#Florida transphobia is just going to get worse if we don’t start doing more

[pickledpascal]

There’s a She-Wolf in the Closet

Chapter Six: Nothing New

Summary: Jayden's thoughts get the best of her but thankfully Sherlock is there to pull her from her mind.

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: Transphobia, misogyny, implications of starvation and forced feminization, underaged marriage, 18+ themes.

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Jayden’s day started off relatively normal. She’d wake up, brush her hair, put on a shirt over her bra (she wore comfortable shorts to sleep so no need to put those on), and exited her bedroom to start making breakfast for herself. As she ate her breakfast, she always checked her emails about potential “call backs” for roles she auditioned for. And of course, they all said something along the lines of “we just don’t think you’re right for this role.” Hearing that as many times as Jayden has, it eventually starts to get numb–until you break.

That’s where Jayden was. No one wanted new actresses, especially one like her. She was a porn star, a black transgender porn star at that. Jay was glad people like her were getting roles, like in Pose. But that was only one exception, things like that were not done widely. 

Sometimes, Jayden wished she wasn’t a woman. What if she just never felt different? If she was a man she would’ve had more opportunities ahead of her. She would’ve been able to pursue her passion much easier and not have to resort to sex work to make a living before accepted into a role. It would’ve been so much easier. To live. But knowing her parents, it probably still would’ve been difficult.

But, at the same time, Jay didn’t run away from home thinking it would be easy to live how she wanted. She knew it would be hard. And that’s the unfortunate part. 

With all this pressure on herself to succeed in the life she chose, Jayden broke down. Sobs escaped her mouth as she retreated into her room. The crushing weight of all those denials finally broke her. Was she not good enough? Did they hate her performance? Was her current occupation the only reason? These questions danced around in her head as she wished she could forget about everything.

Everything.

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Jayden knew she was a girl very young in her life, around four or five is when she expressed this to her parents. Surprisingly, her parents were very accepting of this. For all the wrong reasons. They taught her how to be a woman, how to be a housewife. To cook and clean and not be spoken to unless asked or prompted to. She was meant to be petite and soft-featured. And they made her that way. Which was jarring with how tall she turned out to be. She was a very sheltered child, only going to parties that her parents were also invited to. She could barely be with any boys unless they were in the same class with her at school. Her mom was afro-indigenous while her father was white, quite obviously, Jay’s father was the head of the house. 

Everything got worse when Jayden turned sixteen.

Her parents had arranged a marriage between her and a man…. Much much older than her. He was thirty-six, almost exactly twenty years older than her. Apparently, they thought it would do the teen good, to be in the presence of a proper man that wasn’t her father. 

It didn’t. It made everything worse.

When James wasn’t pounding Jay’s parents' teachings in her head, he was plain pounding on her head. He was abusive in all the ways one can be. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. Jayden was honestly surprised she didn’t cave and want to die. There were plenty of times she could’ve, not by her own hand. Fortunately, her hopelessness never got to that point. 

Two years into their marriage, when Jayden turned eighteen is when she ran away from the “nice life” she once had. She took all her clothes and as much money as she could before she took James’ car and took off to a place that she thought was far enough away that he wouldn’t even bother to find her. Florida.

Jay tried to keep in contact with her family at the very least, but disapproved of what she was doing. This is when she started sex work, it paid a hell of a lot more money that the other jobs she was qualified for. She had no college degree, only graduating high school by the skin of her teeth. 

Now that Jayden was free, she embraced modern culture and decided to do what she wanted. Gain muscle, cut her hair to the length she wanted, dye it, get tattoos, change her name, get piercings, embrace her culture. She was never able to do these things before and she relished in that fact that she could. She was only ever able to have her hair long and wear dresses so imagine the first time she tried on pants at the store. Jay exploded with happiness.

When she got her current job, Jayden changed her last name. She should have immediately to not raise much suspicion. Jayden Gastrell was dead. Jayden Wayne was very much alive.

Having her job led her to Mrs. Hudson. Who said she would give her an enormous amount of money if she propositioned a man for sex to see if he would be faithful to the older woman or not. In retrospect, the deal was hilarious. So, of course, Jayden took the job. And the man did cave at the single question. Mrs. Hudson promised that she would owe the younger woman a favor afterwards. They kept in touch for a while until Jay expressed the need to move, urgently.

Jay secretly stalked James online and realized he was in Florida. She didn’t want to be anywhere near him so when Mrs. Hudson gave her an offer she couldn’t refuse, Jayden packed everything she had and sent across the sea not knowing what awaited her in the land of tea and crumpets. The woman did research a little beforehand, making sure her kind of work was legal. And it was, thankfully. Not like that stopped her before but it was good information to know.

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“Jayden!” Sherlock’s voice pulled the woman from her thoughts, her tears momentarily stopping from streaming down her face. 

Her bedroom door opened, revealing the detective looking incredibly frantic, eyes wide, worried. He’d been yelling for the girl for quite a little while. Sherlock immediately went to Jayden’s side after seeing her state.

She had made it to her bedroom but not her bed. Jayden sat, sobbing on the floor leaning against the wall. And Sherlock sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close to his chest. He was protective of her and seeing her like this…. He hated it. More than he’s hated anything before.

“It’s alright.” Sherlock whispered as Jayden cried into his shirt, the man didn’t care about the tear stains. The woman that held him like her life depended on it was more important. “I’m here, you’re okay. He’s not here.” He said subconsciously, not noticing the words. 

Jayden blinked, pulling away as she wiped her tears. “H-How do you….?”

“I deduced a little while ago you had….. Relationship trauma.” Sherlock mumbled, cradling her cheek and wiping some stray tears away as well. 

Her wonderful eyes were so red after crying, the mismatched eyes made it all the more worse. Depending on which eye you looked at, the pain was registered differently in the brain. The blue one held so much more suffering while the brown one tried to keep it together more.

The young woman let out a small, strained laugh. “I should’ve known. Nothing’s a secret to you, hm?” She asked, tears welling up in her eyes again as she looked up into Sherlock’s eyes. Every few seconds, she would feel fine, then the next she would be back to bawling her eyes out. 

“Not completely. I can be wrong,” Sherlock admitted softly. Maybe it was pity he felt for her. Or maybe it was complete and unadulterated empathy, something he felt on very rare occasions. That he showed. “It’s rare, I’ll admit. But we all have flaws, even someone like me. And I can be surprised.” He tried to be light-hearted to make Jayden smile.

“Some would argue you have too many.” Jayden breathed, looking off to the side. She wasn’t an idiot. She knew what people called Sherlock. 

A machine. Someone incapable of human emotion. A psychopath. Inconsiderate. Blunt. An asshole. And Jay would have to agree with some of those observations but as far as she knew, Sherlock was the most emotional man she knew. He could feel things so acutely but he didn’t let it show that he did care or feel it.

Sherlock chuckled softly, his eyes soft as he admired the woman in his arms for a moment. He could feel the amount of muscle underneath her shirt. Then it registered in his mind. She was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, something he’s never seen her in before. As discreetly as he could, he looked at her tattoos. The big one that ranged from her neck to her legs, long black tendrils that swirled slightly at their ends. Cultural significance.

“You checking me out, Holmes?” Came Jayden’s amused voice, the redness in her eyes still but the tears stopped flowing so he was certainly getting somewhere. “And I thought you were incapable of that.” She laughed quietly. Sherlock’s eyes snapped up to Jayden’s, blush heating up his pale cheeks. “Oh! You were!” 

“You’re not going to shut up about that, hm?”

“Nope, never.”

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taglist (still open)

@thewinterpoet2

[not-gae-cuz-i-like-straight-wae]

Part 2: Here we go again

So Jeansaaa wrote another message and I don't feel like putting too much effort in my answer, because I actually shouldn't give him/her any more attention, but I think I can make things even a bit more clear this time for all other people out here on Tumblr. Also, I blocked him/her now instead, because she/he seems to be incapable of keeping me blocked... I'm gonna talk to him/her, so I'll use "you", because that's more easy and direct then him/her or they.

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You first started of by saying (in the title) that you made a response post becasue responding to a re-blog in mobile is hard (smiley included), which is not very important... Then you followed with "for context look at my re-blog below" and thereafter, your message actually started.

Before I copy-paste the first part I'm responding to, I wanna say: use punctuation, dude! Your whole message is like one long sentence with commas.

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Okay, that being said, let’s begin:

I just wanna be done with This,  the reason why I texted this 🙃 (the “smiley face”) after I said “don’t worry i’ll block you” is because it was supposed to be passive aggressive, I un-blocked you by accident (because I’m a clumsy mess, and I didn’t even know I un-blocked you until after you private messaged me about it), and I told people to block you, because this kind of stuff can make people incredibly uncomfortable,(and you’re being blatantly homophobic which I’m sure nobody within the lgbtq+ Community would like to see that)

Yeah, I'm glad I decided on blocking you myself! I'm not someone who blocks others. I'm not gonna hide from someone that doesn't share my opinion. Just acting like a little child and press that block button. I'd rather have normal conversations or even discussions like not-little-kids, teens and adults do (that's why I take so much time to explain myself as much as possible), but that blocking-unblocking-blocking-unblocking started to become quite annoying.

Also, I think people can decide for themselves whether they wanna block me or not. We're not all imbeciles, you know? And probably the only reason why people would even go to your blog and see you telling them to block me, is because of me. Right now, you literally got seven posts and almost all of them have to do with me (exceptions: 2). Kinda feel honored, really, but I actually pretty much regret bringing you in the spotlight now. If I hadn't reblogged your post, I doubt it if anyone would've ever seen your blog...

no matter how much you sugar coat it, supporting straight pride is under the umbrella of homophobia,

It's not, though. Don't make up your own definitions. Homophobia is showing dislike of or prejudice against gay people.

you’re basically saying that putting up lgbtq+ posters, making lgbtq+ safe-spaces won’t work, and you’re wrong, I live in Florida, a very anti-lgbtq+ State, I’ve been a victim of homophobia / transphobia ,

Posters won't stop homophobia / transphobia. Neither people who don't like your behaviour nor people who already accept your behaviour will change their behaviour because of a poster. Or at the very least, it will only anger those "very-dangerous-straights-that-hunt-you-guys" that you're talking about, more. But I know why you like those posters. You want those posters to be hanged up because you want to be the "star of the show". And that, I have to admit, IS working.

and when I see a poster, or even just a small sticker saying, lgbtq+ safe space, it just makes me feel better about myself ,

Honestly, that you need POSTERS and STICKERS to make you feel better about yourself, already tells me more than enough about your self confidence. WOW.

and yes you’re not “victimized”or “oppressed” if you Truly think you are

Dude, I literally said I know I'm not (in real life, because online, the story is a lot different these days).

answer this , have you’re parents ever kicked you out for being straight?, have you ever been bullied for being straight?, have you been called slurs for being straight?, have you ever hated yourself for being straight?,

No, why would I get kicked out / bullied / called a slur? WHY would I hate myself? I seriously don't know how to respond to this. Just an example: if a alcohol addicted person would ask me "have YOU ever felt bad for NOT feeling the need to drink?" I'd also be like... "Err. NO."

and about the gay friends, what you said is basically the same as, “I’m not racist because I have black Friends”, it doesn’t matter what friends you have your still homophobic. (Sorry if the formatting is weird, i’m not the best at writing, but I hope I got the point across)

I hate that nasty habit of you all to make comparisons with racism in discussions with lgbt+ topics. It's not the same! I know it's a filthy trick of yours to pretend like it IS all the same, but I'm not falling for that! I'm NOT a racist! Besides, I didn't say "I'm not homophobic, because I have gay friends". It was just something I added. I did give enough actual reasons for why I'm not homophobic, though.

This time, to even clearify that point MORE (when will I ever be done clearifying myself, hahaha), I'm gonna take that alcohol addicted person (shortening it to: AAP) as an example again. I don't support people to be alcohol addicted. It's their own choice. Imagine if that AAP wants to campaign for allowing drunk people to drive. I'm very much against that. The AAP gives alcohol to his/her children (and might pass the addiction to them). I'm most definitely against that too (because it has impact on the next generation). When he's/she's in the mood, the AAP drinks him-/herself half to death. I find that disgusting. I find it inhuman. I find that this person should work on some self-control over his/her desires! Having all these thoughts about the AAP, still doesn't make me AAP-phobic, though. Because if this person encounters me (in a not drunk state, of course), I will act normally towards him/her. I might tell him/her what I think about the addiction, but I'm not being a hateful person by doing so. I don't show dislike / prejustice against people that are addicted to alcohol (I also don't know why I should have to know about someone's alcohol addiction in the first place). And if the whole world starts to campaign for all AAP's due to an agenda that's been executed and they push it all in my and everyone’s face and I'm against THAT, it STILL doesn't make me AAP-phobic. That would make me AAP-agenda-phobic. Or that would make me changing-the-world-wrongly-phobic. Or altering-general-morality-phobic. Because YES. That IS what I am. I'm not lgbtqabcxyz-phobic, but I'm most certainly against all this brainwashing and mindcontrolling that's happening nowadays. This is what I told someone recently in a similar discussion (it’s “ABC”, the person I still intend to respond to on my blog and I wrote this in our private chat too):

“Look, you just can't expect everyone to just accept everything. You can't expect everyone to alter the vision of reality. You can't expect everyone to just be a leaf in the wind. To go with the flow. I know lots of people are like that, but I'm not. If they would suddenly tell me eating through your ears is just as normal as through your mouth, no matter how many people would agree with that, no matter how many people would tell me I'm crazy for thinking otherwise, my opinion would remain unchanged. That's just me. I don't wanna be a leaf. I'd rather be a tree. Only I'd try to stay in my grounds even during thunderstorms or in a hurricane... Hopefully, you can understand that.”

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Jeansaaa’s message ended here initially, but then:

Edit: holy fucking shit, I re-read  you’re response, it’s even worse then I remember, so I will add a bit more to this,

All right first of all you said being lgbtq+ was ABNORMAL,  (wow that is really not helping your case) it’s not at all, it’s just as “normal” as being straight, people have been lgbtq+  for fucking CENTURIES,

Even now, lgbt+ still ISN’T the NORM in the world (I know some would love to see that differently, but I’m (not) afraid that won’t ever be the case). So that’s a FACT. And yes, a lot of people have been a lot of things for centuries, but what kind of argument is that?! That people are or do something, doesn’t make it normal. Some people are in jail. Some people are in mad houses. Some psychopaths walk around freely, but does that mean all that is normal too? No, it doesn’t. Your argument is bad. VERY bad.

even animals can be gay, if you do even the slightest bit of research you’ll see

And you know when? When they’re in ABNORMAL situations!

( but Seeing how your skull is as thick as concrete, you probably won’t ),

Thanks! I’m taking that as a compliment! I’m very happy if my skull really is as thick as concrete instead of as thin as paper (or even thinner)! Or else everyone (such as (social) media) would be able to just fill my head with whatever they want! Mold and knead me however they please! That would be one of the last things I’d want to happen. I got a brain for a reason. I got a brain to use it. To think for myself, using logic and not other people’s opinions.

now let’s move onto the second homophobic thing you said, you don’t support the lgbtq+ movement because of a so-called “ agenda”, why are you so mad?, Is it because straight relationships aren’t pushed in your face as much as it was back then?, ( magazines, Books, TV shows, billboards,  straight relationships are literally everywhere and you’re COMPLAINING) you probably saw like one poster one day with a gay couple and freaked out,

Firstly, I’m not the “mad” one here. I’m angry about various things, but not “mad”. Secondly, straight relationships indeed aren’t pushed in my face as much as it was in back in the old days, but I don’t care about that. It’s lgbt+ that’s been forcefully pushed in my face CONSTANTLY (and it is) that bothers me so much!

Because NO. I didn’t “saw like one poster one day with a gay couple and freaked out”. That’s what I’ve been telling / explaining since pretty much my very first post about this! Saying this, makes me wonder if you can even read? Or else, you’ve obviously not read the parts of my posts in which I spoke about the hundreds of lgbt+ flags, many lgbt+ zebra crossings and lgbt+ wall paintings, lgbt+ public transport vehicles and to that list I can add the lgbt+ posters and stickers you spoke about, all lgbt+ promoting articles, shows and programms on the news everywhere (news papers and online) and on television, initiatives and activities of schools because of lgbt+, the countless lgbt+ campaigns that are being held, all other kinds of lgbt+ support of millions of people that just follow the herd AND the entire internet, including - of course - our most favorite straightphobic place, Tumblr (and I believe Twitter is pretty much like that (or even worse) as well). And who knows what else I’m not even aware of?! Ah, yes. And NOT to forget: the entire PRIDE MONTH. Because your kind of people are better than us straights, aren’t you?!

Really “like one poster one day with a gay couple”. REALLY.

please just stop,

I stop whenever I want...

nothing is gonna convince me that you’re not homophobic, because you’re clearly are

Nothing is gonna convince ME that you’re not STUPID, because you (not “you’re”) clearly are, stupid.

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I’m not even gonna respond extensively to the tags. They’re the stupidest things ever. I’ve never tagged my lgbt+ posts with the Arch-Illager OR Minecraft Dungeons tag, so Jeansaaa is just being a jerk for doing that anyway.

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That’s all. It turned out to be a very long response. Once I start typing, the words just flow from my head to and out of my fingers on the keyboard to the screen. And that. That was indeed a strange sentence. But... poetic... right? (No? Oh.)