#Got lots of fun stories which totally don't make me want to combust
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zoekrystall · 9 months ago
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Zero idea if it'll help or fade into the background but I downloaded stuff to track things and smacked widgets onto my homescreen to not forget. Initially searched for pain ones (where I downloaded two just for good measure ig) but saw that one is customizable for like anything you want and no purchase stuff for me bc included in that one pass and said sure fuck it. I think at the min I need to track pain bc by my memory do I go mental thinking if it just feels frequent n all or if it actually is and mind goes blank when at the doc (will just be fun translating to ger OTL I learn sm to describe stuff in eng but then it lacks in first language). Alas for whatever reason lil me never thought abt actually writing these things down (prob bc every adult anyways dismissed them to the point of not being sure if the pain was actually there so what was the point. but now. now I'm the adult in my life who calls the shots for their own life even if anxiety makes it hard).
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#a wild lux appears#randomly downloaded stuff when my headache almost made me want to cry again thank fuck for that binaural vid#Btw I will not tackle both languages full on at once they're just both there to not forget either#The group goal will prob be the hardest but at least I now realize I instead of beating myself up I just become avoidant#Which isn't good either but at least knowing what I do helps tackling it ykno#Btw the apps I got are dailyio. manage my pain. and. chronic insights (which is specifically for pain my recommendation since it's made by#one w it and completely free of ads n all. got a lot you can add n visually really nice. just fancy stuff behind paywall)#Zero idea if my stuff is chronic maybe I am since years in my denialism era either way pain is pain and I learned more online from disabled#ppl than from doctors which is just oh so great. but after learning not suprising yikes.#Also reg every adult I remember school trips being nightmares bc I ran out of energy and breath fast and the stops were not even close to#what I needed to recover.#Safe to say I became a v seething child who w reasons hated forced outdoors stuff#Got lots of fun stories which totally don't make me want to combust#This one is like. The tamest I think. Got literally locked out of my room to be foces to go outside#But all that is more stories abt one specific horrendous place I wish(ed) to burn to the ground than physical pain focused talk.#So gon cut it here#Need to shower anyways I just woke up I need v quickly food after it so cya#(just woke up I say. As if I'm not since like three hours awake but just since shortly out of my bed. anyways-)#Also last thing even if a child fakes pain to get out of stuff maybe talk w them as to why they feel the need to do that#Believe kids they know their body etc etc or I will hit you cartoon style w a piano over your head#Fuck wrote one app wrong I meant *daylio
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haikyuuishete · 4 years ago
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Koji Hiroo|| Boyfriend Headcanons
Since Nohebi and Nekoma can’t stand each other one bit, it was really hard for them to meet at summer camp (Daishou and Kuroo would start world war 3)
They even fought for a hang out spot, like literally (Nohebi won which made Kuroo want to bang his head on a wall)
That's where you come in, since the Nekoma boys aren't allowed to be in the restaurant (Nohebi made the rules)
They haven't met you yet so they would think it was just a regular girl
That's how Hiroo met you, listening to Daishou rant to them as he ate, you came in
He dropped his chapsticks, his mouth hung wide open a bit
He couldn't take his eyes away from you, you were so pretty
Numai noticed the change of his behavior and followed his gaze seeing you
Sadly you left which made him pout a bit
"You could've gotten her number" Numai smiled elbowing him teasingly
Soon enough he saw you again
He had found out that your were Nekoma's manager which he didn't really care much cause rivalry didn’t mater
He started to see you everywhere at games and at training camp and even at combined practices
"Please Daishou behave I beg you" he begs his captain not to start fights
"I don't understand you!" "I really like her okay if you start a fight with Nekoma we would get banned and I won't get to see her"
Okay Daishou will behave and hold his tongue for a while
As Hiroo spots you, he would notice how quiet and shy you were
It kinda irked him whenever he saw Kuroo pat your head
"If you want me to fight him you gotta tell me" Daishou shows up making Hiroo push him away
During practice, families brought a box of snacks for the guys and of course you went to get it
Two full boxes that were were heavy but you were strong enough but you couldn't see due to the box on top of the box under it
"Let me help you" Hiroo came to help
"Oh thank you"
It was awkward walking together like you two never spoke once
He wasn't bad looking he was HANDSOME drop dead gorgeous
You couldn't even look at him in the eyes due to how pretty he was
"Do you like anyone?" Which surprised you
"Wha-" "Hiroo hurry up we have a game to play" his coach shouts at him
Yea that's how the interaction went
"I hate my life, just burry me alive" he would keep saying to his team
He liked you so much and he messed up his chance (no he didn't, you kept thinking about him a lot too)
The rest of his team was ready to come over to Nekoma and confess for him but Mika stopped them telling them "you guys are dumb, it doesn't work like that"
It was another game, both teams were waiting to get the court
You were chilling, leaning against the wall waiting for the boys to come back from the locker room
That's when the Nohebi boys found you
"Their she is go ask her" Everyone kept hyping Hiroo up like dude just go
"Come on just go before I can't hold my tongue anymore" Daishou hisses which made Hiroo glare at him
Kuguri who was annoyed by his upperclassmen
"Or I'll go and make my move on her then"
Almost challenging Hiroo
"No you won't" pushing him away Hiroo takes a deep breath and walks up to you
On the other hand you realized you've been getting stared at, looking up from your phone it was Hiroo
"Hey y/n" "hey Hiroo"
Shit just saying his name made his heart beat faster
"I wanted to ask you if um you want to go out with me" "Um oh" you were in total shock
"Is that a no?" "No no I didn't mean it like that, I don't really know what to say"
"How about saying yes" He bit his lip, he was being too confident "okay yea"
He couldn’t help but let out a huge smile as you two exchanged numbers
He finally did it, his whole teammates tackled him onto the floor once you left with your team
After getting your number, he sets up the perfect date
You two go to the arcade and get food, it wasn’t too big
But you enjoyed the outing with him which turned into a lot of hangouts and late night phone calls
When he can’t meet up with you or you can’t he always call you before bed time
He would also talk to you after school before practice just to hear your voice and let’s just say his voice is mmm
The closer both of you got the more in love you were with him and the other way around
He asked you to be his girlfriend after a few months dating
He was a lazy yet passionate guy who would praise the ground where you walked on
He is fun and quiet a guy, who likes to keep his relationship in private but that doesn’t mean he won’t trap you between the wall and make out knowing your team is looking for you
Yeah he’s kinda cocky, but in a good way tho
He’s the type of boyfriend who would sneak into your room late at night either because he can’t sleep or he’s bored and wanted to know what you’re up to
Absolutely hates when guys come up to you and flirt with you (even though you know how to defend yourself he still gets jealous)
A guy from the opposite team was flirting with you, trying to grab your wrist stopping you from walking away
He was fuming like how dare he touch you?
As he stomps over to your spot, he didn’t realize that Nekoma was walking up to you already
“Y/n i was looking for you” cheekily grabbing your hand into his “what are you? Her boyfriend” this dude didn’t think you were dating him because again
He’s the rival of Nekoma
“Yea I’m her boyfriend so what?” He glared
He’s super scary when someone tries to fight him
“GIRLFRIEND?!” Your whole team combusts
Yea that’s how they found out, it wasn’t good because Daishou and Kuroo went off at each other
You just watched in amusement while Hiroo was embarrassed
When he’s nervous he tends to grab your hand and squeezes it a lot not to the point of hurting you, when he’s jealous or mad he grabs your thighs and squeezes it (man he’s hot)
Not only he’s hot but the guy knows how to make each day amusing and exciting
One moment he pins you onto the wall and attacks your lips and then he would be screaming because his teammates telling you embarrassing stories about him
He has his days off of practice, he would casually come to your school to pick you up for a date
everyone calls hims (the hot dude from the gate)
He would take you anywhere you want, treats you like a queen, protects you and also most importantly
He can be sarcastic (it makes everything funnier)
As the manager you had a lot of duties so you don’t have much time for him, which saddens you but don’t worry rooster head has it covered
Kuroo would invite Nohebi over to a combined practice which means you get to see your boyfriend more
Not only that but Hiroo invites you to every party that his teammates host to get to spend time with you
Oops no chair? That’s alright sit on his lap
Yes he’s that type of boyfriend
Sometimes he can be lazy, he would come over just to sleep and hold you close to him
You don’t mind of course, you love taking naps with him, even combing through his soft hair with your fingers
He likes sleeping shirtless so just in case for you to know
He’s also the type of guy who would just randomly give you hickeys because why not?
He absolutely adores it when you do the same, makes him feel special
He’s full of surprises smh
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borathae · 4 years ago
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~Chapter 26~ I just want to say I LOVED this chapter so much. Them making up and all the fluff 😚👌💕 My heart really needed that. Also how you describe Namjoon in your story is exactly how i think he is in real life. Like always having some really well worded advice that sounds so well thought out but he didn't even have to think about it that hard, it just comes naturally to him. Where does one find a Namjoon? And the tea part? Excuse me? That was a whole movie moment. 😭 Eternity biiitch 😭 I had literally so many song options for this chapter but at some point I had to stop myself lol
🖤 My Everything - Ariana Grande
In this chapter or rather in the time between this & the last chapter oc accepts that she wants jungkook back in her life and said let's work on what we have bc it's far too powerful & special to just dismiss it because someone made a mistake which can be worked out. I think she always knew this but now she accepted it. "I've cried enough tears to see my own reflection in them and then it was clear, I can't deny I really miss it." I think oc realised this especially once jk revealed he needs time to think and that's when it hit oc that he might not come back and that she actually can't live without him. "To think that I was wrong, I guess you don't know what you got 'til it's gone. Pain is just a consequence of love. I'm saying sorry for the sake of us. He wasn't my everything 'til we were nothing. And it's taken me a lot to say. And now that he's gone, my heart is missing something so it's time to push my pride away 'cause you are, you are, you are my everything."
🖤 It's Gotta Be You - Isaiah Firebrace
I actually think this song represents both their povs. "I hear a million voices in my head telling me the things I should have said. I don't know why I let you go, oh I learned the hard way. Tell me it's not too late. Now my arms are open wide, they're hanging forever there, waiting forever, for you. I won't give up on you this time cause I ain't holding up, for nobody else. It's gotta be you."
🖤 Blind (Acoustic) - PRETTYMUCH
I can just see jungkookie laying alone in a motel bed pretending this is seriously over, crying himself to sleep and when he closes his eyes all he sees is oc. "I lose my mind before I see you and I separated, no I'm so scared to lose you, never choosing to let go. Love's so fragile, anything could happen, and we know. Hearts made of glass, but somehow we last. Yeah we made it, no I would rather be without vision 'fore I ever watch you leave. [...] I'd be better off blind. [...] When I close my eyes all I think about is you."
🖤 Here To Stay - Josh Devine
Jungkookie is here to stay 😭 "My heart on the line, so you'll never doubt the mountains I'd climb for us now. It's all about us now. I fooled my heart, let it break. I know this time we won't fade cause all my love's here to stay. [...] Through the dark fight our way. I know this time I can change. [...] I'm giving up everything for this, we'll figure it out I promise."
🖤 Call You Mine - The Chainsmokers & Bebe Reha
I'm sorry but that's literally their story if you replace bar with diner. "When we thought that we couldn't get higher things started looking down. I look at you and you look at me like nothing but strangers now. Two kids with their hearts on fire, don't let it burn us out. Think about what you believe in now, am I someone you cannot live without? 'Cause I know I don't wanna live without you, yeah come on, let's turn this all around. Bring it all back to that bar downtown when you wouldn't let me walk out on you, yeah. You said, 'Hey, what you doing for the rest of your life?' and I said, 'I don't even know what I'm doing tonight'. Went from one conversation to your lips on mine and you said, 'I never regretted the day that I called you mine'."
🖤 Fire Meet Gasoline - Sia
This is what I imagine playing when oc just can't take it anymore and literally throws herself at jk and they hug so tight he can't breathe 😭💖 "I ache for love, ache for us, why don't you come, don't you come a little closer. So come on now, strike the match, strike the match now. We're a perfect match, perfect somehow, we were meant for one another, come a little closer. Flame you came from me, fire meet gasoline. [...] I'm burning alive. I can barely breathe, when you're here loving me." Also "I got all I need, when you came after me"
🖤 Can't Help Falling in Love - Haley Reinhart / Kina Grannis
Those are two separate covers but I just can't decide between them. You know just the whole 'so you really want me to stay?' 'yes we complete each other' vibe. "Shall I stay? Would it be a sin if I can't help falling in love with you? Like a river flows surely to the sea. Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you."
🖤 Best Years - 5 Seconds of Summer
This relates to the last chapter where jk realised he wants to build a life with oc. And this just sounds exactly like something he would say to her when they're sitting together on the couch 😢 "You've got a million reasons to hesitate but darling, the future's better than yesterday. [...] Gave you a million reasons to walk away. But I'll build a house out of the mess and all the broken pieces. I'll make up for all of your tears. I'll give you the best years. [...] I promise, darling, you won't regret the best years."
🖤 Black And White - Niall Horan
Same as the previous song and also this is literally their story. "That first night we were standing at your door fumbling for your keys, then I kissed you, ask me if I want to come inside 'cause we didn't want to end the night. [...] Yeah, I see us in black and white, crystal clear on a star lit night in all your gorgeous colors. I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life. See you standing in your dress, swear in front of all our friends there'll never be another. I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life. Now, we're sitting here in your living room telling stories while we share a drink or two. And there's a vision I've been holding in my mind, we're 65 and you ask 'When did I first know?' I always knew."
Okay, okay so I gotta go on and hurry up with replying to your messages fjsdfjas. Excuse my lazy ass, but I really want to take my time with your messages and saDLY online classes didn’t let me until now 😔🤧
Honestly I totally agree with you, this is highkey how I imagine Namjoon to be in real life as well. Also no joke, working on Namjoon was always so much. I really loved his parts in the story. They were so healing for me to write hahfhads 💜 
Also I am literally so happy that you enjoyed Chapter 26 so much, it is one of my favourite chapters from the story as well. It is just so healing and cute. Like that part when Kook makes her all laugh and Namjoon is all like “damn that bitch laughs really weirdly�� but Kook is all like heart eyes for her. do yOU HEAR ME CRYING IN MY ROOM?? 😔😭💜
Imma put the rest under “read more” because your bitch has a lot to say hahHAH
My Everything - Ariana Grande
Your description just hIT me like a truck. HAHAHHA BYE I am laughing in pain 😭😭 Oh god I don’t even know what to add because you described it just so perfectly well 😭😭 I caN’t here I am cryIng at the first song you recommended 😔
It’s Gotta Be You - Isaiah Firebrace
Okay lis t EN I am :( I will literally start sobbing right here and now 😭 like omfg that part when he is all like “When you walked away my heart tried to replace ya with someone like you, but I could never find it. I don't want to find it.” if that isn’t the reader trying to move on with Hoseok but realising just how much she needs Kook. But also at same time it’s Kook all trying to pretend that they have broken up, but ending up crying every night because he misses her so much. I will now cry 😭😭
Blind (Acoustic) - PRETTYMUCH
Okay you just changed my mind, this is IT. This is most definitely Kook being all sad and heartbroken in his motel room. Nooo lisTEN I AM FAR TOO EMOTIONAL I AM SOBBING :( Okay but also this part, listen this part: “I'm so scared to lose you, never choosing to let go [...] When I close my eyes all I think about is you. This is real love.” if that isnt them being all like “I’ll never let go again” later when they are cuddling in bed :( 
Here To Stay - Josh Devine
Okay... why are those lyrics literally so damn accurate?? Help I am scared? They are literally so accurate hgnfgnan bYE 😭😭😭 also omfg I didn’t know this song and I freaking love their voices. They just HIT right 😭 I can’t jajsdj like every song you’ve recommended as of now made me cry (in a good way) 😭 like just that part “We'll figure it out I promise cause all my love's here to stay.“ I will throw myself away 😭
Call You Mine - The Chainsmokers feat. Bebe Rexa
listen anonie I wanna smooch you. I do not know how you always manage to find songs that just F I T so right, I am comBUSTING 😭😭 gosh this is giving me such hardcore memories of how it felt like to start writing this story (lil fun fact for you guys, exactly one year ago I started working on the Cocktail Trilogy 😔) I can’t this would fit so well to a lil flashback, showing all the amazing times they had together. Like them just driving down the coast, the reader has her arms around his waist while Kook is sneaking a glance her way and smiles. Like just imagine 😭
Fire Meet Gasoline - Sia 
Omg the moment you described 😭 this is it. I can imagine it so clearly. How Kooks eyes widen in surprise at first before they flutter closed. How he nuzzles his face into her shoulder and twists her sweater in his fingers so she would never leave again. How she is squeezing her eyes shut and twisting his hair to press him even closer. Now that they are finally together again it feels so right. The world could burst into flames all around them and yet they wouldn’t let go. Nothing matters for them except the other person. 
And now I made myself sOB again  😔😭
Can’t Help Falling in Love - Hayley Reinhart / Kina Grannis
OKAY LISTEN NO JOKE I LISTENED TO THE KINA GRANNIS COVER WHILST WORKING ON THAT CHAPTER! I love that song so much and holy shit the lines you chOSE YES!! 😭😭 this is song is them 100%, I don’t make the rules and I thank you for recommending it 😭😭
Best Years - 5 Seconds of Summer 
Anonie you are out to make me cry 😭😭 (first of all I love 5sos so much) HOLY SHIT LISTEN THIS IS TOO MUCH 😭😭 I can’t, I literally can’t. This just broke me HHAHSH 😭😭 like if that song isn’t the moment when he is all like “you won’t regret it I promise. I’ll make you so happy.” liKE HOLY FUCK MY HEART IS ACHING 😭😭 anonie seriously thANk YOU, you don’t even want to know how often I have listened to this song whilst working on Purple Rain. Good god, this just awoke so many memories 😭
Black and White - Niall Horan
ANOTHER SONG I CONSTANTLY LISTENED TO WHILST WORKING ON PURPLE RAIN 😔 anonie I can’t believe that three songs of my “writing songs” also made you think of Purple Rain. Fuck I can’t, I’m currently listening to it and I am sobbing HAHAHH 😭 like okAY listen, do you want to know which scene I always think about when I listen to that song? The one day when Kook took her to a junkyard and then when they later drove up a mountain to watch the city. And it’s that moment when they are both just like screaming on top of their lungs and then end up falling into each others arms because they are just so goddamn fucking alive when they are together 😔
Honestly anonie thank you. This playlist was such an emotional rollercoaster to listen to (in a good way). Holy shit it awoke so many memories and fuck, you just get me and my story 😔 thank you anonie, I really fucking love you 😔💜
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