#GROWLING AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH MIKA THIS IS THE BEST GIFT EVER

[laugtherhyena]

merry christmas!

-

Maybe, in another universe,

Benitsuru tightened the grip she had on her pajamas. Her father still wasn't home-- he said he'd be back early tonight.

People have time for me.

Hamato had to go a bit ago. She didn't understand why-- buncha grownup nonsense words leaving his mouth. Probably just an excuse to get away from her.

Maybe, in another universe,

The old grandfather clock began to chime. She hated that chime. Hated that it signified that same-old excuse that her so-called father made.

I'm not a burden.

She should be in bed by now. It was reaching 22:00, which meant she should be sound asleep. But she didn't feel sleepy.

Maybe, in another universe,

Her hands, small as can be, reached up and tangled in her brown hair. And she began to tug, tug, tug. The way it tugged at her scalp hurt, but it was a habit that she struggled to break out of.

She's here, instead of me.

Her gaze fell onto the picture above the fireplace as she tugged on the locks of her hair. Two women that she couldn't really remember-- her Mother, and her Sister. Benitsuru knew that neither her brother nor her father would ever admit it, but they're both constantly grieving.

Maybe she should be grieving, too. Grieving for a mother who died saving her. Grieving for a sister who died for no reason.

It was hard to grieve people she didn't remember.

Maybe it would've been better for her to swap places with those two. They'd both be alive, and....

.

.

.

She was too young to think about that.

You know what's sad?

Hamato was an unplanned child, Kanata on as well since the Ando's couldn't ever expect such situations like her accident's to unfold, but Benitsuru?

Yukari wanted another child because hers were growing up so fast, and Hikaru agreed with her that they could have a third child even if they were in their 40s already.

She was the one child they planned and the one that, due to terrible circumstances, received the least care from both growing up.

So it's really no wonder why she lached onto Kokoro out of all people as a mother figure; Her dad was hardly at home, and with Yukari out of the picture, that was the one adult woman who gave her the time of day. The same one who helped diagnose her when her dad didn't had time to investigate her mental turmoil, the one that would gladly anwser all of her questions about mentall illnesses and other topics alike, the one that would let her stick around he work place and help her even if just a little.

It doesn't matter if she doesn't act like a mother or sees her as a daughter, it doesn't matter that their time together wasn't all that long due to her sentence. That was the closest thing she's ever had to a mother in her life (why do you think her glasses are so big and round? Her father's don't look like that.), so regardless, she will still care. She will still visit.

(This isn't to say Beni is like,, A Kokoro apologist or that she excuses her actions. As an adult she knows about everything she did and she by no means dismisses it or tries to excuse it in one way or another. It's disgusting, its monstruous, but that's still the woman that she had nothing but good memories with when she was little. I don't think Beni can just do a 180 and start hating someone she had such a good view off first and foremost + It helps that -2+2 Kokoro feels remorse for her actions and regained her empathy from her time in th Sdra2 killing game)

And since I'm turning this gift into Beni rambke central i might as well elaborate here why her views on Yukari and Kanata are so drastically different when both of them are people who died when se was too young to remember them.

With Kanata, she learned all about how kind and great of a person she was from the surviours, mainly Kizuna due to how close they were and how she wanted to get to know and help Kanata so family in any way she could after the killing game. She heard nothing but great things about her big sister, hence why the admiration. The same that led to her asking more about Kanata to Hamato and even Hikaru when he was around, and obviously the thing that led to her wanting to pursue a careers in the medical field as well. It's like their getting ever so slightly closer even if forever apart.

But Yukari? The only people who could tell her of her mother were her family. Hikaru is busy as always and talking about her hurts him the most, Hamato is a more willing, but other than telling her some basics and showing her a few things he liked, he was grieving too, he couldn't say much.

It is easier for them to talk about her now that it's been a long time, but as an adult it's not like Beni wants to hear about her much anymore.