#HE MAKES ME CRAZZZYYYYYYYYYYY

[danwylds]

I feel genuinely insane when youre looking down at zevran after he tried to assassinate you and is asking for his life while you could very much kill him and you ask him, sort of offhandedly, why he joined the crows and he immediately starts defending them. he tells you they bought him to raise as an assassin and he goes don’t worry about that. its fine now because i have everything i could want. and then he very subtly says, well, everything but my life. and THEN even MORE subtly says, well, not that its even mine. just a life, would be fine. Zevran the man that you are

[lordelmelloi2]

He explained in a letter how he was coping with his state of heightened emotionality: instead of thinking of disastrous possibilities, he would throw himself completely into his work, and “if the storm within gets too loud, I take a glass more to stun myself” (5). He became more disturbed. Feverish creative activity alternated with episodes of listlessness to the point of exhaustion. Unpredictable mood shifts of dysphoria alternating with euphoria or with “indescribable anguish” became more frequent. Excerpts of letters written after his first breakdown best document his mental states that before had been present to a lesser degree. “I am unable to describe exactly what is the matter with me; now and then there are horrible fits of anxiety, apparently without cause, or otherwise a feeling of emptiness and fatigue in the head.…and at times I have attacks of melancholy and of atrocious remorse” (6). “There are moments when I am twisted by enthusiasm or madness or prophecy, like a Greek oracle on the tripod. And then I have great readiness of speech” (5). 

this is making me so insane mostly because this is like extremely close to what I’m going thru rn ... it’s stress psychosis. Have also been drinking to cope w/my brain lately and think i Might have some wine tonight alone ... feeling like you can create a lot of things and then just like dying for a couple of weeks. 😭 IM  REALLY GOING TO GO FUCKING CRAZZZYYYYYYYYYYY AND FGO IS LIKE OH YOU THINK THIS WAY BECAUSE OF OUTER GODS INFLUENCE IWJOUBGR398YOIUFJSDKLF NOOOO BITCH ITS STRESS PSYCHOSIS