#Finished at 11:59 read it and weep guys

[dekusdarling]

(I’m late. Not too late, but late enough. Sorry.)

“does this place really need to be this bright?” the blonde asked with a sneer, narrowing his eyes at the giant Christmas tree lit up in the dorm room. For a boy with such wealthy parents, you'd think he’d be used to people going above and beyond for Christmas.

he’s not.

“cmon, Bakugo, it’s nice! Doesn’t it look pretty?” Uraraka asked with a grin, clad in a red dress with a fluffy white hem; Santa Claus themed.

“yeah, pretty annoying” he grumbled, earning himself an eye roll, which he took with a quiet snort, scratching at his scar discreetly.

it still hurt. Not physically, that pain had quieted to a dull ache as the war ended, but Katsuki had always been a bit narcissistic. He sniffed a bit, the scent of peppermint tea invading his nostrils, making him more irritated.

“uh, do we really need to put up mistletoe?” A nervous voice rang out, the voice belonging to a certain green haired boy, who stared at the mistletoe Denki was putting up like it was on fire. Denki simply grinned, ignoring Izuku and continuing to put up the mistletoe.

Katsuki sighed, plopping onto the couch and rubbing his temples with a quiet groan.

“hey, Kacchan” a teasing voice rang out, as delicate arms wrapped around him. Y/n, his lover, his friend, his sparring partner, his. His lips quirked up in a small, brief smile before turning down again.

“that’s not my name” he grumbled with a huff, earning himself a brief cheek kiss and a giggle.

“sorry, sorry. Merry Christmas, baby, sugar, honey, sweetie, love, darling, dear-”

“ok, ok, I get it.” He said with a grin, kissing them on the jaw quickly.

mood officially brightened.

“are you gonna open presents or are you gonna sit here like the Grinch?” Y/n asked jokingly, playing with his hair.

“I always liked the Grinch. Never understood why the Whos didn’t just leave him alone.” He joked back, chuckling at their immediate pout, which made him wanna kiss their lips until they were sore. “Kidding, kidding. Why don’t you open yours first, sweet thing?”

Y/n smiled, handing him a gift with Izuku’s name written on the “from” side, the handwriting shaky as if the boy was tired or nervous when writing it; probably both. Y/n themself had a gift in their hands too, a beautifully wrapped one from Momo.

they opened the gifts in silent anticipation, practically cuddled together as Y/n squealed over the manga Momo had picked out specifically for them, and Katsuki pulled out the All Might collector’s edition baseball cap, signed by Toshinori with both “All Might” and his real name.

“little nerd knows how to pick gifts” he grumbled approvingly, pulling on the hat and rolling his eyes at the small squeak of excitement that escaped the green haired boy from across the room, who played it off (or tried to) with a cough.

“you should thank the little nerd” Y/n said with a chuckle, kissing his cheek as he nodded absentmindedly.

“Open my present. The one from me” he demanded, causing them to snicker at his imploring expression. Y/n grabbed the gift so delicately wrapped with Katsuki’s name scrawled out on it, and pulled a gift out from them to him with a sheepish smile.

“it’s not a lot, but I think you’ll like it.” They said nervously, to which he nodded and carefully opened the wrapping.

it was a black box containing a lot. First, a comb from Best Jeanist’s official website. A shirt with Katsuki’s full hero name and stats he found on Etsy some time ago and showed to them. A gift card for a full year of Spotify premium (which was a gift to themselves too, as they shared the account anyways). And a simple gold ring, solid gold with topaz gemstones accenting it; orange like his hero costume, and his favorite color. all the while, Y/n let out a gasp at the gift they got from Katsuki. A watch, a Rolex to be specific, fitted and styled for their body and clothing style, yet keeping to elegance that came with a watch of that kind.

“no, it’s too much. I can’t take this, love. There’s no way my gifts are worth this much!” They exclaimed, but Katsuki ignored that, already slipping off his shirt to yank on the new one, which fit him perfectly.

“you’ll take it, and you’ll take it with a smile, sugar. It’s for you.” He said with a smirk, chuckling as they pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheeks fervently.

this was a pretty great Christmas, to be fair.

it got better when it ended and the class had started to wind down for the evening, Katsuki walking Y/n to their room, always the gentleman. When he stopped at their door, they grinned and pointed upward. Ah, yes.

a green snap of mistletoe hung above her door, a tag that read “from Denki. MERRY CHRISTMAS BAKUGO.” protruding from the plant.

he groaned, leaning in expectantly, pretending not to enjoy the moment, anticipating their lips pressing in a brief kiss.

this kiss was not brief.

this kiss was a flame of need, silent proof that y/n had been holding out on Katsuki.

they kissed him silly, biting his bottom lip and their lips never once left his for a full minute, before they broke apart.

“well. Goodnight, Katsuki” they said, brushing off their outfit with a breathless sigh and slipping into their room.

cue Katsuki: 【*ﾟдﾟ*】

“oh no you don’t…” he growled, slipping into their room with a grin, shutting the door behind him.

that sure as hell was a Merry Christmas

[mintypineapple]

dw ask game 1-36 and 38-100 DON'T ANSWER NUMBER 37 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT CRYING

DaThanks, anon who is probably @truestoriesaboutme!

CHILDHOOD

1. Did you like DW as a child?

Depends. What do you consider a child? I saw Doctor Who for the first time when I was 16 or 17. Does that count? Let’s say that it does. I did enjoy it.

2. Your age at the time of the revival?

16.

3. First DW episode you ever saw?

An Unearthly Child. I wanted to watch it all in order! Still do! My first New Who episode was “Blink,” as forced upon me by @raisegrate. I did enjoy it.

4. Did you have any of the toys?

I didn’t at the time, but I do now. I have a couple of screwdrivers, a Fourth Doctor, an Ice Warrior, and not-quite-Legos of Doctors 1-11. (-WD)

5. Which DW character did you play on the playground?

N/A.

6. Monster(s) that scared you most as a child?

N/A. Nothing scares me.

7. Joke/story you didn’t get as a kid?

N/A. I get all jokes/stories.

8. DW opinion that has changed since you were a kid?

That the only way to watch it was from the very beginning. I eventually gave in and watched New Who before finishing Classic Who.

9. Who introduced you to DW?

Pretty sure I heard about it initially on a forum I went to called The Douglas Adams Continuum. That’s when I started watching the First Doctor. Again, @raisegrate showed me my first New Who. Eventually, I started watching New Who in its entirety with @catastrofries and they started watching Classic Who with me for @rassilonwatchathon.

10. Did you like Sarah Jane Adventures as a child?

Didn’t even know it existed as a child. But I liked it as an adult.

Read more under the cut. There’s a lot!

DOCTOR

11. Who is your Doctor?

One. He’s the first I saw and I’ve went through some of his more than once, due to the podcast, so he has a special place in my heart.

12. Your favourite Doctor?

It varies depending on the day. I quite like Two, Eleven, and Twelve, though.

13. Least favourite Doctor?

Possibly 5 or 13? More because they don’t get a whole lot to do, than them being bad.

14. Best regeneration?

Technically speaking, there’s something about that first one that is still so good. Emotionally speaking, Two’s regeneration is terrifying and I quite like Twelve’s speech before regenerating.

15. Do you like “Doctor-Lite” episodes?

Yeah! They’re all pretty good! Even “Love and Monsters!” Yeah, I said it! (The end is bad, but the rest is good.)

16. Who is the most human Doctor?

One calls himself human a handful of times. Does that count? If not, definitely Five. He seems the most like a regular guy in a weird situation out of all of them.

17. Best multi-Doctor story?

The Day of the Doctor, for sure.

18. Best Doctor monologue?

Eleven’s speech to young Amy in “The Big Bang.” That episode is just solid all around.

19. What do you think TenToo/MetaCrisis Doctor is doing now?

He’s definitely fucked off somewhere and abandoned Rose. He runs a cat cafe that is definitely a front for something, but no one can quite figure out what.

20. Best Doctor/companion pairing?

One/Barbara, Two/Jamie, Three/Jo, Four/Leela, Five/Tegan, (haven’t seen enough of Six, any of Seven, and I honestly don’t remember the companion for Eight), Nine/Rose (that’s the only option!), Ten/Donna, Eleven/Amy-Rory, Twelve/Clara, Ruth/Thirteen.

COMPANIONS

21. Favourite companion?

Classic Who: This is hard. Jamie? Sarah Jane? Leela? New Who: Donna Noble.

22. Favourite secondary companion?

Not sure what this means exactly... My second favorite? If so, I gave three for favorite Classic Who, so one of them. New Who: Rory.

23. Least favourite companion?

Classic: Ben Jackson or Peri. New: Ryan.

24. Best TARDIS Team?

Classic: Two, Jamie, and Zoe. New: Eleven, Amy, and Rory.

25. Most underrated companion?

I love Steven Taylor. I feel like he doesn’t get mentioned enough.

26. Most overrated companion?

Probably gonna get some hate for this, but Romana II. She’s good and I like her, but I was expecting a lot more. I honestly prefer Romana I.

27. Favourite companion’s family?

I love Rory’s dad.

28. Who should have been a companion but wasn’t?

Kamelion. AM I RIGHT? But seriously, Amelia Rumford from “The Stones of Blood.”

29. Favourite (canon or non-canon) DW universe relationship?

Amy/Rory.

30. Who did you not used to like, but really like now?

I hated Tegan when she first came on, but now I love her.

EPISODES

31. Favourite episode ever?

“Heaven Sent.”

32. Least favourite episode?

“Time-Flight” gave me a literal headache.

33. Which episodes do you skip?

NONE. Of course, I’ve not done any rewatches. YET.

34. Best two-parter?

“The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances” are the first New Who episodes that fully sold me on the show.

35. Historical, present day or futuristic episodes?

Give me the future and make it weird!

36. Episode that will always make you smile?

“The Myth Makers.”

37 HAS BEEN REDACTED.

38. Best run of episodes?

“Vincent and the Doctor” through “Day of the Moon” is pretty solid.

39. Best cliffhanger?

“Vengeance on Varos.” Hands fucking down.

40. Favourite Christmas special?

The answer to question 37. “A Christmas Carol.”

SERIES

41. Classic Who or New Who?

Yes please! (Though New Who will take this a little just because the pace is generally a lot better.)

42. Favourite series?

I’m not sure about Classic (I have a harder time thinking of them as different series), but New is definitely 5.

43. Least favourite series?

11.

44. Which series do you skip?

See 33.

45. Favourite series opening?

“The Eleventh Hour.” It’s just a lot of fun.

46. Favourite series finale?

“The Big Bang.” IT’S A GOOD SERIES.

47. Best series arc?

So I don’t sound repetitive and say Series 5 again, Clara’s arc in her last season is great.

48. Thoughts on series 11/12?

I find it largely boring and not well-written. Though there are some things I like! I love Ruth a bunch.

49. How much of Classic Who have you seen?

I’ve seen from “An Unearthly Child” to “The Two Doctors.” And the movie.

50. Who should have had another series?

Doctor: Nine. Or Eight. Or Ruth. Companion: Kamelion, but done better.

MONSTERS

51. Favourite monster/villain?

I love them Fuzzy Chicken Nuggets. (The Yeti.)

52. Most creative monster?

The Silence are an interesting concept.

53. Monster(s) that scares you most?

OAK AND QUILL from “Fury From the Deep.” Fuck those guys.

54. Monster you think is too easy to defeat?

I hate power level questions. Next.

55. Least favourite monster/villain?

I get really tired of the Daleks sometimes, y’all.

56. Monster you want to return?

Chumblies or quarks.

57. In your opinion, what makes a monster good?

The writing. You can do great things with most of them. Even the ones you dislike. Like, I hate the farting aliens, but they are occasionally used well.

58. Daleks, Cybermen or Weeping Angels?

If I had to pick, I’d say... Cybermen. Daleks are very samey and loud. Weeping Angels get less interesting every time they are used. But there’s a human element to the Cybermen that, when utilized, can be very effective and unsettling.

59. Best Dalek story?

The one where Two rides around on ones he made nice.

60. Best one time villain/monster?

I don’t know what it is, but whatever it is in “Midnight.”

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

61. Torchwood or Sarah Jane Adventures?

SJA is more consistent, but the highs of Torchwood are higher.

62. Favourite Torchwood Team member?

Owen. But like... not season one Owen.

63. Which Torchwood death made you saddest?

See 62.

64. Do you rewatch COE or MD?

I haven’t rewatched anything yet. But I would rewatch COE before MD.

65. Favourite SJA Team member?

Clyde.

66. Mr Smith or K-9?

Mr. Smith is way more interesting. He had a villain arc!

67. Maria or Rani?

Rani.

68. Do you read the comics/novels or listen to Big Finish?

Some. I’m doing them as Patreon bonus episodes for @rassilonwatchathon​. I haven’t done much though.

69. If you do, your favourite additional stories?

“The Chimes of Midnight.” I’ve listened to it twice.

70. Do you like DW analysis (video essays, fan theories, etc)?

I do DW analysis for @rassilonwatchathon AND The Dipp. So yes. My fave is TARDIS Eruditorum, though.

I’LL ANSWER THE REST AT A LATER TIME. I MUST BE WITH MY PEOPLE NOW.

[preserving-ferretbrain]

23 boxes of tissues on the Jellicoe Road

by Wardog

Thursday, 05 February 2009Wardog tops off her run of utterly amazing books with On the Jellicoe Road.~

My father took one hundred and thirty-two minutes to die. I counted. It happened on the Jellicoe Road. The prettiest road I'd ever seen, where trees made breezy canopies like a tunnel to Shangri-La. We were going to the ocean, hundreds of miles away, because I wanted to see the ocean and my father said that it was about time the four of us made that journey. I remember asking, "What's the difference between a trip and a journey?" and my father said, "Narnie, my love, when we get there, you'll understand," and that was the last thing he ever said.

Are you in tears, yet? On the Jellicoe Road (or Jellicoe Road, as it was published over here, for some inexplicable reason) is an incredible book, a perfectly judged juxtaposition of beauty and pain, like the Jellicoe road itself introduced here in the prologue. I'm probably failing to sell this from the get go book: On the Jellico Road is not an easy book - in fact, sometimes, it's almost unbearable - but it's also superb in every conceivable way, and so full of hope and wonder that if I believed in books could change lives, this would be one of those books. It's a buy and give to everyone you know sort of book.

On the Jellicoe Road is a complex book, with complex characters and you'll spend at least the first hundred pages faintly bewildered because it just throws you straight into the action of the story, but it's incredibly carefully structured and comes together in remarkably coherent and satisfying way. Everything that happens, everything it tells you, is there for a reason. There are two storylines, one set in the past and one in the present; they seem to run in parallel but, as the book unfolds, they turn out to be intimately connected. The Past tells the story of five teenagers who were brought together in tragedy on the Jellicoe Road. In the present, we have Taylor Markham, a teenage girl who was abandoned at 7/11 by her mother on the Jellicoe Road. She becomes the reluctant leader of her school in the annual territory wars between the Jellicoe school students, the Townies and the Cadets, who come in for six weeks from the city, but she's really searching for family she's lost and a sense of belonging in a world she thinks is "just a tad low on the reliable adult quota."

I've deliberately kept my attempt at a plot summary sparse: there is no way I can do such an intricate book justice in a summary and a large part of the pleasure of reading it comes from piecing the past and the present together, and learning how the one informs and influences the other. The sections of the novel set in the present are told in the first person from Taylor's point of view; the past comes to us in fragments from the novel written by Hannah, the woman who has acted somewhat as a surrogate parent for Taylor. I can't say simply what On the Jellicoe Road is about: it's about love, I think, love and pain, and hope, and how to find it. I'm not a sentimental person, and it's not in any way a sentimental book, but I cried all the way through it. I'm kind of welling up a bit writing this review, and remembering. The thing is, because I am not the sort of person who cries at things, I usually get quite angry by books that try to make me. I feel resentful and manipulated: although it is impossible to read On the Jellicoe Road without being moved, the emotion it never fails to evoke feels natural and cathartic.

There isn't much more to say about On the Jellicoe Road without starting to pick it apart in order to look at why it's so wonderful. But it's a sublime butterfly of a book and I have no wish to stick a pin through its heart. I simply can't remember the last time I was so profoundly affected by something in fiction. It's quite a slow-paced read and far from easy but it's undoubtedly worth it. It's such a powerful story, beautifully written, elegantly structured and full of flawed, complex well-drawn characters. And although it's full of grief and pain and despair, the darkness is never absolute: hope and love are always there when you are sure they can't possibly be. And, if you can possibly believe it, it's far from a grueling emotion-fest. It's also extremely funny (Taylor, for example, has a dry, sarcastic narrative voice that suits her difficult, lonely character perfectly) and there's plenty of adolescent bickering and flirting and relating to keep the book grounded. On the Jellicoe Road is quite simply an essential read. It makes me want to have children so I could give them copy when they got to be teenagers. Even though I hate children. It's that good.Themes:

Young Adult / Children

~

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~Comments (

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)

Isabel

at 09:42 on 2009-05-23Kyra thanks SO much for writing this review. Just finished it (was anal enough to get my cousin in Australia to buy and post me a copy because I don't like UK edition) and would never of heard of it if you hadn't written this. Fucking LOVE this book. It's just amazing.

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Wardog

at 10:51 on 2009-05-23Thank you so much - I'm glad somebody else has read it because it's such an amazing book. And I have no idea what they were thinking of with the UK cover (big red poppy of pointlessness??).

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Isabel

at 19:04 on 2009-05-25And especially renaming it Jellicoe Road – that really irked me!

I think what I really loved was the way that everything in it was there for a reason and also because the big points or important sentences and moments didn’t stick in my mind because they were obviously This Is Significant (something which after five seasons of Lost is really. Pissing. Me. Off.) but just because they were the most beautiful – opening paragraph and the ‘more’ stuff being the case in point.

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Guy

at 06:59 on 2009-07-29Hey Kyra, just wanted to add my thanks to Isabel's because I just finished reading this book and it was amazing. If you hadn't written this review I never would have given this book a second glance because I would have (shamefully) misjudged it on the basis of having seen the film of Alibrandi and sort-of liked it and thought that was all I needed to know about Melina Marchetta. I'm half-tempted to write a review of this book in which I ramble endlessly about the hundred and one things that it makes me think of, but I guess the succinct thing I'd say about it is that it's the kind of book that I remember reading that made me Believe In Literature when I was younger and that's an experience I've missed for a long long time.

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Robinson L

at 20:30 on 2009-09-09Oh my god.

Oh my

god

.

(I promised myself I'd restrict this comment to just the one repetition.)

By great good fortune, my library system has this on Playaway (a sort of combination audiobook and player, just add headphones) and I just happened to stumble across it when browsing the online catalogue (I'm pretty sure I didn't go out looking for it).

I listened to it over the summer and was completely blown away. Easily one of the best books I've read in years. Maybe

the

best.

This story is so incredibly beautiful. Tragedy and I have been on difficult terms for a long time, and once or twice I've considered issuing a restraining order. This summer it feels like I've been saturated with more angsty melodrama than at any time since I gave up

Legacy of the Force

in disgust. (At some point when I've got my thoughts better collected I'll have to write a post about the peculiar penchant in the entertainment industry to assume more angst = more literate.) Then again, that may've mostly been due to the third and fourth seasons of

Battlestar Galactica

, a show which must've been pitched like this: “We've got to show the Brits we can produce something even

more

angsty than their new version of

Doctor Who

.” (Ooh, look at all the pretty tangents.)

'Course, some of the tragedy was better than that. I listened to both Jodi Picoult's

My Sister's Keeper

and Audrey Niffenegger's

The Time-Traveler's

(which, incidentally, also had a major character die in a car crash and accidentally shot by a loved one, respectively) this spring and they were all right, but even they felt somewhat forced and melodramatic.

On the Jellicoe Road

singlehandedly restored my faith in tragedy, and reminded me that yes, it can be an intensely beautiful thing. (Anybody else here think tragedy is a lot harder to pull off satisfactorily than happy stories?)

Which is not to say, I hasten to add for the benefit of anyone who hasn't yet read the book, that it's all tragedy. The ending is bittersweet: tragedy and joy blended to perfection and served in a porcelain bowl with luscious fudge topping.

It's hard enough to get my eyes to tear up, but I was crying all through the last three chapters. The epilogue was such a downer note that I just kept on listening and got the prologue and first nine chapters all over again. (Approximately one million things leaped out at me and had me going “Oh, so

that's

what that part's about. Another sign of excellent writing.)

And though it's sad, the story is also uplifting. I think this is because at the end of the road, despite all of the pain, all of the heartache, all of the betrayals and perceived betrayals, everyone is forgiven, everyone is loved. I'm tearing up again just writing that.

In terms of plotting, the book is effing fantastic. To borrow a line from Kyra's

“Incarceron” review

:

Read it and weep, JK Rowling, this what a backstory should be.

(Also what tragedy should be.)

Even the serial killer plot thread managed to tie into the whole in the most perfectly unexpected way. *David Tennant voice* Brilliant.

I attended a Young Adult Fiction panel at a Convention this weekend, and at one point realized they were having recommendations from the audience. I gave this book a special shout-out (and Catherine Fisher, too).

Unfortunately, my youngest sisters are too young to read this—I just know it would break their hearts—and the older one has already expressed her disinclination to let me tell her how much

I

loved the book, let alone recommend it to her (which I wasn't going to do anyway, because teenager though she is, I suspect she'd find it overwhelmingly sad as well).

My version had the red poppy too, but it's so abstract I didn't mind, because the Australian cover looks like some kind of ghost story of only middling quality to me. As for the title—I got both versions. The US cover has the truncated title, but the dramatization is Australian and the reader gave it in full.

May I also just give a shout-out to the audio version, by the way? Narration can primarily enhance a story experience, detract from it, or execute it neutrally (I say “primarily” because most have at least a little of each). Rebecca Macauley's reading of

On the Jellicoe Road

lands squarely in the first category. Her Taylor is flawless, and the other voices are good-to-amazing. With her narration, she brings the rich emotions of the book to life.

(Although due to only listening to the book, I was momentarily thrown off rereading this post to learn that Webb's sister is called “Narnie” rather than “Nani.”)

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Wardog

at 12:58 on 2009-09-10I am increasingly pleased I wrote this review - the book had such an impact on me that I'm glad other people reading it as a consquence.

I'm so glad it effected you as strongly as it did me - it's a truly remarkable and wonderful book. I did cry pretty much the whole way through it but I never resented the fact it made me do that, nor did I find it was unpleasant, the way strong emotions can sometimes be.

It's such a hard book to recommend to people because it is such an emotional read.

But, God, yes it's remarkable - and you for commenting, I really think everyone should read this book.

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Robinson L

at 22:02 on 2009-09-10Thank

you

for reviewing it, and putting me on to such a fabulous thing.

(Yes, it is a hard book to recommend, although I seem to be getting the unshakable urge to proselytize it now.)

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Jamie Johnston

at 19:59 on 2017-07-13This review has really stuck in my mind for all these years, so much so that I've come to remember it as possibly the first thing I ever read on Ferretbrain – which is clearly wrong because I'd been not only reading but contributing to the site for over a year before the review was posted. I also remembered 'On the Jellicoe Road' as being the first book I put on my 'to read' list when I got a Goodreads account (over two years after reading this review) and that memory does turn out to be right.

And after all that, I recently got round to actually tracking down a copy and reading it! No need to say any more than that I completely agree with everything you said about it, Kyra, and thank you for the recommendation.

[junker-town]

Jered Weaver’s hometown discount was a cautionary tale

Jered Weaver gave up scores of millions to stay with the Angels. No one was especially happy with the results.

Jered Weaver, slippery breaking ball artist and dookmaster, did just about the smartest thing possible for his career this offseason. He needed a home where the pressure would be low, where he could reinvent himself without a lot of prying eyes, where the ballpark would treat him fair, and where there would be a pitcher every nine batters. The Padres didn’t just make sense; they made the most sense.

The idea was sound.

The results were a mess. Weaver has made nine starts with the Padres, and he’s allowed 16 home runs in 42⅓ innings. He leads the National League in earned runs allowed, he’s allowed two or more homers in seven games already this season, and the Padres lost every one of those starts. The team put him on the DL with hip inflammation, and they’re likely using the respite to figure out how long they can continue the experiment.

This is our image of Weaver now, the soon-to-be journeyman who can’t find a gig because of a slipping fastball, the guy who can’t even stick in the Padres’ rotation. It’s been three years since he was even average. In another three years, he’ll either be out of the league or one of the greatest renaissance stories in a sport that’s filled with them. The odds are on the former, though.

This isn’t fair. There was a three-year stretch when Jered Weaver was one of the best pitchers in baseball, with top-five Cy Young finishes in each of those seasons. In an era of wacky strikeout rates, he was one of the purest artists of the weak-contact genre, keeping his WHIP near the 1.0 mark the whole time, even as he wasn’t blowing hitters away.

In the middle of this stretch, Weaver signed a team-friendly extension. How team friendly?

No one from (Scott) Boras' office attended Tuesday's media availability.

That team friendly. The five-year, $85 million contract was something Weaver negotiated himself, essentially, over the objections of the game’s best agent. He hired Yo-Yo Ma to play his birthday party and handed him a ukulele at the door. You can understand why Boras was frustrated.

The year before Weaver was supposed to be a free agent, he won 20 games, finished third in the AL Cy Young voting, and led the league in WHIP and hits per nine innings. He turned 30 the October before his free agency would have started. If you want to know just how much Weaver might have cleaned up on the open market, there was a nearly perfect comparison from that offseason:

Greinke was a year younger. Weaver was better, though, and his peak was more recent. Weaver got five years and $85 million. Greinke got six years, $147 million with an opt-out clause that allowed him to get a six-year, $206.5 million deal just a couple years later. But we’ll pretend the first deal didn’t have an opt-out for the sake of argument, which means Weaver left at least $59 million on the table (that’s the $62 million difference between the two contracts, less the $3 million he’s earning from the Padres this year.) That’s probably underselling his potential contract, really.

To be perfectly clear, you should not weep for Jered Weaver. And, importantly, Jered Weaver does not weep for Jered Weaver.

"How much more do you need?" Weaver asked about his deal. "Could have got more, whatever. Who cares?"

He still made $85 million more than I’ve ever made. This is the proper attitude for one’s mental health, I would imagine. He can leave the taqueria with a tub of guacamole for his chips every time, like it isn’t even a big deal. That is my dream in life, and he’s living it.

At the same time, it’s worth asking what that $59 million bought Weaver, just as a thought exercise.

Weaver made eight starts for the Arkansas Travelers when he was 22, and he made 11 starts with the Salt Lake Bees the next season. Those were the only times he pitched for a home team outside of Southern California in his life. From birth through high school through college through a 12-year major-league career, he got to stay in the same area of the country, a luxury that most Americans never have, much less baseball players.

If he reached free agency — at the same time as his teammate, Greinke — the Angels might have chosen to spend their money elsewhere. His Angels career would have been over. His stay in Southern California could have been over (although the Dodgers would be lurking). He bought stability and peace of mind. Don’t minimize that.

The hometown vibes didn’t last long, though. Weaver’s first season after he would have been a free agent was hampered by injuries. His next season was a little healthier, but the ERA+ suggests that he was a slightly above-average starter, not an ace. Then he was bad. Then he was awful. And now we’re here, where he’s worse than ever. The extra four years he spent with the Angels didn’t make him a franchise icon more than he already was. There was a postseason start mixed in, but you can argue that the final two years of his contract hurt his legacy with the Angels more than it helped.

Where did the money saved with Weaver’s contract go? While it’s impossible to draw a direct correlation, it sure looks like the money went straight to Josh Hamilton, who signed a five-year, $125 million deal the same offseason Weaver was scheduled to be a free agent. That’s about $42 million per WAR, or a hundred dollars for every minute of drama and grief. The Angels were good in 2014 with Weaver’s help, but that was the only time the contract benefited the team on the field, either directly or by proxy.

So we have a hometown stay that ended in frustration, with the extra money redistributed to a player who did far more harm than good. For $59 million, Weaver bought a dream of how things were supposed to be. Five years later, it’s obvious that it was a total mirage.

As for the “How much more do you need?” philosophy, it’s a noble one, but there are different ways to look at it. There’s the greedy scenario, sure. With that kind of money, Weaver could have bought a small island and paid for engineers to make him a real-life Optimus Prime to keep him company. If he wanted. Maybe I’m projecting what I would want, we’ll never know.

But there’s also the scenario where he took $50 million and set up a scholarship fund at Long Beach State that would last for decades. He could have invested in electric cars or, heck, coal-powered cars if that’s what he believes in. He could have donated it to the political candidate of his choice. He could have rebuilt zoos all over the country and had enough left over to build a zoo in his own backyard. All we know is that the money isn’t his to control anymore. He has enough, sure, but it’s not like the money is doing anyone any better in the world, especially if it was stuffed directly into the pockets of Arte Moreno.

The new contract bought Weaver fuzzy feelings for a couple years. While I don’t want to speak for him — he could be reading this right now, rolling his eyes, and making inappropriate hand gestures on his ludicrously expensive couch — giving up money to stay with one team doesn’t always end well. The fans will get tired of you as soon as the production stops. The money saved will just go to other rich people. The hometown discount is a lie.

The hometown discount is a lie.

Current Boras clients include Nolan Arenado, Bryce Harper, Kris Bryant, and Corey Seager. You will not see them sign a team-friendly contract extension. And if one of them gets the itch, Boras will hand them a pamphlet.

So You’ve Decided To Be Like Jered Weaver?

The pamphlet will contain most of these arguments. And there will be no team-friendly contract extensions. The Weaver contract was a cautionary tale, and we’ve all learned a little something from it.

[thatfangirlingdepressedkid]

1-150

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

my boyfriend

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

im outgoing if you dont know me, shy if you have actually taken the time to get to know me

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

prince harry. dont ask questions.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

depends who you are

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i hope so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

green haired gays

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

“platonic? hell not platonic.” so like lets keep it that way? but tbh idk

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

hm. im non binary. oops? but like the only person on my mind rn is my boyfriend so like that counts right?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha no.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my boyfriend

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“right i forgot” typical me

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

“this is gospel” by P!ATD, “bullet” by hollywood undead, “pierre” by ryn weaver, “nicotine” P!ATD, “girls/girls/boys” by P!ATD

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

YES YES YES YES YES YES.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

*shrugs* why wouldn’t I?

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i met a guy who walked in on me changing. we are now dating.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yep

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

would be pretty cool if there were so yeah sure why not

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

actually i just came out to him as gay. 99.999999% sure that it was just a crush to make my parents believe i was straight. 

19. Do you like bubble baths?

not really

20. Do you like your neighbors?

i dont have neighbours. like all the houses next to me are just sold and/or being torn down

21. What are you bad habits?

biting my nails. for sure. jesus christ im terrible i legit have the shortest nails

22. Where would you like to travel?

literally absolutely everywhere

23. Do you have trust issues?

of course

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

getting on tumblr

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

HAIR. MY FUCKING HAIR. and my chest. BUT LIKE MY HAIR GOD DAMN

26. What do you do when you wake up?

what is this “sleep” you speak of

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker. jesus christ i am fucking bleached

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my boyfriend

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

heh heh heh heh ex’s? what are those?

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yeah

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. yes. unfortunately, it is.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

brendon urie, katherine langford

33. Spell your name with your chin.

ummmmmmmmmm come again?

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

dance. dance. dance. dance. and more dance.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

without TV for sure

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

ahahahahahahahahaha of fucking course like who hasnt

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

this is usually what goes down:

heh heh heh *pulls out phone* *pulls at ponytail*

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

my boyfriend. hands down.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

if i started typing now, i would be here until i died

40. What do you want to do after high school?

take a gap year. after that, i have no fucking idea

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

depends on what they did

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

all the emotions are just too much

or

im in love with you

or

friend crush much?

or

EMOTIONS

43. Do you smile at strangers?

ahahahahahahaha what is this “smiling” you speak of?

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space cause space is cool and actually currently possible to get to

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

boyfriend. feflix. thea. OH AND GETTING AWAY FROM MY FAMILY. but mostly my boyfriend.

46. What are you paranoid about?

the real question is, what am i not paranoid about?

47. Have you ever been high?

*silence*

48. Have you ever been drunk?

heh heh heh heh moving on

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

yup

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

red

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

all the time

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

HAIR. MY FUCKING HAIR. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

elf cause im slightly broke, but tarte tho wait but like nyx ungh everything at sephora

54. Favourite store?

sephora

55. Favourite blog?

yes.

56. Favourite colour?

i have this thing where im afraid that if i choose a favourite colour i’ll hurt all the other colours feelings.

57. Favourite food?

ANOREXIA.

58. Last thing you ate?

ANOREXIA.

59. First thing you ate this morning?

ANOREXIA.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

dance dance dance dance dance more dance

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

nah

63. Ever been in love?

yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

we were walking to his house and he had been telling me that he had the urge to kiss me for like a couple days at that point and i told him that if he finished the rice krispie square that he could kiss me. then he did. 3 days later we were in a relationship.

65. Are you hungry right now?

ANOREXIA.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

whats the difference?

67. Facebook or Twitter?

tumblr.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

does netflix count? im always watching netflix.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

feflix and thea

71. Craving something? What?

chocolate. being a fucking female tho jesus christ kill me please

72. What colour are your towels?

i have a lot of fucking towels like beyond belief. mostly white.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

like 12

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…maybe

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

i cant count that high

75. Favourite animal?

*shrugs* never really thought about it…wait jokes unicorns. cause gay.

76. What colour is your underwear?

rn? white

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

um female so chocolate rn

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

chocolate. im basic ik

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

black

80. What colour pants?

black

81. Favourite tv show?

greys anatomy or the fosters

82. Favourite movie?

pride, tomboy, or the imitation game

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

he cannot be named. he’s just too gay to function.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

dory

87. First person you talked to today?

feflix

88. Last person you talked to today?

my mom

89. Name a person you hate?

JAYDEN, NEVE, NOA, ANTONIA, LITERALLY EVERYONE BUT MY BEST FRIENDS AND MY BOYFRIEND IM JUST A PERSON FULL OF HATE IM SORRY

90. Name a person you love?

my sister

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

*sighs* you’re making me pick just one?

92. In a fight with someone?

define “fight”

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

dance = literally only owning leggings and sweats

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

too many

95. Last movie you watched?

tfios

96. Favourite actress?

ellen page

97. Favourite actor?

benedict cumberbatch

98. Do you tan a lot?

yeah

99. Have any pets?

nope

100. How are you feeling?

terrible

101. Do you type fast?

yep

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

so much

103. Can you spell well?

ive been told that i can spell well. but its weird cause i cant read out loud well. which usually means that you cant spell well. dyslexia yay

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

beyond belief

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

not that i can recall?

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes and i was fucking terrified

108. What should you be doing?

math hw

109. Is something irritating you right now?

yes.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

*glances back at my boyfriend* yep

111. Do you have trust issues?

I ALREADY SAID YES WHAT IS THIS MADNESS

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

does like almost weeping count? cause if so like my boyfriend a couple months back. i cry alone. always.

113. What was your childhood nickname?

d…feflix is going to read this. nvm.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

all the time

115. Do you play the Wii?

used to

116. Are you listening to music right now?

when am i not?

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yeah

118. Do you like Chinese food?

yeah

119. Favourite book?

currently? binge by tyler oakley

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

yes

121. Are you mean?

depends who you are

122. Is cheating ever okay?

NEVER. EVER.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

if i try hard enough

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

1000%

125. Do you believe in true love?

1000%

126. Are you currently bored?

tumblr.

127. What makes you happy?

my boyfriend

128. Would you change your name?

probably not? its just become a part of me

129. What your zodiac sign?

pieces

130. Do you like subway?

yeah

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

“im like really fucking gay but like okay cool you do you” *continues trying to steal your phone*

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my boyfriend

im pretty sure i answered this

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

“drank with the devil and forgot my name”

134. Can you count to one million?

ungh i could if i tried hard enough but like ungh effort

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

“trust me. im a straight girl”

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5′0″ tiny and adorable.

138. Curly or Straight hair?

straight.

139. Brunette or Blonde?

green

140. Summer or Winter?

summer

141. Night or Day?

night

142. Favourite month?

february

143. Are you a vegetarian?

nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

145. Tea or Coffee?

coffee

146. Was today a good day?

not really…scratch that…nope!

147. Mars or Snickers?

mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“okay? okay.”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yep

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“I often hated myself and tried to talk myself back into starving, but those days because fewer and father between, the longer i worked toward recovery.”