#Elise fans rise up!

[thatsthewrongwallcraig]

Insomnia

Summary: After tossing and turning for the better part of the night, Roman helps you to find ways to relax.

Pairing: Roman Roy x fem!Reader

Word Count: ~2k

Content Warnings: Fluffy Smut 18+!, Everybody Is Needy And Soft In Here, Unprotected P In V, Nipple Play, A Little Bit Of Logan Roy Slander, Roman Being Absolutely Enamored With Reader, L-Bombs, Established Relationship Because I Just Want Roman To Be Happy For Once 🤧

A/N: This fic was brought to you by my current inability to sleep 🫠

(Happy little edit: By the time I finished the fic, I had finally slept a whole night 🥲)

Tagging:

@alalalaaallaaalaaa @crypticsewerslut @angelsanarchy @arch1viste @icarus-star @fadedviolets

Für Elise - Reimagined By Alexander Joseph (I WHOLEHEARTEDLY encourage you to listen to this piece of art!)

Round after repetitive round your slightly burning, half-lidded eyes followed the quietly whirring ceiling fan right above the bed. Everything was perfect, the sheets fresh, the room temperature comfortably cool and the muffled out city sounds in the background provided just enough white noise to drown out your everlasting inner monologue and yet you just couldn't fall asleep.

You've already been cutting out caffeine for a few days now, carbohydrates too and with that practically everything that was remotely fun, hell, you even picked up a guided meditation podcast here and there trying to simply put yourself to sleep by getting bored enough but nothing really did the job. With each and every night passing like this, getting one to two hours of fairly interrupted sleep at best, you dreaded it a little more.

"Goddammit." You huffed under your breath before turning yourself to the side where Roman was comfortably snoozing next to you.

His back was facing your front as you scooted up close to him to gently wrap your arm around his waist, fingertips sneaking themselves underneath the hem of his white t-shirt while you rested your forehead against his shoulder. For a few minutes you just listened to him breathing in a steady pace, his ribcage rising and falling with every peaceful inhale and you couldn't help yourself but to envy him a little.

You couldn't explain to yourself how he did it, dealing with pent-up assholes, the worst of them being his father without a doubt, all day long and then just passing out when he felt like ending the day. Right now you wished for that ability to be one of your own, too, but for now it was to no avail. Pondering over it for longer would only turn you more sour by the minute and that wouldn't exactly help anyone here right now. Instead, you gently sighed into the soft and warm fabric of his shirt, shoving as much of the internalized malice regarding your situation to the side while much rather focusing on your curious fingertips that you led to wander over his defined torso. In gentle, slow strokes, you traced the outlines of his muscles up to his ribcage, caressed his collarbone, that was slightly curved upwards in this position, and then all the way back down again, your fingers getting lost in the softly curled hair of his happy trail down to the waistband of his shorts.

"You're getting me all worked up here.." Roman's sleep-drunk voice whispered to you.

"Sorry… I didn't mean to." You reciprocated, drawing your fingers from his lower abdomen until you felt his broad hand softly pressing yours back onto his skin.

"No, no, it's fine, don't you worry, babe. Still can't sleep, huh?" His tone was laced with a heavy layer of upright worry about you.

"Nope, Morpheus still won't treat me with a dream or two. Just endless buzzing up in the noggin." It left your mouth alongside a tired and painfully exhausted yawn.

"I'm sorry.", Rome yawned right there with you whilst he turned himself on his back, offering you his arm to seek shelter under, "Come here, you don't have to suffer through that alone."

"You don't have to be sorry, it's none of your fault." You shrugged your shoulders a little, quickly moving into his embrace and resting your weary head on his chest.

"But I really think it would be if I didn't try to help you somehow." He stated rather bluntly before placing a soft kiss to your hairline.

"Oh, Rome, you don't need to make this your problem, really-" With a well audible smile in his voice, Roman cut you off.

"But I want to! And I'm going to." He whispered against your forehead as his hand, that hung around your shoulder, started to softly caress your upper arm.

In barely even there strokes with his fingertips, Rome brushed over your skin from shoulder to elbow and back again, leaving waves of goosebumps after goosebumps in his wake.

"Now you're getting me all worked up!" You smiled against his chest, pressing your body impossibly closer to his, the silky soft fabric of your satin slip dress rubbing against his shirt.

"Oh, god forbid, am I right?", Roman laughed out softly, "And what if I do that right here?"

His other hand reached out to lift your chin up to his face before he leaned in to press a longing and anything but chaste kiss to your lips.

With that, he elicited a low moan of yours to get swallowed up by his mouth, his tongue darting out between his lips, gently snaking towards yours, nudging it playfully. Immediately, you felt your blood rushing down between your legs in nearly violent determination, an aching need to feel him even closer with you drowning out everything else.

"Fuck, Roman." You sighed against his lips, trying to steady your breath.

"If you insist.", You felt the grin forming on his face, "Please, take a seat and make yourself comfortable."

"If you insist." You chuckled right back whilst reaching down to your hips, taking a hold of the lacey string underneath the slip dress and shimmied out of it.

"Keep the dress on, please? You just look stunning in it." Roman asked in a breathy tone, pulling himself back a little to sit up straight against the headboard.

"Of course…" You whispered with a smile on your lips, rising yourself so far from the mattress until you were able to arch one leg over his waist and straddle his lap.

"Oh, damn.." He groaned a little raspy as the length of his pulsing cock pressed against your thoroughly soaked folds, your slick threatening to just drip down on him.

"That's all you, getting me wet like that." You said in return, wrapping your arms around his neck before rolling your hips against his lap to let him slide right inside of.

The feeling of him filling you right up to the brim, the girth of his cock stretching you out delightfully, had you both moaning out in pleasure. It absolutely didn't matter how many times you had slept with each other in whatever way, the moment of Roman thrusting into you for the first time was something that simply knocked the air from your lungs and eradicated any and every thought from your crowded mind.

"You feel so fucking good around me, you have no idea.", He hummed against your cheek before peppering the corner of your mouth with playful pecks of his lips, "And it just drives me insane when you wear just that slip dress here."

"It's the one you gifted me on our last anniversary, remember?" Your breath heavy as you started rolling your hips at a slow pace.

"How could I forget, babe?" Rome smiled at you, cheeks flushed in a soft tint of red and his olive eyes sparkling with unbridled joy even in the dark.

Seeing him beam at you like this made you forget all about not being able to sleep for the past two weeks, it made you forget all about the negativity that followed your each and every step through the days but what it made you remember clearly was how much you loved him. Every part of him from his expressive eyebrows, to his loud mouth to his colorful and exciting character.

"I love you, Roman." It fell from your lips before they touched his in a nearly bruising kiss.

"And I love you…more than anything." He reciprocated as soon as you broke from the kiss a little, leading his mouth to wander over your jaw, pressing loving kisses and playfully soft bites down your neck and all over your collarbone.

The tip of his nose stroked over the cleavage that the silken slip dress gave room for before his lips wandered down another notch to close around one of your perked up nipples, suckling at it carefully. A rush of pleasure seeped from your chest throughout your whole body as you felt the thin fabric soaking up his saliva, a wet patch forming around your areola before he moved on to the other side. The ceiling fan from above rendered the damp spot cold to your skin, sending soft shivers down your spine whilst you allowed yourself to just not think for once.

With eyes fluttered shut, you let your head roll back, basking in each little sensation he gifted to your body. This right now wasn't about chasing an orgasm just for the sake of getting off, no, this moment of shared intimacy was about feeling each other in the closest way possible and you reveled in every second of it.

"Love you so fucking much.." Roman's breathy tone got muffled by the fabric and you could hear that he was equally far gone by now, carefully joining in on your rhythm with every roll of your hips over his lap as his hands held you by the waist.

You intently listened to his shallow breathing, the sound of skin slapping against skin and the wet sounds of his lips Kissing and sucking on your nipples in a seemingly relentless vigor as you felt your walls tightening around his cock, the tip of it stroking over that especially sensitive part repeatedly.

"I'm about to…fuck, I…" It cascaded out of your mouth into the bedroom as you weren't even able to for a coherent sentence before it rippled through your body.

Orgasmic bliss set every nerve on fire for a split second, your pussy contracting in reckless waves around him, pulling him further in and eventually throwing him over his own edge. With raggedy breaths and choked back moans, Roman pressed his face into your neck as his fingers clawed at your waist. You felt him filling you up with throbbing pumps of his twitching cock as he pressed himself as far as possible into you with one final thrust.

Neither of you said a word whilst you pulled yourself off of him, the accumulation of bodily fluids leaving a little mess in his lap and between your thighs, and curled your satisfied body up to his again.

"Do you want me to read you something?" Roman asked and to say it caught you by surprise was a broad understatement.

"Huh?" You looked up to him with arched brows.

"I vaguely remember you telling me how much you liked being read to back when we started dating and I'm quite a bit ashamed that I never did that for you by now." He answered with a soft smile on his lips.

"You…you remember that?" It rolled over your tongue in some sort of excited shock.

"Of course I do, babe. So, would you like me to? If you're lucky, I'll find something a little more suitable than a yucky Forbes magazine."

[crusherthedoctor]

Top 5 Moments that Sonic did that didn't annoy you?

5. Actually owning up to a mistake in Lost World. Not to say he shifts the blame with other examples in the games, but seeing how I've complained in the past about other mistakes on his end being quietly ignored for the most part by their narratives, it's nice to see Sonic fully acknowledge it in-universe, and take steps to rectify it on a more personal level. And unlike Rise of Lyric and Prime, Sonic's friends don't collectively gang up on him to grill him over it either.

4. His dynamic with Blaze in the Rush games. It's cute. :> Not to shit on Amy as a character, but while I'm not a diehard Sonaze shipper, I felt more of a particular connection between Sonic and Blaze than I've ever felt over three decades between him and Amy. I guess that's the power of actual chemistry over years of forced, repetitive teasing.

3. His empathy for Elise. Funny how to this day, despite the common attempts to paint '06 as a secret masterpiece (as opposed to an actual masterpiece?), Sonic is still often portrayed as disgusted or horrified when Elise is brought up. If only they switched to realising how flaccid of a villain Mephiles was instead.

2. The ending of Secret Rings. Much praised is deserved for the juxtaposition between his ruthlessness with Erazor and his sympathy with Shahra.

1. The intro and ending for Sonic CD. Quintessentially Sonic, and effortlessly badass. What else is there to say.

Honorable mention: His final moments with Emerl in Battle, since it's a good example of how to show a more vulnerable Sonic. It's only undermined by the fact that the context involves a scenario where Eggman got upstaged yet again. I know that's petty, but considering how many times it's happened, to the point where fans consider it a tradition, can you blame me for being petty?

I guess I'm obligated to acknowledge his final moments with Merlina as well, but being honest, I get a little bitter about Black Knight because it feels like whenever people praise that game as the greatest story and character writing of all time, they only acknowledge Sonic himself, conveniently making little mention of the other characters. Gee, I wonder why... Coincidentally, this is also common with Frontiers, but obviously to a worse degree.

[fushigidane]

Personal skills for the awakening kids

i wish awakening had personal skills SO BAD it's not even funny.

anyway. i thought up some personal skills for the 2nd gen. these are all made within the context of 3h as that's the au that's been swimming about in my head for several weeks hence any reference to those mechanics but pls enjoy :) :)

lucina

gee, lucina, how come mum lets YOU bring the overpowered game mechanic to other games--

basically just the engage chain attack feature as lucina there is The Chain Attack Emblem. killassisting killstealing left and right. would serve really well with 3h's love of chunky hp monsters. the weapon durability aspect is kind of incentive to always have her equip falchion (3h regalia should NOT have limited durability and in THIS essay i will--) or a forged training weapon as the damage is fixed.

this probably could transfer to fateswakening where this would proc on top of normal dual strikes, but another option i thought up for her would be the ability to dual strike for anyone as long as the targeted enemy is within her movement range (i.e. she can dual strike without being adjacent to an ally)

owain

i wanted to make the fateswakening trio's skills distinct from their fates counterparts... though i wouldn't be able to use aching blood in a 3h setting anyway as it has no weapon naming feature. truly tragic.

this is probably self-explanatory: owain does extra damage when using any attack that has a name bc He Gets Excited. it would apply to each individual strike rather than the total damage number, and part of me wonders if this would make 3h-astra actually viable.

also, rip to like half the crests in 3h which have this exact effect but separate and worse since they're a non-guaranteed proc. we honour your sacrifice so owain could rise

inigo

3h's authority makes rally skills pretty easy to get, but the fact they only affect one unit means i barely use them and it makes me sad. inigo deserves his funky little rallies and he will GET his funky little rallies.

this skill would also apply to the stat boost from special dance (though not the dance effect itself).

not much else to say. i just think this skill is neat

brady

this is basically the skill stealth, which is otherwise exclusive to the thief/assassin/trickster classes in 3h. it puts the unit at the bottom of the priority list for enemy attacks so they will only be attacked if there are NO other viable targets.

great for a healing brady. i always put him in a support role so this is perfect for me. less great if you want brady to be a combatant as it limits what you can do on enemy phase, but you could still use it to your advantage

i just have this image of enemies seeing a healer on the battlefield, going to attack them, and then being hit by this Stare of Promised Violence that makes them back off and decide to attack,, idk. fucking dedue instead. and brady is sitting here confused bc he didn't do anything (it's just his normal face)

kjelle

She Will Not Be Knocked Over. armour too strong. 10/10. truly a GET DOWN MR PRESIDENT skill of all time, as she has earned

this skill means she takes the damage but doesn't get movement sealed or debuffed or anything after being hit by a gambit. Not Even The Force Of Ten Dozen Men Charging Will Faze You.

a fateswakening equivalent i considered would be preventing specifically armour-effective damage i.e. from hammers or armourslayers, so they just deal normal damage instead (or, in fates' case, the weapons get hit with the non-effective target debuff).

cynthia

basically a stronger but more situational variant of elise's and flayn's lily's poise. all about protecting the vulnerable, plays into her more sensible (read: comparative to owain) idea of heroism.

i personally like this a lot bc i always always go falcon knight cynthia (it feels better) and cynthia with a healer flavour... mwah.

i'm generally a massive fan of aura skills (i.e. buffs to allies within a certain range of a unit) and this is the type of skill that could definitely save your units after an unfortunate mistake

severa

THE COUNTERPART TO BERUKA'S PERSONAL THAT SELENA SHOULD HAVE HAD. NO I WILL NOT TAKE CRITICISM they did her SOOO dirty with her fates personal--

aside from being perfect personality-wise (she WILL prove she is better than others--), this also syncs well with most classes severa will find herself in. swords are pretty much wholly 1-range weapons, so are usually facing a counterattack, except the levin sword...but nobody is rushing to give her that. (she has a 10% MAG growth in awakening, which is quite literally the lowest available...)

i wanted to name this competitive but apparently that's takumi's personal skill name. so rude of him

gerome

local teenager fixates on dragons, more at 6

he's studied dragons + minervikins so hard he knows how to fight beside them in a way that lets them fight to the fullest. also he gets so secretly happy (and it is secret do not tell a soul) to be next to a dragon that he too fights better.

this would apply equally to wyvern units and units that are dragons in non-dragon classes e.g. a mage nah.

gerome <3

yarne

the original name of this skill was sudden brevity until i realised brevity does not mean what i clearly thought it did when i wrote it.

an improved version of strong riposte from fates. poor yarne spends so much time wanting to hide on player phase that any damage he is directed to deal is only mediocre, but when enemies attack HIM on ENEMY phase, he's like oh shit gotta survive--

DONT MESS WITH A BUNNY indeed :)

laurent

3h's limits on spell learning means this basically has a cap of +10 in the late game, but even that is still mega broken. this skill would serve as a really strong incentive to train his reason/faith in the early game and the extra power you get from learning spells would scale well as you progress further.

now that the meta is out the way, this skill is like when a character (not necessarily a fe one) gets a new skill in a game and there's this super exaggerated powerup sound effect and a victory quote, and you're just like... 'all you learned was how to wear heavier armour' but with THIS skill it's actually VALID

knowledge = power and also justification for laurent joining the cast of fodlan characters found near exclusively in the library

noire

it's a little criminal that awakening wasn't able to give us something that reflects noire's blood and thunder state in combat aside from her crit quotes, so this is what i came up with.

the more she fights, the more BLOOD AND THUNDER she gets.

it makes the most sense that her offense would be the one boosted, and even though she's an archer she can fill a good role as a mixed attacker (i WISH awakening had a shining bow), hence STR/MAG being boosted. i briefly considered SPD, but noire has one of the best base speed growths in the game anyway (before growth inheritance; she's on par with lon'qu and a speed-boon robin, and weirdly only beat out by PANNE with 55 base speed for some reason) so it'd be a little redundant when she already doubles everything

nah

this is based off that odd quirk of nah's where she always forgets she can turn into a dragon. i think of her support with f!morgan all the time, where she spends ages trying to learn how to catch a wyrmslayer and in the end realises it was a wasted effort bc she doesn't even fight in her human form and her dragon arms are too small to do what she learned.

"until engaging in combat" applies to combat initiated with nah on either player OR enemy phase. you'd have to have her avoid combat completely for this skill to build up. it would apply to offensive non-damaging magic e.g. silence, but wouldn't apply to healing, so nah could spend her time doing that.

this is a skill you need to dedicate yourself to using yourself, but in the hypothetical scenario where she's a boss, this skill is absolutely terrifying. especially if you took all the limiters off. it would actually make for a very fun map i think--the best fe maps are those that make you go on the offensive IMO, but that's not exactly what this post is about, so i'll move on.

f!morgan

i've made separate skills for the morgans because their supports are different enough that they feel like different characters to me, even if just slightly. it's why i always like them as twins.

what i wanted with the morgans is a skill that hints at what they were before losing their memory and joining the shepherds. for this one, though she is a wyvern lord in future past 2 she is a malig knight in my heart. they just hadn't yet invented malig knights when they made her. this skill is based on its lvl15 skill, savage blow. (to be clear, the 5 extra damage would also apply after combat).

this is a fun one that's good for crowd control and mopping up large groups of enemies, especially with the existence of 3h canto where you can just swoop out of enemy range after obliterating their movement.

it's a very fitting skill if you have morgan in, say, a wyvern class or even dark flier. but if you put her in a dainty little base pegasus knight class... the image of a fragile little pegasus that will fall to like two axes hunting people down is kind of hilarious. sorry morgy

m!morgan

last but not least, the son himself... likewise to f!morgan, i wanted this skill to reflect who he was before the shepherds. he's a sorcerer in the future past 1, which is why i wanted this skill to be dark magic based. both morgans having skills that debuff enemies is another intentional choice.

it's loosely based upon the -taker skills. this skill isn't as powerful as them (you get less stat per proc and the cap is smaller) but you can gain the boosts without delivering the killing blow and you have more variety in what boosts you can get. morgan tends to be a jack-of-all-trades like robin, so an all-round boost is good for him.

past morgan was probably pretty scary with this, but present morgan without a hint of memory now just goes around Yoinking enemy stats. Morgan Says Teehee Mine Now. as he should :)

[archoneddzs15]

My reaction to Sonic x Shadow Dark Beginnings teaser

When Anime Expo 2024 took place sometime around July 5th, 2024, Sega took to the rings to showcase their big plans surrounding the upcoming Sonic x Shadow Generations projects, namely the Dark Beginnings prologue animation. Needless to say, fans were very excited, and so was I, I have to admit. Anime Expo lasted the half of the day (around 12 hours), and the live-stream started around July 6th, 2024, 5.00 AM in Malaysia.

The posters that were handed out to attendees who attended the Sega panel on that time period. Needless to say, that poster looked really good!

Here is the full poster in question, AI-upscaled to a higher resolution.

They spent the first 30 minutes giving some new fans an explainer regarding Shadow's fragmented backstory though they left out Sonic Riders (a spinoff title), Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 (the story ret-conned itself as soon as Sonic or Elise [I don't exactly know who] blew the candle which reset the timeline), and Sonic Forces. Though.... I'm sure putting Sonic Forces in there would definitely rile up many a Sonic fan online since that game has a mediocre reputation among the community.

Needless to say, I definitely now have a clearer understanding of the history of Shadow the Hedgehog.

Then it was time to turn the lights on to unveil the teaser trailer for Sonic x Shadow Dark Beginnings. The first thing you will notice compared to the official trailer uploaded on the Sonic social media channels is that the footage is incredibly zoomed in, but that is actually a minor gripe all in on itself. But still.... There is one expected surprise.

WHAT!? EMERL WAS HERE!? I'm not kidding! Apparently, Emerl is going to have a big part in the story buildup of this animation which will have 3 episodes in its belt. In case you don't know, Emerl is a character you may remember from Sonic Battle on the Gameboy Advance, which is still a fan favourite. Oh, and secondly...

WAIT!!! STUDIO GIGGEX!? Apparently, the studio responsible for this awesome animation and art style are the same people responsible for the awesome Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Last week I was watching that TV show with a few friends of mine, and I thought it was one of the best Turtles media since Turtles in Time on Super Famicom.

There are a lot more Sonic-centric YouTubers who had similar reactions to mine, though a lil' bit louder since I live in an apartment where even a neighbour can hear the slightest noise. Here's one hilarious one though from Youtuber "Sam Procrastinates" and his girlfriend Kennie. Apparently, they screamed so loud the house alarm went off. Wooosh.

[alexeiis]

nicholas   galitzine.     he/him.     cis   male.      ›      spotted   at   the   met   steps   ,   alexei   rakov   ,   most   likely   listening   to   owner    of   a   lonely   heart   by   yes   with   their   airpods   pro   .   the   twenty   six   year   old   gained   quite   a   reputation   ,   known   to   be   - sensitive   yet   + compassionate   to   anyone   who   knows   them   .   you'll   easily   spot   them   when   you   hear   about   the   playing   of   multiple   instruments   but   a   true   passion   for   the   violin   and   guitar  ,  going   back   and   forth   from   blonde   to   black  ,  greek   with   his   mother   and   russian   with   his   father  ,  a   difficult   time   allowing   himself   to   love   and   to   be   loved   which   results   in   songwriting   to   drown   everything   out   ,   followed   by   the   scent   of   peace   for   him   by   bond   no.9   .   latest   nepoupdates   article   talks   about   alexei   rakov   spotted   visiting   rock   legend   stevie   swan’s   grave  ,  we   thought   they   didn't   get   along?   ,   but   i   guess   any   reputation   is   good   reputation   .  

subplot #21 ;

muse 2q and their band – achilles antinous andō, muse 2t, alexei rakov and muse 2v have been making waves in the music industry since moving to new york city three years ago. they’ve got a good thing going with appearances in vanity fair’s time capsule series and a featured spread in rolling stone magazine. but when their manager brings in muse 2r, a singer-songwriter with budding talent, tensions start to rise. muse 2r’s free-spirited and impulsive quickly makes them a fan favorite. muse 2q can’t stand them. the constant clashes have led to writer’s block, plummeting ticket sales and canceled shows –– putting the band’s success at risk. and to make matters worse? drama is brewing with the rest of the band. achilles antinous andō and muse 2t are secretly hooking up, worried about the band’s reaction if they find out. alexei rakov is hiding a secret that could potentially ruin their career if it gets out. and muse 2v? they’re jealous of muse 2q’s success and wants what they have. tensions continue to mount and the band’s future hangs in the balance. can they learn to work together and put their differences aside? or will personal drama and clashing egos seal the band’s fate?

muse 2q  –  open. muse 2r  –  open. muse 2s  –   achilles antinous andō. muse 2t  –  open. muse 2u  –   alexei rakov. muse 2v  –  open.

basic stats ;

⟶ full name: alexei antonis nikos rakov ( first name pronounced ah-lek-say, or click here for pronunciation ) ⟶ nicknames: likes alexei, but doesn’t mind being called alex considering over 90% of the people he meets don’t know how to pronounce his name ⟶ three things he likes: instruments of any kind, summers in greece, olives ⟶ three things he dislikes: people who just want sex, slow wifi, the instability he’s felt his whole life ⟶ gender: cis male   ⟶ height: 6 ‘ 0 ⟶ age: 26 ⟶ birthday: february 19, 1997 ⟶ zodiac: pisces sun ( aquarius - pisces cusp, known as the ‘cusp of sensitivity’ ), cancer moon, virgo ascendant   ⟶ right handed or left handed: left handed   ⟶ eye color: hazel, shooting more towards green, shifts depending on the lighting ⟶ hair color: naturally blonde, constantly dyes it from blonde to black and back and forth ⟶ piercings and tattoos: left ear pierced, little music symbol on his right wrist ⟶ languages spoken: russian ( father’s native tongue ), greek ( mother’s native tongue ), decent spanish and english   ⟶ sexuality / romantic orientation: demisexual / homoromantic  ⟶ place of birth: manchester, england ⟶ last five songs listened to: time by pink floyd, vitamin c by can, für elise by beethoven, méditation from thaïs by massenet, happiness is a warm gun by the beatles ⟶ five aesthetics: the intense feeling of feeling unworthy of being loved by anyone, shirts stained with black hair dye, a soft british accent, peach flavored tea and fat free biscuits, crying over things you have no control over ⟶ character inspo: prince willhelm from young royals, charlie spring from heartstopper, adam groff from sex education ( season 3 adam )

background story ;

alexei was born on a cold night in manchester to nikola ganos and sergei rakov, two twenty year olds who fell in love through music. his mother was a famous piano player ( think maybe like yiruma or ludovico einaudi ) while his father was getting more of a name for himself as a cello player. both classical musicians who fell in love and had alexei, very unexpectedly 

his parents are both really well off. his mother’s side owns one of the biggest olives and olive oil companies in europe while his father’s side owns plenty of vodka brands originated in russia but sold all across the world. they were young, but they knew their son would be coming into the world very well off financially, planned to give him the perfect childhood, even got married when he was merely five months old

and for the first six years of alexei’s life, that’s what it was. two parents who were devoted to him and wanted to give him the best life possible in england, even though neither one of them were british. but as he went from six to seven, all that love his parents had for each other seemed to dissolve more and more each day. his beautiful early childhood turned into him listening to his parents fighting constantly, and even though he was so young, he couldn’t help but ask himself – where did my parents’ love for each other go?

and if you guessed it, they ended up getting a divorce when he was barely seven, but the thing is… his parents weren’t like normal parents. it wasn’t the typical case of custody with one parent while the other has visiting rights, or even shared custody of 3 days a week here, and four days a week there, or even complete custody of him to just one parent, no, his parents were determined to fight for hm until the bitter end

it turned into a game of who alexei liked more, they couldn’t even stand to be in the same room together, and it was really difficult to tell a little kid ‘who do you love more?’ or ‘who do you want to live with more?’ or ‘you have to pick’ or even just his father trying to put him against his mother while his mother did the same thing to him with his father. sometimes, alexei felt like they didn’t even really love him, but just wanted to prove to the other that he could love one or the other more

eventually, they settled for custody in the worst way possible. alexei would live with his mother for six months, then he would live with his father for six months, and maybe this wouldn’t be so awful if they both decided to stay in england, live maybe a city or two away from each other, but no, definitely not. they immediately left his birth place, his mother going back and forth between greece and spain, while his father traveled from canada to russia repeatedly, and well… this is what alexei’s life became

maybe to some people, it might sound ideal. not staying in one place for too long, constantly moving from one city, knowing you wouldn’t be staying there for longer than six months, perhaps to any traveler, this is the dream life, but that certainly wasn’t the case for alexei

this going back and forth put a serious strain in every aspect of his life. he would enroll in a school, make a friend or two, only to be ripped away from that scene for the following six months to go to another school, halfway across the world, for the same thing to happen to him, over and over again

and the worst part was that his parents didn’t seem to understand that it didn’t make him happy, all the going back and forth. he was unstable, he didn’t even know how to really talk to people at one point, because he knew deep down, that there was no use in trying to make any friends if it would just be taken away from him sooner or later

basically, a loner. he spent most of his childhood to early teenage years dodging conversations, definitely ate his lunch in the bathroom vibes. the only consistency his parents had was their love for music, which, is the one thing that did make alexei happy. he was a virtuoso. from the piano, to the cello, to the bass, even the drums, saxophone and viola, he loved it all, though his true love was in the guitar, and more especially, the violin. he grew a real love for this, had multiple instruments at his mother’s and multiple instruments at his father’s, again, the one consistency in his life

while he wasn’t big on singing, he basically had the voice of an angel. could switch from a soft tone to a rather loud one, a male soprano range… truly a gift, tried to break glass to see if it was true and it in fact, wasn’t a myth ( at least in his case ). pretty much any orchestra teacher’s wet dream, a typical band nerd

anyways, when he was sixteen, he convinced his parents to enroll him in a boarding school in los angeles, very pca from zoey 101 vibes, and they surprisingly agreed since it was neither with his mother nor his father, but a spot in between. for the last two years of high school, he had some type of stability

though, during his senior year, he became the talk of everyone through the most unfortunate event. simply put, alexei met a guy. at this time, he wasn’t even really sure of his sexuality. he figured he wasn’t straight, but he didn’t think it was just that. he felt like there was more depth to what he liked and didn’t like, but this guy was charming. gave him attention, treated him kindly, and he was incredibly good looking. this was his first relationship ever. prior to this, he shared his first kiss when he was fifteen with a random girl near his mother’s house in athens, and simply put, he didn’t like it

this was different though. he enjoyed kissing him, but he didn’t feel like doing anything else but that, and the more the guy insisted they take it further, the less inclined he felt to give him what he wanted

alexei, however, is a people pleaser. he didn’t want to have sex with him even though at this point, they had been dating for well over two months. he didn’t know why he didn’t want to, he couldn’t pinpoint why having sex was such a weird and touchy subject for him, but basically, he felt, in a way, guilt tripped by this guy. it was the constant questioning of ‘why don’t you like me?’ or ‘what’s wrong with you?’ or even ‘i promise i’ll make it worth your while’ and one day, they both get drunk and even though alexei has been drunk plenty of times before, well, he caves, instantly lives to regret it

the following day, as he’s walking towards his first class, people are whispering about him, not so discreetly pointing, giving him looks, and it takes him a matter of fifteen minutes from getting to his first period before one of his friends sends him a text message with a link attached, much to his horror. the message reads ‘is this you?’ with a link to a video. the video is them having sex the night prior

he had filmed it all and posted without his consent. they were both of age, but it literally made alexei sick to his stomach. for one, he felt really used, and two, he hated the attention this was getting him. he’s always been one to fly under the radar, and now this was all anyone was talking about, lost count over how many times he’s cried over this

the following months reaching towards graduation are literal hell for him. the video gets to his parents which is quite literally his worst nightmare become a reality. legal action is taken and they thankfully manage to remove the video from the web completely, but the damage has already been done, he’s miserable. worst graduation ever, doesn’t even walk the stage because he’s just so humiliated, and for once in his damn life, he wishes he would have been in that constant moving back and forth life. maybe then, he could’ve ran away from the problem the second it started, sad boy hours, really

after graduation, he immediately moves out of california. for about two years, he just travels. ironic considering it’s something he didn’t like to do when he was younger, but at that point, he just wanted to get away from everything

anyways, he’s twenty three when he finally moves to new york, settling there for good. models on and off, plays the violin at the subway for fun, lives off his mother and father’s money until eventually, he starts making it on his own, with his talent and with the band he’s a part of ( aka the subplot ), things are looking okay, but then you know, they’re not

moral of the story is once again, he meets a guy ( notice how nothing good comes from him meeting a guy ever ), when he’s twenty four and the guy is thirty one. this guy is none other than stevie swan, who would basically come to be the equivalent of a young anthony kiedis, pretty much a rock legend, everything he touches musically turns into gold, you get the gist. his band happens to be huge competition for alexei’s band, they’re pretty much meant to not like each other but things take a swift turn

only this time around, despite being a rockstar, well, this guy isn’t a total jerk. everything is kept a huge secret, but stevie never once pressured him into anything. everything went at a pace alexei was comfortable with, he basically ends up falling in love with him, really got to know him, literally became the only person he’s felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable with in every aspect of the word. everything would be great, but like most rockstars, alexei came to know that stevie had a drug problem

the only thing alexei has ever done in his damn life was drink and smoke on occasion. however, as nice as stevie is, he easily influences alexei. at one point, they’re both doing drugs together, every minute of the day

it seems like they have everything under control, until one horrible morning of partying too hard later and when alexei wakes up beside him, stevie is gone. died in his sleep from an overdose, and alexei was so out of it himself, he didn’t even realize, not until it was too late

this is where the secret from his subplot comes in. he got so nervous from seeing the scene before him, not only did he have a major panic attack, but he left without saying anything. not a phone call, nothing, just panicked big time and left in a fountain of tears, wasn’t spotted by anyone. this happened when he was twenty five, about a year into their secret romance

the headlines were big, all over the place, rock legend stevie swan dies of an overdose, all of which he was around for, but didn’t do anything about it. this is his secret, that he woke up to this scene and just left. he’s kept this a secret for a while now, as he knows it could potentially ruin his bands career and that’s the last thing he wants, but truthfully, he doesn’t know how to say it. that moment was so traumatizing, it’s difficult for him to even think about it without getting teary eyed, let alone talk about what happened. now the question is, will this come back to bite him in the ass, or can it somehow stay concealed for the rest of time?

headcanons ;

natural blonde, but constantly dyes his hair black, then switches. dying his hair is almost therapeutic for him, has even gotten buzzcuts during times where he was really depressed, but he prefers longer hair

regarding the gossip in his app, it’s totally true. he went to go visit stevie’s grave and didn’t know he was photographed, played it off as him paying his respect but little do people know, that was basically the love of his life

the guitarist of the band from the subplot, back up vocals here and there, first time he feels like he actually belongs somewhere, even though he’s hiding a big secret from all his bandmates

he has a british accent, literally nicholas galitzine’s voiceclaim. not too strong, but it’s there

speaks russian with his father in absolute shame, my guy is definitely free ukraine all the way, just wants peace and love

because of his past relationships, he has a very difficult time trusting people, loving people, or even allowing people to love him. the whole idea with love really confuses him. it’s something he wants, but it isn’t something he’s sure he understands, and he hates not understanding things

has been confused with his sexuality his entire life! he’s always felt like an outcast around other guys his age because they all typically wanted sex, meaningful, meaningless, just a typical guy thing, and that definitely didn’t apply for him. for ages, he thought there was something wrong with him, but it wasn’t until he learned about demisexuality that he finally understood… kind of. he just wants it to be meaningful, wants to have a connection with the person, the idea of meaningless sex and hookups literally makes him super uncomfortable, but it’s what most people seem to want these days

his drug phase with stevie was short lived. after the incident, he stopped completely. literally even smoking weed gives him anxiety, but he can drink. call him a typical russian or whatever, but it’s crazy how much he can drink, can practically outdrink anyone, no one believes it but it’s very true, tolerance through the roof, doesn’t even get sick and rarely ever even gets hungover, but he doesn’t make this an everyday thing

his dirty habit, one that he’s definitely ashamed of, is every now and then, he’ll smoke a cigarette. definitely not those pack a day smokers and really not even a regular smoker? he kind of just does this when he’s really stressed, depressed or angry. think like amy santiago from brooklyn 99, not a heavy habit but when he’s going through some bullshit, he’ll have one, definitely trying to outgrow that habit though

he’s a pescatarian! probably will never become a vegetarian because he loves salmon way too much, loves salmon in every form possible. meat and chicken gross him out and he doesn’t like eggs either, just fish, heavy seafood lover

close friends of his roast him for this, but he’s an olive fanatic as well. greek olives, peruvian olives, spanish olives, any type of olives, he’s obsessed. when he was younger, there was always olives at his house, because of his mother’s company, and he would dead ass eat them out the jar, finish the entire jar in like five minutes, still does that to this day. at his house, you’ll likely find two large jars of olives, minimum, a snack he will never get tired of

he likes to write music too, aside from playing instruments. has written a few things for his band, and definitely has unpublished songs he’s written that he’s never shared with anyone

what you would call a typical pisces – very sensitive! he doesn’t show this publicly, but if it hurts his feelings, he’ll cry when he gets home. literally the type to cry over sad videos, movies or tv shows, very emotional. pisces sun and cancer moon combo, he’s a literal mess, he feels things a lot, feels things on a whole different level than most people which makes him a very compassionate and understanding person, definitely a shoulder to cry on, a very loyal friend to have by your side

he forgives a lot. he’ll forgive you time after time after time, but when alexei genuinely gets tired of your shit, you will never hear from him again. he’s very forgiving, but once he says ‘i’m done’ there is no changing his mind. it takes a lot for him to get to this level, but he can only be taken advantage of for so long before he gets sick of it. once you lose him, you lose him for good

he has a bearded dragon named jake long and a beagle named pawl mccartney. he named the bearded after one of his favorite shows as a kid and his pet beagle was named after iconic paul mccartney, of course. jake long is one and pawl is two, alexei adores both of them, pretty much his emotional support animals

loves his parents, but still somewhat holds a grudge over them for his childhood, even though he isn’t one to hold grudges. they definitely messed him up one way or another. even if it wasn’t their intention, being so unstable for so long has kind of permanently scarred him. he has a very hard time getting genuinely close to people, whether it be friendships or romantic relationships, it’s hard for him

super nice guy, but quite literally remembers every bad thing that has happened to him ever. his energy is crying over something that happened when he was a literal child that he had no control of at three in the morning, might as well have the memory of an elephant. he’ll forgive, but he won’t forget, like ‘you remember what you did august 15th, 2016 at 4:57 pm? i do too’ like… isn’t one to hold grudges, but if you thought he forgot, you thought wrong

wanted connections ;

you don’t know that i know: i’d die for this connection, but someone who saw or heard of his sex tape, whether they never tell anyone or act like a little shit about it is utp, but alexei doesn’t know that they know, you know?

you think you can outdrink me?: a muse who thinks they can outdrink him, but they never can, could turn into a whole little competition, could be really funny

classical music lovers: title says it all, two nerds passionate about classical music, bonus if this muse is a fan of his parents or has heard of them

slow love: a poor, unfortunate muse that likes him. they could like how nice and down to earth he is, alexei could even know that they like him, but considering how iffy he is about relationships, well… yeah

all my friends are fake: someone who doesn’t like him because they think his whole nice guy act is fake, or maybe doesn’t like him for whatever other reason

cry baby: another muse who is sensitive like he is, they’re just soft besties and want peace and love, very wholesome friendship

or we can brainstorm!

birthchart ;

[cksmart-world]

SMART BOMB

The Completely Unnecessary News Analysis

By Christopher Smart

December 12, 2023

TOP 10 LITMUS TESTS FOR REPUBLICANS

10. Guns — Be sure to declare the 2nd Amendment is sacred.

9. Abortion — Always say we're protecting pre-born people (never say zygote).

8. Gay marriage — Keep repeating, God said marriage is between a man and a woman. (Extra-marital affairs don't count, especially oral sex.)

7. Donald Trump — Focus on his leadership skills, such as insults and bullying. And emphasize his business acumen, feign ignorance about his fraud trial and sex assault.

6. Biden didn't win — You must say Trump won or you're toast. Say this: There were voting irregularities and there's plenty of proof.

5. All Muslims are terrorists — Play to white fears. Remember, Santa and Jesus are white. Maybe the workforce is a bit thin, but do you want your daughter to marry a terrorist.

4. Climate Change is B.S. — Another liberal ploy to sell electric cars and deadly windmills that kill whales. Your shares of Shell Oil could go in the dumper, do you want that.

3. Dictatorships aren't that bad — And look, it just for the one day. Don't listen to Steve Bannon, Trump is not following the play book of Benito Mussolini — well, not exactly.

2. Taxing the rich — Just say redistribution of wealth is a communist, welfare ploy. The rich are job creators and everyone wants a job except Democrats.

Taylor Swift — The libs are weaponizing mega-star Taylor Swift. She's on the cover of Time magazine, dances around in those sparkly, sequined swimsuits and she tells her fans to vote. How bad can it get.

WHEN DID YOU STOP SUPPORTING TERRORISTS

The House Committee of Inquisition convened in a special session to determine if student terrorists were spreading propaganda regarding the presence of Popsicles on elite campuses where leftists have made life sticky for normal white people. With brutal questioning, Rep. Elise Stephanic, R-N.Y., demanded to know whether “Fat Albert” Saturday morning cartoons violated school policies. “It all depends,” answered Dean Nomee Nadda of Who Dat University. Stephanik warned the dean that she was under oath. Universities should be forums for free inquiry, Nadda replied, except when they're not. That's a yes or no question, Stephanic snapped, and I don't like your attitude. We're trying to score political points up here, she said, and we don't want actual answers. The Who Dat dean offered a clarification: Popsicles are protected by the Constitution. Rep. Burgess Owens, R-Utah, jumped in wondering aloud why elite universities teach Critical Race Theory and if it along with diversity, equity and inclusion initiatives were linked to rising levels of anti-Popsicleism. Well congressman, Nadda said, I just want to convey whatever I need to say about Popsicles so I won't get fired for defending free speech.

7 WAYS TO LIVE BETTER THIS WINTER

Alright Wilson, The Washington Post has thrown down the gauntlet with its feature, “7 Ways to Live Healthier This Winter.” For example, number four on their list is “Groom the Dog,” because they bring in dust and mites. Mites! Yikes! Number seven is “Upgrade Your Footwear,” which is a no-brainer, but some folks don't have much between their ears, let alone their toes. Not to be outdone, the staff here at Smart Bomb put together our list for a better winter. 1 – Stock up at the liquor store. This saves trips on dangerous icy roads where Utah drivers could slide into you. 2 – Join AAA because your battery is gonna die at least half a dozen times and you don't have jumper cables. 3 – Buy jumper cables. 4 – Get electric socks. Eliminate this step if you are one of those people who wear flip-flops all winter — in which case, call your therapist. 5 – Keep a plastic urinal under the driver's seat for when Foothill Blvd. turns into a parking lot on snowy days at rush hour or when you're just not going to make it home in time from Happy Hour. 6 – Do not get wasted in the hot tub, it could lead to drowning. Ignore this if you want to get rid of a significant other. 7 – And to guarantee a winter wonderland, sign up for the new illustrated Kama Sutra newsletter for a more... spiritual season.

Post script — That's going to do it for another super-duper week here at Smart Bomb where we keep track of free speech so you don't have to. In the now famous words of Rep. Elise Stephanic, R-New York, to former University of Pennsylvania President Liz Magill, who resigned under pressure, Why haven't you stopped students from calling for the genocide of Jews? Meanwhile, Elon Musk restored the account of Alex Jones to X (Twitter). The radio host conspiracy theorist has said many times that the murders of 20 six- and seven-year-olds and six adults at Sandy Hook Elementary was a hoax. During his four years as president, The Washington Post catalogued more than 38,000 of Trump's false and misleading statements. Trump has targeted Muslims, Mexicans, Syrian refugees, Africans, congresswomen of color and Black athletes, among others. Recently, Trump called for the execution of Gen. Mark Milley, the former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. During all this the only thing coming from Ms. Stephanic was the sound of her lips smacking Trump's rosy-red German ass.

Speaking of winter, Wilson (clever segue), it's going to be cold and snowy, but if folks focus on Smart Bomb's “7 Ways to Live Better This Winter” it will be much more enjoyable. So we know you and the guys in the band have something that's going to put us in the mood — so hit it, Wilson:

And when God gave out rhythm He sure was good to you You can add, subtract, multiply and divide By two I know today's your birthday And I did not buy no rose But I wrote this song instead and I call it "Popsicle Toes" Popsicle toes Popsicle toes are always froze Popsicle toes You're so brave to expose all those popsicle toes You must have been Miss Pennsylvania With all this pulchritude How come you always load your Pentax When I'm in the nude? You got the nicest North America This sailor ever saw I'd like to feel your warm Brazil And touch your Panama But your Tierra del Fuegos Are nearly always froze We gotta see saw Until we unthaw those Popsicle toes Popsicle toes Popsicle toes are always froze Popsicle toes You're so brave to expose all those popsicle toes

(Popsicle Toes — Michael Franks)

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

💡Ho, ho, ho Headcanon - How do Painted Windows Bucky and reader get ready for and celebrate Christmas?💡

You focus on pushing the thing string through the little kernels

You remember seeing it in movies, popcorn strung up for the holidays

Baked oranges on the tree

Still, there was nothing you could do to make this Christmas truly happy

Sometimes if you thought hard enough, you remembered what the holidays were like with your family

More and more memories each day

Hidden smiles only for you

Bucky looks up from the music box he fumbles with

The tiny dancer that twirls upon her toe when it opens

He brought it home as a gift but the music didn’t work so he was working on the mechanism

His metal fingers oddly gentle though they never were with you

“How’s it going over there, sugar?” he asks as the bowl of popcorn wobbles in your lap

“Alright,” you answer smally and catch the dish before it can spill

He replaces the bottom of the box and snaps shut the lid

He walks on his knees towards you and opens it up

The plucky music begins to rise from the box

The dancer wobbly as she spins

“Fixed it,” he says as he holds it out

You put aside the string and the bowl and take it from him

You remember this little piano you had as a child, when you opened the top it played fur elise

You watch the little ballerina as he moves between your legs, hands framing your hips as your skirt slips higher

“Well?” he tilts his head up

You set the box down beside you and the lid falls closed

Fingertips crawl up your side and you bend to kiss his lips

You know what he wants, what he expects, you play the part

You pretend you’re one of the actresses you watch on the screen

Dancing and singing to choreography, careful not to step on your partner’s toes

He kisses you back and pull you down onto his lap

You squeak and part from him in surprise

His hands stretch over your ass and he rocks you against him

“I like this dress,” he dips his head to nuzzle the frilly sleeve

He’s the one who chose it that morning, your personal stylist

“Steve’ll be here soon,” he hums as his lips tickle your collarbone, “we should get some time in for just us, hm?”

“Mhmm,” you murmur as he falls back, keeping you with him as he lays flat and his thick hair fans out around his head

“He’s bringing some friends, too,” he pushes up the hem of your skirt, eyes peeking beneath, “about time you met them.”

“Friends?” you wonder as he slips his thumb against your clit and you gasp

“You know the rules,” he rubs you and coos, “are you gonna be good for me, sugar?”

[jamesholden]

I just got myself super heated thinking about how often fandom seems to reduce Holden down to nothing more than “straight white male hero” with a side of “kinda dumb and nice”. I feel like the darker parts of him, all his internal struggles, get ignored to help push that fanon view of him.

So in the interest of talking more about how Holden really is as a character: What are your favourite “darker” parts of Holdens character, and what things about Holden do you wish fandom would see more?

oh my god this is going to be a lot like a LOT so just brace yourself, nonny. Imma talk about Holden’s burden of responsibility, his guilt center, his PTSD, how he makes mistakes and actually tries to apologize, make up for, and grow from them, and his absolute fucking resiliency so like here we go I guess.

It’s easy for us to be like “oh he had an easy life” and for a long time, he did have an easIER life than Amos or Naomi. But he had a lot of weight put on his shoulders by his family, eight adults. They wanted him to take over the farm, and the message he got from them was “it’s your job to protect this, our home, our legacy, and to carry it on”. That it was HIS RESPONSIBILITY to save his home. The entire reason he was born. Elise feels guilt over his upbringing even years later. That his childhood was devoted to learning how to save the farm. Reading court briefs and GOING TO COURT. That he met ARMED GUARDS AT THE GATES AS A TEEN. for someone who had a normal childhood that seems uh NOT NORMAL.

So he left at his mother’s behest and joined the Navy. Took the officer tract. Was well liked by his superiors and fellow crew members. Until one day when he refused an order to fire on a ship that he believed had Belter refugees on it. He threw a punch, broke his hand, and watched how he was proven right in the end. He was kicked out, and never went home again. Ran from responsibility because all he did was fail people. So he did what he believed he was best at and ran. He lived with a lot of guilt, pretending he didn’t.

And that’s a common pattern for him. He carries a lot of guilt. For home, for the belter ship, for the Cant, Shed and the Donnager, getting the Roci crew into trouble, Eros. Eros was what really fucked him up, what the fans really took the wrong messages from. He lived with not only survivor’s guilt, but PTSD, which fans ignored or wrote off as “assholery” even as the show gave clue after clue that the protomolecule was his trigger. It took him back to Eros. the books had an incredibly sad scene where he actually thinks he IS back there when on Ganymede, and Amos has to snap him out of it. 

He struggles with that, and it colors his actions for SEASONS. destroying the aid ship, the search on Ganymede station and the moon itself. He’s scared of Eros happening again and he wants to stop it at all costs, and he comes to realize how it’s affecting those he loves most. And it still affects him for YEARS after. Miller in his head, the station, SEEING AN ENTIRE RISE AND FALL OF AN ENTIRE CIVILIZATION, the Behemoth, Ilus OH MY GOD ILUS. 

I saw him being called “whiny” for a particularly meaningful scene in S4 in which he tells Elvi he has nightmares of what he’s seen over the years, but specifically what the station showed him. She writes it off because BUT SCIENCE, which bothers Holden in the moment. Holden’s trauma, which has kept him up at night, kept him from eating, changed his behavior so much he pushed his loved ones away, brought him to Ilus to relive parts of it, means NOTHING because SCIENCE.

And like... if that isn’t reflective of fandom’s response to his trauma over seasons 2-4... I don’t know what is. Holden’s trauma was virtually ignored or waved away. While we (rightly!) praised the portrayal and writing of Amos’ trauma, decades older than Holden’s fresh and ugly trauma, people wrote Holden off as an asshole, an abuser, a pointless character who should just die already. Like wow what a way to talk about a character who is traumatized and raw, one whose portrayal was based in ACTUAL RESEARCH OF PTSD BY STEVEN STRAIT. All because... what, we don’t like him? No one has to LIKE Holden, but to be so flippant about what is pretty plainly fresh, horrible, ugly trauma that made him into someone he isn’t and never wanted to be, while praising Amos and Alex for their responses to trauma, even when they also bordered on “bad behavior”... it left a really bad taste in my mouth. I gave up on arguing about it. Holden isn’t WHINY. He’s open and vulnerable about his pain and trauma and fears. Something I thought we WANTED from male heroes. Less toxic masculinity, more vulnerability. 

I love Holden for being a character who makes mistakes, acknowledges they are mistakes, and apologizes or tries to atone or be better for them. He wears his flaws on his sleeve. And he tries to patch them up. He tells Naomi he logged the distress call. He tells Naomi that he almost didn’t go back for the refugees on Ganymede. He tells her he regrets fighting for justice for the Cant instead of protecting them better. He tries to tell her his own feelings don’t matter about her decisions, and goes on to tell her he’ll never like something she did, even though he’d never hate her for doing it. He blames himself for her leaving, admits that his actions pushed her away, even if she denied that. He defers to Naomi SO MUCH after realizing how he’s wronged her or because she’s opened up to him because he realized how he didn’t listen and tries to listen MORE. He’s HONEST. Even when it hurts him or the person he’s speaking to. HE GROWS. Even if it’s imperfect at first. Holden tries, and to me that’s so incredibly important, and it’s not spoken of because for many it’s not good enough just to TRY. and that’s a shame.

Lastly, I love his resilience. It’s what drew me to him from the get go, aside from being someone who tried very hard to do the right thing. Holden gets beaten down so many times, but he always gets back up. Always. He always keeps fighting, keeps trying, keeps learning. His arc plays out SO BEAUTIFULLY in book 8, because he doesn’t give up, and he uses all he’s learned to survive. I found The Expanse when I was in a really dark place, trying to claw my way out. Holden helped me with that because he ALWAYS clawed his way out. And it meant so much to me. Holden doesn’t stop. He keeps moving forward.

SORRY THAT WAS SO MUCH i kept coming up with new thoughts and ideas I am SO sorry but I hope this gives you what you’re looking for! Thank you for giving me the space to rant about my bisexual himbo space knight. 

[littlemisslipbalm]

“Just Dandy!” Camp Counselor!Harry

AU: Harry and you are camp counselors, always at each other’s throats, but now, you’re at each other’s lips ;)

hehe what is this?! I saw some prompt a while back with writing your name out with prompts and mine was like alternate universe, best friend’s brother, and intoxication - so you’ll have all of that if you read this! I wanted this to be kind of fun, kind of silly, kind of ~campy~ - still it gives me strong soulmate and love vibes, idk i’m just incapable of writing casual life, like this has to be some epic love, still this is very lowkey, I’d say, -- anyway let me know what you think! This is definitely a 1 part only tho :) there is no gif that goes with thisss except if i found something from LWWY mv lmao but what i chose is cute

Word Count: 3.8k | Warnings: kissing and alchohol, and language?

-

How’s it going, Camper?” he said. 

You rolled your eyes, “Just dandy, Counselor.” 

You turned away from Harry and continued working, you were surprised he didn’t have his trail of fans right behind him for the first time all day. 

“Oh c’mon, Y/N, you know you can just call me Harry,” he said with a sickly sweet voice, laying on the charm. 

“Oh?! Harry! I didn’t realize it was you. Can you walk out and walk back in so I can swoon immediately at your presence?”

-

It was just a summer job, but somehow it had turned into something more. You and your best friend, Annie, began working at the camp once you became too old to attend yourselves, this being your second year as a counselor. You had to be 18 or older to be a counselor, you and Annie were 19.

This year you were both in charge of the oldest group of girls there, the 13-16 year olds, the ones closest to your age. The ones closest to all of the counselors' ages, meaning they had crushes on your male colleagues and weren’t afraid of going after what they wanted. Thankfully, most of your fellow counselors would shut down the young girls’ advances immediately. However, there was one camp counsellor who revelled in the attention and he was the one who received the most by far. Annie’s brother, Harry, was two years older than you, and he was the young camp goers’ greatest subject of affection and puppy love.

He was, admittedly, very attractive, his body chiseled and taut from working out, tattoos littering his arms and body variously. His hair was brown and flowy, flopping all around and into his face to give him the boyish charm that the girls’ - mostly the girls - fell for. His personality is what kept them around, he was cheeky and fun to be with. Extremely adventurous, too, always wanting to check out something he’d never seen before. Annie and I always had to remind him that he couldn’t just walk into the woods with a bunch of young teen girls. He would never do anything to hurt them, he simply didn’t see their advances as flirtation, he was oblivious and just thought they were just as interested in nature and exploration as he was. At least, that’s what he always said. You knew better, that he loved the ego boost he got from it.

-

You thought back to when it was your last year as a camp goer, Harry’s first year as a counselor. Every girl was constantly swarming you and Annie in hopes of hearing a little more about Harry and what he was like. Annie kept a tight lip, not really enjoying the attention that her brother was bringing her. Harry had been gone for just one year, when he was seventeen, too old to attend, but too young to be a counselor. Yet, within that one year he had transformed from just another guy attending the camp to a man with authority. He also had matured a bit, bulking up, getting tattoos, the likes. The girls around you were eating it up, all you could do was roll your eyes. Sure he was cute, but he was Harry.

On the first day of his camp counselling, you were assigned to his group for setting up the California Spot. The first day of camp was always a set up day, the campers helped the counselors put the place back together and then on the second to last day, everyone took it back down till the next year’s first day. The California Spot was the part of the camp by the river and small lake, the camp’s “beachiest” area, hence the California name. It wasn’t that hard of a set up so older campers were the ones who usually got assigned it. And new counselors usually got assigned it too, so they couldn’t mess it up, it made sense then that Harry was the counselor in charge. Everyone seemed to be happy to be there, except you, mostly because you and Annie hadn’t been put together, but also because Harry was in charge of you.

Harry walked up beside you as you were dusting off floaties in the back shed. “How’s it going, Camper?” he said. You rolled your eyes, “Just dandy, Counselor.” You turned away from Harry and continued working, you were surprised he didn’t have his trail of fans right behind him for the first time all day. “Oh c’mon, Y/N, you know you can just call me Harry,” he said with a sickly sweet voice, laying on the charm. “Oh?! Harry! I didn’t realize it was you. Can you walk out and walk back in so I can swoon immediately at your presence?” You gave him a pointed glare, clearly not amused at whatever he was trying to do. Get a rise out of you, maybe, just being his annoying self, probably. He chuckled, “Ouch.” He was about to speak again, but you cut him off before he could ever start, leaving his mouth agape. “Harry, I know you think you’re a big cool counselor now, but you’re always just going to be Annie’s kind of annoying older brother to me. So don’t come in here trying to get off on some power trip with me.” Now he was definitely taken aback. After a moment of staring at one another, both of your anger seeping out of you. He took a step closer to you and whispered loudly, “We may know each other outside of this, Y/N, but you can’t speak to me like that in front of other campers. I’ll let this go, but you cannot undermine my authority like that when others can hear you.” You were silent, unsure how you had gotten yourself in this situation. “And by the way, I was just trying to be funny with you, Y/N, take a joke,” he finished and walked off with a huff. You stood there, dumbfounded, watching him disappear out of the door and back to the makeshift beach. You honestly felt a little bad, you knew it was his first day, maybe you shouldn’t have been so harsh. Oh well.

For the rest of that summer, the two of you didn’t really talk. Only occasionally and it was always kind of awkward. The next summer you had off so you didn’t see Harry much at all, except for the part of the summer before and after the camp occurred and you were at Annie’s house. He and you got along a lot better during those small moments. Without the camp setting of him having authority over you, you enjoyed his presence more. He wasn’t bossy and he wasn’t surrounded by throngs of your peers. He was just Harry and you liked that.  Your first summer as a counselor was fine as well. Harry and you became more like friends that year. He was happy to help you and Annie understand counselor duties around the camp. You laughed when you and him were assigned the California Spot to set up. Thinking back to when you two had gotten into a fight that lasted almost a year.

Unlike the first time, you walked up to him at the edge of the lake, feeding a line out for safety. “How’s it going, Counselor?” you asked him, some play in your voice as you tapped his shoulder. He glanced behind him, at you, and smiled. He threw the rest of the line in the lake and stepped back to be beside you and look out at the lake. “Just dandy, Counselor,” he said, while he nudged you with his elbow and winked at you. You both laughed and he threw an arm around you and spun you around in his arms. It felt nice. Harry and you being friends was a good thing. For you and him, but also for Annie, she had hated the year when the two of you were at odds with each other.

-

Now it was your second year as a counselor. Harry was at Uni now so it was going to be the first time seeing him since last summer. You didn’t feel any excitement about the prospect, but you were definitely happy to see him. A similar amount of happiness as seeing any other counselor, you were sure of it.

Two campers, in your supervising group, raced up to, giggling all the way to your side. “Have you seen Counselor Harry yet, Y/N?!” they exclaimed, overly excited. You put your clipboard down by your side and lifted your sunglasses from your face. The girls were about your height and likely 15. “Um, no I haven’t, has he grown a third eye or something?” You looked at them with indifference and a hint of amusement at your own joke. They both rolled their eyes. “No!” The first girl, Elise, responded. Georgie continued, “He’s just gotten even hotter than he was last year!” “If that’s even possible!” Elise chimed in, talking over Georgie. You looked up to the sky as if you were praying to a god, asking yourself why you loved this job so much?

You offered the girls a tight lipped smile. Disregarding what they said about your colleague and friend, you shooed them off to go unpack. Then, you continued on your walk around the camp grounds. You stopped at the mail area to check to see if you already had mail from your eager parents, they would send you a letter a week while you were away, even though you had your phone on you as a counselor.

Seeing no mail, you turned on your heel and was about to step foot back outside when you were blocked. There wasn’t a lot of context for you to see what you had just bumped into, it was large, hard, and dark. You backed up and blinked. “What the f-” You looked up and it was Harry. He was wearing an all black ensemble, you being shorter than him, caused you to only see his shirt when you walked directly into him. You took in the rest of his appearance and realized he had cut his long hair since last summer, it was now short but slightly flowy, but pushed back as opposed to how it used to be - swept across the forehead.

“Didn’t see you there, m’sorry,” Harry said. You noticed his hands holding onto your waist, he had reached out instinctively, not wanting you to fall. “It’s alright, good to see you, Harry.” He seemed as though he was about to say something, but you cut him off. You had a habit of doing that. “I’d love to catch up, but I’ve got some stuff I have to take care of.” You were being vague on your excuse, but you were already walking away before Harry could call after you, “See you around then! ...I guess.” He definitely couldn’t deny that he was a little disappointed that you couldn’t spare a minute to talk to him.

-

You and Harry interacted seldom over the next few weeks. You were paired up as supervisors for various activities with the campers, but whenever you two talked it always seemed like one of you was itching to leave the conversation. Sometimes you would sit beside each other at counselor meetings and meal times. There you would talk a bit more, but still there was something off. Annie even asked you if you were mad at Harry. You replied that you weren’t, citing ‘we just haven’t had anything to talk about with each other, I guess’ as reasoning for the distance between you two.

It was the last Saturday before the camp ended, evening, when you heard a knock on the cabin, you were staying in, door. You weren’t in your counselor clothes anymore, instead an oversized old t-shirt and some sweatpants with your school’s logo. You assumed it’d be a camper needing assistance with something. To your surprise, it was none other than Harry. He also had changed from his counselor clothes for the day. Instead he wore dark sweatpants and a flannel, barely buttoned up. You thought he might catch a cold with how much of his skin was left exposed due to his button job.

“I bring libations!” He says happily and barges into your cabin. You had been lucky this year, while not being assigned Annie as your roommate was a bummer, you had been assigned another counselor whose boyfriend was a lead counselor, and got his own room, meaning she was almost never in yours. Tonight was like usual, she wasn’t there.

Harry continues into the room despite your figure still standing at the doorway, a look of complete and utter confusion on your face. Harry answers your question before you even have the chance to answer it. “It’s our last Saturday and I want to get sloshed with a friend, won’t you join me, Y/N?” He pulls out the handle he had somehow hidden on his trek over to your cabin.

“We’re not really supposed…” you began. Harry shushed you, saying, “Live a little!”

“It’s against the rules for us to…”

“Please!”

“We could lose our jobs if we…”

“For me?”

“This seems like coercion,” you huff, sitting on your roommate’s bed, seeing as Harry has taken residence on yours. You were thankful you’d had the ambition to make it today.

“It’s only coercion if you really didn’t want to do it, but I know you better, Y/N. You never followed the rules as a camper, why would you follow them now as a counselor.” He took a swig straight from the bottle before offering it up to you.

You grinned and leaned across the small space between you and Harry, grabbing the bottle happily.

You thought back to sneaking around the lake house when you were younger, with Annie and Harry, sometimes even just Harry. One of you always somehow got your hands on a bottle of some alcohol that was heinous, but did the job of getting you three (or two) off your asses.

Now you were of legal drinking age and that was definitely a plus when you were in your real life. As a counselor though, you felt like you needed to be alert and being drunk was most definitely the opposite of that. Still, Harry made a point, you liked having fun and the camp was ending soon. There were also plenty of other counselors the camper’s could go to if they needed anything for the next few hours. It wasn’t like you and Harry were the only people they could get help from. 

You threw back your neck, the bottle attached tightly to your lips. Happy to be finally letting go a little.

Truthfully, the second year as a counselor hadn’t been as fun as the first. The older kids were harder to deal with and it was slightly more draining dealing with them then the younger campers.

Your pull was big and Harry was quick to reach over and pull the handle down, stopping you from getting hammered immediately. “Easy there, this bottle’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

You rolled your eyes and stuck up the middle finger at him. “You’re an ass.” You both laughed.

As the alcohol began to pass between the two of you steadily, the conversation came much more easily than it had been for the past weeks.

Eventually, when the bottle reached the two-thirds gone mark, Harry and you were sitting on the ground facing each other, nice and close. He told you how his Uni experience was going, not as great as he’d hoped it to be, if he was being honest with himself, he said. You talked about how bored you were with life back home. He chuckled at that.

As you got further past the line of tipsy and into the territory of fully intoxicated, you couldn’t help but notice the sound of Harry’s voice. He was talking again, but you weren’t understanding what he was saying at all. All you were noticing was how his mouth moved around the words that came out of his mouth and how nice it all sounded.

He continued talking and you squinted your eyes at him. Then, without the knowledge of your brain, your hands were reaching out and cupping Harry’s face. He stopped talking at this contact and he looked at you curiously. Your mind was fuzzy and made no registration that what you were doing was slightly odd, especially with no warning to the receiver of your touch. You looked back at him, with a look of quiet interest all over your face.

“Keep talking,” you said. Harry nodded and began to ramble again, confused, but not against whatever you were doing. As he spoke, you ran your fingers around his dimple and the smile lines that appeared when he said things with “A” “C” “E” and other syllables that made his lips quirk up.

“Feels nice.” Then, Harry faltered in his thought process. His mind was numbing from the alcohol as well and the sensory overload he was beginning to have from your hands was enough to make him stop speaking again. He looked in your eyes as you focused on his mouth. You were sat up on your knees, practically leaning on him, while he was sat cross-legged, with his hands out behind him. When he stopped speaking this time, you didn’t tell him to start up again. Instead, your hands floated even closer to his lips.

You ran your hand over the entirety of his mouth first. Then, you took both your pointers and used them to manipulate Harry’s mouth into a smile. He bared his teeth for you. You giggled. Then, you brought his lips back to neutral and ran a finger around the outline of his lips. Then, your hand disappeared from his face and you sat back on your heels. Harry missed your touch immediately. While odd, he had liked the tingles behind his face that he had experienced from it.

“Why’d you stop?” he whined quietly.

“Because…” you trailed off.

“Because why?”

You sat silent. You repositioned yourself to laying down completely on the floor and looking up at the ceiling. You sighed and said, “I don’t know.. I forgot.”

Harry smiled at the response and shifted to lay beside you. “You’re drunk as shite, aren’t you?”  He reached his left arm across himself and bopped your nose, along with his tease.

“It’s not like you’re any better,” you grumbled and rolled onto your side to face Harry’s body.

When you were drunk you felt completely alive. Your entire body tingling yet foggy at the same time. You blinked hard, twice, taking in the man beside you. He was long in the position he was in. His silhouette was quite attractive at the moment, your bedside lamp illuminating half of his face in golden light, the other falling into darkness, beyond where the light could reach.  

“Because you’re too beautiful,” you whispered, finally remembering your reasoning from Harry’s earlier question. Harry moved his arm to rest it under his head. Giving him a slight vantage over you.  He wobbled slightly, as if his head might slip from his hand’s grasp. Yet he controlled it after a moment.

“Oh?” The slightest smirk graced his face. Your comment fed his ego, but his ego had mostly gone to bed since the two of you had begun drinking. Your intoxication caused his comment to get to you so much more than it would have sober, not that you would have been having this conversation sober. Either way, his simple ‘Oh?’ made you cover your face with your hands and laugh embarrassedly for a moment. Then you let your hands trail down your face a bit so your eyes were peaking at Harry and you were biting a finger in your mouth.

“So you think I’m pretty?” Harry said, completely intrigued with what you were saying. You took your hands away from your face and mirrored his position, leaning your head on your hand. You wobbled like Harry had, trying to maintain your balance. Only this time, Harry reached a hand out to steady you at your waist. Your shirt had shifted up, throughout your wiggling, so your skin was bare where his hand touched. The skin his hand met was lit on fire. The sparks being sent out and fizzling throughout your body. You closed your eyes at the sensation and hummed almost inaudibly. Harry licked his lips at the sound and decided that it was okay to leave his hand where it was.

“I asked you a question, Counselor,” he whispered. You blinked open your eyes at his words. For one moment, your stupor was gone and you saw everything rather clear. “Yeah, I think you’re quite possibly the prettiest person ever, Harry.” He was silent for a moment, shifting once again onto his elbow, his body now towering over you once again.

“Well that’s simply not true,” he said, finally, shaking his head slightly. You couldn’t help but laugh, “You? Humble?” Now that Harry was sitting more upright, you shifted so you were leaning on both of your elbows, much closer to the ground than Harry. His hand remained on your waist, causing him to hover above you. This unspoken shifting of places was weird, the meaning of it unclear to either of you.

“I wouldn’t go that far, but...I just know I’m not the prettiest person ever.” He looked away from you. “And why’s that, Counselor?” you whispered, staring straight at him, even if he was avoiding eye contact. Then, suddenly, he was looking back at you, his eyes dark and intense. Despite the intensity in his eyes, though, his voice was soft and sweet. Perhaps, even, darling.

“Because...you’re the prettiest person ever.”

As you opened your mouth to say something, Harry leaned down over you, lips meeting yours. His lips brushed softly against yours, but you wanted more. You reached a hand up behind his neck and pulled you closer. He met your passion with his own and pushed his lips more desperately against yours. As you pulled him closer, your ability to hold yourself up faltered. It sent you both tumbling to the ground, completely. You whined slightly, but weren’t fazed by the wooden floor. You continued to press your lips to Harry’s and he groaned appreciatively into you. After a few minutes of wet, hot kisses, Harry reluctantly pulled away. Your chest was heaving steadily and Harry couldn’t help but notice, but he shook the thought from his mind. He took one hand from the ground and let it roam down the side of your face. You smiled up at him.

“Now, that is what I call ‘just dandy’!” He said. You rolled your eyes, “Oh my god!” you moaned and shoved him off of you. You stood up and Harry followed quickly behind. Both of you had sobered up significantly during the kissing. You faced each other and Harry smiled. A smile crept onto your face, too, matching his perfectly.

“I hate you,” you said one last time, never really meaning it.

“Uh-huh,” Harry responded, taking you into his arms. He pressed a kiss on the top of your head. His lips softly brushing your hair.

“Hate you, too.”

Neither of you could be further from the truth with those words.

-

Tag list: @cronias13, @theresthingsthatwellneverknow, @harrys-cherry

Hopefully that actually works this time! Have a nice day 🤍!

[nessietwihard02]

✨✨✨𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐏+𝐈𝐍𝐓’𝐋 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐀𝐖𝐀𝐘!✨✨✨⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣ 𝙎𝙝𝙚'𝙨 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙥𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙨, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢?⁣ ⁣ Hello, bookish friends!⁣ ⁣ 𝐐𝐎𝐓𝐃: What’s something you’ve read about and wanted to try yourself?⁣ ⁣ 𝐀𝐎𝐓𝐃: Aside from having a winged fae sweeping me off my feet?🤣 I would just love to paint like Feyre or be able to go through America Singer’s journey on The Selection Series! First, I suck at painting, and next, I just don’t have the guts to go out there and take a man for myself🫣😜⁣ ⁣ I’m super excited to hep out 𝐂𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐢𝐧 𝐃𝐞𝐧𝐦𝐚𝐧, with 𝐁𝐎𝐌𝐌 𝐓𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬, for this tour of the 3rd book in 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬, “𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐫𝐬!” This was just released last June 14th and is recommended to fans of Elise Kova, Holly Black, Laura Thalassa. Until 6/21, you can get Book 1, SHE AWAKENS for .99 and book 2, SHE RISES for $1.99! Check out the synopsis below in the comments section and the link in my bio and stories😉⁣ ⁣ 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐙𝐄:
-Signed paperback of She Awakens, She Rises, and She Conquers
-$10 Amazon gift card⁣ 𝐓𝐎 𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑:
-Must be following @nessietwihard02 @caitlindenmanbooks and @bookofmatchesmedia
-Save, Comment, Like, and tag a bookish friend⁣ ⁣ 𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀 𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒:
-Share giveaway in story for 24hrs tagging @caitlindenmanbooks and @bookofmatchesmedia
-Tag 3 friends in a comment (you can do this up to 10 times on each post)
-Search #SheConquersBOMMTour and enter the giveaway on all the tour hosts' posts every day for 10 days for more chances to win!

𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒:
Giveaway will end on June 23, 2022 at midnight PST, open to US/INTL, not affiliated with IG, must be 16+ or have parental permission to enter, must be a public act to verify entries. ⁣  ⁣ #TheBookwormPrincess👸🏻⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ #CaitlinDenman #SheAwakens #SheRises #SheConquers #SheAwakensSeries #SheConquersBOMMTour  #BOMMtours #BOMMIndieAuthors #BookOfMatchesMedia⁣ #bibliophile #bookstagram #books #readersofig #igreads #booklover #bookaholic #mybookfeatures #bookstagramcommunity #booklovers #PageTurnersPH #bookstagramfeaturesonly#booksbooksbooks https://www.instagram.com/p/Ce863aLPgss/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[paladinwife]

Taylor hi!!! >w< Can I get some LORE please!! For whoever you like!

Of course! So sorry this took so long, work has been a dumpster fire. But now it’s time for Raiden Lore

SO I think I’ve mentioned briefly before that Elise ends up involved in the plot of MGS2 largely by accident. She’s trying to chase down her ex and the others responsible for nearly killing her, and it turns out they’re tied in with the Patriots - meaning that she runs into Raiden in the process. In this universe Raiden refused to forgive Rose for manipulating him the way she did (not to mention, you know, the abuse and all), and Elise comes into the picture some time after. They actually start getting close, and Raiden comes to trust her faster than he expected because of her handling him so kindly. They’re romantically involved before long and married before MGS4. By Metal Gear Rising, they’re married, and while they’re both often out of town on work, they actually have a very healthy and happy home life. Also I’m still contemplating a fan child, as well as just making his existing son Elise’s as well, but I’m still in the process of figuring this out. That’s just the basics!

[richincolor]

January's New Releases

2021 told 2020 to hold it's beer and what a month January has been! Publishing YA also came out swinging with a slew of new books (many already bestsellers) in what we hope will be another banner year for BIPOC stories. Click below to find books for your TBR list. 

Week of January 5th

The Life I’m In by Sharon G. Flake Scholastic Inc

My feet are heavy as stones when I walk up the block wondering why I can’t find my old self.

In The Skin I’m In, readers saw into the life of Maleeka Madison, a teen who suffered from the ridicule she received because of her dark skin color. For decades fans have wanted to know the fate of the bully who made Maleeka’s life miserable, Char.

Now in Sharon Flake’s latest and unflinching novel, The Life I’m In, we follow Charlese Jones, who, with her raw, blistering voice speaks the truths many girls face, offering insight to some of the causes and conditions that make a bully. Turned out of the only home she has known, Char boards a bus to nowhere where she is lured into the dangerous web of human trafficking. Much is revealed behind the complex system of men who take advantage of vulnerable teens in the underbelly of society. While Char might be frightened, she remains strong and determined to bring herself and her fellow victims out of the dark and back into the light, reminding us why compassion is a powerful cure to the ills of the world.

Sharon Flake’s bestselling, Coretta Scott King Award-winning novel The Skin I’m In was a game changer when it was first published more than twenty years ago. It redefined young adult literature by presenting characters, voices, and real-world experiences that had not been fully seen. Now Flake offers readers another timely and radical story of a girl on the brink and how her choices will lead her to either fall, or fly. — Cover image and summary via Goodreads

Happily Ever Afters by Elise Bryant Balzer + Bray

Sixteen-year-old Tessa Johnson has never felt like the protagonist in her own life. She’s rarely seen herself reflected in the pages of the romance novels she loves. The only place she’s a true leading lady is in her own writing—in the swoony love stories she shares only with Caroline, her best friend and #1 devoted reader.

When Tessa is accepted into the creative writing program of a prestigious art school, she’s excited to finally let her stories shine. But when she goes to her first workshop, the words are just…gone. Fortunately, Caroline has a solution: Tessa just needs to find some inspiration in a real-life love story of her own. And she’s ready with a list of romance novel-inspired steps to a happily ever after. Nico, the brooding artist who looks like he walked out of one of Tessa’s stories, is cast as the perfect Prince Charming.

But as Tessa checks each item off Caroline’s list, she gets further and further away from herself. She risks losing everything she cares about—including the surprising bond she develops with sweet Sam, who lives across the street. She’s well on her way to having her own real-life love story, but is it the one she wants, after all?

One of the Good Ones by Maika Moulite and Maritza Moulite Inkyard Press

ISN’T BEING HUMAN ENOUGH? When teen social activist and history buff Kezi Smith is killed under mysterious circumstances after attending a social justice rally, her devastated sister Happi and their family are left reeling in the aftermath. As Kezi becomes another immortalized victim in the fight against police brutality, Happi begins to question the idealized way her sister is remembered. Perfect. Angelic.

One of the good ones.

Even as the phrase rings wrong in her mind–why are only certain people deemed worthy to be missed?–Happi and her sister Genny embark on a journey to honor Kezi in their own way, using an heirloom copy of The Negro Motorist Green Book as their guide. But there’s a twist to Kezi’s story that no one could’ve ever expected–one that will change everything all over again.

Roman and Jewel by Dana L. Davis Inkyard Press

If Romeo and Juliet got the Hamilton treatment…who would play the leads? This vividly funny, honest, and charming romantic novel by Dana L. Davis is the story of a girl who thinks she has what it takes…and the world thinks so, too.

Jerzie Jhames will do anything to land the lead role in Broadway’s hottest new show, Roman and Jewel, a Romeo and Juliet inspired hip-hopera featuring a diverse cast and modern twists on the play. But her hopes are crushed when she learns mega-star Cinny won the lead…and Jerzie is her understudy.

Falling for male lead Zeppelin Reid is a terrible idea–especially once Jerzie learns Cinny wants him for herself. Star-crossed love always ends badly. But when a video of Jerzie and Zepp practicing goes viral and the entire world weighs in on who should play Jewel, Jerzie learns that while the price of fame is high, friendship, family, and love are priceless.

The Awakening of Malcom X by Ilyasah Shabazz & Tiffany D. Jackson Farrar, Straus and Giroux (Byr)

In Charlestown Prison, Malcolm Little struggles with the weight of his past. Plagued by nightmares, Malcolm drifts through days unsure of his future. Slowly, he befriends other prisoners and writes to his family. He reads all the books in the prison library, joins the debate team and the Nation of Islam. Malcolm grapples with race, politics, religion, and justice in the 1940s. And as his time in jail comes to an end, he begins to awaken — emerging from prison more than just Malcolm Little: Now, he is Malcolm X.

Here is an intimate look at Malcolm X’s young adult years. While this book chronologically follows X: A Novel, it can be read as a stand-alone historical novel that invites larger discussions on black power, prison reform, and civil rights.

When You Look Like Us by Pamela N. Harris HarperCollins

When you look like us—brown skin, brown eyes, black braids or fades—people think you’re trouble. No one looks twice at a missing black girl from the projects because she must’ve brought whatever happened to her upon herself. I, Jay Murphy, can admit that, for a minute, I thought my sister, Nicole, got too caught up with her boyfriend—a drug dealer—and his friends.

But she’s been gone too long now.

If I hadn’t hung up on her that night, she’d be spending time with our grandma. If I was a better brother, she’d be finishing senior year instead of being another name on a missing persons list. It’s time to step up and do what the Newport News police department won’t.

Week of January 12th

Chlorine Sky by Mahogany L. Browne Crown Books for Young Readers

She looks me hard in my eyes & my knees lock into tree trunks My eyes don’t dance like my heartbeat racing They stare straight back hot daggers. I remember things will never be the same. I remember things.

With gritty and heartbreaking honesty, Mahogany L. Browne delivers a novel-in-verse about broken promises, fast rumors, and when growing up means growing apart from your best friend.

The Meet-Cute Project by Rhiannon Richardson Simon & Schuster

Mia’s friends love rom-coms. Mia hates them. They’re silly, contrived, and not at all realistic. Besides, there are more important things to worry about—like how to handle living with her bridezilla sister, Sam, who’s never appreciated Mia, and surviving junior year juggling every school club offered and acing all of her classes.

So when Mia is tasked with finding a date to her sister’s wedding, her options are practically nonexistent.

Mia’s friends, however, have an idea. It’s a little crazy, a little out there, and a lot inspired by the movies they love that Mia begrudgingly watches too.

Mia just needs a meet-cute.

Concrete Rose (The Hate U Give, #0) by Angie Thomas Balzer + Bray

If there’s one thing seventeen-year-old Maverick Carter knows, it’s that a real man takes care of his family. As the son of a former gang legend, Mav does that the only way he knows how: dealing for the King Lords. With this money he can help his mom, who works two jobs while his dad’s in prison.

Life’s not perfect, but with a fly girlfriend and a cousin who always has his back, Mav’s got everything under control.

Until, that is, Maverick finds out he’s a father.

Suddenly he has a baby, Seven, who depends on him for everything. But it’s not so easy to sling dope, finish school, and raise a child. So when he’s offered the chance to go straight, he takes it. In a world where he’s expected to amount to nothing, maybe Mav can prove he’s different.

When King Lord blood runs through your veins, though, you can’t just walk away. Loyalty, revenge, and responsibility threaten to tear Mav apart, especially after the brutal murder of a loved one. He’ll have to figure out for himself what it really means to be a man.

Angel of Greenwood by Randi Pink Feiwel and Friends

Seventeen-year-old Isaiah Wilson is, on the surface, a town troublemaker, but is hiding that he is an avid reader and secret poet, never leaving home without his journal. A passionate follower of WEB. Du Bois, he believes that black people should rise up to claim their place as equals.

Sixteen-year-old Angel Hill is a loner, mostly disregarded by her peers as a goody-goody. Her father is dying, and her family’s financial situation is in turmoil. Also, as a loyal follower of Booker T. Washington, she believes, through education and tolerance, that black people should rise slowly and without forced conflict.

Though they’ve attended the same schools, Isaiah never noticed Angel as anything but a dorky, Bible toting church girl. Then their English teacher offers them a job on her mobile library, a three-wheel, two-seater bike. Angel can’t turn down the money and Isaiah is soon eager to be in such close quarters with Angel every afternoon.

But life changes on May 31, 1921 when a vicious white mob storms the community of Greenwood, leaving the town destroyed and thousands of residents displaced. Only then, Isaiah, Angel, and their peers realize who their real enemies are.

Week of January 19th

Thirty Talks Weird Love by Alessandra Narváez Varela Cinco Puntos Press

Out of nowhere, a lady comes up to Anamaría and says she’s her, from the future. But Anamaría’s thirteen, she knows better than to talk to some weirdo stranger. Girls need to be careful, especially in Ciudad Juárez, Mexico—it’s the 90’s and fear is overtaking her beloved city as cases of kidnapped girls and women become alarmingly common. This thirty-year-old “future” lady doesn’t seem to be dangerous but she won’t stop bothering her, switching between cheesy Hallmark advice about being kind to yourself, and some mysterious talk about saving a girl.

Anamaría definitely doesn’t need any saving, she’s doing just fine. She works hard at her strict, grade-obsessed middle school—so hard that she hardly gets any sleep; so hard that the stress makes her snap not just at mean girls but even her own (few) friends; so hard that when she does sleep she dreams about dying—but she just wants to do the best she can so she can grow up to be successful. Maybe Thirty’s right, maybe she’s not supposed to be so exhausted with her life, but how can she ask for help when her city is mourning the much bigger tragedy of its stolen girls?

This thought-provoking, moving verse novel will lead adult and young adult readers alike to vital discussions on important topics—like dealing with depression and how to recognize this in yourself and others—through the accessible voice of a thirteen-year-old girl.

Your Corner Dark by Desmond Hall Atheneum/Dlouhy

Things can change in a second:

The second Frankie Green gets that scholarship letter, he has his ticket out of Jamaica.

The second his longtime crush, Leah, asks him on a date, he’s in trouble.

The second his father gets shot, suddenly nothing else matters.

And the second Frankie joins his uncle’s gang in exchange for paying for his father’s medical bills, there’s no going back…or is there?

As Frankie does things he never thought he’d be capable of, he’s forced to confront the truth of the family and future he was born into—and the ones he wants to build for himself.

Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo Dutton Books for Young Readers

“That book. It was about two women, and they fell in love with each other.” And then Lily asked the question that had taken root in her, that was even now unfurling its leaves and demanding to be shown the sun: “Have you ever heard of such a thing?”

Seventeen-year-old Lily Hu can’t remember exactly when the question took root, but the answer was in full bloom the moment she and Kathleen Miller walked under the flashing neon sign of a lesbian bar called the Telegraph Club.

America in 1954 is not a safe place for two girls to fall in love, especially not in Chinatown. Red-Scare paranoia threatens everyone, including Chinese Americans like Lily. With deportation looming over her father—despite his hard-won citizenship—Lily and Kath risk everything to let their love see the light of day.

If I Tell You the Truth by Jasmin Kaur HarperCollins

Told in prose, poetry, and illustration, this heartrending story weaves Kiran’s and Sahaara’s timelines together, showing a teenage Kiran and, later, her high school–aged daughter, Sahaara.

Kiran is a young Punjabi Sikh woman who becomes pregnant after being sexually assaulted by her fiancé’s brother. When her fiancé and family don’t believe her, she flees her home in India to Canada, where she plans to raise the child as a single mother. For Kiran, living undocumented means constant anxiety over finances, work, safety, and whether she’ll be deported back to the dangers that await her in Punjab.

Eighteen years later, Kiran’s daughter, Sahaara, is desperate to help her mother, who has been arrested and is facing deportation. In the aftermath, Kiran reveals the truth about Sahaara’s conception. Horrified, Sahaara encourages Kiran to speak out against the man who raped her—who’s now a popular political figure in Punjab. Sahaara must find the best way to support her mother while also dealing with the revelation about her parents.

We Free the Stars (Sands of Arawiya #2) by Hafsah Faizal Farrar, Straus and Giroux

The battle on Sharr is over. The dark forest has fallen. Altair may be captive, but Zafira, Nasir, and Kifah are bound for Sultan’s Keep, determined to finish the plan he set in motion: restoring the hearts of the Sisters of Old to the minarets of each caliphate, and finally returning magic to all of Arawiya. But they are low on resources and allies alike, and the kingdom teems with fear of the Lion of the Night’s return.

As the zumra plots to overthrow the kingdom’s darkest threat, Nasir fights to command the magic in his blood. He must learn to hone his power into a weapon, to wield not only against the Lion but against his father, trapped under the Lion’s control. Zafira battles a very different darkness festering in her through her bond with the Jawarat—a darkness that hums with voices, pushing her to the brink of her sanity and to the edge of a chaos she dare not unleash. In spite of the darkness enclosing ever faster, Nasir and Zafira find themselves falling into a love they can’t stand to lose…but time is running out to achieve their ends, and if order is to be restored, drastic sacrifices will have to be made.

Lush and striking, hopeful and devastating, We Free the Stars is the masterful conclusion to the Sands of Arawiya duology by New York Times–bestselling author Hafsah Faizal.

Week of January 26th

Written in Starlight (Woven in Moonlight #2) by Isabel Ibañez Page Street Kids

If the jungle wants you, it will have you…

Catalina Quiroga is a Condesa without a country. She’s lost the Inkasisa throne, the loyalty of her people, and her best friend. Banished to the perilous Yanu Jungle, Catalina knows her chances of survival are slim, but that won’t stop her from trying to escape. It’s her duty to reclaim the throne.

When Manuel, the son of her former general, rescues Catalina from a jaguar, a plan forms. Deep in the jungle, the city of gold is hidden, home to the fierce Illari people, who she could strike an alliance with.

But the elusive Illari are fighting a battle of their own—a mysterious blight is corrupting the jungle, laying waste to everything they hold dear. As a seer, Catalina should be able to help, but her ability to read the future in the stars is as feeble as her survival instincts. While searching for the Illari, Catalina must reckon with her duty and her heart to find her true calling, which could be the key to stopping the corruption before it destroys the jungle completely.

The Knockout by Sajni Patel Flux

If seventeen-year-old Kareena Thakkar is going to alienate herself from the entire Indian community, she might as well do it gloriously. She’s landed the chance of a lifetime, an invitation to the US Muay Thai Open, which could lead to a spot on the first-ever Olympic team. If only her sport wasn’t seen as something too rough for girls, something she’s afraid to share with anyone outside of her family. Despite pleasing her parents, exceling at school, and making plans to get her family out of debt, Kareena’s never felt quite Indian enough, and her training is only making it worse.

Which is inconvenient, since she’s starting to fall for Amit Patel, who just might be the world’s most perfect Indian. Admitting her feelings for Amit will cost Kareena more than just her pride–she’ll have to face his parents’ disapproval, battle her own insecurities, and remain focused for the big fight. Kareena’s bid for the Olympics could very well make history–if she has the courage to go for it.

Wings of Ebony (Wings of Ebony #1) by J. Elle Denene Millner Books/Simon Schuster Books for Young Readers

“Make a way out of no way” is just the way of life for Rue. But when her mother is shot dead on her doorstep, life for her and her younger sister changes forever. Rue’s taken from her neighborhood by the father she never knew, forced to leave her little sister behind, and whisked away to Ghizon—a hidden island of magic wielders.

Rue is the only half-god, half-human there, where leaders protect their magical powers at all costs and thrive on human suffering. Miserable and desperate to see her sister on the anniversary of their mother’s death, Rue breaks Ghizon’s sacred Do Not Leave Law and returns to Houston, only to discover that Black kids are being forced into crime and violence. And her sister, Tasha, is in danger of falling sway to the very forces that claimed their mother’s life.

Worse still, evidence mounts that the evil plaguing East Row is the same one that lurks in Ghizon—an evil that will stop at nothing until it has stolen everything from her and everyone she loves. Rue must embrace her true identity and wield the full magnitude of her ancestors’ power to save her neighborhood before the gods burn it to the ground.

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#130-121)

#130: Franco Battiato and Alice -- I Treni di Tozeur (Italy 1984)

“In una vecchia miniera, distese di sale E un ricordo di me, come un incantesimo”

“In an old empty mine, the salt extends And I seem to remember it, like a dream”

Franco Battiato was one of Italy's greatest songwriters, known for his complex songs in a mix of genres. Unfortunately, I haven't listened to most of his discography, but I do know of "Per Elisa", the song he wrote for Alice which won Sanremo 1981 (coincidentially, the first year Italy withdrew from Eurovision, welp). It's thoughtful and its incorporation of Fur Elise is well-done with its synthesizers.

In comparison, I treni di Tozeur is not a song readily caught by first listening, and that’s why it’s not my favorite of its year. This doesn’t mean it’s not a good song, though—it's sounds eerily futuristic even for the synth-based 1980s, and actually timeless. The lyrics seem ambivalent, but I think there’s some philosophical bent towards them. One of the commentaries talk about the train to Tozeur being built in the early twentieth century to satisfy the whims of the King of Tunisia, at a huge cost. Maybe there's some social commentary sneaking in there.

The performance was good, but it seems like Alice had a bit more control of her voice. She did so with style, and I actually liked her outfit.

In addition, the opera singers at the end were the cherry of the cake. A mix of classical and modern, indeed, which earned itself classic status.

Personal ranking: 2nd/19 Actual ranking: =5th/19 (with Belgium) in Luxembourg

#129: Linda Martin -- Terminal 3 (Ireland 1984)

“Staring into a space, searching through every face He's been away too long now, he must have changed”

I feel like there are two types of people in terms of 1984--those who have Alice and Batiatto (#130) as their favorite, and those who have Linda Martin as theirs. As shown by how close they are on my list, I love both, but Linda Martin just eeks it out.

The storytelling aspect of the song is very strong, as Linda waits for her lover to come from an international flight. Ironically, it can't be from Dublin, as no Irish airport has a third terminal. Maybe it's from London's she's waiting for her love? Or the flight is coming to the United States, rather than from it? Mysteries indeed.

(Now my life goal is to be at Terminal 3 at 10:30; one of David Tao's most famous songs is 飞机场的10:30--Airport at 10:30, which deals with the same topic)

The New Wave instrumentation and orchestration add up to the drama too--the brass grabs me from the first beats, and the strings and rock influences remain as the song goes on. It's kind of hard to believe Johnny Logan was behind this, especially considering he's better known for his ballads. If she had to win one Eurovision, Terminal 3 had to be the one.

Personal ranking: 1st/19 Actual ranking: 2nd/19 in Luxembourg

#128: Halla Margrét - Hægt og hljótt (Iceland 1987)

"Kvöldið hefur flogið alltof fljótt Fyrir utan gluggann komin nótt Kertin er’ að brenna upp Glösin orðin miklu meir’en tóm"

"The evening has fled all too fast Outside the window night has come The candles are burning low The glasses have become much more than empty"

As their debut entry was fun and "in-your"face", Iceland’s second entry has an afterparty feeling, but I've heard some comparisons to being a Christmas song. It doesn't sound like it to me, but it's still really serene and beautiful, as if the snow was falling outside (not unlike #213 on this list).

The lyrics are quite gentle and pretty, painting a dainty picture. However, they also contain enough melancholy to add a tinge of darkness to the scene, which is why I don't think it would work as a Christmas song. Halla’s vocals are very pure, and adds enough delicacy to the composition. The piano and orchestration also helps.

What stands out more is the funny notes related to Hægt og hljótt--one refers to the last line of their chorus, which is bufflaxed to "anus in the air" in English, another mentions how Halla's dress is see-through against the white piano, almost as if she was a ghost. Very strange, especially the latter as the lyrics focuses on the upcoming dawn. Or it would make a good fan-fiction, come to think of it.

Personal ranking: 3rd/22 Actual ranking: 16th/22 in Brussels

#127: Raphael -- Yo soy aquél (Spain 1966)

“Yo soy aquél, Que por tenerte da la vida, Yo soy aquél, Que estando lejos, no te olvida,

“I'm that one, Who gives his life to have you I'm that one Who's far away and doesn't forget you”

When I first did this sorter, Yo soy aquel ended up close to being in my top 50. It was a surprise, because despite being one of my favorite songs from Spain, I didn't think about as much in terms of great songs, even though it's a beautiful song.

The opening bars to this song are filled with drama, which gives way to Raphael’s crooning for the one he loves. The lyrics are a bit repetitive, sure, but they still work in how Raphael wants his love to know he will be there. I particularly love the way the song builds, which, combined with his singing, creates a brooding atmosphere. The explosion in the chorus is really effective, which the orchestra compliments and actually amplifies. You could actually feel his passion thanks to those strings.

1966 was an incredible year (especially for a black-and-white contest), and if I could switch one of Spain's wins, I would drop La La La for this in one second (even though there's another song from this year on my top 250). Massiel doesn't hold a candle to Raphael.

Personal ranking: 2nd/18 Actual ranking: =7th/18 (with Yugoslavia) in Luxembourg

#126: Liam Reilly -- Somewhere in Europe (Ireland 1990)

“We should be together, and maybe we just might If you could only meet me somewhere in Europe tonight”

For my European friends, I wish for this lyric to come true! I am sadly ill-traveled, haha.

When I started to consider this top 250, I thought "Somewhere in Europe" would be song #250, because it was pleasant and pretty, but wouldn't trouble the rest of the list. When I was re-arranging the list, this was one of the songs which got a great boost, and now it sits just outside of the top half of this list!

As for this song, I like it a lot. It not only a pretty little ditty, but it also takes the theme of unity and takes one on an adventure. Because of the piano-based instrumental, I keep thinking that it's like a Billy Joel song, as it's quite homebrewed. While I don’t think this would’ve made a better winner than Insieme (or White and Black Blues, for that matter--France winning would bring some new energy to the contest), Liam Reilly proved he was a talented songwriter, and it shines with the orchestration too.

As a result, I keep thinking that it would be a good New Year's Eve song--it's nostalgic yet calming, and seeks out a better future. Unfortunately, Liam Reilly died on New Year's Day this year, which makes it a bit sadder. RIP.

Personal ranking: 8th/22 Actual ranking: =2nd/22 (with France) in Zagreb

#125: Rita -- Shara Bachravot (Israel 1990)

לבוקר הזה יש טעם של חופש זר כמו של מוות או ברכה כי הלכתי ממך”

“This morning, Has the taste of strange freedom Like of death or a blessing Because I went away from you”

(I actually heard of Rita before stumbling on her Eurovision entry--one song I really like is Idan Raichel's Mechake (Waiting), and I searched the web. One of the results was Rita's version of his composition, which compared to Raichel's, is a bit more produced. Still great!)

1990 focuses on freedom in many ways, especially because of the Berlin Wall falling and the end of communism. Shara Barkhovot also talks about freedom, but does so in another way.

It’s basically a tale of a relationship ending, with a woman leaving her partner in the morning. It’s frequently interpreted as running away from abuse, and the imagery involved does a good job in conveying that feeling.

It’s dramatic and passionate, with Rita “emoting” the song rather than merely performing it. Unfortunately, it does go off the rails later on, with her vocals losing out at points. I still like how she played with the microphone stand, though!

Personal ranking: 7th/22 Actual ranking: 18th/22 in Zagreb

#124: Helena Paparizou -- My Number One (Greece 2005)

“You're my lover Undercover You're my sacred passion and I have no other.”

Helena Paparizou was one of those artists that I knew that participated in Eurovision, but didn’t listen to her song until much later. I found out about her with the song “Heroes”, which I played a lot when I was younger (about 11-13 years old), and didn’t think about her in the contest, other than she won and she received a wide ovation when she returned to Greece.

My Number One is all kinds of fun, from the ethnic instrumental to the sometimes silly lyrics. I also love the performance featuring Helena playing a human lyre, which is a definite highlight! A fun and energetic bop (the last of a holy trinity of ethno-influenced dance winners during this time), now I’m a happy fan of hers (I really listened to Kati Skoteino a lot since 2018, for example. Plus her Mambo interval the following year is fantastic.)

On whether this or "Die For You" was the better song, it's hard to tell, especially on how close they are on this list. Whereas 2001 was the weaker year and Die for You had to win it, My Number One was in a stronger year and held its own. And yet it's not my favorite...

Personal ranking: 2nd/39 Actual ranking: 1st/24 GF in Kyiv

#123: Vanilla Ninja -- Cool Vibes (Switzerland 2005)

“Don't want you to come so close to me Don't need you to blow my fantasy But I know that you are livin' far beyond those lies I can see the danger rise in your eyes...”

From my last place in 2004 to my favorite in 2005, what a glow up from Switzerland! Though to be honest, I have a hard time determining why this song in particular is my favorite of its year. I did come in knowing that Switzerland was the only one of the original seven to not win in my timeline, so that may have impacted my thinking.

Cool Vibes a dark rock song, with occasionally dramatic lyrics (though then again, emo rock was getting popular during that time), but an intriguing musical atmosphere. Despite 2005 being known as the "ethno-bop year", there were a number of interesting rock songs (e.g. In My Dreams), and this holds up by its sheer seriousness, versus the occasionally silly vibe of those others.

And with that string motif, it does sound like a song that needs an orchestra to realize its full potential. There's a lot of hidden angst throughout the song, and the multiple key changes actually helps here.

Personal ranking: 1st/39 Actual ranking: 8th/24 GF in Kyiv

Final Impressions on Switzerland: Not one of my favorite countries in the contest, unfortunately. I find most of their entries to be quite non-descript, with some of them being very bad. That said, they do have a number of gems on here, and some great ones that just missed out (Moi, tout simplement; Io senza te; She Got Me especially). And with the track they are now, they could actually win in the next few years. Hopefully with a French-language song. :)

#122: Tanja Ribič - Zbudi se (Slovenia 1997)

“Zbudi se, dobri princ Rada bi ti dala vse Svoje sanje in mladost Da ne bom iz pravljice”

“Wake up, good prince I would like to give you all My dreams and my youth Break the spell of the fairy tale”

Sometimes I forget I love this song. As 1997 is one of the strongest years (if not the strongest year song-wise), there are so many good ones one can't remember all of them. Zbudi se a bit dark and fits in very well with the rest of the 1990s with its mythical character (and might be the first Balkan ballad proper), but Tanja does it so well. And she would later be more known for her acting!

When I do listen to it, it just takes me away. It’s a dark fairytale, with beautiful lyrics and an intriguing atmosphere. The narrator longs for her loved one, filled with magical imagery and dreaminess. I also appreciate the transition between the lyrics and the chorus, which can be very hard to do! And of course, the orchestration, including the harp parts in particular, create a fantastic soundscape.

Personal ranking: 8th/25 Actual ranking: 10th/25 in Dublin

#121: Lúcia Moniz - O meu coração não tem cor (Portugal 1996)

“Dança-se o samba, a marrabenta também, Chora-se o fado, rola-se a coladeira.”

“We dance the samba, the marrabenta too, We weep the fado, and roll the coladeira”

Curiously, for a song which was one twelve away from a top-three finish, O meu coração não tem cor seems a bit less known within Portugal. It even didn't get a studio release, and Lucia is better known for being the love interest in Love Actually. And yet it's still a fan-favorite within Eurovision.

The lyrics call out to everyone in the Portuguese diaspora (or the Lusosphere in general), and welcomes them to engage in their cultural traditions. We have fruit and dance and crying and laughter all at once. All kinds of fun, except when the clips grayscale and I keep thinking of those "in memoriam" scenes.

And it managed impress in another way; it came in 18th in the audio-only pre-qualifer which only appeared in 1996. Thanks to the brazen and fun orchestration, along with Lucia's very sweet voice, it was lifted up in the final to a solid sixth place! Very well-deserved.

Personal ranking: 5th/23 Actual ranking: 6th/23 in Oslo

[nyxshadowhawk]

Best of Nox Arcana Playlist

Nox Arcana is by far my favorite music artist, and since I’m desperate for Halloween season to begin and can’t wait any more, here’s my Best Of playlist!  I think every album is represented here except for the collab albums, the Doctor Arcana soundtrack, and Blackthorn Asylum (since that’s the only main album I don’t have a single song from). This list is about three hours worth of music, so strap in!

1. We Are Legion, Legion of Shadows: Every Nox Arcana album begins with a narration track that introduces the album’s theme and story. Of all of them, I decided to go with this one for the Best Of playlist, because I think that it encapsulates Nox Arcana and those who love it.

2. Night of the Wolf, Transylvania: Nox Arcana’s most famous track, by far. Also one of their most distinctive! The lyrics translate as, “The moon is the mistress, werewolves of evil / powers and destroying, incarnated wolf. / Wheel [or chariot], life, nightmare, vein / Sea [or likely “nightmare” again], devil, death, life.” (volkodlak, which means werewolf, is Slavic. “Mara,” meaning nightmare, is Germanic. “Dracul” speaks for itself. The rest is Latin)

3. Labyrinth of Dreams, Grimm Tales: My personal favorite Nox Arcana track, which I first discovered through this video. It is so ethereal and haunting, and absolutely screams “Halloween” to me. 

4. Into the Night, Legion of Shadows: Another personal favorite of mine, and a really spooky piece. I love it for its fast pace, and I think it sounds both unsettling and exciting. 

5. Shadow Dance, Season of the Witch: This is the best Season of the Witch track, in my opinion. I actually like a lot of Season of the Witch tracks, but I left most of them off this list. Season of the Witch sounds kind of like a Spiritual Successor to Grimm Tales, with that same distinctly autumnal and Halloweeny atmosphere. This piece in particular epitomizes that.

6. The Quest Begins, Blood of the Dragon: Nox Arcana has a tendency to start sounding the same after a while, but about once per album there’s a piece like this one, that sounds completely unlike anything else they’ve written. This piece is unique for how unusually optimistic it sounds. If you knew nothing about this piece, you could easily guess that it was about noble knights setting off on a quest, couldn’t you? I love the drums, and the dramatic vocals work really well.

7. Legacy of Sorrow, Shadow of the Raven: The title of this piece sounds like it could be Part 3 of Soma Cruz’s story, but I think it’s kind of an underrated gem. I like its melancholy, lilting melody, and I also like the organ that comes in midway through. This piece is just kind of everything you’d expect in a Nox Arcana track.

8. Echoes of Elise, Ebonshire: Nox Arcana’s haunting rendition of “Fur Elise,” which is very ethereal and eerie. It also has the same “aesthetic” of falling snow that permeates this album. It’s really beautiful.

9. The Hidden Realm, Legion of Shadows: One of two pre-existing tracks to be used on the Doctor Arcana soundtrack. It’s spooky, but also kind of calming and peaceful. It’s also definitely got a fantastical flavor to it.

10. The Raven, Shadow of the Raven: The title track, named for Edgar Allen Poe’s classic poem. This was the first Nox Arcana track I downloaded once I rediscovered it, almost by accident. I love this piece. Its melody is simple and repeats over and over again, but it works, almost resembling the structure of a song. I love the violin solo in the middle, which sort of acts as the “bridge.” My one complaint is that it’s much too short to actually recite “The Raven.” 

11. Ebonshire, Winter’s Knight: Back before Ebonshire was an album unto itself, there was this track from Winter’s Knight. This piece definitely calls to mind the image of a spooky forest with tall, straight black trees and slight snowfall. It’s a very different vibe from the autumnal forest of Grimm Tales. It’s also peaceful and mystical, like “The Hidden Realm.”

12. Hearthside Lullaby, Ebonshire: What a gorgeous piece. This is another outlier among Nox Arcana’s music in that, while it’s still a haunting piece, it isn’t grim or sinister. It’s soft, almost cozy, like snuggling into a blanket by a fire when there’s a snowstorm outside, and drifting off to sleep. It’s another one that sounds like it should have lyrics. This is my favorite Ebonshire track.

13. Masque of the Red Death, Shadow of the Raven: “There were much glare and glitter and piquancy and phantasm [...] There were delirious fancies such as the madman fashions. There were much of the beautiful, much of the wanton, much of the bizarre, something of the terrible, and not a little of that which might have excited disgust.” The lilting waltz, the spooky organ, the sinister chiming of the clock. The multitude of dreams! This is the ultimate dark masquerade music, if you ask me. It totally does Poe’s story justice. You can totally imagine the masked dancers twirling, the dimly lit colored chambers, the infiltration of the deadly disease... you know what, never mind, that hit a bit too close to home.

14. Haunted, The Dark Tower: I think The Dark Tower is my favorite album, because there are more tracks from that album on this list than any other one (including Legion of Shadows). This is among the Nox Arcana pieces that I would call genuinely unsettling, as opposed to just spooky or dark. This piece is creepy and almost threatening, like something is out to get you. 

15. Haunted Carousel, Carnival of Lost Souls: One of the highlights of this album for me! Carnival is definitely the most unsettling album. Listening to “Calliope” alone in the dark put such disturbing images in my head that I actually stopped listening, which is saying something. That’s not on this list because I don’t like to listen to it, but this one is, because I like this one a lot better. It’s plenty creepy, and it sounds like a nightmarish carousel. Even if you didn’t know the album theme, you’d know after listening to this.

16. The Dark Tower, The Dark Tower: ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE. The title track of The Dark Tower, and an awesome track in every sense. This just perfectly encapsulates the sinister majesty that is the Dark Tower and all the lore that goes with it. 

17. Magic and Moonlight, Winter’s Eve: I think most fans agree that this track is one of the best on this album. What really needs to be said? It’s all in the title. I have to say that some of the most breathtaking moons I’ve seen have been at the beginning of February, with fresh snowfall. There is nothing like the shadows of trees on snow in the moonlight. You just know that the gods are meeting up to dance in it when you’re not watching.

18. Crimson Thirst, The Dark Tower: Why did I put this one on here? It’s pretty unremarkable, since there are a lot of other tracks like it, but this one sticks with me. This one gets stuck in my head and haunts me through the rest of the day. Honestly, all the Dark Tower tracks are excellent.

19. Virtuoso, The Haunted Symphony: The Haunted Symphony is Nox Arcana’s most recent album, and I’ve been slowly warming up to it. Its soundscape is similar to The Dark Tower and Legion, with a truly gothic flavor. This piece is just so impassioned, I can completely believe that it expresses the mad inspiration of a tortured artist (as it’s meant to in-universe). 

20. Necromancer, Theater of Illusion: Theater of Illusion is a great album, and I’m really glad it’s getting more of a presence (and maybe even new lore?) in the Doctor Arcana games. This is another really fast-paced piece. I honestly think the beginning with the fast chimes is the best part.

21. Born of the Night, The Dark Tower: I mean, come on, it’s “Born of the Night”! It kind of speaks for itself, doesn’t it? Creatures of the Night rising to take over the world, shadowy choirs, the hordes of nocturnal beasts silhouetted against the moon, a Dark Lord or Dark Lady commanding them all from his/her castle, young vampires swooning in the rapture of fresh blood... There’s something so ecstatic about this piece.

22. After Hours, Carnival of Lost Souls: I wasn’t really sure if I should put this one here, but honestly, its clock-like, rhythmic chiming so jarring that it doesn’t matter where I put it. This is another really unsettling piece, both because of the chiming and also because of the creepy whispers, and I’m not exactly sure what it makes me think of. Wandering a dark labyrinth, probably. In some ways, it reminds me of The Night Circus, although the Night Circus isn’t sinister. This piece definitely stands out. 

23. Dark Desire, The Dark Tower: What is this piece about? Lost love? Insatiable lust? A forbidden romance? Bloodthirst? All of the above? Whatever it is you desire, it’s clear that you’re fighting it, and you’re losing. It’s going to overtake you soon, and when it does, you’d better pray to whatever god you believe in that it doesn’t end badly for you.

24. Lords of the Night, The Haunted Symphony: This one’s along the same lines as “Born of the Night,” but stately rather than frenzied. This one is more like vampire lords and ladies gathering on a hilltop on black horses, preparing to tear off across the countryside in pursuit of prey.

25. Noctem Aeternus, The Dark Tower: This is the only concluding track from an album that I’ve put on this list, and if you’re familiar with Nox Arcana, you know what that means. I was genuinely spooked the first time I listened to this all the way through. I remember I was lying in bed reading Tales From the Dark Tower, and it went quiet, and... well, I won’t spoil it. 

26. Nocturne, Transylvania: This is one of my favorite Nox Arcana tracks. It just strikes me as perfect. It’s dark and sinister, it’s atmospheric, it’s memorable, and it comes right out of the darkest depths of Überwald. 

27. Pandora’s Music Box, Carnival of Lost Souls: Definitely one of the best Carnival tracks, and one of the best of Nox Arcana’s selection of creepy music box pieces. It has such a distinctive melody. Slowly, other instruments and vocals arise to compliment the music box, keeping things interesting even as it repeats itself. 

28. Velvet Darkness, The Haunted Symphony: The first thing that comes to mind when I hear this piece is an empty candelabrum covered in cobwebs, sitting in front of a mirror in a corridor that is completely dark except for a bit of pale, diluted moonlight coming through clouds. I take the candelabrum almost instinctively even though it has no candles in it, and walk down the corridor...

29. Castle Dracula, Transylvania: What an underrated piece! I actually like this one better than “Night of the Wolf.” It screams “vampire.” It perfectly captures the dark majesty of Dracula’s Castle, it’s towers, its dusty halls, its freezing crypts, its gothic windows, its flickering sconces and floor candelabra that are just begging to be hit with a whip... And the Dark Lord on his throne, with a wine glass...

30. Ritual of Fire, Season of the Witch: This piece is oddly catchy. It has a great rhythm to it, and I like the percussion. It would be so much fun to dance naked around a Samhain bonfire somewhere deep in a secluded wood, with a bunch of other witches and maybe an incubus or two, or five... We’re definitely summoning or worshipping something, but ultimately, it’s just a party. It’s sinister, but a fun kind of sinister.

31. Rogue’s Hollow, Blood of the Dragon: I was pleasantly surprised when I found this piece. I love medieval-style music. This sounds like the kind of thing your Bard would play when you and your party are resting around a fire in the woods, in the middle of an epic quest. It’s peaceful. It’s a breather, maybe even a calm before the storm. It would be really easy to do a simple circle dance to. 

32. The Forgotten Path, Grimm Tales: This piece sounds very... mystical? Mystical and seductive. I don’t know. It sounds a little like you enter a dark, smoky, perfumed tent and are seduced by scantily-clad women who probably want your blood, or your soul... It also sounds a bit like being escorted to an initiation ceremony by veiled women down a dark forest path, with little golden lights twinkling around you... It would make a great belly-dance piece. It’s a bit of a departure from the general fairy tale theme of the rest of the album. 

33. Unhallowed Halls, Gothic: I think this is my favorite piece from Gothic. I don’t know why, it just is. It’s got a nice mix of piano, organ, strings, and harpsichord. And spooky vocals, because of course. Overall it’s a pretty standard Nox Arcana piece, but like “Crimson Thirst,” it stuck with me.

34. Mysterium, Theater of Illusion: This is the piece from Theater, and I will never understand why it wasn’t used anywhere on the Doctor Arcana soundtrack. I guess because it’s used for the album puzzle? But there isn’t a single track from Theater on Arcana’s soundtrack, even though the game ties into the lore of Theater. Anyway, this track should have been there. It should have been there because it just sounds occult, distinctly mystical, eerie, vaguely threatening but more weighty (like an initiation) than unsettling. This is an auspicious ritual, and you’re here to witness its secrets.

35. The Nameless City, Necronomicon: I haven’t listened to too much of this album, but this track really stood out to me and stayed in my head. It’s based on Lovecraft’s story of the same name, in which an explorer finds an ancient, ruined city and descends into its catacombs to discover it belonged to a lost civilization of pre-human reptile people. Because Lovecraft. This piece really sounds like film soundtrack, the track that plays when you’re on the cusp of discovering the information mankind was not meant to know. The paranoia that permeates all of Lovecraft’s work is definitely there, but it’s kind of exciting, too. You just have to know! It builds and builds until it ends with a gong.

36. Twilight, Grimm Tales: This is what I meant by “autumnal.” You can hear it, can’t you? It’s sunset in the woods, and the orange glow of the setting sun is magnificent through the mostly bare trees. The leaves crunch underfoot, with their distinctive crisp smell. The night creatures are coming out, some benign, others not so much. 

37. Once Upon a Nightmare, Grimm Tales: This is one of my favorite tracks from Grimm Tales. I don’t know why I love it so much. It slowly gets more dramatic, alternating between the glockenspiel and the strings, with male backing vocals for once. It’s just the right mixture of adventurous and spooky. I love listening to it in the forest at dusk.

38. Memento Mori, Transylvania: One of the best chime/music box pieces, in my opinion. I don’t think it’s as good as “Pandora’s Music Box,” but it really grew on me after I got Transylvania.

39. Saturnalia, Winter’s Majesty: This is such a great piece to dance to. I love how it starts as a slow, medieval-ish circle dance and then picks up! There’s even clapping sounds on the rhythm. Although it’s still spooky, it puts you in the mood of a fun winter festival. 

40. Gifts of the Magi, Winter’s Eve: I don’t actually know why I picked this one. I like a lot of tracks on Winter’s Eve, and “lighter” Nox Arcana pieces in general. My favorite is “Greensleeves,” but that one felt too “Christmasy” for this list. This one is better, being a bit spookier and kind of mystical whilst still being on the lighter end. It sounds like it casts the Three Kings more as wizards than kings or priests.

41. Veil of Darkness, Darklore Manor: One of only two tracks I have from Nox Arcana’s debut album. It’s a pretty standard spooky Nox Arcana piece, but a good one nonetheless. 

42. Lullaby, Winter’s Knight: Another one of my favorite chime/music box pieces. Unlike “Hearthside Lullaby,” it sounds less like an actual lullaby, and more like a piece to accompany an animatronic ballerina.

43. Nightshade (Single): One of the newest wintery pieces from Nox Arcana. I like this one almost as much as “Hearthside Lullaby.” It’s also on the lighter side of things, but I like that it’s more otherworldly than spooky. It’s like exploring a frosty garden during a light snowfall.

44. Undying Love, The Dark Tower: Wow, what an unnerving piece to be titled “Undying Love.” It sounds downright threatening, and maybe a little tragic. That handsome vampire you’re dancing with is definitely going to sink his fangs into your neck. Or maybe this vampire’s sunk into despair because the humans killed his wife again. 

45. Brides to Darkness, Transylvania: Speaking of vampires and their loves, there’s this haunting tribute to Dracula’s brides. They are beautiful, ethereal, and dangerous. I love that this piece is almost entirely vocals in the first half, and then the creepy harpsichord comes in. 

46. Legion of Shadows, Legion of Shadows: The title track. Plenty spooky with that organ. Similar to “Born of the Night” in that the night creatures are rising up to take over the world or get vengeance, but this time you’re the night creature and it’s something to be proud of. Honestly, I wish this album had more context. Who’s Lorelei, and what happened to her?

47. The High Seas, Phantoms of the High Seas: This was one of the standout tracks from this album for me. Like “The Quest Begins,” it sounds distinctly adventurous, but more sinister than optimistic. We’re setting out over sea instead of land this time, and the sea is brutally unforgiving. 

48. Dreamscape, Legion of Shadows: Another really spooky piece that’s kind of unlike anything else Nox Arcana has produced. It definitely has the quality of exploring an eerie, surreal landscape, like an alien planet. This isn’t the Poe album, but it sort of reminds me of Poe’s poem “Dream-Land,” which I think is super underrated.

49. Black Sails, Phantoms of the High Seas: Another piece from this album that really stood out to me. I really like the instrumentation. I like the harp, and the stringed instrument in the middle that sounds like the guitar used in the “winter” pieces... is that what it is, a guitar? Whatever it is, it has such a unique sound.

50. Grimstone Manor, Gothic: This piece lives up to the album’s name. That church organ really hits you. This is another classic example of Nox Arcana, with the organ and piano and vocals and everything. It’s one of the best pieces from Gothic.

51. Shadowplay, Theater of Illusion: This is definitely my favorite piece from Theater, and one of my favorite Nox Arcana pieces overall. I love how energetic and fast-paced it is, and I can easily imagine an umbrakinetic dancing on a stage, manipulating the shadows on the wall as they do. They conjure writing tendrils, shadowy dragons, swarms of bats and crows that they send out into the audience with a flourish... I think this piece is just so much fun!

52. Gypsy Caravan, Transylvania: There are a lot of these types of pieces across Nox Arcana’s albums. Like “The Forgotten Path,” it sounds seductive and smoky. This would also make for a great belly-dance piece, and it’s fun to listen to while reading Vargo’s Gothic Tarot or the Madame Endora deck.

53. Highland Storm, Blood of the Dragon: What’s this? Nox Arcana does a Celtic piece? With bagpipes? There is absolutely nothing else like this in Nox Arcana’s repertoire. It sounds so unlike their usual work, I probably wouldn’t guess it was Nox Arcana if I didn’t know better. I love it. It makes for a great medieval-battle-style piece, and was a lot of fun to listen to in Scotland.

54. Temple of the Black Pharaoh, Necronomicon: This is a really spooky Egyptian-style piece, that instantly transports you to dusty sealed tombs that almost certainly have curses. The whispered chanting consists of the names of Egyptian gods, and Nyarlathotep. (Nyarlathotep, Atum, Osiris, Set, Amon-Ra. Nyarlathotep, Khonsu, Anubis, Set, Amon-Ra.)

55. Sanctuary of Shadows, Darklore Manor: Another really creepy organ piece, and the other one I have from Darklore Manor. I’m not sure whether it makes me think of the atrium of a haunted Victorian mansion, or a secret temple where shadowy people conduct rituals, or vampires and their attendant beasts, or what. 

56. Autumn Dusk, Season of the Witch: I don’t know why I chose this one over “Bell, Book, and Candle” or “Mystic Circle” or any of the other ones I like from this album. I guess the clue is in the name. Like “Twilight” and “Shadow Dance,” it just sounds like autumn. Like the setting in Over the Garden Wall, but even spookier.

57. Pax Terra, Winter’s Eve: Another piece that sounds unlike anything else Nox Arcana has produced. It’s almost entirely choral, except for the sound of church bells, and it’s pretty. It has a kind of bittersweet optimism to it, and it’s  moving. I’ve actually cried listening to it. Its lyrics are Latin, and translate as: “Everlasting God, life on the forest floor, eternal sacred earth -- tree glory, life [of] the nourishing mother, eternal sacred earth -- incarnate, hail blessings, glory to Nox Arcana [night secrets] -- To the threshold of time, follow the song, glory to Nox Arcana!” The grammar isn’t perfect, but it’s still beautiful, profound, and usually uplifting.

58. Dark Embrace, The Haunted Symphony: I remember when this album was released last year, and I thought to myself, “Have they seriously not written a piece called ‘Dark Embrace’ yet?” And man, what a piece for that title! This is definitely my favorite track from this album. Technically, it’s the same melody as “Virtuoso,” but with strings instead of piano. While “Virtuoso” sounds like a standard (although memorable) Nox Arcana piece, this one is unique and striking. 

59. Toccata, Legion of Shadows: What better to close off with than “Toccata and Fugue in D Minor”? I actually have no idea how this piece came to be associated with vampires; its first use in film was for a Jekyll and Hyde adaptation, meanwhile the famous Bela Lugosi Dracula film begins with... the Swan Lake theme, of all things??? So, I don’t know how this became the “vampire music,” but I’m glad it did. Nox Arcana’s cover begins with the classic organ, but most of it is piano with some strings, eventually bringing in harpsichord before returning to the organ. There are spooky vocals and some tolling bells for effect.

If you made it to the end of this list, I commend you, and I’m interested to hear what everyone else’s “best of Nox Arcana” playlists include. Nox Arcana is the best!

[rubyleaf]

JELLIE: A BAND STORY – a WIP introduction

“She is the melody, and I am the words.”

Genres: New adult | Romance | Drama | GL | Contemporary

Length: Novella-length to novel-length (depending on how out of hand it gets)

Themes: Friendship | Romance | Friends to lovers slow burn | Found family | Coming of age | Bands | Music | Rise to fame | Opposites attract | Healing

POV: Third person limited (Elise’s POV, maybe with occasional interludes from Jen’s)

Status: In planning

Synopsis:

A vibrant singer who can only write melodies meets a reserved writer who can only write lyrics. Polar opposites yet the same, their talents and personalities are quickly drawn together to form a new star on the music sky.

Elise Jamieson is a writer, calm and reserved. Jennie Lin is a musician, hot-blooded and outgoing. What do the two have in common? At first glance, nothing. And yet, when their paths cross after Elise watches Jennie sing in the streets, the two understand each other at once.

Jen wants to write songs, but she can’t write lyrics. Elise wants to do the same, but she can’t write melodies. What better solution than teaming up? And this is how quiet loner Elise becomes a member of Jen’s band, Voice in the Crowd, a lively squadron of goofballs who are very much a family.

Success comes quickly, but success isn’t easy. Especially not when Elise falls in love with a girl for the first time, and between her own pride, Jen’s constant displays of affection, and increasing fan shipping, things are bound to get complicated…

Characters:

Elise Jamieson, 21, lyricist and second vocalist of Voice in the Crowd, outwardly cool socially anxious mom friend, main holder of the brain cell

Jennie “Jen” Lin, 22, main vocalist of the band, emotional family disappointment who changes hair colors every month, certified trickster

Felix Nazaryan, 21, drummer, Jen’s childhood friend and main roasting target, chill dude who thinks he’s way funnier than he really is (but can be quite sharp)

Zahir Darzi, 20, guitarist, baby of the band, sweetest person ever but rarely knows what he’s doing, owns too many weird pets and tons of sunglasses

Sayan “Shine” Maniwan, 23, bassist, hasn’t shut up since 2005, never goes by his real name, energy drink junkie who’s way too opinionated about food

If you wanna get added to the taglist or something, feel free to let me know!

[suttcnfm]

hi  it’s  me  your  least  favorite  (  and  most  favorite  )  person  hailey  back  at  it  again  making  a  bio  that’s  way  too  long  .  this  is  sutton  ,  she’s  my  whimiscal  fairy  child  who’s  endured  a  lot  please  be  gentle  with  her  !!  or  ruin  her  life  !!  whatever  you  want  !!

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊.  𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

( elizabeth lail, cisfemale, she/her, pisces, 25 ) i spotted sutton harvey at the beach today. don’t you know them? they live down by the boardwalk and usually hang out with the artists & boho clique. from what i’ve heard, they can be finicky, but they’re also effervescent. i always think of them when i hear fuck it i love you - lana del rey and tend to associate them with mom jeans stained with acrylic paint, the taste of strawberry lemonade, & white cotton sundresses

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒊. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 

sutton elise harvey

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞(𝐬) 

her mom used to call her ellie

𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 

february 22nd

𝐚𝐠𝐞 

twenty - five ( 25 )

𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 

five foot eight inches ( 5′ 8″ )

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫

female 

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬 

she / her

𝐨𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧(𝐬)

painter and art contributor for sunhollow museum

𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞(𝐬) 

english & french

𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 

bisexual & biromantic

𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦

elizabeth lail

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒊𝒊. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

𝐳𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜

pisces sun, gemini rising, & aries moon

𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

chaotic neutral 

𝐦𝐛𝐭𝐢 

enfp-a

𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞

type 4w3 ( the individualist )

𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 

sanguine-melancholic

𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 

hufflepuff

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 

how she loves others - acts of service, gift giving, & quality time

how she needs to be loved - quality time & physical touch

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐨

cassie ainsworth ( skins )  ,  luna lovegood ( harry potter )  , bubbles ( powerpuff girls ) , claire colburn ( elizabethtown ) , bmo ( adventure time )

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒗. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲

triggers  (  these  are  all  the  triggers  as  they  appear  throughout  ,  they  will  be  tagged  accordingly  )  :  death  mention  ,  cancer  and  death  tw  ,  drug  mention  ,  sexual  assault  tw  ,  addiction  tw  ,  drugs  tw  ,  and  drug  mention

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞. 

the  first  time  warm  brown  eyes  peered  into  her  mothers  a  connection  was  formed  ,  the  eldest  daughter  to  what  would  soon  be  an  expansive  harvey  household  .  this  very  moment  would  be  the  catalyst  of  a  bond  that  formed  sutton  into  who  she  is  ,  though  i  am  getting  ahead  of  myself  .

sutton  harvey  grew  up  in  julian  california  a  town  that  carried  the  suffocating  small  town  feel  of  suburbia  despite  being  mere  minutes  outside of  the  hustle  and  bustle  of  los  angeles  .  though  it  should  be  mentioned  that  she  preferred  the  quiet  stillness  of  a  town  where  she  could  known  by  someone  for  something  .

her  parents  were  an  interesting  pair  .  her  mother  a  free  spirited  enigmatic  young  woman  who  believed  in  healing  through  love  and  nature  ,  and  her  father  a  struggling  mean  -  spirited  business  tycoon  always  looking  for  the  next  thing  he  could  exploit  .  but  despite  their  clashing  personalities  and  seemingly  opposite  morals  ,  they  were  in  love  ,  had  been  since  high  school  ,  and  they  balanced  each  other  out  almost  perfectly  . 

but  as  it  turns  out  almost  perfect  wasn’t  good  enough  for her  father  ,  who  split  when  she  was  eight  ,  leaving  behind  sutton’s  heart  broken  mother  ,  and  five  kids  to  raise  alone  .

the  family  was  hardly  making  a  enough  to  survive  before  the  sudden  departure  of  her  father  ,  and  so  this  left  an  eight  -  year  -  old  sutton  to  step  up  to  the  plate  and  help  her  mother  ,  raising  her  siblings  while  her  mom  tried  to  find  steady  work  .   

as  the  years  went  on  and  her  siblings  had  more  and  more  needs  things  only  got  more  difficult  .  trying  to  provide  for  five  children  on  one  paycheck  isn’t  exactly  the  easiest  thing  that  one  can  do  after  all  .

sutton  prayed  that  she’d  be  graced  with  the  same  mean  streak  that  her  father  had  ,  but  alas  she  was  gentle  at  heart  ,  similar  to  her  mother  an  enigmatic  personality  that  was  hard  to  pin  down  .

while  it  worked  in  her  benefit  with  most  people  ,  it  is  difficult  to  raise  children  without  practical  dreams  ,  something  sutton  had  never  been  a  fan  of  ,  there  were  times  when  this  became  a  point  of  contention  between  her  and  younger  sister  reece  ,  but  for  the  most  part  her  siblings  recognized  how  difficult  a  thing  their  sister  was  doing  .  

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐞. 

DEATH MENTION  her  teenage  years  came  much  faster  than  she  anticipated  ,  and  while  life  had  been  mostly  smooth  sailing  in  her  eyes  ,  there  were  things  that  sutton  simply  wasn’t  prepared  for  .  the  loss  of  her  mother  was  one  of  them  .

CANCER & DEATH TW  unbeknownst  to  any  of  her  children ,  behind  the  scenes  sutton’s  mother  had  been  suffering  from  breast  cancer  ,  and  she’d  opted  out  of  getting  treatment  ,  something  they  couldn’t  afford  with  the  minimal  money  she  was  bringing  in  ,  and  instead  she  suffered  in  silence  so  they  would  have  a  chance  at  survival  .

everyone  ,  including  sutton  herself  ,  expected  her  to  break  .  the  bond  that  the  two  had  built  was  immeasurable  and  sutton  had  never  shown  the  ablitiy  to  be  grounded  before  .  her  and  her  mother  were  both  two  enigmas  perfectly  coexisting  ,  and  suddenly  it  was  up  to  sutton  to  figure  out  what  to  do  .

DRUGS & ALCOHOL TW   enter  sutton’s  aunt  ,  claire  ,  who  begrudgingly  left  her  life  in  las  vegas  to  come  and  watch  over  her  nieces  and  nephews  at  the  price  that  she  would  blow  most  of  the  money  the  received  on  drugs  and  alcohol  .

DRUG MENTION  there  wasn’t  a  day  sutton  could  remember  that  she  didn’t  come  home  to  her  aunt  passed  out  with  vodka  bottles  littering  the  floor  or  strung  out  on  coke  with  a  man  sutton  had  never  seen  before  on  their  couch  .

sutton’s  resilience  was  the  only  thing  that  kept  her  going  ,  she  shielded  her  siblings  from  as  much  as  she  could  ,  knowing  that  this  was  the  last  thing  they  needed  to  be  their  reality  ,  and  for  the  most  part  ,  it  worked  .

SEXUAL ASSAULT TW  then  came  another  decimating  blow  ,  on  a  day  like  any  other  sutton’s  aunt  for  once  sober  enough  to  drive  ,  pulled  sutton  out  of  school  early  and  took  her  home  .  and  what  seemed  like  an  out  of  character  behavior  for  aunt  to  exhibit  ,  became  crystal  clear  when  sutton  saw  the  man  waiting  for  her  on  the  couch  .

SEXUAUL ASSAULT TW  this  became  another  habit  of  her  aunt’s  ,  pulling  sutton  out  of  school  in  order  to  use  her  body  to  score  drugs  .  then  bringing  her  back  and  forcing  her  to  act  normal  ,  as  if  things  were  still  totally  fine  .

sutton  put  on  a  brave  face  for  her  siblings  ,  but  was  slowly  cracking  under  the  pressure  of  everything  that  seemed  to  be  perfectly  chipping  away  at  the  person  she  once  was  .

this  is  until  she  met  a  boy  ,  a  musician  with  a  similar  story  to  hers  ,  who  she  completely  connected  with  in  a  way  that  was  rivaled  only  by  her  mother  .  him  and  her  seemed  to  have  the  same  bleeding  wounds  that  could  only  be  healed  by  each  other  .

cue  nights  at  the  beach  ,  swapping  stories  ,  and  endless  road  trips  confined  to  their  little  bubble  of  bliss  .  he  fueled  the  artist  within  her  .  painting  upon  painting  of  the  way  he  made  her  feel  ,  how  his  music  moved  her  ,  for  once  the  world  didn’t  seem  so  cruel  .

but  of  course  ,  the  world  was  determined  to  prove  sutton  harvey  wrong  .  with  a  sudden  disappearance  of  both  her  first  love  and  her  aunt  ,  the  latter  of  which  ran  back  to  vegas  with  her  new  beau  ,  she’d  felt  abandoned  just  as  before  .  and  here  is  where  sutton  harvey  finally  cracked  .

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐡. 

she  and  her  siblings  moved  in  with  her  father  ,  who  living  a  more  lavish  and  childless  lifestyle  with  his  new  fiancée  in  san  diego  .  the  harvey  siblings  were  yet  again  tasked  with  raising  themselves  .

ADDICTION TW  with  her  siblings  growing  older  ,  and  sutton  having  mounds  of  unprocessed  trauma  ,  and  she  began  to  mix  with  the  wrong  crowd  .  finding  the  numbing  of  substances  felt  better  than  the  hollow  numbness  of  being  abandoned  by  every  person  she’d  ever  loved  .

art  and  school  alike  became  distant  priorities  as  she  spent  her  last  nights  as  a  senior  doing  ecstasy  on  the  beach  and  hooking  up  with  randoms  just  to  feel  alive  again  .

DRUGS TW after  just  barely  graduating  ,  sutton  spent  her  new  found  freedom  getting  high  ,  having  sex  ,  and  wasting  her  life  away  .  struggling  to  find  any  sense  of  self  in  everything  she’d  done  ,  her  entire  life  seemed  to  have  been  lived  for  other  people  .

this  only  made  her  further  spiral  ,  trying  to  convince  herself  that  even  though  this  was  having  a  negative  toll  on  her  ,  at  least  for  once  she  was  living  for  herself  .

DRUG MENTION  this  was  until  while  she  was  coming  down  from  an  immense  high  she  stumbled  upon  a  record  store  where  through  the  window  she  caught  a  small  glimpse  of  her  past  ,  of  the  person  she  used  to  be  ,  the  face  of  the  boy  who’d  up  and  left  all  those  years  ago  .

her  entire  world  seemed  to  collide  with  her  heart  at  that  very  moment  .  for  a  fleeting  moment  she  felt  like  the  girl  she  was  in  high  school  ,  full  of  life  ,  love  ,  and  most  importantly  art  .

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

after  this  near  encounter  with  her  past  self  ,  she  worked  heavily  on  getting  sober  .  and  has  now  been  clean  for  five  years  !!

after  her  first  year  of  getting  sober  she  worked  multiple  jobs  to  buy  a  small  studio  apartment  where  she  could  begin  painting  again  ,  and  even  made  strides  to  reconnect  with  her  father  and  her  siblings  whom  she’d  since  distanced  herself  from  .

soon  enough  she  became  an  art  contributor  for  the  local  museum  and  earns  her  income  between  hosting  small  art  galleries  on  the  pier  and  the  aforementioned  art  contributions  .

after  three  years  of  sobriety  ,  more  widely  recognized  art  ,  and  a  proper  relationship  with  her  father  ,  he  gifted  her  a  beach  house  where  she  spends  a  majority  of  her  time  .

what  started  as  one  cat  to  keep  her  company  turned  into  nine  because  if  there’s  one  thing  that  sutton  lacks  it’s  control  .

she  has  fully  embraced  the  person  she  was  and  the  person  she  aims  to  be  .  her  personality  is  a  direct  influence  on  who  her  mother  was  because  if  there’s  anyone  that  sutton  looks  up  into  in  life  ,  it’s  her  .  the  best  way  i  could  describe  her  personality  is  the  embodiment  of  the  quote  ,  “ i  could  never  be  the  main  character  . i  exist  solely  in  the  fevered  imaginations  of  sensitive  writer-directors  to  teach  broodingly  soulful  young  men  to  embrace  life  and  its  infinite  mysteries  .  ”

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒗. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬 

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫 

lavender

𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 

light fog because she likes the scenery it creates

𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐚𝐲 

dawn,  there’s something pure to her about the stillness of the earth at that time of  day and !! it’s when she gets a lot of her painting done !!

𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐥(𝐬) 

butterflies and elephants

𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐣𝐢𝐬

🍒🥺✨😡🌈🦋🤡🥰

𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 

𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

penelope harvey ; deceased

𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫

maxwell harvey  ;  alive

𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬)

reece harvey ; sister 

elizabeth harvey ; sister 

wyatt harvey ; brother 

casey harvey ; brother 

𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞 

𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

high  school  diploma

𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐬 

in  order  of  breed  :  poppy  (  scottish  fold  )  ,  milo  (  scottish  fold  )  ,  taz  (  scottish  fold  )  ,  jasper  (  british  shorthair  )  ,  archie  (  british  shorthair  )  ,  sadie  (  british  shorthair  )  ,  ginger  (  maine  coon  )  ,  hunter  (  maine  coon  )  ,  and  felix  (  maine  coon  )

𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬

painting  ,  sketching  ,  learning  languages  ,  reading  ,  photography  ,  writing  ,  sewing  ,  thrifting  ,  playing  instruments  (  mostly  the  guitar  )  ,  and  baking 

𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

a  beach  house  gifted  from  her  father  but  splits  her  time  between  a  studio  apartment  cramped  with  art  and  a  beach  house  filled  with  cats 

𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬

has  a  tendency  to  not  sleep  enough  ,  has  occasional  nightmares  ,  and  is  prone  to  frequent  tossing  and  turning  .  but  when  she  does  fall  asleep  ,  it’s  almost  a  guarantee  you  won’t  be  able  to  wake  her  up  .  she’s  an  extremely  heavy  sleeper  . 

𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬

honestly  it’s  a  toss  -  up  she  either  eats  junk  food  for  a  straight  week  and  has  never  seen  a  vegetable  in  her  life  ,  or  she  is  on  a  health  binge  and all  you’re  going  to  find  in  her  house  is  snap  peas  and  baby  carrots  .

𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬

sunrises  ,  house  plants  ,  soft  hands  ,  fuzzy  socks  ,  the  color  yellow  , vanilla  scented  candles  ,  soft  lips  ,  rosy  cheeks  ,  strawberries  ,  freshly manicured  nails  ,  over  sweetened  coffee  ,  kiss  marks  on  napkins  ,  dewy  skin  ,  french  words ,  paint  stained  clothing  ,  midnight  conversations  ,  a  sweet tooth  ,  gold  jewelry  , warm  hugs  ,  gentle  voice  , and  dancing  in  the  rain  .

𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒗𝒊.  𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

uhhhh  so  i  have  wasted  all  my  brain  power  on  this  so  some  suggestions  are  exes  ,  fwbs  ,  unrequited  crushes  ,  skinny  love  ,  slow  burn  ,  a  girl  squad  ,  ride  or  dies  ,  work  friends  or  maybe someone  who  admires  her work  ,  best  friends  ,  fake  relationship  ,  enemies  ,  ex  -  friends  ,  enemies  turned  friends  ,  friends  turned  enemies  ,  good  influence  ,  bad  influence  , old  party  friends  ,  one  night  stand(s)  , ,  neighbors  ,  secret  friends  ,  and  those  are  all  the  suggestions  i  can  come  up  with  at  the  moment  !  feel  free  to  message  me  with  plot  ideas  i  promise  i  will  scream  and  cry  over  .