#GutaengOppa

[kdramasohmy]

Dear Gutaeng Oppa,

It has been a month since you left and my heart still aches. I was looking of pictures of you that I have kept on my phone and posts that I have shared on social media over the years. I first got to know you through 2Days&1Night. You were that handsome face that popped on my screen while making me laugh. Like any fan I followed your work and looked up every show or series you were in. When you premiered in a movie in the US I drove an hour just to be able to see it in a theater near me. Your sweet character in “Likes for Likes” got me more attached to you. Of course, I confirmed what a great actor you were. Recently I saw your newest movie where you played a villain. Usually I am not fond of villain characters because they are too mean, but somehow I couldn’t hate you even though you were mean to others. I just felt so proud watching you. I just thought, “ah, our Gutaeng oppa has grown so much.”. Seeing you leave 2D1N was a little sad. I cried as you walked away and said your goodbyes. As a fan I could only be happy for you as you wanted to focus on your acting more. You formed such a beautiful bond with the members that was evident even after you left. I kept watching them. I’ve grown attached over the years to that show. It doesn’t matter what kind of day I am having, seeing the members always makes me smile and brightens my day. However, lately I have been busy that I don’t watch the episodes as soon as they come out. I can recall that Sunday night that I stayed up a little late just to watch the 10th year, 2D1N Awards. The members and staff were reminiscing about the past 10 years as well as past members. They shared clips & moments of you in there.  Naturally, I laughed and smiled watching the members talk about you. With that sweet moment I went to bed feeling very happy and warm... Then a few hours later I woke up to a different story.  At first I couldn’t believe it. The moment I was at my computer and had opened my social media. The first article on my screen was a headline that I read over and over. It just had to be a mistake. As I scrolled down my news feed there were more headlines similar. I waited and waited and waited for some kind of correction from the media. For days I just wanted someone to say it was all a mistake. I wanted them to be wrong, but it didn’t happen. Just like that you were gone. As I sat at my computer at work I couldn’t hold back my tears.  After the initial shock, the only thing I could think about was, “Oppa, where you in pain?” I worried about whether you suffered during the accident or after. Then I thought about your loved ones and how they must be feeling. I thought of the members and how they must be in shock as well. I wanted to hug them all. I found myself being upset that no one seemed to be able to contact or get a hold of the maknae. I wanted to fly over there and do it myself. He needed to know what was happening. I worried that he might be upset that he didn’t find out sooner. If only our hugs could transcend the distance. I just wanted to comfort them. I didn’t understand why your departure left me sobbing. However, I found comfort in other fans around the world that shared my same feelings.  Would you know how much everyone cared about you? Would you know how much people respected you? Would you know the impact you had on so many peoples lives? Would you know how many people still miss you? Not only in SK but around the world. If not, I will ask God to pass the message. I wonder if you have been having a conversation with God. I wonder if he is telling you everything you have been missing out on since you left. Would you be making him smile, too.    I’m only a fan from another country. However, that was the impact you had in my life as well. Through your movies, through your dramas, through your genuine personality on 2D1N. I feel happy to have gotten to know you through a mere screen. Thank you for the laughs and smiles you brought into my life. There is so much I wish I could tell you, but a letter is not enough... For now all I can say is what I couldn’t say before... Goodbye... ♥ Respectfully,  .:Memmi:.