#For now I shall continue to pair Sonny with a reader I get to create in fics who will love and cherish this boy for all of who he is

[cycat4077]

Rollisi?

Ok, first off as a disclaimer: I’m “new” to SVU in the sense that child me watched it a long time ago, then stopped watching it THEN, thanks to re-runs on tv, got into “newer” shows from season 15(?). One thing lead to another and I was watching a few new episodes from season 21.

AND I fell in love with Carisi. I’m currently doing a watch from season 16 onwards to catch up. (Just finished season 17.) One of the other disclaimers I should mention is that I tend to have a type when it comes to favorite characters on shows. I usually root for the underdog or the character that tends to get overlooked. Most times this is a male character who is a big family-oriented sweetheart with a strong moral code who likes to take care of people: BJ Hunnicutt from M*A*S*H and Edwin Jarvis from Agent Carter are two of my beloveds besides Sonny Carisi. And upon “adopting” these characters I have a hard time pairing them with any other characters UNLESS there’s a deep and trusting relationship there. That’s because I don’t want my baby to get hurt. I go all protective momma bear over them and I want only THE BEST for them.

Now that that’s out of the way, here’s what I think about Rollisi. I “get” it. If I was only tuning into season 21, it would be a different story. But having watched the mid-season finale, while I do my catch-up watching, I can spot some of the subtle hints and things. And I understand why the writers keep hinting at it.

Sonny and Rollins have a pretty trusting relationship. We get to see that especially when Sonny guesses that Rollins is pregnant with Jesse. Sonny is kind and understanding. She confides in him. He’s a non-judgmental ear, which is something she has been lacking. He’s there for her and is genuinely concerned for her whenever complications arise, etc. He makes her dinner and spends time with her and Jesse when he gets a chance to. Sonny is a giver who doesn’t expect anything in return for his kindness. And I think Rollins really values that in him.

The trouble is that Rollins has never been one to be sure of what she wants. She’s hot-headed and non-committal. That’s how she ends up with two kids from two dads and I think she’s secretly afraid that people will judge her on that. That’s why she’s afraid to tell Carisi when she’s pregnant for Billie. But Sonny doesn’t judge her. He never did, never will. And I think that kind of love (be it platonic or romantic on Sonny’s behalf) scares Rollins. She’s used to people not giving a sh*t what she does or for her decisions to be judged (especially by her own family). But Sonny cares. So when she has that outburst at him in S21 where she’s mad that he left, it’s because she’s scared to lose that unconditional “love”. Maybe her head has been pushing her away from letting herself get close to Sonny romantically, while her heart is telling her the opposite. Rollins seems to have a lot of inner conflicts that she has a hard time resolving and what exactly her relationship with Sonny IS could be another one of those conflicts. We get more of that in the therapist’s office last episode.

On Sonny’s side, let me take a quote from Peter from one of the podcasts:

“There’s a private life of Rollins & Carisi that kind of exists outside of the show […] Carisi can be a version of himself or a more open version of himself, I think, with Rollins in a way that he’s not with other people. And I think that’s a very close relationship that’s awesome to have.”

Of course Peter can’t either confirm or deny Rollisi, but I think this quote gives insight into who Sonny is. He started as the new guy trying to prove himself. Usually he’s pretty serious on the job and very passionate about his work. But we do get small glimpses into how sweet and caring he is, especially with family and by how he interacts with Rollins’ kids. We don’t get a lot of that “open version” of Carisi unless he’s in the above two scenarios, especially with Rollins. And I believe that’s the basis of a healthy relationship. You need to be able to be yourself. 

And this is where my conflicted feelings about Rollisi arise. I want the best for Sonny. I want him to have a relationship where he can be himself - like what Peter describes is the case with Rollins. But I’m not sure Rollins is ready or will ever be ready to give all of herself over to another human being in that way. She’s very guarded and I’m not sure she can open herself up to Carisi in the same way he has opened up to her. In part, I feel if Rollins decides to get together with Sonny she might see it as “settling”. A good dependable choice for herself and kids. BUT, Sonny would not see it that way. I think he does love her. He loves her kids, he admires her devotion to the job and to being a single parent. He loves her for who she is and doesn’t try to change her. So, while Sonny may be thrilled if they got together and takes on the paternal figure plus doting boyfriend instantaneously, Rollins may end up having feelings of regret. Was this the right decision for me? And I don’t want Sonny to ever be placed in a one-way relationship with ANYONE. He deserves the world and I feel extremely protective over him and his heart. I want him to have a family, but even though he looks perfectly natural with Rollins’ kids in his arms, I don’t want him to be locked into something that eventually turns loveless on Rollins’ end.

I guess we’ll see what unfolds tonight. If the writers are going to make a Rollisi move, it’s now. One of them will have to inadvertently say their true feelings in the heat of the moment/threat of losing one another. Maybe it’ll be Sonny saying something like: “I don’t know what I would have done if I’d lost you” or Amanda saying in some roundabout way that she loves him. Who knows.

Do I ship them? Maybe. But they still have a lot of growth to do if I’m going to believe it. Rollins needs to get a grip on what she truly wants and Sonny can’t let her have his heart if she doesn’t know what to do with it.

Sorry for the long post. All this has been tumbling around in my noggin’ for a while now.

EDIT - post mid-season 21 premier. Spoilers ahoy

I think this episode confirms that Sonny does indeed care deeply about Rollins. He’s ANGRY™ when he finds out she’s been kidnapped. He blames himself for it too. You can tell how conflicted he is since he’s essentially powerless to help her directly.

I think that the writers did make a Rollisi move in terms of Amanda herself. And this is what I had mentioned above: I’m not going to buy into shipping it, unless Rollins does some soul searching. When she was in that motel she spilled some pretty deep seeded fears. She grew up believing she did not deserve to be happy. That’s what she saw from her mother. She believes she doesn’t deserve nice guys. But she’s terrified that her daughters will grow up that way too and I think this is the push she needs to finally put her happiness first. And who has always been there for her, unconditionally and without judgement? Who is a nice guy? Dominick “Sonny” Carisi Jr. The foundation is there, they just need to build on it. Have Rollins change her attitude and views about herself and grow that self-confidence. Sonny’s the type of guy who will wait for her, however long it may take.

The big hint at Rollisi was at the end. If you don’t ship it, then the elevator scene could be interpreted as a very healthy friendship where two people trust one another and have each other’s backs. But if you put on some shipper goggles, it could definitely be considered the wind to get that ship a-sailing. Amanda holds herself together until Sonny and her are alone and he asks if she’s ok. Then she lets her guard down and says no, crying. She’s done that in the past with him too. But Sonny cradles her and says multiple times: “I got you.” And that could be the defining line in the script. Anyway, it’s some type of love, regardless if you’re wearing shipping goggles or not.

I really hope that if they are heading down the Rollisi pathway, we start to see more growth on that front. More giving from Rollins and Sonny finally being able to accept something in return. It’s a lovely friendship no matter what and I’d love to see it grow. And because it’s a friendship and I firmly believe that frienship should be the basis of any romantic relationship, I wouldn’t be necessarily opposed to Rollisi becoming more someday in the future.

Just don’t break my Sonnyshine’s heart