#Ethel Teavee

[neonartistycauseidk]

Guys—-Guys—-hear me out for a second…“I’m Breaking Down” from “Falsettos” is such an Ethel Teavee song.

It was made for both Trina——and her.

(I also totally don’t have an entire playlist made for her…nope…nah…just kidding…of course I do…She’s by far my favorite of the golden ticket winner parents)

[justa-sadjellyfish]

bugs when you lift up a rock

[teavee-kid]

Broadway Mike & Ethel. Also a Marvin Prune drawing I did last night.

[nalascat]

meow

[jackdoesstuff]

what never fails to piss me off is mrs teavee singing in vidiots like THATS YOUR FAULT!!! YOU NEGLECTED YOUR SON

[sorry-mom-ive-sinned]

Listening a bunch to What Could Possibly Go Wrong?, It's Teavee Time!, and That Little Man Of Mine, all different versions of Mike Teavee's intro song in the various musicals, I have a few different opinions.

First off my order of favs are: 1. Its Teavee Time! 2. That Little Man Of Mine 3. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?, and I'll tell you why. What Could Possibly Go Wrong? Is too focused on a narrative that I feel just... doesn't really apply to Mike? At least not to this Mike. Like the lyrics "We teach our kids that when they lose they're winners. That everything they do, they do the best". This is clearly a commentary on america, like the whole song is, but this version of Mike isnt a kid that would be told that. He's a genius. A evil shit nose kid of a genius, but still a genius. He hacked his way into a golden ticket for God's sake. I feel like the lyrics of this song (and broadways Vidiots) apply the most to 1971 wwatcf Mike. That Mike is definitely not a genius and kind of stupid, with a clearer obsession with guns and fictional dumbed down violence. Musical Mike is a genius whose obsessed with real genuine violence.

And the rest of the song just, doesnt feel that much about Mike? All the versions of the musical focus too much on his mom for my tastes, but the broadway version is the most egregious here with Ethel. Theres more time devoted in the song to her being overwhelmed by her sons antics then what his antics actually are. This is why I like Its Teavee Time! the best. It devotes the whole song to talking about Mike's violent streak as well as Doris' direct reaction to how extreme he is. I honestly find Doris much more empathic than Ethel, given that West end Mike comes across as more of a terror in my opinion, and she seems more genuinely exausted by it all. Thats just my perception though.

That Little Man Of Mine is good, more focused on Mike which I like, but Mike barely sings in this version of the song which makes me very sad. Honestly Mike barely sings in the musical period, at least compared to some others, and that makes me so sad as he is very much my favorite of the bunch. Idk, I just like how the West end version focuses in a bit more on how much of a little shit he is, and the message in Vidiots seems more directed at him and the musicals interpretation of his character. Honestly I think the broadway version would be improved if they went for a more book/wwatcf version of his character, even though I like that interpretation a bit less overall. I think it just would of fit more with the messages they seemed like they were trying to convey surrounding him.

Also Doris seems more like she wants the best for her son, while Ethel seems more like she's already given up on him. Doris line of "...Where he'll make some brand new friends. I pray to God he fits in with the gang" and later on in Strike that, Reverse it when she tells him to "Play Nice", shows me that she cares more. Ethel doesnt have lines like that, and instead its more focused on her alone, with added jokes about her alcoholism. Idk, I just dont like it.

Conclusion: Doris>Ethel (in my opinion)

[fertileimaginationvault]

Catcf 2017 bway musical deserved so much better.

Christian Borle is amazing and immediately became one of my favorite Willy Wonkas. I absolutely loved how the relationship between Willy and Charlie is built in the musical, giving something fresh and new to the story (I never read the book so I don’t know if it’s like this in the source material). I just love Charlie’s development and how we can see that he’s a good kid through and through (seriously I just wanted to adopt this kid). The other kids and their songs… THE OOMPA LOOMPAS! Willy and Ethel Teavee interacting. Willy and Mike Teavee antagonizing each other (I LAUGHED SO HARD)

Omg I really wish Netflix adaptation of catcf is based on the musical because it really deserves a big budget AND CHRISTIAN BORLE PLAYING WILLY WONKA AGAIN!

[badteavee]

It’s Halloween

Tws / Cws : N / A

Genre : Fluff ( ? )

Word count : 1,708

Parings : It’s supposed to be general but there’s some Veruca Salt + Mike Teavee and Charlie Bucket + Augustus Gloop

Note : Happy Halloween 🎃

The five kids sat in what was basically their common room , each in the places they sat the first time they were in the room , all adjusting and adding last minute details to their costumes. They were dressed as each other but none of them wanted to be wearing each other’s clothes normally since that’d make it look like they were friends , so they were either zombified or murder victims.

Veruca got stuck being Charlie , her costume of course being an unfittingly high quality version of Charlie’s usual outfit covered in fake blood and torn up around the stomach where grossly realistic plastic intestines hung out. They made sure that her makeup made her look dramatically pathetic and sad , only because they knew Charlie wouldn’t correct it.

Mike was sacked with Augustus , which he whined and complained about to his mother , who put the costume idea together in the first place so she wasn’t much help. He had little say in what he actually had to wear since he did ask for a fat suit and for once Ethel wouldn’t let him , so he had an ugly lemon yellow bowl cut wig from Amazon and one of Augustus’ old sweaters which he cut up. He made sure that he looked like a totally cool zombie in this stupid outfit , though he insisted on doing the makeup himself so his face was left bright teal and any gore was horribly smudged or just applied wrong. He wouldn’t let anyone fix it.

Violet got Veruca , she would’ve whined about if it didn’t mean she got to see her favorite makeup artist again. Her costume of course looked perfect , she even wore a blonde wig , despite Veruca’s critiques on every detail that only she would notice. Like a sequin being in the wrong place or slightly the wrong color. Violet ended up paying her makeup artist extra to add a fake slit neck and facial bruises , the ballerina stopped paying attention to her.

Augustus and Charlie helped each other with their costumes , Charlie being Violet and Augustus being Mike. They were using an aggressive amount of hairspray for Augustus , they might as well been gassing the room out. Nobody was too angry about it since the others basically inhale makeup powders and hairspray daily but they were still a little grumpy. Charlie didn’t exactly know how anatomy worked so his fake guts were definitely in the wrong places but no one cared enough to correct it.

Eventually all the kids either got bored of fixing their costumes or actually finished them up and one by one started to file out the door to go be forced into pictures by their parents. Mike was the only one to whine about it , he didn’t want proof of him being dressed as Augustus to exist anywhere and he knew those photos were being put up on her Facebook.

After an awkward and hatefilled group picture , they grabbed their unfortunately on theme backpacks and ran out of the side door that led to a low part of the gate the kids usually jump to run around the neighborhood. They all jumped it with varying degrees of success before locking onto the first house they saw and booked it over there. None of the adults volunteered to supervise them since the parents wanted to have a wine night and the Oompas would rather fight a Knid empty handed than run after the brats all night. Which meant the kids were going to be totally unsupervised. For three hours.

They all caused petty amounts of chaos in between raiding unattended candy bowls , stealing candy out of the hands of kids younger than them , paying parents for their childs candy bag , smashing pumpkins , laughing at kids fear. Whatever problems they could cause without getting in too much trouble. Everyone at least caused one problem , minor or not , except Charlie , who had to be talked out of only taking one piece of candy from bowls several times before he finally started to take handfuls.

The group was occasionally stopped by fans or parents of fans for pictures or autographs , their autographs were sloppy since nobody but Veruca knew how to write in cursive but it didn’t seem to matter for the fans , they were overjoyed either way. It took a lot to drag Violet away from taking pictures with fans , especially when some of them were dressed as her , but nobody was waiting fifteen minutes for her to shut up so they would have to grab her arms and pull her.

Once it was near sunset , they all decided on one last street to fully raid before lugging their way back to the factory. They took all the candy they could , even if their bags couldn’t hold anymore , they’d just grab the bowl and go to the next house. They stuffed candy in their pockets , hoods , socks , sleeves , water bottles , small extra bags , anything to hold more.

By the time they circled back to the start of the street , their phones were blown up by Mrs. Teavee worrying about the fact that Mike wasn’t answering her as if he ever does. Mike checked his phone and groaned , seeing all the missed calls and text messages , why was she so embarrassing. They were only a minute past when they’re supposed to go back anyway. He slowed down to be behind the group , begrudgingly calling her back , he couldn’t even get a ‘What ?’ in before she started talk-crying.

“Mikey ! Where are you ?!” Her words were slurring , she’s obviously already drunk. “Why haven’t you been answering—“

“Calm down , old lady ! We’re—“ She kept trying to interrupt him , blabbering incoherently “We’re on our way !”

“Hii , Ethel !” Mike jumped out of his skin , when did they get here ?!

“Don’t call my mom by her first name !”

“Mikey , is that Veruca ? Put me on speaker !”

It was too late by the time he went to actually do as told , Veruca had already snatched up the phone and booked it , which lead the group to also run by instinct. Even while running , she was using their horrible fake sweet voice to talk to Mrs. Teavee , assuring her that they’d be back very soon and faking being humble when Ethel thanked her. Mike of course was trying to run after her but running with six pounds of candy on your back is significantly difficult , he didn’t know how they managed to be so fast when she probably had more candy than most of them.

Veruca ran the group all the way back to and over the gate they jumped , finally stopping once they were through the side door enough for everyone else to run in.

“We’re back , bye Ethel !”

“Bye sweetheart !”

Mike snatched his phone back directly after she said that , too out of breath to pick a proper fight so he resorted to glaring and huffing. Veruca just smiled innocently , prancing back to the common room before the adrenaline wore off and the fatigue from the night caught up to them. The rest of the group was left to try to cling to theirs before half shuffling after the ballerina and collapsing in their usual spots. A random horror series played on the tv , giving off enough light for the overhead to not have to be on. Not that anyone would’ve turned it on anyway.

Veruca was already separating her candy when everyone else was just starting to unload their bags and various holding spots. There was a collective sigh of relief when they finally could pull off those heavy bags and their jackets and sweaters. It seemed like the room automatically adjusted to be colder , they’ve stopped questioning why anything happens like it does in this place long ago.

Everyone made their piles of candy they liked and didn’t , except for Charlie , who wanted to try everything since he’s never really had anything other than Wonka whipple scrumptious fudgemallow delights. Once trading had started , half of everyone’s “No” candies went to Charlie , he didn’t complain.

Nobody had the energy to properly argue over the fairness of trades so they remained somewhat peaceful until someone decided Violet was scamming him.

“Seven lollipops aren’t worth three KitKats !”

“They’re totally worth it !”

“You’re scamming me !!”

“What do you think they’re worth then ??”

“Seven KitKats , seven lollipops.”

“That’s not fair !” Plink. He launched a whopper at her. “Now you’re not getting any.”

Mike was ready to wage war but the moment he tried to stand , he fell back down. Too much movement even for him. Veruca started snickering before clearing her throat like they weren’t doing anything , she couldn’t help it.

“Can it , bad nut.”

“You can it !”

Plink.

“You’re dead in the morning , Tiny Television.”

“Not if you die first.”

Veruca rolled her eyes , not giving that freak any more of their already low energy. They would never die before him. She’d make sure of it one way or another. Mike also seemed to give up wanting to fight , finally accepting the three KitKats. They were full sized anyway.

Everyone gradually shifted their attention to the only light in the room aside from the plastic light up pumpkins placed around , making the room a fitting red when the show’s lighting got darker. Trades were either fully finished or only done in lazy whispers and sliding candies across the floor to the other.

One by one , they started to fall asleep. Augustus slumped against an ottoman from his spot on the floor , Violet swore she was just going to hang her head for a second before she was out cold , Charlie curled in some uncomfortable looking position on one of the chairs.

Mike and Veruca took the longest to fall asleep , mainly because of Mike’s snoring. He was across the room from them and he still managed to bother her. She would flick small candies they didn’t want at him to get him to stop, which would wake him up briefly but he’d just grumble and go back to snoring. They eventually gave up , settling down on “her” couch like a princess would , in her mind , and finally getting their beauty sleep.

They’d all wake up with Halloween themed blankets somehow covering them but for now they’ll sleep peacefully.

[tea-with-cinnamontoast]

deranged chocolate fuck comments on ethel teavee’s clothes, a live reaction:

[speedyboymikey]

Our schedule has no room for intros, languid and rubato...

Accelerate right to the verse and play it molto presto and staccato!

Now let's get the small-talk out of the way

What zigzag roads and fickle fates have led you to my chocolate gates?

I'm sure the stories would enthrall

But time is racing by us all

I'd love to rhyme a riddle or two

But there's so much time

So little to do!

So much time, so little to do?

Please strike that, reverse it!

I meant the other way!

It doesn't take a Sigmund Freud

To see I'm charmed and overjoyed

But pardon if I start to fret

We've not begun our journey yet!

No time to borrow or delay

What's here tomorrow's gone today!

What's here tomorrow's gone today?

Whoops strike that, reverse it!

My tongue has feet of clay!

You've bid the tasteless world adieu

To chew the goo awaiting you

But scurry, for the Wonka clock keeps ticking!

Inside these doors the floors are sweet

There's rugs and carpets you can eat

And best of all, the wallpaper needs licking!

This day of punctuality is scheduled

To the Nth degree,

I wish that there was time to share

My thoughts on makeup, clothes, and hair

Madam!

Yes?

Your hair, your dress, your shoes are great!

You're dressed for 1958

I tried those little short shorts, but they kept riding up.​

No, strike that, reverse it!

Let's get on with our day!

Gloops!

Willkommen, Frau Gloop, delighted to meet you. And this must be little Augustus!

Hallo!

He's my tiny little pickle!

Pleased to meet you, Augustus, but I'm afraid I must confiscate your sausage

Oh, but that's my lunch!

You may go first but lose the wurst!

That's sad because I love 'em

To lead our group, Augustus Gloop, for who could lose sight of him?

Yes who could lose sight of him!

Salts!

Zdravstvujte, Oleg Salt from Novosibirsk. I run Salt Peanuts, Salt Cod, and Salt Mines

That's a lotta salt. You should watch your blood pressure

And this is my wonderful daughter

Dyspepsia...

Veruca.​

Angina...

Veruca

Diarrhea...

Veruca!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I was just checking your father's medical records. Oleg, entrenu, you really must take care of yourself

I'll take care of you, Wonka, if you don't focus on me!

It's a pleasure, dear, to have you here

Where did you get that mink?

Are you for real?

It's baby seal that's clubbed then tickled pink

It's clubbed then tickled

Clubbed then tickled

Clubbed then tickled pink!

Beauregardes!

Eugene Beauregarde! Here's my card

I'll cherish it!

Smile!

Instagram it, daddy!

And I guess you already know the Queen of Pop!

Delighted to meet you, your majesty. What is it exactly that you do?

Do? I chew!

Gesundheit

The same piece of gum for the last three years!

It's a jaw-popping world record! Why, she's got over 50, 000 Twitter followers, her own YouTube channel, and one day, we gon' open up a bubble-gum boutique in Beverly Hills!

Well, congratulations. I must drop by. But you can't bring gum in here

Why not?

Because, it's disgusting

Just let me in, I'm here to win!

You like to beat your drum!

Your confidence is quite intense

But just don't jump the gum!

Don't jump

Don't jump

Just don't jump the gum!

Next!

Hey doofus, d'you have WiFi?

I'll take that!

Ethel Teavee, and this is Mike Teavee, we should be on the list

Ah, yes, Mike Teavee. The boy who hacked into my computers

So, Mike the brain, you must explain

Just how you hacked the ticket?

Shut up, old man!

I'm not a fan!

You know where you can stick it!

You can stick it!

And there's no alcohol in my factory, I'm afraid

It's lemonade

Mmhm

WOAH NELLY!

Homemade

You should visit my factory sometime

It seems that I've left someone out

Who else is here, now give a shout!

Uh, Mr. Wonka, I'm the last

Is least the last to join our cast?

Name?

Joe Bucket, at your service!

Delighted!

Actually-

Enraptured

Matter of fact-

Fascinating! And you must be Charlie

Well, well, well. Charlie Bucket. The boy who waited to the very last moment to get his ticket. Don't leave it so late next time!

But, I-

Now, Messieurs Bucket, Salt, and Beauregarde, Madame Teavee and Schatzi Gloop

You're visitors in my backyard while shepherding this tiny troupe

And so I look to you to lead your future generations

I must insist you hear and heed my rules and regulations!

I'd love to lounge and lolly gag

And give each tongue the chance to wag

But I must get you all to sign this contract on the dotted line

There's no reprise, the way time flies to dot the T's and cross the I's!

Damn, strike that, reverse it!

Please ink without delay!

May I see the dossier

And negotiate her pay?

Sir what does this contract say?

Well...

The undersigned herein to forsight for

No frippery or force majeure

No property be touched or chewed or peddled!

What'd he say?

De facto habeas corpus laws

For you a new grandfather's clause

Sign here, and here, and here, thank god that's settled!

I'm confused!

What does he expect?

This tempo is preposterous!

Just sign!

So now the time has come at last

To put the present in the past

It's time to take the golden tour

And taste the tempting treats du jour

The day is young the sun is high and so it's time to say goodbye!

Goodbye!?

No, strike that, reverse it!

And next time I'll rehearse it

Get ready, set, on your marks, let's go!

You're stupid!

You stink!

I'm winning!

You think!

Let's go!

On with the show!

[neonartistycauseidk]

Look who made a WWATCF as vines video———me!

The sheer lack of WWATCF or CATCF as vines videos is criminal…so, I decided to make one of my own!

-

(I also used two of the scrapped characters from the book, Miranda and Marvin, and two of the characters who are only in the Jr., musical version of Willy Wonka, James and Matilda)

[justa-sadjellyfish]

Jackie Hoffman I love you but…

Doris Teavee>>>> Ethel Teavee

[brbuttons]

there's extra effort into today's catcfember because we're at a convention tomorrow and probably won't have time to do it?? i dunno

maybe we'll finally listen to view from here and doodle something. Like, I know Atticus has wanted to listen to the OBC, but I think he's been waiting for the Prime Slime Time, yknow?

he's gonna have thoughts; there's a lotta changes he hates in theory, and i've never seen a person hate a design with so much scorn as he hates Ethel Teavee lmaoo

also unrelated to the above, but if anyone asks: my full name is now Mycicle Twitch Dot Television. Stream knows what's up. Thanks chat.~

[thatonecatcflover]

Well he can't always be the perfect little badass

[mrs-teavee]

I drew Ethel 💛 it took me 4 hours in total but I am so satisfied with it 😍 She is honestly the best character in CATCF 💜

[thevillainsfangirl]

The Teavee family make me sad.

Yes, the Teavee family from the iconic childhood tale, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It’s their story, the Buckets are just at the forefront of it.

Specifically, those 👆🏽 versions of the Teavees, from the 2005 film and the 2013 musical, though I will also look at the National Tour for the Broadway version because of the song they use in it.

Now, let me start off with this: I firmly believe that Norman and Doris Teavee love their son, and they are doing their best. Their best just isn’t very good. (They literally suck so bad as parents in ‘71, as he has 0 basic manners and they’ll let him get a gun for his 12th birthday! However, I don’t see them in the first movie as Doris & Norman anyway, and I think their names are different.)

...

I first want to cover the musical. Here, Michael is a feral child; he is violent, he is... “high-spirited,” he smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a day (it used to be more)... he has set their cat on fire and chloroformed a nurse (which makes me wonder if they needed a nurse for him?), he somehow stole a German tank, and he is on house-arrest... at only 10-years-old. Because of all this, Doris is a high-strung alcoholic who is deep in denial. Meanwhile, Norman seems... disconnected; he gives off the vibe that he has dissociated in order to cope with his own son. (I know the intention was most likely to paint him as a clueless sitcom dad, but I personally don’t see it that way.)

I don’t care much for the Broadway version of this show, especially because of the song that replaces “It’s Teavee Time!” as it has nothing to do with them as characters, but it’s important to mention here because... Mike’s father (I won’t say Norman) is gone in the Broadway version. (Or is it only the National Tour where this is mentioned?) He’s just gone, he has up and left his wife and son, he has actually checked-out of the family! And I can’t even blame him; with that wife and that child, I’d honestly want to ditch them, too. Another thing worth mentioning is the song used in the National Tour of the Broadway musical, “Little Man Of Mine”, which mentions Mike still being on house-arrest for something that “they never proved”, and his mother (here called Ethel; I consider them a different set of parents, but I digress) doping him up and putting restraints on him, while also drinking and popping pills herself. The saddest part of the song is probably Mike saying that he (or they) try to find his father online every night. 🥺

Also very important to note: In both “It’s Teavee Time!” and “That Little Man Of Mine”, Doris and Ethel mention wishing they’d had a daughter instead of Mike. WHAT. THE. FUCK??? Does Mike ever hear this? I sincerely hope not! (Also, it’s simply illogical because a girl could act the exact same way that Mike does. 🤨)

Unfortunately, there’s no official recording of “Little Man Of Mine” anywhere, but the lyrics to it are here, and I’ve seen one (1) recorded performance of decent film/audio quality.

Now, on to the movie; grab some tissues, because the sads just keep on coming...

In the 2005 film... well, Mrs. Teavee doesn’t speak, and we only see her once, but she feels dead inside. She gives off a vibe that says she regrets having this child, and she and her husband haven’t been in love for years. Norman is a defeated pushover who would probably lay down in a puddle if Mike told him to because he doesn’t want to get his shoes dirty (not that the kid would care, he *was* stomping in candy goo); he tries to tell Mike to stop ragefully stomping on candy pumpkins, he tries to tell Mike to calm down in the TV room, but it of course doesn’t work, and he barely tried at all. He doesn’t understand his son, and he feels he has grown up too fast (which is probably true). And Mike, well... Mike is a lot of things, but I honestly feel like the kid is sad. He is so angry all of the time, that is not a happy child. That is a Depressed & Angry 2000s Emo Child, I can tell because I was one. I don’t know if he can tell how dead inside his parents are, if it’s because they don’t get him, if he gets picked on in school for being a little genius... but the kid is unhappy, that much I know.

But I don’t think it was always this way. I think they were a happy family once, when Mike was little, but then it started going downhill.

This newspaper article from the film (I’ve never seen in the film) paints the picture for me:

(First off: Mike looks too pure here, so can you imagine people picking up that newspaper and then reading the article? “Awww, what an adorable child!” 😊 *reads it* “Jeez, what an obnoxious little shit!” 🤨 And I sincerely can’t help but wonder how they got him to smile for the picture; his parents probably promised to buy him a new video game if he would just smile, please. I can hear the exhaustion in Norman’s voice.)

If you click on this 👆🏽 image (in Dashboard/preview mode), open it in a new tab, click the zoom magnifying glass, and look down to the lower-middle left of the paper, you should be able to read: Young Teavee also no doubt takes after his father, a Certified Public Accountant with nearly 20 years of experience. “I would always bring work home and Mikey would look over my shoulder when he was a baby,” professed Mr. Teavee. “He’s always had a knack for numbers.”

Now, I know that makes no sense because in the actual film, Mr. Teavee said that he is a high school geography teacher, not an accountant, but... let’s just go along with it for now. How precious does that sound? Imagine Mr. Teavee sitting on their couch, looking over his work, and little baby Mike is just standing on the couch and looking over his dad’s shoulder, just really fascinated by it. 🥺

What I’m getting at is: I think they were a happy family once, but then Mike started detaching and growing up, and maybe his parents marriage isn’t doing the best anymore (I get the vibe, I get the vibe), and it just all went downhill. And honestly? I think Norman is afraid of his son. Which is understandable; if I lived with that kid, I’d be scared, too. 😳

(Side-note: That newspaper says that Mike is 13-years-old? 🤨 Yeah, I don’t fucking buy it, that kid looks 10 or 11, which doesn’t sound like much, but kids are growing all the time, so they definitely look different at 13 than they do at 10 or 11. It’s possible he could be 13, but I don’t believe that, and I headcanon him as 10/11.)

I’m sure there’s something I’m forgetting, but I think I’ve said every relevant thing there is to be said so far about this candy-coated Greek tragedy called the Teavee family. My point is...

The Bucket family is sad because of their financial situation, but thankfully for them, that’s fixed by the end of the story. The Teavee family is sad in a way that I don’t think can be fixed, not if they don’t try. The Teavee family is sad because they’re broken.