#FUCK man it's fucking brutal alkdfjgh

[clotpolesonly]

there's something really tragic about how the whole dreamer trilogy kicks off because Declan wants to look for his birth mother

the catalyst for the whole series is that, in the holding pattern that is their life, Declan breaks first

and it's because he still doesn't feel like he belongs or is wanted in his own family, even in peace times, even when he and Ronan have laid down their weapons and made some effort to patch things up

for once, he wants something for himself, and he takes the initiative to get it, and it all snowballs and backfires so horribly that when he gets to the end of the line and Matthew is dead and Ronan is dying and the world is ending and his mother doesn't even want him, he can only look back and say that it's all his own fault

and there's no one left to tell him he's wrong