#Grand Larceny – Auto

[cyberwhumper]

METROPOLITAN DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC SAFETY AND CORRECTIONS

CENTRAL BOOKING OFFICE

Booking Officer: Captain J. Welles

Returned: 4 results Status: Pending

--------------------------------------------------------------

IGNALINA, NORA

DOB: 02/04/XXXX SEX: F SPEC: H. sapiens

HEIGHT: 162cm WEIGHT: 57kg

HAIR: red EYES: blue [note: enhanced]

PREVIOUS ARRESTS:

08/27/XX02: unlawful assembly OUTCOME: Dismissed

09/05/XX02: unlawful assembly OUTCOME: Dismissed

02/12/XX05: larceny, solicitation, felony possession of narcotics OUTCOME: Convicted

INMATE RECORD:

Facility: Los Diablos Women’s Correctional Inmate ID: 81736

Sentenced: 2 years Time Served: 1 year 10 months Reason For Early Release: Unlikely to Reoffend

--------------------------------------------------------------

ANTONOV, DOMINIK

DOB: 05/13/XXXX SEX: M SPEC: H. sapiens

HEIGHT: 195cm WEIGHT: 140kg

HAIR: black EYES: blue

PREVIOUS ARRESTS:

[ERROR: not found. req&: expunged]

INMATE RECORD:

[ERROR: not found. req&: expunged]

--------------------------------------------------------------

MONTEZ, VICTORY

DOB: 08/14/XXXX SEX: M SPEC: H. sapiens teratogens

HEIGHT: 198cm WEIGHT: 110kg

HAIR: brown EYES: brown [note: enhanced]

PREVIOUS ARRESTS:

12/01/XX11: accessory to grand theft auto, reckless driving OUTCOME: Dismissed

05/15/XX12: felony possession of narcotics with intent to distribute OUTCOME: Convicted

04/11/XX13: accessory to grand theft auto, possession of contraband OUTCOME: Dismissed

08/29/XX13: DUI, reckless driving OUTCOME: Dismissed

10/03/XX13: DUI, reckless driving OUTCOME: Dismissed

07/21/XX14: felony theft, possession of contraband OUTCOME: Dismissed

INMATE RECORD:

Facility: New Hialeah County Juvenile Inmate ID: [sealed]

Sentenced: 6 months Time Served: 10 months + probation [sealed]

--------------------------------------------------------------

!NOTE! Inter-Office Special Instructions: FUCKING K-CLASS MUTT Handle With Extreme Caution

ENGELHART, REX

DOB: 12/30/XXXX SEX: M SPEC: H. teratogens

HEIGHT: 228cm WEIGHT: 180kg

HAIR: black EYES: yellow

PREVIOUS ARRESTS:

[ERROR: not found. req&: expunged]

INMATE RECORD:

[none]

[Fic by the exceptionally talented @bxtterflystxtches , who I have the honor of collaborating with for this event. Please show him some love!]

[OC INDEX]

COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN!

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[offender42085]

Post 1289

Before and after.....

Harley Ray Ard, born 2000, South Carolina inmate 371808, incarceration intake September 2020 at age 20, scheduled for release February 2026

Failure to Stop for an LEO, Grand Larceny, Burglary, Possession of a Stolen Vehicle

In September 2017, a 17-year-old Paxville man who was indicted with 27 charges in for his role in a string of burglaries, automobile break-ins and larcenies was sentenced to concurrent sentences under the Youthful Offender Act to a term not to exceed six years and not to exceed three years after in post prison supervision.

Clarendon County Public Defender Scott L. Robinson represented Ard during the plea. Sheriff Tim Baxley said that deputies arrested both Ard and another man for their alleged roles in "15 home and auto break-ins, including larcenies that were reported during the same week." He said stolen property included guns, electronics, cash and four-wheelers. At the time of Ard's arrest, Baxley said not all of the property had been recovered.

At that time, Ard was already serving concurrent probationary sentences for second-degree burglary, non-violent, second-degree assault and battery and possession of stolen vehicle of a value greater than $2,000, but less than $10,000. He received sentences of five years, three years and four years in prison, respectively, on those charges, all of which were suspended to six months in prison and three years’ probation.

Failure to satisfy probation terms resulted in his incarceration as an adult.

4u

[sweettoothvn]

What's the worst crime ur characters ever committed?

Andre: Grand Theft Auto

Casey: Larceny

Chrys: Arson

Eddie: Assault (hasn't been caught!)

David: Extortion

Kieran: Assault (has been caught too many times!)

Noble: i think you know

Zach: Speeding. Once.

[open-hangar]

Prison Force Chagger Ep. 3

GENEVA LBZ/IF INMATE RECORDS

Name: Wolfgang Baumer

Place of Origin: Nordschwarzwald region, Western Europe

Birth date: Unknown

Height and Weight: ~155 cm, ~90kg

Criminal Record: Harboring a Fugitive, multiple counts of Grand Theft Auto, Grand Larceny, Money Laundering, Voluntary Manslaughter

Etc: Prisoner records are not to be destroyed by the order of the Wardens. Who we are and what we’ve done are not a secret, but also do not define us.

“Could you hand me the CH.Welder?”

I looked down at the hairy hand reaching out from underneath the truck with a bit of confusion, and then to the wide array of tools laid out on a greasy towel on the ground.

“Uh, yeah, sure… The CH.Welder… It’s…”

“About 25 centimeter long curved pipe with the cylinder on the bottom. Covered in a novel’s worth of warning labels.”

Ah. Of course. What else could it have been? I lean over and pick up the-

“Nah, the other one. Easy mistake to make.”

“...Right.”

Last week I was moved into a cell in the main holding building. It’s not really as bad as it sounds, since they had all of the bars removed and placed with a normal wall and a door that locked from the inside. It’s honestly way better than the shack I used to live in on the outskirts of the Solna LBZ, at least this place keeps heat reasonably well. Doc even recommended that I talk to some guys who love to build cottages, but I felt weird asking for favors already. After all, they’ve already got me working with Wolfgang because I apparently know which way to turn a socket wrench.

As I hand the device, I look down under the truck at my… manager? Co-worker? I still haven’t figured out how exactly this was supposed to work. He’s flat on his back, most of his face covered in a heavy-duty chargon mask, in case a gasket pops and he gets a face full of green and purple gas, but his giant salt-and-pepper beard sticks out from the bottom.

“Hey, should I be wearing one of those masks?”

“Nah, you’re probably fine. Just stay out of the way in case something pops.”

Cool. Glad to be useful.

As the short, wide Warden tinkers on the chargon drive of the truck, I absent-mindedly wander around the space. It’s not super clear if this massive garage existed before the revolution, because it’s clearly designed to service a giant complex with a fleet of vehicles, but for whatever reason, the only truck here was the one being worked on. There were also only a small handful of car lifts. What, exactly, was the point of this place?

I figure I might as well make my question known out loud in a way that Wolfgang might hear it. It takes long enough for him to answer that I almost repeat the question.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Don’t worry about it? I mean, if this is my new job, it seems like something I should worry about. Where are all the other trucks?

“I’m telling you not to worry about it because you don’t need to worry about it.”

For a second, I worry to myself that the Warden had already figured out my game. Grab a truck while he’s not looking, and hoof it to the wall surrounding this place to get the hell out. Don’t ask me how I’m planning on getting past the wall since I didn’t see any gates, I’ve always been good at thinking on my feet. Usually.

The Warden slides out from under the truck, the wheels on his sliding board making clanking sounds on the seams of the concrete.

“We have trucks. Lots of ‘em. But the thing about tools is that people like to use them, because that’s what they’re for. And if they want to keep using them, that’s fine too. There’s vehicles that have been borrowed for years, and I honestly don’t even know what happened to the guys who borrowed them. And if they need repairing, then they’ll wind up back here.”

It’s obvious that I’ve been on the outside for too long.

“Yeah. But you’ll figure it out. Just forget about stuff like pers-”

A loud klaxon suddenly starts blaring, the sound echoing off of the distant walls of the garage’s massive interior. What the hell…? Wolfgang clambers up to his impressive 1 and a half meters and speedily trundles over to a nearby intercom.

“What’s the emergency?”

He listens intensely, his face grimacing with each passing word from the other speaker. He looks around awkwardly, and makes quick eye contact with me.

“Okay, look, I got the newblood here. Fine, yeah. I’ll be out in a jiff.” He smashes a button on the intercom to end communication, and turns to walk towards me.

“Stand back, you’re about to get a hell of a show.” He then places his calloused hand on my arm, and points towards a door near the bathrooms that says Managers only.

“Take that elevator and head to the top floor, and mind the ‘old person’ smell. Whatever you do, don’t leave. I promise it’s the safest place on the continent right now.”

I’m clearly puzzled as the ground begins to rumble, and the center of the floor begins to slide open like a concrete grocery store front door. On a rising platform sits… a jet? But instead of being a sleek machine designed to dogfight, it’s built like a bulbous insectoid semi truck with wings and a massive translucent chargon battery for an abdomen. I’ve never seen a battery that big, and Wolfgang marches straight towards it. There’s no way in hell he’s actually going to get IN that thing, is he?!”

“Elevator! Now!”

My legs instinctively, obediently carry me towards the doorway opposite the room as the Warden climbs into the machine, and the strange device emits the telltale green and purple of a chargon engine’s exhaust. Crap, crapcrapcrap gotta get out of this room immediately! I slam the “up” button on the inside of the elevator, and watch the insectoid apparatus slowly take off from its launch bay. A woman’s voice comes over the elevator’s speakers, and speaks with a calm voice.

“Top floor: Dr. Ishikawa’s office.”

Art by @menacing-marshmallow

[witchykale]

List of Every Crime Committed by the Daemos On Earth

-Arson (Asch, Ep. 1, Ep. 14)

-Breaking and Entering (Asch, Ep. 2; Leif, Ep. 18)

-Threatening a Police Officer (Asch, Ep. 2)

-Attempted Murder (Asch, Ep. 3; Leif, Noi, Ep. 5; Leif, Ep. 11)

-Larceny (Pierce, Ep. 3; Leif, Ep. 18; Zex, Ep. 25)

-Assault (Leif, Ep. 4; Asch, Ep. 20; Zex, Ep. 25, Ep. 26)

-Battery (Leif, Ep. 4, Ep. 7, Ep. 24)

-Destruction of Property (Leif, Ep. 5; Asch, Ep. 6; Leif, Ep. 11, Ep. 13, Ep. 18)

-Disturbing the Peace (Leif, Ep. 6)

-Grand Theft Auto (Asch, Ep. 13)

[tinycoded360]

Chapter 12: Luminance Fugue

Will paced the tiny prison cell, hands shaking in rage as he thought of Mathis holding Sage captive. He slammed a fist into the stone wall, ignoring the burst of pain in his knuckles. He had to get out of here. He had to save her.

“Psst…. Hey.” A voice of a man whispered from the barred window into the next-door cell. “Come to the window, we must talk. Stand on the toilet and you can reach the window.”

Will whipped around, surprised at the new voice. He was curious so he complied. Will stood up on the toilet seat and was able to see into the next cell. There was an older man tied to a chair. He could barely see the other man.

“There you are! Well…. welcome to this shitshow.” The other man greeted Will.

“Ok, so who are you?” Will demanded.

“Unfortunately, I run this place.” The other man replied with a deep wariness.

“That doesn’t seem to be working out too well for you.” Will deadpanned.

“Yes, well normally I’m on the other side of the bars. Name’s Franklin. I’m warden here at Blackrock.”

“Name’s Mackenzie. Franklin…what’s going on here?”

“Mathis and his gang of thugs are trying to break someone out of solitary. We’re still alive, for now, so they must need us for something. The power’s been out for days and nobody’s coming to help.”

“Sounds about right. Mathis took someone I care about from me; do you know where he’d keep someone?” Will asked, his heart pounded as he thought of Sage’s terrified face.

“Hmmm, maybe my old office, he’s claimed it as his. I heard…. the commotion earlier, did he take…. a pet of some sort from you?”

“No! She’s not a pet…. She’s a child.” Will hesitated before continuing, he remembered his promise to Sage about not telling others about her, but the damage had already been done. They needed allies. “Have you ever heard of borrowers? She’s a child, about three inches tall, but she’s no different from any other kid.”

“…. you know, I’ve had…. heard of them before. In old folk tales, it says they bring good luck or good fortune to those that show kindness to them. I hope you find her, but she’d most likely be kept in the warden’s office.”

“So…... Mathis, you know him?” Will asked, trying to gather more information and take his mind off his gut-wrenching worry over his tiny child.

“Oh yeah, we go way back. He was in for murder on the mainland about ten years ago. He did some time but got off on parole. He came back here for Donner.”

“Donner?”

“His son. Mathis is bad, but he’s old school bad, murder, larceny, and grand theft auto. But Donner……. he’s all that but worse.”

“So……not a good person.”

“Well, he’s looked up in BlackRock, isn’t he?” Franklin paused then continued. “Donner is evil to the core. There’s no redemption for guys like Donner. They should have been able to break him out by now. But something’s wrong. Or someone…. Has been getting in the way.”

Both men tense at the sounds of multiple footsteps echoing down the hall. Mackenzie scrambles down and stands in the middle of his cell. Just in time as Mathis and his men come into view. Mackenzie can only stand and watch as Mathis enters Franklin’s cell.

Mackenzie flinches as he hears Mathis interrogate Franklin. Mathis grows angry, especially when Franklin mentions Donner. In his anger Mathis starts to beat Franklin. Once Mathis has finished beating up the old Warden, he turns to two of his lackeys and orders them to patch the man up. “Heller! Vachon! Take care of this mess.”

Mathis glares at Mackenzie as he walks by.

Heller curses under his breath. “There’s no way I’m going out there again."

“Well, we’re out of medical supplies, one of us has to go out and fetch something.” Vachon replied.

“Why don’t you do it, I’m not messing with those wolves, they’ve gotten worse.”

“I went last time.”

“Well, if one of us doesn’t go, boss will kill us himself, he’s gotten more unstable.”

“I’ll do it.” Mackenzie piped up. Both convicts turn to him in surprise.

“And why would we let you out, you’d run and never come back.”

"The warden's dying," Will said flatly. "He needs medical attention, or he won't make it through the night. And plus, Mathis is holding my little girl hostage, I’ll be back."

Heller and Vachon exchanged glances. Finally, Heller jerked his head. "Go. But any funny business, and the girl pays the price."

Will grit his teeth. "Understood."

*******

The outdoor air was cold and bitter. Mackenzie was annoyed that Mathis’s thugs refused to give him his coat back, he’d have to look for a new one. He only had his sweater and basic clothing. They took everything he had from him. He’d have to collect some more stuff and stash it somewhere before he returned. He had to make plans for his future escape. The courtyard of the prison compound was relatively safe. But to get to the old infirmary, he’d have to step out into the outer fenced section. But there was danger lurking. A pack of hungry wolves stalked the outer and inner gates. He must be careful.

*****

Will’s pulse hammered in his ears as he navigated the dimly lit corridors of the prison infirmary. The infirmary, once sterile and ordered, was now a scene of chaos. Overturned gurneys and shattered glass crunched underfoot. His eyes swept over the baren shelves until they landed on a bulky emergency medkit, sealed and intact. Before he could grab it, he startled at a sound he was not expecting to hear.

*Ring* *Ring*

Mackenzie turns to the old phone on the wall in almost disbelief. He’s not sure how this works when nothing else has. Still in a state of disbelief he reaches out and picks up the phone.

“Who is this? And where are you calling me from?” Mackenzie asked into the phone.

An unknown female voice answers. “Somewhere safe. Look Mister Mackenzie, soon you’re going to have to figure out whose side you’re on in this little stalemate we have going on.”

“I don’t know anything about a stalemate. And I’m on my own side.”

“Well at least you’re honest.”

“Where are you and what do you want?” Mackenzie demanded.

“That question has a long answer. Right now, I’m safe from those prison assholes. But I cannot say the same for you.”

“Look, the prison warden…. he’s injured. I’m just trying to keep him alive and rescue someone that Mathis took from me.”

“So…. They let you out of the prison? Then they’re just going to let you back in?”

“Right.” Mackenzie replied realizing how unlikely that sounded.

“But you aren’t helping them?” The unknown called asked in clear skepticism.

“I’m not helping them.”

“Something about this situation…...about you…. doesn’t fit.”

“Look why don’t you tell me where you are and maybe I can help you.”

“Help me? The caller sounded amused. “Shit man, you can’t even help yourself.”

“Are you the one that’s messing up the convict’s plans?” Mackenzie asking, trying put puzzle pieces together.

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. Either way, I’m not telling you. How do I know you aren’t really one of Donner’s boys?”

“Donner…...so you know about him.”

“Wake up man. This is all about Donner. Don’t you get that? And I’m the only thing standing between that fucker rotting away in solitary and an evil man being unleashed on the rest of this hellhole.”

“Well, I hear the summers are nice here.” Mackenzie replied trying to lighten the mood.

“Take care of yourself, Mr. Mackenzie. Those wolves sound pretty hungry to me.” With that the call ended.

“Well, that was weird.” Mackenzie muttered to himself under his breath.

Back to his original task, Mackenzie grabbed the medkit and retraced his steps, each creak and groan of the building setting his nerves on edge. Will's mouth was dry, his breaths coming in short, ragged gasps as he pushed onward, driven by the singular thought of saving Franklin... and Sage.

The final stretch was a blur of shadow and adrenaline. Will pressed on, pushing his body beyond exhaustion, driven by the knowledge that with each second lost, the warden's breaths could be slipping away.

As sprinted across the open grounds toward the main prison building, the medkit clutched in his grasp, Will knew that the true test was just beginning.

****** “Yeah, you’d better get in there to see him.” Vachon told him as he searched him then lead him to Franklin’s cell.

The warden lay slumped against the chair he was tied to, his breathing shallow.

"Franklin," Will gasped, dropping to his knees beside the battered man, the emergency medkit springing open with a click.

"Stay with me," Will murmured, his fingers steady despite the quake of urgency that threatened to overtake him. He reached for an ampule of adrenaline, snapping the top with practiced ease. The needle plunged into Franklin's vein, a silent prayer accompanying the push of the plunger.

As the drug coursed through the warden’s body, Will wrapped a compression bandage tightly around the man's ribcage, stemming the tide of bruising that painted his skin in violent shades. Franklin's eyelids flickered—a subtle but promising sign.

"Good," Will whispered, more to himself than to the semi-conscious man before him. His hands moved with care, cleaning cuts, and applying antiseptic with the tenderness of a craftsman.

"Who the hell are you?" Franklin croaked, the words barely audible, laced with pain and gratitude.

“Relax, it’s me your neighbor from the other side of the wall.”

“Ah…. you.”

“I cleaned you up the best I could.”

“Thanks, you seem to know a fair bit of first aid.”

“Well…...I’m marr……I uh…. know a doctor.”

“We’d better hurry before the guards get back. There’s something I need to tell you about the prison.”

“I’m listening.”

“Solitary. It’s……. it’s on its own locking circuits. Separated from the rest of the prison. Mathis and his guys……haven’t figured that out yet.”

“But when they do?”

“When they do, they’ll get Donner out. I can’t figure it out, but someone is out there. Messing with the system.”

“I might have an idea of who it is.” Mackenzie admitted with a sigh.

“You see someone out there?”

“Not saw but I talked to someone on the phone.”

“Right! The old rotary phone system would still work.”

Before they could finish their conversation, clear signs that Mathis and his men where walking down the hallway towards their location.

With panic and urgency Mackenzie rushes back to his cell, so he’s not caught by Mathis. He makes it just in take as Mathis approaches the cells. Mathis stands before his cell and then reaches out and pushes his cell door open. Showing that it isn’t locked. Mathis turns to glare at his cronies.

“He……hey how’d that happen? Vachen said, trying to act surprised.

 “Wow! Yeah, must be glitchy.” Heller agreed. Trying to play it off.

Mathis chuckles as he enters Mackenzie’s cell. “These Idiots think I’m a fool, I know they were too chicken to take care of the warden themselves. And they sent you out into the cold to do their dirty work.”

“Where is Sage? Is she ok, is she hurt?” Mackenzie asked.

“Who’s Sage.” Mathis mocked.

“The tiny child you took from me.” Mackenzie glared. If his look could murder, Mathis would be dead ten times over.

“Oh! I remember…. your tiny pet.” Mathis reached into his pant pocket and pulled at the tiny wiggling form of Sage. Mathis held the tiny child in a tight fist. Not caring for the tiny girl’s comfort. Sage gave Will such a sad and pleading look, she stretched out her tiny arms to him, with a pleading desperate look on her tiny face. Mackenzie’s heart broke. Mathis' fingers closed around Sage's tiny form like a vice, his cruel eyes gleaming with malice.

"Please, Mathis," Mackenzie pleaded, desperation evident in his voice. "She's just a child! You have a child too, you must understand!"

Mathis sneered at him, tightening his grip on Sage. "This little rat ain't human," he spat out, disgust coloring his words. "And if you ever compare my son to this...this thing again, I'll rip her tiny limbs off." Sage sobbed in fear, her small body trembling in Mathis' merciless grip.

“Please let me hold her, she’s scared. I’ll do what you want, just please give her back to me.” Mackenzie begged, holding his palm out for the tiny child.

“Oh no. You want her back; you’ll have to earn that.” Mathis sneered, holding Sage up aloft and away from Mackenzie’s reach.

[crossroadstechie]

I read this news article that you and your buddy are wanted in 49 of the 50 usa states and in 28 of the 32 usm states and I just wanted to ask: 1. is it true? 2. what for?

I don’t know anything about this and I’ve never done anything wrong in my entire life and neither has Arin we r just a couple orphan kids trying to make it through life we would never ever do anything heinous like grand theft auto and petty theft and grand larceny and breaking and entering we would never do anything like that.

[firebuug]

Hi. Im Suema Ballce from Suema Ballce Law Office, P.A. The owner of this blog was recently contained in our highly legal and efficient Law Corps. (L. Corp for short) holding facility in order to investigate multiple allegations of arson, grand theft auto, larceny, and other smaller crimes such as tax evasion. As a result, our office has no choice but to confiscate their blog and Discord in order to thoroughly investigate any leads on their 200+ open cases. This is a highly dangerous individual, but you can count on Suema Ballce Law Office to bring justice to the barren earth left behind in their wake. If you have any eyewitness reports that can help bring this individual's multiple hundreds of crimes to light we will work with you to uplift the voice of the manipulated firebuug community.

As protocol of our holding facility they will be given access to their devices but we will be closely monitoring and observing their behavior to ensure they are not a harm to human society. We will also be clearly labelling any posts made by them or our law firm under our sister firm's brand, April Fools.

Thank you for your understanding

Mr. Ballce

Suema Ballce Law Office, P.A.

[808sheartbreaks]

maybe if crimes didn’t sound so cool people wouldn’t want to do them like you’re out here calling them shit like GRAND LARCENY, GRAND THEFT AUTO, ARMED ROBBERY and it’s our fault when we do them????

[sardonic-the-writer]

May I please request for a platonic Ricky Goldsworth x reader, he's teaching them how to crime properly but they're just the nicest and sweetest person ever?

-Spoiled Anon

Hey! Havnt seen you in a while! And thanks for the request. Hope you like it :)

"I know how to hold a gun, Ricky."

It was about the fifth time you had said that in the past hour. And your accomplice still wouldn't stop hovering.

The name Ricky Goldsworth was well known in this town. To most he was a never relenting cloud of doom that spelled misery for everything that they could ever care about. A low life, murdering, son of a bitch to others: namely C.C Tinsley, head of local law enforcement. But to you? He was just the guy that you happened to have met while carrying in your groceries last winter.

Maybe in hindsight, becoming friends with the most wanted man this side of the state border wasn't what your mama had in mind when she told you to go out there and meet new people, but you had always had a way of exceeding expectations. Maybe not the intended way but still.

"Really? I find it hard to believe you know how to aim and shoot a .22 caliber, considering you volunteer at the soup kitchen in your spare time. Pretty sure I saw you save an elderly woman from traffic the other day too." Rickys tone was a light one, but you could still feel the resistance in it. He liked to claim he was a stone wall when it came to emotions. A lot of people did. But he always had trouble hiding them from you. And right now, he was clearly nervous. Whether that be at the prospect of you accidently shooting yourself or him, you didn't know. Probably both.

"Must have been some other dashing do-gooder, I'm sure." You shrugged playfully, noting the way Ricky restrained himself from grabbing the gun in your hands to reposition it when you made the slight movement. If he had, you couldn't guarantee you wouldn't have slapped his hand away.

"Hardy har. You must be real fun at parties."

"You know it Goldy." Lips curving upward into a smile, your grip on the gun in your hands loosened as you put it back onto safety mode. "But a more serious question for a moment. Do you really think I'm going to start committing crime with you? I might steal the occasional apple but grand theft auto and larceny is where I draw the line bud."

"It was worth a shot asking. Besides. Now I know you know how to use a gun. That puts some of my worries to rest at least." The ravenette responded with a sideways smile. You tossed his gun back to him, ignoring the way he glared at you for nearly dropping his prized beauty in the dirt below. Pros of conversing in an alleyway about crime is that no one will look twice. Cons? You might get your mass murdering friends gun dirty.

"Sometimes you stress me out, Ricky. While I appreciate the offer, I'll have to decline. I'm pretty busy anyways. Don't know how I'd schedule you in in between tax season and saving puppies from oncoming traffic."

"Asshole."

"Call me that again and I will turn you into Tinsley myself."

"Did I say asshole? I meant oh thank you wonderful (Y/n) for gracing me with your presence."

"Yeah yeah, love you too smart ass."

[slasheru]

Have the romancables committed any crimes OTHER than murder?

JUNO: Oh my god the list is ENDLESS. As Hex put it, they can just float right on out of jail, so they do SO MUCH. Larceny, grand theft auto, arson, vandalism, that crime where you're not allowed to walk 100 sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at the same time - EVERYTHING. Well, ALMOST everything.

TATE: Yes. <Tate's nervousness intensifies.> But teeeeechnically it wasn't TATE Tate at the time!

HEX: Hex is too scared to commit crimes but he has committed about three years of accidental tax fraud because he's also too scared to understand what taxes are

SAWYER: Breaking and entering >:)

LAILA: Laila would like me to reiterate that MURDER IS ONLY A CRIME IF IT'S NOT IN SELF DEFENSE, PLAYER!! But OTHER THAN THAT <Laila coughs> nothing too serious. Laila has DEF committed some petty crimes to get ahead in Final Girlism, though!

[total-television-productions-act]

i'm about to get real nerdy real fast

i was watching a section of The Gold Bricks, where Underdog is about to leave jail and i got to wondering: could he do that? the answer is: not the way he went about it, but there is a process for just leaving if one desires.... well actually it's mostly for when a family member is dying, but! there is an option

the law in question is 18 U.S.C. § 3622, and the section we're looking at is (a)(6): engaging in any other significant activity consistent with the public interest. i would imagine that catching the person who framed you is probably consistent with the public interest, and if it isn't.... this is a silly cartoon it doesn't have to be wholly legal.

oh, and all of this is called a furlough, by the way, which is why Riff & Mooch are taunting him with that.

you may wonder, if Underdog jails Riff and Mooch and clears his name, why is he in a prison jumpsuit being taunted by them?

furlough has rules. obviously. Underdog breaks a couple.

(this section is for a Funny Scenario and i do not think actually happens in Taleverse.)

28 CFR § 570.38( c)(1) - assuming the haunted mansion is owned by somebody, Trespassing

( c)(2) - he was probably not authorized to be anywhere outside Biggers, and i'm willing to bet the haunted mansion was nowhere near the city

( c)(8) - technically, TECHNICALLY he associated with criminals

( c)(10) - Underdog came back with three people, a car he didn't own, a million dollars worth of gold bricks, more than likely a few paint tins, and whatever else was in Riff's truck

BUT he did technically clear his name of Grand Larceny/Embezzlement and Grand Theft Auto, so he has a severely reduced sentence.

of course, none of that matters to Riff Raff and Mooch, THE GREAT UNDERDOG is in jail for a FURLOUGH VIOLATION and that is the funniest thing on Earth.

i also have an uglier second image:

and they were cellmates!

[thaliatimsh]

Why didnt u guys tell me that he was literally Real.

Mr Morgan and Mr Custis so glad to see you again and you are committing Grand Larceny (Auto) in 1926

[open-hangar]

Prison Force Chagger Ep. 1

GENEVA LBZ/IF INMATE RECORDS

Name: Philippe Arsenault

Place of Origin: Vaujany region, Western Europe

Birth date: Unknown

Height and Weight: ~195 cm, ~100 kg

Criminal Record: Disorderly Conduct, Disturbing the Peace, Grand Larceny, Grand Theft Auto, Assaulting a Peace-Keeper, Voluntary Manslaughter

Etc: Prisoner records are not to be destroyed by the order of the Wardens. Who we are and what we’ve done are not a secret, but also do not define us.

The darkness is warm. Comforting. Relaxing. And then, it’s interrupted by a cartoon.

“Howdy there, pardner!”

My eyes slowly creak open, my consciousness forced into the world of the living by a technicolor cowboy. Or miner? Hard to tell. Either way, it’s obnoxious and desperately makes me wish my head wasn’t strapped in to face the monitor 6 inches away from my face.

“Welcome aboard what we like to call, the Geneva Express! Because of the crimes you’ve committed against yer fellow man, you’re being sent on a direct trip to the Geneva Launch Base Zone, home of the only LBZ manned by inmates serving their terms!”

The rattle confirms my worst suspicions, that those bastards actually did it. I’m on a rocket straight to hell, and it wasn’t because I was tried in court.

“Now, y’all might be wonderin’, ‘ain’t working with all that chargon dangerous?’ Well, now, pardner, ya’ shoulda thought about that before you committed the crime of [FILE NOT FOUND]! But we ain’t totally cruel, now. Using state-of-the-art tracking technology, yer sentence will be reduced based on the level of chargon exposure! You’ll be back home lickety-split, or I ain’t yer old pal, Tex Wolfenbarger! Assumin’ of course, it ain’t a life sentence. YEE-HAW!”

I struggle to get this stupid thing out of my face, and learn that the straps on this chair are old and decayed. A few hard snaps and neck whips and my neck is free, along with one of my shoulders. First things first: I gotta shut this cowboy the hell up by sending a fist through the monitor.

“Aw, heck! Looks like there’s a slight malfunction in your pod, pardner! Don’t you worry none, one of yer attendants will be over in a jiffy to help you out!”

With a dozen or so shoulder checks, the side door of my pod pops open with a metallic scratch. After a half second of orientation, I realize that I’ve been lying supine. The cargo hold that I find myself in is pitch black until a bay door slides open to bring in bright hazy light. A quick look around reveals that my pod’s the only one, which makes it a little harder to judge how much longer I have as the empty hooks hanging on the line in front of me pop open and shuffle forward in an orderly fashion.

“Looks like yer reaching yer final destination! The fall might be scary, but as long as you’re strapped in tight, you’ll be good to go! Just enjoy the feeling of free fall before our talented personnel collect you after you hit the ground.”

The hooks on the line in front of me open one by one, until it’s my turn, but I can’t get the straps off of my legs in time before my pod is dropped, the open door cracking off of the rocket and sending me into a free spin. I never wanted to know what a gridiron football in a perfect pass felt like, but now I’ll never forget it.

Eventually the aerodynamics of my busted pod begin to disagree with the spinning, and the free spin turns into just a straight drop. The view of Geneva is actually pretty impressive, if my eyes weren’t getting blasted by lower atmosphere hard enough to squint in agony. A massive, city-sized complex with giant smokestacks and a couple of launch pads, one of which with a shipping container being loaded onto a rocket not unlike the one I just fell out of. The massive walls with no clear gates is a bad omen, however.

The worst part is the massive net being raised between two smoke stacks, reinforced with pistons and springs, obviously meant to catch the bullet that I was stuck inside. Or, rather, the worst part is that there was no way I’m going to hit it. I’m dropping like an endangered bird who had just met a cruel hunter, and I’ve got a meeting with the ground and who knows how many hungry dogs. I brace my arms hard against the side of the capsule, and feel the bones inside snap as the entire space fills with energy-absorbing balloons before I leave a small, pathetic crater.

—

My memory is a damn mess with the next few parts, so please bear with me. My vision was a blur, my ears were ringing louder than a doorbell exhibition, and my entire body was in agony. But there were definitely people in orange jumpsuits running around with stretchers, moving me around and putting me in a neckbrace. Someone said something like “They’re still alive!” or something, and this dude looked down at me. He was built like a truck with a snow plow for shoulders, defined muscles, vascularity you could see from the cheap seats. He leaned down at me, placed a giant mit on my cheek, and said, “Welcome to safe haven, friend.”

Next thing I knew, I woke up here, in a surprisingly classy-looking hospital room, covered in a full body cast, and this fine gentleman asking me if I consent to the use of chargon to increase the speed of my recovery. That pained grumble was a yes, by the way.

Art by @menacing-marshmallow

[vexic929]

Dark OC asks 1, 4, 6, 7, 12, 14 for Rodriga, Eden, and 929

1. Excluding murder, what is the worst thing your OC has ever done?

Rodriga: cheated on her college entrance exam; she's brilliant she just doesn't test well and she was completely certain she wouldn't get into her chosen school if she didn't cheat, every one of her accomplishments after were entirely legitimate

Eden: tripped a coworker who was being a misogynistic asshole which resulted in him breaking his arm - she felt really bad but also a little justified

929: set a man on fire

4. What appears in your OC's darkest nightmares?

Rodriga: her wife and daughter dead or dying

Eden: Eoland Thawne

929: fragmented memories she can't make sense of

6. Would your OC make a deal with the devil?

Rodriga: she doesn't believe in the devil so it would be a hard sell right from the off

Eden: it depends on a lot of factors but mainly would doing so save Barbara and Ira? would not doing so harm them? if so then the answer would be a resounding yes

929: not anymore

7. How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

Rodriga: any crime that won't harm another person

Eden: it depends on what she wants

929: manslaughter (but only of bad people)

12. If your OC was arrested, what would the charges be?

Rodriga: destruction of government property

Eden: probably she was framed

929: larceny, murder, destruction of public property, arson, grand theft auto

14. What is your OC's "villain song"?

none of them are villains but it was fun to think about what would suit them if they did reach that breaking point

Rodriga:

Eden:

929:

[hoodie-prince-kid]

Arson. Manslaughter. Robbery. Grand Theft Auto (but with the space cruiser). Grand Larceny. Uhhhhh Treason technically speaking. Etc.

Emery Mend is. Blorbo.

C r i m i n a l... Its ok Emery can commit crimes aksnndmsmsn