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randalbf · 5 months

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The day it all started, April 13th. When a bored EdwardSiccorHands25 changed the world.

April 13th, 9002. EdwardSiccorHands25 had broke his 20 century long edge streak. It was a hard time for the Edward Scissor hands lover, he was in quite the rage. He needed something to get this horrible loss off of his fried mind. So he started to draw. Admittedly, he is very bad at drawing people. So he started drawing heads. Then little bodies. He soon came to a creation of John Eggbert. John Jelq Eggbert.

Somewhere in the East Coast of Pennsylvania, a man named Dirk Clax(er) was around. Surprisingly, he was created by EdwardSiccorHands25, but was manifested into life. He recently lost his munting Buddy after they got grossed out when Dirk said they should munt their grandma. Dirk, defeated, went out to find someone alike of him. He went on his favorite site for chatting and Getting Good with Friends, Pesterchum.

“HEY! any MUNTERS looking for a MUUNTING BUDDY?” He soon got a reply from a user named “jelqking200” saying, “yes! I’ve been waiting for this. We should meet up.”

DIRKCLAXMAX800 . . . “oh hell yeah. Where?”

jelqking200 . . . “come over to [EH], there’s a place by there.”

DIRKCLAXMAX800 . . . “okay”

And so Dirk got ready.

Dirk met John at his house. John looked like a total nerd to him. Dirk looked like a total nerd to John. But they got along just fine, deciding who was going to be orally connected to the corpse.

The pair were making their way to the burial site of their victim. But they came to a realization that the coffin was already unburied. Dirk lifted up the lid, and which lay the dried-up-already-munted body. Blinking and looking at John, who adjusted his (dumb) glasses. Dirk closed the lid and walked away.

“yeah, looks like it was already munted. We could maybe edge to it though…” Dirk said, trying to reassure John. John shook a bit. His (stupid) teeth biting his lip. “No! I can’t start a new edge streak on this. I could maybe Clax..but I’d belt rope…” Dirk shrugged. “fair.”

During this, a red pill floated and glowed above the open hole where the casket once was. Dirk convinced John to leave after telling him they could goon together later. Dirk looked at the pill. For a moment, he thought he should run. But the Clax blood in him said no. He must reach pure Brainrotina.

Dirk felt his eyes widen as he gained new, forbidden knowledge. He felt his brain melt as the pages of a previously written comic named Homestuck, familiarly named like Goonstuck, flashed before his eyes. A voice talked to him.

“In the beginning, [EH] made gooning, claxxing, jelqing, and munting. These were the four laws. The four respects. If you could goon, you could Clax. If you could Clax, YIU could Jelq. If you could Jelq, you could Munt. If you could Munt, you were the highest of them all. This all changed when Mewing was created by the filthy, ungrateful goonstuckians.

They fought and fought amongst each other. Who could looksmax more? Did I mog James from church? It was catastrophic. Until EdwardSiccorHands25 came.

He made the turn from looksmaxxing to edgemaxxing. Never stop edging, he would say. No matter if it hurts, don’t let yourself belt rope, he would shout. Millions of edge meetings. 100s of gooners dying from losing their edge streak.

EdwardSiccorHands25’s lasted 20 centuries. Long after Muntiaon was created and torn down. Long after Earth was renamed Looksmaxxing Planet. He had seen it all. And you, Dirk Clax Strider, were created by him. And so was John.”

Dirk’s head was spinning. He hadn’t heard of this place. He yearned to be there.

“where..where is EdwardSiccorHands25?” Dirk said, a little quiet.

“DIDNT you look in the casket?” Dirk suddenly gained his normal site again. He immediately ran to the casket and saw the dried and munted body of EdwardSiccorHands25. Not just end of an edge streak, but the start of Pure Brainrot…true Goonvona.

April 13th is the death and start of Goonstuck - The Brainrot Saga.

#Goonstuck #homestuck #before you read. you need to know brainrot terms. or what’s known as them. I’d probably get banned if I explained half of them. due me a #favor and look these up before reading:#muntin.g-goon.ing-jelqin.g-looksmaxxing-edg.ing #i think that’s it #please enjoy.

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