#Faux Paz

[a-moth-to-the-light]

reading about the rv comeback reminded me of THIS gem—one of the songs that got me into this wonderful group !!

[marzinstarz]

BoB WEBSITE CODE MASTERLIST:

COUNT -> 100

BOOK OF BILL

"Hide it under shirt during pledge of allegiance"

PINES

"A good family tree"

STANFORD PINES

His 18 y/o medical report

STANLEY PINES

Ebay page for brass knuckles

BABBA

Full recording of Dipper singing

WEIRDMAGEDDON

News article from after the fact

BILL CIPHER

Wikipedia page for 'triangle'

HECTORING

Church meeting recording

WADDLES

Pig adoption page

TRIANGLE

")"

"Tri harder"

MYSTERY SHACK

Google page for 'Confusion Hill'

GRAVITY FALLS

"Never heard of it"

DISNEY

"rat.gif censored for your protection"

T.J. ECKLEBURG

"Never mention that name again"

DEATH

"Life's goth cousin"

LIFE

"Life 72% complete. Now loading:  Death"

SKELETON

"The one with the sword! He found you!"

WENDY

A note from Wendy about warding off evil triangles

ROBBIE

Thompson and Robbie's messages about summoning bill

MONSTER

Google search for "THERES A MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BOOK"

SOOS

Soos's message about life at the mystery shack

PINATA

A video of a bill cipher pinata getting beat up

MCGUCKET

Link to youtube video of "Rednex - Cotton Eye Joe"

MABEL

Adds stickers to the page until it reads "Lab now fully mabelised"

DIPPER

A note from bill telling Dipper to stare at the sun

TAD STRANGE

An oddly sexual video of bread

LOVE

A romance novel called "The Love Triangle" with an audio recording of the first chapter

CIPHER

Wikipedia page for "Eye of Providence"

TOBY DETERMINED

Google page for "Restraining order"

GIDEON

Google page for "Sweat resistant bolo ties"

QUESTION

"Answer"

MYSTERY

"?"

Any swear word

"Not S&P Approved" notice

PORTAL

"Portal.exe has been deleted. I bet you could build one"

GUN

"Oh yes oh yes they both"

SEASON 1

"Season -1: Antigravity falls"

SEASON 2

"Season 1"

SEASON 3

 "Season 2"

DEER TEETH

"For you, kid!"

BLIND EYE

A faux eye test page filled with codes that someone smarter than me need to decode

FILBRICK

"I'm not impressed"

BLENDIN

"Time agent lost and presumed incompetent"

JOURNAL 1

"The journal of fun"

JOURNAL 2

"The journal for you"

JOURNAL 3

"The journal for me"

ALEX HIRSCH

Google page for "Flannel"

GOD/FRILLIAM

Video of an axolotl swimming in front of a Bill statue

AXOLOTL

"You ask alotl questions"

WEIRD

A video of Weird Al stuck inside the computer

TITAN'S BLOOD

"Hoot. Hoot. Password please!"

BAAAA

A poem about a shepherd

SUCK IT MERLIN

Art labelled "The Bastard Triangle Cuts the Unicorns Hair" 1499

BABY

An ultrasound of baby Bill

MASON

Dipper's note to ford on anagrams

CRYPTOGRAM CODEX

Downloads a zip file containing fonts of codes and runes

I'M STILL ON YOUR MIND

A video of Stan and Ford on the Stan O' War II, with a colour block code

SORRY

The full image of Ford and Fiddleford at collage

FBI/CIA

Your webcam is on. We are watching."

DUCKTECTIVE

"Ducktective stars in 'Love, Quacktually' coming to 'Oi, it's the Cockney Channel innit?' this fall"

EVEN HIS LEGS ARE LIES

A note from Bill about Fords place as a perfect pawn

DIVORCE

"O' SADLEYS" Logo

SEVEN EYES

Image of the oracle with a warning on the back

R34LITY

Images of Bill and his henchmen in the real world, message reading "They found a new home"

BLANCHIN

Youtube tutorial on how to blanch vegetables

PACIFICA

A note from Pacifica about what a loser Bill is

PLATINUM PAZ

A story of how Bill tried to enlist Pacifica to steal the time rift before turning to Blendin

EUCLYDIA

"Dimension not found"

SCALENE/EUCLID

"Life form not found"

IRREGULAR

Bill's mug shots

LOVE YA BRO

Drawing of Stan catching a mermaid

XYLER

Youtube link to Jem and the Holograms theme

UNIVERSE

"Hologram"

HOLOGRAM

"Universe"

NOTHING

"Something"

SOMETHING

"Nothing"

HORROR

Urban legend story of the 'Always Garden' a restaurant you cant leave

MATPAT

A video of Matpat tell us were on our own T-T

ONE EYED KING

A hypnosis video with Bill audio convincing you to pledge your soul to him

CURSE WITTEBANE

A Bill Cipher ouija board

BURNSIDE

"Burned inside"

EVEN HIS LIES ARE LIES

A snippet of Bill's therapy sessions talking of what ford was to him

WELL WELL WELL BEING

"Patient file: Bill Cipher. Greatest love: Himself. Greatest fear: Himself"

"Art therapy notes: All he draws are red and blue triangles"

"Patient's odd phobias: 3D Glasses. Venetian blinds. TV static."

JUST FIT IN

An old game commercial for "Perfection" with a snippet of Bill's [?] voice at the end

TANTRUM

A transcript of a fight between Bill and the Time Baby, sheds light on Bill's crime against his home dimension

PAPER IS BOOK SKIN

Downloads a photoshop file full of skin layers

SKIBIDI/RIZZ

"Life privileges revoked. Now releasing poison gas."

DORITO

Creepy jump scare video

SCARY

A novel cover for "Spookemups" with and audio sniper of the story

GIFFANY

"Input deleted. AI Antiviral activated"

"Warning: Secondary firewall breached"

"Fatal warning. System under attack"

"Soos! I still love you! We will be together"

"Now downloading girlfriend. (This action cannot be undone)"

Then downloads a zip file full of link to Giffany gifs

BOOBERRY

A shockingly uplifting poem from Bill with a little image of him as a melting candle

Words that do not trigger the buzzer : BUBBLE, BUTTON, CLEAR, MUSIC

[strangebossyuri]

I LOVE PAZ ORTEGA ANDRADE <the version i fixed in my head

disclaimer: I did some major projection to get to this point and i acknowledge that most of the meaning im getting from her character was not kojima's intentions im just taking what i saw and running because im GOOFY!1!1!1!1!

OKAY SO- PAZ REMINDS ME OF THE POC STRUGGLE SO MUCH ITS INSANE- especially a latina one-

The way she has to hide all her anger and resentment just for the mission- keeping away all her actual feelings and making herself as palatable as possible- cute, demure, innocent and sweet, everyones dream girl- and most importantly non threatening- reminds me of the masking one has to do to do move up in a place that hates them- i know in the case of the game its for the sake of being a spy for cipher but at the same time- it specifically reminds me so much of the masking POC have to do- having to suck up to authority and make yourself as ideal as possible- becoming what someone else wants you to be for the sake of your "mission"- even the selectiveness of how Paz came to be- the last one standing among the other candidates for "Paz"- thats really how it feels trying to move up in society as a POC- i cant help but think of how so many systems in the USA filter out POC until theyre only left with the palatable and idealistic POC that they can parade around as a symbol of their progressiveness- SHES JUST SO- THATS HER- THATS LITERALLY HER- cipher groomed her into becoming the person "Paz" was- cipher groomed her into denying her own identity for the sake of infiltration- the same way some POC are groomed into "infiltrating" their way up society-

EVEN THE WAY HER NAME IS PAZ, PEACE, SHES GROOMED INTO PRETENDING TO BE PEACE- and in this POC struggle rep im setting up, you could say that she represents the FAUX peace- a fake peace- that "progressive" white spaces groom into existence- a peace that isnt peace at all-

MOVING ON

in MSF Paz ends up being loved and cared for and actually having fun- but at the same time none of that is real- and she struggles so much because the real her isnt receiving those things- the she that she constructed is- she wishes the self that she was forced to make was her- that it was natural to be that person because thats the person everyone loves- thats why she tries to extend the charade so long- but at the same time she knows that the person shes pretending to be isnt actually her which is what makes it so painful because then do they really love you- or do they love the you that you constructed- and all at the same time she still hates them because theyre the ones who cant love the real her- theres such a strong dissonance there and it never even gets resolved as she isnt even given the decision to move forward with things or not- her choice is stolen from her by cipher-

if i wanted to make a massive stretch this could also be thrown into the POC struggle narrative- wanting to be loved but the white people giving "love" only giving it to the palatable you- you know youre on thin ice at all times and can never be the real you- the you thats angry and resentful- unless you want to be stripped of everything- but i think the MSF being kinda- very opposite to society messes with that- but it still feels like a very relatable experience for anyone who masks to a more extreme extent (cough*me*cough)

ah but the way I fixed the construction of Paz i made in my head regarding the creepy Big Boss x Paz stuff was by explaining the weird away by believing that she was comphet projecting a crush- shes a lesbian to me and strangelove was her awakening thank you very much <3

ANYWAYS IM NOT GONNA TALK ABOUNT GROUND ZEROS BECAUSE THAT WAS JUST STRAIGHT MESSED UP AND IM NOT GOING TO DEFEND THAT AT ALL- THAT WAS JUST- WRONG- SO WRONG- the one thing i will say is that her favorite song being "Here's to You" and her death being her jumping out of the helicopter- fits very very well- that decision to throw herself out of the helicopter- really was one of the only decisions she made herself- "that last and final moment is yours, that agony is your triumph"- her first and last moment of autonomy- being her deciding what happens as she dies- it just- mmmgmngnsdhughekgliuhaeihfgiluwhi (i am crying as i write this) I love Paz

And as for phantom pain- that wasnt Paz there- she was once again made into someone constructed to be as ideal as possible- even her language in the tapes- its was so obvious just from hearing the way she spoke- but at the same time i think Paz would have been happy that her sacrifice meant something to at least one person-

ANYWAYS YEA

THATS HOW I FIXED PAZ IN MY HEAD

SHES ALSO TAN TAN AND HAS CURLY HAIR AND HAS A REAL ACCENT 👍

to me

to me at least

im just as bad as the rest of MSF i constructed a Paz that I love in my head which is super super ironic

THIS CONCLUDES WHY I LOVE PAZ ORTEGA ANDRADE AND AM THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS HER <3333

[de-lorean]

(Faux Paz)

[renee-writer]

Without Remorse Chapter 2 Crash Meeting

AO3

He unpacks the last box and decides to go to the local restaurant. Cooking can wait until the next day. He locks the door, turns and , runs straight into the most beautiful lass he has ever seen.

“Ofh,”she grunts as his huge frame collides into hers.

“Iffrin! Crips, so sorry lass.” His hands come out to catch her. They accidentally glaze her breasts. He turns red and quickly moves them to her arms. “Sorry.” He mumbles.

She is breathless at the unexpected contact with his body then his hands. She lifts her eyes slowly up to his face. If she thought he had a good body, his face is breathtaking. His ruddy eyebrows go up when she stays silent. He opens his mouth to say more and her tongue is unlocked. “It is okay. Seems you are my neighbor unless you were visiting someone, a girlfriend?” Oh subtle Claire, she fusses at herself inside her head.

“Nae, nae girlfriend. I am your neighbor.” He goes to offer his hand and realizes they are still holding her arms. Bloody hell! “Omf,” he makes a Scottish noise of embarrassment and drops them, “Jamie Fraser.” He offers her his hand.

“Claire Beauchamp.” She takes it. “Nice to meet you Jamie.

“You to Claire. I am sorry it was with such a bang.” Her musical laughter drifts through the hall and straight into his heart.

“That is one way to put it. You were heading out Jamie?”

“Aye, unpacked the last box and was going to celebrate with dinner. You?”

“The same. Just didn’t feel like cooking tonight.”

“Get that.” He starts to shift around. “Ah, would you like to join me. It is the least I can do after knocking into you.” She hesitates. “I am harmless my faux paz not with standing.” She doesn’t doubt that. Her concern is the way her blood seems to race through her blood with his touch. Damn.

“I would love to dine with you Jamie.” Love to do more then that, she adds in her head. What exactly is wrong with her? If she wouldn’t sleep with her ex after two years, why is she thinking of doing it with a guy she has known not even ten minutes.

“Brilliant. Shall we go?” He actually offers his arm. Charmed, she places her arm through it.

“So, this is a gap year for you also?” she asks as she places a chip on her mouth.

“Aye. I know what I want to do. I will be going into the family business.”

“Which is?”

“Running Lallybroch.” His blue eyes shine as he talks about his home. “It is an old manor house, well over three hundred years old.” She whistles before taking a sip of the soda. He nods. “Aye, she is an old but grand lass. A small working farm and destination house. We host wedding receptions, weddings, anniversaries, birthday parties, all kinds of things. I will study business. How about you?”

He starts working on his burger as she answers. “I am not as sure. I have always thought about something in the healing arts but not sure if I want to be a nurse, midwife, tech, or what. Part of what this year is about, to figure that out.” She shrugs as she takes a bite of her own burger. They eat in silence for a few minutes.

“I think it is okay to not be sure. You are young.”

“I bet you are my age and you know.” He nods as he swallows.

“I was born into it. What do your parents do?”

“My dad is a salesman and my mum is well, a mum and wife. She has always been at home.”

“Laudable. No interest in sales, eh?”

She laughs again and he knows he can spend the rest of his life listening to it. His hand starts to shake and heart, pound. He places his shaking hands in his lap. “Oh no. Dad was always away. I saw the toil it took on my mum. I would never do that to someone I loved. Not,” she emphasis, “that I believe dad harmed mum and I on purpose. I just don’t want that life.”

“Understand. So it is just you three?”

“Yes what about you?”

“I have an older sister, Jenny. She just recently got engaged to my best mate Ian.”

“Oh, what do you think about that Jamie.” She leans closer and the urge to kiss those partly parted lips almost becomes to much.

“I was angry, at first, when they started dating but, now I see how happy he makes her and I am happy for them. Not, mind you, that I didn’t tell him that if he hurts her ever, I will tear his head clean off.”

“As your right as her brother.”

“To right. How about you Claire? Anyone making you happy?”

“You,” she almost says aloud. Thank the saints, she catches herself. He would think her crazy. “No, I am not currently dating anyone. I have an ex. We dated for a few years but, it just didn’t work. I loath a cheater.” She shrugs as she finishes the last of her crisps.

“Bloody.. err, sorry Claire. Men like that..”

“Yeah, how about you? Did you leave any broken hearts when you left?”

“There was a lass I dated for awhile. She was just not mature enough. I was ready to start my adult life and she was still stuck in teenage immaturity.”

She giggles. “And how old are you Mr. Fraser?”

He grins. “Eighteen and see your point but am trying to be more mature and she wasn’t.”

“Get it. Besides it probably better to start a gap year free. It is a bit of exploration, after all.” That sent thoughts to his head, thoughts of stuff he had yet to do but longed to with her. He blushes and is glad there in a booth where his erection wouldn’t be seen. She would think him a full on pervert if she knew what he was thinking.

“That it is.” He longs to ask how much exploring she has done but that would be totally inappropriate.

They finish up as he thinks thoughts to get his cock to go back down. He then walks her home.

“Thank you for dinner and nice company.” She says when they get to her door.

“I hope it made up for our crash meeting.”

“It did and them some. I had a wonderful time.”

“I am glad.” He wants to kiss her but is to shy or excited. He fears one kiss won’t be enough.

“Well, I will be here if you want me.”

Ah want, why did she use that word? It was all he could take. With a groan, he takes the few steps that bring her in front of him. He studies her amber eyes and sees the same war being fought in them. His eyes then drop to her lips. “Okay?” He wouldn’t if she didn’t want it. She nods before saying,

“Yes please.”

The please has his blood running hot through his veins. He licks his lips and drops his head down. He knows with the first taste that he would never want to kiss another. He also knows he was right. One would never be enough.

[despazito]

The girl who would appear to Venom in Phantom Pain, could she be dubbed a Faux Paz?

yes..

[a-moth-to-the-light]

faux paz !!!!!!

[my-mood-musicc]

Entry #8

How Do You Sleep? - Sam Smith (by. Faux Paz)

Feeling association: Relatable, but it's very thought provoking. It's a thought provoking song because of how true it is. I just question, how do people actually cheat or lie and not feel REALLY guilty about it?

[dearophelia]

fall radiantly » addison montgomery

but he falls radiantly toward the light [...] blessed are you, embrace of the falling, foundation of the light, master of the human accident.

adele :: send my love (to your new lover) | molly tuttle :: save this heart | bat for lashes :: sleep alone | sia :: alive | jax anderson :: find what you’re looking for | ingrid michaelson :: light me up | faux paz :: dog days are over | i’m with her :: call my name | tori amos :: famous blue raincoat | taylor swift :: daylight

[ericacrochets]

Faux Heart Pillow by Jessica Paz Creates

Free Crochet Pattern Here

[emilea-en-amerique-latine]

Copacabana

On fait une courte pause au bord du lac Titicaca avant d'aller au Pérou. On a décidé de ne s'arrêter que du côté bolivien parce que tout ce qu'on a entendu et lu sur le côté péruvien ne nous fait pas très envie. Apparemment c'est très très touristique et un peu faux.

Emile est encore épuisé de son ascension de la montagne, du coup je pars seule sur l'isla de la Luna et l'isla del Sol. J'arrive en avance au bateau et, comme tous les transports en Amérique latine, il a du retard, du coup j'ai la nausée avant même qu'on parte... Il faut 1h30 pour arriver sur l'isla de la Luna et il ne fait pas très beau donc ça secoue. Une fois arrivés, on nous dit qu'on a une heure avant de repartir, c'est pas grave, il n'y a pas grand chose à voir. Sur l'isla de la Luna, il y a une ruine inca devant laquelle tout le monde fait une séance photo. Il n'y a aucune explication sur le site mais d'après mes lectures sur internet des jeunes filles y étaient élevées avant d'être mariées. Je ne m'y attarde pas et je préfère monter sur la crête et me balader un peu. La vue est magnifique, je n'arrive pas à croire que je suis sur le lac Titicaca !

Je redescends et on part pour l'isla del sol. En chemin, on nous explique qu'on peut suivre une visite guidée ou faire la visite seuls mais que les chemins de sont pas indiqués. Je décide quand même de faire la visite seule, Maps.me à le détail de tous les chemins. Ceux qui suivent un guide sont déposés au temple du soleil, et nous au pied du village principal de l'île.

Depuis un petit moment maintenant, l'île est en conflit, je ne sais pas pourquoi mais ce que je sais c'est que je ne peux pas visiter la partie nord. C'est pas grave parce que j'ai fait une superbe balade sur la crête, j'étais seule au monde et ce calme m'a fait beaucoup de bien après La Paz. La vue était incroyable ! En route, j'ai croisé des lamas, des alpacas, des moutons et des ânes, et aussi des femmes qui ramassaient des herbes qui sont sûrement des plantes médicinales. Je n'ai pas visité le temple parce que j'avais peur de rater le bateau mais finalement je pense que j'aurais eu le temps puisque je suis arrivée en avance. Mais de ce que j'en ai vu de loin je ne regrette pas vraiment d'avoir raté cette visite, ça n'avait pas l'air extraordinaire en soit, je pense que c'est seulement intéressant avec un guide.

Le lendemain on part pour le pays dont je rêve depuis si longtemps, celui qui nous a fait venir sur ce continent, le Pérou !

[upalldown]

Pixies - Beneath the Eyrie

Seventh album and third since the alt.rock legends reformed produced by Tom Dalgety

7/13

The Pixies’ latter-day music has made people angry, as if the band sought to personally offend some listeners by daring to sidestep the albums the original foursome released between 1988-91. That’s deeply silly, of course, not least because the band’s new material is better than they’ve been given credit for. Sure, the transitional 2014 album Indie Cindy had some patchy moments, and the rapid turnover in bass players, from Kim Deal to Kim Shattuck to Paz Lenchantin, wasn’t the greatest look. Even amid personal turmoil for some of the members since then—rehab for guitarist Joey Santiago in 2016, a recent divorce for singer Black Francis—things seem to have settled down in the band, and The Pixies’ latest is loud, weird and full of hooks. Is it the second coming of Surfer Rosa? No, but it was never going to be.

The band has a different kind of intensity now than it did 30 years ago. They were subversive pioneers back then, marrying sneaky pop melodies to surreal lyrics and abrasive guitars, and their “loud-quiet-loud” musical dynamic became a kind of shorthand for the alt-rock explosion that spilled into the ’90s. They’re still doing those things on Beneath the Eyrie, but the impact is necessarily different—early songs like “Where Is My Mind” or “Wave of Mutilation” are only groundbreaking the first time around, especially when so many subsequent bands have used The Pixies as a frame of reference. The important question, then, for a present-day Pixies album isn’t whether it calls to mind the old stuff, but whether the songs are any good in their own right as Pixies songs. Admittedly, that’s a high bar, but Beneath the Eyrie meets it.

Francis sounds restless and a little bit feral, which is just how you want him. He lets his voice get rougher and more serrated at the end of each verse in “On Graveyard Hill,” sometimes multi-tracking his vocals on certain phrases with a full-throated bellow mixed slightly behind his more restrained lead vocal part, for an eerie, ominous effect that suits a song about an enchantress casting a potentially fatal spell. Atmosphere thus established, the band tears through a surprisingly nimble chorus with a melody that soars above a thicket of churning guitars. Santiago’s lick on the verse has the snap and snarl of an arcing powerline, and Lenchantin’s bass part locks in with drummer David Lovering’s steady beat to keep the whole thing grounded.

The witch in “On Graveyard Hill” isn’t the only supernatural creature on the album: The gnashing surf-western “St. Nazaire” sees a howling Francis become intimate with a “selkie bride,” a reference to a mythological being in Scottish folklore that can transform from seal to human. There’s another human-animal interaction on “Catfish Kate,” which finds Francis at his most tuneful. A ballad in the traditional story-song sense of the word, the track relates the tale of a woman dragged into a river by a giant catfish. After a battle beneath the water, she emerges victorious, “all dressed in catfish clothes.” Though overdriven guitars and some feedback roil beneath the verses, the band mostly plays it straight with a musical arrangement emphasizing the lyrical imagery and an earworm melody that Francis and Lenchantin sing in harmony on the chorus. Francis has said the tale is one his father told him as a kid, though conceptually, it could have been an English folk song from hundreds of years ago.

After the turnover and tension over bass players, it’s clear The Pixies found the right one. Lenchantin has stepped fully into her role in the band on Beneath the Eyrie. She’s an accomplished bassist whose parts accentuate and propel songs without being obtrusive about it, and she sweetens Francis’ elastic yowling throughout when she sings backup. She also enlivens the less compelling songs on the album, blending her voice with Francis’ on the plodding verses to “Ready for Love” (a song saved by Santiago’s savage guitar break), and playing a subtly bouncy bassline on the faux-jaunty “This Is My Fate.” Lenchantin even gets a rare lead vocal on “Los Surfers Muertos,” one of three songs she co-wrote on the album (“On Graveyard Hill” and “Long Rider” are the others). It’s a slow jam with bristling guitars encircling her murky, reverb-soaked voice as she sings about a friend who died in a surfing accident while The Pixies were recording their 2016 album Head Carrier.

Morbid themes aside, Beneath the Eyrie is the most vibrant and alive of the three albums The Pixies have recorded since reemerging in 2004. If it took some growing pains along the way, well, that’s frankly better than rehashing the old days to the point of self-parody. The band has reached a point where it can reference the past without feeling beholden to it, while forging an increasingly solid present, and that’s nothing to be angry about.

https://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2019/09/pixies-beneath-the-eyrie-review.html

[nrahmanarts]

The event I went to shown above was the Scholars Convocation. In this event all of the scholars participated in an interactive video, listened to a speaker, and listened to the a cappella group Faux Paz. It was nice to hear about the beginnings of the Scholars program, and how they started with four sections, and have expanded to 12 different sections. I learned how i will always have a community through Scholars, and will always have friends through it, which is very comforting. This related to Arts Scholars since there were representatives from our section, as well as the whole Arts Section participants. 

[biggoonie]

DEATHSTROKE #39

written by CHRISTOPHER PRIEST art by CARLO PAGULAYAN, FERNANDO PASARIN and JASON PAZ cover by TYLER KIRKHAM variant cover by DAVE JOHNSON Slade is back in Arkham after his Zeta Beam jaunt to the planet Pulor…but did he ever actually leave? Is the alien invasion just a delusion? And who is this faux Deathstroke running around? A deep dive into Slade’s psyche, just in time to watch him lose his mind! ON SALE 01.09.19 $3.99 US | 32 PAGES FC | RATED T+ This issue will ship with two covers. Please see the order form for details.

[fereality-indy]

Wendip Week Day Seven - Bedtime Story

June 21, 2024

Pines Residence

Dipper is seated on a folding chair he brought into his daughters room so he could tell a tale to his children and their twin cousins. “And then King Mermando of the ocean kingdom, Costa del Pacifico, sent a missive…”

Lil Debbie piped up, “That means itsa imporant letter.”

“Ohh,” the three younger boys say in almost unison.

“That’s right Debbiekins,” Dipper said as he ruffled his daughters hair “I guess being around Grunkle Ford has helped your vocabulary.”

“Yeppers, and he helped me wif my butterflies.”  Debbie said as she was trying to fix what her dad did to her hair.

“Story!” Terry started chanting from his sleeping bag.

“Story!” His two cousins added.

“Alright guys, I get it.” Dipper said as he raised his hands up in defeat, “now where was I, oh yeah the letter. Well in it King Mermando spoke of the fact that a group of his subjects were out on an excursion to a land in the north and had come into trouble. And so he asked that Lady Gwendolyn of the Woods and her companion Stoneworker travel to their last known location and to see if they would be able to help them.”

“Course dey will, Lady Gwennie and Worker are the best.” Ricky called out.

“An de in luv,” Ed added.

“Aw, you always talk luv. Deyre fighters, not luvers.” Ricky said as he shoved his brother.

“Richard, you be nice!” Debbie called from her bed as that one shove became a shoving match between her cousins.  

"Do you two want me to continue?” Dipper said in a ‘and I mean it ‘ voice.

Both boys quickly settled back into their sleeping bags, while Debbie had a smug ‘I Told You So’ look. Seeing they quit Dipper continued the story.

++

“M’lady this shall be a long trek, do you want me to prepare my wagon for the trip.” Stoneworker asked as they went about gathering supplies for the trip.

“It would be best to take my carriage so we will have sleeping quarters if needed.” The redheaded warrior said as she finished packing.

After a quick trip to see Stoneworker’s uncle, the Inventor. He had some gadgets that may come in handy, though Lady Gwendolyn felt that the their own skills would be more than enough to handle whatever they come across.

They head out across the countryside towards the destination they were given in the missive. Their trek took three days and they spent the three nights in each other’s company. On the fourth day they arrived at the location and began their search. It was a beach, but the weather was so cold  neither of them wished to take a swim.    

“Stoneworker, my trusted companion, it appears they were here recently.” Lady Gwendolyn said as she was studying the tracks they discovered. “A day or two at the most. But they weren’t alone. There are other tracks here. Heavy and larger than normal.”

“From the looks of things the others are definitely bipedal and either they all are dragging a pack of some type, or they have a large tail.” Stoneworker added as they continued their tracking. About a half hour into their tracking they happened upon the start on an inlet.

“There was a scuffle of some sort here. The water has taken most of the evidence, but there are some surefire marks in the cliff wall there.” Gwendolyn said as she pointed out three large gouges the stone. Getting a closer look at them she added, “And these are fresh.”

She pulled out her trusty ax that Stoneworker had endowed with runes of protection. Seeing this Stoneworker activated the enchantments in his own gloves. He still preferred to outwit his opponents, but was perfectly willing to fight his foes and these enchantments gave his punches an added jolt. And from what they found he may need it. There in front of a cavern they were too large to enter and despite there being snow on the ground, stood 4 crocodile Men.

++

"Wait a minute, Daddy. Great Grunkle Ford says that crocdiles are poikiro, poilikilo, coldblooded.” Debbie said, breaking into the story. Then she asked, “How are they able to be moving if there’s snow on the ground. They should be hypermating.”

Dipper chuckled a little at his daughter’s faux pas before responding, “Well, honey. First off I think you mean Hibernating, and secondly I was getting to that.”

++

Stoneworker and Gwendolyn moved closer as watched the Croc-Men attempt to reach whatever had hidden in the small cave. They were dressed rather warmly, but even then the cold should have made them too lethargic to be moving. The cold northwestern, winter weather was no where near that of the warm southern swampland these critters usually call home. Then one turned to speak to it’s fellows and we saw it. On his chest there was a glowing stone that seemed to radiate heat.

“They are too well entrenched. Martok take Merlok and find some fire wood. We’ll either smoke them out or have smoked jerky when we get to them. Hahaha.”  The one who appeared to be in charge said to the one closest to him.

Gwendolyn signaled to Stoneworker to back out of the inlet. They quickly backed out and found a hiding place, once the Croc-men had passed Gwendolyn signaled to follow them. They stopped around another twenty yards or so and that was when our heroes struck. Gwendolyn tapped the taller of the two on it’s shoulder and when it turned she hit it in the stomach with the flat of her ax. As it bent over she brought her knee up under it’s jaw rocking it’s head up and backwards. While this was happening the other Croc-Man turned to see what happened and was met by Stoneworker. Before he could react Stoneworker reached up and pulled the glowing stone off the Croc-Man. Though it glowed as if it was burning hot, Stoneworker found that he now felt as if he was standing in a warm summer day. The Croc-Man immediately felt the cold and dropped to his knees before falling in a deep sleep.

“That’s what I thought would happen,” Stoneworker said after the Croc-Man fell. Seeing a slightly confused look on Gwendolyn’s beautiful face he added, “They’re reptiles, they essentially hibernate in the cold weather.”  

They took time to bound their foes together with their hands tied behind the other’s back so that they could share the stone.  They also bound their feet and snouts separately.  When they were certain these Croc-Men would not a hassle, they began heading back towards the inlet.    

“Alright when we get there I will go for the leader, you take the smaller…” Gwendolyn was saying as they heard a scream.

“No, Somebody help me!” a young voice called from inside the inlet. As they turned the corner they saw The two Croc-Men holding a young bull seal between them. And the voice was coming from the seal.  “I just want to get my sister some food, you guys have kept us in there for two days. Do what you want to me but first let me get her some fish. She is young and needs to eat.”

“Tough luck, chiot. We’re hungry enough dat it won’t mattah ta us if she’s skin n bones or not.” The lead Croc-Man said.

"Yes, we be hungry too.” The other Croc-Man added.

“No!” A smaller seal pup called as it rushed out of the cave.

“I knew grabin’ one draw out da others. Grab her.” The lead Croc-Man said as he pulled the seal he was holding out of his partner’s grip.

Gwendolyn rushed towards the two Croc-Men intent on putting a stop to the scene before her, only to be outpaced by her younger partner.

“You need to pick on someone your own size!” Stoneworker said as he jumped and delivered a double closed fist to the top of the Croc-Man chasing the smaller seal. The force of his blow combined with the jolt of electricity his gloves held sent the cryptid to the ground. He then turns to the small pup, “It’ll be ok. We here on the request of King Mermando.”

Gwendolyn continued her rush and quickly brought her ax down across the wrist of the lead Croc-Man causing him to drop the seal pup. She then dropped low and swept his feet out from under him. Before he had a chance to try and rise up she was there with the blade of her ax blade at his throat.

“Give me a reason!” she said as she looked into his eyes.

“Brother!” the smaller seal pup called as it moved towards where the leader had dropped her brother.

“I am fine.” The larger pup said as his sister made it to him, “Father, it is safe. We have envoys from King Mermando. They saved us.”

At that there was a glow coming from the entrance to the cavern and it began to open further. When it was large enough that Stoneworker could walk into it, albeit crouched, out came a large bull seal and a medium sized seal cow.

"Greetings. Thank you for saving my family.” The bull said as he moved towards his children. “I am Jestin, Canciller of my lord King Mermando, and this is my wife Lynneth. We were on a mission to open trade negotiations with the Artic Court when we encountered these brutes. I sent an attendant back to the capital and we hid ourselves in this cave.”

“I am Lady Gwendolyn of the Woods and this is my consort Stoneworker.” Gwendolyn said as Stoneworker was tying  up the lead Croc-Man. When he was done she removed her ax from where it was sitting on it’s neck. “We left the other two around the bend. We shall leave their fate up to you.”  

++

“And once the miscreants were gathered Jestin shrunk them down with the same magic he had used on the cave passageway and placed them and a small fish in a jar for transportation. They then bid our heroes adieu and returned to the sea and to their kindom.” Dipper said as he finished up the story.

In a sleepy voice Terry asked, “But Daddy what happen to the bad guys.”

“Well when Gwendolyn and Stoneworker were next invited to the court of King Mermando, they were granted knighthood and they found out that the Croc-Men were released on a small, secluded, swampy island as a prison.” Dipper replied as he turned off the desk lamp, leaving a night light as the only illumination in the room.

As he went out into the hall he was met by his wife who gave him a quick kiss.

“So what story did tell them tonight? How Paz and Mabel took over Northwest Industries by becoming the majority stockholders or maybe Gwendolyn and Stoneworker at the haunted grocers?” Wendy asked as they headed towards their bedroom.

“Nah, I told them about the family of seals we, I mean, Lady Gwendolyn and Stoneworker saved for Mermando a couple of years ago.” Dipper said as he entered their bedroom.

Well better late than never. I decided to finish up the final prompt and post it today as a gift to my fans on my birthday.