#Grammarly keeps trying to correct Jay Walking to jaywalking and that is the hightlight of this day

[lycaran]

Am I Still The Same? (Techno/Polyninja fic)

(This is for Valentine’s Prompts 8/2: First Ship)(This is my first real try at something ship related, I hope it’s decent)(This is really Zane and Jay centric but Polyninja if you squint)(It’s about 9:20 as I’m posting this and asked my cousin to proofread and she hasn’t said yes or no so...have this copypasted from Docs disaster)(And just saying again, I don’t normally write shippy things but I tried my best)

         The ninja were mostly by themselves on the bounty tonight. Nya was out with Skylor, who needed as much help as she could keep an eye on the noodle house after something like this happened, Lloyd was out patrolling since he managed to get out pretty scratch free and “Someone needed to make sure everything was alright”, while Wu was dealing with the bits of conferencing and other such things. While the four had settled themselves in the living room to try and relax and not think about what had gone down just earlier that day.

         The mission went horribly. Maybe he didn’t push himself far enough, maybe something happened and he didn’t care enough. But his teammates, the people he loved and cared about, were hurt. Hurt in a way that he could have stopped. He’s durable, he could have withstood an explosion but he didn’t move fast enough. 

        And the worst damage is that Cole had a gash across his stomach. It almost made him sick. They looked terrible. He bandaged and stitched them up as best he could, ignoring Jay’s pestering over his own knicks and scratches, they didn’t mean anything.

         Part of him said that he should be happy, they’re alive. That no one died. 

         So why did it feel so terrible? It was a question repeating through his mind throughout the whole process of bandaging and stitching the others up. They were alive. So why did he feel like this?

         He got up quickly and excused himself, walking off as calmly as he could. After all, they knew he had a habit of isolating himself on days like these. Though the worried glances each of his boyfriends gave him as he left didn’t escape him while he walked to the bathroom, one place no one bothers anyone even if the said person doesn’t need to use it. Carefully he took the shirt of his gi off and looked over the knicks and indents that had gathered over his torso and arms. Some were older and more worn, others were sharp and jagged. The only thing that said they were newer than a few weeks.

         He starred in the mirror, ey-, no, eyelights flicking over the titanium plating, knicks and scratches and all the damage that existed physically. He couldn’t understand this feeling he got looking at it, nor the reason he felt despair and panic every time he looked back at old memories of the body he father had built him. It hurt to think about it, it hurt to think about all of this. 

        Every single memory felt wrong in this body. His old body couldn’t do things he does now and his new body can’t do some of the things his old one can. Every one of his sense is number, he doesn’t dream anymore when he sleeps, he only shuts down, and every once in a while he gets reminded of just how different he really is. A feeling numbs to much, a virus hits his system, or he just needs an update because he’s glitchy. He never had to do this all in his old body, his old body made him feel normal, human. His old body was Zane. His old body was Zane, the Zane everyone loved and cared about.

         He gripped at his head, leaning against the bathroom wall and sliding down. He wasn’t Zane. The thought raced through his head again and again. Fans whirring and stuttering, the feeling of panic and despair setting back in as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to calm himself. But the thought, this voice, kept repeating over and over. You aren’t Zane. You’re just a replacement built because no one could deal with the guilt.

You aren’t Zane

You aren’t Zane

You will never be Z-

Then there was a knock on the door.

“Zane?”

         Honestly, Jay’s been worried for weeks since they got back from Chen’s island. Aside from the whole of comforting Lloyd, he’s been worried about Zane. Zane’s been more cut off since they got back, more protective. Like he’s trying to prove something to himself and to everyone. 

        He’s gotten a lot more sensitive about things to. Whenever Kai would snap at him during training to try and rile him up, normal Kai things, he just left. He’s been sleeping away from them too. That’s what really worried Jay. The cold distance Zane seemed to be creating between them all. And suffice to say, he’s had enough of it.

He stared down the bathroom door, knocking on it, “Zane?”

No response.

“Zane, why do you keep doing this? Why do you keep locking yourself in here? Is something wrong?”

Still nothing, he was about ready to get back to the others. Get Kai or Cole to kick it open. Or maybe get some tools t-

Then it opened.

         “Yes, Jay? I’m fine. There isn’t any problem.” He was lying through his teeth. He barely looked composed with a plastered smiled and ruffled hair. Zane was lying to him.

         “Zane...What’s wrong? I know something's not right. I mean, is something up with your systemordoIneedtorepairsomethingIm-”

“Jay.”

         Jay paused, looking at the nindroid, “Hm? What it is?”

         “The problem isn’t mechanical it’s…” He paused, trying to think through every sentence, Every possibility that the next words wouldn’t end with the final proclamation, that they never thought of them as the Zane that used to be, that would end on a good note. “...I...Do you even seem me as the same person who sacrificed himself to the Overlord? And please, be honest to me.”

         There was a pause, a quizzical look crossing over Jay’s face like he had told him something with a clear answer. Maybe he was right and they really di-

“Of Course we do! You’re still our Zane, a little bit shiny and a little more oiling needed, but you’re still Zane!”

         That made him pause, that sure look on Jay’s face, that smile. That certainty. He felt relieved. Jay didn’t think he was someone else. Maybe the others didn’t either. He couldn’t stop himself from hugging Jay close at that. “Thank you, Jay…”

         Jay didn’t think it would mean much. But when Zane hugged him, it really all came together. “Hey…” He hugged back, nuzzling into Zane’s neck, “You know something like this wouldn’t stop us caring. We love you, Zane, I love you, nothing’s gonna stop that.”

         Zane’s breath hitched, fans sputtering for a moment at that. It’d been a while since he heard it, or maybe he just wasn’t listening. But right here, right now, it was finally coming together. They loved him, his team, Lloyd, Wu, Nya. The all cared.

         Jay pulled back first, tugging Zane back towards the others. “Come on, I know Cole and Kai definitely want you around. You’re our boyfriend, our awesome, metal, boyfriend!” He was pulling a bit harder, trying to get the almost stock still Nindroid to follow him back to the rest of their boyfriends.

Then he heard Zane chuckle.

         Honestly, the speed that Jay turned back around he should have gotten whiplash. And Zane was chuckling, smiling and chuckling. He sounded so happy, and then he stopped and smiled at Jay.

         “I’d like to do that,” he said, beginning to walk back to the others with Jay walking ahead. He smiled and let out a small laugh, it was nice to have Zane happy again. See that he wasn’t being so down. Knowing that whenever this might happen again, he knows how to help him.

         By the time they got back to the others, Kai and Cole were in an ‘Injury-Safe’ cuddle pile. Only looking up as the two re-entered the room. “Got room for two more there?” And Jay was almost giddy as the two shifted and smiled as he and Zane got in to join the pile. It’d been a while since they all got together like this. All four of them, cuddled up on the couch while trying to avoid nudging someone’s injuries wrong. It was nice. It was comforting. It was loving. And Zane felt that for the first time since he got back, it really settled in on Zane just how much they loved him.