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#GUYS I FOUND THE TIANA ESSAY
masterhallmark · 6 months
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Rant incoming
I feel like the problem with a lot of Disney's live action remakes (and arguably Wish) is they're trying to appeal to a crowd that no longer exists, namely the people who used to claim that the Disney Princesses were sexist.
All the interviews tend to include, "Well she's not chasing a MAN anymore" which...almost no one sees the princesses like that, anymore. Virtually NO ONE still believes the princesses are man-chasing sexist caricatures of women.
Cinderella is now hailed as an abuse victim who stayed strong long enough to get help to get out of her situation. Anyone who says she should have saved herself is basically regarded as a victim blamer. And it's very clear in the film she wasn't looking to marry the prince, she just wanted a night off. She was the only one who wasn't in line to meet him. She didn't find out she met the prince until he went looking for her!
Snow White is now hailed for her negotiation skills, ability to calm down after extreme stress (she had a moment of panic and had to cry for a bit, but who wouldn't after finding out The Queen hired someone to kill you?), and ability to take charge of a house of adult men. And again, she was an abuse victim, this time trying to escape ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS. While she dreamed of her prince, it was secondary to her main goal of SURVIVAL. There are also entire video essays about how Snow White gave hope to people during The Great Depression.
Everyone acknowledges that Ariel wanted to be human BEFORE meeting Eric. We all know she was a nerd hyperfixating on humans, and also standing up to her prejudiced father.
We understand Sleeping Beauty wasn't the main character, the Three Good Fairies were, AND PHILLIP WOULD NEVER HAVE BEATEN MALEFICENT WITHOUT THEM! He literally depended on them! WOMEN SAVED THE DAY! But even then, is it really such a sin for a girl to fantasize about romance and fall for someone with corny pickup lines?
We all understand Jasmine just wanted someone to treat her LIKE A PERSON. She rejected every Prince before Aladdin because they treated her like a prize. So why did they need her to want to be Sultan? How did that make her more feminist when she already wanted to be treated like an equal and have a say in her future? Is it only empowering if you want a career in politics?
We admire that Belle, despite living in a judgemental village, was kind to everyone (even though she found the village life dull), and her story teaches girls that the guy everyone else loves isn't always a good guy. What's sexist about teaching girls about red flags? And she didn't start being nice to The Beast until he started treating her with respect and kindness.
Do I really NEED to defend Mulan or Tiana? I think they speak for themselves.
Rapunzel was yet another abuse victim who just needed a little help to get out of her bad situation. In this case, she also needed to learn that she was an abuse victim, and that what Mother Gothel did WASN'T normal, much like many victims of gaslighting.
And don't get me started on the non-princess animals.
Perdita had a healthy relationship with Pongo to the point she was open to express her pregnancy fears to him, and was ready to TEAR APART Cruella's goons for daring to touch her puppies as well as adopting the other puppies. Like, she was so ferocious the goons mistook her for a hyena! She's basically that "I AM THAT GIRL'S MOTHER!" scene from SpyXFamily if Yor were a dog. She and her husband were a TEAM.....but they made a Cruella live action to turn her into a girlboss?! The literal animal abuser!? THAT'S the woman you wanted to put on a pedestal when Perdita was RIGHT THERE!?
Duchess kept her kittens calm after they had been catnapped and was classy as heck. Nice to everyone regardless of social class during a time period where that was uncommon.
Lady stood up to Tramp when she believed he had abandoned her and didn't really care about her. She found out he was a heartbreaker and was like, "Nuh uh. No. You are not doing that to me! You put me through enough."
Miss Bianca from The Rescuers was IN CHARGE the whole movie, and was willing to risk life and limb to save an innocent child. THAT TINY MOUSE TOOK ON ALLIGATORS! And she picked Bernard to accompany her because he was the only one who wasn't ogling her. And then in the sequel SHE DID IT ALL AGAIN! I wish I were as brave as her.
Like, the public haven't accused these ladies of being sexist caricatures since 2014 (Actresses and actors don't count, they're out of touch like the rest of Hollywood) yet Disney is operating under the assumption that the public still thinks that way, hence all the "sHe'S nOt AfTeR a MaN iN ThIs VeRsIOn" talk.
The live action remakes are trying to attract an audience that doesn't really exist much, anymore, and back when it did exist, was comprised mainly of people who didn't actually watch the films. The Disney princesses are no longer seen as sexist, and feminine qualities are no longer seen as weak or undesirable.
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lincnok · 4 years
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Disney Princesses are all excellent role models
Nowadays, we see something called the feminist movement, something that was born to empower young women, and equalize society, a noble cause; now it is nothing like it’s original goal, and some even bash more feminine, or soft spoken women in the fictional media. I have seen many ‘feminists’ go off about how earlier princesses, like Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora and Ariel are all ‘weak’ and are ‘unfit to be role models for young girls’ whilst princesses like Moana and Elsa are praised for their ‘empowerment’. In all of these events, both on the opposite sides of the spectrum, there is barely ever any space for the girls in the middle like Tiana and Pocahontas. Whilst these characters aren’t recognized, some get bashed, and others praised above the rest, which is unfair as they are all excellent role models and here’s why.
(I’m gonna start from the first movie cuz I find it easier that way)
Snow White:
This princess is overlooked and consistently talked about as weaker and ‘less than’, when in actuality, she is as strong a role model as any other. Even in the face of death, she is kind-hearted and care-free, choosing to clean the dwarves home, and never saying one bad word about her step mother. Yes, she did open the door to a stranger and eat the apple, but she was fourteen, and in the original story, had been living with the dwarves for two years, essentially leaving her ‘sheltered’. She lived in the middle of the forest with a group of tiny men for God’s sake, do you really think she would understand the no strangers rule? And even then, eating the apple was something she did out of politeness, rather than stupidity. It was her innocence taken advantage of that got her poisoned, not stupidity or weakness. She is a positive role model because she was able to stay level-headed, polite and innocent, even under severe pressure.
Cinderella:
Now in her story, she is claimed as weak because, in some people’s eyes, she did nothing in the face of abuse. Is that true? Absolutely! But not because she is weak, but because she is strong enough to know when not to fight. She cried and had bad days, but still chose to do the things she was asked in order for things to remain peaceful. She worked hard to achieve what she wanted. When she was told she had to do all her chores and more in one afternoon to go to the ball, she did, and made a dress on top of that. She would’ve gone to the ball anyway if it were not for her step-family’s spite, all she need the fairy godmother for was a change of clothes and a ride. She was honest and hard working, unbending even in the face of abuse and pain, something all girls should aspire to be.
Aurora:
This is the one that gets the worst media, as she had little lines and screen time and ‘slept through her whole movie’. But in all honesty, the girl lived in the forest with three fighting fairies, who did little to help with education and knowledge of the outside world, keeping her as sheltered as possible. She was happy and loveable, with a definite affinity for singing, something she did on the regular. Of course, we don’t get to see much of her personality there, but I’d like to say that she was something of a carefree spirit, happy and optimistic, trying her best to keep others happy too. She was a little boy crazy, yes, but she was fifteen, and Prince Phillip was the first man she had ever seen, so you can’t really blame her for her fascination with him. She had no idea about a curse, and if something possesses you, you don’t really have anything to do about it, and you can’t do anything if you’re asleep for one hundred years. But she kept herself happy and cheerful even in loneliness, as the prince was not only the first male she’d seen but also the first human she’d seen since she was a baby, and yet she was obviously happy, jubilant enough to sing for hours in the forest, despite being alone for most of her life. Happiness can be found in the even in the loneliest of places and that is what Aurora teaches us.
Ariel:
This girl gets bad media too because of her choice at the end of the film. Through out the film, she is presented as a curious soul, wanting to find out how the humans lived, collecting the trinkets and items from the shipwrecks said humans left. She did go too far in her curiosity, though, signing her voice away for legs. But she was eager to learn, and that is something all girls should aim to be. As I said before, she is bashed for making the decision to stay on land and get married, rather than going back home, but that is a very common thing to do, more common that people think. If a girl falls in love with someone in another country, she has every right to stay there with him, and thus Ariel shouldn’t be penalized for something so common and accepted. Her family didn’t condemn her, they came to her wedding and were happy for her. She chose her happiness over cultural norms, and that kind of confidence is something we should all aim to have.
Belle:
Belle isn’t bashed so much as diagnosed, and I feel like that isn’t right to do. I’m not saying that it isn’t true, but there is so much that is ignored about Belle’s story that should be mentioned. Like the fact that she is educated. This is something that was very rare in the time period in which she lived, and she definitely needs to get more recognition because of that. In an essay I read, it was said that she would be the equivalent of the village’s ‘IT guy’ and that is exactly right. When she rejected Gaston, she never said a bad word about him, nor wrote off his affections or was rude, she simply declined, which is something that should be respected and applauded rather than bought down. There is also the fact that she is quite feminine in appearance and picks a decidedly feminine dress despite being raised by a single father, which is a detail I rather liked, as it lets Belle be on both sides of the spectrum, being able to expertly communicate with her male friends, whilst also being ‘girly’ with her female friends, and thus makes her a well rounded character. Her falling in love with the Beast, may have well been a psychological disorder, but it wasn’t like her feelings weren’t reciprocated. And she wasn’t kidnapped. Kidnapping is abduction, meaning that you are taken or held somewhere against your will. She chose to stay. And it wasn’t like she was held in particularly bad conditions, the only condition was that she couldn’t leave. Yes, she was provided an ultimatum, but she chose to stay. And then made the best out of it. The falling in love was a side effect. Belle was educated, but not arrogant, kind and humble, polite and feminine, and those traits are wonderful, and make the princess an incredible role model.
Jasmine:
Jasmine is one of those princesses who is forgotten about, but I’ve come here today to let you know she is an absolute girlboss. In her movie, she was the crown princess, and her family ‘needed’ her to marry so that they could have a king and her dad could retire. But she wanted to marry for love instead of just political power and wealth and thus turned all her suitors away. This meant that she never gained any of the rights she would get if married and had to live in the palace for the rest of her life until she found ‘the one’. And if you pay attention, you’ll realize that Jasmine  was the ruling monarch because Jasmine was royalty and Aladdin was not. She was also only 17 when she became queen, which makes her queendom so much more impactful. Her little outing one the outside gave her that little bit of compassion that she would’ve needed to become a great sultan. She may not have been a warrior, but in terms of political prowess, she was one of the most powerful. She is the ruler that girls should want to look up to and follow, a role model to her community as well as her audience.
Pocahontas:
I don’t really know much about her, but I know enough to say this. In the film (not real life), she made the opposite decision to Ariel, and chose to stay with her tribe rather than stay the man she loved. That was a brave decision, and the fact that she made it in the face of pressure is to be admired.
Mulan:
Ah, yes. The great feminist icon. But the one who gets condemned for having a prince. Yes, she was a great warrior, and yes, she was professional, but that all doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to find love. She can be all those things and still be a mother and a wife, they don’t have to go separately. And, you know what? The fact that she had a prince just made it all the more inspiring, because thats what the #MeToo movement should be about, embracing all kinds of women, and not separating the roles of mother and wife from the roles of leader and independent. Having a husband doesn’t make you any less, and that, among other lessons, is what Mulan teaches us.
Tiana:
Tia should get about as much hype as Mulan, but in reality, she doesn’t. She is very much forgotten about other than the fact that she is black. Her story isn’t about ‘conquering racism’ or anything attributed mainly to ‘black media’, but instead is about a working girl, doing just that, working. She worked hard to achieve her goal, and not once did she even try to take a short cut. She found love along the way, made some friends and lost some friends, impacted some friends for the better, and achieved her goal, no short cuts and a whole lotta jazz music. That’s what the Princess and the Frog is about, working hard to achieve your dreams. That sentiment is something everyone should learn, and the fact that that’s a black girl up there being that role model for us just makes it even better.
Rapunzel:
Rapunzel, the queen of self-isolation. But despite that, she was always happy and optimistic, which is something us cynics could stand to learn about. She was curious, but had some common sense. She was probably the most organized out of all the Disney princesses, as she had a set schedule for everything. She was probably the most artistically gifted as well. She definitely not stupid, but instead innocent and gullible, but capable of defending herself and running a good negotiation. She could’ve been a lawyer! She was a perfect example of someone talented using their talents to better the people and that’s what makes her someone to look up to.
Merida:
Another warrior, except this time, set in Scotland without a prince. You guys know the story. Bought up in a home where all she was expected to do was get married and have kids, Merida yearned to be outside with her bow and arrow, but instead was told no. Eventually, tired of the pressure, she goes to a witch to get a charm to make make her mother more lenient. Instead, the charm turns her mother into a bear, and turns her curious little brothers into bear cubs. The race is on for Merida to get the cure before it is too late. She successfully cures her mother and brothers, fights the evil Mor’du and comes to appreciate her mother more. This little family story shows a headstrong girl getting love and affection from her family without condescending, and the best interests at heart. She sets of to fix her own mistake, something still not really shown in media. She teaches girls to love their family even when you don’t agree, stand up for themselves, take responsibility for their actions and try their best to fix their mistakes.
Elsa: 
I’ll start with her because this list is oldest to youngest. Another Princess without a Prince, she’s actually a queen for most of the movie, and isn’t even the mainest main character. She still teaches girls something. With her headstrong character, she was morally sound despite dealing with an immense feeling of self-hatred and fear. Only when she really broke did she ever intend to hurt anyone. She shows you how to be yourself in spite of the of the danger. She is brave and strong, with powerful abilities and love for her sister.
Anna:
Anna isn’t in the spotlight as much as Elsa was, seemingly naïve and gullible. Except, you have to realize that Anna is that she was left literally alone for God knows how long. Hans was the first person she’d met and liked who didn’t leave her alone. She liked him a lot, and it is believable that she would’ve said yes to Hans when he proposed. But still, as the story went on she became more mature, but didn’t lose her childlike spirit. She teaches us to go to the ends of the Earth for the ones you love, but to not be a push-over. To stand firm in the face of danger, but to not be reckless. Anna teaches us what true love is.
Moana:
“If I go there’s just no telling how far I go!” Moana is an adventurous soul, unafraid of nonconformity, and in love with the great unknown. She falls in love with the sea, and, even though she is prohibited, follows her dreams. She is the picture of determination and willingness to go out into the unknown, and she isn’t afraid to be herself, even amidst hardships, rejection and danger. Such a sprit is something to admire and aspire to have.
Every last one of the girls on my list is a role model and I hope you now understand why. So don’t look down on a little girl when she says her favorite princess is Cinderella. Don’t cuss out the little black girl who says she wants to be Snow White for Halloween even when there’s a princess that looks like you or vice versa. Don’t roll your eyes at the girl who says she likes Anna better than Elsa, or she wants to be a queen like Jasmine. Don’t hate on these characters because of circumstances they couldn’t control or because they’re not like you, because every single one of them is and can be a role model to a little girl, they all just cater to different types. Yes, the Disney princess line isn’t all representing, and many of these tales are taken out of context or made more light hearted, but no matter what the story is, these girls are their own characters and we should respect that, and everyones opinions on them.
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Aight, I’m out.
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newstfionline · 7 years
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Can Techie Parents Reinvent School For Everyone—Or Just Their Rich Kids?
By Ainsley Harris, Fast Company, Sept. 11, 2017
Six-year-old Tiana had just gotten her ice cream machine working for the first time, and she was triumphant. Wrapped in hot pink decorations and duct tape, the device was now capable of churning out flavors that the young scientist planned to dub “Mint Speshel” and “Tiana’s Dlitght.”
Eyes wide, Tiana turned to her teacher, Shira Leibowitz.
“Shira, this is the most important day of my career,” she declared.
Leibowitz, a founding team member of startup Portfolio School in Manhattan’s Tribeca neighborhood, recalls that story with a laugh. Portfolio School has been designed to look and operate more like the workplace of the future than the classroom of today, but no one expected students to internalize that approach quite so literally.
“They view themselves as working,” says Leibowitz, who has a doctorate in education. “They’re never learning something because one day they’ll need it, they’re learning something because they need it right now.”
As in a modern office, a typical day at Portfolio School revolves around individualized goals and collaborative, interdisciplinary projects. Tiana’s ice cream machine was the culmination of a unit called “learning is delicious,” which ran the course of the fall 2017 semester. As students explored that theme and built their machines, they learned about science (states of matter), math (measurement), and history (the commercialization of ice). When I first visited the school one morning last October, Tiana had just produced a trial batch of mint ice cream and proudly shared a bowl with me.
Portfolio School is at the vanguard of a movement of startup schools seeking to foster learning experiences, like Tiana’s, that map to the jobs of the future. Many are “micro-schools,” where students of different ages occupy a single multi-purpose space. Many are based on the Montessori method, which emphasizes curiosity and guided choice. And nearly all of these startup schools aim to personalize learning by using technology to deliver individualized lessons alongside group activities.
Perhaps it should come as no surprise that the founders of this new wave of schools are often former technology executives who have started families. In their previous roles they ushered in a new way of working, now prized across industries, which values collaboration, creativity, and iteration. They look at traditional school, with its textbooks and lock-step progressions, and see the need for revolution.
Portfolio School cofounder and CEO Babur Habib fits that profile exactly. He grew up in Pakistan, where he attended public schools, and moved to the U.S. to pursue his PhD in engineering. (He and cofounder Doug Schachtel, who manages operations, met on the squash courts at Princeton, where Habib earned a doctorate in engineering.) Early in his career, Habib designed and debugged microprocessors. Later, he cofounded an education company that was eventually acquired by Intel in 2014. After the deal closed, Habib spent a year managing the integration. Around the same time, his daughter Sophia was born.
“That was the eye opener,” he says of his stint developing educational mobile and tablet applications at the hardware processor. “I visited so many schools, talked to so many administrators.” Over time he grew to share school leaders’ frustrations. Constraints, like classroom design, limited their ability to experiment with technology.
“There’s so much room to reimagine this stuff,” says Habib. “If things are changing in the real world, why aren’t they changing in schools?”
Other parent-technologists have arrived at a similar conclusion.
In the heart of Silicon Valley, Khan Academy founder Sal Khan established a complementary lab school that he describes as “Montessori 2.0.,” infused with the type of video-based math lessons that Khan Academy has popularized since 2007. Across the country, former Google executive Sep Kamvar created Wildflower Montessori, which launched as a storefront school in Cambridge, Massachusetts, in 2014, and has since added nearly a dozen locations. And then there is AltSchool, a network of micro-schools that is the brainchild of another former Google executive, Max Ventilla. He has managed to recruit an executive team that includes parent-leaders from Airbnb, Uber, and Zynga.
“‘I want something better for my child’--that’s what’s motivating a lot of these high-tech entrepreneurs,” says Tony Wagner, a former teacher who now serves as an expert in residence at Harvard’s Innovation Lab.
Wagner, who advises Portfolio School, sees the growing interest in startup schools as both a reaction against the dominance of test-prep pedagogical regimes and an embrace of the knowledge and skills that future jobs will likely reward.
“The big leap we’re trying to make is moving away from content standards to performance standards,” Wagner explains. “Can you use knowledge, can you apply knowledge?” Demonstrating mastery of chemistry, in this line of thinking, would involve designing a study and presenting the findings, rather than memorizing the periodic table.
“Content is not as important anymore. Content is in our back pockets, literally,” Habib says, gesturing toward his iPhone. “Whatever knowledge you’ve gained, how do you apply it? That is the central thesis of this school. We feel that the creative process of taking an idea and then producing something out of it is so important, so important for the future.”
But as Habib and other parent-founders are discovering, turning lofty pedagogical aspirations into daily reality for a small group of children is no easy task.
It requires patience, for one. Habib, who previously taught physics at Stanford and authored papers on quantum dots, has had to learn how to explain the basics to tiny beginners. During one of my visits to Portfolio School, I found Habib at a whiteboard, teaching long division to an advanced 7-year-old. Habib and Schachtel are not trained educators, but they have taken a hands-on approach in their school’s classrooms and made a point of hiring expert counterparts. After recruiting Leibowitz, they signed on engineer-turned-teacher Nancy Otero, who previously created digital fabrication labs for schools in China, Brazil, and Spain.
At Portfolio, Otero installed a “Makerspace” in one corner of the rented ground floor space that the school occupies. Wire cutters, a sewing kit, and other tools hang from pegboards on the wall. There is also a soldering iron, which Portfolio’s kindergarteners wield with surprising aplomb.
“We don’t distinguish for the kids between a pencil or a scissors or a 3D printer or a laser cutter or a book or an online science simulation,” says Leibowitz. “They use what they need when they need it to learn and to create, so that it’s seamless. It’s not ‘now we’re going to technology, now we’re going to the art room.’”
Before Portfolio, Tiana was homeschooled by her mother, Jackie, who paused her Wall Street career to oversee a schedule that included piano and violin lessons and trips to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. But Jackie felt limited by her own breadth of experience: “I only knew traditional school.” At Portfolio, she says, “They have a vision even above my vision, and they can implement it.”
Though a high achiever by any standard definition--she majored in math and economics as an undergraduate, and earned a Stanford MBA--Jackie has little interest in the status markers of academic success that dominate New York’s competitive private schools.
“Giftedness--what does that mean? Winning a chess championship? It’s good for the parents to brag, but it’s meaningless for the kids,” she says. Portfolio, in contrast, emphasizes the virtues of intrinsic motivation.
“They put the challenge back to the child, and I love that,” she says. “They’re teaching how to be a self-sustaining learner. [Tiana] feels she can do anything.”
Over morning coffee and biscuits at Bubby’s Tribeca, around the corner from Portfolio, Habib and Schachtel reiterate that vision.
“It should never be more about school than learning, or succeeding just to get the right grades and get into the right school,” Schachtel says. Growing up, he logged one accolade after another--Princeton diploma, Columbia MFA--but struggled to find purpose in his studies, and later in his work. “You get on this track,” he says.
Like Habib, Schachtel envisions that Portfolio students will one day attend top universities--but “that’s not the expectation that’s put upon kids and the driving motivator.”
Of course, if Portfolio students do happen to aim for the Ivies, many years from now, they will be ready--perhaps even at an advantage.
“Our approach of building impressive student portfolios from the age of 5 is preparing them for admissions,” says Leibowitz, who notes that top schools, including MIT, now review portfolios of student work alongside essays and other application materials.
Plus, she adds, “If [students] are still taking SATs when these guys are preparing for college, we’ll teach them strategies for the test as if it were any other project. We want all the doors to be open to them.”
For $35,000 per year--Portfolio’s current tuition rate--parents expect nothing less.
And therein lies the tension facing private startup schools like Portfolio, many of which rely on wealthy parents to get off the ground but aspire to serve children of all backgrounds by selling products and services like teaching training and project-based curricula to their public school counterparts. The steep price that Portfolio parents pay ensures that their children are taught by PhDs and given access to resources like a Makerspace. Meanwhile, at nearby Manhattan public schools, teachers with STEM backgrounds are a rare luxury, and budgets are so tight that parents routinely pay for Kleenex and other basic supplies.
If AltSchool founder Ventilla has a pedagogical bias, it is toward participatory lessons--like most of the educational entrepreneurs in this new era. “Students should be encouraged, at every stage of the learning process, to adopt an active stance toward their education,” Khan wrote in his 2012 book, The One World Schoolhouse: Education Reimagined. “They shouldn’t just take things in; they should figure things out.”
Tiana and her peers had that type of learning experience during Portfolio’s first year, and so too did Habib and his founding team. They scrambled throughout the spring to create lessons and projects that incorporated student interests, with largely promising results. As part of a unit on domesticated animals, Portfolio’s students welcomed two guinea pigs into their classroom and designed a custom house for them, complete with sensors and webcam. “They built a three-story castle,” Habib recalls with pride.
One boy, 9 years old, trained a neural network to tell the two guinea pigs apart, using the webcam video feed, so that he could analyze their behavioral patterns. An investor who happened to attend Portfolio’s end-of-year presentation described the student as “immediately employable”--to his parents’ great surprise and Habib’s great delight: “This is the first time the parents don’t know as much as the kids do.”
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theasstour · 6 years
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0104. Allegro di molto.
Tuesday, 4 November 2014
FIC PAGE | CHAPTER SYMPHONY | WORD COUNT: 7.1k
NB: explicit language, the doctor lol
VOTE FOR SOY HERE💞
Becky groaned. “Someone stole some of my butter again.” She looked down into the open carton, a disgusted expression on her face. “There’s crumbs in it.”
“Bloody Ian again, I tell you.” Tiana said from her position by the kitchen table, eating her bowl of cereal.
“Minging.” Becky threw her butter away, taking her phone out to message the groupchat to complain, something Y/N thought Becky was rather good at. All the girls sat in the kitchen eating breakfast together, none in much of a hurry. Y/N was sitting by the window, watching a cat walk over the grass between house three and house five, chewing on a slice of toast with pâté, a glass of apple juice beside her. Annie – who was sitting next to Y/N – was done eating, and Tiana – sitting opposite Y/N – was still eating her cereal. It was quiet, no music blaring from Ian’s room and Finn, who seemed to have mates over, weren’t being as loud as he usually was. Calm, Y/N thought, leaning her head against the wall and taking another bite of her bread.
“By the way,” Becky said, crossing her arms and sighing dramatically. “Did you guys hear Harry Styles got lucky last Friday?”
Tiana gasped, face turning into an instant and interested grin. She loved gossip.
“Yea,” Becky nodded, looking almost offended. “He was snogging someone in the kitchen Molly said.”
“Molly who?”
“Jones, she’s a course mate of mine.” Becky explained. “Anyway, she saw him snogging someone in the kitchen, looking all fit in all black. She didn’t see her face.”
Tiana poked her bottom lip out, clearly sorry for Becky. For some reason, Y/N didn’t really know what to make of this. Harry had obviously been very drunk last Friday, and she wasn’t one to judge people, but she could not for the life of her understand why Becky would want to shag Harry when he was so plainly legless. Through all of this conversation, Y/N brought her glass up to take a sip of her apple juice, ignoring the tinge of curiosity inside her that screamed at her to find out who Harry had been making out with.
“Heard he shagged someone in the bathroom as well.” Tiana mumbled, making Becky groan.
“Why are men pigs?” She asked no one in particular, stomping her foot. “I mean,” she rolled her eyes. “Good for him, I guess, I just wish it had been me.”
“And so do we, babes, but your time will come and he’ll not be able to keep his hands off you.” Tiana reassured Becky, making her giggle. “How are you all liking your course so far, by the way?” Tiana asked, drinking the remainder of milk left in her bowl.
“Good.” Becky said, getting some apple juice from the fridge. “Thought some of the modules on Psychology sounded boring at first, but now it’s really fun. I love it.”
“That’s so nice!” Tiana smiled. “I’m really enjoying uni so far. It’s weird, I never pictured myself going to uni, but now I’m here and I’m really enjoying it. It feels like I just know what to do with my life now.” Tiana twirled a lock of hair around her index finger. “Which is very nice.”
Y/N, putting her glass down after having taken a sip, cleared her throat when Tiana looked at her. “It’s okay. I’m stressed out all the time, but I think that’s a part of it.”
“Oh, me too!” Becky groaned. “We have this essay due next week,” Becky gestured at Annie who was taking the same course, though Annie seemed to be somewhere else entirely. “And just choosing an essay question is stressing me out. I don’t even know how to choose one or how to research.”
“That’ll come naturally, like we’ll write so many essays our time here so when it comes to your dissertation your final year, you’ll know what to do.” Tiana reassured Becky, getting up and walking to the sink to clean her bowl. “I handed in my second essay yesterday, and just thinking about it makes me want to literally be sick.”
“An it’s such a big uni as well, so the lecturers aren’t as familiar with you or helpful as the were in Sixth Form.” Becky sighed. “I’m just scared I’m going to fuck it up.”
“You won’t.” Tiana said.
The two girls continued to talk while Y/N’s eyes landed on Annie, who hadn’t said a word. Not really knowing what to do in a situation like this one, Y/N only stared at her flatmate, unsure of what were the right words to say and scared of uttering the wrong ones. She took another bite of her toast, racking her brain for something to say to Annie, for something to get an easy conversation going between the two. But Y/N was lost of ideas this early in the morning, empty of anything resembling social skills. So, swallowing her toast, she looked down at her plate, noting how many crumbs hand landed on and around it. Suddenly, the sound of the kitchen door opening sounded, and Becky and Tiana’s conversation were brought to an abrupt stop. Y/N knew it would be one of the boys, most likely Ian who were late for yet another lecture. Y/N wondered how it was possible for someone to be that lazy, so unorganised that it was hard to show up on time for anything. Grabbing her glass, she took a long sip until she had emptied it, then put it back on the table.
“Which cupboard is Finn’s?”
Y/N’s eyes shot up. Heart racing, she saw the one and only Harry Styles standing by the door into their kitchen, letting the door fall shut behind him. He was wearing his glasses, hair as tousled as usual, a tight fitted white tee shirt on along with some beige trousers that were hooked to some brown suspenders. Trousers rolled up, his ankles showed, and a pair of taupe grey lace-ups covered his feet, making everything about him seem relaxed but very classy at the same time. Y/N had not imagined Harry to show up, and did not for the life of her know how to react. Were they friends? Should she give him a smile? Or was that too much? Should she ignore him and whip her phone out? Or would that be rude? Y/N was suddenly a little too aware of everything about herself. From the cream roll neck boxy jumper, to the black and yellow grid check trousers and white panelled curved sole trainers. For some reason, she drew a hand through her hair, hopefully looking a little more refreshed. She hadn’t even had the time to do her make-up yet. Why did he have to show up now? Of all times, now?
“That one.” Becky said, pointing to the one closest to the kitchen table and where Y/N and Annie were sitting.
“Cheers.” Harry started walking over to the cupboard, a slow smile stretching out across his lips as his eyes fell on Y/N. Biting her bottom lip, she watched as he walked closer, noticing the sway of his hips and the effortless beauty of him. She hated that she noticed these things about him because… well, he was annoying. So, for him to be unbelievably peng and at the same time make her want to drag all her fingernails out in frustration, to say she hated him for it would be to put it almost mildly.
Y/N drew her eyes away from him to see Becky’s mouth wide open and Tiana smile at her. Fanning herself, Becky made Tiana laugh and the two girls mouthed words to each other that Y/N could barely make out. Though she could read ‘fucking hell’ and ‘sexy’ when she saw it. As her eyes met Harry’s again, she saw he was already staring at her from the cupboard, the door open and yet to reach in and take a glass. Amusement reached his eyes and the tips of his lips as they twitched into an involuntary smile. Y/N noticed then, on the inside of his right arm, down from the inside of his elbow and down to his wrist, were a list of numbers. In a typewriter font, the list was long, some numbers with dots between them, and others standing alone. Y/N couldn’t help but wonder what the numbers stood for, what the meaning behind his tattoos was. His skin was bare besides those numbers, which meant, at least in Y/N’s head, that they had to be of some type of value to him. Only when Y/N looked at him did he get the glass he needed, closing the cupboard before he walked over to Becky and Tiana by the sink. His back was muscular, you could see his shoulder blades stretch against the fabric of the shirt, his shoulder so broad Y/N was wondering how often he worked out to maintain the build he had.
“Sorry, ladies.” Harry said, filling the glass with cold water before he walked over to lean against one of the fridges. Their eyes met again, and Harry smiled that lopsided beam of his, making Y/N blush. God, she hated him. He made her all… all… blushy. The door opened again, and this time Finn walked in with two other friends following him.
“Ahh, see you found me cupboard.” Finn said, giving Harry’s shoulder a slap before he opened on of the fridges and got a yogurt out. “Everybody,” he announced as he turned around from the fridge, looking at the girls of his flat. “You’ve already met Wade,” Finn gestured at the familiar face, and Y/N gave him a little smile when their eyes met. “And this is Sai, he’s one of Harry’s course mates, and he’s absolutely bloody insane.”
“I am.” Sai agreed, nodding his head. He was of Indian descent, Y/N noted, with dark hair, a slight beard and tall figure. Sai was the tallest of the gang, an easy grace about him that the others lacked. He was very charismatic, very charming, and it was hard to take your eyes off of him once you had recognised his beauty. Just like Harry, Y/N thought to herself. What?! No! Stop that! Jesus Christ! She ran a hand through her hair, eyes falling to Harry who was already looking at her, holding his glass of water to his chest. A curl had fallen in front of his glasses and he whipped it out of the way, chin tipped upward as that smug smile formed across his face, clearly liking when Y/N was looking at him. She looked away and at Finn.
Finn walked over to the table to sit down beside Annie, the rest of his gang following. Instant panic rose in Y/N’s chest as Harry walked to her side and sat down, putting his glass down on the table beside hers. His knee was just barely not touching hers, his elbow so close to her that she didn’t properly know how to breathe without coughing. Y/N didn’t hear a word of what Finn was saying, but it must’ve been something funny as all the boys laughed and so did Becky and Tiana who was standing beside the table. Y/N felt a little out of place, the whole situation overwhelming her as the only thing she could focus on was how the presence of Harry’s knee so close to hers sent a shiver of something up her spine. All she could think about was their last interaction at the Halloween party last Friday. How Harry’s pink lips had formed out the words she had chosen not to utter her whole life for a reason unknown to her. How good it sounded leaving his lips. How low the octave of his voice had been as he let his front teeth part from his bottom lip long enough to take her breath away. Y/N stared straight ahead as Annie who stared back at her, raising her eyebrows in question.
“Fuck.”
Y/N shoved away from the table, pushing the chair in and taking her plate and glass. Sai was talking and didn’t stop as Y/N walked over to the sink, pushing her sleeves up her arms before running water over her used kitchenware. It was hard not to look to her right and over at the table, see if Harry had even noticed her leaving, to see his reaction. But she bit her tongue and let herself focus on the task at hand, not letting the thought of Harry bloody Styles make her give in to stupid actions. Once she was done, she dried her plate and glass and put them both back in her cupboard, pushing the sleeved of her cream jumper down. Looking back at the table Y/N saw Becky sit down in her seat, giving Harry a smile as she did so. He returned it, and before he got to engage in the discussion about which café in Clapham they’d go chill at today, Becky was taking to him. She made him smile and Y/N bit her lip, not really knowing what she expected. Crossing her arms, she gave Tiana who was staring at her a smile, and then she walked to her room, being careful not to let the door slam behind her as she went.
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“Try it again.” Teresa urged, giving Y/N an encouraging smile. The two were in one of the study rooms in the Arts building, rehearsing for their exam in exactly one month. Goddard had sent everyone off to go rehearse on their own, him sitting in their classroom if anyone needed help with anything. Y/N and Teresa had quickly ran off to find a study room where they could practise in peace and quiet. Y/N had listened to Teresa sing first, a beautiful cover of Hand of God by Jon Bellion that took Y/N’s breath away. And now it was Y/N’s turn. She had messed it up a few times already, the sheer nervousness of someone listening to her play taking over. Caprice No. 24 stood on a music sheet in front of Y/N, and she already regretted picking this piece. Niccolo Paganini was known for his Caprices, creating some of the hardest solo violin pieces to play. But Y/N wanted to impress her tutor. And to make herself proud.
Slowly, Y/N brought the violin up, resting it to her chin, and closing her eyes before bringing the bow up as she straightened her back. She started playing the piece, eyes shut, and heart filled with determination. She wanted – needed – to get it right, to know that she was capable to playing such a complicated and beautiful solo. Only opening her eyes to glue them to the music sheet before her, Y/N tried to forget where she was, what she was doing, and why she was doing it. Playing the violin usually calmed her; brought her to an instant state of belonging that she didn’t feel anyplace, anytime, anywhere but when she played the violin. It was weird how this simple action of playing music could bring her to a place so peaceful and euphoric, how the sound of the violin was her home. Her fingers glided over the strings, holding onto the neck so hard it started hurting her fingers.
And as quickly as she had disappeared off to the place of concentration and peace, Y/N lost it. She failed to hit a note, and once she started being slow and not hitting them, the rest followed. Groaning, Y/N lowered her violin and let her head slump against her chest, feeling so disappointed in herself that it was hard not to cry. Teresa didn’t say a word, just looked at Y/N as she tried to calm herself down, already knowing that there was no way she could comfort her new friend without accidentally making it worse. She just had to practise, day and night for another month, and she would know Caprice No. 24 inside and out. And that was really as she could do, because if she wanted to impress Goddard and get a first on this assignment and module, then she would have to nail it December 9th.
Teresa got up from her chair, putting her book into her rucksack. “Seminar is over in 5, wanna head out?”
Y/N nodded, putting her violin away in its case. She draped her navy puffer jacket on, a dark grey scarf around her neck, hauled the violin case onto her back and through both her arms like a rucksack, and put her natural cotton carrier with all her books and notebooks on her shoulder before the two walked out. Y/N excused herself to the loo and Teresa promised she’d text Y/N her library plans this weekend so they could head in together. The two friends parted ways and Y/N walked to the loo, dragging both her hands frustratingly through her hair. It was one thing to mess up a solo by yourself in your room, but doing it multiple times in front of someone else? Friends or not, Y/N was embarrassed Teresa had witnessed it, though she knew Teresa would never hold it against her or think her untalented, she still felt mad at herself. Once she was done in the loo, Y/N looked at herself in the mirror, staring herself down. A feeling of not belonging flooded her, like maybe she wasn’t doing the right course. Maybe she had done wrong applying and going to university, because she was clearly not good enough to play a single solo in front of one single friend. If she ever had hopes of playing in an orchestra, she would have to finish uni, but how would she do that when she could barely get through her first semester?
Tightening her scarf so it would shelter her from the harsh autumn winds outside, Y/N got her leather gloves out, putting them on before she exited the toilet. She walked through the corridor of seminar and lectures rooms, looking in through some of them while hooking her thumb through the straps of her violin case. She felt distant from everything, like maybe she should be home on Picot Farm tending to the Christmas trees her father would ship out to different parts of Hampshire and London soon. Maybe this wasn’t the place for her after all. Maybe she had been wrong.
“Y/N.”
She stopped in her tracks halfway through the huge foyer of the Antonin Artaud Building at the sound of a very familiar voice she had last heard this morning. Leaning by the wall leading into the corridor she had just walked out of, the same corridor she had her seminar every Tuesday, Harry stood. He wasn’t waring his glasses anymore, and the black Borg lined denim jacket with a brown cardigan underneath looked very cosy and comfortable. His suspenders and white tee shirt were visible, making Y/N instantly think back to this morning and how utterly at loss for words she had been at seeing him in her flat. Hands in the pockets of his jacket, Harry pushed away from the wall and walked over to her, the left side of his mouth tipping upward.
“Harry.” Y/N said, a little out of breath. “What are you doing here? Did you come with Finn?”
Harry let out a short chuckle, eyes falling to the ground between them before he looked up at her through his dark eyelashes. “No.”
“No?”
“Finn, Wade and Sai are still in Clapham. Came back because I know where you have your seminar on Tuesdays.”
Y/N blinked. “You… know where I have my seminars on Tuesdays?”
“Only on Tuesdays because that’s when I’ve seen you walk out of the same room Finn walks into.” Harry explained further, giving Y/N another smile. “You seem shocked. Are you creeped out by me yet?”
“I don’t know.” Y/N admitted, narrowing her eyes. “You’re so confusing to me.”
Harry raised his eyebrows, smile growing wider. “Am I now?”
“Yea, so confusing.” Y/N faced him head on. “One second you’re all quiet and don’t really care about anyone or anything. The next you show up in my kitchen early in the morning not even saying a single word to me. And then you show up outside the room I have my seminar ‘because that’s where you’ve seen me walk out of the same room Finn walks into’.”
“So, what you’re saying is you don’t get me?”
“Not at all.”
“Maybe you would start to if you gave me your number?”
Y/N was so dumfounded she found herself taking a step back. Never had anyone ever been this blunt and straight-forward with her before, and she wasn’t sure if she really liked it or wanted to ask what was wrong with him. But Harry just smiled at her, a dimple in his left cheek increasing in visibility as the silence stretched on between them. People were milling about, a quiet hum of voices rose around them, but Y/N couldn’t make out what any of them were saying or trying to get across because all she could think about was Harry before her. Harry; who she could not get a good grip of. Harry; who seemed cold one minute, but the next would turn around and give you one of those dimpled smiles. Y/N couldn’t pin point him, couldn’t point to one specific stereotype of men or characteristic and say that was Harry. Because everything about him kept surprising her.
“You’re thinking long and hard about this.” Harry said, chuckling. “Like to keep a lad waiting, ey?”
“Why do you want my number?”
Harry shrugged his shoulders. “It’s fine if you don’t want to give it to me. Might break my heart a little, but it’s your choice, darling.”
“I’ll give it to you on one condition.” Y/N said, taking her gloves off to type her number into Harry’s phone. He smiled, getting his phone out of his jacket pocket.
“Anything.”
“Please don’t spam my phones with texts.”
Harry laughed, giving her his iPhone and watched as she punched her number into it.
“Fine,” Harry said. “Only if you please, for the love of God, don’t send me nudes.”
Y/N huffed, handing him his phone before taking her gloves back on.
“I know it’s going to be hard to resist, but please-“
“-Don’t you worry.” Y/N gave him a smile. “I won’t. I’m just scared you’re actually going to start texting me now. Like we’re friends.”
“You fucking wish.” Harry said, snickering.
“Wish you’d text me? No thanks, don’t want to talk to you more than absolutely necessary.” Y/N bit her lip, crossing her arms as she watched him write her name out as the contact name and then put his phone away in his pocket. Staring up at her, Harry looked so smug, like he had won again, and Y/N supposed he had. She had given in and given hi her number, hadn’t she?
“Heard you got lucky last Friday.”
It came out of Y/N before she was even registering what she was saying. Biting her lips together, she looked at Harry with her heart beating in her ears and mortification swimming along every veins of her body. You idiot. You absolute headless-
“What?” Harry frowned, sounding genuinely confused.
“You-“ Y/N stopped herself, clearing her throat as she found herself very uncomfortable talking about this. “You got some.”
“I did?” Harry put his hands on his hips, exhaling loudly. “If I did then I don’t remember much of it, which is a bloody shame, innit?”
Y/N frowned. “Becky said Molly told her she saw you snogging a girl in the kitchen and then heard you have a round in the bathroom.”
Harry laughed, throwing his head back and looking so confused and giddy Y/N couldn’t help but smile through her disoriented state. “The only girl I was with in the kitchen last Friday was you.” He said joyfully, eyes hidden behind his high cheekbones as he obviously found this all very funny. “And as for a round in the bathroom… I pissed in the back garden once and deeply regret it. Not something a Law student should be doing, is it?”
Y/N shifted her weight from one foot to the other, scratching at her jaw like she usually did when she didn’t really know what to say.
“And that was the only time I really went to the loo during that house party, am I afraid.” He explained, looking disgustingly satisfied with himself. “Seems like you’re my mystery girl, but don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”
“You study Law?” Y/N bit her lips together again, not knowing where all these questions were coming from and why she was so good at finding the most awkward way to ask them. He just told you all of this, and that’s what you end up wondering about? You absolute puff, Y/N thought to herself, hoping he didn’t find her too weird for changing the subject. Though he probably does, he most likely thinks I’m weird. Oh God, oh God.
Harry let out a single chuckle. “European Legal Studies.”
“And you didn’t shag someone last Friday?”
Harry shook his head. “Complete tosh. Was with me mates and on one occasion I talked to a mystery girl dressed as a vampire in the kitchen, but that’s about it, really.”
Y/N couldn’t help her smile, and it seemed at the sight of it, Harry started smiling a little wider as well. “Hope you find that mystery girl of yours. Sounds like you have a Cinderella situation on your hands.”
Harry’s teeth showed and he chuckled. “Believe me, no one hopes I find her more than I do.”
Y/N looked down at the time on her phone, having planned a FaceTime date with Edward for when she got home from her seminar. She hated to keep him waiting.
“Say… if I asked the mystery girl out for a coffee at the Costa across campus next Friday at 5, do you think she would be up for it?”
Y/N looked up at Harry so fast she felt a pull in her neck. He was smiling at her still, seemingly knowing the exact effect he had on her, which made her wish he didn’t have said effect because it would make everything so much easier. Raising his eyebrows, Harry urged her to answer, to tell her if she was free or not. Y/N opened her mouth, then closed it again. Opened it; closed it. Was he asking her out on a date? Or was this making plans with a friend? She simply could not tell. No one had ever asked her out before. Not like this at least, and she felt her heart quicken a little too quickly at the thought.
“Yes.” Y/N said, voice low.
“Wicked.” Harry smiled, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. “Sick. Can’t wait to meet her again.”
Y/N smiled back, not wanting for Harry to see just how much she was looking forward to it as well, so she turned around and started walking away. Mouthing an oh my God to herself on her way to the exit, Y/N fisted her hands into balls to contain herself until she at least was out of sight of Harry.
“Y/N!”
She stopped, looked over her shoulder at him.
He motioned at the violin case on her back. “Will I ever hear you play?”
She smiled. “In your dreams.”
“But you’re already there,” he said, grinning. “Playing the violin.”
Y/N huffed, rolling her eyes at him. “God, I hope not.”
But she really did. And she couldn’t help but smile a little too wide as she walked off, hearing Harry laugh behind her.
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Edward never took long to pick up his phone, that was just a fact of life. Whenever someone called him, they could expect him to answer within the first three rings. He loved talking, loved being around people and having everyone’s eyes on him, which was so different to Y/N’s character who hated beyond anything to have people pay attention to her. She rarely answered her phone unless it was someone she knew very well, and the only person she ever really called was Eddie. She was laid in her bed now, having changed into lounge wear, and snuggled under a blanket, phone in hand. Edward answered the FaceTime call rather quickly, beaming at his phone when he saw Y/N’s face.
“Goose!”
“Hi, Maverick, you alright?”
“Mum’s making tikka masala for dinner, I’m splendid.” Edward said, putting his phone on his lap as he rolled himself away from the kitchen and into the living room where he wouldn’t be disturbed by all the noises their mum were creating making dinner. “How was the seminar?”
“Medium. We got to rehearse for the exam, but I suck at my Caprice so far.”
“Doubt that. Why would you say you suck?”
“Because I pissed it, Eddie. I always mess it up when I play it.” Y/N looked away from the phone, feeling ashamed to admit that she was having trouble, but at the same time relieved to put words to it and tell someone. Besides, Edward always listened, knowing her better than she knew herself and he always found the right words to say to calm her down.
Edward gave the phone a smile a she picked it back up again. “When’s the exam?”
“December 9th.”
“Then you got plenty of time, Y/N. Don’t fret too much, you’ll find a way to play it flawlessly and your lecturer will be blown away, I promise.”
Y/N smiled, nodding at her brother. “How was the doctor?”
When Y/N lived at home, she would accompany Edward to a hospital in Oxford where he went once a month to check up on his back. Because of his serious condition of spina bifida, the doctors wanted to check on his spine every month to make sure he didn’t have any infections because if he did, then everything would turn bad very quick. An infection in his spine would be fatal and so dangerous that he would have to live at the hospital until said infection was gone. He could die if he had an infection. And so, Y/N had always come with him because if her brother was going to be told he had an infection in his spine, then she wanted to be there to ask the doctors all kinds of questions about further treatment and so forth. But she hadn’t come with him in October, and neither had she in November, though she was really hoping she could tag along when she went home for Christmas in a month.
“Okay.” Eddie answered, shrugging. “Not as fun as when you come with, though.”
“Obviously.”
Edward giggled.
“Did you wear the necklace?”
Edward nodded, showing Y/N the silver necklace around his neck. When he was 10 and Y/N 12, the two had gone to the monthly check up, their dad tagging along, of course. And ever since Y/N could remember, this one woman had helped Edward out and been his doctor. Her name had been Claudia Parr, a blonde woman with the warmest smile Y/N had ever seen and a way with Edward that was incredible. Treating him like porcelain and with respect, Claudia had always made Edward and Y/N’s trips to Oxford amazing. But there had been this one time when Edward’s back had hurt him more than usual, and he had been so terrified of having an infection that his 10-year-old self started crying on the check-up table. Claudia had unhooked that necklace from around her neck and given it to Edward, told him that it had always brought her luck and now it would do the same for him. He didn’t have an infection. Edward got to keep it, and whenever he saw her after he offered to give it back, but Claudia told him to hold onto it just in case. And some months later Edward got a new doctor for some weird reason that neither him nor Y/N ever got a valid explanation for. After a year, their father told them Claudia had moved to Scotland, and thought both had been devastated, she had left her source of luck behind for Edward to keep, and for that they were forever grateful.
“Yea.” Edward said. “I wore it. Of course I did.”
“Good.” Y/N sighed, sinking into her mountain of pillows. “Now, tell me what the house smells like. I need to remember mum’s tikka.”
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Friday, 14 November 2014
Y/N looked at herself in her dodgy mirror for what must have been the 99th time. She wasn’t wearing anything special, just some checked trousers and her navy puffer Y/Net, some make-up on her face and nothing particular done to her hair. Harry had told her not to be a second too late in that one text message he had sent her an hour ago, and now it was 3pm and she was all ready to go to Costa. Two hours before they were actually supposed to meet him. God, she groaned at herself, she was being so unbelievably pathetic. They were just going to chill at Costa like two normal friends usually did. There was nothing special about it. No need to freak out. But in the nature of who she was as a person, Y/N was freaking out. Big time.
She sat down by her desk, urging herself to not see too much into all of this as she would only be let down. And though she was telling herself that, she knew she would look too much into all of this and probably have her heart slightly broken when she found out he only wanted to be friends. She wasn’t even sure she knew what she was feeling for him yet, everything about Harry confused her. About to take her puffer Y/Net off and bring her laptop out and find something to do on there, a knock sounded from Y/N’s door. Opening it, Tiana stood on the other side, wide eyed and hands folded before her.
“I need you to come with me.”
Y/N stared at her for a bit. “Come… with you? Where?”
“To the doctor, I booked an appointment yesterday for today at 5pm.”
“The doctor?” Y/N took a step toward Tiana, panic prickling her fingertips. “What- W-Why? What’s going on?”
“I think I might be pregnant.”
Y/N’s mouth fell open, eyes blinking as she let the shock of it all sink in. “You…” She couldn’t say it, because where she was from, in tiny Hawkley, no one got pregnant until they were at least 30, married and financially stable. This whole situation was so weird to her that Y/N felt a little faint. “Is… is the doctor even open that late on a Friday?”
“This one is.” Tiana said, walking toward her room to get ready to leave. “Can we go there now? I cannot be inside this flat anymore.”
And so they went. Tiana’s arm linked with Y/N’s and silence wrapped around them like a suffocating blanket. Time went by fast and very slow at the same time. The waiting room was too bright, hurting Y/N’s eyes a little, and she tried not to let her eyes wander too much. Tiana was breathing very fast beside her, holding onto Y/N for dear life, and Y/N let her, not really knowing what else she could do for her flatmate besides be there for her. Not really knowing how to manage a situation like this one without handling it the wrong way, making Tiana cry, or just making everyone in the waiting room hate her.
After a long while, Y/N asked Tiana who she thought the father was, to which Tiana huffed very loudly and told her that of course it was Danny’s. And no, she had not told him she was at the doctor’s to check of her two pregnancy tests were indeed telling the truth. Tiana sighed heavily, looking at Y/N.
“Do you think this is stupid? Am I overreacting?”
Y/N could sense it in her voice that she was genuinely scared either were true, that Y/N thought she was these things. So, Y/N shook her head, which was an honest answer.
“You’re not.” Y/N assured her. “You’re scared which is very understandable in a situation like this one. You don’t know what’s going on.”
“Very true.” Tiana agreed. “Maybe a little too true. I have no idea what’s going on, what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, if this is even the right decision, why I haven’t told Danny yet, what if I am pregnant-“
“-Ti.” Y/N took her hand, squeezing it lightly. “Tiana, it’s going to be fine, yea? You’re going to be fine.”
Tiana inhaled slowly, then exhaled. Tears started forming in her eyes, and cocking her head at Y/N, her bottom lip started wobbling. “What am I going to do if I’m pregnant, Y/N? I haven’t even finished my first semester at uni yet, and I’m bloody up the duff.”
“Don’t think about any of that now, okay? Let’s hear what the doctor has to say first, and then you can think about what to do. There is no reason planning a future that might never happen, especially now.” Y/N squeezed Tiana’s hand again. “Especially that one.”
Tiana nodded, knowing full well that her friend was right. “Yea. I need to calm down.”
“Basically.”
“But it’s so hard.”
“Think about something else.” Y/N suggested. “How uni is going. You said it yourself a week ago that you were really enjoying it.”
Tiana started talking about uni, and Y/N knew once she got her chatting, she would not stop. So, nodding every once in a while, and asking follow-up questions, Y/N kept Tiana entertained for at least an hour. Her mind drifted off as Tiana talked as it usually did because she could only focus in on a conversation for so long. There was something so incredibly comforting about being the first person Tiana went to about this problem. She had much more in common with Becky, had hung out more with her over the last few months and Y/N knew she had made loads of course mates, but she had still come knocking on Y/N’s door. Still asked Y/N to come with her. And here they were, holding hands, Y/N comforting her like she knew Tiana would comfort her if there ever was something. For some reason, both girls had a bit of an understanding that they were better friends than their different personalities might tell them. And Y/N felt very special, despite the circumstances, because Tiana wanted her here. As all of this rushed through Y/N’s mind, she gave Tiana’s hand a little squeeze, and her friend returned it with a smile, talking about something Y/N didn’t really know the context of.
The doctor called Tiana in after a little while and the two walked in together, Y/N following Tiana. Y/N zoned out for most of it, knowing that despite Tiana being her friend, this was not her place and she wasn’t about to disrespect her in any way. Tiana walked to the bathroom to do the urine test, coming back a few minutes later and handing the small cylinder to the doctor. As the doctor started talking, Y/N felt her phone vibrate. Getting it out of her pocket, she saw a name she had completely forgotten about in the midst of all of this.
Harry You far away, Miss Winning-at-life?
Oh God. Y/N swallowed thickly, looking up at Tiana as she started talking to the doctor. They were talking about the test results and how they showed Tiana wasn’t pregnant after all. The doctor started asking all kinds of follow-up questions about what made her believe she was pregnant and if she had been having unprotected sex. Y/N’s phone vibrated again.
Harry Y/N?
She couldn’t just storm out, couldn’t tell Tiana she had to leave because whether her friend was pregnant or not, Tiana needed her here. And she might need her later. If it was one thing Y/N was not, then it was disloyal to her friends. Even when she had made plans with Harry a week prior. Tiana needed her, and she wasn’t going to leave her side tonight. So, sighing heavily Y/N started typing out a message to Harry.
Y/N Find myself in a bit of an emergency kind of situation. Another time?
Tiana was thanking the doctor, shaking her hand before taking her coat back on. The appointment was clearly over, Tiana ready to get out of here and back to the flat.
Harry What’s up? You good?
Y/N Yea, something just came up. I’m sorry.
“Jesus fuck.” Tiana groaned as they walked out into the cold London air, buttoning her coat. “I could fly off to heaven now, I’m so relieved.”
Harry But you are good? You’re okay?
“I kind of blocked everything out because it’s your business now mine-“
“-Rubbish, my business is your business, Y/N.” Tiana smiled. “Can we order Domino’s and watch Friends, please? I feel like chilling.”
Y/N smiled, nodding her head. It sounded like a perfect Friday night. Tiana squealed and clapped her hands, groaning once again in relief.
Y/N I’m okay.
“Who are you texting? Saw you on your phone the whole time.” Tiana asked, no accusation in her voice, just curiosity.
“Mum.” Y/N said, watching her breath turn white as it left her mouth.
“Better have had something bloody interesting to say.” Tiana grinned, winking at Y/N who only giggled. “Chuffed to devour a large Domino’s pizza and cookies now. It’s what I deserve.”
While Tiana clicked on the button for the green man to show and them to be able to cross the busy road, Y/N’s phone vibrated for the last time that night.
Harry Then that’s all that matters.
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