#Etoiles is the bodyguard

[mikaikaika]

quackity the type of bitch to yell objection at the spiderbit wedding

He can surely try bestie. It'd surely go something like this.

Quackity : I objec-

[unhingedgoat]

Etoiles saying his viewers talked to him about so many different things his bodyguard was so confused ptdrrr

[sunshinetomioka]

Im sorry for all my fellow friend who were happy about pactoiles AU rambling cuz I just added some angst 🫡

[lusi-raul]

With all the chaos that happened during the wedding, can we show appreciation to how Etoiles was the best bodyguard Cellbit and Roier could have asked for. That man understood the assignment and was quick on his feet whenever even just a small disturbance happened which was 95% subduing Slime. That man took his career very seriously and no one will be able to ruin that wedding in Etoiles’ watchful eyes. Etoiles should be the president’s personal bodyguard if he doesn’t win the election seriously.

[apollos-boyfriend]

i can’t wait for quackity to try and crash the spiderbit wedding and Instantly be pulverized into a pile of ashes by bodyguard etoiles who has been foaming at the mouth for an opportunity to kill that twink for weeks now

[lil-cherubim]

Ignoring the murder and bombing.

The Guapoduo Wedding is so effin fun watching live!

The venue is gorgeous! 🌸🌸❤️💖 (the brazilian builds are second only to foolish! Which is a feat onto itself)

Everyone dressed up (Charlie in that goopy slime green dress is to die for bruh! I forgive him trying to ruin the wedding for how much he slayed that ..and getting literal slayed himself lmao)

Maximus officiating in four languages is so awesome! Kudoss!! 💒💍🇫🇷🇧🇷🇪🇸🇬🇧

Chayanne with the superb cuisine👨‍🍳👑🐤(A GIANT THREE LAYERED CAKE WITH THEIR MINIS OMAGAH!!)

RadioEgg debut! 🥚🎸✨️ (Too bad tallulah was late)

Etoiles bodyguarding! 🕴🌵💥(Talk about politics, you die)

[westleywithatea]

The eggs are still missing. Let's take a break from the angst with some memes and humor. I'm aware that these memes are from the election arc.

Below are Image IDs.

[Image ID 1: A "Who Would Win?" meme, featuring FoolishGamers in his QSMP elections minecraft skin and Pomme the French egg. Foolish is wearing a green shirt, brown pants, green suspenders, a yellow tie, and sunglasses. Pomme has red and blue marks on her face and wears a black beret. The text under Foolish says "A Living Totem of Undying." The text under Pomme says "A French child with a laser gun." ]

[Image ID 2: A "Who Would Win?" meme, featuring Baghera and Etoiles in their QSMP elections + Mike's haircuts minecraft skins. Baghera is wearing a black suit with black shorts, white shoes, and is sporting short pink hair. Etoiles is wearing a full black suit, sunglasses, and earpiece like a personal bodyguard. He is sporting white hair. The text under Baghera reads "A Swiss duck with a laser gun." The text under Etoiles reads "A cucumber who is boss as security."]

[Image ID 3: A "Who Would Win?" meme, featuring 2 Code monsters and Etoiles in his QSMP elections + Mike's haircuts minecraft skin. Etoiles is wearing a full black suit, sunglasses, and earpiece like a personal bodyguard. He is sporting white hair. The 2 binary entities are floating green numbers in a cylindrical (crooked) shape. The text under Etoiles says "A cucumber who lives for fights." The text under the Codes says "2 strange cylinders made of numbers." ]

[pumpkinpietimb]

I know I said I was gonna make a Fooligetta Mafia AU, but planning this out just makes me wanna write a sitcom about whatever the fuck Foolish and Etoiles has going on. They are just peak comedy when together kdgcdsy 

Imagine the Boss’s boyfriend/closest advisor who can shoot a clean headshot from miles away in a moving car and his personal bodyguard who prefers to use knives and swords, and is always looking for a fight. Foolish doesn’t necessarily NEED a bodyguard, but Vegetta got him the best one anyway and Etoiles gets bored real fast with his job cuz protecting Foolish means no fights at all. Because Foolish is friends with everyone, no one would go out of their way to try and murder him. So Etoiles just... takes it out on Foolish lmfao. A bug would be flying around Foolish and Etoiles would just throw a fucking dagger at it, if it nicked Foolish a little bit then it’s not his fault. That bug could have been poisonous! 

The most often conversation people hear from them is:

“What the actual fuck Etoiles?!”

“I was protecting you!”

“You call that protecting?!”

And Vegetta wouldn’t fire Etoiles either because why would he? It’s funny, and it’s good to give enrichment to your employees. Foolish wasn’t asking for a new bodyguard anyway-

[etoilesbienne]

i forgot the other most etoiles thing in the world: befriending and talking to staff constantly. i remember he befriended a bodyguard at the one racing event

[idfk-im-bad-at-names]

I know for a fact Fred and the bodyguard are following Bad but tbf they have valid reasons to follow Bad or Etoiles now-

[starmaniamania]

who do you think could have been great friends if they met/interacted more ?

Sorry anon, I did get your ask I just wanted to think about it before answering!

For some reason this type of hypothetical is very hard for me to answer, so being who I am I tried to make a chart of who does know each other to have good data to start from 🤣 (? inasmuch as you can ever know anything about Starmania canon of course)

Sooo really there's not that many options left 😅 I do not think Johnny and Gourou, Zéro or Stella would have a ton to say to each other. I also don't think Gourou and MJ, or MJ and Zéro would be super into each other 🤣

I guess my "just vibes" answer is pre-Johnny Cristal and Stella (they meet in one of the Mogador versions but let's ignore that) who I think would have fun gossipping and getting drunk together. Also post-Johnny maid & Cristal, perhaps! I feel like the maid has revolutionary potential, and if she joined the Etoiles Noires she and Cristal would bond as the newest arrivals who both had connections to the world above :p They also both know what it's like to fall heads-over-heels in love at first sight!

And in a different life, maybe Johnny and the Bodyguard would have beers and talk about what explosives are the best and how annoying it is being bossed around by Sadia (though secretely Johnny likes it, come on :p)

(Also, look!! A star! WHAT DOES IT MEAN!!)

[lxrd-ren]

Predictions For The Among Us Tonight:

Bad + Foolish will deem the other suspicious first chance they get regardless of who the imposter is (if either of them are the imposter at all)

Baghera will probably sus out the imposter nearly every round based off mainly how people act (although she'd probably keep quiet if its someone like Jaiden. However, she'd 100% snitch on Forever)

Cellbit + Roier either never kill each other and they don't snitch on the other OR they kill the other one immediately

Jaiden is a good crewmate and actually gets her tasks done (and discoveries 70% of the bodies)

Forever would probably try to trick the imposter in some way but may just end up accidentally making himself look suspicious

Fit always keeps a good eye out and as a result is most likely to call out if someone vented (and then call them out on their bullshit if they try to lie about it)

Tazercraft would stick together like glue and since they're always together its near impossible to get rid of them as they always have the other as an alibi / always have the other to report their body

Tubbo I feel like would wander a lot around the map and just be very suspicious in general

Maxo would probably camp cams (aka Sofia) but he's nearly always dead first

Etoiles might act as a bodyguard to people (but a seriously really good imposter as he's almost never caught)

Philza would be suspicious of anyone and everyone and most likely to call a meeting

Slimecicle would try and get his tasks done but ends up dead (more specifically in electrical) half the time

Quackity would probably accuse nearly everyone at some point (so even if he legitimately sees someone kill / vent, hardly anyone believes him)

Antoine I feel like would also try to trick the imposter but more in a 'I will stalk them until they do something suspicious' way

Aypierre gets his tasks done but is suspicious of everyone so he's likely to be accused of faking tasks

Missa probably gets stuck on the card task and accidentally had a really good alibi because of it

Felps would just chill around the ship (maybe just hangs out in electrical) but is a good imposter usually because no one suspects him at first

I won't include anyone else as I don't know anyone else that well enough. Baring in mind no hate to anyone at all, besides, I haven't seen any of them play Among Us so this is going off vibes mainly lol

Bonus:

Cucurocho is voted out first every single time

[factorialsotherfandoms]

Red team (minus Philza who is doing charity stream and getting some sleep and yk its one of his 4 days off as was today) talking about building tomorrow (maybe with Etoiles as a bodyguard)

[bigboobyhalo]

I know etoiles said he wants to run but well if he loses the best part would be that he’d make an incredible bodyguard for whoever does win

[little-soldiers]

inb4 someone hires etoiles to be their bodyguard while campaigning

[escherstrange-ffxiv]

#20: Hamper

"I need something for an event."

Etoile flicked an ear to the door but didn't look up from her pattern draft. "Where, Garlemald?"

"Wha- no! You haven't even-"

"Your matted fur collar is shedding on my carpet and you're tracking snow from your boots." Etoile sighed as her tools clattered loudly on the table. She wrinkled the nose at the grey Elezen. "What are you, some bodyguard?"

Joshua's eye twitched. "Merchant."

"Most merchants dress slightly better-"

"It's been a while, all right?!" He snapped. "What've you got for an Ishgardian debut?"

"Ahh, now we're talking." She sauntered to a rack packed with costumes. "Something that says you're not a fop. You know what you're doing despite your baby face and schoolyard scars."

The viera was really getting on Joshua's nerves. "Something that won't hamper movement." His teeth gritted so hard she could hear the grinding.

Etoile draped a few pieces over her arm, picking up a pair of boots. "Good thing younger Ishgardians are a bit more fashion-conscious after the war ended. You've picked a good time." She practically flung it at him. "You DO know how to button a vest, don't you?"

-

He hated to admit he looked good; he showed it by saying nothing.

She pinned the last seam and patted it in. "A little off-white so nobody loses you in the snow, less black so you don't look like a Garlean, and if you need to duel someone over the course of the ball you can just remove your coat."

He nodded.

"And for the love of your chosen deity, comb your damned hair."

He reached for a pocket under his armour and dropped a heavy pouch of gil. She crossed her arms. "Very generous tip."

"It's not a tip. The extra will be for my knight. I'll bring her in tomorrow."

-

Etoile's Glam: Seamstress | Eorzea Collection Joshua's Glam: Garlean Officer | Eorzea Collection Venue: Eifawyb Draperies