 1944.' GIF 4: Two GIFs overlaid on top of each other. The first GIF shows Buck rushing out of Maddie's hospital after he gets her letter telling him that she can't run away with him. This GIF is black and white. The second shows Eddie in his army uniform getting on a helicopter. The text reads 'and you were headed off to fight in the war / you still would've been mine.' GIF 5: Two GIFs overlaid on top of each other. The first GIF shows Buck as a bartender in Peru, listening to Connor tell him about LA. The second shows Eddie at his parents' house, listening as they tell him that they think Chirstopher should live with them. The text reads 'cause I belive that we were supposed to find this / even in a different life / you still would've been mine / we would've been timeless.' GIF 6: The GIF has a crack down the middle. On the left of the crack, Buck begs his parents to love him despite him and Maddie not being perfect kids. On the right, Eddie breaks down after he learns that all his teammates from the army are dead. The GIF slowly transitions from colour to black and white. The text is aligned along the crack, reading 'time breaks down your mind and body / don't you let it touch your soul.' GIF 7: Two GIFs overlaid on top of each other. The first GIF shows Buck turning around in the firehouse to see Eddie for the first time. The second shows Eddie grinning as he meets the team for the first time. The GIF has a papery texture to it. The text reads 'it was like an age old classic / the first time that you saw me.' GIF 8: A piece of parchment paper. In a large square on the left side, Buck and Eddie shake hands after working together for the first time. On the right side, the lyrics are stylised like text in a book, reading 'the story started when you said hello.' GIF 9: Two GIFs overlaid on top of each other, of Eddie and Buck covertly meeting each other's eyes in the middle of the firehouse. Eddie is in black and white while Buck is in colour. The text reads 'in a crowded room a few short years ago / sometimes there's no proof you just know.' GIF 10: A pocket watch on the screen. Inside the pocket watch, a montage of Buck and Eddie through the years cycles repeatedly. The hour and minute hand of the pocket watch rotate clockwise. In the background, behind the pocket watch, the same series of GIFs is enlarged and blurred. Around the watch, stylised in old gothic font, the text reads 'you're always gonna be mine / we're gonna be timeless.' /end ID]

[bellewintersroe]

Carlos Sainz x CelebEx! Reader 18+.

Carlos’ ex, world famous model, actress and, much loved F1 presenter, Lila Maynard bumps into him during the Italian GP and she confronts him about his hypocrisy 🙄🙄 (arguments and ensue and we see how Carlos most definitely makes it up to Lila).

what do you all think of Isa’s tik toks? I’m living for her liking all the shady comments, she’s a queen.

“Tanti auguri a te, tanti auguri a te!” I winced in confusion, recognising the tune of ‘Happy birthday’ being chimed out in Italian. September 1st, there was only one person I knew celebrated on that day and that was my ex boyfriend of six months, Carlos Sainz. Fuck. “Tanti auguri a Carlos, tanti auguri a te!”

“Hip, hip hooray.” I sarcastically muttered to myself, keeping my head down and walking out of the hotel, a wall separating the Carlos frenzy crowd and I. Thank god, my stomach churned just at the thought of catching sight of my ex boyfriend. We had been separated for almost six months, and not spoken in five. Despite working on the grid, interviewing drivers I was strictly able to avoid the Ferrari garages, occasionally I’d go speak with Charles, but it was difficult seeing as Carlos was always nearby, watching me with these puppy eyes that made me want to gauge my eyes out. You see, Carlos seemed to move on pretty quickly with a beautiful model, our two year relationship clearly meaning nothing more than one month to him. Four weeks. That’s all it took, it sickened me to the core. I still had an internalised anger directed towards him, but it was squashed when I stepped out from behind the wall and was suddenly face to face with an innocent looking Carlos.

Hooray…

My breath hitched and out of pure panic, I began with a breathless; “happy-” but I was cut off when a beautiful, tall brunette appeared by Carlos’ side. Carlos looked stunned, mouth open as his eyes were wide staring at me. The girl looked me up and down before staring right back to the Spanish man. She hooked her arm around his protectively. My jaw fell slightly agape and I nudged my chin up in acknowledgement. “-Birthday.” The words fell flat, as did the harsh pounding of my heart. It dropped all the way to the bottom of my stomach as I turned away in a revolted shock.

I strode straight past him, plastering the most fake smile over my face as I waved to people yelling out my name. As soon as I climbed in the back of the car I was a trembling mess. Jesus fucking Christ, that couldn’t have been more awkward. I felt the tears well up as I stared directly down to my cream pants, the camera flashes from out the window capturing me in the most vulnerable moment as I attempted to shield my face, swiping at the tears. Hours later, the images were sprawled all across social media. Images of my head down, tears stained down my cheeks, images of me directly across from Carlos, stood face to face with him and the girl pinned as his new ‘lover’. It wasn’t the same girl as I’d seen all over tik tok, Instagram and Twitter all those months ago. Still, it bothered me. Really bad. It seemed social media was having a frenzy over the cringe worthy interaction, people were trolling Carlos saying it was his ‘birthday canon event’ to bump into me. I truly had no desire to head out that evening, but I knew wallowing in a hotel room on a Friday night would do me no good, so I was two glasses of wine down with three of my friends when I heard a very familiar tune. “Tanti auguri a te…” I groaned, dropping my head onto my arm, rested on the table below. “End my fucking life. Now.” I muttered.

“Oh, Lila.” Taylor sighed, twisting a strand of my hair. Listening to what seemed to be the whole bar singing happy birthday to my ex boyfriend was the final straw for me, I took off early. But not before I took one final trip to the toilet.

On my way out, I audibly sighed at the heavy feeling lingering over my chest. When would this ever end? I pushed my lipgloss and phone back into my bag as I stepped out from around the corner. I wasn’t looking where I was going and bumped directly into another body.

“Oh, fuck!” I blinked a few times, stepping back. “I’m so sorry-” my apology fell flat when I looked up and caught sight of the stranger- stranger.

“I- wanted to talk to you…” two pairs of familiar hands were on my shoulders, easing me as my stomach filled with nerves instantaneously. It was Carlos. He must’ve heard the way my breath hitched, his hands slowly dropping as we just stared back to one another.

“Talk to me?” I swallowed, “in the girls bathroom?”

“Actually… here is fine, Lila.” My eyes fluttered shut as I pitched the bridge of my nose momentarily. “I- look, happy birthday and well done in practice and all, but- I-I really don’t want to do this Carlos.” I admitted as he swallowed harshly. The first thing that gave away he was nervous.

“I just wanted to say sorry from earlier.” The Spanish man muttered. I avoided looking at him, if I stared for too long I’d fall in love or a deep hatred all over again for him. Maybe both. I didn’t want to know how his hair was longer, or his smile didn’t blossom so big anymore- the small details like scars, freckles, things that would all come back to me if I looked at him a little too long.

“Why? What-what about earlier?” I stammered.

“I saw you upset. I don’t want to make you upset.” My jaw tensed as I stared down to the floor below. “I- can you look at me?” He attempted to reach forwards, but I took a whole step back.

“No.”

“No?”

“No, Carlos. I can’t.” I responded firmly. “You can’t look at me?” He sounded hurt now, exactly how I’d been feeling all day. For the past six months in fact. Maybe I was being irrational, but it didn’t bother me to care, I felt so humiliated and betrayed by this man, worst of all I still loved him. If I looked back at him I know I’d break down.

“Please.” He lowered his voice, stepping ever so slightly forwards as I felt my eyes prick, my teeth grinding down on a certain point of my cheek to prevent any from falling. “Let me explain, Lila, everything.” His voice was on edge, cracking with each word. There went the tears. I blinked up, rolling my eyes at my pathetic ability to hold any tears away. I wiped at the one that fell quickly. He looked taken back, saddened, just as he was about to reach forwards to console me, I thought, fuck it, what’s the point in holding back now? “Explain what? How you moved on after four fucking weeks Carlos? Or-or why you’re talking to me when your fucking girlfriend is sat in there.” My hand gestured as I spoke harshly. I stared directly back to him, he was shaking his head in rejection of my words and it fired me up almost instantly. “No-”

“Oh, don’t even try to deny it. I saw everything, all the models, all the yachts, were you spiteful of me?? For making the decision to end something that wasn’t fucking leading anywhere?” Maybe that wasn’t so correct, but in my blinded rage I didn’t care, I wanted my words to be as harsh as possible. I wanted to cause maximum disruption the way he’d caused me. Maybe that was the wine talking… or maybe it wasn’t… “No, no.” He shook his head, the frustration growing on his face. “We are not doing this here, bebé.” The accidental pet name flew a dagger directly into my chest, twisting and snagging on my heart the longer I stared back to him.

“I’m not your-” I cut myself off seeing another, oddly familiar face walking around the corner. I was sure she was extremely familiar to Carlos too.

“Carlos… what’s going on?” The English girl questioned, she eyed back to me and in that moment I felt uncomfortably sorrowful for her. She hadn’t exactly done anything wrong.

“I’m just… sorting some things out, I’m sorry, you should go.” He muttered as I cringed for the girl, my stomach churning at the rejection. Although it was deep down what I wanted, that was an extremely spiteful thought of me.

“Okay.” She awkwardly spoke, eyeing me up once more. “I am sorry.” Carlos muttered. “Um… it’s fine.” The poor girl paused for a couple more seconds, obviously contemplating what the hell had just happened. I could only stare at the wall in complete awkwardness, questioning how this could possibly get any worse? Part of me just wanted to walk away, the other part of me physically and emotionally couldn’t. Carlos let out a deep sigh once she’s headed around the corner, away from the two of us. “I had only met her twice.” He spoke, much calmer now. “That was mean.” “I know..” he quietly spoke as a silence took over us when a few more people walked past to go into the toilets.

“Was that who I thought it was?” One girl muttered to her friend, her voice echoing down the hallway. “Should we ask for a picture?”

“Lila, please. Can we go somewhere quieter.” Carlos asked at the perfect time. Hearing the girls turning around I or back up to him, desperate to avoid the eyes of onlooker that could spread dreaded tales around social media. Carlos took me to an empty room upstairs, nobody was there, no staff, nothing. He locked the huge wooden door behind us both as I awkwardly lingered by a table. It must’ve been some kind of function room, a small one that wasn’t in use. I was positive we weren’t allowed up here, but from the looks of things, nobody noticed, and the cameras were all pulled from their hinges, hanging off wires sadly. “I had only met her twice.” Carlos repeated his words from downstairs. I leant back on a table as he stood in front of me, pacing slightly. “And your girlfriend on the yacht?” I stared to the ground below. You could feel the vibrations from the music, and as the clock was striking 9 I slowly lost any desire to be in here.

“Not my girlfriend.” He shook his head. “I needed a- distraction.” He fumbled over his English slightly as my heart swelled. I dragged my nails slightly over the skin in a bid to rid the warm feeling.

“Estaba enojado.” (I was angry). His voice sounded more deflated as he stood still, picking the wood of the table below. “Why?” My voice borderline whispered. “Because…” he began in English again but his voice came to an abrupt stop. “Porque pensé que ya no me amabas.” (Because I thought you did not love me anymore).

It took me a couple seconds to piece the Spanish together. “What does that-” I froze, head tilting up to him. “You didn’t think I loved you anymore?”

Carlos shook his head, tensing his jaw as he stared down to the table below. “So-so you wanted to back at me?” My voice lowered, the anger sizzling out of my body. The thought of him believing I didn’t love him hurt. It made me feel sorrowful, remorseful, and for the first time, understanding of why he did what he did.

Carlos now nodded with a yes and I pushed myself to stand up straighter, so we were a little closer. “I always loved you. I still do.” I watched his movements stop at my admission.

“That’s why it just hurt so bad to- to see them in my place after four weeks.”

“It was 3.” He then commented as I froze again. “3 weeks. If we are being honest.”

A dizziness ran through me, a sickness like no other as I stared back to him now, bottom lip trembling.

“Me convierte en una mala persona.” “Stop with the Spanish, I don’t understand.” My voice trembled as his head snapped up. He always spoke Spanish as a safety barrier, so I couldn’t exactly always tell what he was opening up about, especially when he was nervous. “It makes me a bad person, Lila.” He reached out, smoothing a hand over my cheek. I shook my head as a ‘no’ but he had already began nodding. “Yes.”

I nudged his hand away, my head dropping as I let out as light sob. “No, no, no.” He panicked, “ven aquí.” (Come here). Carlos pulled me into his chest as I attempted to hold back the cries I wanted so desperately to let out.

“No, no, no.” He muttered again, rubbing up and down my bare arm as I took a deep breath, wiping under my eyes carefully. “They didn’t come close.” Carlos then spoke. “They didn’t come close to you. I love you, and always you.” His words festered something deep inside of me, a feeling that I couldn’t control. It was the exact same warmth and comfort I felt around him, the way our soul’s felt connected- it was an irreplaceable feeling to say the least.

“Carlos.” I whispered, turning up as he began using his thumbs to swipe away my tears. “I hate you.” I whispered, the words lacking any sense or meaning as he sadly smiled, running a hand down my hair. “I know.”

“I really hate you.” I pathetically spoke, both his hands holding either side of my face. He looked mesmerised, strands of hair was brushed over my face, his mouth was agape as we both stepped closer.

“I know.” Carlos muttered even quieter, his head dropping as my eyes fell onto his lips. On my toes, I met him half way. I love you… I didn’t know what was happening in that moment, but it was like we automatically met half way, our lips landing on one another’s in a hungry kiss. Our teeth clashed dramatically, body’s bouncing against the tables and chairs behind us, all without breaking apart the kiss.

My hands pulled him closer, desperate to feel him, all of him. One of his hands firmly held the back of my head, the other pulled my waist into his, forcing our bodies tightly together. A desperation inside me mixed with how heated the kiss was had my hands flying towards his belt. “Please. Carlos, please.” I whispered, giving into all attempts of putting a barrier up. I needed him, and he needed me. He let out a slight moan of agreement, refusing to the break the kiss.

I began undoing his belt swiftly, feeling his hands tug up on the short dress I wore as he fell to his knees. My hands disconnected from his belt and held onto the table behind me for stability. My breathing was heavy and laboured, and I couldn’t even think straight as he yanked my underwear down, not even getting them fully off my legs before his mouth attached to my pussy.

“Oh- fuck.” I gasped, eyes rolling back at the pleasurable sensation. His tongue was warm and wet against my core, his fingers tightened around my hips, yanking them up onto the table once he’d freed me from my underwear. I didn’t bother being quiet, the music downstairs would drown out my moans, and I was pretty sure nobody would venture up here anyway.

“Carlos.” I gasped, my fingers tugging on the ends of his long hair, the familiarity driving me insane as I dropped my head back, riding his mouth as he slurped and licked, groaning against my pussy as he pushed his mouth deeper, sucking and nipping.

I let out a cry of pleasure, tugging harshly at his locks until he let out a moan at the pain, breaking apart. He stared at me for a second, a look of complete shock in his eyes. There was a second just of our heavy breathing before he moved back in, pushing my thighs further apart, biting at my flesh, kissing and licking.

“Please.” I begged for nothing in particular. “Please, please.” My head fell up to the wooden roof, my voice barely above a whisper. I felt him move up, the sound of his belt fully unbuckling stirred me again, Carlos tucked his hand, engulfing the back of my head and pushing his forehead against my own.

“Nadie comparado contigo.” (Nobody compared to you). I moaned at the familiarity of his words, feeling the tip of his cock push against my entrance.

“Te amo. te amo.” (I love you. I love you). Carlos filled me up, wiping at the tear stains on my cheeks, lips pressed against to my forehead as his hot breath fanned against my skin. I shuddered at the fullness he made me feel, fingers snatching at the smooth of his shirt, bunching it up as it untucked from his pants below. I kissed him tenderly, feeling the thrusts of his hips begin. Carlos moved closer, nudging his face up against the side of mine, lips brushing against the shell of my ear. With each moan and breath he took, it heightened my own pleasure.

Our breaths and pants mixed together, the table squeaked and scraped on the floor below, Carlos slammed a hand down, groaning as he bit into my shoulder, pushing down the spaghetti straps as I freed my breasts, allowing him to grab a handful. His eyes roamed over my face, my eyes, lips, breasts, where he fucked into me, he was beginning to sweat, moving constantly between kissing me and pulling back to thrust into me faster, harder. I was in intense bliss, my pussy tightened and clenched constantly, with each tension Carlos would groan, gripping onto my arm tighter as he fucked harder into me.

“Fuck me, Carlos- oh my- god!” I whined, hearing him moan properly, his legs hitting against the table causing it to screech harder against the floor. We were loud, animalistic, soon enough, Carlos had spun me around and fucked into me from behind as I grasped onto the table for support.

The press of his cock constantly slamming against my g spot made me yell out in pleasure, breathing harshly. “Quiero que te corras para mi.” He dirty talked, arching over my body to press against my own. His fingers slotted under me, rubbing over my aching clit as I bucked my hips wildly back into his.

“Please, please, Lila.” He begged as I choked out a moan, my eyes screwing tightly shut. He was fucking harshly into me, skin slapping against my own as one of his hand trembled against my shoulder, gripping my harshly. Something about his begs and groans had the knot in my stomach tightening harsher than ever. His fingers worked against my clit, faster and faster as I gasped out loud.

“Oh fuck- Carlos-” I borderline slurred, crying out as I dropped a hand over his fingers, feeling one of his curling over mine. My legs were shaking and I felt paralysed with tension as it took one more thrust before I was tipping over the edge, crying and moaning out, gasping and pleading his name as I came undone, my orgasm paralysing my whole body. My pussy throbbed, his thrusts continuing as Carlos’ groaned became louder. “Cum inside me, I want you inside of me.” I choked out, coming down from my overwhelming orgasm. Carlos’ hand slapped against my ass, gripping me closer as he slammed his hips into mine before letting out a loud growl and unloading his seed inside of me. High on his orgasm, Carlos fell on top of me, panting and moaning as he slowly bucked his hips through the pleasure. I was a gasping, sweating mess, my eyes closed as I rested on my hand which was flat to the table, letting out one last coo of a moan feeling Carlos’ lips press to my upper back.

We remained in that position for a few more moments before my legs began to tremble with the ache of half kneeling on the table, the other supporting me with the tip of my toe touching the floor. My heel had falling off during the love making, so when I stepped down I fell straight onto the cold of my feet. Carlos shifted, lifting his body off me as I turned around, standing up as I brushed my hair down. I couldn’t believe what had just happened, there was an element of shock to the whole situation, it all happened so fast. I bit down on my lip, watching him tug his boxers back over himself and his jeans back up, zipping and doing the button. He paused before he did his belt, glancing back up to me. Carlos reached out, smoothing my hair down on one side with a soft smile. I offered one back, pulling my dress straps back over my shoulders.

Carlos’s eyes dropped to my ribcage before I covered myself with my dress. “New tattoo?” He poked at the skin, “Mmmh. A couple months ago.” I shyly spoke, giggling when he eyed up my breasts slightly.

“Don’t.” I quietly spoke, but it didn’t have much authority behind it. “I have seen it all before.” He turned his head away when I asked him to, fastening his belt.

“Still.” My lips were crooked as I awkwardly searched for my underwear, feeling his seed spill out of me as I grimaced. “Here.” Carlos smiled, handed me the black fabric over, holding it out on his palm when he retrieved it from the floor. Embarrassed, I swiped it from his hold, pulling them on quickly as they caught the liquid that was beginning to seep out of me. I cringed, uncomfortable with the sensation as Carlos let out a small laugh, tucking his shirt back into his pants.

I glanced up, smiling shyly before looking around the room a little awkwardly. “¿Estás bien?” (Are you okay?). “Sí.” I giggled as he let out a closed mouth exhale of laughter, buttoning up his shirt which had popped open previously.

“Are you?”

“Sí.” He nodded, sighing and glancing back to me. “I don’t really hate you.” I muttered after glancing over his face. Carlos hummed in laughter in response, reaching out and swiping his thumbs under my eye. The gentle movement made my heart flutter as I couldn’t help but properly gaze over his face, disbelief setting in as I watched back to my ex boyfriend.

“I don’t.” I shrugged, feeling swipe what must’ve been fallen mascara. His hand rested on my cheek, moving in to kiss me softly as I felt myself swooning even harder. “Will you come with me tomorrow- ah with me to qualifying?” The Spanish man asked.

I felt my chest tighten, I reached out to soften the crease in his white shirt. “You want me to?”

“I want you to.” Carlos seriously nodded as I nodded. “Okay.” I whispered. He smiled again, taking me by the hand and easing me forwards, unlocking the door we locked. We didn’t really acknowledge the fact we’d just fucked like rabbits in such a public area, the two of us escaped the bar, giggling and ignoring the paparazzi. “You come out here with one girl and leave with another.” I kicked his foot, resting my hand over his thigh.

“Don’t say that.” He very quickly spoke, clearly looking a little awkward as we shared a laugh. I leant forwards, kissing his cheek. “Happy birthday, Carlos….”

The whole ‘ex boyfriend’ didn’t last too much longer after that, it was clear to say hooking up in a run down, attic bar magically solved something between Carlos and I…

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

rain and mint tea and rambles

Hi maggots. It's me, thinking thoughts, again. I do that far too often.

Monsoon has begun, I do believe. The stupefying heat wave broke to let water crash onto the soil, out of which puffs the scent of petrichor. Ever so often the heat builds in the day, but yields to a thunderstorm come nightfall. Perhaps it'll only last a few weeks, but I'm so glad anyway.

I made a mug of mint tea. By which I mean I dropped a teabag into hot water, in one of the five mugs Lina bought me. I was so delighted last night when the heat slowly revealed the images of a whale emoji, a photo of me edited with Crowley's eyes, and fanart of me that said happy birthday, maggot prince with the Spotify code of a playlist you all added songs to. It's been days since my birthday, but I still keep finding bits of love that you sent my way.

I love the playlist. It's as chaotic as we are. There's Cavetown and ABBA and Queen, Bollywood dance music and sad songs and rap, Taylor Swift and a Rickroll and silly songs and Disney soundtracks.

Everything looks different in the rain. The leaves lose their dusty shroud, glittering emerald and lime and quivering in the damp breeze. The light is quieter, softer, grey. It smells of life. The sky swirls with clouds like Van Gogh tried to make art but ran out of paint, with only the greyish paintwater left.

I'm sorry about all the DMs and asks I haven't replied to yet. I swear it's not because I care. It's because I care too much, I care so much that sometimes it overwhelms me. Please don't stop sending me asks because of that, though. I promise I do read them, even if it takes a while for me to reply. You aren't bothering me. You could never. I love you too much. Be as crazy as you like. It's me.

Weirdly enough, as I wrote that paragraph, Nothing New by Phoebe Bridgers and Taylor Swift played. "Are we only biding time 'til I lose your attention? And someone else lights up the room? People love an ingenue." "How do I go from growing up to breaking down? And I wake up in the middle of the night, it's like I can feel time moving. How can a person know everything at 18, and nothing at 22? Will you still want me, when I'm nothing new?"

It's difficult to believe I'm 20 now. That shouldn't be allowed. It's such a weird age, isn't it, 20? It's so, so young, it's so new, it's so terrifyingly timid.

I swear I knew more at 14 than I do now. I swear so many of you know so much more than I do. I don't know anything at all, most days. I don't know who I am. But you do. Thank you for bringing out not the best of me, not the worst of me, but the realest of me.

I love you. I got into art school, by the way. Life is not going the way I expected it to. And the horrors persist, trapping me in my dreams, suffocating me the way a pillow never could. But then I wake up and I think about you, and that keeps me going.

Look at you, saving a guy, every single day. How insanely wonderful.

The rain has stilled. My brother will be pleased, he bought a ticket to go to a cricket match. I think I'll go for a drive with my mum and Roxie. She loves drives. She knows them as 'car byebyes'. She sits on my lap in the front seat and looks out the window, nose sniffing and getting excited whenever I say look, a bow-wow and a dog passes.

I'll scoot now. If this long letter landed up on your dash and messed it up, I really do apologise, I try not to tag these. If you read it this far, then wow, hi. I love you. If you skipped to the end, I love you. If you don't read this, I love you. I love you all, so much.

I hope you have the loveliest of days.

I'll see you soon, maggots of mine.

[blessedbucky]

Spoilers for the Suguru ending of my "choose your own ending" story! This is a special treat since Tumblr has helped get the story up to almost 900 hits! I'm so grateful for you all that I'm dishing out some porn! I might post Satoru and Nanami, if anyone is interested. Also, it's Suguru's birthday and he deserves a happy fucking ending, damn it!

warnings: it's porn, canon suguru so he's got his cult, lil' bit of self-consciousness while a plus-size girlie rides it, breeding kink (is it truly a taylor fic if that's not in there), suguru getting off on his normally chill waifu getting jealous

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵ ︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“Seriously?! What’s gotten into you?!”

“Your dick, if you’re amendable to that, my lord husband.” The title is something you’ve never used with him before. You feel his dick twitch in his pants, so he obviously likes it. “Then, your come. I’d really like lots of that.” You stretch out, playing with the belt of your fancy yukata but not completely tugging it free yet. You’re feeling a little high off seeing him so flustered and red. “Can I have some now?”

Suguru sputters, “Here?!”

“What’s got you acting like such a virgin? Haven’t we done nastier shit?”

He scrubs a hand across his face, growling in frustration. “It’s not about the act. It’s the location. This is where I meet with all the monkeys that follow me. I’m already going to struggle to keep a straight face as it is, hearing you talk like that.” And yet…the hands that he’d put on your thick thighs to support you slowly inch up. “I have an image that I have to maintain when I’m here. Me daydreaming about all the come that’ll be dripping out of you on this very floor won’t exactly help with that.”

“Pick a different room, then.” You’re pouting, you know. Then, because you can be just as manipulative as him, you offer, “I can ride you.” You finally tug the belt of your yukata away. It loosens, not completely falling away, but the front of it pops open enough to give a tantalizing view of the valley of your breasts. “Suguru,” you whine playfully. You think you can physically see his brain stuttering to a stop, melting, and just straight up leaking out of his ears. “My pussy feels really empty right now. Aren’t you going to help me with that?”

“You are the fucking worst,” Suguru snarls before he’s ripping at your yukata.

You have to admit that this position isn’t exactly a favorite. It’s being done with Suguru, and that simple fact alone means that you love any position. And while you’re admitting things, this is one of the best for getting deep. Depth is a craving of yours, easier to handle than underused nerves firing off. So, seriously, you’re not complaining. There are some other positions that you prefer more, is all.

But Suguru fucking loves it.

You know why. He’s told you as much. It puts you and the body that he adores so much on full display. These days, you are…a little bit better about accepting your body. You can’t hate it as much anymore. That said, you think you’re allowed to feel awkward when it’s just…jiggling so much. There’s no different way to position yourself, no way to somewhat hide it—every move makes every single thing jiggle.

But…

Fuck it.

You’ll put on a show.

Tilting back, you reach around to brace yourself on his knees. The place where you two are connected is clear, his thick cock sliding in and out of your wet pussy. His hands are out of reach now, so you pick up where he left off with one of yours, pinching at your nipple. It’s harder to move fast this way, but you’re grinding down, trying to get him deeper, deeper, deeper. All your muscles are burning, trying to hold and lift yourself up enough to slam back down.

That familiar heat is building in your gut. If you fall over the edge right now, he’s sure to follow right after. “I—ah!” Words, words, words. “Ugh, why are you so sexy, Suguru?” You slam down on him, body rippling all over. If you move any more, you are going to lose this train of thought. “You drive me nuts. Just make me forget everything. I needed to tell you that I got so busy that I forgot to take it yesterday and today.” You huff. “It probably won’t take, but…if you don’t want to take the risk…just…just pull out, okay?”

Suguru barks out a hoarse laugh. “And again, I say, you’re really just the fucking worst.” He’s reaching out, gripping your wrists, hauling you down so your chests thump together. “Do you know what a menace you’ve been today, hmm?” You’re cradled against him while he rolls over to get you on your back. “Greeting me at the door like that—like my perfect little wife. The way you terrorized that woman. What was it, my love? Hmm? It wasn’t only the tea, I know. Did she look at me the wrong way? You looked like you wanted to claw her eyes out.”

“Don’t use the past tense—ah!” This is your favorite way to do it. To have his massive body blanketing yours, blocking out the entire world. “I actually thought about slipping some poison in her stupid fucking tea.” That feral thing inside him is awake now, his own eyes crazed as he tries to mark out a spot inside your body for himself.

Suguru’s breath is hot on the shell of your ear. “You have tested my patience and restraint today. Doing all you’ve done like you didn’t plan on seducing me. You beg me so beautifully for my seed and now you want me to think twice?” You dig your nails in the meat of his ass and lock your ankles around his, your body desperate to keep him inside you. Every snap of his hips makes you cry out. “You’ll get it. You’ll get as much as I can stuff in this lovely pussy.”

“Please, please, please—”

Suguru’s hand snakes up, draping loosely around your throat. “You better not spill a fucking drop,” he warns huskily. “Or else you’ll be the one licking it up off the floor. I won’t take the chance of some filthy monkey prostrating themselves to me tasting my love for you.”

[llumimoon]

TFW ur shitty dad decides to prank ur whole school to teach you to be more chaotic but instead you just realize how attached you've become to certain people. This is the EAH AU's version of Spring Unsprung!!

Gotta give credit where credit is due, @silverlistenstothings really helped out with this arc !!! So many good Hermie thoughts as always ough <333

We decided this happens like right before the Big Plot Shit happens in the AU and instead of being a festival it's Hermie's Birthday !!! The cursed riddlebook is a gift from Scam that Hermie gives to Scary instead bc he doesn't rlly care about it, which . turns out to be a very bad idea. The curse quickly spreads throughout the school reversing everyone's personalities and causing Normal to try and pretty much end the world.

This arc is Hermie and Taylor focused !!! :D Although it is really fun to think about the reverse teens running rampant NWVEGWHAAHA reverse norm is a little treat for me <3 but reverse Link is SO INCREDIBLY FUNNY . shoutout to this message from @happi-tree bc it's been burned into my memory and I cant stop laughing about it

When it comes to the curse we decided that bonds and skills stay the same but the personalities are inverted, which means reverse Scary being sooo attached and clingy to Hermie is just her personality changing the way she decides to communicate her affection for who she sees as her best friend. Its cute <3

Herm is SUPER on edge due to being incredibly irritated with his dad and feeling insecure about his friendship with Taylor, who's having a bit of a crisis on his own about his feeling about Link. Toss in their shared homesickness for Wonderland, a realm they can't go back to, and Taylor panicking over a gift his mom left him going missing, well it's not good for anyone. How are they gonna figure things out enough to save Ever After from destruction?

(EAH AU is by me, @rindomness & @kaseyskat !!)

Image Description is under the cut

[ID: Image 1: Normal smirking evilly with a hand up to his chin and the other on his hip. His eyes are a light purple and he's saying "Hey." To his right is Scary happily waving while smiling, her eyes similarly a light purple. She's saying "OMG hiiii Herm!! <3"

Image 2: Hermie with a stunned and mad expression on their face and trying to pout tea from a teapot into a teacup but missing the cup by a lot. Their cat ears are turned downward and tucked against their head while their tail behind them is stuck straight up with fur sticking out in all directions. They have a thought bubble that says "I'm gonna KILL my dad." there's text in the bottom left that has an arrow pointing off the canvas and is labeled "Scam giggling off screen."

Image 3: Link doing the fuck boy expression, his eyes half lidded and biting the corner of his lip with a pointed hand on his chin, with his other hand with the thumb tucked into the top of his belt. His eyes are similarly a light purple and he's looking at Taylor. There's text with an arrow pointing at Link that says, "turned into a shitty fuck boi liar because of the curse" To his right stands Taylor who has his arms by his side in a dinosaur like pose and a grossed out and devastated expression on his face. His bunny ears are sticking straight up. There's an arrow pointing to him that says "Fucking Appalled" in all caps.

Image 4: Scary smiling with her eyes closed and hugging Hermie with one of her legs posed upward behind her. Hermie is standing still with their eyes obscured due to the shine of their glasses with a neutral expression on their face and their cat ears turned downward and their tail puffed up and sticking up. To their right stands Taylor with both his hands up to clutch his face and his bunny ears pointed downward. Scary is saying "Haha yaaaay besties forever after!!" with flowers and hearts drawn around her. There is an arrow pointed at her labeled "still cursed". Hermie has a thought bubble that says "MY DAD IS A DICK." and an arrow pointed at them that's labeled "so touch starved". Under that is an arrow pointing at Taylor that is labeled "having a gay crisis" and he is surrounded by question marks. He has a large thought bubble that says "Why am I so jealous that Link is flirting with everybody ohmygod do I have a crush on my best friend forever after holy shit what"

Image 5: Normal looking down with an evil smirk and light purple eyes with his hand out to hold something. Hermie looks up with a frustrated expression on their face and their pupil's sharpened and is clutching Normal's arm as his hand holds Hermie's chin. Normal is saying "Shame you've decided to get in my way kitten, I really did like you. Well whatever. It's not going to matter in a moment, nothing is. You're too late." the word "nothing" is underlined for emphasis.

Image 6: A discord screenshot of 'willy KILLER MAIMER DESTROYER' saying "Link: babe you’re being so fucking silly but hey at least you’re also hot. Wanna kiss maybe. That’s gotta fix you or whatever

Taylor: ???????????????? OK ACTUALLY I FORGOT I WAS GETTING LUNCH WITH HERMIE GOTTA GO under his breath wtf wtf wtf"/end ID]

[doodles5555]

Mary's Song (Oh my my my)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader, Steve Rogers x Adopted Sister!Reader

Summary: This fic will follow the lyrics of the song “Mary’s Song” by Taylor Swift

Word Count: 1500+

Warnings: None! A little angst at the end that is unresolved, but since this is just a blip in the character's lives, it will be ok by the beginning of the next chapter.

A/N: Here is some probably necessary information before starting: In this fic, all of our characters are a bit older than in the last one. Timelines and some details may be a bit wonky, but that's ok. I hope you enjoy!

p.s this is not a lyric fic, but instead, a fic that was inspired by the song

Chapter 2:

Sitting on the ground underneath the shade of the biggest tree in your backyard, you are focused on your favorite book, and your brother, Steve, is quietly humming to himself while working on some of his math homework. You can see the tip of his pencil moving around in smooth motions. You look over to the bright paper and see him doodling some pretty flowers on an expanding landscape, and you can imagine them in your mother's garden, the one your father built himself as a gift for your mother's birthday last year.

“That’s very pretty Stevie. You’re so talented, y’know that? I hope you do. One day, I’ll get to see your amazing artwork in a gallery. I just know it,” you ramble out before you even think about it. 

You see the corners of his smile tug upwards. You only wish he knew you really meant it. His skill is beyond his years. His teachers often comment about the doodles left on his classwork, about how he should take some art classes, to further his knowledge and skill. 

You had overheard your mother and father arguing about saving up some extra money, cutting any extra expenses to pay for any costs regarding the proposed extracurricular. Still, it ended up the same every time – Times were getting tougher, money was harder to come by, and panic was starting to settle like dust in the community. Any leftover profits from previous years were going to support your family. The stock market crashed only a few months ago, and you and Steve were none the wiser to how bad it truly had gotten.

“Maybe one day buttercup,” the nickname rolls off his tongue with ease for the commonality of its use, making his words sound sweeter than the undertones. Steve understood that your family was in an unfortunate situation and had grown poorer in the more recent months, noticing smaller dinners on the dining table and less familial outings, but he wouldn’t let that stop him from practicing and utilizing his drawing as a creative outlet. It helped him keep in touch with how he feels.

“Hey, Punk! Buttercup!” Shouting could be heard from the other side of the fence. As you turn toward the sound of the voice, you spot Bucky in the act of climbing over the worn-out fence surrounding your house. As his feet reach the ground, he races over to the shade the tree provides. He plops down at Steve’s feet, his eyes gazing upwards towards the paper in his hands. He snatches it, almost tearing the frail sheet with his tight grip. His blue eyes scan the paper intensely. The wide-eyed expression that lights up his face is priceless.

This wasn’t the first time that Bucky had seen one of Steve’s impressive drawings, but this one seemed to strike a chord in his brain. He just seems to be fascinated by the image.

“Wow, just wow,” Bucky is in awe of the gift that his best friend possesses. “So when will I be seeing this in a museum?” Bucky continues. Steve lets out a small chuckle, the idea absurd in his head.

“As cool as that would be, I already know that will not be my future.” You knew Steve always dreamed of joining the army and battling alongside other determined men and women defending the country, but that fantasy just wasn’t possible in his current state. You would never say anything to crush his persistence since the idea made him so happy, but you would always worry about his safety if he ever went through with it.

“As long as you’re happy, then we will support you, no matter what!” You smile. You meant what you said, and you know Bucky shares the sentiment. 

—--

As the sun passes through the sky and falls below the horizon line, you and the boys start running around the yard and playing tag. Steve was huffing and puffing, needing to sit out for a second to avoid an angry asthma attack. You and Bucky had been playfully bickering while the time-out was called on Steve’s behalf.

“I was goin’ to get you, I just know it!” You exclaimed through hard breaths.

“Yeah, yeah, sure you were,” Bucky said with a good-natured eye roll. 

Sensing his playful spirit, you sprint towards him intending to knock him to the ground, but you can only slightly shake him off the spot where he stands.

“Oh, you’re asking for it, Buttercup!” He tries to grab you from where you are, but you swiftly dodge his hands, barely escaping his grip. You run in towards Steve, trying to hide behind him while he is still recovering. Bucky wouldn’t want to hurt Steve by accident just to get to you, right?

Before you can even test that thought, Bucky manages to get a hold on the back of your shirt, slowing you down just enough for him to be able to strengthen his grasp on you. He throws you over his shoulder, and you shriek in surprise.

“Let me down, you goof!” Giggles are pouring from your mouth as Bucky carries you towards the big oak tree. You start to lightly hit his back as a signal for him to put you down on the solid dirt. As he starts to do so, your unstable legs accidentally make you stumble and start to fall. Unluckily for Bucky, he was still holding on to you, so you end up as a clump of bodies on the ground. You can hear Steve shout from the other side of the yard, most likely asking if you are both okay. You holler a confirmation before assessing the situation you have gotten yourself into.

Bucky adjusts himself so that his body is hovering over yours, his body being propped up above you. You can’t seem to stop staring at his eyes. They have you in some sort of powerful trance; you can’t escape if you try, but you don’t want to stop. Bucky seems to share the sentiment because your eye contact goes unbroken for what feels like minutes. You see Bucky’s mouth start to move, but what he says doesn’t register in your ears. Before you can process what you are about to say, it spills from your parted lips.

“Kiss me,” your words are breathless. Your face surely mirrors Bucky's expression; The shock is evident, but he isn’t off put by the idea. He nods, the motion so small that you barely catch it. 

He wants to kiss you. You want to kiss him. This recurring dream is coming to life right before you. This is all you have wanted since you realized your emotions for Bucky are more than platonic. He leans in, now inches from your face.

You freeze.

Every other thought bouncing around seized to a stop at that moment. You start to scramble out of Bucky’s gentle hold, untangling your body as quickly as you possibly can. Your panic is palpable. You hustle to your feet and book it towards Steve. You look over your shoulder to interpret the situation you ran away from. The regret starts to simmer beneath the flush on your skin.

Bucky’s face doesn’t show much emotion, but you can read the disappointment in his body language. His shoulders are slumped and his demeanor is troubled, almost as if he is grieving the loss of your body from under his. You automatically feel like a jerk. In your frenzy, you didn’t even think how Bucky would react to your sudden frantic disinterest in an innocent kiss.

The tears started to well in your eyes. You stammer out an excuse to head back inside the house to the comfort of your room before you let the drops roll down your cheeks.

—--

A few days have come and passed since the “incident” with Bucky, and you have been trying to avoid him. You know he feels whatever it is that is bubbling inside of you, but your embarrassment has stopped you from trying to fix the mess that you created. The consequences of your actions are starting to catch up with you. You are miserable without his companionship. Even Steve has started making comments about Bucky’s sudden absenteeism from your days under the oak tree. You want to mend the tear you created in your friendship, but the uncertainty of how Bucky may react is sending you in the complete opposite direction. 

Growing up alongside each other has created a special bond between the two of you. You never had many friends, seemingly always on the outside of everyone in your year at school. You were also not a stranger to rude remarks and getting into fights trying to defend your honor. Everything culminated in your only friends being your brother and his best friend. 

Were you lonely at school? Yes, but that didn’t matter because once you reached your front porch, you had everyone you needed at your fingertips. 

Now that one of the members of your tiny group was consistently missing, it felt as though a piece of the puzzle was missing, just shy of being complete. You know you need to fix the mess you created, but you are unsure of how to do so.

Oh my my my…

—--

A/N: Thanks for reading! I am a very busy college student, so it may take a while for me to get to writing and posting part 3, but I will do my best for it to come out sooner rather than later. Have a great rest of your day/night!

[hswriting]

The Moment I Knew - a Taylor Swift song inspired piece.

[Image Alt ID: a collage of images with a black background. There are six images. Image one is a table arranged with jars of red jelly, white cookies with red icing, and cake pops. The second image is a black shadow of hands making a heart in front of a red lit wall. The third image is a white background and a red, ruffled dress. The fourth image is a red body of water. The fifth image is a group of red and white balloons surrounding a chandelier. The final image is a table set with black placemats and jars of roses. Balloon strings are hanging from the ceiling. End Alt ID]

- - -

Masterlist Series Part 2

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1.9k words

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And the hours pass by. Now I just wanna be alone but your close friends always seem to know when there’s something really wrong so they follow me down the hall, and there in the bathroom I try not to fall apart, and the sinking feel starts as I say hopelessly, “ he said he’d be here”.

“Millie, do you know what you’re going to wear tonight?” Rachel asks me and I shake my head. She planned me a wonderful birthday party with all of my friends and my boyfriend. Some of his friends are invited too.

“I have some dresses in mind, but nothing certain. I want to look my best since you said I have to dress formal.” I tell her.

“Well, I talked to Kellen and he said he would be here to set up, and he also told me he would be wearing red if that helps.”

“It does actually. I only have one dress that’s red.” I say and pull it from the closet.

“I love that dress. It’s so beautiful Millie.” She says as I walk into the bathroom to change. I come out, full makeup, the diamond earrings Kellen got me on my ears, and our locket on my neck. When I step out, Rachel is gone, probably to go put the finishing touches on the decorations. While I wait for her to come and get me to go out into the party, I text Kellen.

Me: hey. How is everything going with decorating? Rachel on your nerves yet?

And I wait. And wait. And wait. And no reply. Maybe she really has put him to work. I put my phone away and take a deep breath. I hope 23 is good to me. I’ve been through so much the past few years and things are starting to look up now. Kellen is amazing. And I finally have a job that I love. I am a transcription writer online. And I hope things continue to get better.

I hear a small tap on my door and Rachel peeks her head in. “You ready?” She asks and I nod. She steps out and leads me to the huge kitchen where the party is set up. Music is playing softly and as soon as everyone comes into view they begin to sing happy birthday. I smile and look at the lovely faces around the room. Every one smiling. They all look amazing. So formal but so casual at the same time. There are Christmas lights still hanging around the room, but the walls are covered with red, black, and white decorations. Balloons fill the ceiling and banners cover the wall. Tables are full of cake pops, jars of jelly, crackers, and cookies. Closest to me is a small cake with 23 written across it in red icing. But as I continue to look for the one person I want to see the most, their face isn’t there.

Kellen isn’t here. But I don’t let my smile fall yet. Maybe it’s a surprise.

As the song comes to a close, I close my eyes and blow out the candles on top of my cake and everyone cheers. Music begins to play loudly and I am served cake and other snacks. Everyone is having fun. But I have yet to see Kellen. I make my way across the room, greeting and hugging people as I go to find Rachel.

“What do you think? Good party huh?” She says as she stops dancing to face me.

“It’s great. I appreciate you doing this for me. But where is Kellen? I thought he helped me out set up?”

“He said he was going to but never came. I thought maybe he would have come by now?” She said. She must have been able to see the heartbreak on my face, because she said “we will find out. Go have fun. I’ll have our friends text him and see.”

“Thanks Rachel.” I tell her and walk back to the table. Me and my friends that are near take some selfies and pictures in front of the birthday banner. I take some pictures even with Kellen’s friends who I don’t know super well but I know their names. When we do a group photo, I ask them where he would be?

“He never got ahold of anyone since 4. At 4 he said he planned to be here. But he isn’t picking up. Sorry Millie.” Jason said. I sat back down and just watched the clock. I don’t remember much about opening gifts. Just me watching the door. The party goes on around me but I can’t help by have an ache in my chest from him not showing up. I know I should be grateful for everyone here but I feel awful. I get up and run to the bathroom as I hear laughter in another room. Hot tears stream down my cheeks. And I hear a few sets of footsteps behind me. I rush into the bathroom and before I can shut the door our friends are there.

“Mille we are so sorry.” Jason says. “Kellen should have been here.”

“He should be here. Why isn’t he here? Was anyone else able to get ahold of him?” I asked and an uncomfortable silence fell upon them. “What aren’t you telling me?” I direct at the group of them.

“I took the call. Let me tell her.” The one whose name I’m pretty sure is Harry, says. They nodded and let him continue. “I picked up the phone and he asked me how it was going. I obviously bitched him out for not being here. He was pissed but asked me to cover for him. I’ll spare you the details but basically he was with another girl. I told him I don’t speak for everyone, but I don’t want to be friends with someone like that. He got mad and hung up the phone.” He said sadly and I couldn’t even see my eyes were so full with tears.

“Harry may not speak for the rest of us but I’m sure I can. We don’t want him either. What he did was shitty and he ruined your birthday. We’re on your side Millie.” Jason said and everyone agreed with him. They surrounded me and hugged me. It was the most supportive anyone has treated me ever. And these six boys just made my night. They could have kept it a secret. They could have defended him. But they didn’t. They stood by me when they didn’t have to.

“You guys are the best.” I say as we separate. I am still tearing up but I might be okay.

“No. You just deserve the best.” Harry says. Everyone begins to file out of the bathroom but Harry asks me to stay. “I don’t want to come off creepy. But in case you want someone to talk to, who knows what you’re going through, can I give you my number?” He asks.

I ponder this for a second. He seems so genuine. So sweet. He really didn’t want to tell me the bad news but was willing to give up his best friend for it.

“If you don’t want to I completely understand. I’m not trying to be like that and take advantage. I just know I could have used someone who had been through the same thing when it happened to me.”

“That would be good” I tell him. He lets me dry my tears with his handkerchief and then walks me out. I take him to my room. “I’m so sorry it’s a mess.” I say. He says he doesn’t mind. I grab a piece of paper and he writes his number down and I do the same for him. We go and rejoin the last few minutes of the party. Everyone starts to exchange good byes. Rachel, Harry, Jason, and the rest of his now ex-friends are the last to leave, helping clean up and giving me words of support. Harry gives me a look before shutting the door behind them. All that’s left is me. I take off this hot dress and get into my comfy fuzzy pajamas. As I’m wiping my red lipstick off onto a cotton pad, my phone begins to ring. It’s Kellen.

“Hello?” I say, a slight break in my voice at just the thought of hearing his excuse.

“Millie, I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for your birthday. I got caught up at work.” He says and my heart breaks even more. He lied.

“I’m sorry too.” I tell him.

“Let me come over tomorrow to make it up to you?” He asks.

“No. I don’t want you to come over. I can’t do this.” I tell him, feeling more tears run down my face. My hands unconsciously grab the locket I never take off. I forget it’s there sometimes.

“Do what Mil?” He asks, nervous now.

“This. Us. What you did tonight was an awful thing to do.”

“I told you that I got caught up at work. How can you blame me for this? You’re crazy if you think it was my fault!”

“No I’m not crazy. Don’t turn this around on me Kellen. They told me what you did. You were with another girl. Don’t lie to me.” I tell him. I’m starting to get angry.

“They told you? Why the hell would they do that to me. They’re my friends!”

“Not anymore. Guess they don’t want to be around someone who is unfaithful. A cheater. Throwing away a good thing. How could you do that to me?”

“You never want to put out. So I went somewhere else. I was tired of nothing.” He said truthfully and it felt like a knife in my chest.

“I never put out? Kellen you never have acted like this before. We always talked stuff out. Why didn’t you talk to me? You’ve never been so mean.”

“You didn’t want to hear it.”

“Whatever Kellen. We are done. Now you can go fuck whoever you want. Not that us being in a relationship stopped you anyways.”

“Yeah. I’ll make sure I tell your friend Sam I said hi when I go back to her house.”

“Fuck you.” I said and hung up the phone. I’ve never cried so hard. My chest has never hurt this bad.

Everything hurts so much. How can you do that to someone. Let alone a friend. I don’t understand what flipped in him. We have never had an issue like this. We always talk out the ones we do. But I guess I never really got the truth. He was just tolerating me the entire time just so he wasn’t alone.

Ding

My phone chimed and I pick it back up.

Unknown number: this is Harry. How are you doing?

I save the number and reply after wiping my eyes.

Me: I’m decent considering everything.

Harry: you don’t have to act fine if you’re not. It’s okay to be upset about it.

Me: I don’t want to bother you too much. Or you’ll get tired of me too.

Harry: I’ve been through this. Don’t worry about me. I’m here to support you.

Me: I appreciate you. We just broke up on the phone. He gave me the details. He’s so awful.

Harry: I’m sorry, love. Is there anything I can do?

Me: erase the past 11 months would be great. I’ve got so much stuff that reminds me of him I don’t know what to do with now.

Harry: what all do you have?

Me: Clothes. Pictures. This fucking locket he gave me for our six month anniversary. I hate it so much

Harry: if you want to, I have a fireplace. We could burn it?

Me: Fuck. Yes.

Harry: I’ll send you my address. Want to come at 6?

Me: yes. Can I bring some wine and snacks?

Harry: of course. See you then love.

- - -

Masterlist Series Part 2

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[allannmwasa]

Words Know No Color: A Black Fan's Ode to Taylor Swift's Poetic Mastery

As I reflect on my journey with music and poetry, I find solace in a world that was once solely mine to imagine—a refuge from the bullying for being effeminate I endured in high school. Country music, with its soulful melodies and heartfelt lyrics, became my sanctuary, a haven where I could escape the harsh realities of my teenage years.

One fateful day, as I tuned in to the country music station, a song captivated my senses, offering a mind-blowing juxtaposition. It was "Tim McGraw" by Taylor Swift, a revelation that would open the door to a new world of poetic expression through lyrics. Little did I know that this encounter would mark the beginning of a profound connection with Taylor's music, a journey into the genius of her poetry that continues to unfold.

In adulthood, I have faced adversity and negativity for my choices, but never did I anticipate that my love for Taylor Swift would become a source of contention. As a black individual, I found myself confronted with the absurd notion that my appreciation for Taylor's art was somehow incompatible with my identity.

Yet, the beauty of diction and the power of words have always been my allies. As a child, I garnered awards for my ability to convey emotions through language, and Taylor's music resonated with me on a profound level. I was drawn to her clever use of symbolism, sarcasm, and satire, recognizing that her songs were not just about melodies but well-crafted words that echoed the sentiments of many.

One striking illustration of this is found in "The Lakes," a composition by Taylor Swift that pays a poetic homage to an era that cherished emotional expression over the constraints of logic and reason. In this particular instance, it became evident to me that Taylor Swift transcends the label of a mere artist; she is, in essence, a poet who crafts vivid images with her words, delving into the intricacies of the human experience with a profound understanding and emotional depth.

Despite the negativity and stereotypes that sought to limit my musical preferences, I have continued to appreciate Taylor's work. I learned that diversity is not solely about experiencing nuances within one's own race; it's about embracing a multitude of perspectives and finding common ground in unexpected places.

While my experiences may differ from Taylor's upbringing on a Christmas tree farm with a family of two parents, her ability to convey emotions and share relatable narratives transcends cultural boundaries. She delves into the intricacies of relationships, love, and loss, reminding us that, as human beings, our shared experiences connect us in ways that go beyond race, background, or social status.

Taylor Swift's music isn't just for one demographic; it's for anyone who appreciates the art of storytelling and the power of well-crafted words. I've learned that it's possible to connect with the experiences of others, even when they come from different walks of life. In embracing Taylor's music, I've found a voice that resonates with my own, breaking down barriers and allowing me to appreciate the shared humanity that unites us all.

So, to Taylor Swift, I say, "I love you." Thank you for being a beacon of creativity and a reminder that the beauty of poetry transcends the boundaries that society may try to impose. My journey as a black fan navigating through negativity has only strengthened my love for your artistry, and I look forward to continuing this poetic voyage with you.

Happy Birthday @taylorswift

[beefromanoff]

Going Under Ch. 29

summary: christmas. online comments. an emotional spiral. angst. new years. missions. heartbreak.

characters: Bucky Barnes x OC

soundtrack: exile - Taylor Swift and Bon Iver

warnings: fluff, pop star fantasy x love story, set in an AU where the Avengers reunite after Civil War, pre-infinity war, slight angst, hurt/comfort, lonely reader/OC.

author’s note: GUYS PUT DOWN THE PITCHFORKS PLS, first of all, so sorry it's been a million years! the holidays and my birthday and vacation and everything has just kept me too busy. i've tried to alternate between my other story (linked here) and this one, but I still hate that it's been so long. also, I know this story is a lot of your comfort fic, so I'M SORRY for the angst and heartache! just stick with me pleaseeee!

ilysm, thank you for reading! please let me know what you think!

chapter list

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The city lights glittered outside the panoramic windows of the penthouse, casting a soft glow over the sleek, modern furnishings. A fire blazing in the center of the living room illuminated Gianna’s gaunt face. The past month had taken the youthful roundness from her face and the twinkle from her eyes. Bringing her knees to her chest, she took a slow sip of her wine as she stared out the window at the New York night. Across the horizon, a sharp knife to her heart, glowed the trademark ‘A’ of Avengers’ Tower. 

The infamous building, once filled with laughter and shared moments, sat dark and empty. Gianna gazed through the floor-to-ceiling glass, her reflection staring back at her—a portrait of a woman who had lost something irreplaceable.

Her thoughts were a hurricane, a montage of memories that wrecked her mind and haunted the solitude of the room. The past months had unraveled like a thread, leaving behind a tapestry of emotions that she struggled to make sense of. The laughter from Thanksgiving with the Avengers echoed in her mind, but now it seemed like a distant melody she no longer knew how to play.

She spun the stem of the wine glass in her fingers, ignoring the blue glow of the phone on her coffee table. Texts, calls, social media alerts…nothing she cared to check. She knew what they’d say, all variations of the same headlines that had been running for weeks. 

Pop Star and Winter Soldier call it quits after whirlwind romance!

Gianna Cruz spotted on solo coffee run in Manhattan!

Who Made Gianna Cruz Cry?! Pop Star Spotted with Red Eyes Amid Split with Famed Assassin.

As bad as the tabloids were, nothing wrecked her like the truth that played on a loop in her mind.

---

Early December, New York

The glow of holiday lights adorned the city streets as Bucky and Gianna strolled through Central Park. Snowflakes danced around them, and the air buzzed with the energy of the season. 

They paused under a streetlamp, his eyes meeting hers. "You know, you're too good for someone like me," he confessed, a hint of vulnerability in his gaze.

Gianna chuckled, playfully nudging him. "Oh hush. You’re the first guy to ever think he doesn’t deserve me, and it’s one of the many reasons I’m certain you do."

Bucky's laugh echoed through the crisp winter night as he held Gianna’s hand in his own.

“If you say so.” 

---

Early December, Upstate New York - Avengers’ Compound

The soft glow of the evening sun streamed into Bucky's room as he idly scrolled through social media. His fingers danced over the screen, swiping through images and updates. A photo caught his eye—himself and Gianna, smiling, carefree, fingers woven together as they crossed a street in the city.

The initial wave of warmth quickly gave way to a sinking feeling as he caught a glimpse of the comment section. Many were positive, gushing about how good they looked together, how happy they seemed. Bucky couldn't help but smile at those.

However, as he scrolled further, the tone shifted. Harsh words leapt off the screen, cutting through him like a knife. They weren't strangers to him—the names, the insults—all a reminder of the Winter Soldier's haunted past that some couldn't let go. Comment after comment confirmed his darkest fears, the things his mind taunted him with late at night.

"Can't believe she's with a killer."

“Of everyone she could date, she chooses him? A freak of nature with blood on his hands?” 

“I hope he knows he’s ruining her life. He should be with a monster like himself, not someone innocent like Gianna. I hate this relationship.” 

“Does she even know everything he’s done? I can’t support her after she knowingly dates a murderer.”

"She deserves better."

The words became a relentless cascade, a torrent of doubts and insecurities that he had fought so hard to suppress. The shadows of his past seemed to stretch and loom, threatening the fragile happiness he had found with Gianna. He felt guilty, shameful, stupid for ever thinking he could escape them, thinking he could find some semblance of peace. 

Gianna's voice interrupted his thoughts as she cracked open the door to his room, a soft and cheerful invitation to join the team for dinner. A part of him wanted to tell her about the comments, to seek reassurance in her presence, but a darker instinct held him back. The shame was too great. Something nagged at him, told him maybe they were right. Their relationship was a fluke. Maybe she didn’t realize what she’d gotten herself into. Fear crept into his mind, convincing him that if he put those thoughts into her mind, even seeking comfort from them, they’d take root and she’d wonder what the hell she was doing with him in the first place.

Forcing a smile, he silenced the turmoil in his mind and pocketed his phone, choosing not to burden her with the weight of his doubts.

“Let’s go eat,” He put a hand on her lower back and kissed her cheek, ignoring the nagging feeling that at some point soon, he would no longer be able to. 

---

Christmas Morning, Avengers’ Compound

The cozy warmth of Christmas evening found Earth’s Mightiest Heroes lounging by the fireplace in the overly decorated living room. Gift wrapping strewn everywhere, the smell of hot cocoa and spiked cider filling the air. In a mess of holiday sweaters and new presents, the team fell into a quiet but comfortable silence. This had been an over-the-top, Hallmark-esque Christmas season. Thanksgiving had been the crack in the stoic dam that they all previously kept in place, and now the full on family festivities were unleashed. 

Wanda and Gianna had baked so many Christmas goodies that Tony swore he wouldn’t even be able to wear the Iron Man suit. They’d arranged a team “Secret Santa” after insisting the guys couldn’t be trusted to buy a good gift for everyone on the team, so they limited it to one person each and repeatedly reminded Tony of the $200 limit. 

An absurd number of stockings hung from the mantle, cramped and hung nearly overlapping, but everyone had their own. Christmas music had played over the built-in speakers in their living quarters since the day they’d touched down after Thanksgiving. The most surprising part was that no one seemed to mind the excess holiday cheer. 

Now, as Christmas Day wound down, it had all culminated in a picturesque holiday.

As the festivities wound down, Bucky caught Gianna's eye, his expression softening with a secret.

"Come with me," he murmured, jerking his head towards the balcony.

Gianna followed him through the common room, away from the heart of the celebration. They slipped out onto the balcony, a quiet alcove overlooking the snowy landscape.

Bucky handed her a steaming mug of hot chocolate. "Merry Christmas," he said, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Merry Christmas," she replied. The night air was crisp, and the stars above shimmered in a vast, dark canvas. One of her favorite things about being away from the city.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a carefully wrapped gift. "I made something for you," he confessed.

“What? Bucky…” Curiosity turned into wide-eyed surprise as she unwrapped the present. Nestled within the paper was a beautifully bound book. On the cover, in elegant script, read the simple title MMXXIII -- or 2023. The year they met. 

Her fingers traced the cover, and when she opened it, she found a chronicle of their tour—all told from Bucky’s point of view. He had meticulously compiled entries from his journal, filled with his thoughts and feelings about her, paired with photos both snapped by fans or paparazzi and by Gianna herself. It made for a comprehensive timeline of him falling in love with her. 

Tears welled up in Gianna's eyes as she flipped through the pages. Bucky's writing, which she’d read before, but to have it gifted to her with all the photos and scrawled footnotes and thoughtfulness…she felt dangerously close to melting into a puddle on the ground.

"I remember the first time I saw you on stage," he recounted. "There was this light about you. It drew me in, and little did I know, it would change everything."

Gianna was speechless. Shaking her head, she looked up at him with watery eyes. “This is, undoubtedly, the best gift I have ever been given.” She leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “James Buchanan Barnes. Thank you. I love you.”

His chest tightened. No matter how many times he’d heard those words come from her mouth or said them back to her, they never felt any less miraculous. 

“I love you too, G.” 

Giving a shy smile, she stood. “I have something for you, too. Be right back.” She darted through the doors. 

Returning swiftly with her guitar in hand, she plopped back down on the chair beside him. Her breath came out in steamy clouds against the cold air. Gazing up at him through her lashes, she began to strum.

“This one is called…My Hero.” 

As she played, her angelic voice echoing across the quiet night, Bucky felt his stomach twist. Sitting across from him was the most beautiful, kind woman he’d ever known. She told him she loved him. She slept beside him every night. Here she was on Christmas Day, singing a song about him. As her poetic words heralded him as her hero, he couldn’t help the guilt he felt reminding him that he would always be a villain.

---

New Years’ Eve, New York - Avengers’ Tower

The New Year's Eve party at the Avengers' Tower was a spectacle to behold. Tony Stark had outdone himself once again, transforming the common area into a sea of crystal champagne flutes and ice sculptures. The clinking of glasses and laughter filled the massive room. 

Sam had taken over bartending -- flipping bottles with flair while the actual paid bartender stood awkwardly to the side. Peter hung from the chandelier, showing off for a group of this years’ Sports Illustrated models. Steve and Nat, shared a quiet moment away from the dance floor, looking suspiciously comfortable together. Tony, to no one’s surprise, had been the life of the party. He bounced from the DJ booth to the dance floor to the bar, never being seen without a champagne bottle in hand. The atmosphere was infectious, a perfect ending to the year's highs and lows. 

Meanwhile, Gianna and Bucky had spent most of the evening cozied up on a plush couch toward the back of the room, taking it all in. Her laughter seemed to drown out the music and the crowd, Bucky's eyes glimmered with a softness that only her presence could invoke.

As the clock crept closer to midnight, the anticipation in the room grew. The sequin and glitter-clad Avengers had found their way together in the final moments of the year. 

Tony, ever the showman, took center stage. "Ladies and gentlemen, Avengers and friends, let's welcome the new year with a bang!"

The countdown echoed through the room, a chorus of voices rising in unison. Ten, nine, eight...He raised an arm, clad in one single sleeve of the Iron Man suit, and aimed it for the rafters.

Bang! Confetti rained down from where his shot hit as the clock struck midnight, and cheers erupted. Amidst the celebration, Bucky and Gianna only had eyes for each other as they pulled away from their first kiss of the new year, only feet from the barstools where their first ever kiss had been shared.

Gianna’s eyes were bright as she looked up at him, "I can't wait to spend this year with you."

Bucky, his smile carrying a mix of emotion, replied, "You're going to have an amazing year, G."

---

End of January

The Quinjet soared through the night sky, cutting through the clouds like a sleek shadow. Bucky, sitting in the co-pilot seat, stared out into the vast darkness. Steve glanced at his friend, sensing the tension in the air.

"Something's been eating at you, Buck," Steve finally broke the silence, his eyes focused on the controls. "You've been volunteering for every mission lately. More than usual. What's going on?"

Bucky hesitated, his gaze fixed on the city lights below. He was wrestling with a storm of conflicting emotions, unsure of how to voice them, even to his closest friend. Steve was persistent, his concern etched on his features.

"Bucky, we've been through too much for you to keep things from me," Steve urged gently. "Talk to me."

Bucky sighed, the internal struggle evident in his eyes. "It's Gianna."

Steve raised an eyebrow, silently inviting Bucky to continue.

"I can't shake this feeling, Steve," Bucky confessed, his voice laced with uncertainty. "Like I'm holding her back. Like I'm not good enough for her. I love her too much to see her stuck with someone like me."

Steve furrowed his brow, concern deepening. "Bucky, you've been through hell and back. She knows that, knows it wasn’t your fault, and she chose to be with you. You're not holding her back. You saved her life, remember?"

"But what if she deserves more? What if I can't give her the life she deserves?" Bucky's words carried the weight of his self-doubt. “She’ll always have to pay the price for my past. I want more for her than that.” 

Steve understood the root of Bucky's turmoil. He reached over, placing a reassuring hand on Bucky's shoulder. "You're not giving her enough credit, Buck. Talk to her. Share what you're feeling. She deserves to know. I’m sure if she had any idea you were feeling this way, she’d be devastated."

Bucky nodded, but his gaze drifted back out the window to the night sky. 

“Where did all this come from?” 

“I saw some comments online.” 

“Buck…” Steve sighed. “You can’t do that to yourself. None of us can go online without finding something day-ruining written about ourselves. It’s never good.” 

“At least you guys have saved more people than you’ve killed.” Bucky’s tone was gruff. 

“If we’re looking at deaths at our hands while under our own volition, I’ve got you beat by a long shot, pal. Hell, I bet even Pete’s got you.” He gave his friend a reassuring smile. 

“Yeah.” 

The conversation was interrupted by the Quinjet's navigation system signaling their arrival at the mission site.

"We'll continue this, Buck. But for now, focus on the mission. And don't do anything stupid until we can talk more.”

---

End of February

Sweat dripped from Bucky’s forehead as his fists pounded into the punching bag. 

The chains clinked as Bucky moved from the bag to the bench, his breathing heavy. The dim glow of the overhead lights cast deep shadows on his face, highlighting the lines etched by years of war and the burdens of a tortured past.

His inner dialogue was a relentless companion, the voice of doubt whispering in the hollows of his mind. 

She'd be happier without you. She could be back in New York, performing, living the life she deserves. She could find someone without your dark history. Someone she doesn’t have to defend.

The weights lifted and dropped with a controlled precision, the repetition an attempt to drown out the insistent thoughts. Bucky's jaw clenched, muscles straining against the heavy load. The gym became a battleground, his internal conflict manifesting in the physical exertion.

You're a relic of a bygone era, Buck. She deserves someone who can give her a future, not someone haunted by the ghosts of his past.

The voice echoed, each word a reminder of the perceived inadequacies he felt.

He moved back to the sparring area, still running from his own demons. The stark sounds of his combat training echoing in the empty space. The punches were precise, calculated, a dance of muscle memory and suppressed rage. His metal arm moved with deadly precision, nearly knocking the bag out of the ceiling with one blow.

Bucky paused, chest heaving, a sheen of sweat covering his body. His reflection in the gym's mirrored walls showed the anguish and exhaustion on his face. He spent more and more time in the training room as sleep continued to evade him. Despite himself, he couldn’t help but read more of the same comments that began this spiral in the first place. Subjecting himself to them felt like a fair punishment for everything he’d done, so he continued to scroll, hoping that facing the ugliness would somehow atone for his past. Instead, he found his guilt growing alongside the chasm between him and Gianna. 

The truth was, the weight of his past had woven itself into the fabric of his identity. He doubted if he could ever truly be what Gianna needed. He’d thrown himself into missions, avoiding time with her. When he looked at her face, saw her beautiful, earnest eyes…his heart cracked. He couldn’t stand to be with her and think of losing her. He couldn’t stand to be with her and stomach how much better she deserved. So he stayed away. 

He told himself she didn’t notice him sneaking out of bed every night after midnight, and maybe she didn’t at first. But as the weeks crept by, she felt him pulling away. When he came home between missions, he wasn’t fully there. She’d even asked Steve if something had triggered his PTSD, sending him back into a dark place. No matter what she tried, she couldn’t pull him back. Even when she initiated sex, he never seemed to be in the mood. She was at a loss. 

Their reality that had once been passionate, sweaty, tangled in the sheets had given way to a new reality. One where she pretended she didn’t hear him leave their room to go to the gym every night. One where he convinced himself his absence was better for her. One where neither of them felt happy. 

As he wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand, a pang of realization hit him in the gut. 

I have to let her go. For her own good.

The gym, usually a place of solace, now echoed with the tortuous thoughts that crowded Bucky's mind. He stood there, caught between the pull of love and the push of self-doubt, wondering if sacrificing his happiness might be the only way to ensure hers.

---

End of February, The Next Day

The air in the common room hung heavy with tension, a storm brewing in the otherwise quiet evening at the Avengers Compound. The team exchanged uneasy glances, as the thin door to Gianna’s bedroom did little to mask what was happening behind it. Natasha shot Steve a concerned look, her instincts honed from years of reading between the lines. 

Gianna and Bucky stood on opposite ends of her room, the echoes of their argument reverberating through the walls.

"Why can't you just talk to me? Do you know how much it hurts that you're making this decision without even discussing it with me, without giving me a chance to change it?" Gianna's voice quivered with the rawness of her emotions. “I have to feel you pulling away for weeks, beg you to talk to me, and now…this?”

"I thought it would be easier this way," Bucky admitted, his voice heavy with regret.

Gianna shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "Nothing worth having is easy, Bucky. Love isn't easy. But you don't just throw it away because it's hard."

“I’m not throwing it away because it’s hard, Gianna. I’m giving it up because you’re better off without me, I -”

"What do you mean I'm better off without you?!" Gianna's voice rose, a crescendo of hurt and disbelief. Her eyes, usually filled with warmth, were now ablaze with anger. “You don't get to decide what I deserve, Bucky! All I did was try to love you the best way I possibly could, and this is how you repay me? By pushing me away? By dumping me?”

Bucky's expression was a mixture of regret and resolve. "I can't give you what you deserve, Gianna. You deserve a life without the shadows of my past."

“Bullshit,” Her laughter was bitter. "That’s a bullshit excuse and you know it.” 

She crossed the room and jabbed a finger into his chest as angry tears filled her eyes. “I know your past, all of it. You sat there in my hotel room and you decided to trust me with it. Not once have I judged you, not once have I used it against you, not once have I given you any reason to regret trusting me. So don’t you dare stand here and tell me I deserve better than your past when I saw all of it and decided for myself that it changed nothing.” 

His jaw clenched, the weight of his decision etched into the lines of his face. "It’s not about that, Gianna. I don’t regret telling you anything, but you deserve to be with someone without a past you have to overlook -”

“I don’t overlook your past, Bucky!” She cried. “I don’t love you because I can ignore everything you did, or in spite of who you are -- I love you because of who you are! Everything you’ve overcome, how strong and kind and good you are. I don’t want someone who has a perfect past, I want someone who knows how ugly the world is and chooses to be good anyways. I want you.” Her voice broke at the end as her rage gave way to heartbreak. 

“I would never be able to live with myself if I kept you from everything you deserve,” He spoke softly.

“You don’t get to decide what I deserve!” She interrupted, staring up at him with angry tears streaking down her face. 

 “You deserve a man who doesn’t get called a murderer when he walks down the street.” Bucky hissed. “Your kids deserve a father that hasn’t committed fucking war crimes. Hell, you deserve someone who can give you a family at all, because who the hell knows if I even can!” 

“That’s not fair,” She protested. “I never asked for those things from you.” 

“You shouldn’t have to ask for a good life, Gianna.” His eyes softened as he ran his fingertips down the back of her arm, a gesture that used to make her heart clench now shattered it even further. “That’s why I’m letting you go find it.” 

She wrenched free of his grasp and stormed out of the room, throwing the door open. The team looked up, caught in the crossfire of a relationship unraveling, unsure if they should acknowledge or intervene at all. Gianna ignored the audience as she whirled to face Bucky who’d followed her out of the room. 

“Do you know where I was before I met you?” Her eyes narrowed. “I was alone. Completely and utterly alone. The only people who cared if I woke up in the morning were the people who worked for me. I would go weeks without anyone asking how I really was. I was a spectacle, a circus act. I was a commodity.” She paused to take a shaky breath. “So this ‘better life’ you’re so nobly sending me back to? It doesn’t fucking exist.”

Gianna stepped further into the living room, finally acknowledging the group. “And do you know the worst part?” She gave that cold, foreign laugh again before turning back to Bucky. “You already knew all of that. You knew because I trusted you and I told you. Yet here you are anyways, sending me right back into the life I loved you for saving me from.” 

There was no sound in the room except for Gianna’s ragged breathing. The look of pure anguish on Bucky’s face was enough to break even the coldest heart. No one dared intervene, not when so much hung in the balance between them. 

“I spent months crying myself to sleep before you came along.” Gianna spoke softly, reigning in her emotions. “But what difference does it make now, considering for the past two weeks you haven’t even cared to stay in bed long enough to know that I’m right back to my old ways.” 

Her eerily calm delivery struck the final blow. Bucky’s face crumpled as he looked at the ground. Guilt rose up inside him. For weeks, he’d been avoiding her, sneaking out of their room, doing anything he could to deal with his own shit. Not once did he think of what that was doing to her. In trying to protect her, he’d been slowly breaking her heart anyways.

Gianna turned her back on Bucky, his broken expression still locked on the ground. 

“Can someone take me back to New York, please?” She spoke softly but firmly, eyes scanning the pained faces of her friends. Her fists clenched at her sides.

The group shifted nervously on the couch, unsure what to do. The recent tension between the couple hadn’t exactly gone unnoticed, but this explosion had caught them all by surprise. No one wanted to move, to acknowledge that this was real. To take Gianna back to the city would be to cement both of their broken hearts. 

“Nat?” Gianna’s lower lip quivered. “Please?” 

The redhead stilled beside Steve. His hand squeezed hers in reassurance that everything would be okay. It had to be okay. 

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Nat’s voice was soft, kind as she stood, weaving through the group. “Do you want to grab your stuff?” 

“No.” She didn’t look behind her as she turned to leave the room. “There’s nothing here I need anymore.” 

And with that, she walked away, leaving Bucky standing in the ruins of a love he was convinced he had to sacrifice.

---

Present Day, Mid-March, New York

Gianna's eyes stung with tears that wouldn’t come. For once in her life, she had no tears left to cry. 

The phone continued to vibrate, a cruel reminder of the messages she couldn't bring herself to read. The truth she didn’t want to acknowledge. 

Bucky Barnes had left her. She was alone. 

This time, no one was coming to save her. 

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Paramore Wipe Social Media Accounts Clean + Delete Website + Fans Have No Idea What’s Going On

Paramore have wiped their Instagram and X (formerly Twitter) accounts clean, updated with a blank profile picture. The band's website no longer exists either and fans are confused.

The timing of this latest scrubbing, however, is especially curious as Paramore recently expressed that they're not sure what the future holds for the band or if there even is one.

The Changes to Paramore's Social Media Accounts + Website

Every single post on Paramore's Instagram and X accounts have been deleted and the profile pictures have been changed, showing a stick figure head and torso against a grey background.

Paramore's profile picture on Facebook has been changed to the same image, however their pre-existing posts are all still there, the latest coming on Dec. 17, wishing guitarist Taylor York a happy birthday.

Regarding Paramore's website — paramore.net — that landing page now reads "404 Not Found. The requested URL was not found on this server."

Fans Have No Idea What's Going On

Fans have flocked to the r/Paramore Reddit thread to discuss these latest activities, pondering the significance of these moves in relation to those recent comments about a murky future.

Some claim (as of four hours prior to this post being published) that they were still able to access the website, while others were greeted with a message that read, "Future home of something quite cool."

One fan posits, "I think they're making big 'left the label' moves," while another wondered if Paramore's previous label — Atlantic Records — had managed the social media and webpages and that this is a transitional period for the accounts and site.

Elsewhere, fans urge everyone to remain calm and don't panic, opting to wait this out to see a new announcement will be coming soon.

The new profile picture on Facebook has generated over 11,000 comments with a mixed bag of reactions. There's comments using Paramore lyrics in an ultra dramatic fashion, ones with optimistic outlooks and some that are all doom and gloom.

The Recent Uncertainty of Paramore's Future

On Dec. 14, Paramore posted a quote from their interview with UPROXX in a candid assessment about what's next for the veteran group.

Paramore's Instagram story contained the following note, which is an excerpt from the feature (not a direct quote from the band):

Now that Paramore has spent the year touring behind This Is Why (and making sure to take better care of themselves while they’re at it), a chapter of the band’s career has come to a close. They’ve now fulfilled all label obligations and are effectively free agents. As for the future of Paramore, all three members agreed that there’s a level of uncertainty.

"The only thing that matters is we will still get to be each other's community,'" says Williams, while drummer Zac Farro adds, "I just hope we can keep building the Paramore empire and then rule the world."

Elsewhere in the interview, Williams laments the state of social media and how difficult it is to casually joke around and engage with fans without some small anecdote being blown up into something much larger and/or deceitful. Ensuring private and professional barriers are kept intact is often challenging.

The singer does, however, see how beneficial TikTok can be, especially as a tool for self-promotion for artists.

Paramore in 2024

Despite all the chatter about an uncertain future, Paramore have a slew of tour dates on the books, opening for Taylor Swift on a European and U.K. leg of her ongoing The Eras tour.

[heavenboy09]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 🎊 TO YOU

THE MOST LEGENDARY & ICONIC CANDIAN 🇨🇦 ACTOR & MUSICIAN 🎶 IN CINEMA 🎥 & ENTERTAINMENT OF THE WHOLE WORLD 🌎 IN HISTORY

Reeves was born in Beirut, Lebanon, on September 2, 1964, the son of Patricia (née Taylor), a costume designer and performer, and Samuel Nowlin Reeves Jr. His mother is English, originating from Essex. His American father is from Hawaii, and is of Native Hawaiian, Chinese, English, and Portuguese descent. Reeves' paternal grandmother is of Hawaiian and Chinese descent. His mother was working in Beirut when she met his father, who abandoned his wife and family when Reeves was three years old. Reeves last met his father on the Hawaiian island of Kauai when he was 13.

He is a Canadian actor and musician. He is the recipient of numerous accolades in a career on screen spanning four decades. In 2020, The New York Times ranked him as the fourth-greatest actor of the 21st century, and in 2022 Time magazine named him one of the 100 most influential people in the world. Reeves is known for his leading roles in action films, his amiable public image, and his philanthropic efforts.

Born in Beirut and raised in Toronto, he made his acting debut in the Canadian television series Hangin' In (1984), before making his feature-film debut in Youngblood (1986). Reeves had his breakthrough role in the science-fiction comedy Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989), and he reprised his role in the sequel Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991). He gained praise for playing a hustler in the independent drama My Own Private Idaho (1991) and established himself as an action hero with leading roles in Point Break (1991) and Speed (1994). Following several box-office disappointments, Reeves's performance in the horror film The Devil's Advocate (1997) was well received. Greater stardom came with his role as Neo in The Matrix (1999); Reeves became the highest paid actor for a single production for reprising the role in its sequels The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions (both 2003).

He played John Constantine in Constantine (2005) and starred in the romantic drama The Lake House (2006), the science fiction thriller The Day the Earth Stood Still and the crime thriller Street Kings (both 2008). He made his feature-film directorial debut with Man of Tai Chi (2013). Following another commercially down period, Reeves made a career comeback by playing the titular assassin in the action John Wick film series (2014–present). He voiced Duke Caboom in Toy Story 4 (2019) and Johnny Silverhand in the video game Cyberpunk 2077 (2020) as well as its expansion. He also reprised his roles of Ted in Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020) and Neo in The Matrix: Resurrections (2021). Reeves reunited and toured with his band Dogstar in support of their first album in over two decades, Somewhere Between the Power Lines and Palm Trees (2023).

In addition to his career as an actor and musician, Reeves is the co-writer and creator of the BRZRKR franchise, which started with the original comic book (2021–2023) and since expanded to include numerous spin-offs, including the BRZRKR spin-off The Book of Elsewhere with China Miéville. An avid motorcyclist, Reeves is the co-founder of the custom manufacturer ARCH Motorcycle, and is a co-founder of the production company Company Films with his associate Stephen Hamel.

PLEASE WISH THIS LEGENDARY ICONIC CANADIAN ACTOR & MUSICIAN 🇨🇦🎶

IN ENTERTAINMENT IN ALL OF CINEMA 🎥

YOU KNOW HIM

YOU LOVE HIS MOVIES 🎥 YOU GREW TO ALL OF HIS GREATEST MOVIES 🎥

& THE LADIES CANT HELP BUT FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM.

THE ONE

& ONLY

MR. KEANU CHARLES REEVES 👨🏻 AKA NEO , THE ONE OF WARNER BROS PICTURES, THE MATRIX 🟢 & LIONSGATE PICTURES, JOHN WICK👨🏻 & PARAMOUNT PICTURES , SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG ⚫🦔 OF SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 🔵🦔

HAPPY 60TH BIRTHDAY 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈 🎁 🎊 TO YOU MR. REEVES & HERE'S TO MANY MORE YEARS TO COME #KeanuReeves #BillandTed #Speed #TheMatrixTrilogy #JohnWick #SonicTheHedgeHog #Ted #Neo #JohnWick #ShadowTheHedghog

[iris-writesx]

i found myself running home to your sweet nothings | gentlebeard

read it here or read it on ao3 <3

i wrote this entire thing in basically two hours when i was supposed to be sleeping… oops

there’s just something about them being all fluffy and domestic that actually drives me crazy omfg what i would give

title is from “sweet nothing” by taylor swift x

1.9k words — fluff, mild hurt-comfort, the intimacy of peeling your lover an orange

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

Stede didn’t like being bedridden. He felt at his best when he was up on deck with his crew, laughing and helping out and just — just being involved. He loved being Captain; he put in love where his crew was concerned, really really cared for them all. They were his family, really — his sea family, and he loved it. Stede put his all into the crew, and over the past few weeks they hadn’t really stopped; from the impromptu birthday party for Frenchie — who hadn’t actually known his birthday, so the crew had picked one at random — to replenishing the stocks, to the last few raids, and after all that they had ended up getting caught in a storm once they were back out in open waters.

So, he was feeling a little burnt out, if he was being completely honest. Not sick, just… tired.

It wasn’t helping that he had been feeling anxious for some time, a gnawing fearful buzz at the back of his mind, constantly, even when nothing was actually wrong.

Ed had noticed it — of course he had, his Ed was so perceptive. But, Stede supposed that it was a bit apparent when he had broken down in frustrated tears when he couldn’t find one of his cufflinks that morning. He had been so embarrassed, the image of his father in his mind scolding him for making a scene, for being childish. He had almost expected the same reprimand to come from Ed, for him to grow fed up or disgusted or, god forbid, found it funny.

But of course he hadn’t. It was Ed.

He had helped Stede undress, wiped his tears until he had calmed, and then coaxed Stede back beneath the covers of his bed with the promise of breakfast, and left their quarters.

Which is where Stede found himself, watching out of his bedside window as he awaited Ed’s return.

It really wasn’t a big deal. Everybody grew tired, they were pirates of course they did, but Stede trusted Ed — trusted him with his life — so he trusted his opinion, and was obedient enough to it to stay beneath the covers as he waited.

And he hadn’t actually been looking forward to the day, when he had lifted himself out of bed that morning and found that his head felt too-heavy, and his chest ached, and he felt like he might snap — which, he supposed he did over the blasted cufflinks.

His tears had long since stopped falling, and he did not want to cry again after Ed had spent so much time delicately wiping his tears and whispering sweet nothings to him, but his waterline burned at the thought of his behaviour that morning. If it had been anybody else, Stede would have forced himself to get on with the day, wouldn’t have let the tears fall, but it had been Ed.

Ed had a knack at breaking down his defences, crumbling them in his hands like one could crumble chalk.

“Stede, love, check this shit out,” his eyes had lifted to watch Ed knock the door open with his boot and stepped into the room, a tray in one hand and a mug in the other, and after he had bumped the door shut again with his hip, he made his way over to the bed with what he was carrying. “Nice fuckin’ breakfast today, Roach even had oranges! I know you love those,” the tray was settled on the little table he had by his bedside, and Stede leaned up enough to see the contents of his breakfast; toast, a bowl of oats with what looked like honey drizzled over the top, an orange, and a handful of nuts. “A breakfast fit for a King- or, s’pose, fit for a Captain.”

Stede looked back up at Ed, and the joyous expression on his face was enough for Stede to smile back. His happiness was just so contagious. Ed’s anger could brew storms, could swallow ships up whole into the depths below — he had seen it first hand on many occasions — but his happiness? It was unmatched. It made the air around him seem lighter, made life seem better.

It made everything that they had been through to get to that point worth it.

“You didn’t have to do all of that,” Stede spoke softly as Ed perched on the bed beside his legs, a hand falling atop the covers to stroke Stede’s thigh through the fabric. “It’s too lovely, darling.”

“Pssh, nonsense. I’m just serving my Captain,” Ed wriggled his eyebrows and coaxed a laugh from Stede. “Now c’mon, eat your oats, I’ll get started on cracking this fucker open.” He passed over the bowl of oats before he took the orange into his hands, and pierced the skin at the top with his thumb as Stede spooned the first mouthful of his breakfast between his lips.

“I thought Roach was using those to make a cake.” He mumbled around the food in his mouth as he gestured to the orange. Stede hadn’t felt hungry at all, but the oats settled nicely in his stomach, and he realised that Ed was probably better at taking care of him than himself.

“Oh, yeah he is,” Ed nodded, started dropping little pieces of orange peel onto the tray. “Had to sneak it out of the kitchen in my shirt, Lucius tried to take one before me and he got yelled at.”

“Ed!” Stede scolded, nudged his hip with his foot underneath the covers.

Ed looked amused more than anything, was smiling all hugely when he looked up and met his gaze. “What? Cake’s not gonna taste any fuckin’ different with one less orange, love,” he shrugged. “Would much rather make you happy with it, anyways.”

By that point the entire room smelled like oranges. It was refreshing, made him feel a little better as he took a deep inhale of the scent.

“Well, then I suppose I should say thank you,” Stede smiled at him, and leaned over to put his bowl back on the tray when he was done with it. “But if Roach asks, I had nothing to do with it. You can go down for that one yourself.”

Ed snorted a quiet laugh. “Blackbeard’s worst crime, the theft of a single orange,” he placed a slice of the fruit into Stede’s palm, before popping a second into his own mouth. “D’you think I’ll be drawn and quartered for it?”

An entertained smile was growing on Stede’s lips as he nodded his head. “Most certainly. It’s a very serious crime, I’ll have you know.”

“That makes you my accomplice,” Ed grinned as he passed him a few more slices of orange. “If I go down, you’re going down with me, mate.”

“What?” Stede asked, faux shock in his tone. “How am I your accomplice? I didn’t help you steal it.”

“No, but you’re doing a lovely job at getting rid of the evidence for me.”

Stede chewed the last orange slice, swallowed, before, “Well, it’s quite tasty evidence.”

“Face it, you’re a scoundrel just like I am.” Ed grinned at him, playfully squeezed his thigh through the covers, before he reached over to the tray and handed Stede one of the slices of toast.

Between them they finished the breakfast that Ed had so lovingly brought him, and by the time the last mouthful of his tea was swallowed, Stede really did feel better. He was still getting used to this — getting cared for out of something more than necessity. His father had only cared for him, if he could even call it that, because he was his son, and the crew only cared for him because he was their Captain. But Ed? He cared for him because he loved him. It had taken some time for Stede to get used to the idea, to push past the thought that perhaps it was all a rouse and he didn’t really care, but as Ed moved their tray aside and kissed his forehead, he really was starting to believe that he did.

“Alright, budge up, make room,” Ed kicked off his boots by the side of the bed, before he began poking at Stede’s side until he pulled a laugh from his chest. “Let me in let me in-”

“Okay okay, impatient much?” Stede laughed as he shuffled over enough for Ed to clamber into the bed beside him. It took a little bit of adjusting, but eventually they settled with Ed’s arm stretched out beneath their pillows, facing each other with Stede’s head laid upon his bicep through the pillow.

“How’re you feeling now?” Ed’s voice took on a much softer tone than he’d had at breakfast as he asked, and lifted his spare hand to stroke along his cheek lovingly. Stede keened into the touch, his eyelids fluttered, and part of him was surprised that he hadn’t simply started to purr like a kitten.

“Better,” he sighed out, felt the anxiousness of the morning leave his body with the sigh, and turned his head until he could delicately press a kiss against Ed’s wrist. For a moment he held it there, felt the drumming pulse beneath his lips, and couldn’t help but smile. “Much better. Thank you, darling.”

Ed shrugged, and leaned forwards until he could lay his own lips upon Stede’s forehead. “It’s no bother, I just want you to feel better.” He mumbled the words against Stede’s skin before he pulled away with an exaggerated puckering sound that left Stede breathing out a laugh.

“You smell like oranges.” He commented, nose crinkled fondly when he looked up the meet the warm brown depths of Ed’s eyes.

“Oh yeah?” He held an amused glint in his eye as he leaned forwards until there was no space between them at all, and pressed his mouth to Stede’s in a sweet kiss. “Well you taste like oranges.”

As if there was a point to be proven, Ed’s arm curled up from beneath the pillow and hooked behind Stede’s neck and brought him closer until he could kiss him properly, took his time with it; lips molding against his perfectly, tongue sweeping behind his teeth like he was actually trying to taste the orange slices that he had eaten, all heavy breaths and content little noises.

Stede was smiling so widely by the time he pulled away that his face almost hurt with it. “Well-” he huffed out, a little flustered — face hot with it — and he didn’t miss the little smirk across Ed’s lips at the sight. “Well, now we both taste like oranges, so really, I could just tell the authorities that you ate the evidence all by yourself, and I’d get off scott free.”

“Is that right?” Ed raised his eyebrows, and as he spoke his fingers had started stroking the back of Stede’s neck until he started to melt against the pillows. “You’d really turn me in?”

“Mm,” Stede hummed. “Imagine the reward I’d get for turning in Blackbeard.” He teased, laughed when Ed just rolled his eyes and leaned in to kiss him again.

Though, whilst he sank into the warmth of Ed’s embrace in their bed, he had no doubt that it was a much bigger reward that he had him all to himself.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

comments would mean the world <3 requests are open!

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Song of the Day - “Jokerman”

Happy 40th Birthday to Dylan’s great tune “Jokerman”, released October. 27th, 1983, on his “Infidels” album.

As decades have gone by, my favorite Dylan song has had to evolve, many times… and this was another time for that…

This song is just quintessential Dylan.

It has both political and biblical imagery it.

Dylan said he wrote it while down in the Caribbean… “Jokerman" kinda came to me in the islands. It’s very mystical. The shapes there, and shadows, seem to be so ancient. The song was sorta inspired by these spirits they call jumbis"

The music video created to accompany this song is filled with images of “jokers” - Hitler, Reagan, Ali, and artwork from Bosch, Durer, and Goya.

Just to burnish this song’s greatness, Dylan had some serious talent backing him - most impressively the two stellar guitarists Mark Knopfler and Mick Taylor. Also added was Dire Straits keyboard guy Alan Clark on organ.

The bass and the drums on it are played by reggae stars Robbie Shakespeare and Sly Dunbar of the reggae group Sly and Robbie, giving the tune a decidedly reggae vibe.

The track is a long one, over six minutes in length.

And after a long stretch of critics being less than adoring of his output, they all raved on this one… and it now makes every list of best Dylan.

Fellow artists raved also. Wyclef Jean said, it was "the most incredible piece of literature I ever read”

Dylan performed “Jokerman” on “Late Night With David Letterman” in early 1984 and this performance is now a legendary one. …being called by some as “blistering and righteous”. He sang backed up by a Latino punk band called the Plugz.

That performance has a story within it of a mishap - Dylan was handed a harmonica which was tuned in the wrong key… But the musicians involved all adapted beautifully, which is a bit of a Dylan thing. On the recording of this track for the album, Sly Dunbar remarked, “Bob Dylan always do songs in different keys, like, he’ll change three, four different keys in a song, and he will change the lyrics on the fly, so when we cut ‘Jokerman’ we recorded it and then we had a break overnight. Dylan came in the morning and said, ‘Oh, gentlemen, could you just run ‘Jokerman’ for me again?’ Nobody knew the tape was spinning; we were just running down the music and he said, ‘OK, that’s it’ — it was the take we didn’t know we were taking that he used.”

Maybe this style of Dylan’s is a metaphor for his career, which he has morphed and evolved over and over again.

“Jokerman” has been covered many times and by really varied artists…

I think a case could be made that “Jokerman” is the Dylanest of Dylan tunes… right now it remains my favorite...

[Mary Elaine LeBey]