#Gaster didn't get his bold declaration of love

[aeris-blue]

I have a question about the season of grillster. 👀 If I recall correctly grillby was going to send a break up text but later on delete it. How would the plot be affected if he did send it?

Ow... Ouch! That hurt! Haha whelp I’m sure you mean this as a hypothetical but here’s just under 3000 words on the matter!

“All that’s left is the message,” Asgore smiled as he cooed over the bright orange flower under the glass dome. It was to prevent any accidental recordings since this would only work once.

Gaster fidgeted with the tails on his suit jacket before he took a step forward. He pulled out his phone and tapped the play button: “I love you.” It was his voice unperturbed by his natural Font. The idea of Grillby being able to hear that to really understand that he’s saying it made his soul so light he wondered if he was actually touching the ground. This whole venture had been so much prep work but it was definitely going to be worth it!

Asgore gently lifted the glass from around the flower, “We’re back dad!” Papyrus called cheerily and Asgore quickly clamped the glass back down.

‘Thank you boys so much!’ He turned around to see Papyrus’s knees and fingers coated in dirt from placing all of the echo flowers. ‘What happened to the tools Asgore lent you?’

“They are all tucked away securely in my inventory but something this important must be done by hand! Nyeheheh!” Papyrus put his hands on his hips as he laughed.

“You could say he left no stone unturned,” Sans winked as Papyrus groaned. Even Sans had a bit of dirt around the knees of his black pants which meant he’d done more than provide transportation like he said he would. 

He had two glorious sons who wanted nothing more than to see him happy. Without much of a thought he wrapped his arms around the pair, “Thank you,” he whispered, hoping the harsh sounds of his Font were more tolerable at a lower volume.

“When you put so much effort into something even I can’t sit back and do nothing,” Sans smiled as he patted his dad’s back.

Gaster’s phone buzzed in his pocket and Papyrus practically pushed him away, “That’s Justin!” He practically squeaked, “It’s go time! Ah! I wish I could see Grillby’s face!” Gaster chuckled as he pulled out his phone: one missed message from Justin. This was it, all that was left was to put the message in the flower and go up the mountain! His magic spun circles of excitement in his narrow bones as an almost manic smile excavated his teeth. 

Another buzz, this time from Grillby. He opened it without a moment of hesitation: Hey Gaster. It’s pretty obvious you have a lot of things to catch back up with after what all happened to you. My work schedule isn’t the most flexible of things either so maybe we should just call this whole thing off? Spend time with your friends and family.

Some carnivorous creature entrapped its’ fangs around his soul then after rereading it the wretched thing bit down hard enough to feel every incisor straight back to the molars. That was… this was fair. Yeah, yeah, he should have actually known this was coming. It was easy to see if he just took a moment to think about it.

Grillby had finally had enough of garbled memories and a partner that didn’t know the first thing about a relationship. One with a broken skull and malformed--just about everything else. His wonky ugly Font coming back was just the icing on the cake… A fruit cake even. A disgusting amalgamation of fruit and batter too much of a mismatched mix to be anything more than a once a year torture.

Was he shaking? He felt like he was shaking.

Of course his short stint at a relationship was over. This was why he’d always avoided such things right? Even if someone could take the time to look past his scars, his wounds, they’d just find a battered bore underneath it all. He was nearly incapable of kindness how on earth did he think he could manage love? How stupid. He was a being of logic. That’s what he was for: to make and do things for others. That’s how he’d prove he was good and that he wasn’t a mistake. He wasn’t a mistake. He wasn’t a mistake.

“Dad?” Papyrus squeaked.

“You’re crying, what’s up?” Sans’s eyelights pointed up into his one fully functioning eye.

Family and friends. That had always mattered to him more than trivial pursuits of clumsy half capable romance. Friends and family. He loved them. Those bonds were the only way he was capable of love. It was foolish to try anything more than that he’d never felt anything more than that. 

Grillby had him all figured out. He always had. OKAY, he responded. He took a shuddering breath then picked his hands up to sign. They shook more than he was expecting, trembling like leaves at the ends of his twig like arms, ‘I am so sorry for wasting everyone’s time. It appears things are over between Grillby and I.’ If that’s what Grillby wanted then who was he to deny his feelings?

Damn it, damn it, damn it, Grillby paced back and forth behind the bar like a tiger in a cage. His shoes smacked against the wooden floor as he took sweeping glances at his phone resting so uncaringly atop the counter. He hadn’t meant to hit send, he didn’t want to hit send, he wanted to talk to Gaster about disappearing first, now he seemed like a moody teenager. Over and over the thought crossed his mind to text him back that he sent that in error but it was out there now.

Finally, after what felt like an agonizing eternity his phone lit up. He pounced atop it eager to here Gaster’s counter but… the word ‘okay’ was displayed in caps lock instead. Okay? Okay! That was it? Everything they’d been working towards was over and all he could say was okay?! His flames blistered white as a deep rootted rage built in his chest. So he meant that little to him?

“Woah,” Justin held his hands up as he exited the backroom, “you uh… Got something on your mind?” Justin’s glasses were a sheet of white as they caught Grillby’s reflection in them. He needed to calm down, he knew that, but he couldn’t! His flames were a wicked storm across his form licking gently through his clothes to lash out against the whole world if they had to.

“I’m fine,” his voice was a snarl just short of a roar.

“Hey uh, I know I’m just your GM and you’re the owner but… Do you need the day off? I’m here, I’ll cover for you,” he slipped his hands in his pocket.

This human didn’t understand what he was looking at or he wouldn’t be so casual. He was an indestructible force of nature and right now he wanted nothing more than to return to his roots. Burn the whole bar down if he had to. He needed to do something to exert this toxicity billowing around him and harness it into-- something. “No,” he decided on finally, “I need to work.”

Fisher, one of his regulars, sauntered through the front door it only took a moment for the monster to cock his brow in confusion. If Fisher was coming in for the morning he just wanted something light to tie him over before he left for his construction job. A glass of juice, some mushy egg toast, and a few veggies. Easy enough he’d been doing this for years.

Grillby reached under the counter for a glass. In the short amount of time it took to place it atop the bar the glass shattered in his grip, the remains melted against his palm while he was left looking dumbfounded at the shards around the store. Right. He was too heated for glass at the moment. Stupid. He was always so stupid.

How long had Gaster known that his favorite book was at the intelligence level of a preschooler? That sentimental smile across his teeth had been mocking him. It wasn’t from affection at all, how could someone so smart find anything but amusement at that? 

Okay.

He said okay.

It was that easy for him to just throw him away. He laughed audibly but didn’t care. Of course it was that easy! Grillby was just a little toy soldier after all, you just tossed him out when you were done playing with him. The only good Eternal was one that obeyed. Well fine. He’d be the good little flame everyone wanted.

Gaster says it’s over. Okay. Gaster doesn’t even want to talk about it? Okay. Gaster thought he was a boring washed up unintelligent relic from a time gone by? Okay.

“Hey, B,” Justin put his hand on Grillby’s shoulder. Grillby immediately recoiled, no one should touch him when he’s angry, no one should even be near him, he’ll hurt them. Humans. Monsters. It didn’t matter! They shouldn’t touch him they shouldn’t-- 

In that second it took to blink something cold settled over his hearthstone and sunk straight down into his soul. Soot danced freely from him as he stared with his mouth agape at Justin, “Did… Did I hurt you?”

“No,” Justin showed him his hand, “I’m fine. You wouldn’t hurt me.”

He had no idea what hurt Grillby was capable of.

“Please B, even if it’s just the afternoon crowd I think you need to go home and rest a bit.”

Soot settled lazily atop the shattered glass, his flames dimmed from white, to yellow, to orange, and down into a dingy red, “You’re right.” He swallowed hard, “Yeah. If you need me I’ll be upstairs don’t hesitate to ask.” With a disheartening pop of the stitches he tore his bow tie off from his neck, “Sorry I’m leaving you with such a mess.”

“No worries B just take care of yourself okay?”

“Yeah.”

Even the late nighters had left the bar by the time he stood with a fit of butterflies in his ribs outside of the door. Deep inside he knew it was wrong of him to be here, to be so close, but… He couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t rest, and he’d grown tired of his cocoon of blankets. Gaster wrapped his hands around the door handle but could not muster the nerve to move it.

Ever since crawling out of that black pit he’d had to work exhaustively to balance between what had happened in the past and connecting with who his friends were in this new present. Seeing his friends, his sons, with the painful knowledge that everything he had built with them was gone had been more than crushing. Everyday any conversation was a constant game of chess against himself where he could only lose. 

So why did this hurt worse than that? Why did it feel like at any second his soul was going to dissolve into dust under the weight of fangs far stronger than he? His mind had proven incapable of thinking of anything else but that didn’t change it was Grillby that had been the one to call it off. He couldn’t deny Grillby’s feelings but every attempt to crush his own had been futile. 

The key turned to lock the door and Gaster tugged it open to come face to face with Justin. He blinked stepping back quickly in surprise, ‘J-U-S-T-I-N?’

“Ah man you’re a sight for sore eyes,” he rubbed his eyes whether for emphasis or actual exhaustion Gaster wasn’t sure. “It’s two a.m. what are you doing here?”

‘I could ask the same of you,’ Gaster signed quickly perhaps too quickly as Justin didn’t seem to piece the Hands together.

“It has been a very long day, so please, go upstairs and talk to him like an adult.”

‘I will,’ he signed but his ribs stuttered. Stars, he really didn’t want Grillby to be angry at him for showing up but he couldn’t just let it end like that. Of all the monsters, of all the friends, the family, the memories, Grillby was the only one that it didn’t really feel like he was starting over with. They tried the dating thing and maybe that voice in the back of Gaster’s head had been right all along that it was doomed from the start but he wasn’t about to lose his best friend.

With one last unsteady breath in his ribs he marched up the stairs to Grillby’s home above the bar but by the time he was staring down the door he had already lost his nerve. He’d promised thought hadn’t he? That he wasn’t the little skeleton that ran away anymore… He hadn’t been that monster for a long time. Before his strength could leave him again he knocked on the door twice.

There was some fumbling on the other side of the door before it opened to a swirling mess of hot reds and purples. A pungent bitter fruit smell wafted through the air as wide white flecks studied his face, a deep orange line cut across his face, “Okay,” he practically giggled. 

‘You’ve been drinking?’ Gaster raised a brow.

“Wine, it’s classy,” he gestured vaguely to the living room as if inviting him over to it but he just leaned against the half wall that framed the entryway.

‘Why don’t you burn some of that out of your system?’ Why was Grillby so upset? He was the one that sent the text. Still, he found it difficult to be angry, if there was anything Gaster could sympathize with it was being sloppy drunk.

“Why didn’t you fight at all? You just,” he gestured in what might have been an attempt at hands, “said Okay. You didn’t even care.” He leaned heavily to Gaster who wrapped his arms around him and carefully maneuvered the door shut behind them. “Why didn’t you care?”

‘I--’ He tried to sign but his arms were full of churning flames and he had a sneaking suspicion that was done on purpose. With a painful familiarity he pushed his shoulder further under Grillby’s to force him to lean against him. The two stumbled their way onto the living room couch where Grillby splayed his arms across the bad and swung his legs wide. For a moment Gaster wondered if he passed out but the large white flecks returned tainted with a bit more yellow than he thought.

“So? Do I not matter to you?”

‘What? No! Grillby you are and have always been one of the most important monsters in my life!’

“Then why did you say okay?” He batted away at the tears that were floating about his glasses.

‘I thought-- it sounded like you were done, I wanted to respect your feelings! Breaking up is the opposite of what I want but if that’s what you wanted I wasn’t going to fight about it.’

“Why not? If you wanted to stay together, why didn’t you say so?”

‘Because,’ he tapped his fingers together, ‘I’m not supposed to… that is that I don’t… I stole so much from everyone I don’t really… I shouldn’t be,” he rubbed at his sockets as his teeth started to chatter. He didn’t deserve to be happy. Straight down to his soul he knew this but he couldn’t help hoping, he couldn’t help dreaming, and knowing this just made it so much easier to accept whatever ill came his way. 

A warm violet and orange arm wrapped around him then lead him to another one. Pressed firmly against Grillby’s chest he felt so safe, so warm, and so stupidly happy. He pressed his fingers against Grillby’s shoulder blades as if he could compress himself into the rolling flames. “I love you Gaster, I love you so much, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to send that to you I was just angry.”

‘You deserve to be,’ he still wasn’t sure what Grillby was upset about but he had no doubt he had every right to whatever emotion he wanted to feel.

“No! I wanted to talk! I wanted to work through it like we’re supposed to,” he squeezed tight enough for Gaster’s back to pop, “I hit the wrong button. Then you said okay and… I didn’t want to talk anymore.”

‘That’s okay I forgive you,’ he looked him in the eye, ‘do you forgive me?’

“Of course! A thousand times over! I shouldn’t have put you in that position at all!”

‘And I shouldn’t have--’ Well, he probably shouldn’t apologize if he didn’t know what it was for. ‘Let’s talk,’ he leaned back and held Grillby’s hands tight to his chest while a pair of hand bullets finished his thoughts: ‘let’s talk about anything and everything.’

“So you still like me?” Grillby’s voice was just short of a whimper.

Gaster smiled softly then pressed a kiss to his temple, ‘I love you.’ He said it, maybe not as grandly as he wanted but he finally told him exactly how he was feeling. If anything this whole ordeal had merely confirmed for him how true the statement was. 

“You love me?” His flames stoked into their usual orange and yellows as he sat up proper.

‘I love you with everything I am.’

Grillby lunged forward in a crippling bear hug that sent both of them squealing to the floor where they laughed in the face of everything they’d been feeling. Their laughs were infectious to one another and it seemed everytime one stopped the other just started up again. They could talk later but for now, this was what they needed.