#GOD *claps* HER PERFORMANCE AT THE OPERA. CHILLS.

[inafieldofdaisies]

The Nevers (2021-2023) | Season 1, Episode 1 | Amy Manson as Maladie

“Why am I here? I came to kill an angel witch.”

[nerdywriter36]

It’s Only the Rain

when there's a thunderstorm in paris, meg is there to calm erik's nerves.

tw: panic attack 

i'm finally writing merik (meg/erik) content!! @ofserien requested this sweet little fluff-filled oneshot, and i'm such a sucker for her merik fic 'only for you' (which you should definitely read, it's amazing) that she got me hooked on the ship, so here we are. enjoy!

FFN

AO3:

~

He had tried to ignore it when it had started; the pitter-patter of the raindrops against the windows of their home had been almost soothing at first, inspiring him as he worked at the latest composition that had been occupying his mind, but when they got stronger and came along with bright flashes of lightning and loud thunderclaps, his anxiety had started to build at an almost exponential rate. He hadn't been able to focus on the sheet music in front of him anymore, his mind flooded with horrid memories of being left to cry alone in his mother's attic while thunderstorms roared outside, longing to be held in a pair of comforting arms and hushed or sung a lullaby, or when he was held captive in a tiny cage, completely exposed to the elements when it rained and the gypsies were staying put for the night. He could still practically feel the cold droplets beating down on him, soaking him to the bone and leaving him with only a chill to remember it by.

When his hands started to shake, he abandoned his composition, stepping out of his study as the room started to feel like it was closing in on him, almost constricting his ability to pull air into his lungs. He didn't want to wake his wife; he knew that Meg would scold him like there was no tomorrow if she found out that he had been struggling so much and didn't say a word, but he hated to bother her; with her work at the Opera House, rehearsing for hours at a time and then having to perform on top of that. And if her suspicions about a pregnancy were true...

He quickly banished that thought from his mind, already feeling it adding to the pounding of his heart. He had reached the parlour and had initially considered just sitting by the slowly dying fire, but the idea of sitting still was not an option anymore. He couldn't sit still when he was in this state, he knew that; that would only allow him to focus on how cold, clammy, and shaky his hands were, and with his wingbacked armchair, it would only make it feel like the room was growing even smaller than it already seemed to be. So pacing was the only option he had and it was the one he would go with.

He paused in that effort for only a moment to lean against the back of the sofa, trying to breathe in steadily through his nose and out through his mouth, but every breath was strangled and shaky, and just when he thought he might have had some semblance of a handle on it, a loud thunderclap practically shook the house. As he jumped slightly, a whimper slipped out of him; god, when was the last time he'd whimpered? He couldn't even recall, but naturally, the situation when that was all he did in the cage he was confined to on stormy nights such as these came to mind. Left in the cold, dark, rainy night, crying and quietly pleading with God to let his mother, as cruel as she could be, simply walk out of the darkness, free him, and take him home.

With a bright flash of lightning that lit up the room, closely followed by another roaring thunderclap, the shaking in his legs finally grew to be too much and he fell to the ground, pressing his back firmly against the back of the sofa as his breaths came in short gasps. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, his mask having been left behind in his study, to try and block out all the stimulation around him, almost as if not seeing the lightning would convince him that it wasn't really there. He realized the fault in his plan, though, when he still heard the roaring thunder, so he immediately pulled his hands away from his eyes to press them over his ears, desperate to keep any sound out that he could, his eyes still squeezed shut all the while. He pulled his knees to his chest and leaned his forehead against them, his breaths coming short and fast as he tried desperately to distract himself, but knowing that it was only inevitable that he would end up hyperventilating more than he already was and then the cold sweat would come followed close by tears and then...

Then there was a gentle touch on his shoulder. It made him flinch, true, but he knew who it was and just knowing that she was there made it even slightly easier to breathe.

"Erik? Erik, take your hands away from your ears," Meg whispered, gently wrapping her hands around her husband's wrists and pulling his hands down when he failed to move on his own. "I'm here, you're okay. Take a deep breath for me."

"I- I can't," Erik choked out, his forehead still pressed against his knees.

"Yes, you can. Everything's okay, just breathe, my love," Meg replied as she sat up on her knees and wrapped her arms around him, gently running her fingers through his hair with the knowledge that that always calmed him if he woke up from a nightmare or suffered from an attack such as the one he was in the midst of.

The warmth of her embrace was exactly what Erik had been dreaming he had had as a boy and it quickly began to calm him; he felt the pounding of his heart start to slow, and within a few minutes, he managed to lift his head to rest it on her shoulder, burying his face in the crook of her neck as he slowly took a breath through his nose.

"There you are, it's okay," Meg whispered, one hand cradling his head to her shoulder while the other gently stroked up and down his back. "Just remember that everything is okay, you're safe. Tell me what you can think of that helps you remember that you're safe, okay? Go through them for me."

For a moment, he couldn't think of any at all, but slowly, all the things keeping him safe in their home came to his mind: "Th-the door is locked, and so are the windows. We have lights so I can see, and have you here."

"Good. I'm glad you mentioned me; you always have to remember that you aren't alone anymore," Meg said, a small smile on her face as she leaned back from their embrace and held his face in his hands, brushing a few stray tears away with her thumbs. "Everything is okay. Nothing's going to hurt you."

Erik nodded slightly, only to flinch when there was another clap of thunder, which moved him to quickly wrap his arms around his wife again to hold her tight.

"Oh, the storm is what's bothering you, okay," Meg said softly, nodding to herself as she began to piece together a plan to help him. "Alright, come on, let's get you up. We'll go sit on the sofa, I'll go make us some tea and I'll put another log in the fireplace to keep it going, alright? Everything's okay."

"Okay. Thank you," Erik whispered, smiling weakly as she pressed a kiss to his cheek before he took her hands as she stood up and let her pull him up to his feet. His legs were still weak and shaky, he could tell, so he draped his arm around her shoulders for extra support. Not that she would be much help if he were to collapse; given their height and weight difference, he could drop like a rock and bring her right down with him.

The two slowly migrated to the sofa and Erik gave his wife a small smile as she grabbed her thick knitted blanket off of the back of the piece of furniture and wrapped it around him. "Thank you," he said again.

"Of course, my love. Now, just stay cuddled up like that. I'll go put on the kettle to boil and be back in just a moment, okay? You'll be alright, won't you?" she inquired.

"I think so, yes. I'll come to find you if I'm not," Erik replied with a slight nod.

Meg nodded and leaned forward to gently kiss his forehead before she padded off towards the kitchen, her steps as light as they always were; what with her ballerina training, he wasn't a bit surprised. He loved how delicate she was, but at the same time, the fact that she could be feisty and fight for herself only made him adore her all the more. Two polar opposites, perhaps, but his wife encapsulated them both and he couldn't be happier about that fact.

That was something he wouldn't mind seeing in their child if they were ever to have one; the more the little girl or boy was like their mother, the better, in his mind. He knew that Meg disagreed and that she hoped they would have a son and that the boy would be just like him in every way, whether that included his practically non-existent face or not, and as much as he didn't want that at all, he tried his best not to smother her dreams; when it came to the baby, so long as she was happy, so was he.

She reappeared by his side without him even noticing, which was the curse that came along with her delicate footsteps, but it always made her giggle when he jumped slightly as she appeared next to him.

"I got you again," she said with a quiet laugh.

"Yes, you did," he replied, a breathy laugh escaping him as she sat beside him. He moved his arm to wrap it around her, pulling her under the warm blanket with him. "Is the tea on?"

"It is, yes. I have some chamomile set aside for you; it'll help you sleep," Meg said softly. "What is it about the storms that are so difficult for you, hm? I know they bother you, especially when they happen at night, but I've never seen you get quite so bad as you were when I walked in."

Erik sighed; he'd known the question as coming, but still had neglected to prepare a true answer. "I have bad memories of them from when I was a boy," he said simply. "They always frightened me, and I...I didn't always have someone there to comfort me when I was afraid, so that fear has stayed with me and has only worsened over the years, as childish as that may be. There are much worse things to be afraid of, but thunderstorms were always difficult."

He heard her sigh quietly before she set her hand on his chest, over his heart; that was something she always did when she was feeling particularly sympathetic for what he'd been through. "I'm so sorry. You deserved so much better," she whispered.

"I appreciate the sentiment, but I have everything I could want now because I have you," Erik replied, resting his hand over hers. "And I know that you will always keep me safe, which I never thought I could have before; everywhere I went, I was in danger or exposed to the elements or running for my life. I was still in that position when we met at the Opera House, as hidden as I may have been; at any given moment, I could have been discovered and the gendarmes could have been down in the cellars, arresting me and dragging me off to prison or a much crueller fate. Now, though, I know that I am truly safe with you, ma fleur, and I couldn't ask for anything better."

Another sigh escaped her, but it was quickly followed by a breathy laugh, which Erik quickly discovered the reason for when Meg turned to look up at him and he noticed the tears in her eyes. "This was supposed to be about me stopping you from crying, not you making me start," she said.

"I am merely speaking the truth," Erik replied as he reached up to cup her cheek in his hand. "When I had panic attacks like that as a younger man, I was always alone to cope with them. Well, almost always; I had Nadir in Persia to guide me through them, and that was a true blessing, but he couldn't be there every time. Sometimes he would be working or asleep or tending to his son and I would have to deal with it alone, which often meant that I suffered through it before I fell asleep again simply out of exhaustion. Now, though I have you next to me in bed every night to help me when I have a nightmare and to rescue me when the thunder is so loud that it's the only thing I hear and I believe it is the only thing I will ever hear. I do not know what I did to deserve you, but I am glad to have you."

"And I am so very fortunate to have you," Meg said softly, tipping her head up to press her lips to his. "But just stay close to me, my love, and all will be well; it's only the rain, there is no need to fret."

[rkkyul]

190801 MGA SEASON 5 + EPISODE FIVE +  #5050 FEATURING : TEAM KT  ⟨ ━━ ❀ ° PART ONE: PERFORMANCE, LION HEART + I GOT A BOY ( LINES / SONG ) ⟩

it hits her all at once, the overwhelming emotions trapping her before swallowing her whole. she’s going through the motions - watching heejin and minho rise from their seat beside her as their names are called, numbly following them up onstage. kyulkyung isn’t sure she’s breathing air, mouth opening in surprise and eyes widening as her teammates lead the way. perhaps her reaction is a bit dramatic, but oh is it genuine. 

the whole experience was so surreal - to even be considered for the top performance of the week when she had failed to do so the entire show. kyulkyung was tired of being average, of resting on that safe middle ground between being the best and the worst. average. want an ugly word. their names weren’t called when the top performance was announced, but she was too high in the clouds to notice - hand clasped tightly around heejin’s as they awaited the announcement. was it disappointing? maybe a little, but to finally be at the point was certainly an ego boost. 

semi finalist. 

the words were strange to her. the woman who had allowed herself to persuaded into something she once found silly was now officially a semi finalist for the mga’s fifth season. oh, she couldn’t wait to tell her mom. 

her heart was still racing when the trio once again returned to their seats, following throughout the hug minho gave them - adrenaline coursing through every part of her being as the show went on without her. kyulkyung listened, watched more talented performers leave them and she wondered how she had even managed to make it this far. she didn’t doubt her worth or talent, just wondered what happened to suddenly have luck on her side. 

after the disaster that was 2018, the woman entertained the idea of this just being some cruel joke. zhou jieqiong? making it this far on her own? joonho would’ve laughed in her face. but she tried to not think about that.

she’s slapped back into reality when the contestants suddenly awake with life, their bodies moving in shock and excitement rising in hushed tones. moving her eyes from where they stayed fixated on her shoes, they follow the movements of the new appearances on stage

from sphere entertainment, please welcome CONVEX’s very own JINKI and JINWOOK, as well as our star trainee and winner of the last season of the MGAs, GO HOJUNG!

her ears hang tightly onto the world CONVEX, hoping a familiar someone’s name will follow but much to her disappointment, she’s left with unfamiliar faces and dismay. but she perks up, attentive in her seat as she patiently awaits the coaches from TRC to be announced. JINSOUL - kyulkyung can’t help the tiny noise that passes her lips, excitement enveloping her entire form when she lays eyes on her best friend. “hey, that’s my best friend!” she attempts to whisper to minho and heejin - practically shaking in her seat and definitely way too excited.

i can’t believe she didn’t tell me, despite her thoughts, kyulkyung grins anyway. her anticipation only grows as time passes. please let me get onto trc’s team. please. please. please.

and no, not just because that would mean jinsoul gets to coach her.

she’s just a tiny bit disappointment when the TRC group announcement rolls around and her name is passed up. just the tiniest bit. however, this is short lived when her name is revealed under KT. the company is a bit surprising, solely for the fact that she wouldn’t have chosen it for herself. out of everything, she was expecting nova the most. but getting picked to perform in a group for a company run by katie lee, that’s pretty amazing. 

                                                                     ❀

"semi finalist? oh, god i can’t believe.” yea, she can’t either.

kyulkyung laughs at her mother’s enthusiasm over the phone - feeling her cheeks grow hot at the woman’s constant, unrelenting praises. it’s nice to hear the complements and she allows her ego to inflate with each syllable. her mother always complemented her, but it was nice to hear something the woman herself could also feel proud of.

the mgas were different than anything else she had done in life. there was no reliance on anything other than what her talent alone had to offer. there was no behind-the-scenes magic that needed to worked, no amount of bills slipped under the table and secrets to be kept. the fact made her prideful if anything.

after last year, it seemed as if everything wrong she had done had constantly stayed on her back - a quiet monster, the chill that ran down her spine and kept her awake at night. it was hard to put it past her, but somehow she had managed to tuck it away far enough, bury it so deep within that it never even became an afterthought. the process took time and trust, especially with her mother who felt almost as guilty as her.

“you know after last year, i worried about you. i felt like i set a back example.” kyulkyung clenched the phone pressed against her ear tightly in her grasp, fighting back whatever emotions spewed up. biting down on her lip, the woman pushed through whatever words left her mother’s mouth through the phone. perhaps the worst part about the whole situation was that her mother felt responsible, took on her daughter’s worries and that was not okay. 

the woman’s voice is strained through the phone and she fears she’s holding back tears. “but i’m proud of you, for doing something and making it this far. i really hope you make it this week, jie.” me too, mom. she answers, burring herself further beneath the sheets - feeling the dull ache of attachment to the woman who can only speak to her through a phone or stupid screen.

“i wasn’t going to tell you this in case it jinxed you this thursday but chun and i are coming in next week - just in time for the finals. he has a business down there, but i figured i’d tag along just to see my girl.” and lying in her bed that night, phone tucked between her ear and pillow, making it to the finals next week meant so much more to her.

                                                                     ❀

once again,the week goes by rather smoothly with her teammates. except for the fact that they are busy, busy, busy.

the coaches and teammates are alike in the ways that they are helpful to a girl with minimal singing experience. and lucky for kyulkyung, this week she’s in a room full of incredible talents. of course yukhei and her scream over each other their first meeting, having only spoke to the boy over suwoong’s phone a few episodes ago and having got along pretty well. he’s just as fun as the woman expected and paired with talent to combat his upbeat nature. 

the girl known for her singing and musical talents, yuri is just as amazing to work with as she expected. their team is full of power vocals, yuri and sia bringing enough to the table and offering whatever tips they had to ever so curious kyulkyung. “c’mon please... think of me please?” she begs yuri to sing such an iconic song - phantom of the opera being a personal favorite of the woman. she could never get enough of the tragic story that was erik and christine. ugh, it made her cry every time.

“i’d say i’d help sing it, but that’s a disgrace to phantom of the opera. it’s a sin.” kyulkyung pulls a hand to her chest, bowing her head in sadness before shaking her head at the thought. yuri is the only one who could do it justice while she couldn’t bare the embarrassment for herself.

kyulkyung’s delighted witrh yuri’s compliance, elated to hear one of the songs from her favorite musical from personally one of her favorites on the show. before being teamed up together, the woman had always admired her from afar - completely losing herself in her voice and loving every moment of it. just as expected, yuri’s voice complements the song nicely and she can’t help the long drawl she lets out, pressing a hand against her heart and swaying ever so dramatically to the tone of the other’s voice. 

all shenanigans aside, the woman found herself in a situation that left her bewildered. she didn’t mind to help usually, but sia’s call for help left her a bit nervous. kyulkyung didn’t have experience with cutting or mixing music, but the other girl needed help and who was she to refuse? “i don’t care to, but you’ll have to lead the way some.” the woman admitted with a tiny smile, eager to help out in any way that she can. 

the process wasn’t too difficult, but it was a process. creating the choreography with nakyung for the dance break wasn’t nearly as hard as creating the mix, but eventually they got it done ( and kyulkyung was there to offer any extra help whenever someone needed it ). the fact that they had managed to pull it off was extremely exciting for the woman, even going as far as to do a mini celebration dance whenever they finished it. yes, she was embarrassed with herself afterwards but damn was she proud. 

turns out she’ll be heading back to hook & crook after the show with a little bit more than dance and performance tips.

                                                                       ❀

thursday approaches quickly and this time, kyulkyung’s a bit nervous when she climbs onstage. the semi finals held a lot of more meaning than the other performances and after being in the top 3 last week, she’s sure there’s an expectancy for both her and her team. in fact, the entirety of team kt had at least one episode’s worth of top 3 experience under their belt and it makes her wonder if they’ll be watched that much closer. 

her hair, now faded a bit after a few washes, hangs loosely atop her head - the white nature of her top and shorts a contrast to the red bandanna that’s tied around her thigh. she’s standing on stage with her team, head held high and signature smile wide despite the nerves that light up when the judges and eyes of their first live audience lays upon them. “hello! we are FOH!CUS.” the team greets before being met with the thunderous clap of applause.

the noise is enough to brighten her smile and settle whatever negative emotions she felt. kyulkyung did not get stage fright, well not anymore at least. the eyes of an audience was not foreign to her especially after her time with knb. it was all just noise to her, eager eyes there to watch them perform and their entertainment for the night. they’d give them a show worth while, especially with all the pretty faces and power vocals up there. 

in the most arrogant way possible, kyulkyung thought team FOH!CUS was hard to forget. 

“hello! constant #5050, zhou jieqiong here again!” she will never forget that tiny bit of chinese at the beginning of her introduction - not until the very end ( it’s kind of a habit at this point, honestly ).

as the group arranges themselves for the beginning of the performace, yuri finds herself in the center - surrounded by her teammates and introducing the audience to chi chi’s lion heart. the vocals are soft as are their movements, the singer’s tone and charisma alone enough to draw attention and set the mood of their performance. kyulkyung’s sure the audience’s heart fluttered just a little as did hers when she heard yuri sing the song for the first time.

ah 넌 달라진 게 없어 여전해 난 애가 타고 또 타 사냥감 찾아 한눈파는 너

kyulkyung’s voice follow’s the other girl’s smoothly, a nice transition into her sweet tone and flowing nicely with the music. luckily for her, the movements during this part are minimal for her at least - allowing her voice to carry unfaltering and comfortably. singing live was something she worried a lot about, but with tips and a lot of help, her confidence grew little by little. her smile is delicate upon her lips, her legs carrying her into the next series of moments as they draw into the chorus.

chi chi’s choreography isn’t hard to follow, but it’s nice and fun to watch. the song and melody allows for an easy smile from kyulkyung, putting on an image of a girl in love and innocence. their movements and choreography are soft and flows nicely against the music, but that makes it so much better when the shock of their transition settles in.

lion heart suddenly comes to a halt and everyone is moving into new position - a new light overwhelming them as the beat changes entirely. the mix that kyulkyung and sia put together takes over the stage, the group moving in sync with one another in a way contrasting themselves just a few moments prior.

nakyung and kyulkyung were responsible for creating the choreography, transitioning them into the beginning of i got a boy and creating a whole new mood for their stage. the woman’s presence changes drastically, a more coy, cheerful look overtaking her frame as the upbeat tone of the music sounds. personally, she prefers songs like this to lion heart - feeling more like herself with peppy beats and modern lyrics. hahaha! eh let me introduce myself - kyulkyung points to yukhei as speaks,  here comes trouble, whoo! there’s a playful grin on her lips as she moves - raising a hand to motion a ‘come here’ movement with her fingers, 따라해.

어떨 땐 오빠처럼 듬직하지만 애교를 부릴 땐 넘 예뻐 죽겠어

preparing for their performance was once again fun for the woman - this being what she looked forward to most when she joined the competition. and honestly speaking, kyulkyung learned a lot more than she thought she would. working with people was one thing especially on a show like the mgas, the fierce nature of the competition threatening to bring out the worst in people but so far, that hadn’t been the case ( at least for her ).

the way they move alongside one another on stage is exciting - no doubt a visual and talent overload for their audience and she wonders if this what being an idol felt like. and if that’s case, it makes her want that contract even more.

making it this far was exciting, but left her greedy more than ever. there was a lot pending on today’s performance, on her advancement into the competition that she undermined completely. coming in with no expectations and following through with nothing but the highest, that was surely a shock. but not only did she want a contract presented to her in the end, kyulkyung would also love for her mother to at least see her perform once. 

귀 기울여 주는 너 너

her mother’s words drive her confidence, fuel the endless stream of energy that courses through her as they near the end of their performance. kyulkyung didn’t have a lot of lines, but she didn’t asked for many - leaving the singing up to the professionals and taking as many notes as she could. the coaches and her teammates helped equally and she matched their drive with one of her own, practicing up until the very last moment because she didn’t need the embarrassment up on stage.

she’s not as perfect as she’d like to be, but she knew what she had to work with and milked it for its worth. what she lacked in singing she made up with her dancing and countless expressions, enjoying every minute she was up on that stage. 

as the performance neared its end, kyulkyung couldn’t help the bottomless pit of worry that began to sizzle deep within her stomach. no matter how good they did or how much the crowd loved their performance, one of her teammates would be going home. 

it hurt to think about, but she supposed that’s just the nature of a competition and she’ll do anything in her power to make sure that person isn’t her.

[laurengattos-blog]

Chapter 2, Part 3

{Previous Part}

That afternoon, Lilith unpacked what was left in her trunk. The desk in her room had locks on two of its drawers, so Lilith tucked away her father’s compositions in the first. She was trying to use them to help fill the holes in her next, unfinished opera, which went in the second drawer. Knowing the bloodied dress from the day before was in the bottom of the dresser, Lilith folded and put away the rest of her clothing in the upper drawers, which didn’t take long. Then she spread her rouge and powder boxes, hairpins, brushes, and perfume bottles across the top of the dresser.

At seven o’clock, she stood in front of the mirror in her camisole and petticoat, pinning the last of her curls into place with a rhinestoned hair pin, finishing a final scale in preparation for her brief performance. Her silver locket dropped heavily against her breast bone as she shut its clasp around her neck. She was rubbing her chest against the shock when Mme. Giry knocked at her door and brought in the bustle. As she expanded the collapsible metal frame, Giry told Lilith that two sets of hands were needed to put the bustle on. When Giry fixed the last button around Lilith’s hips, Lilith thanked her, and again after she helped button the side of the massive violet skirt, and then again after she buttoned the back of the bodice. “Really, thank you, Mme. Giry,” she said as Giry stepped back to see if everything was straight.

“It wasn’t much of a sacrifice. I have the time right now, and frankly, Mademoiselle, you had trouble bending before you were attached to a metal cage.”

“I must insist that you call me Lilith.”

“Fine…Lilith,” Giry said, picking a stray thread off of the skirt. “I’m glad someone’s getting use out of the bustle. I’ve only worn it once, and that was almost three years ago.”

“It wasn’t a gift from the opera ghost, was it?” Lilith chuckled.

“Ah,” Giry shook her head in contempt. “I heard you found out about all that. Don’t let the idiots around here fool you. It’s a publicity stunt the managers have been milking for far too long. Every once in a while the ‘ghost’ does something that gets him in the papers—and the argument could be made that the superstition keeps divas in line, although I suspect that won’t be the case with you.”

“You’ve got that right.”

Giry looked into the mirror and smoothed back her own hair. “I suppose if I must call you Lilith, you should call me Alianore—but not around my students.”

“Alianore. That’s a lovely name.” Lilith smiled, and then touched her velvet-clad wound for reassurance. As Giry headed to the door, she told Lilith that Rebecca would be in the dancer’s foyer after the show, if she needed her.

Lilith left a few minutes later, heading to the grand foyer to meet the managers. However, in the hall of dressing rooms, she turned the corner and ran into a frazzled woman in dark work clothes, carrying a black, grommet-speckled gown. The skirt spilled out of the woman’s arms, but Lilith caught it before it dropped out of reach. “Oh, do forgive me. I wasn’t looking,” Lilith said, pretending that she was brushing something off her bodice as she stroked her waist. The woman told her it was perfectly all right, no harm was done, and continued down the hall. Going the same way, Lilith asked, “Is this Leonora’s costume?”

“Yes, from Act IV. Carlotta decided we had altered it without telling her and demanded that we let out the waist—for the very last performance, mind you.”

“That’s a rather wild assumption.”

“Actually there was a pool going to see when she’d notice. One of my girls was hoping for an emotional breakdown onstage—not that I encouraged any of it.” The costumer looked Lilith over and asked, “Are you the new singer?” Lilith affirmed that she was. “Then I hope I didn’t frighten you, because we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other. I’m Emeline Amory. I’ll be yours after this production.”

“You aren’t Carlotta’s?”

“No, you see, there is a God. Because of this alteration debacle, I’ve been reassigned.” As Mme. Amory stopped at the end of the hall at the largest dressing room, she seemed to leer at Lilith’s dress. “Are you singing tonight?”

“Yes, I am,” said Lilith, glancing down to see what she was scrutinizing.

“I guess that explains it. But please tell the managers to ask before they take things from our storage again.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“That’s Métella’s costume from last season’s La Vie Parisienne.” As the last word left Amory’s lips, the door opened behind her and a puffing, middle-aged dresser pulled her inside. Before Lilith could form an articulate thought, Rémy took her arm, telling her the managers had changed their plans and asked him to take her to their box instead. As they climbed the staircase to the manager’s tier, Lilith realized for the first time that the opera ghost could be trying to sabotage her. She felt a flicker of panic at the thought that there was no way out now. If the plan was for her to be embarrassed by wearing the recognizable costume of a trollop, he’d won. However, when she voiced her concerns to the managers, Richard’s stark honesty soothed her: “For God’s sake, it’s just a dress.”

“Wasn’t there a card with it, Mademoiselle?” Moncharmin asked, guiding her into her seat. She told them it wasn’t signed, and Moncharmin stared at his partner meaningfully.

Richard rolled his eyes. “Sorry, I must have forgotten to sign it.”

Lilith raised her eyebrows doubtfully. “I beg your pardon, are you now saying you sent me this dress?”

“Can you blame me for not taking the credit after your reaction?” he asked, taking his seat. “I feared you might need one for tonight. Please forgive my forwardness. I simply didn’t want you to be unprepared.”

“M. Richard,” said Moncharmin, as he lowered himself into the seat between them, “You should have let me know. I nearly misled the poor girl this morning.”

Richard glared at him and growled, “Forgive me, Armand, it escaped me.”

The gilded, scarlet-felted auditorium was soon completely filled with finely dressed patrons, gems and silks glittering even in the upper balconies. But Lilith noticed the box across the theatre from the managers’ remained dark and empty. When she asked if some important party had canceled, Richard muttered. “No, that’s another one of the opera ghost’s demands.”

“Of course. Have you paid him yet?” Lilith mocked.

“We did not,” said Moncharmin, less spirited than usual. “Our investigators have insisted that we do not indulge him. But we have locked up the anvils in a closet, until they are needed.”

“You don’t sound very hopeful, Monsieur,” Lilith said.

“Moncharmin is just nervous,” Richard sneered contemptuously. “He thinks we’re dealing with some sort of wizard.”

Moncharmin huffed at Richard before defending himself to Lilith: “The ghost has a way of getting what he wants.”

Lilith hummed a laugh and whispered to Moncharmin, “Perhaps he’s one of your richer patrons, someone with too much time on his hands.” Moncharmin smiled, but then her words prompted a thought, and he started advising her on the patrons she would meet after the show.

Soon, the opera started, and Act I came and went without a hitch. Then towards the end of Act II, the baritone playing the Count Di Luna neared the aria the phantom mentioned in his letter.

“What bold and raging love, and aggravated pride

My rival dropped every obstacle, it seemed, to my desire…”as the baritone sang, Lilith watched Moncharmin’s knuckles whiten, gripping the armrest between them. Then the baritone uttered the anticipated phrase, “The light of her smile eclipses the beam of a star—” Immediately, a clang resounded in the theatre, but the baritone went on, “The splendor of her face brings me new strength, new courage.” The clanging continued as more anvils joined in.

The managers jumped to their feet and fled backstage in barely enough time for Moncharmin to beg her pardon. Not about to be left alone, Lilith hurried down the staircase after them. At the backstage entrance, Mercier handed Moncharmin a new letter and ran a hand through his graying hair. He told them he stood when the anvils started going, and when he turned around, the letter was on his chair. Joining the managers, Lilith spotted Rebecca across the stage in her lone, coral evening dress, waving to her and mouthing what’s going on? Moncharmin read the letter, and then handed it to Richard, who scoffed and passed it to Lilith. It read: The anvils seem disturbed. You should pacify them with Samar’s seraphic voice, which you so selfishly wished to keep to a select few.

Lilith let out peeved groan. Richard asked if she would do it. She sighed, “Why not.” Moncharmin thanked her, and sent Mercier to cut off the struggling conductor and have the curtains closed for the moment. Moncharmin went out first and apologized to the audience for the mechanical failures they were experiencing. He shouted over the lessening ring of anvils that while they sorted everything out, their guest for the season, Mlle. Lilith Samar, would preview an aria from her upcoming opera.

As soon as Lilith stepped out through the curtains, the anvils stopped. She curtseyed to the audience’s vexed but polite applause and waited for Balás to settle in at the piano, while the orchestra’s pianist rubbed his face in irritation. The familiar first notes sounded from the pit, and for some reason gave her a chill. But she smiled, and sang the aria strong and true, the love she had for that song overcoming everything else. She managed not to break any stitches, although her side was very sore. When she finished, applause overwhelmed the house. Lilith graciously curtseyed again, flashing a smile at Balás in the pit. Clapping himself, he blushed and looked down at his music.

In the singer’s foyer, a very proud Moncharmin guided Lilith around and discretely pointed out the most important sponsors. He gave the names of the Duc and Duchesse who were laughing with Carlotta and Orelio. Lilith noticed Orelio stroking the Duchesse’s arm, and couldn’t suppress a look of repugnance.

“Look out. The Comte is coming,” Richard mumbled to his partner.

“Ah yes.” Moncharmin nodded toward a middle-aged man with coiffed blonde hair, who directed a dimpled grin Lilith’s way. “This is Comte Philippe de Chagny,” he said, extending an arm to the Comte as he introduced Lilith.

The Comte bowed to kiss the back of her hand, and lingered. She felt her eyes flicker involuntarily, but she plastered a kind expression to her face and curtseyed. “You’re very talented, Mlle. Samar,” said the Comte. She thanked him, gently removing her hand from his grasp. Over his shoulder, she saw the doorway fill with frothy white costumes as Sorelli and Minna and other older dancers scanned the room, corps de ballet girls filling the space around them.

“We told you about Mlle. Samar’s opera, didn’t we?” asked Richard.

“Yes, you were quite enthusiastic about it. Now I see why,” he grinned again at Lilith. She bit her venomous tongue and grinned back. “I’ve actually been meaning to catch up with you on the season. Are the three of you available for supper tonight? I have a private room at the Café Tortoni.” Moncharmin merrily accepted for the three of them. Lilith caught sight of Sorelli, whose jaw dropped dramatically as she glared at the Comte. Then she whirled around and left, Minna at her heels. Rebecca, Meg, and the others chirped excitedly. “Shall we go?” asked the Comte.

“Oh, just a moment,” Lilith gestured to the dancers. “I need to speak to my ward.” Moncharmin explained Lilith’s apprentice to the Comte with glowing admiration as Lilith left to meet Rebecca.

Rebecca lifted her chin at Lilith’s approach, and teased, “Aren’t you too famous to speak with us?”

“How’d you like the supernatural assistance I received?” Lilith asked.

“Oooo,” said Clarisse, swooping into their conversation, “You’ve done it now.”

“Sorelli can’t believe you stole her suitor,” Jammes added gleefully.

“How absurd. Who?” Lilith asked. Jammes nodded toward the Comte. Lilith groaned, “Ugh. Yes, we’re going to supper tonight. Will you be ok?” she asked Rebecca.

“I’ll be fine,” Rebecca mocked her concern. “They do feed the ballet. Now tell us about this Comte.”

Lilith shrugged. “He’s just a patron.”

“Come on, we saw you making eyes at him,” said Clarisse.

“I was not—Oh, this is ridiculous,” Lilith said emphatically. “Just tell Sorelli she can have him back. I’m off. Good night, ladies.” Lilith returned to the managers, reluctantly taking the Comte’s arm as he led them out of the theatre.

 Just after two o’clock in the morning, Lilith leaned into Richard as he escorted her to the street entrance of the ballet dormitory. A combination of grief and blood loss had let her become so tipsy that he wouldn’t allow her to walk in alone. He diligently unlocked the front door and locked it behind them, and led her across the courtyard, through the salon to the stairwell. “You’re too kind, Monsieur,” she said, shaking herself out of his overcoat and returning it to him.

“Well, I can’t take the risk that my wife will be awake when I get home.”

“Really, M. Richard,” Lilith slurred, “This isn’t like me at all.”

“I believe you. You have shockingly low tolerance for an actress.”

“I’m used to being the sober one. This was the first night in a long time that I haven’t had to watch Rebecca.”

“I understand. Our housekeeper did the same when my youngest left for Somerville Hall.” Richard opened the stairwell door with one hand. “Can you make it upstairs?”

“I’m sure I can,” she nodded and patted his shoulder, but wobbled on her third step away. He groaned and hooked his arm under hers. When they had climbed the flight and made it to her door, he leaned her against the stairwell doorway and asked if she had her key. She retrieved it from her pocket and said, “Yes, thank you.” She unlocked it, bid him goodnight, and closed the door between them. Cautiously lifting her hands every few paces, Lilith eventually made it into her room, and then to the matches and candle on her nightstand. After picking at the buttons for a while, she got out of her bodice, and then started on her skirt. In the distance, she could have sworn she heard music playing. She drew the skirt up over her head and threw the mass of it over her desk chair. She thought her side should ache, but she couldn’t tell.

It was a violin playing.

Lilith unfastened the bustle and collapsed it enough for her to climb out. Some poor violinist must have been begging on the streets, on such a cold night too. A deep sob swelled in her chest. How it reminded her of Thomas.

Lilith snatched up her dressing gown and went to the bathroom. The music stopped. She turned up the gas lights on either side of the broad mirror. Numbly, she stared into the dark eyes of her reflection. All she saw was her brother. As she pulled the pins out of her hair and set them on a short white cabinet, she thought of a similar cold night in Baltimore or Washington D.C. when she was eleven, and they hadn’t made enough money, so they slept in the street.

At some point, the violin had returned. She swayed to it a little as she plugged the drain in the bathtub and turned on its faucets. Peeling off her camisole and her petticoat, she thought the song was familiar. Sitting on the side lip of the tub, Lilith unhooked her stockings and garter belt and pulled them out through her pantaloons. She threw them into the pile with the rest of her clothing, and then stood. She pulled up her chemise and felt the cotton dressing that bound her waist. It was too tight. It bothered her. Unwrapping it strip by strip, she threw each one into the pile of clothing. She stared at the stitches in the mirror, a strip of gnarled pink flesh crossed with black scratches. Tears streamed down her cheeks although her face remained hard. She was shot fleeing. She left him with their enemies, without trying to save him, without even knowing his condition. She just fled with Rebecca. Well, she knew his condition. That’s why she left. She knew there was nothing to be done.

Lilith plunged herself into the water and shut off the faucets. She drew her knees in, and wrapping her arms around her chest, she wept herself blind. Under her choking sobs, she didn’t notice that the music had grown louder. Suddenly, the violin ebbed, and there was a whisper, “Dear child, why are you crying?”

She looked up at nothing, bleary-eyed and answered, “‘Child,’ sir? You can’t be talking to me.” After a moment, the violin returned with a remorseful melody. Lilith laid her head on the rim of the tub, her cheek grazing the water.

The whisper asked again, “Queen of sorrows, what makes you so unhappy?”

Annoyed with this hallucination, Lilith growled, “None of your damn business.” The whisper didn’t answer, but the music began to soften and the song came to an end. Closing her eyes, Lilith sighed, “Don’t stop playing.” A new song started, entrancing and soulful, and tears fell more slowly from her dark lashes as she listened. Her chest rose and fell with even breaths, but then her body shifted and she sank below the water. The violin screeched and movement rumbled behind the wall.

{Next Part}

[thatnerdyblondegirl]

ESC 2018- My thoughts to the performances

Ukraine: Singing vampire? Omg he’s playing piano. Burning stairs. God that’s a lot of fire. Calm down Brendon Urie. Good song though. Has a nice beat. 

Spain: Awwwwww. They’re so cuuuutttee. Their voices harmonize really good together. I’ve got chills. Are they gonna kiss?? (From Commentator: “The perfect love song for High School Musical 4″)

Slovenia: A song i could see playing in a club. “Are you ready to sing with me?” *cue faces of I don’t speak your language tho* All in all, nice party song. 

Lithuania: Oh that’s smart putting soft moments/memories on screen next to the singer. And there’s her husband holding her hand. A soft love ballad, very nice. She sounded like she was tearing up, lot’s of emotion in her voice. 

Austria: What a deep voice omg!! Kinda gospel-esque. Odd choice of wardrobe. DAMN THAT FALSETTO!! A song to clap to. (From Commentator: “The most beautiful tooth gap of the night”)

Estonia: You can tell she sings opera. Oh wow, how is that dress even real??? No wonder it’s the most expensive of the night. A beautiful soprano. (From Commentator: “That last note probably broke a lot of glass”) Stop being so mean narrator, it was beautiful. 

Norway: Can’t type, gotta snap. Great animations, great job producers. Oh god he’s scatting.... is that really how you write a song?? Oh, a casual violin solo, cool cool. This boy is all smiles. I wish him all the best.

Portugal: Another ballad. They’re kinda half jamming out to their song and it’s kinda hilarious. There was like half a beat... and the second person barely sung... not digging the song tbh...

United Kingdom: Already a good beat. “I still believe in chasing rainbows”...same. Someone just tried to steal her mike... like i’m pretty sure he tried to pull a Kanye. How rude... But she still rocked the stage. At least she gets to perform again at the end.

Serbia: Is that Albert Einstein playing the recorder?? Started off ballad-y and now they’re dropping beats.. nice. Honestly they look like they just came from Roman Empire times and i’m here for it. 

Germany: Oh it’s THAT song!!... did not know we voted that into the ESC... Ngl, when i first heard this song on the radio, I thought he sounded like Zayn. Really love the pre-chorus. Boy’s got some vocals. I’ve got chills. Boy deserves all the applause. 

Albania: Ooh acoustic guitar. And now it‘s gone. Going full rock now. That singer’s got some lungs. WHAT A FALSETTO!! I really wish I knew what he was singing about.

France: Smoke. Lot’s of it. Song got me rocking back and forth. Merci indeed, France. Those shoes don’t really go with that outfit though... you can’t be straight edge black and then put on pink trainers.. Oh now we’re just throwing our fists in the air and singing Merci, Merci. Alrighty then. 

Czech Republic: OHMYGOD YOU LOOK LIKE OLLY MURS IN HEART SKIPS A BEAT!! OH AND YOU’VE GOT A BACKPACK TOO!! AND NOW YOU’RE RAPPING???!!!! thank you for shaking thAT BOOTY. I LOVE THE BEAT!! I LOVE THE SONG!! I LOVE YOU!!

Denmark: VIKINGS. JUST VIKINGS. YEP. this sounds like a war song vikings would sing... Somehow those eyes are very piercing. Now there’s snow and fog. It really is as if we were on a viking ship sailing to battle. 

Australia: Omg the vocals. Sing it girl!!! The crowd does not want to sing with you but i will!! AND A BREAK DANCE!! This song is making me dance. WE SURE DO GOT LOVE!!! (From Commentator: “She’s wrapped up like a present in that dress” she sure is buddy)

Finland: I was not expecting high notes from her. And now she’s spinning. God that would make me dizzy.. Those back up dancers are amazing wow. Another club song. Digging the beats. She really knows how to control the crowd. FIREWORKS!! AND STAGE DIVE!! 

Bulgaria: This has a lot of soul. They’re really jamming out. Really great beat. Amazing vocals. The 5 of them harmonize really well. The song is cool. Didn’t understand the concept but that’s not what this contest is about. 

Moldova: JESUS CALM DOWN!! JAZZY AND LOTS OF ILLUSIONS. Are you singers or magicians??? Such naughty hands... OH AND ANOTHER DANCE BREAK. AND SCATTING. Nice. Listen, the song was catchy and made me tap my feet. Good job. 

Sweden: Wait is this a dude?? Yep.. That is a high voice. He looks like Kendall from Big Time Rush but dances like Michael Jackson. The song’s giving me both MJ and Timberlake vibes... not a bad thing tho. The crowd loves him and so do I.

Hungary: Oh god metal.... Dude’s got a good voice tho wow!! Sing it bro!! Again, lot’s of fire. Lot’s of head banging. NO SHOES!! WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES BRO??!! Dude sounds vicious but they seem like cool guys. Normally not a fan of metal but the song is not bad. 

Israel: Weeaboo?? Sound board magic. Is she bawking like a chicken??? Are any of those words that she’s singing?? Yes i do believe she is bawking. She’s got good vocals tho. I think this is a song i would make fun of with friends but secretly jam out to in private... Definitely a guilty pleasure song. 

The Netherlands: Ahhhh rock. Sounds like a country singer tho... Country rock?? The band knows some moves. AND THE FLIPS ARE THERE!! Leopard country boy/Bon Jovi imitation is pretty a-okay... don’t get the break dancing bandmates tho.

Ireland: (welcome back :)) Oh gosh a lonely lamppost and bench. He’s on guitar, she’s on piano ... already love them. OH AND THE DANCERS!!! THEY’RE BEAUTIFUL. PETALS FALLING!! SUCH CHEMISTRY!! LOVELY DANCE MOVES, SO FLUID!! A BEAUTIFUL SONG!! i can’t think of anything else but his voice and their dance moves..

Cyprus: WHOA!! CALM DOWN SHAKIRA!! THAT IS SOME BODYSUIT!! THOSE ARE SOME STRUTS!! AND A QUICK DANCE BREAK! This song is FIRE!! Literally... lot’s of fire. 

Italy: I do love a song with a good message. A great comment on current events and humanity. It’s a very simple performance but that doesn’t make the song less powerful. Lot’s of heart and soul was put into that song. So many chills. LOVE IT!!