#Fenrirs nightmare is-well we never get to actually see it because he figured out it wasnt real

[glitchven]

Ok so i was just playing nexomon 1 and i finally got to grundas nightmare and look

Normal landscape, right? but look closer

Its literally a mural of Nara!!!!!!!

I cant really tell whats going on in the left side of the picture but on the right it clearly shows Nara running, so im just sayinggggggg, what if its supposed to depict Nara running away from Omnicron during the war between humans and nexomon???

[mythologyfolklore]

Trusting the enemy - Pt. 02

Baldr – Forgiveness

(A/N: Set the night before Baldr’s death. He has a conversation with Loki, fully aware that he’s talking to his murderer. It doesn’t bother him nearly as much as it should.)

Baldr isn't capable of hatred.

Not of loathing or disgust.

Not even of spite or malice.

He is, however, capable of anger and revulsion.

Even though his anger never lasts long, it's still there. He never shows it; there is no point. Besides, he doesn't want to hurt anyone by lashing out in any way.

Someone has to be the better person and who, if not him?

So he chooses to be the role model, the paragon of virtue, the one who brightens up everyone's day. It's actually quite easy; he is just that kind of person. Being kind to others brings him joy. His friendliness and compassion are genuine. His cheerfulness is not. But why?

Baldr is lucky, oh so lucky.

He has beauty, wisdom and grace. He has the biggest ship and the fairest, holiest hall in Asgard. He has everyone's love and admiration. He has a lovely wife and a wonderful son.

So why, why the Niflheimr is he not happy?!

His smile is brighter than the sun, but it only serves to please others and hide his melancholy.

Everyone thinks him happy, but he isn't and only four people in Asgard know this.

Óðinn knows, because of course he does.

Baldr doesn't talk to his father about his depression, but the Allfather knows anyway. And maybe, just maybe, the light god is grateful, that his father doesn't judge him for it or bring it up.

Höðr knows too.

He knows Baldr better than anyone, even though his eyes cannot see. His shadow is like a blanket of comfort, his coolness is soothing. The god of darkness and winter expects nothing from him.

Heimdallr knows, because nothing escapes him.

Baldr values the Guardian's understanding and sympathetic nature, so similar to his own. What he values even more is that he doesn't participate, when the other gods throw stuff at him.

The last person who knows is definitely the most problematic one: Loki.

Baldr wishes, that the red-haired trickster would like him at least a little bit – after all, they are by oath uncle and nephew. That will never be, though: Loki wants him dead and will indeed be the one to bring on his imminent demise.

Baldr doesn't even know why Loki hates him so much (it's not like the older god has ever told him, what his problem is; he always scoffs and turns away, when Baldr tries to talk to him). He only knows, that he will die at the other's hands. And he knows exactly how, too – his prophetic nightmares are very vivid.

Maybe he should hate Loki for being his future murderer.

But he doesn't.

He is still angry at him, though.

You can't frame Höðr for murder and expect the prospective murder victim not to be angry!

.

Loki hates everything about Baldr.

Everything.

He hates, that the blondie is Óðinn's son.

He hates, that the young god is so pretty, graceful, wise and sweet.

He hates, that everyone loves that goody-two-shoes and fusses about him, when he shows the slightest hint of distress. Frigg has made literally everything in all nine worlds swear, that it wouldn't harm her “precious baby boy”! Well, almost everything – a twig of mistletoe was too young to sign legally binding contracts, she said. But still!

It makes him sick, so sick. Seeing Baldr makes his blood boil. Hearing his voice makes him want to retch and when he has to make body contact for whatever reason, his flesh crawls beneath his skin.

Dwarves don't loathe the sun as much as Loki loathes Baldr.

One of the reasons is, of course, envy.

No surprise there, the trickster knows his own nature. Of course he wouldn't say that out loud, but he's quite sure, that most people already know.

But they don't know, just how envious he is.

Loki is the one, who does all the shit work for the Aesir! Not Baldr! Yet he gets all the praise and love, even though all he does is being a hippie and making decisions that can't be undone! So why does Sunny Boy get all the love and positive attention?! That's so unfair, it's physically painful!

But that's not the only reason for his envy.

Óðinn is nothing, if not a loving father, Loki knows this. The Allfather loves all of his many children equally, although he has the stupidest way of showing it.

But he doesn't love all of Loki's children.

Once upon a time, Loki and Óðinn mixed their blood and vowed brotherhood, swearing to treat the other's children as their own. But apparently that doesn't go for Fenrir, Jörmungandr and Hel. The trickster knows, that the triplets are dangerous, but that's no excuse for their treatment!

There has been a time, when the trickster loved Baldr and Höðr like they were his own. But that was before his own children were banished. The twins know nothing; they were toddlers back then. And if the Æsir refuse to tell them about it, why should he?

It doesn't matter anyhow.

Loki will do anything to send them to Hel. And it will be the greatest satisfaction to see the horror on the Æsir's faces and hurt Óðinn and Frigg in the worst way possible.

.

Baldr is sitting on the roof of his house and judging by the position of the moon, it's almost midnight.

It's wonderfully quiet, when everyone is asleep. It relaxes him, when he is shaken from a nightmare.

Normally, he would go and cry on his brother's shoulder, but he doesn't want to wake him.

So sitting on his roof and watching the moon and stars is the second option.

He feels a presence behind him and smiles lopsidedly: “Why am I not surprised, that you got through the barrier on my house?”

A slightly higher, more feminine voice retorts: “Maybe it's because there is nothing I cannot do? And what about you? Why am I not surprised, that you're doing something as dangerous as sitting on a roof, instead of lying with your wife?”

Baldr laughs softly and finally turns around: “What is this I see? Loki actually seeking my company and talking to me? What a sensation!”

Loki snorts: “And what is this I hear? Irony from the mouth of the paragon of perfection? Never thought I would live to see that moment!”

The blond rolls his eyes: “We both know, that I will never be perfect, no matter how hard I try. But seriously; how did you get in? The force field around my property is supposed to keep out everyone with malicious or improper intent.”

The redhead smirks: “Please, I know what spells Frigg used to put the barrier up. And for every spell in the world, there is a counter spell to match.”

“Huh. Figures.”

It's only now that Baldr notices, that Loki is floating in mid-air – he must be wearing his air-walking shoes.

“Mind if I sit with you?”, the trickster asks.

“You already invaded my property and didn't ask my permission.”

“Good point.”

Baldr moves over and allows Loki to sit next to him.

He can't decide, if he's happy, that his “uncle” is actually initiating a conversation for once, or if he's suspicious as to why.

Loki sees no point in dispelling the other's suspicions.

“What are you doing up here in the middle of the night?”, he questions. “Couldn't deal with your nightmares again?”

“That and I wanted to see the night sky one last time, before I die.”

“So you know.”

“You already knew, that I know.”

The fire giant frowns. “You're oddly casual about it. After all that fuss about your nightmares.”

He receives a frown in return.

“Uncle, there is a difference between knowing that you're going to die no matter what, and suffering from perpetual sleep-deprivation.”

“Yes, I suppose there is.”

They fall back into silence for a while.

Baldr is the first to speak again: “So, what gives me the honour of you finally talking to me, uncle? You have never done that before.”

Loki shrugs: “I'll be honest for once; I don't know.”

Another moment of awkward silence.

Finally, the Bright One notes: “The stars are very beautiful tonight.”

Loki chuckles: “Yes, but that's nothing special to me. If I want to see the stars, I just need to look at my wife. She has the night sky in her hair.”

Sigyn, Baldr's starry-haired half-sister.

Baldr doesn't like how shrewish and abrasive she is, but she is also the most reliable, selfless person he knows.

It's a matter of fact, that Loki is a terrible husband; often absent, treacherous, a liar and definitely a pervert. But no matter how much his wife gives him hell for his nonsense, he can count on her unwavering strength and loyalty, for better or worse. Baldr wishes his own wife was half that loyal (as if he didn't know about her tryst with his brother Hermóðr), then again he has done nothing to earn her loyalty either.

He is about to ask, if the shapeshifter loves Sigyn, but then Loki continues: “In fact, dare I say, that the night sky in all its splendour could never measure up to Sigyn's hair.”

Baldr smiles; that's all the answer he needs. “So you do love her.”

The trickster chuckles.

He will never be able to tell his wife these words, but it's a truth everyone is aware of. When and why his tomboyish wife decided, that he is worth travelling all nine worlds for, is beyond him. But it is so. The ornament around his neck too severely proves it.

Of course Baldr has noticed the necklace Loki is wearing.

“I like your necklace”, he tells the older god. And immediately wishes he didn't: Loki's smile disappears and is replaced by a scowl.

“It's beautiful, isn't it?” The fire giant's voice is cold.

“It really is. There is just something about it, that makes it better than Brisingamen.”

That seems to mollify the older god.

“You're damn right. It's the best one in all nine worlds. I wouldn't give it up for anything.”

“May I hold it? Just for a moment?”

Loki's eyes narrow. But then he relents and takes it off. “If I didn't know, that your hands are so careful, I wouldn't agree to this. Consider this the last and only favour I will ever do to you.”

Baldr beams at him and takes it gingerly. To him this is more than just a favour.

The necklace lies comfortably in his glowing hand.

Now that he sees it up close and touches it with his own fingers, he can tell, what makes it so beautiful: it's self-made. Only the gold bordering is dwarf's work. This piece of jewellery has a personality, which Brisingamen lacks. Each component has a story, he can feel it.

“Do you want to know, what it is?”

It's not a question.

“I'm all ears”, Baldr agrees. If Loki wants to tell him the story, who is he to refuse?

So Loki begins to explain: “This necklace was a gift from Sigyn … and from my children.”

“Not Nari and Narfi, I assume?”

“No. Not them.”

Loki sighs heavily and Baldr marvels; he has never heard the older god sigh before.

Then he elaborates: “The carved tooth is from my eldest son Fenrir. The bordered green scale comes from my second son Jörmungandr. And the curl of black and blonde hair belongs to my daughter Hel. The golden chain is from my wife. And she is the one, who made this.”

Oh.

Baldr feels not just a little uncomfortable, as he gives the necklace back to Loki, who immediately puts it back onto his neck, where it belongs.

“I didn't know they're your children”, the Bright One whispers.

“Of course you didn't!”, the trickster spits scornfully. “Your family talks about bravery in battle, but they would never gather up the spine to tell you about all the crap they've pulled!”

Loki can tell, that Baldr wants to ask what he means, but fears to anger him even more.

“Why don't you ask my daughter dear?”, he hisses, “After all, you will join her soon! I'm sure, she will be delighted to tell you, what happened back then!”

“By soon you mean tomorrow, I assume?”

That question is so sudden, that the fire giant forgets his anger.

“Yes and no”, he explains, “Travelling down there takes a while. And you won't be able to without the funeral rites. She told me so, last time I spoke to her. And that she has already prepared everything for your arrival.”

Charming.

“I'm honoured”, Baldr replies and Loki is surprised by how genuine that sentence is.

“I seriously don't understand how you're so calm about it. How are you so cavalier about the fact, that I am going to murder you tomorrow?”

“Today”, Baldr corrects and points at the clock tower near his father's hall Valhalla. It's almost 1am now. “And it's rather bold of you to assume, that I'm not angry.”

“I didn't say that. But do you not hate me? Knowing that I will be the one to send you to my daughter's realm?”

The blond shakes his head. “No. I do not hate you. I'm not even angry, because you want to kill me. It's something else, that ticks me off.”

“Oh? Do enlighten me!”

So he does: “What makes me angry is that you want to pull my twin into this. I'm not afraid to die – not even averse to it. And if you don't want to tell me, why you hate me so much, fine. But tricking Höðr into killing me, knowing that it will break him, that he will have to live with the guilt, until my father spawns another child, specifically to kill him? For that I would hit you.” A wry smile. “But I have never done such a thing before, so I'd probably punch like a little girl.”

Loki cackles: “Oh my! Looks like Asgard's golden boy has something in him after all!”

“Whatever you say, uncle.”

The cackling stops abruptly. “Don't call me that.”

The younger god smiles apologetically.

The red-haired trickster glares at him.

“Norns, how I hate, when you make that face! Actually, I hate everything about you.”

Oh my dad, here it comes, Baldr thinks and readies himself for a torrent of hatred.

Of course he could ask the redhead to just tell him that he hates him and be done with it. But he knows that Loki needs to get this off his chest, so he will listen.

“I despise you, boy”, the fire giant snarls.

“My contempt for you is beyond words. If I could, I would set you on fire, watch you die a slow and agonising death and I would laugh. I hate your pretty face. Hearing your voice makes me want to retch. Everyone adores you, but what exactly have you done to earn it? What gave them the idea, that you're perfect?! You! Don't make me laugh! We both know the truth, don't we? Pathetic, that's what you are! You call yourself a pacifist, but in truth you're just a coward, who pats himself on the back. Why your verdicts are final is a mystery to me – no matter how wise you are, even you can be wrong sometimes – and boy, can that ever be fatal! I have given the Æsir far more than you ever have! I tricked the dwarves into forging the greatest treasures for you! When have I ever got so much as a thanks from them?! And you! You just say a single word and all eyes are on you! When a giant threatens Asgard, it's either Freyja or you they want, because you're oh so fucking pretty! What everyone perceives as perfection is just a facade! You can't even deal with your nightmares – seriously, it's always the same one, shouldn't you be used to it by now? And your family life! My roller coaster of a marriage with Sigyn is more functional than you and Nanna! The only thing that keeps you two together is your son and your fear of scandal! The way you always act so cheerful makes me sick! You're more depressed than your mother is, but at least she has the excuse of knowing the future! And you still pretend, that everything is sunshine and rainbows and it pisses me off! How is it, that I am the liar here, when you are the one who's so fake, it hurts?! I can't wait to kill you! They will bawl their eyes out over your corpse and I will stand there and smile upon your body, that's how satisfying it will be! Ooohhh, how I hate you!!!”

Wow.

Baldr never thought, that it's possible to spew so much hatred and envy at once. Then again, there is nothing Loki isn't capable of.

He needs a while to let that sink in, before he responds.

“… I'm impressed. You certainly took me for a ride here.”

“Did I now”, Loki growls.

“Yes.”

“And? What are you going to say about it?”

“Just this: now that you got it off your chest, will you listen to what I have to say?”

The older god sighs: “I suppose I must – it's only fair.”

Baldr takes a deep breath, then he begins to talk: “I'm sad, that you hate me. You probably already know, just wanted to clear that up. And you are right about two things: my happiness is faked and my marriage is a catastrophe. But let me tell you this – the rest of me is not. If I want to please everyone, it's because their joy delights me. I don't help people, because it's my duty, or because I want praise, I do it, because I enjoy it. I love making others happy. If my own happiness is the price, then so be it. You on the other hand, oh man! Do you ever do something good of your own volition, just for someone else's sake? Something that doesn't involve you causing trouble beforehand? You only got those treasures for us, after you decided that cutting off Sif's hair would be funny. Branding a woman as an adulterer is not funny, Loki.”

“She is, though”, the fire giant mutters. “And guess with whom.”

“Do spare me, I beg you. Besides, it's rather hypocritical of you to lecture me about my marriage. I can't blame Nanna for having an affair, because the Norns know, I'm not remotely close to being the loving husband I should be. By Mimir's head, I can count on one hand, how often I have even slept with her, so of course she would look elsewhere for what I cannot give. But Sigyn can certainly blame you! You must have slept with more people, than you have freckles! You must be – pardon my language – the biggest man-slut in Asgard! Then you're almost never home! No wonder Sigyn is mad at you 24/7! She may be a spitfire, but she's my big sister and she deserves better! Do you have the faintest idea how lucky you are, to be married to the strongest, most loyal woman in all nine worlds?! A woman's loyalty must be earned, but you wouldn't know loyalty, if it slapped you in the face – which I know it does, because she's not some push-over housewife you can treat however you want!”

He takes a deep breath to compose himself.

Loki is gawking at him, which makes him feel incredibly awkward. This has gone too far, really. He didn't mean to talk himself into a rage like that. In his defence though, he just got a hate speech from his uncle/prospective murderer and he really, really needs a nap.

“Do forgive me”, he apologises, “I didn't mean to lash out at you.”

“Are you kidding?!”, the trickster exclaims and bursts into laughter. “You're so much better, when you drop your stupid mask! I didn't think you had it in you!”

Baldr chuckles: “It's easy to drop the masquerade, when you're a dead man. And there is a certain beauty in letting you see it. Do you know why?”

“Because it's easy to be honest to the one, who will kill you. There is no need to keep up a facade in front of your future murderer.”

Baldr smiles and nods. He is glad, that his uncle understands.

“I'm truly sorry, that you hate me”, he tells him softly. “I really wish we could get along.”

The other compresses his scarred lips into a thin line.

“Not a chance, Baldr Óðinnsón. I hate you and you must and will die.”

“I know.”

Loki hates, how world-weary, how okay with dying this young man is.

And he hates even more, that he hates it. Because it makes him aware of something, that terrifies him. It's so terrifying, that his hands begin to tremble in his lap.

He quickly digs his fingers into his trousers to hide it, but the blondie has already noticed and is looking at him with concern.

“Don't you dare pity me!”, he hisses venomously.

“I'm not pitying you”, Baldr tells him gently. “I'm feeling compassionate. Don't confuse pity with compassion.”

“I don't want either!”

“I know, I know. But I can't help it. I told you, I do not hate you like you hate me.”

Loki really wants to wipe that disgusting, sweet smile off the boy's face.

“I'm glad, that it's you, uncle.”

“I told you no- wait, what?!”

Baldr tries not to laugh at the trickster's flabbergasted expression.

“Did I shock you? Sorry, I mean to say … I'm glad that you're the one to send me to Hel, because …  well, you hate me and you won't feel guilty for killing me. I hate when people feel guilty, because of me. Stupid logic, I know. But I wouldn't want it to be anyone else. That's one of the reasons, why it angers me so, that you want to instrumentalise my brother. If it was just you, I could easily forgive you-”

“I don't want your fucking-”

“Let me finish! If it was just you, I could easily forgive you. Because I'm currently so resigned to my fate, that I don't even care anymore. I just want it all to end. In a way, you're doing me a favour.”

“… You're insane.”

Baldr snorts: “No, that would be you. I'm just depressed and world-worn. Also very much sleep-deprived. And it's 2am, so I haven't had my morning coffee either.”

“You're definitely insane”, Loki insists.

“Probably”, the other gives in. “Not that it matters now.”

He still has a few questions though.

“What are you doing up anyway?”

“I have nightmares too, boy. But unlike you, I don't whine to everyone about it.” A huff. “Then again, the only one who cares is Sigyn.”

“I do too.”

“That's because you're a goody-two-shoes. You would care, if a rock had nightmares.”

“Well, you're a bipedal fire, so close enough.”

“Well, you're a bipedal firefly.”

The Bright One chortles. That's certainly a funny way to describe the way he glows!

Then, as he turns his gaze back to the stars, he remembers another thing he always wanted to know.

“Loki?”

“Hm?”

“Where do the stars come from?”

“Ah, I remember that. Your father and his brothers made most of them. They used to be sparks from the flames of Múspellheimr, where I come from. But some of them are my creation.”

He points up to a particularly bright star.

“See that one? I'm the one who made it, it burns through me. It used to be called Lokabrenna, but the humans call it Sirius now.”

Baldr beams at him in delight, because Sirius just so happens to be one of his favourite stars.

Loki's grin turns into a bittersweet smile. “You should have seen your father back then. What a man! I couldn't help but like him immediately. The way we were back then … we had so much in common!”

The younger god can feel the sadness and nostalgia radiating from the older. He doesn't find it hard to believe him; even today, Óðinn sometimes still has a roguish twinkle and laughter in his grey eye, though it becomes rarer and rarer to see. It's no wonder Loki was hooked, when the two were younger.

He sighs: “You know, his smile back then looked just like yours. It was full of warmth and integrity. You and your brother got that from him.”

That sentence takes the god of light by surprise; he always thought, that he got it from his mother.

But he has no time to ponder on it, because Loki shocks him by starting to cry.

“Shit”, the trickster mutters and wipes his eyes on his sleeve. “I promised myself to never shed a tear over this! And in front of you too!”

Baldr fishes a paper tissue out of his pocket and hands it to him. Of course he doesn't get a thank you, but Loki is the last person he'd expect one from anyway.

“Fuck you! Your twin and your father too!”, the redhead rasps randomly.

At this point it sounds rather forced, but Baldr doesn't voice that.

“I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”

Loki freezes, when the younger god embraces him. Once he realises what is going on, he is tempted to push the blond off the roof and test, if gravity has also sworn an oath, but he doesn't. Instead he allows himself to weep – silently; he refuses to be a bawling, snivelling mess. He feels the other's left hand pat his upper back in comfort.

The awareness from earlier returns full force and the trickster hates it with all his might.

Most of the gods aren't aware of it, but he's actually just a little older than Óðinn (a few decades, maybe). He knows the Æsir so well. He can count on one hand how many of the Allfather's children he hasn't known since their childhood.

He was there, when the twins were born, even got to hold them in his arms. Back then he loved them. That time is long gone now and he hates them both, he hates almost all of Óðinn's children at this point.

“I hate you! Go to fucking Helheim!”

“I know and I will”, Baldr responds way too gently. “Also, love you too, uncle.”

“How dare you-”

“Shhhhh.”

It takes a while for Loki to calm down. When he eventually does, he winds himself out of Baldr's hug and clears his throat.

“Alright, this is enough. More of this sap and I'll puke.”

Baldr knows, when it's better to shut up.

They fall back into silence, but it's more comfortable this time.

It's already past 3am, when he speaks up: “One last question.”

Loki groans and rolls his eyes, but consents.

“Will your daughter be kind?”

Or will she take whatever grudge she has out on me? - the trickster can hear the untold part of the question in the boy's voice.

He thinks for a moment.

If he knows his daughter at all, she won't take her grudges on Óðinn out on Baldr. She could and would be in the right, if she did. But she wouldn't. Hel is bigger than that – besides Baldr is the purest being in Asgard (as much as Loki loathes to admit it). And Hel really likes cute, beautiful things (she got that from her mother, he remembers).

Of course he could tell Baldr, that she would make his afterlife Náströnd, but for some reason he chooses to be honest.

“Well, unlike the rest of Asgard, you and your brother don't actually have a skeleton in your closet, so you have nothing to fear. She is a just goddess. You will be in good hands with her. In fact, dare I say that, if you can look past her appearance, you will even like her.”

Baldr feels significantly more at ease hearing these words.

Enough at ease, that he chortles, when Loki adds: “Just don't mention the Christians. Or horses; the only horse she likes is Sleipnir.”

“Noted.”

All of the sudden Baldr yawns – once again overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, that reminds him of his sleep-deprivation.

“My soul for good sleep!”, he jokes.

Loki smirks at him: “That can be arranged – I'm sure your soul is valuable enough to service as appropriate payment.”

The god of light bursts into laughter.

Once he settles down, he smiles at the redhead. “I haven't laughed this much in years. Thank you, uncle.”

Loki doesn't chide him this time.

Instead, and much to his surprise, he rolls his eyes and huffs: “Sleep, boy. I'll see to it, that your last nap in Heaven will be peaceful.”

It takes Baldr a second to realise, that the fire giant is inviting him to rest his head on his shoulder.

He wants to say no and tell the older to go to sleep of his own, instead of spending the rest of the night on this roof with him. But he is just so incredibly tired, that he allows himself to be selfish for once in his life.

The trickster's scorching temperature seeps through the fire-proof clothing and somehow it makes the Bright One feel like he's wrapped in a warm blanket. He's asleep within seconds.

Loki notices how the younger man's body relaxes and slumps against his right side. And of course he has also noticed, how the other's glow intensified, when he laughed genuinely.

He sighs, wraps an arm around the other's shoulder and glares down at the shock of platinum blond hair.

I hate you and your children, Óðinn. But what I hate even more, is that I love them as well.

.

---

.

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”

[dailyawakening]

oh please tell me your thoughts on loki! she's actually a rather interesting character and i dont think intsys could do her justice so i would love to hear your ideas!

this response is so late because A) I’ve been trying to figure out what to draw for it and B) I’ve been trying to figure out how to structure the monster novel that by necessity needs to be attached to anything relating to my Loki thoughts. 

As a disclaimer, all of this is entirely my own invention based on the original mythology and what we’ve seen of canon; I’m resigned to the fact that there’s no real chance any of this will become part of Heroes, but this is what makes me happy personally, so I’m going to stick to it as an AU if nothing else.  So with that out of the way: let’s talk about Loki. 

I decided that the easiest way to go through this would be in the major stages of Loki’s life, with each one showcasing a different appearance (Loki’s a shapeshifter, after all).  It’s not always easy to put myths in order, but I have a pretty strong personal plot thread that runs through Loki’s myths, so let’s start at the beginning: with Loki’s early experiences as one of the Aesir. 

Loki is not technically a god – not in the way that Odin and Thor are, at least.  Loki is a child of jotunn, and more than likely is a jotunn as well, rather than one of the Aesir, so under normal circumstances would not have counted among their number; however, Loki and Odin forged a blood pact and swore an oath to treat one another as brothers, and so Loki was adopted into the Aesir fold by bonds of kinship. 

Loki is not truly evil, and never has been.  Loki is a mischievous spirit, fiery and wild, fond of trickery and games, and those have a tendency to get out of hand sometimes, which leads to big problems.  But Loki’s word is also their bond, and when they swear an oath, they keep it.  The myth of Idunn shows this very clearly: when Loki is captured by a jotunn, they swear to give him whatever he asks, and he asks for the goddess Idunn, responsible for keeping the Aesir young and strong.  When Loki is released, they do exactly as they swore, and lure Idunn into the jotunn’s clutches; however, when the rest of the Aesir realize what’s happened, they force Loki to promise to get Idunn back, which Loki proceeds to do. 

This oath keeping is important.  It will come up again. 

Now, because of the bond they swore, Loki was often called on by Odin to perform various tasks, many of which sent them wandering across the various realms – of course, Loki also succumbed to wanderlust sometimes when left bored too long, and had been known to wander off.  On one of these wanderings for whatever purpose, Loki met the jotunn Angrboda and ended up having a rather extended affair with her – enough that three children came of it: the wolf Fenrir, the serpent Jormungandr, and a daughter named Hel who seemed neither living nor dead.  

Loki loved those children.  They didn’t care a whit that they were seemingly strange: those were Loki’s babies, and Loki doted on them endlessly.  Eventually, though, Odin had need of Loki again and summoned them…and rather than leave the babies behind, Loki decided to bring them back to Asgard.  Now, the Aesir were significantly less thrilled about these children than Loki, but when Loki asked the Aesir to look after them in their absence (calling on Odin’s pact when he falters), they relented, and Loki left the three children with the gods. 

For a while, things were fine.  Unfortunately, Fenrir and Jormungandr in particular grew at an alarming rate, and the Aesir came to fear what monsters they would eventually become – so rather than let them become destroyers wreaking havoc on Asgard, Odin chose instead to deal with them while Loki was absent on a mission: Fenrir was bound with the ribbon Gleipnir (only managed because Tyr, the Aesir he trusted most, agreed to place his hand in Fenrir’s mouth to prove it was no trick – and he lost that hand for his deception), Hel was exiled to the realm of the dishonored dead (those who died of sickness and famine rather than gloriously on the battlefield), and Jormungandr was thrown into the swirling chaos of the Tempest before Odin used his might to quell it. 

Loki was…less than pleased when they got back.  Vascillating wildly between rage and desolation, they took out their suffering through increasingly malicious pranks on the Aesir (the theft of Brisingamen and the shearing of Sif’s hair), which ultimately ended in Loki paying the heaviest price.  Eventually, grief took its toll, and Loki gave in to a listless depression; it was their inability to care at all that made them discount Svadilfari’s strength, and they came to pay for that, too – though the price came in the form of a new child, the eight-legged colt Sleipnir that Loki bore as a mare.  Unwilling to see another child suffer the same fate as the first three, Loki gave Sleipnir over to Odin in hopes that leaving him in service to the Aesir would protect him from harm…and, at least, Loki would still be able to see the child. 

And it’s here that we reach the first turning point: realizing how unstable Loki had become owing to the loss of their children, Odin decided to take drastic action and try to ground them in the present – by arranging Loki’s marriage to Sigyn.  No one actually expected the marriage to be more than lip service, with the two leading separate lives within the same house; however, much to everyone’s surprise, Loki and Sigyn readily came to care for one another, and Loki finally began to heal from the loss of their children.  They still mourned, yes, and still worried for Sleipnir, but much of their playfulness returned as they found joy with their new wife.  Settling with Sigyn and becoming a more committed member of the Aesir led to the first major shift in Loki’s appearance, as well. 

Loki and Sigyn had a child together: a son named Narvi who they both loved dearly.  Having a child to raise once more helped to ground Loki still further, and they finally settled comfortably into their role and came to be almost friendly with several of the Aesir.  When Thor’s hammer was stolen, Loki helped him first to find it (by using Freya’s cloak of feathers to fly to the realm of the jotunn; he promised to return it and made good on his word) and then retrieve it, and even won a new ally into the fold with their antics.  Loki and Thor traveled together as allies for a spell, no less, and had a rather harrowing encounter with a jotunn skilled in illusion (during which Loki lost an eating contest with a wildfire and had an unwitting encounter with Jormungandr, something they mourned once the truth was revealed because they had no idea).  And beyond that, Loki even came to the aid of mankind alongside the other gods, helping to save a boy from being devoured by giants when even Odin and Thor could not. 

Sadly, this period of happiness was not meant to last.  In time, Odin’s second son Baldr began to have terrible nightmares about his own death; fearing deeply for her son’s life, his mother Frigg went to every plant, animal, and other object in the world and begged them to swear to do Baldr no harm, to which they all agreed. 

And this is where things get dicey: Odin, wise and well-traveled already, had knowledge of what would come to pass at Ragnarok and after – and because of that, he knew that Baldr would rise from Hel to claim the world after the rest of the gods and men had fallen, inheriting the new and beautiful world that rose from the fire and flood.  With Frigg’s frantic attempts to keep her son alive, that prophecy would be endangered.  Odin, of course, is known as a good and honorable god…but looking at the myths more closely, it sometimes seems that he’s only ‘good’ and ‘honorable’ because he has others do his dirty work (it was his order that had Loki lure Svadilfari from his work, thus cheating the builder of his prize, after all) or claims that he acts in everyone’s best interests (as he did when he bound or exiled Loki’s first children).  

So in order to preserve his son’s ability to inherit the world, Odin went to Loki and asked him to find a way to take Baldr’s life. 

Naturally, Loki balked at that.  But Odin cited their blood bond, and insisted that it was necessary.  In the end, Loki agreed – on the condition that his family be spared from whatever followed, for there could be no doubt that there would be a heavy price to pay for this.  Odin swore it, and Loki left, discovering that Frigg had failed to ask the mistletoe for its oath and using it to create an arrow; and while the other Aesir were having a grand time throwing things at Baldr and watching them bounce off him without doing a thing, Loki tricked Baldr’s twin brother Hodr into firing the arrow – which struck Baldr in the heart, killing him instantly. 

It took little enough time for the gods to realize that Loki was behind the crime, and they proceeded to shut him out of everything.  Wracked with guilt and emotionally unstable, Loki gradually neared a breaking point, which led to the roasting of the other gods at Aegir’s house (which Loki intruded upon by pointedly reminding Odin of the same blood oath he’d cited to make Loki agree to the plot).  Realizing that Loki posed a great danger should the truth come out, Odin took drastic action: when the other Aesir, incensed by Loki’s criticisms and sharp words, hunted them down to be punished for Baldr’s death, Odin turned his youngest son Vali into a wolf and had him attack Loki’s son Narvi, viciously murdering the boy; and to make matters worse, the Aesir then used Narvi’s entrails to bind Loki to a stone beneath the earth, transfiguring them into chains before affixing a snake above Loki’s head to drip poison onto them for eternity. 

Only one stayed beside Loki through this: their wife Sigyn, who remained by Loki’s side catching the poison in a bowl (though she had to leave to empty it on occasion, and when she did the searing poison made Loki writhe violently enough to cause earthquakes).  And it is because of Sigyn that Loki remained passive for so long: her presence kept Loki calm, kept their thirst for revenge from overwhelming them, for she reasoned that if they did slip those bonds and set Ragnarok in motion, then Loki and all of their children all would die, just as Narvi had.  At least now the children had life and could have pleasant dreams – and at least now, Loki had Sigyn. 

But at some point in the very recent past, something happened: Sigyn vanished.  Loki had slept, and when they woke to the searing pain of the snake’s venom, they found that their wife was nowhere to be seen, and no amount of calling and pleading made her reappear.  That, truly, was the last straw for Loki: all their grief and despair turned to fury and hate in that instant, and the fireball they became incinerated both their chains and the snake that had so long tormented them.  In the aftermath, only one link of the chains remained intact, and Loki kept it close, fashioning it into the buckle of the belt they wear.  And without Sigyn by their side, Loki allowed that desire for vengeance to burn through them, which has led to where things stand today. 

The shape Loki now assumes is strategic as much as comfortable, meant to distract enemies and give her more openings in combat. Everything she does is self-serving, up to and including her alliance with Surtr – hence her betrayal when he ceased to be useful.  What she seeks: her children.  Calling on Veronica to secure Naglfar and raise the Tempest, she sought Jormungandr (and still seeks him, as each foray into the Tempest has left her empty-handed); and now that Surtr’s power has been added to Hel’s army, giving her the ability to break the barrier Askr put in place, Loki seeks her lost daughter.  And in the end, she intends to make the treacherous Aesir suffer for the pain and misery they caused her and her family for so long.