#GOD there's nothing quite as refreshing as a good goro breakdown

[orcelito]

ok im looking back at the WIP for libero a due chapter 3 and. god. i still fucking love this SO much.

posting a scene excerpt of it here (under the cut) bc im really proud of this actually. and i want people to see it.

Check Out my violinist akechi band au excerpt, HERE:

Only after the water was off and Goro was grabbing a paper towel did Kurusu speak. "Akechi, what happened back there?" 

Goro took his time blotting at his mouth so he could think. He didn't know how much he should say, nor how much Kurusu would be willing to hear. He still wasn't certain he wouldn't just break down crying if he thought about it too much. 

… But Kurusu was here. As promised, he came to his concert. After all of his help this week, maybe he deserved a bit of an explanation. 

With a sigh, Goro wadded up the paper towel and threw it into the trash can. "That was a producer and his executives. They want to recruit me." 

Kurusu's voice was confused as he replied, "That's… good, isn't it? I thought that was what you wanted."

What he wanted, huh? 

Goro shook his head, still not looking up at him. "What I want doesn't matter here. It's what needs to happen, but I…" He thought back to the way the marketing officer looked at him and bared his teeth in a grimace. "Everything about this is fucking awful." 

"… 'What needs to happen'? What do you mean?"

Goro huffed a bitter laugh. "Exactly what I said. I need to sign onto someone before I graduate. I don't have any other options." 

There was a pause, and then Kurusu let out a soft sigh. "Can you explain it in a way that makes sense? Why are you talking like you don't have a choice here?" 

Goro thinned his lips, clenching his hands in and out of fists as he thought. "It's… It's just my circumstances. I don't have a choice." 

Kurusu took a step closer, though he didn't try to touch him again. "Please, Akechi. Tell me what's going on." 

Tentatively, Goro looked up at him… and found him staring back in that painfully caring way he always did. 

Goro fucking hated him. 

Clenching his fingernails into his palms, Goro answered, "I'm under contract. I mentioned that I have a sponsor. This is the stipulation. I have to sign onto a producer by the time I graduate, or else I am going to have to pay all his monetary assistance back in full." 

Kurusu blinked in surprise. "You… what? Why would he…?" 

Goro snarled, "Because he's an opportunistic piece of shit that knew I didn't have any other choice." He began clenching and unclenching his fists again. "It was this or starving, and he knew that. I figured it'd be worth it, figured it wouldn't be this hard to get into the industry, but it's fucking difficult." He let out a bitter laugh. "And he doesn't care. I bet he wouldn't care even if I had to suck dick to make it happen."

"You- wait, what?" 

Goro began angrily pacing back and forth across the small space. He continued clenching and unclenching his fists. "That's the standard, of course. You don't make it far in show business unless you're well-connected, extremely talented, or great at sucking dick. I'm a dirty fucking orphan, so of course I'm not well-connected. I've refused to let any of them touch me, so sex isn't an option. This just leaves talent, which isn't nearly as important as you'd expect it to be." He breathed another bitter laugh. "I've leaned hard into talent, practicing until my fingers have nearly fallen off, but even then, it's not enough. It always comes back to my stupid- fucking- looks-" 

In anger, he kicked the wall- then again, this time even harder- 

"Akechi," Kurusu called. "Slow down. Please."

Goro's breaths were coming in labored little huffs. His palms stung from how deep his fingernails dug, and his foot ached… kind of a lot, actually. 

Fuck. What a display he was making to the man he was falling in love with. 

Goro made a frustrated noise at the back of his throat. "I'm just- for all the fucking work I put into this, thousands upon thousands of hours, they're still only considering me because of my looks. They don't care about how skilled I am. They just want a pretty face they can sell." He laughed, loud and bitter. "I bet they're hoping they can wear me down, in time. Because in the end, all anyone ever fucking wants is to use me." 

To his bitter dismay, his eyes were starting to burn. It caused one more flare of anger, spurring him to kick the wall as hard as he could- 

Fuck. Involuntarily, he let out a wounded noise at how much it hurt-

"Akechi." A hand wrapped around Goro's bicep, pulling him from the wall. "Please. Stop hurting yourself." 

Surprisingly, the touch didn't make him want to tear off his own skin this time. Instead, he kind of just wanted to cry. 

Fuck it. Deciding he was too upset to care, Goro turned with the movement to crumple against Kurusu's chest. He fought against his tears even as he rested his forehead to Kurusu's shoulder. In a harsh whisper, he told him, "I'm just so fucking tired of this, Kurusu." 

Kurusu froze. Then ever so slowly, he released Goro's bicep, only to wrap his arms around Goro's shoulders in a hug. 

Ah. That was the final straw. 

In horrid, choked sobs, Goro began to cry. All of his anger and despair washed over him, leaving him wondering for the millionth time how the world could be so cruel. 

Kurusu let out a slow breath, then tightened his hold around Goro's shoulders to squeeze him in a firm, steady hug. 

It was comforting in a way Goro hadn't experienced in a long, long time.