#HER CONSCIOUSLY AND PURPOSELY STIMMING IN FRONT OF HIM

[odessastone]

I’m gonna rip this scene out and glue it to the ceiling above my bed so I can read it every morning and night

[fuzziemutt]

Headcanon Background

These are my headcanons following the world of “Do You Understand?”

This is just extra world building and character stuff that I didn’t want bogging down the main story or have established in there for future reference. Some of these headcanons are inspired by fics I’ve read btw. I might add onto this in the future.

WARNING: Minor Spoilers ahead - I do suggest reading this after the story is complete.

-this mostly covers Connor, Nines and Hank because they’re the ones I most often deal with. If anyone asks for the others or I think of some for them I might add em.

MasterList

World:

This is Post Pacifist route and everyone lives (best ending)

The actual events of the game take much longer, the revolution doesn’t end until towards the end of December to January.

Some events of the game went a bit differently since the time is stretched and because mister Cage is dumb. Like Markus can’t do the weird look deviation thing for funsies. And Alice is human (even if not shown). And there were more revolutionary events that aren’t discussed but happened.

Androids are also much more open about their inhumaness, they often act more human like around humans. However, while alone, androids tend to talk via their internal networks most often (some choose to outwardly speak only too, it’s just preference) and refer to themselves in less human manners.

Okay ngl I’m not gonna get into how to fix this mess of a world Cage made, I’m going to idealize some things in this fic (like I made a landlord nice and not much ACAB- or really any cop stuff), this is merely for fic purposes. I ain’t gonna play moral battlefield with Cage’s dumbass for what started as a vent fic. Just know I don’t agree with a lot of the decisions Cage made for this game’s plot.

Connor RK800:

The RK800 model was made with less articulations in his face so as to cut corners given he was meant to just be a trial. -He needs to consciously run facial expression programs and they can be quite awkward.

Same vein, Connor’s constant calibration, while also a stim, lack of tear ducts, and blinking glitch are also due to Cyberlife cutting corners

Connor Has ADHD because I do so he does too

He also stims by pacing or running, but he tends to do this in absolute private.

He likes to change his hair color quite often to differentiate himself from Nines (He would change his eye color if he could), he does have Bryan’s curly hair but he still consistently styles it to the game style.

His wardrobe style consists of button ups (black, white and floral), turtlenecks, a dark grey blazer, knee length black coat, black jeans, and dress shoes (often Cyberlife ones since they’re just slip ons essentially)

He has killed/hunted way more deviants (and humans) than in game Connor. When he isn’t with Hank, Cyberlife ordered him to simply hunt down and dispose of any deviants he could find. (they wanted results they just played nice with the law for show)

While he wasn't cruel and let all deviants he met with Hank go (except Rupert), any deviants he found while "off duty" did not receive the same mercies (some would even be found mangled beyond recognition). Hank really amplified the humanity in him but only when present. It was also easier to ignore orders when he had a scapegoat.

He also remembers all prior iterations of himself; while the corruption in memory is still there, it was used to condition him in ���right” from “wrong”.

He spent a lot more time with Amanda especially during early trials as well so his loyalty to her is very deep and she is like a mother figure to him.

This is Connor model -54. Past 3 models deactivation: Fell with Daniel while protecting Emma (Successful mission); Success w/ Carlos’ android, but he still self destructed and got shot in the interrogation room when trying to stop them; Stratford tower kitchen but the deviant crushes his thirium pump before running leaving him unable to be saved.

He did go up to the roof and saw how Simon was left behind, but he thought about how Hank would be displeased if he killed this android in front of him, given prior results, so he left back to the kitchen last second. Simon knows he left him alone but he doesn't know why.

*pats his head* this boy can hold so much unprocessed trauma

Also this Connor is not an “uwu soft boy”, he is a bastard man. A nice bastard man, but a bastard man none the less. He will sell you to Satan for a single corn chip (/j). He is severely touch-starved though.

He is very bad at expressing and showing his true emotions in a way that makes sense since he’s spent the last, however many, iterations putting himself in a tomb of denial, fear and anger in order to survive. He often expresses nothing or in a manner that he feels will benefit him (arguably manipulative but he is in constant survival mode still). (unless he gets too overwhelmed by his own emotions like hella overwhelmed)

He wasn’t necessarily “deviant” when a machine, his social relations and general programming just saw the act of being more emotionally expressive as giving him a higher chance of not being killed by his handlers. Basically “if they think I’m like a cute roomba, they won’t kill me as easily”. He still experienced frustration, fear and other emotions he ignored, but he was under command (with code and external pressures), his own AI just got fucky and advanced without anyone realizing it (from trauma).

The books in his apartment are random books hes bought from a thrift store, but there are some mystery books and a sea creature encyclopedia in the mix. - The manta ray plush is a gift from Hank, the Whale is a gift from Nines.

Connor (Nines) RK900:

He looks and sounds exactly like Connor. Height, build, face, voice and everything is the exact same except he has blue eyes.

Arguably Nines’ system name is still registered as “Connor” but he just never felt the need to change it since he just goes by Nines anyways.

He has more articulations in his face, even more than the average android, and he tends to take advantage of this. He does feel bad sometimes after being a walking reminder that Connor meant nothing to Cyberlife, but they both tend to not want to talk about that and just ignore it. He doesn’t know how deep Connor’s jealousy goes though.

Given he activated deviant, he really isn’t sure what being a machine is like or having to follow orders. This sometimes is a disadvantage as he doesn’t get sometimes why androids, like Connor, would lean so heavily onto their old programming.

This also means, he’s very expressive and open about his emotions. They were free so why would he try hiding what he felt ? (This can sometimes get him in trouble)

Where Connor changes his hair, Nines wears very loud and vibrant clothing, if he finds a shirt that screams ugly he will wear it. His usual get up is asymmetrical colored button ups, whatever pants he grabs that morning, dress shoes (don’t worry they’re ugly too) and his favorite highlighter neon yellow and orange hooded jacket. He also tends to change into more comfy wear when at his room in New Jericho.

He is partnered with Gavin Reed, but those two really aren’t friends and never will be. Nines can handle him just fine at work but he would never invite that man anywhere near him after it. He is friends with most of the DPD. People find him really friendly and enjoy talking to him.

He also owns a cat named Clem, not much is known about her because she’s really shy.

While he still has access to the base zen garden program, the program is not connected to anything and never had the Amanda AI implemented yet. Since he was never rolled off the press properly and Amanda was set to change connections to the new model set when Connor was done, it never happened.

He was released from Cyberlife storage due to an agreement between them and Markus that all remaining prototypes would be released and androids would have access to the tower in order to produce biocomponents and parts (Cyberlife still owns the building arguably and has access to any info/security there though). He’s honestly not that close to the Jericho leadership despite everything. He talks to them every once in a while but he doesn’t actively talk to them.

Arguably yes he is one of many RK900s, but for sake of story, he is the -84 model of the series and the only one we will see.

Hank Anderson:

After the revolution, he offers Connor a place to stay out of worry. He won’t admit it, but he had a gut feeling con man wasn’t doing well (he was right)

He does work on his drinking problem, but he still has a lot of issues and sometimes relapses. He’s slowly getting better.

He’s like a dad figure to Connor but he isn’t his dad. He gives guidance, but he also gets that Connor is arguably a full grown adult even if he is emotionally like 1 years old. He kinda is a dad to Nines too, but this isn’t as focused on in the story. While he is a bit less grumpy (aggressive) enter Connor, he still a bit of a sour boot most of the time. He just is sober while doing it now. He started wearing a ponytail after the revolution to keep his hair out of his face. He lets Connor trim it every once in a while, but he can’t bring himself to go back to the short style. This Hank adopted Cole as a baby after finding him at a crime scene. He never got married. (He jokes about having an ex-wife out of a sense of compulsory heteronormativity and because it’s funny to him) He used to treat Gavin like a son of sorts before Cole’s death, but practically dropped him afterwards which is why Gavin is doubly hostile towards him. The house he lives in now is not the same house he lived in when Cole was alive. He also got rid of a lot of Cole’s stuff when moving (The toys and clothes he kept are in a box in the garage).

[tonks32]

Vault 95

I borrowed Gentlezed’s Boston again for this little snippet. I know that black-rose4 already went down this road, which can be found here (go read it as it’s fantastic) but I had this knocking around in my head.

Ao3

  They should’ve set out for Vault 95 the moment Cait mentioned it. That was his plan at least. But nothing, as Boston was learning, ever went according to plan in the fucking Commonwealth. The Brotherhood showed up. He stumbled his way through the damn Freedom trail and was now engaging with an organization whose sole purpose was to liberate Synths. Then he had to track and kill a courier for any hope of breaching the Institute to find Shawn. And while Boston found himself being pulled all across the wasteland, Cait’s health declined.

  Now, as they breached the vault, Boston feared they waited too long. That fighting Gunner after Gunner would mean nothing. That, once again, he would lose the woman he loved.

  “We’re almost there!” Boston yelled slamming another magazine into his modified hunting rifle.

  Cait, paler than death with blood trickling from her nose, only nodding before squeezing off two rounds of her shotgun. The kickback itself nearly knocked her over.

  He held her behind their cover. “Stay here.”

  “Sodding-.”

  “Cait! Listen to me!” Boston took a precious moment that they probably didn’t have to take her face between his calloused hands. “You can’t fight.”

  “Watch me.”

  “Please, Cait.” There was a small hitch in his voice as he stared at her. “I need-I can’t…” Boston cursed, words escaping him like they always did. She must’ve understood regardless since she laid a hand against his cheek. “I’ll be back.”

  “You better.” She swiped the sleeve of her other arm to mop up the blood. “Don’t make me come save yer ass.”

  Despite the bone-deep fear coursing through him, he let out a bark of laughter. “It’s a very fine ass.”

  Cait smiled. “Verra, verra fine. My opinion may be a tad biased.”

  “Cait.” He held his tongues where the words sat ready to be let out. No! He wouldn’t tell her like this. When they both thought her on death’s door. It would be only another thing to haunt him. Instead, Boston gave her a quick and hard kiss. “I’ll be back. Dogmeat, stay with her.”

  More Gunners. More robots. Enemies were around every corner it seemed. Was the Commonwealth fully of just mercenaries. Was there that little good left in this desolate world?

  The question echoed in his mind as Boston took out the last Gunner held up in the experiment chamber. After a few quick clumsy strikes of the keyboard, the terminal hummed to life. He pounded his fist against the desk in triumph. Finally something in the fucked up world was going in their favor.

  Of course, he spoke too soon. He felt the hot sting of a blade in his lower left back from a Gunner he failed to check was dead in his rush. “Damn it.” Boston slumped forward, his knees starting to buckle under his own weight. His sluggish movements left him open for another blow. This time catching him closer to the spine and being enough to take him down. Willin his brain to block out the pain, Boston swung around to put a round into the Gunner’s head.

  “Fucking, idiot,” Boston mumbled at himself while looking over his shoulder trying to figure out how to remove the blade still lodged in his back. It took far too long for his liking before the bloody knife clattered against the floor. He had to get back to Cait. Gripping the edge of the desk, Boston pulled himself up. The pain shooting down his left leg proved too much and ended up sprawled out on the floor in a small pool of his own blood.

  Stim pack!

  Frantically, Boston flipped through the pockets of his gear only to come up with a pain blocker. God damn it to hell! That wouldn’t work. He tried sitting up again, hand slipping on a metal cylinder.

  Psycho.

  After a quick glance, Boston found it all over the room. Taking it wasn’t exactly the most ideal situation, but it would be what he needed to spike his adrenaline enough to get back to Cait. Hopefully, the blocker would help ease to pain for now.

  The shot of Psycho worked instantly, giving Boston the energy needed to get to his feet. He injected himself with the blocker before ignoring his wounds and made his way back to Cait.

  Dogmeat was curled protectively around the semi-conscious woman. He lifted his head from his paws, saw the blood leaking from his master’s body, and let out a small whine.

  “No time to worry about me, boy.” Despite the blocker, pain radiated through his weakening body as he bent to scoop Cait into his arms.

  Stirring slightly, the redhead draped an arm around his neck and gave him a weak yet breathtaking smile. “You look like shite, Boston.”

  He pressed his lips to her clammy brow. “And you’ve never looked better. Time to go.” With the continuing blood lose and weaning effects of the drug, Boston had to hurry before his body gave out on him. “Come, Dogmeat.”

  Cait struggled to hold onto consciousness. Everything hurt. Even the simple task of breathing was too much. Closing her eyes, she pressed her face against his shoulder forcing herself to concentrate on the smell of him. Sweat. Musk. Dirt. Under all that was a hint of cedar that always clung to his skin. So many nights, when the cravings took hold, Cait would curl up in her bed, face buried in a shirt of his she stole long ago. Before they even started to tangle up in one another.

  Through the haze of what Cait could only figure was approaching death, Cait felt something slick on Boston’s back. To her horror, she found her hand drenched in blood. “You’re hurt.”

  Boston adjusted his grip, holding her tighter and forcing all his effort into putting one foot in front of another. “Only a flesh wound.”

  “Yer a horrible liar.”

  He let out a soft chuckle. “So, I’ve been told.” MacCready especially, constantly reminding him of how horrible his poker face was. Turning the final corner, Boston couldn’t hold back the sigh of relief. Carefully as he could muster with the pain starting to worsen, he laid her down in the chair. He looked at all the equipment, struggling to remember what the instruction said to do.

  “Boston.” Cait wrapped her fingers weakly around his wrist, stopping him from sliding one of the many needles into her arm.

  Confused, he blinked down at her. “what is it?”

  “What if…If…” Cait wrestled with the words tangled in her throat. “Ima afraid.”

  Her admission broke Boston’s heart. Giving no mind of the blood on his hands, he touched her cheek. “I’m right here.”

  Her tired eyes found his. “I donna know who I am without the drug. I donna know how exists. What if ye-.”

  Boston silenced her with a gentle, yet needy kiss. “we’ll figure it out,” He vowed. “Together.”

  The corner of her mouth lifted. “Together,” She echoed. “I like the sound of that.”

  Quickly, Boston finished hooking Cait to the machine. “It says it’s going to hurt.” The fact already put a sour taste in his mouth. “I don’t know how much.”

  She kept his gaze locked with his. They’d gotten this far and Boston bled for her. “Whatever happens. No matter how much I scream, don’t stop it.”

  “Cait.” Emotions clogged his throat. “I don’t know if I’m that strong.”

  “Yer the strongest person I know.”

  He pressed his lips to her brow. “we’ll agree to disagree at the moment. Are you ready?”

  “I trust you, Boston.”

  God, he prayed he didn’t let her down. Sharing one last kiss, Boston limped out of the room to the terminal. His hands trembled, hovering over the keyboard as he looked through the lass at his fearless warrior. Dogmeat leaned against his legs spurring him into action. Mere moments after engaging the program, Cait let out a blood-curdling scream that grated against Boston’s very soul.

  Stumbling, he caught himself by gripping the edge of the desk. With Cait’s scream of agony in his ears, Boston’s vision began to grey. Please don’t take her. Not one for praying, he sent his plea up to whoever was listening. He couldn’t lose another woman he loved. “Cait.”

  The name fell from his lips before the darkness claimed him.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

  Boston came awake with a start. Disoriented, he swept his gaze around the room to find himself still in the vault, face down on one of its preserved beds, and shirtless. He tried to move only causing him to erupt into a cursing fit at the sharp pain in his back. Wounded, his hazily remembered. “Cait.” Pushing past the discomfort, he managed to roll on to his side finding the woman in question already approaching him with a can of purified water. For the first time since their fateful meeting at the Combat Zone, there was color in her once pale skin and a light shimmer in her eyes. “you’re okay.”

  “Canna say the same for ya.  Careful now or ye gonna undo my patch job.” Carefully, Cait sat on the edge of the bed and lifted the can to his lips. “Drink.”

  He did until it was empty and pushed it away in order to lay his hand against her cheek. No longer clammy and sweaty. Sighing, Boston pulled her down until their brows touched. “God, you’re okay.” Tears caught in his throat. “I thought… Your screams…Then everything went black.”

  “Because ye allowed yerself to get stabbed twice wi’ no mind to patch yerself up.”

  Hearing the twinge of anger beneath her seemingly calm voice, Boston fought a smile. “No stimpacks.”

  “They were all in the dog’s vest ye left with me.”

  “Had to protect you.” Boston drew back to meet her gaze dinging them swimming with emotions and damp. “Don’t you understand, Cait?”

  Cait shook her head. No, she didn’t. Couldn’t understand him or the feelings he stirred in her. No one, not a single soul, in her entire life gave a damn about her. All the kindness, patience, couldn’t be free. There was always a price. Wasn’t there?

  He wiped the single tear that escaped her defenses with the pad of his thumb. “I love you.” God, it felt incredibly good to finally say the words allowed after struggling with them for so long. “I love you, Cait.”

  “How?” For the first time, Cait allowed herself to let go of the emotions surging through her and, by God, it felt good. Maybe it was because, for the first time in her life, she felt free. Felt like she was no longer shackled by the pain and turmoil of her past. Maybe because her mind was clear and her heart was full of hope instead of hatred. Bitterness and anger. All because of this man before her. “How can you. Ima bloody mess.”

  “That’s the great thing about love.” Boston gave her a gentle smile. “It doesn’t have to make sense. It just is.”

  A teary laugh escaped her. “That must be logic from the old time as it sure in the hell doesn’t make a lick of sense.” Regardless, Cait accepted it. Accepted how he made her feel even if it scared her shitless. “I love ye too, Boston. I thought myself incapable after everyin’ Iva ben through. Iva nevva been so happy to be proven wrong.

  He moved forward, stopping when he felt the shift in the metal against his skin.

  “Boston, look at me.” Cait touched the ring hanging around his beck by a leather cord. “I know ye still love her and that she holds a part of yer heart that will always belong to her. Ima not gonna ask you to forget that love, to forget her, and I nevva will.”

  And that made him love this woman all the more. He pulled her close, his mouth finding hers, trying to pour every ounce of that love into that single kiss as he didn’t have the words. He may never have them. Feeling Cait’s hands in his hair, Boston carefully fell onto his back, dragging her with regardless of the pain. He needed her and by god, he was going to have her. To worship and ravish her until his love was branded in every inch of her skin. Sense told him to wait until they were either back in Sanctuary or to a nearby town, but Boston couldn’t wait that long. It was a bit poetic if look at with the right angle.

  They entered the vault looking for salvation, in Boston’s mind, and they would leave it together with a renewed purpose. Stronger than when they entered it. And Boston knew without a shadow of a doubt that together they would face any challenge the Commonwealth threw at them. More importantly, they would find his son.