#For some reason I have very vivid episode ideas when I’m sewing pants apparently

[brookbee]

DS9 episode where Quark starts selling marriage licenses after seeing all the couples getting engaged on the station. Odo is suspicious about it.

Garak reminisces about a wife he had for 24 hours before the Obsidian Order killed her and when Bashir offers his condolences Garak says “oh no she was an awful woman, it’s just such a shame I never got to experience a divorce.” But he seems pretty broken up about it so Bashir says “oh well uh if you need anything let me know.”

One of Curzon Dax’s short lived love affairs with an arms dealer’s daughter arrives on the station. She insists they once had a Vegas wedding and they’re still married (by her people’s laws). She demands that Dax divorce her and pay alimony, but Dax is Starfleet and doesn’t have enough of the currency that the alimony would be in. Meaning that Dax would have to pay it off by becoming a gun smuggler or something. Dax says something about being a trill and responsibility for the past. Sisko orders Odo to find a way out of it before the divorce court opens in a week (they’re closed for convenient plot reasons).

Garak ends up with a marriage license for him and Bashir because, well, Bashir said anything and he always wanted to experience a divorce. Bashir is freaked out about it but he does want to make Garak feel better about everything. Except the divorce court isn’t open so he has to be married to Garak for a week. Shenanigans ensue.

Odo finds out that Curzon Dax never had a Vegas wedding and the arms dealer’s daughter bought a counterfeit license from Quark made with an older date. Turns out all of Quark’s marriage licenses are actually counterfeit.

Odo informs Sisko and Dax, and Dax has a gay moment that is also somehow heterosexual with the not-really-her-wife when they say goodbye to each other.

Quark gets threatened by Odo to stop selling the marriage licenses and for some reason there’s crazy sexual tension. But Quark agrees to stop selling them.

Bashir is relieved because he assumes that Garak bought a marriage certificate from Quark, making their marriage invalid. Quark looks confused and is about to correct Bashir, before he just shrugs and walks away.

Fade to black, music plays, they never bring it up again.