#Eowyn is frustrated too but not at me just at the situation. she really doesn’t like being/feeling helpless

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

Question: since Eowyn and Eomer have the same parents (read: Eomund’s hothead genes), do you believe Eowyn would be just as hotheaded as her brother if she were a man? As a lady, there were different expectations of her, so perhaps that’s why we don’t get to see much of that hotheadedness?

Ooh, thinking about what someone with Éowyn’s personality but who was born into the opportunities and freedoms that men had is a really interesting exercise! Thanks for asking! ❤️

I do believe Éowyn had those same hothead genes, and I actually think that we can already see them in her in the canonical story. She doesn’t have all the same opportunity as a man to show it, but she does repeatedly act impulsively and decisively; is very brave and heedless of danger; is very consumed with realizing her own goals to the exclusion of other considerations, etc. — all characteristics that are definitely hothead-adjacent.

When Aragorn unexpectedly appears in Rohan, representing everything that Éowyn wants to be and do and achieve, she wastes very little time before she is literally begging him to take her away with him. She’s immediately willing to throw overboard almost everything about her life to date to follow a man she barely knows into a situation that she doesn’t fully understand. That’s not exactly careful, rational decision making (even if we, as readers, don’t disagree with her choice!). We also famously see her boldly defy the orders of her father figure and king by sneaking into battle on her own — and with an unauthorized hobbit in tow! — not because she made a reasoned calculation about what was best for Rohan or Théoden or herself but simply because she was so singularly focused on her own goal. So again, even if we are entirely sympathetic to that decision and in retrospect know that it was the right one, that’s got some clear hothead vibes that go with it. 

She also repeatedly courts death, mouths off to the Witch King himself (“be gone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion!”) and laughs in his face, demands to be put back into battle as soon as she’s awake again in the houses of healing even though she doesn’t know anything about how conditions have changed since her injury, and is a little bristle-y with Faramir in some of their early interactions, jumping to her own conclusions about what he thinks and means when he speaks to her. All of that feels consistent to me with someone who is quick to their emotions, recklessly brave, and willing to act without sitting around to carefully analyze a situation first. She even talks about herself as being ungentle and a wild woman that others might seek to tame, which suggests to me that she also saw herself as embodying many of those same hotheads traits — bold, unconventional, potentially dangerous, etc. 

So I think she and Éomer both show some signs of hotheadedness throughout the story, and I think they show that a little hotheadedness isn’t always a bad thing! Éomund just had way too much of it and was impervious to being curbed, whereas Éomer takes advice when it’s given and Éowyn comes to see that acting with more deliberateness (as Faramir does) isn’t a bad thing either.

But all that leaves open to question whether Éowyn would have been an even bigger hothead if she had been a man. I see two possibilities there. Either her personality would have been exactly the same but the effect of her actions and behavior would have been magnified (making Lord Éowyn SEEM like a bigger hothead than Lady Éowyn) because a male version of her would have had more opportunities to follow his impulses and cause a ruckus. OR, perhaps some of her instincts would have actually been dampened a little bit by the additional freedoms of life as a man — without some of the (entirely justified!!!) resentment and frustrations that Lady Éowyn felt, perhaps Lord Éowyn would have been a bit mellower. I’m inclined toward a middle ground — some of the latter, but with the clear stipulation that even then Lord Éowyn was NEVER going to be an entirely cool, collected cucumber because that’s just not his core personality or how this family works! 

All my own 2 cents of course. I’d be very curious to hear others’ thoughts as well! 

[hereitalkonandon]

Some songs

I love reading what you say but I don't mind it when you don't write much, or that you don't answer my questions or say anything about most parts, it's not frustrating for me, in a way I'm relieved that I didn't take that much of your time when it happens.

I only feel it could be unfair to make you read so much about myself and take so much of your time without even doing the same thing myself, I highly doubt I could write something that long to you ever again unless it's an answer to one of your letters, so it's now sort of a vicious circle.

There's only so much I can ramble about even if I could do it forever since I would only be repeating myself as you said we would when it comes to shipping, and even if I do it so often, I try hard to not do it as much with you. I still end up failing but I always delete half of what I had originally written so that's something.

At first it was just because I was talking about things you didn't know about myself since you didn't know anything, but now you know almost everything I could tell you. I spend a lot of time doing the same activities and being into the same hobbies, just today I ran for two hours, as I've been doing for over ten years.

So what you said about me knowing your thoughts on shipping and all that, it's why I never talked about it before until now that you mentioned it, I figured there wasn't much we could say about it, other than my thoughts, but I've already told you what they are.

Whenever I felt a bit shocked about finding you, just going through your blog and thinking it was interesting and that you aren't like a real person, I would remember that I had already realized that it wasn't odd, I found you because you were so into something that not many people are into, it's only not super rare because ASOIAF/GOT is really popular. 

It's not weird then,  people are normally drawn to things that they relate to. And you clearly relate to Cersei and her relationship so it makes sense that I would find you.

I don't lie to people but I tend to do things like not being open about what I'm feeling and pretending I don't care about things, that I forgot something, that something is not a big deal, and making them wait when there isn't really any need.

A lot of dumb things, and I've never done that to you other than with the anons at first, because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, knowing so many things.

I feel that sooner or later we will have nothing to say because such is life and your world is this really big place and you have all those dreams, even if I'm not exactly empty, my love for my ex-girlfriend has crippled me and it's the only personality trait I have

But it has been something different, being honest about what I'm feeling, answering right away, well as soon as I'm able to, telling you I spent hours doing nothing but writing you a letter, that I lost sleep over some of them and your blog. I'm happy that I got to know what that feels like and that I got to share thoughts with you. I'm so reserved and also often thinking about my pride, so it's the first time I do this and I don't intend to do it with someone else any time soon because I've never actually met someone that I could relate to. But I don't think we have a lot in common regardless.

I've no doubt that I could end up meeting many people, maybe in twenty or thirty years, even if I'm not intending to, but if so, that I could forget a lot of things of these days, but I know I won't forget how it felt and how important it was to me for a while.

I never cry and though I can feel pity and worry about others, I was barely a human anymore after my ex-girlfriend left when it came to anything but my feelings for her, now because of these days, I've somehow cried sometimes, I wouldn't even understand it if I tried, and I feel that even if this were to be the last interaction we had, because of you I've started gaining something back and that I'll slowly keep becoming who I used to be before it all went wrong, whether I want it or not. 

Then maybe I'm just too emotional right now and I'll be the same trash I've been these four years in no time. I can't know that, and even though I wouldn't be hurting you or anyone else, I would feel like I lied today if I didn't say it.

I'm glad that something that long had some use to you, a distraction from work. I've seen you complain about your boss and I thought you were probably right about him but when I saw the post where you talked about the time he asked you if you really hated men that much, because of your picture of Eowyn, and saying men like girly women, I was sure he is the type of man that I tend to find the most annoying.

It means a lot to me that something I wrote could make you feel emotional even if you are already feeling that way, so though I wasn't expecting any comment about it because I was well aware my letter was too long, thank you for letting me know that.

And thank you for encouraging me to write, I honestly feel like poetry isn't for me, because I would only enjoy writing the kind of thing that I sent you, and the problem is that I would also just be repeating myself all over again, so that's why I would rather not try, I'm already sure of the way it would end. 

But eventually I would like to find similar poetry, years from now, I think, so I can read it. I have a lot of free time, due to not having a social life, and at the same time I always need more time. I'm always angry that the day is over. I like the nights better though. I just mean I hate it when I have to go to sleep.

I already write what I want, just using my journals. I hate embarrassing myself, so since I'm aware I've no experience or anything, that's why I've been bringing it up in all my letters whenever I say I love writing. I just enjoy it a lot, but I don't believe that I'll ever feel the need to write for a public, other than also loving to write letters.

You said that maybe eternal love isn't for you, I can believe it if you mean you don't see yourself loving someone forever and that sooner or later you could get bored of them. Otherwise, and at your age, being who you are, I think it's more than likely that there will be enough men wanting to love you forever and if they are lucky they might be worth it.

And even if you said that you can't tell me how to live my life, I still appreciate reading what you truly think about things, as I've told you before, (and lately that's the problem, there isn't much I haven't told you before) so I enjoyed everything about that letter, and it was so insightful, the only problem with it is that I am who I am, but I believe the things you said are what anyone with common sense would want to do in my situation, probably what I would want someone to tell the children I won't have because I don't want them, to anyone that is important to me

I would want them to strive to be healthy and happy, I wouldn't care so much about them prioritizing purpose, like I do with my own life. The way many people do, I see what answer makes the most sense, what I would want for others, and then I choose something entirely different

I agree that you are probably loved half-halfheartedly right now, but not because of who you are or because of your boyfriend even, but because most people go through life only loving as much as that, it's not crazy that you happen to have a partner that probably, at least as of now, can only love in the way that most people love. And it wouldn't be crazy to go through other five boyfriends in a row that can't give you enough. 

It's one of the reasons I relate to you, my ex-girlfriend once wrote "he wanted all of nothing" after our break up, and she was right, she didn't know a lot of things about herself but I can't say she didn't know me. 

The way that I am I could never try something that didn't feel like the most intense thing ever from the very beginning, but I can see how actually dating people is the fastest or easiest way to eventually find that relationship too, and so I see why you are with him.

But being who you are, it's possible that if he doesn't eventually love you in a way that can give you back what you have been craving, then you'll move on from that relationship some day, however long that takes, and there's no need to hurry and end this one as long as you want to be with him. 

It's just that I find it so hard to believe, to wrap my mind around it, that someone like you won't end up being loved in the way that she wants, and that I honestly believe that you deserve, the fact that you have the depth to realize that kind of love exists, understand it, and miss it, is enough to make me even mad that you can't have it now, even if you don't need it. 

After spending so many hours both reading your blog and writing to you, it made my day to read that you no longer love him, even if it were only half-truth. From what I understood he took advantage of you and he doesn't deserve a thing from you.

But when it comes to that, I've spent all my life living like this, to me it seems almost impossible to get over that sort of love, without taking into account that you have so many other interests and that you haven't spent as much time with that person in your head as I have, it makes sense that you only think about him because you wish you could have that feeling again.

Whatever happens with your current boyfriend, what I believe you won't regret, is moving forward from your relationship with your first ex-boyfriend, and that's the best you can do.

I didn't have much to say other than repeating myself and because your letter was brief but I also didn't try to make it longer since I imagine you will have long days and be busy and then tired.

I saw that you asked for song recommendations on your blog, so these are a few that I love. Nantes, Elephant Gun, My night with the prostitute from Marseille, A candle's fire, and Cherbourg, all by Beirut, maybe you already know some of them because of the cover Florence Welch did

And then You and Me by Delays, I feel you would enjoy this one because of the lyrics, his voice annoys me but I put up with it.

Then there is this group that only had two albums called The Cinematics, perhaps you wouldn't like their sound, I think most of them have the same feeling, but I love A Strange Education, (it's also the name of one of the albums) it makes me so emotional for some reason, New Mexico, and Chase.

So I'm of course not expecting you to listen to them, and while I could just write a lot of songs that I like I decided to write the ones that I think you aren't as likely to come across by yourself, and that I find so moving that if you ever have the time to listen to them maybe you could find at least one that you enjoy.

[givemearmstopraywith]

i’m writing this on my phone, so forgive any errors in what follows lmao

i’m relentlessly positive because that’s my personality and because there is a lot of relentless negativity on this site i don’t want to contribute to. it was not my intention to paint you as the bad guy, and i deleted my replies because i didn’t want to draw other people into what had the potential to become a bad situation with too many people sharing their opinions. i’ve been involved in internet drama before, it’s not my intention to be at the center of it again.

i didn’t “trot out” that letter. i gave my interpretation of it, because another commenter gave theirs. i’m an english literature major specifically studying tolkien’s influences, and i have spent years studying his life and letters as a result of this. so yes, i agree that you’re correct in saying i was irresponsible in the way i worded my original post simply because i should know better, and i allowed myself to get swept up in my excitement over his biopic. my interpretation of letter 43 is just that- MY interpretation, and i don’t want anyone taking what i say as the truth, i want them to read the letter and form their own opinion, hence why i linked it. teaching people involves showing them every side of an issue, especially in regard to written texts, or at least that’s what i’ve been taught.

i find it frustrating that sexist commentators on the fantasy genre will repeatedly trot tolkien and his contemporaries out as examples of how women should be used in fantasy and then use that as an excuse to write flatly-characterized women or continue using the same tropes. tolkien was working from a place of work where women literally don’t speak. he was a scholar of beowulf that has one female character who has no dialogue in the work. sir gawain and the green knight, another text he worked with, features two women, but only one has dialogue. the other- morgan le fey- despite being the mastermind behind the entire plot and a fascinatingly complex character compared to other arthurian-era women, doesn’t even appear except in mention. in his own life, edith tolkien suffered greatly because, in all fairness, he was a shitty husband absorbed by his work and generally unavailable for support even as she raised his children and helped with his career. this is the nature of marriage at the time, but that doesn’t make it acceptable. she was his luthien, but he was also really self absorbed.

i’m not saying this to lecture and i’m sorry if i’m parroting what you already know, but i want to try and explain that the dialogue around his female characters needs to change. that was the purpose of my original post and my “can we talk” refrain. we need to stop talking about men! we need to take what we can get from the very shitty stuff we’ve been given up until now, because it’s all we had. these stories should be ours, not trotted out as an excuse for piss poor takes from men on how shitty female characterization is how we should continue doing things because that’s how the greats did it, which is an argument i’ve seen way too many of my cishet male peers make.

edith wasn’t luthien, she was literally sam, and she carried tolkien’s entire life on her back while he created her magnum opus. eowyn was the first princess i read about who didn’t need to be rescued. arwen was the first queen i saw who chose her own husband. can we talk about them? yeah. tolkien wasn’t a feminist. that’s the point. but he gave me, and maybe it’s just me, something to work into my feminism when i was 8 and i didn’t know i had choices beyond being a wife to a man and having kids. and i will always be thankful for that.

can we talk about tolkien as a feminist? can we talk about the fact that during the most formative years of his life he was raised by a single mother, who was working class, had been rejected by her family, and was severely disabled by advanced diabetes? that his mother single-handedly educated both tolkien and his brother and taught him the languages that would lead him to become one of the foremost scholars in old english and give him the ability to create fifteen of his own languages? can can we talk about the respect and adoration he had for his wife, edith bratt? that he immortalized her as luthien and attributed his recovery from trench fever to her? how he was a shy man who had trouble talking to women, but created gorgeously complex female characters in his works that were strikingly different from contemporaneous depictions of women designed who typically populated fiction and society at the time? how he created women who struggled with self-doubt, who wanted to be free, who were beautiful and fierce, who wanted to fight, who denied men’s advances, who learned how to love themselves, who were not simply wives or mothers but warriors and queens with magical abilities? can we talk about the fact that women are both the most powerful and the most terrible beings in his entire legendarium? can we talk about how his female characters are given story arcs that are utterly their own, that are not defined by anyone but themselves? can we talk about eowyn, arwen, galadriel, luthien, morwen, melian, shelob, goldberry, haleth, rosie cotton, ungolient, niënor? can we talk about tolkien as a feminist? can we? yes. we should.