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helloalycia · 1 year ago

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the Clarks [five] // alicia clark

summary: you go on a supply run with Alicia and things don't go to plan, leaving her extremely pissed off at you. It takes a reality check for you to understand why.

warning/s: mentions of the dead, injuries, weapons and violence.

author’s note: and this is the final part! such a fun one to write and i do hope the person who requested it liked it! kinda went overboard but you all know the drill with me by now 😂

one / two / three / four / masterlist / wattpad

After being busied by chores and odd jobs around the stadium and then eating lunch, it was soon time to go on the supply run with the others. Alicia and I met the other two residents by the truck out front and we all made sure we were armed before heading out.

"This strip mall we're heading to should be clear enough, but we haven't had a team check it out in a while, so everyone be on high alert," Alicia warned everyone on the drive over. "Only go after the essentials, if there's any left. Ideally, some more clothes and shoes – stuff like that."

Everybody agreed, a focus in mind, and it was silent the rest of the way. Eventually, we arrived at the abandoned strip mall and Alicia pulled up, the four of us splitting into twos. They took to one side as Alicia and I took to the other.

Unfortunately for me, my thoughts were still on Rick and Alicia earlier, their flirting engraved in my mind and my jealousy still in full throttle. I couldn't help but bring it up.

"So, Madison and I were talking about the new residents earlier," I started, trying to make it sound natural. "Lots of good people joining us, don't you think?"

Alicia hummed as she kept her eyes peeled. "Sure is. It's amazing how big our little community has become."

I nodded in agreement, my grip on my knife tightening. "Yeah. New girl Sally is pretty friendly. Her kid's cute, too."

"Aw, yeah, he's adorable!" Alicia agreed with a smile.

"Yeah... there's Rick, too. What do–" I cleared my throat nervously. "What d'you think of him?"

She thought to herself, distracted by looking into the shop windows. "He's nice enough, I suppose. A bit too flirty for my liking, but nice. Definitely skilled with a knife."

What did that mean? She didn't like his flirty-ness? She did? God's sake, I needed more than that.

"Why? Did he say something?" she asked with confusion, glancing over at me.

I perked up, meeting her confused eyes. "What? No, no. Just wondering. I, er, thought the same."

She began to smile, unsure what I was doing, but nodded. "Right... weirdo."

Thankfully, she got distracted by a small thrift store and nudged me to follow her, and the conversation was dropped. There was lots of options to pick from, since it wasn't looted to the bare bones like other stores were, so we gathered what we could and loaded the truck.

Between that and the few others store, we managed to gather quite a few supplies, odd assortments of things but all that would benefit the stadium in the long run. As we were heading back to the truck, Alicia slowed down to look in the window display of a jewellery store. It looked pretty banged up on the inside, no doubt one of the first places to be looted back when the outbreak began, but Alicia was still intrigued.

"There's probably nothing worthwhile in there," I told her, but she was still up close to the glass, smiling at the rings on display.

"It's still pretty to look at," she pointed out lightheartedly, shooting me a smile before returning her attention to the rings.

Something about how excited she was for the moment made me smile to myself and I couldn't just leave it like this. She clearly wanted it.

"Then what are we waiting for?" I suddenly said, straightening up and going to the door.

There was a couch blocking the doorway, clearly put there by whoever had been here last, but it wasn't going to stop me. I began to lean against it in an attempt to push it out the way.

"Y/N, what are you–? Stop it, what if there's someone in there?" she followed after me, half scolding me and half worried.

"Only one way to find out," I said with a shrug, before finding enough strength to shove the couch forward, and it hit the tiled floor with a loud bang.

"Y/N," Alicia groaned at all the noise, but I ignored her and stepped over the couch to let myself in, before yanking open the other door so she wouldn't have to.

"After you," I said playfully, stepping to the side.

She fixed me with a disapproving stare but walked in, looking around. It was ransacked in there, as expected, but there were a few pieces of jewellery still on the shelves. We took a look around, Alicia warming up once she studied the displays. I could have watched her all day, the beautiful smile on her lips that matched the dazzle in her eyes. Seeing her happy was my favourite thing, as lame as it sounded.

"Okay, maybe you weren't that stupid to come in here," she admitted as we looked around.

"Let's not forget why we came here in the first place," I said with a smile, before leading her to the display window. "This one, right?"

I pulled out the ring from the display, a simple silver band with a gemstone embedded within the the metal. Holding it out to her, I tried to put it on her finger, but it was huge and would have fallen right off if I didn't catch it.

"Well, that was short lived," she said with a sigh, before trying not to laugh as she met my eyes. "Thanks anyway, Y/N. It was a sweet thought."

Unimpressed, I shook my head. "No way. That can't be it." I looked around, before my eyes fell to the stock room in the back. "Aha! There's gotta be more stuff back there. Let me have a look."

"Y/N.”

"Just give me a sec," I told her, before taking the ring with me and heading to the door.

Luckily, it was unlocked and I was able to walk right into a small closet-sized space that had an old, wooden shelf against one wall, full of stock.

"Alicia, I might need you to help me because there's a–" I began to call to her, but I was cut off by intense snarling from my right, and then something grabbed me.

I let out a yelp when I realised it was an infected man, the limited light from the front of the store shining through the door and letting me see his horrendous face. He must have been hiding behind a shelf, too late for me to see, and I struggled against him in the small space.

"Y/N!" I heard Alicia call, but I couldn't reply because if I moved my attention away for even a second, I was sure I'd get bitten.

He was so close to me – hot breath and rancid smell blinding me and burning my nose – that I couldn't find an opening to stab him with the knife in my hand. As I took a swing, he toppled right into me, knocking me backwards and to the floor with a thud. My head took the brunt of it, dazing me momentarily, but the snapping face coming at mine brought me back to reality and I just about managed to grab my knife again, stabbing him in the head before he could do any damage.

A second passed and his snarling ceased and I sighed with relief, feeling dizzy in the head. That's when I heard the creaking coming from my feet, and when I shoved the infected off my body, it was too late. The shelf against the wall suddenly toppled over, everything falling off and hitting the floor around me before the heavy shelf itself landed right on my leg, making me scream at the impact.

"No, no, no, no," Alicia suddenly appeared, taking in the scene, before scrambling for her radio and calling the others. "Guys, I need you at the jewellery store now! Y/N's hurt."

I forced myself to sit up, wincing at the shelf that was trapping my leg, and didn't move another muscle because it was too painful.

"You're such an idiot!" Alicia shouted at me, before kneeling down to grab the shelf. "I told you not to come here!"

As she attempted to lift it, I let out another shout of pain because she wasn't strong enough by herself and it was only making it worse. My leg was definitely broken and I wanted to throw up at how strong the pain was, but I forced my eyes shut and tried to push it away.

"You're so fucking stupid!" she continued to curse me out, but the worry in her voice was obvious. "I told you there'd be infected here!"

As much as I loved a good grilling, my head was still throbbing from before and I was still feeling dizzy, leaning on my arm to steady myself in the spinning room.

Finally, the others turned up and, between the three of them, they managed to lift the shelf up long enough for me to crawl out of it. My leg was definitely fucked though.

Alicia rushed to my side to help me stand, but I was nauseous as soon as I did and couldn't say anything for fear I'd throw up there and then.

"You didn't get bitten, right?" she asked, panicked and checking my face and neck.

I shook my head slowly, leaning my weight against her. "I think I'm gonna pass out, Alicia..."

"Help me get her to the truck," Alicia ordered the others.

After making it back to the truck, just about, we drove back to the stadium speedily, each slight bump making my stomach turn and head throb. Before I knew it, I was in the medbay back at the stadium, being sat upright on a bed and struggling to ease the dizziness.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Nick asked a nurse we had.

A bright light was shone in both my eyes, irritating me, and then the nurse replied, "She's got a mild concussion. Possibly a broken leg. But she'll live."

Nick grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently, and then my moment of peace was ruined when Alicia burst through the door with Madison in tow.

"You fucking fool!" Alicia suddenly snapped at me, glaring ferociously. "You could have died! And for what?! A fucking ring?!"

I winced at every word, her words ringing in my ear.

"She's concussed, Alicia," Nick told her sternly. "You're not helping!"

Alicia clenched her jaw, eyes full of tears, and after glaring at me once more, she left the room, slamming the door behind her. I jumped at the sound, surprised at how angry she was at me. Nick gave me a disapproving look but said nothing, and all I kept thinking was how badly I'd messed up.

After being checked out by the nurse fully and having some medication, I fell asleep with a broken but bandaged leg that I couldn't put weight on for a while. I woke up to Nick by my side, who immediately gave me some water and helped me sit upright.

The look he was giving me wasn't easy to ignore, so after downing my pills, I returned his stare.

"What?"

He blinked. "Y/N, what happened out there? Alicia is pissed."

I sighed, Alicia's angry expression imprinted in my mind. "We were at a jewellery store and I went in the back. There was an infected I didn't see, that's all. It got out of hand, but I handled it."

"Handled it?" he asked with exasperation. "You broke your leg and got a concussion!"

"Only a mild concussion," I corrected, before adding, "and I'm alive, aren't I?"

He shook his head, annoyed. "You have to be careful, you idiot. Your life isn't worth some stupid jewellery. Why were you even in there? We don't need that stuff here."

Feeling bad for worrying him, I said, "Alicia wanted to look and I just– I thought it would be nice, y'know? Make things feel a little normal again."

He sighed, his head in his hands. I frowned slightly, the guilt sinking in.

"Is she still mad? I asked, hoping she'd have cooled off by now.

"Uh-huh."

I chewed on my lip nervously, wondering how I'd get her to forgive me. Nick left to go and get Madison, who wanted to be called in when I'd woken up, and I hoped Alicia would stop by, too. But the blonde turned up alone.

"Madison," I breathed out, still happy to see her, even though she didn't look impressed.

"I'll save you the lecture," she began, taking my hand in hers, "but it was pretty stupid."

"I know," I agreed tiredly. "I'm sorry."

To my relief, she really did save me the lecture, instead squeezing my hand comfortingly.

"Is, er, is Alicia coming?" I asked lamely. "I wanted to apologise to her."

Madison smiled apologetically. "Maybe not so soon, hon. She's really angry."

"Right. I guess that's fair."

I had hoped to see Alicia over the next day when I was kept in the medbay, expecting her to at least visit me, even if it was just to shout at me, but she didn't. It stung a little, but I also felt horrible knowing that I'd pissed her off this much.

When I was finally allowed to leave, with the aid of some crutches, the first place I headed was to Alicia's quarters to pay her a visit. I knocked on nervously, anticipating what could happen, and then the door opened to reveal the Clark girl.

"Hey, remember me?" I joked, hoping to lighten the mood, and she simply rolled her eyes, about to close the door in my face.

"Wait!" I said, sticking my crutch in the way, and she stopped.

"What?" she snapped, green eyes darkened with fury.

Losing my humour, I met her eyes. "You didn't visit me."

"If I did, I would have strangled you."

Licking my lips at the awkwardness, I said, "Alicia, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. But I thought you'd at least–"

I went quiet. Well, I thought she'd at least visit. She'd never been this mad before, not at me and not for something so minor. And the longer I fell quiet, the more her jaw clenched and she stared daggers into my eyes.

"Can we please just forget it happened?" I asked instead. "Move on?"

Without another second wasted, she said, "Whatever," then closed the door in my face.

I stared at it in awe, stunned at her behaviour. How could she still be mad at me, even after apologising?

Unsure what else to do, I left her place to go and sulk in the stadium's stands which were empty. What else could I possibly do for Alicia to forgive me? I understood I worried her, but I literally apologised and I was okay! She'd never been so mad at me before...

As I got lost in thoughts of the green-eyed girl, sulking and thinking and wondering what I could do, I almost missed Madison finding me and joining my side.

"You seen Alicia?" she asked, knowing I was going to talk to her daughter earlier. "How'd it go?"

I shook my head, still surprised at what occurred. "Not good at all. She's still so angry and I just– I don't understand why! It was an accident, Madison, and I apologised!"

Madison glanced at me from the seat beside me, quirking a brow, and I was even more confused.

"What?" I asked. What had I missed?

She sighed heavily, earning my attention, and looked me in the eyes. "Y/N, hon, I'm saying this with love," she started, "but you're so blind to what's in front of you."

Blind, and apparently lost too since I had no idea what she was talking about. She must have noticed, as she rolled her eyes with impatience.

"Alicia cares about you," she said in a knowing tone.

"I know that."

Closing her eyes with pursed lips, she waited a moment before clarifying, "No. She's in love with you, Y/N. She's been in love with you since you were kids. Of course she's angry, but she's mostly hurt. You almost died over something so stupid! Why else would she be like this?"

My jaw dropped as I stammered to find words. "What? She– what– how do you know that?"

Alicia being in love with me? There was no way that could be true. I refused to believe it.

"I know my daughter, very well," she said like it was obvious, before resting a hand on my knee. "And I know you, too. You feel the same, Y/N."

Immediately growing flustered, I avoided her eyes. She knew? How the hell did she know? I was certain I'd hidden it well. I couldn't have hidden it better!

Oh, God, she knew I was in love with her daughter.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed," she suddenly said with a quiet laugh, "it's okay!"

Horrified, I swallowed hard, knowing my face felt as hot as the sun right now. What did I even respond to that?

"I did think you'd have said something to her by now," Madison added. "It's a lot, I know. But, maybe, it's time you came clean and reassured her. Because, quite frankly, I'm sick of watching you both not do anything about it."

If Madison was right about me being in love with Alicia, then surely she was right about Alicia being in love with me? And if that were true, then... holy shit. I guess it made sense why Alicia was so angry at me – or upset, I now realised.

I couldn't find words, not when the confession was shocking me to the core, so I simply nodded slowly in response. At least Madison seemed to be okay with it, the whole me liking her daughter thing.

"You're gonna be fine," she assured me with a small smile, before squeezing my knee and getting up. "I'll leave you to it. Remember to rest your leg, Y/N."

It took me a while to accept the fact that maybe Madison had been right, myself reliving every interaction I'd ever had with Alicia since I met her, overanalysing and trying to gauge whether she may have cared about me like I did her. Two days to be exact, in which Alicia avoided me completely.

When I finally decided enough was enough, I went straight over to visit Alicia with the hope of finding enough courage to either tell her how I felt or get it out of her first. Clearly I was too scared to tell her myself all these years, so I wasn't too convinced it would go to plan.

I found her at her quarters again, an old dugout converted into a room for her, and knocked on as confidently as I could muster. As soon as she opened the door, her expression hardened and she narrowed her eyes at me.

"I just wanna talk," I said before she could think to close the door on me.

"About what exactly?" she asked, her anger still as fresh as it was from two days ago. "About how idiotic you were trying to get a ring?"

Remaining calm, I said, "I just wanted to get it for you, Alicia. Give you a sense of normalcy again and–"

"I didn't ask you to do that!" she exclaimed, before scoffing at me angrily and walking further into her room.

Reluctantly, I stepped inside and tried to defend myself. "I know you didn't, but I wanted to! You seemed to like the display and I thought–"

"I don't give a fuck about a ring!" she shouted, glaring at me, and this time her hurt was present. "It wasn't worth dying over! I care if you're fucking alive! That you're safe!"

The guilt returning yet again, I nodded in understanding. "You're right. I get it. I'm sorry, Alicia."

"No, you don't get it," she retorted, frustration being replaced with worry. "D'you know how– how scary it was watching you back there? Hearing you scream and then seeing you– fuck! Seeing you look so– so fragile? And now look at you! Walking on fucking crutches!"

I chose to stay quiet as she continued to rant, my guilt deepening as she spoke her fears aloud.

"You can be so careless sometimes!" she added, a frown on her lips and glassy eyes darting between mine. "Though, I suppose that's why you're Nick's friend, right? He does the same fucking thing!"

"I won't do it again," I promised her. "I'll think next time."

"Yeah, I hope so," she said bitterly, crossing her arms.

I watched her closely, searching for a semblance of what I hoped to find. "I didn't think you cared so much."

My nerves were creeping in and I so desperately hoped she'd admit her feelings first, so I wouldn't have to.

She looked at me, face flushing shyly before looking away and playing it cool. "Of course I do. You're family. And Nick's best friend."

I waited momentarily, wanting her to say it, but she didn't. And I foolishly couldn't. I was too scared to put myself out there, even after all this time.

Unable to hide my frown, I nodded. "That it?"

She met my gaze, confused. "What else?"

Now it was my turn to grow shy and embarrassed, and I looked away, feeling a little humiliated. It wasn't Alicia's fault at all – she couldn't help how I felt. And maybe Madison had gotten it wrong.

Changing the subject, I shook my head. "Never mind. Sorry again."

I turned to leave, feeling her eyes bore a hole in my back, and somehow I knew that when I walked out of this door, there would never be another chance to tell her how I felt. After all this time, even if she didn't feel the same, maybe I should have finally come clean like Madison said. If I did and we could get over it, maybe I could finally move on?

"Actually no," I said, suddenly feeling an adrenaline rush as I turned around to face her. "I'm not sorry."

She quirked a brow. "Excuse me?"

I sucked up a breath and held her gaze, despite a part of me wanting to leave and never speak again. "I'm not sorry. Not for trying to get that ring. For worrying you, yes, but not the ring."

"Wow, thanks," she said sarcastically, but I didn't let it get to me.

"You wanted that ring," I reminded her. "You looked in that store window and you saw something normal and I wanted to give it to you. I'm not sorry about that. I went in there for you and, yes, you didn't ask me to, Alicia, but you didn't need to. I wanted to! To make you happy, I would do anything. I thought you knew that by now, but maybe I didn't make it clear enough."

Her expression softened as her eyes widened slightly. "What are you saying?"

Now or never, right?

"I'm in love with you, Alicia," I stated with all the confidence left in me. "I have been, since we were kids and since I was old enough to know what love is. And I've been terrified to admit it aloud, especially to you, but I can't keep it to myself anymore. I didn't mean to worry your or upset you or make you so angry, you have to know that."

She didn't say anything as she seemed to digest my confession, and the longer she stared at me without any indication to how she was feeling, the more stupid I felt.

"I can get over it," I told her with a small smile, avoiding her eyes. "You don't need to take this on or anything. I just– I had to tell you. If I've made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry and you have every right to stop talking to me."

"No, just–" she started, and I held my breath as she struggled to speak. "You're in love with me?"

"...Yes."

"I'm in love with you," she admitted, and I could have sworn I misheard until she repeated, "I'm in love with you, too."

"You're in love with me."

"I am," she said softly. "Why didn't you– why didn't you say anything all this time?"

I raised my brows. "Me? Why didn't you?"

She scoffed. "Seriously? I'm your best friend's little sister. How was I supposed to?"

"Exactly," I agreed. "You're my best friend's little sister. How was I supposed to?"

Her eyes flickered between mine. "Like you did just now."

My heart was thumping so loudly I was surprised she couldn't hear it in the quiet of her room. Now what?

"I care about you a lot because I'm in love with you," she said, stepping forward and shakily lifting her hand to cup my cheek. "I don't want you doing stupid stuff that could get you killed. Especially not for me."

"If I had known it was dangerous, I wouldn't have gone in," I told her seriously. "I promised you I wouldn't leave you. I meant it."

She tensed her jaw as she lowered her hand, resting it on my shoulder. "I'm sorry I got so angry and upset. I shouldn't have reacted like that, especially after you got hurt. I just– seeing you like that and knowing it could have been worse, it just– It was frustrating. And I didn't know how to express that, not without revealing how I felt about you."

"Yeah, I kinda thought I fucked everything up when you didn't stop by for a visit," I said, in an attempt to lighten the mood, and it seemed to work as she cracked a small smile.

"I should have visited," she said apologetically. "And I should have told you how I felt."

"Me too," I said gently.

She looked at her hand on my shoulder, avoiding my eyes, and I couldn't stop staring at her as she did. She felt the same way. How could that be possible? How had I missed it?

"Now what?" she murmured.

"Now..." I paused, making her eyes flicker to mine momentarily, hopefully. And, still on a high from being able to admit the truth, I asked, "Can I kiss you?"

She pressed her lips together, nodding slowly, and then I leaned in before I could stop myself, wrapping my crutch and arm around her waist to pull her even close. Her figure fit perfectly in my arms; her lips were as soft as I could have imagined; her fingers left goosebumps across my skin where she caressed my cheek. This was all I'd ever wanted, and now I finally had it.

We pulled apart for air and I was afraid that if I opened my eyes, she wouldn't be there and I'd have imagined it all.

"Y/N?"

I opened my eyes, only to be submerged in golden-green. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

I lifted an eyebrow. "For?"

She didn't falter as she said, "For being here for me all this time. For not leaving. For keeping your promise."

I stroked her waist with my thumb subconsciously, eyes flickering all over her face, committing it to memory, and then a smile curled on my lips. "You don't know how much you've done for me, do you? We're even, Alicia."

She began to smile too, making butterflies blossom in my chest, and then just like that, she pressed her lips to mine and I was in heaven once more.

Looks like Madison was right after all.

#alycia debnam carey #alicia clark #fear the walking dead #alicia clark imagine #alicia clark x reader #ftwd #alicia clark x you #fear the walking dead imagine #feartwd

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helloalycia · 1 year ago

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the Clarks [one] // alicia clark

summary: when you move next door to a new town, you don't expect to befriend the neighbours – the Clarks – so imagine your surprise when they become family, too.

warning/s: mentions of alcoholism, verbal and physical abuse, absent parenting and drugs.

author's note: someone requested this in my asks not long ago and i’ve been working on it as quickly as i can as it was so fun to write! may have gone overboard though and it’s like 5 parts long but you can never have too much alicia so! hope you like it :)

something to note: Y/M/N = your mother's name

two / three / four / five / masterlist / wattpad

9 years old...

I didn't want to move schools. I had my friends and I liked where I was and the teachers were all nice to me, but that didn't matter to my parents. I knew they weren't moving out of spite, they just had to for their jobs, but I didn't like it.

My new school was hard to adjust to, the teachers nice but strangers. My classmates already knew each other, having grown up together no doubt, and I was the new girl who didn't belong. I wasn't a sociable kid, a little anxious and a little nervous to make new friends, so it was hard for me to settle in. But being quiet meant I was quite observant, too.

It was the first week in my new town, at my new school, when I was getting dropped off home by my mum to our new house. The neighbours, a family I'd noticed since moving here because one of their kids – Nick, I think his name was – was in my class, and they always left around the same time as us in the mornings. And just like that, they were pulling into their driveway at the same time as us now.

When my mum and I got out the car, they were doing the same and I caught Nick's eyes as he jumped out the car. His mum noticed us and offered a smile, waving at us.

"Welcome to the neighbourhood!" she said to my mum, already stepping a little closer to the small fence between our front drives.

Nick smiled a little when he saw me, waving his hand. I began to smile too, my first real welcome since arriving here, and just as I lifted my hand to wave it, my mum grabbed it and dragged me up the driveway and into the house, not giving them a response. I didn't understand why she was being so strange, but when she mumbled 'weirdos' under her breath, I figured she was having a bad day. Still, I smiled to myself at how nice they seemed. They weren't all that weird to me.

In fact, they were quite the opposite.

One day, barely a week later, I was playing in the garden, riding my bike around in circles, when I heard some noises coming from the neighbour's garden. Curiosity getting the better of me, I climbed on one of the bins next to the tall fence separating our gardens and tried to find the source of the music and chatter from next door. Peeking my eyes over the top, I realised they were having a barbecue.

A man was flipping burgers on the grill, a drink in his hand, and he was chatting to who I recognised as Nick's mum. His parents. Nick was there too, playing with his little sister, but nobody had noticed me. At least I thought they hadn't, until I looked back to Nick's mum and met her gaze, freezing in place. She didn't seem angry, instead smiling and waving at me, but it freaked me out that I'd been caught spying so I quickly jumped off the bin and back to my bike.

Trying to distract myself, I rode my bike out front and entertained myself by going in circles around the car. My mum was inside having a drink as my dad was out, so I was a little bored and the music next door was still enticing me. I managed to ignore it long enough until I heard someone walking nearby and looked up. Nick's mum was walking out front too, a bin bag in hand as she threw something out. Again, my nosey self couldn't help but watch her.

She caught sight of me as she was about to return to the garden, pausing to smile at me. "Hey, sweetie."

I pressed my lips together, frozen on my bike yet again.

She glanced around, confused, before asking me, "Are you hungry?"

I nodded, unable to stop myself.

"Well, we're grilling some burgers and we might have made too many," she said with a shrug. "We need someone to help us finish it all. D'you wanna come over and have one? You'll be doing us a massive favour!"

I knew what she was doing and yet it still made me smile a little. But then I stopped myself before I could agree, instead saying, "My mum won't like that."

The blonde smiled softly. "Your mum can come, too, hon. The more, the merrier."

I sighed quietly, shaking my head. Glancing at the house, I said, "She's in one of her moods. She won't."

Nick's mum frowned slightly, before asking, "Alright then. One burger to go?"

My smile returned as I looked back to her. Before I could answer however, I heard my name being called and looked over to the front door to see my mum was stood there, glaring at Nick's mum.

"Sorry," I mumbled, before cycling back to the house and leaving my bike by the door before returning inside. The last thing I wanted was to annoy my mum even more – whenever she drank, she got into one of her moods and that always meant she'd yell at me for no reason before passing out on the couch.

I entertained myself in the living room, playing with some toys and also trying not to look outside whenever I heard laughter from the neighbours. Eventually, my dad came home with some groceries, greeting me with a smile and kiss. The happiness was short lived however, as he and my mum erupted into an argument about how she stank of booze. I didn't want to hear it, but I always had to.

He soon went upstairs to have a nap, and my mum seemed to do the same in the living room, though not by choice. I was alone again, bored and hungry and curious once more. With nobody to stop me, I crept outside into the garden and jumped up on the bin to have a look at the neighbours.

Their barbecue was over now, the music having stopped a short while ago. The smell of grilled burgers still lingered though, and it made my stomach rumble instantly. Frowning to myself, I jumped down from the bin and sat in the grass, pulling out some pencils and drawing to cure my boredom. Not long later however, I heard a noise from the fence.

There were voices, kids voices, a boy and a girl. And then when I looked up, I was startled as I saw Nick looking over the fence and down at me.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't mean to scare you. It's Y/N, right? You're in my class."

I glanced inside, not seeing my mum anywhere, before nodding at Nick, cautious.

"I'm Nick," he introduced with a smile.

I cleared my throat. "Hi."

"I'm Alicia!" a small voice shouted from the other side, below Nick.

I smiled as Nick rolled his eyes.

"That's my little sister, Alicia," he added.

"Hi, Alicia!" I called to her.

"Hi!" she shouted back, and I tried not to laugh.

"Mum said you wanted a burger," Nick said to me.

"I can't come over," I told him regretfully, but he was already holding out a foil-wrapped, burger-shaped object.

"Here," he said.

I began to smile, climbing onto the bin to meet his height, and accepted the burger. I also glanced down next to him to see his sister, Alicia, looking up at me curiously, a friendly smile on her face. She was very pretty, the prettiest girl I'd ever seen, with her hair in pigtails and her green eyes so bright I could see stars in them.

"Thank you," I said, looking back to Nick with immense gratitude, before unwrapping the burger and taking a bite.

"Why can't you come over?" he asked curiously, leaning on the fence.

I nodded behind me. "Mum's in a bad mood."

"Oh," was all he said. "That's annoying."

I nodded in agreement, before saying with a mouthful, "Thanks for the burger."

He began to laugh. "There's ketchup on your face, stupid."

Embarrassed, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "Sorry."

Unfazed, his smile remained. "I'll see you at school tomorrow?" I nodded and he jumped down from the boxes he was precariously balanced on. "Bye!"

Alicia waved bye too, and I returned the gesture to them both with a smile on my face before jumping off the bin and finishing my burger. It was really good.

I didn't expect to befriend any of the Clarks, but that was the start of it all. From there, Nick and I would hang out together at school. It started where we'd wave at each other from our driveways in the mornings and afternoons before and after school, and then we'd play together at school. His mum and sister seemed nice, and just like mine, his dad wasn't around that much, instead always working. We were a lot more similar than I thought.

"Dad," I said as I walked into the living room where he was watching TV. "Please can I go play with Nick and Alicia next door?"

My dad lowered the volume and smiled at me, patting his lap. I jumped on top of him as he hugged me tightly.

"Only if I get a kiss right here," he said playfully, patting his cheek.

I grinned as I kissed his cheek before hugging him.

"Go and have fun, Y/N," he said, squeezing me tightly before patting my pack as I jumped off his lap.

As I was going to fill my bag with some toys from the corner of the room, my mum called from kitchen with disapproval.

"Seriously? You're gonna let her go over there? You don't even know them properly!"

My dad sighed. "They're nice people, Y/M/N. Maybe you'd know that if you ever spoke to them."

"I know enough," she said with bitterness. "And I don't feel comfortable with our kid going over there."

I paused, glancing between them as my mum approached my dad in the living room, hands on her hips.

He stood up, giving her a knowing look. "She's going. She needs to be around other kids." Then his expression softened as he looked to me. "Go on, honey. Go over there."

I nodded, glancing at my mum who seemed to disagree, before grabbing my backpack and leaving through the front door. As I left, I heard them both start to argue and tried to ignore it, feeling a little bad that it was my fault.

When I reached the Clarks door, I knocked on, buzzing with both nerves and excitement because it was the first time I was coming over for a play date. Apart from occasionally see them before and after school, or playing with Nick on the playground, I'd never visited their house before. I was surprised I was allowed, but my dad was always nicer with these things than my mum was.

The door opened to reveal Madison, Nick's mum. She said I could call her that when I saw her after school to pick up Nick once, but it felt strange calling her by her name when she was just 'Nick's mum' in my head. That, or Mrs Clark.

"Y/N, hey!" she greeted with a warm smile, before standing to the side to let me in. "How are you, sweetie?"

"I'm good," I said with a shy smile as she closed the door behind us. "I'm excited to see Nick and Alicia. Thank you for letting me come over."

Nick had asked me yesterday after school if I could come, with permission from his mum, so she already knew.

"Of course, and they're excited to see you too!" she said, motioning for me to follow her through the hallway. "How are your parents?"

I shrugged. "They're okay. They're just arguing a lot lately."

She glanced at me, curious. "About what, sweetie?"

I gripped my backpack straps a little tighter as I told her the truth, relieved to let it out, though my child brain didn't understand why I should keep quiet about stuff like this. "Mum keeps getting in her moods. Falling asleep. Having those drinks she's not supposed to. And dad doesn't like it, so they argue a lot."

Madison paused before we could enter the kitchen, sighing. "They don't argue with you though, right?"

"Dad doesn't," I answered. "Mum does, sometimes. It's not fair because I don't think I've done anything wrong. But then she falls asleep and stops."

She frowned slightly. "You know, Y/N, if they're ever arguing or you just don't feel like they're being very nice to you, you're always welcome to come here, okay?"

I looked away, embarrassed. "I don't think my mum likes me being friends with Nick very much."

Or you, I wanted to add, but it wouldn't have been very polite.

"It doesn't matter," Madison said, setting a hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "I'm here for you, just like Nick. You're always welcome here."

Admittedly, it felt quite nice to have that support from someone, the support I wanted from my mother. I smiled up at her, grateful.

"Thank you, Mrs Clark."

She smiled before opening the back door to the garden. "C'mon. The others are waiting for you."

When we headed outside, I saw Nick and Alicia swinging on their swing set, clearly trying to outdo one another. But as soon as they saw me, they halted and almost fell over trying to run towards me.

"Y/N!" Nick shouted with a grin, before stopping in front of me, breathless. "Did you bring your race car?"

I nodded, already shoving my bag from my shoulders and pulling out my remote-controlled race car that I'd mentioned to Nick I had at school. As soon as he saw it, his grin widened. Alicia tried to take a look too, so I showed her properly.

"Can I play, too?" she asked hopefully, and I couldn't help but smile as I nodded quickly.

"Of course!"

She returned my smile before the three of us went to have a play with it on the tiles next to the back door.

13 years old...

"Dad, I don't get it. What do you mean, you're going?"

He was throwing his belongings into a suitcases haphazardly. It was completely random – one minute I was in my room and the next I heard doors slamming downstairs before I found him storming into his room and packing.

"Your mum and I can't work together anymore," he said regretfully, pausing from his packing to look me in the eye, as if I understood. And I did, to an extent, but it didn't make sense.

Mum's drinking had gotten worse over the years, to the point where they'd constantly argue about it and never actually have anything nice to say to each other. I was his shoulder to cry on, minus the crying. He'd rant to me and tell me how he felt burdened and I'd have to listen to it all, wanting to help him and relating but unsure what else to offer. I hated it and I wished he treated me more as a kid than a therapist, but it was better to have him like that than not at all. Now though, he'd finally had enough and it was scaring me.

"Stay," I told him as calmly as I could muster. "You have to work it out."

He shook his head. "I've tried for many years, honey. It's too late. I can't take it anymore."

I swallowed hard, eyes tearing up as I realised he was serious. He continued to pack, throwing in whatever he could get his hands on, not even bothering to fold anything up.

"Take me with you," I said, deadly serious, and for a moment I thought he'd actually consider it, but he shook his head.

"I can't," was all he said, before throwing his suitcase close and zipping it up.

I rounded the bed to stand beside him, trying to stop him from doing it. "Dad, don't do this. Please, take me with you. You can't just leave me with her!"

He didn't even bother to meet my eyes as he said, "I'm sorry."

Grabbing his suitcase, he pushed past me and began to go downstairs. My heart felt like it was being squeezed, the life draining from it as I realised just what was about to happen. I ran after him, following him down the steps and to the driveway where he was throwing his suitcase into the backseat.

"Dad!" I shouted after him, ignoring the several curse words my mum was throwing at him as she watched from the front door. "Please!"

He continued to ignore me as he got into the driver's seat, slamming the door. I banged on the window as he started the car, embarrassed at the reflection of my snotty, crying self looking back at me, but I didn't care. He was leaving! He was giving up!

"Dad, please!" I begged, banging on the window some more. "Don't do this! Stay!"

He gripped the steering wheel tightly, considering my words.

"Please," I pleaded, voice breaking. "Dad, it's me. Your daughter. Please, don't leave me. I need you."

He closed his eyes tightly before reversing his car suddenly, forcing me to step back. I felt sick and betrayed and broken when I watched him avoid my eyes and simply drive away. He was gone, just like that. My dad. Gone.

I knew he had problems to face with my mother, his wife, but I always thought that he stayed for me. And now he was gone, leaving me behind. Why would he just leave? Why didn't he take me with him? He knew how much grief she gave me, how much she hated me. Why would he do this? Was I not enough?

"...fucking deadbeat!" my mum was shouting at his retreating car from the doorway, clearly drunk.

I looked over at her, the reality of my life settling in. It was just me and her left. No more dad sticking up for me or jumping in to stop an argument from happening. I was stuck with her.

"He's not worth your tears, hon," she muttered with bitterness, before heading back inside.

I blinked, my face hot with tears and anger and hurt, and then more tears rolled down my cheeks and I covered my face, trying to stop myself from breathing so rapidly.

"Y/N!" a voice called, and I looked up to see Nick running from his front door, stepping over the little fence separating our driveways.

Of course he'd seen or heard what had just happened. With all the shouting, I wouldn't have been surprised if the whole neighbourhood had. It was utterly embarrassing, but Nick was the only other person I had to confide in. We'd grown super close over the years, ours play dates becoming regular and him becoming my best friend. His family were like my own, even though I'd never admit it. Madison loved having me over, treating me like one of her own. It wasn't weird between us, not completely, so I accepted Nick's help as he led me back to his house to comfort me.

I couldn't stop crying though, not when he brought me to the couch in his living room and not when I'd created a giant wet patch on his shirt. The tears wouldn't stop coming and I couldn't stop hiccuping and I truly felt like my heart had shattered into a million pieces.

Why didn't he look me in the eyes? Why did he just leave?

"Y/N, I... I'm so sorry," Nick said, rubbing my back. "I don't know what to do."

He was worried, I knew it, and I wanted to assure him that he didn't need to do a thing, but I couldn't get the words out. I'd never behaved like this in front of him – it was too much.

"Oh my God, Y/N," Alicia's familiar voice was heard from the living room doorway, and now I felt like a spectacle, both embarrassed and ashamed.

"Go get mum!" Nick told her quickly.

"No!" I said suddenly, breathing shakily and voice hoarse. "I'm fine, I–"

But the words were stuck and my dad driving away was permanently fixed in my mind and hot tears rolled down my cheeks once more. Alicia must have gone to fetch Madison because soon enough, she was present and replacing Nick's seat beside me.

"Y/N, what happened?" she asked instantly, holding my back gently.

I looked up, meeting her eyes with my blurry ones. "He left. He's not coming back. He–he doesn't want to be my dad anymore, Mrs Clark. He–he's gone."

Madison pulled me close, holding me as I sobbed quietly into her shoulder. She stroked my hair until I finally stopped crying, reduced to sniffles and hiccups. When I found the courage to pull away, I saw Nick and Alicia hiding by the doorway, spying on us both. Hot with embarrassment, I wiped my tears from my face frantically.

"Nick, Alicia?" Madison called for them. "Come here, please."

Embarrassed they'd been caught, they shoved one another before reluctantly stepping inside again and stopping beside her.

"Sorry," Nick said, eyes flickering over to mine. "We were just worried."

"Forget that," Madison said, before nodding to the armchair. "Sit down."

They obeyed, sharing a seat and waiting patiently for her to speak, as was I. To my surprise, she looked to me with conviction, pushing my hair from my eyes.

"You're family, Y/N. We're all here for you, okay? You're not alone. No matter what happens, you need to know that." She paused, before glancing over to her children. "Isn't that right, kids? Tell her."

They both nodded in agreement.

"You're part of our family," Alicia said, green eyes meeting mine with concern.

"Always," Nick agreed.

And even though my heart was in a million little pieces in my chest, I didn't doubt it couldn't be put back together with these three Clarks sat before me. Madison pulled me in for a hug, then the other two joined in, and for a moment, I was safe.

14 years old...

"Can you remind me that I need to buy a new planner on the weekend? My other one is full."

I pretended to cough in my hand as I teased Alicia, "Nerd."

She rolled her eyes, a smile ghosting her lips, then kicked me gently in the leg. I laughed at her reaction, straightening up against the wall and readjusting the pillow behind me.

We were both hanging out in my room, sat in my bed as we listened to music and just chatted. It was nice to have the house to myself sometimes and I always tried to invite her or Nick around when I could, feeling like I needed to return the favour since we always usually hung out at theirs. Of course, there wasn't much of a choice, but the few times my mum was working, it was nice to host.

Ever since my dad had left, mum's moods and drinking had gotten worse. She was even more neglectful and bitter, the worst I'd ever seen her, so it was much easier when she was out working. Then I no longer had to deal with her. Plus, I could just hang around with Nick and Alicia. Like now.

"I'm kidding, I'll remind you," I promised her. "I was taking the piss, but you're a nerd in a good way, Alicia. You're very smart. I'm almost jealous."

She shrugged, though the compliment clearly had her flustered. "I just like learning."

I smiled at how humble she was being. She was literally the smartest person I knew. "You could beat any person in my grade at any exam," I told her knowingly. "They're all idiots compared to you."

Her cheeks dusted pink as she avoided my eyes. "You shouldn't say that. That includes Nick, y'know."

"Yeah, that only proves my point further," I joked. "Nick isn't the brightest bulb in the box."

She snorted to contain her laughter, then met my gaze. "You're not stupid, Y/N."

I tried not to laugh. "Tell that to my grades. I'm currently getting by on C's."

Her expression softened as she tilted her head. "I can help you, if you want."

"Oh, sure," I said sarcastically. "How would that look? Y/N Y/L/N getting tutored by someone in the grade below." I paused, then added, "Actually, that would be the nicest thing people would say about me. Maybe I should."

She frowned, clearly not amused by my joke. "Don't talk like that."

I swallowed hard, smile fading. "What? I'm not blind, nor deaf, Alicia. I know what people say about me at school. Got a drunk mum who doesn't care and a runaway dad, too good to stay with his shitty family or take his shitty daughter with him. I've heard it all before."

"Y/N..."

I closed my eyes, regretting having let that slipped out so suddenly and so randomly. "Sorry," I said to her, shaking my head regretfully. "I just– I've heard it all before. That's all."

She sighed, before suggesting, "You should still study at ours when you can. You basically live there anyway. And if you're there, I don't mind helping you out. Get some of those C's to B's. Nobody at school has to know."

I smiled a little, finally finding the courage to meet her eyes, and she was already watching me with an encouraging one.

"Thank you, Leashy," I said gratefully. "Maybe I will. If I can find the chance."

It would have been easy to accept her help, but I already constantly overstayed my welcome and definitely didn't need to be a burden to Alicia. I appreciated her offer, but I wasn't dumb enough to accept it.

"Hey, d'you wanna get some ice cream?" she asked suddenly. "I've got some pocket money leftover and the store down the street does a tub for a few dollars."

I smiled at her wanting to share with me. "I'd love that."

She grinned before standing up and holding out her hand, pulling me up with her. I grabbed it, letting her, and tried to ignore the butterflies I felt when I did. It was something I was feeling a lot recently, over the past few months, whenever I was around Alicia. I wasn't sure what it was, but I liked it and I found myself admiring Alicia more and more because of it. I'd always known she was pretty, but now that I was beginning to understand the concept of liking someone... Well, I was certain that I liked her.

And I let myself enjoy it before I could realise it was a bad thing.

15 years old...

I was exhausted to say the least, my shift at work draining any energy I had left. All I'd dreamt of in the last hour was going to bed, not even awake enough to have dinner. But of course, as soon as I got home that evening, I was met with the sight of my mum in the kitchen, fumbling through her purse.

"Good, you're back," she acknowledged my presence, looking up at me. "Do me a favour, hon, and go pick me up some beer."

I wasn't in the mood to deal with her right now, especially not when I could see she was a little tipsy already and it wasn't even six o' clock.

"Mum, I don't think you should have anymore," I said as gently as I could, not wanting to startle her, but she was already scowling at me.

"If I wanted your opinion, I would've asked for it," she said bitterly. "Now go and buy me some damn beer. You don't even know the day I've had."

I sighed inwardly. "I've had a long day, too. I just wanted to go to bed."

"For fuck's sake, Y/N!" she shouted suddenly, making me jump. "You're so fucking useless."

I flinched as she shoved past me harshly and left the house, no doubt for a bar. She wasn't violent, not usually, but sometimes she'd get really pissed off and slap me out of anger. She always apologised and I didn't think she meant it, but I was always on edge when she was in this sort of mood. To my relief though, she was gone and therefore not a problem for now. Even if my heart was beating a little too quickly.

Looking around, I began to frown when I saw the state of the kitchen and living room. She'd messed everything up, leaving takeaway boxes out and plates unwashed, and there was no way she was going to clean up after herself. I couldn't just leave it like that, so I groaned quietly before starting to clean everything up.

I just about finished throwing the rubbish out when the doorbell rang and I paused, wondering if she was back and had forgotten something. When I answered the door, it was Nick and I felt a sense of relief upon seeing him.

"Hey, I saw you heading in," he said with a smile, before letting himself inside.

"Hey," I greeted with a tired smile, before closing the door and following him into the living room-kitchen area. "The place is a bit of a mess, sorry."

"Don't apologise," he assured me, but I still felt the need to because it was always a tip in here.

I picked up the cloth and anti-bacterial spray I was using and continued to wipe the surfaces.

"She at the bar again?" he asked softly, and I could only nod in response.

As he always did when he came over, he began to help me by starting on the washing up, and as always, I tried to stop him.

"Nick, you don't need to–"

"Don't bother," he told me with his usual charming smile. "I'm helping."

I sighed, but smiled gratefully.

"So, how was work?" he asked, making conversation.

"Long," I said truthfully, finishing wiping the surfaces. "I smell of food and I just wanna sleep."

He chuckled. "I bet. What if I say I have something that might help?"

I quirked a brow as I glanced at him, wondering what he was talking about.

"Check my back pocket," he said, shaking his butt.

So, curious, I did and pulled out a rolled up joint to my surprise. Groaning with disapproval, I put it back and stepped back.

"What did I say about doing this shit, Nick?" I complained.

"Oh, c'mon, it won't kill you!"

"That's not the point!" I said, fed up and leaning back against the counter.

He'd been experimenting with drugs a lot recently, was messing about at school and just hanging out with some people I definitely didn't approve of. But I couldn't do much about it because he never listened to me, and I had my own problems to worry about so there wasn't enough time for me to bother him when he just ignored me. Still, I worried and scolded him whenever I could.

"Okay, look, I'm sorry," he said when he saw how frustrated I was getting. "I didn't mean to upset you more."

I rubbed my face tiredly, shaking my head. "It's fine, it's just– I'm worried about you, Nick."

He gave me a warm smile, tilting his head down at me. "I'm good."

I gave him a knowing look as I said, "It starts with the light stuff like this, then it gets worse. Addictive."

"Y/N, I promise I'm fine."

"Alicia isn't blind, y'know," I continued, ignoring him. "She knows."

"Not for certain," he assured me.

I pressed my lips together, avoiding his eyes and suddenly going quiet.

"Right?" he questioned. "She doesn't know?"

The longer he eyed me as he washed up, the more I knew I was going to break.

"Y/N?"

I winced as I admitted, "I'm sorry. She asked me one time recently and I couldn't lie–"

"Dude!"

"I can't lie to her!" I told him apologetically. "Look, she promised she wouldn't tell Madison, but most importantly, Nick, she's worried about you. Just like I am."

He sighed deeply, not speaking for a moment, only the sound of the tap to be heard. Once he finished washing the final plate, he sat it on the rack before turning to face me, also leaning against the counter.

"Please, be careful," I said to him quietly, meeting his reluctant eyes. "We worry because we care, Nick."

He nodded slowly, and I wanted to believe him. For now, it would have to do.

Heading into the living room, we both took a seat on the couch and relaxed into it. Personally, I was appreciating being off my feet after such a long day, and I could have fallen asleep there and then, but I also didn't want to be alone and kick Nick out.

"How's your family doing?" I asked, looking over at him.

He was leaning back into the cushions, eyes closed contently as he answered. "Mum's her usual uptight self."

"Nick," I scolded, slapping his knee.

Opening one eye and looking at me, he said, "I fail to see what you see in her."

"Hmm, well she doesn't get pissed after work every evening, so I suppose I have pretty low standards," I said sarcastically.

His expression softened. "Well then."

"Also, she's been good to me," I added, before giving him a disapproving look.

He shook his head before leaning back again. "Alicia is doing good. Been drooling over some new kid at school. Matt or whatever."

I hummed to show I was listening, but a little frown tugged at my lips. It's not that I never expected her to like someone, but it still made me feel a little jealous, especially ever since I realised I liked her last year.

"Dad is okay," he continued, though he was forcing nonchalance. "Been quieter than usual lately. It's a little annoying, especially when I just– I need him, but mum thinks he'll snap out of it."

"Maybe he's stressed out," I offered, but he only shrugged and I knew it wouldn't make a difference.

Nick had always had a strained relationship with his father, especially as of late. And I didn't have much advice for him considering my own dad didn't deem me a good enough daughter to stay behind for. All I could think to do to comfort him was pull him in for a side hug, squeezing him tight.

"Have you eaten?" he asked after a moment of quiet. "There's some dinner leftover at ours."

"I'm pretty tired if I'm being honest," I told him, "but thank you."

"Hmm. Okay." I knew he was debating whether or not to force me to have something, but thankfully he left it and began to stand up. "I'll leave you to rest, Y/N. You do look a bit tired."

I shoved him as I stood up, too. "Arsehole."

Laughing, he pulled me in for a hug once more. "Night, Y/N. I'll see you tomorrow."

#alycia debnam carey #alicia clark #alicia clark imagine #fear the walking dead #ftwd #alicia clark x reader #alicia clark x you #fear the walking dead imagine #feartwd

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