#El's life is unimaginably tragic and horrifying and I can't stand it if they just kinda never talk about it

[givehimthemedicine]

El has nightmares. they both do, it's no surprise. Max knows all the classics, and can sometimes tell which El is having by what she murmurs in her sleep. lots of Starcourt and lab ones. Max dying is easily the most common one. for all those, Max can wake her and comfort her and tell her it's okay.

a rare one that Max hates the most is when El cries mama? like a lost child. that's the one that always makes Max cry, because there's not a thing she can do about it. all the love in the world is no replacement for what was taken from El. she will never recover, and there are no real words of comfort to offer.

for those, Max tries to gather her up gently without waking her, and hold her close, and hope that El's dreams might shape her arms into the ones she needs.

sometimes, when El tightens around her and breathes more softly, mama, Max likes to think maybe it's working. she kisses her head and tries her hardest to cry silently.