#FINALLY. CROW. RIGLESS PRINCE. NUKES. WITNESS THE FIRST ESSAY THAT ISN'T JJK OR TYE

[kafkaoftherubble]

人性的“光”辉

//The Case for "Hikaru's" Humanity

This essay was originally a reblog/response to this post by chronicoverthinker.

I find the complexity of "Hikaru's" expression of love fascinating and nuanced enough for multiple interpretations. Hence, I wanted to put my thoughts out here in a separate post... for my own Garden's archive, to be honest! Hahahaha!

Anyway, I respectfully disagree with that post. Here's why.

Against The Case To Not Judge "Hikaru" As Though He's a Human

What I'm getting at from the bulk of the argument is that "Hikaru" cannot genuinely be described as aroace—or somewhere in the spectrum—because he's fundamentally not human.

I wanna push back on this. I think OP is not giving "Hikaru" enough credit.

The examples OP cited are either from the beginning—when he was very much 90% eldritch and 10% "cosplaying as a human"—or when he's still trying to grasp the deeper layers of being human.

Take his attitude with Asako discovering his secret(s).

OP is right that, during the first incident, "Hikaru" acted like a monster would. But in the second incident, "Hikaru" actually acted differently.

There was a brief moment of tension here—as if there was a split-second clash in "Hikaru's" mind that we aren't privy to. This is related to what I wanna talk about later.

For now, though, this is what happens a little while later... after Asako expresses her grief for the dead Hikaru.

Here, "Hikaru" philosophizes what it means to be a living being who sees death as a totality.

And while he's doing that—

He reached out and wiped the tears off Asako's face.

Bear in mind that "Hikaru" had only shown his most unambiguous benevolence to Emoshiki for a long time, but here, he's showing similar care and benevolence to a friend. A non-Yoshiki human.

That's not all. He also expresses similarly subtle humanity in his interaction with that Medium Ajuma/Auntie (I forgot her name even though I liked her a lot ahahhaha). He values her advice and looks up to her for counsel, contrasting the first time he learned of her existence through Emoshiki's phone. The latter was when he was still mostly a monster; the former was as "Hikaru" steadily gained humanity.

I want to also point out that "Hikaru's" gains are parallel to Yoshiki's losses. Emoshiki is starting to be registered as "not entirely human/living". He is starting to feel the effects of torii gates acting as barriers, for example.

But if we're talking about the thematic confirmation of "Hikaru's" change in his personhood, I think there is an even better one in the manga.

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The Emergent Dual nature of "Hikaru," Visualized

Above all else, I think nothing illustrates "Hikaru's" clash between humanity and monstrous nature than this panel shown here by my (very one-sided) bro, Mokumoku Ren:

The panel before it was this:

The left side of "Hikaru" shows his Eldritch nature. The tendrils that clue us of his monstrosity are leaking out.

The right side, however... shows a single human tear. The side where he was simply crying as an emotionally hurting human being.

Even the words on the second panel have subtle hints of that duality. Notice that the "monster side" has the word "Kill? Kill?!" While the human side has "it hurts""I have to do somethin'" and "apologize."

The two sides share words, for sure, but when I read it, my immediate understanding was that

the monstrous side is reacting, hence it comes out first. It's automated; the default state Eldritch-bro has been in for many years.

The human side is responding, hence the tears coming out later than the tendrils.

One is "Hikaru's" default, dominant nature. The other? His gained humanity and his budding capacity for self-reflection.

Later in this chapter, we actually see "Hikaru's" humanity—in an unambiguous telling—winning against his default-dominant nature: he chose to respond instead of react. He gave half of his monstrosity to Yoshiki so he could be more human than monster from that point onward.

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"I Love You, Yoshiki."

This is how it was played out in Chapter 1.

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And this is how it plays out in Chapter 26.

In both instances, "Hikaru" makes allusions to how fun being human is for a monster like himself. However, his reasons in the first chapter were superficial ("I have friends! I ate ice cream!"). The second panel, meanwhile, was thoughtful and earned.

You even notice how the first panel's "Hikaru" insisted that he's as good as a real human, while the second—now wised up to what humanity really means—admitted to being a monster and a substitute in origin.

I think "Hikaru" has gained enough humanity to him at this point that, even his self-deprecative " [...] the monster's feelings" is more human than monstrous.

His previous emotions were never this deep; they were copies of OG Hikaru at best while he outwardly insists he's so-totally Hikaru. But here, despite admitting that he really is "just a monster pretending to be human," he displays the sort of realization only a monster who finally gained humanity is capable of discerning. He's experiencing the nuances of a human's thought process, even noting his own lack of understanding concerning love.

This is why I disagree. I think "Hikaru" has enough human-ness to be reasonably considered aroace, at least at this point.

"Hikaru's" inability to understand love, even in terms of familial love or platonic love, is similar to my own. Nonetheless, there are still two dear friends I care a lot about, in a manner similar to how "Hikaru" feels for Yoshiki.

In other words: the way I understand "Hikaru's" declaration of love—per my own subjective experience as an aroace—is that he is expressing "care."

This gets us to the next point I'd like to make.

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"Hikaru's" Love for Yoshiki isn't Expressed in Hunger

You're right; "Hikaru" hungers for Yoshiki. The exploration and reading of that hunger deserves its own analysis, but briefly, I see it as a metaphor for addiction (or even the violence of mental illnesses?), which can be intertwined with feelings like love.

No matter what it could be read as, though, if "Hikaru's" love for Emoshiki is just hunger masquerading as love, then there is little sense why "Hikaru" would express his love by putting distance between himself and Emoshiki.

His psychological journey up to that point on the beach centered around one question,

"What is the best thing to do so Yoshiki doesn't get hurt (by my monstrous side)?"

In other words, "What is the best thing for me to do so the person I love doesn't get hurt by my addiction/episodes?"

"Hikaru's" love is expressed in his commitment to Emoshiki's well-being. It is how he recognizes the danger of his monstrous hunger. As we've discussed earlier in this post, "Hikaru" is grappling with the duality of his personhood.

I think he is experiencing both care (which is "Hikaru's" version of love, maybe?) and hunger when it comes to Yoshiki.

These two desires interplay with each other... but are also at odds with one another. "Hikaru," being the battleground for these two sides, knows this very well. He also knows what's fueling these two things simultaneously, and chooses to let his care for Yoshiki lead his decision.

I don't think "Hikaru's" love refers to his hunger at all. I think they exist simultaneously, and we're watching this man-of-a-monster make a choice. Despite his origin, he's struggling with the human condition between not letting go out of "love," and letting go out of that same "love."

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Conclusion

There is definitely an element of subjective reading here, but I think "Hikaru," at this moment, can be judged as human (and, while we're at it, aroace).

He's got enough humanness that he can be judged through the lens of humanity (though I also agree that one can also choose not to do so, ahahha!).

His inability to understand the sentimentalities of families and friends is not a strong argument for the case of "Hikaru" not being "human enough."

"Hikaru's" love does not equal his hunger. They are not the same sentiments, though they do intermingle and influence one another like all webs of emotions do.

This post may seem like it's about "Hikaru's" sexuality and romantic orientation, but the bigger point I want to argue about is actually "Hikaru's" humanity. I hope to present a different angle to what "Hikaru's" psychology might be about.

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I wanna end this with how Yoshiki reacts to "Hikaru's" decision.

The prominence of his wounded arm in the panel and the intensity of his rejection toward "Hikaru's" decision, to me, seems like a quiet echo to how "Hikaru" —90% Eldritch, 10% cosplaying as human—began at first.

The one who's expressing a clinging attachment... is now the human who's starting to gain little supernatural, monstrous elements to himself.

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Thank you for reading my ramble!