#Felicia“ I'll do everything for you and let you do anything *BUT* call me mom‚” Aguilar
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Entry 30 - The End of Everything - 18 March 2023, 12:25am
Well well. We've made it to the 30th entry, and we're two days away from the fifth month of active gender questioning.
I... don't know what or who I am. That much is obvious. I still can't help but feel like it's a mistake. That somehow, somewhere down the line, I'd be called crazy for wanting to be a girl - something I'm not.
And, as far as I've been thinking, maybe... I don't have to transition. I am... comfortable. Somehow.
There's a certain stability that comes with being your AGAB. You don't have to re-learn the social norms of the other gender. You won't get judged for trying to be you. You... kind of know how to deal with not being you. And, maybe that stability is just what I need. There's no telling what estrogen would do to my brain, and... I just am too tired to find out.
If anything, that single strategy of me asking cis guys what they felt towards girls, or wanting to be girls, has backfired - I no longer see myself as someone valid. I see myself as subhuman. Someone with a defect. Someone who's doing this for attention, or faking it, or just someone who's been affected by social contagion the same way some people turn up with Tourette's, after being exposed to content of that nature on Tiktok.
Maybe mom was right - I am indeed too young to decide these things for myself.
I can't seem to break my bad habits - I've once again started hoarding pictures of the lives of the girls around me again, even though I promised myself that I'd never do that. I don't know why I do it. It's not to gawk at them or blackmail them. I... just... do it. For no apparent reason.
I've started looking at the girls around me in my environment again, and started feeling jealous of them.
I can't take this any longer.
Maybe I'm letting being trans be too big of a deal in my own life. Maybe I'm just autistic or have some manner of obsessive behavior, and letting being a girl be my next big ‘project’. I'll never know.
I might not be able to relate to other guys. I might not want to be a guy. I might not be able to see myself as a guy. I might want to be treated as a girl, but all those don't mean anything.
I could just choose to... not be like that.
I'm fine, in isolation. I could live like this. I could live, as long as I don't get the reminder that girls exist. I could get by not looking at myself. I could get by without a relationship.
I still don't know what's wrong with my mind, and I likely never will.
...
I'm... sorry.
For all the wasted effort.
For the wasted time during our meetings.
For being me.
I'm sorry, that I treated you people as a way to get the answers I wanted.
Maybe this was the thing that would come - I said I couldn't scream into the void forever.
Maybe I've finally locked her away or killed her for good.
But I don't know. I... don't want to know.
...
My brother said I was on the precipice of a choice, and... he told me to get the stuff living in my head rent-free, out of there.
Yes, that includes the things that other people have said to me, which include the overly-warped version of “<thing> doesn't mean anything”, among other things.
I... refuse to believe that this entire decision comes down to being happy - I'm not happy, if you haven't noticed it yet.
...
I can still see their faces. Each and every one of them, frozen in time.
Aurelia. Alicia. Autumn. Amanda (multiple Amandas). Elaine. Hazel. Letty. Melanie. Karie. Lynette. Cheryl. Florence. Carlyn. Minn. Rachel (multiple Rachels). Felicia (multiple Felicias). Jolene. Jolie. Tricia. Jean. Jacqueline. Stephy. Geraldine (a teacher). Ewanne. Ain. Dawn. Sonia. Isabel. Jo-Anne. Isabella. Amelia. Natalie. Sarah. Alinda. Shernice. Alyssa (multiple Alyssas). Alyx. Anastasia. Elise. Beryl. Glenda. Denise.
my... relatives, and family.
Mom.
Celeste.
Anikke.
Violet.
Bernice.
...
Lynn.
...
With each name I recall, I faintly see their face in my mind's eye. Faint. But still there.
The list goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on. I've only listed the girls whose names wouldn't out where I went to study, or who I used to study with. There are more whose faces I still remember, even after my tongue has forgotten the shape and contour of their names.
...
how am I ever going to be normal?
...
How am I ever going to redeem myself?
...
i wish i could forget. to be taken back to yesteryear, a time when I have yet to figure any of this out.
But I can't. This memory is my curse. A personal hell - my personal Ninth Circle. It's a burden for me, and only me, to carry, till the end of everything.
...
Till next time.
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Eagles Transcript S03E03 — Field trip
This is the English transcript for the third episode of season 3. Watch the subtitled episode here.
Man: Those chairs, and put them just like the ones over there. But do that in there first, and then you can come outside. Let me know if you need anything. Hey!
Amie: Hi.
Man: What's up?
Amie: I'm good. Are things all good here?
Man: Yeah, it's fine. You're early—we're not sound checking until five.
Amie: No, I know.
Man: Is everything alright?
Amie: Yeah— I just wanted to talk to you about this high school thing. That I want to finish.
Man: Okay, why?
Amie: I don't know, I just think it would be nice to have something to fall back on. And I don't want to miss graduation, either.
Man: Amie, you're living the life here. You're not missing anything. Can't you just do what Gustav and the others are saying? We'll record these songs, keep touring a little... Look, you live here now. With me. Graduation is ridiculously overrated. You won't miss anything, I promise. And that town isn't good for you— You said so yourself.
Amie: No, I know—
Man: What are you going to do over there? Hang out with hockey losers? They can stay in whatever-town, right?
Amie: Yeah.
Man: I need to continue with this, but we'll sound check at five. Alright?
-
Omar: Stockholm! Kingeliking!
Adam: This is filled with booze.
Ludde: What?
Adam: Yeah, we're doing Sture-P!
Teacher: Hello everybody, listen. Hello!
Adam: Pre-party in the room!
Teacher: Okay, listen up! Hello! We're dividing the rooms, so if you listen carefully we'll go through this.
Episode 3 - Field trip
Elias: I'm so bored.
Felicia: Do you regret repeating third year?
Elias: I'm not repeating, I'm supplementing. There's a pretty big difference. Check the word definition— Repeat, supplement. Nobody said anything about a stupid field trip.
Teacher: Elias will be staying with Ludvig. And Felicia, you're with Astrid.
Felicia: Have fun!
Teacher: You'll get your key cards here, go into your rooms and put away your things, and we'll see you at the museum in 45.
-
Elias: No, that's not happening.
Ludde: What?
Elias: You're getting that bed. I have childhood trauma—if I don't get to sleep closest to the window I'll wake up and be all crazy. Screaming, throwing things around, so... Thanks. Comfy... I'm messing with you. You got that, right? You wanna come to the gym with me?
Ludde: No.
Elias: You sure?
Ludde: Yeah, it's cool.
Elias: I was thinking... I should've said it earlier, but... Thanks, for— For that whole thing with Jack, and... I won't forget it. I really appreciate it.
Ludde: Yeah. What's a little community service for Elias Kroon's gratefulness?
Elias: See you.
-
Amie: Hey, mom.
Petra: Hello, what happened?
Amie: Nothing happened.
Petra: Why are you calling, then?
Amie: I'm sorry for not keeping in touch. I've had a lot on my plate.
Petra: It's been a month since I called you. You didn't have the time.
Amie: I just wanted to talk.
Petra: You didn't even call when I was moving. Then I hear from Susanne that you were talking on the news about how you didn't want my last name anymore. I don't really know what I did.
Amie: You haven't done anything. I think I need to come home.
Petra: You're always welcome here. But you should probably know that this isn't a hotel you check in to. So get in touch when you've decided.
Amie: But mom—
-
Felicia: Stop staring everywhere.
Ludde: What?
Felicia: People will think you're a hillbilly.
Ludde: Isn't that what I am?
Felicia: Yeah. That's good—look down, just like a real Stockholmer.
Ludde: Hey... Elias and Jack were pretty close to each other. Do you know how he feels about everything?
Felicia: I don't know.
Ludde: It's nice to have him on the team now, anyway. I feel like we can really succeed this— What is it?
Felicia: Mom works here, up there.
Ludde: You want to go say hi?
Felicia: Do I have time?
Ludde: Hurry up and I'll see you at the museum.
Felicia: I'll do that. I haven't seen her for so long. See you.
Ludde: Tell her I said hi.
-
Girl: Excuse me?
Felicia: Leave me be.
Girl: Can I get a picture with you?
Felicia: Leave me be. Leave me be, go.
Girl: Okay...
-
Girl #1: Did you go to the gym?
Elias: Yeah.
Girl #1 : We skipped the museum too. So are you still together with Klara?
Elias: No.
Girl #1: Oh right, wasn't she doing an exchange year in Switzerland?
Elias: Yes, exactly.
Girl #2: We were probably going to try getting into Amie's gig tonight. Are you coming?
Elias: No, I'm good.
Girl #1: It's just a club.
Girl #2: Yeah.
Elias: No, I'm— I'm not really a club kind of guy. But you'll probably have a good time. Have fun.
-
Ludde: You never came.
Felicia: No. Was it fun?
Ludde: At the museum? Really fun. Half the class didn't show up. Nobody told me it wasn't mandatory.
Felicia: It wasn't?
Ludde: Of course it was mandatory. Hey, what is it? Did something happen?
Felicia: It's just... Mom.
Ludde: What?
Felicia: She was with some guy that... It seemed like they had something. And she ignored my call. Then I yelled at a kid. It got so strange... So my day has been... Great.
Ludde: I get that it must feel weird, but... She has the right to meet someone new, I'm thinking. Right? I don't know what to say. Adam brought alcohol.
-
Adam: Sorry, excuse me.
Omar: Woah, woah, woah! Kingeliking, man.
Adam: Seriously, what are you saying?
Omar: What? It's kingeliking—it's my new catchphrase.
Ludde: Kingeliking?
Adam: Since when? That's so lame.
Leila (text to Felicia): Honey, I saw you called, didn't know you were here. Going on a business trip tomorrow unfortunately. Some other time. See you soon. Kisses
Omar: Since a while, kingeliking! Shut up, stop— Get a grip, what the hell—
Felicia: What the hell! Seriously? Idiot!
Girl #1: That was unnecessary. Malin just texted me—they can't get inside. The line is super long and there's a 23-year age-limit.
Girl #2: Are you kidding?
Girl #1: No.
Girl #2: What the hell are we going to do, then?
-
@tina_mp3 (via text): Saw you were in town, club opening tonight. COME!!!!!
-
Felicia: Ludde? Ludde, I'm going to a club. Ludde!
Ludde: What?
Felicia: I'm going to bed.
Ludde: Are you sure? Did it go well with the—?
Felicia: Sleep tight.
Ludde: You too. Good night.
Girls: Good night.
Adam: I promise!
Omar: She did not write that.
Adam: You're underestimating me.
-
Tina: Felicia Kroon! You look great.
Felicia: Thanks.
Tina: How long has it been since last time? You never replied. Have you seen her before?
Felicia: Yeah...
Tina: Where's your drink?
Felicia: You know—
Tina: I know Robin.
Felicia: Yeah, yeah.
Tina: Robin? This is Felicia Kroon.
Robin: Hey, Felicia!
Felicia: I'm Felicia.
Robin: Great. I'm following you on Instagram.
Felicia: Oh.
Robin: What do you want to drink?
Felicia: Just something strong.
Tina: I have something strong, if you want.
Felicia: I— I've stopped with that.
Tina: With girls?
Felicia: No! Well, yes. Well—
Robin: A drink for you, a drink for you.
Tina: Cheers!
Robin: Cheers!
Felicia: Cheers!
Amie: Hey.
Robin: Hey!
Amie: Hi!
Felicia: Hi.
Tina: Wait. Do you know each other?
-
Adam: Guys, seriously. This is sad. Let's do Sture-P!
Ludde: Take it easy.
Omar: Give me that. We have practice on Saturday, calm down.
Adam: Who cares, man? Have some fun.
Omar: Calm down.
Adam: Come on!
Ludde: No, screw that.
Adam: Stockholm!
Ludde: No. We won't get in anywhere!
Adam: Yes, let's go! Stockholm!
-
Felicia: This whole thing is really fun! The whole thing— It's fun—
Amie: What?
Felicia: You deserve it!
Amie: Sorry for everything that happened before, I just— I miss you.
Fan: Can I get a picture?
Felicia: Yeah!
-
Heiress about her new life in Switzerland
—The prejudices as a young woman and following in her father's footsteps
-
Tina: What are you doing? Hey.
Felicia: Did you have something?
Tina: What?
Felicia: What do you have?
Tina: Come.
-
Ludde: What the hell are we going to do with him?
Omar: He's so drunk. We should just go to the hotel.
Adam: I'm gonna fuck! Come on, Stockholm!
Malin (via text): so... Felicia just walked right past the line. so fucking unfair
Girl #1: Felicia got into Amie's gig.
Girl #2: Are you kidding?
Ludde: What did you say? Where's Felicia?
-
Robin: Hello, can you hear me? Hey! Fuck, it's so nice to see some people here! Finally! My name is Robin—I run this club together with Jocke and Karl. In about half an hour I'm going to play some music together with my girl Amie Condé! Give it up for Amie! Let's start the music! There we go.
Amie: Felicia?
Felicia: Amie, hi!
Amie: How are you?
Felicia: I'm good, how are you? You're so beautiful. What are we doing?
Tina: We're gonna go smoke. Are you coming?
Felicia: You coming?
Amie: No.
Felicia: It's incredible— I'm so proud of you—
Tina: Come on, come on.
Amie: Fuck.
-
Ludde: What do you mean I can't come inside— My girlfriend is in there!
Bouncer: Sure.
Ludde: Amie is my friend too!
Bouncer: Sure she's not your girlfriend, then? Get back in line.
Ludde: Felicia, what the hell— What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were going to sleep.
Tina: What the hell are you doing yourself?
Ludde: Say something.
Tina: Is that your little brother?
Ludde: Did you take anything?
Felicia: No, no—
Ludde: Please tell me you didn't take anything—
Felicia: No, I'm drunk!
Ludde: Come with me to the hotel, okay?
Omar: Come on...
Man: Go home, it's enough now! What the hell! Go home!
Omar: Sorry, sorry, I'll get him home.
Man: Is that your friend?
Omar: Yeah, yeah—
-
Felicia: No, I—
Ludde: Come with me.
Felicia: I'm just drunk. But I— Please.
Tina: Stop it, let her be!
Ludde: Who the hell are you even?
Tina: Who are you? Who the hell is this?
Ludde: Screw this. See you tomorrow!
Felicia: No, no, wait— Ludde! Fuck!
Amie: Felicia? Felicia, come on.
Felicia: I'm so stupid...
Amie: Stop taking photos! Idiots. Here, drink.
Elias: How is she?
Amie: Oh, hi.
Elias: Hey. I'm glad you called. That was nice.
Amie: Of course. She's a little better now.
Elias: Hey? How are you, sis?
Felicia: Good.
Elias: Huh?
Felicia: Good.
Elias: Did it get a little overwhelming?
Felicia: No, I'm just drunk. I'm just drunk. Do you have my phone? I have to call Ludde—
Robin: Amie! Amie, where the hell have you been?! We're playing in five minutes, you're not even changed! Come on!
Amie: I'm doing this—
Robin: What do you mean, is this little drunk more important than our gig?! Come on!
Elias: Excuse me, what the hell did you call her?
Robin: Who the hell are you? Just sit down— Amie, we have to go—
Elias: Hey, hey. Calm down.
Robin: Calm down? Who the hell are you?
Elias: Do you want something?
Robin: Want something? Do you want something? Huh? What are you going to do?
Elias: You're embarrassing yourself.
Amie: Both of you are embarrassing yourselves.
Elias: Do you hear me?
Amie: It's enough. Stop!
Robin: Amie, come on, we have to go.
Amie: Quiet! Elias, I'll get a cab for you guys, okay? And you can delay the gig for half an hour, it's no big deal.
Robin: Amie— Are you stupid?! Don't you understand how many important people are here—?! We can't delay the gig half an hour, come on—
Amie: What the hell— What the hell are you saying? Fuck you! Fuck this fucking shit club! I don't have to play here! I'm cancelling! I'm done— With you and all this. Fucking idiot! What the hell. Wanna go?
Elias: Nice.
Amie: He's an idiot.
Elias: Brave. You don't want some water?
Felicia: No, I can walk on my own, Elias—
-
Ludde: Where's Adam?
Omar: Drunk jail...
Ludde: Why are you sitting here, then?
Omar: He has our keys. Can I crash with you?
Ludde: 210.
Omar: How did it go for you? Did you find Felicia?
Ludde: We don't have to talk about that. Hey! Just don't take the bed closest to the window.
-
Omar: Welcome back. So how was your night? Nice with some morning practice tomorrow.
Adam: I hate Stockholm.
Omar: Come on—kingeli—
Adam: Omme.
Omar: Sorry.
Teacher: Okay, everyone! Good morning. Are you all packed? The bus is waiting. Let's go back to Oskarshamn. Come on!
Elias (via text to Amie): Thanks for yesterday. Hope we'll see each other again soon
-
Producer #1: You can't be serious right now.
Producer #2: Amie, please think this through.
Amie: I have thought about it. I think it'd be good for my career to just take a break from touring, catch my breath, and get inspiration.
Producer #1: And this inspiration is in Oskarshamn, then?
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Eagles Transcript S03E05 – Wounds
This is the English transcript for the fifth episode of season 3. Watch the subtitled episode here.
Ludde: Fuck.
Felicia: What are you doing?
Ludde: I tried making breakfast in bed for you. If you smell smoke, don't be worried. The firemen were just here and nobody died. Besides some sandwiches. Can we make up?
Felicia: Are you trying to buy my love? With breakfast?
Ludde: From a boyfriend who usually only does microwave pirozhki– I think this is pretty big. You see.
Felicia: What the hell, Ludde—that's the most disgusting thing I've had.
Ludde: Please, forgive me.
Felicia: Oh. What's this, then? It's not my birthday.
THE FUTURE—Finding your purpose
Ludde: Hey... Seriously, I'm sorry. I overreacted, it was— It was insensitive, so... Sorry. I just get so worried over the drugs and all. And then everything with Andreas... I worry for you.
Felicia: It's okay. It was good.
Ludde: It was good!
Felicia: So tonight, when we're going to Sanna's—
Ludde: Tonight?
Felicia: Yes, tonight.
Ludde: Fuck, sorry.
Felicia: Ludde—
Ludde: Sorry! I told Andreas we'd go to a hockey game in Stockholm. Sorry.
Felicia: Doesn't matter—
Ludde: Sorry. I'll call Andreas—
Felicia: No, no. No. Doesn't matter. It's okay.
Ludde: You sure?
Felicia: Yes.
-
Episode 5 - Wounds
Michael: Hey. Sorry for calling so late. I— I saw you on TV the other day. I'm Michael Condé and I'm your father. I understand if it's shocking. I'm in Oskarshamn for work for a few weeks and— Could we meet up someday?
Michael: Amie?
Amie: Yeah?
Michael: Hi.
Amie: Hi.
Michael: Hey, I'm glad you came. Shall we?
Amie: Yeah.
-
Elias: Hello? What are you doing?
Mats: No, it's nothing.
Elias: Come on. Are you nervous?
Mats: We shouldn't underestimate Capitals. It's no coincidence they're at the top of the league.
Elias: Peppy. Come on, we've got a shot at this. And there's nobody demanding we'll score three goals away against Capitals. There will be more games.
Mats: Yeah, or not. I mean... The board is really nagging me. We need to start winning matches. The club is bleeding money and if we don't find a main sponsor, then...
Elias: Use me. This is what I came back for. I'll do double changes. I mean it, come on.
Mats: Yeah... Pack your stuff and I'll see you in there. And hey, that freaking powder is the only thing I've seen you eat since the US. You need to eat actual food, Elias.
Elias: Yeah.
-
Michael: So Petra, she— Has she said anything about me?
Amie: Well... That you moved from Sweden before I was born... That you're working as a lawyer. That you didn't want to see me.
Michael: I was... I was young when we met. Your mom and I. And everything went really fast. I was in love, but she had feelings for somebody else. And when she found out that she— That she was expecting you, then... She didn't want me there. She said I wasn't father material. To some degree she might've been right, but... I wasn't much older than you are now. I had just gotten into a law school in Berlin. When I finally came back to Sweden, then... She didn't let me see you. I had already lost you by then, but I want you to know that I— I've thought of you. And about a week ago, I... I'm seeing you. On TV. There you are. With my last name. I'm so proud.
Amie: Sorry, I— I just need to get some air.
-
Andreas: No, you have to shut up now.
Ludde: What the hell are you talking about?
Andreas: You haven't said a word since Norrköping. It's a hockey night tonight! Get excited! What is it?
Ludde: Do you even want to know?
Andreas: No, I'd rather not. No, beer.
Ludde: Hey— You're driving tonight.
Andreas: Buzzkill. You'll drink and I'll listen, then.
Ludde: You can smell too. Taste the foam a little—
Andreas: No!
-
Felicia: Oh.
Amie: Hey, sorry. I didn't know where to go— I couldn't go home.
Felicia: Come in.
Amie: Sorry. I don't want to ruin your night, but I just... This fucking town.
Felicia: You're not ruining my night. It was already ruined. Do you want to come in and pretend to watch the game? And drink tons of wine. Come.
-
Sören: Kroon! Fuck, I thought I smelled something sour out here.
Mats: Sören! Damn, it's been a while.
Sören: No. Turin '06, right? So you're here with your old club about to get beaten? Oh, how the mighty have fallen!
Mats: You haven't aged a day, I was about to say. But I don't want to lie. Elias, come say hello. Capitals' coach Sören, we played in the same line in— In Turin.
Elias: Yeah, I know. Sorry, I didn't say hello—dad usually doesn't want us to talk to the opponents before a game.
Sören: So you've just been to the States.
Elias: Yeah. Exactly.
Sören: But now you're here. Traveled a long way to get beat.
Mats: You can talk.
Sören: Nice to see you. I hope you can offer some resistance tonight. My boys need a challenge.
Elias: Nice guy.
Mats: A fucking ass. Always been.
Elias: What the hell do we do now?
Mats: We win.
-
Ludde: Just say it.
Andreas: Yeah, you're fucked. Seriously, if I did something like that with Sam... He'd find a hotter version of me within two hours.
Ludde: Shut up!
Andreas: I'm just trying to cheer you up a little.
Ludde: Try harder then, what the hell! I know I screwed up, but... She was the one who snuck out during the class trip. It's so fucking complicated.
Andreas: Because she's doing drugs? It takes one to know one. Is it bad?
Ludde: I don't know. She promised she had quit, but it seems like she's back on it without any reason.
Andreas: Yeah... Or she was looking for a reason. Here's how it is—you can't win against this. She's the only one who can do something—she has to want to stop. The only thing you can do is be there for her, and do it without fighting all the time, and—
Ludde: I don't know if I can, to be honest. I suck at talking about this—
Andreas: No, you don't. It's just really hard, Ludde. And it can be. It'll take some time, but it would be great if she could talk to someone knowledgeable. Like a professional.
Ludde: The school got in touch, too. I'm through to part two.
Andreas: Oh no, that sucks. You still haven't talked to her?
Ludde: A long distance relationship the way things are now? It's out of the question. As much as we're fighting? If I get into the school, that's it. It's over.
Andreas: Seriously, communicate with her! How hard can it be? All your problems begin because you're not talking to each other! There are a bunch of misunderstandings and secrets, and— Hey, try being an unemployed, ex-criminal bipolar homo guy in a fucking small town and see how easy that is. Get some perspective!
-
Felicia: Are you sure it's him, then? 100 percent?
Amie: Yeah, well... Who would make something like that up?
Felicia: You're famous now.
Amie: It's him.
Felicia: God, I can't even imagine. What are you going to do now?
Amie: I don't know.
Felicia: I think you should talk to your mom. Demand some answers.
Amie: Yeah, but... I don't even know how I'm going to look at her again. She's lied to me for, like... All my life.
Felicia: You don't know that.
Amie: I think it's starting.
Felicia: We don't have to watch.
Amie: I want to. I just want to think about something else.
Felicia: Okay.
TV: Half the match has gone by, and the guests from Oskarshamn has barely borrowed the puck. After all, only 1-0 but more goals are—
-
Andreas: Get the puck!
Man: Come on! Adam, lift your head!
Mats: Let him go. Hey— If you play like this, you'll never get him. Do you understand? Focus! Hey.
Andreas: Come on!
Mats: Come on, Elias.
Man: Kroon, get the puck!
-
TV: The strong Capitals are fighting on here in Junior Hockey Central. A massive push in Eagles' zone, they shoot, and a dangerous return from—
Man: Good, Elias, hit him!
Elias: Hey! Can't you see what the fuck he did?! Do you hear me?!
Referee: Go sit down!
Elias: Judge! Judge, you're fucking blind!
-
Felicia: God—
Amie: What? Is that Elias?
TV: A powerplay for Capitals, but Kroon is completely furious, he's—
-
Andreas: Shut up!
Elias: Do you hear me?! Hey! Are you stupid?!
Ludde: Are you kidding?
Elias: You're fucking blind!
Announcer: Elias Kroon gets a two-minute penalty for roughing and 10 minutes for unsportsmanlike conduct. Time: 17:39.
Andreas: Well, I'm going to get snacks. Do you want anything?
Ludde: No, I'm fine.
Andreas: Fuck, you have to get better. You need to come in and show them how it's done. I can see you miss it.
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Amie: Felicia? Isn't that him?
Felicia: What?
Interviewer: What's it like meeting your former club?
Jack: It's nothing I'm thinking about, it's— I know a lot from the club, so it would be great if they could turn this around.
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Coach: You need energy. You need to help me help yourselves out on the ice. Keep challenging them. Ekbäck—deep pucks. No drivel on the blue offensive. You can't get angry over every little mistake. There's not one, two, three, or four guys. There are five guys on the ice. Communicate on the ice and on the bench. Help each other. We're 1-1 for last period and it's our chance to score more points.
Mats: Omar, it's time. You take third.
Coach: Boys, you heard. Give Omar a chance to keep a clean sheet. Up on your toes. Talk to each other— Even more out there. Don't be quiet.
Mats: What?
Woman: The sponsor we talked about—
Mats: Yeah?
Woman: They're here. They want to meet you.
Mats: Oh, is that so? Well. They can get five minutes. Yes...
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Interviewer: What are you telling the boys now?
Jack: I thought I'd remind them that it's fun to score, too. Thanks.
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Man: Hello!
Mats: Hello, I'm Mats Kroon.
Man: Hi.
Mats: Nice. It's great to finally put some faces to this mysterious sponsor— I'm sorry, I don't have much time, we have a game and all, but... Maybe you could stay for a while—
Klara: Hi, Mats.
Woman: This is the chairwoman for Ola Ceder's memorial fund, Klara Ceder. This is Mats Kroon.
Klara: Yes, we know each other.
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Andreas: Let's take a picture.
Ludde: No—
Andreas: Yes, we are. Yes, come on.
Ludde: What the hell—
Andreas: Come on! Stop bickering.
Ludde: You've turned into dad.
Andreas: Are you ready? One, two, three.
Ludde: You're deleting that.
Andreas: No, I'm keeping it.
Ludde: Delete it.
Andreas: It looks great.
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Woman: It wasn't a catastrophe, at least.
Mats: No more fucking surprises.
Woman: We really had no idea.
Mats: Hell! A fucking teenager as a sponsor. Fuck! Not a word of this to Elias, do you hear me? Fuck!
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Andreas: Nice work! Come on!
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TV: Khalil throws the puck at the goal, both teams change. Less than half an hour left. Still a draw, and we're nearing a penalty shootout. Eagles go to attack—
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Guys: Go, go, go! Fuck!
Announcer: 22 seconds left, and a penalty for Capitals number 19, Markus Öqvist. Two minutes for tripping.
Man: Ekbäck plus Elias. Let's go, boys!
Mats: Elias?
Elias: Let's go.
Guys: Come on, boys!
Andreas: Come on, Eagles!
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TV: Hoffmann to Kroon, back to Hoffmann. Looking for shots, but Capitals are keeping a tight box. The clock is ticking—
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Mats: Yeah!
Andreas. Fuck!
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Amie: Nice!
Felicia: They did it!
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Man: Fuck! Nice, boys!
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Andreas: Eagles, Eagles, Eagles! Come on, Eagles!
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Andreas: This is why hockey is so great. Fuck, did you see Berglund? What a fucking fighter! He took it with his arm—
Ludde: It was really nice.
Andreas: But seriously, Montell— Why does he get so much ice time? He's shit—
Jack: Johansson!
Ludde: What the hell are you doing here?
Jack: What does it look like?
Ludde: I guess it's you I should thank for the victory. Nice work.
Jack: What is Felicia doing these days, then? Does she miss me?
Ludde: Hey, you're shutting up now, do you get it?!
Jack: Jesus Christ. Do you think you can save her? What do you think she even sees in you? You two play in different leagues, Ludde.
Ludde: You have no idea what we're like.
Jack: Come on! You should leave her. While you can. She'll just pull you down into the dirt with her. You're no hero, Ludde. Isn't she still doing drugs? Once a druggie, always a druggie, right?
Andreas: What did you say? What did you say?
Ludde: Andreas, screw him— He's not worth it. He's not worth it!
Jack: Here's the brother!
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Mats: No, it's been a little rough, but I've known all the time that we've had the potential, and— We're showing that we can beat the best and we're on our way up in the stats, so— Yeah, we can only go up now.
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Adam: Hey, Omar, get over here!
Jack: Come on, junkie-brother!
Mats: Hey, calm down! Go to the locker rooms!
Elias: And you, for fuck's sake! You're embarrassing yourself! You're a fucking joke! What does losing feel like?!
Sören: What the hell— What the fuck are you doing?!
Mats: You don't know what he's done—he's a fucking monster.
Jack: You're talking? After what you did to my dad?
Mats: We took care of you when your dad got wasted!
Jack: Took care of me?
Mats: What are you doing? Going behind my back with my 17-year old daughter! You should be so fucking glad I'm not beating you up here and now.
Jack: You know, she loved it. I was smart enough to use protection while fucking her—
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Unknown number: Amie. I understand it was a lot to take in at once. Can we try again? Call me. /Michael
TV: We're signing off for tonight— Oh, film it! Hurry, hurry! Come on, come on, film this!
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Eagles Transcript S03E08 – Lost
This is the English transcript for the eighth episode of season 3. Watch the subtitled episode here.
Episode 8 – Lost
Felicia (on phone): Hi. You've reached Felicia Kroon's voicemail. I can't answer right now, but— Don't leave a message, who even does that anymore? You can text me instead and I'll see you soon. Bye.
Elias (via text to Little Kroon): Call me!
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Mats: Good, then I know that. Thank you, see you later. Bye.
Leila: What did the lawyer say?
Mats: Well, she's— Recommending us to stay calm, to not give any statements until they've looked into the possibility of legal action. That son of a bitch is anonymous, even if we know who it is.
Elias: Felicia isn't answering.
Mats: Fuck, it's—
Elias: She doesn't seem to have slept here either.
Mats: No? Well, she probably went home. I can't deal with her right now, she has to grow up.
Leila: Hey— We need to stop reacting and start acting.
Mats: Well, I'm dealing with the situation—Felicia is just burying her head in the sand, and I have no idea what the two of you are doing.
Leila: Stop it, you're so rude! We're also trying to handle this. But in another way, maybe.
Mats: But we need to solve the situation. We can't just run around like giddy geese.
Leila: I know, that's— That's exactly what I'm saying.
Elias: Maybe we should check that she's okay? You guys said—I mean, me too for that matter—harsh things yesterday.
Leila: She's probably at Ludde's place complaining about how horrible her family is.
Elias: I don't think so, mom. They're broken up, but you guys haven't kept track of that, right? Nice.
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Sam: Hey, Ludde? You should post something.
Ludde: What?
Sam: Your explanation. Your side of the whole thing.
Ludde: My side— Everything is just made up.
Andreas: She's the psycho. If anybody's posting anything, it should be her.
Ludde: No, it's... It's Jack. He's the "anonymous friend" of the family. He's the psycho here.
Ludde's mom: Things alright here? With everything? Hey, Ludde? Are you sure this is such a good idea?
Ludde: Yeah. We can't cancel a gig. It's nice to just think of something else for a while.
Ludde's mom: Maybe you should get in touch with the school and tell them it's not true, so they don't get any ideas.
Ludde: There's— There's nobody in England reading Swedish gossip. If I get in touch they'll be guaranteed to find out. It's better if I lay low.
Ludde's mom: Okay, alright. You're probably right. But have a good time tonight. Good luck. And take care of your brother.
Andreas: Always.
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Elias: I'm going out for a while!
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Michael: Yes, I wrote that letter.
Amie: I know.
Michael: When I was young...
Amie: Yeah, you've said that. What I don't understand now is why you're coming here lying to me saying that mom didn't let you meet me. She wrote it here: "Please, I'm begging you. She needs a father. I need you. I don't know how I'm going to do this on my own. Come back to us". And then you answer: "I can't be the one you want me to be. I'm not ready". Bla bla bla—
Michael: Sorry. I— This decision, I've had to live with it since then.
Amie: You've lived with it? Should— Should I feel sorry for you? You've known about me for eighteen years. For eighteen years, and you haven't— You haven't contacted me, you haven't contacted her. Why are you here now? Is it because you saw— That things are going well for me, because I'm famous, or what? I— I wasn't good enough before?
Michael: No, that's not how it is. I understand how it may seem, but... And I regret... But— But it was for your sake. Hey... You have to believe me.
Amie: I don't have to believe shit. I don't have to do anything.
Michael. Sorry. Okay? Amie, I'm your father and I just want to get to know my daughter.
Amie: Yeah. I can't be the one you want me to be, so...
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Andreas: There's— There's so much power in it.
Guy: A bit loud.
Andreas: What?
Guy: Loud in volume.
Andreas: Yeah, I mean... What is it? What happened?
Ludde: It's out internationally now. Screw it.
Andreas: You're kidding?
Ludde: Just screw it.
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Elias: Felicia? Felicia? Hello?
Felicia (via phone): Hi. You've reached Felicia Kroon's voicemail—
Voice on phone: You've reached 070—
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Amie: ♫ I'm feeling the loss, I can't do this ♫
Gustav - Record company (via text): Hey Amie, Why aren't you answering? This isn't professional behavior. We need to talk about how we'll proceed. You can't be on a break forever. Call me!
Petra: Nice song. Is it new?
Amie: I met Michael again.
Petra: Okay...
Amie: I found his, well— Your letters. Sorry, mom. I feel so stupid.
Petra: I understand. I really understand that you want a normal dad. There's nothing I want more for you. I've really tried. I promise you. I know I've been overprotective... Sorry. He left me too.
Amie: Mom... I never want you to think that— That you're not enough.
Petra: Thank you. My beautiful Amie... We have each other, don't we? You want to get that?
Amie: It's probably the record company. They're really mad at me.
Petra: Answer it.
Amie: Hello? What happened?
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Leila: You need to speak like an adult.
Mats: Don't nag me! That we even need to face this maniac—
Felicia (via phone): Hi. You've reached—
Mats: It's completely insane! And I have so much going on at work, too.
Leila: And you think you're the only one? I've been painted as a drunken lunatic who doesn't understand or see that you're sleeping with my best friend!
Mats: What the hell—
Elias: Felicia is gone. She's not answering her phone and she's not in her apartment. Something's wrong!
Mats: Well— She's probably at a friend's house.
Elias: She doesn't have any friends. Where are you assuming she is?
Leila: Wait—
Elias: Ludde isn't answering either.
Leila: We need to call the police.
Mats: No, no, no— Wait, one thing at a time! The lawyer said we shouldn't contribute anything to this fucking media—
Leila: Mats, stop! Something could've happened to her! Aren't you listening to him?
Elias: What the hell! It's not the time. Get a grip! What are we doing?
Leila: I'm calling the police.
Mats: Okay, I'll take the car and see if I can find her outside walking somewhere.
Elias: Outside walking somewhere?
Mats: Yeah, I don't fucking know!
Leila: Yes, hello? Yes, this is— This is Leila Kroon. I would like to report my daughter Felicia Kroon as missing. Wait, I'm coming too! What— Hello. Yes, exactly, yesterday.
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Sam: Let's go with that. It's a better flow.
Andreas: Yeah, exactly.
Sam: It flows better.
Andreas: I think so too. Everything alright?
Ludde: Yeah, you asked me that a minute ago. I'm fine.
Andreas: What are you getting? Hey? A beer for my brother too. We're talking about switching around Everything stolen and the Cash cover. Changing the key takes such a long time.
Ludde: Yeah, exactly. That's fine.
Bartender: ID?
Ludde: What?
Andreas: Are you serious? What the hell— Of course he's over eighteen. We're getting paid in beer.
Bartender: You're that Kroon girl's ex.
Andreas: Knock it off. Are we playing here or not?
Ludde: Fuck no—
Andreas: What the hell are you doing? Are you fucking stupid?!
Bartender: Fucking female abuser!
Andreas: I'll fucking show you—
Ludde: Fuck it! Andreas, fuck it!
Andreas: You're apologizing for that!
Ludde: Andreas, look at me! Leave it. You guys can do this without me. I'll sit in the car, okay? Screw it. I don't want to play anyway. I'm leaving, okay?
Andreas: You're apologizing, do you get it? What kind of behavior is this?!
Sam: Let it go. Baby, let it go. Screw it. Andreas?
Drummer: Are we leaving all the instruments?
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Leila: Hello. Petra, right?
Petra: Yes—
Leila: We've never introduced ourselves properly, but my name is Leila. I was wondering if Felicia was here. If she's here with Amie?
Petra: No, she's not. What, did something happen?
Elias: But is— Is Amie at home?
Petra: No, she's not. Something came up with the record company that she had to do. I apologize, I thought they didn't hang out together anymore.
Leila: We haven't... Seen her since yesterday.
Petra: Oh. Okay. But— I'll check in with Amie, of course.
Leila: Here. Call me if you hear anything, or the police.
Petra: Yes, god. Of course I will. I hope it goes well now, with... Say hello to Mats.
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Mats: I got in touch with Peter and Irene. Apparently Ludde is in Växjö with his band at some gig, but... He hadn't talked to Felicia, as far as they knew. What did Petra say? Hey... Hey. Hey.
Leila: I hate this fucking place... Why did we come here? Why did we come here?
Mats: Hey, look at me. I promise you, we will find her.
Leila: Where is she?
Elias: Unknown number? What's this?
Leila: It's the police! It's the police, it's the police— Hello? Yes. What? But where? Just tell me where! Okay, okay. Okay. Okay—
Elias: What is it?
Leila: They found Felicia's—
Elias: Felicia?
Leila: They could see where Felicia's phone has been. It's just a while from here.
Mats: Yeah, yeah—
Leila: Get in!
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Mats: Felicia! Flisan! Fuck— My dearest Felicia, what the fuck did you do? What the fuck did I do? What the fuck—
Leila: No, it's not true! Felicia!
Elias: Wait, wait, wait!
Leila: It's hers! It's her phone!
Elias: Hello?
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