#Except Castiel sometimes and only when his life is in mortal peril

[beautifulduckweed]

Last night, while @beeluffalo​ and I were hanging out in Discord working on our writing projects:

Candy: If I write Destiel in Captive Prince AU will you read Captive Prince??? Because I WILL

Bee: Candy: writes Destiel fic AT Bee

Candy: This actually works, Dean is an Akielon guard, Castiel is a Veretian noble, Castiel even sounds vaguely Veretian already Dean is short for...Deanianos

Bee: Bee: oh noes how i suffer lol

Candy: Deanianos is assigned as an honor guard for Castiel But hark, there are spy shenanigans involving Crowley, a Vaskian operative

Bee: !! :shakes fist: that dastardly Crowley

Candy: He's a wascal

Bee: are there horses? can Dean(ianos) have a black horse?

Candy: Oh fuck yeah Muscular as heck

Bee: and like rescue cas at some point and whisk him away on the horse

Candy: Pull him onto the horse

Bee: possibly minorly injured

Candy: Yes, whisking, definitely whisking away God this fic writes itself They're stuck in an inn during a winter storm Deanianos has to pretend to be Castiel's pet

Bee: AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED

Candy: There is only one room left

Bee: oh wait

Candy: and yes (a pet is a fancy courtesan)

Bee: pets don't get to sleep in beds im' guessing ah

Candy: Oh they VERY do

Bee: so no one would even worry about second beds noice

Candy: So Deanianos has to act all seductive but is SO BAD AT IT Wow this fic is really writing itself

Bee: (i maybe read too much a/b/o and bdsm spn stuff for "pet" to not mean "sleep on floor until someone catches feelings and lets you sleep in a bed")

Candy: Hahaha fair!

Bee: oooh yes dean could not act that to save his life but like is cas angry about how much he's fucking up, or amused?

Candy: ...both? Exasperated fondness??? He's normally so straitlaced and dutiful But something about this chaotic manchild with a face like an angel and the table manners of a goblin is unfurling a tender part of him long thought dead

Bee: TABLE MANNERSSS

Candy: Oh yeah. OH YEAH He's a common soldier You gotta eat fast

Bee: oh yes he would be the WORST fake courtesan

Candy: And you gotta eat a LOT Castiel offers him a sweetmeat between his fingertips And Dean like swallows practically his whole fist God why am I such a GENIUS Every TV show needs to hire me

Bee: deeeeeeean(ianos) does dean(ianos) have to wear something like silky and skimpy to be undercover? and he's pretending he's angry about it but secretly so into it

Candy: Oh hell yeah Pets are in fact scantily and scandalously clad Usually with lots of jewelry Akielons are already scantily clad by Veretian standards, just, y'know, not with the sexy silky stuff, so I can see them having to improvise hilariously

Bee: like hastily trading something to a townsperson in exchange for like their tablecloth and a wall-hanging

Candy: Yeah or even like grabbing Castiel's silk scarf and going "CAN WE MAKE THIS WORK"

Bee: oh yeah he'd have smoother underthings silk scarf and like a soft gossamer robe

Candy: Oh god repurposing a wall-hanging into a sexy loincloth Bee you are a comic GENIUS

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In conclusion, Bee and I are geniuses and totally normal people, somebody give us wheelbarrows of money for being geniuses

Also I guess I have another Captive Prince project rotting my brain now, This Is Fine