#Getting preachy in the morning with Thayle

[thaylepo]

no for real tho, this pervasive idea that men and masculinity don't belong in queer spaces unless suitably "softened" (feminized) is a fucking infection of TERFism leeching itself like bog water into queer ideals and expectation. The very idea that a "safe space" automatically equals a space free of men or the reminder that men exist is TERF ideology. I can't outline it any clearer. That is literally what it is.

Queer is not just for the feminine, and any push in that direction is one that undermines the entire point of the inclusive umbrella that "Queer" is supposed to be. Men can be queers, queers can be men. You can have other more specific spaces for certains peoples' needs to feel safe, but an openly queer space is an openly queer space FOR EVERY QUEER. Yes, even the ones that skeev you out. Yes, even the ones you don't agree with. Yes, even them. Yes, them too. Everyone means everyone.

Just like an old school forum or a discord server has different areas for different things, we're allowed to have our specific groups to find safety and similarity in our smaller niches -- bisexual, ace, trans, non-binary, even gender-based experiences all differ and we are human. It's nice have a space for a certain thing and know what you'll find being discussed there and have support and camraderie for the very specific thing you may have feared was just you. We have literally always had those, guys. Spaces for queer men and queer women and queer anything-under-the-sun and queer things-that-haven't-been-defined-yet-but-will-be. Humans need a variety of both close knit and far reaching social networks of all kinds, it's normal to gravitate to where you most relate and find comfort.

BUT. BUT. You still need the big, inclusive, queer umbrella. That is our shield. That is our big scary thing that reminds people we are allowed to exist and have the power in numbers to do so. A bunch of tiny, disjointed little communities cut off from each other, nit-picking and infighting, is not strength. That is not a cohesive anything, let alone a movement. It is not a community that has a hope in hell of making any global change, let alone national or even local. A bunch of tiny infighting groups who can't work together don't even have the power to make a street safe at night for their people, let alone protect themselves and each other from sweeping legislation changes meant to fucking eradicate us.

And TERFs know this. The people who want to kill us know this. Stop doing their job for them.

Queer is for everyone. You have to have the big umbrella before the smaller ones can be safe, and you have to swallow your discomfort and disagreements and even some of your personal moral purity goals to protect that umbrella, because that is what a movement is. That is what a community is, and that is what queer is. We are not the bad people who may do bad things among us, we are people. People are messy and different and disagree and yes, people hurt each other. But people are allowed to exist, and queer people are allowed to exist. We only have to agree on this. That's all.

This is why use the word "queer" for myself before any more specific identifier. That is all I need to have in common with someone to know we share at least one goal: to survive and thrive. We all just fucking want to live, and yes, "we" includes men and transmen and masculinity and masc-nonbinary, it includes gay men and bi men and ace men, it includes butch and dyke and the non passing and the queens and the leather daddies and kinksters and every single thing that has ever made anyone uncomfortable just by existing without causing harm.

"Well, you signed up for this--"... No. YOU signed up for THIS. It was here before you, they were here before you, you walk on the road paved with their blood. You don't get to decide who it's for. Queer is for all of us.

tried to vent in a trans space about how, as a trans man who’s been on T for a long time (over 7 years now), i have noticed that the more i pass as a man, the less welcomed i am in queer spaces unless i go out of my way to feminize myself. and how that sucks! and it’s isolating!!! and it feels horrible to see ppl who used to like you and be close to you drift further and further the more masculine (& therefore more comfortable in urself) u become…

only to get ppl replying to me and saying “well if you dressed more fem then ppl wouldn’t be intimidated by you. you signed up for this”

i’m sorry but i didnt sign up for social isolation when i transitioned, i signed up for gender euphoria and comfort in myself and my life. and i had hoped that the ppl in my life would be able to see how much joy that brings me and continue to love me.