#Emily Prentiss x poc!oc

[leftoverenvy]

Tastes Like Sugar (ch. 32)

Summary: India Mae, or Indi, is a music major, struggling to pay bills, tuition, work, and make good grades.  Emily Prentiss is a BAU profiler, as well as a DC socialite thanks to her huge family fortune.  The two enter into a mutually beneficial arrangement: Emily will pay for Indi's school if Indi accompanies Emily to her social functions for a few months, posing as her girlfriend.  As weeks go by, the lines between their arrangement and their true feelings start to blur.  But money can't buy love, right?

Pairing: India Mae Banks x Emily Prentiss; OC x Emily Prentiss

Warnings: smut; sugar baby relationships; age gap (16 years - but all over 18)

Word Count: 2.9 k

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Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @5raysofsunshine 🌮; @reidselle🦭; @swiftfiles 🐝💚 ; @scorpsik 🎨

Chapter 32 - Birthday Wishes

A/n: thank you everyone for your patience with updates!  If you're still following along, thank you.  Your readership means everything to me.

- - -

"Pen!" I protested, pushing my hair out of my face once again.  "This fan is blowing my hair around, and I can assure you it is NOT sexy."

"Oh, I assure you it will be, my pet," she purred as she continued snapping photos.  "Just do something sexier with your face."

I huffed in annoyance.  "Very helpful!" I said sarcastically.  "I never should have let you talk me into this," I complained, gesturing around at the makeshift photography studio Penelope had set up to take some boudoir photos for Emily's birthday present.  "I'm just not good at being sexy."

"I'll bet there's a certain brunette who would beg to differ…"  She raised a knowing eyebrow.  "In fact," she started, "You should hear how they tease her at work."

"What do you mean?" I asked in concern.

Penelope walked over to position my arms in what I assumed was a much less awkward pose.  "Emily is so…" she trailed off.  "So cold, hard."  My brows furrowed in disagreement.  Before I could protest, Penelope amended, "She's a total badass, don't get me wrong.  Like a super spy babe…But when you call…"  She trailed off again finding the right words.

With bated breath, "when I call…" I prompted.

"She's a total cheeseball!"  She laughed.  "She's so head over heels for you, Indi.  I guess the team has just never seen her like that before."  She paused, letting me soak it all in, but then added, "For example, the other day, she had just taken down this unsub.  I'm talkin' heeled boot to the stomach, gun pointed at his head.  And she was so focused."  I could picture it now.  My stomach tightened pleasantly thinking about how wonderful it was to be the object of Emily's focus.  "And then when she got back to Quantico to call you, it's like she visibly softens."

I tried to reconcile what Penelope was telling me with my own perceptions of Emily.  A wide smile spread over my face, pleased that I caused such a change in her.  "And," Penelope continued conspiratorially, "Derek has a theory that Emily and JJ were more than friends, especially seeing how cold JJ is towards you."  I gulped, unsure if this was a secret Emily purposefully kept from the team even after they had broken up.  "And apparently, she NEVER looked at JJ like she looks at you."

Butterflies flooded my tummy.  Even though Emily had told me she loved me, it still never ceased to amaze me that others saw the proof in her eyes as I did.  "All the more reason for these photos to turn out well.  I can't buy anything for the woman who has more money than god – if she wants something, she just buys it for herself.  This is my only option for her birthday present, Pen.  And I'm just hopeless at this stuff."

"You landed Emily," she pointed out.

"You know what I mean," I grumbled, pulling at the tight lingerie, uncomfortable and out of my element.

A knowing glint illuminated Penelope's eyes.  "Let's try something new," she suggested.  "What song makes you feel sexy?"

"I don't know…" I bit my lip, embarrassed.

"Fine."  Penelope grabbed her phone and changed the playlist.  Deep bass and a slow beat reverberated around the room contrasted with the singer's keening, crooning voice.  I had no idea what this song was, but the vibe immediately shifted into something more intimate.  I continued worrying my lip, steeling myself to be sexy for Emily.

She seemed to have enjoyed the photos I had taken in front of her standing mirror.  But I hadn't let myself think about it or talk myself out of hitting send.  I begged myself to get out of my own head, trying to reason with my own insecurities.

"Maybe start without my face in them?" I suggested, trying to find a way to ease myself into this.

"Wonderful idea, Indi!  What part of you does Emily like best?"  I had no idea.  I knew which parts of her I liked best.  The smooth lines of her back, the tattoo on her hip, the slope of her jaw as she threw her head back in pleasure… 

"Earth to India!" Penelope got my attention.

"Sorry!" I apologized, my face heating in embarrassment.  I pulled one leg up to my chest, trying to fold in on myself.  "I was just…"

"Fantasizing?  Don't think I haven't seen that look in Emily's eyes either."  Butterflies swarmed my stomach again, overwhelming joy causing a shy smile to stretch across my face.  The click of the camera caught my attention.  "Just be yourself," Penelope instructed softly, trying not to break the moment.  "You're beautiful when you think of her."

"She's beautiful," I whispered.  I could never compare, I thought ruefully.

"Let's try from behind," Penelope suggested.  "Look over your shoulder.  That way you don't have to think too much about what we're doing.  Just keep thinking about Emily."

And once we got started, it really was much easier.  Thinking about Emily got me out of my head.   While I didn't think these had a hope of coming out good enough for Emily, Penelope – of course – worked her magic and made me look amazing.  She thought of the best poses to look teasing and sexy.  I hoped Emily liked them well enough.

_ _ _

I woke up with a start, realizing what day it was.  I rolled over and gently pressed kisses against Emily's skin to wake her up.  When she finally roused, she smiled and pulled me in for a proper kiss.  "Happy birthday," I whispered against Emily's lips.

"Thank you."  She flopped back into bed, snuggling back into our warm cocoon.  "I'm not much for celebrating my birthday," she admitted after a beat.

Hesitantly, I asked, "Because of your mom?"

She blew out a puff of air, a sound I had come to realize meant she was uneasy about something.   "I don't know," she admitted softly.  "Maybe."

"Well, I'd like to celebrate you."  I snuggled into her side, tracing soft patterns against the tattoo on her hip.  "Because you're so special to me, Em.  I'm so grateful to have you.  And you are worth celebrating."

"I love you, sweet girl," she responded simply.

"I got you something," I started hesitantly.

"Mmm," she hummed, pulling me closer.  She turned so we were face to face.  "I already have everything I need."  She kissed my nose softly, her thumb brushing tenderly over my cheek bone.

I huffed in mock annoyance.  "I know you have everything already!  Do you know how impossible it was to buy you a gift?!" 

She chuckled against my skin, pressing more light kisses to my face.  "I don't need a gift when I have you."

"But you have me every day.  I wanted to get you something special."  I got nervous again, thinking that I wasn't special enough to be Emily's gift.  How could I have been so stupid as to think she would want photos of me for her birthday?

She rolled me onto my back and started pressing kisses into my neck.  "How about you let me decide what I want as a present?"  Thoughts flooded out of my head with each swipe of her tongue on my skin.

"Okay," I breathed.  She nipped softly with her teeth at my ear lobe.  "Emily," I sighed.

"So where's my present?" she asked.

"What?"

She chuckled again, her soft exhale tickling the sensitive skin at my neck.  "Can I have my present now?"  I nodded, still dazed from her morning kisses.  "And then we'll go to breakfast?"

"Okay, babe!" I agreed, cupping her cheek, stunned at her beauty.  "I'm paying though!"  She opened her mouth to argue, but I quickly slid my hand over it before she could protest.  "No way are you paying for breakfast, my birthday girl."

She grabbed my wrist to hold it steady as she placed a soft kiss to the palm of my hand.  "Only if I can have you for dessert later."

My stomach flipped pleasantly, the skin at my neck still electrified from where she had been teasing me earlier.  "Okay," I said a bit breathlessly.

"Come on," she said rolling out of bed, "I want to go to that little Benedict place downtown.  And then don't forget!  The FBI picnic is this evening."

"It's a crime you have to go to a work event on your birthday," I griped.  "I mean, what's the point of having a birthday on a Saturday if you still have to go to work?"

She smiled at my scowl, but pressed a kiss to my forehead.  "Just how it shook out this year, angel.  But, I think there will be cake!" 

"There better be cake!" I grumbled.

Once Emily and I had gotten dressed for the day, we made our way downstairs.  When she saw her wrapped present sitting on the kitchen island she made a beeline for it.  I smirked, noting that even though Emily said she didn't think it was necessary to celebrate her, it seemed to be a distancing tactic she previously used to keep herself from feeling disappointment when her mom let her down.

"When did you have time to do all this?" she asked, gesturing to the present and the balloons and flowers.

Sheepishly, I responded, "When you were in the shower last night."

She wrapped me in a big hug, burying her face against my neck.  "You're so special, babe."  I wrapped my own arms around her tightly, drawing her closer.  "I wish you could feel how much I mean that."

"I do," she whispered.  "Thank you, angel."

Nervous, and ready to get any negative reactions about her present out of the way, I pulled out of her embrace and grabbed her present.  "Happy birthday, babe.  I love you, and I wanted to get you something special-"

"I'm going to love it," she interrupted, sensing my nerves.  I handed her the package and watched her carefully take the wrapping paper off. 

As the first photo was revealed to her, she stopped breathing.  "Oh," she gasped in surprise.  Reverently, she traced the lines of my silhouette from the first photo.  I saw how her eyes drank me in, eyelids drooping with lust.  "Baby, I-"  I gulped nervously.  "Well I just don't know what to say," she said huskily. 

I shuffled my feet, worrying my lip.  I also did not know what to say.  Carefully, as if the picture frames would crumble, she took the first out and set it on the counter.  "Fuck," she whispered revealing the second photo.  "You're fucking gorgeous."

My stomach warmed pleasantly, pleased she seemed to like her present.  Her hand shook slightly as she placed the second on the counter just as gently as she had the first.  When the third photo was revealed, her eyes widened.  It was the most revealing, the most teasing.  She put the box on the counter and grabbed me roughly.  "When do I get the live show?" she husked, her tongue wrapping deliciously around the shell of my ear. 

"You want to see me in that corset?"  My heart pounded in my chest as Emily's hands kneaded my ass.

"Fuck yes," she groaned, pulling me closer.  I wrapped my arms around her neck and kissed her deeply.  No matter how roughly she tugged me to her, no matter how her body sloped around mine as she leaned me back on the counter, nothing was close enough.

"Emily," I whined.  She pulled me up to sit me on the counter.  I groaned as she pulled back to pull my shirt off.  My skin, buzzing with the electricity of my desire, ached where she wasn't touching me.  "Emily, please," I begged.  I needed her hands and lips back on me.  I needed her.  I felt the frenzy in me grow, the desire sparking to life between us.

She pressed a flat palm in the middle of my chest, pushing me back to lay flat.  Her capable hands made quick work of my jeans, peeling them down my legs in no time at all.  She put my feel up on the counter, spreading me out in front of her.  "Don't tease," I begged, unable to bear the thought of her relentlessly slow pace.

She grabbed my thighs and pushed them apart to make room for herself.  She chuckled darkly before she dove in, licking up my slit.  "Fuck," I groaned.  I grabbed her head, weaving my fingers in her hair.  I rolled my hips against Emily's mouth, feeling her tongue caress my clit in that way that made my eyes roll back in my head.  "Please," I whispered.  "Fuck me, Em, please."

She didn't change anything, and I passively wondered if she heard me.  My legs were wrapped pretty tightly over her ears.  As if she could read my mind, her hands smoothed down my thighs and yanked them apart.  She then slowly slipped one finger inside me, her tongue never breaking its rhythm against my clit.

I sighed, content in the feeling.  Nothing compared to Emily loving me, even with the cold marble of the countertop against my skin.  My hips began bucking against my will, my head thrashing back and forth.  Emily forced me to the precipice faster than lighting.  My hands slammed to my side, clipping the side of one of the picture frames.  The clatter startled Emily, and she pulled back, her lips releasing my clit with a soft pop.

"Careful, Indi.  I would be quite sad if you broke my present."  Though her fingers still pushed into me, her mouth was no longer on my clit, and I did not finish.

"I know where to get you another one," I grumbled impatiently.  I tried to grab her head and force her back between my legs, but she resisted.

"I'm partial to the original," she teased, her tongue swiping against my clit once.  "It has…sentimental value," she continued.  Her tongue teased at my clit softly.  It was enough to keep me squirming but not what I needed.  I needed what she had been doing before.  I needed it like air.  "Best birthday present I've ever gotten, in fact."

"Emily!" I complained.  She chuckled, pleased with herself.  She added a second finger, but continued teasing with her tongue.

"You know," she said against my labia.  "You're mighty impatient today."  I whimpered as she licked against my clit a bit harder.  "Shouldn't I get to enjoy you how I see fit on my birthday?"  I looked down my body, her eyes sparkling with mischief between my legs.

I quirked a brow, unable to keep myself from teasing back.  "I thought you weren't one to celebrate your birthday."

"I'm starting to see the merit," she amended, her mouth wrapping back around my clit how I liked.

"Oh god," I groaned, my head falling back against the counter.  She sucked slightly and her fingers hit the perfect spot inside me.  "Emily!" I screamed, my hand flying to her head to keep her there.  "Please, please, please," I pleaded, my hips thrusting against her mouth in time with my begging.  She didn't relent, pleasure crashing over every inch of me.  I slumped against the counter, her tongue and fingers slowing to help me ride it out.  "Fuck," I exhaled, stroking the back of Emily's head.  She looked up at me, love overflowing in her eyes.

"Come," she commanded, pulling back.  I sat up, confusion furrowed my brow.  She tugged on my arms until I slid off the counter.  I leaned up to kiss her, but instead, Emily pushed on my shoulder until I was kneeling in front of her.  She looked down at me with eyes dark with lust as her fingers undid her jeans.  Her intense gaze never wavered.  I licked my lips in anticipation.

I helped her pull her jeans and underwear down her soft legs.  She slipped a leg over my shoulder and gripped the counter for balance.  Immediately, I pressed my lips to her clit.  Gathering up wetness with my tongue, I licked up and down her pussy.  "That's it, Indi," she cooed.  My pride swelled as I pleased Emily.

Gently she brushed my curls away from my face, gazing down at me warmly.  "I love you, angel."  I blinked slowly, not daring to slow my pace.  She bit her lip, her brow furrowed in concentration as she chased her own orgasm.  "My sweet girl," she cooed, "You're doing so good for me.  Don't stop," she ordered.  Her hips started bucking against my mouth in earnest, her head thrown back in pleasure.

I moaned at the sight, unable to contain myself.  She gripped my hair so tightly, I felt the sting of the pull.  "Yessss," she hissed, falling more heavily against the countertop, unable to hold up her weight fully.  Her chest heaved as she came down from her high.

After a few seconds, she helped me stand up.  My knees popped in the quiet kitchen as I stood up, a bit sore from kneeling on the hardwood.  She immediately wrapped me in her arms, both of us naked from the waist down.  "I love you, Emily," I whispered into her neck.  "Happy birthday, my love."  She squeezed me tighter, both of us content in the warmth of our love.

[ssa-sapphic]

Pairing: Emily Prentiss × (POC)fem!oc

Summary: Andrea is a surgical intern and single mother, struggling to learn how to trust again after a disastrous past relationship left her heart in shards of doubt and fear. Emily is the FBI agent across the hall who wants more than anything to help pick up the pieces and protect what's become so important to her, while also trying to manage her own battle scars. Will they be able to heal from their shared traumas and learn to let each other in? Or will the demons of their past come to haunt them once again, and threaten the lives they've made for themselves?

Warnings: Mentions of violence and graphic descriptions normally found in grey's anatomy/criminal minds. Some nsfw content and domestic abuse-related details (chapters will be labeled accordingly

Word Count: 3.8k

Moving to Virginia, of all places, was never a part of Andrea’s plans. And yet, she had currently found herself hauling boxes into a fancy apartment just outside of Quantico that she hadn’t even paid for. She knew that anyone could take a single glance at her and instantly assume that she couldn’t afford such a place, and they’d all be right. Truthfully, Andrea would have happily settled for something smaller and cheaper, but her parents were wealthy and only wanted her to have what they deemed “the best.” It was like that all the time when she was a kid, going from boarding schools to prestigious colleges, and it only grew worse when she became an adult. They’re always so adamant about paying her way through life, but she doesn’t want their money. She never did.

Instead of having things handed to her on a silver platter, Andrea wanted to work hard and earn them herself like everyone else in the world had to. It was an uphill battle trying to convince them to let her find her way to make ends meet, but finally, they settled on a compromise: because her parents insisted, they would find her a nice place to live near the hospital–where she recently accepted a job at– and pay the downpayment and ongoing rent, while she worried about all other payments, including student loans and personal medical bills. At first, the idea of allowing them to pay for her apartment was unsettling, but hey, there’s no denying she was broke and on her own.

Well, aside from her cute little sidekick of a daughter, Sofia.

Andrea realized pretty quickly after having her three years ago that kids sure are expensive. So, she decided she wasn’t going to complain about being able to raise her in a free apartment after all. Besides, her parents live in the area because they thought it would be best to have a place closer to them so that they can help look after her while she gets adjusted to the bizarre hours that a surgical intern works. All she wanted to do was provide for her daughter and give her the life she deserved without relying on her parent’s money. It sounded rather enticing whenever she thought about it before, but now that it was happening? Let’s just say she didn’t know if she was off to a good start.

It was nearing midnight when she finally reached the front door to her new apartment, where the fancy wallpaper in the hallways already made her feel out of place as she struggled to find her keys. Unfortunately, she couldn’t get to them, given the large box in her right arm and a sleeping Sofia in her left. So, she was in a bit of a predicament. She didn’t want to make any noise, not only because she didn’t want to wake her up but also because she wanted to avoid leaving a bad impression on the neighbors.

Both ends of the scale were bad, a possible toddler tantrum or all of the most fragile items that she didn’t trust the movers with crashing to the floor. At this point, she wasn’t sure what to do. The hallways were empty, so she couldn’t ask for help, and she wasn’t in the best position to squat and set the box on the ground. Feeling helpless and without any other possible solutions, she started to turn around and head back down to her car to leave the box there for the night. However, just as soon as she turned around, her foot got caught on the rug, and she tripped forward, leaving the box to begin slipping out of her grasp as she instinctively felt around for something to hold onto.

“Hey, hold on, let me grab that for you,” A woman’s voice called out from ahead of her, and quickly she felt the weight of the box be relieved from her arms. “Moving in?” The stranger asked, her small smile masking the tired look in her eyes.

Her straight, raven-like hair was to her shoulders and parted down the middle in a way that framed her face well. It matched the color of her eyes and ultimately contrasted with the light tone of her skin. She was certainly attractive, to say the slightest, but what mainly caught Andrea’s eye was the gun holstered at her hip. She was never fond of them, so she could feel her grip on Sofia tighten, even if there was a badge accompanying it.

“Oh, thank you so much!” She spoke with a sighed relief, allowing her to take the box and follow her back to her apartment door. “You’re a lifesaver,” She added, her voice above a whisper to not wake up Sofia.

She fumbled for the silver key in her pocket before slipping it into the lock and twisting it until hearing the subtle click of the gears. “And yes, I just moved in. Well, I should say I’m still moving in. As you can see from the empty apartment.” She chuckled awkwardly, gesturing into the now-opened doorway.

There were only a few pieces of furniture sitting around the place from where the movers left them, plus a small air mattress, a dining table with a few chairs, and one gray sofa. Quickly, she headed over to the small bed to gently lay her daughter down, tucking her in and kissing her forehead before she made her way back over to the stranger waiting patiently at her door.

“I get it,” The woman nodded in understanding as she watched the mother accept the box back from her and quickly walk back to set it on the dining table. “I just moved in a couple of weeks ago, and I still have boxes stored away in my closet.”

“Procrastinating, huh?” Andrea wondered, pulling her thick curls up into a messy bun as she returned to the door.

“Force of habit, actually,” The brunette’s smile widened just the slightest bit. It was infectious, adorned with dimples and pearly white teeth. “I moved around a lot growing up, so I never stayed in one place for too long. I guess somewhere down the line, I had gotten used to never being able to plant roots in the places I’ve stayed at.”

“That makes sense,” She subconsciously crossed her arms, something that didn’t go unnoticed by the stranger at her door. “Hopefully, you stick around this time. It’d be nice to see a friendly face around here. I’m Andrea, by the way.” She finally introduced herself, holding out a hand.

“Emily,” She grasped her hand, her palm warm and slightly callused. “And yeah, I’m hoping I’ll be here for a while.”

As they conversed, Andrea couldn’t help but take notice of the way her tired eyes shined back at her. She could tell from her slight slouch in posture alone that she’d had a stressful day herself. Before she even thought twice about the matter, the words were already flying from her mouth.

“Um, would you like to come in for a drink?”

Never in her life would she have been so trusting of a stranger, but there was something about Emily’s presence that she enjoyed. Plus, it was nice having a conversation with someone her age rather than a 3-year-old, and she wanted to talk more.

“I know it’s late,” She continued, her body unintentionally growing smaller under the weight of her gaze. “But I figured I should thank you somehow for helping me out in the hall. Besides, no offense, but it looks like you could use one.”

“I could say the same about you.” Emily teased, causing her to suddenly feel self-conscious and glance down at the baggy clothes she had on from a long day of traveling and hard labor.

Andrea smiled at her disheveled appearance, biting her lip in embarrassment.

“Touché. So, what do you say?” She asked, already knowing the answer as soon as a small grimace made its way onto Emily’s face.

“I’d love to, but I really should get home and try to sleep a little before going back to work in the morning.”

“Oh, right, of course!” She chuckled awkwardly, having forgotten about the time. “I’m sorry, that was probably weird of me to ask in the first place. Thank you again for the help, Emily. It means a lot.”

“There’s really no need to thank me. I’m not home much, but if you ever need anything while I’m around, I’d be more than happy to help. It was nice meeting you, Andrea.” She spoke sweetly before her gaze fixated on something behind the woman in front of her. “I think you may have someone who needs your attention now.”

Quickly, Andrea turned around to see her daughter standing sleepily behind her, rubbing at her tired eyes and clutching her pink blankie.

“Mommy, where’s Teddy?” Her voice trembled as she mispronounced nearly every word. “I can’t sleep without him.”

She looked back to wish Emily goodnight, knowing a tantrum was about to occur, but when she did so, Emily was nowhere to be seen, and the door across the hall was being clicked shut. With a sigh, she closed the door and locked it behind her before walking over to her awaiting toddler.

“Oh, honey. I think he’s still in one of the boxes in the car.” She cringed, mentally cursing herself for not remembering to keep Sofia’s stuffed bear at arm’s reach. “He’ll be safe there tonight, and we can get him first thing in the morning. Think you can manage without him just for tonight?”

Her head slowly shook as tears welled up in her eyes, and Andrea knew what was coming. Soon enough, small cries left Sofi’s lips before the sobs followed shortly afterward. It was like witnessing the oncoming of a big storm. It began with the small droplets falling from the sky, a sign to take cover before the major downpour hit. Unfortunately, the storm rolled in fast, and like thunder, her daughter’s screams echoed through the walls, and no doubt rattled the box of fragile items on the dining table.

“C’mere.” She cooed, scooping her up in her arms and gently rubbing her back while she cried in the crook of her neck.

It was going to be a long night.

When the morning sun finally decided to peek its way through the curtains, Andrea woke up from probably only 5 hours of rest. There wasn’t any point trying to get back to sleep. She knew that she had a lot planned for the day, what with setting up her apartment and moving in the rest of the boxes from her car, including Teddy. He was a top priority after last night’s incidents. Fortunately, she was meeting up with her parents this morning, and they wanted to take Sofi for a few hours. So, hopefully, she could get her actual bed delivered today and get a nice nap in before they dropped her off later in the evening.

In the meantime, however, she figured she’d get a jump start on the day’s activities. With caution, she sat up from the sofa, making sure not to wake the little sleeping beauty lying on her chest. It was an uphill battle trying to get her back to sleep last night, but within time Andrea assumed that the exhaustion from the long trip caught up with her because she eventually cried herself to sleep.

She felt so helpless not being able to comfort her in the way she needed, and it broke her heart to see her daughter in such a drastic state. She’d only ever cried that much for two reasons, and that was if she had a bad dream or if Teddy wasn't there to “protect” her. It only reminded her that she was still so new to parenthood. I mean, she’s been in her life for three years now, but she wasn’t a pro at this. It was times like this when she wished she could just have someone in her corner to help out. She could feel her insecurities about being an unfit mother start to overwhelm her, but she knew she couldn’t go down that road again.

She shook her head to rid her mind of those plaguing doubts, knowing that she’d only been doing the best that she could as a single mother. By the time she finished with her morning routine and began making breakfast, it was around 6:30 when she felt a warm embrace around her left ankle. Looking down, she was met with the adorable sight of her daughter’s big bright hazel eyes staring back at her and her wild mess of a bedhead. That was gonna be a pain to detangle. Still, it was just what she needed for her mood to shift completely, much like it always had been when she was around.

By the time they made it out of the front door, it was somewhere around 7:15. Andrea held Sofi on her right hip while she locked the door to her apartment.

“Are you excited to see Nonna today?” She asked, knowing she favored her more than her grandpa. After receiving an enthusiastic nod in return, she chuckled. “Me too! But first, we gotta zip up this coat, Missy. It’s supposed to be a bit chilly outside today, and we don’t want you catching a cold.”

Lowering her to the ground, she bent down to her height and set her purse on the floor beside her. Sofia’s bright bubblegum pink jacket was halfway hanging over her shoulders, and it took her a little while to get it situated so that she could zip it up. Her daughter, of course, didn’t make it easy. Opting to stomp and dance in place like children often did because standing in place for too long was just too agonizing. But once she did manage to zip it up, she gave her nose a little *boop* because she was so darn cute, and it never failed to make her giggle.

Suddenly, the door behind her burst open and closed shut with such a ruckus that Sofia and her mom both flinched, having been used to the lonely hallway.

She hadn’t had much time to act before she felt someone trip over her purse. Their body tumbled to the ground directly in front of them with a loud *thud*. Quickly looking up in worry, Andrea saw the same brunette from last night lying before her, grunting in pain.

“Oh, my god!” She gasped, eyes widened with concern as she quickly approached her. “Emily, I’m so sorry! Are you alright?”

By the looks of it, she could tell she was in a hurry to be somewhere, and she assumed it was work-related, given she was dressed professionally in a nice sweater and slacks. The same gun was holstered to her hip, as well as the badge hooked onto her side belt. Her hair was a bit out of place from the fall, yet Andrea still managed to catch sight of a small smile gracing her face while she licked her bottom lip in embarrassment.

God, why was she such a sucker for dimples? She fell for her daughter’s every time she used them to her advantage, and she could already feel the effect Emily’s started to have on her, though she hardly knew her.

“I’m fine,” Emily assured them, making a point to speak directly to Sofia, who was cowering behind her mom’s legs with her thumb in her mouth. Something she only did when she was anxious or scared. The sudden noise and commotion must’ve scared her, so after Andrea helped Emily from the ground, she guided Sofia in front of her so she could see there wasn’t any threat or need to worry.

“Just a little clumsy, that’s all, see!” Emily continued, making a show of twisting her arms around to show Sofi everything was okay. She then turned her attention over to Andrea with the same gentle smile as if she didn’t just see her wincing slightly during her display. “Are you and your daughter okay? I didn’t get either of you on the way down, did I?”

“No, we’re completely fine. Don’t worry.” She answered truthfully, glancing at her daughter just to double-check before looking at her once again. “Are you sure you’re alright, though?”

Concern was evident on Andrea’s face as she focused on the way Emily was subtly holding onto her wrist. She didn’t even think twice before she stepped forward and gently took it into her hands, allowing her fingers to graze softly along the smooth skin. While putting slight pressure here and there to check for bruising or swelling, her mind wasn’t even focused on how close they were. She was too distracted by her doctor mode showing itself, cataloging every freckle on her skin, every twist of a ligament, every outline of bone.

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine.” Emily stammered slightly, clearing her throat afterward, which made Andrea smirk to herself.

“Well, it doesn’t look like you sprained it, so that’s good.” She gave her a reassuring smile, still holding onto her hand. “But you should probably ice it for a few minutes if you can, just to take the redness down.”

“Thank you for taking a look. I’m sure it will be fine,” Emily replied, pulling her hand back and cradling it near her chest. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re a doctor.”

“You’d be correct.” She laughed sheepishly.

It was then that Sofia reached up for her mom, who didn't hesitate to pick her up and set her on her right hip while she wrapped her purse around the other.

“By the way,” She changed the subject. “I don’t think you were properly introduced last night, but this is my daughter, Sofia. Can you say hi, Sof?” She looked at her, but the little girl only gave Emily a small wave before hiding her face in the crook of her mom’s neck. “Sorry, she can be a little shy sometimes.”

Emily smiled brightly. “That’s alright. Hi Sofia, my name is Emily.” She spoke gently, stepping only a little closer before pointing to the sleeves of Sofi’s pink coat. “Is this your favorite color?”

Sofia nodded a little, pulling her head out of Andrea’s neck in curiosity.

“Do you want to know what my favorite color is?” Emily continued, waiting for her to nod once more before reaching into her bag and pulling out a red lollipop. Something that instantly made Sofia’s eyes go wide. “My favorite color is red, just like this! Do you like lollipops?”

She let out a soft ‘mhm’ in response, the fresh curls of her ponytail bouncing along as she nodded. To which Emily chuckled.

“Can you ask your mommy if you can have this lollipop? I think it was made just for you!”

Sofia’s next words to her mom were almost incoherent due to her excitement, but she managed to hear her use her manners, and that was all she needed.

“I don’t see why not.” Andrea agreed, immediately receiving a cheer in response from her daughter. She had already begun leaning out of her embrace to accept the lollipop before showing her true strength by ripping it open. But her mom quickly stopped her with a raised eyebrow. “Hey, wait a minute! Honey, what do you say to Emily for giving you a treat?”

“Oh,” Her head perked up in thought before she smiled shyly and rested her head on her shoulder. “Thank you, Emmy!”

“That’s my girl.” She kissed her head before looking up at Emily with a knowing smirk. “Be prepared. She’s gonna expect you to always have candy on you every time she sees you.”

“Well, luckily, I usually always have something.” She replied, zipping her bag closed. “Part of what I do involves having a specialization in children. So I always keep a couple of treats just in case.”

Intrigued, Andrea was about to ask what her profession was. However, she noticed the way she began fidgeting with her hands, and it was then that she remembered she was originally in a hurry to leave.

“Well, I don’t want to keep you. But, um, I was wondering if you’d like to grab a coffee with me sometime? My treat?” She asked, albeit a bit nervously. “I know you told me you’re a busy woman, and honestly, I don’t know what my schedule will look like once my internship starts,” She began rambling. “I just feel like I really owe you one, Emily. I mean, you helped me out last night, and I ended up making you fall this morning and probably be late to work. So, please let me do something nice for you.”

The words flew from her mouth before she could catch them, and the next thing she knew, she was diving into the fact that she was new in town and need of friends. It wasn’t until she saw the amused look on Emily’s face that she paused mid-sentence. “I’m sorry, I’m ranting, aren’t I?”

Emily laughed a little, “It’s okay. You’re cute when you ramble. And actually, I do a fair bit of traveling for my job, so I don’t know when I will be completely free again. Our jet has been grounded for a mandatory safety inspection for the next two days, so maybe we can make something work then?”

She reached back into her bag while Andrea stood a blushing mess, unable to form an actual response after hearing Emily call her cute. “Here, take this,” She handed her a card with her contact information on it. “And if you ever hear me at my apartment, feel free to knock. I don’t have many friends here either and would love some company.” She winked before speaking to Sofia in hushed tones. “Don’t tell your mommy, but I have a new kitty who is little like you.” She reached over and tickled her belly to get a bit of a laugh, which she succeeded in. “And he would love to have some new friends to play with.”

With that, she checked her backward watch and quickly started to sprint down the stairs, calling up a final goodbye on her way out. Andrea watched as she left, only hoping that she hadn’t noticed her reddened cheeks.

Honestly, she never used to be such a nervous and self-aware person. She was always a social butterfly to her peers and practically radiated confidence in the way she presented herself. However, everything changed after her last relationship with Sofia’s father. She was left broken with the type of baggage that was filled to the brim with nothing but coping mechanisms and insecurities.

Nowadays, she was always worried about saying the wrong thing, but so far, Emily’s kindness was like a lighthouse in the distance, as cheesy as that sounded. She saw the light within her, and it gave her an ounce of hope that maybe she could escape the darkness still lingering around her.

Only time would tell.

a/n: hope you liked the first chapter! let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist for this fic <3

taglist: @sweetmidnights @leftoverenvy @ssajemilyprentiss @heidss

[ssavanessa22]

Okay so I’m gonna make this now so the people who liked an reblogged if you know cm Poc writers or are one you NEED TO DM ME OR TAGG ME like I know people to put on it

I wanna make a cm maybe even for other fandoms a POC Rec list so whether you’re a writer for black y/n’s or latinx y/n’s or Asian y/n’s pls dm me so I can make one big criminals minds recommendation list and they can be a male reader or fem and gender natural the more inclusive the better ! So please please reblog like boost so I can make it ill start off with criminal minds and if this gets enough traction I’ll go into other fandoms this is for Poc writers and I’m not sure whether I wanna add white writers that sometimes do Poc one shots I’m still thinking but dm if you wanna be on this list !

[cmfanencyclopedia]

Search by Creator (A-G)

Back to Encyclopedia | All Creators

Last updated: 2/26/21

Correct me if I’m wrong

@ahopelessromantic

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Reader

Angst and fluff

@akvtsuki-ari

Masterlist -

@andiebeaword

Masterlist - includes MGG x Reader, Hotch x Reader, Spencer x Reader, Spencer x OC, Spencer x Canon Characters

All categories

@andromedasstarship

Masterlist - includes Hotch x Fem!Reader, Spencer x GN!Reader

Fluff and angst

@anightflower

Come and Find Me Masterlist - Spencer x Fem!Reader

Angst

@aperrywilliams

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Reader, Spencer x Fem!Reader, Emily Prentiss in one

All categories

@brywrites​

Masterlist - includes OC, Spencer x Reader, Spencer x Max

Fluff and Angst

@catsadams

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Reader

Mainly smut with some angst

@clairey-y

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Fem!OC, Spencer x Fem!Reader, Spencer x GN!Reader, Chip Taylor x Fem!Reader

I think it’s mainly fluff

@criminalmindzjunkie

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Fem!Reader, Dom!Spencer x Reader, Sub!Spencer x Reader

Smut, I’d just call the rest drama

@cupcake525

Masterlist - includes MGG x Reader, Spencer x Reader

All categories

@darnittumbleweed

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Reader, Kyle Orfman x Reader

Smut and angst

@definitelynotkatesblog

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Reader

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@differentkettleoffishalltogether

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Fem!Reader

Smut and fluff

@divinereid

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Reader, MGG x Reader, Hotch x Reader, JJ x Reader

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@dontkissthewriter

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Fem!Reader, Hotch x Fem!Reader, Emily x Fem!Reader

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@dontshootmespence

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Fem!Reader, Spencer x Male!Reader, Derek x Reader, BAU gen stuff, a lot more, CM crossovers

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@downondilaudid

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Fem!Reader

All categories, mainly smut

@dr-spencer-reids-queen

Masterlist - includes Spencer, JJ, Derek, Hotch, Fem!Reader, BAU rewrite

All categories

@dreamwritesimagines

Twisted Masterlist - Spencer x Fem!Reader

Angst with some fluff

@dreatine

@eideticmemory

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Fem!Reader, MGG x Fem!Reader

All categories

@erin-bo-berin

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Reader

All categories, mainly smut

@etherrealoblivion

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Fem!Reader, BAU Team

Smut and fluff

@feverdreamreid

Masterlist - includes Spencer x GN!Reader, Emily x Reader, JJ x Reader, Elle x Reader

Fluff

@fortheloveofcriminalminds

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Fem!Reader series

Angst

@gayprentiss

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Reader, Jemily, Penemily, Morcied, Penelope x Reader

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@gemstone-roses

Masterlist - includes Hotch x Reader, Spencer x Reader, Penelope x Reader, BAU x Reader, Fem!Reader and GN!Reader

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@geniusgub

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Reader, MGG x Reader

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@give-me-a-moose

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Fem!Reader, Derek x Fem!Reader

Fluff and angst I think

@goldentournesol

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Fem!Reader

Fluff and angst

@g0ldengubler

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Reader, Spencer x Luke x OC, MGG x Reader

Smut and fluff

@gubetube

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@gubler-me-up

Masterlist - includes Spencer x Fem!Reader, GN!Reader, Masc!Trans!Reader, Dom!Spencer x Fem!Reader, Dom!Spencer x Sub!Fem!Reader, MGG x Fem!Reader, MGG x POC!Fem!Reader, Dom!MGG x Fem!Reader

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[ao3feed-doctorwho]

An American in London

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3f9kDoF

by vemilia

As if it wasn’t stressful enough trying to locate and eliminate an alien life form that’s murdering the people of London and dealing with the bureaucracy that is Scotland Yard, the Doctor really didn’t have the time nor energy to fight with the mouthy American he just saved from dying by said alien.

or

Even though Evelyn Liu works for the FBI, this vacation is more stressful than anything she’s ever dealt with on the job.

Words: 912, Chapters: 2/?, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of brave girls wear bowties

Fandoms: Doctor Who (2005), Criminal Minds (US TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: Gen

Characters: Eleventh Doctor, Original Female Character(s)

Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/Original Female Character(s)

Additional Tags: Male-Female Friendship, First Meetings, literally don't know what the hell this is, what am I even doing, minor spencer reid because he's my baby, Mentioned Emily Prentiss, swearing from my oc because she's a new yorker, wish fulfillment because i need more poc characters in both shows, minor reid x oc but only if you squint, MINOR DESCRIPTIONS OF VIOLENCE, Aftermath of Violence, like the type you see on CM but if you're reading this you'll probably know lol

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3f9kDoF

[leftoverenvy]

Tastes Like Sugar (ch. 29)

Summary: India Mae, or Indi, is a music major, struggling to pay bills, tuition, work, and make good grades.  Emily Prentiss is a BAU profiler, as well as a DC socialite thanks to her huge family fortune.  The two enter into a mutually beneficial arrangement: Emily will pay for Indi's school if Indi accompanies Emily to her social functions for a few months, posing as her girlfriend.  As weeks go by, the lines between their arrangement and their true feelings start to blur.  But money can't buy love, right?

Pairing: India Mae Banks x Emily Prentiss; OC x Emily Prentiss

Warnings: smut; sugar baby relationships; age gap (16 years - but all over 18)

Word Count: 2.8 k

Read on Wattpad | Ao3 | Previous Chapters

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @5raysofsunshine 🌮; @reidselle 🦭; @swiftfiles 🐝💚; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @sadgirlml 🌻💌; @hotchs-bitch 🦆 ; @multiverse-mxdness ; @madelineleong ; @scorpsik 🎨 ; @heidss

A/n: Wow, I am so so sorry that it's been so long since an update.  I've finally found my joy in writing again.  If you're still following this story, I cannot tell you how much your patience and loyalty means to me.  Enjoy <3

Chapter 29 - Wayward

My summer with Emily was like a dream. She had only been gone on two cases, spending more regular hours in the office. We didn't comment on her unusually light case load for fear it would jinx it. I loved the time we were able to spend together with a more normal schedule. I enjoyed twisting myself around her while we watched movies on the couch. I relished the way she made me feel as she watched me play the piano. I yearned for the way she touched me every night.

Even though she had been gone for a case in Alaska for the last week, I still counted it a blessing to have had so many weeks uninterrupted by calls away. "Hi angel!" I startled, jumping halfway off the couch.

Once I had caught my breath, I smiled widely and responded, "Emily!" She flopped down next to me on the couch, pulling me in for a proper kiss. "Missed you," I mumbled between kisses. Once our frenzy had slowed down, I whispered against her neck, "I have something for you."

"That's funny, me too!" She whipped out a keychain with a photo of the Northern Lights in it.

I chuckled, sitting up to grab it and examine it more closely. "This is actually very pretty, Em. I thought these were supposed to be cheesy."

"I thought the Alaskan landscape deserved better. It was gorgeous up there; I wish you could have seen it."

"Thank you, babe. I love it." She kissed my cheek, tugging me closer.

"Now," she started, "What's this about a present for me?" I smiled bashfully, suddenly nervous to play the song I had finished for her. "I thought I was supposed to bring you presents."

"I didn't say it was a present. It's not a big deal. Just a lil something."

"Mmhm," she hummed skeptically, her eyes narrowing. "Show me." Something in Emily's glittering eyes told me she was excited by the prospect of receiving a gift. When was the last time someone had gotten her something that she really wanted?

I reluctantly left her arms and stood up. Butterflies swarmed my stomach, nerves overtaking me. This was a bad idea. I should have recorded her song and let her listen to it on her own. I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet – she was going to hate this.

"I've uh," I nervously sat down at the bench, "Been composing this summer." I had worked all summer on this composition when Emily was out of the house.

"I know, baby. You've done some really great pieces."

"Yeah, well." I swallowed thickly. I tried to think of what to say next.  I thought you deserved one to show you how much I love you.  Instead, I whispered, "This one's called 'Emily's Song.'" Before she could say anything, I started playing.

As soon as I pressed down on the keys, my hands knew what to do. I didn't need to think about it, muscle memory controlled my fingers. I felt myself start to tear up playing, knowing just how much love I had woven into this song. I wished I was brave enough to tell her. Embarrassed by how emotional I was, I begged my eyes to suck the tears back in, certain Emily would be appreciative but not emotional. 

As I started the last part of the song, I knew that I would never love anyone like I loved Emily Prentiss. But the thought terrified me. I was only twenty-two – what did I know about love? And how could she feel even a fraction of what I felt for her?

When the final notes of the song rang through the air, I couldn't bring myself to look at Emily, far too embarrassed. I heard her sniff and then push herself off the couch. Another beat passed and I felt her arms wrap around my shoulder. "That was perfect, Indi. Thank you." She pressed a kiss to my temple, her lips lingering longer than usual. "I mean it, angel. No one's ever written a song for me before. It was absolutely beautiful."

Her lips trailed down the side of my face, lingering at the corner of my mouth and until I turned my head to kiss her back. She deepened the kiss and trailed her hands down my body to show me how much she liked the song.

- - -

Emily and I fell back into our morning routine as if we hadn't broken it during the summer. I made us breakfast as she packed her go bag for work. We ate in silence, as she read on her iPad. Breaking the quiet, she asked, "Are you ready for your first day back?"

"I guess," I responded morosely. "I liked our summer together. I liked being able to focus on music and you. No math or English essays to worry about." Emily chuckled at that, moving her dishes to the sink. 

"At least you have a good first recital piece ready."

Puzzled, I asked, "Which one?"

"My song," she said, beaming with pride.

I narrowed my eyes with uncertainty. "You really think it's good enough for recital?"

"Yes I do," she affirmed. And her voice was so confident, it left no room for objection. "This will be your best semester yet!" she said positively. 

"But how can I be expected to do homework when you're home if your case load keeps up like this?"

"Are you pushing for me to go away on a case?" she asked with a smirk.

"Absolutely not!" I protested. "I'm just saying, it will be hard to concentrate knowing you're home."

"We'll manage, angel." She kissed me on the forehead and moved to holster her gun to her hip. My heart skipped a beat staring at her; she made everything look sexy. "I'm off to work now. I'll text you if I'm called away." She leaned down to kiss me briefly. "I want to hear all about how your first day goes! I'll call you if I'm away, or I'll see you tonight."

"Bye, Em." When the door to the garage closed softly behind her, I sighed. I wanted to get to campus early so I could get a good seat in class. I quickly did our dishes, grabbed my backpack, and hurried out the door.

But life had a funny way of balancing itself out. I had had the best summer of my life and was already disappointed to have to go back to classes, just to receive the worst welcome back to school present: my car broke down. I called Emily in tears, worried that I was going to start the semester off on the wrong foot with my first professor.

I dialed Emily's number with shaky hands, feeling the passing cars shake mine as they zoomed past me on the highway. I wasn't sure how Emily understood me through my hiccups and tears when I told her I was stuck on the shoulder of the highway.

"Shhh. Calm down, baby. It's going to be okay, I'll make all the arrangements. As soon as we're off the phone, I'll call a tow company to come get it and take it to the shop." I breathed a heavy sigh of relief, tears abating, thankful, as always, for Emily.

She continued, "In the meantime, baby, just drive the Lexus – the keys are by the door." I felt my heart rate elevate at the thought. "Or, if you'd prefer, you can Uber over to Quantico and pick up the Jag."  Pick up the Jag.  She said it so casually, as if driving one of her very expensive cars did not cause me extreme anxiety.

"No I do not want to "pick up the Jag!" Emily, what if I crash your car?!" I felt my face go hot at the thought, palms starting to sweat in anxiety. "You love all of these cars and they're so expensive and I'm not on your insurance!" I rushed out.

"Breathe Indi! It's just a car. And you don't have one right now. Please, take whatever car you want. Or Uber everywhere – I'll put more money in your account for it. Is that what you'd prefer?"

"No!" I nearly shouted. I took another deep breath, trying to keep in perspective that this wasn't Emily's fault and she was just trying to help. "I-" I exhaled into the phone. "I'm sorry," I deflated, "It wasn't fair to blow up at you like that. I appreciate you letting me drive the Lexus." 

Sensing the storm was over, Emily said, "I'm only sorry I can't see you drive it." I could almost hear the smirk in her voice. "I'm certain you'd look damn sexy in that car."

I chuckled and swiped at the remaining tears, embarrassed I had cried so much in front of Emily. "We'll see if you still say that when I ding your Lexus," I half joked.

"Like I said," her tone more serious, "It's just a car, angel." I paused, unsure what else to say. Her voice was calming though – she calmed me. "Look, I've gotta run. I promise I'll send a tow truck, but Uber home and grab the Lexus so you aren't late for class, okay?"

"Okay," I said softly, tears welling back up in my eyes.

"I'll call you later with an update."

"Bye…" And the line went dead.

- - -

Throughout my first class, my thoughts fixated on my car and how I was going to pay for everything. Even though Emily had been paying for most everything the last few months, I wasn't sure I'd be able to afford whatever the mechanic's bill was going to be. 

As my thoughts contemplated every little thing that could go wrong with my car, I missed everything my professor said. I was immensely thankful the first day was always spent going over the syllabus. I'd just have to make sure to read that thoroughly later tonight.

Over the lunch hour, Emily called. "Car's toast and probably not worth fixing."  So much for easing into it, I thought. I sighed deeply. Of course life would throw this at me. Things with Emily were just too good for everything else to be going right. 

"Okay…" I sighed. I mentally calculated how long I could go without a car while I built my savings up again. I also braced myself for having a conversation with Emily later about asking to go back to work; that battle wouldn't be won easily. But how else was I supposed to take on a car payment?

"I'll see you tonight, okay baby? I'm going to make sure to come home early."

- - -

Later that evening, once classes had finished, I arrived home. I was excited by the prospect of Emily coming home early, and I eagerly awaited the garage door opening to see if her car was in the garage. Once the door had raised fully, I counted three cars in the garage…except, whose car is that?  In my spot, where my car should have been, was parked a shiny, new Audi. Panic swelled inside of me. I didn't want to rush to conclusions, but Emily didn't drive Audis. In fact, I had told her it was my dream car. But surely she wouldn't have irrationally bought me a car without thinking about it first.

Not seeing the Jag parked in her spot, I quickly dialed her number as I walked through the door. "Do you like it?!" she asked excitedly.

"So I'm not crazy?" I spit out, trying to control my rising temper. "You did buy me a car?"

"Yes! Do you like it?" she repeated.

"Emily…" I said in warning. 

"Don't make this a big deal, India. I swear to god, don't. This isn't a big deal."

Her flippant tone fanned the flames of my anger. "It's a car, Emily. An expensive one at that." Suddenly, Emily's cavalier attitude on spending rubbed me the wrong way. I had never cared what anyone did with their money; it was theirs to do with as they pleased. But to hear firsthand how dismissive she was about such a purchase enraged me. Especially because she was wasting her money on me.

How could she not understand this? She threw money around like it was nothing. It made me feel like shit, like I was worthless. How could I ever repay someone who gave me everything? How could I ever be enough for her? I had nothing. I was nothing.

She sighed into the phone. "Can we talk about this when I get home?"

Clipped, I responded, "Great." And I hung up. Immediately, I knew I shouldn't have done that. No matter how badly she angered me, she didn't deserve to be disrespected.

I paced the living room waiting for Emily, counting out each step until I lost track. I tried to match my breathing to each tick of the clock on the wall. For forty-three minutes, I tried to calm down, anxious about our impending argument.

But no amount of mental preparation would have helped, because as soon as Emily walked through the door, we started fighting about the car.

"I don't see what the big deal is, Indi. It's a car for fuck's sake." I winced at her cursing during an argument.

"But that's exactly it, Emily! You can't understand why this is a big deal for me."

"Do you not like the car? Is that what it is? We can exchange it for any kind that you want," she offered.

"It's too much! And it wasn't part of the deal!" I shouted at her.

Shock flooded her face and she froze. Softly, almost hurt, she asked, "Do you seriously still consider this just an arrangement?" She spit the last word out as if it left a sour taste in her mouth. "You can stand there and really tell me that you still just see me as an ATM?"

"I NEVER saw you as an ATM, Emily. Of course this is more than being your sugar baby." It still didn't sit right. Rocks settled in my stomach. How could I ever get her to understand? 

"Then what? You think just because I love you that should mean my support should just stop" - she snapped her fingers - "like that?"

Our argument entirely forgotten, "You love me?" I whispered, aching at the thought of her taking it back, but sick at the thought of her really meaning it. I wouldn't allow myself to believe she meant it.

"I-" She blew out a puff of air. "Yeah." Time stopped. My breathing, my thoughts – they all stopped. "I love you, Indi. I am so in love with you."

And for a split second, I almost accepted the car. But accepting this huge gift almost felt like I would be solidifying our original arrangement. I couldn't sort it out anymore. I was overwhelmed by it all. By how much I needed Emily. By how this had turned into something so different than the life I had pictured for myself. I didn't know who I was anymore; I had lost myself in a game of make believe.

Emily couldn't want me forever like I wanted her. Too soon she would realize that I could give her nothing in return. Only then, it would be too late for me. I would be too far gone, too far entrenched in the India Emily wanted me to be, the real Indi never to be seen again.

My eyes went huge at the thought. Who had I let Emily turn me into? Who had I become during this arrangement? And how had I lost myself so quickly? Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. This mansion felt like a collapsing, cardboard box. Emily's affection, once a warm, safe blanket around me, now felt like a noose.

Shaking my head, I turned and ran upstairs. When I came back down, bag packed, Emily hadn't moved an inch. 

I needed distance from this life – from Emily – so I could find Indi again. But who was I without Emily? It had only been six months, and already I had no idea what life would be without her. I had pretended to be what I thought Emily wanted for so long that I forgot who I was. It didn't matter, though. Because if anything was certain it was that I could never be enough for Emily. She deserved so much more than the little I could give her.

I drove quickly back into the city, to Penelope, to my real life. I knocked on the door to what used to be my home praying Penelope was there to greet me. When she opened the door, tears flooded down my face. As I walked through the door, Pen's arms around me, I couldn't help but feel unsettled. I didn't feel at home here anymore. If I didn't fit into my old life, or into Emily's, where did I belong?

Continue to next chapter

[ssa-sapphic]

Pairing: Emily Prentiss × (POC)fem!reader

Summary: Alexandria is a surgical intern and single mother, struggling to learn how to trust again after a disastrous past relationship left her heart in shards of doubt and fear. Emily is the FBI agent across the hall who wants more than anything to help pick up the pieces and protect what’s become so important to her, while also trying to manage her own battle scars. Will they be able to heal from their shared traumas and learn to let each other in? Or will the demons of their past come to haunt them once again, and threaten the lives they’ve made for themselves?

Warnings: Mentions of violence and graphic descriptions normally found in grey’s anatomy/criminal minds. Some nsfw content and domestic abuse related details (chapters will be labeled accordingly)

A/N: Big shoutout to @sweetmidnights for helping me bring this story to life through our old roleplay we originally mapped out together! Major credit goes out to her for not only giving me ideas and helping me create a strong cohesive plot, but also for writing the role of Emily Prentiss so well and going with whatever I threw at her. We made a great collaboration team and balanced each other well, I loved every minute of it! ☺️

If you’d like to be added to the taglist for this series please let me know <3

[leftoverenvy]

Contaminated - Part 4

Summary: Emily and JJ's marriage is in shambles, so Emily turns to an unlikely source of comfort: her student.  To add gasoline to the fire, Emily starts an affair.  A songfic inspired by Contaminated by BANKS.

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x OC; Prof! Emily x POC OC; previous Emily Prentiss x Jennifer "JJ" Jareau; previous jemily

Warnings: smut (18+); power dynamic; age gap (unspecified – but all over 18); power imbalance; professor - student; cheating; marital arguing

Word Count: 5k

Tumblr Masterlist | Wattpad

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @reidselle 🦭; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @hotchs-bitch 🦆 ; @multiverse-mxdness 🧌 ; @madelineleong

Part 4

The worst thing I had found about being a professor was the fear of running into students out in public.  With one exception in a coffee shop off campus in the dead of winter.  But for the most part, I didn't want to see students out and about – especially at a bar, and especially when I was this depressed.  But I needed a drink and I needed it now.  To mitigate my chances of running into students, I chose a nicer bar in DC, hoping the prices would keep undergrads away.

I settled in at the bar and quickly threw back a shot before settling in with a bottle of wine.  I stared off into space, losing myself in the dark twists and turns of my mind.  Every time I veered into thoughts of JJ, I quickly rerouted myself to safer topics.  It was tedious and exhausting to slip down forbidden trails and then pull myself back repeatedly.  But for as much work as it was to monitor my thoughts, it was much safer than letting my mind roam freely.  I did not have the energy to wonder what JJ was out doing with Will on her latest "work trip."  It probably looked a lot like what I did for Christmas.

All week I imagined warm, brown, innocent eyes staring at me from across a lecture hall.  All week I played her sweet voice in my mind.  It's Liv.  And a much more sultry one, too.  God, Emily, please.  I pinched the skin between my thumb and pointer finger and squeezed my eyes tight.  These thoughts weren't any better. 

I put my head in my hands and begged myself to think about anything else.  But as always, my thoughts returned to her messy curls and soft lips.  It had only been a week since the first day of the semester.  How was I supposed to survive an entire semester with her in my class knowing what she could do in my bed?

I shook myself out of my stupor, focusing my eyes behind the bar on what I had been staring at for the last half hour.  I was glad to see I was staring at the wall rather than a person.  I blinked my eyes into focus a few times and threw back the rest of my now room temperature wine.  When I placed my glass back down on the bar and waved at the bartender for a refill, my eyes settled on the other side of the bar, locking on my favorite dark eyes. 

I cocked my head to the side in confusion.  Slowly, an amused smile teased the corner of my mouth for the first time in a week.  I wondered what she, a young student whom I knew to be under twenty-one, was doing here. 

That first day when I had learned her name, I immediately looked into her school file.  She was nineteen, a true freshman.  And a hell of a student.  She had a 4.0 GPA.  Surely she hadn't been thinking about me too much during class as she had said, because she had one of the highest marks last semester.

Her eyes never left mine.  I gauged her reaction for another beat, wondering if she still had lingering anger from our last encounter.  I saw nothing but mischief and joy in her sparkling eyes.  I jerked my head to the side, indicating her to come to my side of the bar.  She slid out of her chair and sat in the empty one next to me, sliding it even closer. 

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Enjoying a drink," she replied with a smirk.

I leaned in close, something in me coming alive again at the proximity.  Whispering in her ear so as not to alert the bartender, "I know for certain you cannot legally do so yet."

"Do you?" she asked, brow raised.  "Do you know that?  If I remember correctly, you didn't even know my name until last week."  She had me there, and her smirk both excited and angered me.  I wished I could push back, wipe that smirk right off her face, but I wasn't sure if she was still mad.

"Regardless," I brushed it off, "You really mean to tell me you're twenty-one?"

"Twenty-two actually," she corrected.  "Alysha Washington is twenty-two."  The mirth overflowing from her eyes was infectious.  I couldn't help but get swept up in the magic of her eyes once again.

"Well Miss Washington," I played along.  If her fake ID worked on a bartender, I certainly wasn't going to argue.  "Can I buy you a drink?"  I held my breath.  This was my olive branch, an apology for lying to her.  An invitation to open this up again.

"No."  My stomach fell inexplicably.  The answer should have been no.  I shouldn't have even tried to indulge in this again.  I shouldn't cheat again.  It wasn't like if you did it once, every time after that stopped counting.  I didn't need to add insult to injury.  I tried to keep my face impassive. ��I shouldn't want this – it shouldn't hurt at all.  But it did.  "But," she interrupted my spiral back down the trenches of my own mind, "You can pour me one at your place," she finished smoothly.  And just like that I was wrapped up in it all over again.

"Let's go," I commanded, throwing down $150 for our tabs.  I needed this, needed her.  But this wasn't like last time.  I didn't know if JJ would be home or not, and we couldn't risk it. 

I guided her to my car and whisked us away to a nearby hotel.  She looked at me quizzically when we pulled up.  "I just can't wait to have you," I half-lied.  It would have been just as fast to take her home; I just hoped she didn't realize how close we were to home.

I rushed us inside to get a room.  The woman working the front desk took her sweet time coming from the back office.  I pulled Liv tight against me, my hand roaming up and down her torso, my foot's impatient tapping against the marble floor echoing softly around the lobby.

The woman – Quinn, I thought in distaste – also took her time checking me in.  Clearly she did not see the attractive woman I had next to me.  She asked endless questions and informed us of all the amenities the hotel had to offer.  The only amenity I cared about was the king sized bed.

"Enjoy your stay!" she called cheerfully.  My back was already turned to her, pushing Liv towards the elevators.

She reached forward to press the call button, and I immediately pulled her back into my chest.  I nosed her hair to the side and sucked softly against her neck.  She leaned back against me with a soft sigh and rested her hands over mine. 

The elevator doors slid open with a startling ding.  I pushed her forward by the hips, awkwardly waddling behind her in an attempt to stay as close to her as possible.  She turned around and pressed herself against the wall, pulling against my belt to draw me closer.

After longing to all night – all week – I finally kissed her.  I slid my tongue along her lower lip, and something inside me clicked back into place.  We fell right back into our familiar dance as if we had never stopped.  As if we had been doing this forever.

When the elevator doors slid open again, I no longer gave a damn about decorum.  I stumbled down the hall with my hands untucking her shirt and my lips sucking marks into her skin.

"Unlock the door," she demanded.  That was one command I'd let her give.

Once I waived the keycard over the lock, I shuffled in and let the door slam behind us.  Like breadcrumbs, our clothes made a trail from the door to the bed.  Once we were fully undressed, I pushed her to fall back against the bed and kissed up her torso while I climbed on top of her.  I sucked another mark into her collarbone.  I wanted her to see herself tomorrow – covered in bruises – and remember our night together.  I wanted her to look in the mirror and remember each place my mouth touched her.

"Emily," she sighed.  Her fingers twined in my hair as I circled her nipple with my tongue.  I kissed across her chest to her other boob, licking and sucking all around, but never taking her nipple into my mouth.  "Stop teasing."  That was the last command I'd let her give tonight.

I pulled back, her hands sliding down to rest on my bicep as I hovered over her.  I shifted my weight to one hand as I gripped her chin.  "Let's make one thing clear," I started.  I tried to soften my tone – we hadn't actually been over any rules, I didn't know what she was into.  I assumed she was relatively inexperienced just based on her age.  "I'm in charge here, not you."

Her eyes widened in shock, but she quickly processed it, and her eyes darkened in lust.  "Okay," she whispered.

"Keep your hands right there," I demanded, pinning her wrists above her head.

"Okay," she repeated.

"If you move them, I'll stop," I threatened.

"Stop what?"  I plunged my fingers in her.  "Oh!"

"You gonna be good for me?"  She didn't answer.  "Liv," I prompted.

Her hips were already rocking, urging my fingers deeper in her.  I pulled them half out.  "What?"

I slid down her body.  "Are you gonna be good and keep your hands there?"  I hovered my mouth over her clit, awaiting her answer.  Poor thing clearly didn't multi-task very well.

I flicked my tongue against her clit.  "Yes," she hissed, her back arching.  I wasn't convinced she was answering my question, but I let it slide.

I watched her eyes pinch shut and her fingers grasp the pillows tightly.  Steadily, I pushed my fingers in and out of her, driving her closer and closer to her peak.  "Emily!" she gasped.  "Emily, god!"  Her hands dropped slightly, but still remained above her head.  I curled my fingers up and started sucking.

"Fuck!" she shouted, her hands flying down to keep my head in place.  With one final lick, I pulled back and slid my fingers out.

"No..." she protested.  "Why'd you stop?"  From in between her legs, I quirked an eyebrow at her.   How quickly she had forgotten one rule.

I grabbed her wrists and pinned them at her sides, tight against her hips.  "These stay put."

"I need to touch you," she whined.

"Tough."  And I dove back in.  She'd have to do without my fingers since I needed my hands to keep her hands at her sides.

"Emily, please," she panted, her hands wrapping around my own wrists and squeezing.  Her hips raised higher, pressing harder against my mouth.  "Yes!"

I pushed her wrists back down to the mattress, struggling to keep her compliant with my rules.  Her nails dug into my skin and her thighs closed around my head.  "Don't stop, please!" she begged.  "Please, yes, yes!"  I was thrilled she was being more vocal tonight. 

I let go of one wrist and slid two fingers inside her.  I hoped she didn't make me regret it.  I wouldn't hesitate to stop – even this close to her climax – if she touched me again.  I watched her dig her nails into the skin of her thigh, silently proud of her for following rules this early into our sexual relationship.

"Fuck!" she keened again, and then she stopped breathing.  I was glad to see that didn't change from last time.  I found it oddly endearing that she stopped breathing while she came.  Of all the women I had been with, I had never met anyone else who did that like Liv.

She gasped and slumped into the bed.  "Fuck, Emily," she sighed.  "I missed that."

I beamed internally.  I didn't want her to know how affected I was by her, but such a simple statement flipped my stomach.  "I missed this too," I responded, kissing her pubic bone softly. 

I continued placing soft kisses against her thighs and hips while she caught her breath.  After a few moments, when I was satisfied that she was ready, I sat up on my knees and pulled her down the bed.

Startled by my abrupt movement, she asked, "What are you doing?"

"You don't think you're the only one who wants to get off, do you?"  I crawled up her body and swung a leg over her head.  She moaned loudly and wrapped her hands over my thighs.  "You ready?"  She responded by pulling me down to her face.

I sighed at the contact.  It had been months since JJ and I had had sex, and Liv and I argued before she could return the favor last time.  I let Liv do what she wanted at first, letting her get used to going down on a woman.  Based on her technique, I was right before that she was inexperienced.  But she still felt good.

I wiggled my hips down to get a better angle and gasped, "Oh."  I leaned forward to grab the headboard for leverage, my hips grinding down into her involuntarily.  I didn't know if I had a tenuous grasp on my control because it was Liv or if it had just been too long since I had had sex, but I could not stop my hips from rocking against her mouth.  "Yes, baby," I cooed.  "You're doing so good.  Just like that."

Naively, she sped up, her tongue flicking frantically against my clit now.  I sighed in disappointment; I had been so close.  "Slow down, baby," I corrected gently.  I didn't want to discourage her, but I needed to cum.  She slowed back down, licking me hard and slow.  "Fuck," I panted, "Yes, Liv."

I circled my hips until I found that perfect angle again.  "Fuck baby," I praised, "You feel so good." 

Liv was a fast learner.  She didn't speed up again; she kept this perfect, sinful rhythm.  I started rocking my hips again, so close to the edge.  "Olivia," I panted.  "YES!" I shouted, throwing my head back as I climaxed.  I peeled my fingers from the headboard, flexing them to release some of the stiffness in the joints from gripping so hard.

I climbed off of her and laid next to her, pulling her close.  Her eyes gleamed with pride while her chin gleamed with my slick.  I wiped at her chin while I leaned in for a sloppy, wet kiss.  She couldn't kiss me back because she kept smiling.  I guessed that meant I was completely forgiven.   I hoped it did, anyway.

_ _ _

I didn't know if anything changed for Liv, but she kept seeing me.  For weeks, I suffered through lectures watching her burn holes in me with her heady, lustful eyes.  We stole kisses in office hours and continued our sordid affair back at mine when JJ was gone.  Over the next few weeks, I made Liv mine.  She was the perfect distraction. 

When JJ did come home, we always fought.  When I had first started seeing Liv, JJ and I were often cold towards each other.  But with each passing week, our fights were nasty, explosive.  We could never seem to have a normal conversation about how JJ's cases were or how my classes were going.  We'd go to bed fuming, both of us sighing haughtily and flipping over as passive aggressively as we could as if it were a hardship to lay next to our spouse.  When I laid with JJ, I counted down the minutes until I could see Liv.  When I had Liv, I counted down the minutes until I could have her again.

For weeks, JJ and I argued so loudly, my voice would often be hoarse the following day.  I often wondered if Liv knew on the days when I could barely lecture that I had spent the previous night shouting at JJ.  But like a rocket, as quickly as our fights screamed to life, they fizzled out into silence.  I guessed we had exhausted every topic to fight about; we had left no stone unturned. 

I'm not sure what prompted the end of our fighting, but JJ and I lived like mute roommates, occasionally passing by each other, never saying a word.  Every now and then I'd see a new dish in the sink or see the blanket ruffled in the guest bedroom.  I was thankful for the calm.  I didn't know how much longer I could keep fighting with JJ like that. 

But every screaming match had amped me up.  I'd be so angry, so keyed up, I'd immediately go pick up Liv from her dorm.  Every few nights, I'd text her "I'm on my way," and fifteen minutes later, she'd be waiting for me at the curb, slipping into my car with a soft, "Hi."  She seemed to settle into our routine nicely.  Never once did she question anything.  Never once did she question me.

_ _ _

My tires screeched as I abruptly came to a stop in front of Reynolds Hall.  She quickly opened the door and slid in the car.  "Hi," she greeted sweetly, as she always did.

"Hi, Liv," I responded, my own sour mood immediately changing just being in her presence.

"Where to?"

"Did you finish your history paper?"  I wanted to double-check before I kidnapped her for a good chunk of the night.  It was already 10:37.

"Yes, this afternoon!  And what a relief," she sighed.

"Let me show you this place out in the country, then."

"Whatever you want." 

And off we went.  I sped south to get further out of the city.  I wanted to stargaze with Olivia.  I wanted to lay under the vast sky to remind myself how little my troubles meant in the grand scheme, how little I meant.

It was rare for me to be so quiet with her, but she never pressed me to talk.  It was one of the things I liked best about her when I got in these moods.  She was perfectly content to just sit in the car with me and listen to music.

When we arrived, I parked and killed the lights.  "Where are we?" she asked, looking around.

"I want to show you something."  I got out of the car and moved around to the front to wait for Liv to get out as well.

She stood in front of me and smiled wryly.  "Okay, Emily.  Ready for my socks to be blown off."

I chuckled involuntarily.  I didn't want to be in a good mood, but I couldn't help it around her.  "Look up, smart ass."

She narrowed her eyes at me in faux-exasperation and then lifted her face to the sky.  "Wow," she exclaimed, astonished. 

"Out here, there's no light pollution.  Every star is visible.  I like to come out here to think sometimes."

"About what?" she asked still looking at the night sky.

"Life, I guess," I evaded.

She snapped her head down.  "What's wrong?" she asked scrutinizing my face.

"Nothing," I lied.  "I just wanted to kiss a pretty girl under the stars."  She tried to hide her grin by tilting her head back to the stars, but I could see it.  She couldn't fool me. 

I sat on the hood of the car and slid back towards the windshield.  I spread my legs open for Liv, and said, "Come here."

She turned around and tentatively climbed on the hood.  "Are you sure this is okay?  I wouldn't want to scratch the paint or anything." 

I rolled my eyes.  "Yes, I'm sure it's okay."  She settled back against me, and I wrapped my arms around her. 

"It's gorgeous," she whispered, still in awe.

She leaned against me while I leaned against the windshield, and I rubbed my hands up and down her arms while we stared at the twinkling stars.  We were even lucky enough to see a shooting star.  I wondered if she was still young enough to believe in wishing on a shooting star.  And then I wondered what it was a girl like Olivia would wish for.  I'd wish to not break her heart.  If I believed in that sort of thing.

I leaned down to nibble on her ear lobe.  I came here to lose myself in the cosmos, but Liv would do just fine, too.  "Mmmm," she moaned, tilting her head to the side.  She shivered, goosebumps raising on her arms.

"Cold?"

"A little," she admitted.

"Let me warm you up in the car."

_ _ _

As it turns out, I didn't need a screaming match with JJ to want Liv.  JJ's new ambivalence towards me never failed to push me into Liv's arms.  I had feared that when JJ and I's fights became less tempestuous, I'd no longer want to see Liv, but I always wanted Liv.  As the weeks passed, it didn't matter what JJ did or didn't do; I saw Liv no matter what.  I started to get creative in where and how I could see her, but it was getting tiresome to play this game.

JJ had slowly moved out of our bedroom, electing to sleep in the guest bedroom when she was home.  And then, luckily, she just stopped coming home altogether.  She would send a lame excuse in a text message as an afterthought, and eventually I stopped bothering to read them.  JJ hadn't been home in over three weeks now, and I had no idea if she planned to come home any time soon.  I had no idea what she was doing about clothes, but I didn't care.  I liked the freedom to fuck Liv as loud and as long as I wanted in my own bed.  We didn't have to hide at home.

_ _ _

It was fun playing pretend again.  It was comforting to pretend Liv and I cared for each other.  It was welcome warmth from JJ and I's frosty stand off.  But somewhere along the way, our playing pretend turned into something more for Liv.  And I genuinely wasn't sure if it was starting to mean more to me either.

Our first nights together were solely physical.  We hardly talked.  I fucked her until she was so tired she couldn't help but fall asleep.  It avoided all awkward post-sex conversations.  But over time, those conversations became less awkward.  I grew to like tangling our limbs together and chatting about nothing while I rubbed her back.  I loved hearing about her classes while she traced secrets into my skin.

"Want to hear the latest gossip of a small sect of the Class of 2026?"

I chuckled, delighted as always by her trivial social dramas.  I liked the distraction; it made me long for those simple times.  "Hit me with it."

"Kara and TJ broke up again."

"Oh wow," I said pensively.  I wondered what it would be like to have a relationship, break up, and then get back together two or three times within a month.  I had honestly lost track of how many times Liv's friends had broken up and gotten back together.  It felt hypocritical to be so judgmental of these children's relationship when mine was as stable as a boulder on a precipice, but it made me feel better to hear about Liv's friends' drama.

She prattled on about Kara, and I tuned her out.  I had heard one of Kara and TJ's break-up stories, I had heard them all.  I knew this relationship trope; I had seen it countless times with unsubs.  I'd have to subtly warn Liv to be cautious around him. 

"And of course," she continued babbling like what she was about to say was old hat, "Everyone knows about the hot gossip that a sociology professor is fucking one of her students."

I choked on nothing.

"Excuse me?" I wheezed.

"I'm kidding," she snickered.  My pounding heart started to slow.  She continued, a little put out now, "I didn't think you were listening."

"I'm listening," I lied.  I kissed her on the forehead and squeezed her a little tighter.  "I promise, baby."

She hiked her leg up higher over my hips, pulling herself closer.  Her hand smoothed up my abdomen, and she placed a kiss against my neck.  I pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head again.  This seemed to be what she enjoyed most, this intimacy. 

We laid in silence and peace for several minutes, just breathing the other in.  Liv's silence never felt mean; it felt welcoming, comfortable.  I never minded being silent with her in the middle of the night like I did with JJ.

"Whisper sweet things to me," she said timidly, seemingly afraid to disturb our moment. 

Did she want me to lie?  I pulled back to look into her eyes, to assess what it was she really wanted.  I saw nothing but vulnerability and a touch of fear.

"You look so pretty like this," I started.  I smoothed her wild hair from her face and pulled her face up so I could look at her more fully.  "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, Olivia.   Every time I get to be with you like this I thank whatever's out there for putting you in my class."  I kissed her softly and swiped my thumb over her jaw.  "I want to be with you like this forever."

It all felt forced since she had asked to hear it.  My hint at forever caught in my throat.  Hadn't I already promised someone my forever? 

She looked appeased for a moment, happiness – and I was shocked to see what I thought might be love – shining in those deep eyes.  A grin stretched across her face, her eyes twinkling in the night.  But like a candle, the flame slowly extinguished, reality settling in after a beat or two.  As my words sunk in, as they hung in the air between us, she remembered what this was.

I was still married.  I was still her professor.  The first time excluded, I had been upfront about all of this.  She knew what this was – she was inviting the pain.  She was choosing to break her own heart here, and still she chose to stay.

It was small comfort, and not entirely truthful.  It was on me to not have taken us down this path again.  I was the one with aged wisdom – I was the one with all the power here.  If I were a better woman, I'd call it off now.  But I was weak.  And I was here with her for the hundredth time.

"Be with me," she blurted on a gasp.  My jaw dropped in shock.  She rendered me speechless again.  I had no clue how to respond.  "I know we can be special," she pressed.  "I know we can be more than this!"

"Liv..." I thought we were on the same page about this.  I thought she understood.

"Please," she begged.  Apparently not.

"It's against school policy – I could be fired!"  It was a lame excuse.  Fucking her was also against school policy, and I didn't seem to have a problem doing that.  I could tell that argument did nothing to convince her either.  "I'm married." 

She quickly sat up – sheets pressed to her chest in modesty – a hand raised to stop me.  "You don't need to remind me of that," she spat.

"What would people say?"

"You never struck me as someone who gave a shit about that," she pointed out sharply.

Her words hit me over the head, throwing me off balance.  Because she was right.  Already, she could read me so well.  Already, I had shared more of myself with her than I had in over a year with JJ, my own wife.  I let her words sink in, the weight of this affair pressing down on me.  I wasn't just ruining JJ and I's lives here.  Liv was in this, too.

"I need more than this, Em," she whispered.  The use of my nickname felt startling now.  We were supposed to have a professional relationship.  She shouldn't be calling me Em – we shouldn't be here at all.

"I can't give you more."

My words hung heavy between us.  I reached to pull her back to me.  "I've gotta go," she blurted suddenly and slid out of bed.

"Okay," I said resigned.  I couldn't fight it because this was dangerous, prohibited.  She should leave.  It was better for both of us.

She slipped her shirt over her head, and buttoned her jeans.  She grabbed her shoes and paused, likely waiting for my protest.  She'd never get one.  She sighed heavily and turned her back to me, walking out my door again.  I closed my eyes and threw an arm over my eyes.

I had no idea where Liv and I stood, but I needed her body.  Release with her was the only thing keeping me sane.  Liv was the only thing that made life tolerable right now.  I'd have to apologize.  I'd say whatever I could to get her back in bed because I needed her.  Everything in my life was unstable, shaking from the weight of my poor decisions.  Liv was the only firm fixture.  Had been, I corrected myself.  Her support had been mine for several weeks now – I never thought I'd lose it like this.

_ _ _

Continue to next part

[leftoverenvy]

Contaminated - Part 3

Summary: Emily and JJ's marriage is in shambles, so Emily turns to an unlikely source of comfort: her student.  To add gasoline to the fire, Emily starts an affair.  A songfic inspired by Contaminated by BANKS.

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x OC; Prof! Emily x POC OC; previous Emily Prentiss x Jennifer "JJ" Jareau; previous jemily

Warnings: smut (18+); power dynamic; age gap (unspecified – but all over 18); power imbalance; professor - student; cheating; marital arguing

Word Count: 4.5k

Tumblr Masterlist | Wattpad

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @reidselle 🦭; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @hotchs-bitch 🦆 ; @multiverse-mxdness 🧌 ; @madelineleong

Part 3

I shuffled us inside to get out of the cold.  As she brushed past me, her perfume washed over me, and I inhaled deeply.  I was intoxicated by her very presence – her sweet scent was not helping.  I heard her soft gasp as we walked through the foyer.  I looked up to watch her gape at the Christmas tree.

"It's gorgeous," she complimented in awe.  She stopped in her tracks to admire the lights and ornaments.  "It's decorated so beautifully."  I bristled.  I couldn't help but think it a hideous symbolization of my wife's absence.  At the reminder of my wife, I surreptitiously removed my wedding band and slid it in my pocket.  My stomach turned at my action, yet I did nothing to correct it.  The guilt boiling in my stomach wasn't enough to make me put it back on.

"Come on," I coaxed her away from the tree.  "Let's warm up some milk for cocoa."  I tugged on her arm to drag her to the kitchen.

I moved towards the fridge and asked, "How hot do you like it?"

"Huh?" she asked, a bit breathless.  I was pleased to see her eyes darkening with what looked like lust.

I smirked at the innuendo.  "Your milk."

"Oh uhm," she bit her lip, "I'm not picky."

"Noted."  I winked and turned back to grab some milk.  She chuckled nervously behind me.  I splashed some milk in a mug and threw it in the microwave, splashing it over the sides.  I couldn't care less about the milk or the mess.  I didn't bring her here for cocoa.

I felt like a predator closing in on its prey.  I stepped closer, her scent overtaking my senses once again.  She was like a drug – one hit wasn't enough.  My hand caressed her hip, looping a finger in her belt loop to tug her closer.  Her hips connected with mine and I stepped further into her space, trapping her between my body and the counter.  Her soft, surprised exhale washed over my lips.  I touched my nose to hers, my own lips parting in anticipation. 

Her head tilted back; her full, bottom lip just barely brushed mine.  I warred with myself for the last time.  Her hip felt so good curved against the palm of my hand.  The breath from her soft pants tasted so sweet.  But I wasn't free to be with her like this.  How had JJ so easily thrown away our marriage?  Had she ever felt this guilt when she fucked someone else?  Could I tuck my own guilt away long enough to follow through with this?

Her lips connected with mine, and I knew.  Yes, yes I could tuck it away.  Her hum buzzed against my lips, tickling them slightly.  I squeezed her hip as I pressed her further into the counter.  "Is this okay?" I whispered against her lips.

She pulled away breathlessly.  "I thought about this every day in class," she admitted shamelessly.  As I pushed my tongue in her mouth, I idly wondered what her final grade in the class was if she had really been so distracted.  I realized I would have no way of looking it up later because I never bothered to learn her name. 

My stomach flipped pleasantly at the danger of this situation.  She wasn't mine to have; she was forbidden fruit.  And here I was, stealing a taste of her sweet innocence anyway.  I had complete control over her.  The power rushed to my head.  It was dizzying – it was addictive.

I nipped harshly at her bottom lip.  "What did you think about?"  I needed to know more.  I needed to hear exactly how much she wanted me.  To give her the chance to respond, I trailed my lips down her jaw line, sucking slightly at the hollow where her jaw met her neck.

She inhaled sharply and then sighed.  I continued down her neck, my tongue snaking out to taste every inch of her that I could.  Her gentle moan vibrated her throat beneath my lips.  I scraped my teeth up her neck and pulled her ear lobe between my lips.  "This," she gasped.  "I thought about this," she panted as her fingers tangled in my hair.

My thumb continued to rub back and forth across her hip bone as I sucked the skin of her neck.  I cupped her jaw and pulled her mouth back to mine.  My hand creeped under her shirt, and I was shocked by how smooth her skin was.  My fingertips had a mind of their own.  All they could focus on was feeling more of her impossibly soft skin. 

"Come upstairs with me," I demanded.

She looked up at me with wide eyes, and I lost myself in their warm depths.  I could see galaxies in her eyes, a possibility of traversing forbidden paths.  I was past the point of no return, past the point of penance for this unforgivable transgression.  She nodded stiffly, her bottom lip once again between her teeth.  I pressed my thumb against it softly and tugged it free.  I kissed her softly to ease the sting from her nervous habit and pulled her forward to guide us upstairs.

We stumbled our way up the stairs, more than once toppling into the wall.  Neither of us could be bothered to look where we were going.  My focus was entirely on getting her naked and underneath me.  My brain, so dazed from lust, only half-registered the irony from me crashing into JJ and I's family portrait while taking another woman to bed.

Once upstairs, I pushed her into the threshold of my bedroom, sucking harshly at her neck.  She'd definitely have a mark on her skin.  I smirked against her neck.  I wasn't hers, but she would be – at least temporarily – marked as mine.  In this moment, she was mine.

I ripped her shirt over her head and pushed her back on top of the bed.  I slid between her legs and licked a long trail up her stomach, stopping at her bra.  I slid my hands underneath her and unhooked it, burying my face between her tits.  I nipped at the swells of her boobs, her legs wrapping around my waist to keep me where I was.  "Professor, please," she gasped. 

I chuckled softly against her skin; I couldn't help it.  "We can play like that later," I husked.  Roleplaying our exact situation could be quite interesting.  I wanted to fuck her as the innocent, virginal freshman.  That stereotype had never interested me before, but I was intrigued.  Just not for right now.  "Please call me Emily."

"Emily," she repeated as if to try out how it sounded.  I sucked on her nipple, flicking my tongue over it.  "Jesus!"

I trailed my hands down to the button of her jeans.  "Can I take these off?" I asked. 

"Yes," she panted as my tongue continued to lick any part of her I could.  "Hurry," she panted.  I smirked again.  She was very eager for me.

I unbuttoned her pants and slid down her body, loosening the death grip her legs had on me.  I peeled her sinfully tight jeans down her legs, revealing even softer skin and muscular thighs I couldn't wait to bite.  Feather light, I ghosted my fingertips up and down her thighs.  She was gorgeous.  I wanted to suffocate myself between her thighs.

She squirmed underneath me, bucking her hips in an attempt to get some relief.  I loved when women were so desperate for me they couldn't help but buck up into nothing.  I needed to hear her soft whines for me – she was too quiet.  Her muted pants, though hot, were not enough for me.

"How do you want me?" I whispered against her thighs.  I bit at her softly and then sucked to soothe the sting.  I slid my fingertips higher, barely touching her at the juncture where her thighs met her hips.

She exhaled sharply and then inhaled shakily.  "I don't care."

"No preference?" I confirmed in a teasing tone, my fingers inching to her center.  "My choice?"

"I told you," she joked, "I'm not picky."  I chuckled, my mouth moving closer to her center, my breath teasing her.  "As long as it's soon," she clarified, her hips bucking up again.

I snaked a hand around her hips to hold her still and licked slowly up her slit.  She moaned long and loud at the contact.  I grinned against her, relishing in her noises.  I needed her as loud as possible.

I lapped at her relentlessly just to hear her whine for me.  "God, Emily.  Please," she begged.  Her hips strained against my arm, trying to lift up to push harder against my tongue.  She could have it harder when I was ready to give it to her harder.  "I need more," she whined, "Please."

I pulled back and flipped her on her stomach.  My hand came down hard against her ass, the slap loud in the silent room.  I started at my action; I hadn't asked her if this was okay with her beforehand.  There was a lot I hadn't asked her beforehand.  Her loud groan assuaged any worry about whether this was okay with her.

Her hips pressed into the mattress at the sting.  That was a pretty hard spank for the first one; I didn't doubt her skin was stinging.  But that was no excuse for her to press her hips down.  I pulled her hips up to get her ass up in the air.  "You need more?" I teased.  I spanked her again, her sharp hiss muffled from the thick comforter bunched up around her face.  "You can have more when I say you can."

"Fuck," she muttered.  "Please fuck me," she begged.  And who was I to deny such a good girl?  I slammed my fingers into her.  Her fingers twisted into the comforter below her, pulling it up further around her face.  She rocked her hips back to get me deeper.  She was quite demanding.

I pushed into her hard and fast, setting a relentless pace.  So wet, I salivated at the sucking sounds her pussy made around my fingers.  Though she had been quiet before, she wasn't now.  She started babbling incoherently, begging and pleading for me to push her to the edge.

"I'm so close, Emi- FUCK!"  I felt her walls tighten deliciously around my fingers as I curled them slightly.  I scratched my nails down her spine to stimulate her even further.  "God, please!"  I wrapped my free hand around her body to circle her clit.  Her loud moans rose in pitch, transforming into a shrill keen.  "Yes, yes yes," she chanted in time with her rocking hips.

Her panting and whines stopped.  I think she stopped breathing.  I was worried she passed out, but her hips continued to rock against my hand, so I didn't stop thrusting into her.  And then she whined one last soft whimper and slumped against the bed.  Gradually slowing my fingers to a stop, I helped her down from her high.  But her reprieve would be brief; I was not done with her.

I slipped my fingers out from inside her, eliciting a soft sigh from her, and slipped them into my mouth to savor her again.  My brief taste earlier was far too short.  I wanted to feast on her.

I helped her lay back on the pillows – I wanted her comfortable for how long I was about to go down on her.  I spread her legs as wide as they'd go and kissed up her left thigh.  "Oh!" she gasped in surprise.  "Emily, I-"  She struggled to catch her breath.  "I've never been able to cum twice this fast in a row."

"Shall we try anyway?"  I spread her labia with two fingers and gently lapped at her, spreading her wetness around with my tongue.  An involuntary moan escaped low from my throat.  I wanted to remain unaffected, but she was like nothing I had ever had before.  She was the sweetest distraction from my abysmal life.

She softly gathered up my hair from around my face and held it on top of my head.  I appreciated her keeping my hair from falling into my mouth.  Not that anything would stop me now. 

I lapped lazily at her clit.  I was eating her out for my own pleasure, not hers.  After a while she groaned, "Oh my god you feel good."  I sucked on her clit, and she hissed, pulling my hair tight in her grip.  I moaned at the slight sting, vibrating her clit between my lips.  "Oh fuck.  Don't stop."  I hummed against her clit, hoping I could get her to cum again even though she was convinced she wouldn't be able to.  My ego was practically purring. 

"Emily, Emily," she chanted again, her hips rocking harder against my mouth.  Without breaking tempo, I slipped two fingers in her.  She continued her chanting, her grip growing even tighter.  She was going to rip my hair out at this point, but I didn't dare stop to remove her hands.  Nothing would make me break this rhythm.

Like before, she stopped breathing, but this time, I could see her once-heaving chest fall still.  Her muscles tensed up tighter and tighter.  She looked like a coil ready to snap.  And then she threw her head back and whined louder than before. 

She slumped against the bed, huffing to catch her breath.  I slid my fingers out of her and licked them clean.  I lifted up and kissed her sweet skin, planting my lips to her hip bones, belly, and up her sternum.  I nuzzled her neck as I flopped next to her.

She turned into me, placing her own sloppy kiss against my neck.  "Thank you," she said on a heavy exhale.  "I don't think I've ever cum that hard twice in a row."  Her breath tickled my neck.  I hooked her leg up over my hip and rubbed my fingers over her skin.  She really was unbearably soft – I couldn't get enough of touching her.

We stared at each in silence.  My fingers continued ghosting over the lines of her thighs and the swell of her hip.  She was beautiful.  She had the kind of body sculptors wept over.  I smoothed my hand up and down her body as if I could shape such grace. 

I softly kissed her shoulder, breathing in her scent.  I had to memorize everything I could about this afternoon.  I'd never have anything like this again. 

And just like that, my guilt crashed into me harder than before.  I choked on its power; I thought I might be sick.  What had I done?  Had I really just destroyed my marriage for one fuck?  And it would be just once, I assured myself.  A mistake never to be repeated.  It meant nothing, and I'd kick her out as soon as possible. 

But then her small hand snaked down to unclasp my own jeans and my guilt fell by the wayside. Fuck it, I might as well make it really good.  I idly wondered what she thought about me still being fully clothed.  I had been too lost in her to take my own clothes off. 

She helped me pull my shirt over my head, my belt buckle digging into me as I scrunched up to get my shirt off but stay as close to her as possible.  My hands got stuck in the sleeves as I rushed to get naked.

"What's that?" she asked suddenly, her tone icy.  "Or should I say, who's that?"  I finally got my shirt off and turned my head to follow her line of sight, though I already knew what she had seen. 

Dread filled my stomach worse than the guilt had earlier.  I had taken steps to hide my wedding ring from her, but I couldn't erase JJ from her own home.  "That's my wife," I admitted.

At her look of devastation, I flopped back against the bed and placed a hand over my eyes.  This isn't how I wanted things to go.

"Don't you think that's important information for me to have before we fuck?" she spat out.

"Doesn't matter," I said dryly.  I turned my head to look her in the eye, anger blazing bright in her dark irises.

"'Doesn't matter?'" she repeated incredulously.

"It was just a one-time thing anyway."  The words tasted bitter coming out.  I had thought about her for weeks now.  I had tossed my marriage out the window for her.  Not that it was great before, but-

"Right," she said harshly, "Because you're married.  And we just had sex.  In your wife's bed."  The last bit, muttered more to herself, came out as a realization.  "Oh god."  She shot off the bed and started gathering the clothes I had tossed around my room.  Frantic, as if she would burn on the spot for being naked, she pulled clothes on haphazardly.

"Wait," I called as she moved towards the door.  "It isn't what you think."  I winced at the cliché coming out of my mouth.  What could I possibly say to make this better?  We were never going to work out.  It was better to end it now. 

I tried again, "It's complicated."  That wasn't satisfactory, either, but it really was complicated.  JJ had already ruined our marriage.  I just put the cherry on top.  But no matter how badly JJ and I fucked up, this girl didn't deserve this.  She didn't deserve to be poisoned by our treachery.

"Really Emily?  'It's complicated?'"  I wished she would stop repeating what I said.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Are you married?"

"Yes."

"Then it isn't complicated at all.  Have a nice life."  And she turned on her heel and clomped down the stairs.  I thought I saw a glint of wetness on her face as she turned, but before I could scrutinize her face, she was gone.

_ _ _

The end of my holiday break mirrored its start.  I spent my last free days sitting in front of the Christmas tree, glaring at all it represented.  Only now, it served as another reminder: one of my infidelity.  And just like before, I continued to obsessively think about my student.  It seemed sleeping with her did nothing to erase my infatuation.  For now, I knew what I was missing.  I knew how soft she was; I knew how good she smelled.  How good she sounded underneath me.

Without blinking, I stared at the countless, tiny bulbs shining brightly in our foyer.  Refusing to blink, I burned my retinas staring into the flickering strings of lights.  It had to go.

I pushed off the couch and made my way to the garage, quickly locating all the empty boxes that housed the Christmas decorations during the off season.  I lugged them inside and pushed them all to the foyer.  I didn't bother being careful putting them away.  JJ had individual bubble wrap pockets for each ornament.  She had a complicated system for wrapping the tinsel and lights.  But I didn't care.  I needed this tree out of here.  I needed this holiday over.

I dumped them all in the box, placing the garland around the box as if that would protect the ornaments from the inevitable jostling they'd receive when I put the box back in the attic.  As I sealed the last box, it was like I had packed my indiscretion with the colorful balls and lights.  I could lock this away.  JJ didn't have to know.  No one would know but myself and her.

I tried my best to push her from my thoughts.  But she was like an invasive plant, creeping into every empty crevice of my mind.  She had wrapped herself around me.  Fucking her was supposed to make this go away.  A one-night stand was supposed to be just that: for one night.  I wasn't supposed to crave her presence; I was supposed to crave my wife's. 

But for the last two weeks of my vacation, all I could think about was how she tasted, and whether I could see her again.  Would I see her around campus?  Would I see her at our shared café?  I tried to focus on the upcoming semester, but I was useless.  I stopped even pretending to work.  That is, until JJ came home.

"Em?" I rolled my eyes at her false, saccharine voice.  I declined to respond, choosing instead to focus on the syllabus in front of me.  I quickly slid my AirPods in my ears for plausible deniability that I didn't hear her call out for me.

She poked her head into my office, and I sighed.  So much for ignoring her.

I pulled the headphones from my ears.  "Hi Jayje."

She sat in the chair in front of my desk.  The tension grew in our silence.  We stared at each other awkwardly.  Normally, I'd break the stifling silence, but I had no energy to do so this time.  "I had a great trip, thanks for asking," she said sarcastically.

I dropped my head to my hands, a headache already forming at the argument I knew was coming.  Was she really bragging about how good she got it from someone else?

"Can we not fight as soon as you walk in the door?"  My voice sounded so weary.  Usually, I felt like this after a long fight, not before one had even started.

"Fine," she ceded, her hands up.

"I'm tired," I lied.  "Let's just go to bed."

"I have to unpack."

"Fine."

We trudged up the stairs, up to the scene of the crime.  JJ had no idea what had occurred here just over a week ago.  I refused to look at her.  I could hardly stand to be in this room with her.

"What is with you?" JJ asked incredulously.  I still couldn't muster the energy to care to fight with her.  "I thought you'd be more excited for me to come home."

Bile rose in the back of my throat as I sat on the edge of the bed.  I looked down at my hands, the glint of gold catching my eye.  My wedding ring tightened around my finger like a noose around my neck.  This ring, once a tangible symbol of our most sacred promise, was nothing more than cold metal.  It meant nothing anymore.  We both had abandoned our promises to each other.

I flopped back against the bed, the down comforter engulfing me.  And though I had changed the sheets, though I had slept in this bed for the last two weeks, I still smelled her.  I flopped an arm over my eyes as if it would dam the flood of images of what I had been doing in this bed just two weeks prior.

"Emily!" JJ interrupted my reverie.  "Are you even listening to me?"  No.

"JJ, can we just talk about this tomorrow?"  I had no idea what I was even asking to put off.  All I knew was I didn't have the energy to deal with my own guilt and JJ's irritation.

"We haven't even talked about anything tonight," she pointed out.  She sighed heavily at my silence.  "Yeah.  Sure," she snapped.  "Whatever you want, Emily."  I rolled my eyes behind the arm covering my face.

I turned my back to her while she continued to unpack and get ready for bed.  I feigned sleep for hours, grateful that she didn't try to touch me.  I wouldn't have been able to stomach cuddling my wife in the same bed in which I had betrayed her.

_ _ _

I welcomed the first day of the spring semester like an old friend.  It promised distraction and excuses to be absent from home.  Winter still hung heavy in the air, its chill reminding me of that freezing December day when I threw my marriage away. 

Since returning from her holiday trip, JJ had stayed home for the longest stretch since what I guessed was the start of her own affair.  I was amused by the irony of once begging for her to come home, and now wanting nothing more than for her to leave again.  Her presence only exacerbated my guilt.

I had once appreciated all the time off that accompanied being a professor.  And now, I was never more grateful for the start of a semester.  And to sweeten the deal, this semester, I had no intro classes. 

The department head had taken a last-minute sabbatical and asked me to take over his profiling course.  I happily agreed, thankful to share my knowledge with the next generation of profilers.  I vowed to make this a good semester.  I'd throw myself into being a professor, being devoted to my students.  If I couldn't be a good wife, I could at least be a good professor.

I briskly walked into the lecture hall, hoping my quick walk would silence the classroom before I had to raise my voice to start class.

"Good morning," I greeted once I made it to the front of the room.  "I'm Professor Prentiss.  I know there are about seventy-five of you, but I'm hopeful I will know all of your names in a couple weeks."  I wanted to forge connections with students in higher level classes.  Hopefully next year I would have these students again in more advanced courses.

"I'm going to call roll-" a few students groaned.  "I know, I know," I commiserated with them.  "But I promise I won't make you go around the room and say a lame fact about yourself as an icebreaker."  That got a round of chuckles, and I smiled softly at being off to a good start with this new class.  "I want to start putting faces with names, so please wave at me when I call your name."

I took a deep breath and then dove in, starting with Sarah Arrington.  I painstakingly moved through the list of students, trying to commit each face to memory.  Some names were familiar, likely students from last semester's class.  Peter Botts.  I grimaced; I thought I remembered him being a particularly poor writer.  I considered changing the final paper to a final exam.  There was no way I could make it through another round of papers like his again.  Samuel Carter.  Dana Funk.  Tyrell Hinkly.  The list went on and on.  It was tedious doing this, but necessary.

About halfway through the course roster, I paused.  It couldn't be.  "Olivia Martin," I called.

"It's Liv," she corrected.  I looked up to a face I knew well.  Across the room, I looked into big, brown eyes, her mouth turned up into a sheepish, half-grimace.  Her hair, though much tamer than it had been in my bed a few weeks ago, was wild and curly, just how I liked it.  I had spent the last two weeks forcing myself to forget those deep, innocent eyes.  And here they were, staring back at me in anticipation.

_ _ _

Continue to next part

[leftoverenvy]

Contaminated - Part 5

Summary: Emily and JJ's marriage is in shambles, so Emily turns to an unlikely source of comfort: her student.  To add gasoline to the fire, Emily starts an affair.  A songfic inspired by Contaminated by BANKS.

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x OC; Prof! Emily x POC OC; previous Emily Prentiss x Jennifer "JJ" Jareau; previous jemily

Warnings: smut (18+); heavy angst; power dynamic; age gap (unspecified – but all over 18); power imbalance; professor - student; cheating; marital arguing

Word Count: 7k

Tumblr Masterlist | Wattpad

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @reidselle 🦭; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @hotchs-bitch 🦆 ; @multiverse-mxdness 🧌 ; @madelineleong

Part 5

I didn't hear from Liv again that night.  I could see that she had read my text message asking her to come back, but she left me hanging all night.  And all the next day. I tried to push it from my mind.  She just needed a few days to reset.  We'd find our way back like we had before.

I thought I'd be able to signal to her in class that I wanted to apologize, that we could be more – it was just a little complicated right now.  But when Tuesday came, I scoured the lecture hall for her, and her usual seat was empty.  I tried not to let it get me too down.  I shouldn't care so much whether a student was in class.  But she wasn't just any student.  I needed to see with my own eyes that she was okay.  Her absence hurt more than the devastation on her face this weekend.

Wednesday, I immersed myself in grading and catching up on sociology journals.  I couldn't let myself think about Olivia and what she was feeling.  It was maddening that my consistent fling was now just as rocky as my marriage.  I chuckled darkly.  Hadn't I started an affair to get away from my crumbling marriage?

I sent Liv a text every morning.  I didn't want her to feel suffocated, but I also needed her to come back and let me explain myself.  It frustrated me that she wouldn't give me the chance.  Without Liv, my mind was too loud; without Liv, my bed was too cold.

On Thursday, I watched the doorway of the lecture hall like a hawk.  My intense gaze gave some students pause, but I couldn't bring myself to care what they thought of me.  I needed to see wildly curly hair and mocha skin – I needed to see brightly twinkling eyes and teasing lips.  When the ingress of students had slowed, I directed my eyes up to the clock hanging above the door.  The hands had struck the start of the hour; it was time to begin lecturing.

I sighed in disappointment and pulled my notes from my briefcase.  This week's lectures felt pointless without Liv staring at me from across the room with her distracting winks and smirks.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  I had a duty to the other seventy or so students to be a good lecturer; Liv wasn't my only student.

Without bothering to look up from my notes, I greeted the class and started my lecture.  I heard a few students shuffling around, hurriedly pulling computers and notebooks out to take notes.  At least I wasn't the only one feeling unprepared for this lecture.  I internally rolled my eyes at how dramatic I was being and looked up to face this hall of students waiting for me to dive into today's material.

I stopped breathing.  There she was.  She must have slipped in while I was taking notes out of my briefcase.  Silence filled the lecture hall interrupted only by creaking seats and throats clearing from the awkward tension emanating from the front of the room. 

Liv looked miserable.  Dark rings surrounded her eyes, and her hair was thrown haphazardly on top of her head.  My brows furrowed in confusion.  She had walked out.  Why did she look so sad?

Throughout the lecture I tried to catch her eye, to apologize with my eyes.  But each time we made eye contact, she dropped her gaze to take overly careful notes.  Liv went from eye fucking me from across the room one week to averting her eyes any time I remotely looked in her direction today.  I was frustrated to be thwarted at every attempt to even look at her.  She was hiding from me. 

I had hoped to ask her to stay after class, but she left class 2 minutes early.  I couldn't stop class to ask her to stay in front of seventy-three other people.  I was desperate, but not that desperate.   After all, her ignoring me was far nicer than I deserved.

Over the next week, nothing changed.  She couldn't stand to look at me, and I couldn't get her to respond to any of my many text messages.  Even though I desperately needed to lose myself in her, I backed off.  She clearly wanted space, so I'd give that to her.

_ _ _

The following week, I thought I'd lose my mind.  I had driven to that spot out in the country where I fucked her in my backseat.  I put my favorite sad record on and laid down in the backseat to remember what I had had just a few weeks ago.  I always compared her eyes to the night sky.  Liv was my star, always shining brightly.  Sparkling.  Just like everything I touched, she was tarnished and gone.

Though Liv hadn't skipped any more classes, I knew better than to expect to see her sweet smile or lustful eyes.  Each afternoon, I started class by passing my eyes sadly over her section to check if she was there.  While lecturing, I swept my eyes over her, tracking how she was holding up.  Though not as haggard as the first day, she didn't look like herself; she looked about as well as I felt.  I tried my best not to stare at only her during class, though I was tempted every day.  Even sad, she was achingly beautiful. 

Towards the end of lecture, out of the corner of my eye I saw slight movement.  I would quickly glance over to Liv – as I always did – and then move on to whoever had raised their hand.  My eyes widened in shock to see Liv's hand in the air.  She oozed timidity: her shoulders were hunched, her arm half fell as soon as my eyes fell on her.  Her lip was caught between her teeth, biting it out of nerves.  I considered not calling on her, because to hear her voice again would be to open that wound back up.  I had only just gotten used to the idea of not talking to her.  But I needed her like an addiction.  I dismissed the ludicrous idea of not calling on her as quickly as it had entered my head.

"Yes, Miss Martin?"

"Um."  She cleared her throat unnecessarily.  "I'm getting hung up on law enforcement's reliance on forensics, especially in anticipation of trial, and what you'd do as a profiler when the forensic evidence isn't matching up with the psychological profile."  I leaned against the podium and slid my glasses halfway down my nose to look at her properly.  She sounded so fucking sexy speaking to me about forensics and profiling.  I could eat her alive.

I found myself back at this familiar crossroads.  Our fate, once again, rested in my selfish hands.  I felt like a sniper lying in wait, ready for her to step into my crosshairs so I could pull the trigger. 

The remaining five minutes of class were sufficient to answer this question in a satisfactory way for a freshman-level course.  But that wouldn't get me close to her again.  Calculated, like a true hunter, I heard myself answer, "See me in office hours."  Her eyes widened with panic.  Now it was her decision to make.  See me alone, or don't.  "Class dismissed."

Students started packing up quickly, happy to be let out early.  Meanwhile, Olivia sat frozen in her seat, her mouth hung open just slightly.  I shoved my notes back into my briefcase, grabbed my water bottle, and winked at her as I made my way to the exit.

I sat in my office, nerves inexplicably making my palms sweat and my stomach turn.  Would she really come?  What if she felt cornered into coming just to get her question answered?  Had I sacrificed her education just to get closer to her?  I had worked myself up so bad I nearly packed up to go home when she poked her head around the corner.

"Professor?"  I exhaled in relief.

"Ahh, Liv.  Come in, please."  I wiped my hands on my pants and gestured for her to have a seat in the chair across from my desk.  We stared awkwardly at each other, neither knowing how to break the ice.  She sat rigid in her chair, her backpack still clasped tightly in her hands.

"That was a very astute question you asked during class," I noted, figuring a little praise couldn't hurt.  She smiled slightly and relaxed into the chair, opening her backpack to pull some papers out.

"Thank you," she said cautiously.  This version of Liv was a stark departure from the one that had last entered my office.  Just a two weeks ago she had let me eat her out in the very chair she was currently sitting in.  The memory made me smirk softly.

I sat back in my chair and looked at her with an eyebrow raised.  "That isn't a topic covered in the assigned readings."  She didn't offer an explanation, so I further prompted, "So what drove you to inquire about this topic?"

"Well," she said sheepishly, "I actually chose this for my final paper topic…"

"Ahh," I interrupted in understanding.

"I was wondering…"  I only looked at her, eyes raking over her chest covered in tight, stretched cotton.  She trailed her words as she caught sight of my low gaze, her breath catching in her throat softly.

"Yes?" I asked, amused by how easily I could fluster her.

"Since this isn't a topic covered by our textbook, I was wondering if you could take a look at it before the due date and give some feedback?  I don't want to miss something more nuanced about this topic simply because I'm a freshman."

"Why choose it at all then?" I wondered aloud.

A smile teased at the corner of her mouth, and happiness tickled me like a feather.  I didn't dare let myself believe we would get back to normal so easily, but that smile hinted at a brighter future than the one I believed I had before she walked into my office.  "Perhaps you've noticed that my tastes are more…advanced than my peers."  Was she flirting?

Involuntarily, my head tilted slightly as if my growing smile forced it to.  "I do believe I've noticed that, Miss Martin."  I paused, trying to right the ship.  It was strange to be separated from her like this.  My desk had never felt like a barrier before.  In fact, I had bent her over it countless times before.  But today, it felt like a mountain between us.  It was a necessary reminder that she needed me to be her professor, not her lover.  She had come here for a legitimate, school-related reason – I needed to rein it in.

I motioned for her to hand me the paper.  I put my glasses on and flipped through the headings of the paper to get a feel for the direction she went in.  It was ambitious for a freshman, and I was excited to read it.  "I'll take a look at it this weekend."  I quickly grabbed a pen to write myself a note so I didn't forget to edit this for her.  "Thank you for being proactive and not waiting until the last minute.  You'll get much better feedback this way."

She nodded slowly, not saying anything else.  I sat back and looked at her over my glasses, silently gauging whether her school business was finished.  She looked so beautiful today. The cotton, green, wrap shirt hugged her chest so deliciously.  Though it was usually her habit, I bit at my lip because I longed to sink my teeth into her.  But that was off limits, so I settled for staring at her like a lion circling a wounded antelope.

I was itching to ask about us, about where we stood.  And all the while, I couldn't stop yearning to taste her.  So I stuck the end of the pen in my mouth to chew softly on the cap, wishing I was nibbling on her.  This pen would have to do.  She shifted her weight, clearly uneasy under my intense stare.  Her chest rose and fell heavily; I could hear her steady exhales.  I gripped the arms of my desk chair tightly while I continued to stare at her over my glasses.  I was about to lose my mind.  I wanted her.

She inhaled shakily and said, "I appreciate you taking the time to do that.  I know it wasn't marked in the syllabus that you would."  I hadn't included it in the syllabus because students never exercised the opportunity anyway.  I was, once again, impressed by the type of student she was.  "Thank you, Emily."  I took the use of my first name as a green light, a signal that it was safe to proceed away from school and talk about us.

I took my glasses off and set them gently on top of her paper.  I moved around the desk to sit in the chair next to her.  The conversation I wanted to have was not professional, and it would be awkward for her.  But I needed to be closer to her.

"Liv," I started.  "I'm sorry."

"Em, I-"

"Wait," I interrupted, holding a hand up.  I stood up and quietly closed my office door.  No curious ears needed to hear this conversation.

"I owe you an apology.  You can tell me to fuck off right after, and I won't bring it up again, I won't bring us up again.  But I'm sorry.  I never meant to string you along like that."

"Okay…" she trailed off, "So where does that leave us?"

"Wherever you want it to leave us."

She looked at me skeptically.  "So if I said I wanted nothing to do with you?"

A pang of hurt twisted my stomach.  "I'd mark your paper, email it back to you, and never speak to you again."

She grimaced, obviously not thrilled with that idea either.  "I don't know if I can go back to how things were."

"What do you want?" I asked.

"You," she whispered, looking down.

I steeled myself to start lying.  "You've got me."

"Can you promise me something?" she asked tentatively.

"Anything," I promised.  I knew this was dangerous territory.  I knew what she was about to ask, and I knew the next things I was about to say would be more lies.  But I needed this.  This time apart had been hell, and I'd do anything to take it back.

"Be with me," she begged.  "Leave your wife and be with me."

I needed to tread these waters carefully.  One misstep could be disastrous.  Again.  "You're so special to me," I whispered, cupping her face.

"Then take me out," she bulldozed, pushing my hand off her face.  "I'm tired of being your little secret."  I could tell she was getting worked up.  I needed her to calm down because I couldn't stand for her to leave again.  I'd say whatever to get her to calm down, to believe that I was committed to her.  I'd bend the truth to shape a future with her.

I sighed.  This was messy.  Things with Olivia weren't supposed to be this messy; they were supposed to be fun, easy.  "Gimme some time, baby."  I grabbed her hand and stroked the skin over her knuckles.  "I promise things are over with my wife."  She exhaled in relief.  "But these things take time." 

She looked away, her eyes flooding with tears I knew she'd fight tooth and nail to hold back.  "Hey, look at me," I cooed softly.  Tears slipped down her perfect face, and I wiped them for her.  "I need some trust here.  I'm in this with you.  I'm not trying to hide you away like a dirty secret.  It's just more complicated than how we feel about each other.  But you mean more to me than some cheap affair." 

"Okay."

My stomach twisted, not at the fact that I lied, but at the ease with which I was able to do so.  Before, I had lied by omission or fibbed gently.  And now I had looked her straight in the eye and lied – lied about what this was, what it meant to me.  But I just needed this a little bit longer.  Why start caring now when our entire relationship was built on a foundation of lies?

"I missed you," she admitted.

"I missed you, too, Liv."

"No, Emily.  I missed you." 

"Yeah?"  I smirked and leaned in to kiss her.  Like our first, I hovered my mouth over hers, waiting to see if she would pull away.  And like our first, she closed the distance and kissed me.

I sighed into her kiss, thankful for her second, second chance.  I pushed her back onto her chair and straddled her lap.  Her hands quickly untucked my shirt to touch any part of my bare skin that she could.  I continued to kiss her, lapping at her mouth relentlessly.  I had missed this.

I trailed my lips down her jaw, moving to suck on her earlobe.  "Emily please," she begged, panting into my neck.

"Please what?" I smirked.

"Don't tease.  It's been too long."  I stood up, pulling her with me and pushed her onto my desk.  I climbed up to hover over her.  "Shirt off, please," she asked, her fingers already pulling at my shirt.  I whipped my blazer off and pulled my shirt over my head.  She sighed at the feeling of my skin on hers.

I unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them down her hips halfway.  We'd have to make this quick; we had already taken off too many clothes for a fuck in a public place, but then she pulled her own shirt off, and I groaned.  She was delicious, and I would devour her.

I pushed my hand down her pants, the angle awkward from me not bothering to pull her jeans all the way off.  "Fuck me right now," she begged.  I pushed a finger between her lips, testing to see how wet she was. 

"Jesus," I hissed into her neck.  She was soaked.

As I pushed my fingers into her, she started moaning too loudly.  I didn't want us to get caught.  It had been a close call the first time we fucked in the office, and I didn't want a repeat.  "You know the rules, baby.  Be quiet."  Her mouth latched onto my collarbone.  As she got closer and closer, she sucked against my skin harder.  It started to get tender, but then I felt her nails dig into my skin, the sharp sting from the new lines down my back distracting me from the sting of my collarbone. 

I felt her stop breathing, her muscles coiling tightly.  She threw her head back – the soft thud against the wood making me wonder if it hurt – and gripped my shoulders roughly.  "God, Em," she whispered.  "That was incredible."  I pulled my fingers out of her, sucked her wetness off my fingers, and climbed off the desk.  I knew from the first time that it would be best not to linger in here with our clothes off. 

Once I had quickly dressed, I pulled her down to the edge of the desk and helped her settle back on her feet.  I pulled her jeans into place and buttoned them for her.  "Come over," I said, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.  I wasn't done with her.  "Stay the night with me tonight."

"I can't tonight," she pouted.  "I promised Kara we'd get dinner."

"Come over after," I tried again, nipping at her earlobe.  Into her ear I whispered, "I'll make it worth your while…"

She groaned, hips bucking into mine.  "Em, please.  I can't cancel again.  Tomorrow?"

"Definitely," I agreed.  I nipped a final time at her neck as payback for earlier; my collarbone was still a little sore.  I helped pull her top over her head, subtly pulling her tight shirt higher than it had been when she had first entered my office.

"Can I text you?"  Her nerves from earlier had returned.

"Of course, Liv.  Have fun tonight."  With a final kiss, she was walking out of my office, a sway in her hips that had been lacking the last week and a half.

_ _ _

I felt so much better after smoothing things over with Liv.  I came home a refreshed woman.  I hummed to myself as I got ready for bed, smoothing a restorative oil into my hair.  I idly wondered if I should stop dying it – the constant dying was badly damaging it.  In preparation for tomorrow, I smoothed my favorite lotion over my skin, knowing it would make my skin irresistibly soft.  As I stood up from putting lotion on my legs, I yelped in shock at seeing JJ's reflection in the mirror.

"Jesus!" I gasped, a hand flying to my pounding heart.  "JJ you scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry.  I thought you heard me coming."

"No," I snipped.  "I didn't.  What are you doing home?"

"I live here," she reminded me.  But she hadn't been home in about a month.  It hit me that I hadn't seen my wife in a month.  How had it taken me this long to realize?

"Right…" I mused.  Suddenly, I felt extremely vulnerable naked.  I reached for my robe to cover up, sensing a fight as one senses an approaching storm.  I saw the clouds darken in her eyes – I saw the moment when she registered the bruise on my collarbone.

Harshly, JJ asked, "You think you can cover that up?  You think I didn't already see it?"

"See what?"  But I knew what she meant.  I had felt the sting from the hot water of my shower on the scratches Liv etched into my back earlier this afternoon.  JJ had undoubtedly seen both.

"How long?" she demanded to know.  When I didn't respond, she crossed her arms.

"How long what?"  My mind was reeling.  I wasn't prepared for her to find out this way.  I hadn't prepared what I was going to say.

"How long?" she growled out.

I slumped against the counter.  This was the reckoning.  I had done this, and it was time to face the consequences.  "The first time?  Or when we really started the affair?"

"Does it matter?!" she asked incredulously.  I winced because no, no it didn't.

"Since December," I whispered, head down.

She chuckled humorlessly.  "God, Em! I" - she paused and shook her head in disbelief - "I can't believe you!"

I couldn't respond.  I couldn't believe it either.  I had known it was wrong from the start; I had no idea how I ended up here.  I put my head in my hand, my middle finger and thumb at the corners of my eyes trying to keep the tears at bay.  I had never been more frustrated with myself.

"Her or me."

I snapped my head up.  "What?" I hissed. 

She issued her ultimatum again: "Her or me, Emily.  This can't keep going on.  You made a promise to me."

I laughed in her face.  "A promise?" I repeated.  "What about your promise to me, JJ?  You don't think I've known about Will since December?"  She blanched, her eyes wide and darting back and forth between mine.

"I knew you were snooping through my phone!" she diverted.

"Are you kidding me?  You're mad about me finding out you were cheating because I saw your text messages?"

"So you just decided to throw away a year of marriage because I made a mistake?" 

Rage coiled inside of me.  "'A year of marriage?'" I asked in disbelief.  "JJ, we were together two years before that!  I'm not 'throwing away' anything."

"You cheated," she pointed out again.

"So did you!" I screamed back.  I was fed up with her double standard.  It didn't escape my notice either that every time she referred to Will, it was a "mistake," but I was cheating.  She had started this; I was incensed by the injustice.

"And that makes it okay?"

I deflated, moving into our bedroom to sit on the edge of the bed.  No.  Nothing excused this. "We aren't okay, Jayje," I whispered.

She sighed and sat next to me on the bed.  "I know."  I grabbed her hand, finally finding that anchor I had been looking for all those months ago.  It was reassuring to hear her acknowledge something was wrong.  It made me feel better to hear that it wasn't all in my head.

"I'm sorry."  I choked on emotion.  She didn't say anything.  "Can we fix this?  Are we too far gone?"

"I told you: her or me.  I need to know she isn't important to you.  You made a promise to me, a vow," she reminded again.  I looked down to our hands clasped together, the gold and silver of our wedding bands gleaming in the dim light.  That thin ring of metal could have been a two-ton sheet of steel for how it felt pressing against me.  It was a painful reminder I had broken our most sacred vow – it didn't matter that she broke it first.  I fucked up.

"I'll break it off, JJ.  Tomorrow.  I promise."

"Okay."

I waited a few seconds for her assurance that she would break things off with Will.  Nothing came.  "Jayje?"

"What?"

"…Are you going to break things off with Will?"

"Of course," she said through clenched teeth.  "I don't want to do it over the phone.  So I will next time I see him."

I nodded, getting lost in thought.  It all felt so daunting.  How did one go about fixing a marriage in shambles?  I couldn't remember how we had built something from nothing.  How could we build upon a foundation of rubble?  Wouldn't we always be cracked?  "We can do this, right JJ?"

"Right," she agreed.  But she sounded about as sure as I felt.

_ _ _

Of course I did not look forward to telling Liv this was over.  It was made even worse by the fact that just over 24 hours ago I had told her that she meant more to me than a fling.  There was no reason to lie to her like that, but I had.  This would be the last straw.  She'd never forgive me for this one.

I sat in my car, idling in the driveway, my hand resting on the gear shift.  I couldn't make myself put it into gear to go pick up Liv.  My phone buzzed on my lap, the message scrolling across the screen on my dash: "I'm outside. No rush"  I sighed and put the car in reverse and headed out.  I couldn't keep putting this off.  JJ had left for a case and would fly out to Will after the case to end things with him.  I had to do this for JJ, for us.  I owed it to JJ to try.  We had both promised to leave the affairs behind and move forward together.  That's what marriage meant.

When I pulled up in front of Liv's dorm, she slid in with a radiant smile and her usual, cheerful, "Hi!"  Her sweet innocence shattered my heart.  I had wanted to ruin her, but not like this.  I never wanted to shatter her completely.  "What's wrong?"  It felt like salt in the wound to know that she could read me so well.

"We have to end this."  Like ripping off a Band-Aid, it'd be better to be quick and direct.  She inhaled sharply but said nothing.  I didn't know how much I should tell her – how much she would want to know – so I just left it at that.  I would let her process as long as she needed.

"Why?" she whispered in horror. 

"This isn't appropriate."  It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't entirely truthful either.

"Don't."  The anger in her voice startled me.  She was always so gentle.  "Don't you lie to me Emily Prentiss.  Not after what you promised yesterday."

"I'm sorry," I told her honestly.  "I never meant for this to get so messy."  She scoffed.

Neither of us said anything for a few minutes; the smooth hum of the engine and her shaky exhales were the only sounds in the car.  "Why?  What happened to change everything in a day?"

"JJ came home," I admitted, "My wife," I corrected.  I realized I never told her JJ's name.  "And we're going to try to work through this."

"Does she know?  Does she know about me?"

"Yes."

"God!" she exclaimed in frustration, wiping harshly at the fresh tears on her face.  "What about me, Em?  Don't sit there and tell me you don't want this too."

"She's my wife, Liv."  Surely she could understand that that meant something, that I couldn't just throw that away lightly.  "I'm really sorry about yesterday.  I didn't mean to mislead you."

"Oh no!  How could I have possibly been misled by 'I promise things are over with my wife?'"  She paused for a millisecond and continued, "Oh, and let's not forget 'You're special to me; you mean more to me than some cheap affair.'"

Each of my own words thrown back at me felt like a slap in the face.  "I'll never be able to tell you how sorry I am."

"Then don't do this, Emily," she begged.  "We have something here.  You just have to let me in."

"I can't.  I have to do this, Liv.  I made her a promise."  I winced, waiting for her sharp words.

Softly, defeated, "You made me a promise too, Em."  Somehow her resigned, broken voice hurt me more than her anger.

I rested my elbow on the center console and put my head in my hand.  "I know, baby.  I'm so sorry."

"Is that all you're going to say?  It doesn't matter how sorry you are, Emily.  It hurts that you're choosing her over me."

"I have to try," I whispered.  For the first time, I looked into her eyes.  Those deep, chocolate eyes I loved so much.  "I'm sorry, Olivia.  I have to at least try to make things work with my wife."

"You swore it was over.  Just yesterday, you swore it was over."  The tears streamed down her face in earnest now.

"I thought it was," I said genuinely, but if I were her, I wouldn't believe me.  I had told her too many lies by this point.

"What changed?  Was it because I didn't come over last night?"

"No!" I rushed out.  I didn't want her thinking this was her fault.  She was such an angel, so innocent thinking this was on her.  "JJ came home last night, and we fought.  That's not new," I said as an afterthought, "But she found out about you, and we both agreed to try to move past this, to work on us."

"And your mind is made up?"  No.  I still wasn't convinced that JJ and I could move past this, but it wouldn't help Olivia move on to know that.

One final time, I lied. "Yes."

_ _ _

Seeing Olivia in class was awkward.  I didn't know where to look while I was lecturing.  I couldn't stare at her, no matter how badly I wanted to.  And lord did I want to.  She looked delicious wearing my favorite skirt.  It was the same skirt that had nearly ended my new career.

She strutted down the aisle after class, her endless legs on full display.  That skirt was indecent.  Because she was walking towards me, she was swaying her hips enticingly.  She knew exactly what she was doing.  If I had been a better woman, I wouldn't have let it get to me.

"Professor?  I have a question…"  She bit her lip and looked at me through heavy, flirty lashes.

"Unfortunately," I said packing up my bag, "I am in a rush.  Could you come up for office hours?"  The only rush I was in was to get her alone.

"Of course.  That's a great suggestion, Professor."  Her emphasis sent a shiver up my spine.  "I'll meet you up there," she said with a wink.  And then she turned on her heel and sauntered back up the aisle out of the classroom.  My palms itched to spank her.

I raced across campus and took the stairs up to my office two at a time.  I beat Liv to my office, but I kept my door closed.  I didn't want anyone thinking they were welcome.  I texted her to just come in when she got here.  Five minutes later, when I was about to text her again, she slipped in my office, closing the door behind her softly.

I didn't bother greeting her.  "You're in trouble."

"Why?!"  I stood up and crossed around the desk to grab her.  I pulled her close and captured her lips in a steamy kiss.  I sucked harshly at her lip while I kneaded her hip.

"This skirt," I said tugging on it lightly, "Is inappropriate for class."

She smirked, her eyes twinkling with mischief.  "Last time I checked, Professor, there was no dress code at Georgetown University."

"You were woefully misinformed, my dear."  I spun her around and pushed her front to my desk, bending her over.  "You see," I continued, backing away to get a better look at her.  "This skirt barely covers your ass."  I ran my fingers up her thighs, teasing her over her thong.

"I didn't know there was a sociology department uniform."

I flipped her skirt up, revealing her round ass to me.  I nearly moaned.  "I didn't know students got to talk back so brazenly to their professors."  I spanked her softly – I didn't need echoing slaps to draw anyone's attention to my office.  "My my, the code of conduct has really relaxed since I was a university student."

She pushed her hips back, looking for more.  "Perhaps the standards in New Haven are different than here in DC."  The corner of my mouth turned up into a half-smile realizing she had googled my resumé.

"Perhaps they are," I mused.  I pushed her thong to the side and traced a finger up her wet slit.  Leaning down, covering her body with my own, I whispered, "Don't you dare make a sound.  Do you understand?"

"I'll try," she whimpered.

I spanked her again, this time a little harder.  The loud slap made me wince.  I hoped these office walls were thick.  "You'd be wise to listen this time, Liv."  I pushed my fingers in her slowly.  I kissed along her ear and commanded, "Don't get us caught, baby."  And then I started moving my fingers.

She whimpered quietly, pressing her face down into my hard, wooden desk.  Her arms reached up to grip the edge of the desk, her fingers turning lighter from gripping so hard.  "Em!" she gasped softly.

After several minutes of driving into her, I felt her tensing.  "Come on baby," I coaxed, my other hand moving around to touch her clit.  "Cum for me."   She whimpered again, and I shushed her.

"It's no fair when you talk to me like that," she panted.  "How am I supposed to stay quiet when you do that?"

I smiled in pride, my ego loving that she was at my mercy.  "Try harder."  And then I curled my fingers how she liked and bit at her shoulder.

"Fuck!"

"Shh," I warned, "You don't want anyone to walk in here, now do you?"

"No," she moaned.  "Please, don't stop."

"Then be quiet for me.  You can cum if you're quiet, baby."

She clawed at the wooden desk, crumpling papers in her desperate hands.  "Em, god!  I'm so close!"  And then she went silent, her muscles clenching around my fingers rapidly.

I slowed my fingers to let her come down from her high.  She stood up, fixed her thong and skirt, and then sat on my desk in front of me.  I slid her legs open so I could step closer.  I tilted her chin up with my clean hand and then slid my fingers in her mouth.  If she could get my fingers all wet, she could clean them up.  She moaned around my fingers, her eyes closing as she sucked harder.

I wrenched my fingers out of her mouth and kissed her hard.  I poked my tongue in her mouth to get a taste of her; I would never get enough of her.

She pulled back.  "If this is what I get when I'm in trouble, maybe I should get in trouble more often."

I moved out of her embrace to sit in my office chair, smoothing out the papers she had creased.  She flopped back into the chair across from my desk, and asked, "Can we-"  A knock interrupted her question.

Both of our eyes widened.  I cleared my throat and pushed things back into place on my desk while Liv smoothed her hair down.  "Come in," I called.

"Emily I- Oh!"  Another department professor stopped.  "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were meeting with someone."

"Private conversation," I responded, hoping he'd leave quickly.

"I'll come back later," he said confused, looking back and forth between us.  But when he left, he didn't close the door behind him all the way.

"That was close," Liv whispered.  I nodded, incapable of saying anything else.  That had been incredibly stupid; we could have gotten caught so easily.  If he had knocked just two minutes before… "I better head out," Liv interrupted my spiral.

"I don't want to see that skirt again," I said icily.

"Ever?" she asked, a knowing gleam in her eye.

"At school," I amended, and she smirked.  "Come over later tonight," I told her.  I wasn't asking.

"Bossy," she teased, but smiled, nodded, and walked out of the office. 

That skirt had nearly gotten me fired.  She knew just how little self-control I had when she wore that skirt.  I knew exactly what she was doing.  Unfortunately, knowing what she was doing didn't seem to change anything.  The entire class period, I remembered what it had been like to bend her over my desk and fuck her raw.  For the entire class period, I reminded myself that she was off limits.  I had toyed with her enough.

_ _ _

Things were more awkward at home than they were in the classroom.  JJ was making an effort to be home more, which I appreciated.  But something was still off.  Kissing JJ felt wrong.  Her lips were too thin, her waist too bony.  Her hair was too straight, and her eyes too blue.  It was wrong to hold it against JJ for not being the woman I wanted.  After all, I should have wanted my wife.  But I didn't.

Every time we tried to kiss, it was clumsy.  Her lips no longer felt like home.  Hers weren't the hands I wanted grasping my biceps.  I hated how loudly she breathed while I was fucking her.  I resented how she didn't hold her breath when she was about to cum.  I tried desperately to push Liv from my mind, but the harder I tried not to think about her, the more frequently she'd pop up.  The only time JJ and I tried to reconnect, I nearly moaned "Olivia."

It wasn't working.  JJ and I fought just as much as we had before, only now I had no outlet to release that frustration.  We had all the same fights we had had months ago; nothing had changed.  There wasn't some magic resolution now that we had both committed to fixing this.  I was starting to think there was no fixing this.  She didn't seem as committed as I was to making sure we would still be together.  At this rate, I wasn't sure we would even make it six more months, but at least I could say I had tried everything to fix our marriage.

I spent two weeks confused why we were still so hostile towards each other; I spent two weeks missing Olivia's body.  It took two weeks to understand why JJ and I would never work this out. 

I had tried to rush out of the house that morning, recognizing I was going to be late to my first lecture.  Leaving lunch behind, I planned to return home later in the afternoon.  But when I did come back, I heard muffled noises from upstairs.  I had thought JJ would be at Quantico, so I went upstairs to check it out only to find a man pounding into my wife.

I stood in the doorway, a disbelieving laugh leaving my mouth inadvertently.  Will whipped around and JJ pulled the covers up to cover herself as if I hadn't also seen her naked body.

"Get. Out." I growled out to Will.

JJ started to protest, "You don't have to-"

"She'll call you later.  Now get the fuck out of my house."  He hurriedly pulled his jeans over his legs and rushed out of the room, his shirt still clutched in his hand.

"I can't believe you!" JJ said, ripping her own shirt over her head.

"ME?!"  I stood before her, my mouth dropped in incredulity.  "I guess those promises we made to each other didn't mean anything after all, did they?"  Without giving her a chance to respond, I walked out of the room and out of the house.

I hurriedly sent an email to my class rosters that afternoon classes were cancelled, and that I was sorry for the short notice.  I needed to see Liv, but I had burned that bridge.  I longed to go home, but JJ and I had burned us to the ground.  I had nothing to go home to.  I'd tried to have it all, and in the process, I'd lost everything.  I had lost JJ to a man whom I could never live up to.  I had lost Liv to my own selfish need to feel anything other than the pain JJ inflicted.  And I had lost myself along the way.

I couldn't fathom how I ended up here.  I no longer recognized who I had become.  But a recurring, familiar feeling crept over me.  I was utterly and completely alone.

_ _ _

Continue to next part

[leftoverenvy]

Contaminated - Part 6 (Epilogue)

Summary: Emily and JJ's marriage is in shambles, so Emily turns to an unlikely source of comfort: her student.  To add gasoline to the fire, Emily starts an affair.  A songfic inspired by Contaminated by BANKS. This part is from Liv's POV.

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x OC; Prof! Emily x POC OC; previous Emily Prentiss x Jennifer "JJ" Jareau; previous jemily

Warnings: smut (18+); heavy angst; power dynamic; age gap (unspecified – but all over 18); power imbalance; professor - student; cheating; marital arguing

Word Count: 4.7k

Tumblr Masterlist | Wattpad

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @reidselle 🦭; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @hotchs-bitch 🦆 ; @multiverse-mxdness 🧌 ; @madelineleong

Part 6 (Epilogue) - Olivia's POV

Emily's leaving was devastating, gutting.  I felt like I was drowning.  For the last three months, I had been furiously treading water just to keep myself afloat, just waiting for Emily to bring me safely to shore.  When it felt like my limbs would give out, she'd give me one bit of hope.  It was like I was constantly swimming towards a life preserver, just for it to be pulled out of reach.  I could see it; I was so close.  I could feel my fingertips brush against it.  And then she yanked it away again.  

I was exhausted.  I couldn't keep doing this.  I had been holding my breath, hoping the waves wouldn't overtake me.  Every muscle in me burned from the strain.  I had been waiting and waiting for her to realize what we had just to get my heart broken again and again.  And again. 

Emily promising divorce and then taking it all back the next day was too much.  What a stupid girl I was to believe her so easily.  Had she not shown me what this was over and over?  Why had I believed her so easily this time?  You're special to me.  You mean more to me…  Even now, I so desperately wanted to believe I hadn't been tricked so easily.  The mental gymnastics I did just to feel – even for a second – like I wasn't really the fool Emily made me were almost as tiring as keeping myself from drowning.

I pulled the covers back over my head for the thousandth time in two days, hoping it would shut out the blaring alarm telling me it was time for class.  I couldn't get up to face the day.  As punishment, I flung the covers to the edge of the bed and forced myself out of bed.  My chest already ached even at such a mundane task.

After washing my face, I stared at my own reflection.  I willed myself to see the girl I used to be.  A tear silently slipped down the cheeks Emily had traced countless times before.  I swore it followed the very path Emily's soft fingertips had blazed all those times before.  I closed my eyes.  I couldn't stand to look into the eyes Emily had said she loved so dearly when all I could see were the eyes of a naive girl who let herself fall in love with a married woman.

I had let myself skip class yesterday, and I had already skipped Emily's class earlier in the semester.  I couldn't do it again today.  The last time I had skipped, it was different: I had left her.  In the back of my mind I had always known I would see her again.  But this time she had ended things.  This time, I didn't know if I could see her again.  She wanted to work on things with her wife.  

Even though I was dreading going to class today, I would look damn hot to show her what she had left.  I put on her favorite skirt and made sure my hair was extra wild today.  I was sure the person who sat behind me in class hated how big my hair was, but I needed to feel Emily's heavy gaze from across the room at least one more time.  I needed to feel the electricity of that spark that started it all.

For the last few weeks, every class was spent in a daze, trying not to ruin my panties from her eye fucking me from the podium at the front of the room.  I spent all class trying not to drool at the way her hand curled around her favorite pen, how her fingers draped themselves so gracefully over the side of the podium.  I shifted my eyes between my hurried, chaotic notes and her lusty stare.  Every time her eyes met mine, I swore my core temperature rose higher and higher until I was boiling under her stare.  Couldn't I rekindle the smoldering embers of us the very way we sparked to life?

_ _ _

The first time I saw Emily Prentiss was a life-changing moment.  I wasn't sure why I had gotten it into my head that she was an elderly woman.  Maybe it was because I had heard that she was a retired FBI agent.  The word "retired" made me think she would be frail, grey, and wrinkled.  I had pictured an old librarian granny hunched over the podium of a lecture hall, whispering into a bored classroom full of freshmen.

It was my first semester as a college student.  I hadn't done well in high school, so I told myself I was going to turn it around for college.  I arrived to each class early, giving myself plenty of time to get my notebook and textbook out and wait for the professor.  And when she walked in the lecture hall, time stopped.

I had never seen such a beautiful woman in my life.  Her raven hair shined under the harsh fluorescent lights of the classroom.  She had the smoothest, alabaster skin.  And when she smiled at the classroom to begin, I thought I'd fall over in my chair.  I had never seen such radiance.  What was an angel doing in a university lecture hall?  

It was a good thing I had read the syllabus before class, otherwise I would have had no idea what was going on.  It was impossible to pay attention to the words coming out of her mouth when her voice was sinfully smooth.  If this was any indication of how every class period would be, I was sunk for this semester.

It took two lectures to learn that I needed to read the assigned chapter before class and take copious notes.  I had to learn the material before class, because there was no hope of me paying attention to anything but Professor Prentiss during class.  Her jaw, her hands, her teeth, her hair, her voice.  God, her voice!  I was ashamed to admit to myself that some days I would run back to my dorm in between classes to rub one out after her class.

I yearned for her desperately, hopelessly, endlessly.  I wanted to impress her; I wanted to capture her attention.  I always tried my best to get called on when I was certain I had the right answer, but it was a huge introductory freshman lecture.  There were at least one hundred of us in there.  In all my life, I had never wanted someone so carnally, so viscerally.  And Professor Prentiss had no idea I even existed. 

_ _ _

Sitting in class now was odd.  I used to look forward to coming into this room.  Emily and I used class as a strange act of foreplay.  On days when I would chew on the end of my pen, or blink slowly at her through thick lashes, or run my tongue over my lips, Emily always fucked me hard later.  She'd pull up quickly in her sexy, black Lexus and swoop me away to fuck me better than anyone else ever could.  Some days, she couldn't even wait that long.  On days when I wore this skirt, I'd often get a text right after class to meet her in her office.  Before this week, I looked forward to being in this lecture hall.

Now, I couldn't stand to be here.  I felt like a stranger in this classroom.  It was unbearable.  I nearly started hyperventilating the closer the clock hands ticked to 1:00.  And when she swept in the room, her presence large and imposing, I stopped breathing altogether.  I was already on the brink of breaking down; seeing her was overwhelming.

She didn't look any different.  I was suffering worse than I ever had before, barely holding myself together, and she looked fantastic.  She slid her glasses on to read her lecture notes and I felt a familiar flutter in my tummy.  I had to suppress a moan; those damn glasses did it for me every time.  She truly commanded the room.  She was universally well-liked, had a stellar reputation, but her presence in the classroom went beyond that.  She had a presence you just didn't say no to.

No one knew what she was capable of.  I had tried to say no to her once, to get a rise out of her, and it had worked beautifully.  Her hands had been so rough over my body, her mouth harshly nipping at my skin.  My night of ecstasy constantly reinforced by her gruff, repeated "Who's in charge here?"  No student in this classroom knew what she could do.  But I did. 

And then she tossed me away like trash, completely unaffected.  I thought we had had something special.  It had meant nothing to her.  I meant nothing to her.

_ _ _

Days went by in a flash, days dragged on endlessly; my depression had warped all sense of time.  She avoided looking at me in class.  This week, I had worn all her favorite things.  She didn't give me a second glance.  I thought I had been depressed when I was yearning for her.  It was nothing to how it felt hearing her choose her wife over me.  She's my wife, Liv.  I have to try.  I made her a promise.

I took a page out of Emily's book.  I needed to get out of here; I needed to think about how I had let myself wind up here.  I hopped in the car and headed west.  I didn't have a destination in mind.  I wished I could go to the exact spot she had shown me a few weeks ago, but I had been too busy paying attention to the way her hands wrapped around the steering wheel to pay attention to where she was taking me.

When I had driven about an hour and it was so dark I needed my high beams, I pulled over.  It was not her spot, but it would do.  I laid on the hood of my car to look up at the stars, to remember how it felt to lay with Emily Prentiss that cold, early-spring night.

She said she liked to come here to think, and these days, all I could do was think.  Think about her, about us, about how I had fucked up again.  It hurt so bad to remember, but I couldn't get my mind to shut up.  

I remembered the soft gasp I couldn't hold in entering her perfect home for the first time.  It was perfectly tidy and smelled of sweet linen.  I had never had that warm, welcoming home growing up.  My parents thought Christmas was a waste of money.  I couldn't help but let my thoughts spiral out of control at seeing her perfectly decorated Christmas tree.  

It was surreal being in Professor Prentiss's house.  Maybe one day we could have our own Christmas ornaments decorating our tree.  The twinkling lights lit something inside me.  I'd never experienced one before, but surely that was what a Christmas miracle felt like.

And then she kissed me, and I knew I had been wrong before.  Her lips on mine was the Christmas miracle.  My head spun, my stomach constantly flipping in pleasure.  Emily Prentiss had kissed me.  For a brief moment, everything was magic.  Everything was right.

As she pushed me up her stairs, my thoughts moved faster than the butterflies in my stomach.  This couldn't be happening.  Things like this happened in fairytales, and I was not the girl that got fairytale endings.  But when I was naked and writhing underneath her, nothing else mattered.  In that moment, I could believe I deserved that fairytale ending; I could believe in Christmas miracles.

But Christmas miracles weren't supposed to feel like betrayal.  How could a perfect afternoon turn into a nightmare so quickly?  In the blink of an eye I went from living out my wildest dreams, catching my breath from the two best orgasms I'd ever had, to desperately trying to wake from a nightmare, staring at a portrait of a strange blonde woman.  

"That's my wife."  I nearly threw up at the word.  

Emily was the perfect con artist.  For a moment – one amazing, perfect moment – I believed that we were starting something special.  She stared at me in anticipation, waiting for my response.  My throat closed, thick with emotion and unshed tears.  I would not cry; Emily didn't deserve that satisfaction.  I would stay and talk about this like the grownup I longed to be for Emily.  But as soon as the first traitorous tear slipped down my face, I turned and fled.

I had never felt like such a fool as I flew down the very stairs Emily had just escorted me up.  I passed a portrait of the same woman that had blown this all up.  Her portrait, now crooked from Emily and I's passion, was beautiful.  That was the kind of woman Emily deserved.  Not some child who still believed in Christmas miracles.  

Tears flooded my face at the betrayal, both Emily's and my own.  Emily's for all the lies she spun to fuck me, and mine for naively believing someone like Emily wanted me for more than one night.

_ _ _

As I sat on the hood of my car, I realized Emily had a pattern of reeling me in and betraying my trust.  I laughed ruefully at the realization.  How had I not seen it before?  I knew each time I let her back into my life that she would hurt me.  But even now, armed with all this knowledge of what would come, I would do it all again, wife be damned.

I traced my lips as if I could trick my brain into thinking it was her lips.  I ached from how much I missed her.  How she looked, how she smelled, how she felt.  But  my memories were all I had left.  I pinched my eyes shut and reached beside me, deluding myself into thinking that if I didn't look, my hand might touch her warm thigh.  I could almost feel her strong arms wrap around me from behind like they had the last time I was under the stars.  

If only I could have been better.  If only I hadn't stormed out of her room that first time.  Maybe then, if I had just been patient, she would have chosen me instead of her wife.  Maybe then, if I had just been less clingy, she'd be here with me again.

A shooting star streamed across the sky, and a tear slid down my face.  How ironic that a piece of rock could catch fire so brilliantly, so quickly, and hurl itself towards Earth's surface.  It reminded me of Emily and I's relationship.  Fast, hot, destructive.  Gone in the blink of an eye.

_ _ _

The end of the semester snuck up on me.  I blinked and it was dead week.  Studying for finals was never easy, but doing it with a broken heart was impossible.  I couldn't focus on anything.  I wasn't sleeping enough.  I could hardly stand to eat.  The only silver lining was that I had been responsible earlier in the semester and had drafted the final paper for Emily's class.  I didn't think I would be able to complete an assignment for Emily's class now.  Everything even tangentially related to Emily burned me like a hot iron.  Shehad branded me forever.

I wasted hours in the library trying to study for my upcoming exams.  I spent minutes on each flashcard, reading and re-reading the information, retaining nothing.  How did she always do this to me?  I looked across the table to the empty seat in front of me.  I sighed, remembering a time when I didn't have to study alone.

I looked up from my textbook and stared in wonder.  Emily really was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.  From across the table, I traced her every feature with my eyes.  I begged my brain to develop an eidetic memory just for this moment.

She was so focused on the papers she was grading, her glasses on her perfect nose.  I bit my lip to keep from blurting out those three words that had swum around my mind all afternoon.  

I loved moments like these.  Her guard was down for me to see the real Emily Prentiss.  I loved to see her casual and comfortable at home.  Anytime we were anywhere but home, Emily put on this false bravado like a costume.  I often wondered if she'd ever feel safe enough to be unapologetically herself, but I figured no.  As Emily bit at the end of her pen, I cocked my head to the side.  How could she not see how beautiful she really was?

I looked back down at my textbook and re-read from the top of the page for the third time today.  Even silent and focused on something else, Emily was a huge distraction.  Okay, I chided myself, focus.  

But my eyes drifted back up, stealing another glance at her from underneath my lashes.  I tried to move as little as possible, praying she wouldn't notice me staring at her.  She sighed and shifted, and my eyes immediately flew back down to my textbook.

"You aren't so sneaky, you know."  My stomach clenched with anxiety, my eyes widening fractionally.

"What do you mean?" I tried to play it cool; I tried to slow my racing heart.  Cautiously, casually, I looked up at her.  And as if I hadn't been staring at her for the last half hour, she took my breath away again.

Her mouth turned up into a half smirk.  "It's okay, you know.  I stare at you, too."  I gasped.  My stomach clenched pleasantly at her admission, but I was too insecure to let her think I stared at her, even though she admitted to doing the same.  

I covered my embarrassment with false outrage.  "I do not stare!" I insisted, mouth hanging open in disbelief. 

She chuckled, not believing me for a second.  "So then you'll be able to tell me about what you've been reading on that page for half an hour."  My eyes widened further, my already large eyes growing in panic.  She chuckled again, exacerbating my embarrassment.  Damn her for being a profiler; she never missed anything.  

"Come on, Liv," she continued her teasing.  "Surely you're an expert on" - she grabbed my textbook and looked at the section headings - "Ahh! Conjugating être."

My panic swelled even further.  I couldn't say anything in French to Emily, let alone conjugate this verb.  "Uhm."  I cleared my throat.

"Allez!  Je veux vous entendre."  I mentally rolled my eyes.  Of course she spoke French.  I swallowed thickly.  Could she get any sexier?

"Uh je suis," I started.  

"Good."  She smiled in encouragement, and I thrilled at her praise.  I wanted to impress her so badly, to seem smart and sophisticated for her.  

But I didn't know the next one.  I skipped to the only other one I knew.  "Vous êtes…" and I paused, unsure what else to say.

"Je suis…quoi?" she asked.  When I didn't respond, she was off to the races.  "Vous êtes fascinante.  Vous avez des étoiles dans vos yeux.  Vous êtes magnifique, mon ange."  Butterflies swarmed in my stomach.  The way her mouth curved around French words made something inside me ache.  Even if I spoke French, I had a feeling I wouldn't have been able to respond.  She was so sexy; she completely erased all thoughts from my head.

"Em- I-"  I didn't know what to say.  "I don't know what any of that means."  

She smirked again.  "I know."

Hoping to end this French lesson, I snatched my textbook back and slammed it shut.  "Okay, no more studying."  And feeling bold, I added, "Unless you want to give me a Frenching lesson."

Emily burst out laughing, and not some light chuckle like I was used to.  She had a full, head-thrown-back, teeth-on-full-display, belly laugh.  I'd only ever seen her polite, restrained chuckles.  I'd never heard her laugh, let alone one so genuine.

She was radiant.

A breath caught in my throat at her twinkling eyes surrounded by beautiful crow's feet.  I longed to feel those lips fall on my body again.  Her mouth, always so sensual, was absolutely captivating when smiling.

And that was when I knew.  There was no going back for me.  I was undeniably, irrevocably hers, and would be for the rest of my life.  Emily was so carefree, so her, and I knew.  I was in love with her.

I came out of my reverie even more depressed than before.  That memory was so vivid in my mind it was like I was watching a movie.  Emily's brilliance would never dull in my mind.  I felt like my only purpose in life was to love her; I was useless for anything else.  Now that I'd seen her beauty, I was blind to everything else.

I grumbled to myself, focusing again on the notecards in my hand.  How was it possible to be distracted by her when she wasn't even here?  How did I stand a chance to pass my finals when the only thing I could see was her blinding smile and mischievous eyes?

_ _ _

I could have killed Emily.  Of all the shit she put me through this semester, I would never forgive her for forcing us to do group projects.  Though our papers were supposed to be individually written, we were required to research and discuss our findings as a group.  I hated group projects, especially with the morons assigned to my group.

All evening I dreaded this study group.  I hated that they chose to meet at 9:00 p.m.  I hated that I had already finished my paper and received Emily's feedback.  I hated that I had just one more reminder of Emily's huge presence in my life.  My aversion to going to this group meeting caused me to be late.  And when I finally arrived in our reserved study room, I nearly turned and walked right back out.

I prickled at them openly gossiping about Emily.  She was mine.  They knew nothing about the real Emily.  Only I knew her intimately; they could only dream of how wonderful she was.  I wasn't one for gossip anyway, but hearing them talk about someone I knew so well annoyed me further.  

I tried to ignore the boys' lewd comments about her bangin' body, "you know, for an old woman."  I suppressed the urge to blurt out how bangin' her body really was by biting my tongue.  The taste of blood in my mouth was as bitter as Emily's departure from my life.  Tuning out their wild, woven tales about her being an international assassin for the CIA, I opened my computer to try to incorporate Emily's feedback into my paper.  I rolled my eyes.  Didn't they know she worked for the FBI before being a professor?

I felt like I was vibrating from the effort it took to hold back.  They were getting it all wrong.  But of course, none of what students said about professors was accurate.  Why should this have been any different?  I tuned them back out, annoyed that I would have to sit here for hours because all they wanted to do was socialize.

"Did you guys hear that she's getting a divorce?"  My ears perked up like a dog.  I did my best to act normal, to not look overly interested in this piece of gossip.

Trying to be as nonchalant as possible, I asked, "Where'd you hear that?"

My classmate responded with a gleam in his eye.  He was proud he had this hot piece of gossip.  "My roommate's older: a PhD candidate working with the department head.  And he let it slip.  My roommate thinks he has a chance now," he scoffed.  I tried my best to hold off my own scoff.  No man had a chance with Emily.  I wished no one at all had a chance with her.

Anger bloomed in my chest, disguising my anguish so I could process the information.  I clung to the anger; it was far easier than the cresting agony threatening to overtake me.  I had begged her for weeks to leave her wife.  She even promised me she would, and then she dumped me anyway.  She was getting a divorce, but couldn't bother to tell me herself?  How could she do this to me?

I started packing up.  My group obviously wouldn't miss me since we weren't going to discuss our papers.  I couldn't stay here trapped in my own head.  I had to know if it was true.

Though I had never dared to show up at her home unannounced before, I no longer gave a damn about her wife.  I no longer cared about making her life easy.  I didn't care about ruining her home life.  She had ruined mine, and I needed an explanation.  She owed me an explanation.

When I arrived at her house, I rang the doorbell.  Impatient, I waited about ten seconds before I started pounding on the door.  After about thirty more seconds of ringing and frantic knocking, Emily pulled the door open.  She stood in the doorway, brow furrowed in confusion at seeing me on her doorstep.  She simply stood and stared before stepping back in silent resignation, allowing me to enter.

Tears pricked my eyes as I walked into the only place I ever felt at home.  It smelled just as I remembered it.  Unease and embarrassment turned my stomach at the memory of walking up and down the candle aisle of every store I could think of to find one that smelled like her home.  The door's familiar creak and the soft click of the lock drew me back to the present moment.

She still hadn't spoken, choosing instead to stare at me – expressionless – until I broke our silence.

"Is it true?" I asked.  "You're getting a divorce?"  I simply didn't have the energy for salutations or to beat around the bush.  Her face remained infuriatingly impassive; I had no idea what she was thinking.

The passing milliseconds felt like an eternity as I awaited her answer.  "Yes," she finally answered.

Hope bloomed in my chest.  The university gossip turned out to be true.  "So what does that mean for us?"

Her poker face broke, her brow furrowing.  "What do you mean?"

"Well, we don't have to sneak around anymore, right?"

"I don't understand."  Warning bells started sounding in my head.  Something was off – she seemed cold, different.  My stomach twisted unpleasantly, nausea swelling like the waves of depression had the last few weeks.  I started to wish I had never come back here at all.

But no matter how loudly the warnings blared, no matter how brightly the flashing red alarm flashed behind my eyelids, I had to do this.  I simply couldn't stop myself.  "We can finally do this the proper way," I continued.  "Be a thing – an us.  No more secrets, no more lies.  Don't you want that?"

"No."  What?  I thought I must have heard her wrong.  I floundered for something, anything, to say.  Had I really misread the situation so badly?  "You've served your purpose."  I felt her words like a sock to the gut.  And to rub salt in the wound, she continued, "This was nothing."

Her lifeless face killed me.  I knew what we had had.  She had to be joking, but she wasn't laughing.  She had to be lying, but her flat, cold eyes gave away nothing. 

This was a mistake.  I had, yet again, hoped my way to heartbreak.  I pushed past her without another word and left.  My heart shattered for the final time as she closed the door behind me without protest.  The water would win.  I couldn't hold myself up anymore.  I had nothing left to give, so I stopped trying.  With Emily gone, no life preserver in sight, I stilled my limbs and let my head fall below the water.

____________

A/n: We've come to the end of this story. Let me know what you think, even if it's to say how horrible I am for ending it like this. I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who read this, liked it, and reblogged it - your support is everything to me. <3

Check out my other works here.

[leftoverenvy]

Tastes Like Sugar Masterlist (ongoing)

Thank you @sadgirlml for helping me with the header

Summary: India Mae, or Indi, is a music major, struggling to pay bills, tuition, work, and make good grades.  Emily Prentiss is a BAU profiler, as well as a DC socialite thanks to her huge family fortune.  The two enter into a mutually beneficial arrangement: Emily will pay for Indi's school if Indi accompanies Emily to her social functions for a few months, posing as her girlfriend.  As weeks go by, the lines between their arrangement and their true feelings start to blur.  But money can't buy love, right?

Pairing: India Mae Banks x Emily Prentiss; OC x Emily Prentiss

Chapter List:

Chapter 1 - Seeking Arrangements Chapter 2 - Forced Proposal Chapter 3 - Butterflies Chapter 4 - Enchanted Chapter 5 - Terms and Conditions Chapter 6 - Special Delivery Chapter 7 - Welcome Home Chapter 8 - A Work of Art Chapter 9 - Chanel or Chopin? Chapter 10 - Progress Chapter 11 - Meet the Family Chapter 12 - Make You Feel My Love Chapter 13 - Transcendent Chapter 14 - Redrawing Boundaries Chapter 15 - A Black Tie Affair Chapter 16 - Convergence Chapter 17 - Emily's Secrets Chapter 18 - Coming to Terms Chapter 19 - All Tied Up Chapter 20 - Taunt Chapter 21 - Evolution Chapter 22 - The South Side Slayer Chapter 23 - Exalted Entanglements Chapter 24 - Family Dinner Chapter 25 - The Woman in the Mirror Chapter 26 - Gone to the Everglades Chapter 27 - Lesson Learned Chapter 28 - A Waiting Game Chapter 29 - Wayward Chapter 30 - Reconciliation Chapter 31 - Sweet Harmony Chapter 32 - Birthday Wishes

[leftoverenvy]

Contaminated - Part 1

Summary: Emily and JJ's marriage is in shambles, so Emily turns to an unlikely source of comfort: her student.  To add gasoline to the fire, Emily starts an affair.  A songfic inspired by Contaminated by BANKS.

A/n: Thank you all for waiting and hyping me up about this story. I hope you like it :) All chapters will be from Emily's POV

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x OC; Prof! Emily x POC OC; previous Emily Prentiss x Jennifer "JJ" Jareau; previous jemily

Warnings: eventual smut; power dynamic; age gap (unspecified – but all over 18); power imbalance; professor - student; cheating; marital arguing

Word Count: 2.1k

A/n: Thank you all for waiting and hyping me up about this story. I hope you like it :) All chapters will be from Emily's POV

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Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @reidselle 🦭; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @hotchs-bitch 🦆 ; @multiverse-mxdness 🧌 ; @madelineleong

Part 1

I exhaled loudly, my office chair squeaking quietly from me abruptly leaning back.  I tossed my pen on my desk, frustrated with the quality of my students' work.  These freshmen papers really had me questioning the state of education in this nation.  Hopefully once I had a few semesters under my belt, I could stop teaching intro classes.  It wasn't that I didn't like my new job, I just wanted to teach classes on profiling.  My skills were wasted on these introductory courses.

I rolled my eyes at my arrogance and leaned forward to pick up the picture on my desk – my favorite photo of JJ.  It stood out.  It looked incongruous here, out of place.  I felt just as out of place in JJ's life recently as this photo looked in my office.  

It was hard transferring out of the BAU, but ultimately it had been the right decision.  I would be forever grateful for my time at the BAU.  It had brought me to JJ after all.  But I did not regret that that chapter in my life had ended.  Once Hotch had found out JJ and I were dating, he fought long and hard for us both to stay, but Strauss didn't seem to care.  The optics of two agents dating was bad; one of us would have to transfer out of the BAU.  JJ had been devastated.  She loved being media liaison, and she loved the team.  I thought it the perfect opportunity to get a slower paced job.

I was tired of always traveling.  I wanted to sleep in my own bed more than a few nights a month.  I was over the hotel pillows, living out of a duffel bag, and takeout for dinner every night.  I was far too old to be running around chasing after unsubs.   I didn't know how many more pursuits my body could handle.  I just wanted to be home.  For my entire life, home had never been stable.  It was always fleeting, shifting.  I had hoped I would find a stable home in JJ.

I returned the photo of my wife to its spot and scooped up the remaining quizzes I was struggling to grade.  I didn't need to waste time sitting in my office.  I could just as easily grade at home.  No one had been by for office hours in weeks anyway.  I shoved the papers in my bag haphazardly, not giving a second thought to the few papers with newly creased corners.  Flipping the light off behind me, I rushed out to get home.

- - - 

"Em?" I heard softly, the sound of the garage door nearly drowning out JJ's soft voice.

"Jayje?  Is that you?" I called back in disbelief.

"Who else would it be?" she joked, the bite in her voice making me question her sincerity.

Chuckling at my own stupidity, I responded, "I just didn't expect you home."  I dropped my bag and keys and set out on my search for JJ.  I hadn't seen her in over a week, and even that hadn't really counted because she had been home for a night before leaving for a new case the next day.  I couldn't remember the last time we had spent any meaningful time together. 

I made a brief detour to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, nearly doing a spit take when I saw JJ's phone – left on the kitchen island – light up with a new message.  I had to do a double take; surely I had misread something in the brief flash I had seen.  And for the first time in our relationship, I was ashamed to say, I opened JJ's phone to read further.

JJ was having a full and flirtatious conversation with a man named Will.  I had intended to read the last message only.  It was innocent; I merely needed to confirm someone else was not calling my wife sexy.  My stomach knotted around itself as I learned someone had indeed called my wife sexy and more.  Each message felt like a punch to the gut, pushing all air from my lungs as I struggled to keep my knees from buckling.  My fingers turned white against the edge of the countertop, the subtle ache helping to keep me in this moment.

I didn't know JJ was interested in men.  Hell, I didn't know JJ was interested in anyone else at all.  I guessed there was a lot she was keeping from me.  I wracked my brain trying to remember who this "Will" was.  Had she mentioned him before?  Was he a new profiler?  Who was he to JJ?

I rushed to put her phone back exactly as I had found it.  There wasn't a thing I could do about the messages now being read, but I'd have to just cough up to snooping through her messages if she asked.

- - -

She never mentioned her text messages.  I waited for the other shoe to drop for days.  And while I was waiting, I saw signs everywhere.  I couldn't believe I had missed them before.  Looking back, they'd always been there.  Maybe I had been too blind to see them, refusing to see what was right in front of me.  She had been distant and cold for several weeks now.  When she bothered speaking to me, it was cold, detached, or snippy.  She had a short fuse about everything.  Around eight times out of ten, our simple conversations turned into arguments.  It grew tiresome, especially considering she was so rarely home anyway.  I didn't want to waste our limited time fighting, but it was the only thing she seemed to want to do.  With me anyway.

I found it impossible that when she was home her nose was always buried in her phone, but when I tried calling her when she was away it went straight to voicemail every time.  My texts went unanswered for hours.  I tried to rationalize it; I told myself she was working when she was away, so she wouldn't constantly be on her phone.  However, as each day passed, it was increasingly difficult to continue lying to myself.

She was pulling away from me, physically and emotionally.  She was never home anymore.  She claimed she was working.  Of course I remembered my time at the BAU: the constant stream of cases, the long hours even when we were at the office.  But there was still time to come home.  Hours as a special agent had been long, but they were never this long.  

I berated myself constantly.  I was a profiler for Christ's sake!  These were classic signs, and I should have recognized them much sooner.  Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined JJ would use work as an excuse to sleep around.  I bit back an angry retort one night when she called to tell me she was sleeping on the couch in her office.  Surely she knew that I knew she was lying, right?  Who would buy that?

I thought back to every clandestine meeting we had in hotel rooms during cases, every liaison we had had in the liaison's office.  I thought back to every tiptoe down hallways, the constant fear of getting caught driving our frenzied hands to move faster.  I yearned for our hurried kisses swallowing the other's moans.  Of course things had slowed down now – we didn't have to keep us a secret.  I never expected her to trade my safe comfort and love for that same secretive passion we once shared.  

Only now she was sneaking around with Will.

This JJ wasn't the JJ I had first met; this wasn't the JJ I had fallen in love with.  Her eyes, once huge and full of child-like wonder, were now cold and calculating.  She rarely smiled at me anymore.  The job had changed her, hardened her.  It had made her cold and bitter.  I chuckled ruefully.  Hadn't life done that to me, too?

- - - 

My foul mood started the moment I saw a man's name in JJ's phone, and it had yet to dissipate.  In just a few short weeks, I had tarnished my once sparkling reputation in the Georgetown sociology department.  Though I had only been teaching three semesters, I was already a highly sought-after professor.  A prestigious, former FBI agent, my waitlists were always maxed out.  No matter how much I worried about sullying that reputation, I could not keep myself from being a stone-cold bitch.  As if my bad mood were a winter cold, I couldn't shake it.

Obviously, as a new professor, I did not yet have tenure.  And as if I didn't have enough on plate – worrying about my wife – I worried about how my mood would affect my new career.  Surely next semester's enrollment would tank.  If I didn't find a way to loosen up, I would be out of a job.  

I needed to get a grip.  Life had dealt me a shitty hand before, and I had never let it affect me like this.  I felt like a zombie walking around in my own life.  My fuse now ran as short as JJ's these days.  That wasn't fair to me or my students.  As an olive branch, I decided to hold an optional review session before exam season.  If their midterm papers were any predictor of their final grades, they could use an exam review.

My desire to turn my attitude around only went so far.  I knew holding the review during class time would invite students to ask a bunch of questions about my time at the FBI, and I did not have the energy to deal with that.  Instead, I scheduled it for an evening at the end of the last week of class in an effort to keep the non-serious students away.  My plan worked; only about thirty of my one hundred twenty students showed up.

"Thank you for trekking through the snow to be here this evening.  I'll try to make it worth your while," I started.  "My plan is to do about thirty minutes of review and then take questions."  My plan was shot to hell about five minutes into my lecture.

In a split second, everything stopped, everything changed.  It was as if I were dunked in a frozen lake.  I was jarred awake from my hibernation.  Wide, gleaming eyes captured my attention from across the room.  Their warmth thawed my cold, careless gaze.  She was the complete opposite of JJ.  Maybe that's what had drawn me in: how different she was from my frigid, absent wife.

Her caramel skin and big hair made me long to touch her.  And those eyes.  Lord, those eyes.  Innocent and earnest, like a puppy.  I just knew I could destroy her.  Desecrate every light part in her.  If I could sink my teeth into her, surely that gleam in her virtuous eyes would be extinguished.  I wanted to sully the good in her.  I wanted to ruin her.

I stuttered in the middle of my sentence.  I lost my train of thought in the middle of my lecture.  I tore my gaze from the angel in the second row to resume teaching.  Teaching.  As badly as I wanted her, she was my student.  It was inappropriate, forbidden.  Just about fifteen minutes ago I had been worried about losing my job for being inadequate for my students.  Where had that concern gone?  This longing definitely should have raised a red flag in my mind.

Struggling to finish my planned points for the exam review, I quickly wracked my brain for a way to ground myself.  I felt anger swell in me as my control slinked out of my firm grasp.  I was always in control, and anything that made me lose that control was not welcome in my life.  I twisted my wedding band around my finger as a reminder that I was married.  As it slid around my finger over and over, my control slipped further.  Faster and faster I spun it until it warmed my finger from the friction.  My wedding band served as an anchor to the life I had built for JJ and me.  Nothing was worth imploding that. 

I was married to someone else.  I was her professor.  Married.  In a position of power over her.  A violation of school policy.  I pushed my ring further into my skin, hoping the ache would snap me out of this.  Married married married.

But it was useless.  I was powerless to the magic of her gaze.  Because once students had started gathering up their things, when I realized she was about to walk out of here, away from me, I simply knew.  I'd stop at nothing to have her.

_ _ _

Continue to next part

[leftoverenvy]

Contaminated - Part 2

Summary: Emily and JJ's marriage is in shambles, so Emily turns to an unlikely source of comfort: her student.  To add gasoline to the fire, Emily starts an affair.  A songfic inspired by Contaminated by BANKS.

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x OC; Prof! Emily x POC OC; previous Emily Prentiss x Jennifer "JJ" Jareau; previous jemily

Warnings: eventual smut; power dynamic; age gap (unspecified – but all over 18); power imbalance; professor - student; cheating; marital arguing; No HEA

Word Count: 2.1k

Tumblr Masterlist | Wattpad

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @reidselle 🦭; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @hotchs-bitch 🦆 ; @multiverse-mxdness 🧌 ; @madelineleong

Part 2

For three weeks I had been haunted by that girl. Her gaze branded into my mind, simultaneously guilting and arousing me like never before.  For as tenaciously as I fought for control during that last lecture of the semester, I had completely abandoned it now. I thought of her constantly.  I could have screamed as I watched her slip out the door without a last word. I supposed it was a fortunate interruption that a student immediately grabbed my attention to ask a follow up question.  Though it was for the best, that did little to stop my brain from thinking about her endlessly.

The unusually wet winter did nothing to brighten my dour mood.  While normally snow got me excited for the holidays, I was staring down the most melancholy Christmas I'd had in years.  The holidays meant class was over, ending any last chances of seeing her again.  The holidays meant students had fled campus, leaving it as desolate and bleak as my heart.  This Christmas would be joyless as JJ would not be home.

_ _ _

"Jayje!  Can't we at least talk about this?" I begged.  But I was pleading with her back, JJ already making her way to the front door, packed bag in hand.

"We talked about this, Emily."  She was exasperated with me.  Her sigh told me all I needed to know about how unreasonable she thought I was being.  "I'm going home for Christmas.  To Pennsylvania."

"But I don't understand why I can't go with you."  It was pathetic, even to my own ears.  My desperation was changing me.  Six months ago, I never would have begged for someone's attention.  Six months ago, JJ never would have given me a reason to beg.

"Emily, please," she dismissed as if I were a child.  "I'm going to miss my flight."

I grabbed her arm to keep her from walking out the door.  "JJ, stop."  My harsh voice surprised even me.  I rarely raised my voice, and I had certainly never raised my voice to JJ.

She turned around, disbelief in her eyes, and warned, "Don't."  I released her arm from my grip and watched my wife walk out the front door, her bag doubtlessly full of lingerie as a gift for the man with whom she was spending Christmas.  She wasn't fooling me.  JJ had made it clear many times before that she'd never go back to Pennsylvania. 

I closed the door behind her and slid down to the floor.  I heard her start the car and drive off as I sat on the cold, drafty floor of our foyer for god knows how long.  The sun had set, the lights from the Christmas tree the only thing illuminating the living room. 

I laughed in disbelief, the sound startling in the silent night.  The strings of lights, reflected by the tinsel, was supposed to be a joyous sight.  I stared in hatred at the nativity scene sitting below the Christmas tree.  JJ had insisted on the religious symbol, claiming it wasn't Christmas without the nativity.  I scoffed.  Yeah, JJ sure respected the sanctity of religious institutions.

_ _ _

I walked around the house like a miserable ghost until I lost track of time.  I had never been big of Christmas.  Growing up with a mother focused on public appearances, Christmas had never been about family for me.  It caught me off guard to be this strongly affected by JJ's absence this holiday season.  I slumped on the couch, once again staring at our Christmas tree.  I loathed the thing.  This giant, luminous reminder that my wife was gone.  Gone for Christmas.  Gone for everything.

I watched the glitter on the wrapping paper of our presents twinkle under the lights of the tree.  I stared at the presents I bought for her sitting abandoned under our tree, awaiting someone to come rip them open.  I, too, sat and waited for her attention.  Naively, I stuck around, anticipating JJ's return home.

_ _ _

I was losing my mind.  Though time was always amorphous this time of year, it felt especially so now.  I was lost without JJ.  She was unconcerned that her excuses were falling flat; she wasn't even bothering to hide her affair anymore.  Our marital home felt stifling.  The walls caved in under the weight of our secrets.  I felt the foundation quaking under the strain.  I saw the shingles crumbling as it burned to ash.

I had to get out of there or I was going to choke on the dust.  I had no plan, no direction – I just grabbed my coat and walked out the door.  I inhaled deeply, burning my lungs with the frosty air.   Anything was better than the black void I had created at home.

I walked without destination.  I paid no attention to where I was going.  I tried to quiet my mind as my boots pounded into the snow.  I focused on the rhythmic crunch crunch crunch of each footfall until I pushed every last thought of JJ and my dismal holiday from my mind.

I wrapped my coat tighter around myself in a desperate attempt to preserve my waning body heat.  Fuck, it was cold.  It was the kind of cold that made my bones ache.  I had succeeded in freezing myself so I was incapable of thinking about anything but warming up.

I finally looked around at my surroundings, wondering how far I had gone from home.  It looked like I had walked about two miles; I didn't think I could make it back home.  I needed to stop before going home.  At the next café I came across, it wasn't a thought – I darted inside to thaw the ice cubes I used to call fingers.

I sighed in relief at the warmth, making a beeline towards the empty chair by the fireplace.  I wanted to claim this spot before ordering; I couldn't risk someone coming to steal my chance at warming up.  I hated to part with it, but not having anything else with which to save my spot, I laid my coat over the chair and made my way towards the cash register.  I silently thanked Apple Pay for allowing me to pay for coffee with my phone.  I hadn't had the foresight to bring my purse.

As soon as they called my name, I had my hands around my steaming latté.  I sipped slowly, and sighed at the warm liquid sliding down my throat.  Within minutes I had warmed back up, and was relaxing into the cozy atmosphere of the café.

It was much slower paced than it normally was during the semester.  There was no constant ingress and egress of students.  There was minimal chatter.  And there certainly were no screaming, giggling sorority girls bouncing up and down gossiping with their sisters with textbooks – long forgotten – open on the table.

My thoughts, as they had numerous times the last two weeks, returned to that girl.  I should have thought about her on my walk, because thinking about her never failed to get me hot.  Images of her unblinking, innocent eyes branded into my very soul, alighting me from within.  The outline of her smooth curves swaying hypnotically back and forth enticing me as she turned on her heel to walk out.  I imagined her every day for so many days now, it was as if I could see her in front of me.

I blinked twice to clear the fog in my mind.  I didn't have an overactive imagination.  She really was here.  Sitting across the coffee shop, teasing me by simply existing.  Her eyes seemed to wander everywhere but my direction.  Could the universe be so cruel as to put her in temptation's way twice?

With my only remaining ounce of self-control, I ignored her.  I didn't know what kind of interaction she would want to have outside of class.  After all, she was the one who left the review in a hurry.  Out of respect for my wife, out of obligation of school policy, I pretended I didn't see her.  I chose, instead, to stare into the flames in front of me, my eyes flickering back and forth as the flames seemed to sway to the beat of the song softly playing in the background. 

I screamed internally – I thought I might combust.  My internal desire roared inside of me as hot as the fire before me.  It blazed so furiously I thought I might ignite right then.  I tried to tune out the way my heart took off in a sprint, the deep thump reverberating in my chest.  I pretended to be unaffected, lying to myself as if she hadn't been on my mind every second of winter break.  I tried to ignore the way my stomach clenched when I heard her soft greeting behind me.

"Hello Professor Prentiss."

"Emily's fine."  I could give no indication about how greatly she affected me.  "After all," I continued, "You're no longer my student."  She trapped her lip between her teeth, worrying at it, her brows furrowed.  I wondered what her unease meant.  I sighed internally – I would never be able to turn the profiler off no matter how badly I wanted to leave that piece of me behind.

She remained silent, staring at me in anticipation.  "So," I hedged.  I didn't want her to feel like she had to stick around.  "You didn't go home for the holiday?"

"I-" she looked down at her shoes, "No," she finished simply.  Her tone, ringing with finality, gave me no room to push for more information.  Though I was certain there was an interesting story there, I let it go.  "What about you?" she asked more cheerfully.  "No trips to family?  Or is everyone local?"

"Just me," I whispered.  I hated the vulnerability I could hear coloring my voice; I hated the rasp of emotion I couldn't swallow down before responding.  "But I should get home," I lied.  I needed to leave the coffee shop.  I had never been this close to her.  If I thought she was mesmerizing before, I was wildly wrong.  Her eyes were dazzling this close.

I warred with myself over what was right and what I wanted.  It was the same cycle I had been in just a few weeks before.  I wanted her then, and I had to have her now.  Control had completely left; no nagging thoughts of JJ, school policy, or propriety.  It was as if the closer she moved, the further she pushed reason from my mind.  Desire had completely taken over.

I thought about the long trek I was facing home. I could see the sun setting – the walk home was going to be miserable.  It was the kind of cold that made my bones ache just thinking about it.  I sighed and wrapped my coat close, bracing myself for the arctic blast that would hit me as soon as I opened the door.

This was the perfect opportunity.  Rather than walk or call an Uber, I could make this turn in my favor.  "Are you headed out?"  At her nod, I continued, "Could I get a ride?  I walked and am not looking forward to braving the arctic tundra again."

"You walked?!" she asked in horror.  "It's freezing!  Of course I'll give you a lift."  Internally, I smiled like the cat that ate the canary.  How easily she fell into my trap.  "Why'd you walk anyway?"

"Just for some fresh air," I responded.  I hoped she would leave it at that.

Thankfully, she did.  But that meant the conversation fizzled out.  We made stilted small talk in between me giving her directions home.  With each turn closer, my heart beat faster.  I was acutely aware of how quickly she would be driving away, out of my life again.  This run-in at the coffee shop was fate.  I couldn't let her leave again.  I needed to do something.  She was driving too fast – our time together would be over too soon.

When she pulled in my driveway, I blurted, "Do you want to come inside?  Can I thank you with a cup of cocoa?"  I didn't even know if we had cocoa, I just needed to get her inside.

She smiled softly.  "That sounds nice.  I'd like that." 

I directed us up the sidewalk to the front door, trying my best to get us out of the cold.  The soft click of the lock turning signaled something in my brain.  This was it.  This was the point of no return.  I should send her back to her car.  I should send her away.  This was wrong.  I pushed out every last bit of sanity I had left as I swung the door in.

_ _ _

Continue to next part

[leftoverenvy]

🚨Story Alert🚨

Contaminated Series

Header by @ssa-sapphic

Summary: Emily and JJ's marriage is in shambles, so Emily turns to an unlikely source of comfort: her student.  To add gasoline to the fire, Emily starts an affair.  A songfic inspired by Contaminated by BANKS.

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x OC; Prof! Emily x POC OC; Emily Prentiss x Jennifer "JJ" Jareau

Warnings: heavy angst; eventual smut; power dynamic; age gap (unspecified – but all over 18); power imbalance; professor - student; cheating; marital arguing; no HEA; 18+!!

Word Count: ~20k

Tumblr Masterlist

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @reidselle 🦭; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @hotchs-bitch 🦆 ; @multiverse-mxdness 🧌

If you want a tag on this story, please privately message me and I'll add you! :) Due to the sensitive topics in this fic, I did not add my regular tag list, so please reach out if you want a tag.

Also, I made a playlist for this story! PM if you want the link.

Special shoutout to: - @hotchs-bitch for betaing - @ssa-sapphic for this GORGEOUS header - @reidselle for the inspiration and letting me talk endlessly through this story