#Geoff and Jawn where there too

[purple-beans]

I just saw Awsten Knight at the supermarket???

[unholyverse]

waterparks // alternative press spring 2023

(full article text under the cut:)

TO THE MOON

With their new album INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, WATERPARKS are diving deeper than ever before. The result is an exorcism of deep trauma and the sweet afterglow of catharsis.

STORY: Alessandro DeCaro • PHOTOS: Jawn Rocha • Styling: Josh Madden

Between international flights, jet lag and no days off in between, it is a miracle that Awsten Knight isn’t face down in a pile of pillows. For the past two weeks, Knight and his band Waterparks have been head down in a run of massive shows throughout the U.K. supporting British rockers You Me At Six as well as a series of intimate appearances at record stores with some of the band’s most die-hard fans. It was a landmark run for a group who have hit the road relentlessly the past year-and-a-half, with sold-out North American and European headlining tours, a top slot at the 2022 Sad Summer Festival and even a “bucket list” opening slot for My Chemical Romance. Their latest milestone? They played to 10,000 people — their largest show in the U.K. region — at London’s historic Alexandra Palace. Exhaustion should be Knight's baseline, but instead, he's as chipper as ever when he hops on Zoom back home in Los Angeles. There's only one problem. The bandleader has been on vocal rest for days leading up to this very interview.

“Dude, my voice feels so shot,” Knight confesses from his living room couch. “We did 12 performances back to back, then combined with really short cut-up sleep on the flight, 1 just feel, ugh.” Sleep deprivation aside, Knight is almost at a loss for words (not from the vocal rest) but because the experimental pop trio he formed 12 years ago have unlocked another level of fandom where new listeners are still flocking by the droves. “It turns out there are a lot of people [in this world].” Knight quips, referring to his newfound fans. But in reality, global domination doesn’t really seem too far off.

Knight barely has time to slow down. The band are set to release their fifth studio album, INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY (out April 14 via Fueled By Ramen). But the self-professed workaholic has never known any other way. “It's a really hard mentality to shake,” Knight reveals. “When we were a local band, we didn't have any family connections in the music industry, and no one cared, so you had to take on every role. Even though we are not local anymore and get to play arenas with our favorite bands, if I'm not actively doing stuff to push the music, then I don’t know if anyone else will."

In some ways, Knight fears downtime or stillness because that's when he feels like his brain will start to turn on him. He admittedly functions better when he's working on something creative, whether that’s writing a new song or simply designing streetwear for his clothing brand hii-def. “It's not necessarily the most healthy thing in the long run, but people have worse coping mechanisms,” he laughs nervously.

But Waterparks remain his main focus. The trio, which initially formed in 2011, began to truly put the pieces together the following year when Knight enlisted his now-best friends, guitarist Geoff Wigington and drummer Otto Wood, to round out the lineup. “Otto loved classic rock and bands like La Dispute and Touché Amoré, whereas Geoff was all about EDM," Knight recalls. “We all had different tastes, but at the core of it, it's guitar and drums.” Their individual musical backgrounds helped craft the genre-less sound they have now cultivated.

"THE BIGGEST REASON I didn’t want that pop-punk label is that I know exactly what we are capable of." - AWSTEN KNIGHT

It wasn't until 2016 when Waterparks finally released their debut album, Double Dare — an intentional choice. “I always felt like if no one was looking at us, why put out a large body of work? I wanted to do cool shit as opposed to oversaturating and waiting until enough people [actually] wanted to hear it.” There is a common adage that you have your entire life to write your first record and six months to write your second, to which Knight agrees, and from there, the band began making records like clockwork.

With those albums came carefully curated eras — a moment in time with a clear aesthetic, theme and overall mission statement. While always writing music from a subversive and experimental perspective, it was when the band released both FANDOM (2019) and Greatest Hits (2021) that they began to stray from the confinement of genre and inaccurate labels. Knight himself spoke out vehemently about being boxed in by the term “pop punk. “I learned [during that time that] you can’t control everybody, and you can only frame the narrative so much,” Knight explains. “Obviously, we grew up loving and still loving blink-182, Green Day, Sum 41 and Good Charlotte, so it’s in our DNA to a degree, but I just don't want that label because it’s so synonymous with the past and what cynical dickheads or mega naysayers say is just for preteens and kids. However, the biggest reason I didn’t want that label is that I know [exactly] what we are capable of and what our output is.”

Take, for example, the breakbeat madness of the FANDOM single “Turbulent” or the distorted experimentation of “Numb” from Greatest Hits. Nothing is off the table for Waterparks. The group join a cohort of other trailblazing acts like Bring Me the Horizon and Paramore, who both successfully pivoted away from the late Warped Tour circuit in favor of mainstream appeal without losing any substance. “There's a song for everybody, and I once tweeted that anyone who doesn't like Waterparks just doesn't like Waterparks yet,” Knight says confidently.

If you have yet to be on board with the band's music, you've at the very least been entertained by — or seen — Knight's fiery social media presence.

It's undeniable that Waterparks’ meteoric rise has stemmed from the bandleader’s unofficial side hustle as a social media celebrity. And at times, his online presence can feel truly monolithic in scale, something Knight has attempted to analyze over the years in many songs, including the aptly titled “You'd Be Paranoid Too (If Everyone Was Out To Get You)" When asked if his status as an extremely online figure has influenced the band’s latest album, INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, Knight isn't entirely sure but reveals that he has had to set boundaries nonetheless, as someone who's regularly met with constant praise and vicious internet trolls. “I try not to let it influence things too much [lately], and with therapy, I've learned that you can only control yourself. However, that doesn’t mean I'm not still vulnerable in the music that I write.”

He tackles the subject on INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY with closer "A NIGHT OUT ON EARTH" and parts of the song “RITUAL,” where he recalls when he felt things were “caving in" around him due to the pressures of constant attention. “There are people who listen to Waterparks who aren't on Twitter. and then there are those who view the band in this bubble where it's just them and the people who reply to the tweets,” Knight resigns.

But beyond the topic of social media, Knight gets admittedly “introspective” on the record. When asked to discuss the overall lyrical themes and concepts behind INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, he takes a deep breath and delivers a warning: Things might get a little turbulent.

“There is a love story throughout the record that is expressive to and for other people, but the album itself has to do with overcoming, unlearning and growing past religious guilt,” Knight explains. “It's something that I've struggled with for a long time.” On “FUNERAL GREY," he delivers the punchy line “baptized in my spit,” which is a playful twist on a weighted subject. The theme of religious guilt doesn’t just apply to the overall lyrics of the record but also extends to the album's striking cover art, which at first glance appears to be an image of a blue frog over a red backdrop; in actuality, it possesses a much more poignant meaning.

“Frogs have always been one of my favorite animals,” Knight reflects. “However, when I learned that frogs were seen as dirty and unclean in a biblical context, it was interesting to me that something that I saw as so good, natural and beautiful could also be seen as a bad thing through a biblical lens.” In other words, the concept of shame plagued the charismatic bandleader for as long as he can remember, and INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY was the moment for Knight to finally face his trauma head-on and “come to terms with himself” once and for all. That explains why a majority of the new songs possess “hypersexualized” energy — a conscious rebellion against a conservative past. “Growing up in church, you're taught that everything is so wrong and bad. I always felt like shit, so [this album] is the breakaway from that specifically.”

By overcoming his religious guilt, Knight was able to tap into an evolved sense of self-worth that he’s since applied to his very own love life, which he details on the album's stripped-down ballad “CLOSER.” “My concept of love has changed throughout the years, and that song is about [looking at the past] and realizing that when I was younger, it was maybe more of an obsession. Now I'm taking it apart and learning more about love and the way I present the current version of myself to other people.” Inversely, there is the alt-radio-ready anthem “BRAINWASHED,” where Knight admits that he still wrestles with the idea of true love, constantly making sure that he’s not just wrapped up in the “honeymoon phase.” Knight jokes that this track and “FUCK ABOUT IT” which features a guest vocal spot from blackbear, are “polar opposites,” as the latter couldn't be further from the “hyperfixation” he details in “BRAINWASHED.," once again proving that he feels the most comfortable when inserting juxtaposition wherever he can.

"I've learned that you can ONLY CONTROL YOURSELF. However, that doesn’t mean I'm not still vulnerable in the music that I write." - AWSTEN KNIGHT

Beyond the emotional clarity that Knight gained during the creation of INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, it's the album's sonic risks and exploration that he is the most fired up about. Though Knight wanted the band to return to their more guitar-driven and organic roots for certain parts of the LP, much of the record ventures into eclectic territory, with hyperpop, trap, synthwave and even subtle elements of hard rock and nu metal. “RITUAL, ‘A NIGHT OUT ON EARTH, ‘REAL SUPER DARK’ and ‘ST*RFUCKER' are the craziest instrumentals we have done ever,” Knight exclaims. “I love the idea of taking something like a guitar or my voice and making it sound entirely like something else” “A NIGHT OUT ON EARTH,” however, is what Knight describes as “the biggest production flex,” and it most definitely shows. “There's fucking elephant sounds in there and weird Batman villain-sounding horns — it's evil and heavy, and not to mention, the outro is just game over,” he says.

Beyond production, Knight pushes his voice and stretches the idea of what constitutes a strong hook on INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY. With “END OF THE WATER (FEEL),” Knight is at his most “bombastic,” in a “cartoon-like” state, weaving falsetto melodies that are meant to shock. “I always make a mental note when I hear a song that makes me go…" He pauses, imitating an explosion. “For me, that's when I hear some high-ass vocals that I'm not expecting.” Even on the first day of demoing “END OF THE WATER (FEEL)” in his home studio, Knight was already so confident in the song that he called longtime producer and collaborator Zakk Cervini and “essentially” forced him to come over to his house right then to help finish it. “I also want the record to show that I had a mustache [during this time], too,” Knight laughs.

With collaboration on the brain, Knight is the first to admit that for many years, he was precious about his art and was hesitant to work with others. However, during the COVID-19 pandemic and quarantine, Knight changed his mind, which was evident on Waterparks’ previous album, Greatest Hits. This time around, Knight, who's an outspoken fan of the U.K. boy band One Direction, finally got a chance to live out one of his dreams by working with esteemed songwriter Julian Bunetta, who co-wrote beloved One Direction classics like “Olivia,” “Infinity” and “Best Song Ever,” among others. “I flew to [Julian's] place in Nashville, and we ended up making five songs together, two of them being ‘FUNERAL GREY" and ‘BRAINWASHED,” Knight recalls. And while he still plans to keep the majority of his music close to his chest long term, he won't rule anything out. Knight would undoubtedly jump at the chance to work with everyone from Post Malone and Damon Albarn to Donald Glover and Toby Keith.

"I'd rather make the coolest f*cking thing, RATHER THAN HOLD BACK and make something that wasn't that good." -AWSTEN KNIGHT

Now, with the band's new LP incoming, there raises the question: Does Knight feel a sense of relief after both exorcising his deepest traumas and inviting listeners on his journey to self- discovery? "I still feel pressure with it," Knight concedes. “It would be a lot easier if only strangers heard this, but everyone in my whole fucking life is going to hear this album, so that's what makes it strange." But he's never let any awkwardness or controversy hinder the artistic output. "I wasn't not in trouble when I put out a song like [2018's] 'TANTRUM' where I listed a bunch of dudes I wanted to kill, calling out by name," Knight acknowledges. Though his lyrical choices have sometimes resulted in strong reactions, even within his close circle of friends, Knight can't help but accept that he is meant to be unapologetic. "At the end of the day, I'd rather make the coolest fucking thing, rather than hold back and make something that wasn't that good."

Pressures of lyrical vulnerability and transparency aside, INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY is Knight's attempt to "normalize” the catharsis he finds within songwriting, which ties into the album title itself. "Intellectual property is the mental space you give to something in your head. The 'property' may be the thing that you are struggling with. By materializing it and giving it its own world, it's actually a great way to express it and then, eventually, expel it,” he explains. "I want this album to go to the fucking moon." ALT

[waterparksdrama]

I think the little bit at the beginning of ybpt where they all switched instruments was so endearing I just decided it was the best one. I think it did the props and empty room the best out of them too. I didnt like not warriors/crybaby even tho I love both those songs bc the transition was so jarring and I didn't think it had a real concept within the video it was just awsten in a room and then they killed a yellow car (Ciara??) - unless you have a better explanation? And I didn't see the new wave one but I'll watch now!

i'm sideeyeing you anon i won't lie....but i will explain anyways

the entire concept of the not warriors/crybaby video (and also the we need to talk video) is about awsten going through his final breakup with ciara. during the writing and recording of entertainment, they had an on again off again relationship and it was made during one of their smaller breakups to say the least. awsten mostly suffered through the final breakup alone because i don't think it was really something he talked over with any of his close friends (jawn, geoff, otto) which is why half the video is awsten going through the motions alone while geoff and otto are unaware of it all.

the car thing at the end does represent ciara but also the album itself because the meaning, all the love songs, all the hope that they'd get through their problems, got flipped on its head once they had their final breakup before the album was released. nothing left to do but destroy the memory himself with his friends at least. it's an interesting transition (or kinda, lack of) because it goes from this all out love song about needing someone in this kind of obsessive way to this brooding song about that same obsessive nature of the relationship slowly eating at him which is why it makes more sense in the context of the video - iz

[honeybunchcalum]

Waterparks show recap

The time has come! i know you were all waiting at the edge of your seats, so here it is! 

TLDR: this was one of the best shows I’ve EVER been to, top 2 for sure (maybe gvf first bc I was at Jake barricade but this is def its competitor). The setlist flowed well and showed where they’ve been as a band, who they are now, and where they plan to go. I am also a  sucker for crowd interaction and talk breaks and as you know at a parx show with Awsten, I definitely got them. I love waterparks *blowing kisses to them* ❤️!!!!

M&G!!!

I was nervous out of my MIND I cannot lie to you. A few of the people I went with had done a M&G before and I was going in with no previous experience and a fear of being perceived by one of my fave bands. No stakes at all, definitely!

Shout out to Jimmy, he was very cool

I initially told my friend not to film me (what the back of me looks like is not info I want to know) but she did and I’m actually really happy bc it was very cute

Awsten was on vocal rest so he was basically doing charades to everyone to make sure you could see what he wanted to say, which was very sweet

I gave them these puzzle book things + some gem pens (bc awsten mentioned solitaire + wordscapes. Yes I know this is a nerdy gift) and I think they enjoyed them!!

Geoff and Otto said that they could use them to use their brains on tour LOL

Awsten and Jawn were flipping through them and I think they liked them too

I did a group hug for the picture! ( I could not risk a waterparks-generated pose that is the most out-there scenario that no one except for them could think of)  

Geoff was so nice when he asked what I wanted for the photo pose!! ❤️❤️ all around for Geoff for real  

Awsten gave the best hug 🥺 love that guy 

Otto + Awsten are shorter than I thought but I’m still way shorter than them LOL so I saw myself in the video going on my tip toes to hug them which is so cute I cannot lie and I wasn’t even aware I was doing it 🥺

I am SO excited for this photo, I am going to plaster it everywhere 

Also saw Otto get in a huge FedEx box and pop out of it??? Another highlight tbh

more below!

Q&A recap (this is aside from the writing out tattoos requests 🙃)

Otto’s first crowd surf was in Philly!! As kind of a bit when they were opening for State Champs. He was dropped : (

Awsten’s was at a local show and he was wearing pajamas?

Awsten typing out answers on his phone for Otto and Geoff to read aloud

Aaron Gillespie FaceTime story? Cannot give accurate info bc they did not explain it clearly LMAO, but the story was mentioned bc Otto listed him as an inspiration.  There was some FaceTiming happening at one point or another and Awsten (and Geoff? Like I said they did not clearly lay this story out) were getting PB&J when he was in the studio so Otto had to FaceTime them?

I honestly think that’s it from the Q&A? It was pretty short and a little chaotic

BUT I was trying to airdrop my friend something and awsten’s phone came up? Probably a joke from someone bc I think (or at least I can hope) that he has his phone named something else. I did refrain from sending something but maybe he’ll realize to change his phone name if that was him 😭

The actual show (if you’d like to read this far)

I told my friend that I wanted to get a spot where I could actually see Otto for once. It’s so difficult to see him as a short person unless you’re in the front or pretty close. I got my wish bc I was in a spot on the side where I could only see Otto clearly. Which was amazing because, as you all know, I love that guy. So I was very happy about it and I got some sick ass videos of Otto killing it on the drums (and in goggles at one point?). But very funny how I worded that and got what I asked for LOL

The M&G and the pre-show playlist is confirmed (?) to be Charlie Puth Spotify radio, which is funny but also fun and fitting. Personally, I approve.

Someone playing 2048 on another person’s Apple Watch (while it was still on their wrist), very funny

He does this at every show, but the way Awsten says “what” after anyone yells his name like it’s a conversation across the room. I can just predict how he says it

“I’m not gonna take a bereal, I’m tryna be fake as hell”

Birthday moment for Otto’s drum tech Toby, but no sex speech for him thank god

However, there was a sex mention when Awsten talked about how they were from Houston since it’s where their parents decided to have sex and live (thanks for that explanation, Awsten)

Awsten being on vocal rest until the show: “That’s so hard for someone like me”

Them promising they’d never ever ever cancel a Philly show bc we rock that hard: agreed

Geoff’s guitar spins were SPINNING and I loved them

Geoff always going to both sides of the stage and he had a PLATFORM which was sick

Crave Geoff verse of course!!

Always appreciate them thanking security bc security at that venue is awesome and they are putting in the work with how many crowd surfers there are

Groupchat 5?? times. We got High Def but the real winner surprise song in the “whatever awsten is doing” section was group chat for sure

“Otto Wood man of the year” chant (before it got into the serial killer bit which is long overdue for being funny LOL sorry) but I really was on board with the man of the year part bc it’s fucking Otto Wood, people!

Ok, I always take Awsten hyping things up with a grain of salt (topic for another time) but I have to give it to him, he was SO right about the stage design being sick as hell.

The screens were COOL and they matched the art from the album the song was from. The entertainment one was really cute with the clovers and all the purple. Plus the ghosts for crave. The smoke cannons were really cool too!! Especially during numb (side note: only one greatest hits song? Peculiar since there was SO much emphasis on it but alas another topic for another time)

Seeing everyone talk about crave….what about royal, people!!!

War Crimes FUCKS (but we knew that, though), as does ANOOE.

Closer hit really hard live and I felt it deeper than I ever have. If I heard it again live I’d probably cry

Funeral Grey eye roll thing… hear me out on this one…. when you are there in-person and are a woman (or any gender identity) prone to falling for him, such as I, it is hard not to scream about it.

Refer to above bullet point for the screams in Ritual, the telephone guitar solo, the hair flicks in stupid for you, “baby” in fuck about it…. I could go on and on and on

I realized I need to work on my camera skills bc I can’t figure out how people were getting like 5/6x zoom from the BACK OF THE PIT. My vids are blurry as hell and I feel really dumb, so pls send your support while I try to improve 😭 I need HQ vids of my band guys!!

tagging some people if you’d like to read an essay about waterparks LOL @s0livagant @jaakey @pennsylvanya 

[notwxrriors]

hear me out just. just hear me out for a sec. ik it's never been discussed but jawn just gives off an Energy of a god-fearing kid growing up in a religious town and so . what if he has to be drinking to be with geoff. like they've never done anything sober. which sounds (and Is) unhealthy but geoff helps him work thru it. and geoff is nervous bc. yk. when the party ends will you still love who i am? but jawn does Really Really like geoff

oh trust me I am def hearing u out

jawns like. mostly a good boy excerpt for the cigarettes but his family def does not know ab all that. he spends most of his time w awsten, who his parents approve of, and otto, who they like less but don't tell him he can't b around

and then geoff joins their group and starts hanging out w them all, and jawn likes geoff a lot bc geoff is like actually cool, not just some nerd like the three of them, pretending to be cool. geoff was serious ab his guitar playing and he was like genuinely talented and knew what he was doing and gave a shit ab the band

geoff seemed to like being around jawn too, and he'd bum cigs off him sometimes and they'd smoke outside together. geoffs the first person jawns ever met that smoked weed, so in return for cigarettes, sometimes geoff would roll him a joint, and jawn feels so special bc of it

weed makes jawn feel less anxious around geoff bc when he's sober all he can think ab is how his feelings for geoff r definitely strange and Not Okay. geoff's been in love w him like the whole time but he hasn't said anything bc he doesn't want to scare him away

the first night that drink together, jawns such a lightweight compared to geoff so he def gets sloppy off one (1) beer and they share a first kiss that jawn initiates but geoff cuts short bc he feels weird ab it w their levelsof sobriety. jawn doesn't rly remember it the next day and he's appalled when geoff brings it up and apologizes a ton

but it does start this rly bad cycle for awhile where they'd get intoxicated together and then be intimate, like kissing to making out to handjobs or mutual masturbation. jawns tolerance increases so he does typically have a fuzzy memory of it at that point. he feels gross and wrong and sinful for it, but nothing feels as good as sitting in geoffs lap and shotgunning a joint. geoffs stopped bringing it up bc jawn just shuts down when he tries but he doesn't love the situation. he just wants to love jawn all the time :(

as they get older tho jawn does have some moment of deconstruction, and w geoff's help, they're able to have all new (sober) firsts :)🥰

[milcycyrus-archived]

when: may 10th 2023 where: somewhere in america people mentioned: awsten knight, tish cyrus, geoff winginton, otto wood, jawn. plot line: miley’s waters break while in the hotel room but manges to give birth at the hospital with some minor complications. 

miley: being on tour with your boyfriend's band was something that miley should have expected to be happy about but when you were pretty much over due and being pregnant was something else, thankfully they had everything all sorted out and everyone on speed dail just encase something were to happen which in the new brunettes dismay she hoped that she wasn't going to be going into labour without her mom by her side, taking a deep breath as miley cupped her belly and giving it a bit of a rub....though she felt something wet dripping down leg had she peed herself? "fuck" miley thought to herself hoping it wasn't an accident grabbing cellphone miley dailed her phone to awsten's number as she awaited for him to answer she could feel some kind of pain from her stomach was she about to give birth right here? she hoped not, why does this had to happen when he wasn't here or not near her.

awsten: at the moment, awsten was lost in soundcheck with his band and bothering lucas and jawn as well. it was different having his girlfriend on the road with him, but he felt it was easier for now with her being pregnancy and in case she went into labour while he was away he could be right there. freezing for a moment, cutting in the middle of the song having the rest of the band and crew look at him curiously, the redhead looked at his phone upon miley calling. taking a deep breath before answering, motioning for everyone else to shut up. "hey, babe, what's up?" he asked trying to act as cool as possible, but mentally he was freaking out some. a glance of heterchromic eyes to the blue ones of geoff like a silent cry for help and a nod before the guitarist went over to jawn to explain what could happen depending.

miley: finally hearing the sound of his voice that was on the other end miley was happy to hear "babe" the musican stammered softly "it broke..." the brunette stated trying to hide the pain that was coming from her stomach she didn't want awsten to panic known that he did have to concerate but at the same time she knew that he would be there for her in a matter of time known that the baby was finally on the way, she didn't know that this was going to happen so quickly, the first person she was obviously going to call was the father of her child before anyone else "my water....it broke, i thought it was piss but it's not piss" she groaned through the cellphone.

awsten: for a moment he looked at jawn and geoff as he listened to miley speak "wh-what broke?" awsten asked curiously as he waited for her to answer, mouthing to the other two it was time to go before telling her, "okay.. i'm coming, where are you?" he said quickly as he tossed the mic down and ran over to find miley, while holding the phone towards his ear before running backstage to inform others he'd be heading out but be back for the show that night. he didn't want to miss his show, but he couldn't miss this, he had to be there for miley and see their daughter the moment she entered the world.

miley: putting the phone on the speaker miley placed it down on the side of the table in the hotel room, it wasn't too far from where they were preforming which was probably why they booked it as slight groans parted from her lips "ow....these conractions fucking hurt" miley stated she knew that the labour was going to be painful from hearing stories about it and watching some videos on youtube. "i-in the hotel room right now" she mentioned known that this was probably going to be such a long and hard day/evening for the both of them.

awsten: grabbing his backpack, awsten heard what she said and he rushed towards the car where he met up with jawn and geoff to drive him to the hotel to meet up with miley. "i'll be there soon, babe just.. try and call the doctor, i'm on my way now," he said as they started driving to the hotel. there was a feeling of both nervousness and excitement mixed within the redhead musician about the fact that him and miley were about to become parents. right now, all he was thinking about was the pain she was in and wanting to be there for her. the faster this was all over and she was feeling better again, the better awsten would feel. plus seeing their little's face and holding them finally would also be amazing too.

miley: even though he couldn't see it she nodded her head in silence and hung up the phone so he could concerate on the drive and not cause into any accidents while being on the road, once she hung up miley groaned out in pain from the conractions as she tried to press the dial that was for her doctor, she knew that there birthing plan wasn't ever going to be followed step by step but what plan was? this wasn't on the cards to have a baby specially while he was on tour and just starting a tour too. hearing the phone dailing the number miley hoped that he was able to answer the phone call and not be busy "hello" the midwife said in the stern voice yet loving voice "hi, it's miley -- my waters have broken and it really fucking hurts" she said "where are you honey? please don't panic...how far along are your conractions?" she questioned "hotel room, and every five min...owe" she groaned.

awsten: it probably took a good five or ten minutes before they reached the hotel, not wanting to cause any accidents. awsten told them to wait for him to get back before he rushed in to the hotel going straight to the room to see miley. the moment his eyes saw her he ran over to her and put one arm around her, grabbing one of her hands with the other for her to squeeze. it was the only reason that one hand lacked his infamous rings. "baby, breathe and you think you can walk with me to the car? it's waiting right outside for us," he asked, mentally panicking some over how things could go wrong, but he was also mentally praying for the best, something he hasn't done in a long ass time.

miley: miley couldn't believe that this was all happening right now but it was, they always say babies have their own mind and come when they were ready and obviously this baby was ready to come and she was on time too certaintly nothing like her mother that was going to be pushing her out of her. gripping her stomach slightly as she felt the baby pushing into her guts, miley lifted her head as she heard the familar voice of her boyfriend finally entering their hotel room "thank fuck you're here!" the brunette said in a shivering kind of a voice as she was in pain. "i'm trying to breathe but it's hard" she frowned and moaned tilting her head back as 'owing' sounds left her lips "i-i can try" she said in her tennesse accent as she started to try and walk towards the door.

awsten: awsten held onto her as she tried to walk, but he could easily tell and hear how much pain she was in so taking a quick deep breath before taking his hold away from her, taking a small moment to stretch his arms before picking up miley bridal style. "just hold on, i'll get you to the car," he said as he walked towards the door and slipped out, just barely managing to close it behind them. rushing out of the hotel as fast as he could while carrying his pregnant girlfriend before reaching the car outside. jawn was sitting outside waiting, to open the car door for them helping awsten get miley in as carefully as possible. once they did they both got back in and jawn started the drive to the hospital. "miley, how we doing? how far apart? did you contact the hospital? say we're on our way?" jawn asked glancing at the couple in the back through the rear view mirror. as awsten sat next to her, he held onto her hand and gently massaged his back with the other hand that was the only one still remaining with a few rings currently.

miley: trying to remain calm was the hardest thing to do right now after hearing pregnancy scary stories she knew that things wouldn't ever go to plan though of course that was miley through and through not doing things according to plan, maybe this was just the way things was meant to have been for the two of them. keeping her head down for a moment as she slowly walked out of the hotel room and out of the hotel, it was hard trying not to be seen by the papz too though of course they literally followed her wherever she went despit trying to be lowkey and off the grid as possible. once she was in the car the brunette tilted her head back once again it was the only way she knew how to keep the pain from being too obvious, she turned to look at her boyfriend and nodded her head "of course i did, and every five minutes.." miley groaned that parted from her lips she closed her eyes tightly as she squeezed his hand trying not to break it in the process. awsten: as jawn drove them to the hospital geoff was in the passenger seat texting the rest of the band and crew what was going on and awsten was focused on just trying his best to help miley through this til they made it to the hospital and currently jawn was moving as fast as possible without getting into any accidents. the second they got there, jawn stopped the car close to the hospital and hopped out to once again help get miley inside, leaving the keys for geoff to park the car. "okay, babe, we're here, come on," he kept a tight hold on her hand, for her to squeeze as hard as she'd liked. miley: in this moment she wished her mom and step father was here to be able to see their grandbaby being born but as always things just don't happen the way they would like to, as miley kept squeezing his hand the musican moaned out another 'owing' sound from her lips, she wasn't trying to break his hand but the pain without the drugs that the doctors / nurses give you it was very painful. miley tried hoping out of the car the best she could, once feeling the cold air hit her they all walked into the hospital double doors. it wasn't the hospital they had their appointments at but they were on tour after all of course it wasn't going to be. "fucking hell...this shit hurts" miley groaned out as she kept her hand gripping on her stomach. awsten: jawn offered to get them all checked in as awsten mouthed a couple swears sometimes as miley squeezed his hand through the pain, it wasn't too bad, but it wasn't that great either and he could only imagine how much worse it was for her. "do you want me to see if i can get your mom here on video chat or something?" he knew she wouldn't want to do any of this without her mother and of course she could bring her fiancee was well if she'd like. however, this was a bit of a way so miley had no idea the little surprise he had step up for her. he planned a few days ago for her mom and step father to come in for her today, but now he just had to contact her so she knew where they were to come meet them for the birth. miley: miley nodded her head quicker than ever before she wasn't obviously going to be missing this, she was going to be her first person to know, though of course back in the day it probably would have been her father. once they were checked in, miley could only feel the pain getting more and more harder to deal with and this was coming from someone who had been through a lot of crap in their life. "if i break your hand i'm sorry" she whispered almost once she had let go of his hand when they had walked up to the private room, she noticed it had already been set up just for her miley narrowed down her eyes for a moment as a slight gasp passed her lips "mom" she grinned walking up to her to give her the biggest hug "hi babygirl, how you doing, you in pain?" Tish asked in her strong accent as miley nodded her head before letting go "yes but haven't had a conraction in about three minutes" miley stated as she turned her head to look at her boyfriend "have i said you're the best boyfriend ever?" she grinned it'd been the happiest she'd been since her water had broken "fuck....here comes the pain again" the brunette groaned as she held on to the wall rocking her body back and forth. awsten: "i think my hand can take it.. it's all for our daughter after all," awsten said with a bit of pain within his voice, but he still held on, jawn soon joining again to help get miley in the private room and the moment they saw tish there awsten couldn't help but smile some, before seeing miley make it over to hug her mom. there was no way he'd want her to go through this without her mother. once she joined him again the redhead musician smiled kissing miley's cheek. "could have you go through this without her. gently walking over to her as she went through pain again, he gently rubbed her back, not sure what else to do for her currently. there wasn't really much he could anyway, but he was going to try, it was just the kinda person he was and he hated seeing miley in all this pain. miley: it was still serreal known that they were about to be having a daughter at some point today, or tomorrow or maybe even the day after tomorrow since babies did run on their own schedule on when they want to enter the world, but with these conractions on how far apart they were it felt like they were going to be parents sooner than expected. miley shook her head known for a fact that she couldn't have gone through this without her, not for a second. "it's okay sweetie just breath...nice and slowly...." tish being the expert and having five kids known how to handle this situation "awsten go and get her some ice chips, she's probably not able to eat anything properly untill she's given birth" tish suggested known it might help as the midwife knocked on the door "good afternoon ladies, you must be miley?" the nurse stated holding a clip board "do you mind answering a few questions for me miley?" she continued, miley nodded "has your contractions started since your water broke?" she asked as miley nodded "great, how far along are they?" she added "five minutes" "okay let me see, how far you" miley turned her body and slowly walked over to the bed and get her bottom half undressed the nurse did her thing to see how many centermets she was "you're about eight centermeters deliated, i'll come back when your nine or ten alright, can i get you something water?" she asked, miley nodded her head as she groaned in pain. awsten: the whole time things went on awsten stayed by miley's side til he heard what tish said, looking at her for a moment before giving a nod, he gently moved away from miley walking over to jawn to head out just as the midwife came in. taking a moment to hear what was being said before moving to help his girlfriend get on the bed and get half undressed before going back near the door with jawn, leaving behind the midwife to get the ice chips he was asked to. small chatter between them about how this was really happening, that the redhead was going to be a father probably today. it was crazy to think about. a couple minutes later both men walked back in and awsten walked over to miley to hand her the cup of ice chips. "i'll be right here the whole time, my love" he said gently kissing the top of her head. miley: this wasn't the fun part of waiting for the baby's arrival, being the final number of being centimeters deliated she couldn't wait for that part - though of course pushing was going to be the hardest part of them all, she was a little concerced to make sure she wasn't going to be having a smooth birth but you just don't, she hope that there wasn't going to be any complications. miley smiled as she felt his kiss on her forehead as she held out her hand to hold his "i promise i won't break it, not deliating right now" she chuckled honestly she just wanted to hold his hand "and thank you, thank you for bringing my mom here, it really means alot" she grinned at him before feeling another contraction flowing "how the fuck aren't i at ten centermeters.." she groaned as she held her stomach. awsten: holding her hand again firmly kissing the back of it and smiling at her for a moment, listening to what she said. "break it if you want, you're going through a lot, i can handle a broken hand," awsten said with a slight chuckle as his thumb gently rubbed the back of her hand for a moment. "of course. i knew you'd want her here for this and i knew she'd want to be here. i could have this moment be missed and she's already been amazing," as he said the last part, his heterchromic eyes looked from miley to tish, smiling some at her mother for a moment before hearing her in pain and looked back to her, gently rubbing her back again with his free hand. "i'm here for you and squeeze my hand as hard as you need to," he added really hoping for this all to be over soon so she wasn't in so much pain. miley-couple of hours later- miley had gotten herself changed into hospital robs known it was almost time the nurse had been and gone she was finally getting close to giving birth, these conratctions weren't getting any easier, though she had been offered drugs and apart of wanted to do it drug free though she had been given gas to help every so often needed it she would breathe in and it did help. the nurse came in again to feel how many she had been "alright sweetie looks like you're ready to push...you sure you don't want the epidural or something before we start pushing?" the nurse asked as miley shook her head she was a little thrilled known she was able to start pushing finally "now once you start having another contraction, you push okay? don't worry about if you poo we've seen it all" the nurse laughed softly as miley felt her first contraction since being able to push she started to squeeze down and holding her moms hand as she started to push. awsten: once everything got started, jawn stepped out of the room, waiting outside only leaving awsten with miley and her mother. this very moment made everything feel all the more real, they were close from bringing a small human into the world, their daughter and it was really starting to hit him some. he was about to be a father and was working currently, on tour, this was probably why the band worried, surely he'd want that time off with the baby, but working helped provide their lives and made him happy. it's why he had miley there with him to still be as present as possible and as long as she was free and wanted to of course. now was the moment, as tish held one hand, awsten held her other, gently using his free hand to occasionally massage her back as she pushed, or help get her hair out of her face after. miley: it didn't take too long before she was pushing and breathing well trying to breath more like panting as she was more focused on giving birth, this was the part people had been telling her about giving her horror stories, yet everything was going too smooth for miley's liking the room was filled with equipment and a few more extra hands to help deliver this baby, though just like that "come on miley, you can do it sweet girl" tish said trying to push, it wasn't like miley not to even say something but she was just in the zone of pushing "one big massive push and the butt is crowning she's coming butt first." as miley gave the biggest push she had ever done in her life "congratulations momma..." the nurse said as miley was covered in sweat from pushing, her hair all of the place, her breathing catching up to her "why isn't she crying? what's wrong..awsten, why isn't she crying?" miley said as the nurse held the baby for a moment "grandma wanna cut the cord?" she asked as she tish walked over to the nurse holding the instrument to cut it and then the cry filled the room, miley sighed with relife as she settled back down. awsten: during the whole time, awsten kept a close tight grip on miley's hand, even telling her words of encouragement through it to help out as best as he could along with her mother. before they knew it out came their daughter and the moment awsten's eyes landed on the newborn he froze for a moment, now it was real, he was a father. not even caring if he looked like a fool with his mouth open some, eyes kinda wide as he saw the newborn, his daughter. "fuck" he muttered as he loosened his grip on miley looking at her and kissing the back of her hand. "you did it, congrats, baby," he said in a low voice til she started panicking and he did for a moment too looking to the nurse and baby for a moment til the baby started crying and an immediate wave of relief filled awsten just as it had for miley. "can you actually believe we're parents?" he said to his girlfriend as he gently moved some of her hair to fully look at her, still clearly exhausted miley: the nurse brought the baby back once she had started to cry it was the sweet sound that she had been wanting to hear since coming out of her, this cry was probably going to be hearing for a couple of months or maybe even years, miley was exhausted it's the most tired she had felt she was also proud of herself for not using any of the drugs being offered to her. the nurse brought the baby back to the new parents for some skin on skin time straight away "i can't believe we have one of these tiny humans now" she chuckled so tiredly as she calmed her down "do we have any names?" tish asked as she walked over to awsten to give him a hug of congratulations "we do actually,we talked about calling her nova melody" miley said in her tired voice "and we're joining our last names cyrus-knight" the musican added, the name just suited her it wasn't too out there for them it just right.

[miafic]

if the mia/rt characters were to read fanfiction then what would be their favourite kinds/genres/tropes?

shane would read kpop stuff haha. he likes 100k+ slow burn romance between guys in the same group, but he likes hurt/comfort oneshots, too. he’d also love a story about rival kpop groups competing for a prize. 

ashton only reads ones that other people send to him and tell him are good. he doesn’t really care about fanfic, but if one of his friends liked it, he’ll probably like it, too. he likes found family stuff and fluff. everything he reads needs to have a happy ending. 

jawn only reads short-but-intense hurt/comfort fics for whatever fandoms he’s into at the moment. he just finished an anime and absorbed one of the characters’ personalities? he is reading every sickfic about them that he can get his hands on. he’s searching for miscommunication fics where people get left behind. he wants to find stories where one of the characters die and the others are left to comfort each other. 

otto used to like cool, well thought out killjoy fanfics and fun gravity falls fanfics, but after The Incident, he almost exclusively reads violent, intense, angsty mcr fic on livejournal. he figures out eventually that he’s essentially trying to trigger himself and he tries to stop looking for them, but he can’t. 

awsten exclusively reads dumb crackfic about his favorite cartoons, but one time he comes across something actually good and he’s like, holy shit. i could see it being like. dipper and mabel go to different colleges in the same city. and awsten thinks it’s gonna be funny and a joke but it’s actually really good and it’s about mabel trying to make friends with her polar-opposite roommate (wednesday addams??) and dipper is working on some awesome science project and crushing on one of his TAs. and then something bad happens and one of the twins needs the other one’s help so they have to make some big sacrifice but it’s worth it because they’re best friends and they’ll always come first to each other. (this is not a real fic lol im just making things up.) and awsten’s like whoaaaaaa i really like this!!! and he spends literal months trying to find anything remotely as good as that but there’s nothing. 

no shade to emily but she exclusively reads reader insert fics on wattpad hahaha

geoff unironically enjoys modern shakespeare fanfics and modern spins on classic stories/plays. he’s ao3 only. 

lucas reads game of thrones fanfic. zakk does, too, but zakk reads love stories between characters that would never get together or even meet in canon. lucas reads the war stories where it’s battles being fought and alliances being formed and people getting betrayed and killed left and right. lucas doesn’t like witcher fanfic unless it’s exclusively about geralt. he’s not into geraskier at all and that’s like 80% of the fics in that fandom lol. 

zakk also likes coffee shop aus and the whole “there’s only one bed” thing. fake dating, fake married, soulmate aus, etc. he’s into all of it. does not care about the website or the year it was written. he also reads smut. 

---

voluntarily reads smut: 

zakk, shane, jawn

reads smut if it’s there but doesn’t seek it out:

emily, otto

sometimes reads smut accidentally:

geoff (stops immediately) & lucas and awsten (who both stop if it gets too weird but always give it a chance)

has never even heard of smut before: 

ashton

[wlwmiki]

things about the parx concert that i liked

awsten getting everyone to sing to help him because he was sick “and sing really loudly into your phone so no one on your snapchat knows i suck”

geoff’s birthday song !!!

people started throwing money onstage halfway through, and awsten went, “did someone just throw a dollar ?? now THAT’S something i can get behind !”

otto’s birthday song !!!

someone threw their flannel onstage and awsten thought they were pants and called them disgusting

awsten got jawn to come onstage and bring awsten his phone so he could make us do vocal warmups, and he said he should just play warmups instead of house music “so we don’t fuck up our voices”

also, elijah doesn’t do vocal warmups and he thought singers just did them because they’re narcissistic and like to hear their own voices ??? so we flipped elijah off (he was at the balcony) and he flipped us off back

awsten had SO much energy even though he was sick

GEOFFS SINGING AND MOVING AROUND WHEN HE WAS PLAYING 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

there was a part where otto came out and we all started chanting for him and at the end awsten kinda gestured at him like “ok back u go !”

ALL OF TURBULENT ?????

all the jumping and circle pits and everyone in the pit was so sweet, someone taller than me took my phone and recorded for me near the beginning because i was too short to see a lot from where i was

one of the openers was kitten, and awsten went “did you guys like kitten ?” and ALL the lesbians screamed and he went “yea me too, now if you see me doing hot yoga we’ll have something in common to talk about” awsten knight lesbian KING

and yea it was just a really cool concert 10/10 would cry thinking abt it again

[n-ctarinenga]

New Wallapaper [ awsten knight ]

a @calmlftv​​​ birthday special! | word count: 2,302 | masterlist

After probably the longest birthday of your life, you fell back into the warm embrace of your bed. 

Your day had started early, your best friends and roommates waking you up with breakfast in bed, before promptly shoving you downstairs and insisting on pampering you. 

By lunchtime, you'd played an intense game of monopoly, had a sparkling manicure, tasted endless mocktails with stupid pun names, and watched all of the 5 seconds of summer cocktail chats videos on the large TV in your living room. 

You were happy you'd agreed to a chill day at home for your 23rd, taking the day off work and scolding your friends when they decided to do the same. You had taken the time to celebrate with your workmates and extended friend group over the weekend, having dinner with your family the night before on Sunday before finally settling in to take time out for yourself, which your friends were happy about considering you were always the first to help everyone else before yourself. There was no doubt in your mind that you were loved by the people around you though, all of them reminding you of it constantly through the day.

At first, you didn't understand why they insisted on having dinner early, and grew suspicious that maybe they had something planned for tonight that you were yet to be told about. 

"Who has dinner at two pm?" You ask, watching one of your friends prepare a filet steak just the way you like, the large fat of the meat being put to the side for her dog later.

"We do, now stop questioning it." Another answers, shoving yet another red velvet cupcake iced to look like a sunflower into your hands. 

You narrow your eyes at the three of them, all glancing at each other and speaking in eye movements and hand gestures so you couldn't decipher their words. 

Your attention is pulled away though by your phone that sits in your lap, a new text from your boyfriend, Awsten, filling the screen. 

While you wished he could be with you for your birthday, you knew what you signed up for when you started to fall in love with a musician, and that was weeks and months on end of facetimes and texts while miles apart. 

Awsten was currently on the other side of the country, but that didn't stop him from blowing up your phone any moment he could with his newest invention, birthday bombing, aka putting a party hat on anything he could find to show you that you were being celebrated even if you couldn't see it in person. 

The thought alone was enough to make your heart swell with joy, but as you received yet another picture of your boyfriend wearing a line of hats like dinosaur spikes down his back, you couldn't help but burst out laughing.

At the sudden noise, one of your friends looks over your shoulder, laughing at the picture you were quickly setting as your lockscreen. 

"Your man is a nerd." She chuckles, and you shake your head with a laugh, smiling fondly as you lock your phone again. 

"Yeah, he is." 

Little did you know, Awsten was a lot closer than the 200+ miles away you thought he was. 

In fact, Awsten was currently running around Houston searching for the exact perfect items he needed for your surprise, periodically sending you the pictures he had had Geoff, Otto and Jawn help him stockpile before his flight back this morning.

He pocketed his phone after sending you his personal favorite of the bunch, his fantastic dinosaur impersonation, and returned to picking out his birthday cards for you, drawn to the biggest and most decorative ones on the shelves. 

Ever since the day you told him about your lack of celebration for your birthday in your teenage and recent years, Awsten had the idea in his head to make sure you got to celebrate the special day in some way, someday. After all, it was the day his favorite person was born. 

Adding a 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, and 23rd birthday card to the growing pile in his arms, Awsten walked to the counter, where the assistant gave him a suspicious look. 

"Girlfriend's birthday." He explains with a smile, earning a small nod from the woman as she placed them all into a bag. 

"Either you have a lot of making up to do or you have a very humorous girlfriend." She comments, handing him the back and grabbing a pen from a display beside the counter, throwing it in too. 

"You're probably gonna need it." She whispers, a kind smile on her face as a grin spreads across his. 

"A bit of both, and you're right, thank you." He laughs, sending her a nod of thanks as he walks out. 

With the cards and your present already taken care of, all that remained was the picnic basket he had to fill and the flowers he was set to pick up next. 

While you sat at the head of the dining table, your friends hands over your eyes as the other two carried and lit your cake, Awsten was already walking into the flower shop packed to the brim with fragrance and colour. 

"Happy birthday, dear y/n, happy birthday to you!" Your friends cheer, eyes uncovered to see a large, delicately iced red velvet cake, very similar to the cupcakes you had been handed throughout the day, but this time with two gold and white candles lit on top, a bright and shiny 23 right in the middle. 

You can't help the wide grin that covers your face once again as you make your wish, blowing out the candles with light dancing in your eyes as a friend snaps pictures of you for later.

Cake and presents are taken care of before the hour is up, and after showering you with buckets of affection all day, your friends finally let you escape for some time alone, letting you know if you need absolutely anything to just call them, all of them still heavily dedicated to their role as birthday elves. 

A smile still plays on your lips as you relax on your bed, the sound of Daphne Blue by the band CAMINO playing on your record player across the room letting you relax as the day sank in, a content sigh escaping you as you recall the events of the day.

You're confused though as you hear the sound of music still playing well after the end of Honest, the needle on your vinyl travelling to the middle of the record and waiting on you to flip it in silence. 

With a confused frown, you climb off your bed, walking over to your window to investigate the source of the noise. 

Catching a sight of bright green, a small scream escapes your lips as you see Awsten standing below your window, a bluetooth speaker held above his head playing Blink 182 on full volume. 

"Happy birthday babe!!" He cheers loudly, his heart racing as you hang your head out of your window, shock evident on your face.

"Awsten!! How the fuck did you get here so quick, crazy??" You call back, happy tears gathering in your eyes. 

"For you? Yeah. Now are you gonna let me in so I can kiss you or what?" He asks teasingly, making you shake your head at him, grinning as you close your window and run out of your room, basically flying down the stairs and past your grinning best friends. 

You swing the door open, and hit Awsten's body full force as his arms wrap around you tightly, tears starting to fall as you actually get to touch him again. 

"Hey sweetheart." He grins, kissing the top of your head and drinking in the familiar scent of your shampoo and conditioner. 

"You're home." You cry into his chest before pulling back so you can hold his face with both of your hands, still in shock that he's real and in front of you. 

"And I still like you even though you're twenty three." He jokes, his hands on your hips pulling you closer to him so he can finally kiss you after so long apart. 

The small action made your heart burst, the feeling of having him so close again like taking a breath after feeling your lungs burn under water. It made your skin shiver and your heartbeat race, even with your best friends wolf whistling in the background. 

"Speaking of, why did you go all 'boombox outside my window'?" You ask, pulling back and frowning at him. 

"I wanted to be romantic." He shrugs, making you shake your head as you laugh. 

"Dork." You say lovingly to assure him, making a wider smile spread across his face. 

"Okay," He pecks your lips one more time, nodding in the direction of the stairs, "there's more surprise to go so you go wait up there while I get everything else." 

You try to fight his instructions for a moment, wanting to help, but give up when he gives you a look that says 'don't even try'. 

It takes Awsten all of three minutes to run from your door to his car and back again, picnic basket and presents in hand as he mouths a thank you to the girls in the living room, them helping him all along without your knowledge. 

Confusion washes over you as you see the picnic basket in his hand as he walks in, proudly and confidently walking towards you and dropping a bag down on the bed beside where you sit. 

"Open." He instructs, pointing to the bag that you eye suspiciously. 

"What have you done here, Knight?" You ask, watching as he takes the blanket from off the end of your bed to lay on the floor and opening the bag to peak inside. 

"We are having a very special edition air conditioned picnic where I don't have to worry about my gorgeous girlfriend being bitten by ten million mosquitoes." He explains, still making your cheeks heat up at his words just as easily as he always had. 

Awsten occupies himself setting up the indoor picnic as you take the top envelope from the bag, opening the small pastel pink package to see a very glittery, very girly happy 1st birthday card. 

"Sweetheart," you laugh lightly, "I think you got the wrong card." 

"No I didn't, I got you a card for every year you've been alive because we're celebrating all the birthdays you didn't before." He states simply, but it hits you as anything but simple. 

"Awsten…" You trail off, opening another few cards with tears in your eyes. 

"Do you… do you like it?" He asks, walking over on his knees to kneel in front of you, suddenly unsure of the gesture of the cards. 

The tears start to fall as you look down at him, pulling him into a kiss that makes him melt like putty in your hands. 

"I absolutely love it. I'm gonna put them all up like another wallpaper." You laugh happily, while he wipes away the tears that fall down your cheeks. 

"Sounds like a plan to me. But first," He points to the open picnic basket on your floor, "we have some tacos to take care of." 

You thank your lucky stars for the bright, in every sense of the word, man in front of you as you eat, happily exchanging stories of nightmare customers you'd had in recent weeks for his stories of venues that made your toes curl. 

When the tiredness finally took over, Awsten pulled you into bed, legs tangling together and his arms around you once again as he fell asleep, while you stayed awake a little bit longer, reading the messages placed all through the 23 cards you had been given while relaxing back into the arms of the man you love. 

You could feel his breath on your neck behind you, comforting and familiar as you finally reach card 23, a gasp leaving you as the simple but gorgeous necklace tucked inside falls onto your bed beside you.

You pick up the small tear shaped ruby gem necklace from beside you and hold onto it tightly, unknowingly moving closer to the man near squeezing the breath out of you even in his sleep. 

Reading the card in the soft light of your bedside lamp gets harder as tears cloud your vision, but you do your best to push through it. 

Today, we celebrate 23 years since the love of my life was born. You, not Carlos Santana. You know I toe the line of being cheesy every day, but I apologize in advance for diving over the edge for a moment. For a long time I felt like I had to escape who I was, and for a while, I did, but I lost a home that I couldn't find no matter where I searched for it. The closest I ever got to that home was your arms that night you pulled me in, and thank god you didn't let me go, because you've proven to me over and over again that I do have a home, and it's in the spot right by your side. You're the one thing in my life I know I got right, and you deserve to feel like the most important person in the world, because to me, you are. There would never be enough space in a card for me to tell you how much I love you, but I plan on letting you know every day for the rest of my life. I still like you, I still love you, and I still think you're an actual angel. Happy birthday sunshine. 

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[littletantrums]

while on tour, Aws brings bottles/sippies/pacis/other regression items with him since everyone he tours with knows about his regression. and he leaves them laying out in the open, so anytime someone who doesn’t know about his regression is coming onto the bus, Otto and Geoff have to scramble to put all of Aws’ things away bc it’s hard to explain and Awsten gets very embarrassed easily

tbh i feel like he'd be anxious enough to keep everything neat and put away, but whenever anyone is coming onto the bus he's always so worried he forgot something.

I feel like Jawn would be the one that mostly picks up after him, because he knows almost better than Awsten where Aws likes all of his things to go. He probably has a glasses case or something like that underneath his pillow for pacis, a specific corner of a cabinet for sippies, coloring books/crayons in a specific pocket of his backpack, etc.

also, i just. really wanna see Lucas giving him a piggy back ride to starbucks bc he's too sleepy to walk 😢

[theghostofashton]

“you have nothing to be sorry for.”

i love this one. it was a spur of the moment idea and then this monster happened.

heavy trigger warnings for suicide, anxiety/panic attacks, and self-harm. enjoy.

This tour is going to be good.

He's speaking it into existence, breathing the words out and pressing them into his skin, forcing them to take root at the base of his chest and blossom, extend themselves beyond their breath for when the inevitable bad days won't leave him to rest.

This tour is going to be good. It's going to be different than last time. He's going to be different than last time. Gone are the countless nights crying himself to sleep in his bunk, waking up amidst grease and tangled sheets and trying to sort out where one day bled into the next while everything culminated to force him into a wreck.

And he was.

He was a wreck, last tour. He was heartbroken and barely spoken, rendering himself to the bus and his bunk after every show. He didn't go out and meet fans, he didn't go on adventures to find not-shit food with Otto, he didn't call or text or even talk to his mom, until she called Jawn in a panic and a phone screen was shoved in his face to prove to her he was still alive.

He felt bad about it. He still does. He thinks about those months and the place he was in and the thoughts that ran through his head, thinks about how he could've been meeting fans and talking to people and connecting with his friends, instead of not being able to stop crying and spending every night wishing he was dead.

The headspace he was in on that tour takes the cake for the worst. No competition. Second place is eons in the other direction. There was never a time, not even when the band wasn't gaining traction like he thought it would and the dream he'd risked everything for wasn't turning out like he thought it could, that he genuinely wanted to kill himself.

He's thought about it before. What he'd use. How it'd happen. Everything that he'd say to his family after. He's thought about writing the note and just going through with it, fuck it, this is too much. They always tell you to 'push through' and wait till it gets better and I've tried and I've waited and nothing's happened. So I'm just done.

He's been close, but nothing will ever compare to how close he came on that tour. Nothing will ever come close to breaking open his razors and pressing metal to flesh – horizontal, for a while, because he was too much of a pussy to go all in vertical – watching the crimson stream down his skin and finally letting himself take a breath. It was like everything had built up and pummeled itself into one cup, a jar of panic that propelled itself to seemingly unreachable heights, until it was pouring over and spilling out and manifesting itself in those ruby trails.

He didn't think it would be enough. He didn't think tearing himself open and watching his pain bleed through would be the push he needed to stew out the rest of the tour. He didn't think he'd be able to see her with her new guy and hold himself together until they got home, until he could shrink back into his quiet blue tomb and let everything out. He didn't think he could hold on until they got home.

He didn't think he could hold on at all.

But razor blades and tears in his skin, gritting his teeth and feeling it all release from within...he was hurting and then he wasn't and he could tuck in his sweater and grab his guitar and pretend the rest was okay. He could pretend it wasn't killing him from the inside out, pretend he didn't feel like his heart had cracked to pieces and the last ones were still bleeding, pretend like he didn't want his still-beating something to not beat anymore.

He got through it.

He moped up the blood and pressed band-aids into each bullet hole, layered tape on gashes that needed stitches and wrapped his arms around himself, it's almost over. it's almost over. you've almost done it. it's almost over.

He was in pain but he was surviving and he lived right until he didn't need to concentrate on that anymore. He lived through the last night, through the tangled lights and 3am fights, lived until he sank back into the four walls of his tomb and broke all over again.

And eventually, things started to look up. The pain plants started to wither. Days didn't feel like death row anymore. He wasn't better but he was getting there. Little by little, day by day, the fragments of his chest were starting to migrate back to each other, piece themselves together once again, chipped and torn, stitched and bandaged, but whole, nonetheless.

He had the scars to show for it – quite literally, to be exact – but he was alive. He was still breathing, in spite of the countless nights he spent wishing not to be. His still-beating something was still-beating. Miraculously, honestly. He wished he could've torn it from his chest and smashed it to the ground far too many times, because that's what it felt like every time he thought about her and what she'd done and the plans they'd had and the reality she'd ruined.

The scars have healed.

The broken part of him is coming back together.

He hasn't cut himself in almost a year.

This tour is going to be so good.

...

"Aws, you coming? We're about to leave!"

"Yeah, be there in a sec!" He reaches for his wallet and shoves his keys into his pocket, and then turns to the pile of (unwashed) clothing at the foot of his bunk. He needs to separate it out and decide what desperately needs washing when they get to the next hotel, but that's not going to be for a good few days. Otto and Jawn want to leave now.

He rifles through the sweatshirts and jackets, tosses them all to the side and digs further into the pile. It's above 80 today. This kind of heat is a rare bird in the middle of October, but he's not complaining. He would much rather be sweating his ass off than physically unable to get warm.

"Awsten!"

"Coming!" In his haste, he grabs a muscle tank and yanks it over his head, smoothes the fabric out and pulls his phone out from under the pillow. He doesn't think twice about it as he makes his way out of the bunk area, jumps off the last step and joins Jawn and Otto – oh, and Geoff's joined them – outside.

He takes his phone out of his pocket as he walks up, lifts an arm to swing around Jawn's shoulders. "Where'd y'all wanna go again?"

"The mall, over there." Otto motions to a building in the distance. "Grace wanted me ta see if they had..." He continues, but Awsten turns away, faces Jawn and plasters the smile back onto his face.

"You wanna see if there's a music store in there?"

"Sure," Jawn replies. This tour is going to be good. This tour is going to be good. Don't go there. You're better than that. This tour is going to be good.

He stretches his arms up over his head as they walk, pushing them outward to extend his back fully. The sun is beating warmly on his chest. He smiles and inhales heavily, feels the breath travel through him and ease out.

When he turns back to his friends, he stops.

They're staring at him.

He doesn't think much of Otto doing it – they have a few of those inside jokes; blowing on the back of each other's necks, drawing on exposed skin with sharpie while the other is sleeping, trying to do pushups with one another on their backs...he wouldn't be surprised if 'stare at the other creepily until you blink' adds itself to the list.

"Uh...what's going on?" He says the words slowly, takes a step to the side and tests – what the fuck, they're not even looking at...he follows their gazes down his body, all the way to his- no. Fuck.

He stops.

fuck.

The muscle tee the fucking muscle tee why did you wear that what the fuck were you thinking they know they all know everyone knows-

"Aws." Jawn finds his voice first. "Hey, don't-"

He can't do this.

He can't be here he can't have this conversation he can't talk about this right now please no fuckfuckfuck-

His heart is pounding, pumping bucketfuls of panic through his veins with every beat. Each growing second feels like another dose injected into his bloodstream, like he's too full but the weight of the world is determined to push itself into his body. Everything is spinning and it's all happening so fast and he doesn't know what to do he doesn't know where to go he doesn't know anything he can't breathe anymore he doesn't-

He trips over his feet and stumbles as he turns, glances at the bus and the open stretch of road on the other side. There are voices from behind, hands reaching for him and grasping at his back. Don't touch me I can't do this not now pleasepleaseplease-

He runs.

His legs feel like separate entities; he's not entirely sure how they're still moving because everything is detached and nothing is fitting properly and he can't deal with everything every switch has been flipped the peace is gone it happened so fast he thought he was getting better he thought he wouldn't do this anymore he thought he was done with this he thought-

He runs until he can't anymore, until it feels like the contents of his stomach will surge up his throat if he goes another step. It's the kind of feeling you get while running the mile in PE, that overwhelming stickiness and heaviness in your chest, feeling like it's nausea rather than blood being pumped into your veins, knowing that you have to keep going, because if you stop you're going to puke. His heart is racing and the stingers are pressing into his lower abdomen, cramping up his entire side.

They know his secret.

They saw his arms.

They know everything.

stupid stupid stupid so fucking stupid you were doing so well you hid it so fucking well and now it's ruined it's all fucking ruined now how does that make you feel you ruined it they know they know how weak you are they know how pathetic you are they fucking know all of it they know they know they-

"N-no," he forces out. He can't get ahold of his breathing. Every new gulp of air feels like his last, like he's ingesting poison rather than oxygen. "S-Stop."

He's in near a building. He knows that much. He lets his body fall against the large structure, relaxes his muscles and backs his heels into the wall. He doesn't know where he is. He doesn't know how far he ran. He doesn't know whether any of them followed him. It's all a blur and everything is mixing together messily and he can't do it he can't breathe through it it's happening it hurts everything hurts it won't stop please stop fuckfuckfuck-

weak pathetic fucking baby you're so fucking stupid they're gonna hate you for this they were never supposed to find out and they wouldn't if you hadn't been so fucking careless-

He kept it a secret for almost a year, spent all of fucking Warped Tour layering himself in sweaters and almost passing out from heatstroke, made up excuse after excuse of why he didn't wanna go swimming, I just dyed my hair, chlorine's gonna ruin it; I feel kinda nauseous, I don't think the pool's gonna help; I just wanna get a tan today, y'know? I'm pale as fuck and I hate it.

He was so careful.

Everything was going so well.

And then he had to go and fuck it up he had to go and ruin everything they're gonna hate you they're not gonna wanna talk to you anymore good luck keeping any of them as friends.

No one has time for this no one wants to deal with this no one wants to deal with you don't you see don't you get that you already ruined things with her and now they're gonna leave too everyone's gonna leave you'll be all alone they're not gonna wanna deal with this who wants to deal with something like this who would want that responsibility you're not their responsibility you're no one's responsibility you're no one-

No one-

He swallows against the sob, feels it try once again to push at the barrier between his mouth and throat, but forces it back down. The pouch of ache is pressing against his forehead, extending down to his eyes and ramming itself against bone. It's about to pop and splatter. Everything hurts.

He didn't know this was possible.

He didn't know it was possible to transition so fast, to go from peace to panic in five seconds flat. He was fine and then he wasn't, bright and warm and happy, drain to dark and cold and broken, in an instant.

He was rebuilding.

He has been, over the past year. Piecing back together the fragments of his chest and feeling like he was on the road to whole again, feeling like he could finally put this hellforsaken year behind him and move on to the brighter and warmer and happier. The puzzle pieces of his bones were finally starting to fit. It was all becoming okay again.

it was all becoming okay again-

And now it's like a hammer was sent through, hurtling forward at such a speed that it crashed straight into the fragile structure and embedded itself in delicate bone, smashed it to the ground and landed with a thump amongst the debris.

And he is broken again.

...

He isn't sure where he's going.

He isn't even sure where to look.

His heart is pounding and his head is spinning, what the fuck just happened is this real life is this really happening right now AwstenAwstenAwsten-

He saw scars on both his wrists. They stretched up, extended halfway down his forearms, stark and dark against his skin. He was too far away to get a close up view, too far back to see how deep or how wide or how many times his best friend took a sharp object to his skin that he didn't know about.

How many times did this happen-

How long was he doing it-

He doesn't remember seeing any red marks, nothing white or red or fresh. The scars were there but none of them were new and he hopes that's good news. He hopes Awsten isn't still doing it.

He hopes he isn't that much of an awful friend.

Geoff and Otto are trying Awsten's phone over and over, but he kept sending them to voicemail. He's not okay. He's not okay right now, and from the looks of things, he hasn't been in a very long time. He hasn't been and he hasn't said anything and they haven't done anything and he's been forced to suffer and the mere thought makes Jawn's stomach turn.

How many nights was he cutting himself how long was he suffering on his own how long did they not know how long-

He's coming up at a rest area, not too far away from the mall they'd stopped at before. Awsten couldn't have run any farther. This has to be it. He has to be here.

He sees the flash of purple hair at the back of the building. He's the only one back there and he looks so small, so tiny pressed up against the massive brick wall. He has his knees pulled to his chest and his head resting against the flat surface.

He makes his way up to where Awsten is sitting and bites his lip; watches as Awsten continues to scratch at his wrist, dig his nails in and drag them across vigorously. It doesn't seem like he's noticed him yet.

"Hey, no." He drops to his knees, feels the ache but ignores it, reaches forward to separate Awsten's hands and encircles his wrists with his fingers. Awsten makes a noise, a cross between a whimper and a cough, and looks at him. His eyes are wide. His chest is heaving. The breaths he manages to get in are choked and jagged. They leave him panting even more.

"Whoa, okay," He tightens his grip on Awsten's wrists and meets his gaze. "You're okay, Aws. Try to breathe. Just focus on that. Deep breaths, alright? You've got it."

Awsten coughs, inhales too fast and chokes on the breath, squeezes his eyes shut and wheezes. Jawn curses under his breath and takes both Awsten's wrists in one hand, reaches forward and uses the other to rub Awsten's chest. "You're doing good. Keep breathing. Just like that, see? You're okay."

"J-Jawn..." His voice is already shot. It breaks a few times on the single word. "I-I..."

"You're okay," he repeats. He keeps a hold on Awsten's wrists as he turns around and scoots backward to press his own body against the wall, next to Awsten. He wraps his free arm around Awsten's shoulders and draws him into his body. Awsten is stiff in his hold, motionless. "Focus on your breathing. It's all okay."

"I'm sorry..." Awsten moves his gaze to his feet. "I didn't- you were never supposed ta find out..."

"Why? We- I could've helped you."

"You couldn't."

"Aws-"

Awsten shakes his head. "That tour was so bad. And I always say that; when someone brings it up, like, yeah, worst tour of my life, for sure, but I don't- no one knows, truly, how bad it was for me. I just- I got so bad and I didn't say anything to anyone because I didn't want y'all ta have to deal with it."

His voice is still weak. His body is falling, against Jawn. He's too tired to hold himself up. Jawn sighs and nudges his head onto his shoulder, tightens his grip around Awsten's shoulders and squeezes.

"Let's get one thing straight, okay?" He says. "Look at me." He waits until he has Awsten's eyes before continuing, "I don't "deal"-" He pauses to make the air quotes with his free hand. "With you. You're not an obligation. I don't "have" to put up with you. I want to. You're my best friend, Aws. You know that."

"I know, I just-" Awsten cuts himself off with a shuddery sigh. "I just- didn't wanna put my shit on you, I guess? It wasn't yours ta deal with. It was my fault I couldn't handle her leaving me."

"She cheated on you," he deadpans. "Y'all had everything planned, like she was forever, and the bitch went and fucked someone else. You had a damn right to be a mess over that. You still do."

"I guess..." Awsten flips his wrists over and holds his arms out. "Maybe I did. But this was my problem. Not yours. You didn't need the responsibility of looking after the fuckin' basket case."

He inhales heavily and closes his eyes.

He hates this.

He hates when Awsten does this, already makes up his mind about how much of an awful person he is and seals the sentiment into the depths of his chest. He's already set on it, stamped it into his skin and internalized it. It's like a tattoo. Removal is painful and excessively time consuming.

"You weren't a basket case, okay?" He breathes out. "You were hurting. She shattered your world. I was so worried about you, christ...I wanted ta help, dude. I wanted to be there. And you didn't let me. And now I find out you were fuckin' cutting yourself? What the hell, Aws?"

Awsten is quiet for a few moments. He turns his head against Jawn's shoulder and breathes out warmly into his skin, stays there for a while and keeps breathing, in, and out. In, and out. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

"She didn't wanna deal with it." Awsten's voice is so small when he finally speaks. "I used ta tell her, some nights on Face Time, how bad I was and how hard it was getting, and she just- she'd make an excuse, say she got called last minute to set or someone was at the door, but I- I knew. She didn't wanna deal with me. She'd just stop answering my calls sometimes. It was too much. I was too much."

"Awsten-" How fucking dare she what she fuck is wrong with her how dare she ever make him feel like that he'll kill her he'll kill her he'll fucking kill her what the fuck-

"I haven't done it in months, promise." He glances over at Jawn briefly. "These scars are all over eight months old."

Jawn nods, doesn't speak, waist for Awsten to say more because he knows there is more.

"I wanted to die." Awsten's voice is so thick. His eyes are cast down as he traces his finger over some of the white scars. "God, I spent so long wishing I could just slice vertical and be done. Was always too much of a fuckin' pussy ta do it. And I didn't have anything else and I just needed ta feel something, besides all the hurt in my head, and it- it helped. It felt good. I felt better. 'Cause, like, if she didn't wanna deal with my shit, why would you guys?" He pauses. His voice breaks on the next words. "And I knew- I could handle her leaving. It fucked me up for a long time and I lost a lot, but- I could handle it. I couldn't handle you. Or Geoff. Or Otto." A dry sob cuts through. "I couldn't handle you doing it. And I couldn't take the risk."

"Awsten..." He reaches around and Awsten's body falls limp, head flopping onto his chest. He pulls Awsten into his lap and hugs him tight, presses as close as humanely possible and squeezes. "You fucking idiot. I'm not going anywhere, okay? No matter what. Nothing you could ever do would make me wanna leave you. That's a promise." His own eyes are misty. He drops a kiss against the crown of Awsten's head. "I love you too much."

Awsten cries.

...

They make their way back to the bus soon enough.

Awsten protests at first, starts to cry all over again, what if they're mad what if they hate me I don't wanna disappoint them I- and he sighs, pulls him into another hug and holds on tight, they love you. No one's mad at you, I promise. We're all just worried. We want you to be okay.

He doesn't forget the little I'm not, that slips from Awsten's lips in response, probably meant to be muttered under his breath but not quite quiet enough for that.

Awsten grips onto his arm and slows them down as they reach the tour bus, starts to protest as he turns the handle and opens the door. "It's gonna be fine, okay? They love you. They're not gonna be mad."

"What if they are?" Awsten demands. "What if you're wrong what if they are what if they hate me I-" He chokes on the rest of the words and coughs wetly. His eyes are watering and the tears are starting to spill down his cheeks again. "I'm not okay I can't do this I'm not I-"

"Aws?" Geoff is standing in the doorway. Jawn reaches out and pushes the door open completely, meets Geoff's eyes and gives a pointed glance toward Awsten, who now has his waist in a death grip and is ducking his head to avoid Geoff's eyes. "Hey, whoa, where'd you run off too?"

Jawn moves at the same time he does, transfers Awsten into his arms and steps back to watch Geoff hug him tightly.

"S-Sorry, I'm s-sorry..." Awsten stutters. His voice keeps breaking. Tears are pouring down his cheeks and his breathing is coming in pants. "I didn't mean to, I- sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Geoff rubs his back and presses a kiss against his hair. He nudges Awsten back to hold him at arm's length and look him up and down a couple times, before he brings him back into his chest. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"You're not mad?" The question shoots forward, grabs onto his heart and yanks off a piece of it, eclipses a tiny hunk of muscle in its claws and crushes it between them.

"We're not mad," Jawn speaks up. He takes a step forward and latches onto Awsten from behind. "We wish you would've told us earlier because we could've helped, but no one is mad at you, Aws. I promise."

"I wasn't okay," Awsten mumbles. "And I just- I'm finally starting to feel like myself again but I'm so scared all the time and everything's just different and it hurts and I'm so fucking sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Jawn repeats, voice right next to Awsten's ear. "Nothing."

"We're gonna get through this, alright?" Geoff adds. "You're gonna be okay."

Awsten sounds so small when he speaks again. "This tour was supposed ta be good. And I just-"

"Oh, dude, you kiddin' me?" he hears himself say. "It will be." He drops his voice a few notches and whispers the next words. "It will be. This is your 'get better' tour. You're gonna be okay."

"You're gonna be okay."

Awsten smiles.

[unholyverse]

waterparks // rock sound awards 2021

(full text under the cut)

WATERPARKS

CLASS OF 2021 ARTIST OF THE YEAR

WORDS: JAMES WILSON-TAYLOR PHOTOS: JAWN ROCHA

Another album, another lap around the world…another year that very much felt like it belonged to Waterparks. Their exponential growth continued this year with a new label deal and their latest and absolutely greatest record.

They began 2021 in isolation putting the finishing touches to 'Greatest Hits', and end it off the back of a triumphant, huge North American tour, by way of big, big festival slots and the realisation of more ideas than even they might have thought possible.

Here, Awsten Knight looks back on the journey he and his bandmates Geoff Wigington and Otto Wood have been on over the past 12 months, and faces towards the future.

How has your 2021 been, Awsten? It seems like a lot of bands have understandably found this year to be way more productive than last…

"It's better, but it's been equally productive. In 2020 I still made over 100 songs. Still recorded all of 'Greatest Hits'—it was pretty much done by January—made the DVD, 'FANDOM: LIVE IN THE UK'… that took like, five or six months. Yeah, 2020 was still super productive and then obviously this year…album release, making a million more videos, playing shows. That's why I say it's equal."

Was there any transitional period for you, or were you just straight into work mode?

"It never stopped. And I'm not saying this is necessarily a good thing, but I just can't stop working. It's very hard for me to stop. Sometimes I actively try to just because, but I feel like I just operate better if I'm working on things. The thing is, at least if we are out doing shows, I'm not writing songs because of it. But last year I didn't have an excuse."

'Greatest Hits' was of course released this year. You've talked before about wanting to better yourself with each album, but what's interesting is it feels like the leaps between each record are now getting bigger too…

"I'm very about smooth transitions between stylistic stages. It feels very inorganic if somebody has screamo, alternative rock and then they try and go full pop. It's like you didn't do it naturally, so it feels disingenuous. I also think that I was more impatient being stuck at home. And on top of that, since I had more time to create and just make weird sounds and demo things out, I got to learn a lot and hit a lot of things that I wouldn't have necessarily found so soon. So I think it's a combination of those things. This gave a lot of time for me to find the most weird, left of centre, out of pocket stuff. I can't tell you how many Halloween sounds I went through making 'See You In The Future'. Sorry, 'See You In In The Future."

It's funny hearing you talk about acts earning that change in sound. It's like you are world-building but it's about the musical sounds rather than characters or stories…

"Yeah, and wanting to make as many different styles as you can. Because when it stops being fun or fresh or exciting, I don't wanna do it. Touring itself is very fun and rewarding, but it can also get monotonous. So if you are not pushing the boundaries everywhere you can, whether its sonically or show production or whatever… I mean, you see how easily I get distracted. I won't want to do it if it's not fun. You know who has got the best transition between that I think I've ever seen? Like, as far as musical styles go as a band? Bring Me The Horizon. I know where they started and watching them go to 'That's The Spirit' and even the stuff they are putting out right now… it changes style-wise so much. Not only is it consistent, but it changes and I think thats awesome. Not a lot of bands are willing to do that in case it feels like they are putting on somebody else's clothes. But they've done it in a very smooth way."

"WHEN IT STOPS BEING FUN OR FRESH OR EXCITING, I DON'T WANNA DO IT"

"I THINK BEING ALONE ALL THE TIME MADE ME WANT TO COLLABORATE MORE…"

Was there anything specific on 'FANDOM' that you wanted to improve on or push further this time around?

"I don't wanna compare songs especially because if you compare old things to new things, just because of how nostalgia works, it'll never compare until more time has gone by. But if I can sit down and look at 'Numb' vs 'Watch What Happens Next… They're both cool, they both have interesting pre-choruses in very different ways. One of them is more drawly, very minimal and then the other is a little hip-hoppy but more in a Beastie Boys kind of way. Then that outro is from hell, just crazy. I love the vocal patterns in it, in the b-section. And then I'll look at 'Watch What Happens Next' and compare those patterns. I look at things like that. What stuff got added in that's special? What are the special elements that aren't just guitar, bass, drums? I compare stuff like that a lot. Some songs are written where it's like, 'This one will have a pit'. Some songs it's like, 'This is for people who don't even fuck with us, but it has such a groove'. Or, 'This one is a dark 'Life Of Pablo'-type production that's dark and evil but expensive-sounding'. There's just certain things I wanted to accomplish and especially at that time, during recording, being stuck at home, I needed to do what's going to make me feel fulfilled right now."

You seem to be in a very collaborative mood too with the guests on the album and then things outside the album like the track you did with DE'WAYNE. Is that collaborative spirit something you are becoming more open to?

"Yes, definitely. I think being alone all the time made me want to collaborate more. And then also I feel like, and I hope this comes off okay… as good as I feel like I am at writing and production and finding creative ways to do things, I know that other people are so much better than me at other things. I don't wanna be the fucking best in the room at everything, because then why am I in this room? When I gave 'Crying Over It All' to Zeph, I didn't give very much instruction. I was like, 'Just add harmonies, do your thing, pretty freeform, just go for it'. Because when I listen to her stuff, she'd always send me demos or even on her Instagram stories she'll post the acapellas of stuff she is working on. There's like twenty layers of vocals and they are doing these random swells and all this cool shit and I'm just like, 'Woah, that's insane'. So when she sent back all of the vocals for that, it was the same kind of thing. And that's not something I would have thought of. It's no longer me sitting at this desk right here working on 'Double Dare' or 'Entertainment. I think you can only go so far alone and if you happen to have friends and people you like around you who are incredible at other things, I don't see why you wouldn't collab with them. At the end of the day, all I want is the best album in the world."

It felt like that spirit of collaboration had disappeared in the scene for a while but is now coming back around again, which is great because, like you say, everyone benefits from that…

"Yeah that's totally true. And at least for me, I felt like I had something to prove, especially early on. Because we did… we had a lot to prove. But I think, maybe in an ego sense, or I don't know what it was, but I took a lot of pride in it. We'd meet people in other bands who were bigger than us and they'd go, 'Is it true that you had no co-writes or people working on this or anything?' But in the grand scheme of things, we're not shit. In the world of music, most people don't even know we exist. But I feel like that thing - that weird alternative music mindset. Some, 'Us against the world, got to prove yourself' type of shit - I don't really have that anymore. And I'm glad, because it's not productive, it's not helpful, it's not gonna make you have a better album. I feel like alternative music, as stubborn as everybody is, I think they are probably seeing how good collabs are in hip-hop, or how Spotify works and are like, 'Oh shit, we should do that"." You've always talked about personal stuff within your lyrics but it feels like on 'Greatest Hits', you were a lot more open and direct.

What do you think has changed in your approach to lyrics?

"I think there's multiple reasons for it. I think most people just don't look that deep into stuff and I want them to know what I'm talking about. 'Entertainment… that whole fucking album is metaphors. The whole thing. And I think with stuff like 'Turbulent', that was in a way more cathartic. This isn't an objective truth or anything, this is just for me, but I think it's more cathartic to be blunt. And thats not to say metaphors or keeping things poetic isn't good. I want to still use metaphors, part of me wants to lean a little more on that. There's just something very cathartic about just saying it. 'LIKE IT'… just getting to talk shit for verses and I had even more verses written but I just wanted it to be like a punk song. A very grungy, punk kind of thing. It was just more of a release. People that are very into the band will look more deep into things but sometimes I just want someone who hears ten seconds on Tik Tok to know what the fuck I'm talking about. Lyrically, I didn't want to waste any time, I just wanted to get to it."

'Double Dare' celebrated its fifth anniversary this year. Is there anything about the creative process back then that still applies to how you work now?

"Honestly, it's the same. Sit down, laptop, guitar, keyboard, bass, mic. Shut everything out, start making shit. What is made has changed, but the process is the same."

Is there anything you wish you knew back then that you know now?

"All I would do if I could go back is just give them a mixing budget. Because I wouldn't change anything. I like some of the songs more than others but I still think they should all exist. We made the whole album for like, $10,000. Some people might hear that and think it's a lot, but it's not. For making an album, especially on a label, thats nothing. If we could get a Zakk Cervini mix, like a remix…"

When it came to the live show, this tour seems to match this new era in feel. How did you approach bringing 'Greatest Hits' to the stage?

"We went through a lot of different stages with the production. This was the first idea - I want it to make it look like thunder if we want to, make it really dark and moody, no lights around us just silhouettes and bits of lightning, because it's just a full cloud wall, so we can be in a storm like we are going to die or it can glow gold like we are in heaven, or like a sunset. Somebody actually asked me at a Q&A the other day about the symbolism of the doors onstage and I think being in my apartment so much for that long, I was always just looking at them. It felt right to bring the three doors hovering in the clouds. We had the red, yellow and blue bikes because that was my only escape during it. I could come up with crazy production all day, but you also have to take into consideration the rooms you are doing. Is it indoor, outdoor, 500 people, 2,000 people…You base these things on that. What can work in different ways. I think it's the most fitting and conceptually it's probably the best pairing we could have had visually with this album. But some day I think it would be so cool, when we get to do those fucking arena shows, to collab with someone who has done it a million times. The first time or two around, you don't understand the capabilities of what can and can't be done. You don't know what your limits are, so you just kind of be safe. So I'm excited to eventually start collabing with someone on that."

As things get bigger, it feels like the rooms are starting to match your ambition. Is there a pressure to scale things up?

"There's not really a pressure. I just don't think about it like that. The other night, and this hasn't happened in forever, but right before going on I had this weird moment where I felt like I'd re-entered my body. They were already playing 'Greatest Hits' and the first song is about to start and I felt like I'd re-entered. I glanced at the audience and thought, 'Oh god'. Fucking freaked out. Like, 'What the fuck am I doing?' I say that because the best thing you can do is not think. If you just show up and do it, cool shit gets done. If you think about it, if you analyse it, you psych yourself out."

"I NEEDED TO DO WHAT'S GOING TO MAKE ME FEEL FULFILLED RIGHT NOW"

"SOMETIMES I JUST WANT SOMEONE WHO HEARS TEN SECONDS ON TIKTOK TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT"

It was also great to see you be joined again by Mikey Way during this tour…

"I know man, that was so cool. We're always talking about when we can do stuff because he loves playing shows and he fucks with Waterparks and stuff which is so crazy. I was in Nashville a month before the tour and we hung out and got dinner, and he's like, 'Dude, I wanna play one of these shows'. And he's gonna be in Nashville so I'm like, 'How about Nashville? And anything else you wanna do'. And he's like, 'Definitely Nashville and I'd love to do more'. I was like, 'You let me know what you wanna play and we'll switch up the set after'. That was so fun. He is one of the nicest fucking people in this world. He's in the biggest rock band in the world and does not act like it. He's so humble and so nice. He's just a good dude."

Looking forward, what do you think are the biggest things you learned in the process of making 'Greatest Hits"?

"I definitely don't wanna talk too much, especially as I don't know way too much, but I think that the one drawback that I've had with 'Greatest Hits'… it's not even a drawback with 'Greatest Hits', it's just the way in which it was consumed. I think that because it's so long, and not even long runtime wise… It's just that 17 tracks is intimidating to some, especially if you are not a diehard listener. I think some songs got overlooked, or under-appreciated. There are certain ones where I wonder how long it's gonna stay underrated. The production on 'See You In The Future' is fucking insane but its not even in the top seven of the most listened to. Or 'Magnetic'. Or 'Crying Over It All' is I think one of the best songs Waterparks has ever put out. They just get overlooked. 'American Graffiti', I kind of made that song as I was frustrated one night at how dogshit a lot of alt rock stuff that was coming out at the time was. I was just like, 'This is so uninspired, I'm just gonna make the way fucking cooler version of what these people are trying to do. I'm gonna do the perfect mix of Jimmy Eat World and Death Cab and all these people. And then just throw in some real wild production'. That outro is so fucking pretty. I feel like a lot of those get overlooked because theres so much. And there's a lot we can't put in the set because it's literally 17 songs. We're already playing for an hour and a half every night, which is a lot. We're not playing six of the songs because theres not even time. What I'm getting at is, the next album will probably be more…I don't wanna say concise, because it's not like 'Greatest Hits' isn't. It definitely goes on more tangents because that was the point. But it'll probably be shorter."

It certainly feels like alt.rock is the place where the album is king. In hip-hop you can release singles all the time, EPs, whatever you want. Is that something you've thought about in terms of release structure?

"I'm cool with singles. I don't really wanna do EPs anymore. Mainly because I'd rather just do four singles or release them as a pair. Because then if somebody hates one, they'll probably like the other. But I think that I would probably just do singles or pairings then drop another album."

What is on the to-do list for 2022?

"We are coming to Europe. We've got some more shows that we are gonna announce soon. Some places we've never been before. We've locked in support, haven't announced it yet but its gonna be very cool. We're playing that London show—insane. I wish I could say more. It's gonna be a good year."

Waterparks' latest album 'Greatest Hits' is out now via 300 Entertainment. They're due to tour the UK next summer.

[waterparksdrama]

I have kinda weird question cause I'm supposed to go to m&g with parx this summer and it will be my first time meeting them so I wanted to ask what do you guys talk about to them? And also I have some gift ideas for Awsten, Geoff or even Jawn but what Otto likes or what kind of gifts people usually give him? You know his lack of social media doesn't help with that I'm lowkey nervous about the whole m&g thing honestly

Usually they say like "thanks for coming" and might even compliment stuff you're wearing too and if you're giving gifts they usually talk about that. Like for me the last time i met them when i went to hug them they all said "thanks for coming", geoff complimented me shirt too and then we figured out where to stand, we took the picture and then awsten and geoff complimented my glasses and i showed them my button and they loved it so it just depends ya know

As for otto i think for the most part he enjoys anything people give him? Idk maybe some people can send some ideas and help out!

But i wouldnt worry so much about meeting them they always make it a nice and easy environment no intimidation at all 😊

-blue

[kyleknight]

candy-coated

Geoff + gingerbread houses ❄️🍪🍬🎅

here’s a short, sweet little polyparx fic for parxmas!! happy holidays!

~~~

“I think when it gets to this point, it’s not even a house anymore,” Jawn says. He’s walking slowly around their gingerbread creation , filming it from every angle. Geoff keeps watching him to make sure he doesn’t accidentally bump it, even though he knows Awsten or Otto are far more likely to do that.

“That’s not the point,” Awsten says, waving his arms and making Geoff’s heart race with panic. “We can’t win this thing by just making a house. Have you seen the pictures of the stuff from previous years?”

“Some of those are in the professional division,” Geoff points out. “We’re in the amateur division.”

“I don’t even know how they made that cool ass pirate ship…” Awsten says. “But anyway, we have to have something cool and original!”

“So you made—”

“The gingerbread version of the treehouse I’m gonna live in someday,” Otto says, his voice muffled from the candy cane sticking out of his mouth. He’s the only one who’s sitting a safe distance away from the gingerbread treehouse. Okay, maybe Geoff is a little protective of the structure, but he’s put so much time and work into it. It’s the product of an exhausting week of working on it in every spare minute he’s had. And it’s turned out so beautiful.

“No way, this thing is way nicer than the place you’re going to end up in,” Awsten says. “Otto, you’re going to end up in like, a leaky shack somewhere in the middle of the woods.”

“As long as I can get Chipotle delivery—”

“You won’t get anything but rain and spiders—”

“Oh no!” Geoff yells, making everyone stop, including Jawn.

“What?” Jawn says.

Geoff points at a spot on the main part of the treehouse. “I forgot a doorknob right there. Do we still have those candied peanuts that I used for the other doors?”

“Uh…” Otto says in a very guilty tone.

“Otto!” Awsten scolds. “You fucked it up!”

“Does it have to be the same peanuts?” Jawn says, setting his camera down and peering close to look.

Geoff’s shoulders slump. “I guess… I could use something else. It’ll be okay...”

“No!” Awsten yells, grabbing Jawn by the back of his shirt and starting to haul him away. “Come on, Otto, you’re coming too. Geoff, we’ll be right back! We’ve still got a couple hours before we have to drive it over to the judging place, right?”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to—”

“No, we’re going!” Awsten says. He pulls Otto out of his chair and the three of them tumble messily out of the door.

Geoff waits until he hears Jawn’s car engine start. Then he breaks into a smile and goes to one of the kitchen cabinets that nobody ever opens. He takes out a plastic container and brings it over to the table where the gingerbread treehouse is standing. Ever so carefully, he takes out the four little figures made out of gingerbread and candy, each one decorated to look like him and his boyfriends. He places each gingerbread man at a special place on the treehouse, then steps back to admire his work.

It’ll be a nice little surprise for when they come home.

[notwxrriors]

thinking abt that podcast episode where awsten complains multiple times abt how geoff is too rough with him and something about that is soooo puppy to me UM!!!! hes so cute..... he doesnt mean to be!!! especially with jawn... he just loves him soo much and gets so excited to show it n he ends up being a little aggressive about it but he rly is the sweetest...

augh geoff does get a lil rough sometimes!!! but it's just bc he gets worked up rly easy ESP w jawn,,,and he's sooo strong,,,sometimes he squeezes jawn's wrists a lil too tight or gets a lil too eager n fucks him before jawn being fully prepped,,,jawn is so noisy though and he'll def whine n squirm n protest, complaining "easy, daddy" and geoff apologizes immediately bc he's sooo sweet n he doesnt wanna hurt him!!! it's just. jawn is so tiny :( and geoff loves him sm

[boysdontcryblood]

I have a question about the boys!!!! Otto and Awsten are there, Jawn is the reason they got sent there, but where is Geoff????

Currently, we don’t have plans to include Geoff in this story. He’s a good boy. The others are all good boys too but they just get caught up in things and have to face the consequences.