#Gosh it's Li Lun ALL over again

[bean-in-dice]

Spoilers for Ep 14-15 of The Glory/Gui Nv

Gotta give it up for The Glory for successfully switching my feelings about an extreme character from one polar end to the other. Doesn't happen everyday. Wow.

So I wasn't even a big fan of the show. Atop the repetitive assembly line tropes, its pacing was rushed and logic uneven but I liked the lighting, women's costumes, the main leads AND THE GIRLFRIEND WAAH so I kept kinda binging it with sporadic attention.

Show had the most toxic and unhinged mother ever whom I did NOT think was possible to be justified no matter how hard they tried, because while it's valid to send away and estrange your child because she was being schemed upon by the second wife, there was no need to let the child suffer so much. But when they finally revealed what truly happened..... SPOILERS

It wasn't as simple as Mother's natal family was destroyed by Father so she's out for an unreasonable revenge massacre. It wasn't as simple as "she was trying to keep the daughter away for her own safety and going to unreasonable extremes for it because she's nuts" just because of a jealous concubine set to ruin a baby girl's future (who thought it'd be a boy, if the doctor assumed it'd be a girl she likely wouldn't have gone down with such a plan, she's still an evil woman yes but she's not that insidious, her motives are pretty transparent); it's the FATHER who was a hella insane psychopath! Under his meek and kind exterior he's a hypocrite and a heartless scumbag who made me feel like even Emperor Qianlong was more humane!

This is NOT a justification for her actions. Being a victim doesn't absolve you of your crimes, she IS terrible for the abuse she inflicted/allowed to happen on her child and not caring if dozens of victims would die in the course of her bloodlust. BUT Finally, I'm seeing her for what she is. She's no longer really a human with sound, functional brain. She's a severely traumatized caged animal who's been on feral and delusional survival mode for YEARS. Imagine:

You are torn from your lover, your family is ruined, you are forced to marry and sleep with the person who presumably caused all of it, you are already getting through every day with revenge and bitterness in mind, but a targeted, "healthier" version of it.

Throughout your pregnancy, your unborn child is labelled as a curse.

You give birth after hours of agony, with no one but maids by your side because they are all too busy frantically prioritizing superstition over her.

You are told your newborn baby will be beaten to exorcise the supposed demon in her. Your husband says; "It's okay, we can always have another baby."

You run to every family member's door and beg for their mercy and help and they pretend to be deaf and blind (Remember, you are still freshly postpartum).

Wild with desperation and rage, you pretend like the demon is yourself, and demand that YOU be beaten instead. And your husband agrees and gives his order.

You are (STILL FRESH OUT OF LABOR) beaten until your legs are so mangled you become a cripple!

Your child is sent away

You get isolated in a lonely back garden with just your maids, with IMMENSE physical and emotional agony, you lose all contact with outside world, no one to offer a single kind and comforting word to you except your maid and zero way to heal your mind and get back your focus. You gradually lose your touch with reality and to be indelicate, there's no way for you to "touch grass" even if you wanted to because HAH. You are confined inside that house's walls and wheelchair!

Only hatred and toxicity are your companions, and it only keeps growing, you are no longer planning for a "reasonable revenge", it's full-on war now. And in a war, everyone will die, regardless their innocence.

When you are at the height of your plans, your daughter suddenly returns home. In the very tiny gap in your heart that you've left for your child, there's fear, there's grief that your child suffered horribly while she was away, but after the years you had, you do not know how to express your love and concern in any sort of "healthy" way. Every fiber of your body can only scream at your daughter "GET OUT. GET OUT!!!" and you resort to any means to have your daughter RUN the hell away from this horrific place, and from you, the "failed, incompetent excuse of a mother who couldn't save her child" before it's too late. Yes, the child hadn't had any better life outside but, in your head, she has, she will, because remember, that's what you choose to believe, that was the belief that kept you going, in your years of re-living your trauma and gradually losing touch with reality and reason.

You are no longer a person but a husk of one, so of course your behavior is not going to be reasonable. You are merely acting by your deeply ingrained instincts: which is to KEEP AWAY THE CHILD and I WILL KILL EVERYONE ELSE AND THEN MYSELF SO I'M FINALLY FREE.

After seeing ep 14-15 my verdict is that mother's actions were COMPLETELY understandable, and I can't fault her no matter what crime she commits because I probably would've done the same in her place.

Her daughter, Hanyan, is by NO means obligated to love or "try to understand" her mother and mother doesn't ask her to either, but Hanyan -bless her- chooses to, first out of her own delusional belief and hope that kept her going; that "My mother must still love me, just because", and then after learning of the full extent of the things that happened. She is the first person to approach her mother and teaches her the words "letting go" and "it's not worth losing yourself to toxicity and self-loathing over a man."

And dear reader, this scene.

I fucking cried, okay? Only I know how deeply this scene resonated with me. You are free to interpret their individual characters and their dynamic whatever way you want, I hope you don't come after me for mine. That's all.

[anahera-sdm]

Sweet Dreams (2018) Thoughts

Warning: may contain spoilers

Disclaimer: Everything written only reflects my own thoughts. There’s a possibility of incoherence. Forgive me, sometimes my brain is all over the place.

I have anticipated this drama last year - but for some reason, I ended up dropping it ten to fifteen minutes into the first episode. I have since decided to pick it up once again this year and binged watch it. 

Additional warning: This is a lengthy post. It’s mostly my ramblings. 

I have known about Dilraba Dilmurat ever since ‘Pretty Li Huizhen’. I started the drama because of Peter Sheng (Go Princess Go) but I dropped it because it became boring and I found Peter’s acting too stiff. Peter aside, I’ve been keeping an eye on her because I find her beautiful and her acting was not bad. Her next three dramas were Period and Wuxia - since I was having a bit of a trauma from these genres in Chinese dramas, I stayed away (because I tend to find them dragging too much, and then I would drop them). Finally, when I found out about Sweet Dreams, I was elated. However, when I started it, I was also watching some other Korean dramas and I could not get into it so I ended up dropping it.

Recently, I was lurking around Netflix and decided to watch Ashes of Love - and boy, Deng Lun captured my attention (mind you, he didn’t really stand out to me when I watched Sweet dreams the first time because I was too focused on Dilraba). I’ve put Ashes of Love on hold for the time being because it has too many episodes and my stamina to watch multiple dramas at the same time is on the constant decrease from university work (Plus, period/wuxia dramas require more stamina for me than modern setting dramas).

So I searched for other Deng Lun dramas and I saw Sweet Dreams and I was like (wtf, how did I miss him the first time???). With fresh insight and renewed feelings for the drama, I clicked that play button. And, that’s how it started - my love and hate relationship with Sweet Dreams (I actually can’t believe I was able to finish this 48 episode drama).

I liked the plot - where a bracelet could allow them to be in each other’s dreams. More specifically, Ling Ling Qi (Dilraba) entering Bo Hai’s (Deng Lun) dreams. Through the dreams, it can affect their lives positively or negatively depending on how it ends. If they utilised it well, the drama could have a better flow (Spoilers, they didn't.)

Can I just talk about how Deng Lun looks so good in suits? Gosh.

So, Ling Qi liked Bo Hai since her university days so much so that she took up flower arrangement lessons and even try for a a florist job at his company (even though she completed a veterinary course) - which she has failed multiple times (not because she did not have talent but because she was infamous for being his fangirl). Her first dream encounter with him started shortly after she acquired the bracelet. I would also say that the dream sequences were quite out of this world but then again, it’s a dream. I too, sometimes dream of outrageous things. But I really liked how the dreams were able to influence them positively i.e. how Bo Hai was cured of his color-blindness shortly after his dream with Ling Qi.

By the time she was hired as a sales rep for one of his shops, she was still deeply infatuated. I don’t know about others but I find that Dilraba was able to pull off Ling Qi’s craziness about Bo Hai. It seems a bit over the top at times, but that was Ling Qi’s character. But her character became better when she wasn’t so into him anymore after seeing his ‘devil’ side. I was like, ‘girl yaaasss, don’t idolise too much’. 

As much as I loved Deng Lun, I hated his character for some moments. Yes, there were lovable moments and sides to him but most of the time, I just want to punch him - especially the way he treated Ling Qi about the furniture incident. He was too much then. I get it - some people are better off enforcing ‘tough love’ but Bo Hai’s actions then were too much for my taste. Too cruel - I actually thought Ling Qi was better off without him. Even if he was acting, he should at least inform the people around him i.e. Xin Yan - so Ling Qi did not have to end up locked in the storage room (Xin Yan’s doing). Perhaps, I’m getting fed up with the ‘mistreated female lead’ trope; this aspect of the drama definitely did not sit well with me.

Eventually, the leads get together after the furniture incident has been solved but of course, a series of challenges will be faced by them. The trajectory of the drama was actually doing fine - loved the part how Bo Hai was unfazed when he was told how Ling Qi has been entering his dreams (I was so glad they did not put so much emphasis on that - it just ended as ‘love wins’) - until Mo Nan and Ling Qi’s best friend Bao Ni enters the equation. 

Bao Ni and her infatuation with Mo Nan... even until the end of the drama I could not fathom it. Perhaps, I could not understand her because I have not faced the same situation - but girl, he is a corporate spy that is sent to bring down the company you are working for and you are still defending him??? Okay, maybe he was just brainwashed and used by the actual villain, but still??? 

And Mo Nan... as I write this, I’m actually rolling my eyes. Okay, I get it, he wants to bring down the company because it’s related to his father’s death but getting revenge on a person that is actually innocent and did not play a part in it? Sad. Just sad for him as a person - leave the innocent alone. But then again, he was raised by the villain, so what can we do if he was instilled such qualities... [Edit: I would actually relate now with his actions about getting revenge on anyone who is related to a person they think is responsible but only if it is a fact. In this case, it isn’t. So, I’m still not forgiving Mo Nan.]

So, back to trajectory of the drama. It went downhill when Mo Nan makes Ling Qi leave Bo Hai. For goodness sake, the drama is titled Sweet Dreams  and the plot originally revolved around dreams... Remember when I said if they utilised it well, it could have ended better? This is where they didn’t use it wisely. Ling Qi and Bo Hai could have pretended to break up in real life and continue dating in their dreams. This way, they could still look for ways to defeat the villain in the real world without affecting Bo Hai’s mentality. Instead, we get a time jump and an unnecessary ‘I’m sorry, forgive me’ scene. Given this, I’m just like, ‘gawd, I did not spend hours and hours just to get to this.’

In the end, we get an all’s well that ends well ending. I have some dissatisfactions but hey, I enjoyed watching Deng Lun (despite getting irritated with his character) and Dilraba. But, I’m so open for a re-write of certain scenarios in this drama.

Rating: 7.5 / 10 [Generally good, but I was not really okay with the last few episodes and the way the leads dealt with the situation - they have the bracelets, they could've communicated through their dreams...]

Re-watch value: 6 / 10 [I will re-watch it for the leads]

Cute.