#Getting Personal

[princessofmerchants]

The way Sarah J. Maas writes Nesta working through her anxiety, fear, and PTSD triggered by the sound of a fire crackling...the scene in ACOSF ch. 56 where Nesta asks the House to light a fire so Nesta can work through her responses to the sound, and begin to retrain her brain to accept the discomfort and separate the sound from her memory of her father's death......

This is written in a way that tells me SJM has probably experienced something like this before. It's accurate in a way that exceptionally matches my lived experience of having to work through these same things.

And it means the world to me to read a strong, badass main character experience this same thing I do.

[siampie]

Break from Writing

Hello, everyone!

For those of you that have been following my stories, I've decided to take a little break from writing for now.

I feel a little burnt out by life and work, and other things of the sort. I just need to take a little breather, that's all. Just wanted to let you know.

But don't worry,

[shirozen]

Getting close for science

[shiorimakibawrites]

Baked a cake for my aunt's birthday.

It's called a Jello Poke Cake. In this case, sugar-free jello and cake since the aunt (and mom) is diabetic. The frosting is Cool Whip which isn't sugar-free but is low-calorie enough that thin layer shouldn't hurt them.

[solarianvoidthearoace]

For reference, my current mailbox/ voicemail message is a play on the one from Welcome to Night Vale Ep.65

My current voice mail is (approximately translated) “Hello, you are speaking to the voicemail of [legal name]. That might seem like a small thing to you. But consider that you first needed to learn how to use a phone and who I am in the first place. Gratulate yourself on that! And leave your message after the tone.”

[ace-aro-queerplatonic-positivity]

A friend from college sent me into a mild “yo WTF” the night before yesterday

I invited him to grab a boba with me and another guy/ friend I invited; the day I planned for is in 2 weeks, so yeah it’s not exactly a spontaneous thing

Anyway, when I invited my friend, he replied “that does sound a bit like a date between the two of you” and I immediately went ??? O_O !!!

I asked him to explain why he thinks that and then said “yea, I don’t wanna give that impression which is why it’d be nice of you tagged along”

He explained and… “I just think you and [him] would fit. You get along well and from what I know you two talk frequently.”

Which, yes, we meet on Wednesdays and just chat for, usually, around an hour. We started that around the beginning of this semester – because we ran into each other, our schedules Wednesday match – and managed to make it a routine.

After I had slept and talked to two friends about it, I retconned my reply and told my friend that I’m inviting him because we’re all friends and I figure he could need an evening to get his mind free – it’s less awkward if everyone already knows one another and they get along great as well

I then added that I’m not relationship material (for various reasons) and that our mutual friend would deserve better than me (I assume he’s interested in women, for one); he’s sweet and deserves to get with a nice girl

I also have rather highly specific wishes and wants about a potential relationship, which is all the more reason I know I’m no good for dating

I’m constantly writing on snippets/ side-shorts for my original novel (wip) and I’m using those characters/ that relationship to figure out my own crap. And – sure, call me a pessimist – I’m just convinced that, while such a relationship is realistic, I will not get a relationship like that. There are concrete reasons why I think a relationship like I want, while definitely realistic, isn’t going to happen for me.

And… as silly as this sounds, I would need someone who can handle my lived experience. Can accept that I have relationship trauma that will affect their relationship with me. All my “various reasons” hang ups have reasons and I would need to feel understood about that to be comfortable dating someone. I don’t mean I want to make that potential partner do emotional labour on my behalf. What I mean, is, I need someone who can watch me cry without jumping in, someone who is patient – can put ‘the moment’ on hold – while I work through my bullshit brain. I know I need a lot of reassurance; and someone who is patient and emotionally mature enough to help me help myself.

Besides I’m, like, 5 years older than my Wednesday-friend AND we’re all just trying getting through college lmao

[alicornze7]

Not an ask but ... Been seeing you liking tons of my posts ((and some of my reblogs , I think))

...Hi👀👀

uh oh...ya caught me red handed😅

Whatever you’ve just witnessed is me at my low point and doom scrolling away

...hi

[dgtn]

I’m gonna get personal here. When Jimin released Set Me Free Part 2 I was blown away. The song itself was incredible, he looked incredible, he danced incredible, the video was incredible, and the lyrics were incredible. He had such a strong message to deliver and man did he ever deliver. This was his way of saying fuck off to the doubters, the haters, the people who judged him, the people who put labels on him. He was free of all the bullshit that had held him back and he wanted everyone to know. Damn that was brave. So then FACE was released in its entirety and I was blown away again. Every song had a message and Jimin is just so so good at delivering each message. I truly was in awe of how he tackled some pretty heavy issues he had personally dealt with. He just put them out there for the world to see. Once again, incredibly brave. So now of course I’ve listened to the album countless times (truly countless). I’ve gone from listening to the lyrics and thinking bout the message Jimin delivered in his songs to relating to the message of the songs on a personal level…how I can relate to each song. And I have found that over and over I am drawn to Face-Off. Jimin talks about some pretty toxic relationship(s) in the song and realizing that it’s ok to move on from those relationships. This is such an important message, and one that is very personal to me. As I’m getting older I’m taking stock in my relationships and I have come to realize that not all relationships are healthy ones. And if someone is causing you pain, grief, anxiety, sadness you have the right to walk away. And it doesn’t matter who these people are, even family. It’s ok to look out for yourself, it’s actually better than ok. It’s healthy. That’s why Face-Off really connects with me. Jimin finally said it’s enough. And I’m at that same point. I’m putting this out there because I want people to know that it’s ok to take care of yourself and put yourself first. It may be painful for those you are saying goodbye to, but it’ll be really good for you and will help you to be happier and healthier in the long run 💜💜💜

[transcendragon]

I’ve been dealing with a lot in my life recently. Moving, a new job, and then stress over this election on top of it all. As an LGBTQ+ American I know my rights are on the line this election. As a transgender person, too many politicians are using the existence myself and my friends, loved ones, and community into scary boogeymen to try to win elections. They’re campaigning against the very idea of trans youth being allowed to exist and live happy, healthy lives.

I don’t want to make a political post, really. I have a side blog for that, I want this blog just to be for people who want to engage with my art. But the people on my ballot, signs on the freeway, and the world around me is getting increasingly hostile to me as a trans person. I feel like I don’t have a choice but to ask, beg, for other Americans to vote. Vote like LGBTQ+ people, women, immigrants, disabled, and non-white people are humans. I don’t want to lose anyone.

I’m not planning on making political posts a regular thing here and it’ll be back to art as soon as I can get back to art. But I felt I had to make this.

[princessofmerchants]

It's remarkable and almost breathtaking the trust Nesta has in Cassian.

In ACOSF chapter 47, Nesta is approaching the lowest she's ever been in her life, running through Velaris away from a confrontation in which she hurt her sister and herself in the short span of a few minutes.

That Nesta allows Cassian to swoop down from the sky and carry her up and away, flying for hours curled in his arms, when she's feeling how she feels in this moment of her life...

Nesta needs to save herself — no one else can do it but her.

But to me there is no question her relationship with Cassian transforms her and pushes her to grow in the ways she needs so that she can save herself.

(And while the physical combat training is a great metaphor for what I'm referring to, it isn't precisely what I mean when I say "save herself" — I mean having the courage to face her mistakes, realize she cannot be perfect, that this fact is okay, and that choosing to live and not dissociate is the braver, stronger choice, even when doing so makes her feel weak and broken sometimes. It's coming when they reach the lake in three chapters, and then continues through the rest of the book, but it begins here with a safe person with which to begin walking toward those truths...)

Having a person like Cassian in Nesta's life who has the strength to create a scaffold of support around her at her lowest and most vulnerable...

It is a treasure and a gift. (I am speaking from personal experience here as well.)

Because as we will see as they begin to hike in the Sleeping Mountains, Nesta's will is beaten to the ground by her own broken thoughts, to the point where she isn't able to decode the world around her accurately. She requires care and a firm, loving accompaniment through the darkness she needs to traverse to get to the other side. That person for her is Cassian.

[muneca-lemon-steppa]

Today is an odd day for me.

Today was supposed to be my wedding day.

Instead of getting married:

I took my brother to baseball practice.

I decorated a Christmas tree with my mom.

I’m getting dinner with my brothers and my best friend.

We are having a sleepover at my parents house.

Making garland. Playing board games. And watching twilight.

Tomorrow I’ll wake up. Not as a wife. Not married to stranger. Not married to someone I thought I knew.

I’ll wake up in my bed next to my best friend. Have breakfast with my family before I go to church.

I’ll wake up free. Not married. But free. I’ll wake up with a fullness and self love that I didn’t have even before I met my ex. I’ll wake up safe. And loved. And all my own.

Today is the best day of my life.

[jaesqueso]

personal disclosure for the ones who are interested:

basically my life has been a mess for the past few months, we thought my mom's cancer was gone but it just reallocated, my brother was diagnosed with als, my dad has being going through financial problems on his company due to shitty lawyers, and all of this has messed up my mental health to a point i think i might have a personality disorder, which has screwed my will to do stuff, whether it's work or any hobby i have, i want to write, i have so many ideas and storylines built up in my head but i cannot bring myself to stare at those documents, luckily i've been managing school quite well which makes me believe this is what i'm supposed to do

anyway, just felt like i needed to vent, and i feel like i owed you guys an explanation on why i've been so mia, i just want to make it clear that i'm not going away, i'm just taking things slow, and if you care enough to have made it this far: thank you for your support and i love you ❤️

[shiorimakibawrites]

Sick today.

Mostly coughing, low-energy, a little achy. Part of the low energy is probably poor sleep since I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick.

On the positive side, Royale has been sticking close.

Best picture I could get of her. Royale always seems to move when I take the picture, resulting in a blurry photo. Only the time it's easy is when she's asleep.

[atths--twice]

20 Fanfic Questions

I was tagged by @baronessblixen during the craziness of Fictober and I didn't get a chance to read her responses to her own questions until today. I also had the time to answer my own 20 questions. 😊

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

283 

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

1,638,714. And the vast majority of those words have been written on my phone. I would say… about 95% of them. (Please imagine a blinking eye gif here, because whaaaaaat…😳)

3. What fandoms do you write for?  

Mainly The X-Files, but I have written one for Sex Education and also a Mary Poppins story. (Bert and Mary were my first ship. I saw it in the movie theater in 1980 when I was five years old.  Even that young, I had a little shipper heart because I wanted them to be together so badly.)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Per Cor Meum 

Soulmates 

Shared Kisses

Green Is Not Your Color

After the Credits

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?  

Yes and no. I used to be much better about it, but I so often don’t respond on ao3, but I do on social media outlets. I think it’s more the ease of it and the accessibility of a social media site. But I absolutely love and appreciate every single comment. I cry or laugh over them and always share them with my bestie. They make me incredibly happy. ❤️

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?  

I don’t think I have any. I try to leave the story with a somewhat happy ending, or at least a hopeful one. That’s always my goal because… maybe there’s hope. 

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?  

Hmm… most of them. Like I said, I try to leave them hopeful and at least attempt happiness where it may not have been previously. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?  

I have before, but only a couple. The one that sticks with me the most though was from an anonymous person who left a comment that said when an idea is discussed on social media and a story is suggested to be written about said discussion, I’m always quick to get a story out, before giving others a chance to do the same. So as a result, I’m a horrible person who writes “insipid” stories just to say I did it first and “you just… you SUCK at it.”

When I first read that, it hurt for sure, because it made the time I spent writing a story that immediately popped into my head and would not stop begging for my attention, seem trivial and small. It made me feel as though my writing was inconsequential and I should stop wasting my time doing it. It put a dark cloud over me for a wee bit, but then I got past it, though it still sticks in the back of my head there and I think about it from time to time. But I’m still here and still writing stories, almost at 300 now, so whoever wrote that can go ahead and get fucked. ✌

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes I do, but not always. And I suppose by kind, it means mild or hardcore, so I would say somewhere in between. 😂

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? 

No. I’ve not done that as of yet. 

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Stolen, no. But I was approached by someone about the dialogue that I used in a story being similar to what they had written in their own story. But as I pointed out to them, it was the dialogue from the show itself, so… 

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t think so. 

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have a few times! It’s fun and I enjoyed working with all the writers. 

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Mulder and Scully for sure. I adore them so much. 

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have a couple that I do want to finish so badly, I just need to do it. So, I’m going to choose to say, please continue being patient with me. 😊

16. What are your writing strengths?

Humor, I think. And banter. I love writing fun dialogue and imagining the way it would be said for real. 

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I think, without sounding like I’m being pompous, and also because I've been told by a few people, I’m pretty good at creating a story a person can fall into, imagine and enjoy. So, I think my personal weakness is sticking to one story until it’s done, although I’m better about it now than I was in the past. At least I think so. 😊 

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I would be nervous to do it, wanting it to be perfect. If I did, I would seek out help from a native speaker so I would then get it right and not just rely on the translation feature. 

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The X-Files 

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Soulmates ❤️ I spent over a year on that story, off and on, and then six months of writing it every day, with other stories created in between. It’s the one I’m most proud of and the longest one I’ve ever written. 

I'm tagging @tofuttim @agent-troi and anyone else who feels like playing.

[ace-aro-queerplatonic-positivity]

I have been rather inactive (read: not checking on any of my blogs) on tumblr for a bit

Uh, June is kinda stressful and my college has exam-season and I still haven’t really studied and blah

But I’m fine and I’m actually making some progress in my novel (re-write) …instead of any of the open fanfics I have going on

Uuuhmm, yah. Do not ask about my real life anxieties and stifling fear of failure :)

I’m fine, just inactive ✌️

[smilesstardust]

Just teacher things: moderating 8 year olds reenacting early internet Harry Potter shipping discourse while trying not to give away how into the fandom I was when I was 12. On top of trying not to encourage their consumption of the terf but not discouraging their engagement with books.

Desperately trying to get them into books that don’t raise my blood pressure when discussed in class.