#Ford Cracked That Egg Like the Fickle Thing it Was

[stupidvillainousposts]

Ford is That One Guy Who Says Looking After Kids is Easy After Seeing Stan and Fidds Do it For, Like, Two Good Days

He is then promptly proven wrong when Stan and Fidds leave Dipper and Mabel in Ford's care so they can have a nice day to themselves in the woods

Dipper, with a runny nose: *Tugs at Ford's Jacket* Great Uncle Ford? Where are Papa Stan and Papa Fidds?

Ford, dismissively: They're out doing whatever it is couples do to keep their romance alive. *Pauses for a Moment* Why do you call them... "Papa"?

Dipper, as if it's obvious: Because that's what they are!

Ford: Hmm... Mabel!

Mabel, entering the room with a popsicle: Yeah?

Ford: Do you refer to Stanley and Fiddleford as paternal figures?

Mabel: Huh?

Ford, remembering he's talking to literal children: Ah, sorry. Do you call Stanley and Fiddleford your "fathers"?

Mabel, casually: Yeah, why?

Ford: You two know that they aren't your actual fathers, right? They're only keeping you in their custody until your parents come get you.

Dipper: No, Papa Stan and Papa Fidds are keepin' us b'cause our mom and dad don't like each other anymore.

Ford: Right, so you're only with these two while the paperwork and custody are both settled. Then you'll go back home.

Mabel: What about Papa Stan and Papa Fidds?

Ford: *Shrugs* I don't know, maybe they'll adopt more children or visit you two once they figure out how to undo this monster business.

Dipper and Mabel: ...*Start Wailing*

Ford, surprised and confused: Shit! Um, uh... hey there, little pup-kids! That's not a nice noise, maybe you could, I dunno, stop?

Dipper and Mabel: *Wail Harder*

Ford, wishing he wasn't the only adult around: Okay, okay- Oh! What if I call your uncles- I mean, uh... your "dads" and let you talk to them? Kids like that, right? Talking to parental figures?

Dipper and Mabel: *Quiet Down but Still Sniffle, Whimper, and Shudder*

Ford: Ah, maybe I should cheer you up a little more... You two like ice cream?