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ellenembee · 7 years ago

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The Revelation of All Things - 50. In which she gets by with a little help (from her friends)

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Bull and Varric watched from their regular table as the Inquisitor emerged from Josephine's office into the main hall. Bull raised his hand to get her attention, but she didn't look his way at all. Instead, she walked quickly to her own door and disappeared through it, her posture stiff and her face emotionless. If he were anyone else, he probably wouldn't have noticed a thing. But he wasn't anyone else.

"Hmmmmm..."

Varric nodded. "Yeah. Wonder what's up?"

Figures that the dwarf would notice, too.

"Don't know. But here comes someone who does."

Unlike the Inquisitor, Leliana made a beeline for the table where he and Varric were enjoying their evening meal.

"Bull. Just who I was looking for. Come with me."

"Uh, sure thing, Red."

Leliana barely glanced at him as she passed by. Bull and Varric shared a mutual look of surprise, but Bull quickly got up and followed the spymaster up to her rookery. When they reached the top, Bull stood patiently as she sent her agents out. Finally, she crossed her arms and let out a small huff.

"I need your assistance," she said quietly, mindful of the center opening into the library below.

"Sure. What's up?" he replied in a similar low tone.

"I'm not sure, yet. Josephine has been trying to reinstate her family's ability to trade in Orlais, but someone has killed her couriers and destroyed the paperwork. I have uncovered a few leads, but the more I find, the more worried I become that someone will make an attempt on Josie's life. I don't want to worry her prematurely, but I would be immensely grateful for another set of eyes and ears on the ground here in Skyhold. And if you see or hear of anything useful from your Ben-Hassrath contacts, let me know."

"Absolutely. Are we talking a noble with a grudge or professional assassins?"

"Everything points to assassins. I'm not sure if they've been hired by someone else or if they themselves have a grudge against the Montilyet family."

"Hmmmm... I'll send out feelers within the network. Between the two of us, I'm sure we can track this down."

Leliana nodded. "Thank you, Bull. Your help is appreciated."

Bull chuckled. "Hey, that's what you pay me for, right? I'll be honest, though. This wasn't the conversation I expected."

"Oh? How so?"

"Varric and I saw the Inquisitor leave your little tea party. She didn't look so happy. I mean, to us. No one else would have noticed, but..."

"Ahhh... yes. Well, that's something else entirely. We have been receiving some... unpleasant messages from various citizens about the impropriety of the rumored affair between our Inquisitor and her Commander. The whispered talk in the back rooms and dark hallways all over Thedas is worse. She did not take it well."

"What are they saying?"

"Here. You can read them yourself if you like."

Leliana handed him a small stack of parchment. As he quickly skimmed the notes, he found himself cursing under his breath. The vitriol directed at the Commander in particular for "sullying himself" with a "knife-eared upstart" sickened him. Some even went so far as to compare him to Andraste's betrayer and husband, Maferath, and warned that the Commander would betray their Herald of Andraste soon enough. Many more, however, were directly degrading to the Inquisitor's status as an elf and a mage.

"These people insane," he muttered under his breath.

Leliana laughed. "Quite possibly. The conspiracy theories and ravings of sick people never cease to amaze me. It's one reason I have always strived to remain in the shadows. And the reality of an organization this large is that we could very well be torn apart from within, so it is best to keep them around as a reminder of what we hope to avoid."

"Anyone who knows her - anyone who knows the Commander for that matter - would never say such shitty things."

"Which is why it is important that she continue to travel around Thedas closing rifts and uniting people against Corypheus. In the end, we do not need these crazy townsfolk to believe in us. We need the average person and the powerful to recognize and join with us. Before our alliance with Orlais, we would occasionally receive a scathing note from this or that noble, but since the Empress offered her support, those messages have largely turned into whispers behind closed doors. The rich and powerful know where their bread is buttered, and right now, it is with us."

"I guess." Bull narrowed his one good eye. "In that spirit, perhaps you wouldn't object to a possible alliance with the Qunari, then?"

Usually, Leliana was too good at the Game to let her emotions show. His offer, however, clearly took her by surprise.

"I... I don't know. What kind of alliance?"

Bull shrugged. "Don't know, yet. There've been flutters among the Ben-Hassrath about it. I know they'll require a show of good faith. I just didn't think it'd be something you'd entertain. But maybe you wouldn't object if I brought it up with the boss?"

"I... don't suppose there's any harm in at least hearing what they have to say. I've never heard of the Qunari allying with anyone before."

Bull gave her a smug grin. "That's because they never have. Corypheus is bad news. They know that as well as anyone."

"Corypheus is a threat to their hope of ever conquering Tevinter."

Bull laughed. In truth, he wasn't sure of the motivation behind such an offer, but he wasn't in a position to question it.

"Well, yes. That's part of it."

"Run it by the Inquisitor. If she approves, we'll talk more about it."

Bull nodded and turned to leave, but Leliana's voice stopped him.

"Will you let the other companions know that the Inquisitor and Commander will be out for the next few days on Inquisition business?"

Bull threw Leliana a lewd look over his shoulder as he descended the stairs. She smirked at him in return.

By the time he reached the great hall, Dorian had joined Varric at the table. Bull sat down at his plate and started eating again. The other two just stared at him until Varric loudly and deliberately cleared his throat.

"Well?"

"The Inquisitor is going to be gone for the next few days on Inquisition business."

The dwarf gave him a shrewd look. "On 'business'? Without her companions?"

"Yup." Bull paused, reveling in the reveal. "And with the Commander."

Dorian let out a low whistle. "Well, well, well. Who would've thought he'd work up the nerve? I wonder where they're going." He started to stand. "Perhaps I should go give the Commander some pointers..."

Bull put his hand on the mage's shoulder and gently pushed him back down into his chair. "She and the Commander are reviewing the work of a blacksmith near Honnleath. They'll be taking a few soldiers with them. I wouldn't call it a romantic trip, Dorian."

The mage tinged red at the contact but said nothing. Since their last trip together, tensions between himself and the Tevinter mage were now at critical levels, but Dorian had yet to make a move. Either it would end in mayhem or in the bedroom. Bull would prefer the latter - not least because the former might upset their Inquisitor. Regardless, he decided to leave the teasing for later. They had more important matters to deal with tonight. Dorian brushed Bull's hand off his shoulder and made a petulant face.

"Spoilsport. I could have gotten at least four or five blushes out of the Commander before he threw me out of his office."

Varric snickered but then turned almost immediately back to Bull with a more serious expression. "What else?"

"She's been getting some hate mail. Pretty awful stuff. Some of it about her and the Commander... Rumors and such. I'm sure you can relate. Not everyone loves your fiction as much as Cassandra."

"Well. Shit. I certainly can. My editor usually keeps most of it out of my sight, though. It takes some time to get desensitized to things like that. I'm surprised Leliana even showed her the letters."

"I don't think she saw them. Just heard about them. But it's something she'll need to get used to as a public figure. Sheltering her from these things won't help her."

He firmly believed it, but it didn't make it any easier to take. Bull sometimes wished the Inquisitor had a thicker skin. Then again, she wouldn't be her if she did.

The three of them fell into a solemn silence, each chewing through their dinners slowly, wrapped up in their own thoughts. After a few minutes, Hawke approached, plate in hand, and looked them over. Her bow-shaped lips contorted in displeasure. Bull just shrugged at her as Dorian let out a deep sigh and took a long drink from his wine.

"I'd ask if someone died, but in our line of work, the answer is far too likely to be yes," she joked as she sat down next to Varric and then frowned at the complete lack of response. "Alright. I'll bite. What's up? I don't think I've ever seen the three of you this quiet. Either you're planning something really big - in which case, I want in - or something really depressing just happened - and I should probably know about it whether I want to or not."

Varric filled her in on the conversation. There was a bit of a lull before Varric took a sarcastic poke at Hawke.

"You've never had to deal with people who hated you before, have you?"

"Oh, no! Not at all. A Circle full of hostile mages and templars, Qunari, Carta, Coterie, various and sundry evil doers whose plots and schemes I've ruined, Chantry Mothers, a decimated city full of angry people..." She paused, but when no one spoke, she continued airily, "Plenty of people said nasty things about me, but I never believe any of it. Deep down, I'm sure they all really adore me. Cullen did. If I can turn a stodgy templar like him, I must be some kind of badass hero or something. Still glad that man finally came to his senses in the end. He's a good sort, even if he does have a stick up his ass most of the time." She leaned back and looked at them all in turn. "But if you're all so concerned for your lovely Inquisitor, why aren't you upstairs cheering her up?"

After a long pause, Dorian stood suddenly. "Excellent question, my dear." He picked up his bottle of wine and a couple of glasses off the table then looked around expectantly. "Well?"

Bull shrugged. Just because she needed to learn how to deal with it didn't mean she needed to do it alone.

"I'm in. You two coming?"

Hawke held up her hands. "I wouldn't want to intrude on family bonding time."

"You've got a shit ton of experience with this sort of thing, though," Bull reminded her.

Hawke seemed to waver as she considered Bull's point. Varric finally got up and grabbed her by the elbow.

"Come on. If we don't cheer her up, she'll be stewing on this all night. Grab another bottle or three, Sparkler. If we're gonna do this, we should do it up right."

Dorian gave a little cheer and pulled another few bottles off a nearby table. They finagled their way past the guards and took the stairs up to the Inquisitor's quarters. After a short but heated debate on whether they should knock, Bull pounded his fist on the door. They heard nothing until a small voice called out from the other side.

"Who's there?"

"Everyone, apparently," Dorian said jovially. "But more specifically, it's me, Varric, Bull, and Hawke. You looked a little down earlier, so we've come to cheer you up... with wine!"

The lock clicked, and the Inquisitor's tired face appeared. She smiled at them weakly, and it was apparent to all that she'd shed a few tears at least. Bull felt a little twinge of regret that they hadn't thought to come up sooner. What the woman needed was a distraction. If the Commander couldn't provide that tonight, then it was up to them.

"Well, as long as you have wine..."

She backed away and waved her hand for them to ascend the stairs into her quarters. As soon as they crested the stairs, Hawke gave a long, low whistle and threw herself down on the couch in front of the fire.

"Fancy digs, Inquisitor! Must be pretty lonely up here on your own, though."

The Inquisitor motioned for everyone to sit. Varric sat on the couch with Hawke, and Dorian lounged on the rug in front of the fire. Bull took a spot toward the back against the wall next to the fire place. The Inquisitor sat on the floor in front of the couch. From his spot, Bull could see everyone's face except Dorian's.

"It took some getting used to - the being alone. Those first few weeks in Haven, I thought I might go stir crazy in that tiny cabin by myself. But I've adjusted fairly well. We're often out in the field anyway. The large windows and tall ceilings here help, too."

Bull considered her words. He knew a little about the Dalish, but he hadn't really stopped to consider how the different customs might affect her.

"You were never alone in your clan?" he queried.

"Not really, no. Not like you mean. I... kept to myself more often than the others, but even then, we all slept near each other. Having a big space like this to myself is quite out of the ordinary. Half my clan could fit in here. It does have its upsides, though. I've even developed a taste for shemlen beds."

Dorian made a face as he handed each of them a glass of wine. "I can't imagine sleeping on the ground all the time. And around a whole group of people? It's bad enough when we're traveling around the back hills of Ferelden and Orlais. Give me a fluffy bed with plush velvet pillows, a full wine cellar and possibly a nice bubble bath."

Varric chuckled. "Yes, Dorian. We're all aware of your idea of the 'bare necessities.'" Dorian merely gave Varric a disdainful look, so the dwarf continued, "I don't mind sleeping on the ground. Maker knows I had to do enough of it while wandering around Sundermount with Hawke."

"Hey! I never made you come along. You were there of your own free will... unlike here, I understand. Something about being conscripted - detained and questioned about a certain dashing warrior's whereabouts?"

Varric shook his head. "The things I do for you..."

Hawke looked around at them with a smug look. "See? Unmitigated adoration."

Bull watched a small smile play at the corners of the Inquisitor's mouth as the two friends bantered back and forth. But she had yet to truly smile, and the glass of wine Dorian provided earlier sat untouched on the floor.

"I'm not sure how you do it, Hawke... stay so positive in the face of such darkness."

"My dearest Inquisitor, never mistake sarcasm and arrogance for positivity. I've got the former in large supply, but positivity? That's a hard commodity to come by. I have to admit, I'm impressed by your fortitude. Running the Inquisition - an organization this large - with so much responsibility... I'm not sure how you manage to stay sane."

The Inquisitor finally gave them a real, albeit small, smile. "It is a bit terrifying, isn't it? But I've made good friends here. My advisors and companions have been the real driving force behind the success of the Inquisition. And, of course, people like you and Stroud - strong warriors sacrificing themselves once again for the greater good. The Inquisition couldn't succeed without you - without all of you."

Hawke blinked once and then broke into a wide grin. "That was quite amazing what you did there. We came up here to cheer you up, and suddenly you're giving us a pep talk. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were buttering us up for some awful battle in the desert wastelands of Orlais... ... oh, wait..."

She winked at the Inquisitor, and Bull laughed. Hawke was certainly a larger than life personality, but in retrospect, he found himself glad that the job of Inquisitor hadn't fallen in her lap. Their Inquisitor might be quiet sometimes. She might have moments of doubt and introspection. But she had an inherent kindness held up by an iron will. She never pushed her advantage unless absolutely necessary. It wasn't his style, per se, but people like him and Hawke didn't need to be in charge of organizations like this one.

And your fellow followers of the Qun would probably exile you for even thinking like that.

He should be figuring out weaknesses and finding ways to exploit the kingdoms of Ferelden and Orlais. He shouldn't care about who was in charge of the Inquisition as long as that person eliminated the threat - Corypheus. The Qun allowed no personal thoughts, only honor and duty to the exclusion of all else. He was supposed to be working to help these lost people comprehend "the way." Perhaps he'd been a spy among the unenlightened for too long. He'd begun to think like them, and even more troubling, he wasn't nearly as upset about it as he should be.

"Don't let her fool you, Snowflake," Varric warned. "She's just using that sarcasm to cover up her glaring insecurities. Hawke's not as invincible as she seems. You should have seen her after Fenris left-"

"Maker's balls, Varric! That was a special circumstance and has long since been resolved, as you well know. A minor blip in the heroic history of Marian Hawke."

Varric's eyes positively twinkled. "How is Fenris, by the way? Still as broodingly handsome and gratingly rude as ever, I expect."

"As if I'd be with anyone who wasn't at least as pretty as me... Fenris is fine, thank you. It's only taken... what? A month or two for you to ask?"

"Well, I never know what to expect. You're on, then you're off, then you're on-"

Hawke leaned back on the couch, crossed her arms in front of her, and gave them all an exaggerated roll of her eyes. "One time. One time he ran away from our relationship-"

"-for three years-" Varric inserted.

"-because he'd been hurt! And anyway, you're just jealous."

Varric let out a sarcastic laugh. "Me? Jealous of that depressing elf?"

Bull heard the note of bitterness in Varric's tone and filed it away for later while he watched the Inquisitor's expression go from mildly amused and slightly uncomfortable to rapt attention in a split second. No one else seemed to notice, not even the typically observant dwarf... although Varric clearly had some issues to work through where Marian Hawke was concerned. Dorian turned his head to look back at Bull with a devilish grin on his face.

"This is quite entertaining," he murmured with a quirk of his perfectly manicured brow.

And Varric wasn't through, yet. "You're kidding, right? If you're still together, where is Fenris now?"

"He's got his own things to take care of. Besides, you know he would die to protect me. I'd rather not give him the opportunity."

"He's just ok with that? The Fenris I know would be livid that you left him behind."

Hawke raised an eyebrow and turned to look at the others. "Oh, hello everyone! Don't mind us! Same conversation, different day. Here I thought we'd cheer up the Inquisitor, maybe eat some fancy treats from snooty nobles... instead you get an earful about my love life. At least you do look a little cheered up. Glad to know my relationship foibles are entertaining. Got any chocolates?"

The Inquisitor smiled. "No chocolates, but I do have cookies."

She got up to retrieve a large, ornate tin from her desk and passed it around. There was a brief, awkward lull as everyone chewed on Orlesian caramel cookies. Finally the Inquisitor spoke.

"I don't mean to pry, but... you're with an elf?"

Hawke gave her a confused look. "Yes, Fenris is an elf. He was a slave in Tevinter for a long time. I helped free him from his master, Danarius."

"Oh. I didn't know that. I've only read bits and pieces of the Tale of the-"

"Don't bother," Hawke interrupted with a wave of her hand. "That book is not even close to an accurate depiction of what happened. But Varric likes to take 'artistic liberties' with the truth. Be careful or you, too, might end up a celebrity on the run."

Varric rolled his eyes. "You're so dramatic, Hawke. You know I just want you to be happy..."

Hawke reached over and pulled him into a bear hug. "Oh, there's my trusty dwarf!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

Varric grumbled, but he was grinning ear to ear. Bull chuckled to himself at their complex relationship. Except for the deeply buried undertone of sexual tension, they reminded him strongly of a Qunari relationship. For the Qunari, sex and relationships existed in completely separate spheres.

Bull reflected briefly on Dorian. Even if their game of cat and mouse ended with casual sex at some point, the idea of sleeping with someone he knew - someone he worked with on a regular basis - was decidedly un-Qunari. And as with his shifting thoughts, that didn't bother him as much as it should. On a superficial level, he understood that he should probably analyze those thoughts a bit harder, but he couldn't seem to summon the strength for it. So, he shook his head as if to clear the thoughts away and focused on the Inquisitor once more.

"Do you ever find that being with him makes things... harder for you? Do you feel like you have fewer opportunities?"

Hawke furrowed her brow. "I don't quite follow..."

"I mean... do people treat you differently because he's there? Because he's... not human."

Hawke smiled and slowly nodded her head in understanding. "Ahhh... I see what you're asking. Do I feel slighted or that I've missed out on opportunities from bigoted, idiotic people because I'm with an elf?"

The Inquisitor blushed. "I... sorry. You don't have to answer."

"No. I'm happy to let you know that I've never cared what others thought of my relationship with Fenris-" she shot a glare at Varric "-or what 'opportunities' I might miss. I love him. He's far more valuable to me than a few lost jobs or whispered insults. And the advantage of being a warrior is no one insults you to your face unless they're looking for a fight. It's a part of life." She paused and then added with a small smile, "If I know Cullen at all - which I do - he doesn't care, either. He doesn't do anything by halves. If he said he's in, he's all in. Educating some backward ass hats on how to treat his woman won't bother him a bit."

The Inquisitor's face flushed deep red, and she looked down at her hands. "Um... yes. Thank you. I appreciate your candor. Still... it's hard knowing I could potentially harm him by simply existing and being with him. I'm not used to shem- human culture, but the disparagement of elves seems universal."

Dorian gave her a sheepish half smile. "I wish I could argue, but as you've just heard, my own country actively keeps elves as slaves. The best I can offer is that there are many in Tevinter who would like to see that change."

"And there are people like you, Snowflake," Varric added softly, "making that change happen... even if it is gradual. What you did in Orlais - Briala being named the first elven nobility - that will have consequences far and wide. You are actively making the world a better place for elves with every move you make. If... when you defeat Corypheus, you'll secure your place as another elven hero of Thedas... I'll make sure of that."

Varric grinned, and the Inquisitor laughed. "I knew you were writing all this down!"

"I'll at least have a cameo appearance, right?" Hawke queried. "Don't write me as too tragic should the worst befall me in this siege."

Varric laughed at Hawke's long-suffering tone and the hand she'd thrown against her forehead with dramatic flourish. Then he shuddered.

"Don't jinx it, Hawke!"

Bull let his mind drift as the conversation turned to more mundane topics. They spoke a little about the siege and then more about some odd happenings around Skyhold involving a barrel full of daggers and some missing cheese. Then the Inquisitor asked for a story, and Hawke and Varric took some time to argue about which story to tell. Eventually they settled on the Kirkwall Rebellions because the Inquisitor needed to know how "badass" her Commander really was. And indeed, if even a portion of the story were true, Bull had to credit the Commander with his bravery in the face of a mad woman. Varric had settled into full storyteller mode, his voice undulating with the emotion of the story, and Bull relaxed into the stone wall as he watched the others watch Varric.

"Meredith ordered the templars to kill Hawke, but Cullen refused and demanded the Knight-Commander step down. When he took his stand, he had no way of knowing whether his fellow templars would back him up. They very well could have followed Meredith's orders to kill all of us. But he stepped right between Hawke and Meredith, raised his sword against his Knight-Commander and shouted, 'You'll have to go through me!' It was chaos for a while after that, but the Commander fought with us valiantly."

Bull chuckled slightly at the proud but shy look on the Inquisitor's face as she listened to Varric and Hawke sing his praises. If Cullen were here, he'd be blushing wildly and arguing that his stand had come far too late - that he should have seen through Meredith sooner. But this was Varric and Hawke's show for the Inquisitor, and they were going to play it up as much as possible.

"Meredith was reduced to a toxic statue, and Cullen, now leading the templars, let us go in peace. He spent most of his time working with one of our other companions, Aveline, to rebuild Kirkwall until the Seeker tapped him a few years later to join her little start-up organization. Something about an Inquisition..."

The Inquisitor laughed. "And you told her you didn't have any idea how to find the Champion. So they made me Inquisitor instead."

Hawke shook her head. "You're the one with the glowy mark that closes rifts. I just defended a city against a Qunari invasion and took out a mad Knight-Commander."

"Among other things," Varric mumbled.

The Inquisitor laughed again and looked around her, resting her eyes on each of them in turn. Bull suddenly felt naked under her gaze, as if he had no defenses. He averted his eye, unsure of why he was reacting that way.

"Thank you all so much. This has been a lovely evening... just the distraction I needed, as you all seemed to already know. I'm not sure what I did to deserve such friends."

"Besides saving our asses on a regular basis?"

The Inquisitor grinned at Varric's question. "Yes, besides that."

"I'll write up a list," he promised.

They all laughed and then stood to go. Bull was the last to wish her a goodnight. As he was about to walk out her door, though, a small hand on his arm stopped him.

"Thank you again, Bull. Also, I'll be back in a few days if there's anything you'd like to discuss."

Bull was stunned. He literally couldn't think of anything to say except, "Uh... what?"

"You just seem like you have something on your mind. If you'd like to talk about it, I'm happy to listen."

Bull wracked his brain for any way she could have possibly talked with Leliana before he'd come up the stairs. Perhaps a note? But why would the spymaster have sent a note about that?

"Uh, sure boss. Just have a question for you. Nothing special."

"OK. I'll come find you when I get back."

"Sounds good. I'll... uh... let you get to sleep now. Safe travels."

"Thank you. Good night."

Bull walked out and waved nonchalantly as she closed and locked the door behind him. Inside, however, he was reeling from her pointed comment. Was he that easy to read? He'd never been before. Varric had mentioned something about her uncanny ability to sense when someone was hiding something, but he wasn't really hiding anything. He couldn't hide what he didn't know.

But he did suspect the Qunari were up to something. Perhaps that's what she'd picked up on. That meant that he had a tell, though. A Ben-Hassrath couldn't afford tells, especially ones the leader of the Inquisition could suss out. The Iron Bull frowned and knew he wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight as he sifted through anything and everything that might have given him away.

#dragon age #dragon age inquisition #dragon age fanfic #dragon age fanfiction #da:i #my fanfiction #revelation of all things #revelations #the iron bull #iron bull #evana needs a little help sometimes #that's what friends are for #Evana approves #varric tethras #dorian pavus #marian hawke #marian I'm too pretty to die hawke #varric and hawke #troat

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ellenembee · 8 years ago

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The Revelation of All Things - 39. In which blooming hearts bring deeper harmony

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Cullen took the steps slowly. If she were truly asleep, he wanted to be as quiet as possible. He knew how to walk quietly when necessary, but his armor still emitted soft clinks as he climbed toward her room. He grimaced at the sounds as reached her outer door, and after a moment of indecision, he removed his armor, moving slowly to minimize the sounds. Once he’d taken off all but his tunic, breeches and boots, he quietly unlocked the door and eased up the stairs.

Slowing his steps, he approached the still form underneath heavy blankets. He had no desire to disturb her, but he ached to simply be near her. He walked around and knelt beside the bed to study her face in the darkening room. Dusk had fallen early, as was typical in the mountains, but the final glow of the setting sun left him just enough light to take in her serene but exhausted expression. Suddenly, the weight of their task, the weight of his own duties and the ones he knew she carried, felt unbearable. He couldn’t help the soft sigh that escaped his lips.

Suddenly, one eye cracked open, and then both her vivid eyes were staring at him as a small smile curved her lips. His heart gave a jolting thump, and he grinned like a fool in response.

“Oh, it’s you,” she breathed.

“I… I just came to check on you,” he explained, his cheeks flaming from being caught so blatantly staring. “I thought you were asleep.” “I just laid down for a nap when I heard someone come in… Someone from the kitchen I suppose. They left a tray and built up the fire. I didn’t want to frighten whoever it was, so I pretended to be asleep. Then you came.”

Cullen lifted himself off the floor and sat next to her on the side of the bed. He wanted to touch her, but he wasn’t sure how - or if - he should. As if in answer to his unspoken question, she threw the covers off, sat up and snaked her arms around his neck. He gladly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Her muffled whisper caused his heart to thump painfully against his ribs once again.

“I missed you so.”

“And I you,” he responded quietly. “But you said that last night.”

“I can only say it once?” she inquired with a little laugh. “Besides, I wasn’t sure if that was just a dream.”

He laughed and pulled her closer as he tried to shut out the doubt and exhaustion that plagued him by replaying her gentle words in his head. A small, involuntary tremor ran through his body as he recalled holding her in the night. He hadn’t meant to, but he’d fallen asleep with her body pressed snugly against his.

“It was no dream. I hope I didn’t wake you when I left.”

“No. When… when did you leave?”

“Later than I should have - it was nearly dawn.”

Just in time to get out of her quarters relatively undetected. He’d met a few early risers on his way through the courtyard, but none of them said anything - not to his face, anyway. A little more gossip to feed the fire, he supposed. That small part of him that preferred privacy was overruled by the much larger part of him that had reveled in the few short hours he’d held her and slept soundly with no nightmares to interrupt his slumber.

He was roused from his musings and let out a short puff of air as he felt her lips ghost across the hollow of his neck. Her voice came again, still a little muffled, but louder this time.

“Where’s your armor, Commander?”

He smiled into her hair. “At the bottom of the stairs. I didn’t want to wake you with all that clanking metal. It seems I needn’t have bothered.”

“But I’m glad you did. It’s far nicer to feel you instead of plate metal.”

“I can’t argue with that,” he murmured. He paused briefly, then added, “Thank you for collecting the letters.”

She let out a short laugh. “You’re very welcome.”

Her breath fanned his neck as she sighed contentedly. Feeling her soft body molded against him, he marveled at how she fit so perfectly with him - as if they were puzzle pieces snapping together. Had the Maker designed them for each other? To be brought together by this trial? It seemed ridiculous to think so, and yet she was his perfect counterbalance in so many ways. Where he was rough and harsh, she was kind and forgiving. Where he was weak, she bolstered him - she had faith in him. He was quick to anger and even vengeful at times, but she was the embodiment of patience.

Yet what did he give her in return? What had he to offer? She’d said that he understood her like no one else. Perhaps he did, but was it enough? He was not worthy of her, that much he knew for sure. And yet he’d selfishly claimed her anyway. Words and deeds spanning more than a decade pushed down on his consciousness - a deep hate for mages that had taken years to overcome, a stringent belief in a black and white world in which templars were a force of good and a fervent denial of the abuses happening all around him. The dream, now more than a week behind him, still haunted his thoughts. Would he have cared for her five years ago? Even three years ago?

And you still need to tell her about the Ferelden Circle… about Uldred. He held her tighter, and another tremor flowed through his body as the horrors he’d buried away long ago threatened to resurface.

“What is it, ma vhenan?”

She hadn’t pulled away, yet, but he could feel her grasp loosening. He drew long, deep breaths as he tightened his arms around her and tried to calm the panic, tried to pull himself out of the dark thoughts. She let out a small huff at his crushing grip and gently pushed away from him. He mumbled an apology, letting his arms fall limply around her. He barely held in a groan as he read the concern written all over her face when she pulled back to look at him.

“Please, tell me?”

He ducked his head and rested his forehead on her shoulder, still breathing deeply. Her hand came up to hold the back of his neck, caressing him as if attempting to sooth him with his own nervous gesture. Another wave of self-loathing and unworthiness pushed up from inside and threatened to overwhelm him. How could he tell her? She already carried so much. She didn’t need to carry his insecurities as well. He would not be a burden to her.

Her head dropped until their cheeks met. He tried to force the emotions back down inside - down where they belonged - but her soft “Cullen?” stopped him. Even if he couldn’t speak now, he couldn’t keep shutting her out like this. Unbidden, a ghost of a thought, of words that weren’t his own, echoed in his head: Uldred marked you but didn’t make you. You stayed you. He shuddered again.

“I can’t speak of it… not… not yet… But I… may I just hold you?”

She took a deep breath and put her hands on either side of his face. He let her gently lift his face until they were looking into each other’s eyes.

“Of course,” she replied with a quiet conviction even his irrational fears couldn’t deny. “I love nothing more than being in your arms.”

Then she wrapped her arms around him once again and simply held him. Her words soothed his anxiety and calmed his fears. She wanted to be with him. She cared for him. Maker only knew why, but it was her choice, too. And she’d chosen him.

He drew a tremulous breath and suddenly pulled her out from under the covers and onto his lap. Burying his head in her neck, he inhaled deeply of the heady blend of flowers and her own particular earthy fragrance. Instead of being drawn into his dark thoughts, he let her presence and the soft caresses of her hands against his neck and shoulders comfort him. He would work harder to be worthy of her. Perhaps someday he could actually be the man she deserved. For now, this was enough.

A calmness settled over them as he closed his eyes and matched his breathing with hers. He couldn’t say how long they sat entwined, but when he opened his eyes, they were enveloped in darkness. He raised his head and let out a long sigh. Leaving her seemed harder each time he had to do it.

“I should return to work.”

A muffled “hmmphf” was her only response as she tightened her arms around him. He let out a breathy laugh.

“I have much to do - and you need to rest. Tomorrow, the work begins. Though I’ve heard you spent today finishing reports?”

“A few.”

“Or all of them?”

Her lips feathered across his neck. He willed his body to remain still as she responded, “Maybe.”

“You’re not good at the resting thing, are you?”

“Not when there’s work to be done. And neither are you.”

Cullen had to laugh at that. “I feel like we’ve had a similar conversation before.”

She pressed her lips firmly into his neck, then nipped at his skin. Despite his attempt at control, he shivered.

“We have. It was about sleeping more.”

“Ahh… yes,” he responded, keeping his voice steady with great effort. “I recall now. We agreed that neither of us would get what we wanted.”

She kissed his neck again, this time a little further up. “Mmmm-hmmmm.”

“Evana…”

He’d meant it to come out as a playful warning, but it came out a breathless plea instead. She took that as encouragement and trailed kisses up his neck, her warm, soft mouth setting fire to his senses with each press of her lush lips. He only had a moment to curse his lack of discipline before his desire for her cleared all other thoughts from his head. Dragging in shallow, tremulous breaths, he let his hands begin to wander across her back and sides, and she sighed lustily into his skin.

She’d been gone so long, he’d started to become used to the dull ache in his chest. With her here, however, he felt so full - of love and of gratitude and of all the things he wanted to say to her. He suddenly wondered how he’d ever survived without her in his life. Maker, what would he do if she…

Her lips danced over his skin with delightful pressure and distracted him from his thoughts. He swept his hands up her ribs, his thumbs brushing over the outer edges of her breasts. Her breath quickened against his skin, and she arched her back into him. Her mouth had nearly reached his ear, but he could wait no longer. He turned his head and claimed her lips with the force of a man too long denied. The feel of her came back to him then - the wet lushness of her lips under his, the soft give of her body under his roving fingers, the small whimpers at the back of her throat as he nibbled her lower lip with his teeth. She opened up to him, and he delved into her, eager to taste her sweetness again.

She tasted of herbs - of mint. He vaguely registered it must have been her healing tea. The thought took hold, however, as his more coherent self admonished that she was still recovering from an unknown reaction. He half-heartedly tried to pull away, but her lips followed him. The heat of her body against his fought with his better judgment, and he allowed her to move off his lap and kneel on the bed beside him. Wrapping his arms fully around her waist to pull her against him again, he lifted his face, and she pressed her lips against his forcefully as her hands alternately caressed his face, neck, shoulders and back, intoxicating him with her passionate response.

Soft fabric caught on his calluses as he kneaded his fingers into her back and hips. The crackle of fabric under his hands only heightened his awareness of her every curve, and his hand skimmed down over her bottom to the back of her thighs and up again. The blood rushed in his ears as he began to move faster - pulling her closer, deepening the kisses, letting his hands come dangerously close to those places he burned to touch.

Warning bells went off in the back of his head, but he didn’t want to stop… Even if he couldn’t tell her now, he could show her how he felt… he could just lay her down and… and… Maker, just a little bit more…

Suddenly, she dragged her lips away from his and laughed breathlessly. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair of me. I shouldn’t have started that… not here… I mean…” She laughed again and draped her arms over his shoulders, giving him a chagrinned look. “I just missed your touch… your presence… Have I mentioned that I missed you?”

He slid his hands up from dangerous territory to her hips and rested his forehead against her cheek as he attempted to calm his breathing. Unable to help himself, his fingers kneaded into the sensuous dimples on her lower back even as his palms rested on her sides. He marveled again at how small and delicate she seemed. It was a dangerous mistake for her enemies, but here in this darkened room, on her bed, she was even more dangerous to him and his fraying self control. He smiled wryly to himself. How did she manage to strip away his tried and tested iron will in a matter of minutes?

“It’s alright,” he assured her. “It’s not as if I resisted… I mean, it’s not as if I don’t want… to… to… ah…” He laughed wryly, a hand rising up to rub at his neck as he leaned back to look at her. “I only tried to pull away because I remembered you were ill.”

“Hmmmm… I’m feeling much better. I should probably get more sleep, though. And… you said you have work to do?”

“Um… yes. I have much to do to prepare for the peace talks. Leliana and I have nearly completed the details, but I’d like to double check our numbers and go over orders with the soldiers…”

Cullen realized he was suddenly talking about Inquisition matters and blushed. He’d done exactly what he’d warned Leliana against.

“Err… I didn’t really mean to talk about business…”

“I started it, ma vhenan. I’ve been a little under the weather, but I know there’s still much to be done.”

Cullen shook his head in the dark. “But no more for you tonight.”

“Agreed, as long as you promise to go to sleep at a decent hour.”

“I will do my very best.”

In the dim glow of the firelight, he saw her arch an eyebrow at him. Nevertheless, she bent her head to gently kiss him again before climbing over him and offering him a hand up. The gesture was comical, but he placed his hand in hers anyway. She tugged, and when he stood up off the bed, he was reminded forcefully of their size difference.

“To be clear, I don’t want you to leave,” she murmured. “I just know you have to.”

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead as she looked up at him. “I know the feeling. If there were anyone else who could do what you do, I’d send them out to close all the rifts and keep you here. Just to… just to have you always near me.” Bending down, he kissed her deeply before letting her go. “Now, back into bed, Your Worship.”

“But I was going to-”

“You need rest. Your Commander commands you back to bed. I know where the door is and… you’ll only distract me if you follow me down the stairs.” She huffed a little, so he swept her up into his arms and kissed her again. “You know exactly what I mean.”

She hummed contentedly as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. “Yes, I suppose I do.”

He reached down to pull back the covers and deposited her gently on the bed. “Goodnight, my dear.”

“Goodnight, ma vhenan. I hope you sleep well.”

Bending down for one final kiss, he moved away from the bed and took the stairs as quickly as possible. He managed to lock the door and put his armor on in the dark - many early mornings had taught him how to do it by feel. Then, he descended the rest of the stairs to the main hall. Crossing through the hall and Solas’ office, he reached his own office to find one of Leliana’s messengers waiting patiently at his own locked door.

“Can I help you?”

“Oh, Commander, ser… yes. Leliana requested I wait here for your report on the Inquisitor’s condition.”

“The Inquisitor is fine.”

The messenger hesitated as Cullen turned away to unlock his door. “Uh… is that… is that all?”

Cullen didn’t bother to hide his frustration. Leliana was still teasing him… through one of her messengers no less. Classic.

“Yes, that is all. Good evening,” he growled.

“Um… very good… yes… Good evening, Com-”

Cullen slammed the door closed before the messenger had even finished speaking.

The next day, they met briefly to review Evana’s progress in the Western Approach as well as the content of the letters she’d retrieved from the Emerald Graves.

Cullen moved a piece to the Orlais section of the map. “It looks like the red lyrium is coming from the Emprise du Lion. We’ve sent scouts to the area and should hear back within the next few days. It’s not something we can act on right now, but it will be good to keep tabs on activity. Perhaps once we deal with the peace talks and Grey Wardens, we can focus attention on crippling the red templars.”

Leliana nodded. “I agree that we’ll need to wait. It’s hard to prioritize these things, but at least the red templars are a known threat. Demon armies and entire countries thrown into chaos simply must take precedence.”

Evana nodded, a sardonic smile on her lips. “Pick your battles, as they say. So, shall we begin with the most imminent danger? I can’t wait to practice being smug and uppity.”

Cullen tried in vain to hold back his laughter and ended up letting out a quiet but undignified snort. Evana couldn’t hold back a grin as she turned to him, and they shared a mutual look of amusement. Josephine, however, was not amused.

“Laugh all you like, you two, but this is important. It could spell doom for southern Thedas if Orlais falls into chaos.”

Cullen mumbled an apology while fighting down his grin and heard Evana do the same.

Josephine, somewhat placated, continued, “Leliana and I will take turns practicing scenarios with you for the next few days. We’ll also need to update you on court gossip from the last few weeks. Are you ready to begin?”

Evana took a deep breath and nodded. “Lead the way, Josie.”

They filed out of the war room, and Cullen gave her a quick smile and head tilt as he left Josephine’s office. She returned his smile before Leliana and Josephine captured her attention.

For the next few days, Cullen barely saw her - not that he would have had much time to give her even if she’d been available. The other advisors kept her busy late into the night, and she apologized to him the second day, then again the third and fourth days, for missing their nightly tea. They’d also talked of him teaching her more about chess, but clearly that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. He did miss it all - missed seeing her - but simply knowing she was there and within a short walk of him if he really needed to see her was comforting.

And he did enjoy the once or twice a day she’d taken to sneaking away to have a “break” with him. After the resulting gossip from their first kiss on the battlements, she’d requested a more secluded spot. The top of the second gate tower, yet to be renovated and close by, hid them from the prying eyes of Skyhold. Their breaks were always much too short, but he came to look forward to the stolen moments in which she greeted him with open arms and warm lips. By the fourth day - after collecting his gloves off the half rotted wood roof at the end of each encounter and even forgetting them completely once - he’d taken to leaving his gloves on his desk when he went to meet her.

The morning of the fifth day came early as they packed up and headed out on horseback. Evana had chosen to bring Cassandra, Cole and Dorian with her. She’d expressed concern in their final meeting at bringing someone from Tevinter, but Leliana had assured her that Dorian’s standing in Imperium society would be enough to keep the nobles from behaving too badly around him or harming their already tenuous standing with the court. Besides, Leliana and Josephine hoped to have the influential Madam de Fer joining them as well, which would greatly improve court opinion.

His mind briefly wandered back to their plan to infiltrate the Winter Palace. Soldiers had left with Leliana’s agents two days earlier and would be traveling in small groups off the main road in order to arrive and get into position before the main envoy arrived. He’d sent some of his best soldiers ahead of them and more now traveled with them as the Inquisitor’s retinue, but the idea of political intrigue and assassination made him uneasy. Balls and masquerades were exactly the kind of thing he hated. He knew Evana felt the same.

Perhaps that was why, as he rode beside her on the Imperial Highway, he could feel the nervous energy radiating off her in waves. They were riding at a quicker pace, which made conversation difficult, but he made note to speak with her about it when they stopped to camp. He chuckled to himself as he recalled the exasperated resignation in Josephine’s face when Leliana, Cullen and Evana had all agreed that the speed of horseback was preferable to a carriage. As a peace offering, they had allowed her to engage carriages to take them from their accommodations in Halamshiral to the Winter Palace. He had no doubt their ride to the palace would be in the form of some overly ornate monstrosity.

Throughout the rest of their first day’s journey, he occasionally caught Evana’s eye to smile at her. The action seemed to calm her, at least for a time. When they finally stopped for the evening, the sun had dropped low in the sky, and the orange-pink streaks of sunset were just beginning to cut through the heavens. It was an odd sight after so many months in the mountains, and Cullen paused while setting up his tent and walked to the edge of the camp to admire the horizon.

“It’s particularly beautiful tonight, isn’t it?”

Evana’s soft voice in his ear drew his attention. He looked down to find her standing beside him and smiled at her ever stealthy movements. She’d turned to watch the horizon, but his gaze was caught by her eyes, bright with an emotion he hadn’t seen since their silent walk in the snow at Haven. He recalled how her appreciation for the small moments in life had drawn him to her during those first weeks. He determined he would follow her example and took the opportunity to admire her in all her glory, her silvery hair shining and her full lips glossy in the golden light. He had strong urge to kiss her slowly and try to make her feel even a fraction of what he felt for her now. He knew he couldn’t with all the others there, but a part of him still thrilled at the thought that now she would allow… no, she would welcome his attentions. His chest tightened with emotion. He tried to turn away from her, but instead his eyes roved her profile, memorizing every curve and freckle.

“Enjoying the view, Commander?”

Dorian’s voice cut through his musings, and he quickly turned his head back to the now setting sun. The mage appeared between them, resting one hand on each of their shoulders. Then, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, he reached down and placed Cullen’s hand over Evana’s.

“There, that ought to make the view more enjoyable. Let’s settle in to watch, shall we?”

Dorian stepped back a pace but remained behind them to block the view of anyone who might be looking their direction. Cullen’s heart pumped a little faster now, but he didn’t drop her hand. On the contrary, he took a tiny side step closer to her and slid his hand farther around her fingers to grip her hand firmly. She tightened her grip as well. He didn’t know if she looked at him because he didn’t dare turn to look at her again. If he did, he knew he’d kiss her for sure, even with Dorian standing just behind them.

They stood for several minutes in silence before they heard more footsteps behind them. Cullen tensed as Dorian called out a greeting.

“Ahh! Cassandra! Leliana! Josephine! Coming over to enjoy the view as well? Or are you here to scold us for being lazy? Scourge of the earth and all that?”

Cullen felt Evana’s hand twitch in his, and he loosened his grip to let her remove her hand if she wished. He was sure the women already knew about their relationship, but he didn’t want to make Evana uncomfortable. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, but when Cullen didn’t move to release her hand completely, she relaxed and tightened her grip once more. He did the same.

Cassandra came to stand beside Cullen while Leliana and Josephine stood back with Dorian. If any of them noticed the lovers’ entwined hands, they didn’t mention it.

Cassandra scoffed at Dorian’s comment. “We did not come to scold anyone. I happen to enjoy beautiful things, too, you know.”

“So do I. Everyone is so peaceful and quiet right now. Sunsets help.”

No one had seen Cole join them, but he suddenly appeared beside Evana. Cullen had to fight off a grin as Cole slipped his hand into Evana’s free one. The boy was strange, but as the weeks passed, Cullen had found something comforting about him. It wasn’t a feeling he wanted to parse any further, however. He’d rather think of the feel of Evana’s gloved hand in his and the warmth radiating from it, even through the layers of leather.

The seven of them stood there, watching the sun drop steadily behind the horizon. As the final slice of burning light slipped out of sight, the group gradually dispersed. Cassandra and Josephine left to help arrange the evening meal. Leliana went to check on her agents. Cole wandered off mumbling something about “helping” a soldier. Finally, Dorian patted them both on the shoulders.

“Well, I’d love to stand here silently communing with nature a bit longer, but there’s a bottle of wine in my saddlebag calling my name. Don’t let anyone see you canoodling out here. It would be scandalous for the Inquisitor to be caught with her pants down.”

Evana gasped. “Dorian!”

The mage simply laughed and turned to leave them alone. Cullen glanced over to see that her face was, in fact, just as red as his felt. As Dorian moved away from them, Cullen slowly, regretfully, allowed her fingers to slip out of his. Even in the twilight, he knew they would be seen if he continued to hold her hand.

“I should finish setting up my tent. Would you care to join me?”

Despite her cheeks so recently flushed with embarrassment, she raised an eyebrow and faintly smirked at him. “In your tent? Did Dorian put ideas in your head?”

“W-wha- no!”

Much to his chagrin, Cullen’s hand automatically lifted to rub his neck, and he felt the heat suffuse his face yet again. Just when he thought he’d gotten over most of his stuttering foolishness… he vaguely wondered how she would have reacted if he’d said yes. Because in truth, Dorian’s words had put ideas in his head - highly inappropriate ideas he quickly pushed aside. She looked at him with a comical mixture of embarrassment, regret and amusement.

“I’m sorry. I think spending so much time with Dorian, Bull and Varric had a bad effect on me.”

He laughed awkwardly. “It’s alright, Ev- my lady. I was merely wondering…” He cleared his throat as if to clear away the last vestiges of awkwardness. “…if you’d like to speak about whatever has been bothering you all day.”

All the emotion drained from her face and was replaced by uncertainty. “What… what do you mean?”

He realized he truly was beginning to understand her - in this case, perhaps better than she understood herself. From their previous conversations, it was clear that she needed to speak her fears to overcome them, and he was happy to support her now as he had done so many times before. If this was all he could truly offer, he would not waver in encouraging her through her doubts and insecurities. The thought briefly crossed his mind that he might be of a similar persuasion - perhaps that was why burying his own feelings had never really worked for him. This wasn’t about him, though.

Despite who might be watching, he risked taking a step closer to her and spoke in hushed tones. “You’re not the only one who can sense when something is amiss. You’ve been tense all day. Will you tell me why?”

She blushed again, a becoming pink tinging her face in the fading twilight. She looked away from him.

“I’m just worried about the ball. What if…” She paused, her voice small and fragile. Then, the words she’d been holding inside spilled from her like a dam suddenly bursting under the weight of the water behind it. “What if I can’t do this? Even practicing with Leliana and Josephine, I know I’m going to be completely out of my element. I’ve always disliked large crowds - it makes me nervous just thinking about being among all those people. Then to have to pretend to smile, pretend to be cordial and good-natured, and yet also pretend to be mysterious. All the reactions and turns of phrase feel so foreign to me. I just know I’ll mix things up… say the wrong thing to the wrong person. They’ll kick us out… Empress Celene will be assassinated…”

“Evana, stop.”

Cullen put his hands on her arms and nearly pulled her into him before remembering where they were. Instead of holding her to him, he merely caught her gaze before dropping his hands to his sides again.

“I understand your hesitance and worry, but you can’t let this get the best of you. You have been working hard on this, and even if things don’t go perfectly, I have no doubt that you can accomplish what we must. You can save Orlais - if that means saving Celene or taking a different route entirely. Whatever your choices, know that we are all here to help you and advise you as best we can. You won’t be in this alone.”

She gave him a wane smile. “Ma serannas, Cullen. I- I wish you could hold me right now.”

Cullen closed his eyes briefly before opening them to smile back. “Maker knows I do, too.”

They walked back to the camp and joined the rest of the group for dinner. They all ate quickly and headed to their tents, Evana sharing with Cassandra, Leliana with Josephine and Cullen with Dorian. Cole didn’t really need to sleep, but he liked to have a space nonetheless, so Cullen set up a pallet for the boy at the back of his and Dorian’s tent.

The next morning, Cullen sent up silent thanks to the Maker that he’d had a relatively dreamless night. In fact, he’d been feeling much better in the last week. He prayed it would last.

They broke camp before dawn, rode hard and camped again that night. The travel had left them all weary, so they ate in relative silence and retired early. The next day, they arrived at Halamshiral as the afternoon sun bathed the city in a hazy golden light. They settled into their accommodations and met briefly in the Inquisitor’s room to discuss the next evening’s event. Josephine, already in her element, started them off.

“We are invited as Gaspard’s guests, so we will be able to arrive a bit earlier than a majority of the other guests. This means we have more opportunity to mingle and gather information. While the talks commence, the Inquisitor will look for clues about the assassin. We’ll have to be on guard at all times for anything that seems suspicious.”

“Won’t I look suspicious if I’m wandering around the party so much?”

Leliana nodded. “Yes, but that’s why we will disperse ourselves throughout the ballroom and outer rooms to give you an excuse to come speak with us. That will also give you an opportunity to speak with various dignitaries - and possibly some of the servants, too, if you can get them to speak with you.”

Cullen had nothing to add to the conversation, so he remained silent and watched Evana’s shoulders gradually, almost imperceptibly, slope downward. The circles under her eyes had faded a bit but not enough for his liking. Cullen resolved to check on her later that evening after he’d taken care of a few last minute tasks for tomorrow.

The meeting ended with Leliana and Josephine coaxing Evana into going out for a bit to tour the city, so Cullen bowed to them all and headed to his room before they could drag him out, too. After a brief meeting with his Lieutenant to review protocol for entering the palace, he shed his armor and pulled out a few reports and requisitions for the Western Approach that he’d been unable to finish before they left. Three hours later, he was interrupted by a knock at his door. At his word, Josephine swept in with a large bag.

“We’re back with the uniforms for tomorrow. Please try it on tonight and let me know if you need any last minute alterations before the ball. I’ve also taken the liberty of providing you with some day clothes. I’m sure you didn’t bring anything appropriate for tomorrow, did you?”

Confused, Cullen furrowed his brows and motioned to the neat stack of metal and leather on the armor stand next to him. “I have my armor. That will do until I need to change.”

Josephine didn’t bother to hold back a sigh. “No, it will not do. I’ll repeat what I told Cassandra: We are here for peace talks. You cannot be seen walking around the city in armor all day. Wear the clothes I have provided, please.”

“What do you mean ‘walking around the city’? I have work I need-”

“Your work will wait. We must be seen before the ball. After the Inquisitor meets with Madame de Fer for a morning brunch, we’ll be enjoying some afternoon entertainment, then dinner out, then heading back here to change for the evening. Be ready by 2 o'clock, please.”

Cullen swallowed another protest. The look in her eye told him it would be useless anyway. Josephine gave a quick bow and walked to the door but paused before closing it behind her.

“If it helps, the Inquisitor will be there the entire time. The two of you can commiserate on how boring and unnecessary it all is.”

“Yes. Fine,” he replied, trying to keep the terse note from seeping through. “Thank you, Josephine.”

He still wasn’t happy to be wasting an afternoon in the Orlesian city, but the prospect of time with Evana was always pleasant. Perhaps they could find a way to enjoy themselves in spite of the pomp and finery.

The nearby chantry bell rang out eight o'clock. If he was going to check on Evana, he should do it now and then let her sleep. Stowing away the papers in a safe place, he exited his room and walked down the hall to her door. Josephine had ensured all their rooms were in the same wing so they could keep a better eye on security. Still, the large building would be difficult to protect. He silently tried Evana’s door and was gratified to find it locked. He knocked softly.

After a moment, a muffled voice came from the other side of the door. “Who is it?”

“It’s Cullen.”

The door opened immediately, and without a word, she grabbed his hand to pull him into her room. Almost before she’d closed the door again, her arms were around his neck, pulling his head down to hers. He gladly accommodated her by bending down to press his lips against hers. The delicate scent of herbs and lilac engulfed him. Lifting a hand to cup her face, he threaded his fingers into her hair and found it slightly damp letting him know she’d likely just bathed. He pushed away the improper thoughts that invaded his mind and focused on the now - the feel of her skin and hair, the way she tasted, the soft sighs as she struggled to pull him closer.

He kept the kiss gentle - he was beginning to see the danger in allowing himself much more than chaste kisses - but more than the feel of her lips against his, he enjoyed simply being able to touch her without fear of someone watching them. He felt the kiss deepening, and they both began to breathe a little heavier. Instead of following his instincts this time, he pulled away just slightly to catch his breath while dropping light kisses on her cheeks, eyelids, nose and jaw.

“Good evening to you, too,” he murmured between kisses.

She laughed breathlessly. “Sorry. I’ve been wanting to do that for two days now.”

“I have no complaints.” He found her hand and brought it to his lips, then pulled her gently to the plush chairs by her fireplace. “How are you holding up? Did you enjoy your tour today?”

“The city is actually quite beautiful, although I suppose it would be to me considering it was originally built by the elves. Dorian insisted on joining us, which I thought would be a good idea until…” She rolled her eyes a little and smiled. “The three of them have strange ideas of fun. We spent much of our tour just looking at people’s clothing. Dorian was properly sarcastic, of course, and Leliana was particularly attentive to the shoes. But it was all lost on me, I’m afraid. I did try, though, for Josie’s sake. I even allowed her to buy… a few things for me.”

She paused, and he thought he saw a faint blush on her cheeks in the firelight.

“That was good of you. I’m sure it made Josephine’s year to be able to buy our practical Dalish Inquisitor a few fine things. What did she get you?”

The blush on Evana’s cheeks deepened. “Uh… just a few items of… of clothing. Some sleeveless tunics for training and… and other… things. Oh! And a new outfit for tomorrow - she insisted it wasn’t appropriate for me to wear my armor around the city. I think she likely had to say that to a few people in our party.”

Cullen was a bit perplexed by her vague answer and apparent embarrassment around the clothes, but he decided not to pursue it further and gave her a sardonic look instead. “Indeed. One does not disobey the ambassador lightly.”

“Josephine Montilyet, part-time diplomat, full-time intimidator of inquisitors, warriors and commanders.”

She laughed to herself, and Cullen joined in with a small chuckle. She looked down and smiled shyly as her hands played with the ties of her robe. With her sudden greeting, he’d barely had time to register what she was wearing. Now, it occurred to him that she’d just had a bath and was now wearing a robe…

No. He couldn’t allow his thoughts to roam in that direction. Eyes up. Ask another question.

“How is it I get this time alone with you? I thought for sure Josephine and Leliana would be pumping you full of last-minute information.”

“Oh, they have been, but I finally sent them away about a half an hour ago. There’s only so much information my brain can process at once. I’m sure it will begin again tomorrow morning.”

“Are you still feeling nervous about tomorrow?”

“A little, but not as much thanks to you. You’re very insightful for a rough and tumble military man, you know?”

He laughed awkwardly, lifting his hand to rub his neck. “Not really… but I suppose I can be about some things… or about people. People I… ah… care about.”

Since admitting they cared for each other as more than friends, they’d really only spent a handful of days together in the last six weeks. It still felt new and almost forbidden to say such things out loud. He’d thought them in his head for months, of course, but the spoken words felt far more potent, more intimate, than they’d ever felt in his head. Even after the few things he’d already spoken - that he’d wanted to kiss her for months, that he wanted to get their relationship right, that she made him happier than he’d ever been - it was a struggle to remember that he was allowed to be open with her now. At least, open enough to mention some of those little things he found so attractive about her. In truth, however, he was terrified of scaring her away with the strength of his feelings. Knowing her as well as he did, he understood that “love” would not be a word she took lightly.

She leaned forward to face him, propped her elbow on the arm of the chair and placed her chin in her palm. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“As am I,” he said in a quiet voice.

She no longer seemed to have as much trouble as he did saying such things, though her cheeks flushed prettily with every admission. He flinched inwardly at his own ineptitude. He’d returned her sentiment, but she deserved more. He had so much he wanted to say, but fear held him back. She smiled softly and blushed again as she noticed his intent gaze.

“It’s nice to see you in a different setting once in awhile. I travel so much - see so many new places I wish I could share with you. I often wonder what you might think of certain landscapes or ruins… though I like coming home to you, too.”

Cullen felt his heart skip a beat at her continued frankness. “Oh?”

“Yes, of course. Don’t you like it when I come back? Or am I just a distraction from your work?”

She was teasing him. The tone of her voice and sparkle in her eye told him as much. He’d noticed her playful attitude coming out more and more as they spent more time together, but considering his recent thoughts, he wanted to give her more than a teasing or flippant answer in return. He swallowed hard. What should he say? Perhaps the simple truth wouldn’t be too much. Yes. Just tell the truth.

He clenched his jaw tightly and determined he would make the most of their time together… starting right now. Taking a deep breath, he locked his eyes on her and held out his hand.

“Come over here, and I’ll tell you.”

She seemed mildly surprised, but gave him a shy smile anyway. Getting up from her chair, she walked the short distance between them and placed her hand in his as she stopped in front of him. He sat up, placed his other hand on her hip and felt his breathing deepen in anticipation. He gently tugged her down into his lap, and she fell willingly, her arms circling loosely around his neck. The desire building inside him threatened to take over his brain completely, but he needed to say this before he lost his nerve. He wanted to hide his head but forced himself to look her in the eyes instead. Clear blue with a ring of violet regarded him with such trust, such admiration. After her candid declaration, he could do no less in return.

“When you leave, I feel… it feels like someone has ripped a hole in my chest. So I work. A lot. And after a week or two, the ache begins to feel normal, and I remember that’s what I used to feel like all the time. Empty - an emptiness I always tried to fill with work and duty. But when you come back…”

He took a deep, shaky breath and finally looked away from her. The intensity of her gaze, and the way her face had changed as he spoke…

“When you come home, you fill me. I feel whole again.”

She didn’t respond, so he tentatively glanced back over at her. The look on her face… had he frightened her? They were together now, but he still felt so insecure - as if she could slip through his fingers at any moment.

Maker, did I ruin it? “I’m sorry. Was that…? I didn’t mean to put that on you. Please forget-”

She stopped his words with a shake of her head and placed thin fingers over his lips before trading them for a brief, fluttering kiss. “Cullen… Cullen, no. Thank you for sharing that with me. I- I feel the same. When we are separated, my heart hurts. You are so important to me. Being away from you is… is like-”

“Like I’m missing part of myself,” he finished in an awed tone.

She nodded as her hand rose to caress his cheek. “Yes,” she whispered.

He pulled her into an embrace and let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. She feels the same. Maker, how…

He pressed fervent lips against her neck, and the air between them changed instantly. Trailing soft kisses along her jaw wasn’t enough. Simply tasting her, touching her, never seemed to be enough. He craved more - wanted her closer. She held his jaw with her small hands, fingers splaying across his cheeks and neck, and guided his lips to hers. Here was the desperation and desire. Here was the need to show her how he felt. Words seemed so inadequate, but as he tasted the sweetness of her mouth, the truth he longed - but also feared - to speak out loud echoed in his head like a mantra.

I love you. I love you. I love you. Maker, how I love you.

They barely registered the knock and simultaneous sound of a key in the door before it opened and Josephine walked in carrying an empty bag. Evana broke away and struggled to stand. Cullen tried to help her but only ended up entangling their limbs even more.

“Inqui- Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t realize… I can come back later.”

There was a sheepish look on her face as the ambassador began backing toward the door, but Evana stopped her. The small sigh passing the elf’s lips as she finally managed to stand up was his only indication she was displeased by the interruption.

“No, it’s alright. We were just… err… talking. What can I do for you?”

Josephine looked back and forth at them. Cullen felt the heat spread up his neck and onto his cheeks. He stood.

“I’ll leave you two to discuss matters.”

Josephine dismissed his offer with a wave of her hand. “No, no, Cullen. I simply came to…” Josephine looked behind her and closed the door. “I came to collect Evana’s armor for Leliana. They are arranging to smuggle it in tonight with the first round of Leliana’s spies. I will be out of your way in no time.”

Cullen debated protesting, but a small hand slipped into his and squeezed. The pleading look on Evana’s face had him sitting down again as she left his side to collect her armor. She wanted him to stay. That was good enough.

His embarrassment subsided as he watched Evana move gracefully around the room. Her compact body seemed to float over the carpet, the overly large robe that should have looked ridiculous on her small body actually enhancing the ethereal effect.

“Leliana already has my staff, I believe,” Evana murmured to Josephine.

Josephine nodded as she folded the boots and light armor into the bag. “Yes, she has it with the other weapons. Once we’re in the palace, Leliana’s spies will ensure it is available to you when you need it. We’ll make sure Dorian, Cole and Cassandra’s armor and weapons are also available.”

Josephine looked up when she was finished packing the bag and smiled at them. “Well, that’s all. Enjoy your evening, you two.”

Josephine left the room quickly and locked it behind her. Evana returned to stand in front of him for a moment as if debating her next move. He gently took her hand and tugged at it, smiling softly. She grinned at him and fell back into his lap.

#revelation of all things #revelations #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #dragon age fanfic #dragon age fanfiction #my fanfiction #evana lavellan #evana approves #commander cullen #cullen rutherford #cullavellan fluff #cullavellan #fluff and angst #troat

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