#GROSSSSSS LOLOLOL

[tk-writer]

Two can play at that game. [Saiouma/Oumasai]

This was it. The moment of truth.

Saihara knew he was playing into Ouma’s hand, but even so he still felt pretty victorious. A long day that started with Ouma stealing his case files ended with the little gremlin pinned down like a butterfly on an observation table. Despite that, the supreme leader was grinning up at him like he was the one who was really in control. And maybe he was. But Saihara had learned a thing or two about putting on a good front, thanks to him. So two could play at that game.

“Gotcha,” the detective whispered with a feeble smirk, doing his best to summon what little confidence he had inside.

“Indeed you do,” replied the shorter man, showing no sign of concern whatsoever. Mischief twinkled in his eyes, as if this had been part of his plan all along. “Good job, Mr. Detective. Whatcha gonna do now?”

That, he was unsure of. Most of his focus had gone towards neutralizing his former classmate, not what was to come after. The raven-haired man came up with a silly idea that even he was embarrassed to say aloud, but he figured it would be a harmless way to get back at him for being such a nuisance all day.

“I’m gonna tickle you,” he said, adjusting his position so he had better access to his slim figure. That earned him a scoff and more blatant denial.

“Tch! Sorry to break it to you, but I’m not ticklish! Neeheehee!”

There was something strange about what he said in that moment. Anyone else would’ve brushed it off, but Saihara had known him long enough to catch onto the little cracks in his disguises. Whether it was him speaking in a slightly higher pitch than normal, using a fake laugh to cover up something sinister, or in this case, a small tremor while saying a certain word.

He was bluffing. And Saihara was going to prove him wrong, right here, right now.

It was easier said than done, though. The thought of touching Ouma so delicately was flustering, to say the least. Saihara felt his face growing hot just thinking about it. Even just watching him lay there, completely limp and at his whim, was enough to make him choke from pressure. He looked down and saw that the hem of his shirt had risen in their struggle and a small patch of pale skin peeked out. 

He held both of Ouma’s tiny wrists in one hand as he planned his next moves. 

Slowly, slowly, his hand got closer to Ouma’s semi-exposed belly. He felt his heart pounding against his chest, practically throwing itself against his ribcage. His entire head must’ve looked like it was steaming. Meanwhile, Ouma didn’t look the least bit worried. He kept a neutral expression, showing neither excitement nor nervousness at his current predicament.

“Well? I’m waiting!”

“Just… hush.”

It was now or never. Finally mustering the courage, he started tracing a line across his skin, right above the waist of his shorts. He watched Ouma carefully, taking note of any subtle changes in his expression or body movements. However he didn’t see anything noteworthy. Maybe he wasn’t hitting the right place?

Or maybe Ouma’s concentration was just hardened. He did look a little strained, like he was putting all his effort into not reacting. That was promising at least.

He trailed to his sides, testing out the waters there. That’s when he saw him flinch, ever so slightly. There it was! He lingered in that spot, dragging the tips of his nails up and down in a steady pattern.

“...Mmmh! Eheh…!”

Saihara paused. It was quiet, but he definitely heard something.

“Was that a giggle?”

Ouma was still grinning, but it looked a little different. Less know-it-all and more… panicked. As if his true thoughts were breaking through.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about!” sang the trapped leader, still committed to his act.

Saihara kept up his ministrations, adding a little more pressure as he started to gently poke his ribs. At every touch he saw more subtle twitching, heard more muffled noises, sensed more of his growing nervousness. Despite his efforts to keep quiet, a couple more strained giggles made their way to Saihara’s ear. This was certainly getting to him.

“Something wrong?”

“Nggh, no! I - aha! - you… I’m not - ehehe!”

“You’re lying.”

He decided to take it up a notch. While Ouma was squeezing his eyes shut, he jumped to his stomach and spidered his fingers across the exposed skin rapidly. The element of surprise seemed to be the secret ingredient. Ouma was beginning to crack. He let out a squeal, then suddenly started cackling uncontrollably. 

It was a real laugh. Not a smirk, a sneer, or an evil snicker, but a true, genuine laugh.

It was musical and joyous, like a child playing with his friends. Unfitting for someone who was supposed to be an evil supreme leader. Saihara couldn’t help but crack a smile; he never thought he’d be able to hear Ouma laugh for real, so for him this was a real treat.

“I guess that wasn’t a complete lie,” he teased. “You’re not just ticklish. You’re super ticklish.”

“Gahahaha - AHAHAHAHA! Shutup!!!”

“What’s the matter? You can barely speak and I’m not even touching you that much.”

“STAHAHAHAHAP! I’m nahahahat!!”

There was no way he could, not after Ouma had so ardently denied this fact. Saihara was going to enjoy this for as long as he could. He began to climb his sides like a ladder, hitting every sensitive spot on the way up to his underarms which were a whole new level of ticklishness. Ouma actually shrieked when he touched him there, which made Saihara laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. He leapt from one side to the other, scrambling his hand for a few seconds before moving back to the other, all while Ouma screamed with laughter and put all his strength into getting away. Saihara held him tightly, unwilling to let go.

Then he started getting creative. He began stroking his neck, ever so lightly, and that seemed to tickle him in a new way. The detective’s smirk continued to grow as he watched his victim scrunch his shoulders in a feeble attempt to block it out. Whenever that happened, though, he’d jump to the other side and scribble there, and once in a while he’d flick his ears just to throw him off. Every time he moved, Ouma’s giggles increased in volume. 

After a few more minutes, Saihara figured he’d had enough. His face was tomato red, he could barely spit out a full sentence, and his entire body kept twitching even after Saihara’s hand left him. He sucked in large gulps of air, trying to regain his aloof persona.

“So… -huff!- You think you’ve won… huh?”

Saihara nodded triumphantly.

“I’m pretty sure I did.”

“Neeheehee… Saihara is soooo gullible! I was faking the whole time!”

The detective raised an eyebrow. Ouma must’ve been desperate. There was no way he thought Saihara would actually believe him at this point.

“Oh, really? Were you faking when I did this?”

He dug one finger into his hip bones without warning, and Ouma’s struggles began anew. He let out a loud yelp before bursting into the same childlike giggles as before. He bounced up and down, trying to shake him off, but his efforts were in vain.

“GAHAHAHAHA! Nooooooo!”

Saihara stopped again, hoping to have proven his point.

“Was that fake too?”

Ouma huffed and puffed again, but he still refused to give in. He flashed another devious grin, still unwilling to admit defeat.

“Yup! You sure catch on fast!”

His behavior was puzzling. Usually Ouma admitted when Saihara was right, but for some reason he kept dragging this out. It wasn’t like him to be a sore loser even if things didn’t go his way.

But then, Saihara realized something. Something that made his heart flutter from how adorable it all was.

He smiled down at Ouma, hands poised for another attack.

“I get it. You want me to keep doing this. You like when I do this.”

There it was. A look of panic struck through Ouma, the first clue that proved Saihara’s hunch was right. It was only for a moment, but it was enough to confirm what he already knew.

“You’re really delusional if you think that!” Ouma spat at him. Ah, more denial. He was getting somewhere. “Do you think I’m some sort of freak? Who wants that?!” His voice sounded more alarmed the longer he rambled. Good.

“Who wants… what? Tickling? Why don’t you say it?”

“Because… because… neeheehee! Just kidding, you’re totally right! I have SUCH a huge thing for it. Congratulations, Pooichi! You figured it out!”

Once again, Ouma had flipped the script hoping it would favor him in the long run. However, Saihara had expected that, and he wasn’t going to let this go without some sort of confession.

“Then say it.”

“Hmm? Say what?”

“Say you like being tickled. If it’s true, it’s no problem for you, right?”

“...”

When he didn’t answer, Saihara wiggled his hand above his stomach again in a threatening notion. Ouma began to visibly squirm.

“Say it… or else I’ll keep going until you do!”

Ouma bit his lip, the gears turning in his head. It seemed his table turning had backfired.

“...Alright. I like it.”

“What do you like?” Saihara wisped his stomach again, delighted to see his rival laughing and worming around once again.

“Aha! Ehehehehe! Fine!! Iwantedyoutotickleme!”

Not exactly what he was expecting, but it was satisfying nonetheless. He backed off again, letting Ouma’s wrists go. His arms immediately went to his sides. He hugged himself protectively as a few residual giggles managed to sneak out.

“That’s all I needed to hear.”

When he calmed down, Ouma looked at him again as a faint blush dusting his round cheeks. He quickly shook it off before putting on another front to mask his giddiness.

“Saihara-chan is such a perv… he just wanted an excuse to touch his beloved nemesis. Neehee…”

“What if I did?”

That appeared to throw him off, since he actually tripped over his next words as if he couldn’t think of a response quickly enough.

“Huh!! Um, yeah! Aha, what if, indeed.”

Saihara rolled his eyes playfully, picking up the discarded case files on the floor before making his way out of the room. He saw Ouma watching him from the corner of his eye and smiled again before heading out to finish the rest of his daily duties. It was pretty cute, the way he longed for more yet was unwilling to say it aloud. It was something they would have to work on, but for now, Saihara was happy to keep playing along.

[anerdyfeminist]

Health related stuff to follow, don’t read if periods/surgery stuff is hard for you. But if this is something you’re cool reading...what I’m going to say in a LOT more words is that it’s really, really fucked up how hard it is to get help with menstruation/uterus related medical care that actually WORKS and/or to be listened to or respected about those issues.

I keep thinking about how so many things have happened with my health in the past year that I haven’t even had time to mentally or emotionally process it and by the time that I could get a moment to try..............boom, pandemic. I can’t remember how much I’ve written here about it generally...BUT trying to summarize quickly, after the bad car accident that fucked up my arm and I had surgery to fix it, the MRI scans they took at the ER that night opened a god damn Pandora’s box of shit in there I needed to take care of. I went from understanding myself as a person who has one mild chronic health issue to..........someone with four.

The biggest issue that was discovered was a wide spread and a really advanced case of endometriosis. My gyno surgically removed multiple endometriomas from both of my ovaries, the largest of which was bigger than a grapefruit. After I recovered from surgery, I started taking the only medication that specifically exists to inhibit more endometrial growth and manage the pain. (And it’s a pretty new drug at that.) My doctor didn’t really fully consider that one of its biggest side effects is depression and anxiety and as someone whose mental health has only rather recently gotten in a better place, after a couple of months on this new medication, I felt like how I felt before I started taking anti anxiety meds. That was suuuuuper untenable and I couldn’t stay on it.

So I had to go back to square one on how to keep my endo at bay. But this time in the story of “how the fuck to treat this raging case of endo” we’re now into late March and in the pandemic when I get to the point where my doctor explains that pretty much the only other option for me is to try an IUD. Hearing that pretty much made me almost breakdown crying in the appointment. (I held it together long enough to get home for that.)

I’ve always loved that IUDs exist for people who want them, bc I’m obvi all about access to the birth control anyone wants and I have lots of friends who LOVE theirs and extol their virtues. But literally ever since the moment I learned about then when I was like 17 I have been super averse to the concept for myself. I had long ago filed IUDs under “NOPE” in my brain. I’m just one of those folks who is grossed out by the idea of foreign material just existing inside my body. But after going through having already had a bunch of hardware in my arm and knowing how shitty it felt trying the endo meds, I said FUCK IT and took the plunge to get an IUD.

(Side note: seeking this type of medical care in the middle of the pandemic was super creepy dystopian and like being in a fucking episode of A Handmaid’s Tale because I was usually the only person there who was not VERY visibly pregnant because only totally “medically necessary” procedures were allowed, all the masks, plastic partitions, spacing of patients, etc., etc. Just weird.)

The IUD insertion itself was a nightmare if I’m really honest and the ultrasound they did at that point disappointedly revealed ANOTHER endometrioma already growing back that my doc wants to now keep an eye on........BUT the good news is that bad insertion experience aside, so far I’m feeling pretty good about using it. It’s been almost 3 months with it and the biggest revelation by far has been that the terrible, monster periods I had FOR YEARS just didn’t need to be what they were. In such a short span of time having much much much lighter ones, I’ve already begun to wonder what I was thinking just trying to suffer through that experience for so long.

If you’ve read my stuff here over the past few years, you’ll know that my period was the most raging heavy and intense.......I mean, I have a whole fucking tag for it. I had to go out of my way to find the largest capacity menstrual cup IN THE LITERAL WORLD and I would fill it a few times a day. You’d hear me say “oh hey, FYI your periods can get much heavier the older you get” which is true, mind you, but I had no idea that what I was experiencing was really really well beyond the bounds of what is “normal” and indicative of a bigger health issue. I told my doctor (who I don’t really fault, she has a lot of good qualities) about it and she thought it was just normal aging stuff. I didn’t advocate for myself as much as I should have and she didn’t listen to me well enough as she should have and the result is that for about 5 years I had untreated and undiagnosed endo that resulted in that grapefruit sized endometrioma and all her friends.

There were other signs too...my cramps had gotten incredibly horrific. Once the endometriomas were all removed, I realized they had been doing stuff like pressing on my bladder, making it hard to pee/empty it all the way and I couldn’t lay in bed in certain ways pain free. Getting this diagnosis was scary but it all started to make sense. And it’s still making sense the more I unravel my understanding of the past several years of my life. What I was going through was not normal, but it also wasn’t being taken seriously by anyone, perhaps most of all, by myself.

So yeah, I’m still processing this news and seeking to better understand that I didn’t have to feel like that for so long. I’ve got this tendency baked into me to assume and accept that “life is suffering” (thanks, dad) and that you must grin and bear it and just survive. I think that when it comes to issues that involve menstruation or uterine issues, that this message is even LOUDER because we are shamed into not speaking about these things publicly by society more widely. Their discussion is stigmatized, belittled, glossed over, filed under “ewwwww grossssss” etc.

But obviously, that’s not how it has to be................if I am hurting or uncomfortable I am WORTH the effort of trying to figure out why and see if I can fix it. And if that issue involves my period or uterus or ovaries SO BE IT. There’s nothing inherently gross or TMI about that. They are body parts and they get conditions. That’s life.

Anyway, I really enjoyed Padma Lakshmi’s interview by Terry Gross on Fresh Air this week and it influenced me wanting to write this. She talks about her own endo story and it really resonated with me. (She also had a terrible arm injury in her past. We’re basically twins LOLOLOL.) As I said, I’m still processing ALL of this. But if there’s one thing I know for sure, it is that having endometriosis sucks but knowing you have it is waaaaaaaaay better than not knowing.

[starline]

Game of Thrones S7, Ep3, The Queen’s Justice Reaction/Review

Oh wow! They are just starting with Jon! Omg.

I want the pin Missandei is wearing

Tyrion, "By the way, I didn't fuck your sister. She's smart too." THIS IS GOOD. GLAD YOU TOLD JON THIS TYRION. 

LOLOLOL JONS FACE WITH THE DRAGONS.

BYE MELSANDRE. BYEEEEEE. 

Omg dany and jonnnnnnnn I love it. I just watched this whole scene in tense silence. 

Geez Euron is gross. Cersei playing him well though. Jamie just punch him.

Damn Cersei this is cold, but kinda earned. Bye Sand Snakes! 

Jamie stoppppppppppp it. Ew ew ew. Butt flashes will not save this scene from being HELLA GROSSSSSS. 

Oh hey Mycroft! 

Hahahaha Tyrion on Jon's brooding.

Sansa yesssss. Organized af. 

OMG BRANNNNNN SANSAAAAAAA MY STARK BABIES.(I screamed and jumped out of my seat)

Ugh Bran whyyyyyy did you bring that up?!? JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE THE 3 EYED RAVEN DOESN’T MEAN YOU GOTTA BE A WEIRDO. 

SAM YA DID IT!!! Ya cured the stone aids!!

Hahahaha Tyrion you little shit.

Wait. Oh.

Oh shit, Jamie. This was smart.

Well bye Olenna. You were fun. This was weird spot to end it.

After Show Thoughts:

I wanted more out of the Olenna Jamie scene. :/  whelp. At least Jamie knows Tyrion didn't kill Joffery.

I don’t like the feeling of Cersei winning right now.