#GHHH IM SO EXCITED

[bunnnali]

I think rin=jin seems to be basically confirmed so I’m rly interested in finding out how it’s going to go after kyouya and rin reunite 😭 as well as nana and rin/jin like. jin is a very secretive type so I kinda doubt they’re going to just reveal they’re the same person, especially to nana 😭 but jin isn’t going to be able to transform for a while at least since they’ve been taking suppressants so they kinda have no choice but to be “rin” for a while

like obviously I’m pumped to see how things go with kyouya and rin like I don’t even need to say but also I’m so curious how it’ll go with nana 😭 are they going to reintroduce themself to nana and play ignorant ???:?

maybe jin will just flat out admit they’re the same person I guess too but that’s a little  boring

[gongedtornado]

.

[ijsthee]

Anyway im in love with the little robot design & all the architecture, the game is really pretty!

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

for blorbo bingo I desire your opinion on gay clown nikolai, liddol guy mika, and/or babygirl genius architect kaveh <3

he was having a girl moment

unfortunately. his silly swag caught up to me and before i knew it i was excited when u started liking him dhdhshaj

ywah

understandable i think. he'd let me maybe

MY SON MY BABY. i can fix him. and by that i mean he can stay in my teapot and i can work out a custody arrangement. or hand him over to kaveh

mikas got like a lot of problems that i think everyone like. overlooks. he doesn't want to be a burden more than anything, and is seemingly terrible at saying no to people. him and noelle are plenty similar in this regard, the only difference being that mika is a member of the knights already. he's not just socially awkward, but cares about the reputations of the superiors he represents. he's not just shy, but is terrified of making himself a burden to others. in almost every voiceline he has he says something like 'i wont drag you down' or 'ill take some weight off your shoulders'. in his wounded voicelines he says he'll be fine or alright. in his gift 3 he says he'll finish eating the disgusting food because you went through the trouble of making it for him. in his about mika V he says he's fine with whatever anyone thinks of him.... AS LONG AS HE'S NOT CAUSING TROUBLE FOR ANYONE. mika is also an incredibly intelligent man! hes the ONLY person who can use the mapmaking gadget he has with ease. why? because, and i quote, "This function can greatly improve the accuracy of a map, but regrettably, everything else — including the statistical information and calculations regarding the terrain in question — has to be computed in the user's mind". Mika is constantly doing mental calculations to use this gadget, and he's the ONLY surveyor who can. Also

his issues regarding wanting to be completely confident in what he says lest they reflect badly on varka and eula are sooo me fr fr

mika my son boy

i cant live normally now that i know abt him. i cant look at him the same. hes not just the nerdy sounding little german boy hes a guy to me

theres so much lost potential in not having him in more stuff. just like heizou mika needs more events. i honestly thought he'd be a focus in weinlesefest because thats where he was introduced but???? they didn't??? it makes me so fucking angry. also i want expanded venti mika friendship

preemptively

:))))))))

HES SO UNDERRATED AND THERES NOT ENOUGH OF HIM GHHH BITING YOU

why does everyone think that he's like. the dumb one. he's literally equally smart as haitham, and is stated to have the closest understanding of true wisdom. in NAHIDAS WORDS. they also dont understand his mommy issues. his father may have died but he lost his mother that day too. and he'll never have her back. hes was doing the emotional labor in that relationship and then she left him!!!! she started a new life in fontaine!!!! her last bit of family, her son, wasn't able to make her happy anymore. was he not enough? do you understand

its less they dropped the ball of kaveh and more they dropped the ball on haitham. which fucks it up for kaveh. if haitham is always right when we see him then we dont see how kaveh reflects and improves him. and if kaveh always loses then of course he seems dumb :/

kaveh 💕💕💕

i can. i can do it watch me

hes literally gorgeous???? stunning???

its less that I hate him and more that im so concerned for him. i fundamentally can't understand why he'd pour his all into the palace of alcazarzaray despite everything else. id kill him for that. which is why hes so fucking well written

you understand

see: point about haitham

stares at you. stares at you. stares at you.

MORE KAVEH NOW. HIS INTERACTIONS ARE SO INTERESTING AND I NEED MORE OF IT ‼️‼️‼️

[borkb]

ahhh im so excited for the new memberssss its gonna be so cool seeing people actually using the translatorrrr ghhh

[brick-a-doodle-do]

Ello

Did you ever get the notice I tagged you in ask game or was it buried/lh

I got only one thing for it but one isn't enough for that upcoming trip...the pain...

The problem is I want to draw but idk what

I do have other asks to get to but imagine if I just shoved them all out at once...bc of being trapped in the car

Oh and btw I finally managed to learn what all the / things you put sometimes mean

Yes and—

I was gonna take and do something with g!quickvine in a short story but idk what I was gonna do anymore

Ideas?

(don't mind me I'm just really bored and half rambling)

ayup

i did notice, haven't gotten around to it tho (idk if im on hiatus atm but justtt uhh lets call it "hiatus" for now djsdj)

oOoO a trip, exciting exciting! and HMM i did give u requests if i remember right for the last ask game, dk if they went through. also fake fic titles. tho im sure u know already so in that case take ur time with them,, and ghhh ill get around to giving more soon :)

eee good some of those were confusing i agree,,,

gaghh sorry you forgot, and uhhH t!irza/voidshire just like making an attack plan from above quickvine? like jumping down on him or having some type of other plan idk my brain is sleepy

[moonlightretriever]

aww, does baby bro fantasize about big bro wrestling with you until we both get too excited and knowingly look each other in the eyes? or maybe about big bro pranking you by pulling your pants down in front of his friends, before a dark patch on your briefs betrays how wet your pussy is for us? or maybe you want to spy on big bro when he's taking a shower, rubbing your little cunt so hard that your moans become obvious, and i tell you to stop hiding and get in here with me?

ghhh hhhfffhhh.... watching big bro take a shower from a hole in the wall and im panting so hard it's fogging up my glasses.... AHH!! 💕 pulling down my pants as a prank and im wearing panties and ive got a butt plug in too... 😖💖 please all of the above yes please plsplsplspls

[mythicalmyles]

no literally myth my latest request was so??? by god does even thinking about it make me fluster.

also thank you <3 things are going pretty well all things considered, my mental health had a little bit of a dip tonight but hearing back from you definitely made me feel better! also oo 👀 even if i have to still up to catch when you post it will totally be worth it.

glad to hear that you're doing better <33

– 💤 anon

GHHH ME TOO im excited af also aw i reallt wish you the best if you ever need someone feel free ro vent!<33

[mttshapedheart]

CHAPTER 18 OF HYPERLOVE BLOCKED HOW DO YOU FEEL AAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAA HONESTLY!!!

Omg fist off I was thrilled to see author back, I thought fic was abandoned like every other unfinished Spam fic in my bookmarks but

BRO

It's actually amazing like I definitely screamed in the comments section in the past at Gaster to 'heck off because leggplant is pulling Y/Ns strings' so to see that silly technicality actually become a plot device was so!!!! Ajdjjgdidj!!!!! !!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!jehfjdjdjdj!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA you know?? Author is so big brained and creative I love it

Also like I cannot put into words how much I loved that they inserted their explanation into the dialogue like idk I just have the fattest internet crush is what I'm saying leggplant pls

[kirishwima]

hhhh im so nervous

[an-ocean-of-hot-cocoa]

ONION COOKIE IS BACK..!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[transfemoid]

WE GOT A PINK AND BLUE TEAM HGHGHGDSGGG https://twitter.com/Hangzhou_Spark/status/1062874940175613953

[ellohcee]

Okay let’s try this again long AU (The Mad Ones) under the cut (not mine these were sent in by @jubilantscribbler / @jubilantwriter )

yeah samE i said that about hadestown too fkldsf anYWAY im sending this in multiple asks so that you can hide it under a readmore okayy here i GOO- SO. It starts with David driving away from the city and heading out to somewhere - maybe to see the ocean, maybe to go hiking in the mountains, maybe to take a trek in the great plains, maybe to venture out into the countryside - he's not sure yet, but he's hyping himself as he drives and drives, just watching the city fly by. (1)

BUT. He blinks and he's still in the city. Even worse, he's still in his mom's driveway, sitting in a car with the key still in his hand, and his foot is still firmly on the brake. He blinks and feels crushed under the fact that he's not going away to go hiking forever in nature, but instead, he's supposed to be getting ready for college because he just graduated, and just as he's about to start crying, he hears Jasper speak up like, "Damn, and here I thought you wouldn't choke." (2)

David turns and sees his best friend, his childhood friend, sitting in the passenger seat and grinning like he always does, and David nearly cracks and whispers, "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here." And Jasper just shrugs and rolls his eyes like, "Sure, but I'm here anyways." And David's like, "You're not real, I'm sitting alone i-in a car-" and Jasper's like, "Yeah, my car. Alone. What are *you* doing?" (3)

GHHH what a cold open, David in his happy daydream and suddenly snapping back to a cold terrible reality. AHH I ALREADY LOVEHATE IT.

(4) And David's sputtering and trying to convince himself and Jasper that David's supposed to be getting ready for college, and he just needed a moment, he's stressed, he knows what he wants, stop questioning him, stop doubting him, this is what he's supposed to do, this is what he needs to do, so leave him alone like he's supposed to be, and suddenly there's too many thoughts, too many memories happening at once- and then Jasper snaps him out of it for just a minute.

(5) Jasper calms him down by reminding him of the one time he managed David to skip school, and it's enough for David to just relive the moment with Jasper vividly, and he remembers feeling that freedom, of being happy and alive and enjoying the moment with Jasper. It's all to calm David down and getting him to cheer up as David remembers that good time and reminding him of what he really wants, and David gets lost in the memory until reality breaks the memory and he's stuck in the present.

(6) Now with his "imaginary" Jasper, as Jasper calls himself, and him back in the car, David remembers that he lost something irreplaceable and can't get over it, and now he's sitting in Jasper's car without Jasper with his future looming over him. But Jasper gently nudges him and reminds him to remember why he's in the car in the first place, and why he has the keys in his hands in the first place. Because he had a plan, and maybe all it takes is a little bit of remembering.

This is already so awful, they had plans together AAHFHHD. But Jasp is always so good at calming David down, bringing him back. As much as I hate that Jasper’s dead this is one of my favorite kinds of setups. Like someone’s heartbroken and it’s kind of a “but how can I go on without you?” feeling and it’s like “You can, you HAVE to.”

(7) Jasper puts the key in the ignition for David and has David go through his memories of his senior year. David remembers Jasper, when he was still alive and bright and in the midst of his rebellious streak, and Jasper laughs as David chastises him for all those times he skipped class and nearly dragged David along with him. But David wanted to go with him. They had dreams - David had dreams that only Jasper knew, and as the end of the crept closer he grew more and more anxious.

(8) David isn't at odds with him mom, but his mom wants the best for him, even if it means pushing him towards a future he doesn't really want, but is stable and ensures he'll live an okay life. Gwen is the voice of reason in their friend group, always telling them off for having their delusions of grandeur, especially Jasper as he seems to lead David into living life based on impulses. He cares about them both tho, and wants to take their advice to heart... when it doesn't stress him out.

(9??) Jasper's the only one who really gets David, and he encourages David at every chance he gets which reveals David's deep seated love for nature, and how he yearns to get out of the city, and not be trapped by gray walls and mediocrity and studying a major he doesn't care for and living paycheck by paycheck, and also he really needs to get his license because he can't depend on everyone all the time or else he'll never truly be independent.

I love all this dynamic it’s so fitting, so perfect. Especially Gwen, she’s so down to earth and she has to be the one with her head on and thinking logically. So fitting. But David and Jasper just wanna be FREE AND IN LOVE DAMNIT FUCK

(10) Despite his internal conflicts, he still applies to colleges and even manages to get into the same one as Jasper, with mixed feelings. They end up touring the college together and partake in a party that leads to David exploding and saying that Jasper doesn't *do* college, Jasper is wild and free and exciting and takes them on roadtrips and is amazing and incredible and doesn't trap himself in the status quo and WOW he's drunk, no he's not, stop laughing, Jasper!

bWABAAHAHA FUCK YOU TUMBLR. (11) Jasper convinces David to recite one of David's favorite passages from his favorite book (because the book is important in the musical but let's pretend it's about the mystique of the wilderness and the freedom of exploration and freedom), and David recites and hypes them both up because of how excitedly he recites it with passion, and Jasper suggests that they do it, that they run off together and explore and Be the Mad Ones and Live Free and Wild.

(12) Jasper gets more and more excited by the aspect of just... going on the road, just the two of them, doing whatever the hell they want without anyone telling them what to do. And David's trying to be like, "Okay but we need to be prepared and stuff-!" but he's getting more and more hyped by it, and they both start getting excited- up until Jasper gets into his car and begs David to get in. And David freezes and panics and realizes he's... not ready to run yet.

Not crying bc they wanted to run off together NOT ME. BUT LIKE. YOU KINDA DO NEED TO GRAB SOME ShIT FOR THE ROAD JASP WHAT DO YOU HAVE WITH YOU??? AN EXTRA HOODIE AND SOME CRAP IN YOUR CAR? COME ON. Give him a little time you can take off in a few days just don’t tell people about your plans to elope???

(13) Jasper gets upset because they need to leave now before someone stops, but David feels unprepared and they argue and snap and- the memory breaks, and David's facing off imaginary?Jasper and blaming him and saying that Jasper never plans anything and it would have gotten them no where, and Jasper blames him back saying that David put the breaks on, and they keep blaming each other until Jasper yells that if they'd just left that night, he wouldn't be fucking DEAD!

nnoonOIFIDH wHy they figting WJHY ARE THEY FIGHTING I HATE IT. DON’T SAY THAT SHIT JASPER. What’s ten times worse is that this is David’s projection of Jasper therefore his own thoughts so he’s blaming himself through Jasper I hate it???

(14) David storms away from Jasper in tears as Jasper tries to call back to David and apologize, but David just runs to his room and locks himself in there and inevitably buries himself in more memories, but none with Jasper in it. He remembers that after their fight at the party, he went to his other best friend's house - Gwen. She asks about the college visit, and David, still running off his anger fumes, says that maybe college isn't for him, and he should do something else.

(15) Gwen tries to talk some sense into him, telling him that life isn't about always about having fun, that college is the way to go or else they'll NEVER achieve their dreams, and David snaps back that maybe he doesn't NEED college to achieve his dreams, and Gwen yells that real life isn't some fucking book, and if he thinks that's how life works, then he needs to get his head out of the fucking clouds and look around them.

(16) Life isn't like it was back then, it's labor and capitalism, and it's a fucking struggle, but that's the hand they were dealt, and they have to live with what they got. She gets upset and cries because she doesn't want to live like everyday sucks, but that's how it is, and she doesn't get to dream like David does, because she has to work harder to even begin to carve out a dream like David's. She implores him for once to stop trying to live ideally, but to live realistically.

WHY IS EVERYONE FIGHITNG STOP IT

(17) He ends up leaving and going back to his mom's, where his mom worries about her son and the state of his being, and tries to get him to open up to her, and it takes a while, but after some coaxing and cookies, and he opens and tells him about his argument with Jasper and Gwen. She's disappointed that David feels that way about college, but suggests that he finds a compromise - one that's realistic, but still gives him what he wants. He weakly agrees to her because he's tired of fighting.

(18) David goes to bed, only to wake to the sound of a phone ringing. His heart leaps, and David's stuck between the past and present, unsure of where he is. As he stares at his phone, Jasper sits down next to him and suggests he pick it up. It's then that David realizes that he's in the present, but still stuck in the past. Instead of living in the present, he suggests that he doesn't pick up the phone, because like, that'd mean like it never happened. Which means that Jasper... is alive.

David needs THERAPY it sounds like he’s having some serious issues with reality and stress and loss please he needs hterapy hahddha

(19) Jasper plays along and is like, "Okay, if I'm alive now, then we're doing senior year *my way*." So they craft an amazing, fun, incredible senior year filled with laughter and highs and love, and David gets to experience a year with Jasper by his side, and maybe he finally confesses, and maybe they go on a million roadtrips, and he's happy, he's so happy because Jasper's here, and he's alive, and- the phone rings. And the fantasy breaks, and he's in the past again. And he picks up.

FHDShHF THEY COULD’VE HAD IT ALL THEY COULD’VE BEEN SO STUPID IN LOVE TOGETHER

(20) Jasper's mom was the one who called him to tell him that Jasper had died. He'd been crossing the street to return a book - the book he read for David, because it was his favorite book - to the library, and didn't see the car in time. David's world collapses around him, and all he can remember is that night at the party, and why didn't he say yes, why did he say no, and it crushes him as he remembers it over and over again, and he realizes that he can't remember the rest of senior year.

SOBBING HE READ DAVID”S BOOK

(21:) For once, Jasper isn't there to snap him out of it. David has to snap himself out of it, and he digs through his memories of that horrible senior year and remembers the one thing that broke him out of his depressed stupor - Gwen. Gwen was dropping him off at the DMV to take his driving test (again). She's holding a familiar book, and she's trying to smile and talk to him while he's stuck in his head, and finally her voice gets through to him when she suggests something.

(22) While they're waiting for his turn, she says that she read the book he loves, and she kinda gets it now, wanting to explore and see the world, and she suggests that they take a roadtrip together before college, and they can go anywhere, and be anywhere, and it'll just be them two, and he won't have to worry about anything because she'll take care of things for him, and he can just... enjoy. And she smiles, desperate but hopeful, because she wants to see him smile again. But he doesn't.

(23) It breaks him out of his stupor, but only because her words make it sound like it's what he wants (what does he want?), but it's not what he wants, and he remembers Jasper's words of how someone's always gonna come along and try to assume they know what he wants, instead of letting him decide for himself. Gwen's doing it here, even if it's in good faith, he knows this isn't what he wants. He doesn't answer, and she looks heartbroken. Before he can get a word out, his # is called.

SOBBING SHE READ DAVID’S BOOK. SHE’s TRYING GOD SHE’s TRYING BUT THAT WAS THEIR THING THE ROADTRIP

(24) She tells him to go take his test and wishes him good luck. He gets in the car and starts his driving test, stressed out and mind a mess. Suddenly it's Jasper in the passenger seat pretending to be the DMV lady and telling him to listen to him, and that he can help David. He wants Jasper to go away, but suddenly it's his mom, telling him to be careful and slow down, and he needs to take less risks and stay in his lane, where he needs to be. Jasper's voice grows frantic and then it's Gwen.

(25??) Gwen is telling him to follow her instructions, and she can keep him on track and safe, so just keep going straight and drive. David argues that he doesn't want to be safe, and Jasper asks if he wants to take a risk instead. His mom says that risk is fine, if he prepares for it and plans for it. David says he doesn't want to plan for once, and Jasper gently tells him that he can take whatever path he wants as long as it feels right to him, before Gwen says that they need to move on.

Therapy therapy therapy please DAvid I’m beGGING YOU you have so much shit in your head babe please. Fighting to figure out what he wants vs what everyone else wants it’s too much

(26) She begs to him to go with her, even if it's hard, they need to make the right choice. David argues with himself, tries to figure out what he wants as everyone talks over his thoughts and words, his mom begging him to slow down, Jasper begging him to remember, and Gwen begging him to go, before David snaps and tells everyone to listen to him. Finally, he tells them what he wants. He never wanted to go to college, never wanted stay, never wanted to run away. But he wanted to go out and live.

(27) He wants to drive with no clear destination, drive to see and feel and live and nothing else, just by himself. Even if, even if he wishes... he wishes that Jasper was with him. But he knows that he's alone in Jasper's car, talking to himself and remembering, and he hears Jasper say to remember, his mom saying she'll let him go, and Gwen saying she'll step back. And David tells himself to look ahead, don't stop, and don't look back in the rearview mirror. He blinks, and it's just Jasper.

SOBBING

(28) It's just Jasper and David, sitting in Jasper's car in his mom's driveway. Jasper smiles, and reminds David that he passed. He's free. He can leave now. David cries and says that his mom will hate him, and Jasper shakes his head. He worries about Gwen, and Jasper says she'll understand. Jasper encourages him to be wild and free and mad and happy, and to NOT crash his car or he WILL haunt him, smiling through his tears as David reaches for him.

(30) David sobs. "I never got to say goodbye." Jasper takes a deep breath, looking away for a moment before turning back to David with a broken smile. "Sometimes you don't get to say goodbye." "...I miss you." "...I know. Total bummer, right?" David grabs onto Jasper and hugs him tight and begs, "Can't we stay like this?" And Jasper clings to him and says, "You know we can't." "Just for a little longer?" and after a moment of silence, Jasper asks with a soft cry, "What do you want, Davey?"

(FIN) David finally says that he wants to feel the wind in his hair with the windows down, the crunch of dirt under his boots, the smell of the pines, of living just to live. Jasper pulls away with a smile and reminds David that he'll live in David's wants and actions now that he's gone, and when David blinks, Jasper is finally gone. And he's finally moved on. And David finally puts the key into the ignition and starts the car. And he drives away.

NNNGNNDJ I HATE THIS BUT I LOVE IT. I hate every time you kill Jasper and make me love it. My poor boys I’m sO SAD FOR THEM> THEY HAD PLANS THEY WERE IN LOVE THEY WERE GOING TO DO ALL THE SHIT THEY WANTED. Jasper didn’t even get to see SENIOR YEAR IT’s NOT FAIRhFH And poor David just like BLANKED OUT that year of his life and WHO COULD BLAME HIM

When I do listen to this I’m going to have to prepare myself hardcore because I’m going to be a fucking wreck mess especially now that it’s firmly attached to Jaspvid in my head UHHHHH HTHANK YOU

[transrightsjimin]

im sorry im not rly in the BE hype atm :((

rant coming which has nothing to do w the album but everything w stress nd fatigue nd crying nd more job stress nd sensory overload and me turning everything into a worse issue in my head etc etc

i was this morning when i saw the mv nd watched the vlive but i obv slept way too few bc i went to bed late nd woke up early for the live and i had to rush a lot w errands nd an appointment w my autism coach nd at said appointment we called a dude from the municipality to inquire abt jobcoaches nd it turned out we misunderstood what jobcoaches are as they are who u get referred to when u have a job, nd the guy found it hard to figure out what type of trajectory(?) would best fit me for help nd now i have time to think abt it and will speak him again in 2 weeks or sooner if i want to. im just so tired nd a bit hungry and on edge and one sec, im in the side of the house tht faces kids playing around aka screeching as if theyre dying every second nd its majking me only more on edge!!!!

but urgh i cried so bad during the appointment and was prob way too rudde to her before the appointment, bc she talks loudly nd sounds rude nd confronting but just naturally bc ofher tone nd language nd urghgh h thikning abt jobs nd trying to talk nd not cry too hard when trying to explain stuff to the man over the phone was rly hard, like obv its fine if he knows im crying but its just hard to talk when crying nd im just so devastated thinking abt jobs!! i dont know what type of job i could handle nd it feels like im making everythig up bc i did somehow finish two studies in uni and im privileged enough w education and whiteness tobe more easily selected for a job by e.g. last name on my cv and i shouldnt be this picky but god i cant handle smth as physically demanding and underpaid as this, im tired 4/7 days that im not working nd what i earn in those 3 days is still not enough to cover rent bc they pay only for the delivery time itself instead of more hours!!! it just feels like wtf am i doing bc the municipality guy did admit im not the usual person he works w bc i had an education, as if i dont belong in the group but its really just an issue of having -100 confidence and no job experience!! like i rly dont strive for a fancy job or ‘’’career’’’, i just bneed something that i can pay my monthly expenses w and have a bit left to save up for e.g. emergencies, additional medical bills (like the 350 euros from the adhd diagnosis and therapy, which my autism coach will contact my adhd therapist abt, like if that bill can be delayed or split up in a payment plan), paying back for loan debt eventually and MAYBE soon god forbid i save up for smth fun. and i “need” the job also to have a daily activity and some structure in my life bc a large part of the reason my schedule is so fucked up is bc i have no more set time tht i need to be anywhere or any strictness or reason to get up nd so i just dont ghhh

im always looking for reasons why i cant do smth and why smth would go wrong and im already looking at every area where getting help w getting a job can go wrong like e.g. me being too stubborn abt companies i dont agree w or me thinking i cant do anything just bc i have not much working experience outside of mail delivery :(

nd then there was this A B C task list system my adhd therapist proposed in wihc i keep track of my most to least urgent + important tasks every day nd we werent sure where to keep track of that kind of list and she suggested sticking a paper to a wall (i think id rather use my wardrobe) to write it on and change or replace that every day and it sounds like a hassle but i rly need to do it every day, nd i can try other methods but thatd be either writing it on my phone but im not always on there nd theres not a type of file i can make that doesnt move back chronologically as i make new notes

ALSO im just very frustrated w myself bc my mom wanted to come over w food and i know she was too sudden w it but if only i left on time for the stores it wouldnt have been an issue. i feel like shes rly sad she couldnt come visit. fucking hell i rushed so much back and forth from the stores that i forgot to put the leftover letters from work yesterday into the outdoor mailbox and i already stress abt this bc my current teamcoach (aka manager) is more stricter w this stuff nd recently asked for a statement / explanation by me on why there were 29 letters w/o sticker from a route i did  counted from the collected mail that were in outdoor mailboxes, and i did not do that but my only alibi / reason for not making that huge mistake was that i hadnt posted any mail yet that day and obv he wasnt happy w that. i sometimes had dreams / nightmares recently where i was late again or fucked up w a new route and got fired for it and thats quite an awful scenario / fear to me bc thats exactly why my dad was fired by his previous employee, for being late too often nd we’re the exact same. it just sucks bc i know many ppl who worry abt being late arrive to early at shit bc lol anxiety but i still arrive late every day WHILE being stressed abt it nd my whole fucking issue is that i need to break w bad patterns MYSELF, like whether i get help for autism stuff or adhd or sleep or whatnot, the homework / assignments / tasks / advice they give me, in the end i still need to be the one to do it and push through and make a change or put more effort into not going continuously back to the same distractions or demotivating black-white thinking

just URGH im so easily annoyed nd sensitive, also as in sensitive on a tactile level nd it doesnt help tht my room is a mess nd im super stinky from bts BE excitement and from squeezing my skin a lot last night, nor does the fact that i have rly bad coordination / awareness of my surroundings nd continuously bumping into shit or getting caught on smth help, which is also another reason im just so slow at work bc if i try to walk or deliver mail faster i keep end up bruising nd tripping or tear my hands on all these hard to move or sharp mail box slots if im not careful nd slower, which does still happen but not as bad when im careful

im also rly dizzy rn from haing slept too few and just urgh i “need“ a stupid fucking job, i need the money i need the structure but my god does actual labour and having to deal w colleagues every day and trying to keep up w stuff and be fast and precise enough in whatever the job is, sound horrifying hhhgghgh

OK RANT OVER IM SICK OF ME TALKING SO MUCH

[foragergnome]

I don't know if it was my ask or not that's got you excited but you should totally eat! More fuel for your amazing mind! 💖💖💖

oh no, don't worry I'm just happy today GHHh like two bands that I rlly like came out with new albums and IM SHDHHSJD !!! but omg!! you're so considerate eeeeeee

[vaguelygeiszlerian]

Ask meme time !!! :3 ~ red, purple, cyan, beige, black, cream, emerald, mauve, cherry, wine, teal and jade !

oh Waow.... i woke up to an ASK.... how exciting :v

i will answer these under a cut so people dont have to see me babble

red: describe your favorite shirt ghhh.... i... guess my kingdom hearts shirt? it's this big soft nice t-shirt that's printed with both kh1 rikus keyblade and the kingdom key with some cool stuff in japanese on it, i got it as a limited edition thing from yetee around the time kh3 was releasing (i technically nicked one, bc the shirt arrived super late but at that point id already requested a replacement, so they sent me a second one, so now i have two and i adore them)

purple: a poem you think describes your closest friend me and poetry are not very familiar with one another but lemme go google a bit (google break here) a soul i met, by ruby archer

cyan: are you religious? spiritual? certainly not religious, spiritual maybe? i am a formerly practicing wiccan tho im not quite in the mental or physical state to be practicing currently haha

beige: have any pets? what're their names? i have 4! there's my actual pet, my cat connor, then there's the family pets, my sibling's cat hestia, my parents dogs, nala and bentley :)

black: would you ever try going vegetarian or vegan? i already eat practically vegetarian already, im averse to meat because of texture reasons, and only really eat it on certain occasions (mostly to appease my mother) and did eat wholly vegetarian for years before my doctor started complaining about my iron levels

cream: any piercings or tattoos? do you want any? technically no! my lobes closed over, though they're probably repierceable. but i WANT both. i want a tongue piercing and ive been Trying to get the beginnings of a sleeve tattoo of all the constellations in the zodiac for about a year now (#broke)

emerald: if you had the option, would you choose to move and live in another country? which one? absofuckinglutely i would, this place sucks, i wanna go live in like... greenland, where the sun only rises like half the year

mauve: any unpopular opinions? i mean... i greatly dislike mcyt (dream smp specifically hermitcraft can stay)? and kpop stan groups? and i think maxwell is the best character in dont starve? i dont really know where the line of popular and unpopular is anymore people will get crucified on this site for anything

cherry: YouTubers you enjoy watching? i've been watching a LOT of mandaloregaming this past few months! longform interesting game reviews are peak serotonin for me. ive watched... chosenarchitect a lot too? his minecraft longplays are very instructional which helps bc im a weakling when it comes to modded minecraft.... otherwise just people like hbomberguy, kappa kaiju, nyx fears, etc

wine: do you have a 'type' tall pathetic men (im... only half kidding, i dont think i really have a type, it's part of the whole aspec abroromantic thing, i have no idea what i want but i know i dont want it)

teal: have a job? i wish... no not at the moment, im on medical leave while my doctors keep postponing my appointments to figure out why im almost always in pain these days

jade: ever written fanfiction? (looks over at my open google docs tab with 3k worth of indulgent wwdits au) no (yes, i havent been writing actively but i do write it! pretty sure the link is somewhere around for it if you hunt it down)