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looselucy · 6 years ago

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Different

January 30th It had been a long time since I’d sat across from Sam Jacobs, a pint on the table and nothing but silence between us.

He’d been consistent for over two weeks that he needed to talk to me. He’d text, called, turned up at my door, turned up at work. Almost every day since he’d been back, he’d made some form of attempt to talk to me, and I had grown completely tired of it. I felt it was easier to just get it out of the way. “How’ve you been?” He asked me, seemingly nervous. “Fine.” I mumbled, not caring to know of his wellbeing. Another reason I’d met him was in an attempt to keep Harry’s anger at bay. Harry, who I’d been with almost constantly since the night of the storm. Luckily, he’d missed most of the times when Sam had tried to reach out to me, and I hadn’t told him because I didn’t want another repeat of the night that he’d attacked him outside the pub. But then I’d been round at his house when Sam tried to call me, and he’d been frustrated at that alone. “Why’s he calling you?” He had asked, brows low, words dripping with hatred. “I have no fucking idea.” I’d groaned, rolling over to my side of the bed. “I keep ignoring him, but-” “You keep ignoring him? This isn’t the first time he’s tried it?” “Harry-” “Let me answer. I’ll talk to him. I’ll tell him where the fuck he can go.” “Harry, no, leave it!” I knew he’d get like that so I knew it was best to avoid it, as much as I could. The bottom line was that Harry and Sam were never going to see eye to eye on anything, and I’d do what I could to keep them apart as much as physically possible. Talking to Sam felt like the best way of starting that. “So what do you want?” I barked when he had been quiet for too long, the pub practically empty. “I wanted to try and explain myself. I wanna apologise, properly.” “Go on then.” “Do you have to be so hostile, Alfie? I’m trying to have a mature conversation with you.” “I really hope you’re kidding, Sam. You should consider yourself lucky I’m even here.” “And I do, but there’s no point in either of us being here if shit isn’t going to change between us.” “So then say what you need to fucking say, Sam!” I yelped. “I’m not gunna plaster on a smile to make you feel better.” “Fine, but then if you could just-” “OI!” Gina yelled from behind the bar, shutting us both up. “Calm down, both of ya! It’s too early for a bloody brawl yet.” It wasn’t even 6 o’clock. I’d only just shut the shop, it was a Wednesday night, we were the only people in there. Gina was used to a scuffle in her pub, but it wasn’t the expected time for it, and she was clearly in no mood. I bit at my tongue, trying to calm down for her sake rather than Sam’s, who apologised to her over my head. I folded my arms, waiting for him to say his piece. He ran his hand through his hair, and to say he’d been so adamant that he wanted to sit down and talk with me, he seemed absolutely clueless with what he wanted to say. “I think about what happened constantly.” He sighed after some time. “And it’s… a blur, I was fucked, but… I remember how scared you were and it’s ruining me, Alfie. I know I’ve been a shit boyfriend at times, I can admit that, but that… That’s not who I am. I need you to know that that’s not who I am.” I knew that much, or at least I had thought that way, once. It was out of character for him, but that didn’t mean I could simply dismiss it. Just because I hadn’t seen it from him before clearly didn’t mean it wasn’t there. That side of him did exist, and he’d proven that. He dropped his head, discouraged by my steadfast tough exterior. “I’ve been with my mum, trying to get some space and figure everything out, but it made everything worse. I’ve been hating myself, and then I told her what happened and… You should have seen the look on her face.” He ached. “Like she… was disappointed, but like she’d been expecting it. You know what she said to me?” I shrugged, icy, uninterested, waiting for excuses from him, waiting for him to dull down what had happened, expecting the worst from him. “You are your fathers’ son.” He snarled as he repeated his mothers’ words, and my attitude wavered a bit then. My face dropped, my body deflated, knowing what that would have done to him. He’d always been so close to his mum; I couldn’t believe she would even say that to him. What Sam had done that night was in no way acceptable, but I knew just how abusive his father had been, and his actions paled in comparison. “Shit. M’sorry.” I weakened somewhat. “Fucking true though, innit?” He shook his head, broken compared the boy I’d once known. He’d put on an act at the pub the other week when Harry had fought with him, but the truth was Sam put on an act a lot of the time. I’d had an intense relationship with him for years, I knew what he was like on his own, when he was vulnerable, when he was real. I knew Sam at his lowest, and this was beyond that. “It’s not true.” I gulped, finding myself wanting to make him feel better, which was not the initial plan at all. “I know what your dad did to you and your mum. You’re not like that.” Even the fact he was clearly remorseful, meant he was nothing like his father. That abuse had gone on for years, with no shame, no regret. Both Sam and his mother had scars from the things he’d done to them, physical and mental, and even after what had gone on, I knew that Sam wasn’t capable of that. “But I don’t wanna be like him at all. I don’t want even an ounce of that, y’know. And I feel so sick about what happened, and I just wanted to sit you down and… tell you how sorry I am. Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry. You… You’re perfect, you don’t deserve that. You’ve never been anything but amazing to me, and… I dunno. I think losing you just… messed with me, and I’m sorry.” I believed he was sorry. I’d believed he was sorry at the time, as soon as he’d come to his senses, but it was never going to be quite enough. I’d never be able to look at him the same way, I’d never be able to trust him and have a normal friendship with him. I didn’t necessarily forgive him, but I understood him. “Okay.” I nodded eventually. “I get it. I hope you feel better… after this.” “I hope so too.” Things got awkward quickly, but thankfully, I had a good reason to leave. I was glad I hadn’t bought a drink. “I’m gunna go, Sam. I’ve got a defence class with Harry, so-” “Harry?” “Yeah.” He huffed, and although I had to be slightly more understanding of his disdain after the fight they’d had, if you could even call it that, I still didn’t appreciate his apparent hatred toward Harry. “What’s his issue?” He glowered. “What?” “What’s his issue with me?” “What do you think, Sam?” “Why does he even know about it? It’s none of his fucking business.” “But it’s my business, and I can tell whoever I want, so I told him. I dunno why you’re so touchy about him.” “He had an issue with me before that anyway. I’m not touchy about him, I just don’t trust him. He’s more fucking violent than I am.” “Drop it, Sam.” “The lad’s bad news. He just wants to get in your fucking knickers, Alfie. Open your eyes.” “I’m done.” I said blankly, getting to my feet. “Thanks for your weak attempt to make things right, but I’m really fucking done.” He tried to call me back to him, but I didn’t want to hear another word. I’d actually been foolish enough to believe for a few moments that we’d be able to end the conversation on a relatively positive note. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how bad things could get if Sam actually knew about what had been happening with me and Harry, whatever the hell that was. We hadn’t really discussed what was going on with us since we’d sort of rekindled the night of the storm, we’d just fallen back together in a wonderful way. We spent every minute we could with another, and it felt incredible. We’d been unbelievably close for the past few weeks since he’d shared what had happened to his father with me, closer than we’d ever been, closer and more intimate than we’d ever been, and as far as I’d been concerned, and we’d still kept it all to ourselves. We hadn’t really talked about it, and I wasn’t sure where we were heading, what was going to happen between us, what we really meant to one another, but it was something we wanted to explore, and for the past few weeks that had been enough. Keeping things between us still felt like the best thing. Rosebury had a big mouth for such a small place. I slammed the door shut behind me, taking a few steps in the right direction before I heard a voice. “Oi.” I turned around, seeing Harry leaning against the front wall of the pub, gym gear on, ready for the first one-on-one session we’d had for a very long time. Seeing him made me smile in ways it never had before. “Hi.” I calmed from the sight of him alone, slowly walking over to him. “What’re you doing here? I said I’d meet you at the gym.” “I know, sorry, I just wanted to check on you. I was feeling… uneasy. Annoyed. Sorry.” “It’s okay.” “How’d it go?” “Not great, to be honest. The boy’s a total wanker.” I rolled my eyes. “I could’a told you that.” He smirked, making me smile. “As long as you’re okay?” “I’m fine, let’s just go before he sees us and has a bloody meltdown. He really hates you, y’know?” “Feeling’s fucking mutual.” He tutted, looking back over his shoulder as we set off towards the gym. I don’t think I’d appreciated just how much of a blessing it was that Sam had left when he had. It had been nice to just exist for a while without having to worry about him, without him being around, without even needing to think about him. I truly despised the fact he was back, that I had to deal with him again. I really didn’t have the energy for it. It still felt more likely that Harry would disappear again rather than Sam, and I hated that. “You ever need me to smack him one again, I’d be glad to.” “I thought you tried to avoid all that stuff?” I tried to withhold my smile. “Summat about him though, I don’t really mind.” “Well, thanks for the offer, but I’ll pass.” I hoped that Harry would be able to control his anger the next time he had an encounter with Sam, whenever that would be. He seemed to be quite playful with his threats, but I couldn’t guarantee things wouldn’t get rowdy when they were face to face with one another. The past few weeks that Harry and I had spent with each other had been divine. Unexpected, but divine. When I’d gone to see him on New Year’s Day, I had already made my mind up, confident that the feelings I’d developed were not shared. I was utterly convinced that there wasn’t a chance that his heart had shifted in the way mine had, and as painful as it had been, I’d settled into this state where I had no other option than to move on, try to get over him. He’d proved me wrong, in his own way. He was still quiet, but he’d said enough, he’d started acting differently, in the little things he did. He had told me that whatever he felt with me had to mean something, and I agreed. It was still something that we needed to test, tease, try. But his actions had changed, slightly, yet enough for me to notice and flutter with excitement with every touch. He was so tender with me, and he always had been really, but it had increased. He’d hold my hand, lock me in his grip at night, stare at me for no other reason than looking. There hadn’t been much more of a discussion in regards to his family and his past since we’d spoken about his father, but I could tell that it had been a constructive experience for him. A weight had been lifted, and I could see it in everything he did. He seemed to be doing better, have a lighter aura than the heavy one he’d carried before. Things were good. “So what’s on the cards for today’s class?” I queried. “We’re early, actually.” He said, checking his watch. “So I think maybe… enjoy some alone time before I start the lesson.” “And what does alone time entail?” I asked suggestively. “Uhm,” He chuckled, somewhat nervously. “Whatever you want it to.” “Interesting.” We turned the corner, the building where he held his classes coming into sight, but that wasn’t all we saw. Stood by the door leading inside, was Libby, Chloe, and then Niall was sat down on the floor, all with their gym-wear on, shivering, waiting to be let indoors. “THEY’RE HERE!” Chloe squealed excitedly, Niall leaping up off the curb, stumbling to his feet and rushing towards us. “What the hell are you doing?” I giggled when he collided against me, took me into his arms, giving me a big cuddle. “We thought we’d come and try out one of these one-on-one lessons.” Libby explained as Niall squeezed the life out of me. “Uhh,” Harry seemed both amused and unsure. “This is kinda one-on-four though.” “Don’t worry, it’s just a one off.” Libby smiled. “Next week, we’ll leave you be, but after learning what Sam did to Alf, you’re not the only one who wants to smack him in the face, Harry.” I’d asked Libby to tell the group what I’d told her about me and Sam, because otherwise I would have never heard the end of it. After what Harry had done, it was either tell the truth or deal with endless questions that I couldn’t answer, so it was best to just let everyone know and then we could forget the whole thing. She’d told them all at some point over the past few weeks, so they were all up to speed and incredibly understanding of Harry’s actions, despite the fact it definitely wasn’t the best way to handle any situation. I felt so much better about them all knowing than I thought I would. “Alright, fine.” Harry sniggered, going to unlock the door. “Niall, nice to see you’ve finally joined.” “I’m so sorry that bastard did that to you.” He ignored him, still hugging me, words wafting through my hair. “If I’d have known I would have been right there with Harry punching him right to the ground.” “Well then I think it’s a good job you didn’t know.” I tittered, pushing him away towards Harry, who was holding the door open for us. “And you.” Niall sighed to him. “What a legend you are. The way you just took him out, boom. I loved it.” “Thanks.” He sniggered. “Don’t encourage him!” I tried. I walked through the door, glancing over my shoulder as I wandered up the stairs to see Harry and Niall share an attempt at a discreet high-five, rolling my eyes and then journeying on. “OI OI!” We heard from outside, seconds before Harry closed the door. “Sorry we’re late!” I recognised Louis’ voice and knew that Lin would be with him. I got to the top of the stairs, turning to see them both arrive, out of breath, almost crashing right into Harry as they came to an abrupt halt. “Holy shit, you’re all here!” Harry cried. “Avengers assemble!” Lin spoke proudly, before they all started walking up towards me. Grinning, I made my way into the room, practically giddy over the fact they’d all turned up for this session, and that was before I’d even spotted that Louis had even put on legwarmers and a sweatbands for the occasion, one around his head and one on either wrist. We all went into the gym, the lads complimenting Harry on the space since it was their first time there, and I felt so ridiculously happy. The only reason they’d turned up was for my benefit, to make me smile, to make me laugh, to make me feel better. I knew the next hour or so wouldn’t be spent too seriously, but they wanted to show me that they had my back. The entire setup was all there to put a smile on my face, and it was working marvellously. I loved them all so much. “How much do we owe you?” Louis asked Harry. “Huh?” “How much do you charge for one of these sessions? Don’t think we’re not gunna cough up.” “Oh. I… Well, I don’t charge her.” “What?” Chloe gawped. “I see her for free.” He shrugged. “It didn’t feel right to make her pay. Not after what happened. So… it’s free.” “You’re really just the perfect man, aren’t you?” Niall sighed. “Hardly.” He disagreed, then clapped his hands together. “Alright, c’mon. Spread around the room, get your own space. I wanna see you all do some lunges. And make it sexy!” The lads were on it instantly, Louis looking as though he was a dancer they’d removed from the ‘Let’s Get Physical’ video, and I burst out laughing within seconds. I felt so ridiculously happy.

I liked seeing Harry in my bed. Usually, we spent time at his place, but since mine was first on the walk back from the gym, it just made sense to stumble into my flat and call it a night. We’d avoided our usual routine of going to the pub, which hadn’t been too suspicious given how exhausted the lads were after attending one of Harry’s actual classes. He’d asked them to stay, try it out, be serious after over an hour of the seven of us completely messing around, and they’d said yes. By the end of it they all looked like they were about to pass out. So that meant we’d wound up at my place, and Harry was back in my bed. He looked right there, wrapped up in my pink duvet, almost naked beneath it, watching me as I made us hot chocolates wearing nothing but his shirt, ignoring the rain outside. Things felt calm, comfortable, right. “Today was so much fun.” He smiled dozily. “Wasn’t it?” “Sorry we didn’t get to do our class though.” “That’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.” I shrugged, turning down the heat on the hob. “It was good. It kinda… Well I guess it sort of felt like a different sort of therapy to the usual ones, but therapy nonetheless.” “Good, m’glad.” I poured out our drinks into the mugs I’d gotten out and then approached him, passing his over to him before clambering onto my side of the bed and crossing my legs. “I love how much they all care about you. How you all care about each other.” He spoke gently, staring forward. “Y’know… you’re a part of that now. You know that, right?” I said, but he didn’t say anything. “They care about you, Harry. They really do, and I do too. A lot.” “I dunno, I just… I sometimes still feel like I’m intruding, and-” “Fuck, please don’t feel like that. They all adore you. It just works, doesn’t it? You fit in so well. Y’know… when you disappear and stuff…” I approached the topic anxiously. “They all miss you, and worry about you, and… We want you to come home. You’re a part of it now, you’re not intruding.” I sat up, turning so I was facing him and crossing my legs, despising how unsure he seemed. “I guess I’m just not used to it.” He sighed. “Get used to it.” I smirked, spotting how coy he looked, making me think that really deep down, he knew all this already. “You’ve moved somewhere great and you’ve got a whole group of people who really care about you. It’s a really good thing, don’t look so… freaked by it, okay?” “Okay.” He smiled softly. There were still a lot of things I wanted to ask Harry, a lot of questions I had about him that still hadn’t been answered, but I didn’t want to rush any of it. I didn’t want him to feel obligated to tell me every single thing. Just because he’d worked up the courage to talk about one thing, didn’t mean it would all come naturally from there on out; it was still going to be difficult for him, an uphill struggle against the forces that had kept him down and held him back for so many years. All I wanted him to know was that when he was ready, I’d be there for him, listening, attempting to ease the pain in any way I could. I was starting to believe then when he’d disappear for weeks at a time, it was to go and visit his mother or his brother, wherever they might be, but I was patiently waiting for him to confirm that. However, there was a conversation I believed the two of us did need to have, and I needed to take the plunge and say it. “You’re not going anywhere anytime soon, are you?” I asked. “You’re gunna… stay here, right?” “That’s my plan, yeah. I’ve got no intentions of… moving again. I like it here. Feels good.” “Okay, good. So… I was just kinda wondering… what’s going on with us.” I had my eyes down, fixed on my drink, both hands clasped around the porcelain. “Us?” “Mm.” Although things had been so amazing between us, so zealous and beautiful, we actually hadn’t slept with one another since he’d gotten back. I wasn’t entirely sure why, and I’d instigated it before, but he’d always backed down, asked that we wait. I think he had wanted to feel that difference, be completely sure of the change between us, and maybe he wanted to prove that to me, too. Everything had been so physical before he’d finally managed to speak, and I believed he wanted to demonstrate that things truly had transformed, that whatever we were now was not the same as we were in the last year. But I had missed being with him that way. I missed feeling him and being wholly enveloped by him. We had kissed endlessly, had our hands all over one another, but we still hadn’t returned to that place, we hadn’t rekindled that special connection we had fully. Things felt good, they felt right, but I wanted to make sure that we were headed in a direction of true romance, finally on the same page. He didn’t say anything for quite some time, so long that I actually managed to lift my head to look at him, find him staring at me, smiling sweetly. “You’re really fucking cute. Are you aware of how cute you are?” He grinned. “C’mon, Harry.” I extended my leg briefly to kick him weakly. “I’m really putting myself out here-” “Hey, I know, I know.” He reached for my hand, snatching it away from the mug. “M’sorry.” “I just don’t want us… to fall back into the routine we were in before. But I also don’t want you to think that we can’t… be like we were before. That doesn’t make sense, does it? Fuck. I don’t… I dunno.” I sighed heavily. “I don’t want to keep going with this, if you don’t feel… what I’m feeling. And you know what I’m feeling, so I’m just… Yeah, okay, I’ll shut up. You talk.” Without hesitation, he leaned down to the ground so he could place his drink on the floor before coming back up, hitching towards me, taking me cheek in his hand and pulling my face so our lips could meet, almost agonisingly tender. “Harry,” I gasped against his lips, the tips of our noses brushing as he turned his head from one side to the other. “Talk to me.” “I want this.” He whispered between kisses. “I want you.” He took the drink out of my hands, rushing to place it on the ground beside his before coming back to me, raising his body to hover over mine and force me to lie down, his mouth latching to my neck. I closed my eyes, chest rising. “Tell me this is different now.” I asked breathily. “Tell me this isn’t like it was before.” “This is different. We’re different.” “Please tell me you feel how I do. Tell me I mean something to you.” He lifted himself, pressing his forehead to mine, lips parted, brows low, fingers tangling into my hair. “Something?” “Something.” I giggled uneasily. “You mean more to me than something.” His voice was deep, assured. “It’s just me and you, Fee. Just me and you.” He kissed me again, tongue meeting mine within seconds, body hot and heavy on mine. It seemed even more complicated, somehow; keeping things from our friends when it meant more than just fucking, but I didn’t care. It suited the two of us, keeping things quiet, and I didn’t want to complicate something that already felt complicated. I liked things only being between the two of us, and until we knew exactly where we stood, I knew it was better to keep it that way. We still had a lot to learn about one another and the feelings we were experiencing. It was just me and him. We quickly became breathless as we kissed, and I half expected him to put an end to it again, ask that we hold out a little longer, but he didn’t. He pulled away and started undressing me, unbuttoning the shirt of his I’d been wearing, eyes gliding down my body as it was revealed to him. I lifted my eyes to look at him, watch his face, take it in, and I could see something was different already. The confidence he usually had, the assurance and the smugness, it wasn’t there. He seemed anxious, apprehensive, tentative, trembles trancing his body. I was starting to realise that with Harry, his actions often spoke much louder than his words. He hadn’t told me why he wanted to wait, he hadn’t told me how much this all meant to him, but I could see it. I could sense it and I could see it and it was enough. As he fiddled with the buttons on the shirt, I reached out, pulling the band of his boxers down and taking his dick in my hand, feeling it stiffen within my palm, short of breath. There was already an emotion tied to our intimacy that hadn’t been present before. We’d barely touched each other and it was so apparent, so forceful and potent. I was almost nervous, because I knew it was going to be so different to how it had been. It was like I was already threatened by the feelings it would bring. He leaned down to me, kissing me sweetly and briefly, tugging his boxers further down as I widened my legs, lolling my head back as his lips went down to my neck. He placed his fingers against my core, smoothing over me, testing the area before he put his tip against me, teasing my entrance for a second before he pushed in fully, cursing against my neck as he did. “Fuck.” I felt strangely overwhelmed. It had been around a month since we’d last slept with each other, but it felt like it had been so much longer than that. I couldn’t believe the feeling that washed over me then, when he pushed in fully, his head dropping down to the side, landing on my shoulder. He was still, taking a moment to breathe, take in the sensation he was experiencing. I wondered what had altered in him, what had been the thing that made him realise he felt more, that things between us needed to be this way and not how it had been. I wondered if it had hit him in one moment, or if it had been gradual, that I had played on his mind when he was away, that he’d overthought and questioned both his head and heart and then come to the conclusion that he needed more from us in the same way I did. He had been so different with me since we’d relit our flame, but seeing his reaction then truly confirmed how differently he was feeling about us, how bright we burned. He had told me himself that sex wasn’t special to him, and it had only been a matter of seconds and I could see that had changed. It was likely that this was the first time that sex had ever been special for Harry, and that was happening with me. He brought his head around to rest it on mine, motionless, breathing heavily. “What the fuck.” He whispered. “Mm. Agreed.” He giggled, easing a little after that and lowering his mouth back to mine to kiss me again, his body soothing into the feeling. Slowly, he started to move his hips, winding them leisurely and taking my jaw into his hand, wonderfully tender with every move he made. My chest was rising and falling at an alarming pace as I lay there just taking it, allowing myself to consume and cherish every single movement of his body and every single emotion that ambushed my heart. It wasn’t the first time we’d been so delicate and relaxed when we slept together, and Harry was tender more often than not, but it wasn’t just that. It wasn’t captured in the speed or the way he touched me, but instead it was seized in my heart and my mind; it wasn’t necessarily the physical act anymore that was the cause of the pleasure we were experiencing. As painful as it had been, I was thankful we’d waited, avoided sex for some time. It made the feeling all the sweeter. “I’m so obsessed with you.” Harry sighed. I could have stayed in that moment forever. If the option was there, I would have, just so I could always embrace that feeling. It was a sensation like no other, to be so completely engrossed by someone, for them to be the only thing that mattered. I wasn’t simply obsessed with him in return, I was obsessed with us. Groaning, he reached a hand downwards to touch me, play with my sensitivity, gasping as our tongues met again, sliding together as I cracked my neck back. Heat was a fixture within every inch of my body, burning in my stomach and lighting my chest with unprecedented blazes. The sparks of our passion were rushing across my frame, dashes of fire dancing across my skin, speckled across me like flicks of paint. Being with him was magic. My body spasmed as his fingers flicked over my clit, Harry reacting to my tremors. “Holy fuck.” He trembled, his lips stretching into a gorgeous smile. “I don’t think I can last.” “I’m not surprised. The past few weeks have just been like fucking foreplay.” He laughed again, chuckling as he rested his forehead against my temple and started kissing my cheek numerous times in quick succession, my skin likely bursting bright pink beneath his lips as I giggled. “You’re amazing.” He mumbled against my cheek, before looking down to me again, completely still now, out of the moment and yet somehow making the moment even more special. We were so ourselves, so natural and smitten. “I’m… I’m sorry. For waiting, I mean.” “Don’t be sorry.” “I just… I… This is all so new for me. All of it. I’ve not been with anyone… like this before. I’ve not felt any of this before and I really… I wanted to be sure of it.” “And are you?” He answered me by gradually lowering his mouth to mine and kissing me, slow at first until suddenly it wasn’t. He thrust, hard, before he grabbed at my waist and pulled me with him as he shot up on his knees, soon falling back and placing me upon him so I was straddling his legs, squealing as he moved me like my weight was non-existent. I was in shock, chuckling as I grabbed at his face, steadying myself. “I forget how bloody strong you are.” He bit his lip and pulled me even closer, holding his dick so that I could easily lower myself onto him, satisfied and awed the second we joined again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding myself close, tracing my tongue against his bottom lip before he widened his mouth to welcome me, his fingers gripping tighter on my waist. Leisurely, I swirled my hips, feeling as though I was concentrating more on the way we were kissing than anything else, focusing on our closeness, our intimacy. I felt so small when I was pushed against his frame like that, his hands shrinking my body with their obscene width. I moved my hands, crawling them up his jaw and that latching into his hair, pulling momentarily before the tips of my fingers caressed lightly down the centre of his neck and then scratched brazenly at the top of his back, thriving off the grunt he fashioned because of my assault on his soft skin. He bucked his hips, biting at my bottom lip, scrunching his nose as he did, raising one hand to latch at my neck and push my head even further towards his so that there was no chance of distance, keen to keep my lips with his, strong, fierce. I couldn’t get close enough. I was practically smothering him and I still wished there was a way we could be closer, for every inch of my skin to be in contact with him somehow. I’d never had sex with quite so much passion before. I’d never had sex that felt so beautifully overbearing. “Alfie,” He gasped. “You-you need to chill. M’really not gunna last if you keep moving like this.” “I don’t care.” I mulled, kissing his shaking lips. “Finish, I don’t care.” “Fuck. I’ll make up for it, I’ll- Fuck that’s it.” He ground. “You feel amazing.” I kept my eyes on him, embracing the sight, embracing the feeling I got that I was doing that to him, that he felt so good because of me and the way I stirred atop him. He tried to gather himself for my sake, rushing to take his lips to my chest and then down to my nipple, his hand moving from my waist to press his thumb firmly against my clit, jolt it brutally back and forth. I was absurdly sensitive, wanting to flinch away from the contact yet at the same time praying he wouldn’t stop, my whimpers a mixture of pleasure and agony. I distanced from him, but he pulled me closer, kissing back up my chest and neck until our lips met again. My whole body ached with satisfaction, so overwhelming it was like I could burst into tears at any second. “Ha-Harry… I can’t.” “You can.” He brought his wet thumb upwards, gently forcing it in my mouth. “C’mon, boss.” I plunged my hips forward with force, sucking on his thumb and releasing, my orgasm taking complete control. My neck slackened so my head fell backwards and his thumb fell from between my lips, his hands returning to my waist to keep me in place so he could thrust into me a final few times, cursing with each peak. I grasped at his neck to weakly pull myself upwards so I could watch him as he came, his lips parted but still smiling somehow, eyelids shimmering, hair messy, blissed out in such a beautiful way. I was completely infatuated. He looked dizzily happy. I stroked the backs of my fingers against his cheek, kissing the tip of his nose. He opened his eyes, looking over my face quietly. “You’re so beautiful.” His voice was quiet, breathy, but confident. “Don’t-” I blushed, dropping my head. “No, I mean it.” He put his fingers beneath my chin and lifted my head again. “You’re beautiful.” I didn’t really know how to accept his kind words, biting nervously at my lip and turning bright red. I simply wasn’t used to it from him. I wasn’t used to it at all, really. “Not too bad yourself.” I mumbled. “Not too bad?” He smirked, lifting a brow. “Mm.” “Alright. That’s good enough for me.” He shrugged. “I bet my hot chocolate’s cold.” “Is that really what you’re thinking about right now?” “Yeah.” “You’re something else, Hunter.” He sniggered. “Alright, c’mon. Let’s get snuggled.” It was so nice to hear him say cute things like that. I’d managed to fall for him when he was quiet, reluctant to share, when our intimacy was practically confined to sex; I had still fallen for him then, and suddenly things had changed. He was opening up to me, saying adorable things and being so tender with me and my feelings were swelling with each passing second. We readied ourselves for another night in bed, eventually returning to our hot chocolates, which thankfully still had a bit of heat, enough that I could drink it comfortably. Soon, we snuggled down close together, side by side, facing one another. “Fee?” “Mm?” I just about acknowledged him, my eyes closed and mind woozy. “You make me really happy.” I bolted my eyes open then, sort of shocked by his words. I don’t know why I was shocked. He’d always been so nice to me, and I could tell from the way we were that I was making him happy, but just hearing him put it so bluntly actually surprised me. “I do?” “The happiest I’ve been for years.” “That… That’s not just down to me.” I dismissed. “I think that’s because of everything you’ve got in Rosebury.” “You’re the main thing.” He said bluntly. “I… Really?” “Yeah. No doubt in my mind.” “I… I feel the same way.” He grinned, bashful as he swept me into his arms, tucking me into his body and kissing the top of my head. I could barely comprehend the change we were undergoing, but I was loving everything about it. It was the happiest I’d been for years. I cuddled close, pecking his lips and smiling coyly. “I like being like this with you.” I admitted. “Mm. I didn’t… I didn’t realise how much I’d like it, really. But it’s… Yeah. I’m sorry I struggled. I don’t… I don’t feel like I’m struggling anymore. I dunno if that makes sense.” “As long as it makes sense to you.” He nodded, and I found myself wondering if he meant he didn’t feel like he was struggling in general, rather than just struggling to open himself up to actually be serious with someone, let his emotions take control. I felt like he really had been struggling within himself, and slowly, it was getting easier for him. He brushed his thumb across my lip and then kissed me again, my stomach spiralling with the sensation, butterflies fluttering around in there carelessly. “I’m just glad you’re mine.” He hushed, our smiles growing against each other as he cupped my jaw. “My Fee-Fee.” I hit his belly playfully, gently, the butterflies escaping my stomach and flying around my whole room, surrounding us completely. I think that was the first moment I fully accepted that he saw me as his. And it was the first time I’d been able to accept that he was finally mine.

#this is a long one #and #There won't be an update next Sunday #so enjoy this now!!!#HAPPY SUNDAY #HBS27 #1dff #harry styles fanfiction

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