#GOD I'm sorry I'm just super emotional about him this week for some reason

[fitzselfships]

okay idk if I'll post this or if it will stay in my drafts but I am super emotional and thinking about Stretchy so this might be long lol

I'm thinking so much about how Stretchy has been such a major comfort character for me for a year now. He genuinely means the entire world to me and he's really helping me to cope with everything that's wrong with me <:]

Last year was rough for me. I just like. suddenly had a bunch of health issues hit me, and then this year was all of a sudden dealing with what I thought was schizoaffective disorder, but only recently found out it's psychosis and severe ptsd. Idk why my brain latched onto Stretchy (or Little Robots in general) but I'm not complaining

Sometimes I wonder if Stretchy even realizes just how much he's done for me this year and last year. I know he's just a fictional character and it's probably silly to get this emotional over him, but he genuinely has helped me through so much. I really do wonder sometimes how he would even react if he knew how much he means to me

@ Stretchy ily so much!!!! /p

[conanssummerchild]

my own ranking of every rick and morty episode, inspired by the lovely @fandomwe1rd0 :3

sorry this is a bit scattered, the random quotes are just lines that i liked/found funny. i had to shorten all my reasonings by a fuck ton bcs i was just going on forever lmao, so if some things feel kinda cut off, that's why.

i binged all of rick and morty in like a week to make this, just to make sure the ranking was fully accurate to me and it took me way to long but i'm finally done !!

btw this isnt a ranking of which episodes are objectively the best, its very biased and just my personal opinions, im aware some epsiodes definitely shouldnt be as high as they are but a lot of them are just my comfort episodes 🤷

f tier: episodes i actively dislike, have little to no redeeming qualities.

71. rickdependance spray: audibly said "oh, fuck no." when i realised this was next. the rest of weird-ish episodes have some redeeming points but this one just has no plot relevance and isnt very funny.

70. raising gazorpazorp: main reason i dislike this episode is the end credit, it reminds me of when i was listening to family line and my dad insinuated conan was making it up and that if i got famous i'd do the same, like, no, if i talk abt what a shitty dad you are its bcs you were a shitty dad, do better. anyway i just thought it was an unfunny joke. due to daddy issues. also its just a boring episode.

69. a rickconvenient mort: summer and rick's storyline was ok but not enough to make up for how much i hate planetina. i liked beth in this episode. rick and summer's dynamic was nice too, but unhealthy.

e tier: episodes i don't dislike, just find boring/have bad elements but more redeeming qualities.

68. m. night shaym-aliens!: the little crystal wrestle was adorable. other than that not a super memorable episode.

67. rise of the numbericons: the movie: i didn't hate it but compared to the rest of s7 it was pretty weak. i think mr goldenfold is funny, but not enough to get his own episode. it would've been more entertaining if rick was in it lets be real, i missed him.

66. interdimensional cable 2: tempting fate: i care very little about jerry's penis. the interdimensional cable was good as usual though.

65. how poopy got his poop back: fine episode, not my fav. i liked seeing bp and squanchy again.

64. edge of tomorty: rick die rickpeat: "Damn, Morty, you're bad at maths, but I'm giving you an a-plus in confidence!" an okay episode.

63. rick: a mort well lived: pretty weak episode to follow solaricks. summer's die hard was good. some cool emotional components.

62. rattlestar ricklactia: "Hey, Morty, listen. I can tell you're pretty upset about the whole snake encounter thing, so I'll tell you what. I'm just gonna go ahead and avoid you for the rest of the day." rnm were kind of cute at the end. yk, until rick punched morty in the face :/.

61. the jerrick trap: sorry ik a lot of ppl love this episode but tho burger & fries were cute characters its not all that for me. memory rick's return, however, was all that. i love him.

60. childrick of mort: "Oh my god, grandpa, you fuck boy." rick being a space nerd <3. loved to see more of beth and rick together but other than that this episode was kinda mid.

59. amortycan grickfitti: honestly made me feel bad for jerry which isnt easy, i sort of liked rick here, he seemed reluctant to let the hell demons make fun of jerry, he still did, but even apologised with only a little prompting. can't say the same for beth. summer and morty were sweet in this episode, i wish we would get more of them.

58. rickmancing the stone: "I don't know why I'm crying." "Well... try crying 15% less?" not bad, i liked the emotional components.

57. mortynight run: again, not super memorable to me. the roy montage was good. You kind of wasted your 30's, though, with that whole birdwatching phase." the animation for the song was great.

d tier: mostly okay to good episodes with minor faults that i can look past in the general scheme of the episode.

56. one crew over the crewcoo's morty: fucked up what rick did to morty. and to mr pb, his life went to shit after this, bcs of rick.

55. night family: had some great moments, but wasnt my fav.

54. anatomy park: loved dr bloom, john oliver voiced him perfectly.

53. lawnmower dog: sweet scenes between rnm. liked the dream inceptor, loved scary terry, snuffles was good too but not as much.

52. claw and hoarder: special ricktims morty: "Are you gonna slay it?" "First off, i always slay it, queen. Secondly, yes." summer being on morty's side was nice. while the soul orgy was a bit weird, the rest of this episode was pretty entertaining which is why its higher up, sorry.

51. bethic twinstinct: jerry saying he would khs, not cool jerry fuck you. "You ladies discuss responsibility while i get stoned and play video games with your kids." the end 💀 i felt bad but it was funny lol.

50. final desmitation: maybe my fav ep of jerry and rick's relationship. i liked seeing rick disapprove of them making fun of jerry, had some funny moments and i even liked jerry here.

49. a rick in king mortur's mort: not the best but i enjoyed rickbot being nice to morty. also this episode sets up for rmrm which i love.

48. promortyus: morty's little yee-haw 😭. and their conversation, so sweet. taking the adderall line as an adhd rick confirmation. "It is my thing. Just like yours is dying alone," get his ass. i feel like the romance couldve been a compelling story if the hosts werent rnm.

47. the whirly dirly conspiracy: rick's take on jerry was accurate. "But no, like father like goddamn daughter! You wanna be like Rick? Congratulations, you're just as arrogant and just as irresponsible!" morty ate. i prefered summer and beths storyline to rick and jerry's.

c tier: solid, episodes, some have a few faults but theyre small

46. mort: ragnarick: it's so high up because i found rick to be likeable and liked his dynamic with morty. ricks clone was cute too.

45. look who's purging now: "Screw you, Rick! I'll purge you too, you old rickety piece of crap!" rnm's storyline was great, i liked arthrisha.

44. the ricks must be crazy: "I dropped out of school. It's not a place for smart people." "Ohhhh, snap!" lmao literally my reaction. "Ooh. Wow. Gaaay!" "That is pretty gay." not much more to say, good ep.

43. never ricking morty: rnm were sweet in this ep. the gay ass song with rick and bp. "Rick are you– do you need to go to the hospital?" the forehead kiss was sweet. (we're ignoring "Lips if you want.")

42. mort dinner rick andre: mr nimbus is a great character. the wine storyline was a bit boring. "I havent been to a full week of school in years! I don't know shit!" love the peek at rick's backstory too.

41. rick potion #9: important lore episode. some funny bits. morty was a little creepy in this one. i love jerry primes character development. first look on down from the bridge moment !!

40. forgetting sarick mortshall: "What are you, eight? Is this macaroni art? You expect me to believe you built this because you don't care?" liked ricks storyline and he actually does seem to be showing minor development. the end song was good. liked garbage goober's lore.

39. morty's mindblowers: rick removing whatever memories he wanted was fucked up. rick saying granite instead of granted will always be funny. also him losing in chackers and skiing into a tree.

38. mortyplicity: entertaining enough if a little convoluted, i liked it though. sweet moment between the decoy family, shame they died.

b tier: good to great episodes.

37. big trouble in little sanchez: actually liked jerry and beths storyline in this one. tiny riiick !! "old rick! ruining everything!" good episode.

36. pilot: good intro, sets the tone. rick is such a dick (affectionate). rnm's dynamic !! the animation is great. overall great episode.

35. pickle rick: ik its a overrated but i think its good. hes pickle riiiick. dr wong's speech to rick was actually really good and accurate.

34. meeseeks and destroy: rick was such a whiny bitch this episode (affectionate), up until the mr jellybean stuff, which i liked bcs it was handled well by the writers and rick was actually very sweet.

33. rick and morty's thanksploitation spectacular: president curtis' alcoholic sci-fi boyfriend is probably my favourite way rick has been refered to in the show LOL. overall i enjoyed this episode.

32. something ricked this way comes: idc now but, the first time watching rick's r slur speech it was obnoxious and offputting. summer and rick were great, i adore their dynamic, love summer and rick episodes, but idrc for jerry's storyline, he bores me so bad.

31. full meta jackrick: "Rick can't change, Morty. Change is what you might call his Kryptonite." there were a lot of things i liked abt this ep.

30. vindicators 3: the return of worldender: very good episode. forever a believer that the ride was for morty and rick just chickened out.

29. a rickle in time: the va for the testicle monster was great. beth and jerry's storyline also wasn't bad. rick jumping into the hole and sacrificing his life for morty, im sobbing. great episode.

28. the vat of acid episode: morty trying to make rick feel better about not being able to make the thing was very sweet. morty's relationship with that girl was adorable, so sad it was erased by jerry's dumb ass /lh. fuck rick in this episode. the end was funny.

27. rixty minutes: while i do love interdimensional cable this episode would've been lower if it wasn't for all the character moments. "You can't leave, you're 17." "Yeah, and I'm not pregnant. I'm gonna have better judgement than you guys had at my age." loved summer getting screentime. beth and jerry's moment was quite sweet.

26. ricksy business: bp and squanchy !!! >:) bp coming through with the deep speech. the montage of rick morty and summer at the end is so adorable i love them sm <3. "I love my grandkids." "Aw :)." "Psych, just kidding, my new catchphrase is i dont give a fuuuck!"

25. get schwifty: first president curtis episode !! i love him. love morty and bp interactions haha. "In bird culture, this is considered a dick move." "It is random debris. I found it in my carpet. I don't know what humans eat." crying i love him sm. one of my personal favs lol :).

24. juricksick mort: tbh i mostly like this ep bcs of "You pompous autistic cadaver!" but there was other good moments and it was entertaining. rick was funny and likeable and very much a disaster of a human being, as i was promised when i started watching rnm.

23. star mort rickturn of the jerri: space beth !! "You cosplay as your shitty father in his 30's." "Its funny. I always wondered who would win if we ever fought." "Then you were always a bad friend." :(. "Holy shit, I'm a terrible father." i forgot how good this episode was, very angsty.

22. total rickall: genuinely love this episode. KEITH DAVID >:D. rick's "weird made-up sounding catchphrases" compilation is one of my fav moments in the show lol, everyone looks so concerned 💀.

21. rest and ricklaxation: "Grandpa's here." SOBBING. "Because you kept drunk-dialing me and crying about it!" "I wasn't crying!" loved jessica and ricks dynamic lol. great episode.

20. rickfending your mort: great follow up to unmortricken, i like that rick doesnt just go back to normal and we see it takes a while and even then its only bcs morty steps in. morty making up titles for all their adventures is adorable. great sweet scenes between rnm.

19. the rickchurian mortydate: autistic rick !! also minecraft. the president is such a pathetic loser lol <3. i loved rick and morty being on the same wavelength in this episode. the ending was good.

18. wet kuat amortycan summer: summer-centric episode !! rick was likeable, liked seeing him clumsy getting his grove back. him saying summer reminds him of diane again, he's getting so much more open, im so proud, can you imagine s3 rick being sincere like that?

17. close rickcounters of the rick kind: best s1 episode, love citadel episodes. evil morty !!!!! some funny moments. "You're crying? Over a Morty?" sobbing. "Yeah, but wheres the transmitter?" and the evil morty song oh god, best scene ever fr. i love my evil guy :3.

s tier: outstanding episodes, the 16 best imo.

16. that's amorte: FANTASTIC episode, the end montage is the only part of any rnm episode thats made me cry a little, it would be higher up but i have some personal favs which i put higher. i feel like this episode was very classic rnm after having them separated half of s7.

15. the old man and the seat: jerry and morty's dynamic is pretty funny. tony and rick's storyline was fantastic. some pretty angsty stuff. "The saaaddest piece of garbage in the entire cosmos."

14. the abc's of beth: rick and beth episode !! rick saying that an adventure clearly needs morty in it, aw. i did not care about jerry's storyline at all. beth had no right being so relatable in this ep.

13. ricktional mortpoon's rickmas mortcation: rick relapsing into finding prime !! "I'm not touching that thing. I'll get neurotypical cooties." ok, so ik a lot of ppl don't like the speech rick said to morty, but i do, he was going through a LOT, this clearly took him quite a few steps back in development and healing, i think it was less bad than a lot of other things he's done and way more justified.

12. fear no mort: loved morty getting his time to shine, LOVED diane and rick. morty realising rick wasn't in the hole has to be one of the best moments in the show. rick not going in the hole at the end bcs morty told him not to, hope some day he'll get to the point of doing things for morty in front of him so he can realise how much he cares.

11. analyze piss: look at rick asking dr wong for advice. him relating to piss master :(. also i read a phenomenal fic abt this ep (tw sh) (link).

10. air force wong: UNITY RETURNS! Rick was kinda childish in this episode but i feel like it was justified, he wasn't being a dick just bcs, he was hurting, and he even kinda apologised to summer, hes trying. rick going to drink with the president instead of being alone.

9. the rickshank rickdemption: RICK PRIME. "That, diane, is the last great idea that will ever be had in this garage." :((((. ricks backstory. "he's not a villan, summer, but he shouldn't be ur hero." fantastic ep.

8. rickmurai jack: love two crows rick. rick's full "crybaby" backstory !! "Now you're evil morty, too. sooner or later we all are. on this side of the curve." THE END OH GOD. THE MUSIC. EVIL MORTY LETTING OUT A SIGH OF RELIEF. INSANE finale.

7. gotron jerrysis rickvangelion: rick is so spectacularly autistic in this one. i like how he doesnt silly hyperfixtate, he full on unhealthy hyperfixtates. i practically know this ep off by heart. comfort ep fr.

6. rickternal friendshine of the spotless mort: im not sorry for putting this up so high, i love this ep so fucking much. memory rick is so silly i love him sm. "You were a good friend, Rick. Goodbye." the blood ridge confession makes me FERAL. i can quote it word for word.

5. the wedding squanchers: THIS EPISODE. rick watching bp die in front of him. rick turning himself in :(. "everyone i know goes away in the end." the music was so good. "he's not coming back, is he?"

4. the ricklantis mixup: best citadel ep, fight me. j-22 trying to save simple rick only to suffer the same fate :(. slick jumping into the wishing portal. the ending was phenomenal, every single storyline was amazing and important. and evil morty returns.

3. auto erotic assimilation: love unity and ricks dynamic. blim blam humbling beth and jerry. jerry using the weed whacker right in front of the garage where rick just attempted. and no one notices. bc that's how it is. "do you feel it?" is a great song. maybe this ep is higher than it should be but it's my comfort ep, it means so much to me.

2. solaricks: first time we get to see dimension c-137 out of a flashback !! "I hope Summer knows what happens to the people you love!" "Oh, am I cool enough for you now? Well, that was easy. It only cost me fucking everything." "I don't know him. You're my grandpa, rick." rip jerry prime, my fav jerry. THIS EPISODE IS PHENOMENAL.

1. unmortricken: ok anyone who knows me knows this is my fav ep bcs i never stfu abt it. i mean, evil morty backstory, rick beating prime to death, GOD. ian cardoni was COOKING with the delivery of those lines, and the lines were fantastic. some good rnm moments. the angst is so good. "How's it feel? Better? No? Exactly the same? Yeah, it always does." best look on down from the bridge moment.

i keep going over this a million times just to make sure everything is perfect but idk, some episodes are maybe interchangeable, im just going to post it bcs its been rotting in my drafts for quite a while now, everyone promise you dont hate me for putting an episode 1 slot too high or low /j

and sorry for all the jerry hate in this post, i dont hate him i just find him boring, so eps where he's the centre tend to be lower on the list.

[maple-keenes]

life's fucking long til it stops (and god's fucking fake til he's not)

>> READ IT ON AO3 HERE

summary: In the aftermath of their hostile takeover of Passione, Mista is maybe not coping super great with the death of three of the most important people in his life. But, like, he’s fine, right? Could have been four. (Mista struggles to navigate his new reality. He receives help from an unexpected source, and then two very expected ones.)

notes: it’s really impressive how much i’ve cried over jojo at this point. it’s, like, arguably way too much, but it apparently gives me a lot of inspiration, so here we are! giorno/mista are intended to be platonic but if you want to read them as romantic i'm not gonna stop you as always, my jojo fics are dedicated to @thesmalbox and @drawbucket. thank you for introducing me to these men and their problems as per usual. title of this fic is from ajr’s “god is really real”, since the song is unfortunately a very good fit for mista’s emotions about his family dying.

Mista’s life has not been going super well recently.

He can’t help but feel like he’s on his own now, a little bit. He’s got--he has people. He has Trish and Giorno, and he’s really fucking lucky that he has Trish and Giorno, and he’s like, Don Giovanna’s right-hand man! That’s really cool! 

But when the dust settles on the rubble that is the old Passione, Mista is the one who lost his family. 

Giorno and Trish are hurting too. They’ve lost a lot of good friends in the past few--weeks? Months? Everything’s been sort of blurry for a while. Time stopped making sense to Mista when Abbacchio died and he had to look Narancia in the eyes later that night and say I’m sorry, but there’s nothing we could have done. He’d never wished for a stand other than Sex Pistols before, but at that moment, Mista really, really wanted a stand that could fix the dull, sad look in Narancia’s eyes, in whatever way was easiest.

(He’d still take that heartbreak in his eyes over the lifelessness that came later. A sad Narancia is better than a dead Narancia.)

And it’s not like Giorno and Trish don’t get it, right? ‘Cause they lost all the same people Mista did. But they also knew them for less time, and they didn’t--it doesn’t hurt them. In the same way it hurts him. 

Maybe it does. He’s being a little selfish with his grief. They all lost people, they all suffered, and they’re all recovering from the mission in equally questionable ways. 

(They’re all dead, one way or another, at Diavolo’s hands.)

He hopes Narancia gets to see Abbacchio again. He hopes Bucciarati’s proud of him. He hopes it stops hurting, one of these days. 

It hasn’t yet. 

---

It’s been maybe a couple of months since their hostile takeover ended, and Mista’s still carrying around that same hollow grief he has been since the end of their mission. If Giorno and Trish are as distraught as Mista is, they’re doing a great job of hiding it. But Giorno was always good at hiding emotions. Mista can’t tell what the Boss is thinking for shit. 

To be fair, Mista isn’t exactly flaunting his fraying mental state around either. He thinks he’s doing a pretty good job of keeping things under wraps. 

He thinks so right up until Giorno drags him to a meeting with Polnareff (because not even being a spirit that lives in the magical room belonging to a turtle gets you out of meetings with Don Giovanna)--and the meeting is in the turtle room, of course. He then promptly gets a call from someone else and excuses himself to take it, leaving the other two alone in the room together. Polnareff takes one look at Mista and says, “You’re not doing too well, are you, Mista?”

“I’m doing just fine!” he protests, but he’s not sure he’s even convinced of that himself. “It’s cool. I’m coping.” 

The Frenchman sighs, giving Mista a look that for some reason reminds him so much of Bucciarati (it’s the disappointed parent vibes) that he nearly bursts into tears on the spot. “You are not--you call it coping, yes? Telling yourself you are not alone in missing them is not coping.” 

“I’m not just telling myself that…” 

“You knew them better,” he continues, ignoring Mista’s half-hearted response, “but you do not want to dismiss Don Giovanna or Miss Una’s grief, so you are being quiet. And in doing so, you have not spoken about this to anyone. You are not well.” 

“I don’t need to talk to a fuckin’ therapist or anything,” Mista grumbles, idly twirling a pencil through his fingers. “I’m not, like--I know it’s fine that I’m sad that they’re dead. It’s not like I didn’t know I loved ‘em, right? They were my family. And we were all real young, but we were gangsters, so we always knew it was a possibility.” 

Polnareff scoffs at that. “Knowing that it may happen does not adequately prepare you for when it does happen.” 

“What are you, the fuckin’--the fuckin’ expert on trauma, or whatever?” he all but growls, the hole in his chest welling up with something that is probably despair but feels like anger. “Just. Fuck off. I already said I was fine.” 

“On trauma? Non. On losing people you loved?” His eyes get this weird faraway look in them that Mista doesn’t like. It’s too serious. The man lives in a turtle. “Do you think you are the only person who has lost their family?” 

“It’s different--” 

“It is not,” he snaps, and Mista’s eyes go wide. “You do not… how much do you know about me? Who I am?” 

He shrugs, suddenly a little uncomfortable. “You work for that foundation that deals with stands, you’re French, and you were part of the team that killed Giorno’s vampire dad in 1988.” 

“And do you think,” Polnareff asks, voice deceptively even, and Mista feels like he’s really missing something here, “that everyone who faced DIO survived the encounter?” 

“Well, I kinda doubt it, but…” Realization dawns on him and he feels like he might actually be the world’s worst person. Ever. “Oh. I’m sorry.” 

The older man looks exasperated, but there’s a hint of a smile on his face even though Mista has just directly implied that he doesn’t know jack shit about what Mista’s going through even though he really, definitely does. “Pas de souci, you did not know. You could have made an educated guess, but I do not necessarily expect that of you.” 

“Hey!” 

“I am joking. See, Mista, I am doubly the expert on this because I have lost people twice over. I once lost the same person twice, even,” he says, with the intonation implying that this is supposed to be some sort of joke but it just makes Mista feel really fucking bad, which was maybe the actual intention the whole time. “It is okay to be sad. To miss them. Giorno will not think less of you for it.” 

They’re both silent for a while before Mista’s brain-to-mouth filter finally fails him and he blurts out, “Who was it?” 

“Hm?”

“Who was it that died,” he repeats sheepishly. “I don’t know a lot about the mission to kill DIO. I don’t even--I still don’t one hundred percent believe that Giorno’s dad is a vampire from a hundred years ago.”

Polnareff huffs out a small laugh, folding his arms over his chest. “I admit that if I had not faced the man myself I would find it difficult to believe as well. As for who it was… well. We had called ourselves the Crusaders, because we thought our cause quite righteous, and because Jotaro did not find it very funny at all when we did so. There were… six of us, in the end. Five humans and one dog.

“And it is still difficult to talk about this, even though it has been nearly 25 years since I lost them. It has been even longer since I lost my sister. It gets easier to miss them, over time. But in the beginning, I did not think I would ever be able to say their names again,” he says quietly, and Mista finds himself leaning in. “There were six of us, yes. Myself, Joseph Joestar, Jotaro Kujo, Kakyoin Noriaki, Muhammed Avdol, and Iggy. Iggy was this horrible little bastard dog who ended up with a stand and got sent along with us when we reached Egypt.”

Mista has heard of Jotaro Kujo and Joseph Joestar--and obviously, he’s heard of Polnareff--though it’s very recent, and little information has been shared. They’re related to Giorno, technically, maybe, kind of. Kujo is the one who sent someone to find Giorno. The other three he’s never heard anyone mention. 

The Frenchman continues, “I think I was luckier than you were. Luckier than Mr. Joestar, certainly. I only had to watch one of them die.” Mista lets out a soft gasp at that. “Well. I had watched one of those three die already, so maybe I was only spared the hardship of watching one of them.”

“You don’t have to tell me this--”

“Hush. I am proving a point. We went into Cairo knowing that we were not safe. Expecting that we were not going to survive, but our resolve to kill DIO was so strong that we were not afraid. We are all fearless in the face of death when you have watched your friend come back from it already, of course.” He sighs. “And we had just gotten Kakyoin back from the hospital, too. He had been gone for so long… but we entered the manor, and Avdol had said to me, ‘Polnareff, do not try to save me. I am not going to save you. One of us needs to make it out alive.’ I agreed because he was right. Saving me is what nearly got him killed the first time. And then we are exploring, and suddenly he yells my name, pushes me out of the way, and is gone.” Polnareff laughs somewhat bitterly. “My back was turned. I did not watch him die. It was so fast I would not have been able to. There was no body to bury, either. He was simply gone.

“And then the dog--the dog I despised, who had been nothing but awful to me the entire journey--he sacrifices himself to keep me alive. He uses the last of his energy to keep me from being killed by the man who killed Avdol, and I am thinking the whole time, do I even deserve this?” 

Mista is taken aback by how raw the emotion is in Polnareff’s voice, something he never expected from the goofy older man who always seemed to take situations a little less seriously than he should. He also--he gets it. Being funny is easier than being honest with yourself. “That sucks,” he says, rather eloquently. “I can’t imagine someone just being there and then… not.” 

“Mm. But Avdol and Iggy knew what they were getting into, to some extent. They were adults, as much as you can consider a dog an adult, I suppose. Kakyoin was not, for all he acted like one sometimes. He was barely seventeen.” Polnareff looks up from where he’s been staring at the wood grain in the table at those words as if he knows Mista is going to recoil at them. Barely seventeen. “I wasn’t there to watch him die. I didn’t even see the body. Jotaro never did either, and I think that hurt him very much, in the same way that Avdol vanishing hurt me. To not have anything left of them.” He clears his throat, eyes darting back down. “But Mr. Joestar was there. DIO had carved a hole straight through Kakyoin, but he used his last bit of strength to tell Mr. Joestar what DIO’s stand did.” Mista’s cheeks are wet with tears. He doesn’t know when that happened, but he does know that what Polnareff is describing sounds a lot like Abbacchio’s death, and also Narancia’s, and Bucciarati’s, and he just--he really fucking misses them. “Without his sacrifice… without Avdol’s, and Iggy’s… we would all be dead now. But that is little comfort when you are laying in a hospital bed and thinking about the fact that they are dead and you are not.”

“I really miss them,” Mista voices out loud this time, not expecting the choked way it comes out. “I really, really miss them. It doesn’t get better, does it? This. Feeling like this.” 

Polnareff shrugs loosely. “I cannot say. But you know what makes it less painful, at least a little bit?” 

“What?”

“Talking to someone.” He gestures above them. Mista’s gaze snaps up to where a shocked Giorno is standing, wide eyes transfixed on the tears rolling down Mista’s face. He’s standing next to Mista in the turtle before he knows it. Polnareff smiles a little before saying, “Don Giovanna, I apologize, but I don’t think I’ll be able to attend our meeting today. Something else came up.”

“That’s alright, Polnareff. We… we can reschedule.” Giorno inches toward Mista slowly, as if he’s not sure whether or not he’s allowed to get any closer. “Please let me know when would work best for you.” 

He nods, still looking between Mista and Giorno. “I will.” 

Giorno grabs Mista’s hand and yanks him back out of the turtle just before Mista closes the gap between them, crushing the young Don in a hug. “Dude, I know I’m supposed to be playing it real cool as your right-hand man, but I really fucking miss the rest of the team and is it okay if we’re just Giorno and Mista today? I kinda need my best friend right now,” he asks, voice still thick and cloudy with tears. They are best friends, at this point. Inexorably bonded by horrible experiences and a dream. 

Giorno returns the hug just as tightly and buries his face in Mista’s sweater since that’s the height that he’s at. Christ, he’s so young. “Okay. I can do that. Do you want to talk?” 

“Right now? No. Right now, this is okay,” he says, mostly into the top of Giorno’s head. “But. Later, maybe.” 

“Later,” Giorno agrees. “I’m sorry I never--” 

“Don’t,” Mista interrupts him firmly. “I also didn’t say shit. We’re all doing kinda bad right now.” 

He hums into Mista’s chest, not moving. His familiar doughnut-shaped hair is weirdly comforting. “What did you and Polnareff talk about?” 

“He… gave me some advice. Said that maybe keeping all this shit bottled up was a bad idea. Told me a story. That kinda stuff.” 

“Must have been some story.” 

Mista huffs. “Sure fucking was.” 

They’re silent for a while, still hugging each other tight before Giorno speaks up from where his head is still buried in Mista’s sweater. “You know you can talk to me, right? I didn’t realize it was hurting you so badly.”

“Course it is. Probably gonna hurt me for the rest of my life, GioGio. But you know, it’s not so bad,” he says, resting his chin on top of Giorno’s head. “I’ve got you, don’t I?”

“What am I, chopped liver?” someone else asks from the doorway of the conference room they’d placed the turtle in. Mista looks up to see Trish leaning against the doorframe, hand on her hip. She’s traded out her pink and orange outfit for a black and white one, with gold accents, and. Well. There’s no question where her color scheme came from, and it makes Mista’s heart ache. “Got a call from the boss saying I might be needed today, but I wasn’t expecting this!”

“Wasn’t planned,” Giorno murmurs, finally disentangling himself from Mista. “I originally wanted you two here to investigate a new stand user that’s apparently cropped up in Sicily, but…” he trails off, glancing back up to Mista’s tear-streaked face. “I think the three of us should talk about what happened with Diavolo.”

Trish frowns, shutting the door behind her as she takes in the two of them. “Is there something wrong? Did he get out of the loop?”

“No! No, nothing like that,” he reassures her. “It has come to my attention that maybe we have not communicated about the effects of the battle as well as we could have and I would like to remedy that.” 

“Is there some sort of lingering--”

“He wants to talk about our feelings, Trish,” Mista interrupts, because Giorno’s clearly not getting the point across. “Shit, man, I talked to turtle man and he made me realize that maybe I’ve not been doing so hot recently.” 

Her face crumples and she reaches over to place a hand on his arm. “Oh, Mista .” 

“It’s--okay, well, I was going to say it’s fine but it’s really not fine. Um. I just--” he starts and stops over and over again, unable to find the words to phrase this thing that’s been building up in his chest since he saw Abbacchio’s body on the beach. “I really fucking miss my family.” 

Trish looks up at him with sad eyes--not pity, never pity, she has seen him through too much now to call it pity --and says, “Of course you do. It’s…” She sighs, then takes a seat on the floor right in front of him. “Come on. If we’re doing this, we’re doing this properly.” 

Giorno looks at Mista, who shrugs and follows suit, then takes a seat on the ground himself. How ridiculous they must look, the Don and his right-hand man sitting on the floor alongside the former boss’s daughter, all in their nicest day clothes. Giorno’s wearing a fucking suit. Trish has three-inch heels on. Mista’s carrying a gun, for fuck’s sake, and here they are having a feelings circle on the floor of a conference room. 

Goddamnit, he loves them so much. 

“So,” Giorno says, all businesslike, “I wanted to apologize, first of all--” 

“Gio, please .” Trish dismisses him with a wave of her hand. “I walked in here and you were crying all over Mista. Let’s skip the ‘I’m in charge here’ part, why don’t we?”

He looks a little cowed, which Mista personally thinks is the appropriate reaction to most of Trish’s requests, mafia boss or not. “Right. Sorry. I just wanted to say I’m sorry, Mista, because I’m sure there’s not been enough time to properly grieve and part of that is my fault for how many missions I’ve been assigning you. I…” Giorno huffs out a small puff of air, staring down at the floor in front of him. “I forget that it’s different for you. Abbacchio, Bucciarati, Narancia, even Fugo, because you lost him too, in a way… they were like your family, yes? And while I cared for them, I did not have the time with them that you did. I cannot imagine what it’s like to watch someone you felt like you owed your entire life to die.”

“And not even realize they had died,” Trish mutters under her breath. “I’m still a little mad about that, just so you know. I wish you had told us.” 

“It didn’t feel like the time,” he responds, but his tone is apologetic. “Still, I am sorry. It was painful for me too, even if it wasn’t the same.”

Mista scoffs. “This isn’t a competition, Gio, we’re all allowed to be fucked up about it.” All three of them are quiet for a moment before he speaks up again and says, “Did you know Abbacchio and Bucciarati were gonna get married one day?”

“No, I had no idea!” Trish says in hushed tones while Giorno looks genuinely confused. “I thought something was going on there, but I didn’t think it was that serious.”

“I didn’t even know something was going on,” Giorno admits, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Well, I don’t know if it was really serious,” he can feel tears pricking at the corners of his eyes again, ‘cause they’ll never get the chance to actually get married, he’ll never get to tease the two of them again, call them Mom and Dad when their backs are turned, “and I don’t have a really good idea of what romance is, but they were in love, y’know? The rest of us used to give them shit for it constantly. And Narancia, we used to call him their kid, ‘cause Fugo and I, I was older and we were cooler but Narancia really latched on to them and--and I used to tease him for it so much and I wish I’d gotten a chance to tell him that I loved him because he was my fucking little brother and I never got to tell him that !”

He’s fully crying now, but Trish has moved from her seat on the floor to kneel next to him and put her arms around him and Giorno has followed suit, and the three of them are having a group hug on the floor of a conference room. Fucking hell. 

“If it helps,” Trish says, her voice barely above a whisper, “I spent a lot of time with Narancia and Bucciarati in that turtle, and… they knew. They all knew, Mista, and they really loved you too. I wish I’d gotten a chance to be a part of that family for longer because you guys were so good to each other.”

Giorno makes a soft noise that Mista can't quite place. “I agree. I could tell you loved them. I’m sure they could too.” 

“I just wish I’d gotten to say it one last time, you know?” He laughs wetly. “I spent all that time making fun of Narancia and teasing Abbacchio and Bucciarati--”

“But who’s to say that wasn’t just your way of saying you loved them?” Giorno counters. “Plenty of people like to tease each other in a familial way. You and Trish do it all the time.” 

“And I do love you, Mista, even if you are kind of gross,” she says, which gets all of them laughing a little. “And I love Giorno too! But I promise, if we could tell you loved them, I’m certain they could too.”

He smiles a little, head resting against Trish’s hair. “Thanks, you two. And while I’m here… I love you guys too. You’re my fucking family now, like it or not.” 

“I love you too,” Giorno says, much softer than anything he’d previously said. “Thank you. For being there.” 

Trish pulls back, grinning wildly despite the fact that her eyes are shining with unshed tears. “Hey, Giorno, I know you have important mafia stuff to do, but as the former boss’s daughter and your best friend, Trish, I am hereby requesting that you cancel all of that and the three of us have a movie night tonight instead. I think we could use it.”

He cracks a smile at that. “Only if you’ll paint my nails for me,” he says, and the thick fog of sadness still lingering throughout the room is lightened just a little. 

“I think I can make that work,” she responds as Mista laughs. “Don’t laugh, Mista! I’m doing yours too!” 

“No, Giorno has to do mine, and I’ll do yours! It’s only fair!” 

And the thing in Mista’s chest gets a little bit smaller. 

“You’re going to be horrible at it!” 

“I am not! ”

And maybe, just maybe, things will be okay for the three of them.

[nohara-rin-dot-mp3]

OOhhh Your Cannibal AU fic was very neat to read!! It's nice to see more insight into Rin, her thoughts, and her observations even if they're not entirely reliable. (I see u Rin, pointing out your apathy and lack of person, all the while feeling splashes of emotion and flashes of person-hood that contradict that... We see you!!!) Love the "what-if" type of feelings regarding Minato as well; logically, he likely wouldn't survive if he's not been drinking or eating for weeks, but then the storm passed days later after eating him... Could he have survived if they waited longer? Were his injuries really that bad? Was there some solution Rin could've thought of to help him, had she not been so apathetic? Was he comatose from an infection, and effectively living-dead the very moment that kunai lodged itself deeper into his spine, and nothing could've been done from the start? What-if....................

It's also really, REALLY funny to me just HOW EASILY her other teammates were on-board to start eating Minato, with very little prompting too! I'm not too sure if that's just because the Shinobi world in general is kinda blasé about that sorta thing, or if the entire team's moral compass is just super esoteric... It's probably the latter honestly! Rin did seem to feel some sort of camaraderie, comfort, and understanding for the first time in her life eating her sensei in a dank cave with her teammates, after all.

One other thing I'd be super curious to know is how Kushina would react to the news; from my understanding, she and Minato were already a steady couple for a few years, so I wonder how she'd deal with him dying so soon?

Very good fic and character study, I'm happy to have read it and I'd love to see more of this verse. A solid 10/10!! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

yay!!! :D that's rin, my girl... continuously insisting that she has no feelings and is an empty shell of a person and then ignoring The Rage *whipes away a single glistening tear* she fascinates me.

the "what-if" is one of my FAVORITE aspects of the premise. like. no one has any way of guaranteeing that minato was really, truly, done for! there was a chance he would survive- a chance rin tanked because she really truly *doesnt* give a shit about him specifically, but you know. (imo rin has the potential to be a Great mednin but she doesnt tend to act quick enough to do anything/underestimates her abilities and then doesnt act. which is a result of her being forced into the position by the gender roles running rampant in ninjaville and her weird views about agency (if she was forced into doing something SURELY it is impossible for her to do it well)). but yeah rin's best bet WOULD have been to risk doing spinal surgery herself. she just didn't. it wasn't even too late by the time they ate him- thinking logically, the best option would have been for rin to do the surgery regardless of risk and if he dies, they eat the body, and if he lives, he can teleport them out to konoha! win-win! rin did not think of this because she had already disregarded "healing minato" as a plausible option. babygirl...

yeah team minato's moral compass's are WAY out of whack. i think we all know what's going on with rin. or at least most of it lmao. and kakashi is utilitarian to a fault on account of the trauma (many of these childrens personality traits are on account of the trauma). he Doesnt want to eat minato, but also he thinks what rin's saying is making sense, and since the only reason he can think of not to eat minato is just his own peresonal feelings, he sets aside his feelings to be a Good Ninja as is habit of his. get therapy boy!!! obito denies it at first, but also obito, for all that he stands out and fights with kakashi, is at his heart a people pleaser methinks. god i love the way all of them bounce off each other. the team minato dynamic really is unparalleled.

kushinaaaaaa my girl im so so sorry. on one hand obito brought you back some cinnamon. on the other hand. well. my take on her grief is that kushina has already lost a LOT. and she uses a kind of fake it till you make it attitude to deal with it. like an evil rin. *kushina voice: if i act happy around everyone surely this means that i am actually happy.* so while she is legitimately devastated by minato's death (i rag on the man but he IS a person, culpable to the system but not solely responsible for its flaws!!!!! i think his relationship with kushina is actually very sweet and far from the worst a ninja has ever had. i mean not to say its HEALTHY but its kind of close??? progress??) she kind of brushes past it so that she can GET BACK TO BEING HAPPY. this is not a great coping mechanism. but she can get in line for therapy. because there's a long long line.

i have been thinking of adding more to that timeline... i think it could end up being a REALLY interesting exploration of what would happen to team minato without the influence of madara/zestu/all that nonsense. (the answer is broken and dead. they're always gonna be broken and or dead.) i am a FIRM believer that regardless of weird plant guys interference team minato was destined for tradegy, on account of being shinobi. and it'd be interesting to explore. (my logic is that like,, they dont get assigned kanobi bridge w/out minato, so some other poor fool eventually ends up getting used as madara's pawn. taps nose.) thank you for the comment i'm glad you enjoyed!!!

[weezly14]

Hey Weezly, wondered about your thoughts on EP 9 of TCR. Tough one to watch, at least for me anyway. Thanks!

Hi there. You may regret asking for my thoughts.

Let me preface this by saying that I came into this show wanting to like it. I think Tom Holland is a great actor, and the source material was interesting, and I was curious to see what they'd do with it - especially once it became clear they were going the "inspired by" route rather than an adaptation of the Billy Milligan book.

That being said, I think episode 9 is when we start seeing the plot really get going, and, as a result, see just how poorly constructed it is. Episode 9 laid bare all the flaws and issues I could ignore in previous episodes. I'm going to watch the last episode because I've invested all this time already, but I liked this show a lot more before I watched this episode.

Here's a brief bullet-pointed list of some of my issues with it:

i hate this courtroom drama angle. a) that's not how trial works and b) why the fuck are we having a trial in the first place. Is he not pleading guilty? The trial just makes it clear how convoluted and contrived the case is - a shooting that injured but did not kill - and I know we were given the heads up that the defense lawyer isn't a good trial lawyer 2 episodes ago or something, but god, I could've represented Danny better. And the prosecutor gave a great performance except I cannot imagine a judge allowing half the shit he did. Also, again, the defense lawyer? Didn't cross-examine Marlin? wtf

the racial and sexual politics of this show are all the fuck over the place, and I could sort of let it slide but nope, now I've gotta call it out. 1) the prosecutor has been so clearly and completely painted as The Bad Guy so she's an easy target for abuse from viewers because she's being mean to our protagonist, and the fact that she (and the judge, who I assume will give Danny a harsh sentence next week - because the jury decides the verdict but the judge decides the sentence) is black and Danny is white? Feels some kind of way. 2) Angelo on the stand? This is a drug dealer, why would he show up? Further on Angelo - in like a 10 second scene last week we saw that Jonny-Danny had apparently a sexual relationship with him which makes the trying to get a gun scene hit so different. There's so much to unpack here. And yet. 3) Jerome. So, like most of the actors on this show, he's given a great performance. He and Tom have had some great scenes. But a) the amount of emotional labor this black character has done for the white character he barely knows is vaguely upsetting, b) when we're first introduced to Jerome via Ariana it doesn't come across as Great Love (sure we can debate this but I digress) but as soon as he seeks out Danny in prison and on the stand we get that narrative of practically Soulmates, c) this show purports to take place in the 70s - not a great time to be gay! To say nothing of the extra layer of race. Stonewall was 1969, dudes. On the one hand, super glad we're not having to listen to slurs. On the other, how is seemingly everyone barely blinking at Danny having a female alter or at the very least, if they don't accept the idea of alters, cross-dressing and fucking dudes? The prosecutor tries to prove that Jerome and Danny/Ariana weren't a couple because they never interactied outside the club - I'm sorry, it's the 1970s. Again, there is so much to unpack here re: Jerome as both a black man and a gay man and! We are getting! Nothing!

I liked Rya well enough but this episode she really grated on me? Her monologues felt preachy and patronizing.

Candy. So, one of the things I've come back to over and over is - we know Marlin abused Danny, and now we're to believe that Candy, on some level, knew. We also know that she married Marlin and theoretically stayed with him for financial reasons. Financial abuse is real, I'm not discounting that. But aside from being a dick, we don't really see Candy and Marlin's relationship as terribly abusive. She's so deferential to him, and yet we never see why, what has her so scared of him. She has a job! Her child is out of the house! Her characterization has been nearly nonexistent and it's frustrating.

So after struggling with undiagnosed MPD/DID for his entire life, we're supposed to accept that Danny, who was given a diagnosis like three days ago, is suddenly able to control his alters? With no issue? The scene 2? 3? Episodes ago where he tells Rya there are voices and he needs help is completely undermined by how much of a nonissue his alters have been in the interim.

All press tour Tom has been saying this show is about asking for help, and Danny asked for help in that scene - which was a great scene, I felt so seen there - and then in episode 9 we get Rya saying how brave or whatever Danny is for asking for help. BUT! He didn't! He committed a crime and was sent to jail and ended up in these therapy/interrogation sessions and then eventually yes, asked for help. But he was not out there crying for help, asking to be saved. He had his alters! He was unaware that he wasn't okay!

It's so clear that this show doesn't know what it wants to be and doesn't know what its focus is. Is it Danny? Is it Rya? The first 4 episodes are their own fucking show, and 6-9 are their own show. 5 feels like its own thing, too.

Additionally, this show is set in the 1970s. Why? Because Billy Milligan. Except they took the teeth out of that story, completely sanitized it to the point that there are virtually no stakes, but kept the set dressing. But that's literally all it is at this point. We get b-roll of 70s London, we have the costumes and cars, but aside from one shot of defense lawyer in army fatigues, we have no real sense of where we are in time. That is the only allusion to Vietnam. The prosecutor talked about incarceration like she's also read The New Jim Crow. Not a slur to be heard despite the fact that we are allegedly between Stonewall and AIDS. Rya talks about mental health like someone might in the present day. If they were already going to not make this about Billy Milligan, why the fuck did they keep it set in the 70s?

It is so frustrating because the actors are giving it their all. Tom? No notes. I was moved this episode, I've been moved all season. But I cannot get away from how poorly constructed this all is. This could've been so good. We should've spent more time digging into each alter. (What the fuck purpose did Mike serve? Ariana is the one "who can have sex" yet we also see Jonny engaging in sex?) What about the other dead alters in the barn? What about Adam. It has been hinted at all season that Marlin was not the first - the existence of Adam before Marlin would indicate that Danny had already experienced something that caused his psyche to split. we know nothing about dad. we still know nothing about Adam!!!!!!! Are we ever getting that resolution? Then what was the goddamn point? Why is there even a trial. Why have him commit a crime that's so toothless and that he's so obviously guilty of? Why structure this around a crime in the first place? Emmy Rossum has been severely underutilized, fuck, even Amanda Seyfried. Cannot believe they got Jason Isaacs to be in like. 17 minutes of this show. And once again, Tom Holland can have no lines and still be the most interesting character on screen. Can he go back to theatre, I'd love to see what he can do with a good script if this is what he can accomplish with a bad one.

I'm tired. This show had such potential, and it's tripping at the finish line. After taking four episodes to get started. Acting is great, cinematography has been good, but story? Writing? It's disappointing. I'm frustrated.

[arrowheadedbitch]

Fr? You want more???

Okay, I guess I'll pull the stuff I said about some of the other songs

Black Box Warning is PERFECT for Shawn trying to explain to someone why they shouldn't love him >:}

Anyone up for some Shassie?

I went Shules with Tourniquet, so it's only fair I share the Shassie one, even if it's shorter and also no one is gonna read it lmao

Imagine, Shawn and Lassie have a bit of a thing going on but Las doesn't want to admit that he has feelings for Shawn so he does the whole "we can't be together blah blah I can't love you blah blah" you know? And then...Shawn agrees with him

And he starts going in to the reasons that Lassie should absolutely under no circumstances love him but instead of proving a point like Shawn meant it to...it just breaks lassie's heart

"The more of me you'll see, the less of me you'll like

The older I get, the more my teenage self-hatred is justified

I think I've tricked everybody that loves me

I wish I could come with a black box warning"

And Shawn isn't saying this venomously, he's not being mean to lassie bc he said he can't love him, he's saying it all matter of factly, like he thinks it's true

And the longer it goes on, the more emotional Shawn gets as he's just telling Lassie all the things "wrong" with him ~~the things that make him unlovable~~

" I'd give our kid less than they deserve [everyone knows lassie wants kids...]

A gеnerational curse, the way my mom gavе me and her mom gave her

I can't love anyone more than I hate myself

And I can't do anything if it only serves somebody else [blatantly untrue but Shawn is sadly blinded by his own lack of self worth]"

"I'm the star that never aligned

The thing you know you have, but can't seem to find

And I'm the call you've been dreading all week

The chore you always end up procrastinating

I'm the bite you can't stomach, so you spit it out

The girl you're kinda embarrassed to tell your friends about

The potential that you can't apply

And the faith you lost in God and your parents

Beware, I'm a dead end, keep out

Don't be a hero, turn back now

I'm a boa constrictor, a bitch, and I'm bitter

I'm quicksand

And /I'm a quitter/"

It really is so perfect for Shawn letting out all the self worth issues he's been hiding all at once

And the longer Shawn lists the reasons lassie shouldn't want to be with him, the more heartbroken lassie gets, and the more lassie realises he really *does* want to be with him

So lassie kisses him, how sweet, and Shawn is super confused because he was honestly trying to be helpful, listing all the reasons lassie was right to not love him, but it... may have gotten a little out of hand on his part as he notices the tears in the corner of his eyes

He may have let himself spiral a little more than he meant to....

And Lassie ends up comforting Shawn because Jesus christ that was a lot

And then they end up together!

The end!

The *and I'm a quitter* line is really so very Shawn

He's been put down for not staying with stuff his whole life

Moving on!

"So if losing me wasn't rock bottom, then what *is* it?

Do you think you'll die before you hit it?

Do you know that I missed you

Every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day?

I knrw I'd never get the letter

But I hoped you'd say you're sorry

'Cause I missed you more than anybody's

Ever missed anybody

I know I didn't cause

I can't control and I can't cure it

I know it's hard

I know it's lonely

I know you're hurting

But I'm mourning somebody that hasn't even died

And I'm fighting an addiction that isn't even mine

It's exhausting to be this angry all of the time

All of the time" -ESOEMOEHOED

I want shawn to loose his cool and yell this at Henry in the middle of the station.

"you were supposed to protect me, but you didn't

And I know I'm grown now

But I'm still your kid

And I miss you every second

Of every minute, of every hour, of every day"

This too

Maybe he even gets so upset by the second one that he's switched languages >:}

This song always make me cry, y'all, I just want him to yell at Henry 😭

Shawn really has earned a yell at that man, give it to him, he earned it, he deserves it, let him yell at his dad

Now the happier songs!

Let's start with some more Shules

"I've spent too many years thinking that love had passed me by

I spent *most of my life* cryin' and asking myself 'why?'

'What about me can I change?

What about me *won't they* like?

What about me isn't enough?

What about me isn't right?

Just to meet the *girl* who swallowed the sun in real life

Just to be at exactly the right place, at exactly the right time" -Right Person, Right Time, Shawnified

"I can't imagine getting old

But I hope I get to be with you

They're right, you really do know when you know

And if he wanted to, he would

I used to think that I knew what it was

How it felt, how it smelt, what it looked like

Now I know that I've never been in love before you" -Right Person, Right Time

Uaghhhh like??? Isn't it so them?!?!?!?

They're so in love it makes me sick

"I'm not one for domesticity

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I don't wanna get married

But if you told me you did

You wanted a life with a *husband* and a kid

I'll paint the picket fence white, put it up myself

Say I can do it alone, you'll tell me you know but you'll still help

And that's exactly why

You'll make the perfect *wife*

And I'll say I love you

In front of God and the government" -God and the Government

"I take you to be my lawfully wedded *wife* for tax purposes and/or true love

'Til death does us part OR we break up

I'm in!

Happy wife, happy life, I could be happy with you

So if your thinking marriage might be something you wanna do

Let's go, right now

I'll meet you at the courthouse

And if you're hearing this,

Here's my vows...

I'll paint the picket fence." -God and The Government

Like?????? AUUUAGGHHHHH

I love them so much omg

And finally, some Shus/shawngus

"And I see the whole galaxy in your eyes

And I long to tell you

But I think it’ll only make you shy" -Suneater

AUGUDJJDKFKK this song is literally so perfect for them Aiskdjwk

"The day that we first met

Heaven and earth collided

You eclipsed me completely

And I became blinded

Because the light from within you

Suddenly surrounded me too

And I have never felt so bright"

LIKE???!?!?!??

"But I am just the one who swallowed the moon

The only light that I have’s just a reflection of you

You’re the sea of tranquility

You’re all of my stars

You’re Neptune and Saturn

You’re Venus and Mars"

My only note? No Pluto :/

Though there is a Hades mention, does that count?

Ufhjghhghhhh and they both think the other is the one who swallowed the sun AUGHHHH

I love them

This show has so many good ships istg omg

Welp, that's it for now ig

Okay, I just spent, like over two hours talking about how a Leanna Firestone song (Tourniquet) is perfect for Shawn and I'll be damned if I don't make a post out of it so here we go, buckle up

Okay first of all, here's the song

Enjoy, it is VERY good

So let's get into this, yeah?

This includes my suicide attempt hc that I mentioned in a previous post in it

I have been listening to this song on loop and it's making me go just a touch feral

"You can get a new car, but you can't forget the way it sounds or feels to crash

High speed impact

Normally the first person I'd call was my dad"

But im imagining that hc/story we were talking about yesterday, so change the words tooooo.....🥁🥁🥁

"You can get a new car, but you can't forget the way it sounds or feels to crash

High speed impact

ALL BECAUSE THE FIRST PERSON I callED was my dad" AUDHDBJEHEJSJDJEJ

But, later on, I realised that the song ACTUALLY says "NO POLICE, the first person I called was my dad" NOT normally, which hits different in this context but doesn't actually change much

And like, him yelling it in front of everyoneeeee

Henry is THERE

They're all like....what do you mean by that...

He will not elaborate but now they know that apparently something bad happened to him because he called his dad?

"Shawn, what are you talking about"

Shawn does the dramatic "I said something I shouldn't have" hand over mouth clasp

He freezes, he stumbles over his words, then he makes a run for it

Everyone is just standing there confused as hell

It's such a not shawn thing to yell out and do tho that even Henry is slightly concerned

Or maybe just confused

Or offended at the implication that he somehow hurt shawn so bad with some random phonecall

And now there are a bunch of people needling him to tell them about wtf he was talking about

Pressuring him to tell them about this traumatic event

ESPECIALLY Gus, who would normally be in the loop about something like this so he's extremely concerned and maybe even a little hurt that Shawn won't tell him

Even Henry, who usually doesn't give a shit about this kind of thing, is trying to get it out of him

He mostly just wants to know what the hell shawn is blaming him for this time lol

But he doesn't get how serious this is

None of them do, that's why they keep trying to get it out of him

They just assume it's another one of those silly things he always has going on, not, yknow....SUICIDE

Not even his mom knows, maybe they'd try to call his mom bc he tells her pretty much everything and find out she ALSO doesn't know

Then they're like....Gus doesn't know......his mom doesn't know.....holy shit maybe this is serious

"Some people die before they're dead!

Building collapse, pressure outweighs the pain

I don't feel sad

I don't feel ANYTHING

Only will when the blood returns

But I'd rather be numb then know how bad I'm hurt"

Someone save my boy

He is emotionally constipated

His mom also might fly down to figure out what's happening after she gets that call

So now literally EVERYONE is bugging him about this

Poor Shawn, there's even a THERAPIST needling him about this traumatic event now 😭😭😭

And everybody wants to know

At this pace he's gonna become a hermit so he doesn't have to tell anyone 😭😭😭😭

"So, I'll keep the tourniquet on

I'll block it out and off

Cuz I don't need anyone

I don't need anyone

I don't need anyone at all

If I keep the tourniquet on"

I think all of this would lead to Shawn blowing up on then, maybe he'd say something that accidentally gives away more of what happened but I don't think he'll be able to bring himself to actually say out loud what happened, at least not to them

Because, well, emotional constipation, anyone?

He wouldn't talk about his feelings at gun point

"Maybe we always start

Back where we end

Don't know if I'm God

Or if I'm sisyphus"

But maybe change to

"I try to act like God

But I'm just sisyphus"

Or something similar

Now, to get into a SECOND POINT ABOUT THE SAME SONG HAHA!

So, this first part has been about Shawn saying the stuff in the song or just really good lines that he would relate to

But this next part is more of an....application for all of this

Imagine with me, if you will

Shawn does a few artsy stuff like....drawing that he doesn't really like to show off a lot, so imagine this,

/Shawn would totally be a good songwriter/

Imagine he wrote a few songs as more of like journal/vent things and he never wants them to see the light of day

This is while him and Jules are together btw

So, Juliet finds out about the songs, he tries to brush them off bc he doesn't like to think about them and he doesn't want her to see them, that kind of thing, but she reads it as insecurity

This is the same woman who went around Lassies back to plan him a birthday party and accidentally invited a bunch of criminals, so, I don't think it's that big a stretch that she would try to do something to make him feel better about his music and go behind his back a little to do it so she can *surprise* him

She grabs the first complete song she can get her hands on, maybe glances through it but makes the mistake of not reading it thoroughly and submits it to a song writing competition, if it loses, Shawn will never know, if it wins, boom! Boost in his self esteem about his songs!

A win-win plan, really

And the song she grabbed was the Shawn version of Tourniquet we've been talking about, obviously

Yeah, it's *her* turn to do something for *him* with good intentions that ends up being awful, she's not gonna be in the doghouse for this one...she's going straight to the pound

The prize for winning the contest? Well, a celebrity sings it of course!

And...well Juliet may have overlooked that it's sung.....on live television...

All classic song writing prizes, maybe you can win a record deal and a bunch of money too or whatever

Not that Shawn would care about any of that

Anyways, her and Shawn go to the place where they're announcing the winners, you know? Big party. Shawn doesn't know what it's about but he's having fun, probably solving a case here too!

But then he wins....

It's the big finale, announce the winner and sing the song on stage and on camera

"And, this song will be our grand finale! The winning song of the song writing contest will be revealed and sung!" So the singer gets on stage and Shawn is all smiles until he hears "And this song is...🥁🥁🥁 Tourniquet by Shawn Spencer!"

And Shawn is going through all the stages of grief, he turns to Jules all "What the fuck did you do" (Perhaps first time she hears him legit cuss??) [Ty Luka]

And suddenly Juliet realises that she should have read the lyrics a bit closer before submitting it

It's the first time she's seen him ANGRY because he is about to get angry

They get in an argument, Shawn storms off, she feels bad

But, the song was on LIVE TELEVISION

Everyone saw it! Everyone HEARD them attribute it to him!

And they don't know he wasn't in on it! They have no reason to believe he's upset about winning!

So, when he shows up at the station, everyone is trying to talk to him about it!

It's AWFUL

Gus is asking about it, but he stopped pretty quick when he noticed how pissed Shawn seemed about it

Henry's been calling him

He's been not answering, obviously

Juliet tries to talk it out with shawn but he's not having it right now, "Shawn, I-"

"You, shut up, you are in the /pound/!"

"*gasp* the pound?"🥺😢

"THE POUND"

And Lassie was gonna give him a hard time and ask questions but he saw that interaction and realised that he shouldn't touch this with a five foot fucking pole

The precinct feels oddly tense today because well....no one's ever seen SHAWN SPENCER so ANGRY

Or really angry at all

He really powers through solving this case and is actually pretty scary the whole time and he won't talk to Jules, they are not in speaking terms right now

Anything that he would normally go to Jules about, he goes to Carlton and acts like she's not even there while he gets Lassiter to do whatever it is he needs

No fun nicknames either, but what really hits? When he HAS to address jules.....he calls her Detective O'hara

So she REALLY knows she's in trouble

Obviously she's gonna do anything she can to make it better, we know Jules

So she asks around for advice on what she should do

Talks to anyone who will listen really, Lassie, Gus, she even goes to Henry

[Side note, I've been imagining she heard the song, like it was playing all throughout so they could hear it a little muffled from the spot they were arguing at, but she probably missed a good chunk because of the arguing and talking, though her not having heard it would be a really interesting turn to take! She doesn't know what was wrong with the song, only the aftermath, that could be interesting]

Anyway, she gets mostly the same advice, let Shawn cool down and then work it out

But, since she talked to Henry, he now knows that not only did Shawn not submit that song, he's pissed that it played at all

Which will affect the way he treats Shawn when they inevitably talk later

Instead of thinking Shawn did this to get back at him, he knows these were private thoughts that were shared against his will, so he'll be a little less defensive and accusatory

Gus doesn't know what exactly the song was about, but he gets to be the most in the know since he's the only person Shawn is really actually talking to right now

A lot of ranting to Gus about this, of course

Lassie has the least know of the situation because an angry shawn is a startlingly untalkative shawn

Shawn takes a week or two to stop being so completely pissed

He talks to Henry at some point, they probably have a moment or something, but he won't tell anyone what the song was meant to be about

Eventually he calms down enough to let Jules talk to him again and she gets to apologize profusely and work her way off the shit list

And now everyone knows about the depth to shawns character that he didn't want them to know about so he'll just have to slowly chip away at that by going back to being the town idiot as usual

Maybe he agrees to sell his songs as long as his name doesn't go on any of them, I dunno

Everything goes back to normal...eventually, but it takes...a while

So shawn ends it just as emotionally constipated as before but now everyone KNOWS he's emotionally constipated

Everyone gets to go "holy shit, this kid actually has emotional depth?!?!??"

And Henry gets to sit and wonder what he did to Shawn that was a "crash", what phone call? What did he do?

And Yeah, most of them forget probably

But also, there's that inkling of.......is he really okay?

Always in the back of his friends minds

Because

They /heard/ the song

Juliet goes over board trying to make up for it in a way that's so endearing shawn can't help but smile

And forgive her, but only after the third pineapple/hj

Gus is a little concerned but he knows Shawn doesn't want to talk about it so he let's it go

Lassie tries not to pry but he's still feeling kind of awkward about it (what is he supposed to do in this situation? Anything? Should he even care? Should be be on O'Hara's side because they're friends? Shawn's side because he was the one wronged? Anyone's side at all? Should he say something? Welp, he just won't do anything, maybe)

Buzz has no idea what's going on but did try to comfort Shawn a few times and it was sweet

Buzz never knows what's going on with the main four but we love him anyway

Henry has the song on loop trying to figure out what he did and if there's something he should do or say about it

And someone should definitely get Shawn a therapist but they don't

And the whole song is soooooo about his dad

So about his dad it hurts

Tho Gus is a little offended at the "I don't need anyone" part and he makes sure his thoughts on that are known

"I spend every night

With the TV on

I can't bear to be

Alone with my own thoughts"

And now you guys won't be able to stop thinking about this either, MUAHAHAHAHA

To the people who talked to me on discord, thank you!

@mores0 @storm-cloud-lightning

And also @j-snapdragon who joined right at the end

[kazewhara]

hi! I absolutely loved the writing prompts your wrote for the genshin boys when they make you unintentionally jealous and was wondering if you could write one for kazuha and maybe possibly itto? (but I do know that itto isn’t in your “characters I write” list and he is a fairly new character so it’s completely fine if it’s just kazuha!)

jealousy, jealousy. (4)

# — pairing: kazuha x gn!reader

# — characters: gender neutral reader, kazuha, kokomi, gorou, aether

# — summary: "if it comes down to a choice between being unloved and being vulnerable and sensitive and emotional, then you can just keep your love." – chuck palahniuk

# — warnings: talks of war, self-deprecating thoughts

# — tags: hc/drabble format, canon divergent, jealousy, brief arguments, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, communication, self-deprecating thoughts/low self-esteem, i swear i love kokomi okay i swear to god, aether is the reader's best friend

# — notes: we're finally back to our standard format! sorry for being so messy lately, but i finally feel good enough to crank out reqs in the regular method, even if it's a bit slowly! and i'm sorry to the people on my tag list, i just didn't want to spam you guys with those super short writings; i do enough talking as is. anyways, as always, reblogs and reactions are appreciated, and i hope you enjoy!

wanna join the tag list?

✧ — 🍁 — ✧

kazuha is very involved in the war against the shogun's forces

he's not the vengeful type, but his determination to end the vision hunt decree is evidently stronger than most

it makes sense why, but when kazuha gets passionate about something, he tends to develop a dangerous one-track-mind

he doesn't come to you whenever this happens -- it's usually up to you to seek him out and help him take a step back to clear his head

but what are you supposed to do when he goes to others instead?

it started a few weeks ago when kazuha asked to have a word alone with kokomi.

he'd been tense for the entire day for reasons beyond you, and whenever you tried to pick his brain about it, he would give you a forced smile and a light kiss to your forehead. after that, every time you approached him in hopes of easing his worries, he would cut conversations short and dodge your questions, his face becoming shadowed with something you couldn't place.

eventually, you saw kazuha making his way to kokomi's war room on your way back from gorou's office. you didn't think anything of it at first since there was really no reason to, but as you passed by on your way out of the building, you could hear a part of their conversation.

"and why didn't you tell your partner this, kazuha?" kokomi said, her voice softened with sympathy. "they would be able to help you far better than i can."

kazuha was silent for a few seconds. "there are some things i don't think they would understand if i told them."

you hated eavesdropping, so you didn't stick around to listen further. but his words have been on your mind ever since then.

in the weeks that followed, you had to convince yourself that kazuha wasn't acting strange. his smile stopped reaching his eyes fully, and he started to take more time to himself -- at least, it seemed that way. that kind of behavior isn't out of character for kazuha; he's a solitary man who values his well-being. he's far from selfish, but he's also far from sacrificial. you told yourself during those weeks that he was just being his usual self -- this is just kazuha being kazuha. maybe you're just on edge because of the passing conversation you'd heard.

then, he started avoiding you.

again, you tried to reassure yourself that he was just overwhelmed by the talks of war. no matter how formidable someone may be, they're not immune to the mental strain that war can put on them. kazuha is far more sensitive than he lets on; of course he'd be affected by this. you told yourself that it was perfectly normal for him to miss your calls of his name or look past you at times.

it comes to a head when aether approaches you.

your best friend scooches next to you as you go over some of the plans for the next excursion kokomi has planned and nudges your shoulder with his own. "how're you feeling?" he asks. you don't answer him right away, so he pushes his head between you and the papers, forcing his blonde hair in your face. "ooh, these look important."

"aether!" you splutter and laugh, pushing him away. he gives you a cheeky grin. "do you do this to everyone?"

"nope, just you." he answers, bumping shoulders with you again.

you consider yourself to be one of the luckiest people on teyvat to have formed a such a tight bond with the famed traveler. you two are thick as thieves and future travel partners; aether refused to leave you behind once the mess in inazuma is taken care of. you agreed without hesitation and so did kazuha, who refused to be without you, which grew your party from three to four.

you sigh and set aside your paperwork. "alright, well, you have my attention. what do you want?"

the traveler wrinkles his nose at you. "rude. paimon is with the other soldiers having lunch, so i decided to come and check up on you."

"lunch again? isn't this her fourth lunch of the day?"

"i thought we agreed to never question her eating habits."

"fair enough." you chuckle. "i'm alright, though. i'll eat later, if that's what you're gonna ask.

aether squints. "and how many times have you said that today?" you start to count on your fingers and your best friend scoffs and jumps to his feet, tugging you along with him. "i can't believe you. i'm making you some food right now."

"but the plans--"

"they can wait," aether's tone is sharp, but it's laced with fondness. "we're going on a lunch date right now. i haven't spoken to you in a while, anyways."

he's right; it's been a few days since you've spoken to anybody, really. you haven't even so much as seen kazuha during that time. the very thought makes you press your lips together. aether doesn't say another word as he takes you over to a fire pit with cooking materials nearby and gets straight to work. you were looking forward to spending time with him at first, but now that you've realized that it's been literal days since you've seen kazuha, you feel a pit growing in your stomach as you sit nearby.

did you do something wrong? if there's ever a problem, he's usually the first to notice and address it. you two have been together so long because you're so quick to resolve issues before they become too serious. you frown at the fire that aether started. sure, you two are good at solving problems, but how would you even have a problem with him when you haven't spoken to each other properly in weeks? the more you think about it, the less sense it makes.

"hey, are you listening?" aether's voice suddenly filters in and you blink up at him. golden eyes soften with concern. "are you okay? you're thinking pretty hard."

you nod stiffly, unsure if you're lying or not. "yeah, i just... there's a lot going on. or... not going on, i guess?"

your best friend hums and returns to his rummaging through the crates of food. "tell me what's up," he says over his shoulder. you hesitate for a second but end up telling him about everything; about what you heard, about kazuha's weird behavior, and about how you haven't seen him in a while. when you're finished, aether crosses his arms. "and you just let this go on for... what, a month?"

you grimace. it has been a month, hasn't it? "i didn't mean to. plus, we're both busy people and i don't wanna come across as clingy. he probably hates that." you clasp your hands together nervously. "have you at least seen him in the past few days? is he okay?"

"the fact that you have to ask me that is so..." aether sucks in a sharp breath and turns back to the pot with a dramatic sigh. you figure he's holding back his frustration for your sake. "i've seen him here and there," he says as he stirs something in the pot, "mostly with kokomi. they've been talking a lot lately, but i don't know why."

the pit in your stomach suddenly feels bottomless. is that what he's been up to? you start to reason with yourself immediately, but the second you do, aether puts a hand on your shoulder.

"you didn't know that, did you?" his question is spot on, so you stay quiet. the blonde frowns. "talk to me," he says, sitting beside you.

"you gonna let the food burn this time?" you try to joke with him, but it's half-hearted at best. aether doesn't so much as crack a smile, so you sigh and say the first thing that comes to mind. "i'm not good enough, am i?"

your words startle not just aether, but yourself. they feel like they came from your chest; from somewhere so deep that you almost feel relieved that you've finally let it out. you're bothered by how light you feel, but you can't stop.

"kokomi's perfect, we all know that." you continue. "i'm just... me. he tells her things that he won't tell me, his literal partner. i'm obviously lacking if he's willing to hide something from me for this long. i tried to let it go because, i mean, he could just be talking war strategy, but to ignore me..?"

a warm thumb brushes over your cheek and you blink at aether a few times, clearing your watery vision. you sniff and wipe at your eyes. "shit." you grumble. you really didn't think you were hurt enough to cry over this, but now that you've acknowledged it, the tears just keep coming.

aether gently guides your head to his shoulder. "you can cry, you know." he rubs a small circle on your back. "it's not like i'm going to judge you. but i don't want you comparing yourself to kokomi; you aren't her."

and that's the problem, isn't it?! you want to scream. if you were kokomi, maybe kazuha would talk to you, would pay attention to you. he'd probably smile at you and confide in you the way he used to. if you were kokomi, you would have his trust, because if the conversation you overheard was anything to go on, he clearly doesn't trust you enough to share what was on his mind. your throat threatens to close.

"i feel like a spoiled brat." you make another feeble attempt at lightening the mood, but aether doesn't let you. "here i am, crying to my best friend because my boyfriend doesn't pay attention to me."

"that's not the only reason why you're crying and you know it." the traveler pats you twice and stands so he can finish making the food. "if you ask me," he says from the pot, "you need to corner him and ask him why he's avoiding you. we all know that kazuha will listen to you."

would he, though? he'd been half-listening to you for weeks before he just disappeared altogether. the fact that he hasn't come to you for days must mean that he's been meaning to do this for a while, hasn't he? your lips tremble as you remember the way his eyes would crinkle whenever you spoke about something you loved. was he just... humoring you?

were you alone in this?

you close your eyes and try to get ahold of yourself. kazuha isn't one to fake something as meaningful as a relationship like the one you two have, especially not for so long. your boyfriend prioritizes honesty and is one of the most sincere people in all of teyvat. he wore his heart on his sleeve just for you, even when he admitted to you that that was hard to do. as composed as he may appear, kazuha fumbled gracefully through the early stages of your relationship, covering up his mistakes with the flowers that never seemed to stop falling from his lips. it was endearing how he went to such lengths just to hold your interest and impress you, even if it wounded his pride at times.

so no, you weren't alone in this relationship -- you've just hit a rough patch. admitting that to yourself does very little for your self-esteem, but it does pacify you for the time being.

"i guess i'll talk to him later." you murmur when aether puts some food in front of you. it's chicken tofu pudding -- something he takes immense pride in being able to cook. you stifle a laugh at the accomplished look on his face. "don't look so proud of yourself, i haven't even touched it yet. what if it tastes terrible?"

aether allows this joke to land this time and pretends to swing at you with the spoon in his hand. "i cook for you out of the kindness of my heart and you make fun of it? i'll take it back, you ungrateful beast."

"'beast'?" you gasp, offended. "just for that, i'll eat everything and leave you to starve."

he huffs a soft laugh through his nose. "so long as you eat, who cares. do you feel any better?" his smile warms when you nod. "you're lucky i love you. now eat and go talk to kazuha. but i'm warning you, the next time you cry because of him, i'll kick his ass."

"language," you mutter through a mouthful of food. the two of you bicker and chatter over your meal before he sends you off with a wave. feeling emboldened by your talk, you set off to find your partner right away.

finding kazuha is much easier than you thought it'd be. for the first time in days, you spot him sitting alone with his back against a tree, his eyes closed as he turns a leaf over in his fingers. you shuffle on your feet anxiously as you try to talk yourself into going over to him. you feel the way you did at the very beginning; too nervous to approach him in fear of upsetting or disturbing him. you dig your heels in and walk over anyways. the longer you took to talk about this, the longer it would go on, and the worse you would feel.

you're a couple steps away when kazuha opens his eyes and looks up at you. his lips curl into the same smile you remember him giving you before things took a turn. "hello, dove," he greets you. his eyes seem to sparkle. "it's been a while. i'm sorry i haven't been able to make time for you."

there's no calming the butterflies that take flight in your stomach. there's so much affection lacing his voice and so much warmth in his eyes that you almost forget why you were here in the first place. you walk a bit closer and sit so your thighs are touching. it's the most contact you've had in weeks, and you feel your skin tingling. the effect kazuha has on you is really something worth exploring.

"it's, um..." you curse yourself for being so cowardly. aether didn't make that meal for you for nothing; you have to say something. you inhale sharply. "i-it's not okay, kazuha. we need to talk."

there it is, finally out in the open. your boyfriend shifts so he can look at you properly, but you don't meet his eyes. "what's troubling you?" he asks. he reaches for your hand but you jerk back, and you can almost feel his worried frown. "dove?"

"kazuha, you... have been acting weird for like, a month." you don't waste a second. you don't want this on your conscience anymore -- you can't take it. "you haven't been yourself."

"how so?" again, he tries to reach for your hand, but you dodge his touch for your sanity.

"it's just... i know we're busy with this war but you've almost been ignoring me, and i-i don't know what i did wrong, if anything. you wouldn't even look me in the eye a few weeks ago." you chuckle mirthlessly; you're the one unable to make eye contact now. "if you needed space, i would have appreciated it if you just told me; i shouldn't have had to find out from aether that you're talking to kokomi normally and not me."

kazuha doesn't say anything. you keep going despite your steadily warming face. you think you sound hysterical.

"the fact that kokomi gets to know what's on your mind while i'm left grasping at straws is... it hurts, kazuha." your voice cracks against your will and kazuha's fingers brush yours. you don't pull away this time. "i know she's better than me but at the very least, can you let me know if there's something bothering you? i hate this; i hate feeling like i'm not enough for you. because you--"

your throat tightens. you deserve better rests on the tip of your tongue but doesn't make it out. that was the missing piece that you couldn't find earlier; you're suffering because you think kazuha deserves better than you, and the only person you can think of who fits that bill is kokomi. you don't resent her for it -- you resent the fact that you were born with so little talent in comparison to her. you think yourself so inferior to her that you're starting to want to cut this conversation short and hide from kazuha forever. your fingers twitch with the urge to pull away again; you don't think you even deserve to touch him like this anymore. you have to force yourself to keep speaking.

"you deserve better." you finally say. again, there's that feeling of relief. a weight is lifted from your chest and you take a deep breath as the knot in your throat undoes itself. how long have you thought this? "i just... i don't know. i just had to get that off my chest." now that you feel so light, you realize how final that last statement sounded. you hazard a glance at kazuha's face and feel the weight return when you see the distress in his eyes. you start to tell him that he doesn't need to respond, but he speaks anyways.

"i think the first thing i should do," he says, smoothing his thumb over the back of your hand, "is offer you my apologies -- one of many, anyhow." something akin to regret darkens his features for a second. "i hadn't meant to worry you like that, love. i have been close with kokomi because i was offering extra assistance in the war. she actually had to force me to stay out of it after a while, if you'd believe me."

honestly, you don't think you could not believe him. gorou warned you not too long ago that kazuha's determination to bring things to a close in favor of his fellow vision holders would be his undoing. he was pushing himself much too hard; you have a feeling it has something to do with tomo, but you don't mention it. you understand why he's been so distant, but...

"then why were you avoiding me?" you ask. "you didn't have to tell me everything if you didn't want to, but you were acting as though i was a stranger, kazuha. at the very least, you could have explained that you weren't feeling like yourself because you were working so hard. i could have helped you."

kazuha winces slightly. "i would like to apologize for that as well. i suppose i was so far in my own mind that i thought i told you. by the time i realized that i hadn't, i thought it was too late, and... i didn't want to drag you down the hole i was digging myself into." he brings your knuckles to his forehead and sighs. "to think that my oversights would bring you so much pain. i don't know what came over me."

your eyebrows twitch. his reasoning is irritating, but vaguely along the same lines as your own; after some time passed, you didn't think saying something about your concerns was going to yield any positive results, so you stayed quiet. you can't allow him to take all the blame. you should have spoken up as soon as you heard him speaking to kokomi -- it would have been embarrassing, but you wouldn't be here in this situation if you did. even if you didn't come clean then, you should have cornered him when you had the chance. "i should have said something earlier." you confess with a sigh. "this isn't entirely your fault. i let this go on for too long; don't shoulder everything like this."

kazuha lowers your hand with a hum. "that may be true however, i'm still capable of telling you when i'm unwell, and i didn't." he cradles your cheek with a hand, scarlet eyes filling with remorse. "had i said something before, you would likely not be comparing yourself to her."

"actually, i think i would have done that regardless." you blurt, chuckling in spite of yourself.

"i don't know how much good my words will do," kazuha takes your face in his other hand, "but i hope you believe me when i say i don't deserve better; i deserve you. there's no one better than you for me in my eyes, love."

your heart skips a few beats and you blame the lack of contact you've had with him. you're still unclear on how long you've felt that way about yourself -- perhaps you were so deep in your love for kazuha that you managed to suppress it. you believe kazuha wholeheartedly, but now that these thoughts have been set loose, there will never be a moment where at least one of them isn't running rampant. there will always be that spark of doubt lurking deep within, no matter how much you want to stamp it out. but you can't deny that for now, kazuha's done one hell of a job extinguishing that flame before it could get too big.

you relax into his touch and his reassuring words, clinging to the hope with all your might. "thank you." you murmur. "i don't mean for you to profess your undying love for me or anything, i just... really needed to hear that."

kazuha doesn't look as content as you are beginning to feel. "i'll never forgive myself for making you think like this. how can i make it up to you, dove? tell me anything; i'll do it."

he sounds like he's expecting a punishment of some sort. you move to kiss his forehead, smiling slightly when you see him blink at you in surprise. "you said you didn't want to drag me down with you." you flick the spot on his forehead that you kissed and giggle when kazuha's fingers fly to the area. "but i'm your partner; i'm willing to follow you to the ends of teyvat and back. drag me anywhere you wish."

finally, kazuha cracks a boyish smile of his own. "you may want to mind your words, petal. what if i drag you somewhere unpleasant?"

you hum and ignore the way your ears start to burn at the new nickname. "how unpleasant would it be if you're there with me?" as soon as the words leave your mouth, you scrunch your nose. "ugh, i'm starting to sound like you."

"you're getting there." he chuckles.

the relief you felt earlier was nothing compared to what you're feeling right now. you rest your head on kazuha's shoulder and nose at his neck. he shivers and wraps his arms around you. "i missed you." you whisper. "so much."

"and i, you." kazuha's voice is barely above a low rumble. he pulls you closer and you sigh, content. "forgive me for being so inattentive. i'll do better, i promise."

you kiss at his neck gently. "i forgive you, i do. but remember that you're not the only one at fault. we learned our lesson, didn't we?"

kazuha makes a low sound of agreement and rests his head on yours. "we did." a few beats of silence, then: "i love you." his profession is soft, carried on the breeze that rustles your clothes and the leaves overhead. "i love you so much, dove."

"and i, you." you repeat his earlier words and shut your eyes. "so much."

✧ SCREAMING AND CRYING BECAUSE I FINALLY GOT SOMETHING OUT AAAAAAAA

✧ i am so so so sorry it's taking me so long to return to this format. i have so many reqs and it's finals season, so i guess my writer's block is born out of stress. for that reason, i think this may be subpar, and for that i apologize. but i still do hope you enjoyed this, and thank you for being patient with me! pls lemme know what you think!

[crazycookiecrumbles]

Ooooooo I have a fic for you!!!

How about Shang chi is in a relationship with a fem shyreader who’s powerful and legendary superhero and popular member of the avengers who has the power to control the weather, please! Thank you 😊

I can definitely see Katy always requesting her what kind of weather she wants, especially Katy demanding y/n taking her to fly. Also I can definitely see that Bucky Barnes and Sam wilson are jealous Shang chi is “stealing” their best friend. They all watch, even Shang chi in amazement Everytime y/n uses her powers

Okay, I hope it turns out how you like it! (also I hid a ghostbusters reference in here because I'm a dork I'm sorry; and references to Storm ,the best of the best for obvious reasons)

The Soft Tempest

Shang-Chi x Shy!Reader

"So can I request a white Christmas?" Katy asked. "But, like, super white? Not in a racist white people way, but with snow."

Shangqi groaned and covered his face with the palm of his hand. Katy smiled happily at you while you looked up from your book and tilted your head to the side as you studied Katy's excited, adorable face.

The three of you were currently waiting at the airport for Sam and Bucky to arrive. They had just finished a trying, emotional mission involving the new, but also former, Captain America, John Walker, and they decided to drop in and pay their favorite Avenger a visit, given that you waere on leave and trying to live a quiet life for as long as you could.

This meant that Katy was sitting on one chair playing a million and one questions. Shangqi was in the seat next to Katy, your legs draped over his lap as he mindlessly ran his hand up and down your shin, and you were reading and only partially paying attention to all of Katy's crazy ideas for the week to come.

"Katy," Shangqi groaned. "Part of keeping a low profile means her not using her powers."

Katy narrowed her eyes, "Excuse me but you told me you kissed her in the rain and she made it rain because she wanted to recreate some cheesy scene in one of her dumb movies -- no offense they're so cheesy and cute but so dumb -- and you thought it was the coolest thing. Also, you're dating what's basically a god, so, who is being subtle here?"

"I'm not a God..." you began as you folded a page in your book and shut it. "I just happen to have been struck by lightning on a ship, drowned, had a very strange vision while underwater, and woke up with really weird and strange powers. and half of my hair turning white."

Katy stared at you and sighed, "Y/N. When someone says that you're a god, you say, yes. So, anyway. White Christmas?"

You chuckled, "Of course, Katy."

"Thank you. See? She's the best. You seriously dated up, bro."

Shangqi glanced at you and shot you a wink, "I know I did. I think about it every single day."

You beamed at him. You smiled, eyes darting between him and the book on your lap as your cheeks burned hotly. You quickly grabbed the book again to hide your embarrassed face. Shangqi grabbed the book, tilted it down slightly, and leaned forward to kiss you. You returned the kiss, a soft, sweet peck on the lips that had him humming satisfaction while you blushed even more.

Your soft moment with your boyfriend was ruined when someone recognized you, and then another, and another. You couldn't say no when they came up to you. A little boy wearing a t-shirt of you asked for a picture. A teenager with her parents and hair designed just like yours was too shy to ask for a picture. Her parents did it for her, and you couldn't say no. You all took the picture together.

And the more that this happened, the more people began to notice you and share the news that the Tempest herself, Avenger, a true force to be reckoned with was around, well, the floodgates opened.

Shangqi took your hand in his when there was a brief reprieve. He took hold of Katy's arm, and the three of you rushed to a different section of the airport. Katy hid with you in the bathroom for a little while before the three of you gathered together and went to wait by the gate.

"Y/N! Baby girl! Light of my life, the rain on my window, the snow on my trees, the breeze in my hair -- "

"What hair?" Bucky snickered, cutting off Sam.

"Fuck off with your emo-lookin' ass," Sam scoffed as he approached you, dropped his bags, and lifted you in the air in a bone-crushing hug that grabbed the attention of too many people. "How are you doing baby girl?"

You giggled "Hi, Sam. I'm good. How are you? How was the flight?"

"I mean, it'd be better if Bucky didn't snore, but it was good."

"I don't snore," Bucky rolled his eyes at Sam and shoved him to the side. With his metal arm, he wrapped it around your waist and pulled you in for a tight hug. He could see Shangqi staring with the slightest hint of jealousy. Bucky rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at him. "How are ya, kitten? Do I need to beat up the boyfriend yet?"

Be nice," you scolded Bucky and lightly slapped the top of his hand. "Shangqi is nothing but a gentleman to me."

"Sure, but once he slips up..." Sam shot Shangqi a warning look.

"Good to see you guys too," Shangqi sighed.

"Hey, next time, don't steal our girl," Bucky said easily.

Katy nodded, "Makes sense. I agree with the partial robot. That's totally an appropriate response. So can we go now? I'm starving and I want to see some snow."

"It's not even Christmas, Katy," Shangqi reminded her.

"But it's so cool," Katy whined as you all walked away. "Bro, have you gone flying in the rain? It's amazing."

"Yes, I have," Shangqi said. "Katy she's my girlfriend."

Katy blinked, "Yeah. So?"

~*~

Eventually, when Shangqi stopped fighting Katy over custody of his own girlfriend, you all went out to eat. Katy looked at you, bouncing on her heels, asking for you to do the thing. You laughed and shook your head. Standing still, you stared ahead. Katy watched with pure joy on her face as your eyes clouded over and were completely white. In front of their very eyes, you created a rainstorm that took over the one block where the cafe rested. Then, just as suddenly, a windstorm picked up at such a violent speed that it dried the outdoor seats.

Katy squealed in delight, screamed that you were awesome, and ran across the street. She claimed the table she wanted for all of you, and the rest of you joined her.

"That is still so cool," Shangqi whispered to you and kissed you on the cheek.

"Hey, hey, hands off, man. You get enough of her!" Sam said as he wrapped both of his arms around you and ripped you away. "It's our time with the little weather map right now. "

"Yeah, buzz off, man. Bad enough you stole her across the world. Now you keep her while we're here? Sheesh!" Bucky wrapped his other arm around you and the two took you away from your boyfriend to grab your seats.

Shangqi shook his head to himself as he walked behind you three, "How long are you guys in town for?" He asked out loud.

"Longer than you'd like," Bucky smirked as he pulled out your chair. All the while, Sam took the other seat next to you before Bucky could get it.

"You guys are ridiculous," You laughed and pulled your hat down further on your head to hide a little.

"And you're ridiculously awesome," Katy said. "Now we've got the outdoor part to ourselves. God, you're the best, Y/N."

"She really is the best, isn't she?" Shangqi mused in addition to Katy, watching as you turned red and looked around for a menu to hide your face with. "Come on babe, admit it, you're the best."

"No, no, I'm not," you said dismissively.

Sam scoffed, "One time, I saw her fly up in the air, lift her hands, and all of the sudden, a hurricane came and lifted a Hydra facility right outta the ground, and dumped it off the side of a cliff."

Bucky scoffed, "What, you think that's cool? One time, I saw her create a lightning tsunami."

"The fuck is a lightning tsunami? Now you're lying just to outdo me but you can't outdo my experience that I saw with my own two eyes!"

"I saw it with my own two eyes and she struck this massive tsunami with lightning and it's still, by far, coolest thing I've seen. I'd like to see Tolkien write that," Bucky added proudly, arms crossing over his chest.

You shook your head and looked to Shangqi who was beaming.

"See that, babe? You're so amazing they're fighting over how good you are."

"Yeah, yeah, so cute," Katy nodded. "Can...can you do thundersnow?"

[kim-seung-mo]

Hi! I loved your writing about them having nightmares! Can i request one where they cheat on you and regret it because you leave him (obviously) but super dramatic and angsty hehe, thank you in advance 😻

𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕪 ℂ𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕥 𝕆𝕟 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕟𝕕 ℝ𝕖𝕘𝕣𝕖𝕥 𝕀𝕥 (ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕟 + 𝕄𝕚𝕟𝕙𝕠)

I do not endorse any of the following behaviors, nor do I believe that the members of Stray Kids would do any of the following.

♩ gn!reader, cheating, crying, just really sad, ANGST.

just to be clear, i'm not going to continue with the other members, I just don't see any of them cheating...(not to say I see channie and lino cheating but you get my point)

♩♩ word count: 1k

♩♩♩ A/N: Cheating is really probably my least favorite thing in the world. I tried writing it but struggled so badly I only managed to write Chan and Minho, one because they're the first two, but also because I just had the hardest time imagining them cheating on you...especially Changbin for some reason, I was legit starting to cry while writing his ( Ĭ ^ Ĭ ) , sorry for not writing for all 8 members, you can request something else if you want~

wip list here

Chan

You were there for him through the years when he was a nobody, the many years he spent as a trainee.

You were there for him when he had the hardest time.

You were there for him when he doubted himself.

You were there for him when he was hurt, when he wanted to cry, when he was sad.

Thankfully, in the end, all his hard work paid off.

He had his own team, his own fans, his own reputation.

You were naive enough to think that your relationship would be the same as it was.

You were naive to think that you, who had been with him through so much, would stay with him until the end.

You never gave up on him.

But he gave up on you.

The first time you found clothes in the house that didn't belong to you or him, he just passed it off as "a member left them here".

You chose to believe him even though, to your knowledge, the members had never come to your house.

The second time you found an unfamiliar lipstick in the car, he said that their make-up artist had left it behind.

You believed that too, even though you knew he had never worn that color of lipstick before.

But the third time, when you saw the hickeys on his neck, you really couldn't find any excuse to believe him.

Why? Was it because you hadn't done enough? Was it because you didn't love him enough?

No, of course not.

It was because he didn't feel like he was "in love" with you anymore.

"Get out of my house."

You held back your tears, gritted your teeth and tried to suppress your emotions.

It wasn't anger, and there wasn't much sadness.

Just... just disbelief.

"This is a decision you made, and now you're going to have to live with the consequences of it."

You could have sworn to God that you contributed everything you had to the relationship.

If that wasn't enough, maybe Bang Chan didn't deserve you.

"Don't think that because you're famous now, you're a class above me."

"You're just a scumbag like all those men out there."

Two weeks later was the first time he reached out to you.

"Baby... I was wrong ......"

You just gave him a blank look and didn't say anything.

He only made you feel sick.

A month later was the first time he called you, in tears.

"It's not me they love, it's my fame, my body, the honour I can bring them, not me......"

"If only you'd understood that sooner."

You didn't continue to listen to his sophistry and simply hung up.

Life was surprisingly good without Chan.

No more sasaengs coming to your door to threaten you.

You don't have to hide when you go out.

You don't have to worry about being filmed by the paparazzi when you do anything.

You're finally free, free from the cage called 'Bang Chan'.

You were free.

But he had lost forever the person who loved him most.

Minho

How you wish he was just an ordinary man, an ordinary man like you.

If he was an ordinary man, maybe he wouldn't have met her.

The one who, like him, could stand on stage and shine.

The one who could relate to what he was feeling, what he was struggling with.

The person he had more in common with.

The person he chose over you.

How you wish he was just an ordinary man, an ordinary man like you.

If he was an ordinary man, he would be able to relate to your feelings.

No stage to showcase yourself, no fans to support you.

Just the "little things" he never cared about.

The "unimportant" problems you had to face every day.

No one cared about you, even if you were exhausted to the point of breaking.

If he were a normal person, things would be a lot easier.

When he broke up with you, you weren't surprised, to be honest.

At some point, you realized that you didn't have anything in common with each other.

Things were happening in his life that you couldn't fully understand.

The time to see each other started to become less.

You didn't even text, let alone call.

You do love him, you really do.

There was a time when your whole heart was his.

But, now that you think about it, did he ever really love you?

Did he only date you because he took pity on you?

Every time you thought about it, you got angry.

Not because he left you for someone else, it wasn't him.

It was you. You were mad at yourself.

How could you put yourself so low?

Why did you care, when he didn't at all?

Why did you try to approach him when he was trying to push you away?

What gave him the right to take away your youth?

You didn't get angry, you didn't cry, it wasn't even painful.

You breathed a sigh of relief.

A sigh of relief that you didn't know how many years you had been holding.

A few weeks later, Minho turns up on your doorstep, looking horrible, the worst you've ever seen.

You politely ask him if he's okay, and he said no.

"I regret it, Y/N, she doesn't love me at all."

"Is that so? What a shame."

"Y/N! Don't talk to me in that tone of voice...you shouldn't be like this......"

"Not like this? Then what am I supposed to be like? Like I was, obeying you? Serving only you? Who do you think you are, Lee Minho? What makes you think the world is supposed to revolve around you?"

He was speechless, his eyes widened.

"Mr. Lee, the two of us are strangers who have nothing to do with each other now, and if you insist on standing here, I will call the police. You're an idol, you shouldn't want to be on trending for something like this, right?"

"Do we really have no chance?"

"Mr. Lee, I hope you understand that your actions now will affect your team."

You've figured it out, you didn't hate him, you just pitied him.

You pitied him for not being able to do the basics of being a human being.

[husbandohunter]

What they love about you (part 1) [Genshin Impact]

Synopsis: It was as if the universe had changed when they saw you.

Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Xiao, Venti x female reader

Part 2 here

(A/n): Okay okay I know I have some requests yet I decided to write something super indulgent. I'M SORRY! This past week I've just been writing so much angst *looks at inbox* AND MORE ANGST TO COME I really need that dose of Vitamin F(luff) 😭

===========================

Noctua's Heartbeat (Diluc)

For a man who had the whole world in the palm of his hand

With looks, fame and all the wealth he could demand

But what stole away his breath was something not to be bought

For it was merely the calming presence of your living and beating heart.

Your heart was a dignity born for empathy, so beautiful and magnificent with the kind of charm similar to white Cecilias blooming across Mondstadt's fields. Diluc would watch from afar, admiring their glow. It shines without reservation, blissfully unaware to a fault that he couldn't help but feel afraid knowing how the real world would simply pluck you from your roots and shape you in the way they wanted to. People who were tainted souls with tainted soles roaming from the shadows, constantly trampling on other's beliefs before leaving them to rot.

Ah but of course, Cecilias are wildflowers. No matter how many times they were stepped on, they could still withsand any force nature throws at them. Whether it'd be raging storms or scorching heat from the summer sky, you were the same through it all. Love. You were in love. You were in love with the wind, you were in love with people, you were in love with the world and everything that lives in it.

And so, Diluc wonders if that was the reason why everything suddenly began to shimmer.

He treaded on a path fated for loneliness while longing for the dawn to appear out of the night horizon-- where emotions once frozen until you came in to melt the ice. He blocked his heart but you tore down those walls. Diluc swore to never feel if it meant protecting himself and yet you held onto his shattered pieces tenderly, dearly, blowing the love of life and teaching it how to beat again.

Your heart was like a fountain of all the hopes he abandoned years ago and the dreams that no one had the courage to envision, cleansing everything within it's reach and freshening them anew. You were a being so in tune with your emotions that it sang through all that you did, laughing despite your obstacles and shedding tears when overjoyed, a single drop it was but still held the depth of the entire ocean. Diluc vows to protect you for your heartbeat was also his own. He'll gladly lay down his life because losing you deemed far worse than any death he could imagine.

~xx~

The other eye of Pavo Ocellus (Kaeya)

The knight's shining armour serves only as a disguise

When beauty from the surface is one's own demise

He used it to protect himself, decorating his words with pretty lies

But unmatched when facing against your truthful eyes.

They say the eye was an open window to a person's true colours. If that were the case then the painting inside him must have been an unsightly one.

Every once in a while the people of Mondstadt would speak about their Cavalry Captain's eyepatch, whether he was injured after being sent out on a mission or if he wears it for the sake of image. No one knows, it was rather unsettling, why someone would cover their eye despite not being injured. Secrets? Perhaps. Kaeya was known to be a man shrouded in mystery after all.

Your gaze was his Death After Noon. Sparkling upon the surface yet with the tasteful allure so captivating that it was almost dangerous. Just one glance and he was intoxicated, eventually leading to a slip of the tongue, revealing what was buried deep within his contaminated essence. Kaeya hated that you had the uncanny ability to see through his mask. Your innocence so contrasting, he felt like looking into a mirror, reminding just how much of an ugly person he truly was in comparison.

But mirrors are easy to break, no?

The thought delivers a sinister smile on his face. Pitiful-- is the state where you were. Pitiful-- it's what he is. How could he think of such things when all you offered was kindness? Unlike Kaeya, you were an honest person, always wearing your emotions on your sleeve and unaware of the devil's vicinity. He was tempted by the invite to crush you and run away like the coward he was meant to be. However as he stares deeply into your eyes he realized they weren't made of glass. They were gems. The most precious gems hardened by the pressures of experience.

In the shine of thine eyes resides the stars and the moon as if stolen from the Abyss, leading to the edges of the universe that was blessed within your mind. The look of curiosity filled with rich hues all held by a soulful stare while they pierced through the armour shaped around his heart. It was your ability to recognize beauty amongst the most wretched of things that he fell so hopelessly in love with you because for the first time someone had seen him-- his flaws and his faults, his abyss painted darker than black but loved him despite it all. As he drowns himself in the world of your gaze, Kaeya prays to never be the one who will steal away those stars or moon because they looked the most beautiful on you.

~xx~

The Winged Nemesis who flew towards the Sun (Xiao)

He looks at your face as if he saw spring for the first time

An unsual encounter, wondering how could something be so sublime

The yaksha stands upon the corpses while reaching for the sky

Seeing the sun in your smile that he wishes to fly

Xiao has dealt with the cards of death and won through many of it's games. But his life was a gamble as the karmic binds may one day bring the same fate that was done upon his comrades-- insanity, murder and corruption. So he swears an oath to his god and himself, ensuring the darkness only he could bear does not seep into the light.

A gust of wind sways in when you pass by, he was struck by pensive bewilderment because happiness was a feeling unknown to him. It was the expression you made whenever you greeted him good morning. The complexion you had while charging through life's challenges. And the face you wore even during the times where there was no reason to smile. Xiao has felt the might of the sun for her light will never be exstinguished by his darkness, he could only succumb to it.

But you were not just the sun, you were the flowers that bloomed beneath her heavenly sky and the birds that chirped upon those earth-like trees. You were a whole new world he didn't dare to touch because dreams were delicate and his cursed self would only devour them until nothing was left. Still, the mighty sun shines through it all, stretching out her rays like a welcoming embrace until the universe had been revitalized, giving birth to new life after winter's storm.

If pictures told a thousand words then he had a thousand reasons and more to love you. Xiao witnessed the sweetest joy decorated by pink petal blossoms dancing around him, the one who pulled him out of his spiraling trance of darkness. The breath he takes no longer felt suffocating and instead was replaced by the smell of nature's greatest gifts: you. Stay away, he says, because there were times where you shone so brightly that he had to look elsewhere. Your rays burned him and he thinks it might drill holes into his wings. Painful it may be but if the splendor of spring could only be admired after the harsh cold snow, then maybe pain and love were only two sides of the same coin.

A world without the sun--such unfathomable thoughts--is a death he does not wish to deal with.

~xx~

A song she sings for the God of Wind (Venti)

Man lives by the power of the tongue,

Whatever Man speaks is aligned with Man's choice.

Hearken when she talks for her words are to be sung,

Because not only was she lovely but so was her voice.

-Venti

There were many reasons why Venti loved music. The freedom to express oneself when words weren't enough, allowing one's spirit to flow out of their mouth and be with the wind. It was the feeling he had when he listened to you because your voice was sweeter than any song he sang or played.

When you speak it was as if the world around you danced, bringing them to the mercy of your stage. Like standing upon the soft grass while letting the sparks of dandelions dust against his own skin, Venti would close his eyes as he hears you speak-- it was you, just you and that was all he needed. He swears that no one in the world could sound as living as you did because it was the words you say that stole his heart away.

The vibration in your tone was fleshed with kindness yet so sure and firm to the point it could even bring a god to his knees. If he were a sailor then you were the siren, enchanting him with your bell-like voice and bringing him to a territory where he can never escape from. It was the spell of your divine song, his Carmen Dei, that tricked the trickster. Venti did not mind as long as he was able to feel the blessing amongst his ears.

[soyouthinkucanwrite]

The money thing (part 1/2) - Daniel Ricciardo

It's always the little things, isn't it? The smallest stupidest things make almost no difference and then make all the difference in the world. They make everything special, but they also have the power to tear everything appart.

You and Daniel fight about money for the thousand time and he's had enough of it.

Warnings: super angst, but with a happy ending :)

Guys, this turned out WAY BIGGER than I expected, so I'm just gonna do a part 2, okay? Okay, thanks for understanding!

Song that inspired me: A list by HVOB

You and Daniel had been dating for a couple months now, having met through a common friend and hitting off almost instantly. You lived in Amsterdam and he, well he lived all over the world really, but his "time off" (meaning not racing) was spent between Monaco and London (for work), and Amsterdam now too, of course.

The changes were small and subtle at the beginning, like your weekends being spent traveling to meet him wherever in the world he was and consequently spending almost all your savings on plane tickets. You never complained to him (you planned on spending the money traveling anyway, so you didn't see the point), but didn't accept when he offered to buy your tickets, either. There's been some awkwardness around the subject but it usually died on its own.

*beginning of flashback*

"You’d have gotten here in time if you'd gotten the early flight like I told you" you remembered him saying that time you got in the paddock after the qualifying session had begun and couldn’t kiss him good luck.

"Baby, I told you. It was crazy expensive! Absurd even!"

"(y/n) for god's sake! What are we saving money for? I told you, you have my credit card number, I've offered to get you one, this is ridiculous, I can't believe I literally earn millions and my girlfriend wasn't there with me because the ticket was too expensive! I'll fucking fly you private if I have to!" he was almost yelling in his driver's room. You could only stare from the corner.

He took a deep breath running his hands through his hair. "Sorry. It's just... it was crap out there. I needed you" you grimaced at his words.

"Sorry. I really am..." you tried to approach him. "I'm here now?" you touched his arm. "It can't have been that bad, you're still on the top 10 and we both know what you can do from the 8th car..." you smiled at him.

*end of flashback*

He started to spend much more of his time off with you at your place, so you decided to get a place by yourself (having a roommate was great for company and splitting the rent, but having a roommate there while you guys just wanted some much-needed privacy was not working). Then there were more traveling to meet him, furniture for the new place, clothing for all the events (GPs or not), uber rides here and there... all of that without mentioning that you weren't being able to get the freelance jobs you used to get to make some extra money, so yeah, to say things were tight was an understatement. You tried to do all your shopping alone, so he wouldn't offer and you wouldn't refuse or be awkward about it, but Daniel seem to be glued to you whenever you were in the same city (not that you’re complaining).

He started to spend much more of his time off with you at your place, so you decided to get a place by yourself (having a roommate was great for company and splitting the rent, but having a roommate there while you guys just wanted some much-needed privacy was not working). Then there were more traveling to meet him, furniture for the new place, clothing for all the events (GPs or not), uber rides here and there... all of that without mentioning that you weren't being able to get the freelance jobs you used to get to make some extra money, so yeah, to say things were tight was an understatement. You tried to do all your shopping alone, so he wouldn't offer and you wouldn't refuse or be awkward about it, but Daniel seem to be glued to you whenever you were in the same city (not that you’re complaining).

The thing is, you always had trouble dealing with money. Sure, you liked to pay for your own stuff so as to not owe anything to anyone (especially boys), but it was so much deeper than that. Ever since a kid, you hated asking for money from your parents, and sometimes even the thought of buying stuff that was a bit more expensive made you sick. You couldn't explain why, you just felt guilty having so much and knowing that most people have never even seen that amount. It's not that you didn't want to spend it and save for the sake of it, you just didn't handle the idea of money very well. Needless to say, dating a millionnaire was bound to cause trouble in the relationship for you.

You were currently at his place in Monaco. It was the summer break and you had decided to spend some days just chilling at home, just the two of you - which you were glad since going out means hair, makeup, clothes, accessories, shoes... and, let's be honest, the kind of places he usually took you is not the kind of places you just throw something together last minute (the Instagram models and other driver's girlfriends looking you up and down were enough to make you think about spending money you did not have to hire a stylist or something like that). The whole situation was really stressing you out and you knew you would have to be honest with him eventually, instead of only dodging the subject and refusing most of his offers to pay. You tried to. You kind of tried. You suggested staying at home, in bed, most of the time, and he gladly agreed, but that strategy wasn't gonna work forever. You had to be honest with him. But at the same time, you knew what he was going to say and do, and the thought of him spending money on you, even if just by handling the restaurant bill, wasn't something you were much more comfortable with. Besides, it was only a matter of time before the "gold-digger" term starts to fly around in the small world that was the F1's.

You were laying on his couch, the Olympics playing on the TV but you were too busy overthinking the money thing to pay attention. Daniel was laying with his head on your lap, absently caressing your thigh and watching the TV. His phone went off and he moved to pick it up.

"Hello?" you watched as he answered the phone. "Hey mate, how's it going? Uh nothing, we're just chilling at home. Getting some rest... Yeah, I'm getting rested, you dirty-minded son of a bitch" you rolled your eyes while he laughed out loud on the line with someone. "Yeah, I know... the 19th is it? No, it's fine. Yeah, yeah. I'll be there. Alright, mate. Thanks for calling. Have a good one! Bye!" he hanged up and leaned in to peck you on the lips.

"Good news?" you asked him.

"Not really. Just wanted to kiss you" he shrugged, smiling. You smiled back and hugged him, pulling him in for another kiss. He was always so caring with you, always finding an excuse to kiss or touch you. You knew some people didn't like it, but you loved it. Physical touch was definitely one of your love languages.

"What's happening on the 19th then?" you asked him once you guys set apart from the kiss.

"Gotta be in London. Gonna run some testings and other boring race stuff..."

"Hum..." you hummed in understanding.

"You know what would make it less boring though?" he asked and you just looked at him, you already knew what he was going to ask you and it wasn't that you didn't want to spend every minute of the day with him, but you simply couldn't afford any more traveling, especially not in such short notice. "If you came with me. Huh? What do you say? A week in the Queen's land? Then we can fly together to Spa and after the race, I can go with you to Amsterdam. The next one it's the Dutch GP anyway, I'll just get there sooner" he laughed. It was crushing you, the man of your dreams was literally beaming at making plans with you, talking about spending the next few weeks glued together and you couldn't say yes.

"Dan, I have to work" you smiled sadly.

"Can't you work from distance? Or, I don't know, I mean... I know it's tiring, but you could come to London and fly home a bit early, then just meet me in Belgium?" great, his solution includes even more flying. And the thing is, you really didn't mind the flying. You always slept during the whole thing anyway, so you never got tired and the jetlag was minimal. You could work from distance, sure. Your boss wouldn't mind, as long as you got there eventually to check in on everything. But the whole logistics were just too expensive. There was no way you could afford it.

"I... sorry, I don't think I can" you said sadly and watched as his face dropped.

"That's fine, baby. I get it. I'm asking too much, all this traveling... don't worry about it" he tried to mask his emotions but you knew better. He knew you could in fact work from distance, so he was probably thinking the reason you couldn't do it was because you didn't want to.

He got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. Meanwhile, you couldn't help but bury your face in your palms. This was so frustrating!

"You wanna go for a run or something? Maybe get something to eat?" he called from the kitchen, already moving on from the subject. You knew this whole thing was only gonna keep build up till he got tired of your excuses or you blowing up, probably the former, but you just keep going.

"Yeah, sure" you answered, getting up from the couch.

You and Daniel were both very active so going for a run, hiking, riding bikes, or whatever in the middle of the day was really routine for you. The Monaco summer weather was as beautiful as always and the sun was shining bright. You enjoyed the rest of your afternoon racing each other, kissing in the harbor, and just taking in the views, spending quality time together. Money wasn't even a thing in your bubble for a while.

"I'm getting hungry" he said on the way back home.

"Me too, and I'm super hot. I could go for a juice or something right now" you were all sweaty from the running, but you didn't care, he was too.

"You're always hot baby, I don't think juice gonna help with that" he grinned at you and you just rolled your eyes at him.

You passed by one of his favorite spots for food, nearby his place and he suggested getting some take-out, to which you agreed.

"Green juice, and a chicken wrap?" you tried to decide while the both of you waited in line.

"I'll never understand how you drink that"

"I've seen you drink that too, it's actually very refreshing"

"Because I'm forced to, I'm a high-performance athlete baby. But I'm on a break, so I'll have a coke, thank you very much" you laughed at him. He was holding your hand and tried to kiss you, wrapping his arm around you, you didn't dodge his kiss, you would never, but still laughed at the fact he wanted to kiss the sweaty mess you were right now.

"I'm gross, only you" you laughed.

"That's my baby, with no makeup she a ten" he rapped shrugging and grinning.

"Alright Lil Wayne, I know that one, don't even finish the verse" you laughed at him, making him laugh out loud, getting everyone's in the restaurant's attention.

"It's true, though"

"Sure..." You just shook your head smiling. Then you heard someone call his name.

"Hey! Daniel!" you both turned around to see Charles and Charlotte sitting in a corner, him waving at you two. You had met Charles a couple of times before but never spoke too much to him. They seemed to be leaving anyway, so they walked towards you guys, instead of towards the door.

"Hey mate, how's it going?" Daniel greeted him with a handshake. "Hey, Charlotte! You know (y/n) yet?"

"Hi! I don't think so, hi! How are you?" she greeted you smiling.

"Hi! Nice to meet you. Hi, Charles!" you said.

"Hey, (y/n). You're keeping him in line during the break? Char won't let me cheat my diet either" he laughed.

"Oh, that ship has sailed long ago! Daniel will just roll into the paddock if it's up to him" you laughed back.

"Hey! I think I've earned the right to some extra calories, we've been working out extra hard lately" Daniel said waving his eyebrows suggestively, making Charlotte giggle, Charles rolls his eyes and you go even redder than you were from the actual workout, while he just laughed out loud.

"I don't even want to know" Charles said. "Always great running into you mate" he was getting ready to say goodbye.

"Are we seeing you guys tomorrow?" Charlotte asked you.

"Tomorrow?" you asked her.

"Stefano's birthday" she said like it was obvious. Stefano Domenicali was the President and CEO of Formula 1, but you didn't know that yet - still, her tone made it seems like it was someone Daniel knew, so you just looked at him. He just rubbed his neck, looking a little embarrassed. "Oh, wait. Please tell me I didn't just said something I shouldn't" she looked at Charles.

"No, no. He invited me. Us, actually" Daniel reassured her. "I don't think we're going though, forgot to mention to you" he said looking at you.

"Uh mate, I wouldn't skip that if I were you. He didn't even invite all the drivers I heard" Charles said. "Maybe just stop by to say hello?"

"Stop by... a yacht... at the sea?" Charlotte said grinning at him. Daniel looked at you.

"You feel like going? It should be fun" he asked you.

"Sounds fancy... I mean, I don't mind if you go" you said.

"Common... I’m not going alone" he nudged you.

"I don't even have anything to wear, Dan" you told him.

"Oh! We can go shopping together!" Charlotte said and you had almost forgotten they were still there.

"Perfect!" Daniel answered for you. You could only imagine the types of stores she shopped.

"Tomorrow morning, then? Daniel can text your address to Charles for me? I'll pick you up!" she was being really nice about it.

"I thought you wanted to go today?" Charles said.

"That's when I thought I would have to go shopping with you, so I could use the extra time since you're the worst shopping partner ever!" she laughed at him.

"Burn!" Daniel laughed.

"His fashion taste is not the most reliable, let's face it" she laughed and kissed his cheek. "It's a date then (y/n)?" she looked expectantly at you. You didn't want to let her down, it was so hard to make friends with the girlfriends of other drivers, they were usually so... not nice. You could always just help her and find something to wear in your own stuff later.

"Yeah, sure! See you tomorrow, at 10?" you said simply.

"Perfect!" she beamed.

>>> end of part 1 <<<

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Can I request HSP + depression reader (who thinks they are just weak and being crybaby) x Bucky, please? I understand you are super busy right now and I didn’t mean to rush you or anything but I'm just struggling with both HSP and depression and couldn’t help but send it right now. No need to hurry, just when you are free and maybe when you had nothing to write. Thank you and I love you!

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you! I’m here if you need me and I hope that this helps!!! 

It’s called empathy

Bucky x reader

Word count: 1981

Warnings: depression, HSP (highly sensitive person), low self worth, negative self talk, swearing (that’s normal for me but this one’s a little extra), angst (more so internal idk if that needs a warning), fluff/comfort

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @mardema @abitgryffindorky @buckys-blue-eyes @strawberrimae @thatfangirl42 @freigeistundanderes @bucks-bunny @broadwaybabe18 @im-sick-of-failing

Taglist     Masterlist

--------------

Breathe in

Breathe out

In 

Out 

...in…

You felt a tear escape your eyes

Goddamn it

You didn’t want to cry, you couldn’t let yourself. It was stupid, it was just some shitty remark from someone when they were in a shitty mood, it wasn’t your fault, all that bullshit you tried to tell yourself. It never worked.

You were trying to control your breathing, looking up at the ceiling trying to will the tears away, biting your lip. You would not cry, not over this. Not over something that wasn’t worth your tears

Not when you didn’t even know what exactly you were crying over. 

Yet here you were, gripping the edge of the bathroom sink with white knuckles, looking up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay. And it wasn’t working.

Weak sensitive piece of shit. 

What good were you to the team if you cry in the bathroom like a baby every time something remotely stressful happens? People usually cry when they're in pain or when they’re grieving - the only excuse you had was you were stressed or sad. 

You felt another few tears escape and you angrily swiped them away, cursing yourself for being so weak. 

You hated this, you hated yourself. You were so numb most of the time, especially when you were alone. You found yourself alone in your room with racing thoughts feeling like you were falling apart. Yet when you were alone you could only stare at the ceiling wondering if it would get any worse. 

The answer was usually yes.

Whenever you would go on missions with the team, you were able to push aside your stress. You had a job to do and you would do it. But when the mission was over and you were walking back through the rubble - seeing all the blood, destruction, fear - then it would start to get to you. You would panic, you would feel tears cloud your vision. Tears for those you were leaving behind, and those who had nowhere to go, those who lost someone. That was understandable. 

It seemed to affect you more than the others though. It was understandable to be moved by so much destruction. But for you everyone felt like someone you had known and loved. 

You could feel the grief in those left behind, feel the sadness and pain that they were going through. 

The same was true when you weren’t on missions. When those who were on them would come back. Whether they were injured or their eyes were saddened - you knew when a mission was rough. You would listen, you would be there for people. It was easy to talk to you, and you were very wise. 

But it still overwhelmed you. You couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to. You wanted to help but it would be so emotionally taxing for you. So behind closed doors, you would break. Be there for others, listen when they need to talk, others come first - you took their emotional pain onto yourself. 

You were grateful that you could help - but in the process it was hurting you. 

You allowed yourself to feel sad when you were alone in your room. No one could see you be weak in the dark of your room. But you never cried much just from the pure exhaustion of your thoughts. Sometimes you wanted to, just feeling so incredibly empty that you just wanted to have an ugly crying session curled up in bed.

But you didn’t get to make that choice.

The crying wouldn’t come until the absolute worst times. If you had messed up on a mission, if Tony said something a little too harshly because to him everything was a joke, seeing something gruesome on a mission- whenever it came to someone else getting involved, the tears would come. Hell sometimes even being overwhelmed in public would be enough to start the waterworks. 

You always felt so fucking weak for it. The slightest environmental stressor could stress you out too much and move you to tears. You had no reason to be upset most of the time. But you would get angry at yourself for being upset, which would make you more upset that you couldn’t control it, making it harder to control.

It was a vicious cycle.

Lately it had been popping up more and more recently. Smaller things were upsetting you more than usual. You were becoming more sensitive to external stimuli and as a result, you spent as much time as you could in your room. You were embarrassed by yourself. Both by your emotions and by your inability to control them. 

This time you were just upset that you were upset. It had been a long night the day prior, just a lot of paperwork to do. There had been a mission earlier this week that you hadn’t been assigned to, but it had been brutal for everyone who had gone. So far today had been a normal day by anyone’s terms, an emotionally exhausting one for you. One of those where you woke up tired and the thoughts of another day were enough to draw you to tears. Nothing had even happened, but apparently nothing needed to happen. 

Your emotions came and went without your consent. 

You knew deep down it was probably some sort of emotional build up - that whole quote about bottling things up until they got to be too much - it happened every time but you still thought you could handle yourself better than that. You didn’t want to vent or be a problem to anyone. But when you are the emotional support for most of the team and you haven’t been able to get enough sleep or take time for yourself - you didn’t have much of a say as to when the bottle overflows.

A few more tears fell and you slammed your hand on the counter, wiping your tears angrily once more. “God fucking damn it why can’t you just stop fucking crying!” you exclaimed, feeling a few more tears falling “Weak piece of shit!” 

There was knocking on the door, pulling you out of your self deprecating thoughts. You gasped lightly, wiping your face again. 

Knock knock

You jumped a little, gasping slightly. No one was supposed to be here, it was the middle of the night. 

“Y/n? What’s going on in there? Are you alright?”

You took a shaky breath. Of course it would be Bucky who heard you. Why would it be anyone else?

“I’m fine Bucky, it’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Then why are you still awake?” Bucky responded. You heard him sigh a little outside the door. “Come out here and tell me you’re okay.”

“Really Bucky?”

“Unless you want me to come in there, but I don’t think Stark would appreciate me breaking your door.”

You took a small breath and walked over to the door, opening it. You crossed your arms and met Bucky’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed, taking in your appearance. Red eyes, flushed face, your hair was messy - you were definitely crying. He hated when you wouldn’t admit that you weren’t ok. “You know you don’t have to be, right?”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep fresh tears from clouding your vision. “What?”

“You say you’re fine, you always say that you’re fine until you break. I heard you crying, I can see that you’re not feeling okay yet still you try to keep a brave face. And I just want you to know that you don’t have to always be okay.”

You let out a breath. “I - i…” you looked down and shook your head, lost for words. 

“Y/n, I’m not here to judge you. Can you try to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” you said looking up at him “It’s literally so stupid, Bucky.”

“Y/n, nothing you say right now is going to sound stupid. 

You shrugged your shoulders, still not quite meeting his eyes. “I don’t know, I just get so worked up sometimes, but it’s stupid. I tell myself I’m not going to be bothered and then I freak out again. The smallest things bother me and I get stressed out and then I cry like some stupid weak bitch. People have it worse than me, God, you have it worse than me. Everyone here has some sort of traumatic awful thing happen to them and then there’s me and I get sad because I see other people sad,” you were crying again and you wiped at your face, covering your eyes. “God Im so fucking stupid I -”

Bucky pulled you into his chest as you let out a sob. “You’re not stupid, y/n.”

“YES I AM. I get worked up over the smallest shit, I don’t listen when people tell me to take breaks, I take everything too personally and I can’t stop fucking crying when I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong!” you exclaimed, trying to push yourself away, ashamed.

Bucky held you tightly, not letting you go. “That’s not your fault. It’s not up to you how your feelings show up.”

“But I cry at the most stupid shit and I can’t control it.”

“You’re not supposed to know how to control it,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “Emotions can’t be controlled. They just happen and it’s rarely convenient.”

“Then why do I feel so weak? If this,” you gestured to yourself “is so goddamn normal then why isn’t everyone else breaking down every other day?” 

Bucky brushed some hair out of your face. “Your emotions are yours, no one else’s. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. Think of it this way - you can’t expect everyone to have the same amount of strength or stamina - no one has the same emotional response either. And that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you you.”

You shook your head. “I just feel so weak all the time.” 

“And I’m here to remind you that crying isn’t weak. You are not a weak person, you are not a bad person, you’re not any of those things your mind tells you. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. You put your heart into everything you do. You help everyone you can. Mourning someone else’s loss isn’t weakness. It’s called empathy.”

You took a small breath. “Then why does it hurt so goddamn much?”

“”I don’t know. And I can’t say for certain that you won’t always feel that way. But I know I can tell you that you aren’t weak, and I’ll be here every time you feel that you are.” 

You nodded your head slightly. “You don’t think I’m weak?” you asked quietly.

He pulled you back into a hug. “Not in the slightest, y/n.”

[ofallthingsnasty]

God damn, your mind's just so precious 😱😍😍😍 it's really what struck me when i finished your fic, you picture him sooo well ! You're right, dark is really canon for him and (lets be honest) he's basically a piece of shit 😅 but it somehow nurish my masochistic kinks 😳 (I admit starting playing rdr2 this summer and I havnt finished the main storyline but I will as soon as I have the time 😭)

You can count me in for your next a/b/o fic 👋 i'm sure its gonna be awesome 🥺💗

I loooove all the ideas you decifered in this !! Like it's brutally honest that despite everything that will happen Micah will never truely love you (that's what I think of him too) but he's a crazyman and I just picture him being super jealous. Like real dangerously so. Not just about reader, but like you kind of portrayed it in Through the Briar, he's also super jealous of Arthur and that's what makes him super explosive.

Argh, why the objectifying possessivness of Micah over the reader carrying his child is so hot 🥵❤️‍🔥 ?? I havn't thought about it but you are so right about the fact that he would have no shame droping hint that he slept with the reader in front of all the crew, and she would probably never tell anyone that he forced himself onto her beacause she would be so ashamed...

Being pregnant with his child would doom the rest of the reader's life, like I don't think she could escape him for long... But what if she had a little girl ? How do you think Micah would react ? I'm not sure but I'd say that he'd be more distant with them, and reader would have a slightly easier life.

I kind of have the impression that if she trier to escape him though, bringing HIS child with her, he'd find her and make sure that she'd be trapped with another baby of him, making it even more difficult for her to run away...

But back to the camp, I feel like everyone would be concerned by the fact that Micah slept with the reader, but I think the only one that would have no doubt about the fact that it was non-consensual would be Arthur. Like, he saw how reader never talked back to him even though he's been roughing her up and he des not trust him. At all.

But without confirmation, he'd just be extra careful when he's around.

Seing how other would interact with reader after they found out about Micah would be vers interesting ! And also really sad for the reader...

You seem to have already so many ideas : I really hope you'll someday elaborate all of them in a sequel or something 🤩✨️

I laugh so hard at your alternative timeline with Arthur, the sunset and the credits 🤣🤣 I'll keep it dearly close to my heart for emotional support emergency 🧡

Oh please do ramble whenever you want I loved that 🤣💖 also thanks for your reply, it must have took you sooo long, but I enjoyed it so much 😘

I'm really happy it made you smile this early in the morning and I hope it made your day brighter ☀️🌈 Take care 💕

Ps : I'm sorry to ear that you were expecting hate on your lil diamond, I get that darker content can be targeted but these are fantaisies, and as long as they stay this way, I think we can all live a safer world 🌷 especially if everyone read the trigger warnings and age limits ! Stay safe everyone 💚

I am SO sorry for making you wait this long for an answer, this week has been eating me alive so far lol. And thank you again! To be 100% honest, out of the whole VDL gang he is the easiest to write for me because he is imo very predictable. Arthur and John are hard asf for me - or Javier. Oh my god, I can't read that guy at all!! For some reason my brain just vibes with Micah in that way lol. And I only played until Chapter 4 in February and finally completed the game this summer, so kinda same haha!! I'll try not to spoil you!! 💗💗 And @ the masochistic side of you! Totally get it! I love to write about hopeless and bleak scenarios, it's super cathartic to me. And from the main cast, Micah is just the one who comes to mind when thinking about rdr2 darkfic (because I don't quite think that even low honor Arthur would go as far as noncon of a fellow gang member? Idk just my impression. And the rest of the gang is at best emotionally manipulative, but I don't anyone would pull what Micah did in through the briar.)

I so agree with everything you said!! If you were to have a little girl instead of a boy, he'd definitely be more distant. But we saw in his letter to Amos that he does keep tabs on the people in his closer circle - and while he isn't going the be father of the year 1900-1910™, I do think that from that point onwards, you're 'his woman'. I think he'd have no issue with getting you pregnant again and again until you finally have that little boy. Mind you, I think he'd drop you off somewhere and stop by every weeks/months, like Arthur did with Isaac. He isn't gonna be around 24/7, he has his gang stuff to do and you'd only be a hindrance. Imagine how humiliating it has to be to make up lies about your 'husband' to the very few neighbors you do have and then it's... Micah. And regarding escaping him: yes, a hundred times yes. Wherever you're hiding out, he'll go in, guns blazing, and make a whole show of shooting every poor soul there. He'd be absolutely livid, to be honest, and he's gonna take it out on anyone standing in his way and THEN you. I genuinely think he'd even slap you for it. Definitely chokes you out for a little bit until your eyes are bloody and you're frantically kicking at the ground for release. And then noncons you. Just overall a super bad, gritty situation for you, so... don't even try it. (There are also a few things to consider regarding the epilogue but I'm not gonna spoil you haha!!)

The camp reactions are super interesting for me to think about as well; either a sequel that picks up where I left off or the 'escape in the epilogue' would be cool to write about but I don't think I'd get that fic done until next year summer (which sounds shocking, I know, but knowing my writing speed and what is in my immediate future, it's, unfortunately, the truth 😭). So let me elaborate on here before I leave you to starve (😭😭😭). I think, at first, the women would be put off immensely. As soon as they figure it out, I think they'd judge you, even if just a little. They've spent weeks, months shooting him and his disgusting advances down and while everyone knows Micah is a snake, they aren't safe from that little nagging voice in the back of their head that thinks about the 'what if you did this willingly...?' thing. The most level-headed ones of them are definitely Abigail and Tilly, I just see Abigail as the type to immediately see what's going on, much like Arthur (back to him and the men later, though). Mary-Beth seems to be somewhere in the middle and Karen the slowest to catch on. I think you could genuinely catch some of her ire at first, with her dropping some snide remarks. I think she'd be kinda mad? Until someone either tells her off or you tell her (which. Is hard. Speaking from experience.) Ms. Grimshaw? Hard to decipher. We've seen how she gets when one of the women is in danger, but the problem with the whole aftermath is that it involves TWO gang members... And one of them is regarded very highly by Dutch. So while I think there would be little fire from her side, she'd step in between you and Micah, here and there. Ultimately, she has very little say in it all, sadly. Sadie is just on the sidelines. It's not like she doesn't care but she doesn't really connect with the reader-character from through the briar and she has her own things going on. So, in short, I am still rather optimistic about your standing among the women. I think they can empathize, one way or another - no matter what they think, in the end. They might look at you funny for a bit if they think it was consensual (and they might never realize it wasn't) but time will heal those little bumps in the road, I'm sure. But still; there definitely will be a few drunken confrontations between Karen and you and they won't end pretty. But I do think Abigail cares a whole heap. We know about her past and I think she'd lend reader a shoulder to cry on, if you wanted to- which in my mind- you don't. (Like I said, I think reader would turn very quiet and reclusive after that night.)

Now onto the men: Most of them do not give a shit, in my honest opinion. The reader-character isn't necessarily regarded as pretty nor is she very sociable beyond the other women. There... isn't much to care about, as harsh as it sounds. She isn't hated or disliked, she's just an afterthought, you know? Dutch likes you well enough and Arthur is a genuine friend, and the rest... Very ambivalent. I think Charles immediately knows there is something wrong, he can read you like a book. Does he offer support? Hard to say, leaning towards no. He and reader don't really have a relationship and it isn't his place. Hosea might figure it out, too. And I think he'd call you over for a little talk but, again, reader just... can't speak about it. And honestly, I think the rest sees you in a more negative light afterwards. They probably don't put much thought into it being consensual or not, as harsh as it sounds. John might care a teeny tiny bit but someone like Bill? Jeez, no. Get ready to be mocked openly, when the chance arises. And Lenny? Oof, I think he just kinda knows something is off but much like Charles, he isn't gonna broach that topic anytime soon (again, not his place in his opinion). Dutch straight-up goes with whatever Micah feeds him, no doubt. That you both were drunk and fooling around, if he's ever questioned about it. That you're just having some buyer's remorse, basically. And quite frankly, Dutch wants to gloss over this, he needs everyone together and not divided. So don't expect much sympathy there. Now, Arthur... Arthur immediately notices how quiet you are and how you don't come to sit by his side anymore. And of course, as the absolute oaf he is, he'll probably think he did something wrong, at first. Until Micah drops his first comment and everything just clicks. I can actually see a big confrontation there and Arthur absolutely losing it - but like I said, Dutch believes Micah and needs the camp to be a united front. The fact that you were drunk is perfect for Micah's side - and Arthur will have to submit, ultimately. And I genuinely think your and Arthur's relationship would break over this; with him lording over you like some man-sized guard dog and you needing space - I can see reader snapping one day and Arthur taking it the wrong way, only for both of them to gradually grow apart. I am of course pulling from personal experiences and I leave the explanation at that so as to not trigger anyone on here.

Also, the way Micah would drop his little hints in the first place- he'll definitely get closer than ever before, not touching you, but caging you in with his body so you can't quite leave (like leaning next to you, not that anime move lmao, but definitely invading your personal space), trying to spook you, excessive pet names and overall way, way more attention... Super loud comments to the other men (ew ew ew) and a dozen new little jokes about you. Just thinking about it makes me pull a face, ew. And you touch on something I haven't thought about yet: another man approaching reader/flirting with you. I don't think he'll step in and be like 'be gone, that's my woman' (lmao never) but he'd make the worst, lewd comments about how he got you into bed and how you enjoyed it, about how 'easy' you are. Basically both humiliating you and trying to shoo that feller away. Yes, he did say that he's more likely to despise the women he has been with afterwards - and I totally think that manifests itself in more verbal abuse and shame. And if you're pregnant, back to the above haha.

Thank you so much for letting me ramble again and adding your own thoughts!! I am so happy to talk about this, you don't even know. If only I had more time 😭💕 But better late than never, right? I hope you have a lovely day wherever you are!!

[i-need-air]

Hey it's me again ❤️

I'm just gonna whisper something in your mind (is that even possible?)

Having a baby with Hybrid Katsuki.

Just that. Imagine girl. Perfection.

Ok, real talk here. Every time I see a request from you I uwu a little bit bc I know for a fact whatever you're requesting will make me get so immersed and involved and I'm gonna 💕💞AAAAAA💕💞 while writing AND [lemmecatchmybreath] it happened once again skdjdkfkf Hope you enjoy and sorry it took longer than normal~

Word count: 1.8k

× listen 🥺 I already started and I'm melting, ok?

× when he finds out you're having a smol baby together?

× he freezes and looks at you in a whole different light

× if you're getting pregnant, he will definitely smell the change in your scent and will know even before you do; he'd be instantly by your side with a bewitched expression on his face, taking your cheeks into his palms to just soak everything in yet he's shaking slightly

× and even if you adopt [hopefully a smol hybrid], something deep inside of Katsuki, burried and long forgotten surfaces

× this is the life he always wanted, he always craved even in his darker moments

× this happiness, this fulfillment, this joy

× I absolutely believe he will diligently read and learn everything about the baby to come; will educate himself like no other, deciding to be the very best father he could ever be

× his life was rough and he was stolen away from his biological family, he will now have a chance to have his own and he will not fail you or the baby

× when you hold the little bundle of sunshine in your hands, head down admiring the beauty of a new life, he will stand there, again in shock, again soaking this moment in... so beautiful, so perfect

× will he ever tell you that? of course not; angry ass wild pomeranian—

× but his face gives him away every single time and when you tilt yourself to hand him his new son or daughter, he falls in love for the second time in his life;

× he burries his nose in the soft and fragile skin of the baby's head and breathes in, his instinct kicking in to defend, protect, care, look out for...

× watch carefully because once the baby makes a noise, he'll still, unsure of what to do, but smile so softly as the baby coos in his arms securely; that right there is the best image you can have of soft Katsuki.

× the first few weeks are actually horrible, sorry to break it to everyone aksjskdj not because he doesn't know what to do or does not want to help; on the contrary, he is so incredibly attentive but he also recites the books he learned by memory at this point and it's getting absolutely infuriating;

× although understand him, please; he wants to prove he's a good dad 🥺 except you wanna smack him bc he scoffs if you suggest something he isn't sure about.

× you will find him standing by the baby's crib as it sleeps; he's just???? making sure this is not a dream????? don't question anything though

× can we hc Bakugou with a daughter too? [ already established in the Hybrid!Kiri hcs that Kiri'd have daughter bUT i just really really like beefy men with tiny daughters;;; my heartttt;;; ]

× his little angel, no discussion, no argument, his daughter can do NO WRONG!

× he's very down to earth though, don't get me wrong, he just absolutely adores spoiling her

× speaks softly into her ear, the lowest you'd hear from him

× gruff, raspy, gutural voice ofter overused to scream now low and soft as he holds her into his chest; doesn't do baby-voices or anything like that, but calls her his angel then smirks at you if you're watching;;; then starts softly complaining and bitching about you to the baby 💀 all while rubbing her back

× omfg his hand is as big as her tiny back; guys, call an ambulance, I'm—

× Katsuki would be the type of little shit to pull what I just said then grab you and glue you to his chest too; he'd look down at you both, eyes shining in such adoration he'd take your breath away just before he continues his ranting about you;

× once the baby starts being more interactive, her giggles specially the ones induced by her daddy will make him melt; absolute diminute baby with a small wiggling tail clapping her chubby hands at her dad? his eyes would widen suddently, ears snapping high in surprise and he's taken back by the emotions overtaking him

× he's gone, man; she has him wrapped around her tiny little finger and you can't do anything about it

× instantly acts all in denial if someone is around though; scoffs to hide is obvious smile, placing a palm on his mouth to further block it out and tickles her with the other, earning another fit of giggles

× please, don't tell him his whole tail is waving from side to side

× the only clear giveaway apart from his ears and it's;;; a d o r a b l e;;;

× specially when your daughter also starts wagging her tail in response whenever he does it;

× "Hey, come see what the dumbass is doing!" or "Look at what she did" while showing you a video; proud pappa 🥺

× we're bringing back Proud Bakugou bc hIS DAUGHTER iS tHe BeSt; no, seriously, his kid is the mf best in the world and he will start this presentation with—

× now sit down with me and accept this: the baby; yes, your sweet daughter; mhm, that adorable screeching angel; mhm;;; she'll talk so early it's disturbing.

× at 6 months or so she's already saying mamma, dadda, kitty, woof-woof

× seriously terrifying how sharp she is and how she cannot shut up; for the love of gOd, Katsuki, this is all your fault... it doesn't matter, he just smirks as he has another reason to brag to anyone about his child

× did that street vendor look at him funny? "I'M GONNA FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT MY DAUGHTER—"

× super-protective of her and fucking hates with a burning passion if anyone dares to do that thing where they match up babies saying "Maybe they'll get married when they grow up"

× hands down, no filter, he just looks deep down in whoever had the audacity and says "Like fucking shit they'd deserve her."

× drag him away before he throws fists

× he will definitely if you don't drag him away and you know it, they know it, the baby knows it and cheers for pappa, the whole world knows it at this point and they're buying tickets to watch the shitshow

× chest carrier and walks around with the kid like a boss

× man has shit to do, don't even dare to judge him;

× handles fits really well, he's impressive to say at least

× she's spoiled, yes and always has new toys, coloring books, whatever she wants but the moment she throws fits, he puts his foot down

× baby would be smol angery bb all adorable in all her Bakugou genetics anger and he'd just stare, tapping his foot

× literally waits in place until she calms and looks up at him with big, round eyes, puffy red cheeks and ears lowered

× mission accomplished; he nods then picks her up;

× and you're there amazed??????

× "The fuck you lookin' at?" lil shit still has a foul mouth tho, but make him get just as pouty and embarrassed as the child in his arms by saying something cheesy like "How amazing you are as a dad 💕"

× all rainbows and unicorns until she starts repeating insults and fr tho, Katsu almost shits his pants, fearing your reaction. Will, hands down, chill out with the insults even if he meant no damage with them; he has this unreadable expression on, a mix of shame and fluster, dread too? he's sorry, ok????

× loves, loves, loves cooking for you both and once the kiddo has her own special chair to sit at the dining table together, that's when he sees it: his dream

× you, wiping some food off her cheek with a loving expression, talking about your day casually, baby giggling while she moves her face away playfully; he loves you both so much.

× has these rare moments where, at the end of the day once you're settled in bed, he'd hug you tight and thank you in his mind for... for this... all of it...

× once she starts walking they're both a disaster

× seriously, do not expect the household to be silent ever again [ well, that dream was gone long ago anyway lol ]

× "Where the fuck do you think you're goin'?"

× rapid giggle running around from place to place

× "Oh, for fucks—"

× "Katsuki." you only need to say, catching him in his insults

× 😳 ... "Kid, come back, we're goin' to the park." Skdjkdfkl

× sudden adorable tiny fast steps approach him bc they're going for walkies!

× he is very careful with her and teaches her about stranger danger; also teaches her how to growl and even if her attempt is a total failure, small rawr leaving her lips, he's like "Yes. Good job. Now give it more heart."

× he growls as an example

× she growls back, sounding like a cute lil pup 🥺💕

× as she grows up, she obviously acts more like her father yet he knows when to stop the bad behaviors and it only takes a warning growl from him to get her to cease

× yet somehow you're the strict parent at the end of the day??????? tf????????? who made the rules??????

× starts calling her brat, squirt, lil shit 💕lovingly💕

× "your child" if she did something bad

× "Your fucking child kicked the ball into the vase and broke it." Aha, nice one, Katsuki. Good job.

× not to brag but her puppy eyes don't work on him but yours do; the problem is her puppy eyes do work on you bc she's the light of your life so if she wants something; she'll puppy-eye you knowing you'll get it for her bc daddy loves you very much 💕💞

× literally evil mastermind; didn't I tell you she's sharp? pft, she's playing you both so hard

× every day he comes back from work she runs to him at the door, tail wiggling happily behind her as she stretches her arms to be picked up and he always does, without a doubt, then proceeds to kiss the top of her head

× come out to greet him too? the whole loving routine is his absolute thing and wants to see you, have you kiss his cheek; he complains but adores it soooooo much!

× you have a family night; BONDING WITH MOODY POMERANIANS. Yes, plural, and it sounds perfect~

× even if it's just one of those animated movies he hates so much, he'll watch through all of it and make sarcastic comments just to make you both laugh; will grin satisfied asf if he manages to do so bc he's the best.

× will definitely want another kid, so how about maybe a boy??? hmm???

× asks you if you're up for the idea and if you agree, he'll roll his eyes and crack his shoulders, acting so very uninterested and purely exhausted yet his smirk would give him away:

× "Knew you'd torture me with another devil"

× throw him out, istg— 💀

[outrunningthedark]

First off I’m sorry if this gets to long or muddled but I just wanted to say something from the prospective of a mother with children who have disabilities.

Ok so my issues with people saying Shannon deserved redemption; when my son was 4 we got his diagnosis and at the time life was hard I also had a baby and things were just super hard. One day my then partner just left he decided he couldn’t handle bringing up a child with special needs and that was nearly 3 years ago and we have not seen or heard from him since.

Something I get told a lot is ‘oh he might come back one day it must have been so hard for him’ um excuse me!?! I was the parent left behind to handle all the appointments and daily physical therapies and the emotional toll of a child who’s daddy just left one day and every day since I have lied to that child to make it so he has no idea the real reason his father left us.

To hear things like that when I have had to literally drag myself and my kids through some of the hardest times is a kick in the gut, he doesn’t deserve to come back one day as the hero who found things hard so had to take a break, that’s not how it goes, but if you arepeople like Shannon Diaz you should be forgiven right? because poor you right? WRONG!!!

Who was it who sat and held your child while you needed to breath? Who picked up the slack of handling everything? Who cried themselves to sleep at night because they felt they weren’t enough that they were failing their child because things were hard? Who took the emotional toll of lying to your child so they didn’t feel like they had any blame in you leaving (which they didn’t let’s face it, you were just being selfish, taking a break would have been telling your husband I’ll be back in a week and I’ll be stronger than ever) my second child got diagnosed with the same thing as my oldest when he was 2 life is ridiculously hard but I would not walk out on my babies and for people to try and excuse what Shannon did is offensive. I know people say Eddie checked out first but my god even five minutes after enlisting he could have regretted it but it was too late, we don’t know enough about that to really dig into it.

I’m sorry you have caught so much crap lately about Shannon and A*a (who I won’t mention cos I’ll probably get a ban), you don’t deserve it at all, people will never understand because they don’t want to they all have their own agendas as far as these characters are concerned and hating Shannon and Ana doesn’t fit in with their own rhetoric where Buddie shouldn’t happen etc. They just don’t realise the people they are insulting to do it.

Obviously I've always been aware of ableism, but being in this fandom, being exposed to people from outside my own little bubble, has made me realize how widespread it really is. And it's heartbreaking because now I'm forced to wonder what kind of excuses people come up with for how the disabled are treated in everyday life. (Are we even a consideration if they don't personally know someone who is part of the community?) You are a shining example of the mother fandom pretends Shannon was before she left and could have been *again* if given the chance. You are the type of mother disabled kids and young adults need to function in a world that was not (and is not) catered to us. We need mothers that will be our voice, that will see our potential, and that will fight for us. We need mothers that love us unconditionally. We need mothers that see US, not our disabilities. Most of all, we need mothers with no regrets. I don't have to tell you that we're not all so fortunate to have two parents who learn to accept our "limitations". Some of us don't even have one. (🙋‍♀️) It's the able-bodied people, as well as the disabled people who were raised in much more attentive homes, that need the reality check: If someone cannot handle the possibility of raising a disabled child because it's "overwhelming", they should NEVER have children. If they leave, that's gonna stay with their kid until the end of time. If they stay out of obligation, the resentment is going to be difficult to cover up for a minimum of eighteen years and THAT will cause serious self esteem issues going forward.

As for the other ableist: the support for A*a (at least when she returned in Jinx) was confusing for me, ngl. Did fandom contract selective amnesia? Were we choosing to ignore what had happened the season prior? Maybe viewers didn't even realize her comment was ableist? (Sadly true!) Maybe they felt it was "insensitive", but agreed with her overall opinion because CP + skateboards don't usually mix? (Sadly true x2!) When Eddie went with Buck’s suggestion over hers, was that not a clue she was in the wrong? When the show didn't address it the same way they had every single one of Eddie's missteps, was that not a clue that A*a wasn't meant to be sympathized with or necessarily liked? Now that season four is in the books, most of fandom agrees she was never supposed to be Eddie's long term love interest/endgame, but, man...that first week when she reappeared and people said "They're cute! You're all just haters!" sure was strange, huh? I guess pretty people acting ugly is so common that nobody bats an eye anymore...

[queercumsparkles]

DustFresh Headcanons

When the other is at work

Fresh

Well-

Fresh technically does live with the Bad Sanses while Ink repairs Nox's AU. Fresh loves to snuggle up in Dust's bed while he's on a mission. It's super comfy and soft.

"..Fresh..?"

"I'm sorry-"

When the other is at work

Dust

Fresh is jobless. (God bless my baby.) But he does go help Lust design his new clothing brand. And he wants to be a tattoo artist! So when he's out, he usually steals some of Fresh's clothes, (Damn stalker-) and sleeps in them or just keeps them just to cherish them.

"Oh! You found my jacket!"

"...Yes."

"If- If you wanted to wear it you could've just asked-"

Comfort during or after nightmares

Fresh

Fresh gets terribly nervous so he's unable to sleep. So he usually snuggles up with Dust when he's having a nightmare. Or after he'll go bake something for Dust and leave leftovers for everyone else the next morning. Most times its cuddles, comfort words, hugs, or small kisses. (Fresh kisses all his friends ^^)

"...Fresh I'm not hungry."

"But Red said you get munchies-"

"...I'll take one."

Dust

He's awkward as hell when it comes down to comforting someone. But he just does his best. ...Until he goes to call Nightmare for help. But no worries! He always makes sure to make it up to Fresh the next morning. When Fresh does sleep that is.

"....I'm sorry-"

"..Why are you apologizing?"

"...I hugged you while you were sleeping-"

"DUST WHAT THE FUCK-"

"It's okay-"

"IT'S REALLY NOT!"

"...I'm sorry."

When the other is upset

Fresh

I would say it's not hard to upset the teen if he wasn't a very sensitive baby. When he is upset he asks for cuddles or bakes for no reason until he's no longer upset.

"...Why are you handing me so many cookies?"

"Please just take them-"

"..Okay."

Dust

Not gonna lie, bro just stays in his room and isolates himself until he deems himself safe enough to be around. Or he asks for hugs from Fresh. Or steals his clothes

"Dust why are you in my room-"

"...It's hot in my room."

"It's literally forty degrees in here-"

"...Hug me-"

"What-"

Pranks

Fresh

Fresh no longer does pranks because one, he's trying to be nice, and two, he lost his pranking gear when Nox's AU was destroyed.

"...It's April Fools."

"Okay."

"...Why aren't you pranking anyone?"

"I lost my stuff when Nox's AU was destroyed-"

"..Oh. Sorry."

"Honey you did nothing wrong-"

 Dust

He doesn't do pranks. Unless they're life-threatening.

"...Fresh are you okay?"

"..Why the fuck is there a bloody bag of flesh in the middle of my floor?"

"....That was Axe's-"

Laundry

Fresh

He loves to do laundry! Anything involving housework! He's a housewife at heart leave him be.

"...I can wash my own clothes."

"It's my week to laundry though. And I thought you weren't allowed to touch the washer anymore-"

"..I can wash my own things-"

Dust

He broke the washer because he didn't know how to turn it on.

"Sweetie, I-"

"...I'm sorry."

Do opposites attract?

Fresh

Oh absolutely. Fresh has yet to realize his feelings for Dust! He just thinks he's a bit fond of Dust because of how close they are.

"...Fresh can you let go of me now?"

"You were gonna leave me."

"...I have to go on a mission."

Dust

He has a huge crush on Fresh. He's had one on Fresh since before he'd gained emotions. He loves everything about him! (Stalker and yandere motherfu-)

"Dust, honey can I please have my jacket back I'm cold-"

"...You can wear my jacket."

"But it's covered in monster dust-"

"...This is mine now."

"What-"

How often do they sing?

Fresh

Fresh is very shy about singing. He hums to himself sometimes when he's not around anyone. (Or he thinks)

"...Your voice very pretty."

"I'm sorry!"

Dust

He doesn't sing but he hums. He doesn't care if anyone hears. His voice is very nice though ^^

"You're very good!"

"...Oh. Thank you."

When they want something

Fresh

Fresh likes to get Dust things just because he likes him. (But he doesn't know that.)

"..Fresh I don't need any of this- ...Bring it back-"

"It's all for you! Take it!"

Dust

For a murderer bro got money. He loves to spoil the hell out of Fresh.

"Dust please take this back I- I don't need it-"

"...You don't want it..?"

"What? No! No, no no no no no no!"

"..I'll bring it back to the store-"

"No! No! I'll keep it!"

Sweet boys.