#F*cking thirst trap ��

[youwerenevermine]

KIT HARINGTON || “Slave Play” BTS, via Jeremy O. Harris’ IG. (July 23, 2024)

[wannabeanartist]

HOLY F*CKING SH*T. I was trying to practice torso anatomy for my character, Dr. Vincent Quartero, and not only did I do good, I did too well. I think I just accidentally created a thirst trap 😭. Although I am still incredibly proud. It's actually good enough that you could see it in a real manga panel. I think I just went from beginner artist to intermediate artist.

[jtheplante]

All Hail King Julien survey! 🎉

Feel free to copy & paste, then give ur own answers! 👍 Stolen from @fairfaxandy

1. What do you think about All Hail King Julien?

Worst show ever

2. When did you first watch the show?

I knew this show existed for years. WHY DID I SLEEP ON IT FOR SO LONG??? Anyway last June I think I finally gave the 1st episode a chance, I was bored & looking for something new. The 1st episode is only okay so I didn't think much of it. A few weeks later (early July) I decided to give the show a 2nd chance. Episode 2 is meh, but it was Episode 3 w/the absolute gay furry thirst trap that is Karl Fanaloka that won me over & sealed my fate to watch the whole show 🔥

3. Favorite season?

Season 2 is probably the best season of any show ever in history. Exiled as a whole is also amazing but sadly dips in quality for a couple episodes IMO

4. Favorite episode?

Um have u even watched my episode rank video?? I put s3e6 (Jungle Games) as my #1, but as time's gone on, I think it's really s5e11 (KJ Is Watching You AKA the Orange ITN Black parody episode). Ted is peak and this episode is his peak 🔥

5. Least favorite episode?

As said in my ep rank video!! The S3 opener - O Captain Where Aren't Thou (both parts). Jokes fall flat, KJ's parents are a pain to watch, & the pirate crew is so forgettable I can't name a single one off the top of my head

6. Favorite scene?

Um the whole show but the hardest I laughed at any moment was when Ted suddenly exploded on stage while singing for no f*cking reason

7. Least favorite scene?

s3e4 the episode basically opens with a minute of nasty visualized farts & everyone vomiting on each other. I like gross-out to an extent but this was TOO. MUCH.

8. Favorite characters?

1st: Ted my beloved 💗💗💗 he's so much like me it's scary

2nd: King Julien - a VERY close 2nd. His energy & ability to stay goofy in even the worst situations inspires me to be the same 🔥

3rd: Karl - Gay thirst trap hottie social reject misunderstood sad backstory creative genius who just wants love 😭😭😭

4th: Mort - Objectively the best fictional character of all time. Sure he delivers the funniest moments in animated history but I don't really feel a connection with him like I do the top 3

5th: "Uncle" Julien - sass and ASS 🍑🥵 I love villains who are unapologetically assholes. His redemption was forced & stupid

9. Least favorite character?

Maggie - I love farts but it 100% depends on who. If it's a hot guy then 😍😍😍 but this is an old woman so 🤢 & that's like her whole character

10. Favorite ships?

Jaurice - absolutely adorable couple, heck I get teary eyed just thinking about them, gosh I'm so gay. Anyway their ship is extra special b/c KJ is usually hedonistic & horni, but with Maurice it's so wholesome & romantic 🥺

Julieddy & Karlien - These 2 ships have their own unique dynamics, but I put them together b/c they're both a gay man desperately wanting a man they can't have. This kinda situation always fascinates me & I can relate myself...

Karl x Chauncey - we all kno who Karl wants the most, but the fact that he has a happy life with Chauncey makes me happy 😌

Pandy - Be gay do crime

Ted x Horst - tbh if Ted finally divorced & married a man instead, Horst is a genuine contender

Nurse Phantom & Dr. S - the way they bicker is hilarious

KJ x Rob - Gay booty bumpin hotties enough said

11. Least favorite ships?

Clage - I've already ranted about it a million times it's just crap

"Uncle" Julien x Zora - like I said, forced & stupid

Willie x anyone - Willie's too innocent y'all

12. Have you ever cried while watching?

I'm an overly emotional gay man I cry over litcherally everything. I practically choked to death crying the first time I saw Maurice fall 😭

13. Favorite songs?

-Theme song superiority 🔥🔥🔥

-True Bromance is a gay anthem for the ages

-All Eyes On Me (Photronique) 🔥🔥

-I also like Swagnificent & Big Stacks

[smokeybrandreviews]

Stay Woke

This topic is a little out of character for me but i ind of want to address it because I've been seeing it in the cultural discourse more and more. Is Ice Spice mid? The short answer is yes. She is very, very, mid. But, to be honest, so is the entire Drill scene. That type of rap is just bunk to me. Say what you will about my taste in music, i am old as f*ck so i get it, Drill is just the rap version of Dubstep and i hate that sh*t, too. Now, that’s just the genre I'm speaking about. Obviously, there are dope Drill artists. Couldn’t name them because i don’ f*ck with Drill like hat bu I'm sure here are great Drill Rappers out here. I’m sure her are great female Drill Rappers out here. Ice Spice ain’t one of them.

Credit here credit is due, this new joint she’s featured on is dope as f*ck. Boy’s a Liar pt. II is a PinkPantheress song and that sh*t slaps. It’s the beat for me. That mess reminds me of a solid Shoujo anime opening. Seriously, if you put that sh*t over the opening of Chobits or Nana, and it wouldn’t even feel out of place. Gorgeous production and PinkPantheress’ vocals compliment that sh*t perfectly. Even Ice Spice’s verse matches the music damn near effortlessly. Like, the song is a bop and deserves all of the shine it’s getting. That said, Spice’s lyrics are dog sh*t. They’re elementary. I’ve heard better rhymes from high school students. The song, itself, is a great f*cking time but that’s because all the components congeal into this sublime audio experience. Taking Spice on her own? Just judging her ability on that feature? Man, ma is trash and that’s kind of the running theme throughout her catalog.

She’s a pedestrian lyricist at best. I can’t even say her flow is dope because she ad-libs WAY too much. Look up the lyrics to Munch and tell me they’re good. Hell, the only reason Munch is a thing in the song, is because she needed to rhyme something with lunch. Bro, points for clever thinking but really? Munch? And that’s just the hook! The entire song is just juvenile rhyme schemes and uninspired punchlines. And it’s her biggest record! Munch is what put her in the spotlight! THAT sh*t is the hit that got her name out there, which is ridiculous because literally every other attempt, outside of the PinkPantheress feature, is worse! Bikini Bottom, No Clarity, In Ha Hood; All them, trash! There’s no hook. There’ no uniqueness to them at all. It’s all just derivative drivel so why is she getting such a goddamn push? Literally it’s because she’s light skinned and beautiful.

I’m so sincere when i say this: Ice Spice is a f*cking bombshell. Ma is devastatingly bewitching. Dummy thicc, redbone, with big eyes, big lips, wide hips, and little tits? Bro, that’s the dream right there, especially among black dudes. I watched my little brother’s friend group cannibalize itself when one of those was introduced. I get it. My chic looks a lot like Ice Spice but with a smaller but, bigger boobs, and a button nose. I absolutely understand the allure and so does she, apparently. She knows that she’s hot, ma tells you every chance she can get in her records, but that’s basically it. That’s all she ever says in her record. Her EP is filled with songs that sound exactly the same. Sh*t, dude, her entire marketing push, before Munch, was just her posting thirst traps on Tik Tok with promos for her singles. And the sh*t worked because she a certified baddie! But that doesn’t change the fact that she is, musically, lyrically, mid as f*ck.

Look, I'm not out here trying to despairing ol’ girl or change any minds. I enjoy Ice Spice, to an extent. She’s young s f*ck, only started rapping, like, five years ago, and has potential. I don’t think she’s anywhere near as talented as Doja Cat or Cardi B but ma can grow into that role as she develops her ability. If she develops her ability. The aforementioned Doja Cat has come a long way from MOOO! (B*tch, I’ m a Cow). She also leaned heavy into her dummy thicc, redbone-ness and look how far that got her. The difference being that Doja is actually a good rapper. Her content, lyrical prowess, and overall flow have a distinct feel to them but, at the same time, vary from song to song. She has content for days. Ice Spice needs to diversify like that. She needs to find HER voice and not just Generic Drill Chick. Until then, she’s another a mid rapper with a pretty face.

[smokeybrand]

Stay Woke

This topic is a little out of character for me but i ind of want to address it because I've been seeing it in the cultural discourse more and more. Is Ice Spice mid? The short answer is yes. She is very, very, mid. But, to be honest, so is the entire Drill scene. That type of rap is just bunk to me. Say what you will about my taste in music, i am old as f*ck so i get it, Drill is just the rap version of Dubstep and i hate that sh*t, too. Now, that’s just the genre I'm speaking about. Obviously, there are dope Drill artists. Couldn’t name them because i don’ f*ck with Drill like hat bu I'm sure here are great Drill Rappers out here. I’m sure her are great female Drill Rappers out here. Ice Spice ain’t one of them.

Credit here credit is due, this new joint she’s featured on is dope as f*ck. Boy’s a Liar pt. II is a PinkPantheress song and that sh*t slaps. It’s the beat for me. That mess reminds me of a solid Shoujo anime opening. Seriously, if you put that sh*t over the opening of Chobits or Nana, and it wouldn’t even feel out of place. Gorgeous production and PinkPantheress’ vocals compliment that sh*t perfectly. Even Ice Spice’s verse matches the music damn near effortlessly. Like, the song is a bop and deserves all of the shine it’s getting. That said, Spice’s lyrics are dog sh*t. They’re elementary. I’ve heard better rhymes from high school students. The song, itself, is a great f*cking time but that’s because all the components congeal into this sublime audio experience. Taking Spice on her own? Just judging her ability on that feature? Man, ma is trash and that’s kind of the running theme throughout her catalog.

She’s a pedestrian lyricist at best. I can’t even say her flow is dope because she ad-libs WAY too much. Look up the lyrics to Munch and tell me they’re good. Hell, the only reason Munch is a thing in the song, is because she needed to rhyme something with lunch. Bro, points for clever thinking but really? Munch? And that’s just the hook! The entire song is just juvenile rhyme schemes and uninspired punchlines. And it’s her biggest record! Munch is what put her in the spotlight! THAT sh*t is the hit that got her name out there, which is ridiculous because literally every other attempt, outside of the PinkPantheress feature, is worse! Bikini Bottom, No Clarity, In Ha Hood; All them, trash! There’s no hook. There’ no uniqueness to them at all. It’s all just derivative drivel so why is she getting such a goddamn push? Literally it’s because she’s light skinned and beautiful.

I’m so sincere when i say this: Ice Spice is a f*cking bombshell. Ma is devastatingly bewitching. Dummy thicc, redbone, with big eyes, big lips, wide hips, and little tits? Bro, that’s the dream right there, especially among black dudes. I watched my little brother’s friend group cannibalize itself when one of those was introduced. I get it. My chic looks a lot like Ice Spice but with a smaller but, bigger boobs, and a button nose. I absolutely understand the allure and so does she, apparently. She knows that she’s hot, ma tells you every chance she can get in her records, but that’s basically it. That’s all she ever says in her record. Her EP is filled with songs that sound exactly the same. Sh*t, dude, her entire marketing push, before Munch, was just her posting thirst traps on Tik Tok with promos for her singles. And the sh*t worked because she a certified baddie! But that doesn’t change the fact that she is, musically, lyrically, mid as f*ck.

Look, I'm not out here trying to despairing ol’ girl or change any minds. I enjoy Ice Spice, to an extent. She’s young s f*ck, only started rapping, like, five years ago, and has potential. I don’t think she’s anywhere near as talented as Doja Cat or Cardi B but ma can grow into that role as she develops her ability. If she develops her ability. The aforementioned Doja Cat has come a long way from MOOO! (B*tch, I’ m a Cow). She also leaned heavy into her dummy thicc, redbone-ness and look how far that got her. The difference being that Doja is actually a good rapper. Her content, lyrical prowess, and overall flow have a distinct feel to them but, at the same time, vary from song to song. She has content for days. Ice Spice needs to diversify like that. She needs to find HER voice and not just Generic Drill Chick. Until then, she’s another a mid rapper with a pretty face.

[for-whom-the-bell-tolled]

What every (current) Pittsburgh Penguin will do once they retire, based 100% off of vibes

Jason Zucker: that “help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” life insurance commercial

John Marino: race car driver. he will be sponsored by chips ahoy and he will be shockingly good. later a scandal will come out where he admits he never got his license or learned to drive, all his driving experience comes from those driving games at the arcade.

Bryan Rust: laser tag employee.

Kris Letang: modeling. he will appear in cologne/Armani commercials forever but (hopefully) gets his start doing underwear modeling

Evan Rodrigues: dog breeder. specifically huskies. he will be shockingly good at it and end up with a husky breeding empire. people will come from thousands of miles away and be on six month waiting lists to get one of these adorable little puppies.

Jeff Carter: carts will try his hand at lots of different things. shampoo commercials, bud light platinum ads, hiring a team of researchers to try and find a way to re-grow teeth, etc. he will eventually settle down but decide he needs more from life and run for head of the PTA board at a local K-8 school. he will win in a landslide.

Casey DeSmith: he will first take a gap year to travel the world playing disc golf. he will return a father and end up being the hot single PTA dad that all the PTA moms are deeply in love with. somehow he and carts will be on the PTA at the same school. they did not coordinate this at all.

Jake Guentzel: spokesperson for the milkshake factory. he will star in a commercial where is is forced to lip sync and dance to that song about the milkshakes bringing all the boys to the yard. it will be hilarious.

Chad Ruhwedel: chad will own a gourmet salad food truck. all of the vegetables will be home grown and the food truck will be solar powered.

Kasperi Kapanen: will settle down as a humble vegetable farmer. he will supply runwedel’s food truck and also make a corn maze every year.

Teddy Blueger: will run for office as a joke and end up winning. he will actively try and get himself impeached but whatever he tries backfires and ends up making him look like a great president when in reality he just did it as a dare.

Brian Boyle: will run a non-profit cat cafe/bookshop where 100% of the proceeds go towards cancer research.

Louis Domingue: baking, obviously, then go on to found and host 17 seasons of a hit TV show where former pro athletes have to make dainty pastries + spicy pork and broccoli.

Brian Dumoulin: dumo will go on to be a tiktok chef. every video will unintentionally be a thirst trap. he will also be a contestant on the first season of louis’ show.

Rickard Rakell: olympic table tennis champion.

Danton Heinen: will be mistaken for a crime boss and used by the fbi as a doppelgänger for a sting operation. he will return a national hero.

Mike Matheson: high school history teacher. will also be roped into coaching the football team, even though he doesn’t know anything about football.

Evgeni Malkin: will join the nhl tnt crew. he will be a boisterous and very entertaining presence. he will try and fight wayne gretzky at least once just to say that he fought wayne gretzky.

Sidney Crosby: will take a break for a while, occasionally guest starring on tnt alongside geno. then will take over as head coach of the pens once sully retires. he saves his excitement for the ice. (iykyk)

Marcus Pettersson: his nickname is ‘the dragon,’ apparently, so he’ll either be a mascot or will own a fantasy themed mini golf place. possibly both.

Brock McGinn: youth hockey coach. he will get really, really into it and consistently win the league. he achieves this feat by making the 7-10 year olds go a ridiculous amount of drills.

Tristan Jarry: will somehow end up as head coach of the boston bruins. his first order of business will be to tape up signs saying “how about that f*cking save?!” all around the locker room.

[practicalmagicintuitions]

I am so f*cking tired of that IG accounts are making these comments especially if that IG seriously think a team member of Henry is writing to her… and calling him “our Henry” 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I am fed up. No more Henry readings and I won’t share any Henry ask for a while (or ever, idk)

I liked answering because most of you were really nice and had interesting opinions or views and I felt my blog somehow need to be a place for people who cannot be buy with a cheap thirst trap, who see the problem is HC and he is not some manipulated little lamb but I am just fed up that I cannot share a seemingly innocent opinion without someone make a drama or a conspiracy about it.

I.Am.Fed.Up.

[emilovesgerlion]

My Art

The Amazing Devil

Jaskier modelling

The lute and the sword icon

Geraskier - cozy evening in their home 

I beg your f*cking pardon?? aka. heart-shaped sunglasses

Joey Batey at the London premiere of Season one the witcher

Jaskiers thirst trap/Geralt on potions (traditional art)

The Horror and the Wild

Of banquets, bastards and burials

Eskel

Lambert

Elio and Oliver

[v-world]

To the younger sisters who’re close with their older sister and they’re going to a college far away

It f*cking hurts, doesn’t it? That moment on your bed sitting in contemplation and genuine fear that this year may just be the worst year of your life because your support system won’t be there. The 1-2 hours of tears. The inability to breathe. The swollen, red eyes. The headache. The urge to tell your sister you’re going to miss her. The pride that prevents you.The thoughts: who’s going to relate with me on how crappy school is? Who’s going to listen to me hate on sh*tty teachers? Who’s going to listen to me talk about how much I hate my  friends? How much I hate everyone? Who’s going to laugh at TikToks and memes with me? Who’s going to thirst over thirst traps with me?The realisation that they won’t be home when you come from school. The selfish, secret hopes that their 12th grade final results got lower so they won’t be chosen anymore. The hatred toward them when you’re heartbroken because they chose a college so far from home. How selfish they were to think of only themselves. The few days before their flight and your hopes that the day never arrives. The day it arrives. The moment you have to say goodbye. More tears.

 I’m going through this right now so I have no words of experience to share with you. But I do have hopes for you and I. I hope that in this year, you grow to be less dependent. I hope you become stronger, more dedicated and fierce. Keep your head up champ. It may be difficult for you to hear this right now but, be happy for her. She’s going to the college of her dreams and she’s worked hard for this.

[josiesimblr]

He lifts me up in his arms, puts his hand over my mouth when I scream. He throws me onto the bed, shakes me once more as he pins me down, towers over me.

Leo growls: I’m scaring you? I’m scaring you? You know f*cking well  I can’t do ANYTHING to you! I can’t feed off you, I can’t drain you, I can’t even shed a drop of your blood. And now? Now all I can do is think about you! Relentlessly, endlessly, you’re all I think about. I can’t even feed thinking about you, my thirst is gone, vanished! And so answer me, Shannon. Tell me if you planned this. Tell me if there are more of you, tell me what you’re all planning!

He’s irrational. I figure the only thing I can do is speak calmly, bring him down from the rage that’s consuming him. It’s my only hope.

Me softly: I truly have no idea what you’re talking about, Leo. I didn’t plan anything. I don’t know why I’m trapped here. I don’t know why you’re so angry. Please. Please believe me.

I lift my hands to his face, into his hair. His hair that feels so soft in between my fingers. His beautiful face hovers so close to mine. I close my eyes.

What the hell is happening to me? I should be deathly afraid, but my fear is fading. Instead...instead I want to calm this man down, I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him until we’re both breathless. I want to slide my hands across his strange eyes, his cheeks, his full lips. I want to feel his body sliding over mine, I want to wrap my legs in a grip around his waist. I want him inside me, hear him moan my name as he enters me.

 I want HIM.

[womenofcolor15]

ICYMI: Azealia Banks' Claims About Sleeping With Married Dave Chapelle Still Have Us Cringing

Azealia Banks is making claims that she had sex with married comedian Dave Chappelle. More inside…

Usually when drama with female rappers/singers pop off, Azealia Banks loves to chime in when her two cents.

After that Doja Cat drama, Azealia hopped on Instagram to drag the “Say So” singer and her remix featured rapper, Nicki Minaj. Their song lit up Billboard’s Hot 100 charts, coming in after Megan Thee Stallion and Beyonce’s “Savage Remix.” History was made and Banks shared her opinions about it.

In the midst of trashing talking Doja & Nicki, she then turned her attack on a very well-known comedian: Dave Chappelle.

The “211” rapper said she’s tired of covering for men who never defend her, so she was airing out all her dirty laundry. Well, their allegedly dirty laundry.

“I have actually f*cked a lot of f*cking very powerful f*cking men,” she said. “And you will f*cking gag when I spill all the f*cking tea. It’s a lot of tea I be wanting to spill on you f*cking black n*ggas. Especially like, when y’all be seeing me getting attacked in the f*cking media and sh*t and y’all don’t come for my rescue,” she continued.

        View this post on Instagram

                  Watching it all unfold.

A post shared by SEA QUEEN LA SIRENA (@azealiabanks) on May 23, 2020 at 9:42pm PDT

Then, she started to name drop.

“Dave Chappelle, I should ruin your fu*king marriage, I should tell the world that we f*cked,” Azealia revealed. “Cause y’all niggas don’t look out for me so ehat the f*ck I’m keeping secrets from y’all n*ggas for? No, Dave Chappelle can fuck me again. That was some good black dick.”

Yikes.

Check it:

Azealia Banks describing sex with (married) Dave Chappelle is something I never expected to hear.. pic.twitter.com/qytMOHPVUg

— GlockTopickz (@GTopickz) May 25, 2020

Since her online rant, she has been posting thirst traps on Instagram:

        View this post on Instagram

                  Can’t sail in this pussy with a boat you need a YACHT

A post shared by SEA QUEEN LA SIRENA (@azealiabanks) on May 27, 2020 at 1:24am PDT

The famed comedian hasn't addressed Azealia's claims as of yet.

Dave Chappelle tied the knot to his wife Elaine Chappelle in 2001 and they have three kids together.

In case you were wondering what she said about Nicki, check it out below: 

  Some people may hte the messenger but once again Azealia Banks told no lies Nicki Minaj has gone awefully quiet regarding Doja Cat ... why she ain’t go on Queen radio ? But against Cardi B she had a lot to say pic.twitter.com/BFx1NN3ni0

— Celestial D’Nelly (@DNELLY2000s) May 25, 2020

  Photos: Christian Bertrand/ Featureflash Photo Agency/Shutterstock.com/Splash

[Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2020/05/28/azealia-banks-claims-she-slept-with-married-dave-chapelle-%E2%80%93-%E2%80%98i-should-ruin-your-fcking-ma

[munchberry]

I told my ex to delete my thirst trap and he said why? And I know he still has it and other girls. He needs f*cking help yo

[smokeybrand]

Calm Thy Tits

Always awkward opening up Instagram and seeing someone you know, someone you consider to be your baby sister, putting on a striptease. Like, bro, i don't need to see you thirst-trapping your simps. I mean, get your money or whatever it is your looking to get, but do that sh*t on an account that i ain't following. I don't want to see that sh*t. Put your f*cking boobs away!

[wineanddinosaur]

More Headlines, Fewer Bottles: The Rise of Clickbait Scotch

On a Monday evening in late February 2019, a small group of New York-based writers went to Sotheby’s for a lavish dinner prepared by Chef Massimo Bottura, the famed maestro behind the world’s best restaurant, Osteria Francescana. This private event was ostensibly held to announce The Dalmore’s new, 49-year-old Scotch, L���Anima, which was packaged in a single bottle and would eventually fetch £108,000 at auction (approximately $139,500), to be donated to the chef’s non-profit organization, Food for Soul.

Really, though, if we’re being honest, this Scotch was created and that event held so the invited journalists would write about it — and dozens eventually did.

It seems like once a week some company releases a brand new, incredibly old, gorgeously packaged, hilariously rare, and extremely f*cking pricey whisky. How it tastes and whether someone actually buys and drinks the stuff is beside the point. Instead, brands are creating what essentially constitutes “clickbait Scotch” — products designed to generate headlines readers will click on, not actual spirits people will sip and savor.

“[It] helps break us out of the very focused whisky press, much more to lifestyle press, with a bit more of an interesting angle,” Claire Blackadder, The Dalmore’s global head of brand, says about these expensive releases. “We don’t want to just be a luxury whisky, we want to be a luxury brand, and act how other luxury brands act.”

So do quite a few other Scotch brands these days. In mid-April 2019, The Glenlivet released the third installment in its “Winchester Collection,” a 50-year-old single malt of which only 150 bottles were produced. They sold for $25,000 each.

To simply explain The Glenlivet Winchester Collection Vintage 1967’s packaging would be enough for you to write the entire lead to your article: The hand-blown, hand-engraved, and hand-painted glass bottles were designed in collaboration with award-winning British furniture designer Bethan Gray, who took her inspiration, according to the press release, “from the rolling hills that surround The Glenlivet distillery in Scotland.”

Do the buyers of these bottles actually drink them? Occasionally, I am told, but it hardly matters. Many speculate that these well-heeled buyers are more interested in converting liquid cash into literal liquid and, hey, if a brand gets a whole bunch of stories out of it, that’s great, too.

“The problem is: the people who will buy these are not buying whisky, they’re buying status,” Joshua Hatton, president and CEO of Single Cask Nation, posted to Facebook upon the release of The Macallan’s $53,000, 52 Year Old earlier this year.

The Macallan is today’s best-known producer of liquid-as-investment. The company was creating clickbait Scotch before there was an internet to click on. In 1986, and then 1993, it released two different 60-year-old bottlings that sold for around £15,000 each (about £26,400, or $34,200, by today’s standards).

The Macallan’s luxury releases didn’t really start gaining buzz until 2002, when it launched its Fine & Rare collection. By 2007 The Macallan 1926 was auctioned off for $54,000 — then the most expensive whisky ever sold and, thus, catnip for those writing headlines at all the blogs proliferating at the time. An arms race to be included in “Most Expensive Scotch” articles and listicles thus begun.

“I can actually look at this with some sort of perspective,” says Robin Robinson, author of the upcoming “The Complete Whiskey Course: A Comprehensive Tasting School in Ten Classes,” and not a fan of these luxury bottlings. “Say Macallan has some 50-year-old whisky. Prior to the current boom, they would just have taken that and blended it into a younger bottling, have it be part of their 18- or 25-Year-Old range, and that would be the end of it. No one was buying whisky back then anyway, so why would someone buy an old whisky? Now there’s a market.”

Over the last two decades, whisky got red hot. Companies were able to find customers for just about anything, no matter how absurdly it was priced.

Dalmore entered the fray in 2006 when it launched its own Rare & Prestige Range, which included a 40-year-old bottle marketed for £1,300. By 2010 the company was offering just three bottles of something called 64 Trinitas. The price? A whopping £100,000.

These Rare & Prestige releases were “not about breaking world records but about making the best whisky money can buy,” master distiller Richard Paterson claimed at the time. “Not every whisky distillery has these [old releases], and the ones that don’t have them get jealous and become bitchy at me,” he added.

Enough companies did have the stock for these old releases, however, and so the niche category continued to explode. Glenfiddich offered a 50 Year Old in 2013 for $26,000. The Glenlivet Winchester Series began in 2014 with a 1964 release for $25,000 (A headline: Glenlivet’s $25,000 Whisky That’s Actually a Bargain… Sort Of). Glenfarclas came out with the John Grant 60 Year Old in 2015 for $20,000. And Macallan continued to crank out flashy release after flashy releases, grabbing headlines a few times a year with yet another insane product.

That would seem to have culminated with last summer’s The Macallan 72 Years Old in Lalique, which cost $60,000 and was packaged “in a unique and bespoke crystal decanter and presentation case that are defined by the outstanding architectural complexity of our new brand home,” according to the press release (but, quite frankly, to me, looked impossible to pour).

“This is something they should be serving at Hudson Yards,” Robinson says, referring to Manhattan’s new, much-maligned, uber-luxury real estate development. “It’s just full of ridiculous glitz and more expensive than it really needs to be.”

The Macallan 72 Years Old in Lalique netted more than 10 pages of articles dedicated to it, according to a recent Google search.

Like Robinson, most whiskey drinkers I talk to seem to loathe these releases. Many think they are downright bad for an industry that has long struggled to shed it’s 1-percent-er label and attract more younger, middle-class drinkers.

“A 50-year old-whisky, I don’t care where it’s been, that’s not prime-condition whisky,” Robinson says. “So now marketing takes over. For these Lalique bottles, you’re paying as much for the bottle as the actual whisky inside it. Does it take a little bit of the heart and soul out of whisky? Yeah, it does.”

Alas, these luxury releases don’t show any sign of slowing down. Last year alone, Johnnie Walker released the John Walker Masters’ Edition for $25,000 a bottle, Highland Park offered a 50 Year Old for $15,000, and Balvenie released 12 total bottles of its 50 Year Old for $38,000 apiece.

Does it always have to be a cynical play, though?

Craigellachie seems to actually be using its latest clickbait release for a bit of good. Its 51 Year Old was not put in some crazy decanter, nor was it even offered for sale when it was released just this spring. Instead, the brand decided to give away complimentary drams of it at pop-up bars throughout the world, allowing many average folks to taste a luxury libation for the first time in their lives.

(Of course, that liquid largesse still netted plenty of headlines.)

If that’s what it takes to get a heritage spirit company some press these days, and if it will maybe teach beginners about the single malt category, I suppose that’s not the worst thing in the world. Maybe, in some convoluted way, these clickbait luxury offerings are actually how you do attract a more mainstream audience.

“I think there’s a lot of people that are still learning about malt whiskey and I think these luxury releases do help them navigate things a little more,” says Blackadder. She imagines such consumers might read a clickbait Scotch headline and think, “‘Wow, they have these whiskies at amazing ages getting amazing press coverage. Maybe I should see if the rest of their range lives up to that.’”

The article More Headlines, Fewer Bottles: The Rise of Clickbait Scotch appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/single-malt-thirst-trap-is-a-curiosity-gap/

[smokeybrandcompositions]

Intelligent Design

My little brother is dating a twenty year old. Like, fresh twenty. She turned twenty in October, i think. Chick was in high school two and half years ago. I graduated 18 years ago. Seriously, i’ve known my best friend since September of 1997; I met him a month before she was born! That mess is wild to me! My brother is only twenty-six so i guess the age gap is a bit more manageable for him but to me, she’s six. I refer to her as his “Child-Bride” and she hates that apparently. She thinks she’s an adult because she’s in her early twenties. Thin is, we live in California. Chick can’t even buy cigarettes here anymore. While i get that’s not much of a measuring stick or whatever, the fact that i’ve seen this chick throw herself on the ground into kicking tantrums over not getting rides to work, is. I’ve seen this chick pout for hours because i bought myself food and didn’t share. I’ve listened to her reason the fact she lost a job was because the hiring manager, a woman, was a corrupt b*tch that fired a pregnant woman because she couldn’t work the necessary hours rather than accept the fact that said manager just didn’t feel confident the Child-Bride could do the job.

My guy, she punched a whole in my wall over a goddamn bread stick.

Now, i know there are a lot of teenagers and twenty somethings on this site. I know what i have said so far might trigger their little butt hurt feelings or whatever but let me elaborate. I believe that there are three types of fundamental intelligence: Intellect, Wisdom, and Smarts. In order to be a true adult, a true, functioning, grown-up, all three of these things need to be active and working in sync in order to reach that end.

Intellect

Intellect is the information we accumulate through study. Basically it’s the sh*t you learn during school. This is more fact retention than anything. When cats tell me they’re bad at studying or math or some sh*t, all i hear is “i’m too lazy or cn’t be bothered to actively remember the stuff the state mandated curriculum forces me to memorize. I’m not mad at that. School is bullsh*t and you don’t learn anything but rhetoric there. That being said, you still need the core fundamentals in order to be able to function so, learn your ABCs and qw3s, ladies and gentlemen. Get a tutor if you have to but you need them sh*ts in order to build into the next type of intelligence. The Child-Bride excels at this aspect of intelligence. She’s intellectual as f*ck and that makes it easy to talk to her, more so than most of her dumbass peers. She’s smart as f*ck, man, i can totally admit that. But she is starved in the there two aspects of intelligence.

Wisdom

Wisdom is crazy tricky for kids. Seriously, wisdom is often the one aspect of intellect that no twenty year old has and that’s because it’s the fundamental understanding of a collected subject over time in contrast to the same subject, presented in society/the world. Be it yourself (self-actualization), Academic progress (Pursuing those higher, more theoretical degrees), Societal understanding (Understanding the concept of tact or becoming actually socially conscious and not just this pedestrian “woke” nonsense i hear all the time), Emotional (Learning to accept that people can be cruel but you can move past that without taking it to heart or just not punching a whole in my f*cking wall because you’re upset over f*cking bread sticks!), etc. Time has a funny way pf taking the fundamentals you’ve learned, and giving you brand new perspective. It essentially forces to to constantly examine and re-examine our positions, often allotting brand now outcomes as you ability to understand, grows. It;s why old people always seem so content. They’ve lived long enough to understand everything they need to. And it’s why kids are so f*cking ridiculous. They literally haven’t even started on that journey yet. It’s interesting wen you look at it broadly like that. In the beginning of your life, there’s an explosion of intellectual learning. you have to accumulate so much information just to be able to play the game of life. Age 1 to probably 18 is you learning the move set; you’re playing the tutorial. Literally everything after that, you’re trying to figure out the goddamn game. Every time you f*ck up, you learn a little something. Every setback you have, you adjust your course and try again. Those “lives you use” are the lesson which build up your wisdom. At 20, you ain’t got any of that. Not a lick, yo. You haven’t made enough moves or reached enough dead ends to have accumulated any semblance of skill just yet, even if you’d like to pretend otherwise.

Smarts

This one is another aspect of intelligence that the youth often lack. Smarts is the basically commonsense. It goes hand in hand with wisdom. It’s quite literally what you glean from everyday observation; hax so to speak. It’s the driving force that makes you work smarter, not harder. It’s those epiphany you get after trying something over and over again but this time, you’re inspired to try it in a different way. It’s the immediate understanding that you need to approach a problem differently in order to overcome it because hat you’re trying ain’t working. It’s the opposite of insanity and the breeder pf ingenuity. It’s Pollock, Van Gogh, and Picasso letting go of the rigid shapes or techniques taught to them in school, instead just letting the paint guide them where they needed to go. We got the wheel because of it. We learned how to control fire because of it. We domesticated the wolf using it. That spark is smarts. The ability to understand how to carry that spark into a blaze is wisdom. but none of it works if you don’t have the fodder to burn, which is intellect. Hand in hand, working together, you achieve a adult understanding about things. Children are still learning the tools necessary to even get to the starting line. That’s what school is for. The more you learn there, the easier it is to apply your sparks. you have all of the information necessary to carry that inspiration forward, to apply your intellect in new, unorthodox ways. And as time goes on, as you master your technique and understand how to achieve your goal more efficiently, that accumulated understanding becomes wisdom you can pass on to the next generation in order to give them that much more of a star from where you began your race. Hand in Hand. Working together.

Ol’ girl is a child and children are dumb. In every facet. They’re ignorant, immature, and have a legitimate lack of common sense. They dumb as rocks. But that’s not a bad thing. You’re suppose to be dumb you twenties. You’re suppose to muddle through. AS long as you‘ve accumulated enough intellect during your formative years, you spend the majority of your early adult years figuring that sh*t out in connection to reality, not just theory. If you put in the work. and that’s this chick’s problem. That’s most of these kids’ problems. They don’t want to do the work. In an age of participation trophies. instant gratification, and Wikipedia. it’s easier to just plagiarize and fake it then it is to actually try. It’s why we have become a medicated nation. You want to know why little Tyler is addicted to speed? you gave him Ritalin when he was six because if his ADHD. You want to know why Harriet is addicted to heroin? you prescribed her Oxy for a sprained ankle. You want to know why Aubrey constantly has panic attacks in public? it’s because the work is too hard. It’s because, in this current social climate, everyone else has to count for your development, not you.And that’s the Child-Bride’s problem.

I adore ol girl. I do. I love debating her. I find it amazing she has such unique talents. Her writing skill is quite riveting and fresh. But she throws kicking tantrums on my floor when i tell her No. She punches holes in my walls over bread sticks. She lies all of the time just to placate cats and actually cares what people think about her. She’s kind of a vapid, walking, thirst trap but i know she’s more than that. She just needs to put in the work to BE more than that. She refuses this though. said she’d rather kill herself because it’s too hard. I know it's not. It is hard, true, probably the hardest thing you’ll ever attempt but i know it can be done. My wife did it. She’s actively doing it now. I’m actively doing it now. That’s what it means to be an adult. Doing the work. Using your intellect to identify what needs work. Using your smarts tackle the problem in a myriad of ways. and using your wisdom when one thing fails but you’ve understood there is a different route.This is what it means to be an adult. Until she musters the wisdom necessary to even try, ol’ girl will always just be my brother’s Child-Bride.