#Had to make a separate post about this as I'm truly baffled

[mari-lwyd-fannibal-blog]

Someone please explain to me how people in this fandom are okay doing the classic dismissive rhetoric they are like brothers/sisters/siblings as way to dismiss queer ships in 2024? Especially about buddie. I could see QPR but they aren't "brotherly" please go back to 2000's with that nonsense. You don't have to ship it but BROTHERLY?

[cannot-decide-on-a-fandom]

https://www.tumblr.com/cannot-decide-on-a-fandom/754552911759114240/i-dont-think-ive-ever-seen-a-fanbase-talk-so

Your preaching to the choir on this. Especially on twitter where it happens soo much. And it’s so baffling. Like they refuse to accept people can actually learn and grow and do better. And it’s not like he never apologized. He has multiple times. And he’s proven that he’s learned from it and grown from it. And I really don’t think people like Aisha, or Angela would say the positive things they have and continue to say about him if he hadn’t. It was very clear at the time how the cast felt about what happened and in regards to him. And it’s like completely opposite vibes now. And then the way people will say they think he’s so hot and such a good actor and good dad and so brave for talking about his mental health but yet censor his name the entire time is like 💀💀💀💀💀 what are you even doing. You look goofy as hell saying R*yan. Like 💀💀😂

Honestly I try so hard to stay out of saying potentially controversial stuff about real situations (characters are a bit more...I obviously won't tag the character in negative stuff but it's fiction and all) but this has been baffling me and I'm glad some people agree. I just don't understand censoring for this reason most of the time anyway to be honest? Like I heard there was a time when people would censor Oliver's name so he wouldn't see their tweets because he apparently lurked (which is so funny, this is not an Oliver Stark appreciation post but from what I've seen I have to acknowledge that, that man is so funny) and that I get. If you try and censor a name to avoid people finding the post, okay sure.

But censoring problematic or supposedly problematic people's names has somehow morphed and become just an easy out for people who like to talk about someone who has done something wrong in their past (ie-is a human being) without needing to confront what them loving them must mean. Because it's either "I truly think this person is bad but I don't care enough to not talk about them" or acknowledging the fact that it's possible for people to have done fucked up stuff and still be good people after (which seems to be a foreign concept to some people, especially when it comes to celebrities)

If a post is about negative stuff a person did, you can censor it if you want but surely the context would give away you don't support them, and if it's positive stuff, then if you genuinely truly think "this person is a bad person" then buddy you're still fucking saying good stuff about the same person, just because there's an asterix in it doesn't mean you're not.

The only time I really get this type of censoring is if listing a group of people and you wanna make it clear that you're listing them for specificity alone. For example a group photo where one person is shitty, and you're trying to refer to that picture so you list all the people in it, and it's easier to make it clear you think someone in it is a shitty person without needing to write a separate explanation (which I would honestly never expect anyone to...ever have to but it's the internet)

Anyway, this ended up being way longer of a reply than I intended (and I've had a few drinks) but hopefully it made sense. I guess I'll just finish by saying it's bad for people using screen readers too so I sort of think the accessibility of "Hey blind people should be able to be online too" should probably trump "I want everyone to know I'm a good person by hating this guy who did something messed up 5 years ago" (or other instances of similar things)

[tc-doherty]

You reblogged that Fantasy Ask Game, right? I'm assuming, because you sent me one.

I saw your post about Silverwood and you threatening to never shut up. I am calling your bluff. For Silverwood: I know the answer to Hero will be insane. And I'm also going to Wizard you.

Have fun!

@unclear-contributions

I did indeed reblog it and, the consequences of this are entirely on your shoulders.

Before I get started I just want to say that there is nothing metaphorical, allegorical, symbolic, or referential in Silverwood to connect it to any events, people, cultures, or what have you on earth. Certain actions are the same as certain actions taken in real world history but my characters use them for the same reason the people in our history used them, because they work. It doesn't mean one side is representing any specific people.

I am also leaving out a lot of background and explanation but this is already plenty long enough. If you want more information about anything, feel free to ask because as I said, I truly am capable of never shutting up about this.

That being said, here we go!

HERO - What makes someone a hero in this world?

In order to understand what can make someone a hero in this world, I need to set the context a little bit. In brief, a few hundred years before the start of the story the Emperor of Sanirra (Human) desired the wife of Lord Sereman (Drezhein) and sent people to kidnap her. This sparked off a brutal and bloody war between the two races which ultimately ended in a humiliating defeat for Sanirra. However, although the war technically ended, the conflict between the two races never stopped.

So, then, who's a hero in this context?

The cool and calculating Empress Lyris is a hero to her people even though after the death of her first husband she formed an alliance marriage with the current First Lord of the Drezhein, Seilez. She had three children with him, but none of them ever saw the throne as two of them died in ~tragic accidents~ and the third vanished under mysterious circumstances. Her marriage did usher in a brief era of peace, mostly, between the two races and she encouraged Drezhein to move to Sanirra…while at the same time passing restrictive policies that controlled their behavior.

Lord Seilez is a hero to most of the Drezhein who practically worship him because he is incredibly charismatic and they think that he's about to usher them into a new era of prosperity and civility. They are willing to follow his lead when it comes to relations with Sanirra and with his prompting, many of them do move there, despite the increasingly more restrictive laws.

This notably does not work on Ithea because she was basically raised in a cult so she recognizes bullshit when she sees it, and was the only person who was even curious as to why he was working with Lyris on these obviously harmful policies. Unfortunately she is not a hero to anyone because although she did initially have the support of some of the oldest Drezhein who hate Seilez, her actions are erratic and baffling. Before her death she is the most hated person in both countries. It's only much, much later that people begin to understand what she was doing and why.

The human descendants of Empress Lyris are also heroes to their people as they continuously flexed control over Sanirra AND Cylli (with Seilez's help) creating policies designed to drive the Drezhein into extinction. They can't do it with military might but they can by disrupting their culture, separating them from their families and allies, suppressing their language, interfering with their reproduction, so on and so on.

Ro, who lived a quiet life during generations two and three, is considered a hero in generation four because she is the person who figured out how to break and modify the magical trackers that the Sanirran government was putting on the Drezhein to facilitate their control. (Her siblings are so proud of her, she finally became a true Silverwood by breaking the law. Ro is irritated by this, but like her adoptive mother Ithea before her, she was driven to act in order to protect her grandchildren).

And Rona is considered a hero for inciting the Drezhein to result and ultimately leading the charge to toppling the governments of both Sanirra and Cylli!

Taking a break from that conflict for just a second, Empress Tristira is also considered a hero to her people for killing her tyrannical father and restoring order to their country of Daemirra, but that's a whole other kettle of fish with a whole other multi-generational history.

So there's lots of conflict, and there are lots of heroes and villains on both sides!

WIZARD - Who is your favourite character in this WIP? Describe them!

Ithea is turning 20 this year! She's one of my favorite characters I've ever created, and has also been with me through the worst periods of my life. Even aside from that, she's just so much fun. She's complicated. She's arrogant, and she's violent, but she's also cunning and eloquent. She wants what she wants and she does everything to get it, but the things that she chooses to focus on make no sense to anyone else, and that's the way she likes it. She's incredibly glamorous, and also brutal and manipulative and unpredictable. I love her!

Aside from the obvious, I really do have a lot of feelings about Cyan Silverwood who, compared to the rest of her siblings, is not a particularly important character. She has intensely public persona styled somewhat after the glamour of her adopted mother, but she's a very private person and even her siblings don't know much about what she thinks about anything. Anthem and Ithea, one might say, were not particularly good parents. All of the other kids managed to move on and became well-adjusted and had families of their own. But Cyan ended up being put in a position in the past that she has never been able to move on from. After Ithea died, Anthem became increasingly violent and erratic. Cyan asked for help from other adults in their life but didn't end up receiving it and ultimately had to kill her father to protect her siblings. They don't know about that. No one knows about that. But Cyan was incredibly close to her father and although she did what she had to do, it's very difficult for her to live with it. We don't talk about her much but it doesn't mean I don't think about her a lot.

I also really love Ro because honestly she's just hilarious. She dropped out of school and ran away at 14, got married at 19, and lived her perfect little life with her farm and her community and her loving husband and their 10 kids, only to pick up the Silverwood mantle and commit treason much, much later in life. She honestly hates being connected to the Silverwoods. Although she likes her family, the fact that people always call her Ro Silverwood is a source of constant irritation. She just wants to leave her past behind her and be evaluated as her own person!

~Fantasy Ask Game~

[prophecydungeon]

not quite to the date (yet) but ten years ago i posted a fic that is somehow still sitting on the front page of results by kudos and by bookmarks for the most popular ship in the most popular fandom on AO3 and i still don't know how that happened.

like... really genuinely truly i don't know what kind of WILD perfect-storm-level shit was going on to make this happen. the original post got eleven whole notes here on tungle (yeah i checked lmao). i am not, actually, a very Doing Numbers blogger or writer, nor had i ever been, nor will i ever be. as far as i know, there wasn't any wildass six degrees of separation thing that happened where someone very Doing Numbers made it Do Numbers. i didn't "advertise" it or anything (ppl who make fic graphics and have a posting/rbing/rting schedule.. i could never lmao), i didn't post it on every site known to man, i didn't tag it to hell, i didn't really do anything. it just fucking happened. and it's still happening!!! and i am just so fucking baffled. how did this happen. why are there people making tiktoks about this fic in the year of our lord 2022. how??????

i have a lot of very complicated feelings about this fic, with a lot of them boiling down to just, like, brain chemicals being very stupid, and i know that logically it's just brain chemicals gone bad! but it's still hard to shake ten (10!) years of feeling like my growth in writing is being constantly undercut by this thing that's created its own gravity well to keep sucking in kudos and comments when just about everything i've written since has been Better™ (which again, logically, i know is untrue -- i write for fandoms now that are relatively VERY small lol so of course nothing is ever going to Do Numbers again like this)

this fic was something i wrote after a very difficult-to-process series of events, so it was complete and utter wish fulfillment and it felt so good to write. the flip side of this, which in retrospect really soured the fic for me, is that i tried my damndest to live out the life i wrote in this fic. i went to grad school for linguistics two years later and TA'd, Just Like The Fic. it was supposed to be great! and those turned out to be the two most miserable years of my life. maybe not specifically because i was trying to live a daydream, but that disparity didn't help (though my friends certainly did). so in a way, aeiw is this image of a failed dream -- i'm not in linguistics as a field, not even remotely, and i likely never will be; i don't want to ever go back to academia, even though i will likely need to get another masters (derogatory) in my current field at some point.

BUT. i promised that this is not a negative post so i will pivot here to say very genuinely that i am so, so grateful to all the friendships and good times this fic has brought me. thank you to all the people i met because of this fic or while writing it. thank you to everyone who's gotten to know me for totally different reasons/fandoms/etc and then been like WAIT A SECOND. (it's so funny, every time.) thank you to everyone who's ever left kudos and said a kind word. (i still get kudos emails nearly every day just for this fic.)

and thank you to the incredibly beautiful personal anecdotes people have left on this fic, holy shit. i have a folder in my email for those specifically. here are some excerpts from comments that made me tear up:

Hey, so...you probably don't still read comments on this fic because it's so old and so wildly popular*, but I hope you see this. [...] I just started my first year of University as a Linguistics major, and I know for a fact that I wouldn't have figured out what I wanted to study had I never read this fic. I've always had trouble with school, and struggled to find subjects that weren't wildly difficult or insanely boring-until Linguistics. Now, I'm excited to learn and pursue my degree-maybe even a master's eventually. I just wanted to say thank you for this sweet story that stuck with me for all of these years, and helped me find what I want to do.

*i do. i read every single comment. every single one.

[...] Reading this, I don't understand how anyone could say that you, the writer, did this alone and will only ever be alone for this story.** I mean, we're separated by computer screens, but I feel that I was transported into your story in a way that transcends what is expected of the written word. Maybe this is my biased opinion as someone who has grown up in a secondary orality culture, but I just had to let you know that this story was more than the written word is often perceived to be. If that makes sense. I felt like I was there, getting the story and so caught up that I couldn't stop reading. And you might not be the narrator, but you're essentially god and you breathed life into these characters and I'm so in awe of you. You make it seem so easy! What's worse is I know it's not, so here I am, seeing something unfold with what looks like practiced ease when I know just how much work you've put into writing to get you to this point. I'm so proud of you! And it feels silly to say but I am, and I wanted you to know. [...]

**this is one of the most incredible things anyone has ever said to me.

[...] I first read this a long time ago (at least 6 years) when I was really Going Through It and this fic - specifically Dean - really resonated with me.*** It gave me an inkling (pun intended) of hope. And it was the first positive representation of tattoos that I'd seen. I started planning tattoos I wanted soon after reading this, using them the way Dean does in this to identify the important and best things in my life and figure out how to represent them and always have them with me. I just got my third done and I love all of them. So thank you for the impact that you've had on my life, and for writing such a wonderful story.

***i was really Going Through It as well. i'm doing great now and i hope you are too.

thank you to past me for writing this fic and finishing something "long" (lol..... lmao). thank you to past me for writing unabashed wish fulfillment, something i would lose the capability to do for a long time (dw, i got it back). thank you to this fic for irrevocably fucking up my AO3 statistics.

so anyways, ten years on i'm doing great. new career. new gender. new fursona. i live in a super cool area. i got like seven anime figures of this one horrendous guy. my sick tattoos have gotten even sicker. here's a portrait of the author for good measure:

and here are some fun facts about the fic that idr if i've ever shared before:

the scene at the very end where cas goes to get tattooed by dean? my beta wrote that for me. yes, the whole scene. thank you.

i don't remember who it was that carried a bike up some stairs but i always hefted my bike up onto my shoulder when walking it up my outside stairs so i pictured whoever that was doing it too (and i still have that bike! i refurb'd it last year!)

i think i own every vinyl i mentioned... i think

i definitely own led zeppelin's entire discography on vinyl

i finally bought a pair of rough-faced amethyst plugs for myself, something like two years ago? took me a while to get there

that sex scene was in there because i felt like i "had to" include one lmaoooo i had no idea what i was doing and i've written way better p*rn since then

when i turned 24 i did actually listen to 4 + 20 by csny first thing in the morning

soooo much of the tattoo and piercing stuff was so fucking pretentious of me.... but really, be thorough when looking for piercers and tattoo artists, stay safe, there are a lot of great resources out there

i actually pretty legitimately don't like showing my tattoos irl just because people can be really annoying/weird but i also just enjoy wearing long pants and long sleeves lol

...also yeah i do dress Like That. unironically.

some things i have written since then that i am very proud of:

P vs NP, RvB

the more i run (the farther away it seems), destiny

quema, bleach

in the details (not the devil), haikyuu!!

apsidial precession, destiny

and so in conclusion........ thank you. but i'm still baffled.

[tyrorexdmzapp]

The lost recut plans

Rather than just repost all old content or be a complete echo of my other posting spots, I figure I could take a small break and reveal new- or rather, unused content.

While I'm still doing a recut or retelling of The Origami King (after Mario Story Fruit Shake, of course, which is being worked on right now), I had prepared plans between 2017-2019 in case I changed my mind about not doing TOK Recut and doing it after all. I had alluded to this when TOK was first revealed with my thoughts on the first trailer, and I did consider waiting until I published TOK Retold and its EX Story. However, as it's been over two years was released, and it could be a while before Retold alone is fully published, I thought I could explain now.

So two things to explain first. One, these plans were written before certain feedback on the Mario RPG Central server in 2020, regarding CS Recut and a pal of mine's own separate recut of TOK. Therefore, some specific critiques are not amended in the initial plans for Recut 3. Second, like how CS Recut followed on certain plot elements from the fantopic Paper Mario Wonder Journey, these Recut 3 plans proposed following on from Mario Story Fruit Shake, especially certain "sensitive" plot elements. However, Mario Story Fruit Shake hasn't finished being uploaded yet, and with them those plot elements. Therefore, I will not be able to explain everything right now, and may have to skim around certain details. Just know that certain characters and plots would have returned for Recut 3's main story.

Now onto the main event.

Since these plans were written before TOK was even announced, I took an educated guess on what the theme of Modern Paper Mario 3 might be. My guesses were space, data, crafts and or some kind of printer theme. The reason was I suspected the current creative team's (lacking) mindset had deluded them into truly thinking Toads were the only friendly Mario species, and so may want Mario to leave the Mushroom World in a future game to get around that. (Funny enough, Ubisoft's Mario + Rabbids Sparks of Hope would end up doing just that.) The printer theme, meanwhile, was in assumption the devs would double down on the rather unpopular literal paper world angle. In the end, we got origami, so at best, the crafts and printer idea may have been useable.

I also assumed Things would return as the be-all end-all mechanic to do pretty much anything in the game. These plans posited renaming Things to something else, and having them run off a tertiary stat to regulate use of them. I don’t think I ever got to that stage of brainstorming WHAT to call them, though. TOK itself did the really stupid thing (and not in an admirable way) of making Things bosses, and only giving one thing an actual creative design. No, I’m not taking that back- I think the Legion of Stationary was the worst move the devs could have made, rendered even more baffling by the much more creative and interesting Vellumentals, Handaconda, and especially King Olly. At the same time, though, TOK removed Things as a lock-and-key mechanic, letting the Vellumentals handle the work infinitely. (Wow- even in gameplay, the Vellumentals trounce the Legion). Along with the Legion getting redesigns for TOK Retold (except one member), the Thing idea didn’t make it into TOK Retold’s plans either.

Another gameplay change would be the return of CS Recut’s mark system, where enemies on different sides would fight each other in addition to Mario. Since TOK only had Olly as villain and there isn’t really room to add a whole other side in the main story, that idea didn’t make it into TOK Retold’s reformulated plans.

Last on the pure gameplay side would be an EX Story, like what CS Recut got in reimagining Bowser’s role. There were three candidates for it- Perry (an individualized yet composited Goomba from various Paper Mario games), Luigi, or Peach. TOK itself has no alternate playable characters, merely explaining where Luigi was before he performs certain key functions, and Peach…she was not done justice in any sense of the word in the game, despite the entire reason the game was developed the way it was stemming from a dream one of the devs had. Regardless, while TOK Retold will have an EX Story, it won’t be for those three, especially Perry (due to the fantopic intending to follow yet push back more against the restrictions). Luigi does get intermissions, though, and Peach’s role is greatly expanded at least.

Next time, I'll talk more about what was in the pre-2020 plans for Recut 3.

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

First I gotta say that I love you and your work, it's incredible and I enjoy every post✨

My brother said that Qui-Gon and Luke are grey jedi and that Luke has a red lightsaber as backup or something like that. And I'm looking at him with mad side eye and just wanted to ask your opinion on it?

❤️❤️❤️ Aaaaaw, so sweet!!!!

... Wait, Luke has a red lightsaber? *furious typing* Ah, yes. It’s in like three Legends books, and therefore worthless. 

Just kidding - but here lies the first problem. What continuity is your brother even working with? Because you cannot - and I will die on this hill even though it’s just basic common sense, cannot - attempt to reconcile the Legends EU and Lucas’ vision for Star Wars into one cohesive universe. The characters don’t work, the themes don’t work, the timelines don’t work, the ideas don’t work. 

Here is a bit of an explanation on why I believe that to be the case, and the quotes backing it up, but basically, Lucas, Filoni and LucasFilms all confirmed that the extended universe was not to be considered on par with the movies and TCW in any way. I’m not saying this to criticize the EU itself, or to say people don’t have a right to find it immensely entertaining/meaningful. I’m saying this to explain why you cannot take pieces of the EU (yes, even the old EU) to try and contextualize the movies - unless Lucas/somebody on the creative team of a piece of ‘higher’ canon expressly admitted to having taken something directly out of Legends.

Now, is there such a thing as a “Grey Jedi” in the movies, or TCW? No, there isn’t, but we’ll come back to that. 

The second problem is the very definition of Grey Jedi. Depending on who you ask, what decades-old Legends book you go on from, Grey Jedi are either individuals capable of using both the Dark and the Light, or simply rogue Jedi. 

Breaking it down case by case: I - Are Luke or Qui-Gon rogue Jedi? II - Do Luke or Qui-Gon use both the Light and the Dark?

I (A) - Qui-Gon is characterized as a bit of maverick, but he is by no means a complete outlier to the Jedi. I’ll just drop these two very interesting posts here and here that are a bit off-topic but make some great points about Qui-Gon loving the Order and definitely identifying as part of it.  We get many, many instances of the Council itself approving of him. They overrule Yoda’s vote to not have Anakin trained, they still assign Qui-Gon very important missions like the one to Naboo, and they don’t pull him out of said missions when Qui-Gon shows up with a random kid he claims to be the incarnation of the Force itself. That is indicative of a high degree of trust, to say the least - so you can say that he is ‘rogue’ in the sense that he used to eff off to wherever to do his own stuff, but he never claimed to be anything other than a Jedi, he never left the Jedi, and he never criticized the Order in the movies or TCW (yes, you can check - he never once directly says anything about them being wrong for not doing things his way; just that he will do what he feels he must.)

"Tu-Anh was something of a maverick. Much like my own master, Qui-Gon Jinn. She would disappear for long periods, conducting rogue investigations. Her activities often unknown to even the Council." ―Obi-Wan Kenobi, to Jen June on Tu-Ahn[src]   

So yeah, rogue somewhat, but still a Jedi Master, trusted to the point that they would have had him on the Council had he chilled a bit. 

He also never does anything in the movies that sets him apart as oh-so-different from his fellow Jedi. Arguing with the Council? Everybody does that. Anakin does, Obi-Wan does, Yoda does, Ahsoka does, the younglings do - they argue with Obi-Wan in the Ilum arc. Being compassionate/nice to people? Check out the Disappeared, two entire episodes that have Mace befriending Jar Jar Binks. Here’s a list of instances of the Council being incredibly nice. Here, here and here is Mace being kind and compassionate. Qui-Gon liking Anakin? Here’s the Council and Anakin bantering. Here’s Yoda caring about Anakin. 

Again, Qui-Gon wanted Anakin trained as a Jedi, and trusted his straight(er)-laced Jedi Padawan with it in the end. There is nothing in the movies or the show saying Qui-Gon was completely separate from the Order, or in radical opposition to them.

I (B) - Luke is the Order reborn, so he cannot be rogue, as the only thing he can measure himself against is himself. There is no longer a standard to be rogue in comparison to. Considering the state of the galaxy when he becomes a Jedi, Luke simply cannot function in the same way the Jedi who came before him did, but that doesn’t say anything about a rejection of the values of the PT Order. What it means to be a Jedi - being kind and compassionate, being in control of yourself, seeking peace before violence - is embodied by Luke. Furthermore, Luke loves Yoda and Obi-Wan - the quintessential Jedi characters - deeply, and finds much of his identity in being a Jedi. 

“I am a Jedi, like my father before me” would be a really weird line if Luke actually meant “but like, not a Jedi like those Jedi. I’m a me-Jedi. A not-like-them-Jedi.”

I can’t make this into a Luke meta, because it’d be too long, but I don’t get the idea that Luke could represent a rogue Jedi when, at the time of his creation, he was the one and only embodiment of an active Jedi Knight we got to see. Like, what were we supposed to compare him to to determine he was rogue/doing things ‘better’? 

Luke’s story is about becoming a Jedi and getting his father to become a Jedi again as well. That story makes little narrative sense if he’s supposed to be defined in opposition to the rest of the Jedi (that, at this point in time, we didn’t know) as instead of being defined as one. 

And again, the Jedi of old display just as much compassion and kindness as Qui-Gon or Luke.

-

II - No, Luke and Qui-Gon don’t use both the Dark Side and the Light, because that’s literally not how the Force works - and don’t take my word for it: here’s Lucas explaining it in details. You don’t get to do both. The Dark is selfishness. You can’t be selfish and selfless and the same time. You can’t crave power and holding innocent people’s lives as more important than even your own.

The words “light side” were never uttered in the movies and only really appear in the Mortis arc, and I dare anyone to claim they truly understand everything about it beyond “it’s a microcosm of the Galaxy/the whole Star Wars saga.” The Jedi never claim adherence to a “light side,” they say they seek balance. The idea that balance is 50% evil and 50% good is baffling to me and I blame the SWTOR video games and their in-game mechanics. (Look, if I pour 50% poison into my sugar when I’m making a cake, everybody is still dead in the end. And if I slaughter only half of the people I’ve got it for and forgive the other half, I’m still creating that many circles of hatred and revenge.)

-

Finally - if Luke or Qui-Gon were meant to be “Grey Jedi” Lucas would have called them that. It’s not the case. It’s not anywhere in the movies or TCW, hence, it’s not what he intended. They can be interpreted this way, but it’s still not what the movies where trying to say. 

[retvenkos]

not asking you who you'd ship me with in the grishaverse because at this point everyone on tumblr knows the answer to that probably (though any chance of getting more of your wonderfully divine headcanons about matthias & I is a chance I gleefully take), but since you are shipping everyone I have to tell you that I've been thinking about Mal & you together for a little while. I just see it so clearly??

I think you'd have a relationship quite like Alina and Mal's, except healthier and less dramatic lol. but Mal is the epitome of friends to lovers and to me you embody exactly that. you're not the unbridled fury that enemies to lovers can be nor the bittersweet inevitability of soulmates, but really this idea of familiarity and comfort that you only unlock after spending a lot of time with a person, probably in childhood. Mal would represent exactly that to you: home, family, and love, and you're not really sure how or when you realize that it's not the same love you used to feel at Keramzin, that your feelings have shifted in the most terrifying yet beautiful way, but they have.

so in this scenario if you are Grisha, you get tested and your powers found out and you get sent to the Little Palace and your goodbyes with Mal are probably the most tearful moment Ravka has ever seen. You're holding on to Mal for dear life because he's really your family and you don't want to leave him behind, they're taking you to an unknown place without him, and you're so scared - but Mal tries to hold it all together because he has to be strong for you, and promises he will write to you every day and you will never truly be separated because he'll find you when he's older and strong.

(as soon as the carriage leaves he locks himself in the dormitory and cries all evening on his bed because your absence is so loud in these silent halls)

Inevitably years pass as you continue your training and Mal's letters become more scarce - sometimes you're the one who forgets to reply for a whole month, sometimes it's him - until you're not in touch anymore but you don't forget him, you never do, and you dream of him so often and all the words you wish you could tell him but never got the courage to

Until one day, almost a decade later, he is received at the Grand Palace for a particularly triumphant feat of his (Mal, always the hero) and the King wants to meet the First army soldier everyone is talking about, and you happen to run into him as he's trying to find his way to the audience room (because how stupidly huge are these Os Alta palaces, really?) And you literally can't believe your eyes.

so you'd be getting the childhood friends to lovers reunited after losing contact for many years which is TOP TIER romance

and Mal has changed obviously but not so much, and so have you; and he's taken aback by your beauty in your purple Kefta, and suddenly all the petty and insulting stereotypes about the Second Army he used to joke about with his regiment friends leave his mind because Saints - who needs a Sun Summoner when you're glowing like all the stars in the sky?

you'd quickly fall back into your common habits because they never left you, they're second nature at this point - Mal has basically forged your personality from the youngest age and you have his, and you fit together so perfectly

he'd be assigned to a more permanent post in Os Alta thanks to his prowesses in battle, maybe as the King's personal guard, meaning you'd get to spend so much time together

People would raise eyebrows at the sight of a couple between the two rival armies, but you don't care one bit - your love for Mal runs in your blood much deeper than arbitrary oppositions based on foolish pride.

If you're not Grisha, I don't think you'd join the First Army; war is probably not for you. I think your paths would separate too when he joins the Army and you leave the orphanage with what little money you saved over the years (sneaking out of Keramzin and reciting or singing your poems on the streets for a little bit of coin, or selling the meat and fur Mal would hunt for you) to move to a bigger city and try to do something with your life. You could be an artisan, or another kind of shopkeep! I can see you being manually gifted and creative, so you'd probably have an artsy business in the capital, like pottery or tapestry or painting on porcelain or something of the sort

and once again Mal is called to Os Alta probably for the same reasons - he just can't help distinguishing himself in combat, can he? - and he steps into your shop by total chance, and he's like. Olive???? Since when do you do sculptures???? And you're like. Malyen Oretsev???? Since when are you taller than me????

(Though the sculpture part doesn't surprise him that much, because you were always so creative and gifted in the arts, and he's always admired you so much for it.)

(But the TALL part??? ok, you are short, but you left him when he was like, thirteen and he was Not That Tall. how can your forever friend have grown that tall so fast???)

And so you ALSO get the long-lost childhood friends rekindle and fall back in love trope because my heart goes mushy for it ❤

your dynamic would be on point, because Mal knows you better than anyone and so he can read you like an open book. Either when he needs to find the teasing comment that will get you all riled up, or when he senses your discomfort or sadness and has to find the words to cheer you up.

You'd just make so many sweet memories with Mal, and he'd be down for every single thing you want to do as long as he gets to spend time with you. Want to be rambunctious on the streets of Os Alta and pull pranks on passerbys like you are 8 again? Yep, can totally do that. Feel like breathing in the fresh air of the wilderness and getting out of town to see a beautiful sunset, like you would in Keramzin? Of course! Just want to chill together doing your own thing and relishing in each other's presence? Absolutely.

he loves when you read to him, whether that be a book you own or a story straight from your imagination that you just wrote, and he's absolutely mesmerized by your voice and how much emotion you put in it. (though he can't help himself from making little jokes every now and then or trying to guess what will happen next in the story because he's what my mom calls a Culo Inquieto™)

you'd generally be such a cute couple who never lost that mischievous but oh so comforting and familiar spark from when you were kids, and is willing to stay with the other through thick and thin. you've found your other half in each other and I'm so soft for that. 💜💜

sorry I rambled but I just think that idea is so cute and you deserve a ship! (also, don't even get me started on the Chaos BFF Duo you would make with Jesper...) my head is killing me so I won't write any more but just know I hold this ship in extremely high regard. <3

clara, i will have you know i waited until i got ice cream in order to read this, because i knew it would be an experience™ and now, i,,, 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i'm so goddamn soft, how dare you make me yearn????

you mean to tell me you came up with all of this... for me? you think of ships for me??? how—how dare? how dare you be such a good friend, to the point where i am baffled by your kindness??? how dare you be this thoughtful and poetic,,,,,,, and just, big brained, ma'am.

because all of this is so perfect!!!! ohmygod i'm soft. i'm in love. everytime you write a ship or fanfic, i sincerely wish i was a romantic like you so i could have a proclivity toward fathoming such soft romantic scenes,,,,, you, clara, know how to do a ship™.

(also, i have to say i love the childhood friends torn apart, only to come back together,,,, it has laughter lines by bastille energy,,,, listen to this song and tell me it doesn’t have the same vibes that that very specific and heartwarming trope,,,)

but, since you gave me such a beautiful gift, and since i would do anything for you, here are some more headcanons for you and matthias:

first of all, i think that you and matthias would spend a lot of time finding the beauty in small things. i think that it would be good for him, since he’s reevaluating who he is and his place in this grand world, and i think since you’re a romantic, small things would be important to you both.

— for example, you guys definitely star gaze together. it’s hard, since you are in ketterdam and the smoke is impossible to see through, but maybe you guys leave ketterdam for a while, and you spend a lot of time looking up at the stars. matthias loves to learn about everything you know, and repositioning himself underneath the sky is a good start to figuring out who he is. 

— you also like to sit by the water and talk. there’s something about the water that pulls memories from you both. matthias talks about what it was like, far away, in his little village before the drüskelle. (i get the feeling his dad was a fisherman or something,,,, the vibes are there), and you get to talk about people you once knew, dreams you once had. point is, you do a lot of talking - swapping stories and hopes.

— oh! another idea i can’t get out if my head is that matthias asks you so many questions. i feel like it’s a sign of real love and trust, when matthias starts asking you questions, because you have to be like,,, level 50 in order for matthias to admit weaknesses, and one of his biggest is that there’s so much he just doesn’t know. i think you also get really good at just,,,, telling him stuff so that he doesn’t have to ask, and he really just appreciates it.

i also just love the idea of matthias giving you to strongest hugs, or tbh, just holding you, and it’s all because he’s the big, strong one™! you know he’s got a protector complex, so that kind of feeds into his hugs,,, just that intense need to protect you, but also, he’s deathly terrified of losing another person he cares about, so he clings. (but only when you’re alone. the drüskelle in him is too Proud, but if you hang onto him in public,,,, he’s not complaining, just getting used to it)

okay, but i got a little bit ahead of myself, because i didn’t even talk about when you guys first meet, and the whole dynamic that is that™

— so, clearly, you are bffs with nina, whether your a grisha or not, and since i want fluff oNLY we’re just going to pretend like helnik didn’t happen,,,,,, they’re just friends. anyway, she’s the first one to pick up on your feelings for matthias because a) heartrender, and b) you two are the best of friends, and she just knows.

— and so you know a lot of teasing ensues, and almost everyone gets in on it and constantly makes jokes about you and matthias,,,, sometimes while he’s right. there. you’re Mortified But Coping™ and you can’t imagine what is going on through matthias’ head, because there’s no way he can feel the same, right?

— wRONG, we’re all idiots when we’re in love, and no one is more of an idiot than matthias. he is definitely ~soft~ for you but refuses to let it show because (1) the dregs are crass and he doesn’t want to give them fodder, and (2) you seem very uncomfortable about this whole thing, and he doesn’t want to make it worse

after some time, the teasing dies down, because both of you are too boring to tease. it would be funny if one of you freaked out, but you’re just,,,, suffering in silence. boring. and besides, inej and kaz are way more funny to tease. have you seen the murder in both of their eyes whenever you mention anything??? scary, but golden.

for the most part, the jokes die off, and i think after the jokes stop, you and matthias become much more comfortable with one another, and it leads to so! many! good! moments! 

— did i ever tell you matthias is in love with your stupid humor? your enchanting laughter? you’re so infectiously light and it makes him feel like he’s walking on clouds or something,,,,, he’s enchanted by you, but doesn’t have the words to explain it. 

— you know he remembers all of the little things his dad used to say about his mom,,,, and he feels all of that awed respect and soft warmth for you, but what to do with it???? he can’t really remember what his parents would do - it’s been so long and cold without them, but he tries to remember, and it’s the little things he does. he’ll tell you something really sweet in fjerdan and you’re just like ??? but it doesn’t translate super well, so you’re just left with the way he said it, and it means the world (plus, if you really get the courage, you can ask nina to explain it,,,, fair warning though, she scoffs at it every time. because it’s fjerda, alright?)

— you definitely end up reading him some poetry. it’s all under the guise of him ‘learning about the beauty in other cultures’ but really, it’s just an excuse to read him romantic shu poetry (they really know how to do it, let me tell you). and you also end up telling him stories about your childhood and your life, and he finds your rambling so adorable. especially since he has seen your work on paper! he finds it so sweet that your mind is so full of life that it wants to go everywhere at once, and experience every possible detail.

— you definitely end up showing matthias his way around ketterdam, and he keeps all of your hastily drawn maps, and whenever he goes past a street corner, he remembers the way your eyes sparkled in the light of the streetlamps.

i definitely have the feeling that you confess your feelings first. matthias has been trying to get the courage to do it, but he just can’t, and one day you tell him late at night - when, for just a moment, the world is still and quiet, and you can’t hold in all that warmth in your chest. you’re a little shy about it, but so is he, and when he hears you confess, all he can do is smile, because you have all of the confidence and strength he wishes he had. and all that courage laced in his chest, he’s learned it from you.

that’s ll i got for now, but i believe in clara x matthais supremacy.