#Gabriel bullying Aziraphale has never moved me but Gabriel bullying Crowley is very funny

[winepresswrath]

My dearest and most ardent hope for season three is for Gabriel to learn what a pick me is specifically so he can call Crowley a pick me. I like to imagine that Shax does not know what a pickme is but has watched Grey's Anatomy so she can chime in with a sarcastic "oooohhh pick me choose me love me" at the crucial moment.

[the-bentley]

Fall of a Serpent (G)

Read on AO3

Although they don’t remember it, Aziraphale and Crowley met before their fateful encounter in the Garden of Eden.

The little golden-white mouse with blue eyes scampered along the tree, not paying any attention to anything other than keeping his tiny feet balanced on its twisting branch, eventually running headlong into the snout of a green tree snake coiled there.  The surprised snake reared with a hiss.

“Hey!  Watch it!”  

The mouse backed off in a hurry, sitting up on his haunches to wave his front paws in apology.  The mouse backed off in a hurry. “Sorry.  I was too busy exploring.  I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going.”

“So I noticed,” the snake replied, yawning.  “Who are you?”

“Aziraphale.  What’s your name?”

“Everyone just calls me Crawly.  Of all the animal forms the Almighty could have given me, she made mine a snake.  I don’t care.  I don’t really like my given name,” the serpent-shaped angel replied. He stared down at a toad and a chameleon having a discussion by the trunk of the tree and said rather loudly. “But at least She didn’t make me a stupid frog.”

The amphibian in question glared up at him.  “Ha ha, how funny.  I’m a toad, you idiot.  But joke all you want, Crawly.  At least I have opposable thumbs.”

The chameleon laughed.

“We all do in our natural forms.  Now who’s the idiot?” Crawly called back.  To Aziraphale he said, “You’ll have to excuse those two.  Apparently there weren’t enough brains to go around by the time She made them.  So what brings you to the Garden?  I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”

All the angels were encouraged to visit the Garden in animal form.  The Almighty planned to one day fill it with real animals and something called “humans,” and She wanted her angels to be able to help her keep an eye on her new creations while incognito so not to frighten them with their true forms. Aziraphale didn’t quite understand why their angelic forms would scare these new humans, but he didn’t question God. That was not his place.

“Just exploring like we were supposed to.  Usually I’m in the Archives helping out by creating new scrolls.  It’s my job to help write down our history.”

The toad and the chameleon had moved on.  Crawly uncoiled himself, hanging headfirst off the branch.  Aziraphale watched him, whiskers wiggling.  “I was out making stars until there were enough of those, then we all got put on other duties.  I create plants for here now.  But I need to go bask.  Stupid cold-blooded form.  Want to come?”

“Some time in the sun does sound lovely,” said the mouse.  He delicately scampered down the tree trunk to the soft grass below.

Crawly just let go of the branch and crashed to the ground in a pile of coils. “The lazy way,” he said with as much of a grin as a snake could give.  “Don’t tell anyone how ungraceful I really am, ok?”

“I won’t.”

They headed towards a rock, coming across a grey and lilac peacock preening his feathers along the way. The peacock glared at them as they passed. Aziraphale ignored him, scampering ahead, but Crawly paused, glaring back.

“Don’t you have anything better to do with your time, Gabe?” he hissed.  “Ruin any more of my plants and I’ll bite you.  Again.”

The peacock pointedly snubbed him.  Gabriel, as one of the Archangels, thought himself above just another plant-creating Virtue.  He started up a conversation with his friend Sandalphon, who was currently a chimp and had just strolled over from observing those working on the waterfall.

Sandalphon wasn’t about to take the barb at his friend lying down, though.  He grabbed a nearby clump of flowers and ripped it out of the ground with a sneer. “I’m destroying your creations, Crawly.  What are you going to do about it?”

“Actually Aniel created those.  She’s not going to be happy with you,” Crawly laughed, showing off fangs that made Sandalphon think twice about approaching him.  “Why don’t you go pick fleas off of someone before the Almighty gets angry at you for messing up Her Garden?”

Aziraphale was waiting for him over by the rock, which was far enough away from the others they weren’t going to be bothered.  Gabriel wasn’t one to pick fights he couldn’t win and Sandalphon wouldn’t mess with the snake, either. They had discovered very quickly they weren’t immune to Crawly’s venom in either animal or angel form.  Raphael would just lecture him again for not remembering his rank and turning the other cheek when he sought him out for healing.

“Why do you taunt them?” asked the mouse when the snake finally curled himself up on the rock with a contented sigh.

“Gabriel actively destroyed my creations when he was able to get away with it and Sandalphon bullies everyone he comes in contact with,” Crawly replied. “They don’t mess with me much anymore now that I’ve tagged them a couple of times.  God made me venomous.  Nobody wants to go running to Raphael saying how they were bitten yet again.”

“We’re angels.  You’d think we could all act like it.”

“It doesn’t seem to work that way.  They find the different one and pick on them.  Unfortunately, that’s me a lot of the time,” the snake said bitterly. “Twenty million angels and I’m the only one with red hair.  What was God thinking?”

“She must have Her reasons,” Aziraphale groomed himself, smoothing down the hair on his back, scrubbing those little mouse ears.  “But maybe that’s also why she made you venomous.”

“If you get hot, just sit in the shade of my coils,” offered Crawly.  “I won’t bite you.  You’re one of the few who’s actually been friendly to me.”

“Oh.  Thank you.”  Aziraphale saw no point in being mean to anyone.  He took his role as a being of love very seriously.

They sat for a long time in companionable silence, breaking it occasionally with small talk until night fell and it was time to transform back to angel form to return to Heaven. Uncoiling, Crawly reared up, changing into a tall thin angel wearing an emerald green robe that complimented his long curly deep red hair.  His eyes were a golden amber colour set in a long face with well-defined cheekbones and an aquiline nose.

He curiously watched the mouse transform into a slightly plump angel with a round face, button nose and beautiful blue eyes the exact colour of the sky on the sunniest of days. All of it was surrounded by a cloud of curly white-blond hair kept short in an attempt to tame it.  His robes were of a sky blue that exactly matched those eyes.

Crawly felt his heart stir.  “Shall we?”

Unfurling white wings, they lifted off, heading for Heaven.  Crawly, showing off, did a few tricks as they flew, laughing at the freedom flight provided him. Aziraphale flew carefully and with little grace, but watched his companion with shining eyes.  Unfortunately the flight was short and they soon passed into the ethereal plane, landing at the edge of Heaven.  

“Well,” said Crawly, a bit embarrassed upon realizing how much of a show-off he was being.  “I should get back to the test gardens.  I got some ideas I want to try out.  Why should trees grow all the fruit?  Why not bushes?  It’ll be easier to reach.”

“That sounds like a grand idea,” replied Aziraphale with a shy smile.  “I’ve got some cataloguing to do myself.  Maybe I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.  I hope I do catch you around sometime.”  He really meant it.  Those sky blue eyes and that blond hair were really quite fetching and he had never seen hair so light.  There were some dark sandy blonds out there, but no angel he had encountered until Aziraphale had hair that bordered on white.  

He took to coiling up in the same tree every time he was in the Garden in snake form hoping he’d see the mouse angel again because suddenly the thought of having an actual friend rather than just acquaintances was very appealing.  He got along well with his fellow star makers and later the plant crew, but they weren’t friends.

If Time had existed, a week would have passed before his patience paid off.

“Hello again,” he said to the blue-eyed mouse who had scampered up the tree’s trunk to the branch he had met Crawly on, pleasantly surprised to see him there.

A hawk flew over, turning quickly on its tail to land in the tree with them.  Stern almost colourless eyes stared down both of them, Aziraphale looking away quickly to nervously groom.  Crawly, having the advantage with his snake form, easily stared down the hawk. Hawks eventually had to blink.

“What do you want, Michael?” he asked.

“I have my eye on you. Rumour has it you’re asking too many questions. There’s unrest in Heaven and I hope you know what side you’re on.”  She launched herself into the air again.

“Unrest?  I hadn’t heard,” said the sheltered Aziraphale.

“Yeah.  Lucifer’s thinking of starting a revolution.  Says he doesn’t like following God’s rules anymore,” Crawly shrugged the best a beast without shoulders could.  “I just wanted to know what he was up to.  I wonder about the Great Plan sometimes.  I just . . . have questions why everything has to be all planned out. What’s the point if you know how the story’s going to end?”

“Don’t say such things! You could get into so much trouble!” chided Aziraphale. “It is not our place to question Her Plans.”

“Let’s talk about things other than the Plan.  How did you not know what’s going on around here?”

“Umm, I don’t get out much. I like the Archives.  I read a lot about what’s happened in other parts of Heaven and the bits of the Plan God has let be known,” Aziraphale replied, his whiskers twitching excitedly.  “I’m a Principality. It’s going to be my job to pass on knowledge to the humans.  All of us Principalities are holed up studying all we can so we don’t fail them.”

“Why?  There’s more to life than reading.”  Crawly cocked his head to one side. “Don’t you learn things getting out there and doing stuff?”

“Well, somewhat, but . . .”

“Then let’s do some stuff.”  The snake uncoiled and started to slither off down the tree trunk.

He taught Aziraphale what he knew about the Garden.  He showed him interesting plants, pointed out clouds in the shapes of the flora and fauna that had been created, instructed him to close his eyes and really feel the breeze and what his sensitive mouse nose could pick up about it.  

“Live, Aziraphale. Gather knowledge this way, too,” Crawly said.  He had slithered up to a creek.  “Here. Feel it.”

Aziraphale dipped a paw it. “It’s cold.  And my paw feels different now.”   He pulled it out, noticing it was wet.  “Interesting.  So that’s what wet is?  I knew the word but not the application.  Nothing in Heaven is wet.”

Crawly nodded. “Welcome to the world.  This is so much more to learn about down here.  And yet they get angry when I want to know more.” His tongue lazily flicked out.

Aziraphale’s ear twitched as he became uncomfortable.  “Well, maybe there are some things we aren’t meant to know.”

Crawly dropped the subject. Instead they found a wonderfully sunny spot for him to bask in while Aziraphale rested in the shade of his coils. Content, they spoke of the humans to come and the newly created world just waiting for them, wondering what these new beings would be like.  Crawly expressed his hopes and desires for them and Earth.

“I think I want to be stationed down here,” he said.  “It’s more exciting than Heaven.”

“Mmm,” replied Aziraphale, not wanting to commit to any desire for himself, even though he found Earth interesting.  He was an angel.  His job was to do as he was told.

He allowed Crawly to talk about his budding love for Earth, happy to listen without voicing his own opinion.  He really didn’t have much of one.  He had duties to attend to and that was that.  It didn’t matter what he, or any of them, thought about Earth, Heaven or humans. They would be assigned tasks and expected to carry them out without question.  That is how the Plan would run smoothly.

Later, they returned as night fell on the Garden.  Standing there alone at the edge of Heaven in angelic form, Aziraphale found himself liking Crawly even more.  The feeling was not one he could put his finger on but something about Crawly’s smile made his soul feeling even happier.

The snake angel must have felt the same thing.  He grinned sheepishly at Aziraphale as he played with a lock of his hair.  Suddenly he was placing his lips on Aziraphale’s cheek before he blushed a red to rival those spiral curls of his. He fled before the Principality could react or even say anything.

“Crawly?” he blurted out to the thin air.

 ~*~*~

 Near by, God watched them both sadly.  The time was rapidly approaching when the two who were bonding would be separated.  But all this had to happen.  They were to be Her champions.  The ones who set everything in motion.  The domino effect they started together would give the future Antichrist the free will and upbringing needed to make his own choices about Earth’s fate instead of following a script.  It was cruel, but it was the only way the world had a chance to be saved.  

 ~*~*~

 It came to pass that Michael and her army cast Lucifer and his off into the Pit. Those who were on the fence about sides found themselves rounded up and imprisoned.  They awaited their trials where it would be decided if they were loyal to Heaven or enough of a threat they needed to be cast out as well.

Crawly sat in a cell, awaiting his fate for continuing to ask questions.  He looked down at his own shackled hands, wishing now he had kept his curiosity to himself.

Aziraphale found himself escorted to an interrogation room where Michael asked him questions.  He sat as still as possible on his chair while she paced around the table in front of him.  Slamming her hand down on the top of it, she startled him.

“Did you know what Crawly was up to?” she asked quietly.

“No.  I just knew he asked a few questions.  I told him that was not a wise idea and he never mentioned another thing to me about it.”  Aziraphale trembled as he answered.  Was he going to be tried?  Was he going to Fall?  And what about Crawly?  How much trouble was he in?  Would he ever see him again?

“To be honest, I believe you.  You’re just a scribe.  None of you are capable of really doing anything rebellious.  Scrollworms, the lot of you,” replied Michael. “Go back to your Archives, Principality Aziraphale. You’re confined there until all this is over.”

So there Aziraphale stayed until Heaven was secure again.  He kept himself busy reading and transcribing news brought in by other angels for history’s sake.  But Crawly’s fate remained a mystery to him.  He resigned himself to his duties trying not to think about his friend. What happened to him would remain a mystery for Aziraphale had learned not to ask questions.

Little did he know that Crawly was put on trial, found guilty of being a skeptic and considered too dangerous to keep in Heaven.  He was taken to the edge of Heaven at sword and spear point where he was told by his armed guards to keep walking because he was no longer a citizen of Heaven. Swallowing his fear, he sauntered nonchalantly off the edge as if leaving was no big deal.  He managed to hold in his screams of pain as he flamed downward like meteor towards the Pit until he was out of earshot.

 ~*~*~

 Tears in Her eyes, God performed one last act of mercy for them.  Reaching out, she touched both of them, making them forget about each other but leaving their bond in place – dormant, disremembered, waiting for them to reunite.  It would be an invisible foundation on which their rekindled friendship would grow as they once again got to know each other even though they would never recognize they once were friends in Heaven.  Finally, She blessed them both.  They had a long road ahead.  Every little bit helped.

She then went to Gabriel. “Aziraphale is to guard the Garden of Eden.”

“I will assign him there, Lord,” replied Gabriel, thinking the Principality was an odd choice.  But he knew better than to ask Her why. Questions only got you into trouble; the Plan did not suffer skeptics.  The only problem with that line of thinking was it came from angels themselves, not the Almighty, and such blind devotion to the Great Plan would almost destroy Her Creations.

 ~*~*~

 It would start again in the Garden where a mouse once met a snake, beginning a journey that ultimately would end in the two of them finally getting their long-deserved reward – the freedom to love each other and stay together on the Earth they adored almost as much as each other.  

Aziraphale currently stood on the eastern wall of Eden watching sorrowfully as Adam and Eve headed off into the unknown with his flaming sword.  Clouds gathered on the horizon and it looked like rain was coming. Still he stood and watched.  It was the least he could do after he failed in his mission to guard the Tree.

He should have been frightened when the Serpent slithered up to him, transforming into a demon, but he wasn’t at all.  And oddly enough, from the demon’s point of view, he felt comfortable addressing this angel, his enemy.  So they talked, building on a bond that was begun in more idyllic times; one that would carry them through many trials, triumphs and would slowly blossom over thousands of years from a friendship to an outright love that defied the odds. Little did they know how that bond had started or that what began with a mouse colliding into a snake would last for eternity.