#Greys anatomy rambles

[pzyii]

Basically every single character has commented on Cristina being a robot or inhuman or emotionless and such .

So many of them think she doesn't. Love.

But it's so ridiculous because, love interest wise, she's the only one actually loving the other person.

The greatest thing any of her love interests did to her. The only thing that was made with genuine love for her.

Was Burke leaving her.

At the altar, in the dress.

[jinxed-thylacine]

these two being portrayed by the same guy will never not be funny to me

[horsetailcurlers2]

the more i think about how desperate and lonely addison must’ve had to be to do what she did to derek, the more i feel like he didn’t take nearly enough responsibility for the end of their marriage. like, i’m absolutely not trying to excuse what addison and mark did. it was fucked up and cruel. but, especially after we get to know them both as characters (and realize that although they have their moments they aren’t exactly cruel callous people by nature), i’m like, how bleak did the state of that marriage have to be for them to both even consider it? especially factoring in the depth of marks history with derek. idk i think in some twisted way derek was relieved to have an out and not be the bad guy. and he had like one episode where he acknowledged his absence in new york but then five seconds later he had meredith’s panties in his pocket (barely apologized for that either)

[monmelia]

Monmelia Analysis Part 1: Challenge, Timing & Soulmates (20x03)

Fourteen years ago, my love for shipping began with Brittany and Santana from Glee. They were my first ship—foundational to my experience as a closeted teenager—and while they might not have been perfect, they were everything I needed at the time.

Now, in my thirties and confident in my sexual identity, I didn’t expect to feel that invested in a ship again. I’ve enjoyed seeing other wlw couples on screen, but none ever stirred the same level of attachment—until Monica and Amelia from Grey’s Anatomy (Monmelia) came along. Their dynamic brings me back to those early days of following every hint of a storyline. Watching them, I find myself excited by the possibility of watching a meaningful, slow-burn romance unfold.

I love writing, and I love analysing, so I figured while Monmelia are still in their early stages, it’s a good time to start up an analysis blog of my own. Back in my Brittana fandom days, I used to love reading stuff like this, soaking up all the content I could get and living off the mere breadcrumbs the writers gave us. This feels no different. I plan on writing a blog per episode (where they feature) and just giving my potentially delusional but hopefully insightful thoughts on all of their interactions/scenes etc. But like I said, I love analysing, so if there’s anything I miss that you want me to analyse, just ask! I’m excited to go on their journey with them, so if you’re reading along too, enjoy, and hopefully the writers are kind to us!

So taking it back to the start of Monmelia, all my feelings and observations are below.

As a long-running character on the show it makes sense to start with Amelia. She seems to be a controversial character amongst the wider Grey’s fandom, but having binged all of her Private Practice backstory and really getting to understand her, she’s undoubtedly one of my favourites. She’s loyal to her loved ones, resilient to the core, super caring and incredibly misunderstood. Her history with love has been pretty tumultuous, and I, like many others, just want to see her settle down and find her person. 

“I have fallen in love so many times in my life, and it feels like a roller coaster. It feels thrilling and consuming and sickening and desperate, and this did not feel like that. This... I think I felt seen? I felt known. And, I didn't fall in love... I kind of slid into it, like two puzzle pieces that just kind of fit.” - Amelia Shepherd (18x20)

Taking Amelia’s own analysis on her love life into consideration, it’s safe to say her relationships have always been somewhat chaotic. Despite best intentions, the relationships haven’t provided the grounding stability she so desperately needs. At the point when Amelia makes this observation she is talking about her relationship experiences prior to Kai Barley. Relationships that were fuelled by passion and urgency, often amplified by her own emotional struggles and history of addiction, which brought both intensity and instability into her romantic life.

Amelia’s reflection on her relationship with Kai highlights a different kind of connection—one based on mutual understanding, acceptance, and emotional safety. She highlights the feeling of being “seen” , indicating a love that acknowledges her as a whole person, flaws included. It suggests a level of emotional intimacy and stability she hadn’t experienced before, where she feels accepted rather than overwhelmed. The metaphor of “sliding into” love, like “two puzzle pieces that just kind of fit,” captures a sense of natural compatibility, a relationship that feels right without force or drama. A kind of love that is comforting, subtle, and enduring, contrasting with her prior experiences that were more about immediate intensity.

We of course know that this relationship with Kai didn’t work out for Amelia in the long term, but I think it’s important to discuss, as it shows Amelia’s growth in her concept of love. Instead of chasing exhilarating but destabilising relationships, she finds herself pursuing a love that feels effortless and affirming—a connection that brings peace, mutual respect, and a sense of belonging, rather than an overwhelming rush of passion. However unfortunate it is that it didn’t work out, it still feels like a turning point in Amelia’s personal journey with love. 

Admittedly I’m not a huge fan of Amelia’s relationship with Kai, and I feel Kai led Amelia on and that Amelia looks at the relationship through rose tinted glasses when making that statement, but my own personal feelings aside I want to look at the relationship focusing solely on Amelia’s part in it. Because although Amelia describes it as a love that doesn’t make her feel desperate, we see her exhibiting needy behaviour towards the end of the relationship when Kai is moving to London. As soon as the move is announced, Amelia’s sole focus is on finding a solution to help Kai stay, without taking Kai’s desires into consideration.

“From the minute I told you about London, which is the biggest career opportunity of my life, you have made it about you. There were no words of encouragement or congratulations. No acknowledgement of how hard I worked for this.” - Kai Bartley (19x15)

And listen, I get it. It’s not that Amelia is being intentionally selfish, it’s that she’s so crippled by her deep fear of abandonment, an issue that has shaped her relationships and reactions throughout her life. For Amelia, the prospect of losing someone important triggers a defensive, almost desperate response to hold on tightly—a reaction that often leads her to prioritise her own emotional needs over her partner’s happiness and success. And again, it’s not that she doesn’t care about Kai’s success, but the abandonment is at the forefront of her brain, and so all she can think about is providing solutions to prevent that from happening.

Another layer to this dynamic is Amelia’s tendency to seek validation and stability through her relationships. She craves reassurance that her partner will stay, particularly after facing so much upheaval and loss in her life. This leads her to focus on her need for closeness, security, and continuity in the relationship rather than allowing space for Kai’s achievements and aspirations to be celebrated. Her behaviour in this situation highlights a recurring struggle to balance her own needs with those of her partner—a theme we’ve seen in her past relationships as well.

I guess my overriding point here is that I don’t think Amelia has met a partner that has been a true equal for her yet. It’s been more about how they’ve made Amelia feel, and less about how Amelia has added value to their life. She frequently looks to her partner to provide validation, security and love instead of doing the inner work necessary to cultivate this herself. She becomes attached quickly, often without considering her partner’s needs or how she can contribute positively to the relationship. 

For instance, with Owen, Amelia’s trauma and issues around motherhood led her to rely on him for emotional support, but she struggled to communicate openly, which hindered any real connection. Her fear of vulnerability meant that instead of showing up for Owen in the way he needed, she frequently pulled away, avoiding conversations about her trauma, motherhood, and her real needs.

Similarly, with Link, Amelia found someone steady and reliable, and she leaned on him during a time when she was navigating pregnancy and the uncertainties of motherhood. Yet when the relationship demanded a deeper level of self-awareness and mutual support, Amelia’s insecurities resurfaced, leading her to withdraw. She questioned whether she wanted the stability and family structure Link offered, revealing her ambivalence and a lack of personal clarity. Rather than growing with Link, Amelia leaned on him as a source of comfort and stability without fully committing to the relationship or working through her underlying issues.

And then with Kai, whom Amelia felt “seen” and “known” by, her attachment quickly became about what Kai could do for her emotionally, providing her with a sense of affirmation. When Kai’s career goals and reluctance about parenthood clashed with Amelia’s desires, her initial reaction was to convince them to stay rather than supporting Kai’s achievements or seeing things from their perspective.

And this dynamic illustrates a common theme for Amelia: she seeks out relationships as a means of avoiding loneliness, filling emotional gaps, or validating her self-worth. The result is often an imbalance where her needs take precedence, leaving little room for her partners’ needs or her own personal growth. 

For the record, I love Amelia, and I’m absolutely not saying she’s the problem in all of her relationships. Believe me I could talk at length about the various failings from her previous significant others, but this blog is focusing on Amelia and Monica, and so I think it’s important to reflect on where she’s at when Monica comes into the picture. 

Because what I want for Amelia more than anything, is to see her confront her traumas and insecurities independently and build her self-worth from within rather than relying on a partner to provide this for her. I want her to do the work so she doesn’t need to be dependent on others to feel whole. And then I want her to find a lasting, healthy love who challenges her and embraces her flaws, and loves her for exactly who she is. And I want her to do that for them in return, and to show up for her partner in ways I know she’s so capable of (because duh, she’s so damn loyal and caring and loving), because her own insecurities will no longer be in the way.

And this is exactly what I think Monica is going to be for her. And it’s the reason why I love them so much and why I plan to analyse every little moment, because call me delulu, but I’m so sure the arc is setting them up for this dynamic. I’m sure that Monica is going to be Amelia’s end game, and she’s going to enrich Amelia’s life in ways we can’t even imagine right now (and vice versa).

And I’m sure of this, because we’ve already seen snippets of this, because at the time of writing this they’ve just aired 21x05 which was so pivotal to their story IMO, but this is an ep by ep blog so more on that later.

But in essence, we already saw growth from Amelia in changing her concept of love during her relationship with Kai, but with Monica I feel we’re going to see even more growth in terms of a truly balanced partnership due to the fact Amelia is going to shift the emphasis of finding fulfilment via someone else.

Because when we meet Monica in 20x03, Amelia is already working towards being in that space. She light-heartedly tells Meredith that she’s got a cat because she’s given up on finding a human soulmate. This is important because it shows that since her fairly recent breakup with Kai, Amelia has opted to do something for herself that will meet her emotional needs, outside of a romantic relationship. It would be easy for Amelia to seek happiness from a meaningless rebound or jump into another relationship, but instead she decides to heal and directs her energy on doing something for herself.

The other important factor of that scene is the timing. And timing is something I feel will be discussed a lot in this blog. Just as Amelia is talking about giving up on her human soulmate, we get our first proper introduction to Monica as she beeps her horn at Amelia. In the context of the scene, she beeps because Amelia has taken her parking spot, but I can’t help but think that this is foreshadowing. As viewers we see Monica beep loudly right after Amelia’s statement of giving up on love, as if to say “Don’t give up yet, I’m right here!”. When someone honks their horn at you, it’s often startling and unexpected, much like Amelia’s romance (or crush for now) with Monica is. I don’t think Amelia is planning on finding love. She’s healing, seemingly working on herself and has declared she’s given up.

It’s apt (but also always the way it happens because there’s no better time for a relationship than when you’re hyper focused on yourself) that Monica would come in at this time. Nothing can convince me that the timing of Amelia announcing she’s given up on her soulmate coinciding with Monica’s first scene isn’t significant.

I could further deep this by analysing the fact Monica is distracted on her phone. She’s not paying attention until Amelia takes her spot. She only notices the spot becomes free when Amelia takes it, and then she gets all mad at her. It could possibly foreshadow the wider dynamic of Monica being too distracted by her divorce to pursue anything with Amelia, and perhaps like with the parking spot situation, Amelia will have to do something to get her attention (not necessarily intentional) and prompt Monica to realise her feelings and make her notice. It would be an interesting future parallel if this plays out. Of course this is all just speculation and we have no idea where the writers are going to go with this. And do I think the writers put this much attention to detail into callbacks and parallels? No. But I definitely think there’s a lot of intentional set up between these two. The soulmate line at the very least. And Amelia stealing Monica's parking spot like she's about to steal her heart.

Then we get to the scene in the hospital and both Monia and Amelia are surprised to find they’re working together after the earlier parking incident. Amelia is visibly embarrassed and it shows in her demeanour, and there’s clear tension in the air, but they put it aside to care of their patient. Monica immediately challenges Amelia, she talks over her during the consult and it clearly catches Amelia off guard and causes her some frustration. Monica is new to the hospital, so it could be that she’s trying to establish her authority. It sets a precedent of tension for them in their first few scenes, but more importantly it sets a precedent of Monica challenging and pushing Amelia further than she’s used to being pushed.

We see this dynamic explored further when they’re discussing surgical options for their patient. Amelia immediately dismisses Monica’s idea and Monica retorts by telling her to take a minute to think about it. Though Amelia is initially defensive to the suggestion, and Monica is seemingly unfazed by Amelia’s admission that she’s the Chief of Neurosurgery (plus the fact she doesn’t know Amelia), we can surmise that Monica is instantly confident in Amelia’s surgical abilities. She’s confident enough to challenge her and push her boundaries, and she knows she can get more out of Amelia. When we translate that to a future romantic relationship, it’s a good dynamic to have, and I think Amelia would really benefit from a partner who isn’t afraid to challenge her and push her to go deeper than she’s used to going. 

When Amelia is reluctant, Monica notes that impatience must be her thing. From the minute I heard this I assumed it was going to have deeper meaning to their arc, and knowing what we know now about Monica going through a divorce and not being ready for a serious relationship, I’m sure this is going to be significant for them. My initial thoughts at this point are that it’s going to be a slow burn and Monica isn’t going to be ready for a relationship for some time. They’ll undoubtedly grow closer, and Amelia is going to inevitably feel some impatience waiting for the relationship to progress. Perhaps she’ll even move on herself. I feel like this comment from Monica will for sure be a future parallel in which Amelia just needs to be patient to get her girl.

Amelia later confides in Richard that she is being pushed by the new peds surgeon to consider an alternative option that has more risks. Could that be foreshadowing Monica pushing Amelia to consider alternative options to love with more risks? Because with soulmate love, of course comes more risk of being hurt. He also notably points out that Monica is a boundary pusher, and draws comparison between her and Amelia. This has to be symbolic and perhaps a sign that both of them are going to push boundaries and open up new depths in each other.

Monica’s pushing works and Amelia figures out an alternative option. Yay for cute girlfriend knowing her full potential.

“Finally!” Amelia says as Monica and Blue enter the room.

“You do know we were waiting for you, right?” Monica flirts playfully responds.

The delusional deep thinker in me wants to say that this could be another potential foreshadow into their arc. Because although we know Monica isn’t going to be initially ready for a relationship with Amelia, it could be that the dynamic switches and in true Grey’s style, Monica will realise she’s ready just as Amelia has either started to move on (albeit casually) or maybe she’s just decided to stay single and focus on herself (which tbh would be huge growth for her), Basically, by the time Monica comes around, maybe Amelia just isn’t going to be available anymore (whether that be emotionally or physically). So when they finally get it together, it could be that they both had to do an element of waiting but in different ways. So for Amelia it’s like “Finally!” since she made the first move, but maybe it’s actually Amelia who delays them actually being together, hence Monica’s “You do know we were waiting for you.” But again, this is all just speculation. It could just be that the scenes are what they are at face value and there’s no deeper meaning. But I definitely think all this talk around patience and taking time has to mean something. There’s too many references to it.

The whole episode centres on Monica influencing Amelia to take time and have patience, and the success that follows when she does that, so it’s interesting to think how this could apply to a romantic relationship between them. It’s even more pivotal given their dynamic, and the obstacles between them on both sides (Monica’s divorce and Amelia’s own issues she needs to work on).

Time is clearly going to be of the essence for them, and I kind of hope that if they do go down the route of Amelia holding them up getting together that it’s because she’s decided to work on herself as opposed to her moving on with someone else, because that would be the ultimate growth for her. For her to have Monica finally want to date her but for her to be strong enough to say no until she’s ready and healthy in her own self, just like how Monica waits to date Amelia until she's ready and had dealt with the issues that came with her divorce. That would be symbolic of the message in this episode around patience and timing and how taking the alternative longer route can lead to the more successful ending, so I hope that’s what this episode was foreshadowing.

If Monica and Amelia could translate the way they work together, communicate and find solutions as effectively as they do in surgery to a romantic relationship, I’m telling you, they’d be a dream team!

“I’m thinking you’re much more effective when you take your time.”- Monica Beltram (20x03)

Could that quote from Monica be in relation to the context of the episode with Amelia finding an alternative option to the surgical procedure? Yes. But the deep thinker in me wants to believe it foreshadows Amelia either  a) Taking her time in waiting for Monica to come around by being her supportive friend during her divorce in the meantime, b) Taking the time to work on herself before pursuing a relationship with Monica, just like Monica has done with her by not jumping into anything.

Or it could be both?

Or neither.

Even the lighter scenes in this episode feel meaningful. Whether it be the bashful back and forth of “go ahead” when they reach for the same scrub brush, the persistent challenge from Monica or the lingering glances during surgery, there’s a clear set up of underlying tension right from the start with these two.

After a successful surgery, they’re told they make a great team, and Monica glances at Amelia. Before Amelia can fully acknowledge this, she hears the door slam and Monica has left. Perhaps a metaphorical sign of things to come with Monica not being ready to embrace everything between them?

But I can’t help but agree that Monica and Amelia are a great team, and as you can probably tell by my ramblings, I think that their dynamic at work could absolutely extend to a romantic relationship. 

And I’m optimistic enough to say I think this could be the relationship that Amelia needs. But also, one that Monica needs. And I’m excited to find out more about Monica as a character. But ultimately I think it will be a relationship that is going to equally push them both to grow. A relationship that’s all about challenge and timing and patience, but most importantly, about soulmates.

So Amelia, I hope you haven’t given up on finding your human soulmate. Because Monica is right there!

I hope you enjoyed reading my ramblings, I try and make it as cohesive as possible I swear. I’ve already started writing up my thoughts on 20x04 so I hope you stick around for that, and for whatever else the Monmelia journey brings!

[roguelibrarian]

Aggressively Arospec Week: Aromantic Jewish Moodboards

Cristina Yang / רחל בת אברהם ושרה / Rachel bat Avraham v'Sarah

It's still technically Aggressively Arospec Week for 40 more minutes in my time zone, so this is totally not late. Anyway, Cristina is extremely aro-coded and canonically Jewish. And thank you/shout out to @altschmerzes for helping me come up with a Hebrew name for her.

[lovecomesbackaroundlove]

Was reading the excerpt on what the original pitch was for 17x14 and was thinking that Sarah must have felt like this reading/hearing the pitch:

She must have been so torn, wanting to be there for Jesse in his penultimate ep, and yet, shudder at the thought of how Kr**ta was going to further ruin Japril and April through this terribly re-hashed storyline.

Lucky for us that Sasse got together and wrote some stellar Japril fanfiction that was approved by the greys writers.

Thank god for Sasse, period.

[aspecbuddie]

I wanna know how many times the 'medical emergency on a plane -> does anyone have erectile dysfunction meds?' thing happens because I've seen it on two different shows in the last 24 hours 😅

[gerardscrane]

LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER LESBIAN APRIL KEPNER

yall will never guess what my latest obsession is…

[lilyimmsim]

am i the only one who can’t stand izzie?? like she was fine at the start, but her character + plot really declined after the whole denny thing. she was SO selfish + hypocritical, especially surrounding george and callie’s marriage (she was right but so rude about it,,, it was none of her business?). i think originally she was meant to be the opposite of the dumb blonde stereotype, and i’m not denying that she was both hot AND smart, but in truth of it they practically killed her character off in season two when she falls in love with denny; she cheats on alex, she can’t communicate for shit but gets upset when other people can’t, and feels insanely insecure + jealous surrounding george and his relationship with callie. after she cuts denny’s LVAD wire and gets caught/confesses to the chief, goes on a rollercoaster of emotions and decides she does want to be a surgeon, she is incredibly surprised and upset to find out that there are consequences to her actions?? i think she means well, but because she means well she then justifies her actions when they’re not okay. i liked her at the start, but i feel as though they changed her character so bad for the worse

[sequinsmile-x]

I can’t keep my silence any longer.

You know what tv show thing really annoys me? And it’s not them drinking from clearly empty coffee cups.

It’s the female characters PERFECT ponytails when they are going into an emergency situation. So Emily on CM going to a take down, or one of the characters in greys going into surgery.

WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO DO A PERFECT SLICKED BACK PONY?!

where are the bumps? How is it perfectly positioned?

It annoys me SO much 🤣

[pzyii]

Greys Anatomy has so many great platonic relationships and it's the part of the show that I enjoy the most and gets me to cry the most. I've been thinking so much about Derek and Cristina since, well season 7. That was one heck of a season of them. Like their dynamic of caring for each other because they care for Meredith and in the end they care for each other for real. Derek got married with Meredith and Cristina came with (see how differently Derek treats their relationship in comparison to Burke and fucking. Owen. After a big at least) they're very big brother and little sister to me, especially with their storyline in season 7, but also just in general. They loved each other, they never thought they would actually. Do that. But they did.

Their final scene in season 10 is. So. Good. Because Cristina just kinda says it like she's surprised she's saying goodbye and Derek takes a few seconds to respond because neither can fully wrap their heads around it. And they hug, which is probably the only time we've seen them hug, and they hold hands for a second before Cristina turns around and leaves. And the look Derek gives her is a bit like the one he gave her at their fishing trip. Like there really is something so very big brother, so proud about the way he looks at her and just I love them.

And what really ruins in a good way that scene for me is that (unless something different has been mentioned i haven't watched s11) that was probably, definitely, the last time they saw each other alive, like in person. (They've definitely talked on the phone because Cristina and Meredith have talked on the phone and Derek is always around.) And then the next time she sees him is when she flies in for his funeral. Like yeah okay way to make me cry 10 times more about an already terribly sad scene.

It really is too bad Derek dies after Cristina left because I would've loved to see like her actual whole reaction to it, further than holding Meredith's hand at the funeral.

[chaotic--nat]

purchased my badge and a set of scrubs for my cristina yang costume for this halloween thing I'm going to -- I'm not well rn 😭

[lesbiansayaishii]

i think addison and meredith are so so similar in a lot more things than people usually think/give them the credit for- the only difference is addison has such a strict impulse control compared to meredith

[horsetailcurlers2]

i am a big believer in the “addek was meant to have a sad baby backstory” theory bc there is just so much stuff in the early seasons that could be interpreted as foreshadowing or implying things. i think shonda even said she wanted to do one but decided against it. personally, i think they didn’t end up doing it because it would have made addison too sympathetic. not as a character in general because they were never really trying to make her an outright villain, but in the breakdown of their marriage. because “husband is absent, wife cheats with best friend, husband runs away” = husband is kind of a jerk but ultimately the wife fucked up majorly and it’s mostly her fault. but “husband and wife lose baby, husband distanced himself when wife needed him, so she cheats on him and he runs away”= much much more complicated. derek couldn’t be meredith’s prince charming/mcdreamy if he was the guy who essentially left his wife after losing a baby.

[monmelia]

Monmelia Analysis Part 3: Coffee & Compliments (20x08)

Okay, it’s the big one. Today I’m going to analyse 20x08, a pivotal episode for our girls, and one that marks a transition into more than just friends. Though the episode doesn’t lead to Monica and Amelia actually going on a date, Monica’s response doesn’t diminish the significance of Amelia’s invitation. This moment marks a crossroad for them, with Amelia’s willingness to ask Monica out reflecting her openness to exploring these feelings. Regardless of the outcome, it signals a shift in how she views their relationship, and plants the seed for a future that could hold more than friendship. So what is the turning point in Amelia letting her guard down enough to reconsider the angle of her relationship with Monica? This blog is going to delve into the build up of Amelia asking her on a date, and the moments I think are significant to that. 

Let’s go right back to the start of the episode and look at the first scene. Monica’s simple gesture of buying Amelia coffee is more than just a friendly act—it’s a catalyst that nudges Amelia to consider their relationship differently. Coming shortly after the Gem Crush interaction, where they shared an unexpectedly close moment, this small kindness feels like a natural progression, further deepening the bond between them.

For Amelia, who has a long history of turbulent relationships marked by emotional highs and lows, Monica’s thoughtfulness is new and disarming. Unlike the intensity Amelia is used to, this moment feels gentle, even nurturing, and her hesitant smile as she takes the coffee reflects an internal thought process. She’s intrigued and slightly off-guard, as though realising Monica’s kindness may signify something more than professional camaraderie. 

But this feeling is also something that’s new to her. With her past marked by intense, sometimes destructive relationships, Monica’s presence offers Amelia a different kind of connection—one based on small gestures, stability, and subtle intimacy. With that in mind, it’s interesting that Amelia picks up on the cue that Monica might be interested, since it’s not a way that she’s used to receiving love and/or romantic interest.

Amelia’s reaction to Winston, expressing surprise that Monica bought her coffee, further highlights the impact of this gesture. She could have dismissed it, yet instead, she shares it with someone, indicating that it meant something to her. Winston’s response—“maybe she was just being nice”—doesn’t fully satisfy Amelia, hinting that she’s starting to sense an undercurrent that might go beyond friendship. The fact that it’s Winston in this scene with her also feels significant, but more on that later.

From Monica’s perspective, buying Amelia coffee is likely a casual, thoughtful gesture, but it carries a subtle warmth. By offering to pay and even suggesting breakfast, Monica opens up a more personal connection, continuing to break down the purely professional barrier that has defined their dynamic previously. 

Her statement, “I want to,” suggests sincerity and intention, making it clear that this kindness isn’t obligatory—it’s genuine. This action reflects Monica’s comfort with Amelia and perhaps an unconscious willingness to show care, nudging their relationship into new, possibly romantic territory.

And if you’re into Chappell Roan, you’ll be familiar with the sentiment that even a small gesture like buying coffee can hold layers of meaning. It’s “never just coffee”, and in Monica and Amelia’s case, I see it as a quiet but powerful step toward something more. This seemingly mundane moment is loaded with possibility.

We then get to the next scene where Monica and Amelia are working together again on a patient. It’s another instance of moving the relationship forward from Amelia’s perspective, as Monica's praise in this scene openly establishes both her professional approval and personal affection. By telling the patient’s family that Amelia is "the best" and even that she’d choose Amelia as her own neurosurgeon, Monica sends a message of genuine respect and perhaps even admiration that goes beyond professional courtesy. We can see that she holds Amelia in high regard.

For Amelia, who is accustomed to emotionally charged relationships with unclear boundaries, Monica’s words are likely both reassuring and intriguing. This scene shows Amelia in a new light—she isn’t just a neurosurgeon to Monica, but someone Monica trusts and values. 

Monica complimenting Amelia through the patient adds an interesting layer to the scene. By highlighting Amelia’s skills to the family, Monica not only reassures them but also subtly communicates her respect for Amelia in a public, indirect way. This approach may feel even more meaningful to Amelia; hearing these compliments in front of others lends weight to Monica’s words and reinforces her sincerity.

The Gem Crush reference also plays an important role here as it blends admiration with affection. Not only does Monica see Amelia as an exceptional surgeon, she’s also someone she genuinely likes spending time with. What started as a small moment between them has now become an inside joke, signalling the comfort and familiarity growing between them. This combination of respect and lightheartedness captures the unique dynamic between them, and it’s easy to see why Amelia would read this as an invitation to explore their relationship further.

The episode continues with Monica opening up to Amelia about the challenges she encountered with treating trans patients back in Texas where she used to practise. The conversation highlights her dedication to compassionate care and her frustration with systemic barriers. By sharing this with Amelia, she reveals a powerful insight to her values, and this vulnerability serves to strengthen their bond as they relate over shared frustrations. They’re interrupted by Winston telling them that their patients (Caroline and Emmy) are missing, and it’s the second time he’s inserted himself in their scenes this episode. Coincidence? I think not. But more on that later.

Our girlies find more common ground in their compassion and shared values as the episode progresses. As Monica and Amelia are looking for Caroline and Emmy, we get to see Monica’s commitment to her patients, her empathy, and the depth of her connection with them. When she’s talking to Amelia about Emmy, we can see that she clearly see’s Emmy as more than a patient—she sees a child who needs support and stability. Monica's attention to Emmy’s loneliness and her willingness to spend evenings in her room after her shift is over reflects a deep-rooted compassion that goes above the role of a doctor.  

Amelia’s response, where she jokes that she and Monica might have been friends as kids, is a rare moment of openness. By comparing herself to Emmy and acknowledging her own challenging youth, Amelia reveals a sense of kinship with Monica, recognising shared qualities of resilience and rebelliousness. This is accompanied with playful affection from Monica as she states “probably not!”

The scene plays its part in allowing both the viewers and Amelia to understand more about Monica, as well as capturing the evolving relationship between Monica and Amelia, highlighting how they may see pieces of themselves in each other, drawn together by empathy and care for others. Remember when Richard drew comparison between them in 20x03? Here we’re starting to see evidence of that.

They strike a delicate balance between similarity and contrast. They’re alike in all the ways that matter—they share deep empathy, resilience, and dedication. These commonalities create a natural understanding and shared purpose. Yet, they differ in just the right ways: Monica’s grounded, steady presence provides a counterpoint to Amelia’s intensity and impulsivity, creating a dynamic where they gently challenge each other. Their personalities compliment rather than conflict, allowing them to bring out each other's best qualities without overpowering one another. 

When Monica and Amelia find Emmy and Caroline, and Monica is reassuring Emmy after her collapse, I can’t help but notice Amelia’s fond gaze. To me it captures another important shift in her feelings. It’s inevitable that witnessing Monica’s caring approach with Emmy and seeing how good she is with children would resonate with Amelia as a mother herself. It’s a moment that further highlights Monica’s empathy and patience—qualities Amelia would undoubtedly value in a partner. 

Though we don’t yet know Monica’s views on being a parent, it’s likely that Amelia watching Monica’s warm, natural interaction with Emmy and seeing her passion as a pediatric surgeon may give Amelia confidence that Monica likes children and could understand the central place Scout holds in her life. Amelia’s hopeful gaze suggests that she sees potential in Monica as someone who not only accepts her as a mother but might even welcome Scout into their lives too. This possibility would feel refreshing and reassuring for Amelia, especially given her past relationship with Kai, who struggled with this part of Amelia’s life.

I feel like this episode really builds their understanding of one another. There’s a strong sense of them having the same values and being able to support one another. For example when Monica is assuring Caroline that they see her, Amelia then further backs up Monica’s words, promising Caroline that everyone in the operating room will understand and respect her. This moment of teamwork reflects how Monica and Amelia compliment each other in their compassionate approach to patient care, with each bringing warmth, strength, and empathy that mirror their shared values.

For Amelia, who has struggled deeply with feeling unseen or misunderstood herself , watching Monica reassure Caroline that she is truly “seen” would be incredibly significant for her. It’s more than just a moment of comfort for the patient; it’s a gesture that reflects Monica’s ability to connect with others in a way Amelia has longed for herself. This gesture would make Amelia feel that Monica might also “see” her.

From Monica’s perspective, Amelia’s openness about her own fear of failing patients shows a kind of vulnerability that most surgeons might hesitate to reveal. Monica would likely see this as a sign of Amelia’s dedication, a trait she would respect and feels drawn to based on her own morals. Amelia’s honesty not only helps Caroline feel less alone but may also strengthen Monica’s trust in Amelia.  Together, they form a great support system for their patients, but also for each other.

Their next scene has Winston intruding for the THIRD time this episode. And I say intruding because I’m sorry, but he is (even though they approach him this time). So let’s talk about it, because I think it’s intentional. I think Winston is merely a plot device for Monica and Amelia getting together and I’ll do a whole separate blog on this but the fact is we still have to consider him as part of the storyline. I feel like his frequent presence in their scenes is foreshadowing the dynamic that’s going to play out between them. He’s literally going to third wheel them and delay them getting together, the way he third wheels some of their scenes. Him bursting into the room as the two of them are alone and interrupting their conversation (even if it is about a missing patient) is metaphorical of him interrupting and delaying their relationship. But in the third scene, Monica and Amelia are very much a united front, with Monica complimenting Amelia again and saying the success of the surgery is thanks to her (and can we just take a moment to notice how happy Amelia is when Monica says this!!!)

But not only is Monica complimenting Amelia, she’s complimenting her to Winston. So maybe all their scenes this episode are foreshadowing the general plot with them, which may be that Winston is going to interrupt and delay them getting together, but Monica’s going to choose Amelia in the end. They use Winston in this scene just to give us a Monmelia moment, just like they’re going to use him in the plot to give us something that moves them forward in getting together. Like I said, he’s a plot device. He’s never the focal point of their scenes, it’s always about them.

At the end of the scene when Monica and Amelia are talking to Caroline’s mom about the success of the surgery, we have a callback to 20x03 when another patient's mother makes the same observation. This time, however, it’s Monica who voices it, signalling a significant shift. In 20x03, the team dynamic was noticed externally; now, Monica is openly acknowledging their compatibility herself, marking the deepening of their professional partnership. Her willingness to name this connection suggests she recognizes and values it, signalling an evolving awareness of her dynamic with Amelia. And again can we take note of Amelia’s face when she says this!!!! And the way they look at each other!?!? I simply cannot.

Amelia’s smile when Monica acknowledges they’re a great team reflects the culmination of all the small moments leading up to this. Each little gesture—Monica buying her coffee, the compliments during surgery, and the mutual trust—have gradually opened Amelia’s eyes to the possibility of something more. The subtle flirtations and warmth between them have left Amelia feeling noticed, appreciated, and maybe even “seen” in ways she hasn’t been before. Her reaction when Monica praises her hands is telling (sorry but this is so gay of them also); it’s the final signal Amelia needs to express her feelings, a step she probably wouldn’t have taken without those cumulative moments.

When Amelia asks Monica out, her vulnerability is clear to see; she’s putting herself out there and she’s obviously nervous, but she’s met with an awkward silence and Monica looks shocked that Amelia asked. Amelia’s quick retreat shows her fear of misreading the signs, and it’s clear she perceives Monica’s lack of response as a rejection. But the important thing to note here is that Monica didn’t reject her.  Instead, she hesitates and explains her situation. This isn’t a straightforward “no”; it’s more of a “not yet” due to personal circumstances. This leaves room for hope and suggests that Monica could have feelings for Amelia but isn’t emotionally ready to pursue them. Her choice to explain rather than dismiss Amelia’s feelings hints at mutual interest and a foundation that could grow over time.

They never get a chance to finish the conversation because Winston annoyingly interrupts again. This further reinforces his role as a frequent obstacle in Monica and Amelia’s developing relationship. His untimely arrival right after Amelia’s vulnerable moment highlights how outside forces or “third parties” might continually interfere with their journey toward a deeper connection. In this scene, Winston unintentionally breaks the tension right as Monica is explaining her situation, disrupting what could have been a clarifying or even bonding moment between her and Amelia.

His presence here serves as a metaphor for the delays and challenges Monica and Amelia might face in getting together, hinting that Winston’s role could be one of complicating their dynamic further. It’s also telling that Monica uses Winston’s interruption as an excuse to leave, escaping the awkwardness of the situation instead of continuing the conversation about her divorce. His presence serves as a good distraction. This could foreshadow the fact Monica is going to use Winston as a distraction from more serious and vulnerable relationships (i.e. Amelia).

But all of this just highlights Monmelia’s resilience; because despite interruptions, they’ve proven able to sustain a meaningful connection so far. Winston’s intrusion might not just stall them but may even help them confront their feelings more openly as they continue to navigate the obstacles between them. 

So it’s clear from this episode that Amelia Shepherd has quite the crush on Monica Beltran. But is this just one way? I don’t think so. I’d actually go as far to say that Monica’s feelings are stronger than Amelia's. But I’ll analyse Monica’s perspective and the reasons why I think she feels deeper and why she didn’t take Amelia up on a date in my next blog post when I talk about the Winston of it all.

Until then, thanks for reading :)

[roguelibrarian]

Aggressively Arospec Week: Aromantic Jewish Moodboards

Jules Millin / חוה ציפורה בת אברהם ושרה / Chava Tzipporah bat Avraham v'Sarah

So for Aggressively Arospec Week I decided to make some moodboards for characters I headcanon as aromantic and Jewish (unfortunately I have yet to find a single character who is canonically both of those things). Jules has seemed extremely aro-coded to me since her very first episode and as for her being Jewish, my headcanon is that at this point in canon (season 20), she's a ger-in-progress.