#HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY THOUGH I STILL HAVE MORE STUFF IM FINISHING UP

[m00ngbin]

HAPPY TFS TUESDAY!!! CHAPTER 22

and join his Claw resistance group

[nar-nia]

hi!

wow.

omg, its been so long since i spoke to you but a lot of happened in my life kinda (as well as yours from what i saw)

first of all, CONGRATULATIONS on finishing uni!!!!!!! im proud and happy for u!!! u worked hard and it paid off!! and wow, bakery?? that sounds so amazing!!!! like straight up bakery/coffee shops au!!! must be super fun and probably always smells rly good there!! i hope ure having tons of fun!!! and that ure eating lots of cake duh

for me, idk if u remember but i passed that oral exam!!! i did it in the beginning of september!! and i felt relieved and euphoric about it! and now the new semester (so my second year ) starts soon and…… i feel so anxious about going back, talking to people, all the stress and constant anxiety, and the fact that im still questioning whether this was the right thing to study and the lingering feeling that all my friends have it figured  out already with the life and im kinda stuck. like when its right u know? but idk ??

but on a more positive note? my summer was rly great overall so i hope urs was too!!!! im no longer a teenager tho 20 hits hard - especially after olivia rodrigos new album lmaoo

hee has purple hair now and he looks soooooo good!! ALSO  i read jakes and jays fics u posted and they were so nice, omg like???  :((( like made me realize how much i missed ur blog and u!!!!!!!!!!!

i love you, wishing u all the best always!!!!!!!!!!

                            -beloved anon wow it feels good to write it again!! <333

OMG HELLOOOO 🥺🥺🥺 it's been so long, i missed you so much. how are youu <333

please i'm so happy about finally finishing uni, it felt so long and annoying in the end. but now i already kinda miss it 😭

working in the bakery is.. interesting. it's definitely what i want to do in life, the other day i spent the whole workday just making cakes without anyone bothering me and i loved it so so much, but it's also hard and really stressful (which is why i am replying so late and i'm really sorry, first i got sick and then i got hit with a workload again 🥲). i have to do work that's supposed to be for like 4 other people and it's something 😶 let's manifest that they will find more workers soon because this is way too stressful for me (and my coworkers, i haven't seen them smiling in the past two weeks anymore, it's a bit scary). but enough complaining 🫡 the work itself is fun and the food is so good 🫠🫠 apart from onion cake/pie, i have to do it all myself and i swear i haven't stopped smelling like onions those past few weeks 💀

okay but now to you! CONGRATULATIONS ON PASSING YOUR EXAM 🥳🥳🥳 you did so well and i hope you're really proud of yourself 🥺🩷 and best of luck for your second year, i'm sure you will do as amazing as before 🩷

i'm sorry that you feel so nervous about it though. i have to be back in school to become a baker too now and i was so nervous on my first day, i got sick like right after 💀 and my class really is something (not necessarily positive but there are really nice people too). buuut i hope that your classmates are the nicest people you have ever met and that you will have lots of fun this year, you deserve it. and of course lots of amazing grades in your exams 🩷 i think if this bakery thing has thought me one thing is that it's okay to not know what you want yet. i think i have found my place now (although not necessarily in this bakery) but it took me a while to figure it out too. and in our bakery we have two people who tried lots of different stuff too before they settled on training there. so please try not to worry too much for now, i'm sure it will all work out well for you 🥺🩷

but i'm so glad your summer was nice <33 mine was full of job applications and moving but i still enjoyed it a lot (oh i miss the time where i could stay up all night and sleep in and not start work at 4am 💀) and happy belated birthday, omg <33 welcome to your twenties, it's a wild ride 😍

i missed you so so much too, i'm glad you liked my stories but even happier you had time to check in 🩷 but yes, hee 🫠🫠 wow. i love him (although he's not the only one anymore, can you believe?? jay has been bias wrecking me so hard i am so close to making him my second bias. that guy has me BLUSHING)

i hope you are doing well despite it all and will continue to do well 🩷 you deserve the best and you should get it. i love youuu 🩷🩷🩷

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hi jw if this can be apart of abusive stuff my parents usually do, but, lately ive been wanting to get out more and get a job and be more independent from my parents, but everytime i attempt to, they have some ‘solid’ reason as to why i cant do what im wanting to do. Like, earlier today, i spoke to my mum about wanting to get a bike (pedal) so i can get a job as a delivery person for a while to save up for being able to move out (i turn 18 in like a day and theyve been very adament on me moving out this year and i wanna be as prepared as possible). All she did was tell me how if i acc passed my exams last year ‘like normal people did’ then i wouldnt need to be getting this kind of job, that i wont be able to have a bike as she is ‘shocked her car is still on the street as people have been slashing tires and stealing cars’ (in my whole 10, almost 11, years of living here - never has happened.), that its already too much for me leaving the house as i am (i have pretty bad anxiety but the past 2 ish months, ive improved a lot and i can now do things as a ‘regular’ person and its great! So mum is almost certainly wrong there lol, its not too much anymore) and that, it would be a waste of time and effort as i should be learning to drive, not riding a bike everywhere. I have gotten my provisional, and will be taking lessons, but considering how ive acc been wanting a bike for years and how my sister can have it if i cant take it with me, or how i can use it once ive moved out if i cant afford a car by then, i thought it would be a good investment. But she was adament on me not getting the bike at all and just wanted me to ‘stick with college and getting qualifications and learninng to drive’. Which i do totally understand, but i just want a job so badly. Im behind socially, my friends are so far ahead of me (one having multiple jobs already, and the rest reaching university whilst im resitting high school exams), i just feel left out. Which ik isnt an ‘adult feeling’ but i wanna catch up and become a more mature and better person, which i dont think i can do with how little my schedule has become due to failing everything. 2021 has just been me learning about my own limits and finding where my biggest anxieties are and facing them and stuff, so i feel like this would be a good next step to start working towards and soon overcome. But am i wrong? If so, how do i fix my mindset and be better? But if not, can this be apart of my mums way of making me not leave the house by sabotaging it? Sorry if this was very overshare-y and wordy in places, im a little stressed haha 😅 but, happy new year! I hope your 2022 has a ton of good hair days! :)

Hi, nonnie, and happy belated new year to you too! Happy belated birthday too, I hope you had a good day 😊

I don’t think you’re wrong in the least. I think you ought to be proud of yourself for prioritising your mental health when you needed to and for getting to know your limits and your anxiety. Sometimes we have to prioritise our mental health over school, and that’s okay. I did the same thing in 2020—I ended up taking a year longer than expected to finish my uni degree to work on my anxiety—and I don’t for a second regret that decision. You shouldn’t either, nonnie. Finishing your studies isn’t a race. But I hope you know it’s okay to feel left out in adulthood, especially as a young adult. I’m in my mid-20s and I still feel like that sometimes, although I have a feeling it gets better with time :)

Getting a bike doesn't sound like a bad idea to me at all. It's clearly something you're looking forward to, and something that would help you look forward to leaving the house more often. It sounds like you're doing a really good job of setting goals for yourself that feel fun and doable and that will help you continue overcoming your anxiety.

Your mum's arguments against you getting a bike, though, don't sound reasonable to me. If she'd said they didn't have money to afford it, I'd understand, but the “slashed tires” reply sounds like it could be an excuse to, as you said, sabotage your attempts to leave the house. And the whole “you should do things the way normal people do” and “you wouldn't need this kind of job if you did things the normal way” just sounds like judgmental crap and definitely like part of the abuse.

You deserve supportive parents who are proud of you for setting your own goals and planning for the future while taking your limits into consideration. You don't deserve to be made to feel like it's wrong to do things at your pace. You don't deserve to be compared to your peers your age. I'm sorry they're making things so hard for you, and I really hope you're proud of yourself for everything you've accomplished.

Good luck this 2022! Take care of yourself, and I hope you have many good hair days too hahaha. I need to cut mine soon, actually 😂

[that-buckley-gal]

Powerless - Chapter Six

June 22, 1943

When I woke up in the morning, sunlight was poking through the otherwise thin curtains. I was grateful that I wasn’t fully exposed to the sun this time. I yawn and stretch and kick my blankets to the floor, instantly regretting it as the cool apartment air gave me a sudden chill. Moaning softly as I shivered, I curled up into a ball and rolled over to my side. My eyes focus on the clock staring back at me, showing that the time was 8:04 AM.

“It’s not like me to sleep in,” I told the clock, my voice thick with sleep. “But I did have a rough night, right? Oh what do you know? You’re just a clock.” I doze off again only to wake up six minutes later, this time more alert. I need to get up. Steve’s coming home and the place is a mess. Add to the fact that I haven’t worked in nearly a week, I felt like a wreck. Cleaning made it easier. I dipped into the bathroom for a moment to make myself look decent; house chore clothes and hair pinned back. I wandered back to the kitchen and began tossing out random items that looked like garbage.

 Time obviously flew by as the apartment got tidier and started to smell fresher. Before I knew it, it was already nearing four in the afternoon when I decided I’d take a break. All I had to do was the bedrooms, and Steve’s would just need to be aired out after being left alone for almost a week. I think I should’ve cleaned his sheets or something. Then I decide I should wash them. I get up and enter the room, heading straight for the window for two reasons. The first was to open the one, large window that was in there. The second was to see if old, grouchy Mrs. Craw was putting her stuff on the line in the back; she was. Cursing silently to myself, I move and grab Steve’s blankets and raise them up and shake them a few times and repeating the action with his pillow. I then remake the bed as neatly as I could before moving back out to grab the broom and start sweeping up any and all dust that has collected over the week, not that there was a whole lot to start with. As the dust was collected and promptly thrown into the over-filled garbage can, I set to work scrubbing the place. I supposed that if I was in this position around this time last year and Steve and Bucky walked in, they’d correctly assume that I was ridding myself of the dark place. It wasn’t something I was even remotely fond of, as I knew that the darkness looming over me made me an emotional time bomb. One moment I’d feel perfectly fine alone then I’d feel lonely. If Bucky or Steve showed up, I would become immediately irate with them and they would leave, making me feel lonely once more. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I’d be either really glum about everything, or I’d be really excited for everything: there was no in between. When I was really off, I’d get really hot and bothered just at the thought of Bucky, but I never acted on those impulse instincts, instead berating him for being too handsome and would lock myself away until I was either glum or excited again, pushing away the thoughts of my unwanted thoughts. Cleaning usually helped to ward off the darkness, but not always. It’s still here now, I can feel the moodiness creeping up on me, but I continue to do my work in silence, myself being the only companion at the moment. If Steve wasn’t coming home today, then I knew I’d be calling on my girls to be with me, even if just for an hour. My boys were at war, this they knew, and I was alone. I just plopped back down onto the couch when the apartment door creaked open. I turn to the sound, painfully aware that I am weaponless and exposed. My relief is instant when I catch sight of Steve…or who I believed Steve to be. “Steve?” I ask in disbelief. “Hey, Mads,” he said. His voice was the same. Eyes, facial structure, basically everything was the same. The only painfully obvious differences were in height and build. He was huge! It worked I thought idly as my eyes took in the new appearance as I slowly approached him. He didn’t move as I approached and I briefly wondered why before I realized he might’ve realized I was cleaning. But that shouldn’t automatically cause him to think that I was in the dark – even though I was – for all he knew I could’ve been cleaning as a way of saying “yes I can live alone if I really needed to” and in this case I did. I kept the place from burning down. The same couldn’t be said for Bucky’s apartment. I should probably go check on that later. “I met Peggy,” I announce as I back away. Hugs were going to be reserved for another time when I was sure he wouldn’t crush me. I could see Steve’s brows furrow as he thinks back as to when, why, and how Peggy came to see me. Questions he’d have to find the answers for out on his own later. “And I really like her. She’s pretty, tough…English. I think you two would be really good together.” I take a breath and smirk at my brother. “Not as good as Buck and I, obviously, but a close second for sure.” Steve laughed that deep, genuine laugh of his, and I knew that he was my brother still on the inside. It was exactly like Dr. Erskine said: his good qualities were now great. And his new physique would allow him to go overseas and fight for good like he always wanted to and I was happy for him.

 Steve and I spent the night talking about his changes, and I let him know that Peggy spilled the beans about Project Rebirth, which worried and relieved Steve. He also let slip the fact that Dr. Erskine was killed yesterday by a man who Steve gave chase to. “His last words were ‘Hail Hydra’,” Steve explained. “Hydra?” I asked. “Well, that’s original.” “You think so?” Steve asked. “I think that’s dangerous.” He didn’t speak as he finished off the last of his food. I’d finished my own plate a while ago. “You should ask about getting paid for being a test subject,” I said. “Especially now that you’ve torn through everything that was in the fridge.” Steve gave me an impish look before his face fell. “Have you checked out Bucky’s place at all?” “It’s too painful,” I said in a dejected voice. I snuck a glance at Steve to see he looked at the table, lips pursed in thought. “I miss him.” “I know. I do, too.”

 We fell into a brief silence before Steve perked up.

 “Did you ever get your present from my closet?”

 “Um,” I honestly forgot about his note. “No? I’m sorry, this past week has been insane.”

 “Understandable,” Steve smiled. “Wait here.” He took off towards his room and I sighed. He returned as quickly as he went, holding a box wrapped in navy wrapping paper with a opal white bow. “Here ye be, happy belated birthday.”

 “Thank you,” I said accepting the gift. I practically tore the paper to shreds, revealing the cardboard box underneath. I opened it to find a letter with my name on it, a slightly larger envelope beside it, a small box, and an even smaller velvet box inside. I opted for the velvet box first and opened it to reveal a silver heart-shaped locket.

 “Oh, this is beautiful, Steve,” I said and opened it. I could feel my eyes get misty when I saw a picture of my mom holding me when I was a baby on one side, and a picture of her, Steve and myself on the other. “Wow.” I closed it and inspected the locket closer to see there was some kind of symbol engraved on the back of it. “What does this mean?”

 “I don’t know; mom wanted to give you the necklace and the letter on your twentieth birthday.”

 “Then why…” I didn’t need to finish. Steve didn’t think he was going to come back. “Well thank you, I guess.” I took the letter from mom and went to open it, but stopped. “I’m going to wait to open this.”

 “Are you sure?” Steve asked. I could tell he wanted to know what it said as well and I nodded.

 I took the other small box out next and opened it to find a grey and red scarf with matching beanie and gloves in it. “Wow, Steve. Thank you!” I laughed and put the gloves on right away to see they fit perfectly. I also draped the scarf around me. “This is great; exactly what I need for the winter.”

 Steve smiled. “Well I know you weren’t too happy when you found out me and Buck lost your other set on that snowman. I figured it’s better late than never to replace that.”

 “You are simplifying it, brother. But thank you.”

 I opened the card next to find a handmade card from Steve, with $25 inside. I tried to give it back to Steve, insisting he earned it but he said it was for me and that he wouldn’t take it back, so I begrudgingly put it in my purse. I thanked my brother with a final hug before retreating to my room for the night, with the letter from my mother weighing me down.