#Final draft + Process Narrative 2

[jesperweidemann]

Top 5 Writing Applications for Worldbuilding and Complex Story Planning

In the realm of creative writing, particularly when it comes to worldbuilding and complex story planning, having the right tools can make a significant difference. Writers often find themselves juggling multiple characters, intricate plots, and expansive settings. To manage these elements effectively, specialized writing applications have been developed to assist in organizing thoughts, tracking details, and fostering creativity. In this article, we will explore the top five writing applications that are indispensable for worldbuilding and complex story planning.

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1. Obsidian: The Ultimate Tool for Writers

Obsidian is a robust note-taking and knowledge management application that has gained immense popularity among writers for its flexibility and powerful features. Whether you are working on a novel, a series of interconnected stories, or an entire fictional universe, Obsidian provides the tools you need to keep everything organized and easily accessible.

Key Features of Obsidian

Markdown Support: Obsidian uses Markdown, a lightweight markup language, which allows writers to format their notes with ease. This feature is particularly useful for creating structured documents and linking related notes.

Bidirectional Linking: One of Obsidian's standout features is its bidirectional linking capability. This allows writers to create connections between different notes, making it easy to navigate through complex storylines and character relationships.

Graph View: The Graph View in Obsidian provides a visual representation of how your notes are interconnected. This feature is invaluable for worldbuilding, as it helps writers see the big picture and understand how different elements of their story fit together.

Plugins and Customization: Obsidian offers a wide range of plugins that can enhance its functionality. Writers can customize the app to suit their specific needs, whether it's adding a calendar for tracking writing progress or integrating with other tools like Google Drive.

Cross-Platform Sync: With Obsidian, you can sync your notes across multiple devices, ensuring that you have access to your work wherever you go. This is particularly useful for writers who like to jot down ideas on their phone and then expand on them later on their desktop.

Pricing

Personal Use: Free

Commercial Use: $50 per user per year

Add-ons:

Sync: $4 per user per month, billed annually

Publish: $8 per site per month, billed annually

Catalyst: $25+ one-time payment for early access and VIP features

How Obsidian Enhances Worldbuilding and Story Planning

Obsidian's features are designed to support the intricate process of worldbuilding and story planning. The ability to create detailed notes for each character, location, and plot point, and then link them together, allows writers to build a comprehensive and cohesive narrative. The Graph View provides a visual map of the story, making it easier to identify connections and ensure consistency. Additionally, the customization options and plugins available in Obsidian mean that writers can tailor the app to their specific workflow, making it an indispensable tool for any serious writer.

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2. Scrivener: The Writer's Swiss Army Knife

Scrivener is a well-known writing application that has been a favorite among writers for years. It offers a wide range of features designed to help writers organize their work, from drafting to final edits. Scrivener is particularly useful for long-form writing projects, such as novels and screenplays, where managing large amounts of text and research is essential.

Key Features of Scrivener

Project Management: Scrivener allows writers to break their projects into manageable sections, such as chapters or scenes. This makes it easy to navigate through the manuscript and make changes as needed.

Research Integration: Writers can import research materials, such as PDFs, images, and web pages, directly into Scrivener. This keeps all relevant information in one place, making it easy to reference while writing.

Corkboard and Outliner: Scrivener's Corkboard and Outliner views provide visual ways to organize and rearrange sections of the manuscript. This is particularly useful for plotting and structuring complex stories.

Customizable Templates: Scrivener offers a variety of templates for different types of writing projects, from novels to screenplays. Writers can also create their own templates to suit their specific needs.

Export Options: Scrivener supports a wide range of export formats, including Word, PDF, and ePub. This makes it easy to share your work with others or prepare it for publication.

Pricing

macOS: $49

Windows: $45

iOS: $19.99

Bundle (macOS + Windows): $80

How Scrivener Enhances Worldbuilding and Story Planning

Scrivener's project management features are ideal for worldbuilding and story planning. Writers can create separate sections for different aspects of their world, such as characters, settings, and plot points, and then easily navigate between them. The ability to import research materials directly into the project ensures that all relevant information is readily accessible. The Corkboard and Outliner views provide visual ways to organize and rearrange the story, making it easier to see the big picture and ensure consistency. Overall, Scrivener is a powerful tool that can help writers manage the complexities of worldbuilding and story planning.

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3. Campfire: A Comprehensive Worldbuilding Tool

Campfire is a writing application specifically designed for worldbuilding and story planning. It offers a wide range of features that allow writers to create detailed and immersive worlds, from character profiles to interactive maps. Campfire is particularly useful for writers who are working on large-scale projects, such as epic fantasy series or intricate science fiction universes.

Key Features of Campfire

Character Profiles: Campfire allows writers to create detailed profiles for each character, including information on their appearance, personality, and backstory. This helps ensure that characters are well-developed and consistent throughout the story.

Worldbuilding Tools: Campfire offers a variety of tools for worldbuilding, such as interactive maps, timelines, and relationship webs. These features allow writers to create a comprehensive and cohesive world for their story.

Plotting Tools: Campfire's plotting tools help writers outline their story and track the progression of the plot. This is particularly useful for complex stories with multiple plotlines and subplots.

Collaboration Features: Campfire allows writers to collaborate with others on their projects. This is particularly useful for co-authors or writing teams who need to share information and work together on the story.

Customizable Templates: Campfire offers a variety of templates for different aspects of worldbuilding and story planning. Writers can also create their own templates to suit their specific needs.

Pricing

Free Plan: Limited features

Standard Plan: $19 per month or $160 per year

Custom Plan: Prices start at $0.50 per month per module

How Campfire Enhances Worldbuilding and Story Planning

Campfire's features are specifically designed to support the process of worldbuilding and story planning. The ability to create detailed character profiles and interactive maps allows writers to build a rich and immersive world for their story. The plotting tools help writers outline their story and track the progression of the plot, ensuring that all elements of the story are well-organized and consistent. The collaboration features make it easy for co-authors or writing teams to work together on the project. Overall, Campfire is a comprehensive tool that can help writers manage the complexities of worldbuilding and story planning.

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4. Aeon Timeline: A Visual Timeline Tool for Writers

Aeon Timeline is a visual timeline tool that helps writers organize their stories and track the progression of events. It is particularly useful for complex stories with multiple plotlines and characters, as it allows writers to see the big picture and ensure consistency.

Key Features of Aeon Timeline

Visual Timelines: Aeon Timeline allows writers to create visual timelines for their stories, making it easy to see the progression of events and track the relationships between different plotlines.

Character and Event Tracking: Writers can create detailed profiles for each character and event, including information on their relationships and interactions. This helps ensure that all elements of the story are well-organized and consistent.

Customizable Templates: Aeon Timeline offers a variety of templates for different types of writing projects, from novels to screenplays. Writers can also create their own templates to suit their specific needs.

Integration with Other Tools: Aeon Timeline integrates with other writing tools, such as Scrivener and Ulysses, making it easy to import and export information between different applications.

Collaboration Features: Aeon Timeline allows writers to collaborate with others on their projects. This is particularly useful for co-authors or writing teams who need to share information and work together on the story.

Pricing

One-time Purchase: $65 (includes 1 year of free updates)

Additional Year of Updates: $35 per year

How Aeon Timeline Enhances Worldbuilding and Story Planning

Aeon Timeline's visual timeline feature is particularly useful for worldbuilding and story planning. Writers can create detailed timelines for their stories, making it easy to see the progression of events and track the relationships between different plotlines. The character and event tracking features help ensure that all elements of the story are well-organized and consistent. The integration with other writing tools makes it easy to import and export information between different applications, ensuring that all relevant information is readily accessible. Overall, Aeon Timeline is a powerful tool that can help

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5. Plottr: Visual Story Planning Made Simple

Plottr is a visual story planning tool that helps writers outline their stories in a clear and organized manner. It is particularly useful for writers who prefer a visual approach to planning and want to see their story structure at a glance. Plottr's intuitive interface and powerful features make it an excellent choice for both novice and experienced writers.

Key Features of Plottr

Timeline View: Plottr's Timeline View allows writers to create a visual timeline of their story, making it easy to see the sequence of events and how they fit together. This is particularly useful for complex stories with multiple plotlines.

Character and Plot Templates: Plottr offers a variety of templates for character development and plot structure. Writers can use these templates to ensure that their characters are well-rounded and their plots are cohesive.

Drag-and-Drop Interface: Plottr's drag-and-drop interface makes it easy to rearrange scenes and chapters. This allows writers to experiment with different story structures and find the one that works best for their narrative.

Filtering and Tagging: Writers can use tags and filters to organize their scenes, characters, and plot points. This makes it easy to find specific elements of the story and keep track of important details.

Export Options: Plottr allows writers to export their outlines to other writing applications, such as Scrivener and Word. This makes it easy to move from planning to drafting without losing any important information.

Pricing

Annual Plan: $25 per year

Lifetime Plan: $99 one-time payment

How Plottr Enhances Worldbuilding and Story Planning

Plottr's visual approach to story planning makes it an invaluable tool for worldbuilding and complex story planning. The Timeline View allows writers to see the big picture and ensure that their story flows smoothly. The character and plot templates help writers develop well-rounded characters and cohesive plots. The drag-and-drop interface and filtering options make it easy to organize and rearrange story elements, ensuring that nothing gets lost in the process. Overall, Plottr is a powerful and user-friendly tool that can help writers bring their stories to life.

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Each of the applications we’ve explored - Obsidian, Scrivener, Campfire, World Anvil, and Plottr - offers unique features that cater to different aspects of writing. By integrating these tools into your workflow, you can unlock new levels of creativity and efficiency.

Are you ready to take your writing to the next level? Dive into these applications and discover which one resonates with your creative process. And don’t forget to follow us for more insights, tips, and recommendations on the best tools and practices for writers. Your next great story is just a click away!

[taylor-titmouse]

Shrinking Violet is out! another of @petitemortality R/L Monroe's wonderful erotic shorts, with another cover by yours truly >:) i've been saying it on nearly every promo post i make for this but if you're one of the people who has wanted me to write f/f, you're legally obligated to read this one. below is the sales copy, and then below that some discussion of the process for designing the cover!

Nobody at college knows that shy, nervous Maya had a 'bad boy' reputation in high school - and Maya is the only one who knows tough, rebellious Nasrin used to be a sweet-tempered teacher's pet. Mutual attraction is rekindled when their paths cross again, but the two find their old dynamics have been flipped on their head. Maya finally knows what she wants, and Nasrin is bold enough to give it to her...that is, if she can bring herself to ask. Will their first time be perfect the second time around? 7k words, EPUB and PDF format. This is the second in the Fuck Yourself Friday series of shorts. New stand-alone erotic stories are released on the last Friday of every month. FYF 1: Go Fuck Yourself These stories contain explicit sexual content, and are intended for 18+ audiences.

Contains: -F/tF -transfem sub -outdoor sex -praise kink -soft penis stimulation -non-penetrative sex

THUMBNAILS

this one was very straightforward with the request: "the image I have in my mind for a cover is someone's fingers knotted in a skirt spread out against wildflowers. but more in the sort of gripping your own skirt gently kind of way, somewhere between anxious and excited if that makes sense. I'm thinking like you know the classic soft grunge tumblr aesthetic photo vibe. type of shit you'd post next to a closeup of a skinned knee in long socks"

very easy instructions to follow! so while i usually prefer to do 3 thumbnails, i only ended up with 2. there's only so many ways you can depict a hand on a skirt, after all. and we decided that we wanted to continue with the style i established with the first one, with silhouettes, lineless art, and bold textures. we liked the first one more, but wanted to get some leg in there.

i proposed adding black pantyhose to the narrative to make it work on the cover (i have changed prose to match what i drew for illustrations Many times) but we went with bare leg in the end

FINISHING

so i didn't actually do a sketch for this one, just went straight to rendering. as we all know i use gradient maps a lot in my work, so i gave lee a choice between a bright, springy palette, and a wetter, darker palette. i also offered it with the border, or with the skirt going over it. personally i like the skirt going over it, but the border keeps it consistent and more book-cover-y, so we went with that. lee chose the darker palette, which suits the story much better

but the font didn't fit! too vintage for the story, which takes place in modern day.

fonts time :^)

we went with the third option for the contrast. and also added a raindrop to the flower (which got moved to the right petal in the final draft). gently touching petals, wetness, This Is Yuri.

and the final result is as above!

anyway you should all read this story, it's incredibly sweet childhood-best-friends-to-lovers and in itself a love letter to trans femininity. i highly recommend it, and it's only $3!

go and get it!

[mlbigbang2024]

Big Bang Etiquette: Tips for Writers & Artists Working Together

Sometimes it feels daunting to start talking to someone you don’t know on the other side of the world, particularly if you’re a little shy. Here are some tips to make your Big Bang experience fun and productive!

After all, it’s in everyone’s best interest to finish the fic and artwork. So we have tried to come with a handy guide. Hope this helps you!

For Writers:

1. Be Clear with Your Vision: Share your story ideas early. Let your artist know about key scenes or vibes that inspire your work.

REFERENCES, REFERENCES, REFERENCES: These are key to make sure that the artist understands what you are envisioning.

Pinterest boards can also be your friend.

Share your outline and your chapters as soon as possible so that the artist can start planning!

2. Respect Artistic Freedom: Trust your artist’s interpretation. Their unique perspective adds depth to your story.

Be Open to Surprises: Your artist may come up with ideas or visual elements you hadn't considered. Embrace their creativity as it often leads to a richer final product.

Constructive Criticism: If you’re unsatisfied with a piece, don’t be scared to speak up, but do so respectfully. Frame your feedback in a way that’s encouraging and helpful, like suggesting adjustments instead of outright rejections. 

3. Deadlines Matter: Stick to agreed timelines. Your artist is working around them too!

Plan Ahead: Keep track of all deadlines and set internal checkpoints to ensure progress is on track. If you anticipate delays, communicate early to find a solution together.

Be Reliable: Consistent and timely updates build trust and show your commitment to the partnership. If you meet your deadlines, your artist is more likely to do the same.

For Artists:

1. Ask Questions: Don’t hesitate to seek clarification on characters, settings, or moods. A little detail can spark the perfect illustration.

Dig Deep: Ask about character motivations, the tone of scenes, or any specific visual details the writer envisions. Even small things like the color of a character’s eyes or the style of clothing can make a big difference.

2. Share Progress: Show sketches or drafts early on. Feedback from the writer can steer your work in the right direction.

Step-by-Step Updates: Share your progress in stages—initial sketches, line art, color blocking, etc. This allows the writer to give feedback at each step, preventing major overhauls later on.

Encourage Input: Invite the writer to share their thoughts openly. Remind them that it’s easier to make changes during the sketch phase than in the final stages.

3. Be Flexible: Sometimes the story evolves. Adapt if needed and stay open to adjustments.

Offer Solutions: If a requested change seems challenging, suggest alternatives that stay true to the writer’s vision but might be easier or more effective artistically.

4. Respect the Story: Your art enhances the writing. Keep the narrative in mind and aim to complement the writer’s vision.

Stay True: Your art should reflect the mood and style of the story. Whether it’s lighthearted, dark, whimsical, or intense, align your artistic choices with the writer’s narrative goals.

For Both:

Communicate Regularly: Check in often, even if it’s just to say everything's on track.

Be Considerate: Life happens. If something’s going off course, let your partner know ASAP.

Celebrate Each Other: Acknowledge each other’s efforts. This project is a team effort—cheers to collaboration!

Ways To Get Conversation Flowing:

1. Artist

Ask the writer what inspired the story or how they come up with ideas

Tell the author your favourite scenes. The creation process takes a long time, and some writers miss getting the in-flow of kudos and comments from Ao3 for motivation. During this phase, you are their source of motivation!

2. Writers:

Ask why the artist why they liked your idea.

Tell them about yourself, anything from the Timezone you are in to help with communication or to what inspires you.

If you have something big coming up, like a holiday or an exam, let your artist know. Who knows you might find out you have similar interests!

3. Both: 

Talk about anything and everything! Compare head canons, your favorite episodes, maybe even your favorite fics!

Provide regular updates! Ask for feedback. It doesn’t have to be a complete work. You’re just providing each other reassurances that there’s progress!

Remember this is more than an event, this is FANDOM! And we are here to have fun and make new friends! 

[zepskies]

Hey, Yep! Have you ever had writer's block? And if so, how did you break it?

Hey, Arty! 💜

Oh, definitely. 😅 No writer is safe from the dreaded state of "writer's block," but I do have some tactics I use to get through it...

5 Tips for Beating Writer's Block

Start plotting with an outline. ✍🏽

There are two kinds of writers, in my opinion:

Architects: writers who outline.

Adventurers: writers who freeform.

In most respects, I consider myself an Architect. My brain craves structure. So the way I beat writer's block while working on a project is by having a roadmap of what's going to happen next. That's thanks to my outline.

Even freeformers can develop some kind of pre-writing plan, whether that's creating a list of character bios, starting with the basic 3-Act triangle, or writing out a handful of bullet points to get you going.

For my personal process, I'll go from creating the basic premise/summary, to some loose bullet points of the story structure, to then fleshing out into full outlining of each chapter and scene, and finally drafting (and editing).

While I'm outlining, I'm also doing research and fact-checking as needed to get me through to the next scene and the next, until the end. My "roadmap" tends to be very detailed, so when I get to the drafting part, all I should have to reference is my outline.

Now, this doesn't mean that plot points won't change, or get switched around, or get chucked entirely. But if I have the blueprints of the house, I can change a window or a door, or even a whole support beam here and there, so to speak.

2. If I get stuck at any point during the outlining and/or drafting phase, I'll often go back and reread what I have already. 🧐

I'll edit and tweak as I do those readthroughs, whether it's my outline or drafted chapters. It freshens up the earlier scenes and plot points in my head.

In doing so, it'll hopefully unlock ways I can continue the later plot points, and even tie them back to things I'm setting up earlier in the narrative.

3. Revisit the thing that gave you inspiration in the first place! 🍿

Rewatch, reread, revisit the episode, movie, book, story, artwork that stroked your muse and had you daydreaming and brainstorming about the WIP you're working on. That can be a good way to revitalize you when you feel you're getting stuck on something in a plot point, or lacking motivation.

4. Create a music playlist. 🎶

I love doing this, especially for a series. I often create a playlist of songs that remind me of the setting, the characters, the overall story, or the romance I'm trying to create. Whether it's the words or the tone/rhythm that get me going, music inspires me greatly.

5. Go for a walk. ☀️

I walk for exercise, but it also gives me time to daydream and run through scenes in my head while vibing to my music (sometimes looking like a crazy person as I nod and make hand motions lmao).

This helps me clear my head, get some fresh air, then come back to my laptop with a little more pep in my brain, ready to pick up where I left off while writing. 👌🏽

Thank you so much for this question, @artyandink! (Sorry, meant to tag you when I originally posted.) I hope these ideas help you beat writer's block. 💕 Let me know if you have any additional questions!

[nightly-valkyrie]

'In the Shadow of Sierpinski' post ACT-1 writer's rambles

Forgive me, I'm so brain-rotted about my own fic that I can't help but talk about it even down to the design decisions and process of writing?

Mostly to cover some influences, inspirations, reasonings, and concepts I wanted to carry on into the narrative as it developed from early drafts into what was posted in the fic. Most spoilers for the fic and the game will be kept to below the cut:

Influences & Inspirations :)

>So of course a big influence on the fic was Signalis itself, I could talk on and on about what I did and didn't want to expand on for the purpose of the fic. However, for the sake of brevity I will be kinda short for this part at least. The melding of technology to this point of advancement well beyond what humanity is capable of today, and yet seemingly also stuck in the past is such an appealing look. An almost 'Alien' movie approach that really makes it stick out. That was a feeling I wanted to capture, not just because of a desire to stay faithful to the source material, but also because of my own affections for the cyberpunk genre which 'Signalis' also seems to share a love for. I will get into this later though. One of the biggest tones I wanted to carry over was this glazing over of some of the more dystopian aspects the game carries, Rose Engine leaves a lot of hints toward the state of the in game governments, its beliefs, and its inspirations (East Germany etc...). What they don't do though is ever quite dwell on a lot of the implications the notes and dialogues carry. It was, that, which I wanted to emulate. I tried to make clear in the text many things, but leave what exactly that implication is up to the reader to determine. I hesitate to mention these moments because I really do feel like they're better noticed on your own.

>Another really big inspiration this fic had, and I'll keep this next one shorter, is the cyberpunk genre. The idea of human robots, retro-futuristic technology, and even gifted individuals with telepathic powers all feel pulled straight from the cyberpunk genre and media related to it. And that is just things shown in game (I am also aware of the game's anime inspirations 'Evangelion' and 'Blame' but as far as I'm aware those do have some cyberpunk dna in them as well, i just have much knowledge in the realm of anime). For this fic, I really felt compelled to include the influences of these stories to write this fic. 'Blade Runner 2049' especially had some influence over concepts like Replika identification being linked to the eye/optic.

This detail along with some of the tone is a just small parts that show how it was an overall inspiration. The tone especially in some of the general treatment/attitude toward Replikas by those in power will also give that sense.

>The second to last inspiration I really wanted to mention here was 'Alan Wake 2' and whether or not that is a surprise may depend on your personal familiarity with the game/series. This inspiration is a smaller one but in some of the more dream like confusing parts of the story, the way the wording is meant to loop and double back in a way that feels almost poetic was a huge part. Warning for an early 'Alan Wake 2' spoiler (Intended reading for manuscript page written in alt):

Another inspiration that may become clearer later is the general dealing of how a dreamlike perception over reality. Images like this one from the early game live rent free in my head and help me think about how to describe certain abstract things:

Remedy's general handling of this form of weirdness in a visual medium truly is pretty genius and the work of reinterpreting it into writing has been and will continue to be very enjoyable as i expand more on it in the future.

>Final inspiration I very quickly wanted to touch on is 'The King in Yellow' another fairly obvious one, I have an excerpt in the prologue, it appears in the story and in 'Signalis'. The game especially has a lot of references to it. Ahead of really starting writing I read most of the way through the collection of stories, and finished it while I was writing the first couple chapters. I knew from the start I wanted to really lean into some of the general themes of the anthology and though not obvious as if the end of ACT-1, I will continue to. I highly recommend reading it if only to get a greater understanding of some of the ways 'Signalis' references it. I really feel like it puts a lot in perspective. 'The Demoiselle d'Ys' especially, the latter half of that story really gave me a sense of the love and devotion that is put on display in game.

Okay because describing my decisions behind certain concepts and reasonings requires me to go more in detail I'm putting it below the cut because it carries a bit more spoiler-potential than mere inspiration talk. So if you haven't read the fic please go enjoy it here, beware heavy 'Signalis' spoilers though.

Concepts & Reasonings (Beware Spoilers)

>One of the main things I set out from the start to include in the fic was a lot of the 'weird' things that happen in the game. Moments like when you open the butterfly box and suddenly you're on a mountain top, or when you leave the Penrose for the first time at the beginning of the game. This moment, as well as whenever you first encounter a corrupted Kolibri unit always stuck with me as some of the most memorable moments off the game. That's why I wanted to go out of my way to include them, or moments like them. The first was in the second chapter where Falke uses her bioresonance to infiltrate Tempo's mind and is mentally assaulted in a moment where the narrative intentionally twists and loops over itself which ends with this image:

The image is one of the 'Isle of the dead' paintings overlaid with a German translation of an excerpt from the beginning of the 'King in Yellow'. If you want to read you can refer to this post which has the entire excerpt in full in English. This image was one I made in Krita by of course editing the original and mostly adding details to it to fulfill the vibe that is given when you walk into a room with a corrupted Kolibri and it starts getting bad and you can barely see anything, etc... When it came down to actually including it in the text I was a little on the fence, I for one think that images used sparing enough can really emphasize a moment. Much like some of my other decisions, I know it won't work for everyone, but given the intentionally jarring nature I do feel it fits.

>As for how I went about including the vibe of those first person sequences, I wanted it to feel just as alien and initially sudden as the game handled it. This was done by the use of second person, present tense. As I think was beautifully pointed out in a comment on AO3 by @lopadopalis

The intent was exactly that. To contrast not just in perspective but also subtly in tense as well. To give this almost dreamlike quality I think the first-person sections of the game nailed so well. It's enough that if you glaze past it, you won't pick up on it but it may still leave you that off feeling. That in mind using second-person present tense is likely going to be my way of handling these types of moments going forward, as for the same reason as the image in the text, it gives that slight jarring feeling that is exactly what I'm going for. Hidden in here though is a kind of secret influence I didn't mention before and that is 'Harrow the Ninth'.

While its not so much an influence in terms of content, it is an influence in terms of feeling. This books is in my mind the gold standard of second-person narrative, and it's done so well that no other book was able to make me feel as insane as the first few chapters of this book did. And I say that as a compliment. Go read it (after you read the first book in the series ofc).

>Another thing that was mentioned in the comment from Lopadopalis was the death of the Sierpinski survivors. And that is something I do on some level feel the need to explain. In deciding to kill these characters even as most of them are not shown, I felt a great need to do it well. From the start, I knew I wanted to have them decommissioned, and a big part of that was to really show Dr. Lee's true colors even after they made it clear what stance they hold in regards to Replika life. It was startling to have characters that-were they shown in detail-would have been recognizable to anyone who had played the game, and many did seem to recognize the Ara as she appeared. What worried me was that I would accidentally sweep past it too fast. And I hope that isn't the case. Even if mostly referred to as opposed to shown, it carries some impact and does on some level respect them as legacy characters.

>I feel like I keep giving tanks a million times but I really can't stress how much I appreciate @lynxfrost13 for not just allowing me, but also helping me in including the HOPR who I don't know how to link perfectly so I am linking a lore post that was made: here. Please check it out, and also follow Lynx, genuinely without them I'm not sure I would have made my personal deadline. More generally about the HOPR reference around the middle of Chapter 5; I knew I wanted to include other original Replikas as the ones shown in the game aren't the only ones to exist. However, I'm lazy and didn't want to keep coming up with a ton of Replikas that would end up under-cooked because I couldn't give them each the time they deserved. So I made a post and that's when Lynx reached out and we coordinated a way to include the HOPR as a part of the story not just as a character who will be seen more later, but a part of the lore, connections to existing characters and all. I was (and honestly still am) honored to have have been trusted to write with this unit as a part of my story and I'm so glad Lynx had been available to answer any questions and to check over anything and everything to make sure I'm doing their creation justice. ALSO, that need for original Replikas is still ongoing by the way, if you have one and think it may be cool to have it included, send me a DM or ask! I'd love to try and come up with something, the only one that would probably not work is a Schwan Replika, as the Schwan is the one I've planned for the story (if you did do the same as me though still tell me about it! I'd love to hear about your original Replika types!).

>As one of the last things I very briefly wanted to touch on the relationship as it is portrayed in the fic. One of the things that really pushed me past the 'wouldn't that be neat?' stage of planning this fic and into the 'oh shit it's happening' was the kind of lack of very many Falke/Elster/Ariane fics out there. It was my want to see more that partially caused me to start writing. Many other reasons too, but godddd I have to mention that one. Those 3 make me so ill. It was also partially out of wanting to make a work that will get a lot of eyes on it that kinda presents my interpretation of the Sierpinski S23 Falke having Ariane's memories in addition to Elster's. And thus loves Elster as she does Ariane. It just seems like a thing that isn't necessarily a deep-cut theory, but one that is also at least in my opinion not talked about as much as it should be. Though I do feel like it's picked up a lot of traction very recently. I did write a post on this, most that are willing to read this far into this post have probably already read it but I am gonna link it here anyway.

>Okay, this last part is maybe the most interesting section for the purpose of understanding the general scope of ACT-1 and what changes were made in writing that made it what it is now. To anyone who followed me prior to the publishing of ACT-1, maybe even around when I first started talking about the fic, they may know the intent was for this first part of the story to be much bigger, or maybe a better way to say it is more condensed. ACT-1 was meant to encompass nearly all the time the story spent in the Sierpinski facility. The starting intent was to end with the finalization of the new Replika line teased at the end of Chapter 5, and also in the summary. Overall, things would have been pushed together and likely less time given to characters like Dr. Lee to grow into what they eventually became. The decision to change this scope actually came much later prior to posting than is maybe expected. It was around 2 weeks prior to the 27th, I decided (helped along in the decision by my girlfriend) to make the first ACT what it is now, and expand what was initially 3 chapters into a whole 4 then but now 5. This decision was made not just due to the anniversary growing closer and my concern about missing it, but also because I kept wanting to add more. Chapters began to balloon in length as they became closer to what they now are. It hit a point that, eventually, I had to look at what I had and admit it had far outgrown the initial scope. Deciding then it worked better as the new ACT-1 than all of the time in Sierpinski together. Looking back having posted it, I stand by this decision. This allowed Dr. Lee to bloom into a the character they are now and make the reveal that was their change in demeanor better overall. It also allowed me to expand on some of the aforementioned weirdness moments, the entire section with the Falke looking into Tempo's mind in Carcosa was only a few sentences in that first draft. Lastly it also allowed the build up to where Falke ends up this first draft to feel much better telegraphed and overall better earned; her situation is more believable when more is shown and what that extra space allowed me to set up makes for better moments in the future too!

AND THAT'S THE POST! It's a fuckin big one, but then again there was a lot to talk about. Hopefully this really shows that I mean when I say how much love went into this fic, and how much continues to as it goes on. From fanart (some that's even yet to be released), to incorporating my own enjoyments and personal writing inspirations, even just making the hard decisions so what I make is something I'm proud of. If you read the fic, thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. And if you read all the way through this monster of a post, then I really appreciate your dedication to my brain-rot.

[arazialotis]

Get Him to the Con - Part 9

Pairing: Jensen × Reader

Word Count: About 6250

Summary: The reader stumbles into Jensen at her favorite bar, a very drunk Jensen. She soon realizes Jensen was booked for a con this weekend and has to be eight hours from town in only two.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Warnings: It's here, the smut, you made it. NSFW. 18+ Only!

Although this is an RPF, these are fabricated characters and should not reflect back IRL. I intend no hate or ill wishes to him or his family. This is purely just for writing and wasting my time as a coping skill. Maybe some of you will enjoy it too. I apologize in advance for any mistakes or grammatical/spelling errors. I appreciate any feedback or suggestions!

----

The pen tapped repeatedly on the desk. The words jumped off the page and taunted you in a menacing dance. Interpreting legalese to common speech was not your forte. 

“What’s wrong?” Jensen asked, analyzing you from across the room. 

You snapped your attention to him, “Nothing,” and quickly returned to the document. 

“Somethings up.” He continued to press. 

You didn’t look at him this time and continued to read. The desk groaned under his weight as he sat next to you. His thigh was inches away from your trembling hand. His knuckles turned white as he grasped the desk's edge. There was black ink of a rune on his index finger, but you didn't know the meaning. Two fingers began tapping it in rhythm with the pen while he waited. It was as if he was tempting you, rushing the process along. “Y/N,” Jensen took the pen from you, demanding your attention. “If you need to think things over, have your attorney review it; I understand.”

You couldn’t help but scoff and roll your eyes (like you had an attorney on standby). As distracting as he was, you wouldn’t let him stop you. You turned a page and kept reading. 

“It’s not that.” 

“Then what is it?” He nudged you with his knee and sighed when you didn’t continue. “Talk to me, Y/N.”

Finally, you gave up and leaned back in the chair, looking up at him into that forest of green. There was concern, like he thought you might be second-guessing everything. 

"It's feeling all…" You gestured with your hands. "I don't know. Fifty shades?" 

Your cheeks flushed, embarrassed the admission had come out so easily. You weren't trying to be difficult, really. It was just all unfamiliar. And this next page was just as confusing as the first. This wasn't the moment to skip over the terms and conditions despite the implied reward at the end. Though great enthusiasm was shared yesterday, sleep won over on the return journey. Jensen could only stir you to get you back up to the room. But that time had allowed for the preparations of more formal matters—ones you had to address before moving forward. 

His thumb rubbed against his bottom lip. "If that's what you're into, I can have my legal team draft another contract within the hour." 

Your eyes snapped back to him in shock, only to find his face painted with a shit-eating grin. 

You weren't as amused. "Shut up," you said, swatting him with the piece of paper in your hand. 

Jensen chuckled and pushed off the desk, pacing the room. About to sit on the bed, still a whirlwind of sheets and blankets, he questioned himself and went for the armchair in the corner. 

“In all seriousness, there is nothing more to it than ensuring my privacy. As much as it sucks,” He muffled a laugh conveying his conflict, “I have an image to maintain, a narrative to portray. I know it’s not fair, but those closest to me have to help me carry that burden. In no way is this me not trusting you. It's just your promise to help keep my reputation steady. And you are equally protected, in case I’m secretly a complete asshole. If you need time, I couldn’t encourage it more.” 

With a deep inhale, you mulled things over. You trusted him. Of that, you were certain. If what he said is true, there should be no concerns. Not reading further, you flipped to the last page. The pen scratched against the paper. As the ink cemented your agreement, you still couldn’t shake the feeling that you were signing over your freedom. And in some ways, you were. You were subjecting yourself to hold this weight with him. The world wouldn’t know him as you did. And you would only be able to share what he allowed. Or better said, what his PR team allowed. 

“It’s done.” You brought it to him and dropped it in his lap. 

He grabbed your wrist; his finger grazed over your forearm as if testing for a pulse.

“Thank you.” He whispered sincerely. 

You pulled away. “I am going to freshen up and then find some decent coffee. This hotel stuff is shit.” 

Jensen’s eyes followed you until you locked yourself in the bathroom. The spark remained, but he’d have to rekindle it for a flame. Although spending all day in bed sounded more than ideal, he wanted to repay you, truly show you his gratitude, but mostly work you back into the frenzy he saw you in last night. He went to arrange the file to send back to his team when he saw the date next to your name. It was for the night you first met.

---

“Not even two full days, but I missed ya baby!” You exclaimed as you rubbed the hood of Jensen’s rental.

“Don't you ever disgrace that name again,” He sternly scolded in response. 

You only smirked and joined him in the car. 

“So, seeing where the road takes us?” You asked. 

Jensen plugged an address into the phone. It was a little unsettling after seeing him live the last few days with no plan at all. 

“I have a couple of things up my sleeve.” 

Step one: Obtain copious amounts of caffeine. You agreed on Starbucks. After days of diner and hotel coffee, you needed something consistent and predictable. Step two: Stroll the botanical gardens, test out holding hands, and stop frequently to admire the beauty and smell the flowers, but really use it as an excuse to lean in close together. Jensen’s touch often grazed over your shoulder, brushed your upper arm with the back of his knuckles, trailed down your lower back, and held onto the fabric of your shirt (pinching lightly enough you didn’t notice him tethered to you). Step three: Smile politely as you encounter fans, snap photos for them, and let him take the lead in answering their questions, keeping your responses as vague as possible. Word must have gotten out of his location. Step four: Escape the growing crowd. 

Jensen turned the key and started the car. “Well, shit.” He said, defeated. “That was supposed to be all romantic and cute.” He started driving without a plan. “It was.” You assured. “Until it turned into a clusterfuck.” 

You laughed, but Jensen was not amused. 

“It’s okay.” You rubbed his hand on the gear stick. “We’ll find something…” You gasped and slapped your hand against his chest, sending Jensen into a near heart attack. “Oh my god, was that Voodoo’s?”

“Jesus!” Jensen swore, swerving to regain control of the car.

But you were oblivious to his panic, having turned a full one-eighty in your seat. 

“Oh my god,” you repeated. “It totally is! Turn back around!” You instructed him, and when he didn’t immediately pull a U-turn, you came back to the front, practically shouting, “Turn around!”

It wasn’t the paperwork that morning or the stolen kisses or even yesterday’s panel that officially deemed you a couple. It was this: the first time he showed actual (not feigned) annoyance with you. 

“What the hell is going on?” He demanded.

How had he not caught up yet? “Voodoo doughnuts!” you exclaimed. “It's been like forever since I had one. They’re not out by me!” “All this for overrated doughnuts?” Jensen huffed. “You scared the shit out of me.”

You scoffed in offense. “They are not overrated.”

“They most definitely are.” He argued. 

“Jensen, please.” You whined in desperation. 

His ear perked up, and the annoyance melted into fascination. That was a phrase he could get used to. Granted, this was not the context in which he first wanted to hear it.  He made the mistake of looking at you, finding those same puppy-dog eyes Jared was so good at. 

He sighed and gave in. “Fine, fine.” 

Ten minutes later, Jensen was eating his words. Although he verbally stood by his previous statement, the tenacity with which he consumed not one but two doughnuts was all the confirmation that you needed to know you had won. 

Strolling down Colfax, you found a few cute shops. Initially, you were only going to window shop until you passed a bookstore. You pulled Jensen in with the same urgency you expressed upon seeing Voodoo’s. Jensen simply watched as you pointed out all the books on your TBR and those with cute covers. He was wise in not suggesting procuring them as he knew you’d have to purchase a second suitcase for the return journey home. Instead, he asked questions, attempting to understand what appealed to your taste. He’d lick his lips, nod, rub his jaw, enthralled by how your eyes lit up, talking with vigor and passion. And truly, he was paying attention, but the logic of your preferences was not computing. 

He checked his watch and eventually corraled you out with only one book in hand. But progress was lost once he spotted the record shop across the walkway. Now, it was his turn to drag you in. Initially, you started browsing together but wandered apart in search of your respective genres. For a moment, you became lost in time, searching through the miscellaneous “T’s” in the hunt for a favorite artist. An unsettling feeling that someone was watching you brought you back. The store wasn’t busy; two employees were sorting through new arrivals behind the counter, a younger guy sporting chunky headphones sampling a record on a turntable, and a few browsers. From across the store, you found the onlooker. Jensen was methodically observing your process. But his intense gaze melted into a warm smile that heated your heart, and he gave a bashful wave before looking through his stack of collections. 

It was clear that your hunt would fail. You ambled closer to him and, from behind, wrapped your arms around his waist, peeking at the current selection he was sorting through. His free hand joined yours, wrapping you against him tighter. 

“Oh, that’s a good one.” You pointed. “You should get it.”

Jensen flipped it over to see the list of tracks on the back and caught sight of his watch. 

“Shoot,” He said, gathering all the records in his arms. “We gotta go.”

“What?” You asked, chasing after him. 

Jensen plopped his records on the counter. “Hi, how are ya?” he said half-heartedly before addressing you, “We got stuff to do.” That didn’t clarify anything. You checked your phone for the time, wondering if it somehow hadn’t adjusted timezones. “We have dinner at 6?” But that was still several hours away. 

He paid for his items and raised a brow at you. “It’s not dinner.” You squinted at him, trying to read behind his nonchalant expression and motives. “What exactly do you have in mind?” 

He inhaled sharply, grabbed his bagged records, and headed out the door with you trailing behind. “It’s a surprise, " he finally disclosed. 

You bit your lip, hoping for a steamy rendezvous back at the hotel, but despite your pestering, he would not divulge any further information. And if your sense of direction was correct, once you were back in the car, you were headed further away from the hotel, not toward it. In fact, it seemed like you were heading back to Golden. The possibilities ran through your head. 

“You’re not taking me to the Coors Tour, are you?” You asked and then regretted the disdain in your voice in case that was what he had planned. 

He huffed a laugh. “A pretentious snob such as yourself? Never.” And relief flooded you. “Though you are due for a private tour of Family Business.”

“I don’t know. I hear their ratings are inflated ‘cause they have a cute owner,” you teased. 

“Smart-ass. And it’s co-owner.” He scoffed. “I’ll have to tell Liam to cool it with the charm. Need the beer to speak for itself.”

“Liam?” “My brother.” “Right, right.” You remembered. On the first leg of the journey, you both talked about family.

“It is the Family Business, after all.” 

“True.” You agreed. “So, is the whole family involved?” “Liam the most; he’s the one brewing and creating new flavor profiles. Harper was more involved in the beginning with graphic design and marketing. Mom and Pop just hang around for free samples. Ingrid’s not really involved. She has always marched to her own beat.” He smiled fondly at the end as he turned off the highway. “We’ll have you meet Liam first. He’ll be the least overbearing and easiest to talk to.”

You gulped. You had come to peace in rushing the physical things. God, you wished that was what you were doing right now, but meeting the family? Even just talking about it sent a wave of uneasiness through you. There was a certain level of commitment necessary for that kind of step. It wasn’t that you were afraid of commitment, but you feared Jensen might be taking this too lightly, like a candle burning too hot. Or maybe it was because of your own family. Sure, he had talked some shit about his on the way here, but they seemed like the Rockwell Thanksgiving painting in comparison to yours. You weren’t sure you ever wanted your family to meet him. You’d always been more comfortable with your friends. They were more a family to you than blood. Your NDA was one thing; how did actual family or even friends play into that?

“Close your eyes,” Jensen instructed, thankfully pulling you out of your spiraling thoughts. You would take this one step at a time.

You did as he asked but did not hesitate to voice your opinion. “This feels weird.”

“Almost there."

You felt the car slow, felt the crunch of gravel underneath, and eventually halted to a stop. 

“Can I open my eyes?” “Not yet.”

You heard him unbuckle his seatbelt and leave the car. A moment later, your car door creaked open. He undid your seatbelt, clasped your hands over your eyes, reinforced the no-peeking rule, and guided you blindly into position. He stood behind you, securing his hands over yours for extra security. 

“Dr. Grant, welcome to Jurassic Park.” He gave his best John Hammond impersonation and uncovered your eyes.

You blinked away the bright sun and adjusted to the light, taking in your surroundings. Confused at first, you waited for your brain to catch up. Horribly painted dinosaur statues were scattered throughout the grassy patches of the dusty parking lot. Was that a stegasaurus painted as the American Flag? And the derpiest T-Rex in existence. Aside from the paper-mache dinosaur renditions, a small shed and outhouse were the only buildings in sight. 

“Oh no," you laughed. “What in the roadside attraction hell is this place? Is this payback for the mystery spot?” He silently chuckled. “As much as I wish that it was, I did my research, and although this,” He waved at the general set up, “up there is a trail with actual fossils in the hills. We have a tour with a geologist in about five minutes.” His excitement dropped as he tried to read yours. “You hate it? It’s stupid, I…” “No! No.” You cut him off. “It’s. Well. When I pictured how our day would be spent,” You didn’t know how to put it lightly, and you were committed to being more forward with him anyway. “I thought we’d be fucking each other’s brains out, not… healing my inner child.”

Jensen inhaled, about to speak, but stopped. He started again, then mentally pictured the two of you entwined and blinked rapidly. He grabbed your hand and began dragging you back to the car. Your heels dug into the ground, and there was a mischievous smile on your face. “Oh, hell no. You brought me to see dinosaurs. The opportunity to shoot your shot has sadly faded, my friend. It’ll be a miracle if I ever leave these hills.”

His hand wound behind your neck, gripping it gently as his lips drew closer to yours. Your eyes fluttered shut, waiting for a kiss that never came. Jensen was so close that the tip of his nose was only a thread away from yours, yet you could still see the smug grin plastered on his face. 

His voice was a low growl. “Are you as much of a brat in bed as you are in real life?” You nearly melted into a puddle, but his grip held you steady. It took a breath to regain your composure, but eventually, you matched his domineering presence. You inched your lips closer to his, hovering, and as you spoke, they brushed against each other. 

Your whisper was as smooth as velvet. “I guess you’ll have to wait for our Vegas trip to find out.” You grazed your hand up his inner thigh, and as you tenderly squeezed your prize, you nipped at his bottom lip. As soon as it happened, you pulled away and patted his stunned cheek. 

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some extremely important matters to discuss with our new geologist friend.” You didn’t wait for him to respond and sauntered to the wooden outpost labeled museum. Jensen watched the sway of your hips as you grew further away. He shuddered as if casting off a chill and chased after you, knowing fully well he was leashed to you despite your distaste for the analogy. 

---

You rushed back to the hotel, fearing you’d be late for dinner, but you insisted on freshening up from the sweat and dust of the hike. Maybe you could have axed some of the questions to save time, but you loved watching Jensen roll his eyes and meander onward as you debated nonsensical topics with the geologist. You burst into the hotel room, hoping you had enough time to scramble in at least a new coat of deodorant and fix your hair.  Jensen trailed behind you, carrying the shopping bags and your crossbody. 

“Why is your bag so heavy?” he called after you, setting it down with a thunk. Curiosity got the better of him, and he rifled through it, pulling out several rocks. He sighed. “What am I going to do with you?” 

“What?” You feigned innocence as you rushed frantically around the room. “There were signs everywhere explicitly saying not to take any rocks.” He rubbed his forehead.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. I had those rocks with me before we went hiking.” You said as you applied a thin layer of lip gloss. 

He fished through them. “Then tell me why this one so closely resembles the layer of volcanic ash.” You looked at the rock he held, and your smile resembled a grimace. “I plead the fifth? I only took three. None of them were actually fossils. I’m only a klepto when it comes to rocks. And not gift shop rocks, only rocks in their natural state.” He wasn’t buying any of your excuses. “They needed me. I rescued them. If they stayed on the trail, they would only be ground into gravel.” He sighed and set the rock down. “How many more crimes do you plan on committing this trip?” 

Your grimace turned up, and your tongue peaked out between your teeth. “I think I have room for a few more.”

“I keep forgetting to run your background check. And now I am going to need three character references as well.” He said so sternly you couldn’t tell if it was his dry humor or seriousness. 

You pursed your lips together and crept to him. He eyed your path, unmoving as you grabbed the collar of his shirt. “Will this suffice?”

You drew his lips to yours, meeting with a harsh need. He mirrored your hunger, the lip gloss gliding his lips against yours, its faint taste of sweet berries dancing on his tongue. You pressed further into him as you arched your body against his. 

He broke the kiss with a warning whisper: “Don’t think you can bribe your way out of this.”

But his lips eagerly sought out the pulse of your neck. His hands wandered under your shirt, fiddling with the clasp of your bra as yours untucked his shirt and went for the button of his jeans. His eyes shot to the red lights of the alarm clock, and he pulled away. 

“After dinner, " he promised, settling his grip on your shoulders, keeping you at arm's length. 

You looked back at the clock and returned with a new glint in your eyes. You began pulling your hair back. 

“Give me two minutes.” You instructed. 

Jensen’s eyes followed you as you sank to the ground, rolling them back as you went for his zipper. 

----

The restaurant was bustling with chatter and laughter. You sat next to Jensen at a long table hosting cast and crew still around from the weekend. You were trapped in the booth side but unpanicked as Jensen leaned against the back, his arm wrapped around your shoulder. Jared, along with a few others, had caught a flight back earlier this afternoon, and you couldn’t help but wonder if that had also relieved some of the anxiety. Regardless, you played with the straw wrapper underneath the table. 

Rob, to his left, squinted, observing a change he couldn’t quite place. “I think this is the most at ease I’ve seen you in six months.”

You exhaled through puffed cheeks and returned to the menu, trying to conceal your blush, knowing exactly what had caused Jensen’s newfound relaxed state. 

Jensen cleared his throat and adjusted the seam of his pants while attempting to channel his default rigid demeanor. “Oh, you know what they say about the mountain air.” “Higher elevation,” Misha commented from across the table. “Hearts beat faster to increase blood flow due to the lack of oxygen. Don’t overdo the physical activity, you two; it could lead to altitude sickness.” 

You buried your head further into the menu. 

Jensen stared at Misha, unblinking. “Why are you the way you are?”

“What?” Misha defended himself. “You said you went hiking earlier. Oh,” he finally got it and giggled. “That’s why you’ve been so late to everything this whole weekend.”

You muttered a curse into the menu. 

Carla, a crew member sitting to your right, continued the teasing with a chirp. “And why you’re so relaxed.” She then turned her attention to you, forcing you back into the conversation.  “You are coming back to Vancouver with us, right? He’s been an absolute bear on set.” “I have not!” He whined. “No, he has,” Misha agreed. “He’s always been a bear! You need to come with us.” “I’m the bear?” He grumbled. “What about the time…” You cut him off. “I do have a job, unfortunately, and responsibilities. Jensen, honey, you need to play nice with your friends at work. No more pranks on poor Misha.” “Thank you!” Misha exclaimed. But your teasing earned you a pinch to the side. 

“Okay, but seriously.” Rob stuttered sheepishly. “Maybe you could arrange to come up once a month for like a long weekend or something?”

“I’m not that bad.” Jensen strained. “Kim, back me up.”

She chewed on an appetizer and tilted her head back and forth, weighing a response. “They’re just teasing you. You’re a sensitive kind of guy. As with all of us, sometimes those emotions bleed onto the set.” “I can’t believe what I’m hearing.” He muttered. But you gasped. “It’s ‘cause he’s a Pisces! He can’t help it. If he’s grumpy, give him space to process all those emotions swimming up around there, and he’ll come back on his own time to talk things over.”

“That is enough out of you.” He warned. 

But it was too late. The table had dived fully into the realm of zodiac signs, guessing each other’s and looking up horoscopes. 

Bri, next to Kim, read Pisces’ out loud, “After a season of trials, matters of the heart this week become effortless. Spend time on your current connection, enhancing and empowering the relationship, as your partner is truly worth the effort. As Venus moves into your 8th house, intimacy has the potential to be more blissful than ever before.”

“If there was ever a signal to get off third base and slide into home.” You commented, feeling a little more comfortable with the group and earned a round of chuckles. 

“Excuse me!” Jensen's voice cracked as he called over the laughter and giggles. He raised his hand, getting the server’s attention. “Can we place our orders? Thank you!”

---

You entered the hotel room one last time, and finally, this time, nothing in front of you but the promise of tomorrow—no more group outings, no more road trip side shows, and definitely no more hiking. 

It wasn’t how you pictured it, how either of you pictured it. It was neither frenzied nor rushed. There wasn’t an all-consuming hunger that overtook you or a restless panic that would cease only if you became entwined. It was slow. Perhaps because you had the whole night ahead or more likely because of the favor you had pulled early. But more than that. It was because you wanted to fully savor every moment, lock it to memory, knowing this first embrace of passion could never be replicated. 

Jensen held your hand as he led you through the room. At the edge of the bed, he repeatedly brushed your knuckles against his lips, searching your eyes, forming an unspoken agreement, ensuring your desires had not changed. The bed springs groaned as he sat down, pulling you down to straddle his lap. You held his jaw in your hands, tracing small circles through his stubble with your thumbs. Each of you studied the other, memorizing the small details of freckles and wrinkles and colors as an artist would their subject. 

You softly pressed your lips against his, noses grazing as you did, and waited, watching. At first, he matched your stillness but was the first to break. His lips guided tenderly against yours before pressing further into you. The ambient sounds of the hotel surrounded you as you wove fingers through hair: the siren of an ambulance, the padding of feet in the hallway, the muffled voices from adjoining rooms. 

Jensen’s hands danced along the hem of your shirt. A shiver ran through your body as the cool metal of a ring claimed the warmth of your skin. His hands kneaded against soft flesh and muscle as they mapped the shape of you.  With one hand braced between your shoulder blades and the other gripping your hip, he flipped you onto your back. His hips dug into yours as his lips nursed that sensitive spot on your neck. You arched your chest into his and moaned. 

“Fuck, this is actually happening, isn’t it?” You gasped. 

Jensen gave a sultry chuckle and trailed his lips down your collarbone. You couldn’t deny you had dreamed of this moment for so long- since before you even knew him. And now it was here, actually here. A dull ache formed at your core. Your brave, sarcastic, bratty facade shed as you let him glimpse everything you truly were. 

“Jensen,” You called for him, abandoning the avoidance of haste. “Please.”

It took every ounce of his willpower to maintain the tranquil pace as you begged for him. But eventually, he gave in, overcome by his own need. Jensen sat up, pulling you up with him, and in the same motion, fully removed your shirt and bra, already loose from a move moments earlier Dean Winchester himself would have been proud of. 

“Fuck, Y/N.” He looked down at you as you displayed yourself proudly.

Propped up on your elbows, you swayed teasingly side to side and loved how words and thoughts melted from his mind. But your arrogance shattered as he met your assessing gaze with a darkness, a greed you had never seen on him before. You sank back to the mattress, and he followed as if there was a magnetic pull. A hand snaked from your waist, along your ribs, and stopped just underneath, his thumb nearly grazing the prize he sought so desperately. Silently, he searched for permission before continuing his pursuit. 

“Gods, Jensen.” You grew impatient and grabbed his face, pulling him down to meet your breasts.

With one hand kneading, the other held you steady as his head nuzzled against the soft flesh. He rubbed against your nipple, and you bowed further into him, encouraging, manifesting more. His lips grazed against your hard peak before taking it fully into his mouth, whining as he did from the taste of you. As the ache in your core grew, your incoherent praises began to drown out the world around you. The sensation of his tongue, and teeth, and calloused thumb was overwhelming, and pressure began to build. 

“Jensen, please.” You begged again, somehow forming words, already chasing release. “I need you.” 

He paused, coming up for air, his hand sliding down to your hip as he did. It was too far apart. You needed him; you needed him to be glued to every inch of you, to know you fully. You grabbed his hand and brought it back up, but he remained unfazed, calculating his next move. 

“Come here,” He instructed and rolled to his side. 

You whimpered in protest as the heat and closeness of him retreated. But he quickly amended as he drew you closer, one arm sliding beneath your back. Both hands went for your jeans, and you eagerly helped undo their constraint, shimmying out of them. And just like that, you presented yourself fully. There were no barriers, nothing in between, nothing that separated you. You could feel his gaze rake your body as if it were his fingers caressing every inch. He inhaled sharply before meeting your eyes and kissed you deeply. 

“Beautiful.” He whispered between breaths. “So fucking beautiful.”

Even though his arm was pinned behind your back, he adjusted his hold of you so his hand could become reacquainted with your breast. With his free hand, he took yours and parted from your lips. 

“Show me.” He instructed.

Your eyes never left each other’s as you guided him down to your center until the brashness of his strong fingers clashed against your soft core. Your eyes rolled back upon the impact. But the relief was short-lived as his hand remained limp. 

“Show me.” He reminded you, his lips whispering against your ear. 

Your hand hovered delicately over his as you governed his movements to heighten the sensation. He carefully studied every movement, every circle, every reaction, every sound that escaped with your breath. His movements became his own as he practiced the patterns until he found the same reactions as before. Then he took control and dipped two fingers into your core. Lightly at first, testing the entrance and then altogether plunging into your very center. You helped instruct the pace, but he placed yours back over your clit, taking the lead. Together, you worked yourself inside and out. Your whimpers grew into a slew of fractured curses. 

“You’re close?” He asked, taking your nipple between his thumb and forefinger. 

“Fuck,” You whined. 

His pace built, and his lips danced along your hair, breathing in your scent. 

“Let go.” He kissed your temple. 

“Jensen.” You cried, barely able to withstand the heated intensity. 

“Come on, Y/N.” He refused to cease. “Show me.”

You shattered, shuttering into his cradle as you rode through the release of surging waves. Both of you panted, attempting to settle your racing hearts. 

“So fucking beautiful.” He repeated, kissing you once again. 

The rough denim of his jeans scraped against your thigh as he popped the button free, and a new fever overtook you. It was not enough. You needed more. You needed all of him. You hooked your leg under his and flipped him to his back. His eyes were wide, and his hands held up in surrender from the surprise as you quickly removed what separated you from him. Once free, your lips hovered over his hard length, your nails grazed against the tufts of hair but denied him touch. 

Already cognizant of what your mouth could do, he wanted to familiarize himself with other parts of you. He pulled you up so your hips were flush with his. You took the tip of his shaft in your hand and rolled, wettening him with his own precum. His head sank deeper into the pillows as he groaned for more. You took him between your folds, grinding his length against your clit, stoking the embers back to flame. Jensen lifted his head and watched, utterly at your mercy. Gods, he had already gotten off early today, but just by the sight of you, he feared he wouldn’t last long. 

As you continued your pace, he reached for the nightstand, digging through the bag you prudently acquired last night. He fumbled with the box, trying to get a grasp on the edge, but was having difficulty concentrating as you drew closer and closer to climax.  If he didn’t hurry, he was going to spill before he was even inside you. 

The box slipped from his hands. “Dammit,” He chuckled, defeated. 

You slowed, chuckling with him, and stopped altogether, assisting him with the box. It gave him a chance to regain his composure, although he knew he’d lose it entirely in seconds. You rolled the condom over him, lined him to your entrance, and paused. His eyes snapped to yours, a grin brightened his face, and he nodded. 

You lowered down onto him, weaving yourselves together. You tested the waters slowly at first, but after you adjusted, drove into a claiming rhythm. He gasped and gripped your hips, controlling your movements and slowing your relentless pace. He wanted this moment to last. He never wanted it to end. You fought against him, desperate for another high.

“Y/N,” He cried. “For fuck’s sake.” 

It was both too much and not enough. He needed more, to be closer, to feel your chest against his, to remove the space that separated you. There was no gentleness this time as he braced you and sharply flipped you. His weight deliciously trapping you. The sculpted edges of muscle confined your soft and delicate features as if you could be molded together. You squirmed for movement, for friction, for anything to provide you relief. But he just watched. 

“Please,” you moaned. “Fuck me. I need you to fuck me.”

“Shh.” He hushed you, but it only drove you more feral. 

His thumb rolled against your lower lip. Needing pressure, you sought your own help, trying to wedge your hand between your bodies. But he grabbed both your wrists, pinning them above your head. He waited until you settled, until the hysteria dissipated, and he held your full attention. Then and only then, when you looked him calmly in the eye, did he thrust as if he wanted you to be aware every moment who was fucking you. His speed increased, and you cried in ecstasy as he bore into you again and again. 

“Jensen, oh god,” You gasped.

You ripped your wrists from his hold and griped his shoulders, nails digging in as he tested the new angle. He grabbed the back of your neck, pressing your mouth to his, his tongue sliding in to meet yours, consuming the sounds of carnal worship. Your bodies locked together, the coils of springs knotting tighter and tighter. 

“Y/N,” Jensen called again, his voice an octave higher. 

He couldn’t hold on much longer. He freed a hand to meet your apex once more and, with an expert’s touch, mirrored the movements he had learned only moments before. 

“Come for me, sweetheart.” He encouraged through strained teeth, fighting his own release. 

Quickly, he pried his hand from you, positioning your leg so your knee was held up by his forearm. It was too much to handle; deeper, harsher than before, electricity being sparked again and again at an unyielding pace. And when his hand returned, circling, you unraveled beneath his touch.

“Fuck,” he grunted not far behind and collapsed on top of you. 

--- 

“This is stupid,” You said, refusing to meet his gaze. 

It was already well into the morning as you stood by your second rental car, prolonging the inevitable by every minute possible. The hotel loomed overhead. A few fans, cast members, and crew remained, but the excitement of the weekend had dwindled. And both of you had places to be. Jensen to a flight in three hours back to Vancouver, and you back to your job who was all too willing to agree to some last-minute PTO but most likely would not be as grateful if you extended it any further.

“What’s stupid?” Jensen asked.

He took your chin in his grasp and tilted your head to meet his gaze. Concern grew across his face as a stray tear trickled down. He wiped it away with his thumb. 

“I’m three for three on leaving you at a hotel and crying as I do.” You shamefully admitted. 

He embraced you, tucking your head protectively under his chin. “It’ll get easier. I promise.” 

Dating your celebrity crush was new to you, but what terrified you the most was being new to a long-distance relationship. You nodded but still were not fully convinced. 

---

Continue Here to Part 10

TAGS:

Everything Jackles: @akshi8278

GHTTC: @maggiegirl17 @foxyjwls007 @djs8891 @deans-spinster-witch @tmb510 @ghostofjoharvelle @ellen-reincarnated1967 @deansgirl79 @chriszgirl92

[amadeusgame]

Development Sidequest: The Mystery Game Jam

Back in February, I planned out my next several months to help stay on track for Amadeus: A Riddle for Thee ~ Episode 1 ~Waltz to release this Fall. I had a good chunk of work planned for April:

Mechanics - prototype + implement all "Must-Have" new mechanics for the full game

Background Art - finish 1-2 new backgrounds (to avoid screwing up my wrists again drawing all of them at the last minute) (also because I learned that how I draw the backgrounds impacts how I write the scenes)

Sprite Art - finish 1-2 new sprites

Music - fully flesh out a placeholder track for 1-2 BGM pieces

Narrative - write first draft of all scenes through a certain point in the game (naturally these scenes will change when it comes time to implement, that's just how this goes)

Marketing - prepare + announce 100 Wishlists celebration; make + publish press kit

Which is a lot, but doable if I'm working at it consistently. I'm only working part-time, and Amadeus is  my "real" job, so to speak. Right?

Wellllllllll...... there's this little thing called the Mystery Game Jam.

Suffice it to say that I did not accomplish all of the above, but I DID write an entire mystery game. More below. Stay updated here: linktr.ee/amadeusgame

I heard about the jam, and thought back to my previous devlog where I discussed at length how doing other random projects when I was "supposed" to be working on Amadeus has been so valuable for me. I also felt that it would be wise to get more mystery writing experience doing something low-stakes and small-scope, to pull away from this single massive project for a bit and just work on the craft of writing. It would help me learn more about my own process. Also, it would be fun!

So I got a group of people together and gave myself the role of writing our game. I've had a ton of help brainstorming, solving plot issues, and generally improving things thanks to my teammates; the whole process has been collaborative (which is what makes game jams fun). However, I've been responsible for actually writing all of it.

As a result Amadeus had to get put on the backburner, because it turns out that brainstorming + outlining + coordinating + finalizing + writing-with-full-implementation-directions, a complete mystery story- that doesn't have a thousand plotholes- in a month, is a ton of work. Fun work! But a lot of it. As a result, what I actually accomplished from my April to-do list for Amadeus is closer to...

Prototyped "save/load" mechanic

Implemented mechanic that can create pauses mid-text-appearance for dramatic effect

Researched and sketched 1 new point-and-click background

Have sketches for 2 BGM pieces (but both need to be more fleshed out to be usable as placeholders)

Outlined draft of narrative for 1 new scene in the intro (but needs a lot more detail/workshopping)

Planned 100 Wishlists celebration (but didn't get everything ready to announce)

Made draft + format of press kit

Which is, honestly, still a decent chunk! I'll have to do some work readjusting next month's to-do list to account for the fact I'm a little behind, but it's reassuring to see that even in a month where most of my energy was dedicated to a side project, I still got a lot done.

This is where the portion of the devlog directly relevant to the game Amadeus: A Riddle for Thee draws to a close. That 100 wishlists celebration announcement will be coming next month, along with a separate announcement. Lots of news coming in May!

As always, all relevant links here: https://linktr.ee/amadeusgame - I will also add our Mystery Jam game here for a bit when it comes out, so you all have something new to play! Check back after May 5, 10PM Pacific!

For the remainder of this log, I want to discuss the process of writing our Mystery Jam game. I have learned so much from it and it's been an incredibly rewarding (if, at times, difficult) process. Collaborations are such a completely different beast from solo projects.

Mystery Game Jam Retrospective

It's a bit strange to write a retrospective when the game jam isn't actually over yet, but my role is mostly finished and I've handed it off to our implementation guy who is hard at work. You're doing great, S1x. Keep it up!

I've done a ton of game jams in the past, but they were always weekend-long jams and I was always just doing audio for them. I've never done a month-long jam before, and I've never taken on a primary role that wasn't as a musician. This was a lot of firsts for me.

I truly believe that game jams don't teach you as much about game development as they teach you about project management. To actually finish a game, so many things have to happen that are all interdependent, and you have to figure out what to do first and who to talk to at what stage so it all somehow comes together on a super-strict deadline. This interdependency is even more apparent for mystery games, where it's fully expected that the player will be paying attention to clues all across text, visuals, and interface. You can't give a completely finalized asset list to artists until you know exactly what every aspect of your mystery will be, otherwise you'll end up forcing your icon artist to re-draw the same asset a bunch of times to match the tweaks you made to the story.

So the biggest obstacle in making this game was that we didn't reach the "details of mystery are completely finalized" stage until over halfway through the month, mostly because I kept putting it off (I'd overwhelmed myself by giving myself all this and also Amadeus homework). We also had to coordinate across time zones and work schedules which introduced additional delays. We got to that point eventually though! Notably, once I had figured out some important things...

This is a collaboration. I was trying to do too much big braining on my own at times when what I really needed to do was schedule a voice call with teammates and bounce ideas. Talking things out with our background artist in particular helped a lot with getting past some hurdles that were really not working.

I am not a writer who can design a mystery puzzle in a vacuum and then add characters as set dressing on top. Once I realized I was stuck, I decided to just start writing out the prologue scene to get a feel for the characters and setting; this forced me to create unique characters who had a reason to be there, and those reasons gave me ideas for the mystery. It turns out that designing a puzzle is a lot like solving a puzzle: if one angle isn't working, take a break and try another angle. You'll learn more about the puzzle, how it works, and eventually all that knowledge will come together and you'll figure it out.

This is a game jam game. This is (probably) not going to be anyone's magnum opus. This is going to be a very fun silly knockoff Ace Attorney game with a robot detective. I'm generally good at keeping a chill attitude for weekend-long game jams, but because we had a month I was taking it way too seriously at first.

Most importantly... it's not reasonable to write an entire new mystery from start to end in a month while also doing a ton of work on Amadeus and working part-time. So I eventually told myself it was OK to ignore everything else except work and the game jam for a while, and focus on this.

(...I also spent about 20 hours obsessively working on my Very Spoilery Ghost Trick ROMhack when I was overwhelmed, as a sort of escape. It was obvious that my brain was refusing to work on the game jam so I just let it do what it wanted for a few days. Sometimes the ADHD wins.)

Reaching that key point-- the point where all of the details were finalized and everyone knew exactly what needed to get done-- was a huge milestone. But even after that, I still had to actually write the words for all of it. Writing in the sense of "mapping out the major plot beats and details of the mystery," and writing in the sense of "actually writing, line-by-line, the text of the game along with implementation instructions" are completely different skillsets. I already knew this from my experience working on Amadeus, but I had to re-learn it here.

Fortunately, by the time I was sitting down writing words, our musician had written some total bangers for the game and I was able to listen to those to really set the tone for what I was writing. If a certain dialogue box cues the "totally-not-objection" theme, then the energy for those next few dialogue entries should be VERY high energy. Listening to that theme while writing made sure it matched! And once our player character artist had designed the MC, I was able to find that character's "voice" much more easily to match the energy of that character. The work of other teammates helped inspire me to do my own work, and have more fun doing it.

I really like doing these collaborations because it's fun to make something completely different than what I would make alone. I also like collaborating because there are certain changes I'm forced to make to my workflow in order to make life easier for my teammates. It forces me to be more organized. I have to do more pre-planning so I'm not forcing artists to revise their work 20 times, and so the implementation engineer only has to implement once with a few exceptions, and can easily swap out placeholder assets when those come in. Thinking ahead like this is a really good habit to get into in general! Even as a solo dev if I learn to make my own life easier in this way I will save myself the headache.

Will I learn that lesson? Most definitely not. But hopefully I'll take something away from this. For example, the awesome beautiful spreadsheet I made to format my scripts for implementation:

(I'm still not the easiest person to work with, though. I'm kind of bossy. While I do try to at least not be every artist's worst nightmare, it's definitely in everyone's best interest that my big major long-term project is a solo work.)

I'm excited to see how it all comes together in the very end. I'm excited to see what people think of it. Where, on the spectrum of "too obvious" to "moon logic," am I landing on average? Just how weird is the pacing of reveals? These are questions that a non-game-jam game would be able to answer in a playtesting/beta phase, but this is a game jam game, so you get what you get. Making it has been really fun. Look forward to it when it comes out! It will be posted by S1xplus, our implementation engineer. It should end up on my itch page as well.

Look out for ROBOT DETECTIVE: THE CASE OF THE AUTOMURDERATED INTERN (working title)!!

[thefanficwriterscraft]

S3E3. Outlining (Or, Is This Just An Ad For Miro?)

Hello, hello! Our latest episode is out!!

In this episode, Jo (@pebblysand) and Lani (@copper-dust) come back to the topic of outlining, which they briefly touched upon in our first season. Outlining is defined as the process of creating a structured plan before drafting a story, and is seen as crucial for both original fiction and fan fiction writers. They discuss their individual approaches to outlining, including the various tools they use, from quick notes they leave in notes apps to full visual boards. They delve into benefits they feel they gain from outlining in terms of maintaining coherence, aiding in pacing, and ensuring consistency in the narrative. Finally, they also note how outlining can serve as a tool for overcoming writer’s block and facilitating brainstorming sessions. 

This week, we mention: 

Fics: The Arcane Thief by Snollygoster, Check the Spindle by copper_dust, The Seam Between by copper_dust, Merry Men by copper_dust, Lilac Falls by copper_dust, slipped (and said something sort of like your name) by pebblysand, castles by pebblysand, the fault in faulty manufacturing by pebblysand   

Podcast: S1E2. How To Plot? (Or, Vibes - It’s 90% Vibes)? 

Screenshots: for those of you who are curious, including here some links to the outline “board” for castles. Overall view ; Excerpt from the timeline ; More timeline notes ; Chapter outlines: example #1, chapter 18 ; example #2, chapter 19 

Other: Webnovel contracts article, Miro, The Sorting Hat Chats test, pebblysand’s tumblr posts on outlining #1 & #2

Your recommendations for this week are:

God is alive, magic is afoot by Buffy Sainte Marie

Rome by Solann

Taking a break from writing!

You can find us online at:

The Fanfic Writer’s Craft: tumblr ; spotify ; ko-fi

Lani (@copper-dust): tumblr ; AO3

Jo (@pebblysand): tumblr ; AO3

[fujowebdev]

After an intense 30-day campaign, The Fujoshi Guide to Web Development has officially raised $18,039. 🎉

We're immensely grateful for your trust and support, and look forward to the journey to come 💜

As we salute this feat, let's now cheer for those who made it happen.

✨Final Spotlight: The #FujoGuide Team ✨

You’ve already met many of our amazing contributors (if you need a refresher on our spotlights, find them at the end), but today we want to focus on those behind the scenes and highlight the incredible team that made our success possible.

While the hot men did a lot of heavy lifting in attracting (😘) people to our cause, a lot goes into successfully hitting ambitious goals like ours: planning, organization, research, marketing, and writing (omg so much writing).

It's impossible to accurately list everyone's contributions. This Kickstarter campaign, pulled off in only 2 months, is the collective work of an incredible team of people who came together with a mission: make programming accessible to fandom in the most hilarious way possible.

As project lead @essential-randomness found out, setting up a Kickstarter is a daunting task, even more than it seems to those who’ve never run one. Thankfully the @bobaboard community came together to her aid and managed to pull off the seemingly impossible.

Together with Slogbait, who did incredibly vital work, like setting up deadlines, budget, & rewards, a team of Kickstarter connoisseurs researched similar projects to understand what would go into making our campaign a success: the incredible @a-brilliant-loser & @elfwreck.

With data on our side, we started building. A fundamental part of this process was the research on expenses and manufacturers for the book and potential merch. Here, Candle provided us with his expertise in publishing and helped us understand the best options available.

At the same time, @tempural, @mizunotic helped us untangle the questions surrounding merchandise. What is popular with our audience? What are the best manufacturers around? What beautiful items can we afford to deliver to our amazing supporters?

Next, it was time for the practical setup: project lead @essential-randomness provided the first draft of our amazing campaign story, while @enigmalea and Heidi whipped it into the beautiful shape that will forever be immortalized on our Kickstarter page.

To decorate our riveting narrative, we needed graphics to match. As is April 1st tradition, project lead @essential-randomness got together with trusty pinch-hit designer CatBathingSun to create character cards and other campaign graphics, including the ones you saw on our socials.

But no Kickstarter campaign page is complete without captivating reward tiers. @a-brilliant-loser led this charge, coming up with our creative "GIT"-based naming and taking care of other copy needs. On the art side, @cmdonovann contributed the Boba-tans decorating our limited tiers.

Launching the campaign was a lot of work on its own. But that work, while important, could not have pushed us to these incredible heights without our incredible social media and marketing team, who worked tirelessly this whole month to reach and inspire old and new supporters.

While many people worked on this, we want to first shout out the amazing work of @owlpockets, who whipped our content calendar into shape, taught us social media strategy (and alt-texting), and helped us navigate the unknown waters of relentless promotion.

Then we have project lead @essential-randomness who spent an uncountable number of hours devising our marketing strategy and writing the threads that entertained you during this campaign.

As she herself writes, "May she now finally get to go back to coding, instead!"

But she could not have done it without collaborators like @elendraug, @enigmalea, and, again, @owlpockets, who painstakingly reviewed and improved her drafts and provided immense support throughout this extremely intense, exhilarating, month-long tour de force.

There are many other contributions-smaller, yes, but not less integral to our success. Like @thebiballerina, who first helped us wrap our heads around the inner workings of social media strategy, or @cmdonovann who kept our Discord updated on the week's happenings.

And then all the people who supported us with small (and big) bits here and there, like our very own Secret Final Boss, @thunder-the-ranger-wolf, Tovanish, @madgastronomer, Cante, Mantra, @PamuyaBlue, @playerprophet, @ignitiondork, @nianeyna, @codeargent and so many more.

Our artists, obviously, like our art director @brokemycrown; character designers @sgt-spank, @mappapapa, and @ymkse_art; illustrators @ikam177, Ererifan915, @kiwipon, @catter-bug, @admiralexclipse, and @tempural. Sensitivity readers, like @admiralexclipse and @angelfeast.

And then our project organizers, like our aforementioned anonymous contributor and @enigmalea who worked tirelessly on logistics and wrangling and showed up repeatedly to pick up all the dangling bits and pieces that a project this ambitious inevitably has.

Last but definitely not least, our project lead and director @essential-randomness who brought-and kept!-everyone together, oversaw and pitched in on every aspect of the project, designed our notepads (she's proud of them), and provided the initial investment that made this a reality.

And with this, our last spotlight comes to a close. We'd pitch the Kickstarter link here, but we're done with that for now. ;)

Thank you everyone for your incredible support. This campaign blew all of our expectations out of the water, and we'll forever treasure this experience.

We'll be back soon with more updates on the road from here. We're incredibly excited to get to work on delivering what we promised, and also pumped to get a small vacation break before we do :)

Find our previous spotlights here ⬇️

Spotlight on Localhost HQ

Spotlight on Browserland

Zine Demo

Backer Rewards

Thank you all, The FujoGuide Team

[merionettes]

rubicon ask!!

first off I'm so so delighted that I picked up FE3H last summer and that it led me to finding your writing & especially this fic. what an amazing experience, what a treat with every update, I have all these fun memories now of places I was when I got the update email (and screamed internally every time). a little collection of sense memories colored in.

as for the actual question: very curious about your process. did you have an outline going in? I have to imagine yes (or else you're braver than black friday shoppers). how did you go about structuring this, ie did you have a series of Moments in your head that you wrote around and connected, or did you try to build scenes to fit the arcs you had in mind, or a mix of the two? anything and everything you want to share, I'm 🤲

you're killing me!!! man, thanks so much, seriously. 

as for the actual question, indeed. hahaha. ha. i delayed answering this for so long because it kept devolving into an essay about the emotional experience of writing a novel for the first time. well i give up. this is now two posts. one is the actual answer to your question, only ten times longer than it needs to be. the other is an essay about the emotional experience of writing a novel for the first time. so… caveat lector. 

first part under the cut. ← not kidding about the caveat!!!!!!

i've talked a little about the process before, so i'll piggyback on that post and dig a little more into the differences between the original idea and the finished product, including spoilers i couldn't get into when i'd only posted 55k. ("only." god.)

technically this did start with an outline. technically because at the time i was brand-new to fe3h and hadn't written anything but a few friend-ficlets in about 8 years. thought "skating au!!", spent a fevered weekend outlining all the major scenes, started in on the writing, and…. very quickly realized that i was nowhere near competent enough to actually. write it. "intensely frustrating" does not even scratch the surface, lmao, of what it felt like to have this thing in my head and only be able to produce what felt like the worst clumsiest tritest version of it. very apropos for skating, actually. 

looking back on that outline, it had almost nothing to do with the finished product, especially on felix's side. it didn't have the nationals flounce, the timeskip, training in vancouver, the lake, the nhk trophy sports anime climax, the backstory reveal meltdown. (it did have the redemptive healing free skate.) what, critically, it did have was sylvain's personal arc—burned out, desperate to quit, wants to go to college. it ended at exactly the same place as the actual story, with sylvain and dorothea's final skate together. the last line was one of the earliest things i wrote. 

in other words, even though almost everything between the first and last scene changed WILDLY in the process of writing, i always knew exactly what i was working towards and that was invaluable. 

insert two year timeskip here! during which i would occasionally reopen the skating doc, take a stab at another scene, feel this ominous sense of foreboding, and give up lol. you can thank the 2022 winter olympics for making me get serious, specifically 1) yuzuru hanyu going out in a blaze of bittersweet doomed quad axel glory 2) shoma uno losing to some eighteen year old. i believe my exact words were (consults notes) "anyway time to go back to my fic where i control the narrative and i decide who wins." idk what made this attempt different than any of the others—right time, right inspiration, right circumstances—but this time it caught fire. in uh. in a big way. 

so that's when i wrote what i refer to in that post as a skeleton draft and what i've since come to think of as a storyboard on steroids. this is when felix's arc really took shape, beyond "he is sad… he is mad… he is perfectly positioned to see right through sylvain." the fallout from nationals crystallizing, in particular, was one of the things that snapped felix into place and helped determine the tone and focus of the story overall. (that initial outline had much more of a romcom/classic fwb-to-lovers feel.)

the other thing that did this, of course, was sylvain's narrative voice. when i committed to "burnout who is controlling every single word of every thought to avoid admitting that he is burned out" was when this story became what it is. the voice dictated every single scene, the tone, the shape, what was revealed, what was implied, what was never making it on the page. it led me places i didn't anticipate. it made the cuts for me! cute scene you've got in that outline lol sylvain would never. 

i see past me in that post dancing around the length, lmao. well the ""storyboard"", the skeleton, whatever you want to call it, was over 100k. and yet even then, EVEN WITH 100K ON PAPER, there was still so much i had no fucking clue was coming! felix pushing sylvain on what he wants was there, but sylvain never explained what happened. my oc jm gautier (thanks for nothing, three hopes!!!) was an ominous presence, but he wasn't the final boss. there was no memory of the first time sylvain and dorothea met. (<- insane.) there was no glenn skate. i had to write to discover all of that.

so like—i cannot emphasize how much i grew as a writer through the experience of writing this story. prose, structure, character arcs, thematic arcs. i was harder on myself than i've ever been. and if i hadn't had that end goal in sight i don't know if i would have made it through all those iterations—storyboarding, drafting, rewriting, editing. wanting to deliver that moment powered me through any amount of frustration/exhaustion/bewilderment.

wow this post sounds almost normal. nothing about this experience was normal. which is why you're getting a part 2.

[butterflydm]

origins of the wheel of time

I was originally planning on reading Origins of The Wheel of Time after my reread of the last three books, but it has arrived and also is so much shorter, so I’m going to read it first instead, lol. It’s not a narrative, but I’m intrigued to find out what it has to say about the series. I’m not entirely sure if it’s written more like a sourcebook or whatnot. 

My thoughts contain spoilers through a memory of light

1. Okay, looks like it’s broken into four sections -- first will be a bit of a biography of Jordan, then there’s specifically a whole section about how Tolkien inspired him, then his writing process perhaps (the summary on the inside of the book cover notes that there’s a previously unseen early draft of a cut scene from Eye of the World, so maybe that’s there; and then one about “the real world” comparisons (mythology-related maybe; I know that there’s a lot of mythological connections tied into the imagery, especially with Rand, Mat, & Perrin).

2. The full world map that we get (it says it was adjusted based on things that Jordan had said about the maps that had previously been made) shows how the Westlands/Randland is actually the smallest section of the map -- Shara is bigger, the Mad Lands are bigger, and Seanchan is enormous. lol, yeah, Tuon ain’t gonna be ruling all of that. I don’t care how great a general Mat is. Both of them are gonna die long before that area gets back under her iron grip (especially if she really does manage to keep herself from channeling - man, it would be so funny if she actually does get around to channeling one day but is only as strong as Morgase, literally the weakest channeler possible. I feel like Jordan wouldn’t have been able to resist making her Nynaeve-level strong, because of how much he was contorting and manipulating the story to appease her in the narrative, but her being super-weak would be so much funnier). Nation building is not easy and it’s gonna take time for her to even get over there since she will need to finish ‘settling’ the Seanchan-ruled Westlands first (and she’ll have to worry about Westlands-based rebellions as soon as she leaves for Seanchan proper too - the original plan that the Empress had seemed to be that her daughter would rule over the ~new land~ in her name while she kept a tight grip on the homeland, but now the rest of Tuon’s family is dead, so it’s more likely that she’s gonna have to pick if she wants the Westlands or if she wants Seanchan, because she has no one she can trust to rule either of them in her absence). I wonder if Jordan was planning to handwave her to be the ruler of the disputed lands quickly so that he could tell another story about... Mat being miserable and Perrin needing to kill someone? Or if he was going to take into account how likely it would be that Tuon would NOT be able to actually regain control of the majority of the continent. I mean, since he only left two sentences behind about the outriggers, he probably hadn’t even decided yet.

3. Oh, gosh, the author of this book teaches at The Citadel, where Jordan went to school after he left the military. The Citadel had a pretty heavy hazing/bullying culture, at least back when Jordan attended (from what I’ve read) and some Weird Ideas about men and women, and definitely some “beating students is good for the learning process” vibes. A lot of the odd quirks in Jordan’s worldbuilding seemed to be based in him assuming that his culture’s particular practices and his own personal kinks were just ~human nature~, including some of the stuff that seemed to be essentially ‘taught’ behind-the-scenes at the Citadel. Oh, and this author (who teaches Military History specifically, it sounds like?) was consulted about the writing of The Last Battle in the final book. This book was also written at the same desk where Jordan wrote Wheel of Time. That’s actually quite interesting to me, and I wonder if that contributes to... when Jordan wrote about war, it was very personal, because he’d been in war. But if your main consultant is someone approaching it from an academic PoV rather than a ‘in the trenches’ PoV, that definitely lends a different angle onto the way the battles are written about.

4. Ah, WoT was a formative book series for the author -- he read EotW when he was fifteen. So he is quite a bit younger than Jordan. He even interviewed at the Citadel for his teaching job knowing that it was where Jordan had gone to school. He did know Jordan personally as well (I’m going to be using his pen name for WoT as opposed to his personal name because, well, I never knew him. Though I did meet him at a book signing once.) - it looks like they met when Jordan was already quite ill. And that’s the Foreword.

5. Every time it’s noted that Harriet (Jordan’s widow) was his editor, I feel the urge to wonder why on earth she was asleep at the wheel for Crossroads of Twilight and Knife of Dreams (though, honestly, the books started to lose focus and needed much tighter editing starting in Lord of Chaos). I mean, it’s common in a LOT of series, once they become popular. But wow there’s a lot of needless fluff in the later WoT books.

6. Okay, the biographical section of the book. First thing relevant to the books is that even as a kid, Jordan was exposed to war-related PTSD - his father was in the Pacific during WWII and “For years afterward he would sometimes wake up in the night, sweating, afraid that in his sleep, in his remembered dreams, he might have hurt the wife he loved.” I’m seeing a lot of Rand in what’s written here about Jordan’s father. A gentle man who did his best to be honest and good but was terrified that he might hurt the people he loves.

7. Ah, Jordan ran into a very common trouble of gifted kids once they get into college -- he had always been smart enough to glide through classes, so he had no clue how to study, and floundered once the classes were hard enough to require it. I mean, mood. Been there. 

8. That’s when he enlisted, and he spent two tours in Vietnam. Even before I actually read the section on it, I can say that (much like Jordan was second-hand aware of how rough WWII was on his father), I have seen the effects that going to Vietnam had on my own uncle. Incredibly traumatizing experience for him that he still has after-effects about, even today. It’s affected him his whole life. 

9. Jordan was aware that his own personal experiences had an impact on his writing -- he even pointed out himself that his own personal trauma from instinctively shooting a woman who aimed a gun at him during his Vietnam tour was basically why Rand (& Mat) have issues killing women. So, he was dealing with his own trauma while writing. I think it’s possible, as a reader, to be aware of that personal history but also go “but Rand’s attitude really doesn’t fully make sense with the worldbuilding and can get pretty frustrating, especially to female readers”. Both of those things can exist at the same time, I think. Bringing personal experience to the writing process is a double-edged sword that way. 

To go back to that worldbuilding thought, there are definitely times where it feels like Jordan failed to fully do the mental math on what a world that has the backstory that he has given WoT would look like (and the show actually reflects the book’s reality more in what Liandrin says about how despite the power of the Aes Sedai, there are still many places where powerful men are in a position to hurt little girls). A non-Jordan example of this sort of thing would be Dragon Age: Origins. In the character creation screen, the player is straight-up told that women and men are treated equally in the world setting they’re about to play. In some of the character origin choices, this is disproven within minutes of actual gameplay, with oversexualized female characters and sexual assault threats that are pretty much only directed at women. Because that stuff is subconsciously lurking in the background of the writer’s mind and it just seeps out. While Rand’s sexism is more ‘benign’ in that it stems from him holding women above himself as a category, this still harms the women around him (and harms himself). I do think Jordan was aware of that, because we do see negative results from Rand’s No Woman Must Be Killed stance, but, again... given Rand’s cultural background, him having this stance at all makes very little sense, because he didn’t grow up in a culture where women were treated as fragile flowers that must be sheltered and kept from the dangers of the world (and it makes no sense for that to be LTT’s background either).

10. We also get the note in the middle of all this that Jordan’s mom was “a housewife”... but she worked “in defense” during the war “when everyone worked” and then later in her life, after she had kids, she suffered frequent nervous breakdowns. Which sounds like a very familiar story in terms of some of the history I’ve read on women during/after WWII, where they got a taste of freedom and independence during the war and then were expected to completely give up that part of themselves when the men came back to reclaim their jobs. Just stuff all their feelings inside to be the ~perfect housewives~. And this also makes me think of how Jordan always has a “but you gotta quit your job if you decide to have a husband/family” clause for the ‘working’ women in the series who aren’t nobility/elites (Aiel Maidens & Seanchan to’raken riders).

11. His experience in Vietnam sounds like it definitely also contributed a lot to Mat’s characterization in TSR/TFoH. This whole entire section here on page 14 vibes very Mat (before he got sucked into the Seanchan ‘storyline’, such as it was). “In the end, for most of us, the medals boiled down to managing not to die.” ... “That is why I am not I repeat, not! a hero. I just managed to stay alive.” From reading this, it sounds like Rand was based more on his father’s experiences/PTSD from WWII, and Mat was based more on his own experiences/feelings in Vietnam (or, to put it another way, Rand was based more on an outside view of how PTSD affected someone that he loved, while Mat was based more on his own internal experience of war). Though his descriptions of being ‘in the zone’ (which I’ve definitely heard other people talk about too but have never experienced myself) sound similar to how being a channeler affects people, in terms of time slowing, your senses feeling sharper, etc.

12. Okay, skipping past his early writing career (he first met his future wife Harriet while he was out shopping his first book, in her capacity as an editor), the first books he wrote under the “Robert Jordan” pen-name were some novels in the Conan universe (I’ve never read them; I saw the movie(s)? but never read any of the books) and I am reminded that the first plan for the WoT books was a six-book series. So that was after Eye of the World had already been completed and he was almost finished with The Great Hunt. Plan at the time was six books total but morphed as the books progressed.

13. His illness really was the kind that progressed very rapidly. I never read about all the details back when it happened, but it all happened over the course of about a year and a half before he died, it sounds like here. Maybe two?

14. Harriet, as both his widow and editor, was entrusted with the task of finding someone to complete the books. She first found out about Sanderson based on reading the eulogy written by him on his personal blog post when Jordan died (that a friend had sent to her), and decided on him as the one after reading Mistborn. He was the only name on her list of potential authors who she thought could finish the series, though it sounds like it didn’t hurt that he was already under the Tor umbrella.

15. So, the epilogue that we have in the current series is, basically, the one that was dictated by Jordan once he’d realized that he was most likely not going to recover in order to finish writing the series himself (and recorded by Team Jordan).

16. “All told, there were roughly two hundred manuscript pages of book-specific notes left behind. Some of the pages were outlines for complete scenes - bit and pieces of what became the published prologues for the final three books, for instance, as well as the all-important epilogue of A Memory of Light - but others were only hints of plots and solutions. And then there were the thousands upon thousands of pages of series-related notes, glossaries, lists, and other working materials Jordan had left behind in his personal files. It was all they had, and it left so very much undone. There wasn’t a full outline. There wasn’t a sequenced plot. Most of the puzzles only had pieces of the solution. One of the questions that Maria never got to ask Jordan - the next one on her list that Friday before he passed - was about the final moment in the series: “How did Rand light his pipe?” The answer to this, and everything else, now fell to Brandon and Team Jordan.”

17. What a massive, unbelievably massive undertaking. “Along the way, there was also a keen awareness that Jordan had made and then cast aside many plans throughout the writing of the series. Did they need to use all the hints in the years and years of notes? Surely not, since at times the notes didn’t even agree with each other. Jordan had a habit of stockpiling old files, after all: a boon for the later researcher, but a nightmare for the present writer.” And, for me, whatever you might say about Sanderson as a writer himself, whether you like his writing style or not, or like him as a person or not, you can’t say that he wasn’t sincerely doing his best to live up to the legacy that Harriet handed to him, or that he’s not a genuine fan of the series. Same thing with Rafe Judkins now -- agree or disagree with the changes that have been made, but Rafe is a very sincere fan of the series and is adapting the books with a sincere heart.

18. “Had Jordan lived to complete the work himself, it’s unlikely he would’ve managed to fit all that needed to be done within the single book he’d promised. Light knows, it might well have grown even beyond the fourteen volumes that Brandon and Team Jordan ultimately delivered.” I’ve literally said exactly this same thing, lol. And, with that, we are done with that section of the book.

19. The next section is about Tolkien’s inspiration on Jordan and the series. On why Jordan wanted to write his own fantasy series: “One of my themes is (and it’s one reason I wrote the books as fantasies) there is good, there is evil, there is right, there is wrong - it does exist. If you do that in a mainstream novel you are accused of being judgmental unless you’ve chosen the right political viewpoint.”

20. This section talks about fantasy in general as a genre before noting the specific elements (especially in EotW) that are inspired by Tolkien - the Shire/the Two Rivers; the Fades/the Black Riders -- and all this was very deliberate on Jordan’s part, to evoke a sense of nostalgia before he went beyond those general outlines of what had been inspired by Tolkien. And he also took inspiration from the same places that Tolkien took inspiration -- the myths and legends of our own world.

21. Then he goes on for... a while about language evolution through time, but I’ve read about that before, so I’m kinda skimming this part, ngl. But essentially, he kinda links what Tolkien was doing with language in LotR with what Jordan does with the concept of the Wheel of Time itself.

22. But then he does also go on to point out that having been in the military and going through war is another thing that Tolkien and Jordan had in common, and something that can be seen in their protagonists, that Frodo at the end of LotR also appears to be suffering PTSD/‘shell-shock' and is never the same again.

23. Okay, now in the next section, we dive into the actual creation of the series itself, starting with the first idea of it in the mid-70s, which was the basic notion of ‘what is it REALLY like to be the savior of mankind and what kind of toll might that have on someone’ with the addition of ‘and you’ll go mad and die to save everyone’. So that’s the core of the narrative that Rand believes he’s walking for the majority of the series. But he didn’t actually write anything on the idea until 1983 when the success of his Conan tie-books led them to asking him if he could write a fantasy book or series of his own.

24. lol, first it was gonna be a single book. Then maybe a trilogy. The publisher though “knew how Jim liked to tell a story” so offered him a six-book deal.

25. Yeah. I knew that “Tam” essentially (whatever his original name was) was the original character idea, before Tam became the foster father and Rand became the main character and that makes so much sense after seeing how much Jordan based Rand’s fears and personality on his own father. Of course he thought of the character as an older man, who’d lived a life. That was who he was basing it on. 

26. So some parts of Jordan’s collection are staying sealed until 2037. It doesn’t really say why most of it is already opened to the public but some of it is being unsealed in the future. I wonder if some of his notes have maybe some more personal comparisons not comfortable being made public at the time? But in his earliest notes, three books “dominated his early decisions regarding the scope and course of The Wheel of Time”. Lord of the Rings, Le Morte d’Arthur, and The White Goddess: A Historical Grammar of Poetic Myth. I have not read the last two, so I’ve gotta trust what the author tells me about them, lol. I do roughly know that Le Morte d’Arthur formed the basis for a lot of the current stories about King Arthur, but I’ve never heard of The White Goddess before.

27. Apparently, The White Goddess is not considered... um, particularly accurate as far as the connections that it makes between various myths and legends of different cultures. “It was, at its core, a kind of conspiracy theory. Those sell.” Ah, it’s about the idea that there was an overarching goddess that cultures all worshipped before the current forms of religion existed. Okay, yeah, I’m definitely seeing how this would inform some of his writing ideas as he was pulling the story together.

28. I do like that the author here -- Michael Livingston -- sets out what he believes are Jordan’s INTENTIONS in the text (based on what his various notes said about the story) but says that it’s up to the reader as to whether or not Jordan was successful in translating that to the narrative. Example: he points out that while Jordan’s intention in creating the saidin/saidar binary was to point out the damage that one side unchecked can do and to show a need for balance rather than one half overpowering the other half, this is something that can certainly feel exclusionary to people who don’t fit into that binary. I do appreciate that acknowledgement; that Jordan’s intent in the story isn’t the only thing that matters.

29. But that does get me to thinking about... benefit of the doubt and what we extend to authors. For me personally, CoT/KoD were an overall bad experience and wore away so much of my own pool of belief and so I don’t extend the same benefit of the doubt to Jordan’s writing and intentions that I might have in earlier books. I look at the current ending (confirmed in this book to be dictated by Jordan, with only “a couple” of scenes by Sanderson) and I look at where we left off in KoD and I go, “yeah, I kinda think Jordan would have screwed up in a lot of similar ways to what people who dislike the Sanderson books are unhappy about, because the vast majority of the ‘harvest’ in the Sanderson books comes from narrative seeds that Jordan sowed, and there’s no way to know if he would have solved the narrative problems better than Sanderson did”.

Non-Seanchan example: Jordan clearly didn’t know how he was going to get Rand from “deeply traumatized” to “ready to wander the world carefree” or he would have left notes about it. And it’s easy to say that he would have figured it out as he went along, but there’s absolutely no guarantee that he would have done it in a way any better than what Sanderson ended up doing. There are some specific things that I’m sure that I’ll probably point to and say “eh, I feel like Jordan might have stuck the landing better on that one” but I’m no more guaranteed to be right than anyone else. There’s absolutely no way for any of us to know, you know? I can look at the Seanchan plotline as it stood in KoD, look at Mat’s ending, and say, “yeah, there’s nothing that Jordan could have done to make any of that feel anything less like a shit sandwich” but someone else might look at those two plot points and go, “well, if he did a. b. and c., then it would actually be a great story.” And they might even be absolutely correct that it would be a great story... but there’s still no guarantee it’s the story that Jordan would have written. And that’s not me saying that I think Jordan was... a terrible author at the end... because there still are some great scenes even in CoT & KoD (and New Spring is one of the best books in the series imo), but I do think he lost the thread of his story and wandered off into the weeds. And I don’t think that there was any guarantee that he would ever have picked it up again successfully. We might have had six more meandering books in the vein of CoT/KoD before sputtering to an end. Or he might have looked at how much easier and more crisp New Spring was as a read and reworked his future plans to put out a great banger of an ending. No way to know which direction he might have gone.

30. Tam had already turned into (unnamed as yet) Rand by the time Jordan got to the outlining stage - “Young man (age unspecified, but 18-25) in small village”. Interesting note that at this point in the outline men and women also had some different “abilities” from each other, not just different strengths. Oh. and the Dark One was also an alien at this point in the outline, “Sa’khan” and the Forsaken & Shadowspawn were fellow aliens that he brought with him from his dying world. But he had figured out already that he wanted the person who opposed “Sa’Khan” to be named the Dragon, and the origin of the savior/destroyer viewing of the Dragon was based on Jordan comparing the Western stories of dragons (fairly destructive) to the stories he heard in Vietnam (life-giving, standing for power and prosperity). Plus the various dragons and serpents in other cultural stories as well - the Norse world-serpent and the dragon in the Christian book of Revelation (sounds like Revelation is where he got the “seals on the Dark One’s prison” idea).

31. Looks like Rand’s original name was “Rhys al’Thor”, though Jordan played with the last name for a while. He liked the way “Arthur” and “Thor” had similar sounds and was looking to invoke both at the same time - so combining those two mythical figures is how he started with Rand -- a King Arthur who was also the god Thor. There’s a lot more King Arthur in the early books than the late books -- once we hit around The Fires of Heaven, we really move away from Rand being much involved in Arthurian myth (and that’s left more to Elayne & her family). Interestingly, al’Thor at this time was known as “The Hammer” - that part of what he envisioned for Rand kinda spun off into Perrin’s character, it sounds like.

32. Hmm, the original concept for Warders was a lot more of an equal partnership than it ended up being -- they were originally men “who watch the borders of human lands” and have “some abilities gifted from the Power, but they themselves have no use of the Power”. They’re bonded to a female wielder of the Power but notably “she cannot compel him to obey her” but if he disobeys, it breaks the bond between them. The gifts they were given were a “sense” for the presence of evil, some good self-healing, and slowed aging.

33. Ah, the name Aes Sedai is based on the Irish myths of aos si (faerie from the Otherworld). And he based the White Tower structure on “the pre-modern convents of the Catholic Church”. He was also amassing a list of names yet to be attached to any characters: Lewin, Thom, Emon, Jaim, Elaida, Mina.

34. This is Jordan’s own (very early) list of how the characters he was creating matched up to Arthurian myth:

Merlin: Amyrlen

Igraine: Tigraine

Arthur: Rhys al’Thor

Gwynevere: Gwyn al’Veer

Morgan le Fay: Emorgaine

King Lot: (?) Lor

Margawse: Morgase

Gawain: Gwayne

Gareth: Garth

Interesting to see which names roughly survived and which didn’t. He’d already decided at this point that his “Merlin” figure would be a woman, the “Amrylen” (Amyrlin Seat). He’d already decided that “Gwynevere” would be a ‘village girl’ as well. I wonder if at this point “Gwyn al’Veer” was “Rhys al’Thor’s” only love interest or if he’d thought that far yet. “Sir Gareth” would be ‘one of the village lads’. Lancelot was turned into “Lan, the Warder”. “Sir Galahand” was originally Lan’s son.

35. In 1987, he wrote a new outline for the first book, with Rhys still his hero. At this point, several of the pieces of Winternight are already in place - the yearly festival, “Rhys” lives with his “widowed farmer” father outside the village, an attack by “half-beast” mean and the dad getting injured badly by one of them. The story that Tam tells about finding Rand is somewhat similar, though the Aiel were “savage tribesmen, horse-mounted clans” at this point. Oh! Oh! The change that the show made with Tam and Tigraine came from Jordan’s notes!!!! (either a consultant read the public notes or they were just very in tune with Jordan’s original thoughts): “he found a woman, a warrior of the enemy, on the slopes of Dragonmount, dying of her wounds. She was pregnant, and though it was obviously not time for the baby to be born, her wounds had brought on labor. He helped the woman birth her child, and buried her when she died”. And at this point, he had vaguely thought of a “Green-God” at the end of the book who would help Rhys defeat the forces of “Sa’khan”, a god that would be revealed as a construct of the Power who watched over a magical pool (which is basically the end of the Eye of the World).

36. In June of 1987, Jordan did a second version of his ‘namelist’ for the book. This one was 33 pages long. 33 pages of names for people, places, and things, with handwritten notes to adjust them further. Changes:

Dark One renamed to Sha’tan

The Ogyr are now tall instead of short and are excellent stoneworkers and foresters.

Rhys is now officially Rand

Has already decided that Rand would fake his own death after defeating the Dark One though “Moiraine, Arinel (an early name for Elayne), Equene (the current name for Egwene) are among those who are not fooled and will not let him go alone

Tam gets a name, though it’s short for “Tamtrim” at this time; he based it on Mesopotamian mythology: Tammuz (Dumuzid) who was the god of shepherds & ‘the life-giving growth of plants’

He shorted Tamtrim to “Tam” and gave the second syllable to “Matrim” also known as “Mat”, though it was currently a name without a character

originally there was a complex set of religions in the Westlands, but he dropped that in favor of “cultural mentalities” of groups like the Children of the Light, the Red Ajah, and the Tuatha’an.

sa’angreal were based on the idea of the Sangreal aka the Holy Grail from Arthurian literature; objects imbued with the One Power

Padan Fain was originally named “Eward White” - he died in the attack on the village in the first draft but was mysteriously surviving in future drafts and spotted in the city

“Nyneve Bayal”, based a bit on Nimue from Arthurian legend, was one of his first characters, and was originally meant to have a darker role where she died, was brought back from the dead, and is serving the Dark One, getting Lan to oppose Rand at one point, and also was going to ‘kill’ Moiraine (who had ascended to the Amrylin Seat) but actually trap her “half-way between life and death” to be brought back later. So parts of this role were given over to Lanfear.

Gentling was a much more violent process originally, and there was also originally a testing in place for men once they came of age. Originally, being gentled didn’t cause an intense depression but was “a form of lobotomy performed with the power that makes the victim very passive, incapable of violence, and receptive to being commanded” and he called it being “gelded”. It sounds like it didn’t actually remove the Power from them but instead turned them into tools to be used (which sort of got adjusted and moved to how the Seanchan find and treat the women they turn into damane, it sounds like).

37. The next step was the “Test Manuscript”. Further changes in this:

Peddler now named Mikal Fain.

Rand has friends! Matrim Piket, Dannil Aybara, and Perrin Dael. Dannil actually survived long enough in the drafts that he’s in the original cover art for EotW, I learn. Sadly, I think I no longer have my original battered copy of EotW - I replaced it last year when I decided to do my reread.

Dannil got cut from the book because Harriet pointed out that he was doing absolutely nothing (again, Harriet, where was this energy for CoT & KoD?). The general plot was roughly the same as the finishing product at this point, so I assume Perrin was with Egwene, and Mat had stolen the dagger and was with Rand, so... where was Dannil in all this? lol, Jordan tried to keep him in by arguing “he’ll be important in book 5!” I wonder if he was originally the boy who would go over to the Seanchan and Mat took over that role?

Yeah, the version of the Test Manuscript that has Dannil in it is a lot less focused than the finished version.

38. The next surviving revision is “Revision 23″. Changes of note:

The Ogier “Jak Vladad” become Loial.

Jaren Telamon becomes Lews Therin Telamon.

39. Honestly, given the things that I hated so much about what CoT & KoD gave us, it’s almost sad to read Jordan writing:

The main thrust of the story will not be how fact becomes legend, however. Rather it will explore the nature of good and evil, of free will and the duty owed by the individual to humanity as a whole, of why and how mankind makes the choice to oppose evil, and the harm that can be done in the name of good.

People who do not champion and support good are acquiescing in the press of evil.

Some people who believe they are championing good actually fight [for] the cause of evil, for they would bind the free will given by the Creator.

That is EXACTLY what it feels like the story lost for me in Rand, Perrin, & Mat’s storylines in CoT & KoD. It felt like Jordan got so caught up in the shiny newness of allying with the Seanchan that he overlooked his own themes in the series and how he was undermining them.

40. At this point, Jordan is drafting The Great Hunt and has a somewhat comprehensive summary of the long game of the series as a whole:

Rand tries to flee his destiny but this only brings him into further conflict with the Forsaken

Determined to unite the people to face “Sha’tan’s” minions, by force if necessary

This middle section here I’m not certain about though -- he tries to defeat the Dark One, fails horribly, and must flee to regroup. That doesn’t sound like something that happened during his fights against TDO. That sounds more like when he tried to take back Ebou Dar from the Seanchan. Interesting change.

Rand was supposed to be completely without allies at some point in the story, originally, but that never quite happens in the books. The closest we really get is his flight from the Darkfriend Asha’man who attack him at the end of The Path of Daggers, but even then he flees... to his allies in Caemlyn (picking up Nynaeve, etc) and, of course, Min is surgically attached to him nearly all the time after that point He was supposed to realize that “by attempting to force humankind to oppose evil he was attempting to circumvent the free will that the Creator had made a central part of all humans”.

The ending is essentially what we got -- Rand binds away evil rather than destroying it because it “cannot be destroyed any more than can Good. Evil must be opposed by people who choose to champion Good”.

“Humanity, to be human, must have something to oppose and something to support, and the free choice of which will be which.” I feel like that is essentially exactly what happens in Rand’s confrontation with TDO in Shayol Ghul, yes?

also, no mention of allying with slavers, just pointing that out.

41. lol, damn, in the Test Manuscript, Min bangs Rand in the first book, right after “Eguene” breaks up with him. lol, and, wow this is... not super-great. So Lord of Chaos/A Crown of Swords Min was always in the plans, it seemed. It does seem like Jordan lifted some of the ideas in this scene for the post-Rand/Aviendha sex scene -- Rand talking about how they have to get married now that they’ve had sex and her being like “lol no”. Min also talks here in a way that makes it clear that she already had a viewing about having had sex with Rand, though she’s... happy enough about fulfilling the prophecy in this version.

42. Oh, here we go! First mention of what would become Seanchan in Jordan’s notes. I really am intrigued to see how this idea grew (and eventually took over and swamped) the rest of the series, even if I’m unhappy at the results in the books themselves. So, the first idea for the ~other continent~ was that Rand would be “shipwrecked on the coast of a Blight” and find himself in a land broken into city-states, each ruled by an Aes Sedai. Pretty different from the Seanchan we ended up with. Rand was going to fall in love with the daughter of a general that he was “given” to but then have to leave to avoid being gentled by the Aes Sedai in charge of the city-state, with not!Tuon bringing an army with her to help him take the “Stone of Stair”. Okay, Michael calling Tuon a ~young general who is also a ruler~ is hilarious. Tuon never showed an ounce of tactical knowledge in the entire series. Anyway, changing from Rand shipwrecking in Seanchan to instead having the Seanchan invade was supposed to... tighten the plot. Best laid plans o’ mice and men. Best laid plans. Boy, wow, it did the opposite.

43. Unfortunately, we don’t get a timeline here of when and how Jordan swapped things over from one version to the other. It was mentioned in the start that a lot of Jordan’s notes were not dated, so it can’t be certain exactly when certain things happened. The author notes that Jordan had also wanted to “dive into the complicated politics of a land invaded”. Again, shame that Jordan only really did that in WH and then decided Mat navel-gazing for two books was more interesting (in fairness, he does continue to explore it a bit in the prologues but, yeah, it really feels like he dropped the ball in the main storylines featuring the Seanchan).

44. Oooh, getting into Taimandred. “To imagine that an author never changes their mind about their plots or characters -- especially in a work as massively complex as The Wheel of Time -- would be foolish” .. “Another example of this -- interesting both for the ramifications within the narrative and its importance to fans -- is the shifting identity of the character Demandred. It’s a perfect microcosm of not just Jordan’s ceaseless creative process, but also the kinds of problems it left Brandon and Team Jordan in the wake of his passing.”

45. Interesting! Even after he’d finished The Great Hunt and was working on The Dragon Reborn, Jordan hadn’t finalized all the names of the Forsaken yet. In his notes he had:

Ishamael (check and already in the books)

Lanfear (ditto)

Aginor - already dead

Balthamel - already dead

Sammael

Rahvin

De’ath (...literally just the word death with an apostrophe)

Moloc

Be’aldrid

Maladour

Malifecin

Sha’rein

Savintar

46. “If we rewind back to Jordan’s own notes, however, we can see that at least at the time Jordan was writing Lord of Chaos, Taimandred was absolutely true.” Twice in his private notes for the books, Jordan wrote “Taim/Demandred showed up” at Dumai’s Wells. In his notes where he was summing up the accomplishments of the Forsaken, for Demandred, he wrote: “He will show up claiming to be Mazrim Taim, taking advantage of Rand’s amnesty.” And he was also supposed to originally be the person who’d killed Asmodean (makes sense, since it happens very soon before “Taim” shows up in the story). We know this because he wrote in a note about Nynaeve - “She does not know that Asmodean was a prisoner of Rand, nor, of course, that he was killed by Demandred.” The author says that it’s difficult to tell from Jordan’s notes when and why Taimandred changed into two separate people. “Sadly, we’ll never know. Jordan shared a great deal with Harriet and the other members of Team Jordan, but he hardly told them everything.”

In my own reread, it felt very much like Taim was Taimandred in LoC and very clearly that he was only Taim in WH, but the parts in between are wobbly and uncertain.

47. Honestly, I feel like pivoting away from Taimandred was a mistake on Jordan’s part. Him being the author of the slaughter at Dumai’s Wells and him killing Asmodean just... makes so much more sense than what we ended up with. I’m gonna hope that the tv rule of conservation of characters leads the show back to Taimandred as a reality, lol.

48. It was Brandon who came up with Random Sharan Army to try to explain why the fuck the Dark One was so pleased with Demandred in LoC if he wasn’t Taim and therefore had accomplished absolutely nothing of note on the page. Interesting. I was sure that the Random Sharan Army was connected to Jordan’s pivot to allying with the slavers, because the numbers just didn’t seem justified otherwise, but I guess Jordan was allying with them... for who knows why tbh. The mystery of why Jordan was obsessed with allying with the slavers remains a mystery thus far into this book. It kinda seems like it will be one of those forever questions that is never answered.

Jordan just... he really didn’t successfully sell me on it actually being NECESSARY to ally with the slavers, and I think a lot of that is rooted in his arbitrary withholding of information from Rand? Like, Rand is trying to ally with the slavers because he believes he has no choice, but HIS OWN ALLIES (including his LOVER!!!) are straight-up withholding vital intel from him re: the slaver army’s weaknesses for... absolutely no good reason at all. The deck feels so artificially stacked in the Seanchan’s favor due to Min and Nynaeve undergoing voluntary amnesia rather than any actual narrative reasons for the Seanchan to have the advantage. Again, it’s a place where I feel like I can literally see Jordan’s puppet strings on everyone’s shoulders rather than it making sense that the characters would behave this way.

49. Okay, the summary of what we know about the “outriggers”:

Set 5-10 years after the Last Battle

“focused on Mat, Tuon, and the changes faced by the Seanchan as a result of the events of the Last Battle” lol what changes. that was the whole issue through KOD. That Jordan refused to let Tuon change or grow even the slightest bit. I guess this would have been changes that happen despite Tuon throwing tantrums and kicking and screaming the whole way (and probably murdering and enslaving a LOT more people).

“All that survives, in fact, are two tantalizing sentences. One depicts Mat lying in a cold gutter, the dice having failed him. The other sees Perrin on a boat, sailing to Seanchan to kill an old friend.”

honestly, if it had the same energy as the Mat and Perrin chapters in CoT/KoD, then it’s hard to imagine the outriggers being anything but a boring slog where our main characters constantly think about how they should oppose slavery but then don’t actually do anything useful because slavery is just so gosh-darn helpful and some of the slavers are just so pretty. I’m just... I do wish more notes had survived on this, because Jordan’s pivot towards having all his main male characters working towards allying with and appeasing the slavers has been THE thing about CoT & KoD that really ruined those two books for me, and I just wish I understood WHY he went from his interesting and nuanced storyline that he had all the way through Winter’s Heart and instead changed it to Mat acting like “wanting to brutally torture and enslave people” and “not wanting to be brutally tortured and enslaved” are two equally valid points of view, with the edge being given to whoever has the most mysterious eyes.

50. More interesting to me are that Jordan had been considering writing a prequel about Tam. Basically the story that Jordan had first considered, all those years ago, about a soldier who has finished with his war. The other prequel he’d wanted to write would have been Moiraine and Lan’s lead-up to Winternight -- what led them to Two Rivers just in time. “As with the outrigger novels, however, Jordan’s archived papers contain no complete sequences or outlines”.

51. And the rest of the book is a glossary of the various characters, places, and ideas, with how they connect to mythology or the real world. I might potentially use it in the future during fics maybe but I’m not going to go over it here.

Overall, this was very interesting, even if the questions that I most wish could have been answered still remain mysteries.

[asgardian--angels]

I've been seeing a lot of mixed emotions and frustration surrounding what we heard today from Samba on Wee John Wondays, regarding the immense amount of deleted scenes, cut material, original episode concepts etc, from season 2. And I just wanted to give my two cents here.

Look, it is absolutely valid to be pissed at HBO Max right now. They slashed OFMD's budget, cut their runtime on a per episode and a season basis. This resulted in plotlines having to be reworked, character & relationship development compressed, and some minutiae & connective scenes omitted. The thought of that sucks! It would have been nice to see the polycule shown more directly onscreen, and to see Ed & Stede dance, have a longer goodbye to Izzy, and maybe work through Ed and Stede's relationship rollercoaster a little more gradually. I'm sure this hurt no one more than David himself, who's had a clear vision of all three seasons from the start - who's now had to deal with not only a truncated s2 but a cancellation soon after to boot.

But I think it does a great disservice to the entire cast and crew who worked immensely hard on season 2 to dwell overlong on what we could or 'should' have gotten. They worked their asses off to bring us something phenomenal! Season 2 was incredible - and your mileage may vary, but all analytics indicate season 2 was even more popular and well-received than season 1 by audiences and critics alike. There was a whole team of writers who worked deftly and skillfully to crunch ten episodes into eight without compromising the core elements, themes, and plotlines they wanted to include to tell this story, plus a talented cast who brought their own improvisation to set every day and gave us some of the season's most iconic moments. Everyone on the OFMD crew is proud of what they made, as they rightly should be. It was beautiful television.

Expressing dissatisfaction with what was cut is fine to an extent, but let's not let it take away from our enjoyment and appreciation of the final product we did get, or give the crew the impression that what they worked so hard to give us wasn't good enough. They want more than anyone to have had those extra scenes in there to show off the hard work of the whole team! I'm seeing this a lot especially with the talk about the early draft of Calypso's birthday (and this info is not new, Samba spoke at length about it during his baking class back in November). Regardless of your opinion on whether you think that would have been a 'better' version of the episode, it was just that - an early draft, that never came close to being filmed. David and the writers revised this concept because, apart from time constraints on the season, ultimately they felt that the concept they ended up going with best served the narrative. Even Samba agreed that he preferred the final version. There's no secret footage of this other version, we didn't 'lose' anything - this is one of the dangers of scripts getting released for any piece of media, because the mind runs astray dreaming of the possibilities of what may have been, when the reality is all shows go through moderate to sometimes heavy editing before the final version, and the audience probably doesn't need to see that process!

The fact that season 2 turned out so beautifully, with some of the most moving and iconic sequences television's seen in quite a while, and a love story that has touched so many, is truly a testament to the passion, dedication, and skill of the entire cast and crew. They have achieved the status of cultural phenomenon, season 2 was the 5th most watched series in the entire world on streaming services, outperforming shows like Loki. They've got several dozen articles with glowing praise from major media outlets, a 95% on Rotten Tomatoes, multiple award nominations, and more than anything a loyal fanbase who's in it for the long haul to fight for a season 3. They have succeeded to this level despite all the stumbling blocks HBO Max has thrown in their path. If season 2 was OFMD held back from its full potential, then I think they should be damn fucking proud of what they've made.

Samba pitched an official bts documentary for both season 1 and season 2 and was turned down. This show deserved better than HBO Max was ever going to give them. He's going to try and post deleted scenes and a blooper reel if he can (not all heroes wear capes, folks). And it's very likely none of these things will ever be officially released (though, we can make a stink about it!). Be angry about it, absolutely. But we need to channel that energy into the fight for renewal. Double down on efforts to get the attention of Netflix, Prime, Apple TV, and FX, get more signatures on the petition (87k as of this writing!), and just keep talking positively about the show on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook with our hashtags. We need to show the crew that we're upset for them, but so grateful for the beautiful season we got too.

So let's not bicker and wallow about what was 'stolen' from us - the final canon product is ultimately the final canon product, and any other tidbits are fun but neither owed nor necessary. They trusted that we could put the pieces together, that we'd be able to read between the lines when scenes that would have made things more explicit, or developed them further, had to be shortened or cut. And that trust was well placed! We sussed it out. Celebrate the ofmd fandom for all the excellent meta, art, fic, we've gotten, and celebrate season 2 for its joy, its profoundness, its nuance, its enduring hope and how much it's given to so many. Air your grievances respectfully, and then get back to fighting to give OFMD the well-funded third season it deserves!

[spareparts-vn]

Hi! I'm really enjoying Spare Parts. I really appreciate how it has so much heavy drama, but it never feels oppressively dour or meaningless. There's plenty of more comedic or otherwise lighter moments that don't feel out of place, too. Can I ask as a wannabe writer myself, do you have any tips or processes for writing such effective drama?

thank you! i'm very bad at giving writing advice. i've written and deleted this post half a dozen times already. it's pretty hard to lay my thoughts out since my process is so tangled up in my brain's very specific eccentricities. so here's some extremely scattered thoughts that loosely connect to how i write "drama," which in my mind is just an extension of any compelling relationship between characters.

1) "iteration" is my main thing. write a bad draft, then edit it to be better, then edit it to be better, then edit it to be better, then erase the whole thing and write another bad draft that's slightly better, then edit that one to be better, then edit it to be better, then do that 100 more times until you have an epiphany that ties it all together. it's not very efficient but it helps me identify what works and what doesn't so i can hone in on what's interesting to me. in the context of drama, that means i can write out an argument between two characters and ask myself if it hits on anything compelling. if it doesn't, i scrap it, but if there's some feeling there that i want to flesh out, i can restructure it to pivot around that.

2) similar to the previous one, but i try to start broad and narrow my focus over time. taking two characters' relationship as an example, i'll start from the most generic interpretation of how they relate to one another and start adding nuance/complexity over time. i think of it like a life drawing, if you've ever taken a class for that. you want to start with the gesture of the pose first, then start to fill in shapes and values until the foundation is solid. you go around the whole drawing adding details in bits and pieces, rather than focusing on one body part and fleshing it out to completion first. you can slowly choose where to exaggerate shapes or darken shadows to add a little more visual flair to it. in telling a story, these details can often play out and develop through the course of the narrative.

2.5) this is an aside, but during my brief stint in art school, i once turned in a self-portrait for a life drawing assignment that i was really unhappy with. i spent so much time working and reworking it that it looked really smudgy from all the erased lines, but i was too stubborn to start drawing on a new piece of paper. i was very anxious about turning it in for critique, but the professor surprised me by saying that he liked the ethereal quality it had from all the eraser marks. that there was something interesting in how obvious it was that i'd redone it so many times, allowing the evidence of previous attempts to leave traces in the final image. that comment always stuck with me. i think of life, and art by extension, as additive in nature. you can't completely erase the past, so as time moves forward your canvas become more and more dense with information, even if it's been scrubbed away. relationships are the same, which i try to convey when writing my characters. the longer you write them, the more friction and drama will naturally fall out of them. so don't be afraid to start simple, you might surprise yourself with the sort of feelings that appear without you realizing it.

3) i try to imagine a person who would become psychotically obsessed with every possible pairing of characters. what would they find interesting in this dynamic? how could i give them something to chew on? how could i surprise them, or entice them to think about their relationship deeper? in spapa's case, there's obviously a lot of interplay between the most central characters, but i have internal dossiers on every obscure pair of characters that most people won't think about. but that means i'm going to write more about them and flesh them out, so the web grows more complex and interesting. (i've developed a fixation on a secret ship that i'm hungry to explore, but probably won't get the chance to for a while. i'll leave you to speculate on what that is.) every character's growth and experience is shaped by their relationships, so tugging on those threads can reveal things about my characters i hadn't realized before. and sometimes those threads are connected to sticks of dynamite, which explode. and then you get lucy and melanie yelling at each other, even though their first interactions don't really suggest they'd end up there.

4) i'm the type of person who struggle to resist cracking a joke when i think of one, no matter how inappropriate the timing is. i've seen some critique of spapa that jokes occasionally feel misplaced in really serious scenes, but personally, i think they're important! people are complicated and can have multiple modes of thought/expression at once. sometimes when you're in the middle of the biggest sobbing breakdown of your life you'll think something stupid and mundane that snaps you back to reality for a second. sometimes you're having the best day of your life and you'll suddenly remember The Incident and have to just brush it off. i try to reflect those sorts of weird moments in my writing.

5) i lean a lot on my experience in writing fanfic/doing roleplay of characters/ships that i'm interested in. taking the dynamic that's presented in the source material and bending it to suit my interests more, or to flesh out ideas that i want to explore through them as a medium. every now and then it helps to take a step back and assess what parts of my story i've built i feel are most compelling or could use some more attention. what scenes i would write fanfic of, and how i can place them in the story itself or build up to something that paints those scenes in the reader's mind. i just love characters. they're little toys i can make do anything

6) i guess overall my approach is very naturalistic/holistic. i let characters develop themselves and create drama on their own, just by being complicated little animals and thinking about them a lot. then i can take those shapes they make and mold them into something more refined. i try to treat everything as a piece of the whole. let the threads get really tangled up and leave a lot of time for exploring what those knots look like and how you might try to de-tangle them. but meanwhile there's other knots forming too. there's no getting it completely organized but you learn a lot about the mess while trying to pull it apart. the process is essential. the end product should reflect that process in whatever ways feel appropriate. imo

i don't know if Any Of This Shit makes any sense or is helpful. like i said, i've rewritten this several times already, and i've gotta do other stuff today, so hopefully you could pull something useful out of it lmao

[zepskies]

Hi Zep! Buckle up because I have a number of picks for your ask game! How about 2, 10, 17, 40, 48, 55 and 70?

Hey Michelle! Hope you're having a lovely Sunday. ☀️💜

Omg these are amazing questions!!

Lmfao this is hilarious to me, but I actually had to think hard about this one. My pre-writing/outlining process is pretty methodical. However, I think the biggest time the narrative hijacked my hands was in Smoke Eater (firefighter!Dean x reader).

I had several scenes in the original outline that just weren't fitting right when I got to the drafting stage, to the point where I had to chuck them out entirely. Also, the whole murder mystery that's central to the narrative was complex to tease out, but that also took me by surprise when I was outlining!

I wasn't intending to go that route at first, but when I thought of including John Winchester and Cas as homicide detectives (drawing from my childhood obsession with Law & Order), it kind of just started coming to me.

So I usually have the premise of the idea before the title. It's gotten easier as I've become more experienced as a writer, but sometimes I just put a placeholder title that kind of encapsulates the idea before I come up with something better, then I start outlining/researching.

Often I get placeholder titles from songs/lyrics of what will likely give me inspiration for the story, and sometimes those titles stick!

Ooh another great question. 😂 Funnily enough, the ones that come to me off the top of my head are mostly from Break Me Down:

M.M. scoffed, with a subtle shake of his head.  “Nah, man,” he said ruefully. “That’s true motherfuckin’ love.”

And a fun one:

“Alert the media,” you said. “We’ve got the ultimate weapon against Soldier Boy: a slow ride on his dick.”

😂 This one also sticks out in my mind from the Midnight Espresso-verse - Devour Me (Part 2), as a playful one I was weirdly proud of lol:

“Question: do you consider yourself more of a tits or ass man?” you ask him. You’re half teasing, but still curious. Dean snorts at the question.  “More of a connoisseur,” he replies, smirking.  “Ah.” You nod sagely, and you point between him and yourself. “So this is like a ‘sample the menu’ situation.” Dean’s smirk deepens. “Sweetheart, you’re a goddamn buffet.”

Finally, this one from the imagine "You are Dean's one exception":

Oh man, that's very tough. I've been blessed to get some amazing feedback from you and others, and believe it or not, I do go back and reread comments and reblogs. It puts a smile on my face whether I'm having a bad day, or want to continue smiling on a good one. 💖

I think one of the best compliments I can receive, however, is that a story touched someone on an emotional level and somehow got them through a difficult time in their life, or is one of their "comfort stories." That's happened a few times, and it almost makes me cry every time. 🥲

I can also say that you, @chernayawidow, and @waynes-multiverse have given me some of the best feedback I've ever gotten on stories. Not just because the other two have made me cheese grin/nearly cry of laughter, but also because all of you are writers and have been able to tell me narratively (or on a character development level) what you liked about what I was doing in a story. As a writer, that kind of feedback is amazing as well. 💖💖

Also, some of my favorite feedback of all time has been on Midnight Espresso -- whether it's been people thanking me for the representation of the Hispanic/Latin culture, or sharing experiences with being plus-sized and how that's viewed in society. 💗

😬😬 Ahh guilty, lol. At the risk of sounding prideful, I think if you're doing it right, you should be writing the stories you want to write. So it stands to reason that you should be able to enjoy reading your own work. 💜

None on Tumblr, but unfortunately I do have a few on FF.net, which I don't even post on anymore, and maybe one or two on Ao3. Sometimes you just lose the drive to write for that fandom, especially if engagement is down. Sometimes you just move on to other things.

I'm a voracious editor. I believe good writing is also good editing -- that's just part of the process. So yes I guess I can be self-critical. lol

Sometimes I'll be rereading something, and I'll go in and edit it after it's already been posted for months, whether it's a typo, or a line that doesn't sound quite right for the character, or part of a scene that I think needs smoothing out. I guess I'm a bit of a perfectionist that way. 😅

Again, thank you so much for these questions, my friend!! I'm going to be sending you some too very soon. 😘

[ourstoriedinsight]

Audio Drama Sunday IV

Alright! Back again! Skipped last week as I went on a binge of Non-fiction history podcasts as is my occasional habit. This week however I resumed my audio fiction engagements with a fervor.

Edge of my seat week to week listens wise this was another win for @innbetween where I have to be a bit sneaky about spoilers since most y'all won't have access yet. This one gave me some chills as Max's character brought to mind some bosses I worked for in the past whom I am glad I am not working for now. Whereas previous adventuring parties were faster to making solid friendships of fate and circumstance this bunch remains first and foremost co-worker relationships which has opened the door wonderfully to working with themes of different types of ableism. I come from a decently cut throat industry myself and that whole "What good are you if you can't..." is a huge thing we need to talk more about as a society. Having party members we feel a little more gray about is a neat shift of dynamic too which I wholeheartedly approve of which has left me hoping either the arc carries everyone to a better wiser place ... or delivers some much needed kicks to the gems for bad behavior by way of catharsis.

My binge listen continues to be Spirit Box Radio where I have hit season 3 at last! The Host/ Creator/ Voice Actor of the show seems to be going through a testosterone based transition which I got to admit I am enjoying vicariously more than I probably should. My circumstances have taken a T transition off the table for me personally so when I encounter someone going through one I get fairly excited myself noting the changes. How deep Sam's voice will be by the end of the series is like an added bit of delightful mystery. On it's more narrative based merits however Spirit Box Radio continues to delight. There's an evolving ruminative quality to the story with leaps and bounds of development just when the slow drip of progress in the mystery starts to stretch the tension to the breaking point. Big changes in the status quo that then must be weighed and understood and considered starting the cycle anew. Pacing wise it's the cautious and moderate person's approach to danger which feels fairly true to life. It's something that works best in podcast format which makes it feel more fresh than the more common arc of act/react. Things must be digested in their own time and lately particularly I have been finding that slower pace is a welcome change from instant gratification.

Editing log of the week is fairy empty as I have finished the second draft of the season Finale and am taking a breather before doing the finalizing process. After this I get a nice two month vacay from all things audio to sharpen up my resolve for the next season and start making our backlog for the airing of season 2. I'm so close to relaxing I can feel it!

[waitmyturtles]

FINAL UNPOPULAR OPINIONS ON STEP BY STEP, EPISODE 12

It’s over. It. is. over. Good grief. ONE HOUR AND FORTY-TWO MINUTES. I’ll spare the supporters with a read-more. It’s a short-ish meta pour moi, and I drafted some of this last week in anticipation for what I thought would happen today, inspired by meta from others. 

I’ve been thinking about what would happen in this Step By Step finale since a great conversation last week with @stuffnonsenseandotherthings about whether or not people should have continued with this show. I’m filled with frustration, with lost hope for this show, but like -- a part of this frustration is exactly because THE POTENTIAL FOR THIS SHOW TO BE GREAT WAS EVIDENT WITHIN THE SHOW, FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE ALMOST-END. It was there, in front of our faces.

I’m gonna break this down, inspired in large part, before I watched this finale, from the incredible meta penned by @bengiyo and @respectthepetty on being queer in a majority non-queer workplace (I shared these links last week in the post linked above, but I loved their pieces here and here and here and here). 

The following is a drama I would have LOVED TO WATCH, if the actual show had not gotten HIJACKED by too many competing narratives -- ESPECIALLY the very long narrative and focus, over multiple episodes, of rummaging through Pat’s wavering emotions and my being led to believe that what we were watching was a Pat growth story. I’m basically plucking out the very best parts, in my humble opinion, of this show, and tying them together in a screenplay that I think would have been the most compelling storyline to watch. [Thanks to @lurkingshan for hearing this from me last week before today’s finale aired, because as I expected -- this thought process that I had last week LANDED (and it landed accurately because the finale ended exactly the way I sadly expected it to, godfuckingdamnit.)]

1) Jeng is a leader in a company that he’s been with on-and-off over the course of his career. He’s being pressured by his dad to take the company over. Instead, Jeng wants to prove his self-worth by making a department that he had founded, successful -- maybe even the most successful department in the company. Simultaneously, Jeng’s dad knows Jeng is gay, and is not happy about it.

2) Jeng is taken by a new employee, Pat. Pat is in his department. Jeng sees Pat’s potential, but is such a perfectionist as to interfere with Pat’s growth. Pat calls him the fuck out about it, and Jeng begins to change (which, as I’ve written about in the past, is fucking hard to do). 

3) Simultaneously, Jeng is so pressured by filial piety to organize himself to take over the company, that he works another damn executive-level job to decompress. (This strikes me as similar to how Tong in KinnPorsche may have developed his lifestyle, in part, to avoid taking over the family business, as Kinn hints to Porsche.)

4) As Jeng falls more and more for Pat, he begins to struggle to hold himself together. Jeng ultimately reveals to Pat that Jeng is gay. Pat is shocked.

5) Jeng confesses to Pat. Pat is again shocked. Pat is disturbed, recounting how Jeng toed the boss-employee boundary. Pat rejects Jeng. Jeng is devastated.

6) Chot sends Pat back to Jeng. Pat confesses to Jeng. They get into a months-long relationship.

7) Jeng loses himself in the relationship. He engages in favoritism in the workplace. He ultimately UNDERMINES Pat’s growth by buying Pat’s success, literally. Jeng’s dad, frustrated at this development -- and maybe even by their relationship itself -- reveals to Pat the duplicity. Pat dumps Jeng.

8) As we learned today: it’s two years later. Jeng is primed to take over Jian Group. But: Pat comes back to Jeng’s life -- Pat literally unblocks Jeng.

9) Jeng realizes he can’t work in a company that doesn’t tolerate equity and equality. Jeng is happy again with Pat. He hands his resignation letter to his father. Jeng goes to live forward his life with Pat, likely as a chef, in their joy as a couple.

Again: that’s a drama I would have loved to watch. THAT is a narrative. THAT has complication, drama, trauma, movement. It’s more of a workplace drama than it is a romance. It’s Jeng’s narrative. It’s Jeng’s development and POV.

(It doesn’t quite explain why Jeng acted like such a DUNCE in point #7, but I would hope that my fictional-fictional screenplay here would explain it. Maybe Jeng buys Pat’s success to PROVE to his dad that Pat, and the digital marketing team as a whole, are worth keeping and investing in. I don’t actually know -- because I wasn’t implicitly or explicitly TOLD this in the actual show.)

INSTEAD.

GODDAMN IT, INSTEAD.

I still don’t fucking know what narrative we really got, AND WHY. We got a PAT perspective, a Pat narrative, as we have gotten for the majority of the series. But this Pat narrative went NOWHERE. Pat never matured, never grew. We got a romance narrative of the most broken quality. We got a romance narrative that essentially told us (thank you to @lurkingshan and @neuroticbookworm for hearing this in advance) that Pat likes to date, break up with, and GO BACK TO questionable partners with questionable power dynamics in Put and Jeng (citing @heretherebedork here on a similar point). That’s.... not a very heartening narrative for dear guy Pat -- a man, as I said earlier, with whom we spent a TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF TIME examining his initial hesitations and spurts of growth vis à vis romantic partners (and MLM salespeople).

Compared against this questionable romance narrative....what was Pat’s brief workplace story? Pat -- at work, you actually ended up being a fucking badass! You started your own company with Chot and Ae? Winning awards? WINNING THE DAMN FJORD PITCH AGAINST JIAN GROUP? BADASS! (Although -- GAH -- @bengiyo pointed out that.... could Jeng have INTERVENED to throw the game for Jian Group so that Pat’s firm WOULD win the pitch?? FUCK. GAH. I don’t know that I want to go there, but it seems honest for this show.)

Anyway. Let’s sit with that for a second... oh wait, okay, we’re not gonna sit with that. We’re gonna brush off that y’all won the Fjord pitch. And focus on... a karaoke night project for a restaurant. Okay. Wow. Ooooookay. I really wanted to spend more time with your workplace successes, with the win of that HUGE PITCH WITH FJORD, but okay, karaoke night. Okay.

You’re.... you’re friends with Put now. We will have you meeting Jeng again... you’re angry.... okay wait, you’re unblocking him, okay. Okay, wait, wait, okay, Chot, and Ae....AND PUT?!.... are encouraging you to go back to Jeng? PUT?!

You’re drunk (again?!), and you’re...singing.... YOU’RE.... 

YOU’RE APOLOGIZING TO JENG? YOU. ARE. THE ONE. APOLOGIZING? WHAT? 

Jeng DISSED on you and your talent two years ago, my man!

Okay, and. Reconciliation after a hangover where Pat doesn’t remember what they said the night before? And then.... they start over, but it’s kind of awkward, and like -- not filled with reflection or like, is that too much of an expectation?

And Jeng hands over the resignation letter, but without explanation or context as to whether or not there COULD have been a way for him to be a leader at Jian Group WHILE in a queer relationship -- because we’re left to ASSUME all of this, as I did above? We are left to ASSUME that multiple entities in this universe, from Ying to Jian Group, just profit off of the queer community, without explicit explanation? (I can’t, I CAN’T assume or conjure narratives on my own -- successful storytelling needs to tell the story.) 

And, as I expected -- we are left with an unearned romance ending... with...with Pat...who has experienced SUCCESS ON HIS OWN, WITH HIS OWN COMPANY, MOOLAH BABY -- asking Jeng... to buy him ...furniture? (After Jeng quit his corporate job, so even working as a chef, we are left to assume that Jeng has the resources to buy out a furniture shop? Fine, it’s IKEA, but still? Nepo chef manchild?)

OH. KAY.

I just. KLSDJFLKSDJFLKJWEPRJKSPOFKDSLKGNSD.

This show scooped Pat up and was like, buddy, you just can’t do it on your own, so we’re gonna do it for you. You’re NOT gonna grow in two years, emotionally. Or, like, your professional growth WILL HAVE NOTHING to do with your emotional growth. (I call bullshit on that, btw, as an old auntie. Take your wins and grow from them. Goddamn.)

I would have liked to see Pat roll up in a damn suit and briefcase, take some DOCUMENTS out of that briefcase, and read THE RIOT ACT to Jeng -- IF the Pat romance narrative was even called for.

Instead, we got a milquetoast rush to a WEAK romantic ending. 

Y’all, I am saying. THE POTENTIAL FOR THIS SHOW TO BE GOOD WAS WITHIN THE SHOW. THE POTENTIAL FOR CELEBRATING LOVE AND SUCCESS WAS ALL HERE, IT WAS ALL HERE, I’m tapping at the damn script and chewing on my damn cigar. 

I didn’t see Pat grow. Instead, I saw Pat dealing and processing his emotions the same. exact. way. as he had two years prior. Filled with frustration, no words used to communicate what was up, and/or getting drunk in the process. And going back to the dudes that dissed on him. OH-KAY.

Might I ask, then? What was the point of this show?

I dunno. It doesn’t help anyone that Ben and Man are not necessarily actors that I’ll run back to watching. Maybe Man, in another show, if a pang of nostalgia hits me. But, in the end -- I was hoping, HOPING, that a compelling narrative would arise out of the mess we’ve been left with, episode after episode. Instead, as the series wore on to the end, the confusion of all these narratives only got worse. 

That’s it, this is all I got. I was thinking of watching Hidden Agenda for Joong’s face, but -- let me get to Lovely Writer first on the OGMMTVC, and I am GOING to be watching that show VERY FUCKING CRITICALLY, GAAAAH. I’ll be metaphorically honing my keyboard. 

Peace out, SBS! May you never come back in any sort of fashion, unless someone decides to take pity on your carrot cake ass and make an apologetic follow-up miniseries out of you. Do not color me surprised if Dee Hup and Tee Bundit decide to take that route, and I will have to scroll past the gifs on my dash if it does happen.