#HEY TEAM I MADE MYSELF SAD

[theverystrangegirl27]

. ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁

I'd Tell Them Put Me Back In

. ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊

Summary: Daniel, being just a week away from leaving for war, devotes your body and soul to memory.

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, praise kink, light breeding kink

Daniel makes love to you like you're something holy, something divine. He carves his hips into yours, cradling your head so your face is tucked up into his neck.

He lives for the soft, wet gasps for breath you let out as he buries himself inside of you.

Daniel kisses your temple.

“I know, pretty girl, I know.” He coos, sweet as ever.

“Danny,” you whimper, mouth hanging open around sharp, breathless pants.

Daniel shushes you, thrusting deeply.

“Feel so good, made f'me, angel.” He grunts, teeth grit as he moves to press his forehead to yours.

“Look at me, Y/N, c'mon baby.”

You try, eyelids fluttering as they struggle to stay open. His pretty blue eyes have you captivated, and you roll your hips to meet his next thrust.

He smiles, lazy and loving.

“There she is, there's my girl.”

You feel too fucked out to respond verbally, flushed pink all the way down to your chest. All you can do is lock your arms around his neck and pull Daniel down for a sloppy, uncoordinated kiss.

He groans into it, lost in the very sensation of you. If he could, Daniel would make a home for himself between your legs, a place of worship in the spread of your hips. God made you for him, the dip of your waist fitting perfectly into his hands.

Your cunt pulses around him, and you let out a beautiful high cry that sounds like a chorus of angels welcoming him home.

“Fuck,” He moans into your neck, his hips working faster. “God almighty, baby, fuck!”

Your legs are wrapped around Daniel, keeping him pressed tight against you, and you stroke his hair as he chases his own orgasm.

“Please, Danny, I want it,” you whisper, voice trembling and soft as his hips begin to stutter. “Give me your baby, please, please -”

“Y/N-” Daniel gasps, breathing hard as he fills you up. You moan happily, kissing across his face as he catches his breath, hips stilling as he presses into you as deeply as he can.

With another soft moan, he rests his head in the crook of your neck, kissing the sweat-salty skin there. Daniel's hands hold your waist, gentle and kind, as you both take a moment to collect yourselves.

You watch his face, how his eyelashes flutter across his cheek bones, the way his lips part. You stroke Daniel's back, fingernails raising goosebumps in their wake.

“I don't want you to go.” You say softly.

He lifts his head, eyes immediately softening when they meet yours.

Daniel reaches up, cupping your beautiful face in both hands.

“You know I have to.” He says, though you can tell it pains him to say it. You nod, smiling though it doesn't reach your eyes.

“I know.”

He leans in to kiss you. Daniel's so gentle with you, like you're the most precious thing he's ever had the privilege to hold. You know he'll make a fantastic father when he comes home.

If he comes home.

That thought makes you tear up a little, and you sniffle as he pulls away.

“Hey,” Daniel soothes, wiping away the lone tear falling down your cheek. “Hey, pretty girl, none a’ that now.”

“I'm sorry,” you whimper, embarrassed but so scared for your man you can't help it. “Just, what if something happens and you're all alone and I can't-”

“Y/N,” He interrupts gently. He strokes your cheeks with his thumbs. “I'm gonna do my best to come back to you, honey.”

Daniel kisses you briefly before continuing.

“I promise you that.”

You nod, looking up at him with those pretty tears stained eyes that drive him wild. He can't help but kiss you again.

“‘Sides,” He says with a small smile. “S'long as I got the good Lord on my side, I think I'll be just fine.”

You smile back, fingers going to the golden cross dangling from the chain around his neck.

You bring it to your lips, pressing a kiss to the heated metal.

“I love you, Danny.”

Daniel gathers you up in his arms, his softening cock pulling out of you as he rearranges you both. Once you're lying on his chest, he kisses the top of your head.

Staring up at the ceiling, he thinks about the future, how he'll be halfway around the world by next week.

“I love you too, angel.”

[stargiirl27]

“Even in a scary place like this, Charlie makes me feel safe.”

[heyjudeb]

I'm proud of you - Jude Bellingham

Summary: Comforting sad and defeated Jude after England's loss. Warning: Sad moment, comforting Words: <1k

The referee blows the final whistle.

It was over. England lost. It all happened too quickly. Spain scoring in the last minutes didn't even give us time to process the situation.

I was sitting in the stands with Jude's family. We all shed a tear once the Spanish players started celebrating. Seeing Jude go off to the bench and kick something was a heartbreaking yet scary sight for me. Instantly, I knew that was going to be a sight for the media.

He's not like that at all. He just really wanted this win. With people being all over him, critiquing him, he really wanted to prove them wrong, to make England proud. I couldn't be more proud of him, though. He achieved amazing things in this competition.

As I watched him from afar, I wished I could just run down and hold him, tell him it was okay. I knew how much he had invested in this tournament, how much he had sacrificed. His dedication and his passio were the qualities that made him extraordinary. Those were the reasons why I fell in love with him.

Feeling an overwhelming urge to be closer to him, I excused myself from his family and made my way down to the lower stands, closer to the field. As I approached the edge, I saw Jude pacing back and forth, his frustration evident in every step. When he finally noticed me, our eyes locked. He hesitated for a moment, then walked over.

With his help, I crossed the barrier and immediately fell into his arms, holding his head tightly into my neck. I could feel him shaking from all the emotions he was going through.

"I messed up," he muttered, his voice muffled against my shoulder.

"No, you didn't," I said firmly, my hand gently running through his hair. "You were incredible, baby. You gave it your all." He pulled back slightly, his eyes filled with tears. "It wasn't enough. It wasn't fucking enough." "Hey," I cupped his face gently, putting my forehead against his. "Listen to me. You were amazing out there. You fought so hard, and everyone saw it."

He didn't know what to say. I could see he wanted to let go of everything he was feeling, but the words wouldn't come.

"Just stay calm, baby," I tried to comfort him, reminding him that losing is part of the game and keeping his composure is important. "You can use this to come back even stronger."

I knew my words might not have a big impact on him in that moment. It was all still raw and fresh for him, so I simply held him tighter in my arms. He pulled back slightly, his eyes still glistening. "I have to go, baby. They're going to do the ceremony."

"I know," I said softly. He kissed my forehead.

"I'll meet you afterwards," I told him, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

He nodded, giving me one last look before turning and walking towards his teammates. As I walked up the stands to where his family was, I felt a mix of pride and heartache.

After England had their moment, Jude walked up to us and hugged his family. They all expressed how proud they were of him, trying not to show any sadness in front of him.

He sat down with his head low. I gently lifted his chin, earning a small, faint smile from him.

"I'm sorry for disappointing you guys," he managed to say to them.

I sat on his lap, holding him close to my chest. It pained me to see him like this, unable to erase his sadness.

"You never disappoint us, Jude," his mom reassured him, holding his hand tightly.

I arrived at my hotel room feeling exhausted and heartbroken for Jude. He had to return to the hotel with the team. There was nothing I wanted more than to have him in my arms and try to ease his sadness, even just a little. I was about to get into bed after finishing my nighttime routine when I heard a faint knock on the door. I opened it to find Jude standing there, his shoulders slumped and a tired look on his face. "They told me it's okay," he said quickly, grabbing my hand and leading me to the bed.

He took off his shirt and sweatpants and collapsed onto the bed, pulling me with him. His head immediately rested on my chest as he hugged me tightly.

"It's going to be okay, baby," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his head and kissing his forehead repeatedly. "These bad feelings will pass, trust me."

I ran my fingers through his hair, knowing it helped him relax and fall asleep. I kept kissing his forehead and cuddling him until I felt his grip around my waist loosen slightly, indicating he had fallen asleep.

"You'll always be my champion, baby," I whispered softly." I love you so much, Jude Bellingham."

[homestylehughes]

kiss it better

pairing(s): jack hughes x fem!reader

summary: jack's injury takes a toll on his and y/n's relationship, when tensions come to rise. emotions get the best of them and, feelings are hurt and tears fall. but that's nothing a little kissing or more can fix.

warnings: smut 18+ (idk what happened..), lots of angst, emotional reader and jack. cussing, fluff, cuteness, use of pet names and y/n.

wc: 3k

authors note: hi my little loves!! i'm back with another jack fic... no surprise! BUT this is my second back to back upload. look at me. i wrote all of this in one day, BOOM. anyways! this one was a little emotional to write, i'm trying my hand at writing angst, i love angst. i wasn't going to write smut but HEY IT JUST HAPPENED LOL. so hopefully you guys enjoy!! reblog and like if you enjoy <3 as always much love!!

happy reading <3

The devils had a rough year, everyone knew it, with their season ending in a heartbreaking way. 

Jack had an even tougher year, his season being filled with 2 injuries that led his season to end early, so he could undergo shoulder surgery. We all knew this was coming, it was only just a matter of time.

This time it hit Jack harder than the times before, he felt like he let his team, fans, and family down. 

Resting and recovering wasn't something Jack liked to do, he’s always been a go go go person, always doing something, always on the ice. 

 Jim and Ellen went with him to Colorado for his surgery, I stayed back and waited for his arrival back to Jersey. When he arrived back from Colorado from his surgery on Saturday, everything was fine. The first few days had been pretty easy for Jack, sleeping for most of the time. Only getting up to eat, shower, with my help and take his meds. 

He had been home for a week before tensions in our home started to rise. 

I woke up to a loud noise coming from the kitchen I think, rubbing my eyes quickly. As I lifted up out of bed, I turned to Jack's side of the bed, to see that he's not there. 

Quickly slipping on my slippers I make my way down stairs, to see Jack in the kitchen trying to fix himself a bowl of cereal. As I make my way further into the kitchen I see that the milk is spilled all over the counter on the floor, with the bowl also on the floor broken into pieces. 

I hear Jack mumbling words under his breath that I can't quite make out, but I'm assuming none of them were things I wanted to hear. 

Jack spots me before I even open my mouth to speak. “Shit i'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to wake you up,” he says, looking at me. 

“ I just wanted to make myself breakfast, but I can't even do that.” His head hung low as speaks. I could hear the sadness in his voice. 

“Jack it's okay, I promise” I say, making my way towards him. “Let me clean this up, and then I'll make you something, okay?” 

“NO!” Jack says loudly, the raise of his voice catching me off guard. “No, I can clean up my own mess. I made it.” 

Taking a deep breath, trying to choose my words carefully, I can already feel the tension in the room rising. 

“At least let me help,” I said quietly, not wanting to upset him. “I don't need your help y/n.” Jack says aggressively, “you've been helping and taking care of me all week.” he says as he turns to grab a towel to clean up the spilled milk.

I stood there in shock, Jack had never talked to me like that before. Anger and sadness ripe through my body. My head is telling me to fight back, but my heart is telling me not too. 

Im hot on his heels, following behind him, “jack.'' I called out his name, his back turned to me, as he began to clean up the mess. I get no response, “Jack'' I say again but a little bit louder this time, which still doesn't get a reaction from him.

My head is beginning to win, now wanting to fight back. I go to grab the towel out of his hands, throwing it in the sink behind me. Grabbing his hip, to turn him towards me so I can look at him. 

His eyes are locked on the ground, not looking at me. “Jack.” I try again for the third time. “Talk to me, what's going on?” softly saying to him, bringing my hand to his chin to lift his face up, to look at me. 

Jack is quick to rip his face from my hand, “i don't want to talk” he says looking straight at me now. Tears of anger, sadness, frustration swimming around in his eyes. “I'm going to clean up my mess, and you’re not going to help, leave it alone.” he says sternly at me.

My eyes are beginning to fill with tears of my own, not wanting to cry in front of him, not wanting to speak and argue with him to make the situation worse. I nod at him and make my way out of the kitchen, tears falling on my face as soon as I do. 

I just wanted to help him, be there for him, he needs someone right now even if he won't say it. I know this is hard on him, mentally and physically, but that doesn't make his actions okay.

All of these thoughts are running through my head as I make my way to our shared bedroom.  Making my way to the closet, deciding to start getting ready for the day, there's no way I'll be able to sleep after this. 

Tears are still falling on my face, I want to go back down there and say something, help him, talk to him, give him a hug. Do anything that I can for him, but I know he doesnt want that right now, he made that very clear. The situation is already tense enough. 

While getting ready for the day, I decided to give Jack space today. It seems to be what he wants from me right now. The tears have stopped falling for now, but my thoughts and feelings haven't stopped wandering.

I hear Jack enter our room, as I finish up my makeup, my body instantly tenising up, taking a deep breath I make my way out the bathroom. Grabbing my jacket, my back turned to him, there's so many things I want to say to him but I keep them to myself. 

I can feel Jack making his way closer to me, his front facing my back, his hand sliding on my waist. 

“Baby” he quietly says, the sound of his voice making me nervous. Taking a deep breath, I turn to face him, my eyes beginning to water again. Our eyes locked, I can tell he's been crying. I want to reach out to him, but i don't, scared of his reaction. 

Jack's hand is still on my waist, pulling me slightly closer to him. I'm the first to speak, I can't handle the silence anymore. “I'm going to run a few errands, I'll be back in a few hours. Text me if I need anything "I say softly, looking at the ground.

“I want to talk” Jack speaks again, I internally scoff at him, so now you want to talk. 

“I don't want to talk to you right now jack.” I say, making my way towards the bedroom door. Jack followed behind me, “that's a little childish don't you think? walking away, when i'm trying to talk to you” he says a little louder this time.

Anger is flowing through my veins, hot angry sad tears are now falling down my cheeks. “You don't get to speak to me like that.'' I say a wip my body around to face him. “You don't get to decide when we talk, or when I want to talk to you! '' I say with a voice full of venom. “You didn't want to talk 45 minutes ago, when I tried to talk to you. So yes jack, I am walking away. I have things to do. I don't want to be around someone who treats me like shit when I’m trying to be there for them” 

My voice is losing its battle of being strong, my emotions are winning, as my voice begins to trail off. I'm not stopping there, quick to cut off jack as he opens his mouth. 

“Actually, we are going to talk now.” I say, throwing my jacket on the ground. “I am trying my best to be the best I can for you right now. As much as you won't admit it, you need me right now, you're so stubborn that you won't let me. Let me be there for you, let me help you, we are in this together, stop acting like you are doing this alone.” 

“I know this is hard on you in so many ways, I'll never know what you're going through, but let me be there, talk to me. This isn't easy on me either, seeing the person you love the most in pain and you can't help them.” I'm beginning to sob at this point, trying my best to get everything out that I want to say. I'm not sure if I'll have the strength to do it again. 

Taking a few steps, to stand in front of Jack, grabbing his face in my hands, tears also streaming on his face. He leans into my touch this time, instead of pulling away. 

“I love you so much, don't push me away, please.'' I say staring in his eyes, looking for a response. Instead of words, Jack pushes his lips to mine, the kiss surprising me, knocking me off my feet almost. My hands never leave his cheeks, our mouths moving in sync, in a passionate kiss. 

Jack pulled away first, lips swollen, our chests both rising. “I'm so sorry” Jack begins “ I'm so grateful for your help and love during all of this” “this” he gestures to his shoulder which is sitting strapped up in a brace. “This is dragging me down. I hate it. I can't do anything for myself, i feel so bad when i ask for help im scared that I'm annoying you.” he says, “you'll never annoy me, Jack.'' I say while running my finger under his eyes, wiping away the tears. 

“Thank you for being here for me. I do need you, I'll always need you.” he finishes, before I have the chance to speak, jack is reconnecting our lips.

 Walking us back towards the bed, where he sits on the edge, his free arm urging me to sit on his lap. I pull away quickly, “ Jack, I can't. I don't want to hurt you” 

“You wont hurt me baby, what's hurting me is you not being on my lap, kissing me. Now get up here” he says with a smirk, pulling my body down to rest on top of his. 

Once I'm settled safely on his lap, Jack immdentially pulls my face down, to reconnect our lips together. 

Our makeout session is picking up, our hips grinding together, lips moving frantically together, jacks tongue slipping into my mouth, clashing with mine.

We haven't been this close in awhile, I've missed his body, his lips on mine. With another roll of my hips, Jack pulls his lips back groaning, throwing his head back.

Giving me the perfect access to his brace free shoulder, kissing and sucking on exposed skin of his neck. His grip on my waist tightening as our bodies move together. 

“Baby, I need more. Please.” Jack whines out to me, “I need to see you, I want to feel you, please, please” 

I pull back from his neck, his eyes filled with desperation. “Are you sure? I don't think we should, your shoulder, I don't want to hurt you jack.” I can see his heartache when I say those words to him. 

“Baby, I'm okay. I need you so badly, fuck” he says breathlessly as he beings to move our hips together again. I moan, as Jack connects our lips again, his hand sliding under my shirt, urging me to pull it off. In a quick motion I pull it above my head, leaving me in my bra. 

“Off. off. I want it off baby '' Jack says pulling at the straps of my bra. I reach behind me to unclip it, throwing it somewhere behind me. 

Jack is quick to grasp one of my nipples into his mouth, sucking and lightly biting it, the sensation causing me to moan out from above him. “Fuck Jack, yes fuck.” our hips moving at a quicker space, the dampness between my legs growing by the second, I can feel Jacks bulge swell benenth me. 

“Jack.” I moan out as he sucks and licks both of my breasts. “Jack i need more fuck, but i dont want to hurt you.'' I whimper. “I know baby I can feel it” he says in between the kisses his trailing up my neck. An idea pops into my head as his lips are about to meet mine again, I pull away. “move and sit up against the headboard.” I say to him, Jack's eyes widen in surprise. 

I get off of him, and he quickly makes his way to the top of the bed, his back resting against the headboard.

I began to unzip my jeans, pulling them down my legs along with my underwear, leaving me completely bare in front of him. I began to crawl to Jack on the bed. I reached him, grabbing the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling them down his legs, leaving him bare. 

I take in his state, eyes swimming with lust and love, pupils blown, chest falling, lips swollen. He looks beautiful, brace and all.

Wasting no more time, I sit myself back down on his lap, his cock resting warm and hard against my inner thigh. “Hi” I said to him, “Is that what you wanted? Want me to kiss everything better?” I say, grabbing the base of his cock, lifting up so I can align myself with him.

Without warning I sink down on Jack's cock, the both of us groaning at the same time. I'll never get used to the way Jack feels inside me, the burn between my thighs feels dealicious, I want more. I need more. 

“Fuck baby.” Jack whines out, his free hand grabbing my waist harshly. “I need you to move please.” “like this?” I say as I raise up slightly and slide back down on his cock.

“Yes, like that baby, fuck. More. More.” Jack says as he's looking up at me, so desperate and needy. 

I decide I'll stop tourchoring the both of us, as I lift off of him completely and sink down again. The action causing me to throw my head back in pleasure. “Fuck jack you feel so good” i say as I begin to ride at him at a slow pace. 

“Faster, fuck” jack groans from below me, getting tired of the pace he begins to thrust his hips to mine. 

“Right there jack please”. The angle of this thrusts hits my clit perfectly, causing shock waves to crash through my body. I can feel myself beginning to get tired, needing something to grab on too. 

Grabbing the headboard behind Jack, I lift myself off of him, and sink back down, putting all of my weight into the headboard, to create more leverage. 

The new movement causes my whole body to shutter. glancing below me, Jack's head is leaning back against the headboard, eyes closed, mouth open moaning below me.

As if he can feel me looking at him, he opens his eyes, pushes himself off the head board and takes my left nipple into his mouth, his eyes remain on mine. 

I began to speed up my movements, causing the whole bed to move below us. 

“Fuck right there baby.” Jack moans out to me, his hand moving from my waist to the back of my neck pulling it down to connect our lips. 

Moans spilling out between the both of us, I can feel the coil starting to build in my stomach, as our hips meet. 

“Jack fuck” i moan out i a throw my head back, now resting my hands on his hips. 

“I can feel you clintching around fuck baby.” “im almost there fuck” slamming myself harder down on his cock. 

Jack trailing his hand down the front of my body, stopping where we’re connected, his fingers finding my clit instantly, pinching and rubbing it between his fingers. 

“Oh my god, fuck” I drop my head to jacks neck, still working myself against him.

“Don't stop, don't stop.” I yell out to him, I can feel my legs beginning to shake

“Baby I'm about to cum.” Jack lifts his hand from my clit, forcely grabbing the back of my head, smashing our lips together, teeth and tongues clashing. 

One last snap of our hips, and I'm cumming. My head dropping to Jack's shoulder, incoherent things are falling from both our lips as we chase our highs together.

After a few seconds I gained enough strength to pull myself up. I can feel Jack's hand rubbing up and down my back. 

I sit back enough to fully look at him. Our chests falling quickly, trying to catch our breaths.  “That was the hottest thing I've ever seen.'' Jack says to me, his hand moving to push hair out of my face. “Did so good for me baby” I smile at him, before I'm quickly pulled back into reality when I remember his shoulder.

“Jack. your shoulder” i say frantically, “are you hurt? I knew we should have done this. Oh god "I say as I'm trying to push myself off of him quickly. 

“Hey hey, baby I'm fine.” Jack says as he grabs a hold of my face, his eyes locked with mine. “Hell, I'm more than fine. I'm great, all because of you” he smiles fully at me. 

My nerves settle a little, as I look over at him to make sure he's actually okay. Jack laughs at my concern as his face follows my movements. “Baby i promise i'm okay” he chuckles out to me again.

“Okay sorry, for caring about you.” I sigh dramatically out to him. “Hey now, none of that” he says, pulling my face closer to his again. 

“Come kiss me better.” he whispers out before connecting our lips. 

[gguk-n]

Max Unravelled

Unravelling Max's Mystery (Max Verstappen x Online Friend!Reader)

Series Masterlist

Summary- Max accidentally made an account on google plus in 2013. He came across a poetry page and enjoyed reading them. He ends up friends with the poet. He loved the normalcy she brought to his life. He didn't realise when the comfort he felt for her turned into love.

{Max's POV}

2013

I was searching for something on my gmail account when a pop up for google plus came through; without much thought I clicked on it. Some how, I'm yet to figure that out, I ended up with a google plus account. One of the few accounts I got recommended was a poetry and story account. They wrote very eloquently; I could feel the emotions in every word. I started reading all their posts in my spare time and even commenting on the ones I liked. I found my self constantly checking back to their page to see if they posted something. Their poetry was relatable and understandable. I hope they always have a good day since their words always pick me up when I'm down.

The poet I had been enjoying so much is a girl, and her name is Y/N. She's around my age; I guess that's why I related to her work so much. We spoke for the first time ever on her birthday. She made a post about it being her birthday so I wished her. She was sad about not being able to enjoy her birthday, I felt bad for her so we talked for a while until dad called me to practise. That was the start of our friendship. We ended up talking on google plus a lot. We shared the same sense of humour and best of all, she didn't know about racing. It was like a breath of fresh air to not talk about racing. She doesn't even seem interested in it; so I can live as Max for a while now.

My birthday was shit but talking to her made everything better. I can't believe I got excited about talking to someone and that someone made me feel good even on one of my shittiest days. She's one of the nicest people I've had the pleasure of talking to. I really do wanna talk to her on phone, typing everything I want to say out feels tedious.

2014

I've gotten busier since this year with Formula 3. We barely get to talk anymore. She did send me her number and we chat on Whatsapp whenever we can. But obviously it is not the same. I've suggested talking on call a few time and she finally agreed; I just need to find the perfect time to get away from everything to talk to her. I felt so nervous to talk to her for some reason, what if she thought I was weird and didn't enjoy talking to me? What if she heard me and decided I wasn't fun? What if we had nothing to talk about? I called her while sitting in my driver's room, she picked up quite quickly after 2 rings to be exact.

Max- Hi, Y/N! Y/N- Hey, Max!! How are you? Max- I'm good, what about you? Y/N- Yeah, I'm good too. haha!! This is so weird talking to you. Max- yeah, you sound pretty. Why would I say that? That sounds so fucking creepy, I face palmed myself so hard. Y/N- You sound nice too. I mean....you have a nice voice. Max- haha, thanks, this is the first time some one has said that. She thinks I have a nice voice, do I? Y/N- soooo, what have you been up too?? You've been so busy lately. I could hear people outside the driver's room. I quickly locked the door before answering her question. Max- yeah, I've been busy with stuff. I'll be done soon for a while now. Y/N- That's great I need my best friend back! Did she just call me her best friend? I've never had a best friend before.

We ended up talking on calls a lot more. I would have her contact ringer saved with a separate ringtone so that I would know to answer it. She usually called at reasonable times, where ever I travelled as if she knew my schedule.

2015

I got signed with RedBull Racing's junior team, making me the youngest driver. It was such a surreal feeling. But this also meant I couldn't talk to Y/N as much as I wished I could. Training and the races kept me very busy. But she was very understanding and would always welcome me back, no matter how long I was gone for.

2021

The first time I'm regretting not telling what I do to Y/N was today when I won my first World Championship. I was surrounded by my team, my girlfriend and my family as I got out of the car after I finished P1 at Abu Dhabi but it felt strange; like I was missing someone. I wish I could share this win, the biggest in my life yet, with the person who makes me feel so special yet so myself.

When I asked her about Formula One, she didn't know about, she didn't even know the prominent figures. So, I wasn't as worried about her finding out but I did worry now; since my win was controversial according to the media. However, she never asked. Was she really unaware or playing dumb? I wasn't sure if I should be grateful I get to be just Max or sad that I can't share a huge part of my life with my best friend.

2023

Y/N and I have been friends for the past 10 years. Time really flies. I've gotten a lot better at balancing my personal and work life. Y/N is my well kept secret; like I'm the only one who knows her. She moved out for college and we've only video called since. She is still funny and still writes. I think it's so cool of her to stay passionate about what she loves and keeping at it. She loves my cats more than I love them sometimes, she get's so excited when I send pictures of them. She says they cheer her up and that Jimmy and Sassy are her virtual pets. They loved her too honestly, they would always recognise when she was on call and jump into my lap or the phone to see or hear her. She still doesn't know what I did for a living; we've kept that a 'secret' you could say. But really I just didn't know how to tell her I was a Formula One driver and a 2 time World Champion.

Today was like any other day, I hadn't spoken to Y/N at all. Whenever I called her, I would usually close/lock the door depending on who was at home. My girlfriend didn't know about Y/N. I didn't even know how to bring it up, honestly. I sat down on my SimRacing chair after I switched the livestream off. Her phone rang for a few times and then stopped ringing but she didn't answer the call. I tried again thinking maybe she was busy or didn't hear it. I called a couple times before texting her; no reply. I was freaking out. This was the first time in 10 years that she hasn't answered my calls. She won't even reply to my messages. I found myself pacing around the house. The door to the room opened to my girlfriend's daughter standing in front of me, "Maxie, why are you walking in circles?" She asked after observing me for sometime. "It's nothing" I said, trying to calm myself down more than give a reply to her question. All these horrible thoughts swirled through my mind; what if she was in an accident and no one knows? What if she got robbed? What if she hurt herself and can't get help? What was I supposed to do? I didn't even know where she lived. I just couldn't think straight. My hair was a mess with how much I was running my fingers through it, a few stands coming along when I almost pulled them out of frustration.

After 7 hours, she replied to my text. I had almost given up hope, but she said that she was fine and that her phone was about to die. I felt relieved knowing that she was ok. But the text was so out of character for her. I texted her everyday after that in hope of talking to her. We always spoke everyday and it had been years since we didn't speak for so long. Almost every text was left on delivered. I had a race this weekend which I won and went out to celebrate with everyone because they wanted me to tag along. I didn't see the text Y/N sent me a while after the race since I was at the club. I only saw it when I got home. As soon as I saw it, I called her. She answered after a few rings.

Max- Schat, how have you been? Haven't heard a word from you in days. You could clearly hear the worry in my voice. Y/N- I've been busy, school year ending and stuff. Why didn't you sleep yet? Max- You know my sleep schedule is non existent. Y/N- Yeah, I guess I do. What did she mean by that? Her voice seemed hoarse, was she sick?Y/N- You know how I do freelance editing Max- You've told me about it Y/N- The latest author I'm working with is a sports author. I was hoping you could help me since you are a walking encycylopedia. Max- sure schat, but what's up with you? You know I'm always there for you Y/N- Yeah it nothing, just stressed. Max- Take off, you deserve it I wish she took care of herself instead of working so hard without breaks. Y/N- The summer break is here soon, I'll be fine. So about that author... Max-Yeah, what sport does she write for? Y/N- Formula One. I don't really like reading lengthy articles and I'm sure one article wouldn't do a sport any justice. I felt the ground slip from under my feet. My palms had gotten sweaty suddenly. Max- You did not go through google yet, right? (I stammered out) Y/N- Oh no, what do you take me for? I got excited to learn about something new. Do you know who the reigning champion is? I felt like I was about to lose everything. I didn't know what to say, my mouth was dry. No matter what I said, I don't think I could fix this situation. Y/N- Some dude named Max Verstappen. You guys share the same first name. He has 2 cats too; named Jimmy and Sassy, who look exactly like your bengals. I mean he even looks like you, with horrible sleep schedule just like you. He even sounds like you. There was horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and my lungs felt like there was no air in them. Watching her tear up was the worst feeling.

Max- Schatje, I can explain. Y/N- You don't have to Max. I never asked you what you did. You don't have to explain anything. Max- I wanted to tell you, it just never came up in conversation. Y/N- I get it, it's difficult to tell your friend who has amounted to nothing that you are the World Driver's Champion, best of the best in Formula One. Max- Y/N, it's nothing like that. You're great, you're kind, you're funny. She laughed, but that stung my heart for the first time when her laugh was my favourite sound in the world. Y/N- Those are character traits I possess, they don't describe my career goals or achievements. I know I work 2 jobs to stay afloat while you make millions, I know I wish I was an author and not their editor, I know you probably thought I was too stupid to understand your rich and fancy world. Max- No, no, you're so talented. I've read your work and I'm sure the right publication will pick your work up. Y/N- I got rejected for the sixth time today. All of this is fine except that you lied to me about being single while having a girlfriend for years and having the happy family you dreamt off. You didn't have to introduce me to her; not like my boyfriends met you. But it would've been nice if I knew. Max- It just never came up. (I held my head in shame) Y/N- I...we joked about setting you up with someone all the time. Please don't. I get it, we didn't tell each other about work goals or what we did as a job but personal life; I literally told you about every guy I've ever been with. I felt bad telling you thinking you were single. I feel stupid right now. I wanted to reach out and wipe her tears but I couldn't. Max- I'm sorry,Y/N. I promise I won't hide anything anymore. Please, don't cry. Y/N- My name is Y/N Y/L/N. I majored in literature in Uni and now work as a primary school teacher and freelance editor. I'm trying to get my book published soon. I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. This fucking hurt, everything she said and the way she said it. Max- Please don't do this. Y/N- I believe at least one of us should be honest. Max- Let me fix this. Y/N- Don't worry. There's nothing to fix. Max- Please don't say that. You mean a lot me. (I felt tears in my eyes.) Y/N- Me too. That's why, I need time. I'll talk to you when I'm ready. Max- Please, I can't lose you. I felt like my world was crashing. Y/N- You won't. I'll always be there for you. I just need time. Take care Max I was crying as she said it. Max- Bye, take care Y/N. I'll always be here. And the screen blacked out, I could see my reflection on the screen, tears streaming down my face.

After I was able to clear my head I texted her telling her that I would always be there for her and I would like to clear up the misunderstanding when she's ready. I spent the next few months thinking about her. It was starting to affect my relationship. I couldn't really give my girlfriend time when my mind was occupied with thoughts of Y/N. When my girlfriend brought it up how we were growing apart; I had a fight with her. I don't know what came over me, but not talking to Y/N or not knowing what was up with her was making it very difficult for me to focus on anything. The fighting became a constant after that. I didn't understand why she couldn't let me be. I missed my friend but she wouldn't get it.

I was SimRacing when Y/N's name popped up on my phone asking me to call her. I guess she was ready to talk it out. I really wished that this wasn't the end of our friendship. I really hoped that we could get over the misunderstanding and still be friends. I told the team I had some work and called her immediately. She answered like always; I waited for her to speak with baited breath. She started talking and we cleared everything up. I apologised for hiding the truth from her. I told her how much of a constant she was for me in my ever hectic life; how talking to her made everything better. She listened to me, I listened to her and then finally asked her to come to my home race. I wanted to meet her. I couldn't live knowing that I had the resources but didn't meet the one person that mattered to me the most. She was hesitant at first but I offered to get her the tickets and insisted on her joining me at the biggest race of the season for me and finally she agreed. I was over the moon. As soon as we ended the call, I sent her the tickets. I found myself counting down the days to the race for the first time.

I was waiting for her at the airport when she got here. My heart was beating very fast as I waited for her to come out. When I saw her; she was beautiful, shorter than I expected but she looked cute with her bag in one hand and a back pack on her shoulder, her hair in a low bun, a small smile graced her feature. I don't think I've noticed anyone with such detail ever before. Our conversation flowed easily. It didn't feel like it was the first time we were meeting. I dropped her at the hotel and went off to do media duty's at the paddock when I came back she was still asleep, traveling must've tired her out. She got dressed while I waited for her to get ready, even giving my 2 cents on what she should wear. She looked gorgeous, I couldn't help myself, staring at her. The black satin dress hugged her curves in all the right places. Her hair flowed down her back, the jewellery sparkling against her body. We went to have dinner at a fancy dutch restaurant. She loved the food especially the apple tart. The moan she let out as she devoured the dessert made blood rush downwards. I found my cheeks heating up, thankfully the whole place was dimly lit. We walked around for a while after the meal, she made fun of my name but I couldn't care less. I apologised and she accepted it and hugged me. Her arms were soft and the embrace warm. I found myself wrapping my arms around her, my face buried in her neck. I was scared I was gonna lose her, forever. I've never been scared to lose anything but a race until now and the thought of not having her in my life seemed scary. She consoled me and we headed back to the hotel.

The rest of the weekend was uneventful except for my girlfriend being pissed; she fought with about Y/N. I don't get what her problem is, she's just a friend I've known since forever. I'm just showing her around. I was giving interviews when I saw her talking to Lando, I saw them laughing along in the corner of my eye. It made me feel strange, there was this feeling in the pit of my stomach and I didn't like it. When I got back, Lando had left since it was his turn. She found Lando cute and it irked me, I was annoyed hearing her ask me to set her up with him. We got back to RedBull hospitality when my girlfriend asked me to talk to her, I left with her reluctantly leaving Y/N with Checo.

"Listen Max, I get it, she's your childhood friend and all, but it's so weird how she suddenly cropped up when I or for that matter any one knew nothing about her. People are saying stuff about us since she stepped on the paddock and the way you are dragging her along." my girlfriend spoke. "What are people saying? I will not stand any slander against her" I cut her off. She laughed dryly. "WOW, they are saying stuff about us, Max, us, that you are cheating on me with her. You've been so distant for months until a month ago, I didn't know what went wrong and you wouldn't talk either." she said running a hand through her hair. "It's nothing really. She just knows me as Max and not Max Verstappen and that's why I'm closer to her. Nothing more." I said. "It's pointless talking to you" she said turning around. "If we're done, I'm leaving, Y/N doesn't know anyone here except me." I said leaving for the door. She huffed before she followed me out. Y/N looked worried about what was going on between me and my girlfriend but I calmed her down and we spent the day together. She tagged along during quali too. I saw her praying before quali, it made my heart swell. I was starting pole and we spent the night watching a movie even though Y/N wanted me to rest before the race, I wanted to make the most of the little time we had.

Y/N hugged me before the race wishing me. I wanted to win so bad, I'd won here twice before but this was different. I wanted to win in front of her. I raced like a mad man and then I heard it. I crossed first and my happiness knew no bounds; knowing she was watching. I got out of the car and immediately ran to her; hugging her. It was cathartic. Y/N said my girlfriend looked annoyed, but I couldn't care less. I watched my girlfriend leave, annoyed. When I received the trophy at the top step of the podium knowing she was watching me from below made it so much more worth it. Y/N wanted to go out to celebrate my win and I wasn't one to say no. I went back to the hotel to get cleaned up and ready for the night.

I was greeted by my girlfriend in the room, it was dimly lit as she was sat at the corner of the bed with tears streaming down her face. "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT MAX?" she screamed at me. "Am I a fucking joke? I let it slide, you said you were friends but the first person you go to after winning your race was her, what do you think people were whispering when you did that?" she said in between sobs. I didn't get what she was saying. "Do you like her?" she asked. "What? We're friends" I stated. She shook her head, "No, Max, you aren't. The way she looks at you is how I look at you. The way you look at her" She cried, "You've never looked at me like that" she lamented. "It's nothing like that" I began. "You should've respected me at the very least and broken up with me if you liked someone else, I'm not gonna be some girl's place holder till you can have her." she cried out. "You're not a place holder for her" I said. "Feels exactly like that" she said wiping her tears. I felt nothing my 2 year long relationship might be ending and I didn't care. I didn't even try to correct her, did I really like her? Was Y/N really more important to me? "We're through Verstappen, if you can't even fight for us, I'm not about to fight for us" she sighed dejected. I walked towards the bathroom to wash up while she packed up to leave. When I got out she was gone. I went to pick Y/N up.

She kept asking me about my girlfriend but I never told her that we broke up. I didn't want her to feel responsible for my decision. At the club, she got close to everyone pretty quickly. She was unstoppable, downing one drink after another. I hadn't touched alcohol since I was driving. The others kept handing her drinks much to my dismay. She asked me to come dance with her but I had the others to look after too. She was busy dancing surrounded by too many guys, one of them going as far as to touch her and grind against her. All I saw was red, I bid the guys good bye and stormed the dance floor to drag a reluctant Y/N with me; I ended up carrying her out on my shoulder. She wasn't very happy, screaming and hitting me till I put her down. She puked as soon as I put her down and joked about missing my expensive car, I didn't really mind if she hadn't since she was more important than the car. I got her medicine and left them at her side after putting her to bed.

We spent the next few days after the race sight seeing. Y/N brought up my girlfriend a few time and I ended up avoiding her. When we were cuddling while watching Barbie I felt my heart beating out of my chest as she scooted closer to grab tissue. When her hand brushed against my skin, it burnt and a weird feeling erupted in my chest. She seemed completely unaware of how she was making me feel. We fell asleep on the couch that night.

I wasn't able to avoid the girlfriend question any longer and told her that we broke up without making any eye contact on the way to drop her to the airport. My eyes stung and there was a lump in my throat; I wasn't sure it was because of my girlfriend or Y/N. I bid her farewell, she would turn back towards me to wave after every few steps; my eyes were blurry after sometime trying to prevent the tears from falling. I ended up crying after she left.

All the races after, I ended up going shopping after or before every race to collect some trinkets or stuff that was special to that place and mailing it to her with small notes attached. She would graciously open them in front of me on video call; the smile she gave me the first time she received was unparalleled. It made my stomach turn over. I wanted to make her smile every chance I got. That's how I ended up sending her a package after every race from every country until I got reprimanded by her for the excessive amount of gifts. She asked me not to send one after every race and stick to one or two in total; I was forced to agree to that request.

We were planning on spending Christmas and New Year together; she wanted to leave after Christmas but I was able to convince her to stay until I had to leave for pre-season training. I couldn't wait for the season to end and to spend the year end with Y/N. We celebrated me winning the championship on video call; even though I had hoped she could be present in person but it wasn't possible with her schedule. This championship felt better than the last two since I was able to celebrate it with her. 2021 me wouldn't believe me right now.

Y/N flew in as soon as winter break started for her. I had cleaned up the house as much as possible. I had told my cats about Y/N visiting who seemed excited. I picked her up from the airport and when we got home the cats were very excited to meet her; a lot more receptive than the other guests I've had over. We spent the next few days going to places and the Monaco GP circuit. She cribbed about walking the entire time we walked the path. It made me laugh.

The night before Christmas we fell asleep on the couch cuddling; I hadn't slept this well in a very long time. When I woke up, Y/N was no where to be seen. I sat up waiting for her to return when she came back, she looked so cute in her jumper and shorts with her hair a mess. We opened up presents after some time. She had gotten me a Sid plushie, an ugly sweater and perfume. I got her a Formula One book with my face, a coffee mug and a pendant. I wanted to get her more stuff but I was sure she would make me return it if she saw every thing. I think the house would be over run with the amount of stuff I wanted to get her. Then she brought the matching sweater she got with me; I put it on immediately. I wanted to match with her all the time. We had a bit of back and forth on the dinner but agreed on Turkish kabab.

New Year came too quickly, which meant Y/N would be leaving soon. We went clubbing on New Year eve. She didn't drink like the last time we were at the club but made friends with some of the guys there. Having a social butterfly for a friend was a bad idea. We counted the time down to midnight as the clock struck 12 and I turned towards her to celebrate I saw she was kissing one of the guys she had befriended when we entered. If the club was quite you could hear my heart shatter. That's when I realised that all these weird feeling and all the times I couldn't stop thinking about her was because I liked her, no scratch that, I loved her. I felt my heart constrict when she turned towards me and hugged me later. I didn't want to talk about it, this would ruin our friendship.

All I could think about was how it felt to watch her kiss another man. I hated it, the worst feeling, worse than DNFing or not winning. I hated knowing another man could touch her and feel her. I wasn't even sure how to bring it up since what were we if not just friends. I put myself into training for the upcoming season but those feelings I felt when she kissed another man were still fresh in my head and I couldn't get rid of them even if I tried.

I was able to convince her to join me during her spring and summer break. We had fun, I loved having her waiting for me at the end of the race. I didn't really enjoy all the media questions that had cropped up about Y/N when she was seen with me, before or after the race. During my summer break, I spent it at her place. When I got there, it was a small apartment; but it had a homely feel. She would cook food for me and we would watch movies; I had a few commitments with the team and would leave for some time but then be back. It was so nice to have some one to come home to. When she was having her book launch, I went to meet her at her launch with a bouquet of flowers. "Congratulations" I said while handing her the flowers and giving her a hug. "Thank you" she replied, a smile playing on her lips. We had celebratory dinner after. Immediately after that, we were on the news. It read that I had a girlfriend, she kept apologising but it didn't matter. It made me a little warm, I'm not sure what emotions I felt hearing people speculate that she was my girlfriend.

I flew back to Netherland for the race early, she would only be joining me on the race day due to work. It dampened my mood but there wasn't much I could do about it. She flew in the morning of the race; it made my day watching her walk out of the airport. We talked all the way to the hotel where she got changed and we headed to the paddock. I had thought it through; after the qualifying, I had planned on telling her how I felt. I was gonna win this race and confess to her. Knowing that I can't hold her while someone else can was eating away at me and I wanted to take the chance before it slipped away from me.

I started the race P2 and finished it at P2. In the final laps, the only thoughts running through my head were, I really wanted to ask her out as a race winner, I can't do that now. She probably doesn't even like me like that, did I really want to ruin everything I had with her. I stumbled out of the car towards her, a big smile on her face. And suddenly I said it; "I wanted to ask you out as a race winner" emotions were running high. She insisted me to continue and when I did, she agreed to go out with me. I was over the moon, my head was reeling. This race ending was not what I hoped for but Y/N's answer was something I really was hoping for.

She waited for me in the driver's room. I couldn't help but not touch her. Her skin against mine send electric shocks through me, I couldn't help but smile at the feeling of her against me. I wanted to have this feeling for the rest of the life. I wanted to have her next to me; it took me a while to figure that out but now that I had, I didn't want to let go. I loved her and I wanted her.

We were both in the hotel room at the end of night in each other’s embrace, "Can't believe you're my boyfriend" she exclaimed. "Can't believe you're my girlfriend either." I exclaimed back. "I've liked you since I've known you" she mumbled. "What?" I asked shocked. "Yeah, I've always had a crush on you. Teenage me would lose it right now if she saw" she said. "I'm sorry it took me so long" I muttered pressing a kiss against her lips. "better late then never" she laughed wrapping her arms around my neck, flipping me to straddle my hips. She bent down to kiss me again.

I could spend the rest of my life like this, if it meant I could have her forever.

Hope you had fun. Thank you for enjoying the story!!

[writersrkive]

Light | Aaron Hotchner

summary: since a few days ago, you have been distracted. Something about the holidays and Christmas is triggering to you. Apparently, the team doesn't notice this, but your boss, of course, does. He is troubled, but when you say that you are sick on Christmas Eve, right before dinner, he is ready to go with you and keep you company. He also appears with a small gift that can cheer you up.

genre: angst, hurt, comfort.

pairing: Aaron Hotchner x bau!gn!reader

warning: holidays and Christmas being a nostalgic/sad holiday to reader, mention of reader not being from Virginia, family issues (reader), reader is new member of the team, allusion of an age gap (not specific), reader being called "kid" two or three times.

a/n: so... maybe I projected myself a bit into this fic. I hope whoever feels like the main character feels some comfort and understanding here. I'm sorry if there's anything wrong with the writing, I haven't edited yet, but I wanted it posted before Christmas (it's 11pm in my country). English isn't my first language, please be kind <3. Merry Christmas reader, thank you for being here one more year! I'm proud of you.

Masterlist Spanish ver. On Wattpad (coming soon)

Christmas isn't what it was a few years ago, but neither was your family. When you decided to move to Virginia, far from home, it was hard for you because despite having a broken family, the feeling of wanting to fix everything for everyone was still there. The holidays, especially Christmas, brought back memories of when everything was fine —or so it seemed—.

The dynamic of the team was like a family, but as the newest member —and one of the youngest— it was hard to feel completely into it. However, you didn't feel as isolated as you did at first. So, they didn't notice how nostalgic and sad your aura was the days before.

Oh, but Aaron, your boss, did.

It started the day that some workmates decorated the office with a mini Christmas tree, lights and bows. Everyone was heading home, except him, as usual. The paper work ended so the stoic man was closing the door of his office when he noticed the way you were standing in front of the tree, almost giving him your back. He could see half of the profile he caught himself admiring often. The lights were reflected in the sad look similar to that of a child hoping to obtain something impossible.

“Why are you still here?” He asked, not scolding, but rather with curiosity.

“Oh, good night Hotch. I was finishing some paperwork.” Your expression showed that you had come out of a trance.

“Are you done?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Maybe we can walk to our cars together.”

“Sure.”

He didn't try to make small talk. The feeling of tiredness was in the air, but he also felt that he shouldn't try to break down any kind of personal barrier that you had at that moment. Because despite showing a friendly smile, it was obvious that your mind was somewhere else.

Then, a few days later, you were distracted by something peculiar.

“Hey, are you okay?” Derek asked when he noticed that you weren't listening to his theories. Hotch was talking to a police officer, but he was looking at the way your workmate and you were analyzing the crime scene. “Are you cold?” His teasing smile made you chuckle slightly.

“Yeah. I still haven't gotten used to the weather, sorry.” The lie went unnoticed by your colleague. They were profilers, but you were one too, so it was kind of easy to fake certain things. It wasn't right, but at that time of the year you just wanted to survive. Besides, you couldn't tell them anything, not because you didn't trust them, but because it was too much to handle.

Across the street, Aaron looked in the direction you were looking before Derek spoke to you. It was a park a few blocks away. There was an ice rink, giant decorations, and lots of families gathered around. What could that place have to distract you so much?

There were many other occasions like that. The last time was on Christmas Eve. Months ago, Penelope had decided to buy an instant camera to take photos of the team inside and outside of work, when they had days off.

“Here it is, my beautiful fellas!” The blonde said excitedly. “Your handmade Christmas gift!”

She made all of you sit around the table, so she could put in the center the sparkling red notebook, with silver letters. 'Memories at the BAU' could be read.

“Garcia! It's so beautiful!” Emily said, smiling. Derek hugged his friend in appreciation and JJ got closer to Emily so she could see better.

“Look at that. Always a great time for pasta.” Rossi joked looking at one of the pictures where he could be seen making pasta for dinner after a heavy case.

“Always looking good.” Derek said pointing at a picture of him posing with one of the plushies García had at her office.

“Look at us! But why do you look so sad?” JJ joked looking at a group photo. You could be seen at the back with a forced smile.

“I was a little tired, sorry.” You answered, but the reality was that you had received some messages from your family minutes before that photo was taken.

“Hey, why did you take a photo of me taking a nap?” The confused tone in Spencer's voice made you laugh a little, but Aaron noticed the way your eyes didn't light up.

“Does anyone know where our newest member is?” Derek asked, smiling. He can't help but remember the way Emily, JJ and he teased you before. You started to get late to a few compromises —it happened at work once or twice—, but your boss didn't scold you like he would scold anyone else on the team. “He has a soft spot for someone.” Derek playfully twitched that time, thinking the bags under your eyes weren't caused by anything but work —he was wrong—.

“The kid just sent a message to the group chat.” Rossi announced.

“Sick?” Penelope showed her worry, reading your message.

Aaron felt a weird pinch on the chest. He immediately got even more worried than everyone in Rossi's house, even if his face just tensed a little bit more than usual. In his mind he debated whether to go with you to make sure you were okay, even though it might be intrusive.

Maybe you needed space….

Or maybe there was something else you weren't telling them, just like he noticed before.

“Am… I think I'm a little bit sick too.” He whispered after a while.

“What? We are about to eat dinner.” Emily said a little sad. She was worried about the team's health now that Aaron and you were sick.

“I'll be fine. I'm going to take some food with me in case I get hungry later." His movements were a little fast, as if in a hurry.

“Are you sure you don't need a medic, Aaron?” His old friend said and the boss could sense a little teasing in his tone.

“I'm good, I just need to go right now. I'll see you tomorrow. Everyone, please be safe.” The team could sense sincerity in those words when he gave them one last look, after he took the food, his jacket and his keys, and before stepping out of the house.

“Kid is gonna have some company.” Derek teased and everyone, including Reid, smiled knowing what was going on.

Both of you were surprised when you opened the door. He didn't expect to see you with red puffy eyes and nose, and you didn't expect him there, in front of your house, holding some tuppers with food and something else tangled in his arms.

“Hotch?” Your furrowed eyebrows and tilted head made his chest feel warm. You looked confused and also cute. He felt a little bad to think like that when something was wrong with you.

“I needed to make sure you were okay.” That's all he said.

“Oh… Am… I'm just a little…”

“Sick? I don't think so. You have been acting weird, and Christmas has something to do with that. I know because apparently it triggers something that makes you… sad.” His voice was soft. It felt like he didn't want to expose you, but he needed to show how much he knew about the situation. “I don't think you actually fool them. At least, not now. Maybe in the beginning, but that wasn't my case.” But you did feel exposed, even a little ashamed. The lack of movement told Hotch that you were uncomfortable. “I'm sorry…”

“It's okay. I guess it's impossible to fool S.S.A. Aaron Hotchner.” You showed a sad smile, it was more like a grin. “Wait, what about Jack?”

“He's with his aunt. They were on a trip I couldn't join because of obvious reasons. I guess we can keep each other company.” Little by little he had begun to show a smile that was contagious to you.

“Sure.”

When he walked in he noticed the lack of decorations on the surroundings. There was just a small tree at the back of a hall. It had a start at the top and had some lights and spheres. That was it.

“I'm sorry if I'm being intrusive, but can I ask what's wrong?” he asked when you started to help him to put the food on two plates.

You sighted thinking about all the things you needed to explain so you could give him an answer. “It's complicated. I don't know if I wanna talk about that.”

“That's okay. Then, can you tell me how you are feeling?”

You smiled, knowing he changed the question so as not to make you feel uncomfortable, while still keeping in mind the fact that he needed to know how you were feeling. “Everything brings memories. I'm supposed to be with my family, but what family?” I asked, sitting next to him in the kitchen. “Sometimes I wish things were like before, like having a time machine and just going there: where everyone was. Now I know how heavy the family issues were, but I was a kid so at least I was living in a lie… a good lie.”

“I know family is complicated. There's people who hurt other people, and that's not right, but there's too much.”

“Exactly…”

“But you have a family here too, now.” He whispered. And the way he looked at you made you feel like you weren't alone, at least not how you have thought.

“That's why I bring Rossi's lasagna with me. He's gonna be sad if you don't get to try it.”

Dinner was good. Of course you loved Rossi's cooking, but you came to the conclusion that it was because of the company of your boss. He helped a lot by distracting you, chatting about Jack, some plans outside of work and various things. After a few hours you couldn't handle your curiosity anymore.

“Hotch, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what is it?” Apparently, your question took him by surprise, perhaps it was the tone in which you spoke to him, almost tenderly.

“What is that?” You pointed at what he left coiled up on the armrest of one of the sofas in your living room. It looked like a silver wire with transparent stuff on it.

“These are Jack's favorite lights. We bought it a few years ago. He loved them until we bought a set of identical, larger lights. Do you want to see?”

“Yes!” Your childish tone made him smile.

He untangled the lights and plugged them into the nearest socket, quickly his hands and the place where the lights rested shone brightly.

“Wow…” It was almost a whisper, but Aaron enjoyed the answer as if it was a shout of joy. “These are beautiful.”

“I knew you liked the lights.”

“Huh? Oh! You mean the night when you caught me staring at the…”

“Yeah.”

“Well, yeah, I liked lights. I think I've always liked them, but at some point the feeling became sad."

“They are for you.”

“No, but, Jack…”

“Like I said, he has new ones, so, there's no problem. He will love that you have them.”

“Can you help me to…” You hesitated.

“Sure. Let's go, where do you want them?”

A fun playlist invaded your house. While Hotch held a ladder and watched your back to see if you lost your balance, you placed the string of lights in the living room window.

“Can you turn them on?” You asked him gently. The decorated window came to life as did your eyes and Aaron couldn't feel calmer as he admired your excited countenance.

“I'm glad you liked them.”

Suddenly, cries of excitement were heard from neighboring houses and some Christmas songs began to play from the speakers of nearby restaurants even louder.

“Merry Christmas, Hotch.” You said when you came down from the ladder. The man who came to brighten your night didn't think that seeing your expression would fill his chest with warmth.

“Merry Christmas, kid.”

You definitely didn't know or would have imagined that the man who watched your back at work was what you needed to feel better. He brought the light you needed for days.

[st7rnsangels]

— rumours put to rest. chris sturniolo | versus tour

sypnosis. with all the girls flirting and complimenting with y/n’s famous boyfriend, chris sturniolo, she begins to feel self conscious of if she actually deserves this mini-celebrity she caught herself, especially with their relationship being a secret. bf!chris realized this and decided to put the rumours to rest once and for all.

warnings. flangst? self-consciousness, crying / comfort, fem!reader, that’s really all.

a/n. not sure where this inspiration came from but i’m feeling sappy today. also first post!!!!! like and reblog to support your favourite writers<3333

“ the need to be the best before the need to rest .. “

this was it; the versus tour was finally here, and my boyfriend was going on stage in front of hundreds of people.

a lot of girls found him attractive, that i knew was inevitable. but i could never get rid of this sickly feeling.

while he was out there, being admired by all these pre-teen girls, i was sat inside the trailer watching through a live-camera.

i wanted to be out there. i wanted to be the one admiring him.. he is my boyfriend of six months, after all.

and don’t get me wrong — chris is an amazing boyfriend, and i couldn’t have asked for a better soulmate to be paired with, but i was sick of being a secret.

i knew staying secret was the better choice, both for him and for me. i didn’t like the spotlight, and i didn’t want to deal with the rude comments by jealous girls, and he simply wasn’t ready to reveal our relationship yet.

i understood it, all of it.

yet, i couldn’t help but feel horrible about the situation i put myself in.

i watched as the girl brought on stage to be on his team was a little overly touchy, grabbing his arm, talking to him.

it was all in good-heart, i knew that, yet.. i still felt that twinge of my heart at every touch or glance or words spoken between them, telling me that it should be me on that stage making him laugh under his breath.

it hurt. my heart hurt from the guilt and sadness of being remained a secret, and i didn’t like it. at all.

i quickly wiped the tear from my cheek as i tried to remain positive seeing my boyfriend happy, and smiling, but it was hard with the constant flow of tears from my eyes that just didn’t seem to stop.

shit. why am i crying?

a voice is spoken from my phone, “alright, guys, we have to get going, but thank you so much for coming, it was a blast tonight!” nick said in the mic, turning to his brothers to signify it was time to go.

“awwww!” the crowd erupts.

“thank you guys!” matt’s distant voice says to the mic as he grabs his jacket and moves toward the exit.

chris waves goodbye to his parter that was brought onto the stage, giving her a quick smile and waving to the crowd as he followed his brother.

fuck. why did that hurt so bad? it shouldn’t, really.

i shut my phone off, tossing it across the tiny tour bed, and curled into myself. i brushed my tears away, running fingers through my hair.

it was all lighthearted, that’s what i should be thinking.

but the girl he was with was so beautiful. the kind of beautiful that makes your breath stop and your head feel dizzy.

looking at myself in the mirror across from the bed, i sigh.

chris should be with that kind of girl: effortlessly pretty, good smile, bubbly personality.. yet, i was the opposite. he clicked with her, because that was his match — the same loudness, eagerness, excitement and energy, she should be his type of match.

before i can spiral into my thoughts any longer, the door to the tour bus opens.

“oh my god, i’m spent.” nick huffs, placing his wallet and phone on the small table and falling against the couch.

“tell me about it, all day travelling and then a three hour show? i’m exhausted.” matt says, dropping his keys and jacket against the kitchen counter.

realizing they had already made their way to the bus, i quickly wipe my tears.

“hey, y/n.” nick waves, and i peek my head out, flashing the best smile i could.

“hi, nick.” i say back, huffing at the small croack in my voice.

and then, there was chris.

i watch as he walks over to me, smile on his face as he grabs my cheeks and kisses my forehead. “hi, baby.” he says, pulling away to look at my face.

and when his eyes land on my puffy eyes, tear stained cheeks, his brows furrow.

“are you.. okay?” he whispers, quickly glancing to nick and matt who shrug their shoulders. he lets go of my face, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

“yeah, um, i’m — i’m fine.” i sniff, wiping my tears, “just missing home.”

his eyes run over my face, almost as if inspecting me.

he leans closer, whispering. “do you wanna go outside? so we can talk.”

i glance toward nick and matt, pretending not to be listening, yet they were horrible at hiding their curiosity.

looking back to chris, i nod. he gives me a smile, lending out his hand which i take. the warmth of his hand seeps into my palm, giving me almost instant comfort he seems to always be able to give me.

he leads me toward the door, making a silent, quick gesture and muttering for matt to move his ass, which he does.

and as soon as that door opens, and i take a step outside, i feel instantly calmed down. i realized now that i had spent basically the last twelve hours inside that trailer.

chris squeezes my hand as we walk down the road, listening to the soft sounds of the forest and buzzing streets of the city ahead of us.

and as we found a place against a wall, he sighs and stops, leaning against it.

“so.. what’s wrong?” he says, letting go of my hand, wiping a small tear that i hadn’t realized ran down my cheek.

“i dunno, i just —.. i think i’m overreacting, it’s nothing to really—“

“baby.” chris cuts my off, resting a hand on my cheek, “it’s just me,” he tucks my hair behind my ear, “talk to me.”

i bite my lip. ponder his words.

“that girl you were partnered with today on stage?” i offer.

“what about her?” he asks.

“it’s just.. i dunno.” i look to my hands, picking at my nails, “she was so beautiful. and funny, and outgoing..”

his brows furrow, “where are you going with this?”

my teeth sink back into my lip, “do you ever.. think about how different our lives are?

“i mean, i’m this college student, becoming a teacher, and you’re a celebrity.” i shrug my shoulders, “do you ever think about being with.. with someone more compatible?”

“wait, just—“

“that girl in there, she was just like you.” i chuckle, before sniffing, “loud, funny, all bubbly and smiley like that..”

“y/n—“

“and i’m just.. some book nerd.”

“Y/N.” chris says, placing two hands on my shoulders. “please, let me talk.

my lips form a tight line, my throat aching from a sob wanting to come from my throat.

“i love you.” he says in a breathy tone, “only you. i don’t care about how different our lives are; you’re the only girl i want.”

“you.. you love me?” i whisper.

a smile forms on his lips as he brushes a thumb across my cheek.

“of course i do, dummy.” he says, pulling me closer by a hand on my back clothed by his hoodie — his favourite hoodie.

“now, can you stop crying so i can kiss you?” he says, licking his lips, “‘been thinking about you the whole show.”

i giggle. “you’re such a loser.”

“only for you, baby.”

[midnightshindig]

Holy crap I haven't seen nearly enough rex content.

Could we perhaps get some cheesy lovey fluff of having him move into our apartment? Homeboy needs a break😭

Rex Splode X Gn! Reader

(hey so you are seeing things I can’t even envision bc I’m clouded and you are big brained, this is brilliant)

Spoilers!

Let me first say he is a SHOW OFF

So when you first propose the idea of moving in with you, his only though is

”I bet I’d look so sexy carrying all those heavy ass boxes by myself”

and so he immediately agrees without a second thought

if You’ve seen Teen Titans: The Judas Contract, where Nightwing and Starfire move in together, this is basically that

Youre watching him haul heavy huge boxes up flights of stairs while Mark- a friend of yours from highschool who got you and Rex acquainted in the first place- flies furniture through the balcony window.

Rex, at first, is super pissed his attempts to impress you got undermined

But then Mark hits you in the back with a fucking couch and Rex gets to be the hero again

”Jesus- Mark! Be CAREFUL with that thing-“ he slyly pushes the couch away, poking a tongue out at Mark, who is unimpressed but smiles anyways

“you could’ve hit their beautiful face!” He cupped your face and squished it, moving your cheeks around in circular motions for emphasis

You swatted his hands away before laughing “Pfft- I’m fine, don’t listen to him Mark, I’m fine.”

Mark still apologizes profusely, taking this as if cue to leave.

This leaves you and Rex to unpack his belongings, which admittedly are few

Even fewer since you vetoed his pinup posters

he has a surprisingly sturdy postcard collection, and you learn he collects them from every place he and the team go

You end up filling an entire side of your fridge with the postcards

”Maybe we should hang them up? They could line the walls” you stand a few feet back from the fridge, folding your arms and admiring your work

”Yknow I think that’s a problem for later, actually.” Rex rested his folded hands over your shoulder, laying his head atop.

When it comes to decorating, he’s such a diva

i mean godZILLA of rearranging everything you own to be more aesthetically pleasing

hed put the couch in front of the closet if you’d let him.

surprisingly, the most intimate part is putting away his kitchen supplies.

bus utensils join yours in the drawer and his favorite mug goes right next to yours in the shelf

You realize he brought his own dish soap and learn he uses hypoallergenic dishwasher detergent

”Yeah, the scientists grafting stuff under my skin made me a little sensitive to some chemicals and stuff”

He wears elbow length plastic gloves to do the dishes, apparently

Your toothbrushes go into a cup together in the bathroom

He threw away all his towels because “Yours are softer” and you have to go buy more towels

After unpacking and arranging and fighting over closet space, it’s finally done

Your space becomes his space becomes your space

His NASCAR poster right next to the framed autographs of your favorite voice actor

He’s slowly learning how to use your kitchen, and the quirks therein

for example, your stove and oven run hot, meaning the first time he tries to make you breakfast, he burns the shit out of everything

and the whole apartment smells like burnt egg

its okay bc he takes you to breakfast at a diner so who cares

He’s shockingly clean, like, does dishes daily and vacuums and Dusts

Who DUSTS?

when you ask him about it- mid putting away dishes together- he gets really quiet

This is scary , Rex is never quiet

After a minute of thinking, he shrugs and puts a cup away from behind you, reaching past your head to get to the top shelf

“This is the first real home I’ve ever had, I want to take care of it I guess”

excuse you while you sob hysterically and hold him to your chest

Rex: ???????

He doesn’t understand just how sad what he just said is, and you smile fondly down at him

You Sigh dreamily, combing a hand through his hair

“I love you, Rex. I’m glad you moved in”

he wraps his arms around your waist, looking up at you from your stomach with a devilish, almost shit-eating grin

”I love you too, thanks for inviting me”

he’s so >:D coded

so XDc pilled

Hes so in love with you and the life you’ve built with him omg

BONUS!!

You’re getting coffee with Eve one day and tell her about Rex’s clean freak habits

She literally chokes on her chai latte and just stares at you like an alien

”Rex, Rex like superhero Rex? Our Rex?”

she pulls out her phone and you find out he’s mister “crushed beer cans and pinup posters”

“He NEVER did dishes when we lived at Teen Team HQ.” She groaned “Or when he secretly lived with me.”

The next time she sees him she chews him out

but like ultimately she’s glad he’s growing up into a good boyfriend

[astars-things]

Hi! Could we get more moments of Quinn and Jacks daughter? You mentioned he is her favorite😼

(Shy daughter is the best AU😭)

3 moments when Quinn Hughes was the favorite uncle

1- when Quinn spent 500 dollars on tea party things

I was tying Y/N's shoes when I heard the car pull up. Glancing through the window, I saw Quinn step out, arms loaded with giant boxes. My brows furrowed. What did he do now?

“Quinn!” I called, walking outside with Y/N on my hip. “What’s all this?”

He grinned sheepishly, like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Tea party stuff.”

“Tea party stuff?” I echoed, confused.

Y/N wriggled out of my arms and ran toward the car. “Is it for me, Uncle Quinn?”

“Of course, it is, princess,” he said, patting her head. “The best tea party setup for the best niece.”

I looked closer at the labels on the boxes: a mini porcelain tea set, a child-sized table with matching chairs, lace decorations, and—was that a tower of cupcakes?

“Quinn, what the fuck?” I blurted, gesturing at the overflowing trunk. “How much did all this cost?”

Quinn shrugged, looking far too casual. “Five hundred, give or take.”

“Five hundred?!” I barked, throwing my hands in the air. “It’s a tea party, not a wedding!”

Quinn crouched to Y/N’s level. “Do you like it, princess?”

Y/N’s delighted squeal was enough of an answer and despite myself, I sighed. “You’re ridiculous, man.”

2-babysitter Quinn

Jack had called Quinn to come babysit as Quinn was in town for the Hughes bowl this weekend, Jack and Luke had a team dinner so none of the team was available to babysit,

“Quinn, her bedtime is 7:30,” Jack repeated, emphasizing each word like it was life-or-death. “And no treats after 4. She gets hyper, and then I’m the one dealing with it.”

“Got it, bedtime, no treats,” Quinn mumbled, scrolling through his phone, clearly half-listening.

Jack sighed, rubbing his temples. “I mean it. No ice cream, no cupcakes, nothing. You’re here to watch her, not spoil her.”

“Relax, Jack,” Quinn said, finally looking up. “She’s going to be fine"

Jack groaned, but before he could argue, Luke honked the car horn from the driveway. “Fine,” Jack muttered, pointing a finger at Quinn. “I’ll be back at 9. Behave.”

The second Jack walked out, Quinn leaned down to Y/N, who was playing with her stuffed animals on the floor. “Hey, bub,” he said. “Want to have some ice cream and watch Bluey?”

Y/N’s eyes lit up like Christmas morning. “Ice cream? For real?”

“Yup,” Quinn grinned, already heading towards the kitchen. “But don’t tell your dad, okay? Uncle Quinn’s got your back.”

Y/N giggled, clapping her hands. “Okay! You’re the best, Uncle Quinn!”

By the time Jack came home, he was met with chaos: empty ice cream bowls, crumbs on the couch, and Y/N passed out under a blanket fort made of Quinn’s jacket and half the living room furniture.

3-Lake house choas

That’s it," I finally said, my voice firmer than usual. “Y/N, time out. Chair. Now.”

Her big eyes filled with betrayal, but she huffed her way over to the time-out chair, plopping down with crossed arms and a dramatic sigh. I tried to ignore the pang of guilt as I walked back to the kitchen to clean up.

Quinn, who had been lounging on the couch, wandered over. “What’s going on with the tiny tornado?”

“She’s in time out,” I muttered, rinsing a plate. “She’s gotta learn.”

Five minutes later, I looked up to find silence. Too much silence. I peeked out the back door and froze.

There was Quinn, standing waist-deep in the lake, holding Y/N under her arms as she giggled and splashed water everywhere.

“Quinn!” I stormed down to the shore. “What the fuck? She’s supposed to be in time out!”

Quinn turned to me, completely unfazed. “She looked lonely and sad,” he said, shrugging like it was the most logical explanation in the world.

“She’s supposed to be lonely and sad. That’s the point!” I yelled, throwing my arms up.

Y/N looked at me with those wide, innocent eyes, her bottom lip wobbling. “Dada, Uncle Quinn said I could swim.”

Quinn grinned smugly. “She’s a good kid, Jack. Let her off this time.”

I groaned, rubbing my temples. “Quinn, you’re impossible.”

[gavisimmaculaterizz]

bb can u write something like jude coming home from practice and being angry, mad or something, and just storming off in his room, and later on (female) reader falls asleep on the couch teary eyed bcz she doesn't know what she did wrong

— bother / jude bellingham.

summary: jude cant hold in his anger from losing his match, resulting in a distant jude.

warnings: a bit of angst ??

masterlist

as the final whistle blew, distant whistles and boos came from the santiago bernabéu. the night in madrid was cold, the huge loss of the white giants filled the madrid air with coldness. as fans exited the stadium, jude proceeded to go to the locker room furious. he couldn’t help but feel anger, not being able to help his team out with at least scoring a goal. he disappointed the fans, maybe even his girlfriend. he mentally cursed himself out for not showing his potential, preparing for the hate he’d get on twitter by fellow madridistas.

meanwhile at the comfort of your shared apartment, you couldn’t help but feel a bit of sadness watching your boyfriends team lose heavily. you turned off the television, feeling sadness wash over you, over the terrible result in the bernabéu that just happened moments ago. you hated seeing your boyfriend sad, knowing these type of losses affected him heavily.

a couple hours later, the noise of bags falling echoed around the silent home. you ran to jude, excited to hug him and welcome him in. when reaching the tall british, you were welcomed with a cold and distant jude. “hey babe how was your game?”, you asked your boyfriend. upon your question, jude’s facial expression changed heavily. “what do you mean how was my game? did you even pay attention to what just happened?”,he asked furiously. his words hit you like a cold dagger that was plummeted into your heart, dry and distant, with a hint of anger still lingering in his voice. “do you want to talk about it?”, you asked trying to console your boyfriend. his words broke you, all you tried to do was ask if his game went okay, even though you’d know what his response would be. “no, god just leave me alone— you’re such a bother y/n.”, jude stated furiously. he quickly stormed off to your shared room, shutting the door loudly, letting you know to not even step foot into the room. your heart broke, you couldn’t contain your tears anymore.

you ran to your living room in tears, only seeing blurriness, and tasting the saltiness water streaming down your face. you mentally cursed yourself out feeling guilty for making him angry, even though it was not your fault at all. you knew he was a bit pissed off from his game still , but you never meant to provoke him even more than he was. you laid down on your sofa, grabbing a blanket and covering yourself completely. you wanted to give him space, let him cool down a bit.

meanwhile in your little bubble, your thoughts raced, ‘was it my fault for making him angry?’ you kept sobbing, overloading yourself with these negative thoughts. you let yourself cry until you couldn’t anymore. all you let out were heavy breaths which occupied the quiet home. with all the crying, it made you sleepy, and you couldn’t help but doze off into the night sky. you would soon be awaiting your boyfriends apology in the morning.

but was he right about you being a bother..?

a/n: i kind of tweaked it a bit anon!! also this is my first fic so im mentally cringing at myself bc im not used to this 🙁, so i hope yall like it

[leah-lover]

Closed for maintenance . Leah Williamson × reader

Reader embarks on a new journey with a new club. Part 1.

My day started out like any other in the past 4 weeks. The beeping sound of my alarm wakes me up, I dread the thought of getting up even though I still do, I get my shit together, I leave for training, come back a few hours later and go to bed early.

My days have been blending in ever since that heart shattering break up. However, today had a little twist to it. As I was leaving the gym to go to the physioroom I got called into the Manager's office. Upon getting in, the coach said “hey, so I called you here to let you know that we are going to transfer you. You have been an absolute killer for our team. You will always have a place between us. The thing is your dynamic with the team has been off which has been causing some tension. And the best thing I thought to do was to transfer you this January.” Shock couldn't describe the state I was in. Running on autopilot, I got out of the coach's office, got my things and departed home without talking to anybody, which has been my pattern this past month.

My head was in the clouds for the entire drive, and when I got home I threw myself on the coach and started sobbing. About 20 minutes later I called my best friend the only person I trusted more than anything.

“Hey are you okay? The girls are worried about you, tell me what is going on please”said kristie with a worried tone

“Well tell Sam and the team not to worry anymore. Emma has decided to ruin my life and get rid of me. I won't be at Chelsea anymore. I am basically fired.” I replied, now more angry than sad.

“What the hell are you talking about? Are you transferred where? when? How ? Are you okay? Did you tell her?.” She asked.

“I think it will be announced tomorrow at the meeting. I don't know anything kristie Chelsea is home. Niamh is home. I can't live without them.” I replied, memories of Niamh and I fludding my brain.

“Sure you will. I love you bubs no matter where you go.” She said, “Me too buddy, me too.” I added, sadness creeping into my heart again.

—-------—---—------------------------------------

It has been an eventful week. It was announced that I would leave Chelsea for Arsenal. The topic has been the talk of the town. From newspapers, Instagram pages, fans on Twitter, Arsenal fans were excited to have me. However, Chelsea fans were bitter I was let go. Most of the mean comments were directed at Emma and Chelsea which I thought was fair. I was the leading goal scorer in the WSL and we were on a great track record to win the league again.

I got a new apartment, and a new car. I tried to begin again. A clear slate and a focus on winning with my new team, the gunners.

Today was the first day of practice. The girls are really nice. This team, this family, seem really gelled together and they seem to start getting me out of my dark hole.

“Hello you.” Said Beth, “I hope you are well and I well we want to let you know you are very welcome and we hope you have a great time with us here.” she added. “Me too “ I responded.

__________________________________

It has been over 2 months since that last interaction with Beth, who I can call my best friend now. Her, Steph ,Katie and I have been inseparable. Arsenal have been on a winning streak since I got here. I seem to enjoy the way they play and interact with each other.

The player I enjoy hanging out with the most is my second Captain, which I can never fully admit.

Leah has been fun, heart warming, safe and a friend and a good one. I can't let whatever is happening affect my career again. I dated a teammate before it ruined my career, or so I thought.

“Ladies, how are we feeling about a party? We won again thanks to wonderful strickers. Let's have a party, we deserve it.” Said Katie on the bus. Shortly after a plan was made.

We went to a bar, we drank, sang, danced, and it was that time of the night where I got hungry for warmth. Human connection however unmeaningful. So I kissed the first girl I fancied.

That's when I felt a hand separate me from the girl and drag me outside.

“You are drunk, let's go home before you do anything you will regret.” Said Leah with an angry tone. “ Let go of me, I am lonely. I need this, please let go.” I pleaded with the alcohol affecting my judgment.

“ You are a fool if you think I would let you put yourself in danger. You are important to me, you should know that. Now let's go.” She ordered.

“ I am not going anywhere with you, you are not my girlfriend.” I protested.

That's when she pulled me in for a small kiss. That felt reassuring but not abusive of my drunk state.

“ You are not kissing anyone or going anywhere tonight. Home it is. Now stop complaining and get in please.” She said with a pour on her face. I did as she said, my mind still on the feeling of her lips.

This is going to be a lot to unpack in the morning.

[lucy90712]

My valentine forver- Jude Bellingham

5 years old 

"Y/n I want to ask you something" Jude said as we were playing together during lunchtime 

"What is it Judey?" I asked 

"Will you be my valentine?" He asked 

"Sure but what's that" I said 

"I don't really know but my mummy and daddy keep talking about a Valentine's Day and being each others valentine so I guess it's just something best friends do" he said 

"Ok I'll be your valentine as long as you push me on the swings" I said 

"Deal let's go" he said grabbing my hand to help me up 

~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey sweetheart how was your day?" My mummy asked when she picked me up after school 

"It was good Jude asked me to be his valentine" I said 

"He did what?" She exclaimed 

"He said its something best friends do and he's my best friend so now we are each other's valentines" I said 

"That's exciting we'll have to talk to Jude's parents about that" she said 

9 years old 

For what feels like the first time in forever it's nice enough for us to be allowed outside at break time. Me and my friends all wanted to play football with the boys as they always think they are so good but we think we are just as good. There wasn't enough of us to make a full team to play the boys but we drew straws and organised ourselves into two teams. I ended up on the same team as Jude which is what I was secretly hoping for as we've played together before and we worked really well together so I was happy to get to play with him again. 

The years of friendship mean that Jude and I are pretty in tune with each other especially on a football pitch. Today was no different we didn't really need anyone else on our team as we both managed to run round the kids on the other team and pass back and forth until the ball went in the back of the net. It was so much fun but most importantly I was glad to make the other girls proud as maybe now the boys will take us seriously and let us play with them more often. Sadly we didn't get to gloat for too long as the bell rang meaning we had to go back to class. On the way back in I went to grab my water bottle but before I could Jude grabbed it for me as his was right next to mine.

"You played great out there you should really join a team" Jude said 

"My mum won't let me she says I can't do both football and dance and I'm committed to dance this year but maybe next year I'll do football" I said 

"Maybe you can join my club and we can play together" he said 

"That would be fun" I said 

"Wait y/n before we go into class I need to ask you will you be my valentine?" He asked 

"I'm sorry Jude I just don't like you like that I like being friends but that's it I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings" I said running off to go back into class 

Jude looked a little sad for the rest of the day which made me feel awful but I just don't like him that way in fact I don't like any boys that way because that's gross. I like our friendship we play together at school and he's taught me a lot about football but that's it nothing else. 

13 years old- Jude's POV 

Come on Jude you can do it. It's not that difficult just say the words. What's the worst that could happen. Well she could say no but she's done that before and I survived but this time it feels different we aren't 9 anymore and dating isn't something to be sneered at anymore. Being rejected now will probably hurt a lot more but I can't be thinking about that or else I'll chicken out for like the 5th time. 

I've had a crush on y/n for years but this past year it's only gotten worse. She's just so beautiful I can't stop myself from staring at her from across the room when we are in class together. I'm not the only one who has a crush on y/n all the guys in our year and even some in the year above are always talking about how pretty she is. I'm not as popular or as attractive as some of the guys who also like y/n but I'm hoping that after our many years of friendship she'll feel the same as me and if I can ask her first then I think I stand a good chance, at least that's what I'm telling myself. 

After school today we have football practice and y/n will be there as she plays with the team when she's allowed as the school doesn't have a girls team. I made sure to get changed quickly so I could be the first one out there so as soon as y/n was ready I could ask her out as we warm up. As she made her way outside she was talking to one of the other guys in the team Jack and she had a big smile on her face which isn't unusual but it did make me a little nervous. 

"Hey Jude" she said as she came over 

"Hi you seem extra happy today what's going on?" I asked 

"Jack just asked me out so we're going to go on a date this weekend as long as my parents let me but they like Jack so I'm confident" she said 

"Oh wow I didn’t know you liked him" I said trying not to give away my disappointment 

"I've liked him for a while but I never told anyone a I only ever get teased for saying I like anyone so I kept it to myself" she explained 

"Well I'm happy for you" I said completely lying 

It really broke my heart that she's with someone else but I really should've seen it coming she's the prettiest girl in school it was only a matter of time before someone asked her out. That doesn't mean it hurts any less but I'll get over it and at least we are still friends even if she can't be my girlfriend I can still hang out with her. 

15 years old - Your POV 

Maybe love just isn't for me. I've been with two guys over the last few years and both have cheated on me with one of my friends so I've lost a lot of friends but luckily I still have Jude. Since all the drama I spend a lot more time with him as I know he won't betray me and there's no drama surrounding him which is exactly what I want I don't care about being popular and having lots of friends anymore I just want true friends. I call Jude my friend but that's not really how I feel about him after spending more time together I realised that I truly enjoy Jude's company in a way I've never enjoyed being around anyone else. I'm not entirely sure when my feelings started to change but it must've been before my last boyfriend cheated on me as it hurt but I wasn't as upset as the first time because I just wasn't as emotionally attached anymore. 

I've had many chances to tell Jude how I feel but I just haven't been able to make myself do it. I'm not stupid I know there was a time when pretty much all of the guys in school had a crush on me Jude included but I don't know if he feels the same now. He used to get awkward around me which is what gave him away but he doesn't act like that anymore which makes me think that he doesn't like me that way anymore. Jude has been such a good friend to me since we were 5 but especially the last few years we are always together whether it be at lunchtime in school or kicking a ball around down the park at the weekend. I value our friendship so much that I can't bring myself to tell Jude how I feel, the possible rejection isn't worth our friendship to me.

I've put my feelings aside for a few months now but as it's approaching Valentine's Day and I hear my friends talking about that their boyfriends are doing for them it makes me a little sad and maybe a little jealous that I don't have that with Jude. In a completely genius move I'm spending the next few days with Jude helping him get some extra training in as he's playing a big match soon and he wants to play well and he likes to test his skills against me. Our plan is to go straight from school to the park where they have football pitch we can play around on until it gets dark. 

~~~~~~~~~~

"You're going to do great in that match you are definitely too much for me to be able to keep up with" I said 

"You're still coming back from injury though" he said 

"You still beat me fair and square like a million times trust me you've got this" I said 

"Do you have any plans Sunday?" He asked out of nowhere 

"Thats Valentine's Day right definitely no plans for that day" I laughed trying to make a joke of how sad my love life has been 

"Then would you like to go on a date with me?" He asked 

"What" I said completely in shock 

"That was stupid I'm sorry forget I ever said that" Jude panicked 

"No I would love to go on a date with you the question just took me by surprise I had no idea you still felt that way about me" I said 

"Wait, still you knew I had feelings on you" he said 

"Yeah you weren't exactly subtle a few years ago but now you are definitely better at hiding your feelings I had no idea you still liked me" I explained 

We laughed about it before actually planning our date after texting our parents to make sure they'd be willing to take us and make the reservation at the restaurant we wanted to go to for us as we aren't actually old enough to do that. On the way home from the park I couldn't stop smiling thinking about going on a date with Jude after all these years of friendship and feelings on both sides but never at the same time. When we got to my house Jude grabbed my hand and leaned in to kiss my cheek which made me blush like I've never blushed before but it felt right being with Jude in this way. 

19 years old 

I'd have never guessed that the airport would be so busy on Valentine's Day but I guess it makes sense with people going away or going to visit long distance partners which is what I'm doing so I guess I'm part of the problem. Since Jude went to Germany our relationship has changed quite a lot but we are still just as happy as before. Originally I was supposed to move with him and join Dortmund's women's team but I tore my acl over a year ago and haven't been able to play again since so instead I opted to go to university instead. Last year we couldn't be together to celebrate so we had a date over FaceTime but this year I'm surprising Jude as he has no idea I'm coming. With the help of some of his teammates who I knew well from coming to visit as much as I can I've planned dinner at a nice restaurant and then we are going to a show at a nearby theatre but most importantly I'm going to Jude's apartment to wait for him to come home from training to surprise him with it all. 

My flight landed a bit late but I got through the airport quickly so I managed to get to the apartment with about half an hour to spare before Jude is due home. I spent my time freshening up a bit and setting out the presents I got him on the coffee table. When I heard him opening the door I got up and ran to hide somewhere to really make it a surprise. He came in and saw what I'd left for him on the coffee table and started to read the card which is when I came out from the room I was hiding in and snuck up until I could sit next to him. I managed to make him jump then he just stared at me and didn't say anything. 

"What are you doing here?" He asked when he was able to speak 

"I thought I'd come and surprise you as we didn't get to spend valentines together last year" I said 

"I've missed you so much I'm so happy you're here" he said 

"I'm here for a few days so we can spend plenty of time together but tonight I have things planned for us so we need to get ready in an hour" I said 

"What have you planned?" He asked 

"We are going to dinner at that restaurant that you said is really nice and then afterwards we are going to the local theatre to watch a show" I said 

"That sounds amazing I'm so impressed you've managed to pull this off" he said 

"I had a bit of help so hopefully it all goes to plan" I said 

"As long as I get to be with you it doesn't matter what goes wrong I'll have a good time" he said 

21 years old - present day 

The last year or so has been a rollercoaster once Jude moved to Madrid and settled in I joined him to do my masters degree instead of staying home for another year. Because of all this last year we didn't celebrate valentines at all really as Jude was away for a game and I had exams but this year he's promised me he's going to go all out to make up for it. I have no classes today so Jude booked appointments for me to get my hair, nails and makeup done so all I have to do is pick an outfit when I get home which is already a lot but he made sure to make it clear that this is only the beginning. 

My first appointment was my hair appointment so I just got a trim and got it styled then came makeup which I left up to the makeup artist as she definitely knows better than I do. I already looked so much better just after that but I still had one more appointment. Jude remembered where I like to go to get my nails done so he booked the appointment with the girl I always go to so we got to catch up as it's been a while since I've had someone other than me do my nails. Usually I have ideas of what I want to do but this time I didn't so she suggested some someone French tips so that's what we did. My nail girl is good but today she took extra care in making sure they were perfect and wouldn't let me leave until she was happy but it was so worth it. 

After all of my appointments I felt really good about myself even more so when I got home and got dressed in the dress I decided I wanted to wear. Jude also put on his outfit which he looked so good in so I insisted that we take pictures together before we leave as we never both look this good one of us is always having a bad hair day so we have to take advantage of both feeling good about ourselves. After taking pictures Jude told me we needed to leave as there was a car waiting outside for us which was I was expecting to just be an Uber or something but it was actually a really fancy car. The driver greeted us and offered us glasses of champagne which is definitely not what I was expecting but Jude did say he was going to go all out so I should've seen it coming. 

The car took us to a really nice restaurant which surprisingly wasn't too busy despite it being Valentine's Day. The place was definitely decked out for the occasion as there were candles on all the tables and lots of roses all around including a few rose petals on each table. Dinner was lovely all of the food was amazing and we had a great time but that wasn't all Jude had planned so we got back into the car which took us to this beautiful park in the city. As it was dark no one else was around so we walked around for a bit and then made our way to the big lake in the middle of it. 

I was enjoying the view looking at the reflection of the moon in the water when I felt Jude's hand slip out of mine so I looked over to see if he was ok. When I did I saw him down on one knee holding a ring box. I really didn't expect Jude to propose tonight so I was shocked but also incredibly happy as he truly is the love of my life so getting married to him is something I've dreamed of a lot. Jude grabbed one of my hands while my other one went to wipe the tears that were falling down my face completely out of my control. 

"Y/n since we met when we were little kids we've had a connection that I've never experienced with anyone else and when we started dating I realised I was the luckiest person on earth get to be with my best friend and soulmate now I think it's time to ask if you'll marry me and be my valentine forever" he said 

"Y-yes of course I'll marry you" I managed to stutter out as he slid the ring on my finger

"Thank god I was so nervous you'd say no" he laughed 

"Why would I ever say no" I said 

"I don't know I was just worried you'd think this is too much or a bit corny to do it on Valentine's Day but this day has been important throughout our relationship so it felt fitting to get engaged on the day we had our first date all those years ago" he said 

"Its perfect it means so much to me that you thought so much about it that's what I really care about" I said 

"I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you" he said 

"Me too" I smiled 

[mamamammiie]

BAKUDEKU FIC RECS 😻

ps…they’re cuties

if a fanfic rec is colored purple, it means its one of my top favs 😼

— — —

hey team, i got five more bakudeku fic recs for you guys and i LOVE THEMMMM. none of them have a low rating obviously because why would i recommend them if i didnt like it, but anyways…

— — —

- keep the rain by gheemin

im sensing angst, and i LOVE ANGST. i was right😸 i keep telling myself that i need to go to sleep after this chapter but then i keep going on to the next. it was shorter than i thought, but cutie!

- Inhibitionless by Fearharte, Sonday

okay so Katsuki was hit with a quirk that basically gets rid of inhibitions, and so far its cute, fast, but cute. its cheesy but i love it its over, it got extremely cheesy, almost made me cringe but still cute 8.5/10

- You Had Me From the Start by bellbloom

bartender katsuki and artist izuku, love. starting off cuteeeee. okay this is going by fast. DANG IT NOW THERES ANGST AND ITS SAD. nevermind, all good. awhh i finished, it was cutie 😸

- In Perfect Rhythm by chalk

(uhoh! favorite!)

soooo theyre neighborssss, haven’t seen this au yet. AWHHH THIS IS CUTIE. YAYYAYA ROCKSTAR KATS. dude im OBSESSED with the writing in this one, this is definitely my fav so far. best smut ive ever read. easily the best fic ive read. infinite/10

- glowing skins and pleading fingers by mimisyum

okay so far small fluff and i LOVE the lead up. it’s one chapter and its super cute and short, entirely fluff!

- all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing by maxisnotokay

it was short but i absolutely loved it. like OMG it was SO CUTEEEE. 10/10!!!!

- Do Not Disturb by surveycorpsjean

again short, but was SO CUTEEEE, i loved it!!! it was total angst with fluff in the end and ugh i was just kicking my feet the entire time.

— — —

that’s it but i’ll be back 😼

[paigesbasketball]

Under Oath

Prologue

NEW YORK CITYThe buzz of the city below barely reached the quiet sanctuary of my office, high above the chaos. Floor-to-ceiling windows showcased a sprawling view of Manhattan, but I was too busy typing away at my desk to notice. At 25, I had accomplished what most could only dream of—an undergraduate degree from Syracuse, a law degree from Yale, and a career as one of New York’s rising legal stars.

I was in the zone, preparing briefs for my next high-profile meeting, when my secretary, Sammy, knocked on the doorframe. “Ms. Johnson, you have a call from UCONN on line two.”

I froze. UCONN. Just hearing the name stirred an old, bitter ache. It wasn’t my pain, exactly—it was my sister’s. Her time there had been a nightmare, filled with humiliation and hardship. Picking up this call felt almost like a betrayal of everything she’d endured. But duty called. I sighed, composed myself, and answered, “This is Catayela Johnson, Esq. How may I help you?” My voice was professional, but there was a tinge of annoyance. People rarely called my office without an appointment—it was practically an unwritten law.

The voice on the other end made me pause.

“Hey, girl! How’s it going? Are you free right now?”

I blinked in surprise. “KK Arnold?”

Most people knew KK as a lively, chatty social media personality, but I knew her differently. She was my childhood best friend, the one who had been my rock through thick and thin. Without her, I doubted I’d even be here today.

“Girly, I’m never free,” I teased, “but I think I can make an exception. What’s up?”

Her voice shifted, becoming unusually serious. “Would you come to UCONN?”

I laughed nervously. “KK, I told you I’d catch one of your games someday. It’s just been hard—”

She cut me off sharply. “It’s not about that. It’s a legal matter.”

The shift in her tone immediately put me on edge. Concern crept into my voice. “Does this need to be handled at UCONN, or can you come to my office?”

There was a muffled sound on the line—whispers I couldn’t quite make out. My worry deepened. “KK? HELLO?”

“Oh, sorry!” she said, snapping back. “I think it’s best if you come up here tomorrow.”

“Alright,” I said, already mentally rearranging my schedule. “I’ll clear my day. See you tomorrow.”

As I hung up, I leaned back in my chair, staring out the window. What could KK have gotten herself into? “Sammy,” I called out, “cancel my meeting tomorrow. Just one, right?”

She nodded and immediately set to work.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

AT UCONNKK’s POV

The team stood around me, their expressions a mix of anticipation and skepticism. I tucked my phone away and turned to face them.

“She said she’ll talk to me tomorrow,” I announced, shrugging. “So I guess we’re driving to New York.”

Confusion rippled through the group. Jana tilted her head. “Wait—did she say we all could come to the office, or just you?”

I hesitated but brushed it off with a grin. “Okay, fine—she technically said just me. But trust me, she won’t mind. I’ve known her my whole life.”

Jana didn’t look entirely convinced, but before she could argue, I threw my arms up. “Alright, Huskies! Next stop: New York!”

The team broke into excited chatter, but I noticed one person hanging back. Paige sat in the corner, her expression distant and sad.

“What’s up, Captain? You look like you just lost a game,” I said, nudging her playfully.

Paige glanced at me, her blue eyes glassy. “I need a different lawyer,” she said softly.

I blinked, confused. “Wait—I just got us one. And trust me, she’s good. Top-tier. Yale graduate. One of the best in the city!”

“It’s not about that,” Paige said, shaking her head. “It’s…personal.”

I frowned. “Personal? What are you talking about?”

She hesitated, then took a deep breath. “I knew her when we were kids. It didn’t end well. She’d never willingly help me—not after what I did.”

“What could you have possibly done?” I asked, stunned.

Paige’s voice dropped to a near whisper. “Something unforgivable. And the worst part? I still have feelings for her.”

My jaw dropped. “You’re joking.”

She gave a bitter laugh. “I wish I were. But trust me—what I did was bad enough that she’d refuse to help me, even under oath. ”

[nycbaby21]

"So what if I was?"

prompt: “Aww. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were worried about me. + “So what if I was?” 

word count:2,139

warnings: blood, maybe two cuss words

“C’mon it’ll be fun y/n,” Liana begged me. “I’ll get on my hands and knees,” she added going down when I grabbed her shoulders and stopped her. “No it’s okay no need for all of that,” I laugh,” I’ll go. Just because I love you.” Everyone laughed and grabbed their skates and headed for the door. That was the thing about when Mat came back home for a visit, he was never alone. Someone always came with him, whether that be a girl or one of his teammates. Luckily for me this time it was the latter.

“Okay so how are we gonna do this,” Tito asked sitting down lacing up his skates. As I sat beside him on the bench right next to the frozen lake, I began to tie my own skates up. “Obvisouly the two of you can’t be on a team that’s unfair,” my best friend pointed out to her brother and his friend. “So it’s a lose-lose situation,” Mat groans stepping onto the oce. “What do you mean by that,” i snap back already sick of the constant attitude he had since he came home three days ago.

“Oh c’mon. You’re a smart girl, or is that just a front so you can go off and party your way through college,” Mat smirks throwing yet another dig my direction. We didn’t always have such a draining relationship. Once upon a time I considered Mat a friend, not just because I was best friends with his sister but we were friends. Something changed and as sad as it was to realize him stepping away and being cold towards me just made me realize something I had tried to push away for so long. I had feelings for Mat and everytime he has a smart remark or a comment about me it breaks my heart just a little more.

“Some of us actually care about an education rather than trying to get by on our pretty looks,” I quip back stepping onto the ice and doing a small turn. “You think I’m pretty,” he smirekd my way and I wanted nothing more than to swipe that smug look off of his gorgeous face. “How about you and Beau goof around while we skate for a bit,” Lia suggested. I knew that she missed her brother and playing hockey with him. I took and deep breath and then let it out. “No Li you play around with them for a little. I’m a big girl I’ll be fine skating by myself,” i smile at her and watch her face brighten. “Are you sure,” she asked and when I nodded she launched forward pulling us both down as she hugged me.

After some time I was growing bored so the same small circles so I started to do some spins and tricks, remembering some of the small details from ice skating lessons years ago. As I did a jump and turn I didn’t stick it and fell on my butt. Sighing I get up and dust off the ice. “Wow that was just sad,” I hear Mat shout from across the lake. I flip him off and try the jump again this time going harder. I landed it perfectly but with just a little too much force and the hit started to crack. I froze not knowing what to do. My eyes snapped up to meet the other three. They could all sense something wrong and they were a distance away. Mat slowly skated my way, Tito and Lia behind him. He was the closest to me so he would het there first. 

“Hey look at me okay.”You’re gonna be fine,” his voice was calming and I nodded shifting my weight and hearing the crack get louder. I look down and start to wobble. “Hey no, look at me okay? You can’t look down,” I met his eyes and didn’t break my focus on them. He carefully made his way closer to me and surveyed his surrounding looking for the best way to get me out of this mess. He didn’t have anytime to think because the ice gave way. I tensed up waiting for the freezing lake water to surround me but the only thing i felt was a warm body colliding with mine and us both falling onto the ground a few feet away from the hole in the ice. 

“Shit,” Mat hissed out and I looked up feeling a dull ache in my head from moving ti too fast. I realized that my forehead made contact with his nose on the way down and it was know bleeding. “Oh my gosh. Mat I am so so sorry. Are you okay,” I ask pulling some tissue from my pocket and applying pressure to his nose to stop the bleeding.

“Aw. If I didn’t know any better I’d say that you were worried about me,” he says forcing a laugh. I roll my eyes and hold the napkin onto his nose to try and stop the bleeding. I look down at him scanning his face for any other injuries, finally meeting his brown eyes. His forehead crinkles and he takes in my scared expression.

“So what if I was,” I whisper scared if I spoke any louder he would laugh at me or run for the hills. His hand came up and held the wrist of the arm helping stop his nose bleeding. He pulls my arm away from his face and goes to open his mouth when we are interrupted. “Oh my gosh Mat are you okay,” Tito asked rushing towards us quickly taking my place and observing Mat. 

I step back and notice a group has gathered around us checking on the hockey player. As I move to make my way back to the house, I turn around and notice Mat’s eyes still on me. I feel a hand on my forearm and run to see Liana standing next to me. She gave me a sad smile. “Let’s get you out of these wet clothes and into something warmer okay,” she says sweetly leading me inside. 

“How long,” her voice breaks me out of my trance and I snap my head towards her. “What,” I was shivering, not sure if it was from the cold or her question. “C’mon y/n. We’ve been best friends forever, I know you better than anyone else. And you know me better than anyone else right,” she asked waiting for me to respond. I nodded my head and pulled a sweatshirt over my head. I joined her on the couch and she tossed her blanket over to cover us both.

“So I know when you are upset and more so when you are hiding something,” her eyes give me a once over and I sigh knowing she is right. “A little over a year now,” I respond turning my head and not making eye contact. Of course, I knew what she was asking. She wasn’t dumb by any means and she was my best friend of course she could read my emotions better than anyone else. “You’ve liked my brother for that long now and never said anything,” she asked pity creeping its way onto her face. “Yep. It’s sad I know,” I sniffle fighting back the tears threatening to spill. I feel her presence and then arms wrapping around me. 

“Oh, sweetie no. It is nowhere near sad,” she reassures me, hands running up and down my arms comforting me. “It is though. He has never seen me that way and he never will. Especially now that he is on the Islanders. He could have any model he wanted. Why would he pick me,” I cry finally letting all of the emotions I have had stored up for the past year out. “ No model holds a candle to you, babe. You are the most compassionate, generous, and understanding person I know. You have always had this glow around you and make anyone feel so seen and understood. Plus you are like smoking hot,” she says making me stop crying and laugh. “Thanks, Li,” I snort laughing and she joins in.

When everyone finally made their way back inside Mama Barzal helped Mat get settled in bed and finished up dinner. We all sat around the table and ate our soup trying to warm ourselves up from the exciting outdoor hockey game we held. Slowly one by one everyone finished and started to head to the living room for game night. I stayed behind to help clean up. “Hey, sweet girl. Would you mind taking this up to Mat? I need to finish this up and you don’t have to help me clean,” she smiles over at me, knowing I can’t say no to the woman who became like another mom to me many years ago. 

“Of course I will,” I smile trying to hide the panic in my voice. I grabbed a bowl of the soup and put it on the bed tray along with a spoon. I carefully made my way upstairs and to his door. As I tried to steady my breathing and calm my shaking hands the door opened. “Oh shit y/n/n, I didn’t see you there,” Tito laughed moving over to the side and opening the door wider for me to come in. I slowly made my way into the room. I hadn’t seen the inside of Mat’s room since Li and I were like 17 sneaking out of his window because it was easier than using hers.

My eyes landed on the bed and then on Mat. His nose was bruised but the bleeding had stopped. He lay there in bed black compression shirt on under the covers. “Your mom asked me to bring you this,” I say quietly putting the tray on the bedside table and turning to walk out of the room. He reaches out and grabs my hand pulling me backwards and to him. “I’m gonna go see if Mama B needs any help,” Tito says excusing himself. Mat laughed,” Real subtle buddy.” My eyes drift down toward our connected hands. “Will you sit please,” he asked his voice shaking.

“Are you okay,” I ask sitting near the edge of the bed never once pulling my hand from his. “Physically yeah. My nose isn’t broken or anything just bruised up pretty good. Mentally not so much,” he sighs looking down at our hands, his thumb rubbing circles on mine. “Why aren’t you okay mentally,” I ask finding his eyes with my own. “Because I am an idiot. All of these years I never noticed. The one thing I was trying to find was here the whole time,” his voice wavers and he pulls his bottom lip in between his teeth, a nervous habit he and his sister share. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I say breaking eye contact and letting my eyes drift around the room until they land on a small picture frame on his dresser. It was of the two of us and Liana after his draft. “You wanna know why I kept that one,” he asked. I turn to look at him and nod. “Because no matter how hard I tried to hate the picture I couldn’t, because you were in it. You with that beautiful smile and those sweet eyes looking at me. I had the biggest crush on you growing up. I guess I just always hoped you felt the same way,” he said his brown eyes scanning my face for any kind of discomfort. “What,” I whisper wondering if I had heard him right.

“You have always been in my life, not always by my choice but you were there. Every good or bad memory you were there. And when I moved out and to the city I didn’t see you as much. So I got upset thinking you were only ever there because of Lia. I don’t know what I was thinking honestly. So whenever you came with them to visit or I came home I was an ass to you because I hurt my own feelings thinking something more.” After his long speech, I couldn’t help but lean forward and capture his lips with mine. It was a sweet short kiss and then when I pulled back he rushed forward grabbing my cheeks and bringing me back into him. I shifted forward and went to run my hands through his hair when he hissed and pulled away in pain.

“Oh my god Mat I am so sorry. I completely forgot about your nose,” I rush out grabbing his face and moving it all different angles to see if I caused any further damage. “So worth it,” he smiled leaning forward and connecting our lips again. 

[cherryblossomcowgirl]

my tears ricochet

Inspired by Taylor Swift “my tears ricochet”

MASTERLIST PINNED

WC: 1.4k

Warnings: cheating; breakup; fighting; angst; swearing

.

.

We gather here, we line up, weepin' in a sunlit room

And if I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe

All the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you

'Til my dying day

.

.

It took him 4 minutes to walk away from the last 2 years. 240 seconds to say goodbye. He didn’t even come inside. He stood on the front porch, like a coward. I followed him as he walked to his truck. I screamed his name between sobs. He started the engine and drove away.

.

.

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And you're the hero flying around, saving face

.

.

*2 months later*

I take a deep breath and call Bradley. He is outside 10 minutes later, ready to drive me to the bar. “Thanks, B. I didn’t want to walk in alone, but I really miss everyone.” He smiles, “I told you I am always here for you. I mean it. They all miss you too.” I mentally prepare myself to see Jake for this first time since that night. We haven’t spoken. He hasn’t even come to pickup his things. Bradley parks the Bronco and we walk into the Hard Deck. The team immediately spots us and waves us over to the pool table. Phoenix wraps me in a hug, “Y/n! It’s been too long!” “Hey Phe.” I smile and Bradley brings me a drink. The evening is nice. Everyone is chatting and shooting pool. I see Bradley’s posture stiffen and I turn to see Jake walking towards the group. He puts on his big old smile and greets everyone. His eyes meet mine and he just smiles. I roll my eyes and watch him put on his show. Darts, pool, his general asshole demeanor. Bob comes over and pats my back, “Happy you’re here, Y/n. I was so sad when Jake told us you left. Thought I wouldn’t see you around anymore.” I laugh, “So that’s his story, funny.” Bob raises his eyebrow and I notice the rest of the group getting quiet, trying to listen. I speak a little louder, not caring who hears, “I’m saying it’s funny because he just stood outside the door one night and said he ‘couldn’t do this anymore’. Then he drove away. Like a coward.” The group is silent and I see Jake’s cheeks go red. I raise my glass towards him and take a sip of my drink.

.

.

And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

Look at how my tears ricochet

.

.

*4 months later*

Phoenix decides to throw a party for me officially finishing my residency. We end up at the Hard Deck, like always. Bradley and I spend most of the night dancing. I’m not sure what is growing between us, but I like it. He is sweet. He is thoughtful. He is gentle. He is the exact opposite of what I am used to. We finish our dance and head back to the group only to see Jake playing pool. His eyes meet mine and I see something in them I haven’t before, heartache.

.

.

We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean

Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring

You know I didn't want to have to haunt you

But what a ghostly scene

You wear the same jewels that I gave you

As you bury me

.

.

*6 months later*

Things with Bradley moved fast. He officially asked me out right after Phoenix’s party and we have been inseparable since. He had always been such a good friend to me that it just felt natural. It felt safe. And now here we are, celebrating our engagement at the Hard Deck. I came home after doing my first major surgery without my mentor and he was there waiting for me. “B, you didn’t have to! I know you wanted to go see everyone.” He kisses me, “I wanted to wait for you! How did it go?” I tell him about the surgery in great detail. He stands in the bathroom as I shower to listen to my story. He hangs on every word. I start to get ready and realize my lucky scrub cap isn’t on its hook. He watches as I look for it, seeing it on the foot of the bed. I pick it up, “Can’t lose this.” He smiles. I feel something cold and metallic. I turn it around to see a ring. Bradley gets down on one knee, “Y/n, it’s you. You’re everything I want. Everything I need. I need you by my side until my dying day. Will you marry me?” I nod my head yes and get down with him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He kisses me, “I’m really happy you said yes, it would’ve been so awkward going to celebrate with our friends if you said no.” I laugh and follow him to the Bronco, glancing at the beautiful ring on my left hand. We walk into the Hard Deck to see that Penny has put up banners and balloons to celebrate. I hug her tight, “You are the sweetest. Thank you.” She kisses my cheek, “You deserve this.” I walk over to our friends and they is a chorus of congratulations. Bradley heads to the bathroom and Jake walks over from the dart board. He is wearing the St. Michael necklace I got him for his birthday. The patron saint of the military and doctors. The saint of protection. Of courage. Of leadership. He clears his throat, “Congratulations, Y/n. I am happy for you.” He smiles but his eyes look dreary. He isn’t clean shaven and his hair is disheveled. I put my hand on his shoulder, “Thanks, Jake.”

.

.

And I can go anywhere I want

Anywhere I want, just not home

And you can aim for my heart, go for blood

But you would still miss me in your bones

And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky)

And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)

.

.

I notice Jake distancing himself from the group slowly. When he is around, he keeps to himself. Part of me feels bad for him, but then I remember what he did. How he threw us away. I remember the messages I got from a random instagram account. A woman who apologized. She didn’t know he had a girlfriend. He hadn’t told her. My heart feels heavy remembering the pain. Then there’s B. B who writes me letters every day he is deployed. B who puts little post it notes of encouragement in my lucky scrub cap. B who loves me with everything he has.

.

.

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

You turned into your worst fears

.

.

Bradley is deployed and I miss him so much. I start drifting off to sleep on the couch when the doorbell rings. I turn on the porch light and open the door. Jake is standing there, looking at his feet. I step out onto the porch so that Bradley can see whatever this is on the Ring camera. “Jake? What are you doing here?” “I wanted to tell you that I am PCSing. Norfolk. Next week.” “Oh. Okay. Well, take care of yourself Jake.” He sighs, “I am sorry. For everything.” I cut him off, “Jake you don’t have to-“ “No, please. I need to say this. Y/n, I became the guy I never wanted to be. I could barely face you after what I did. And then Bradshaw, I saw how he looked at you. How he treated you. I had that. I threw that away. Y/n, I am going to regret what happened between us for the rest of my life.” My eyes water and he continues, “I wish you nothing but the best, okay?” He hugs me and I sniffle, “You too, Jake. Be safe up there.” He starts walking towards his truck and looks back, “I spent so long competing with Bradshaw and I thought we were just alike. Now I can see he is so many things that I will never be.”