#Fun fact! the double rotator was done all in one sitting during a really bad pain day.
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Don't think I've ever posted these here :3 besties look at my horse kandi
#Fun fact! the double rotator was done all in one sitting during a really bad pain day.#took me like an extra hour bc I was shaking like a leaf the whole time#cheap dirty horse#kandi#wow. y'know for being a ''kandi''con it has been a hell of a long time since I posted any of mg own kandi#I don't like posting kandi I may eventually trade but idk if I'll ever trade these so they're safe 2 post.#at least I probably won't trade the double rotator#kandi kid#kandi bracelet#rotator cuff#band kandi#ignore my ugly af nails pls I haven't had the energy to redo my acrylics lately
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Clone Trooper Headcanons
Based off my experience with reality shifting so I guess they're not really headcanons lol I've met everyone except Omega, as the timeline is still pre-Order 66. Updated now that I've met (most of) the Bad Batch.
Rex
It can be hard to get him to open up when you first meet him, but once this man decides he likes having you around, it's hard to get rid of him.
Seriously. Try putting yourself in danger and he will throw himself into the line of fire, whether you're a Jedi or not.
And after you both get out of there alive, expect a lecture from him as if he were your older brother.
I can't tell you how many lectures I've gotten from this man. He really is the older brother you never knew you wanted or even had. He always means well, though. He just worries.
Fives
This man can, and will, goof off and give you sarcastic comments.
Rex has actively said that Fives is going to be the death of him someday.
He makes it his mission to annoy Rex as much as possible, but also knows when and where to do it. If things go south, you'd think you're suddenly standing next to Cody with how fast his attitude changes.
I once had to do a double-take with how fast he switched from goofy to serious. That was not a very fun day. We scrapped a lot of clankers though.
Echo
This man just wants some peace and quiet every so often.
Don't underestimate his quietness, however. He will throw a punch at someone if he has to.
Sometimes it's Fives on the receiving end and Echo does it just for fun.
He's also fascinated with far off galaxies, especially if they're vastly different from the one he's from. It's nice to sit and read with him, too. He loves real discussions, not debates.
Update to Echo: He's still as chaotic as he was before. He's definitely loosened up a lot more, especially on regulations. He and Wrecker seem to be close since they were feeding off each other about naming the moon we crashed on.
Cody
Don't do anything that breaks protocol. Just don't. At least not around him.
He will have you neck-deep in paperwork and other assignments if he catches you.
He's loosened up a bit, but not much. Fives always reminds him to, though.
I've got nothing. I've tried, Fives has tried, even Rex has. This man loves protocol and won't be separated from it. We've joked before about him one day marrying it. That was the day I found out just how much datawork there really is in the Grand Army of the Republic. Did that stop us? Never.
Tech
If someone were to show genuine interest in the information he spews, he'd be riding the high of seeing his brothers proved wrong for weeks, months even.
And this man can talk.
He would randomly spew out facts if said person was around, not even needing any cue that he was heard.
This man has tattoos. He knows what he's doing regarding them, too. He's done Hunter's tattoos, as well as Crosshair's. He can definitely talk. We spent so much time just talking about random things. I think he was happy to have someone to talk to, honestly. He doesn't randomly give out facts often, but he learns very quickly what someone is interested in and bases his randomly given facts on that. He told me that during our half a rotation's worth of time conversation we had because I asked him how he felt about randomly giving out facts.
Crosshair
Getting through to him would take a miracle. He's a hard nut to crack.
If he thinks you're useful to the team at all, he'd at least tolerate you.
Spend enough time around him and his brothers, he may even pick on you like he does with the others.
Even though he came to sit with us by the fire, that was literally as far as we got. He went right back to being a loner, but that's okay. So, he's definitely not the easiest to get along with (especially with the rocky introductions we had with each other), but it's not impossible to do it. For everything else, I have no idea yet lol
Hunter
He knows more about you than anyone around before you even open your mouth.
He could even tell whether you're Force-sensitive or not.
This man is incredible and everyone forgets just how good his senses actually are until he actively needs to use them.
I learned a lot about Hunter while on our hunting trip. This man might as well be Force sensitive with how good his senses are. During the actual hunts, we didn't need to speak, only needed to rely on our senses. He works incredibly well with Jedi. It's amazing.
Wrecker
If you even just casually mention that there's the smallest possiblity you like to blow things up, you've just gained a new best friend.
If you give him something to blow up on top of that, he won't let you sit out on it. He'd have both of you press the button at the same time.
Literally would have his finger on one half, yours on the other.
Nobody tell Wrecker that I'm planning to find and secure explosives on our next mission together that he will 100% get to use. I'm serious. No one tell him.
Bonus!
Omega
She'd probably be the first to befriend you. Let's be real.
She'd want to show you her room on the Marauder and would be excited the entire time.
She'd probably be extremely happy to know someone who doesn't see them as just clones. She'd be even happier if you became part of their little dysfunctional family, whether they see you a lot or not.
#star wars the clone wars#sw tcw#clone troopers#clone trooper rex#clone trooper fives#clone trooper echo#clone commander cody#star wars the bad batch#sw tbb#tbb tech#tbb crosshair#tbb hunter#tbb wrecker#tbb omega#clone trooper headcanons#clone headcanons#reality shifting#shifting community#shifting realities#desired reality#randomfandomdreaming
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Who is the bitch in the first year hero courses most down for murder, do you think? Surprisingly, despite being the only one to actually MAKE death threats, I'm mot sure Bakugou is all that high up there? When you've got Todo freezing people from the inside out, Mushroom Girl choking people, Honenuki drowning people and dropping industrial chimneys on them etc etc... What would your rankings be?
what better way to spend a Sunday evening than by ranking all of U.A.’s first-year students by murder.
disclaimer: I am doing this for fun and this entire post is ridiculous so please do not take it too seriously. also just a heads up, this post contains some recent manga spoilers as well as a couple of spoilers for Heroes Rising. now then, let’s quantify these bloodthirsty little savages.
okay so despite being entirely too plus ultra for their own good, approximately 99% of these kids would never dream of doing any kind of permanent harm to another living being. so I’m just listing the first thirty in no particular order, and then we’ll get to ranking the top ten.
Aoyama
despite having that brief moment in chapter 167 where virtually everyone thought he was a serial killer, Aoyama is actually a good boy. a bit stalkerish, maybe.
Mina
Mina did dream up that one attack where Ochako floats her up in the air so that she can rain acid down on people, which is slightly homicidal. but she’s not a killer. honestly if she was we’d all be dead already. see: thicc Girl Noumu.
Tsuyu
if Tsuyu had ever killed someone she would have already told everyone all about it because she is open about these things so safe to say she is not a killer.
Ochako
all Ochako wants to do is help and support people. she can be pretty hardcore from time to time but my baby girl would never. not to say that villain wouldn’t be a good look on her. I still get a shiver up my spine remembering that one time Toga turned into her and demonstrated exactly how deadly her quirk could be.
Ojiro
nah. the worst thing Ojiro has ever done was throwing his empty plain yogurt cup into the wrong recycling bin by accident, and he felt terrible about it afterward.
Kaminari
real talk, Kaminari could very easily kill a ton of people with his quirk if he actually tried. but he hasn’t, because he is only two and is too busy learning his shapes and colors and leaving his lego duplo blocks all over the carpet for other people to trip on.
Kirishima
do I even have to justify this at all. duh Kirishima doesn’t murder people sorry to anyone who came into this post all excited to read a big paragraph going off about Kiri’s raw bloodlust. I don’t know what you expected.
Kouda
Kouda is probably deadlier than everyone thinks. imagine him commanding, say, a mob of giant hornets to swarm and kill someone. it’s a good thing he wouldn’t actually hurt a fly.
Satou
I sat here for a while thinking about what I could say about Satou. but just. can you picture him killing a guy? nah, me neither.
Shouji
one of the things I like about Shouji is that he looks older than he is, and kind of creepy, what with the masked face and the freaky tentacle arms and all the like. and so he very likely experienced some of that good old fashioned quirk racism growing up, and people were afraid of him and/or thought he would become a villain. but instead he decided to become a hero. and I think that says so much about Shouji’s character. it reminds me a lot of Shinsou; his desire to become a hero was so strong that he overcame prejudice and circumstances which could just have easily have led to him becoming a villain (and in fact, it’s not all that different from some of the actual villain backstories). anyway so yeah no murder for him.
Jirou
I think she would consider killing anyone who ever hurt Momo or Kami, but aside from that NO because she is a good pure girl who loves music and rocking out and putting smiles on people’s faces.
Sero
poor Sero is so not-murdery that when he does get pitted against someone with more murdery energy such as Todoroki, he basically gets immediately overwhelmed and everyone is just kind of wincing and then timidly applauding him and saying “good try.” that’s Sero’s life. he would just sit there and get murdered rather than going in for the kill. he’s a good bro.
Mineta
needs several restraining orders filed against him, but wouldn’t actually kill someone.
Momo
well one time she did explode a grenade in Aizawa’s face. but no.
Awase
now we have come to the 1-B kids. I will give brief descriptions in case you, like me, sometimes have trouble remembering their names. so, Awase! the welding, Momo-rescuing one. he is not murdery.
Sen
the rotating limbs one. one of the least murdery kids in the fairly murderous 1-B on account of his quirk is just too ridiculous. sorry Sen.
Kuroiro
the Tokoyami one. more likely to bore you to tears talking about death than actually kill someone. which is too bad because he honestly would make a pretty bitching assassin.
Kendou
would say she’s probably in the top fifteen. god I love her quirk so much. just want her to slap some bitches to death. but she probably wouldn’t.
Shishida
the growly monster one. he does get some bonus points for tending to lose control once he goes full beastmode and werewolfs out. and he is fairly deadly.
Shouda
the roly poly double smashy one. it’s actually only a matter of time before Shouda kills someone, most likely. his quirk is way too dangerous, and the thing is, it’s probably hard for him to tell how dangerous a particular impact is going to be beforehand. one of these days it’s gonna be way stronger than he intends and somebody’s neck is gonna get snapped.
Pony
never forget that time Pony stabbed Ojiro and Shouji like a dozen times and everybody was just cool with it.
Tsuburaba
the air platform one. he did try to suffocate Kouda that one time.
Tetsutetsu
only if he’s fighting Shouto. or teamed up with Shouto. then all bets are off as to whether or not he’s going to drill his superheated steel fist right through somebody’s face.
Tokage
the severed limbs one. she just has kind of a murdery vibe to her. stalking everyone with her various body parts. yuuugh. I bet if she did kill someone nobody would ever be able to prove it was her.
Manga
the speech bubble head one. is going to destroy so much public and private property once he’s set loose on the streets. but no deaths.
Bondo
the glue one. and nah, Bondo is cool.
Koudai
the Ant-Man one. doesn’t strike me as particularly murderous, I even went and reread her part of the joint training arc to confirm it. she’s fine.
Rin
the kung fu dragon one. not especially murdery. overall probably one of the least bloodthirsty in class 1-B in fact.
Shiozaki
the vines one. she’s extremely murdery. I can’t be the only one who thinks that, can I? Shiozaki scares the shit out of me. if I were Kaminari I would have nightmares about her.
Monoma
would murder every single member of class 1-A if he could. would be the criminal in a Detective Conan two-parter. would give a long monologue about always being the side character and never in the starring role until one day he finally couldn’t take it anymore and snapped. why does his hero costume make it look as though he’s going to steal a bunch of famous jewels out from under everyone’s noses. nah but I’m just kidding and Monoma would never actually kill someone. but one day he’s probably going to be framed for murder by a villain and Kendou and Shinsou will have to team up to defend him and catch the real culprit.
10. Yanagi
the creepy pale ghost-girl-looking one. contrary to what you are probably all thinking, her high ranking isn’t just because of her general horror film vibe, but also because she attempted to bludgeon Mina to death during the joint battle arc. but also yes it is because of her general horror film vibe.
9. Kamakiri
the stabby one. he’s up here because I’m pretty sure he tried to kill Jirou that one time. like what was he even gonna do if Bakugou hadn’t stepped in. though to be fair I don’t think he actually had his knives out at the time so maybe he was just gonna elbow her in the face or something idk.
8. Bakugou
I agree with you that Bakugou is much more bark than bite, anon. and not only is he remarkably careful and precise with his quirk and good at avoiding any collateral damage (and even better IMO ever since his supplementary training), I think that due to his various struggles with being perceived as a villain and also trying to find his own understanding of what being a hero means, he’s probably more self-aware than most of the other kids at this point when it comes to matters of “is this morally okay.” so in spite of his generally violent demeanor, I very much doubt he ever would or could actually kill someone. but he’s in the top ten because his high shounen protagonist levels do place him in the “would potentially go apeshit if and when something happened to someone he cares about” category, though. and also because he and Deku did basically attempt to disintegrate Nine, and then when Nine just dropped off the face of the earth afterwards, no one even bothered to wonder what had happened to him. which leads me to wonder if Deku and Katsuki straight up assume they did in fact kill him and just dgaf.
7. Deku
see above re: Nine. and also he may have to kill AFO one day. so while he probably wouldn’t be happy about it, I think he could still potentially do it. and also because he absolutely does lose his gotdamn mind every time someone hurts one of his friends, and especially Kacchan, and I could picture him just snapping if something really awful ever actually did happen. I don’t think it would in canon because it’s just way too dark, but I don’t think it’d be out of character if he did.
6. Iida
literally tracked down the villain who attacked his brother with the full intent of personally killing said villain once he got his hands on him. true, Shouto and Deku talked him out of it in the end, but still. that was some real motherfucking killing intent. also I will never forget the image of this kid sitting his ass down in middle of the woods and mutilating his own goddamn body without any anesthesia. listen, everyone. just please, for your own safety, do not fuck with Iida.
5. Shouto
and now we reach the top five. listen, feel free to disagree, but I stand firm in my belief that out of all the non-traitor and non-demon-possessed children in class 1-A, Todoroki Shouto is absolutely the most likely to straight up just kill a bitch one day. this boy froze a man from the inside out until a tower of fucking ice was jutting out of his fucking throat, and was all “go ahead and hibernate for a while” like excuse me, THE FUCK. and the thing is, this wasn’t just a one-time occurrence either; he literally pulls this kind of shit ALL THE TIME. froze an entire fucking building with his classmates in it and was all “feel free to bring it on but fighting without the soles of your feet will be painful.” heh. what the fuck. and do you all remember when he fought Sero and was in a bad mood so he iced half the fucking stadium. nearly killed a few people right then and there. “I got carried away.” whaaaaaaat. and I could go on and on; he nearly burned poor Shindou alive, and basically the entirety of chapter 205 could have been submitted as evidence in a court of law had that training battle against Tetsutetsu gone only slightly differently. basically Shouto is an entirely too realistic portrayal of a very sweet but marginally unstable boy with a completely broken power and a shitload of unresolved personal trauma which he is still working through.
4. Honenuki
somehow more murdery than Todoroki “HIBERNATE!!” Shouto. this is entirely because of chapter 205, formerly the most murdery chapter of the entire series, and dethroned only by the recent chapter 266 for obvious reasons. anyway so during the joint training battle, Honenuki bludgeoned Todoroki in the back of the head and would probably have let his unconscious body slump into the softened ground to drown had Iida not saved him. he then proceeded to drop a water tower on top of the both of them. a whole-ass water tower. this was a fucking training exercise. and Honenuki was the only one who kept his calm throughout the entirely of said exercise. and he was praised for his calm murdering skills afterward. because he was fucking awesome tbh. anyway but the point is this is supposed to be a hero school not an assassin school but I’m not really sure anymore you guys.
3. Tokoyami
my man would have straight up killed Moonfish in that forest and sure did try his best. he’s got the same issue as Todoroki in that his quirk is as powerful as it is unstable. and while he himself is not murdery, when Dark Shadow loses control, though… hooooh boy. I was gonna add something about him also interning under Takami “literally stabbed my friend in the neck for the greater good” Keigo, but I think that makes them both come off as more sinister than they actually are. I do think a big part of Tokoyami’s story is him overcoming his inner darkness and wresting control of it and mastering it, so I don’t think it’s very likely that he actually will kill someone in the story. but he’s got a murdery side, no two ways about it.
2. Toadette
straight up filled Tokoyami’s windpipe with mushrooms during a training exercise. he uses that to breathe, fyi. she then offered him a lozenge afterward. do not fuck with Toadette. do not. just don’t.
1. Hagakure
last but not least! Hagakure “hasn’t killed anyone officially but is also definitely the traitor” Tooru! y’all know how it is! I’m committed to this theory! I’d even be willing to put money on a reveal scene where she does just straight up kill someone, and that’s our cliffhanger establishing that the traitor is none other than! and this is coming up sooner than you might think too, guys. Horikoshi brought up the traitor again relatively recently during the Christmas Eve chapter, and that kind of foreshadowing isn’t for nothing. anyways I’m here for it though so bring on that body count you funky little turncoat.
so there you have it. my not-that-definitive definitive ranking of classes 1-A and 1-B by murderous inclination. there’s really not that much rhyme or reason to it tbh but this was fun, thank you anon!
#bnha#boku no hero academia#class 1-a#class 1-b#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#heroes rising spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste reads bnha#asks#anon asks#bnha meta#bnha ranking
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My thoughts, 8/29/2020 This year....has been the most confusing and frustrating year I have ever had. Let's roll back time and start at the beginning.
I grew up during the space race, a war, and the bicentennial of this country. Living on the east coast of Florida I watched men go to the moon....and then as a teen a movie came along and changed my life. Star Wars....and the dreamer in me saw so many possibilities. Growing up I wanted to either be a pilot ( planes or helicopters ) or an astrophysicist. Strange but yes if i couldn't fly among the stars I wanted to fly around this planet.
My influences were obviously my parents ,family, and the things you could do at the time which were books and comics. My love for the military came from my family and parents. My faith ,and wonder for the possibilities the world offered came mostly from comics....some DC but the majority was Marvel. Stan Lee and the tales he told subconsciously taught me about respect and love for my fellow humans. Trust me growing up when I did things were very angry....people were not happy with the Vietnam War, race relations especially in the south were very contentious.
So my great escape was reading, whether it was learning about the universe and the technical aspects of flying the best place I was able to find balance was comics. Batman was a double edged sword, I understood the need for vengeance but also saw the repercussions of seeking it. Loving archery Green Arrow was the same as the Bat but also a bit of a Robin Hood tossed in. My favorite though was the Flash. I loved to run....so yah he was cool. Now on the Marvel side let's start with Spiderman...he was a kid with great power thrust upon him...who looked for glory but found out that ignoring the responsibility of how you lived your life could come back and destroy you.
So I grew up with love in my heart, seeing people not color, gender, religion, or country of origin. At times I paid the price for this from family, and friends. I kept myself closed off. It was at this time in my life that my world took an unexpected turn, my parents divorced, and my father who was always my hero was going to be able to spend more quality time with me. My sister moved out with my mom and I felt like this was a chance for us to really connect. But it wasn't to be as a few months later he remarried. That year I went to my mom's for Christmas and never left. I was 15. Many strange things and events later I was 16,disillusioned, and was mentally done. I took my high school equivalency test,passed it and moved out on my own. At 17 I was working full time and taking care of myself and paying for rent and everything that came with being a grown up. Then at 21 I found a job where just under 20 years I grew and had a good career. I was married for 10 years,but was not happy and not wanting to be like my father I just accepted my fate.
Video games became a big source of escape, and one game in particular was huge source of fun. Our clan was Boba Fetts, and we had shirts made. While in the local mall a young man approached me and asked if I was a Star Wars fan, laughing i assumed he noticed my shirt and replied of course, he guided me to a web site Yahoo World of Star Wars , a place where you could hangout, discuss and write about the Star Wars universe. I loved to write stories so I looked it up and it would wind up changing my life forever.
It was during this time of being around people with the same likes and beliefs i had,opened my eyes. These people were more family to me than most of my blood. So big changes occurred, I told my father I was done with him treating me like a kid, after all I had retired from a job with just a few months away from 20 years so yah I was a man thank you very much. I also told him my issue with him was that not once in my life did I ever remember him ever saying to me I love you son. All he had to do was say those 3 words and all would be forgiven. He couldn't bring himself to say it, his loss in the end. So emboldened I relayed my feelings about my marriage and was told that I should give up the things that I enjoyed, but my spouse could still do whatever she wanted and quit being dramatic. I had at that moment had enough and began the process of getting a divorce and moving away from my home state. On a whim I had a friend in Michigan that suggested I come stay with them, it was the best choice I ever made. We became close and 2 years later we were married, a few years later our son was was born, and a few years after that our second son was born. Life was good, I had a decent job and things were great.
Then two years ago my life changed forever, while at work I lifted a box and stacked it on a pallet like I had done many times before but had a terrible pain in my shoulder. Turned out I tore my rotator cuff, during the time I waited for surgery it became worse and I suffered tremors. Surgery was done and it was pretty much significant damage, a 90% tear and the detachment and reattachment of my bicep. During rehab, I still suffered tremors, fearing it was nerve damage I saw a neurologist and was hit broadside with a diagnosis of Parkinson's disease. I was devastated. I was moved to a job that was less physical but I still suffered from pain and tremors to the extent that my doctor prescribed the highest level of medication for the treatment of the tremors and short term disability to give me a chance to heal and get my body in a place that allowed me to get back to work. So I returned to work, but I just couldn't keep up at the end of each day I was in pain and by the weekend I was useless. This year in March I went back on short term disability, and 1 week later Covid hit, and the world turned upside down. Here i was at home, understanding i was in bad shape and with my sons out of school and asking all kinds of questions and trying to answer them without scaring them. Now I'm sitting here, getting ready to transition to long term disability,becoming a stay at home dad, teaching my kids at home this year because of my health, including the fact I have type 2 diabetes along with my others issues and my kids are afraid that if they go to school they may infect me and I will die of covid, thank God school is offering virtual learning, then last night, one of my favorite comic characters, who was perfectly portrayed by Chadwick Boseman, T'Challa, The Black Panther has passed away at 43 of cancer, 11 years younger than me....has hurt me to my core. Not to mention the fact that 40 years later since Star Wars came out and my feelings that we are all humans and that race would not be an issue anymore sitting here seeing no change has led me to one hope, hope we can end the hate, end the fear,become the caring,loving, people not only that we can be but have to be. The sooner we put away our fears and accept that we are one people, humans of earth, and realize that 98% of us are good and that no matter what 2% of us are bad, but the good ones of us are the majority and we have to stop letting those that are the minority stop controlling us and say we are not taking it no more, the sooner we will be the great people we can be and this world will be a better place.
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Pairing of your choice + Knitting
30 Day Drabble Challenge Day 2: OMG I Will Never Catch Up Edition
(Okay I know that literally no one on my dash watches ER or cares as much as I do but it’s my new obsession and this is what’s inspiring me right now because Abby/Luka is life. Also, contains some major spoilers for ER season 6-9 and beyond)
It was never a habit she thought she would pick up. It was so old-fashioned, something little old ladies did between bridge club and complaining about their various aches and pains. It was something her mother did, which should have been enough to disqualify it all by itself. But years ago, back when she’d first joined AA, her sponsor had suggested that Abby take up knitting.
She’d scoffed at the idea at first, half-heartedly bought some supplied and checked out a how-to book at the library in an attempt to get her sponsor off her back, and forgot about it until long after the book was overdue. But one night in an attempt to busy herself with anything that wasn’t a bottle of tequila, she had found herself sitting cross-legged on her living room floor with a ball of yarn and the book open in her lap, squinting down and trying to make sense of the instructions. Things had snowballed from there.
She found that she picked it up rather quickly–in a weird way, it wasn’t all that different from suturing, or at least she’d thought that first night–and it was mindless and a way to keep her hands busy and her thoughts from going down into that dark spiral. Famously, on the night that her divorce from Richard was finalized, she stayed up the entire night knitting and then pulled a double shift the next day. In a weird way, it was a comfort–knit one, purl one, down the line, repeat until your eyes are bleary and your problems don’t seem so bad. Take all the darkness that’s inside and try to make something good come out of it.
Abby’s work was never perfect–a dropped stitch in the sweater she’d made for her brother last year, the scarf that had somehow ended up twice as wide at the bottom as it was on top, the tiny mittens she’d attempted to make for Carol Hathaway’s twins before abandoning the project in a fit of pique and turning them into tiny Christmas stockings instead. She wore and gave her work proudly, but unless someone asked, she never volunteered the fact that she’d made it herself. She hid it almost like she had hidden her drinking for all those years, although in the grand scheme of things, knitting was nothing to be ashamed about.
The first person to catch her knitting on the job was Jing-Mei Chen, the night that Carter and Lucy had been stabbed. Abby was still settling into her new role in her ER rotation and finally feeling like she’d gotten the lay of the land, and all of a sudden the entire ER was crawling with cops and a bloody knife was falling down from cabinets almost on top of Abby and two of her new coworkers were fighting for their lives. Abby had left the trauma room where Carter was and felt panic bubbling up inside of her, one hand pressed to her mouth as if she were about to be sick. Maybe she was. She just knew she had to get out of there, if only for a minute.
Before she’d even known where her feet were taking her, she had thrown open the door of the lounge and was practically sprinting to her locker. Her hands shook and it took her three times to get her combination right, and when she finally picked up the hat that was her current projects she twisted up the yarn and dropped stitches left and right. It didn’t matter. it was the motion, that familiar autopilot, that she hoped was going to calm her down. It didn’t matter if it was perfect.
What did anything matter anymore, really?
“Abby?” came a voice from the doorway, and Abby looked up guiltily to see Dr. Chen looking at her. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” Abby admitted, then looked down sheepishly at her knitting.
“What are you doing?”
“I don’t know that either,” she said with what might have been a smile. “It helps calm me down, I guess.”
“Well, when you’re ready to get back in there, we could really use another set of hands.” Abby had nodded, and Jing-Mei had paused. “They’re going to be okay, Abby.”
“Yeah.”
Of course, Jing-Mei had only been half right that day. Later, when she and Luka had gone to Doc Magoo’s and met up with Jing-Mei and Malucci, none of them wanting to go home and miss any news, Abby’s purse had fallen open, revealing her knitting for all to see. She had noticed Dr. Chen look at it, but she hadn’t said anything.
She got Lucy’s mother’s address from personnel and sent her a delicate scarf, but never received any response.
A few weeks later when she’d gone to see Carter during his recovery, she had brought her next project along with her and promised to make him a scarf. He’d laughed and told her not to waste any time on him. She’d gotten the feeling that he had wanted to make fun of her, but hadn’t wanted to hurt her feelings. Later on when they started dating, he did make fun of her, and she’d thrown her ball of yarn square between his eyes.
Dr. Weaver had found her knitting on a break once, after she’d been forced to abandon med school a second time and return to nursing, and asked if there wasn’t anything better she could do. Dr. Greene had proudly sported the god-awful hat she had awkwardly presented him after his first brain tumor surgery–for all of a week, before he said that Ella had gotten a hold of it and it was no longer presentable to wear in public. At his funeral, Elizabeth had tearfully told her that she still had it, and that Mark had been grateful for the gesture. Susan Lewis actually asked Abby to show her how, but that teaching session had turned into more of a gab fest than anything–not that Abby really minded. Dr. Romano had rolled his eyes and asked if the 1950s housewife act included dinner. Abby had wanted to punch him for that, one arm or not.
Whereas knitting used to be something she held almost as closely to her chest as the fact that she was a recovering alcoholic, now, it was just something people accepted about her. It was another one of her weird Abby quirks, along with the crazy mother and the inability to maintain a stable relationship. For better or worse, it was a part of who she was now.
But with Luka, things were different.
That statement, of course could have been applied to a number of things. But the first time Abby had brought out her knitting in front of him, a rare night off when they were just sitting around watching TV, he hadn’t immediately started poking fun at her or asking questions that she didn’t feel like answering. He had just smiled and accepted it, and they’d sat in comfortable silence, her feet on his lap and just the sound of the TV and the faint click-clack of her needles. She wasn’t sure if he found it charming or endearing or if it was a weird European thing, but she felt comfortable and safe for the first time in a long time.
He wore everything she made him with a quiet sort of pride, even the hat that didn’t quite fit over his ears and the sweater (boyfriend curse be damned–Abby would come to regret that one later, but they’d found their way back to each other eventually, so maybe the curse was just a myth after all) whose right sleeve was just a bit longer than the left. The only time he ever made fun of her was when she was deep into the nesting phase of her pregnancy, when he’d wake up in the middle of the night to find her pacing the kitchen and eating Pop-Tarts while surrounded by piles of unfinished projects. When she worried that this was mania, that her mother’s disorder was finally rearing its ugly head in her, he’d taken her hands gently in his own and said that it wasn’t, that this was perfectly normal in a pregnancy, that she had nothing to worry about. It hadn’t done much to calm her down, but it was a start.
And when Josip “Joe” Kovač was finally allowed to leave the NICU, it was his father who lovingly placed the tiny hand-knitted hat on his head before the new family walked out of County General together.
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Running Out of Things to Say On Zoom? This Communication Expert Wants to Help.
April 24, 2020 10 min read
The global health crisis has transformed innumerable social norms. But where everyday pleasantries are concerned, none has taken on more weight than the question: “How are you?”
Pre-crisis, the question filled dead air in transient, superficial moments. Unless it was your mother or your best friend asking, the polite thing to do was to answer in the noncommittal spirit of the question and keep things moving. Hitting the right note required a cheerful but not overly affirming response like, “Alright!” “Pretty good!” “Can’t complain!”
If you went too far in one direction — a deflated “Okay,” or a vigorous “Great!”— then the asking party would be forced to stop and say, “Just okay?” or “Why so great?” For us emotionally transparent types, slapping on the fake cheer was painful, but not as painful as explaining our existential Tuesday blues to Steve in accounting. So “Alright!” it was.
Then, everyone got marooned indefinitely in their respective quarantines. “Now when people are asking it they’re actually trying to get a real answer, because we’re not going anywhere,” says Jill Schiefelbein, a communication strategist and founder of consulting firm The Dynamic Communicator. “We’re sitting on the opposite ends of the video screen, and people are wanting more than one word in response. A lot of people are opening up a little more than they used to about how they’re really doing because it’s become acceptable to do so.”
It’s really great — necessary, in fact — that people are connecting on a deeper level. The thing is, many of us are connecting with a lot of people. There are morning meeting Zooms, and work happy hour Zooms, friend happy hour Zooms, surprise birthday Zooms, gender reveal Zooms, weekly family Zooms. Because everyone assumes no one is doing anything, we all end up doing quite a bit, and, as one friend told me, “Frankly, I’m running out of things to say.”
Schiefelbein is here to help. She says that living a zen Zoom life is a delicate balancing act. And the first thing we have to accept — if it wasn’t obvious — is that no, Zoom is not like hanging out in real life.
“When we gather in person, there’s typically some kind of stimulus for conversation,” she says. “You would be physically sitting in a shared space. If you went out to a restaurant with your family you’d be commenting on the decor, on the menu, on the food. Then everyone would kind of rotate, talk about whatever was going on that week.”
The thing about chit chat, Schiefelbein says, is that for many people it’s a doorway into deeper connection. “When you hear the word small talk, you think of, you know, trivial questions that fill the space. But small talk is also our way of feeling someone else out and figuring out how much is safe to disclose.”
Give your virtual gatherings a little direction
So Schiefelbein’s first suggestion is to structure your hangouts around a common stimulus. “When we’re gathering virtually, the stimulus we have is only what we can see on the immediate camera. And that changes things. So you will see more success with gatherings that are around a specific theme, a specific challenge, a specific event, a specific activity.”
For example, Schiefelbein’s friend group has a weekly cooking challenge, where they have to make the most creative possible dish using one common ingredient. “Whoever wins this week picks the ingredient for the next week, and even though we can’t taste each other’s dishes, we’re showing pictures, we’re eating together, we’re doing something around this common challenge.”
The most important thing about having a shared stimulus, Schiefelbein says, is that it doesn’t immediately force soul-searching conversations. “We’re talking about the dishes we made or the frustrations we had in getting ingredients or something very specific, but it doesn’t force us to dive down into the deep, deep levels of inner self-evaluation and reflection, which the majority of people are not comfortable doing.”
Related: 25 Ways to Make Your Zoom Meetings Awesome!
Instead of dumping frustrations, diffuse them
While many of us may not feel comfortable sharing our emotions right off the bat — maybe we don’t like being vulnerable or feeling like a burden to others — Schiefelbein says it can be good to create a structured space for venting. “The reality is we are doing double, triple, quadruple duty to what we used to do in our regular lives,” she says, “And we’re also lacking a big portion of socialization and stimulation that we’re used to. It’s probably not super safe to always be venting to the one person you’re quarantined with, or if you’re quarantining solo, then the one or two people you trust the most.” In other words, diffuse your frustrations strategically instead of dumping them on the same person all the time.
“I have a client in an industry that has declined more than the average industry has right now, and things are getting depressive,” Schiefelbein continues. “So I said listen, we’re in this time that is unparalleled, and sometimes we need to know our managers are experiencing crap too. So at the beginning of a meeting, just be honest and say, ‘Listen, everyone, I know these team meetings may be getting a little routine, but I also know that it’s important to check in. That being said, some things just plain suck right now. So I’m going to go first and I’m going to tell you something that is really frustrating me and each person on this line gets 45 seconds to vent about whatever you need, no matter how trivial it may seem. Before we do this, raise your hand if you agree that we are going to be judgment-free. All right?’ And then after you go around, you immediately follow that with something everyone is feeling positive about. Rapid fire around the room, things we are grateful for. Air conditioning, WiFi. A laptop with an extended battery, whatever it is.”
Hearing what a wider range of people are going through, as opposed to the one or two people you usually share your troubles with, can make you feel less alone.
Set boundaries around your time and energy
As noted earlier, everyone being stuck at home has, for many, resulted in a kind of enforced busyness. Because people assume you don’t have anything going on, they feel more entitled to your time. This is not good.
Schiefelbein says, “I have a client who was showing me her meeting calendar every day and she said, ‘I had a lot of meetings before this, but now that I’m not in an office, it is absurd how many people feel they need to meet.’ Her calendar is literally full from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. or later. She doesn’t even have time to get up and go to the bathroom cause these meetings are back to back. It’s not sustainable, and I know she’s not the only one facing this.”
There are a lot of conflicting feelings going around. People feel a responsibility to show up and be supportive for their loved ones, and in a workplace setting, to prove their worth. But all of these interactions can also be very draining, not to mention that getting anything else done requires double the usual concentration. “You have to be willing to step up and communicate what you need,” says Schiefelbein. “And right now I see a lot of people not being very honest about what they need.”
If you have a standing weekly Zoom hang with your friends or family, Schiefelbein says it’s not a bad idea to set expectations. “Say, ‘Listen, can we agree that we all have the right to bail out of this if we just need some “me” time? But in the same vein, can everyone agree that if any one of us really needs everyone there that night, we are all going to make an effort?’”
Everyone is experiencing this time differently, so it’s important not make assumptions about what someone else is going through. It’s good to create opportunities for everyone to talk about their feelings, but it’s also okay to just do something fun and forget about our worries for a while. With that in mind, Schiefelbein put together a little list of suggestions for themes and activities to get you gabbing on personal and professional Zooms.
Related: 6 Tricks You Need to Know About Zoom
Family and friend virtual gathering prompts
What’s your favorite vacation memory? Bonus points for bringing a picture or souvenir.
Meme or GIF scavenger hunt: Everyone in the gathering rotates picking a theme and everyone goes out to hunt the funniest meme they can find and bring back to share.
What’s the restaurant or bar you miss going to the most? Bonus if you can get that delivered or try to create that meal or cocktail at home.
Pick a game! There’s online trivia, Cards Against Humanity, escape room and many other options that you can play together, while apart. (Entrepreneur editor Jessica Thomas says her family has been using the game apps Quiplash and Kahoots and recommends the app House Party for connecting to all play games together.)
Sprinkles of fun for business team virtual meetings
Renaming Games: Have every team member rename themselves to their favorite…(childhood cartoon character, cereal, sports icon, movie star, bucket list destination, etc.–the possibilities are endless) and then call everyone by that name during the meeting.
Creative Coffee: Have a coffee mug show-and-tell (or any beverage glass, for that matter). Most can find a fun, memorable or funny mug, glass or stein to use for a meeting. Show them off and let each team member share a memory associated with where they got it.
Improv Games: Get your team collaborating and thinking quickly by incorporating improvisation games into your meeting. An easy one to start with is “word at a time” where each person says one word and you have a goal of completing a thought or story.
Virtual Art Challenge: Divide your team into pairs and have them work together to create the most impressive whiteboard artwork they can in a limited time frame. For example, you have five minutes to create a work of art on the whiteboard with the theme “favorite foods” (you can insert any theme related, or not related, to your workplace). And then have a vote!
Related: Working Remote? These Are the Biggest Dos and Don’ts of Video …
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Running Out of Things to Say On Zoom? This Communication Expert Wants to Help.
April 24, 2020 10 min read
The global health crisis has transformed innumerable social norms. But where everyday pleasantries are concerned, none has taken on more weight than the question: “How are you?”
Pre-crisis, the question filled dead air in transient, superficial moments. Unless it was your mother or your best friend asking, the polite thing to do was to answer in the noncommittal spirit of the question and keep things moving. Hitting the right note required a cheerful but not overly affirming response like, “Alright!” “Pretty good!” “Can’t complain!”
If you went too far in one direction — a deflated “Okay,” or a vigorous “Great!”— then the asking party would be forced to stop and say, “Just okay?” or “Why so great?” For us emotionally transparent types, slapping on the fake cheer was painful, but not as painful as explaining our existential Tuesday blues to Steve in accounting. So “Alright!” it was.
Then, everyone got marooned indefinitely in their respective quarantines. “Now when people are asking it they’re actually trying to get a real answer, because we’re not going anywhere,” says Jill Schiefelbein, a communication strategist and founder of consulting firm The Dynamic Communicator. “We’re sitting on the opposite ends of the video screen, and people are wanting more than one word in response. A lot of people are opening up a little more than they used to about how they’re really doing because it’s become acceptable to do so.”
It’s really great — necessary, in fact — that people are connecting on a deeper level. The thing is, many of us are connecting with a lot of people. There are morning meeting Zooms, and work happy hour Zooms, friend happy hour Zooms, surprise birthday Zooms, gender reveal Zooms, weekly family Zooms. Because everyone assumes no one is doing anything, we all end up doing quite a bit, and, as one friend told me, “Frankly, I’m running out of things to say.”
Schiefelbein is here to help. She says that living a zen Zoom life is a delicate balancing act. And the first thing we have to accept — if it wasn’t obvious — is that no, Zoom is not like hanging out in real life.
“When we gather in person, there’s typically some kind of stimulus for conversation,” she says. “You would be physically sitting in a shared space. If you went out to a restaurant with your family you’d be commenting on the decor, on the menu, on the food. Then everyone would kind of rotate, talk about whatever was going on that week.”
The thing about chit chat, Schiefelbein says, is that for many people it’s a doorway into deeper connection. “When you hear the word small talk, you think of, you know, trivial questions that fill the space. But small talk is also our way of feeling someone else out and figuring out how much is safe to disclose.”
Give your virtual gatherings a little direction
So Schiefelbein’s first suggestion is to structure your hangouts around a common stimulus. “When we’re gathering virtually, the stimulus we have is only what we can see on the immediate camera. And that changes things. So you will see more success with gatherings that are around a specific theme, a specific challenge, a specific event, a specific activity.”
For example, Schiefelbein’s friend group has a weekly cooking challenge, where they have to make the most creative possible dish using one common ingredient. “Whoever wins this week picks the ingredient for the next week, and even though we can’t taste each other’s dishes, we’re showing pictures, we’re eating together, we’re doing something around this common challenge.”
The most important thing about having a shared stimulus, Schiefelbein says, is that it doesn’t immediately force soul-searching conversations. “We’re talking about the dishes we made or the frustrations we had in getting ingredients or something very specific, but it doesn’t force us to dive down into the deep, deep levels of inner self-evaluation and reflection, which the majority of people are not comfortable doing.”
Related: 25 Ways to Make Your Zoom Meetings Awesome!
Instead of dumping frustrations, diffuse them
While many of us may not feel comfortable sharing our emotions right off the bat — maybe we don’t like being vulnerable or feeling like a burden to others — Schiefelbein says it can be good to create a structured space for venting. “The reality is we are doing double, triple, quadruple duty to what we used to do in our regular lives,” she says, “And we’re also lacking a big portion of socialization and stimulation that we’re used to. It’s probably not super safe to always be venting to the one person you’re quarantined with, or if you’re quarantining solo, then the one or two people you trust the most.” In other words, diffuse your frustrations strategically instead of dumping them on the same person all the time.
“I have a client in an industry that has declined more than the average industry has right now, and things are getting depressive,” Schiefelbein continues. “So I said listen, we’re in this time that is unparalleled, and sometimes we need to know our managers are experiencing crap too. So at the beginning of a meeting, just be honest and say, ‘Listen, everyone, I know these team meetings may be getting a little routine, but I also know that it’s important to check in. That being said, some things just plain suck right now. So I’m going to go first and I’m going to tell you something that is really frustrating me and each person on this line gets 45 seconds to vent about whatever you need, no matter how trivial it may seem. Before we do this, raise your hand if you agree that we are going to be judgment-free. All right?’ And then after you go around, you immediately follow that with something everyone is feeling positive about. Rapid fire around the room, things we are grateful for. Air conditioning, WiFi. A laptop with an extended battery, whatever it is.”
Hearing what a wider range of people are going through, as opposed to the one or two people you usually share your troubles with, can make you feel less alone.
Set boundaries around your time and energy
As noted earlier, everyone being stuck at home has, for many, resulted in a kind of enforced busyness. Because people assume you don’t have anything going on, they feel more entitled to your time. This is not good.
Schiefelbein says, “I have a client who was showing me her meeting calendar every day and she said, ‘I had a lot of meetings before this, but now that I’m not in an office, it is absurd how many people feel they need to meet.’ Her calendar is literally full from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. or later. She doesn’t even have time to get up and go to the bathroom cause these meetings are back to back. It’s not sustainable, and I know she’s not the only one facing this.”
There are a lot of conflicting feelings going around. People feel a responsibility to show up and be supportive for their loved ones, and in a workplace setting, to prove their worth. But all of these interactions can also be very draining, not to mention that getting anything else done requires double the usual concentration. “You have to be willing to step up and communicate what you need,” says Schiefelbein. “And right now I see a lot of people not being very honest about what they need.”
If you have a standing weekly Zoom hang with your friends or family, Schiefelbein says it’s not a bad idea to set expectations. “Say, ‘Listen, can we agree that we all have the right to bail out of this if we just need some “me” time? But in the same vein, can everyone agree that if any one of us really needs everyone there that night, we are all going to make an effort?’”
Everyone is experiencing this time differently, so it’s important not make assumptions about what someone else is going through. It’s good to create opportunities for everyone to talk about their feelings, but it’s also okay to just do something fun and forget about our worries for a while. With that in mind, Schiefelbein put together a little list of suggestions for themes and activities to get you gabbing on personal and professional Zooms.
Related: 6 Tricks You Need to Know About Zoom
Family and friend virtual gathering prompts
What’s your favorite vacation memory? Bonus points for bringing a picture or souvenir.
Meme or GIF scavenger hunt: Everyone in the gathering rotates picking a theme and everyone goes out to hunt the funniest meme they can find and bring back to share.
What’s the restaurant or bar you miss going to the most? Bonus if you can get that delivered or try to create that meal or cocktail at home.
Pick a game! There’s online trivia, Cards Against Humanity, escape room and many other options that you can play together, while apart. (Entrepreneur editor Jessica Thomas says her family has been using the game apps Quiplash and Kahoots and recommends the app House Party for connecting to all play games together.)
Sprinkles of fun for business team virtual meetings
Renaming Games: Have every team member rename themselves to their favorite…(childhood cartoon character, cereal, sports icon, movie star, bucket list destination, etc.–the possibilities are endless) and then call everyone by that name during the meeting.
Creative Coffee: Have a coffee mug show-and-tell (or any beverage glass, for that matter). Most can find a fun, memorable or funny mug, glass or stein to use for a meeting. Show them off and let each team member share a memory associated with where they got it.
Improv Games: Get your team collaborating and thinking quickly by incorporating improvisation games into your meeting. An easy one to start with is “word at a time” where each person says one word and you have a goal of completing a thought or story.
Virtual Art Challenge: Divide your team into pairs and have them work together to create the most impressive whiteboard artwork they can in a limited time frame. For example, you have five minutes to create a work of art on the whiteboard with the theme “favorite foods” (you can insert any theme related, or not related, to your workplace). And then have a vote!
Related: Working Remote? These Are the Biggest Dos and Don’ts of Video …
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Running Out of Things to Say On Zoom? This Communication Expert Wants to Help.
April 24, 2020 10 min read
The global health crisis has transformed innumerable social norms. But where everyday pleasantries are concerned, none has taken on more weight than the question: “How are you?”
Pre-crisis, the question filled dead air in transient, superficial moments. Unless it was your mother or your best friend asking, the polite thing to do was to answer in the noncommittal spirit of the question and keep things moving. Hitting the right note required a cheerful but not overly affirming response like, “Alright!” “Pretty good!” “Can’t complain!”
If you went too far in one direction — a deflated “Okay,” or a vigorous “Great!”— then the asking party would be forced to stop and say, “Just okay?” or “Why so great?” For us emotionally transparent types, slapping on the fake cheer was painful, but not as painful as explaining our existential Tuesday blues to Steve in accounting. So “Alright!” it was.
Then, everyone got marooned indefinitely in their respective quarantines. “Now when people are asking it they’re actually trying to get a real answer, because we’re not going anywhere,” says Jill Schiefelbein, a communication strategist and founder of consulting firm The Dynamic Communicator. “We’re sitting on the opposite ends of the video screen, and people are wanting more than one word in response. A lot of people are opening up a little more than they used to about how they’re really doing because it’s become acceptable to do so.”
It’s really great — necessary, in fact — that people are connecting on a deeper level. The thing is, many of us are connecting with a lot of people. There are morning meeting Zooms, and work happy hour Zooms, friend happy hour Zooms, surprise birthday Zooms, gender reveal Zooms, weekly family Zooms. Because everyone assumes no one is doing anything, we all end up doing quite a bit, and, as one friend told me, “Frankly, I’m running out of things to say.”
Schiefelbein is here to help. She says that living a zen Zoom life is a delicate balancing act. And the first thing we have to accept — if it wasn’t obvious — is that no, Zoom is not like hanging out in real life.
“When we gather in person, there’s typically some kind of stimulus for conversation,” she says. “You would be physically sitting in a shared space. If you went out to a restaurant with your family you’d be commenting on the decor, on the menu, on the food. Then everyone would kind of rotate, talk about whatever was going on that week.”
The thing about chit chat, Schiefelbein says, is that for many people it’s a doorway into deeper connection. “When you hear the word small talk, you think of, you know, trivial questions that fill the space. But small talk is also our way of feeling someone else out and figuring out how much is safe to disclose.”
Give your virtual gatherings a little direction
So Schiefelbein’s first suggestion is to structure your hangouts around a common stimulus. “When we’re gathering virtually, the stimulus we have is only what we can see on the immediate camera. And that changes things. So you will see more success with gatherings that are around a specific theme, a specific challenge, a specific event, a specific activity.”
For example, Schiefelbein’s friend group has a weekly cooking challenge, where they have to make the most creative possible dish using one common ingredient. “Whoever wins this week picks the ingredient for the next week, and even though we can’t taste each other’s dishes, we’re showing pictures, we’re eating together, we’re doing something around this common challenge.”
The most important thing about having a shared stimulus, Schiefelbein says, is that it doesn’t immediately force soul-searching conversations. “We’re talking about the dishes we made or the frustrations we had in getting ingredients or something very specific, but it doesn’t force us to dive down into the deep, deep levels of inner self-evaluation and reflection, which the majority of people are not comfortable doing.”
Related: 25 Ways to Make Your Zoom Meetings Awesome!
Instead of dumping frustrations, diffuse them
While many of us may not feel comfortable sharing our emotions right off the bat — maybe we don’t like being vulnerable or feeling like a burden to others — Schiefelbein says it can be good to create a structured space for venting. “The reality is we are doing double, triple, quadruple duty to what we used to do in our regular lives,” she says, “And we’re also lacking a big portion of socialization and stimulation that we’re used to. It’s probably not super safe to always be venting to the one person you’re quarantined with, or if you’re quarantining solo, then the one or two people you trust the most.” In other words, diffuse your frustrations strategically instead of dumping them on the same person all the time.
“I have a client in an industry that has declined more than the average industry has right now, and things are getting depressive,” Schiefelbein continues. “So I said listen, we’re in this time that is unparalleled, and sometimes we need to know our managers are experiencing crap too. So at the beginning of a meeting, just be honest and say, ‘Listen, everyone, I know these team meetings may be getting a little routine, but I also know that it’s important to check in. That being said, some things just plain suck right now. So I’m going to go first and I’m going to tell you something that is really frustrating me and each person on this line gets 45 seconds to vent about whatever you need, no matter how trivial it may seem. Before we do this, raise your hand if you agree that we are going to be judgment-free. All right?’ And then after you go around, you immediately follow that with something everyone is feeling positive about. Rapid fire around the room, things we are grateful for. Air conditioning, WiFi. A laptop with an extended battery, whatever it is.”
Hearing what a wider range of people are going through, as opposed to the one or two people you usually share your troubles with, can make you feel less alone.
Set boundaries around your time and energy
As noted earlier, everyone being stuck at home has, for many, resulted in a kind of enforced busyness. Because people assume you don’t have anything going on, they feel more entitled to your time. This is not good.
Schiefelbein says, “I have a client who was showing me her meeting calendar every day and she said, ‘I had a lot of meetings before this, but now that I’m not in an office, it is absurd how many people feel they need to meet.’ Her calendar is literally full from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. or later. She doesn’t even have time to get up and go to the bathroom cause these meetings are back to back. It’s not sustainable, and I know she’s not the only one facing this.”
There are a lot of conflicting feelings going around. People feel a responsibility to show up and be supportive for their loved ones, and in a workplace setting, to prove their worth. But all of these interactions can also be very draining, not to mention that getting anything else done requires double the usual concentration. “You have to be willing to step up and communicate what you need,” says Schiefelbein. “And right now I see a lot of people not being very honest about what they need.”
If you have a standing weekly Zoom hang with your friends or family, Schiefelbein says it’s not a bad idea to set expectations. “Say, ‘Listen, can we agree that we all have the right to bail out of this if we just need some “me” time? But in the same vein, can everyone agree that if any one of us really needs everyone there that night, we are all going to make an effort?’”
Everyone is experiencing this time differently, so it’s important not make assumptions about what someone else is going through. It’s good to create opportunities for everyone to talk about their feelings, but it’s also okay to just do something fun and forget about our worries for a while. With that in mind, Schiefelbein put together a little list of suggestions for themes and activities to get you gabbing on personal and professional Zooms.
Related: 6 Tricks You Need to Know About Zoom
Family and friend virtual gathering prompts
What’s your favorite vacation memory? Bonus points for bringing a picture or souvenir.
Meme or GIF scavenger hunt: Everyone in the gathering rotates picking a theme and everyone goes out to hunt the funniest meme they can find and bring back to share.
What’s the restaurant or bar you miss going to the most? Bonus if you can get that delivered or try to create that meal or cocktail at home.
Pick a game! There’s online trivia, Cards Against Humanity, escape room and many other options that you can play together, while apart. (Entrepreneur editor Jessica Thomas says her family has been using the game apps Quiplash and Kahoots and recommends the app House Party for connecting to all play games together.)
Sprinkles of fun for business team virtual meetings
Renaming Games: Have every team member rename themselves to their favorite…(childhood cartoon character, cereal, sports icon, movie star, bucket list destination, etc.–the possibilities are endless) and then call everyone by that name during the meeting.
Creative Coffee: Have a coffee mug show-and-tell (or any beverage glass, for that matter). Most can find a fun, memorable or funny mug, glass or stein to use for a meeting. Show them off and let each team member share a memory associated with where they got it.
Improv Games: Get your team collaborating and thinking quickly by incorporating improvisation games into your meeting. An easy one to start with is “word at a time” where each person says one word and you have a goal of completing a thought or story.
Virtual Art Challenge: Divide your team into pairs and have them work together to create the most impressive whiteboard artwork they can in a limited time frame. For example, you have five minutes to create a work of art on the whiteboard with the theme “favorite foods” (you can insert any theme related, or not related, to your workplace). And then have a vote!
Related: Working Remote? These Are the Biggest Dos and Don’ts of Video …
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Running Out of Things to Say On Zoom? This Communication Expert Wants to Help.
April 24, 2020 10 min read
The global health crisis has transformed innumerable social norms. But where everyday pleasantries are concerned, none has taken on more weight than the question: “How are you?”
Pre-crisis, the question filled dead air in transient, superficial moments. Unless it was your mother or your best friend asking, the polite thing to do was to answer in the noncommittal spirit of the question and keep things moving. Hitting the right note required a cheerful but not overly affirming response like, “Alright!” “Pretty good!” “Can’t complain!”
If you went too far in one direction — a deflated “Okay,” or a vigorous “Great!”— then the asking party would be forced to stop and say, “Just okay?” or “Why so great?” For us emotionally transparent types, slapping on the fake cheer was painful, but not as painful as explaining our existential Tuesday blues to Steve in accounting. So “Alright!” it was.
Then, everyone got marooned indefinitely in their respective quarantines. “Now when people are asking it they’re actually trying to get a real answer, because we’re not going anywhere,” says Jill Schiefelbein, a communication strategist and founder of consulting firm The Dynamic Communicator. “We’re sitting on the opposite ends of the video screen, and people are wanting more than one word in response. A lot of people are opening up a little more than they used to about how they’re really doing because it’s become acceptable to do so.”
It’s really great — necessary, in fact — that people are connecting on a deeper level. The thing is, many of us are connecting with a lot of people. There are morning meeting Zooms, and work happy hour Zooms, friend happy hour Zooms, surprise birthday Zooms, gender reveal Zooms, weekly family Zooms. Because everyone assumes no one is doing anything, we all end up doing quite a bit, and, as one friend told me, “Frankly, I’m running out of things to say.”
Schiefelbein is here to help. She says that living a zen Zoom life is a delicate balancing act. And the first thing we have to accept — if it wasn’t obvious — is that no, Zoom is not like hanging out in real life.
“When we gather in person, there’s typically some kind of stimulus for conversation,” she says. “You would be physically sitting in a shared space. If you went out to a restaurant with your family you’d be commenting on the decor, on the menu, on the food. Then everyone would kind of rotate, talk about whatever was going on that week.”
The thing about chit chat, Schiefelbein says, is that for many people it’s a doorway into deeper connection. “When you hear the word small talk, you think of, you know, trivial questions that fill the space. But small talk is also our way of feeling someone else out and figuring out how much is safe to disclose.”
Give your virtual gatherings a little direction
So Schiefelbein’s first suggestion is to structure your hangouts around a common stimulus. “When we’re gathering virtually, the stimulus we have is only what we can see on the immediate camera. And that changes things. So you will see more success with gatherings that are around a specific theme, a specific challenge, a specific event, a specific activity.”
For example, Schiefelbein’s friend group has a weekly cooking challenge, where they have to make the most creative possible dish using one common ingredient. “Whoever wins this week picks the ingredient for the next week, and even though we can’t taste each other’s dishes, we’re showing pictures, we’re eating together, we’re doing something around this common challenge.”
The most important thing about having a shared stimulus, Schiefelbein says, is that it doesn’t immediately force soul-searching conversations. “We’re talking about the dishes we made or the frustrations we had in getting ingredients or something very specific, but it doesn’t force us to dive down into the deep, deep levels of inner self-evaluation and reflection, which the majority of people are not comfortable doing.”
Related: 25 Ways to Make Your Zoom Meetings Awesome!
Instead of dumping frustrations, diffuse them
While many of us may not feel comfortable sharing our emotions right off the bat — maybe we don’t like being vulnerable or feeling like a burden to others — Schiefelbein says it can be good to create a structured space for venting. “The reality is we are doing double, triple, quadruple duty to what we used to do in our regular lives,” she says, “And we’re also lacking a big portion of socialization and stimulation that we’re used to. It’s probably not super safe to always be venting to the one person you’re quarantined with, or if you’re quarantining solo, then the one or two people you trust the most.” In other words, diffuse your frustrations strategically instead of dumping them on the same person all the time.
“I have a client in an industry that has declined more than the average industry has right now, and things are getting depressive,” Schiefelbein continues. “So I said listen, we’re in this time that is unparalleled, and sometimes we need to know our managers are experiencing crap too. So at the beginning of a meeting, just be honest and say, ‘Listen, everyone, I know these team meetings may be getting a little routine, but I also know that it’s important to check in. That being said, some things just plain suck right now. So I’m going to go first and I’m going to tell you something that is really frustrating me and each person on this line gets 45 seconds to vent about whatever you need, no matter how trivial it may seem. Before we do this, raise your hand if you agree that we are going to be judgment-free. All right?’ And then after you go around, you immediately follow that with something everyone is feeling positive about. Rapid fire around the room, things we are grateful for. Air conditioning, WiFi. A laptop with an extended battery, whatever it is.”
Hearing what a wider range of people are going through, as opposed to the one or two people you usually share your troubles with, can make you feel less alone.
Set boundaries around your time and energy
As noted earlier, everyone being stuck at home has, for many, resulted in a kind of enforced busyness. Because people assume you don’t have anything going on, they feel more entitled to your time. This is not good.
Schiefelbein says, “I have a client who was showing me her meeting calendar every day and she said, ‘I had a lot of meetings before this, but now that I’m not in an office, it is absurd how many people feel they need to meet.’ Her calendar is literally full from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. or later. She doesn’t even have time to get up and go to the bathroom cause these meetings are back to back. It’s not sustainable, and I know she’s not the only one facing this.”
There are a lot of conflicting feelings going around. People feel a responsibility to show up and be supportive for their loved ones, and in a workplace setting, to prove their worth. But all of these interactions can also be very draining, not to mention that getting anything else done requires double the usual concentration. “You have to be willing to step up and communicate what you need,” says Schiefelbein. “And right now I see a lot of people not being very honest about what they need.”
If you have a standing weekly Zoom hang with your friends or family, Schiefelbein says it’s not a bad idea to set expectations. “Say, ‘Listen, can we agree that we all have the right to bail out of this if we just need some “me” time? But in the same vein, can everyone agree that if any one of us really needs everyone there that night, we are all going to make an effort?’”
Everyone is experiencing this time differently, so it’s important not make assumptions about what someone else is going through. It’s good to create opportunities for everyone to talk about their feelings, but it’s also okay to just do something fun and forget about our worries for a while. With that in mind, Schiefelbein put together a little list of suggestions for themes and activities to get you gabbing on personal and professional Zooms.
Related: 6 Tricks You Need to Know About Zoom
Family and friend virtual gathering prompts
What’s your favorite vacation memory? Bonus points for bringing a picture or souvenir.
Meme or GIF scavenger hunt: Everyone in the gathering rotates picking a theme and everyone goes out to hunt the funniest meme they can find and bring back to share.
What’s the restaurant or bar you miss going to the most? Bonus if you can get that delivered or try to create that meal or cocktail at home.
Pick a game! There’s online trivia, Cards Against Humanity, escape room and many other options that you can play together, while apart. (Entrepreneur editor Jessica Thomas says her family has been using the game apps Quiplash and Kahoots and recommends the app House Party for connecting to all play games together.)
Sprinkles of fun for business team virtual meetings
Renaming Games: Have every team member rename themselves to their favorite…(childhood cartoon character, cereal, sports icon, movie star, bucket list destination, etc.–the possibilities are endless) and then call everyone by that name during the meeting.
Creative Coffee: Have a coffee mug show-and-tell (or any beverage glass, for that matter). Most can find a fun, memorable or funny mug, glass or stein to use for a meeting. Show them off and let each team member share a memory associated with where they got it.
Improv Games: Get your team collaborating and thinking quickly by incorporating improvisation games into your meeting. An easy one to start with is “word at a time” where each person says one word and you have a goal of completing a thought or story.
Virtual Art Challenge: Divide your team into pairs and have them work together to create the most impressive whiteboard artwork they can in a limited time frame. For example, you have five minutes to create a work of art on the whiteboard with the theme “favorite foods” (you can insert any theme related, or not related, to your workplace). And then have a vote!
Related: Working Remote? These Are the Biggest Dos and Don’ts of Video …
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A Tale about Tetris
It was the summer 2018, I was taking a summer class at my university. It was in Organic Chemistry; the course was long. Class was 4 days a week for 2 hours in the morning. In the afternoon we had lab 3 of those 4 days. Not that I disliked the course or thought it was hard, it was just the same thing from day to day. As a chem major taking a chemistry course, one thing I had on me everyday was my TI-84 plus ce graphing calculator. I had recently figured out how to install a simple version Tetris on it, and though I admit that I was not the best I would play the games in the breaks we had for the class. It was not my first experience with the game, but it was at this point that I started to understand what this game was.
Soon I after the class ended, I downloaded the app on my phone. The app itself was different from the Tetris I was used to on the calculator. I remember one of my first thoughts was it was easier as it seemed you can rotate blocks indefinitely, but it also had the challenge of the blocks dropping much faster. One of the most notable things at the time was the leader board. I wanted to be at the top. I got better at the game, slowly lasting longer and longer. I learned the basics of how to stack blocks and how to get back-to-back Tetrises. I wasn’t addicted to the game under any terms but there would be times where I would just sit down and play Tetris for a solid hour while listening to music. It took me about 2 months to get to the top of my friend’s leaderboard, and I would constantly keep improving my score, but this was not to last.
Sometime in the next fall semester I stopped playing Tetris, I felt that I hit a point where I couldn’t get my score to go any higher. In the end I deleted the app from my phone to free up some space. I was not motivated to continue and so I stopped. Now I did not keep track of how long I stopped playing, I was focused on other things like school and anime but looking back I don’t see it as a total lost.
One day I was on YouTube, it just an average day. I don’t remember anything in particular about that day, but I know that one thing happened. I watched a video by Nick Robinson about Tetris Effect. Most notably was that something about this video made me want to play Tetris again. So, what I did was googled Tetris and I went to freetetris.org as I remember playing it a bit on the school computers in high school. There was no eureka moment of “omg I got to play Tetris,” no I just casually started playing Tetris again. It was a new semester and I had a few long breaks between some of my classes or work. Sometimes I would go back to my dorm, but sometimes I just didn’t feel like taking the 30 minute bike ride there and back so I just headed to the library. There I would either do homework, draw, or most often than not play Tetris. I would find myself playing the game more and more often. Soon after Tetris 99 released and though at the time I didn’t have a switch I would start watching videos about it online. I was seeing these cool tricks that could be done while playing the game. A simple t-spin was too much for my inexperience mind to handle. I would try sometimes but most often than not it would end up killing my game, so I gave up on learning how to t-spin. I thought, “eh, it’s not like it’s even important to the game, I can play without them.”
I would continue to play, one day I went to GameStop and I bought Tetris Party Deluxe DS for the Nintendo DS for like 5 dollars, this was the first time I actually paid money for Tetris. Party Deluxe became my main method of playing Tetris for a few months. It was summertime so I didn’t really have any reason to just hang out on campus. Party Deluxe DS is not the most revolutionary Tetris games, in fact I don’t think many fans of Tetris have even heard of it, let alone play it, but this was the game the “taught” me how to play Tetris. Party Deluxe DS has many game modes. There is your average sprint and marathon, but then there are a few others. There was a computer battle, and this was my first experience into competitive Tetris. At the time I could only beat levels one and two consistently. One time I beat level three, but that was solely by luck. Beating levels four and five was impossible at the time. Field Climber and Shadow were okay modes, but they didn’t hold my interest in any notable way. Yet there was one mode, Stage Racer which I felt I needed to overcome. Stage Racer was a mode in which you rotate a single falling block though a maze which required the user to understand the SRS system of modern Tetris games. It was a great mode because with it I started to learn the mechanics of the game.
So as summer continued, I was slowly getting better at Tetris. One of the most notable events of the summer was going on a car ride to visit family in another state. It was about a ten hour drive, and I spent a large part of it playing a single game of Tetris in Party Deluxe DS in the endless marathon mode. After getting there the game lasted 7 hours but I ended it when before we got to the destination as my 3DS was about to die and it would not save the game. In this game, I was not yet used to doing t-spins and it was too valuable of a run to give up to practice, but what I did practice during that game was how to build high and clear lines near the top of the board, a skill which I still value today.
Another notable even of the summer was I was now living at my Dad’s house, and he owned a Nintendo Switch, along with this I had finally gotten twitch prime and with it a 6 month free online subscription. Events lined up perfectly to allow me to start playing Tetris 99, and I have to say: I WAS BAD. Anyone who has played Tetris 99 knows just how hard that game is, I was scoring mid 50s average and if I was lucky, I might have been able to see a second of the top 10. I started to grinding, as well as watching more YouTube videos on Tetris 99. A YouTuber name Tafo, had some great videos on how to improve as well as just being generally fun to watch. I started to analytically watch other people play Tetris, to see what they do and try to understand how they set up certain things. This was also the point where I discovered the HardDrop wiki and researched specific mechanics of the game. I got better, by the end of the summer I was regularly in the top 10, but never number one.
A new semester started and this time I had even more time between classes and because I was living off campus that meant more time in the library. I started playing on jtris at this time, and like Tetris 99, I was not the best, and I accepted it. I knew that I was getting good though. I had mastered the art of setting up t-spin doubles and could incorporate it into my game reliably. I improved more and more as the weeks go by.
Over Labor Day Weekend I visited my family and had to sit in another road trip, this time I was prepared. I made sure that my 3DS was fully charged and was cautious of the battery life. My goal for this game, max out the score counter in Party Deluxe DS. By the time we arrived at my relative’s house I had beaten my school in only 3/4th of the time. I would keep the 3DS on the charger and come back to it during the vacation. Also, during this vacation, I finally got my first win in Tetris 99, a moment I still look back at with happiness. On the way back I was still playing the same game of Tetris, it was over 12 hours long when we returned home. I would continue to add to this game in short burst over the next week, but sadly the run never saved in the end as the game crashed after 15 hours.
Not much happened in the following months, I would slowly improve my game, but otherwise nothing. During what I dub the lost Labor Day run, I was updating my friend on how it was going, trying to convert her to the dark side of Tetris, which worked. She was my first pupil. I gave her advice on what I have learned about Tetris, but it was mainly us just talking about Tetris. In November, I did a speech about Tetris in one of my classes which made me start paying more attention to the Tetris subreddit, and it also gave me a new appreciation for “flexing in Tetris” as I did a psychological and philosophical analysis on the topic. In December, Tetris 99 had it’s first major update since launch and I started playing it more at that point. Around the start of the next semester, I finally bought Puyo Puyo Tetris, which was just something I wanted for a while. I would continue to improve throughout the spring semester, while classes were going on.
The final major event at the time of writing this would be the outbreak of the Coronavirus, which is still occurring right moment. Society is stuck inside, and I have decided to improve on my craft of Tetris. Now one may think, what else is there to learn, well a lot. For the pass month I have been improving my speed in building and making more complex set ups. As of last week I finally feel comfortable enough to do t-spin triples in the middle of my run. I have cut off a total of 20 seconds off my sprint 40L. Finally, I got a new pupil which means another person to play and talk about Tetris with, and they only sometimes mind that I destroy them when we compete against each other.
I wanted to write this for some reason, I don’t know what compelled me to. I guess I’ve just been playing so much Tetris lately, I just wanted to look back to where this all began. Sure, I started playing Tetris before I downloaded it to my TI-84 plus ce calculator, but I feel that was point in which Tetris was more than just something to do when you were bored. Yeah, at the time I was playing it because I was bored but there was something else, something indescribable about the game at the time. Over the years there is something that keeps me coming back to this game. I can’t think of what it is.
Tetris is just a stupid game about blocks and yet I have likely put 1000s of hours into that game. This is a mystery to me. I try to come up with a reason why I like Tetris. Lately when people ask me why I play Tetris I say because it makes me think, but maybe that isn’t the reason. Sure, I like the set ups, but the game isn’t really a puzzle, yet at the same time it is a puzzle. Maybe it’s just a sunk cost fallacy, at this point I have put so much time and effort into playing and I do feel confident enough to say that I am good at the game. But at the same times, why would I put those hours in if I didn’t like the game to begin with, so that can’t be the answer.
I don’t want to say that I like Tetris because I think it’s fun. It sounds generic and I can’t even point out why I think it’s fun. It’s just doing the same thing over and over. Slowly getting better, maybe learning a few tricks along the way. People say that Tetris is relaxing, and while in some instances that is true (how I did a 15 hour marathon of the game), I like it when I keep losing and am forced to just get gud, but winning is fun too. I don’t think that’s it’s the competition, while that is an element of Tetris I enjoy, I don’t take any active role in the Tetris community.
I think that maybe I like Tetris because it is something which I can reliably go back to and know, I am good at this. Here is a thing, I suck at video games. I am a fucking casual. The game I have the most time in other than Tetris is Animal Crossing with like 600 hours. Maybe I just want to say that I am good at something. There wasn’t a point in which I didn’t believe that I wasn’t good at Tetris. Sure, every once and a while I will be like “I suck” but at the same time it’s Tetris. I don’t know anyone personally that can beat me in a Tetris battle, and even if I did since the beginning, I knew this, “There is always someone better than me in Tetris.” I like to classify myself as a Lower-High Tier player. At this point I can beat other that also play this game regularly, but I struggle at beating the highest tier players, which I am okay with. I don’t want to be the best Tetris player in the world, that sounds awful. But like that feeling of being good something I am happy about.
Tetris is a game, and it’s a game that I like.
Special mention to Tetris Friends which I played very briefly, it was not significant enough for me acknowledge in my Tetris journey , but I respect what it was and I do have fond memories of the site.
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