#EllaTriesToWriteDaily

[ellayuki]

28.10.’17

we are (still) here

thor: ragnarok, thor pov, spoilers

loki’s really there and thor can’t help feeling relieved.

~

it's unexpected, when loki raises his hand and catches the bauble thor had thrown his way, because he'd really thought his brother being here truly was one of his normal illusions.

'i'm here,' loki says, and the truth of it, that he really is here, flesh and blood and bone and all, makes something unwind in thor's chest, a vice, and something too much like relief spreads through his every nerve.

he still has family. he hasn't lost everything, he hasn't lost everyone.

so, without saying anything more, he does exactly what he said he'd do.

loki doesn't back away as thor stomps up to him, doesn't make any snark-filled comments, just stands there, a hint of a smile on his thin lips, and lets thor wrap him in his arms, bones creaking with the force of it.

for a moment, thor feels young and free and without care again.

for a moment, loki hugs him back, hesitant, like he’s not really sure he wants to, before they’re clinging to each other like lifelines.

he’s not sure what will happen now, he’s not sure what they’ll do, or where they will go.

but thor knows that they will be alright.

[ellayuki]

12.12.’17

our new start, come hell or high water

tsubasa reservoir chronicle, fai pov

in nihon, after tomoyo leaves them, fai and kurogane take a moment to take each other in, talk about fai’s new kimono and get comfortable in the knowledge that whatever comes their way, they’ll face it together. 

~

after princess tomoyo leaves them to talk, fai sits down on the edge of kurogane’s bedding, and takes a good look at him. he has not seen the man since they arrived in nihon and the healers took him.

at first, it was because he needed time to himself, to process all that had happened in the past couple of days, from the first curse activating, through returning to celes and facing his king, through remembering and understanding what truly happened in his childhood and his past being revealed to his companions, and up until kurogane sacrificed his own arm for him.

after that, after he’d managed to pull himself at least somewhat together, he just… couldn’t.

for all the battles, all the danger they’ve been through in their long journey, kurogane was always standing tall and strong, always the solid pillar of strength for them to lean on, so to see him bloody and pale and unmoving on the ground, looking smaller somehow from the pain… it tore at something inside fai.

because this, kurogane almost dying like this, this was fai’s fault, and fai couldn’t be in that room with him until he knew that kurogane has opened his eyes and would be alright.

so now he looks, takes him in, and wishes he’d had both eyes to see him better.

he’s not so pale anymore, and his brow isn’t twisted in a horribly pained frown, though there is a slight pout on his lips as he rubs his head where fai hit him. fai feels something in his chest crack and flow and spread, and it fills him with a kind of warmth he’s never felt before.

he’s so lost in his thoughts, his eye roaming over every inch of kurogane’s face that he doesn’t notice the hand that comes up to his face until there’s a short, sharp tug on a lock of his hair.

‘will you tell me what’s going on through that head of yours?’ asks kurogane, and fai lets out a long breath.

another time, even a mere few days ago, he’d have smiled and evaded, but now… now he looks into kuogane’s red, red eyes, and simply says, ‘i’m just glad you’re alright, kuro-sama.’ it’s probably the most honest he’s ever been with the man.

for a while, they sit in silence, just basking in each other’s presence. it’s calming, and fai wishes for nothing more than to spend the rest of his life like this.

when the silence is broken, minutes or eons later, kurogane is the one breaking it.

he plays with one of fai’s long sleeves, the blue silk a sharp contrast to his darker skin, and when he speaks, he sounds both amused and exasperated.

‘tomoyo dressed you in this, didn’t she?’

fai tilts his head in puzzlement. ‘…she did…?’ he answers, unsure, curious. ‘our clothes were too torn and bloodied, and too thick for this world, of course she gave us something suitable.’

kurogane snorts, shaking his head, and picks up fai’s other sleeve. ‘well, it suits you, i guess,’ he says finally, though he still sounds like there’s something about the kimono fai is wearing, the sleeves especially, given the way he keeps playing with them, that amuses him greatly.

fai frowns. it’s rare that kurogane knows something fai doesn’t, and it kind of grates, just a tiny bit.

‘come now, kuro-sama, if there is something about the kimono i should know, then you should tell me. i don’t want people laughing at me because i wore it wrong or something.’ he pouts, just a little bit, mostly for effect.

‘you’re not wearing it wrong,’ says kurogane, shaking his head again.

‘then?’

‘tomoyo thinks she’s being clever. long sleeves like these aren’t usually worn by men.’

fai raises his eyebrow at that. he had not expected that. ‘so… i guess it’s princess tomoyo’s way of saying, what? take a hint?’ and yes, he can see why kurogane sounded exasperated, why he sounded amused. he has to admit, it is a bit funny.

‘she’s being a nosy idiot, is what.’

‘is that any way of talking about your liege?’

‘it is when it’s true.’

laughter bubbles up fai’s throat and he doesn’t even try to smother it. he feels… free, for the first time in his long, long life.

‘well,’ he says, leaning his head against kurogane’s good shoulder and taking his hand in both of his. ‘she’s probably wiser than either of us, for all that she’s younger. maybe we should listen to what she’s trying to tell us.’

kurogane doesn’t huff like fai thought he would.

instead he tightens his grip on fai’s hand that he’s holding, and leans his own head against the top of fai’s.

‘maybe,’ he says, soft, and the warmth in fai’s chest flares up into a roaring blaze.

they still have the rest of the journey ahead of them, and there’s still the difficult task of putting an end to fei wang reed, but in this moment, fai thinks that there’s nothing they cannot face if they do it together.

[ellayuki]

29.11.’17 - B

rubies and sapphires and fire and ice

tsubasa reservoir chronicle, kurogane pov

kurofai week - day 7 - 100 - fai calls him ‘kurogane’ for a hundred awful days.

~

it’s a hundred days, by kurogane’s count. (not that he’ll ever admit to actually counting.) more or less a hundred days of cold shoulders and dry snark and ‘kurogane’.

he hates it.

he never thought he’d come to hate his own name, hate hearing someone use it, but in those hundred days, he does. oh how he does. the mocking, disdainful tone that always accompanies it is even more annoying.

it’s jarring.

a hundred days and a hundred nights and a hundred long infinities, after months and months and months of ‘kurorin’s and ‘kuro-chan’s and ‘puppy’s and ‘father’s and ‘kuro-sama’.

he misses ‘kuro-sama’ the most.

(not that he’ll ever tell anyone. obviously.)

the princess and her secrets aren’t helping, the kid… the new kid has his own crap-load of problems to deal with, and the white bun… well, she’s the only comfort in the gloom that falls over their group in tokyo and follows them all through to celes.

and the mage is just…

kurogane wants to wring his damn neck, and take him by the shoulders and shake him till he stops being an idiot, and lock them both in a room and just…

(he refuses to think about that one night in yama, and the way it changed nothing, and the way it makes everything even more difficult to stomach now.)

‘you should drink,’ he reminds fai day after day.

‘i’m not really hungry,’ fai answers, day after day.

‘i don’t really care.’ you will drink and you will live and we will get through this eventually, he doesn’t say.

a hundred days, give or take.

and then, with a punch and a smirk and a teasing ‘kuro-sama’ (and blood and loss and sacrifice and blood, so, so much damn blood), everything is right again.

or.

no.

everything is better. so much better.

[ellayuki]

23.12.’17

mistletoe and the scent of frost

yuri!!! on ice, chris pov,

chris and phichit spend their first christmas as a couple together in zurich.

a very merry phichimetti week - day 12: christmas & new years: chris and phichit open their presents on christmas morning.

~

‘i wish us a merry christmas, i wish us a merry christmas, i wish us a merry christmas, and a happy new year~’

it’s christmas morning and they’re sitting down next to the tree they both decorated, opening their gifts. phichit sings the modified version of the carol with a excited smile on his face, looking soft in the rumpled, light blue pajamas he has yet to change out of, and chris thinks this is possibly the best christmas morning in all his twenty-six years of life.

he takes out his phone, snaps a pic of phichit tearing the wrapper off of his gift with a toothy grin and sparkling eyes, and posts it to instagram. he also sets his as the background wallpaper because it’s too adorable.

phichit squeals in delight when he finally opens the box in his lap, and chris can tell he’s chosen the gift perfectly. ‘like it?’ he asks, although he doesn’t need to.

‘i love it!’ phichit sets the box and wrapping paper aside and climbs into chris’ lap, hugging him fiercely and almost smothering him with kisses.

‘i’m glad,’ chris manages to say between kisses.

after phichit manages to get his fill (for now) of kisses, he sits down besides chris again. ‘open yours now,’ he says as he drops a box in chris’ hands.

chris does, though not as frantically as phichit had. inside he finds three pairs of the fluffiest, most ridiculous socks chris has ever seen, a soft, creamy white cardigan, and a huge, wine red cashmere scarf.

‘theses are lovely, phichit,’ he says, inspecting every piece carefully. ‘thank you, mon cher.’

‘i wanted to get you a christmas sweater,’ phichit tells him, looking a tiny bit sheepish. (chris finds it unbearably adorable.) ‘but i couldn’t find the perfect one, so. but! the socks are adorable as hell, and i thought you’d like them since the kitty on them looks like your cat a bit.’

they do, he’d noticed, and he finds the whole thing even more lovable.

he pulls phichit closer, wraps his arms securely around him, and wraps the scarf around them both like a shawl (it certainly is big enough). it’s warm.

like this, they snuggle quietly, contentedly, for a while, the perfect first christmas morning, and chris thinks he wants the rest of them from now on to be the same. maybe he’s getting a little ahead of himself, but he likes to think that phichit feels the same way, too.

[ellayuki]

22.11.’17

you are here

thor: ragnarok, thor pov

loki will say 'i'm here' as many times as his brother needs to hear it. thor appreciates it.

~

'i'm here,' he says, simply, a soft smile on his lips, like it means nothing and everything at once. thor wants to throttle him just for that. if this were a year ago, a week ago, he would have.

'i'm here,' as thor takes his face in his big, rough hands and just looks at him, single eye taking in every small detail of his brother's face. even feeling his skin under his fingertips isn't quite enough to make the doubt disappear. it could still be an illusion. somehow, it could.

'i'm here,' gasping, barely breathing, bones creaking under the force of thor's embrace. he doesn't push thor away (and thor is fairly certain he wouldn't even if he could), but he doesn't quite hug back either. he pats at thor’s back for a few moments, awkward, stiff, and it’s not until thor tightens his embrace even more that he gives in and goes pliant. mother would laugh at them both.

‘i’m here,’ he whispers in the quiet space between them as they try to fall asleep after thor’s makeshift coronation, after setting course for earth and tending to the wounded, after finally retiring for well deserved rest, after a shared bottle of whatever the hell passes for hard liquor on sakaar… after, after, after… he plays with a lock of loki’s hair, twisting it around a finger and pulling at it from time to time, feeling both exhausted and languid, and strangely relieved.

‘yes,’ he finally says, and touches his forehead to loki’s, eyes closed. ‘yes, you are here,’ and he falls asleep to the feeling of gentle fingers coming to rest on the hand he has laid upon the side of loki’s neck.

~

still here, is the first thought to cross his mind when he wakes up, wrapped tightly around loki like he hasn’t done in… oh, so many centuries. the warmth in his breast is something he hasn’t felt in years, so he smiles and pulls his brother closer, buries his nose in his raven hair, and lets himself slide back into sleep.

the dreams that follow are nostalgic and sweet.

[ellayuki]

29.12.’17

yuri!!! on ice, yuuri pov

while they wait for their turn on the ice at worlds, victor decides he wants to cuddle his fiancé a bit. 

~

‘people are staring,’ yuuri mutters against victor’s temple as victor nuzzles and kisses his throat.

they’re at worlds, waiting for their respective turns on the ice, and victor has decided to take a momentary break from stretching to cuddle against yuuri. and well, yuuri wouldn’t normally have anything against it, but victor’s mouth on him is not really all that good for his concentration. and people really are staring, and he hates it when people stare at him when he’s not out on the ice.

victor just hums, and nuzzles closer, places a few warm, wet kisses against yuuri’s jaw and the underside of it, and really, this is so not the time.

‘victor,’ yuuri all but whines. ‘can you, please, stop that until later? i promise you can do that as much as you like when we get back to the hotel, but now i need to focus.’

from the other side of the room, he hears yurio snorting in disgust. phichit is giggling a few feet away with chris, not even trying to hide the fact that they’re basically liveblogging yuuri and victor’s impromptu cuddle session. yuuri would feel outraged if he weren’t so distracted by the warm mouth still on his neck.

for a long moment, victor keeps doing what he’s doing (and at one point there’s even teeth and suction and it makes yuuri’s toes curl in his shoes), but eventually, with a sigh, victor lets go of him.

‘fine,’ he says, and kisses yuuri’s cheek. ‘but know that i will hold you to that.’

yuuri’s blush intensifies, but he doesn’t bother protesting. it’s not like he’s opposed to it, after all.

still.

‘you’re just lucky yakov is out by the rink with georgi,’ he tells victor, seeing his coach stiffen at the words. ‘he’d have had your head for getting distracted and also distracting me like that.’ he’s mostly teasing, but at the same time, he knows that yakov totally would.

‘well,’ victor says, shrugging with one shoulder, playing at being entirely unaffected. ‘what yakov doesn’t know, and all that.’

yuuri rolls his eyes at him and laughs.

[ellayuki]

11.11.’17

pink cheeks and sweet kisses 

fairy tail, lucy pov,

natsu and lucy play the pocky game, and lucy tries not to let herself get flustered.

~

‘i still don’t get what the big deal is.’

lucy scoffs, rolls her eyes, because of course natsu, blunt, straightforward natsu wouldn’t be flustered by something like the pocky game.

sometimes she envies that part of him, honestly, especially now, when mira’s watching them with mischief in her eyes and the sweetest, most innocent smile on her lips. (it makes lucy want to run and hide in fear, quite honestly.)

‘no, you wouldn’t, would you,’ she has to say, and really, she’s not bitter at his blasé attitude, but uh, she wishes he would take the hint, for once in his life.

she’s already flustered enough from having played with loke (which she lost) and gray (which she won and even then just barely), but she’d accepted this three-games challenge, and as much as she feels like her face might never stop burning, she hates losing as much as anyone.

(she hates losing to her own feelings and her damn embarrassment even more.)

she takes a deep breath and reaches for another pocky stick.

~

for some reason, she’s a bit more clear-headed, though her heart still races in her chest. maybe it’s because being this up-close to natsu has lost its novelty, maybe it’s because she’s more comfortable with him for all that he’s the only one who can send the butterflies in her stomach aflutter.

she doesn’t know and it doesn’t matter. but it does help.

her cheeks are still pink when she takes biscuit stick between her teeth, her lips closing around the chocolate, and turns to face natsu.

he doesn’t lean over her like gray and loke had, even as the sweet treat gets smaller and smaller. he just takes the bites one at a time, looking focused, and it surprises her. she’d have expected him to just chomp it all off in his typical gluttonous style and run off, laughing.

before she knows it, there’s only a bite left between them, and they’re at a stand-still, staring at each other.

there’s a long moment of silence, and it feels like everybody around them is holding their breaths.

and then, there’s a spark in natsu’s eyes, something like a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips and, nope, lucy’s not letting him win.

there’s a collective gasp in the guildhall as they both move in to take the last bite, but otherwise, the silence stretches around them, and lucy can almost forget that she’s having her first kiss in front of all her friends.

natsu is the first to pull away, and lucy opens her eyes (and when did she close them?) to see an odd look cross his face for a split second.

she tries not to read too much into it, and she tries not to let her embarrassment get the better of her. she’s not a child, she can handle one measly kiss.

she finishes chewing the pocky stick in her mouth, and after she swallows it, she lets a tiny smirk fall upon her lips.

‘i win!’ she says, before anyone can call it otherwise, and natsu instantly looks indignant.

‘no, you didn’t! if anyone won, it’s me!

lucy giggles, and tilts her head to the side. ‘nope,’ she says with a toothy grin, ‘you’re the one who pulled away first, just now,’ and oh, she can’t believe she has the guts to be so bold right now, but she loves it, seeing the crestfallen look on his face, ‘so, it’s my win.’

with that, she turns around, takes another pocky stick, and makes her way to the hall’s great doors, leaving natsu, and everyone else around, speechless.

~

the moment she gets home, she almost smothers herself with her pillow, embarrassment and giddiness overwhelming her.

[ellayuki]

06.11.’17

now here we stand, unafraid of the future

thor ragnarok, loki pov, spoilers

after the loss of their home world, loki appears before his brother instead of running away, and the warmth of thor’s hug is both unexpected and nostalgic.  

~

‘if you were here, i might even give you a hug.’

the words echo in his chest, and he knows they are his way out. he could cast an illusion now and make his exit and thor would be none the wiser. he could.  it would be so easy.

he doesn’t.

instead, he catches the bottle stopper thor throws his way. (and really, his brother should stop throwing things at people. it’s rude.) he lets a small smile grow on his face, linger there, and for once, for the first time in longer than he cares to remember, he lets his masks slip.

‘i’m here,’ he says, and the way thor smiles at him warms him to his core.

(he hasn’t seen that smile, especially directed at him, since right before thor’s ruined coronation.)

things aren’t fixed between them, neither is naïve enough to think they are, and loki still has his secrets (the reacquired tesseract, for one) that he keeps to himself. years of hurt don’t heal in a handful of days, if they ever do.

if this were another time, another boyhood squabble, he’d have grinned and spread his arms and teased, asked thor to ‘give us a kiss’ and diffuse any sort of tension. but things are no longer like that. and they are not those boys anymore.

still, he can’t help it, can’t help needling, if only just a tiny bit. it’s in his nature. ‘so?’ he asks, only half a joke. ‘where’s my hug?’ he isn’t sure whether thor will actually do it. he isn’t entirely certain as to whether he wants him to.

(that’s a lie. bold-faced, and he knows it.

still.)

something shifts in thor’s eye. it looks vulnerable. it looks dangerous. it looks… loki doesn’t know what it looks like but it makes him want to take a step back, flee. he doesn’t.

when thor approaches him, it’s not hesitant, but it’s not the eager thing it once was, either. it feels almost like indifference, and loki feels like pulling out a dagger just to make it change, just to make it into something.

(he has learned that he can take his brother’s ire, he can take his scorn, but he cannot stomach a thor who is indifferent to him. it almost hurts worse than mother’s disappointment.)

thor stops in front of him, silent, his one good eye searching loki’s face, assessing, and loki thinks that the most he’ll get is a pat on his shoulder (if even that) before being dismissed. a hand cupping the side of his throat and face if thor is feeling generous or nostalgic.

but as always with thor, especially of late, nothing is as loki expects it to be.

while thor’s big, warm hand does cup the side of his neck and cheek, reminding loki of happier times long passed, it doesn’t stop there like loki thought it would.

no.

after another handful of moments, quiet, maddening, in which he does nothing but gaze at loki, thor slides the hand to the back of loki’s head, takes a fistful of raven hair, and pulls him close.

thor embraces him, and while it’s not as bone-crushing as his brother’s hugs used to be, the warmth that envelops loki is so familiar, so breathtaking, it’s enough to turn his knees into mush and make his eyes sting.

and suddenly, all the air rushes out of loki’s lungs, all strength leaves his body, and he slumps against thor, arms coming up and around his brother, hands clawing at his back. he clings, and he buries his face in thor’s neck. and if once he might have scoffed at such a show of weakness, today he needs this more than he’s ever thought he would.

thor pulls him in tighter, leans his cheek into the side of loki’s head and heaves a sigh.

‘i don’t know how long you intend to stay, brother,’ he says, a whisper, ‘but i am glad you are here, and that you are well. that i did not lose you as well.’

and really, loki doesn’t know what to say to that, doesn’t know what the future holds for him, for them, if they’ll have a long, quiet life, if thor will have an easy reign, or if they’ll die tomorrow, their people with them, before they even reach somewhere to settle down.

he doesn’t know, and for all that he normally hates not knowing, in this one moment, it doesn’t matter. he’s here, they’re here, they’re alive, and that’s all he cares about.

they’ll take on tomorrow as it comes, and the days that follow, too.

together.

[ellayuki]

30.12.’17

what keeps us awake at night

tsubasa reservoir chronicle, kurogane pov

as they try to fall asleep one night, fai and kurogane talk about their dreams and their nightmares.

a/n: mentions of blood and stuff like that. set post-canon, after they’ve settled in nihon. 

~

'tell me, kuro-sama, what do you dream about?’

kurogane opens his eyes slowly, and looks at his husband in the low light of their room. it’s past midnight, and failed is usually asleep by this point, but now it seems that sleep eludes him.

'what do you mean?’ he asks, and turns on  his side to face fai properly, give him his full attention.

fai trails the tip of a finger on the sheet by his pillow, laying on his stomach like he usually does when he tries to fall asleep. 'i mean,’ he says, quietly, 'when you sleep, what are your dreams like? what are they about? are they about your family? are they about people you know, or our travels? or are they abstract things that make no sense no matter how you look at them?’

kurogane is quiet for a long moment, thinking, wondering what brought this on, but not feeling like actually asking for once. fai will tell him what’s bothering him. he does that now.

he hums. 'i guess it depends.’ he shrugs. 'from the little i remember of them, they vary from day to day.’ he raises a hand, the prosthetic one, and brushes a few errand strands out of fai’s face. 'sometimes there are good dreams,’ he continues. 'memories of my childhood, or of the kids. or things I wish could have happened.’

fai raises an inquiring eyebrow at that, so kurogane explains. 'i mean, my parents seeing me become the man I am today. having all the kids alive and well, instead of just the two… seeing you and mother sitting on the porch, weaving spells, in suwa. things like that.’

fai lets out a shaky breath, and kurogane wishes there was more light than the one coming from the mostly full moon outside. he wishes he could see fai’s face properly in this moment.

'do you-’ fai starts, stops. he bites his lip, starts again. ‘what about nightmares?’

and somehow, deep down, kurogane knew that’s what this is really about. 'i have those, too,’ he says. 'obviously, with everything that’s happened.’

fai lifts his head a bit, and then wiggles himself closer, buries his head under kurogane’s ching. ‘tell me?’ he asks, and kurogane lets out a breath. he wraps his arm against fai.

‘if it’s not the destruction of my home,’ he says, and the images play before his eyes as the words leave his lips. ‘it’s the kids disintegrating before my eyes while i’m powerless to stop it. it’s tomoyo getting killed under my watch. it’s celes collapsing and closing with you locked inside it.’

he pulls fai closer, wraps his other arm around his waist, and buries his nose in the mage’s soft, golden hair. it smells of soap and frost and incense, and something else kurogane can’t place.

‘i rarely have nice dreams,’ fai says, so quietly kurogane almost misses it. ‘i‘ve never had a single nice dream about my brother. it’s always been nightmares, about the tower, about his fall, about his body in the pool. i dream about ashura surrounded my a mountain of bodies, with you and the kids at the top of the pile. i dream of fei wang reed winning and the universes collapsing and imploding. i dream of you bleeding and bleeding and bleeding, so much it seems impossible, and of sakura-chan dying and of syaoran-kun ripping my eyes out with tears in his eyes and mokona crying her heart out. the good nights are those when i don’t dream at all.’

kurogane says nothing, because what can he say to that? and the room falls into silence, the two taking comfort in each other, in knowing that they are alive, and they are safe, and those they love are, too.

after a while, when sleep finally starts tugging at his eyelids, and he can feel fai is also on the verge, kurogane says, ‘let’s visit the kids.’

‘yeah,’ fai says drowsily, and finally falls asleep.

‘yeah,’ kurogane says, mostly to himself, and does the same.

[ellayuki]

16.12.’17

mistletoe and the scent of frost

yuri!!! on ice, phichit pov,

chris and phichit spend their first christmas as a couple together in zurich.

a very merry phichimetti week - day 5: cuddling in front of a fireplace: chris’s house has a fireplace, of course, and they take advantage of it. though not as much as phichit might like.

~

‘why am i not surprised you have a fireplace in this place?’ phichit giggles as he gets more comfortable against chris’ chest. chris chuckles, and phichit feels it more than hears it.

‘well, why wouldn’t i? it’s just perfect for a good cuddle like this when it’s cold outside.’

he’s right, phichit thinks to himself; says as much, too. it is perfect. it’s warm, the pile of blankets under and around them are comfortable, and the mulled wine makes everything just that much better.

he sighs, a long, contented breath, and thinks that this is the best cuddle session ever.

chris wraps his arms tighter around him, pulls him closer, and buries his nose in phichit’s hair, and oh, phichit would very much like to never move from this spot, from chris’ embrace for the rest of forever, if possible.

the volume on the music that completes the atmosphere, something slow and instrumental, though not very christmassy, is low enough not to cover the crackle and pop of the fire, and slowly, phichit feels sleep slowly tugging at his eyelids. it’s the kind of drowsiness that he loves, the kind that seeps into his very bones, and leaves him content like little else.

‘falling asleep, cher?’ comes chris’ amused voice, and phichit opens his eyes, realizes he’d almost nodded off.

he blinks slowly up at chris, a sleepy smile curling up his lips. ‘hmm, yeah. you’re really comfy,’ he says, because it’s true. he nuzzles closer, rubbing his nose into chris’ neck, and places a kiss to whatever bit of skin is within immediate reach.

chris noses at his hair, and pulls the blankets closer, tucks them better around the two of them.

‘sleep, then,’ he says, and though normally phichit would like to protest, maybe take advantage of such a nice situation, he feels himself obeying the quiet command.

[ellayuki]

06.12.’17

beloved, may we meet in another life

post-thor: ragnarok // avengers: infinity war, loki pov

they can’t outrun thanos’s ship, so, after landing on a barren planet and taking a massive, devastating hit, loki tries to bargain with the mad titan for his brother’s life.

a/n: based on the mid-credits scene from ragnarok, the trailer for infinity war and some of my own ideas about how things might go down.

~

they try to run.

loki doesn’t know if it’s brave or stupid or both, because no one can outrun the mad titan, not for long, but they are in space, and there is a ship full of people desperately trying to survive, and they don’t really have much in the way of weapons. so, without telling them much, he gets them to run.

heimdall finds them the closest habitable planet, maybe like that some of them might survive instead of perishing in the vacuum of space. even the almighty asgardians aren’t entirely immune to the void.

‘and besides’, thor says, with the bluster of someone who has never faced that purple monstrosity, not seen the terror he can wreak. ‘we stand a better chance at fighting back on solid ground.’

loki doesn’t know what to say to that. because it’s true. but at the same time, he also knows that they will die.

he thinks about using the tesseract, try to transport them to a different part of the universe, but for all his power, he is not strong enough to wield it by himself, not to get so many people through. none of them are. all of them together are still not enough.

he tries to think, as the ship breaks atmosphere and lands, thinks up plans to get them out of this, and quickly discards them as useless.

he steps out onto the wasteland of the planet, and takes a lungful of air. this is where we die, he thinks. we’ve escaped hela only to end up here, against an even worse foe.

he looks at thor, where his brother is standing a few paces away with the valkyrie, both of them looking up, and then he, too, looks at the massive ship that’s just outside the atmosphere.

‘loki,’ thor calls to him, and it takes every shred of loki’s control not to jump. he looks at thor. ‘you seem to know a lot about who is on that ship. you had us run as fast as we could. so what can you tell us about him?’

loki looks back up, wondering how he can answer that question. he sighs; swallows. ‘only that he is terrifying and impossibly powerful. and that we can not run from him. not for long.’ he swallows again, and looks back at his brother. 'i would rather take on hela and surtur both that have to face him again.’

thor frowns at that. of course he noticed loki’s slip up. 'again?’

'yes,’ loki answers. 'he is the one who gave me the chitauri army a few years back.’

at that, the valkyrie lets out a disbelieving sound. 'the chitauri? i heard of them, nasty fuckers.’ then, with a raised eyebrow in loki’s direction, 'what, you led the chitauri into some sort of battle?’

'he tried to invade earth. that’s not the point right now.’ he turns his attention back to loki and, really, he looks too much like odin now. it’s annoying. 'brother. tell me. why would he be after us now? what interest has he in us?’

and oh, isn’t that the question. loki is sure of the answer; or, well, a couple of them, actually. and oh, he’s been a fool. such a fool. he’s led them all to slaughter.

he laughs, rueful, almost hysterical. and he doesn’t stop until thor grabs him by the shoulders and gives him a rough shake first, and then a second, more gentle one. he wants to laugh at that, too. oh, if only thor knew.

his laughter dies down and the dread he’s been trying to fend off is finally starting to creep in. he looks at his brother, his brave, beautiful, infuriating brother, and wishes things were different. 'i’ve doomed us all,’ he finally says, quiet enough so that only thor can hear him. 'i should have never come back, i should have taken the commodore and left, i should have…’ he shakes his head. 'i’ve doomed us all.’

thor wraps a big, warm hand around the back of his neck, and tries to make sense of him. 'what do you mean? brother, why are you saying this? how have you doomed us?��

'because he can probably sense my presence,’ loki tells him, meeting his worried gaze. ‘and i was warned that failure in retrieving the tesseract that time would bring repercussions what would make me long for pain.’

no sooner does he say that, when a sudden, shrieking sound cuts the air around them, and before he knows what he’s doing, he’s wrapping his arms around thor’s head and using his body to protect him from the blast that sends them flying.

the world goes dark for what feels both a second and an eternity.

when he wakes up, sluggish, in pain, he’s surrounded by rubble and bodies, and the sky looks on fire. he sits up, looking around, taking in the horror, and there’s a horrible knot in his throat, a hollow ache in his chest. they’re all dead.

there’s a pained gasp coming from somewhere behind him, followed by a deep, rumbling laugh that sends dread-filled chills down his spine. he turns around and all the air leaves his lungs.

a few feet away, holding his brother’s head in a crushing grip, is thanos himself, golden gauntlet gleaming in the light of the flames around them.

loki gets to his feet as fast as he can, struggling to breathe around the beating heart in his throat. he catches a glimpse to one side, of dirtied, bloodied white-and-silver, and a distant part of him wants to mourn for the loss of the last of the great and proud valkyries, but all his focus is on the figures in front of him.

‘thanos!’ he calls out, willing his voice not to tremble. electric blue eyes turn to him, and for a split second, loki wants desperately to become invisible, to run away and hide. ‘let him go,’ he says instead, holding his ground, ‘and i’ll give you what you want.’

there’s a horrifying sound coming from thor, a garbled version of loki’s name, and the fear grips loki’s heart all that much tighter.

the mad titan laughs, booming, echoing. ‘and here i thought i’d have to chase you some more.’

‘i’ll give you the tesseract,’ loki says again, desperate, ‘just. let him go. you’ve already killed everyone else. just let him go.’

‘and why shouldn’t i just kill you both and then take it from your corpse?’ thanos asks, tone almost pleasant, like he’s talking about the weather, and it makes loki feel like there are maggots crawling up his skin.

‘because i’ve made sure to hide it so well that you’ll never get your hands on it should i die. you unhand my brother now, and let us leave, and i will give it to you.’

‘who does this little weakling think he is, to try and bargain with the great thanos?’ comes a voice from the side, and it is only then that loki realizes that there are more people around than just himself and thor and thanos. he’d been so focused on the two in front of him, that he never even noticed the black order surrounding them and it sets him even further on edge.

‘this weakling,’ he hisses with as much venom as he can muster, ‘is the only one who knows where the space stone is and who can get to it. and i will not hand it over until i know my brother is safe.’

thanos snorts. ‘show it to me first, asgardian, so that i know you’re not lying through your teeth in your desperation, and then i will release him.’

loki raises his chin, defiant for all of a second, and then he raises his right hand in front of him. the tesseract glows with power, pulsing in his palm. he holds it out and thanos’ smirk becomes as sharp as a blade’s edge.

suddenly, thor is at loki’s feet, coughing, wheezing, and loki uses his free hand to pull him up. ‘hurry,’ he says, ‘get up, brother, and run. that green monstrosity should be somewhere around, he’s not that easy to kill. take him and run.’

thor looks up at him, dazed, still trying to get his bearings, and loki can see the moment thor realizes what loki has said. and more importantly, what he implied.

‘i’m not leaving here without you,’ he says, every bit the god and the protective brother.

loki wants to hit him and kiss him and throttle him. ‘don’t be a fool,’ he hisses and it’s almost a plea. ‘just for once in your damn life, listen to me and go.’

‘we had a deal, asgardian,’ comes thanos’ impatient voice, and loki has to grit his teeth. ‘you have your brother. now hand it over.’

loki ignores him, and looks at his brother, tries to get his fill of him.

‘loki…’ thor pleads quietly. ‘don’t.’ and then, even softer, ‘don’t.’

loki sighs, a small, sad smile twisting his lips. ‘oh dear brother,’ he says, and allows himself one moment of weakness. he presses a kiss to his brother’s brow, and one just under his ruined eye, and one to his lips, feather light, before he uses every shred of his concentration on sending him away with the tesseract’s power. he doesn’t know where to, just thinks away from here. 'goodbye,’ he whispers, praying they will someday meet in valhalla, if loki even is allowed in its golden halls.

the last glimpse he has of his brother, thor’s eye is widened in disbelief and anguish, and he only manages a broken, ‘loki,’ before he vanishes in a flash of bright light. a wave of relief washes over loki.

for a long second, he just breathes, eyes closed.

then, he squares his shoulders, and looks at thanos, all pride and defiance and fire. 

if he dies, he will go down fighting, knowing he at least managed to save one person dear to his heart.

[ellayuki]

30.11.’17

rubies and sapphires and fire and ice

tsubasa reservoir chronicle, fai pov

kurofai week - day 8 - free day - fai wakes up in clow after the battle with fei wang reed and realises that yuuko was not entirely right about something.

~

he doesn’t think too much about it in the moment.

the pain of heartbreak is so unbearable already, and they’re still in the middle of a battle for the fate of the universes, and everything, everything already hurts so damn much, that of course doesn’t think about it.

he doesn’t, until after things have finally calmed down and clow country has been restored to its normal flow and he wakes up with a parched throat and the sound of kurogane’s calm pulse ringing in his ears from across the room.

so the witch was wrong, he thinks to himself, and he’s not sure how to feel about that.

he should have known something was off from the start, seeing as the only thing he felt in the moment was his returned magic flowing through his veins and his eye being restored, but with the situation being such as it was… well, he can’t be blamed, he guesses.

still.

he’s hungry, and he craves blood.

he looks at kurogane, sleeping peacefully on a cot across the room, and wonders how the ninja will take the news. not well, fai assumes, but then again, kurogane took on the responsibility of being fai’s bait not caring about whether it was for mere days or months or for the rest of their lives. maybe it won’t make a difference to him.

he sits up, as quietly as he can, and walks up to kurogane’s bed. sits down on the edge and trails gentle fingers over kurogane’s wrapped shoulder. the metal arm is gone, too damaged in the battle and already ill-fitting besides. fai thinks about what he can give now for a replacement, one that will be good.

kurogane lets out a mumbled breath in his sleep, a small frown creasing the skin between his brows, and fai cards his fingers through the hair on his forehead to soothe him. if there is one thing this mad, wonderful man deserves, fai thinks, it is for his sleep to be restful.

he leans over kurogane, places soft, grateful kisses to his brow and his eyes and his cheeks and his mouth, and he whispers prayers of protection. if he could, he’d never have him shed a single drop of blood ever again. he knows it is a foolish, wistful thought, but he can’t help it.

‘i’d ask what the hell do you think you’re doing so damn early in the day, but i can’t say i actually mind being woken up like this.’

fai startles at kurogane’s sleepy words. he looks down at him, their eyes meeting, and for a moment, he’s reminded of a night, what feels like a lifetime ago, in a country of moonlight and war. everything is different than it was then, and yet.

he smiles, leans down and kisses kurogane soft and slow.

‘your eyes are weird,’ kurogane tells him when they part, and fai startles again. he frowns.

‘weird, kuro-sama?’

‘yeah.’ he raises a hand and brushes fai’s hair out of his face. ‘this one’s blue,’ he says, trailing the back of his fingers under fai’s left eye, and then he moves them under his right. ‘this one’s gold, like until the other day. they weren’t like that last night.’

and it’s a curious thing, because fai doesn’t feel any different than last night, doesn’t feel any different than two days ago, and his magic is back, and to its full strength.

he writes a rune into the air in front of him and a shiny piece of ice appears. he takes it in his hand and looks at himself in its reflection. yes, his eyes are different.

‘i’m hungry,’ he hears himself say before he even realizes he’s opened his mouth. ‘kuro-sama, i’m hungry.’ he looks back down at kurogane, and sees the man’s eyebrows shoot up.

‘i thought,’ he starts, ‘didn’t that witch say it would be reversed if you got your eye back?’ he sits up, slowly. fai helps him.  

‘maybe… maybe it’s because i didn’t have any left when it was restored. i’d used to much in celes, and then i used the rest as payment… maybe the vampirism hasn’t been thoroughly reversed because of that.’ he looks down, at where his hands are in his lap, picking at the sleeves of his sleeping shirt. ‘i don’t know.’ he pauses for the length of a breath. ‘i didn’t feel anything changing when we were inside the ruins but i didn’t pay attention because of things being as they were at the time. i didn’t realize.’

there’s a long pause, neither of them breaking the solemn silence for a few minutes. then, kurogane sighs, and scratches at the back of his head.

‘well,’ he says, ‘not like it makes much of difference either way.’

fai looks up at him at that, incredulous, but he doesn’t manage to say anything before kurogane speaks up again, extending his neck to fai. ‘well? you said you were hungry, right? so eat.’ his tone is the usual no-nonsense one, but at the same time, it’s warm. fai sighs and shakes his head. he smiles. oh, how he loves this impossible man.

‘you really are something, aren’t you, kuro-sama.’

kurogane just humphs, and fai extends a finger, claw elongating, and makes sure not a single (precious, beloved) drop is wasted.

[ellayuki]

23.11.’17

rubies and sapphires and fire and ice

tsubasa reservoir chronicle, kurogane pov

kurofai week - day 1 - sweet - fai makes kurogane a sweet treat.

~

the sakuramochi looks harmless enough, if a little bit misshapen and little bit too big.

kurogane looks at it, then up at fai’s expectant little smile, and controls his impulse to snort. as if the damn mage doesn’t know he’s not really one for sweets. but he doesn’t say anything, just picks the thing from its little ornate plate and, with one more look in fai’s direction, he takes a bite. his eyebrows shoot up.

it’s… not as sweet as he expected it to be.

it’s surprising. fai usually makes everything so sickeningly tooth-aching, kurogane always has trouble with it, but this is actually good, the bean paste not as sweetened as it would normally be (even in a normal person’s hands).

he takes another bite, and then washes it down with a sip of sake.

‘it’s good,’ he says, casual, and fai’s smile grows, his eyes brightening in delight and pride.

‘i’m glad you like it, kuro-sama,’ he says, and takes a sip of his own sake.

kurogane takes a moment to just enjoy the warm breeze and the delicious taste and the precious company. he takes the last bite and bends over to place a small kiss to fai’s hair.

‘thank you,’ he says, nuzzling against the golden strands.

‘you are welcome, kuro-sama,’ fai answers on a soft, content sigh.

[ellayuki]

27.12.’17

trying to stay sane in this dark time

supernatural, castiel pov

in his time in asmodeus’ cells, castiel can do nothing but think. 

~

in the hours and days and weeks he spends locked up in asmodeus’ dungeon, cas can do nothing but think.

it’s not a quiet place, there’s demons coming and going all the time, and lucifer is almost constantly talking, from quiet mutters to himself, to screams at the prince of hell, swearing torturous vengeance, to trying to chat castiel up on occasion.

cas ignores it all and just, thinks.

he thinks of jack, of the son whom he was barely starting to know but already cared for immensely. he wonders where the boy is, what he is doing, if he is well, if he’s managed to control his powers enough for them not to cause any more damage that will break jack’s heart.

he thinks of his siblings in heaven, and how, even if they knew about his predicament, they would never come for him, even as their numbers dwindle.

and he thinks of the winchesters, of of sam and of dean, and what they might be doing. he knows asmodeus uses castiel’s voice to talk to them, to make sure they don’t come looking, but it still hurts, a little bit (a whole lot), that neither of them has realized that it’s not really him they’re talking to. he wonders what asmodeus has told them for his prolonged absence, or if they even asked why he’s keeping away for all that he’s supposedly taking their calls.

he thinks of dean. he thinks of dean and how he’d looked at him when they’d come to pick him up after his resurrection, the way dean had hugged him a little harder than usual, the way his longing before castiel had called had been like the crashing waves of a tsunami.

(cas has wondered what could make dean feel like drowning, like there was no more light in the world. he got his answer when the longing had receded to its usual levels the moment dean stepped out of the impala that night and had wrapped himself around cas.)

(he got another confirmation when that same longing spiked again after castiel had left to search for jack. and castiel knows that there is an answering one ringing like church bells from the center of his very being.)

he thinks of dean and the day he will realize what has happened to cas (and he will, cas knows he will, asmodeus will slip because he doesn’t know cas-and-dean as well as he likes to think he does), and come storming in, looking for him.

he thinks of that day and dreads it somewhat, for all that it’s all that’s keeping him sane on some days.

because there’s not much of a chance for him and sam to defeat asmodeus. not by themselves, not without the colt, not without the first blade, not without… well, the point is that they can’t. and for all that they’ve survived so much, cas isn’t sure they will this time as well.

still, there is not much he can do for the time being, except wait, and think, and hope.

and stay alive.

[ellayuki]

25.11.’17

rubies and sapphires and fire and ice

tsubasa reservoir chronicle, kurogane pov

kurofai week - day 3 - music - sometime after settling down in nihon, fai picks up playing the koto. 

~

he doesn’t know where fai got his hands on one (though he suspects tomoyo had a hand in it, she always does), but there’s something gentle, almost dreamlike, about fai whenever his fingers pluck at the strings of an old koto, for all that he knows nothing about how such an instrument is played.

on the slow days between spring and summer, the castle wing that holds their rooms echos with the sounds of strings, random pieces, nothing the residents would recognize, and it gives the place an almost whimsical atmosphere.

some evenings, right before bed, fai plays a particular song. it’s one kurogane has heard him hum to himself throughout the years, usually when he’s feeling good or when he’s lost in thought.

he tried, once, to ask fai about it, while they were still traveling, but fai had just smiled, a sad little thing, full of ghosts and pain, and said it’s just something he vaguely remembers from his childhood. kurogane had not asked if he meant his childhood before the tower, or after his adoption. (he hasn’t asked about it again at all, in fact.)

fai is playing again tonight, humming along this time (which is rare).

he’s sitting out on the porch leading to their little garden, kurogane next to him, drinking a cup of sake. the evening air is warm, and rich with the scent of wisteria blossoms, the sky is full of stars, and there’s just something so tranquil about it all.

kurogane doesn’t think he’s ever felt so content before, so at peace.

he closes his eyes and lays down, making a pillow out of fai’s lap, for all that the position is awkward, squished as he is against the firm wood of the koto. he can hear fai’s fond little huff but he ignores it, preferring to let the melody of fai’s childhood wash over him.

‘i can’t play properly like this, kuro-sama,’ fay says, mock-scolding, and if kurogane had had his eyes open, he’d have rolled them at that, just as mockingly.

instead, he says, ‘it’s not like you’re playing it properly anyway, you idiot. you don’t play the koto with your bare fingers like that.’

fai runs a hand though kurogane’s hair for a moment before he returns it to the strings. ‘i like it better like this,’ he says, voice betraying his smile, and really, kurogane can’t argue with that.

‘it’s a good song,’ kurogane whispers, and lets sleep take him, and fai’s soft, barely audible, ‘yes, it is,’ follows him into his dreams.

[ellayuki]

21.12.’17

mistletoe and the scent of frost

yuri!!! on ice, chris pov,

chris and phichit spend their first christmas as a couple together in zurich.

a very merry phichimetti week - day 10: planning and performing an ice show: phichit tells chris about his dream ice show and chris decides he wants to help him with it.

~

‘okay so, let me see if i got this right,’ chris says, feeling a little dizzy. he sets the blue and orange tree ornament he’d been contemplating back down in its box. ‘hamsters, princes, fairy godsisters, and… space?’

phichit’s eyes sparkle, grin stretching almost impossibly, but chris can see the tiny bit of hesitant nervousness hiding just under the surface. ‘more or less, yeah. i mean, i don’t know, i’ve had this idea in my head for a couple of years now.’ he raises on the tips of his toes, hooking a tiny candy cane to one of the higher tree branches.

‘does yuuri know about this? or celestino?’ chris asks, curious. he wonders what phichit’s oldest friend thinks about phichit’s idea for an ice show.

‘i haven’t told anyone until now,’ phichit tells him, fingers scratching at his cheep, self-conscious. and oh. he’s even blushing a little now. chris finds it adorable. he also finds it humbling that phichit trusts him enough to share this with him when he hasn’t evn told his best friend.

‘alright,’ he says, and pulls phichit in for a quick kiss. ‘when do you want to do it? next summer? or the one after? have you thought about who you want in it?’

for a moment, phichit looks up at him, a bit dazed, like he hadn’t expected the questions. it’s rare for chris to see him caught off guard, so he adds, ‘do you have someone in mind for the music? i can recommend you to someone if you want. and we’ll have to schedule it for a time when the others aren’t busy with their own shows so they can help.’

phichit blinks at him, still quiet for a long moment. and then, he wraps the length of golden tinsel he’d just picked up around chris and pulls him in. the kiss is fiery, but chris can feel gratitude and happiness coming off of phichit in waves.

‘you’re amazing, do you know?’ phichit tells him when they part, panting. chris kisses his nose.

‘i do, but i like hearing it from time to time,’ he says with a wink, before he lets go of phichit and goes back to decorating the tree. ‘we’ll sit down and make a proper plan after we’re done decorating, what do you say?’

phichit’s answering smile is brighter than all the christmas lights, and chris thinks he kind of really loves him.