#For once I don’t wanna cry or think negative thoughts

[fodlansbestmom]

why does someone think it’s okay to tell me I’m something (like aggressive) when I’m not??? And then argue about it? Them saying it only made me angry and now I’m upset. Great. Thanks a lot.

It literally happened within the first hour of my shift. And my mood is gonna be bad all night.

[fandomgirlz01]

You Matter Most  Pt. 1

Evan “Buck” Buckley X Reader

Imagine on my fandom Instagram?: No  

Prompt or Request or Requested Prompt?: No

Style of Writing: Small Series

Edited: Yes

Word count: 5,677 

Ko-fi

Masterlist

Warnings here

You can listen to the story be read out loud here.

Post Date & Time: August 24th 2023 at 10:41 PM

Summary: {Based off of S6 E18 Pay it Forward} When a series of freeway accidents lead to a big catastrophe, Buck must worry for his team as he rushes to help them all before it only leads to  an even bigger disaster. All while working on helping his team he worries mostly for his best friend who’s unconscious for most of it. 

Third Person Pov:

“May-day! May-day! Air ambulance two reporting a collapse at the 710 interchange. Firefighters down. Repeat, firefighters down!” A voice comes through Maddie’s coms, making her quickly answer the distress call. 

“Air ambulance two, this is dispatch. Can you reroute to assist?” Maddie asks before pausing, waiting to get an answer. 

“Negative. We have a priority spinal transfer,” the voice solemnly tells her. 

“Do you have a visual on how many firefighters are down?” Maddie asks and there’s a long pause as she waits for the information. 

“All of them— the entire 118. They were on the upper span when it collapsed. They all went down,” the voice tells her in a very worried tone and Maddie’s heart drops. 

Her mind immediately goes to thoughts of her fiancé, brother, and sister-like friend, worried for all three. Her heart beats wildly and suddenly she can hear it in her ears as she types up details on her computer. Tears cloud her eyes for a moment and she tries to will herself not to cry just yet. 

Y/n’s Pov:

I groan as my alarm goes off and roll over onto my back to look at the ceiling. It takes me a few minutes, but soon I’m reaching over to my phone and turning it off. With one last sigh, I push myself up from my bed and start to get ready for the long shift I have to work. 

Once I’m ready, I grab my backpack as well as my morning hot cocoa and keys. I quickly make my way out into the hallway of the complex and lock my door. Just as I lock the bottom lock, I hear Buck’s door open and shut. 

I turn to him and let out a giggle when I see the pure exhaustion on his face. He locks up his door before turning when I giggle and he smiles. 

“You must have had a lousy night, E. You really look exhausted,” I say, using the nickname I’ve had for him forever with humor laced in my tone. 

“Ugh, not exhaustion. More annoyance at the two idiots that won’t make up,” he replies with a roll of his eyes before we both start walking out. 

“I’m sure they’ll make up soon, bubs. Just give it a little more time,” I try to reassure him and he hums, shaking his head at me. 

“Sure. Then maybe I won’t have to deal with Kamron needing me 24/7. Or the smell of pickles. She keeps needing me to open them. Never did I think I’d hate pickles,” he rants with a roll of his eyes and I giggle again. 

“You definitely won’t and I’m sure you’ll like pickles again soon,” I joke with him as I playfully hit my arm against his. 

“Anyway, wanna carpool to work today?” he questions me, now changing the subject. 

“Sure, why not. Anything to hang out with you a little more,” I joke as I bump my arm into his again and he shakes his head, chuckling. 

“As if we don’t already hang out everyday,” he playfully scoffs and I shrug. 

“No, we definitely don’t,” I playfully deny and he chuckles, shaking his head. 

“Ok, dork. Let’s go. Bobby will kill us if we’re late. Again,” he remarks and I giggle. 

“You got that right,” I agree with him as I roll my eyes while we walk out to his car. 

“Breakfast on the way?” he asks and I smirk. 

“You buying?” I ask him with a raised eyebrow and he groans. 

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t,” he playfully growls out like he’s angry when I know he indeed isn’t. 

“Then hell yeah. I'm hungry,” I tell him and he groans. 

“Don’t be like Kameron now,” he says as he rolls his eyes and I laugh. 

“What, pregnant? E, I don’t know if you know how that works, but I kinda need to have some relations before that, and you know I’m not seeing anyone right now…” I playfully tell him and he shakes his head. 

“Of course I know how that works? You know I didn’t mean that. I mean, I was a sex addict, remember?” he asks and I giggle, letting my eyes go wide jokingly. 

“Oh I vividly remember, Mr. Do it on the rooftop of the firehouse. Dumbass,” I joke as I smack his arm and he rubs it. 

“Well, what would you have done?!” he fights back and I laugh. 

“Not on the rooftop, that’s for sure,” I joke back and he rolls his eyes. 

“Whatever. Let’s just get the food and get to work,” he tells me and I giggle. 

“Awe, E, I’m just messing with you!” I inform him and he shakes his head. 

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go, you Gremlin,” he tells me and I giggle, smiling softly at the use of my nickname Buck had given me when we were younger before we split up to get into his Jeep.

“Okay, 118, let’s gather ‘round and settle in. We have some outstanding tasks from our last shift and I’ve got an important announcement about our upcoming weather conditions,” Bobby announces, making me and Buck, who's up on the truck, sit down with our legs hanging off the side. 

“So cute, huh? Oh, wait. I promised her I’d wear it all day. Take a picture so we can…” Chimney talks with one of the other firefighters as they walk out of the locker room. 

“Firefighter Han,” Bobby calls out, cutting Chim off and making him look up from the play ring on his finger. 

“I was gonna save this until the end, but why not make it the first order of business? Congratulations on popping the question,” Bobby announces as he uses his clipboard to point at Howard. 

“Yeah, Chim! Whoo, whoo!” I shout out as everyone else claps while I shake Buck. 

“Ok… ok… a little less shaking, there,” Buck comments as he pushes me lightly, making me giggle softly. 

“Didn’t she do the proposing?” I quietly whisper to Buck, who chortles and nods. 

“She finally made an honest man out of him!” Ravi shouts as he grabs Chimney by the shoulder and shakes him lightly. 

“All right, everybody. Let’s settle down. We still have to get to the weather update,” Bobby calls out and all the laughs die down. 

“All right, apparatus maintenance. Firefighter Diaz will be running point this morning on engine service. We’ll be doing an oil change and a brake fluid change,” Bobby explains as I yawn lightly and lay my head on Buck’s shoulder. 

“Tired?” Buck quietly questions me and I hum at him. 

“Didn’t sleep too well last night. Tossed and turned all night. Don’t know why, just had a weird feeling,” I whisper back to him and he smiles softly before wrapping his arm around my shoulder. 

“Hmm, comfy,” I mummer out as I cuddle in closer and he chuckles softly. 

“Eddie?” Bobby calls out, making us all listen in. “Yeah, cap?” Eddie asks nonchalantly as he looks at his phone. 

“Did Eddie finally find someone?” I quietly question Buck, who shrugs. 

“He didn’t say anything to me if he did,” Buck informs me and I sigh. 

“Then why’s he staring at his phone like a lovesick puppy?” I query and Buck gives a small ‘huh,’ before shrugging. 

“I guess maybe he did. He’ll tell us when he’s ready,” Buck comments to me and I cross my arms. 

“I wanna know now. We’re the three musketeers. Two musketeers can’t just be left in the dust by the other,” I whisper as I cross my arms, pouting and Buck chuckles. 

“You and that impatient ass of yours,” Buck comments and I give him a playful smirk. 

“And you like this ass of mine,” I joke with him, wiggling my eyebrows at him and he shakes his head. 

“Can’t say I don’t,” he plays right back and I giggle before we both turn back to listen in. 

“Apparatus maintenance,” Bobby pointedly comments as Eddie moves into a different sitting position while closing his phone. 

“I’m on it, Cap,” Eddie promises and Bobby nods as Buck’s phone vibrates. 

He quickly silences his phone, but it vibrates again and again. He groans quietly and presses the answer button. 

“Okay. All right, now for the weather update,” Bobby starts as Buck puts the phone up to his ear. 

“Uh, hey, listen, I-I can’t… I can’t talk right now. No, I can’t. Kameron, I don’t know why he’s calling you. Maybe if you answer the phone you’ll find…” Buck talks into the phone and I smirk as Bobby turns around. 

Booby walks over to us on the truck and looks up at us. He gives me an irritated questioning look and I just shrug, making him look at Buck, who trails off. 

“You're in trouble…” I jokingly mutter out as I try to hold in my giggles while poking his side lightly. 

“Umm, I got to go,” Buck tells her and I hold back a giggle at his ‘oops’ tone before hanging the phone up. 

“Uh- s-sor… sorry, Cap. Um…” Buck stutters out his apology, but Bobby just ignores him and turns back around. 

“Alright, folks, listen up,” Bobby again tries to get to the point. 

“Uh, Cap?” Ravi questions, holding his hand up and Bobby gives him an unamused look that tells him to go on. 

“Can I just say, if Buck needs to get the pregnant lady out of his apartment,” Ravi starts and Buck hops down off the truck before turning to me to help me down real quick. 

“I do have a two-bedroom that’s about to be on the market, so…” Ravi finishes as Buck and I walk towards him. 

“Thank you, Ravi! Maybe a discussion for another time,” Bobby humorously chides as everyone laughs a little bit. 

“118, it’s time to dial it in,” Bobby starts to try and corral us in again. 

“We have a Job to do, but in order to do that job, you have to be here. I need precision, I need focus, but most of all, I need you to be present,” Bobby pointedly announces as Hen cautiously walks in and around him to take a seat. 

“Sorry I’m late, Cap,” Hen quickly apologizes as she sighs. 

“Okay! Let’s get cracking,” Bobby finishes before starting to walk off. 

“Hey, wait. What’s the important weather update?” Chimney asks as Bobby walks past him. 

“There’s a moderate marine layer,” Bobby answers, unamused as he continues to walk away. 

“I’ll see you for lunch?” Buck questions and I nod in confirmation. 

“Yeah. That is, if we don’t get a call before then,” I promise him with a small smile. 

“Don’t jinx it,” Buck jokes, pointing at me with a chuckle. 

“Ok. I’ll see you in a-” I start, but the alarm sounds and Buck groans. 

“You jinxed it!” he shouts, throwing his hands up and I giggle. 

“My bad…” I reply with a shrug and he shakes his head. 

“Come on, dork. Let’s get into our gear,” Buck tells me with a grin. 

We both rush over to our lockers and start to put our gear on before running over to the truck. Buck hops in on the left side as I hop in on the right and we get into our seats as Bobby starts to pull out of the garage. Bobby drives throughout town before coming up to the scene on the bridge. Once the engine comes to a stop, we all quickly pile out and get to work. 

“Hen, Chem. Check the driver of this camper van,” Bobby orders as he points to the van. 

“Buck, y/n Eddie, Ravi, I want you guys to check these surrounding vehicles for injuries. Let’s go,” Bobby commands and we all give him a nod before rushing off. 

Buck, Ravi and I walk around, making sure there's no more injuries. Once we deem there are none, we walk back over to help. We stand back as Chimney and Hen communicate with the girl inside. 

“Cap, second victim in the back. She didn’t have her seatbelt on when the accident happened!” Chimney shouts as he looks around the side of the van. 

“Okay, these back doors are obliterated. I want you guys to pull that windshield,” Bobby commands, making Hen and Chimney nod.  

I quickly rush back to the engine and pull out the windshield suction cups as Ravi grabs the pry bars. Once I have them, I rush back to the van with Ravi in tow. I hand the suction cups to Hen as Ravi gives the pry bars to Buck and Eddie. Hen quickly places the suction cups on the windshield and pulls as Buck and Eddie use the pry bars. Once it comes off, Hen quickly passes the windshield to Buck, who takes it and sets it aside. 

“All right. What’s your name?” Hen asks the frightened girl softly. 

“Jo,” the girl cries out her reply. 

“Jo. Can-can you move?” Hen questions the girl and she looks down at her leg. 

“Um, I don’t know. It’s my leg. I think it’s broken. Um, please help her!” Jo cries out again as she looks up at Hen and Chimney with tears cascading down her face. 

“I'm on it, Jo, but I need to get back there, so we’re gonna pull you out. You might feel a little pain, okay?” Chimney calmly explains to her and he moves aside for Hen to get in a bit more. 

“Buck, can you carry her to the ambulance?” Chimney queries and Buck nods, moving behind Hen and getting ready to grab her. 

“Okay! Ahhh!” Jo agrees before screaming out in pain as they move her. She cries as they pull her out of the vehicle. 

Buck quickly lifts her up and carries her over to the back of the ambulance as Chimney moves into the van. Hen quickly stands up and pushes me along with Buck. 

“Go help him look her over. You have more medical training then he does. I’ll stay with Chim,” she commands me and I nod before rushing off behind Buck. 

I quickly help Buck get her down on the floor so I can look over her leg. In one fast fluid motion, I pull out a tourniquet-like brace and start putting it on her leg along with Bobby’s help as they wheel a gurney over. 

“Cap. We’re going to need an air ambulance. Patient is unresponsive, breathing is weak and she’s lost bladder control. Could be a spinal,” Chimney explains over the radio as we continue to work on Jo. 

“Copy that,” Bobby replies as we start to prepare Jo to get her on the gurney. 

“Spinal injury? Is she okay?” Jo asks me in fear and I look at her. 

“We won’t know until we get her to the hospital,” I inform her as they bring the gurney closer, now ready to get her up onto it. 

“Please, please don’t take me now because I need to see her,” she begs as she grips my hand and I pause as Hen walks up. 

“Hey, hey. You’ll be able to before they airlift her. I promise, okay?” Buck promises her before Hen or I can say anything. 

Eddie walks past us with the backboard, headed towards Chimney and we quickly move Jo onto the gurney. Jo keeps a grip on my hand and I squeeze hers before letting go. 

“Don’t worry. You know the firefighter that told you you’d see her?” I ask her and she nods in understanding. 

“That’s my best friend. I know when he promises something, he keeps it. You’ll see her just like he said,” I promise her softly and she gives me a small thankful smile as she seems only slightly less freaked out. 

“My name's y/n. I’ll stay here till your mom’s out, okay?” I tell her and she smiles a thankful smile at me again.

“She’s not my mom. She’s my mom’s best friend. My, uhh, mom passed away three years ago. Mallory was insistent we take this trip as an honor to my mother…” Jo explains to me and I smile softly at her. 

“I’m sorry to hear about your mom. You're very lucky to have Mallory. That sounds like a lovely plan. I’m sure you two can pick up when everyone is okay again,” I try to comfort her to the best of my ability and she shakes her head. 

“No. I think we’ll find a different way of traveling,” Jo informs me and I nod. 

“I would probably do that too. Nothing wrong with that,” I agree with her and she nods in agreement. 

We wait maybe a few more minutes until we see Chimney come out first. Then Eddie pushes Mallory out and together they lift her backboard onto another gurney that was taken over to them. They then start to roll her over and I move over next to Hen so they can roll her next to Jo. 

“She’s right up here,” I hear Chimney inform Mallory as they get closer. 

“Okay, she’s right up here,” he repeats himself as they get closer. 

“Mallory!” Jo shouts when they get closer before coming to a stop right next to her. 

“I’m so sorry,” Jo apologizes as they both reach out to hold hands. 

“I can’t lose you, too,” Jo continues on the verge of tears and I feel tears well up in my eyes. 

“I’m not going anywhere. We still have a lot of ground to cover, okay?” Mallory asks her as she squeezes her hand. 

“Next time, we’ll take the train,” Jo insists quickly as the others start to load her in the back of the ambulance as air support flies overhead. 

“Air support. You are clear to land,” Bobby gives the okay through his walkie and soon the helicopter is landing. 

Eddie and Chim start to walk her over to the helicopter and I let out a puff of air as my emotions take over. I take my jacket off in hopes a little air is all I need. I quickly try to sober up so I don’t start sobbing before I feel a hand on my back, making me turn to see Buck next to me. 

“Hey. You doing okay? You’re getting fidgety,” he queries with a raised eyebrow and I shake my head before nodding. 

“Yeah. No. I’m fine. Just had a flashback to my sister, that’s all,” I inform him and he nods solemnly at me. 

“I know. She’s watching over you. You know that,” he solemnly tells me, trying to comfort me as he rubs at my back and I nod, sniffling. 

“Thanks for checking on me,” I say in gratitude and I only hope Buck knows just how much I’m thankful for him. 

“Always, you know that we stick together, right?” he asks me and I smile. 

“Right. Stuck together like glue,” I reply to our life long promise we always tell each other and he smiles, nodding. 

“Okay. I’m gonna go help Chim. We’ll talk more about this later, okay?” he questions me and I nod. 

“Yeah. Go. Go. Do our job,” I agree with a soft smile and he nods before rushing off. 

“Possible spinal! She’s coming over now!” I hear him yell to the air tech that gets out of the helicopter.

“Can’t get rid of me, can you, Buckley?” I hear her voice and I immediately recognize Lucy. Red hot jealousy flares up in me, but I push it away. 

“Great to see you again, for real this time!” I hear Buck shout back as he stops to point at her and I huff, rolling my eyes. 

He turns and walks back towards me, but only frowns as I brush him off. I walk over to Bobby just as Eddie walks up. 

“Hey, Cap, think there’s a propane stove in the van. I’m gonna go check it out,” Eddie explains to him as he walks up to us. 

“Good thinking, Eddie. Y/n, go with him,” Bobby commands me and I nod. 

“Actually Bobby, can I have a quick moment with her?” Buck asks and Bobby shakes his head. 

“I guess. One minute, then back to work. Got it?” Bobby asks and Buck nods. 

“No, yeah, I promise,” Buck informs him and Bobby nods before walking off. 

“Hey, what’s up. Why are you giving the cold shoulder?” Buck asks as he looks at me. 

“It’s nothing, Buck, really. Go back to work,” I play it off and he sighs in frustration. 

“Y/n, I thought we talked about closing up? Talk to me, you know you can,” Buck begs me and I shake my head. 

“Buck. Nothing is wrong, it’s just a hard case. I told you I’d talk with you about it later,” I deflect away from what’s going on. 

“No. I know—” he starts, but gets cut off as the bridge suddenly starts to shake as it cracks down the middle, making both me and Buck fall to the ground with me on top of him. 

There’s more shaking and creaking as the bridge slowly starts to collapse. Buck looks up and suddenly he’s rushing to get up, pulling me with him. 

“Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Let’s move!” Buck yells out as the ambulance comes flying back at us and Buck quickly moves both of us out of the way just in time. 

“Hey!” he continues to shout as the ambulance rushes past us, quickly crashing at an angle. 

Buck quickly maneuvers, but somehow he gets pulled down with the ambulance, making me go with him. He smashes into the ambulance’s windshield and it cracks. 

“Buck!” I yell out as I fly past him, but he doesn’t reply. 

I let out another scream as I come to a landing on a slab of concrete, hitting my head in the process. Pain surges through my side, but I don’t notice it for long as suddenly everything goes black. 

Buck’s Pov: 

I groan as I come to, still laying on the windshield that’s now cracked from me smashing into it. There's a quiet, eerie, metallic creak and it takes me a moment to realize where I am. When I do, I take a moment to push myself up on all fours. I look around in fear for y/n, but there’s no sign of her, so I look into the ambulance next. 

“Hen!” I yell out as I see my friend still strapped into the driver's seat of the ambulance, now unconscious. 

“H-hen, can you hear—” I ask her as I bang on the window. 

“118, report in. I need a headcount,” I talk into my radio, hoping to get any answers. 

“I’m grabbing the ropes,” Ravi radios back first as I look around, trying to assess where everyone could be. 

“I’m in the van. Pretty sure I broke a couple ribs, but this van is about to get pancaked,” Eddie groans out as he radios in and I keep looking around with no sight of y/n. 

“Okay. Eddie, uh. We’re coming to you,” I inform him before taking a pause. 

“Han. What is your status?” I ask into my radio before letting go to get his status. 

“Han, come in,” I practically beg over the radios when he doesn’t answer. 

“Han…” I question again and wait a moment. 

“Han here,” Chimney finally radios in and I throw my head back in relief. 

“Captain Nash, firefighter Maysen, still haven’t heard from either of you. What is your status?” I ask into the radio again, only hoping to get something but nothing comes. 

“Bobby, y/n. Come in,” I repeat through the radio again, but still silence. 

“I see firefighter Maysen! She’s on a slab near you, maybe twenty feet away, just covered by some rubble,” Ravi explains to me through the radio and I sigh in relief. 

“Is she under it?” I question and wait for a moment. 

“No. She’s just close enough to be hidden. She’s out, though, and there’s one other thing…” he voices again though the radio before trailing off. 

“What? Is she okay?” I question him and he takes another pause, making me wait with bated breath. 

“She’s been impaled by a piece of rebar, Buck… right though the side of her stomach. I- if we don’t get to her soon, she might bleed out,” he breaks it to me easily and I sigh, putting my head down for a moment. 

“I’ll get to her as soon as I get Hen and the others out,” I inform him as I make the hard decision to wait, even though I want to rush over to her first and get her out. 

“Ok… only if you're sure. You're acting captain right now,” he informs and I let out a huff before pressing the button on my radio to reply. 

“Yeah, I know. So everyone’s safety is on me right now. Luckily if I can get Hen awake, she can take over. Let’s get to work,” I command before letting the button go, letting out a sigh, and looking down at Hen again. 

“Hen. I’m- I’m coming to you. Just stay right there,” I tell my unconscious friend before I move off the windshield and down the side of the ambulance. 

Very slowly, I make my way to the window and try to shove myself though it. The ambulance starts to tremble as I do, but I keep going. 

“Hen?” I call out to her as I pause for a moment. 

“Chim. Chim! Chim, you back there?” I shout out as I finally slide though the window of the ambulance. 

“I’m alive, but not great,” Chimney calls out in a winded tone. 

“Okay,” I pant out as I move over to Hen. 

“Come on. Hey,” I voice as I try to get Hen to wake up. 

“What happened?” Hen questions as she looks around, confused. 

“Bridge collapsed,” I inform her and her head starts to fall back. 

“Hey, hey, hey. Hen, you with me?” I question her and she squints at me. 

“I’m good. Thank you,” she conveys to me as she starts to reach towards me. 

“You okay?” she asks as she wipes at the side of my forehead. 

“Yeah. Oh. Uh… I mean, physically, yeah,” I tell her, my emotions betraying me ever so slightly as I feel a lump form in my throat. 

“Where is everybody?” she asks me as she continues to clean my face. 

“R-Ravi is up top. Eddie’s in the van. Chimney’s in the back. He needs our help. I’m gonna go up top. Get the ambulance secure. Then we get you out, okay?” I explain to her before asking if she understands. She slowly nods before letting her head fall back a bit. 

“Okay. Where’s Cap? Where’s Bobby? A-and y/n…” she suddenly asks as she quickly lifts her head straight. 

“He’s MIA, and y/n…” I pause and take a deep breath. 

“She’s currently bleeding out maybe twenty feet from us,” I inform her and she just stares at me. 

“You, uhh… y-you’re sure you’re good?” I ask her one last time just to make sure. 

“Yeah. I… I’m-I’m good,” she stumbles out in her shock and pain. 

“Just get some rope so we can get out of here,” she commands me and I nod before starting to try climbing out. 

“Okay, Ravi, I need a line,” I grunt as I call out while climbing out of the window. 

I get about halfway out the window when Ravi throws the rope down to me and I slowly finish pulling myself out. I hold onto the ambulance as I grab the rope before using it to climb back to the front. Once around the front, I continue to climb up the side until I can pull myself up to the top. Ravi hands me a part of the rope and I quickly slide under the engine, tying the rope to the underside of it. I quickly rush back to the side and let out a puff of air when I see what Ravi had seen before. 

The van is under the ambulance and both are close to falling. I let out another breath and close my eyes when I see y/n. She is indeed impaled and blood pools around her as she lays unconscious. 

“Buck, we’ll get to her,” Ravi promises as he puts a hand on my shoulder. 

“Yeah. I know. I’m not letting her go out like this. Not yet. It’s too early and there’s a lot that needs to be said,” I inform as I promise myself in my head that if we make it out, I’ll tell her how I really feel. 

“And it will be said,” he agrees with a head nod before going back over to the truck. 

“Please tell me you made it, Cap,” I whisper to myself as I look out over the scene again. 

“Okay, Ravi. Let’s go!” I shout to him as I turn around, ready to scale the concrete. 

“118, LAPD on scene at the lower level and here to assist,” Athena’s voice comes over the radio just as I hop over, ready to scale down to Hen. 

“118? Captain?” she asks in a scared tone when she gets no response from her husband. 

“Hen! That’s you!” I yell out to her, leaning back a bit. 

“LAPD, this is Wilson. Captain Nash is unaccounted for, we also have one impaled and unconscious. I’m in command. Anything you can do to help survivors on the ground level would be appreciated, ” Hen replies over the radio as I start to quickly scale down with a harness bag. 

“Copy that!” Athena quickly replies again over the radio. 

Once I get down to the ambulance, I set the bag on it and I get closer to the front of it. I quickly tie the rope to the car and pull on it ever so slightly. 

“Hey, Ravi, tension!” I call out to him and I wait a moment before leaning against the ambulance. 

I bounce on it a couple times to see how stable it is and smile when it comes out very stable. I quickly climb back to the top of the ambulance and pull the harness bag in front of me. 

“Okay. Hen, you got a harness and capture strap. Take Chimney and the patient, you send them down,” I explain to her as I throw the strap and harness in the window to her. 

“I’m headed to the van. Then I’ll get y/n. I’ll see you at the bottom,” I inform her of my plan before getting off the ambulance and heading to Eddie. 

It takes me a few minutes, but soon I make it to the van. I come to a stop next to it as Ravi looks over the side. 

“Sending down the saw!” he shouts to me before dropping me the saw bag. 

“Okay, Eddie, you in there?” I ask as I pause and listen in and he gives me a small ‘Yup’ through his groans of pain. 

“Let me get these doors open. Just shield your eyes,” I inform him before I pull the saw from the bag along with the protective glasses and start to saw at the door. 

I work for a few minutes at the door before soon I can start to pull at them. I pull one open and groan as I pause, taking the glasses off to look in at Eddie, who’s trapped under the fridge looking up at me. 

“Hey,” I pant out as I hold onto the door. 

“Any sign of Cap?” he huffs out as he struggles to breathe and I shake my head. 

“How’s y/n?” he asks and I sigh. 

“Currently, she’s bleeding out. I’m getting her next,” I inform him and he nods. 

“Sorry about this,” I apologize as I move closer to him and grab his arms. 

“Yeah. It’s gonna suck,” he comments before I pull on him. 

I pull him out and he yells out in pain as I do. Soon I’m pulling him out of the van all together and he grits his teeth. 

“Okay, I got you,” I comment as I pull him out and quickly we’re climbing down so he can get medical. 

Once he’s down standing on his own feet, some other paramedics come over to us. They get Jo first and Hen groans as she leans over before puking. 

“Hen!” Eddie yells out as we watch her double over. 

“Hey,” Eddie tells me before we both rush over to Hen, who lays flat on top of the truck she’s on. 

“I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay,” she groans, waving us off. 

“I’m okay. I’m pretty sure I’m just concussed,” she explains as she sits up and moves her helmet. 

“We got to get Chimney and y/n! We got to get Chimney and y/n!” she suddenly yells out as she looks back up. 

“No. Hey, hey, hey. We’ll get Chimney and y/n. Let’s get you down. Come on,” we both try to stop her as she groans. 

“Come on down. I promise I’ll get him and y/n,” I inform her as we all reach out for her. 

“We got you. We got you. Come on. No rush,” I rant as she finally starts to try and crawl down. 

“Okay. Come on. Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s go,” Eddie chants as he wraps her arm around his shoulder while she pants out of breath. 

“Eddie, you got her, yeah?” I ask and he nods, giving me a small ‘hmm’ as they continue to walk. 

“Okay. I’m going back for Chim and y/n. I’ll be back,” I promise and he nods. 

Just before I turn, there’s another loud, metallic creaking noise and we all turn around. My eyes widen as the ambulance starts to shake around and the van starts to look like it’ll fall any second. 

To Be Continued…

If your user has a strike though and bolded it means we were unable to tag you and we are terribly sorry, maybe check in the list that it is right. 

For Future Fics please add yourselves to our taglists if you wish to be tagged in anything upcoming. Thank You! We hope you guys enjoyed!

Tag List: Add Yourself Here

[hikarinonodera]

Lance and Keith are dating or married.

They get into an argument which ends in Keith saying something really hurtful and Lance giving Keith the silent treatment. Keith lets it go on for a while as he thinks Lance isn’t capable of keeping his mouth shut for too long. Keith even jokes about Lances silent treatment with his mom who just laughs. But it’s been a week and Keith is getting desperate to hear his lovers voice. He’s apologized more than once. Hundreds of times now at this point but Lance isn’t letting up. The look in Lance’s eyes, that Keith didn’t notice until now, he looks so sad and disappointed. Keith must’ve really hurt Lance.

What’s Keith gonna do to get Lance to talk to him again. What can he do to make it up to him. He keeps thinking back on the agreement. Thinking he shouldn’t have said this or that and jeez that was harsh and man I wouldn’t want anyone to say that to me so why would I said that to him.

Keith can’t stop thinking. Nothing but blue on his mind constantly. He’s distracted constantly with the blade, during chores, training exercising.

Hunk can’t help him this time cause Lance won’t even talk to HIM about it and Lance tells Hunk everything. Shiro gave some advice but it was useless. Pidge doesn’t care and Coran and Allura are busy.

Ultimately Keith comes up with a plan A. He doesn’t leave Lance’s side no matter where he goes at first but that just pissed Lance off.

So he goes with plan B. He traps Lance is a corner. Keith being the only thing blocking Lance from freedom. It wasn’t easy, as much as Lance plays dumb, he’s actually very intelligent. But, eventually Keith got him.

“Lance talk to me.”

…

“Lance talk to me baby.”

…

Lance just kept looking off to the side. Away from Keith.

Keith sighed and lifted Lance’s chin to face him.

“Blue. Talk to me.”

Lance looks as if he’s about to cry. Those pretty blue eyes swimming sadly like an beautiful blue ocean of diamond fish.

“I’m so sorry 연인. What I said was wrong and hurtful. I didn’t mean any of it. I promised you I’d never hurt you but I did and there’s no changing it. Unless I find a way to go back in time and slap myself but-“

“If you didn’t mean it, you wouldn’t have said it. That’s how you see me. That’s how you think of me. Why are you even here if you think so little of me. If you hate me so much why do you- I- I don’t understand. Is this relationship a joke to you? Did someone dare you to date(marry?) me? Is this a bet? I don’t understand.”

Keith stayed silent, as much as he wanted to interrupt and hush those negative thoughts, it seemed as though Lance had been holding it in for too long and Keith wanted to hear all of it. One so he could make sure Lance got it all out and two as a punishment for hurting Lance.

“Do you like seeing me suffer? I was thinking so hard, I thought maybe we shouldn’t be together. Maybe I’m just not good enough. But I love you so much. I can’t imagine being without you. Being alone again.”

After that Lance just slid down the wall and sat at Keith feet, openly sobbing. Keith standing frozen still in front of Lance.

‘Do you like seeing me suffer?’ That hurt Keith to his soul. But, what hurt worse was hearing that Lance was thinking they should separate. Over Keith’s dead body.

Keith sat in front of Lance after processing everything. He tried to hold Lance but Lance pulled away.

“My love for you isn’t a joke, a bet nor a punishment. I hate seeing you like this. I hate not hearing you talk. I hate not hearing you sing, whistle, I hate not hearing your footsteps around the house. I hate when I’m away from you. I hate seeing you suffer. Lastly, I hate being the cause of your suffering.”

Lance’s eyes softened but his tears didn’t stop.

Keith took Lance’s hands in his. Lance let him.

“Lance you’re my everything. You’re the reason I wanna come home every day and the reason I don’t want to leave. You’re the reason I wake up early when I’m not working and go to bed late. I’m not the best with words and I need to work on my temper but that’s not an excuse to say what I said to you, and I know no matter how many times I apologize it’ll never fix it. But, I’ll apologize till I’m in my grave and beyond. Because you’re worth it. You’re worth my time and my patience. It’s me that not good enough for you. But, I’m not willing to let you go. I am willing to do better. I will do better. You don’t deserve to be talked to like that and I’ll make sure I don’t do it again.”

They’re making eye contact now. Lance’s tears have slowed and Keith pulls him onto his lap.

“Will you give me another try?”

“I just wanted you to relax but you were so focused on getting something done and month ahead of time. Why were you so angry.”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry baby.”

“Was there something on your mind?”

“I guess I just wanted to stay ahead of things. A little too far ahead now that I think of it. The migraine I had wasn’t helping my short fuse either.”

Lance hummed.

“Do you forgive me?”

The pause was killing Keith. But, he felt he deserved it. He made his baby cry.

After a short pause that felt like a million years Lance looked back up and nodded slowly.

Keith leaned in for a kiss but Lance puts a delicate hand between their lips. Keith kisses it anyway which earned him a small smile that was gone just as quick as it was there.

“Promise me you’ll never say stuff like that again. You know I’m insecure about stuff like that.”

“I know. I’m so sorry. I promise”

Lance moves his hand away and leaned in, but not all the way. Keith had to work for it.

Keith smirked a bit and connected their lips.

.

.

.

Possible makeup sex with Lance getting fucked in the corner he’s trapped in, EXTENSIVE aftercare and sleepy cuddles.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[applejuicefruit]

i saw your most recent story and was wondering if you could do one with jude and a reader with small boobs 😭 i have really small boobs and i'm kind of insecure

Hiii babe⭐️of course!

Also here to remind you that you are beautiful the way you are❤️

Jude Bellingham x reader

smut?

Cherries

you always compared yourself to other girls, girls who probably retouched their pics on insta and used too many filters to be real, but you couldn’t stop those negative feelings telling you how you weren’t perfect. you were dating jude, a very famous football player and you were sure you didn’t fit in the wag standards. they were perfect, with perfect bodies and perfect smiles and you were just you. you didn’t like your smile or your body.

growing up you always thought that your body would evolve and you would be looking like a young version of beyoncé but now, you were sure your body stopped changing and that was what you were stuck in it for the rest of your life. since you were a kid you felt insecure of how your breast wouldn’t grow, your mom said it would take time but after many years you realised you were stuck with that flat chest you got.

sure it was nice because you didn’t sweat that much in summer, or when you wanted to take a run you didn’t have to worry how your boobs would hurt if you kept running for miles.

but sometimes you wondered how would you look if you had bigger boobs. you would proudly show that cleavage that you always wanted to hide and wear those big bras you always wished for.

you thought about of getting a breast augmentation and when you talked about it with jude he simply laughed and joked about it, not realising how serious the issue was to you.

so now you were there, standing in front of your big mirror, just in a bra and some pants, looking over at your chest and wishing it would grow. you were too focused on your own thoughts that you didn’t hear the front door opening and jude calling your name. he reached the bedroom and saw you standing there and he immediately knew something was wrong.

“babe?” he called you.

“oh hey…i didn’t hear you” you said trying to find a t-shirt to cover yourself with but jude stopped you.

“what’s going on babe? and don’t lie please…i know that look on your face” he gently asked you.

“what? nothing’s going on…”

“babe…please, if it’s something i can help you with…” he tried to talk but you stopped him.

“unless you’re a magician i don’t think you can” you sarcastically said.

“what’s that supposed to mean? babe, please talk to me…” he begged you.

you sat on the bed, still facing the mirror and he followed your movements.

“i hate my boobs…” you whispered.

he thought you were joking so he laughed but when he saw how serious you were he apologised.

“why would you hate something so precious love?” he asked.

“they’re small! jude, can’t you see it? they’re not big or full like everyone’s else. they’re just…i hate them” you didn’t want to cry because the moment those words came out of your mouth, you realise how stupid it sounded.

jude knelt in front of you, keeping his eyes on yours.

“now… you better not talking bad about them anymore okay? i love them the same way i love you and your body. i just love everything about you…you’re so special and i don’t want to hear you talk bad about yourself once again…” he said looking at you “come here…” he said laying down on the bed as you did the same.

he gently removed your bra and brought his hands up to your boobs, softly caressing them and teasing them.

there was nothing sexual in what he was doing, well, it was turning you on but that wasn’t jude’s point.

“i love them” he said kissing your left nipple “ i love them so much they’re like my babies…” he kissed your right nipple this time.

“jude…” you wanted to stop him but you couldn’t.

“i love you so much y/n…i don’t wanna ever hear you talking bad about yourself anymore okay babe? it hurts me seeing you like this…you’re perfect for me” he said kissing your lips softly and you melted into the kiss.

“okay…” you whispered.

“okay…” he smiled, laying is head on your already naked chest, gently kissing your tummy and breasts over time to time, helping you fall asleep for a few hours before start making dinner.

[asher-agere]

Hiii! Can you do michizō tachihara Cg! HCS?

Of course I can! I find it pretty fitting that I initially thought of him as a flip then my first two requests were little then caregiver

Caregiver Tachihara

༉‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

𖤍 I think Tachihara has a pretty cool vibe? He’s really adaptable! He quickly determines what his little one wants and meets their needs! Playful little one? He can get toys and make up games! Sleepy baby? He’ll get the best blankets and snuggle up for cuddles! He’d very good at adapting to be whatever his little one needs, that makes him like one of the best caregivers ever!

𖤍 Tachihara is very soothing and good at handling tantrums specifically! He knows just the right way to hold his little one and talk them through whatever is upsetting them. Let them cry it out a bit first! Crying is a healthy release of emotions, but catering to someone’s every want the second they cry only encourages crying when it’s not necessary. However once the little one has calmed down a bit he’ll rock them gently, massage their palms, and whisper gentle praise!

𖤍 He always has backups prepared! Don’t want milk? That’s ok he also has juice. Don’t wanna watch cartoons? How about some coloring then? Not ready for bed yet? He can read a story first! He’s soooo prepared! Also always keeps a pacifier/teether on hand to be used at an instant’s notice. If a little one is trying to put something in their mouth that shouldn’t be in their mouth, they need an alternative! Nothing in their mouth is a bad alternative which leads to a fussy baby

𖤍 The BSD wiki lists one of Tachihara’s interests as… Pencils? Idk how to handle this- But I’m choosing to interpret it as he likes drawing! Thereforeee, Tachihara will draw pictures for his little one to color in! Instead of using coloring books he’ll just draw them custom things! Sometimes the little one wants to feel included so they might draw him things to color! Which he does of course! Very slowly though, much more focused on his baby than the coloring project

𖤍 I think he’d tell really good stories! Some caregivers use their life experiences and make them into stories, but I don’t think Tachihara would! He views his life pretty negatively, he doesn’t want to bother his little one with his sad stories! He has happy stories of course, but when he’s on the spot needing a story those aren’t what comes to mind, so he’ll tell fantasy stories! Tales of dragons and magic and demons! He’s really good at doing different voices too!

𖤍 Tachihara is very adaptable as a caregiver, like I said before. He’s also very willing! Thanks to Teruko he has plenty of experience with outlandish requests! When Teruko asks for unreasonable things he gets annoyed, but when it’s his baby? Polar opposite! He’s soooo willing to do absolutely anything to get them to smile! I think that actually makes him more annoyed when Teruko asks for things hehe, his special services are reserved for the baby and the baby only!

𖤍 Tachihara makes use of his ability during playtime! He’ll add tiny bits of metal into his little one’s toys, sew them in or something. Then he can make them fly and move around without even touching them! It’s so fun to watch! It’s like he’s putting on a whole show, especially with how good he is at different voices! It really makes the stuffies seem alive. It’s not only for playtime either! If his little one is sad he’ll control a plushy to go over to them and give them a warm hug! Very silly hehe, usually gets giggles in response

༉‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

I’m so sorry I’m not posting much (｡>﹏<) There’s a huge Comic Con this weekend and trying to get everything right while still balancing healthy things (Like seeing my caregiver tomorrow! Yay!) However I made huge progress on my Nikolai cosplay today! I feel very accomplished hehe

[yuusishi]

. . . TIRED

pairing : Jing Yuan x gn!reader

genre : semi-angst , comfort

cws/tws : self-indulgent vent fic , reader has a rough relationship with their father , mentions of father getting mad at them

a/n : I know I'm on hiatus but on god I just really needed to make this cuz I'm NOT okay rn. Also just a note: The feelings that reader experiences here are my feelings from earlier, ofc not everyone reacts this way but I just felt like I needed to say that first.

Jing Yuan !!

A sudden slam on the dining table snapped Jing Yuan out of his focus while he was busy fiddling with his phone, trying out a game that Yanqing convinced him to play. You left the bedroom a few minutes ago to take a call from your father, he guessed that it didn’t end well. His guess was right when he sees you clutching your phone tightly while a hand was pressed on your forehead.

Jing Yuan wasn’t stupid or unaware of your rather rough relationship with your father, you didn’t even tell him about your relationship with the general until he saw it on the news. You weren’t interested in his reaction or what he wanted out of it, you knew the last thing you wanted was him getting involved. If you didn’t want him to meet your father then he wouldn’t try to convince you to, Jing Yuan knows when are the right moments to talk and when he seems like he’s trying to pry too much.

“[Name]?” he called out, he knows you heard him but he also knew you were too distracted by the swarm of annoying thoughts that buzzed in your mind like flies. He quietly walked forward until he stood beside your figure, only then did your hand land at your side once more while you looked at your partner with tired eyes, eyes that no longer held any rage yet it was replaced with emptiness and the desire to be taken away from all problems in life. He cautiously hovers his hand over the crown of your head and started carding his fingers through your hair gently after seeing no negative reactions from it.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” you wordlessly shook your head, understanding immediately he led you both up the stairs until you’re in the comfort of Jing Yuan’s arms once again, tightly clutching onto his sleeve knowing you probably should and can cry in front of him without expecting judgment from the man next to you, but you just can’t. Your body just felt like that single phone call drained the life out of you. Everything felt so empty.

“I just don’t get it” you started, Jing Yuan stared at you with a gentle gaze “What don’t you get?”, “He just told me something, then I asked what I should do, he didn’t even try to explain, then got so angry when I asked again. I’m not some mind reader, you know…” your eyes now faced the decorated ceiling above you, not bearing to look at your partner as you mindlessly ranted about that man, “No one expects you to be a mind reader, dear, it’s his ignorance and negligence of his own child that makes him think that you two are close enough to be able to know what the other wants without speaking a word.”

You want to react in some way, a way to show that you’re thankful for what Jing Yuan said, but all you can manage with the little amount of energy you now have is a sigh and a small thanks to his way. His fingers once again made their way through your hair, smoothing out any knots and twirling them around, “You don’t have to say anything, [Name], just rest”.

[woooyeahbaby]

Can’t Forget Mammon!

warnings: mammon being jealous, mc is gender neutral (meaning i didn’t even use any pronouns for mc here i write in 2nd person), mammon may be out of character i’m so sorry, THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING FOR OBEY ME I’M ACTUALLY REALLY SCARED TO POST THIS HELP, mention of mc kissing asmo

a/n i think i’ll cry if i receive any negative feedback on this one guys you need to think of me as someone who is constantly on the verge of tears. also i wrote this at 5am with no sleep but i don’t think i made any errors! this is pretty short btw

you helped lucifer organize some documents this morning, no big deal. you played games with leviathan later, again, nothing important. read a book with satan, that took quite a while… went shopping with asmodeus after, okay… had lunch with beelzebub, didn’t take too long. and finally, cuddled with belphegor for a while.

where was mammon’s time with you?

don’t think mammon didn’t notice that you spent all day with his brothers instead of him! he couldn’t stop thinking about it. just as he thought he’d get a little attention from you, you’d be heading for another person.

so of course he had to have a conversation with you before you went to bed that night. he caught you in the kitchen, having a quick snack before bed. perfect.

“hey, mc! haven’t seen ya much today!” mammon grins, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“oh, hey mammon. sorry i didn’t get to hang out with you today, maybe tomorrow, alright?” you offer before walking away, letting his hand fall from your shoulder.

umm, no.

“hey now!” he nearly shouts. “get back here. i deserve my time with ya!”

“mammon, i’m tired. i wanna go to bed.” you sigh, walking back towards him. you take his hand. “i promise we can do something tomorrow.”

“i’ll just go to bed with ya!” mammon squeezes your hand.

“that might give the others the wrong idea…” you laugh softly after your sentence.

“i don’t care! they can think aaaall they want about it, all i wanna do is cuddle with ya, hm? how’s that sound? good? let’s go then!” he doesn’t even give you time to respond before he’s dragging you to your room.

you decide not to fight him on it, since you weren’t really opposed to the thought of cuddling him to sleep. plus, it’d save you from an even clingier mammon the next day.

you two reach your bedroom and mammon plops down on your bed, his grip on your hand sending you down with him. fortunately, you don’t land roughly. in fact, you land perfectly on your bed. you could sleep like this already. oh, right.

“mammon, i need to brush my teeth. just sit here for a couple minutes, okay?” you inform him as you stand up, and he lets your hand escape his. however you don’t expect him to follow you into your bathroom. “mammon.”

“mhm?” he hums as if he has no idea what he’s doing. typical mammon.

“you absolutely need to watch me brush my teeth?” despite your sarcasm, you’re already getting your toothbrush ready.

“you’d let lucifer watch ya, why can’t i?” he crosses his arms, leaning against the wall.

“..can we talk about this when i’m done, please?” you ask, not giving him time to say no before you’re shoving your toothbrush in your mouth.

mammon mumbles a ‘fine’, standing behind you as you brush your teeth. as he waits for a torturous two whole minutes, he mainly just fidgets with his hands and glances up at you. once you’re done, he’s walking to your bed, lying down on his back and patting the empty space next to him.

you face him when you lie down, and he just stares at you expectantly. it takes you a second to remember.

“oh, right. mammon, you know i didn’t mean to ignore you today. everyone else just kept me so busy.” you reach out a hand to caress his face lovingly.

“it coulda been me keepin’ ya busy, but nooo…” mammon rolls his eyes, leaning into your touch despite his rude attitude.

“remember that i can kick you out of here any time i’d like.” you threaten him jokingly. “i swear, mammon. i wanted to get to you but everybody just.. got in my way. i can dedicate my whole day to you tomorrow, i’ll even start it now.”

“i accept. you so much as even text someone that ain’t me though, i’ll be lockin’ ya in my room!” he replies with his own threat.

“okay. tomorrow is aaaall you, mammon.” you just smile at him and give him a kiss on the cheek, your hand moving to his hair.

he seems to enjoy it, letting you play with his hair as he just stares at you lovingly. then his facial expression changes back to the ‘i want to look angry at you, but i’m really not’ one. oh man.

“so asmo gets a kiss on the lips, but i—”

“oh, shut up, mammon.” you roll your eyes, kissing him on the lips to shut him up.

it definitely works! how could he complain?

mammon reaches a hand to your waist, pulling you closer to him. he doesn’t want to let you go, not even for a second. every time he feels you trying to pull away, he just chases after your lips with his own. this is usually how kissing mammon is, he is the avatar of greed after all.

it’s only until both of you can barely breathe that he pulls away, his grip on your waist tightening. you both just look at each other for a few seconds, until you both burst out laughing. as you laugh, you lean your head into mammon’s chest, and once his own laughter dies down he rests his chin atop your head.

mammon sighs softly, pulling your head back so you could look at each other. you see him admiring your facial features before he speaks.

“can you turn around? we can spoon, just like ya did with belphie… when it should’ve been me, but whatever.” the last part of his sentence is quieter, more of a mumble.

in response, you just scoff and turn around so you and mammon are facing the same way. he wraps his arm around you, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. his breath tickles you at first, until you get used to it. your back is pressed tightly against his chest, so much so that you can feel his heartbeat.

he gently kisses your neck a few times, but not like the seductive ones you usually get from him. these have plenty of love behind them. it’s so comforting.

“all me tomorrow, yeah?”

quick after fic note! if you like my writing i take requests!!! please send me requests

[versethetic]

Hey verse 💖

I am currently going through something which makes it really hard for me to persist and feel fulfilled. I find it hard to trust imagination and know I'm doing everything right because I feel insecure? unsure? unstable? I don't know!

It's hard to feel calm and relieved about the 3D, knowing it has to change to my imagination but what if I feel uncomfortable in my own imagination? What if I feel resistant? What if I can't properly imagine things going my way without feeling pain in my chest?

I would appreciate it so so much if you took your time to help me out! 🫶🏻

take a break.

don’t force yourself to do anything that doesn’t make you happy rn. don’t try to affirm or visualize if you’re not happy with your imagination. just take a quick break, get some rest, try your best to ease up on yourself for right now.

do a quick look inward. what is it that you truly want? it doesn’t have to be 100% clear if it’s still something in the works, just identify the main idea of what it is you want.

only imagine what you want and what makes you happy. not comfortable but happy. only identify with your desires.

it is common and completely okay to feel unsure or uncomfortable with your imagination (especially if it’s you imagining what you desire) because that means you’re going to get used to a new state of mind. you’re shedding the old you to make way for the new you.

you may not be used to the idea of things going your way or working in your favor but they are now.

think and really understand this. feelings about what you have ≠ what you truly have. you could feel sad about circumstances, cry and scream and sob. but when it’s over, realize that your true desire still lies in imagination; it has not gone anywhere.

come up with rules. what beliefs do you want to stand by when it comes to how you view loa? you decide what becomes true in your universe and you stick to it, just like with any other assumption you have. what are you deciding is true in your reality?

here are some of my rules as an example

doesn’t have to be these and doesn’t have to be perfect. you get the idea.

anything that doesn’t align with your rules or what you wanna believe? fuck it. don’t identify with it. don’t assign it any meaning. pay it literally not an ounce of attention. you follow your own rules and beliefs because that’s what YOU wanna do.

discipline yourself. be your own validation, build trust in yourself because you are doing everything right. you always have been. get back on your feet as many times until the new state of your desire becomes natural to you. progress doesn’t need to be linear, but it can still be progress.

come up with your rules and stick by them with everything you got because that’s how the law will work for you.

realize that when you stick it out through those feelings and circumstances that inevitably things will change for the better. but you have to stick with that “better” because that persistence is what brings your desires to life.

any negative feelings, doubts, worries etc. feel them, don’t push down your feelings for toxic happiness, but realize that once you’ve felt them and let them run their course, there’s only one place you need to return to.

your imagination.

─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───

tldr:

take a break. relax, let your feelings run their course and soothe yourself.

look inward. what do you desire? what thoughts or images does this desire bring forth in your imagination? identify what you want.

only imagine (affirm, visualize, sats, subs, simply deciding or knowing) and align with your desire. flip the negative thoughts or pay them no mind because they don’t align with what’s in your imagination.

come up with rules. make statements that stand out with what you believe in loa. “i can affirm as much as i want.” “i only need to affirm once.” “i simply know its mine and that’s it.” doesn’t matter what it is as long as its your personal choice.

discipline yourself. stick with these rules and your imagination and disregard anything else. feelings don’t matter. unwanted circumstances don’t matter. negativity doesn’t matter. it will not affect anything you have in imagination. get back on track as many times as you need to.

most importantly, take care of yourself.

[tmntxthings]

Heya! Do you think you could maybe do how Mikey would help with a panic attack?

一∑ I’m Here。・゜・

author’s notes: grace here, just wanted to say I’m winging it, I don’t think I’ve had a full blown panic attack before so maybe this is more just towards Mikey helping with anxiety?? hope you enjoy~ <3

warnings: fluff, hurt/comfort, angst, anxiety, panic attack? established relationship & platonic relationship:D (both cause why not) unedited

—————————————————————————

Mikey is a helper

Plain and simple, he was raised to be that way partly because of Raph (in my humble opinion) but mainly because that’s just who Mikey is as a person, he’s kind <3

If the two of you are friends and he sees you not doing so well in a crowd, say at a party. Lots of people, dim atmosphere, flashing lights. He would approach you carefully, making sure he’s grabbing your attention by waving his hands

“Hey, are you alright? Wanna take a breather with me outside?” He’s immediately offering up an exit from the situation. If you say no, he’s sticking by your side! Not in an uncomfortable way, but just in case you need him. Plus he’s a great conversationalist & dancer so it’s a win-win

If you say yes he’s leading the way, holding out his arm/hand for you to take if you are comfortable enough. Plus he wouldn’t want to lose you in the crowd, he doesn’t force his touch though.

He’d only do that if he felt like he had to protect you from something. Like someone dancing a little too obnoxiously, big movements, taking up too much space and almost hitting you as you try to pass by, he’ll get into your personal space so he can make sure you don’t get hit, he’ll act as your barrier

It doesn’t matter if he’s smaller/shorter, he shall make sure you don’t get hit one way or another. Even if that means pulling you close just in the nick of time! Once outside he’s talking a lot, his voice is light trying to distract you from your inner turmoil or if the two of you are close friends he would ask if you wanted to talk about it

He is Dr. Feelings after all! Certified c; “Dr. Feelings ready to help!! Let’s start from the beginning!”

If the two of you are dating or on the more romantic side he’s much more willing to hold you close. Very much initiating contact right away.

“Everything okay? Is it a panic attack?” He knows your signs already so it’ll only take a certain look of confirmation or a small nod on your part to get him into action. He’s pulling you close into his plastron, rubbing soft circles into your back. Whispering sweet affirmations into your ear, swaying slightly back and forth, it may look like the two of you are just slow dancing in the middle of the party!

If it’s more serious he’s grabbing you by the hand, keeping you close to his side as he navigates the crowd to the nearest exit. Once outside he’s helping you regain control of your breathing. “Alright babe, in and out, c’mon baby do it with me, you can do it,” his tone is so warm, so caring. He’s worried about you!

Once you’re breathing is back to normal he’s asking if you want to talk about it, he mainly wants to know what triggered the attack <3 bc maybe he can watch out for those warnings in the future! He’s a thoughtful bf through and through, “Do you need some water? Something to snack on?”

If you get emotional or start to cry he’s got the saddest smile. He wants nothing more than to turn that frown upset down. He hated to see you cry! No crying!! But as Dr. Feelings he knows its healthy so he just tells you to let it out, “It’s okay, I’m here, I’m here with you angel”

Soft kisses on your cheeks, wiping away those salty tears, telling you how beautiful you are! Shooing away all the bad thoughts and all the negative energy. Quite literally being a little silly, flicking away imaginary bad vibes around your head, “Get away from my partner!!” “Don’t worry babe I’ll protect you!” *insert dramatic ninja skills here*

“Wanna head out? I’m down to do whatever you wanna do!” Again letting you decide what you rather do. Options!!! “We can head home and snuggle up? Movie marathon?? I’ll bake you some cookies <3”

Mikey’s a foodie soooo yeah he’s gonna try and settle that stomach of yours. You want soup? Done! You want sweets? He’s baking! You want a full course meal? Well.. that may take the rest of the night cause you know this turtle is an overachiever but he’s absolutely whipping it up in the kitchen for you

[theambitiouswoman]

¿How to not be scared of failure/making a mistake?

Ever since i was little I've been afraid of answering questions in class because I didn't wanna be made fun of, and whenever i'm called in class (now in college) I feel again like that anxious little girl that gets teary-eyed and wants everyone to stop judging her, and that limits me to excel in academics, and I'm sick of that. But I don't really know where to start, how to get more comfortable with the idea of making a mistake, and I would like to know if you can offer some advice on that. Thank your for reading, hope you have a nice day <3

Hi angel💗

It's not uncommon to feel afraid of failure or making mistakes, especially if you've had negative experiences in the past.

However, it's important to understand that making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process and a necessary step towards success. Remember that mistakes are the building blocks of success. If you’re not making them, you’re not moving forward or giving yourself the opportunity to grow.

Every expert was once a beginner. And those beginners made lots of mistakes. But they didn’t give up.

Consider how strong you have to be to put yourself out there, when so many other people can’t or won’t. In life, you will never be criticized by someone doing better than you.

To me, doing something even though you’re terrified makes you brave. Even if you’re about to cry, even if your voice shakes. ESPECIALLY actually because you powered through regardless of those feelings. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Putting yourself out there is how you gain confidence.

Another way to feel more comfortable in scenarios like the example you gave, is to know as much information on the subject. So much that no one can doubt you, not even yourself. If you know what you’re talking about, you don’t care what people think. This will show in your posture and how you communicate your thoughts.

Taking small actionable steps like raising your hand to ask a question in class, can help because you answer a question and feel validated by the fact that you were right and knew something.

Challenge your negative self-talk by reminding yourself of your strengths and past wins. Believe in yourself so much that others have no choice but to believe in you too.

[stopiteatpopcorn]

RANDO!!! I SAW YOURE TAKING REQUESTS SO HERE I AM

May I humbly request comfort tks with ler Mushitaro? Today has been ROUGH. Feel free to decline and take your time. Love you~ 💖

BRINGING BACK YOUR SMILE

———————————————————

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs

Characters: Ler!Mushitarō x Lee!Reader (Romantic)

⚠️THIS IS A TICKLE FIC SO IF YOU DON’T WANNA SEE THAT, YOU HAVE BEEN RANDO WARNED⚠️

——————————————————————————

Today was not your day, and you felt terrible about it all. So here you were, cooped up under your blankets, trying to keep yourself together. You lay there for a while, before going to text your boyfriend. He’d been out all day, but you needed his comfort now. Though he’d never admit it in front of others, Mushitarō had a soft spot for you so you knew he’d answer right away. You slowly pulled your phone from the coffee table at your bedside and typed. But you stopped for a moment. What if he was busy? Or what if his phone was dead? Or worse, what if he stopped caring? Your negative thoughts were clouding, but as if on cue, Mushitarō had returned home and was calling out your name. When you didn’t answer he eventually walked into the room. “Darling? There you are- How was your day?” You didn’t answer, simply further covered yourself in the blankets. He looked at you with slight worry in his eyes. “Hey…Is everything alright..?” He asked you, sitting beside you and slowly pulling the blankets back down from your face.

“Well…Everything’s been so stressful recently and just…I don’t know- don’t worry about it…” You said. He couldn’t bear to see you so down in the dumps, you were his partner after all. He was quick to cup your face in his hands, looking at you with a caring smile as he caressed your cheek with his thumb.

“But I do worry for you…You don’t have to hide your feelings from me. So please, let me listen. I’m sure it would help to get it off your chest..” He says comfortingly, opening his arms, waiting to see if you’d accept a hug. You were quick to lean into his arms, hugging him tightly. He wrapped his arms around you as tears began to fall down your cheeks.

“I- I’m sorry- I just- So much is going on…” You sobbed quietly. He simply held you close, running his fingers through your hair comfortingly.

“It’s okay…Let it all out…Don’t be sorry for feeling like this…” He whispered, letting you cry into his shoulder. It was times like this that he didn’t mind his perfect suit getting dirty or damp. Heck- He’d be happy to stay like this for hours even. “We can stay like this as long as you like. Though I won’t force you to talk…” He reassured you comfortingly. You stayed like this for a while and eventually, you began to calm down, sniffling silently, before explaining everything.

“So…That’s it…It’s just, a lot to take at once I guess…” You choked out through quieter sobs. He was quick to wipe away your extra tears, and now he looked even more worried, but he tried to keep the feeling down at least a little, after all, he didn’t wanna make you feel like a burden. He was your boyfriend, and you were his partner in crime, he’d do anything to keep you smiling. He let out a deep sigh, before nodding along.

“Oh my- That is indeed a lot…I’m so sorry that all this has happened. Is there anything I could do for you, to at least provide more comfort? You know I hate to see you so blue…” He asked softly, now that you had let your feelings out, you were beginning to think straight again. You knew what you needed, but it was embarrassing to ask for it! Wanting tickles? Sure, a nice shameless thing, but asking? A whole other story- even though he knew about it, and even so that he’d be happy to indulge you. But you just couldn’t do it, the words caught in your throat. However you did still opt to poke his side, trying to provoke him. “H-Hehey-!” He yelps in surprise as you do so, before realizing what you were hinting at, a soft yet playful smile on his face. ‘Oh~ So that’s what they want, hmmm?’ He thought to himself, deciding to be a little playful with it, as he slowly began to bring his hands to your sides, making you shiver with anticipation.

“Now dear, that was quite uncalled for, a little unfair even~ But, I think someone could use a little laughter now, especially after letting out all that sad air…And that person isn’t me~” He teased quietly, and you couldn’t help the blush that rose to your cheeks, burying your face into his chest. “You know who else in in the room though? You~” He concluded in a sing song voice, making you blush even further. He began to trace his manicured nails over your sides softly, enough to tickle, but not too overwhelming. You could feel the giggles that began to bubble in your throat as you pursed your lips together to try keep them in. But he knew you’d crack eventually. Thankfully this time, he wasn’t aiming to turn you into a heap of cackles and squeals, keeping it light. He knew how much you enjoyed this, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t happy to indulge you.

“M-Mushitaha-!” You protested half heartedly, accidentally letting out a giggle when he hit a sensitive spot on your waist. He was quick to notice this, as he continued the light traces there, making more steady giggles pour out through your lips.

“Yes, my love~? What is it?” He asked, as if he wasn’t doing anything at all. You groaned through your giggling, but it was clear you weren’t really mad, just flustered. And you both knew it all too well!

“Youhuhehe- Ihit tihihickles-!” You giggled softly into his shoulder, but you showed no signs nor efforts of wanting it to stop. He smiled at this, glad that you were enjoying yourself.

“Well, I sure hope it does, that is the point is it not~?” He asked with mock innocence, before scribbling across your back and ribs lightly, while a squeak and even more giggles burst out from your lips once more.

“Hehehey-! Nahahaha-“ You giggled half hearted protests, tightening your grip on him to prevent yourself from stopping his hands and lost in happy giggles as he continued. He eventually switched to tracing shapes into your sides lightly, your giggles beginning to steady again. But he’d switch up continuously, going from your sides, to your stomach, then to your ribs and repeat, before suddenly scribbling across your back and neck. This made you unable to get used to the feelings, which somehow made them even more ticklish! How unfair!…..Is what you would say if you weren’t giggling your cares away freely.

“Awwww, your smile is such a precious sight~! I’m truly lucky to have someone like you in my life you know?” He complimented, as he eventually began to slow his fingers to a stop, resting his hands at your sides. “And I mean that, so don’t forget it.” He reassured, placing a soft kiss atop your head and pulling you in for a hug.

“I won’t…Thank you love..” You whispered, a content smile on your face. He nodded in acknowledgment, and for a moment, you both sat in silence, before he got up, getting you some warm tea, sitting beside you. The rest of the night was spent with the two of you in eachothers arms, and you couldn’t shake the warmth in your heart when you were together. Sure, he could be stubborn or annoying at times, and he’d most likely say the same for you on rare occasions. But who cares, neither of you would have it any other way.

———————————————————————————————————————

A/N: Hi Sakura! I’m so sorry this took so long I’ve been kinda busy, and I’m sorry if it’s a little short, as I wanted to try get this to you as quick as I could when I had the chance! But, I hope this helps at least a little, and I hope you’re doing okay currently! Just like Mushitarō wants for you, don’t forget to smile! And take a hug too!

[stardustcrusader]

So I stopped at a Jack-in-the-Box on the way here and the girl said 'Hiya! Are you having an awesome day?' not 'How are you doing today?' but 'Are you having an awesome day?' Which is pretty shitty because it puts the onus on me to disagree with her, like if I'm not having an 'awesome day,' I'm suddenly the negative one. Usually when people ask me how I'm doing the real answer is I'm doing shitty, but I can't say I'm doing shitty because I don't even have a good reason to be doing shitty. So if I say 'I'm doing shitty,' and they're like 'Why? What's wrong?' and I have to be like 'I dunno, all of it.' So instead when people ask me how I'm doing I say 'I am doing so great.' But when this girl in the Jack-in-the-Box asked me if I was having an awesome day, I thought 'Well today, I'm actually allowed to feel shitty. Today I have a good reason.' So I said 'My mom died.' and she immediately burst into tears. So I have to comfort her, which is annoying, and meanwhile there's a line of people forming behind me who are all giving me these really judgey looks because I made the Jack-in-the-Box girl cry. And she's bawling and she's saying 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!' and I'm like, 'It's fine, it's fine. I mean it's not fine, but you know it's fine. And I would like to order a Double Jack Meal and I've kinda got somewhere to be, so less with the crying and more with the frying, huh?' Then the girl apologizes again, and offers me a free churro with my meal. And as I'm leaving I think 'I just got a free churro because my mom died. No one ever tells you that when your mom dies, you get a free churro.' [Throat clearing] Anyways, that's not part of the uh, okay, here we go. Let's do this. Here I am, Bojack Horseman, doing a eulogy, let's go." [...] "Beatrice Horseman, who was she? What was her deal? Well, she was a horse. She was born in 1938. She died in 2018. One time she went to a parade. And one time she smoked an entire cigarette in one long inhale; I watched her do it. Truly a remarkable woman. Lived a full life, that lady, all the way to the end--which is uh, now, I guess. It really makes you think though, huh? Life, right? It goes by, stuff happens, then you die. Okay, well that's my time, tip your waitress. Nah, I'm just kidding around. There's no waitress, but that's all I have to say about my mother. No point in beating a dead horse, right? So [inhales] Mom, you got any ideas? Anything? Mom? No? Nothing to contribute? Knock once if you're proud of me. Can I just say how amazing it is to be in a room with my mother and I can just talk and talk without her asking me to shut up and make her a drink? Hey mom, knock once if you think I should shut up. No, you sure? I mean I don't wanna embarrass you by making this eulogy into a me-logy. So, seriously if you want me to sit down and let someone else have a turn, knock once and I will not be offended. No? Your funeral. Sorry about the closed-casket by the way. She wanted an open-casket but, uh she's dead now, so who cares what she wanted. No, that sounds bad. [Stuttering] I'm sorry, but I-I think if she could've seen what she looked like dead she would've agreed it's better this way. I mean she looked like this. [Agonized expression] Kinda like a pissed off toy dinosaur. Coroner couldn't get her eyes closed so now her face is forever frozen in a mask of tremendous horror and anguish; or as my mom called it: Tuesday. Tuesday. My mom called it Tuesday. Hey mom, what'd you think of that joke? You like that? You never did care for my comedy. [Clears throat] Here's a story. When I was a teenager, I performed a comedy routine for my high school talent show. There was this, uh cool jacket I wanted to wear because I thought it made me look like Albert Brooks. For months I saved up for this jacket and when I finally had enough I went to the store and it was gone. They'd just sold it to someone else. So I went home and I told my mother and she said 'Let that be a lesson: that's the good that comes from wanting things.' She was really good at dispensing life lessons that always seemed to circle back to everything being my fault. But then, on the day of the talent show, my mother had a surprise for me. She had bought me the jacket... and even though she didn't know how to say it, I knew that she loved me. Now that's a good story about my mother--it's not true. But it's a good story, right? I stole it from an episode of Maude I saw when I was a kid where she talks about her father. I remember when I saw it thinking 'That's the kind of story I wanna tell about my parents when they die.' But I don't have any stories like that. All I know about being good I learned from TV. And in TV flawed characters are always showing they care with these surprising grand gestures; and I think a part of me still believes that's what love is. But in real life, the big gesture isn't enough. You need to be consistent. You need to be dependably good. You can't just screw everything up and take a boat out into the ocean to save your best friend or solve a mystery and fly to Kansas. You need to do it everyday, which is so hard. When you're a kid, you convince yourself that maybe the grand gesture could be enough. That even though your parents aren't what you need them to be over and over and over again, at any moment they might surprise you with something... wonderful. I kept waiting for that. The proof that even though my mother was a hard woman, deep down, she loved me, and cared about me, and wanted me to know that I made her life a little bit brighter. Even now, I find myself waiting. Hey Mom. Knock once if you love me and care about me and want me to know I made your life a little bit brighter. [Silence] My mother did not go gentle into that good night. She went clawing and fighting and thrashing--hence the face. If you'd seen her, I swear to god, the only thing you'd be thinking about right now is that I am nailing this impression. I was in the hospital in those last moments and they were truly horrifying. Full of nonsensical screams and cries, but there was this one moment, this one instant of strange... calm. Where she looked in my direction and said 'I See You.' That's the last thing she said to me. 'I See You.' Not a statement of judgement or disappointment. Just acceptance and the simple recognition of another person in a room. 'Hello there. You are a person, and I see you.' Lemme tell ya, it's a weird thing to feel at fifty four years old that for the first time in your life your mother sees you. It's an odd realization that that's the thing you've been missing; the only thing you've been wanting all along. To be seen. And it doesn't feel like a relief to finally be seen, it feels mean. Like 'Oh, turns out that you knew what I wanted and you waited until the very last moment to give it to me.' I was prepared for more cruelty. I was sure that she would get in one final zinger about how I let her down and about how I was fat and stupid and too tall to be an effective Lindy Hopper. About how I was needy, and a burden, and an embarrassment. All that I was ready for. I was not ready for 'I See You.' Only my mother would be lousy enough to swipe me with a moment of connection on her way out. But maybe I'm giving her too much credit. Maybe it wasn't about connection. Maybe it was a... maybe it was an 'I See You' like 'I SEE YOU' like 'You might have the rest of the world fooled, but I know exactly who you are.' That's more my mom's speed. Or... maybe she just literally meant 'I see you... You are an object that has entered my field of vision.' She was pretty out of it at the end there, so maybe it's dumb to try to attribute it to anything. Back in the 90's I was in a very famous TV show called Horsin' Around. Please hold your applause. And I remember one time a fan asked me 'Hey, um, you know that episode where the horse has to give Ethan a pep talk after Ethan finds out his crush only asked him to the dance because her friends were having a dorkiest date contest? In all the shots of the horse, you can see a paper coffee cup on the kitchen counter, but in the shots of Ethan, the coffee cup's missing. Was that because the show was making a statement about the fluctuant subjectivity of memory and how even two people can experience the same moment in entirely different ways?' And I didn't have the heart to like, 'No man, some crew guy just left their coffee cup in the shot.' So instead I was like 'Yeah.' And maybe this is the coffee cup. Maybe we're dumb to try to pin significance onto every little thing. Maybe when someone says 'I See You.' it just means 'I see you.' Then again, maybe she wasn't even talking to me, because if I'm being honest, she wasn't really looking at me. She was looking just past me. There was nobody else in the room, so I wanted to think she was talking to me. But honestly she was so far gone at that point who knows what she was seeing. Who're talking to, ma? Not saying, huh? Staying mum." [...] "Maybe she saw my dad. My dad died about ten years ago from injuries he sustained during a duel. When your father dies you ask yourself a lot of questions. Questions like ‘Wait did you say he died in a duel?’ and ‘Who dies in a duel?’ The whole thing was so stupid. Dad spent his entire life writing this book, but he couldn’t get any stores to carry it or any newspapers to review it. Finally I guess this one newspaper thought he was pretty hilarious because they ran a review and tore him to shreds. So my father, ever the proud Mary, decided that he would not stand for this besmirchment of his honor and he claimed the critic didn’t understand what it meant to be a man. So he demanded satisfaction in the form of pistols at dawn. He wrote the paper this letter saying ‘anyone who didn’t like his book he would challenge to a duel.’ Anyone in the world. He’d even pay for airfare to San Francisco and a night at a hotel. Well eventually this found its way to some kook in Montana who was about as batshit as he was and he took him up on the offer. They met at Golden Gate Park and agreed ten paces, then shoot. But in the middle of the ten paces, Dad turned to ask the guy if he’d read the book and what he’d thought, but not looking where he was going, he tripped over an exposed root, fell, and bashed his head on a rock. I wish I’d known to go to Jack-in-the-Box then. Maybe could’ve gotten a free churro. Would’ve been nice to have something to show for being the son of Butterscotch Horseman. My darling mother gave the eulogy. Mind you, during my entire life I had never heard her say a kind word to or about my father, but at his funeral she said ‘My husband is dead and everything is worse now.’ ‘My husband is dead and everything is worse now.’ I dunno why she said that. Maybe she felt like that’s the kinda thing you’re supposed to say at a funeral. Maybe she hoped that one day someone would say that about her. My mother is dead and everything is worse now. Or maybe she knew that he had frittered away all her inheritance and replaced it with crippling debt. Which is a pretty shitty thing to leave your widow with. Bad news you lost a husband, but don’t worry, you also lost the house. Maybe Mom knew she’d have to sell her fancy jewelry and move into a home. Maybe that’s what she meant by ‘everything is worse now.’ Is that what you meant, Mom? I gotta say I’m really carrying this double-act. At least with Penn and Teller, at least the quiet one does card tricks.” [...] “What’s the difference between a first-year lit major and my mother, Beatrice Horseman? One’s well-read and the other’s a huge bitch. Yeah might’ve gone a little too far with that one. That might’ve been too ‘huge bitch’ for the room. I’m sorry, Mother, you’re not a huge bitch. You were a huge bitch... and now you’re dead. You know the first time I ever performed in front of an audience was actually with my mom. She used to put on these shows with her supper club in the living room and she used to make [inhales] she used to make me sing the lollipop song... And those parties, they were really something. There were skits and magic acts and ethically insensitive vaudeville routines and the big finale was always a dance my mother did. She had this beautiful dress that she only brought out for these parties and she did this incredible number and it was so beautiful... and sad. Dad hated those parties. He locked himself in the study and would bang on the walls for us to keep it down, but he always came out to see Mom dance. He'd linger in the doorway, scotch in hand, and watch in awe as this cynical, despicable woman he married took flight. And as a child who was completely terrified of both my parents, I was always aware that this moment of grace--it meant something. We understood each other in a way; me and my mom and my dad. As screwed up as we all were, we did understand each other. My mother, she knew what it's like to feel your entire life like you're drowning with the exception of these moments. These very rare, brief instances in which you suddenly remember you can swim. But then again, mostly not. Mostly you're drowning. She understood that, too. And she recognized that I understood it, too... and Dad. All three of us were drowning and we didn't know how to save each other, but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together. And I would like to think that that's what she meant when we were in the hospital and she said 'I See You.' You know the weird thing about both your parents being dead is that it means you're next. I mean, it's not like there's a waitlist for dying; any one of us could be run over by a Snapchatting teen at any moment and you'd think that knowing that would make us more adventurous and kind and forgiving, but it makes us small and stupid and petty. I actually had a near-death experience recently. A stunt went bad and I fell off a building. I'm an actor. I do my own stunts. I work on this show Philbert. I'm Philbert. It hasn't come out yet, but it's getting heavy buzz. And, oh, speaking of buzz I'm supposed to take two of these every morning, but my mornings are so screwed up because of the shooting schedule I don't even know what mornings mean anymore. There's a joke in there about a guy who's been to so many funerals he doesn't even know what mourning means anymore. Let you guys figure out what that one means for yourselves. Anyway, wanna know what I thought when I was falling off that building and I went into panic mode? The last thing that my stupid brain could come up with before I died: 'Won't they be sorry.' Cool thought, brain." [...] "I don't even know what 'they' I wanted to be sorry. My mom, even before she died, could barely remember who I was, and of course, my dad's dead. The last conversation I ever had with him was about his novel. He was so certain this book was his legacy. Maybe he thought it would vindicate him from all the shitty things he ever did in his stupid worthless life. Maybe he didn't. Dunno. Never read it--'cause why would I give him that? I used to be on this TV show Horsin' Around. Seriously, though, hold your applause. Well held. It was written by my friend, Herb Kazzaz, who's also dead now, and this little girl named Sarah Lynn, and it was about these orphans. And early on, the network had a note: 'Maybe don't mention they're orphans so much, since audiences tend to find orphans sad and not relatable.' But I never thought the orphans were sad, I always thought they were lucky because they could imagine their parents to be anything they wanted. They had something to long for. Anyway, we did this one season finale when Olivia's birth mother comes to town and she was a junkie, but she's gotten herself cleaned up and she wants to be in Olivia's life again. And of course, she's just like a perfect, grown-up version of Olivia and they go to the mall and get her ears pierced like she's always wanted and--sorry, spoiler alert for the season six finale of Horsin' Around if you're still... working your way through it. Anyway, the horse tries to warn her 'Be careful, moms have a way of letting you down.' But Olivia just thinks the horse is jealous. When the mom says she's moving the California, Olivia decides to go with her--and the network really juiced the cliffhanger. Is Olivia gone for good? But, of course, it's a TV show; she's not gone for good. But, of course, it's a TV show; Olivia's mother had a relapse and had to go back to rehab so Olivia had to hitchhike all the way home--getting rides from Mr. T, Malf, and the cast of Snop. Because of course that's what happened. What're you gonna do? Not have Olivia on the show? You can't have happy endings in sitcoms--not really--because then the show would be over and above all else the show has to keep going. There's always more show. And you can call Horsin' Around dumb or bad or unrealistic but there's nothing more realistic than that. You never get a happy ending because there's always more show. I guess until there isn't. My mom would hate it if she knew I spent so much time at her funeral talking about my old TV show, or maybe she'd think it was funny that her idiot son couldn't even do this right; who knows. She left no instructions for what she wanted me to say. All I know is that she wanted an open casket and that her idiot son couldn't even do that right. I'm not gonna stand up here and pretend I ever knew how to please that woman, even though so much of my life has been wasted in vain attempts to figure it out. But I keep going back to that moment in the ICU when she looked at me. 'I See You.' 'I. C. U.' Jesus Christ. We were in the intensive care unit. She was just reading a sign. My mom died and all I got was this free churro. You know the shittiest thing about all this? Is when that stranger behind the counter that gave me that free churro is that small act of kindness showed more compassion than my mother gave me in her entire god damn life. Like, how hard is it to do something nice for a person? This woman at the Jack-in-the-Box didn't even know me. I'm your son. All I had was you. [Inhales.] I had this friend and right around when I first met her, her dad died and I actually went with her to the funeral. And months later she told me she didn't understand why she was still upset because she never even liked her father. It made sense to me because I went through the same thing when my dad died and I'm going through the same thing now. You know what it's like? It's like that show Becker. You know, with Ted Dansen? I watched the entire run of that show hoping it would get better and it never did. It had all the right pieces but it just--it couldn't put them together and when it got cancelled I was really bummed out. Not because I liked the show but because I knew it could be so much better and now it never would be and that's... what losing a parent is like. It's like Becker. Suddenly you realize you'll never have the good relationship you wanted and as long as they were alive, even though you'd never admit it, part of you--the stupidest goddamn part of you--was still holding onto that chance. And you didn't even realize it until that chance went away. My mother is dead and everything is worse now. Because now I know I'll never have a mother who looks at me from across the room and says 'Bojack Horseman, I see you.' But I guess it's good to know. Good to know that there is nobody looking out for me. That there never was. That there never will be. So, it's good to know that I'm the only one I can depend on. And I know that now and it's good. It's good that I know that. So. It's good my mother's dead. Well, no point in beating a dead horse. Beatrice Horseman was born in 1938 and died in 2018 and I have no idea what she wanted... Unless she just wanted what we all want. To be seen.

-- Bojack Horseman, Season 5 Episode 6 "Free Churro"

[wylanwriting]

Analysis of Scaramouche and Bohemian Rhapsody’s lyrics

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see

As Scaramouche himself says, “The stars, the sky... It's all a gigantic hoax. A lie.", likely in reference to discovering that the sky in Teyvat is fake, as hinted by Dottore.

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me 

Reference to Scaramouche’s anemo vision and blasé attitude 

Mama, just killed a man Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead Mama, life had just begun But now I've gone and thrown it all away

I think this could be referring to either many of the plausible deaths he caused, or maybe even his death as a god. “Life had just begun” for him as a god and he “threw it all away.”

Mama, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry If I'm not back again this time tomorrow Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

Generally referring to his negative relationship with Raiden Ei and thinking she had abandoned him for being weak, possibly in an ironic way, telling her to “carry on” as if she even thought twice about him after ‘abandoning him’.

Too late, my time has come Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go

After being defeated by Nahida and the Traveler and gravely injured. As he says in “Wanderer: Ashes, “Once more... I have lost my heart. It hurts. My skin feels like it’s on fire.”

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

Entering Irmunsul to “face the truth” and attempt to erase himself.

Mama, ooh  I don't wanna die I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

Spoken by him in ‘Wanderer: Ashes’: “No, in fact, I wish I’d never been born at all.”

I see a little silhouetto of a man Scaramouche, Scaramouche,-

Obviously ‘Scaramouche’ is his name given during his time at the Fauti, likely as an insult as it means “a boastful but cowardly person.” It could also refer to a type of puppet.

-will you do the Fandango?

The theme during Scaramouche’s first introduction is named “Ominous Fandango”, Also, in his profile under “Least Favorite Food” he states: “I'm no fan of Dango, or any other sticky sweets....” which is an odd way to word it, possibly intentional so it reads out “fan … Dango.” Raiden Ei, notably, is a fan of dango milk and sweets in general.

Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me

Reference to Raiden Shogun and Inazuma as a whole.

(Galileo) Galileo, (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro magnifico

Galileo was an astronomer who challenged beliefs held at the time, such as the Sun being the center of the universe rather than the Earth. This could be referring to the idea that the sky in Teyvat is fake, as hinted by Dottore. Scaramouche also proclaims himself, “The stars, the sky... It's all a gigantic hoax. A lie." It’s very possible that Scara, upon becoming a god and making contact with Irminsul, learned the true nature of Teyvat and its sky. (Credit to Scara’s wiki for pointing this out)

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me!

Raiden Ei’s demon name is Baal/Beelzebub. I think the “devil” she put aside for him may be referring to Yae Miko, who proposed to Ei that Scaramouche should be killed shortly after his birth instead of set free.

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can love me and leave me to die? Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby! Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

This could be about all three of his ‘betrayals.’ The line “So you think you can love me and leave me to die?” makes me think of the child who ‘betrayed him’ by dying, and ‘Just gotta get out’ could be referring to him leaving Tatarasuna to wander Inazuma.

There’s probably a lot that I missed, but this is what I took of how the lyrics correspond to his story. Again, credit to his wikipedia page for pointing out a lot of this

[thisdreamplace]

Hi dream. 😵‍💫 anon here. I want to respond to your last response. I don’t believe that being anxious stops us from being in a state of what we want either. Sometimes people throw so many random conditions around. Even if we have anxiety and cry, that doesn’t mean we aren’t on the path or in the state. The state won’t feel like forcing ourselves not to be a certain way. If we’re anxious, we’re anxious. I have it in my mind that everything will be okay despite the negative emotions or reactions. I appreciate you being so open here. I hate that you were feeling that way and I hope you are feeling more at ease now. Sending a virtual hug. 🫂 Also the movie you talked about, What Dreams May Come, is now on my watch list. I’m going to watch it tonight, actually. Thank you for the recommendation.

I had such a real conversation with myself yesterday. I asked “what is being myself?” I have never known. I’ve always wanted to be like or be someone else. I’ve always tried so hard to be liked that I never once just went with the flow of being me. I only lived for the validation & views of others, even with my looks. My looks were the only reason people even gave me attention. So I let that fuel my high school life. Everything I did or looked like was for other peoples’ validation. Soon, peoples’ compliments didn’t feed my ego anymore. I was left with how I truly felt about myself. Bad. I let that feeling settle and I’ve never been the same. My whole being changed when I had to depend on myself for my own happiness. I felt ugly and so did the world. Eventually, even my friend called me ugly. No one genuinely liked me as an entire person, just my face. I’ve been in a downward spiral ever-since. I haven’t known how to pick myself up. Of course I have matured since then, I just turned 20, but I still see how living by people’s validation has gotten me to this negative point. I’ve been afraid to be me (even with the things I like to do) because of my dependency on others’ views.

I remember you speaking about not avoiding yourself. I know it seems like I had such a negative revelation but I’m joyful about it. My problem with everything and even manifesting is that I keep seeking that validation from others. I noticed that even my desires were linked to, “if I get this, then people will think this” But why haven’t I prioritized how I felt? Don’t I want to change my life for me? I’m still learning. I’m still growing, but I hope to live for me now.

I wish everyone could see your blog. So they’d know that their journey is okay. There is a future waiting with possibilities. And there is a now that we are meant to enjoy and make the best of. 😊 I would have never thought like this before, but you have opened my mind, Dream! 💕 Now, I’m going to watch What Dreams May Come and begin the journey of being me. I’m excited to see who I will become everyday of my life.

P.S. I hope your day went well today. I’m sending you peace & love.

hiiii 😵‍💫anon <3

"the state won't feel like forcing ourselves to be a certain way" right... and it just doesn't make sense really. when we feel down, our entire world doesnt disappear. we still have those things that feel natural to have hahah, despite the mood we are in. and i'm feeling much better 🥰 thank you. these days, honestly, i really just invite it all in. no matter what...i really just... choose freedom over holding onto anything painful. thank you for the virtual hug.

i'm so glad you brought that up and are figuring that out for yourself. i think that these days, thats the question everyone asks: "who do i wanna be" and not so much, "who am i, really ?" and i have found that.. i've gotten a lot further asking the second question than the first. because if everything is already perfect and aligned within myself... i don't need to be anything else or try to be some ideal. i just need to allow my true self to shine through. i'm glad you were able to reflect that much, because through that you'll know how to move forward. you know what stories you used to believe about yourself and now you don't have to keep believing in them. not that it'll be easy, but you have found a guide within yourself of what to let go of in order to move forward. and that's always wonderful.

i think that even a negative revelation is a freeing one. because now you won't be as much of a prisoner to it, you can't possibly change something you aren't even aware of it. even though it's painful, it's also... exciting. :) i really get it. living for yourself is really the way. i reread an article from a few years ago yesterday, and it was just a reminder of that. in all of this... there's really no one to worry about but you. you know, we don't get a prize/more love for our suffering. so why keep engaging in it ? i'm glad that you're doing all of this for yourself now. keep moving forward and always remember that the healing isn't linear... it'll be okay to feel like things are more hard sometimes. just never forget that you can return to yourself always.

thank you so much for your kind words 🥹 it really means a lot to be because... that's really what i wanted in having this blog. to share my own journey and through that, emphasizing that it's okay not to be okay. there's a light... and it's our own selves, if we allow it. i've been the light in my own darkness, and i want everyone to know the same is true for them. i'm glad you know it now too. :) and i'm so excited for you !!

please let me know what you think of the movie ! i just rewatched it today, and it was just as lovely, honestly better now that i've grown since the last time i saw it. and also, i just love the visuals of the movie. so beautiful !

also thank you, my days have been really lovely. there's just so much love everywhere and i'm just allowing myself to take it all in. it's really nice hehe ❣️

[toinfinitywinning]

Moments and massive revelations —the really special realm of Hell.

Stubbornness. Pain. Lament. Jealousy. No Confidence but w/ a good selfie smile b/c ur Dog can’t take pictures, & no stick b/c u Def picked the wrong one or something. I say similar thoughts a lot…and w/ teardrops on my guitar …so I’m paying close attention. This stuff is dangersome.

Okay. I’ll just make a list.

Growth and learning during:

- humility. throw your Pride out the Door-you will need help.

- regardless of the wrong’s you righted before getting sick. They’re still achievements, but they’re not realized. So then you think was it worth it? Yes, but is it too much to ask to bask in it for just a bit? I mean I am talking multiple, major Life changes. Ha—here’s COVID-19. After that you better be in for the Long-Haul too ‘cuz…

- appreciation for the very minute of things we do in a Day. Getting the mail is difficult for me. Brushing my teeth —out of breath so have to incorporate breaks to breathe Right.

- there are more people Who care about you than you ever knew. It’s not just b/c you’re going through this, people just may be more Vocal. Makes complete sense but took me a bit to get there.

- you will want to throw something, scream into a pillow, drown in self pity —some of which you think you don’t deserve or are allowed. Do it anyway. Safely.

- some days u just gotta laugh. I mean fr b/c u can’t even cry. And things R absurd LOL

- regardless of your spiritual Life or beliefs. You’re gonna be angry at the God or State of mind supposed to save you and take it all away. Then realize that’s not at all the point. We’re not puppets. Think of how dull Life would be w/o the ecstasy from an achievement or how mundane if we didn’t have anything to have Faith in or Hope for or Love or forgive. That’s why we’re not born in Heaven maybe. We have to try first. I don’t want to be a Lazarus. I wanna fight. And we may never know an answer or reason to any of it. That’s gonna take a lifetime to settle b/c there is no rationality to be had.

- I do not mean this to pettifog. You actually do find out Who comes through for you. That old country song line.

- it’s possible to have a Good Day even full of Pain and Discomfort but u kinda have to make yourself and accept its potential consequence for participating.

- the little things aren’t little anymore. You envy people Who can do normal things. Things you used to do without a problem in the world.

- I’ve had to do a lot of fixing in my Life. This may not be perfectly fixed. We don’t have a Choice but to either live with it as a strength and inspiration or stay negative and pouty about what once was. Even tho you have every reason to.

- you will learn so much about yourself. So much. And most things I’ve learned have been new revelations. May have always been there but there to manifest as needed. It’s not all great but I’m not the same person just a few more grayish hairs.

- you will experience numbness. You can sit with it & pull your compression socks down for a bit, b/c this is something no one deserves. You just can’t live there.

- patience. You will never have to try harder. Hyper, hyper sensitivity.

- a journey to healing IF ever realized will be the hardest job you’ve ever had to do. More overtime than you can be paid. And u didn’t even interview. In a material result and no result world it’s disconcerting not to “get anything back”

- you’ll think back about previous hard times. How in that moment life was the worst it could ever be. How much time do u have lol. Next bad thing, ugh so much harder. And while all of this is very true, and all real, i will tell you that to know true strength is to come into any light possible while wielding off not just the physical, but all the emotions of the rainbow and mind. This even is a choice. People complimented you about your strength and are inspired by your determination to think u can. Girl were we wrong...you can make all the “Right” choices and healthy habits and still get punked over and over by Kevin McCalister. When I appreciate people now I try to take their “all” of them. Who are they in that moment. It is a different Life. And anyone else’s journey? Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to witness triumph b/c of how many obstacles went unseen. Yet they made it.

- the only person allowed to say “it could be worse” is you. Period. To be otherwise feels a bit like a competition. We, going through it, already know that. I have the same complaint when it feels like some people or orgs compete for who’s ‘wokest’? B/c if that’s why we’re / I’m doing how disingenuous.

- when words/phrases like holiday or vacation or lets Go out give you more Anxiety and worsen your Physical Health—that’s when you know your Life has done a 180. Especially if those were the times you lived for. This hard Truth and reality is one of the hardest for me. I already had Anxiety about unpacking after vacation before I packed in the first place but whether or not waiting until you really have to Go to the bathroom so u can (while you’re up) also get some water is just something I would have thought before as one of the dumbest things I’d ever heard. And how cruel is that knowing what I know and feel now.

- Life is not a give and take like we want it to be. If that were the Case I’m not positive we’d ever know what healing or getting better really means. Not only that—you may give more than any other, and nothing. You may see the best doctors and access to all the Meds and tests put forward. Nothing. Pretty soon things are hollow and harrowing. Kind of like the celebrities Who swear that money does not make you happy. It’s like a bandaid that doesn’t stay on in the shower, the ones at Doc offices u get after shots. With mickey on them.

- I think joy is like a preventative medicine. When you practice taking it, You save it up and changes you. Like any of my tattoos, there’s gotta be a story there or something meaningful even if your answer starts off, “well spring break senior year we were…’ you get it. Hangover 1-3 movies. HappYness fleets around. More drug like. Addictive really. Impulsive. Every big chain company’s biggest threat if they can get us hooked. You just got swindled. Ha and to Go a bit more political—people know this scheme is pyramid like and use sneaky ways to have Power over you. Goodness I’m not trying to make this sound like a happy cult but there’s just Def a difference.

- you are exhausted mind body and Soul and regardless of consequence you have to choose some times to be present b/c for me I don’t want to Miss out on vacations and holiday’s. But it is an hourly debate. But I can’t just sit there every significant interaction.

- you’re tired. You’ve been strong, resilient, ppl tell you and u appreciate it. But I get tired of having to stay strong. It’s just so overwhelming and for me especially b/c “I can do it alone.” I’ve failed at that a few times.

- you’ll notice things you never have before. Suddenly they mean something like whether u can drive to get Food.

- being a bit redundant but part of stewardship on my End is allowing the help. Someone WANTS to do something for you for THEIR spiritual needs. Not in a vain type of Way. Let them. We’ve all been on the other side.

- you will experience a full range of emotions. Address them separately. Ppl still might look up to you.

- you’ll wanna give up. Don’t. Maybe your continuing going on is the stewardship someone recognizes in themselves. Idk. Pay it forward?

- lastly. YOU don’t KNOW everything. Karma could very well be your best friend, but that line of thinking is non productive and will only take u so far before you’re complaining re something else. B/c regardless of what I’ve done, —and given its timing you learn a karma hostage relationship is something easier holding on to than facing it. Just deflect.

That’s okay. When ready move on to the New Testament. I’m not fully there. But, I have to think the puppet analogy doesn’t apply here too. Shit happens. Ask that dude running with Forrest with a tshirt company dream that died and some dog shizz. Just control what you can. Easier said than done. Thats why when we do overcome—it means more. It’s engrained. Forever inevitable if you can continue to separate the wheat from the chaff. Card Game of Bullshit.

- ppl at some point think you’re being dramatic and begging for attention as if any more attention is what would heal us

- comments like you look Good or sound fine fall deaf. Well So do ppl Right before they kill themselves. Anymore how u look doesn’t have Shit of a correlation

- you’ll get on ppl’s nerves

- you’ll be resented and questioned how sick u really are. Trust me faking —that’s the last Fucking thing on our minds.

- I don’t need to explain anything

[aajjks]

⚠️⚠️⚠️

TPOL!JK

“i’d love to but i can’t” you say rejecting the invitation and jungkook is shocked but it wouldn’t be in either of your best interests for you to appear and ruin everything.

you know should’ve done things different but you were a coward. you’re always a coward but this time…this time you’ll do things a lot differently. you’re gonna do what you should’ve done those 9 months ago.

“i’m…i am so sorry, jungkook. i should’ve stood up for you when yerin was talking shit about you. she had no right to bring up jaemin and i should’ve went after you but i didn’t. i was a coward. i-i am a coward and i’m gonna accept responsibility for my actions and apologize for all the shit i put you through because as your partner, well, when i was your partner i should’ve respected you more”

you speak from your heart and let it out. if it’s always been communication then you need to communicate your wrongdoings and admit. unfortunately you can’t change the past, you really really wish you could’ve but all there’s left is to move on. he has to move on and you have to let go. how else will he move on when you keep pulling him back?

“i appreciate you for allowing me to spend time with jaemin and the invite but jungkook, i’m…i’m toxic. i always kept thinking it was you when really it was me. i won’t pop up in your life anymore and i’m going to respect your mother’s wishes and distance myself from you. i love you, jungkook. a lot. so so much and i love jaemin too so i hope you accept my apology for failing to be the partner you’ve always wanted” you say and before jungkook can say anything, you put a finger to his lips “uh uh, i don’t want you to tell me how you feel yet. not until i do what i should’ve done those months ago, okay?”

jungkook nods confused as to what you meant but he feels his heart warming up after your sincere apology.

you watch jungkook leave with jaemin sleeping in his arms and once the door is shut, you begin your plan to ‘fix it.’

“jorja, i’ll be back” you tell your friend as you pack your things and book a flight back to korea. “why didn’t you accept the invitation? i mean the apology was sweet but where are you going?”

“home” you reply ignoring her first question.

“why? do you wanna move back?”

“no. just gonna handle something. i’ll be back okay?”

you fly back to korea the next morning and it’s jorja who attends jaemin’s party with gifts and takes pictures for you to keep on his first birthday. the infant you knew since he was just a newborn is now a toddler and if you really plan on keeping your word, then you’re probably gonna want pictures to cherish.

meanwhile…

*knock* *knock*

“hey yerin”

“y/n? what the hell are you doing here?”

“just wanted to talk. if you don’t mind”

“talk? we have nothing to talk about. because of you yugyeom divorced me”

“well because of you, jungkook and i are separated”

“good. he’s not good for anyways”

“i suppose you know what’s good for me, right yerin? you always know what’s best for me. i never enabled him, it was you i enabled. i enabled you to talk shit about him, plague my mind with negative thoughts about him, and i even chose you over him….but not anymore”

you pull a knife from behind your back and push yerin inside her home and slam the door shut.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! y-y/n ch-chill out okay? listen! please! d-don’t do this!! we’re friends”

“WERE friends but not anymore”

yerin bolts for her telephone to call the cops but her phone isn’t working.

“i shut the breaker off. you have no power, no internet, and now you’re all mine”

you catch her so easily and when you do, you stab her over and over.

you watch the life slip from her eyes and you feel…you feel proud for a moment. in a span of 5 minutes, you cry, scream, laugh, and mourn for your friend but she hurt your family and you fixed it. jungkook is going to be so proud of you when you tell him you fixed everything.

he’s killed for you and now you’ve killed for him.

“rot in hell, yerin”

It is safe to say that jungkook has been very giddy since last night, you apologized to him when he thought you never would, and… it means the world to him that you did.

And you even said that you love him very much, so so much as you put it and he is so happy that he’s radiating at his son’s birthday party. “Ahhhh no no baby don’t touch the cake.” he’s holding Jaemin and Jiae standing right next to him, all of the kids and the photographers, even the adults are clapping so enthusiastically for him, as jungkook takes his hands and helps him cut the cake.

He feels your absence a lot, but he has no idea where you are. He’s going to ask jorja about your whereabouts later, it was so kind of her to bring the gifts too. Jungkook is giggling as Jaemin tastes the cake, going all gogo eyed at the taste of it.

Jorja screams and happiness as she takes pictures, ji ae Is so happy too, because she got to live the day where she got to witness her grandson’s first birthday.

And her health is finally improving a lot. And the best thing about all of this is that jungkooks been in a really good mood.

“Ahhh the cake and food will be now served so all of you thank you for coming and Enjoy yourselves.” Jungkook says before taking Jaemin away with him so he can inspect the hotels decoration, and they did a really good job, because it all looks so good.

“Proud of this.” He whispers to himself. raising a child all by yourself is never easy even though he’s had a lot of help from his own mom, but he realizes how much a child needs to have a mother but unfortunately for Jaemin… he’s lost his.

Jungkook sighs and goes to jorja. “Hey!!! Could you like tell me where yn is? I’m just asking to know if she’s OK I mean she must be alone at home and.. could you call her like video call her or FaceTime her so she can see Jaemin? He looks very cute and his little suit.”

Of course jungkook and Jaemin are matching. And he hopes that you’ll pick up.